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1
00:00:03,664 --> 00:00:05,765
Busier than usual here tonight.
2
00:00:05,802 --> 00:00:08,136
This is why we should
never leave the house.
3
00:00:08,138 --> 00:00:10,405
You said parking meters were why
4
00:00:10,407 --> 00:00:12,307
we should never leave the house.
5
00:00:13,142 --> 00:00:15,076
And birds.
6
00:00:15,078 --> 00:00:17,011
And the wind.
7
00:00:17,013 --> 00:00:19,214
All right, welcome to Team Trivia Night,
8
00:00:19,216 --> 00:00:21,783
a new weekly event here at Dolan's Pub.
9
00:00:21,785 --> 00:00:24,085
Great. Now it's a nerd bar.
10
00:00:24,087 --> 00:00:28,389
Per usual, we are embracing
change with grace and dignity.
11
00:00:28,391 --> 00:00:29,824
You're no better, Ronny.
12
00:00:29,826 --> 00:00:32,593
You practically cried when
the new $20 bill came out.
13
00:00:32,595 --> 00:00:35,196
Andrew Jackson's hair looks crazy!
14
00:00:35,198 --> 00:00:37,699
People are really getting
into this trivia garbage.
15
00:00:37,701 --> 00:00:39,934
They even have team T-shirts.
16
00:00:39,936 --> 00:00:41,803
Oh, yeah. That lesbian
team's pretty clever.
17
00:00:41,805 --> 00:00:44,605
You can't assume they're lesbians, Mom.
18
00:00:44,607 --> 00:00:46,207
Their shirts say, "You've Got Questions,
19
00:00:46,209 --> 00:00:48,009
We've Got Lesbi-answers."
20
00:00:49,444 --> 00:00:50,578
All right, let's get started.
21
00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:54,115
"Who holds the NBA
career record for steals?"
22
00:00:54,117 --> 00:00:55,383
John Stockton.
23
00:00:55,385 --> 00:00:57,518
Also, all-time leader in shortest shorts.
24
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:58,352
Mm-hmm.
25
00:00:58,354 --> 00:01:00,755
Looked like he was playing in a diaper.
26
00:01:00,757 --> 00:01:03,491
"What is Europe's second longest river?"
27
00:01:03,493 --> 00:01:04,425
The Danube.
28
00:01:04,427 --> 00:01:05,926
Wow, Ma. You know your geography.
29
00:01:05,928 --> 00:01:07,161
Well, you know your father.
30
00:01:07,163 --> 00:01:08,529
Instead of splurging on vacations,
31
00:01:08,531 --> 00:01:11,332
he shows me documentaries
about different lands.
32
00:01:11,334 --> 00:01:13,000
(shouting and gunfire on TV)
33
00:01:13,002 --> 00:01:14,368
What is this?
34
00:01:14,370 --> 00:01:16,237
The Invasion of Normandy.
35
00:01:16,239 --> 00:01:18,105
Still want to go to France?
36
00:01:19,207 --> 00:01:21,775
Hey, the History Channel
never loses your luggage.
37
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,210
You're welcome.
38
00:01:23,212 --> 00:01:25,779
Hey, you can't look up stuff on your phone.
39
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:26,981
Relax, nerd.
40
00:01:27,883 --> 00:01:29,883
I'm not playing. I'm checking a text.
41
00:01:29,885 --> 00:01:31,352
Ugh, what a night.
42
00:01:31,354 --> 00:01:32,987
First this guy's narcing on me,
43
00:01:32,989 --> 00:01:36,056
and now my sister and her
family are coming for a visit.
44
00:01:36,058 --> 00:01:38,392
I'm sorry. I fear I took that out on you.
45
00:01:38,394 --> 00:01:39,460
It's just that,
46
00:01:39,462 --> 00:01:41,161
every year, my sister comes to town,
47
00:01:41,163 --> 00:01:43,630
and rubs my face into
how great her life is.
48
00:01:43,632 --> 00:01:45,199
I'm just trying to play the game.
49
00:01:45,201 --> 00:01:48,168
Hey, you spoke to me, sir.
50
00:01:50,505 --> 00:01:53,240
"What Oscar-nominated
actress played dual roles
51
00:01:53,242 --> 00:01:56,043
as the Hughes twins on As The World Turns?"
