All language subtitles for The Millers s01e05 Giving the Bird.eng

Okay, how do we look?

Ooh, cute.

I'm an evil scientist

and Debbie's my lab rat.

He's disregarding my rights
as one of god's creatures

by growing human parts
on my back.

Grandpa, let's make
the scariest pumpkin

in the whole neighborhood.

Ooh, that's a tall order.

What we'll need
is some inspiration.

Think of the meanest,
most terrifying,

hateful monster that
you could possibly imagine.

Happy Halloween!

Hello, pumpkin.

Hey, uh, hope you don't mind.
I just need to borrow a costume.

Every drugstore between our
house and here is sold out.

I warned him all week

not to wait till
the last minute.

He's always last-minute
shopping for the holidays.

Which is why last Christmas
I got breath mints,

the wrong razor blades,
and "The Bodyguard" on DVD.

Nathan, just admit
you were wrong

and should've
shopped earlier.

No! I... You know what?
I tell you who's wrong.

Is my my boss who makes
reporters wear costumes on air.

If your station's
been doing costumes for years,

then you should've known...

Okay, I was wrong!
Can we let it go?

Take it from someone
who was married to her.

She won't let it go.
She likes to torture people.

She thought "Zero Dark Thirty"
was a comedy.

Yeah, mom, it is annoying the
way you always gloat about it

when one of us messes up,
like when I failed

my driver's test

or when I burnt
the Thanksgiving turkey

or when I married Adam.

A different Adam.
Not your dad.

It is my duty as your mother
to point out your shortcomings.

My criticisms help you
build character.

The fact that I enjoy it
simply makes it a win-win.

If it builds character
to admit that you're wrong,

how come you never do it?

Oh, trust me, I would love
to build some character.

I just never get a chance
'cause I'm never wrong.

(all laugh)

Why is that funny?

Name a time I was wrong.

Nathan, think of a time.

What?

Yes, okay... Just...

Dad, think of a time.

Oh, well, she, uh...

Pass.

Oh, oh! Got it!

You misspelled my middle name
on my birth certificate.

So, now instead
of Nathan James,

I'm Nathan Jasem.

J-a-s-e-m.

Jasem.

Actually, that was me.

I was drunk.

Waiting rooms were
different back then.

Whoo! Check out this old school
French maid costume!

Carol, I'm proud of you, girl!

Actually, that was me.
I was drunk.

Halloweens were different
back then.

Go down
to the basement

and get a few
of my craft boxes.

I can make a costume
out of anything.

When the Leesburg little theater
did their version

of "A Few Good Men",
I made 14 military costumes

out of tablecloths
and bottle caps.

I even filled in once
for the lead.

Ooh, I bet you made a hot
Demi Moore, didn't you?

No, but I was a very inspiring
Jack Nicholson.

- Oh!
- People saluted me

at the grocery store for weeks.

(chuckles)

Look who's here.

Artie!

I spotted this ogre and figured,

there must be a beautiful
princess here in need of rescue.

Adam, you're the ogre.

Yeah, we got it.

You having chili?
I like chili on Halloween.

Well, we have Mac and cheese.

Oh, that would
be great

if I wasn't in
the mood for chili.

What's the deal
with Sir Lance-a-Little?

He's our annoying
neighbor Artie.

His parents keep
dumping him off here.

He's, like, this new breed
of species: "cocky nerd."

They're popping up
everywhere

now that schools have gotten
rid of all the bullies.

(Adam) Mikayla
thinks he's funny

and she has
a crush on him,

so we got to be
super nice to him.

You know, we're afraid
that if she knows

that Debbie and I
don't like him,

that she's just gonna
like him even more.

So just get rid of him.

When Mikayla's not looking,

take the best candy from her
bag and plant it on him.

Even Taylor Swift wouldn't date
a candy thief,

and she'll date anyone.

What? I read magazines.

Okay, mom, I would never
frame a little kid.

Yeah, plus,
if we get caught,

it's just gonna push
them closer

to their wedding
at Medieval times,

and I am not
gonna let him ruin

Medieval times for me!

All right, mom,

found some glue, streamers,

and a bunch
of old party hats.

You think you can do
something with this?

The world's
most handsome pi?ata.

The only way
this would be more perfect

is if you were hanging
from the ceiling.

I agree.

The Millers S01E05
"Giving the Bird"

Sync and corrected by Gianluca Belfiglio
www.addic7ed.com

Our sources indicate

they plan on charging him
as an adult.

The Leesburg Police Department
has also asked

that you no longer give kids
the option of "trick."

I'm Nathan Miller

walking your safer
but still spooky streets.

Nice work.

Uh-oh, you got
a bogey at 4:00.

Whoa! No-no-no.

No, not a real pi?ata.
Run along.

(hollow thud, clattering)
(Artie) Come back!

You gotta be kidding me.

- Be nice.
- Hey...

Hey, buddy,
what seems to be the problem?

I'm tired, and all this trick-
or-treating has given me

a great thirst.
I need my goblet of grape juice.

Well, that's all the way
back at the house.

To retrieve it,
send your tallest man.

(boy in baseball uniform laughing)

Listen, would you stop laughing?
I'm not real!

There is so much free candy
around here.

Why are you doing this?

(mother's child) Tyler,
stop playing with that strange man!

Uncle Nate, will you take me
to the house on the corner?

She keeps insisting on going
up to the house on the corner.

I keep saying no because it's
the house on the corner, Nathan.

The house...

(spooky voice) on the corner...

Oh, my God, do you still think
that a witch lives there?

No, I think a creepy
woman lives there.

However, I was told
she was a witch

by a person who has
recently discovered

has never been wrong.

Mom did say that.
She used to always say,

"Don't go near the house
on the corner

'cause a witch
lived there."

There is something
she was wrong about!

- So, can we go?
- Oh, we're going.

Ray, get your camera.

We need proof
that mom was wrong.

Trick-or-treat!

Oh, look at you, so cute.

Oh, a compliment.
How non-witchy of her, right?

Start filming.

Let me get some candy.

Come on in.

Not you, Blackie.

Blackie's an outside cat.

Oh, my goodness. (chuckles)

I thought we were gonna have
a big problem just now.

(laughs)

Normally, I don't get
any trick-or-treaters.

That's because everybody
thinks you're a witch.

Mikayla! Sorry.
She's just a child.

(chuckles) My only child!

A child who'd been fed
two generations of misinformation,

because anybody who thinks

that... that you're a witch

is clearly wrong.

Oh, no, that's right.
I'm a witch.

Well, technically, a Wiccan.

Great. Mom was right.
She's a witch.

Okay, cut,
and burn the tape.

I know I have some candy
here somewhere.

Let me go check the kitchen.

Oh, my God! I was so close
to proving mom wrong!

I even had the skywriting
worked out in my head.

It was just
gonna say, "ha!"

You gotta pay
by the letter.

I'm gonna go load the truck up.

Take it easy, Blackie.

Awesome parrot!

(Debbie) Huh, look at that.

Kind of looks
like my old bird Cappy.

You never told me
you had a bird.

Yeah, when I was running for
seventh-grade Class President,

I trained him to say,
"Vote for Bebbie."

And then, right before
the election,

someone left the window
open and he flew away.

It was an accident, okay?!

I felt so bad that you lost
the election,

I didn't even vote for myself
for Prom King.

And yes, I won anyway, but you
can't control the masses.

(squawks) Vote for Debbie.

- Did he just say...?
- (squawks) Vote for Debbie.

(squawks) Vote for Debbie.

Nathan, I think that's Cappy.

Here you go.

(Debbie) Excuse me, uh,

Mrs. Witch. (chuckles)

Uh, where did you get
this bird?

Oh, we was given to me
a long time ago.

By who?

Oh, a lady
in the neighborhood.

Oh, it's been so many years.

Let's see.

Kind of bossy,
a voice like a foghorn,

and for some reason,
people used

to salute her
in the grocery store.

Mom... Mom did
something wrong.

Thank you very much.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe that
she let me spend 20 years

believing that I was
responsible.

She didn't just do
something wrong,

she did something
morally wrong,

and that is the wrongest wrong!
And we caught her!

Oh, God, I would...!

Kiss you right now

if there wasn't
a small part of me

that thought I might turn
into a frog!

But it is a miracle.

It's a Halloween miracle!

I can't believe your mom
gave Cappy away.

Had I known at the time, well...

I probably wouldn't have
done anything.

You know what?

Maybe we shouldn't tell her
that we know right away.

We should have fun with this.

Toy with her like a,
like a kitten with a cricket.

Yeah, 'cause I want this
feeling to last.

I want my first time
to be special.

Ah, you guys are back early.

Yes... we are.

You know, life can be
a funny thing.

Ah...

One minute you're kind of...

You stole my bird
and gave it to a witch!

Well, you just ate the cricket!

What are you talking about?

The jig is up, Carol.

The kids talked to the witch.
You gave her Cappy

and blamed it on Nathan.

Oh, please, that was
20 years ago.

So was "Achy Breaky Heart"!

It doesn't make either
of those things less wrong!

I wasn't wrong!
The bird was a menace.