52
00:01:56,045 --> 00:01:57,344
Julianne Moore.
53
00:01:57,346 --> 00:01:58,512
Oh, Julianne Moore.
54
00:01:58,514 --> 00:02:00,013
She's the gal who played Mary Tyler Moore.
55
00:02:01,082 --> 00:02:04,418
No, that would be Mary Tyler Moore.
56
00:02:04,420 --> 00:02:06,219
Wait. Ma, didn't Aunt Eileen
already visit this year?
57
00:02:06,221 --> 00:02:08,789
Yeah, this is a bonus visit,
because your cousin Rebecca
58
00:02:08,791 --> 00:02:10,357
is getting a doctorate from Harvard.
59
00:02:10,359 --> 00:02:12,893
I'm sick of Rebecca flapping
her gums about Harvard.
60
00:02:12,895 --> 00:02:15,062
Hey, Harvard, your school
color's not crimson.
61
00:02:15,064 --> 00:02:16,530
It's maroon.
62
00:02:17,365 --> 00:02:19,132
And Crimson's actually their mascot.
63
00:02:19,134 --> 00:02:21,501
They're so smart, but they
couldn't think of an animal.
64
00:02:21,503 --> 00:02:23,570
I can think of four right now.
65
00:02:24,305 --> 00:02:25,505
Ever since we were kids,
66
00:02:25,507 --> 00:02:27,040
Rebecca's been so competitive with us.
67
00:02:27,042 --> 00:02:30,310
You really think Rebecca
considers you two her competition?
68
00:02:30,312 --> 00:02:32,206
She's getting her second
degree from Harvard.
69
00:02:32,251 --> 00:02:34,651
Sean can name four animals.
70
00:02:34,653 --> 00:02:37,954
It's a marathon, not a sprint.
71
00:02:37,956 --> 00:02:41,258
Yeah, and I just thought
of two more, smart guy.
72
00:02:41,260 --> 00:02:43,026
And our final question.
73
00:02:43,028 --> 00:02:45,162
"American poet Dixon Lanier Merritt's
74
00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:47,831
well-known limerick is about what bird?"
75
00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:49,065
A pelican.
76
00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:51,334
A wonderful bird is the pelican.
77
00:02:51,336 --> 00:02:53,837
A wonderful nerd is the Ronny.
78
00:02:54,939 --> 00:02:57,407
And here are the correct answers.
79
00:02:57,409 --> 00:03:01,411
John Stockton, The Danube,
Julianne Moore, and the pelican.
80
00:03:01,413 --> 00:03:02,946
Good. It's over.
81
00:03:02,948 --> 00:03:04,748
Now why don't you all go home
82
00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:08,084
and have your cats quiz
you on state capitals?
83
00:03:08,086 --> 00:03:10,086
You guys, we got them all right.
84
00:03:10,088 --> 00:03:12,155
Maybe we should sign up as a team.
85
00:03:12,157 --> 00:03:13,223
No way.
86
00:03:13,224 --> 00:03:14,224
- Ugh!
- Boo!
87
00:03:14,559 --> 00:03:16,092
You know, I think it might be fun.
88
00:03:16,094 --> 00:03:16,877
All right.
89
00:03:16,878 --> 00:03:17,978
- Sure.
- Let's do it!
90
00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:19,796
You guys go and have your fun.
91
00:03:19,798 --> 00:03:21,264
I don't see the point.
92
00:03:21,266 --> 00:03:25,034
As always, tonight's winner
gets a $50 Dolan's gift card.
93
00:03:25,036 --> 00:03:26,769
- I'm in.
- Great!
94
00:03:27,471 --> 00:03:30,506
So, we'll spend some time together,
and enjoy some healthy competition.
95
00:03:30,508 --> 00:03:33,610
I'm gonna hunt you down and hurt you.
96
00:03:36,011 --> 00:03:39,910
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
97
00:03:42,781 --> 00:03:45,816
And for the final question
in the Lightning Round...
98
00:03:45,818 --> 00:03:48,752
"What sport was developed
in England in the 1800s
99
00:03:48,754 --> 00:03:50,521
and was originally derived from hurling?"
100
00:03:50,523 --> 00:03:51,889
(bell clangs) Field hockey!
101
00:03:51,891 --> 00:03:54,391
- Correct!
- (Cheering)
102
00:03:54,393 --> 00:03:57,862
Come on, lesbians. That
was yours for the taking.
103
00:03:58,264 --> 00:03:59,697
That's game, and once again,
104
00:03:59,699 --> 00:04:03,000
the $50 Dolan's gift card
goes to The Smarty Pints.
105
00:04:03,002 --> 00:04:05,536
- Yeah, yeah.
- You know, it is really great to see a family
106
00:04:05,538 --> 00:04:07,070
- come together...
- Yeah, yeah, just hand over the card.
107
00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:09,139
Four weeks in a row!
108
00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:11,341
- Go, Smarty Pints!
- Okay.
109
00:04:11,343 --> 00:04:14,678
I hate to bring us down after
our incredible victory...
110
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,847
You were warned.
111
00:04:20,084 --> 00:04:23,225
... but the dinner with
Eileen's family is coming up,
112
00:04:23,254 --> 00:04:25,166
and so, we have to go
over our talking points,
113
00:04:25,257 --> 00:04:27,137
and we have to figure out
how we can be impressive.
114
00:04:27,293 --> 00:04:28,425
Ma, aren't we impressive enough?
115
00:04:28,427 --> 00:04:31,161
Come on, Jackie. Be a part of the solution.
116
00:04:31,163 --> 00:04:32,663
So, let's see.
117
00:04:32,665 --> 00:04:35,198
What happened this year that
we can rub in Eileen's face?
118
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:36,600
I got in the High School Hall of Fame.
119
00:04:36,602 --> 00:04:38,902
Nice. Sean's leading the pack.
120
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,238
Huh. You don't hear that much.
121
00:04:41,540 --> 00:04:43,006
Gerard got a new coaching job,
122
00:04:43,008 --> 00:04:45,375
Ronny and Arthur's team is undefeated,
123
00:04:45,377 --> 00:04:47,077
- and Jackie's having a baby.
- JACKIE: That's right.
124
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,311
You can brag about that.
125
00:04:48,313 --> 00:04:50,247
I will with just one tweak.
126
00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:54,050
Instead of the baby's
father being six feet under,
127
00:04:54,052 --> 00:04:55,886
let's say that he is six feet tall
128
00:04:55,888 --> 00:04:57,554
and out of town on business.
129
00:04:57,556 --> 00:05:01,124
Mom, you're gonna make
up some fictitious guy?
130
00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:02,826
That's insulting to Jackie.
131
00:05:02,828 --> 00:05:05,095
Can I call him Pedro?
132
00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:06,963
I think she's okay with it.
133
00:05:06,965 --> 00:05:11,134
So, what, you're gonna keep this
lie going the rest of our lives?
134
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:13,103
No, Ronny. I'm sure that eventually,
135
00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:15,705
Jackie will meet a great
guy who's sweet and kind,
136
00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:21,344
and who understands that one
weekend a year, he's Pedro.
137
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,961
Okay, you look pretty.
138
00:05:26,963 --> 00:05:30,698
Handsome, handsome, handsome.
139
00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:33,001
You look happy. What's wrong with you?
140
00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:35,169
I'm looking forward to seeing your sister.
141
00:05:35,171 --> 00:05:36,938
I like Eileen.
142
00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:39,140
You just like that she
takes us out to a fancy diner.
143
00:05:39,142 --> 00:05:40,942
I think of her, I think of steak.
144
00:05:40,944 --> 00:05:43,111
That's more than I can
say about most people.
145
00:05:43,113 --> 00:05:45,680
I hate how she always chooses a place
146
00:05:45,682 --> 00:05:47,148
that's outside of our price range,
147
00:05:47,150 --> 00:05:48,850
and then insists on paying.
148
00:05:48,852 --> 00:05:52,954
I agree. Nothing worse
than consistent generosity.
149
00:05:52,956 --> 00:05:56,090
I know my sister seems nice,
but you didn't grow up with her.
150
00:05:56,092 --> 00:05:58,192
You don't know what she's capable of.
151
00:05:58,194 --> 00:06:00,728
It was a brisk autumn's day...
152
00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:03,064
Please, not the rocking horse story again.
153
00:06:03,066 --> 00:06:06,033
It was a brisk autumn's day.
154
00:06:06,035 --> 00:06:08,836
WOMAN: Have fun with your
new rocking horses, girls.