Debbie hated taking care of it,

it squawked at tom,
it bit you once,

it had all of us arguing.

You should be thanking me.

Wrong again.

No one is thanking you.
No one.

'Cause for 20 years,
I've carried the guilt

of letting Cappy escape.

Yeah, and I have
harbored feelings

of hate for my
very own brother.

Feelings that ultimately
led to me keying his car.

Yeah.

Wait, you keyed
my camaro?

They couldn't
buff it out.

I had to add words.

"Nathan sucks...

at not being awesome."

It's a double negative
that means I'm awesome.

Look what you've
done to us.

Well, not every plan
is perfect.

Sometimes there has to be
collateral damage

for the good of the family.

Collateral damage!

- For once, just admit you were wrong.
- Yeah, mom.

And without Cappy,
I lost the election.

Okay? Who knows what
I could've accomplished

if I'd been elected
Class President.

I mean, I might've
gone to a college

that didn't start
with "www."

Okay, fine.

I may have made a mistake
on this one.

Although I think
my greatest sin

is loving my family
too much.

But if you really need
to hear me say it...

Let me know.

I shouldn't have
given your bird away.

I was wrong.

(cork pops)

I knew I was saving this
for something.

Oh, I gotta say...

I never thought
this day would come.

(laughing)

You know...

there are so many people
that I want to thank, uh...

Debbie...

Dad...

This isn't just a win for us,

this is also a devastating
loss for mom.

(bird squawks)

Look who's back.

Cappy?

I don't like being wrong,

so I made things right.

You can't just barge
into my home and...

we had a deal.

You could keep the bird

as long as my kids didn't
find out he was here.

Well, they found out.
Now I need him back.

Wiccan spirits,
hear me shout!

Make this woman's
teeth fall out!

Cut the crap, Myra.

Our kids went to
the same preschool.

If you really
had magical powers,

your little Jeremy wouldn't
have been kicked out

for drinking out of the toilet.

So he's ours again?

We're keeping Cappy?

(gasps) We are?

Yep-o!

Cappy's back home
where he belongs.

I'm gonna go get Cappy

some crackers.

Here are his vitamins
and a list of care instructions.

His favorite recipes
are on the back.

Apparently,
he's a little fickle.

Well, I'll let
you guys catch up.

Although you probably have
30 years to do that,

since parrots live
to be at least 60.

Good night!

Have fun.

(door closes)

Oh, she is good.

Did you see what
she just did?

She gave us the bird.

Oh, she gave us
the bird, all right.

The cricket just
ate the kitten.

She thinks that we're gonna bail

on taking care of him,

And prove that
she's right.

But we're not.

'Cause we are gonna
take care of Cappy,

no matter what.

Call me if you need anything.

But we're... Nathan!
No, no, no, no.

I can't take care
of a bird.

They're a lot of work
and they're really expensive.

(squawks)

Listen, that bird
may squawk a lot,

but he's never gonna squawk
as much as your mother will

if we admit she was right.

Debbie, you can do this.

And don't worry.

I'll pay for
whatever he needs.

Okay, fine.

(Nathan) Yeah.

We can't let mom win.

That's the spirit!

Together we can take
care of this beast.

I'll also help you
with the bird.

(squawks)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Tom, Tom, you can't
put the blanket on.

We're... We're trying
to keep him awake

so he doesn't
squawk all night.

Was that him squawking?

I thought it was your
bedsprings. I was impressed.

Till I realized

it was my daughter.
Then I got angry.

Then...

I fell asleep.

Okay, well, we gotta
take the blanket off.

Aw, do we have to?

The bird remembers every insult

Carol ever yelled at me.

It's like being married again.

(squawks) Tom has a flat butt.

Flat-butt Tom.

I do not have a flat butt.

(squawks) Flat-butt Tom.

Yeah? You're the one
with a weird butt.

It's just feathers
and a hole!

You don't understand.

That bird keeps us up
all night long.

Then I have to spend all day

cooking these special
noodles for him.

Oh, and if they're
not cooked properly,

he gets bird diarrhea.

Okay?
Last night, our living room

looked like Jackson
Pollock stopped by.

And had diarrhea.

This hasn't been easy for me,
either, all right?

I mean, I had no idea

how expensive
this thing would be.

His eyedrops alone
cost $200.

Oh, yeah, about that...

I'm not putting
those in anymore.

No, no, no, no.
You have to.

Every time I try, he pecks

my hair out
and it hurts, Nathan.

How would you like

losing your hair
one clump at a time?

Ow!

(gasps) Ow!

- Ow! You let go.
- You let go!

This hair is on the news.

(grunts) Okay, fine, fine!