155
00:06:08,838 --> 00:06:10,071
(door closes)
156
00:06:10,073 --> 00:06:11,739
Do you like yours, Eileen?
157
00:06:11,741 --> 00:06:15,176
Yours is pink.
158
00:06:15,178 --> 00:06:18,846
The next morning, Pinky was dead.
159
00:06:18,848 --> 00:06:20,147
We know.
160
00:06:20,149 --> 00:06:21,816
We've heard this story a thousand...
161
00:06:21,818 --> 00:06:25,319
The next morning, Pinky was dead.
162
00:06:25,321 --> 00:06:29,156
My dad accidentally backed
over her in the driveway.
163
00:06:29,158 --> 00:06:30,658
And who put her out there?
164
00:06:30,660 --> 00:06:32,426
I'll tell you who. Eileen!
165
00:06:32,428 --> 00:06:34,428
No! Your own sister?
166
00:06:34,430 --> 00:06:37,231
Sean, we hear this story every year.
167
00:06:37,233 --> 00:06:39,300
And every year, she brings it to life.
168
00:06:39,302 --> 00:06:41,869
But killing my horse wasn't enough,
169
00:06:41,871 --> 00:06:43,804
because ever since then,
170
00:06:43,806 --> 00:06:47,107
Eileen has devoted her
life to one-upping me.
171
00:06:47,109 --> 00:06:49,376
Mom, I'm gonna put on my
guidance counselor's hat here.
172
00:06:49,378 --> 00:06:51,712
Ugh! Not that hat from last year.
173
00:07:01,089 --> 00:07:02,756
I wore that one time!
174
00:07:02,758 --> 00:07:04,725
Swing and a miss.
175
00:07:04,727 --> 00:07:08,862
My point is, Mom, every
year, you tell us this story.
176
00:07:08,864 --> 00:07:11,198
Have you ever thought of
telling your sister how you feel?
177
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,532
Well, let me get this straight.
178
00:07:12,534 --> 00:07:14,735
Are you saying I should share my feelings?
179
00:07:14,737 --> 00:07:15,702
Yes!
180
00:07:15,704 --> 00:07:17,771
Ronny, that's crazy.
181
00:07:17,773 --> 00:07:21,108
I hope you're not telling
students to do things like that.
182
00:07:21,110 --> 00:07:23,076
If you keep this buried inside,
183
00:07:23,078 --> 00:07:24,978
one day, it's just gonna boil over.
184
00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:26,680
Not if you tamp it down hard enough.
185
00:07:26,682 --> 00:07:28,215
- Way to go, Ma.
- Tamp it.
186
00:07:28,217 --> 00:07:29,583
You're an inspiration.
187
00:07:32,687 --> 00:07:35,689
So, Eileen, Ray, how was your flight?
188
00:07:35,691 --> 00:07:37,557
Aw, terrific. Just terrific.
189
00:07:37,559 --> 00:07:40,060
Well, first class isn't what it used to be.
190
00:07:40,122 --> 00:07:41,821
It's so much better.
191
00:07:41,823 --> 00:07:43,056
(laughter)
192
00:07:43,058 --> 00:07:44,424
Oh, we know.
193
00:07:44,426 --> 00:07:45,992
We've flown first class.
194
00:07:45,994 --> 00:07:48,128
Oh, Marjorie, that's terrific.
195
00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:50,563
Sure was. Four years ago,
we were going to Florida.
196
00:07:50,565 --> 00:07:53,600
I fell on the tarmac, so
they had to bump us up.
197
00:07:53,602 --> 00:07:55,168
Anyway...
198
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,137
We were literally dancing in the aisle.
199
00:07:57,139 --> 00:07:59,205
Really pissed off the stewardesses.
200
00:07:59,207 --> 00:08:02,472
- Arthur.
- Sorry. Flight attendants.
201
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,875
So, where's Cole?
202
00:08:05,877 --> 00:08:06,977
Oh, he'll be joining us here soon.
203
00:08:06,979 --> 00:08:08,078
You know, I don't know if I mentioned it,
204
00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,347
- but Cole came out a few months ago.
- Mm-hmm.
205
00:08:10,349 --> 00:08:11,981
- Oh, great.
- Good for him.