Fine!

Ow! Gosh.

I'll do the drops.

What is your problem?

(Tom) No, you shut up!

That bird is a jerk.

- Do you think I have a flat butt?
- I don't know, dad.

(squawking)
I tried to look at it in the bathroom mirror,

but I had to jump up
higher than the sink

and I'm not in the air
long enough

to get a good look.
(squawking)

Do we have a camera?

I got one.

And I'm going
back in for two.

I like that restaurant.

Next time, can we take Cappy?

Well, they had an open
pizza oven that was very hot,

plus some dangerous
ceiling fans, so... maybe.

(light, upbeat music plays)

Uh, honey, did you leave
the tv on for Cappy?

- Artie...?!
- The front door was unlocked.

I thought I locked it.

I've been freeing up some space
on your DVR.

You already saw "The Bachelorette"
finale, right?

(groans)

Nope.

Well, she gave someone a rose.

Yeah... (groans)

Hey, Deb, I was telling Ray
about Cappy's eyedrops,

and he said
that he'll give it a try.

Yeah, I like birds.

I worked on a documentary
in the rain forest.

I got real friendly with
a cockatoo named Jennifer,

and I taught her how
to whistle "La cucaracha."

And I'm pretty sure
she taught me how

to say "I love you"
in "bird."

He's in Mikayla's room.
Good luck with that.

So...

- Couldn't find the spoons?
- Nope.

But, uh, you found
the peanut butter okay?

Yep.

Hey, Cappy's gone!

- What?
- The bedroom window was open.

He must have escaped.

No! Cappy can't be gone!

I'm gonna pick up the pieces.

Don't worry, I speak "bird."

I'm gonna find him.

(squawking)

Hey, little buddy,
where you at?!

(squawking)

Mr. Parrot!

(squawking)

Hey, what is the deal
with you letting Cappy go?

I thought that we agreed
to tough it out.

Me?! I bet you're
the one who did this.

You've been complaining
about spending all the money.

Oh, please, I paid your rent
for the last two years.

If I cared about money,
I would have opened a window

and let you fly
out of here.

Okay, fine. Well, if it wasn't
either of us,

then... then who else
would have done it?

Dad?

Wasn't me.

If I wanted
to get rid of that bird,

I wouldn't be doing two hours
of glute exercises a night.

Okay, well,
then who did it?

Why is Ray Perched at
the top of your oak tree?

(Ray squawking to the tune
of "La cucaracha")

- It was you.
- Excuse me?

You did it again,
didn't you? But why?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

The bird!
You got rid of him again!

Please.

Mom...

Did you give the bird
back to the witch?

Answer me.

You want answers?

I think we're
entitled to them.

You want answers?

We want the truth!

You can't handle the truth!

Son, you live in a family
where people make mistakes.

Big mistakes.

Like idiot fathers buying
parrots for their children.

And someone needs to clean up
after those mistakes.

And who's gonna do it?

You? You?

You?

As your mother,

I have a greater responsibility

than you can possibly fathom!

You can all try to hide from me
that you aren't miserable

with this bird
back in your life,

but a mother knows.

You weep
for your precious Cappy

and you curse my methods.

You had that luxury.

You had the luxury
of not knowing what I do.

My existence,
while sometimes grotesque

and incomprehensible
to you,

is good for this family!

You don't want the truth,

because, deep down,
you want me at that window.

You need me at that window.

I have neither the time
nor the inclination

to explain myself

to a family who rises
and sleeps under the blanket

of the parrot-free lifestyle
I provide,

then questions the manner
in which I provide it!

I'd rather you just said
thank you and went on your way.

Did you give the bird
back to the witch?

I did what
any good mother would do.

Did you give the bird back
to the witch?!

You're gosh darn right I did!

That bird was tearing
this family apart.

Thank you.

See? I told you
you would all thank me.

I wasn't wrong, was I?

You know why?

I'm never wrong.

No-no-no-no-no,
this is wrong.

What about Mikayla?

She loves that bird,
and now she's gonna think

that she left the window open,

and she's gonna blame herself
for the rest of her life.

And then
she's gonna marry Artie,

and I'm gonna have to tell him
that I love him.

And I'm a terrible liar.

And he's just gonna see
right through that,

and I'm never gonna see
my grandkids.

Did you ever think
of that, Carol?

Oh, I thought of that.

Who do you think left
your front door unlocked?

Artie let Cappy out!

There's peanut butter
all over the window!

It's better when the collateral
damage lands outside the family.

I swear, I was on the
couch the whole time!

Leave and never come back!

Thank you!

Sync and corrected by Gianluca Belfiglio
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0