206
00:08:11,983 --> 00:08:14,884
So, I guess now you're not
the only one with a gay son.
207
00:08:14,886 --> 00:08:16,886
Well, it's not a competition.
208
00:08:16,888 --> 00:08:21,758
Although it's interesting that
Ronny came out so much earlier.
209
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,494
I guess we just created a more
open, accepting environment.
210
00:08:24,496 --> 00:08:27,063
Well, we never assumed
that Cole was straight.
211
00:08:27,065 --> 00:08:29,766
We didn't think it was fair to
put expectations on the kids.
212
00:08:29,768 --> 00:08:32,235
We just allow them to be who they are.
213
00:08:32,237 --> 00:08:33,403
Aw, good for you.
214
00:08:33,405 --> 00:08:34,771
(quietly): Damn it.
215
00:08:34,773 --> 00:08:36,039
Jackie.
216
00:08:36,041 --> 00:08:37,540
- Oh.
- Congratulations.
217
00:08:37,542 --> 00:08:39,409
Thanks, Aunt Eileen.
218
00:08:39,411 --> 00:08:40,877
If you ever need any advice
219
00:08:40,879 --> 00:08:43,012
about how to raise children successfully,
220
00:08:43,014 --> 00:08:44,881
you give your aunt a call.
221
00:08:44,883 --> 00:08:47,950
Well, Eileen, I think that Jackie
already has a great example.
222
00:08:47,952 --> 00:08:50,053
Yeah, Pedro's mom.
223
00:08:50,055 --> 00:08:53,055
Oh, Pedro is the father of my baby.
224
00:08:53,057 --> 00:08:55,691
He wishes he could have been
here, but he's at a hospital
225
00:08:55,693 --> 00:08:58,995
reading his latest book to blind children.
226
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,463
Easy, Jackie.
227
00:09:00,465 --> 00:09:01,998
Wow. How did you two meet?
228
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,099
Oh, wait till you hear this one.
229
00:09:03,101 --> 00:09:04,300
Here we go.
230
00:09:04,302 --> 00:09:05,434
Through a mutual friend.
231
00:09:05,436 --> 00:09:06,903
Oh, that's not what I thought.
232
00:09:06,905 --> 00:09:08,738
The mutual friend was Michael Bolton
233
00:09:08,740 --> 00:09:10,940
who Pedro had just saved from drowning.
234
00:09:10,942 --> 00:09:12,208
That's what I thought.
235
00:09:15,479 --> 00:09:17,013
Oh, man.
236
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,548
Do I go for the T-bone or the Porterhouse?
237
00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:22,785
Well, Arthur, last time we
were here, you got the T-bone.
238
00:09:22,787 --> 00:09:24,954
Last time we were here, it was in the '90s,
239
00:09:24,956 --> 00:09:26,922
and this was an IHOP.
240
00:09:26,924 --> 00:09:29,225
You know what, Arthur?
Why don't you get both?
241
00:09:29,227 --> 00:09:31,961
Are you serious? 'Cause I'll do it.
242
00:09:31,963 --> 00:09:34,063
Of course. We're celebrating.
243
00:09:34,065 --> 00:09:38,267
Ray's law firm just won another big case.
244
00:09:38,269 --> 00:09:40,302
Eileen, it was no big deal.
245
00:09:40,304 --> 00:09:41,570
Sounds like a big deal.
246
00:09:41,572 --> 00:09:45,074
Should we celebrate with the seafood tower?
247
00:09:45,076 --> 00:09:47,576
So, Rebecca, don't know if you heard,
248
00:09:47,578 --> 00:09:49,244
but I got into the High
School Hall of Fame.
249
00:09:49,246 --> 00:09:51,246
And Gerard's a head coach.
250
00:09:51,248 --> 00:09:53,182
Congratulations, you guys.
251
00:09:53,184 --> 00:09:55,317
Whoa. Little harsh.
252
00:09:56,052 --> 00:09:57,586
So, what are you up to?
253
00:09:57,588 --> 00:10:00,456
Well, I'm getting my doctorate
degree in psychobiology.
254
00:10:00,458 --> 00:10:02,591
Sounds like you're getting it in bragging.
255
00:10:03,693 --> 00:10:05,060
Speaking of bragging,
256
00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:07,396
our family's a champion
trivia team at Dolan's Pub.
257
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,164
We're The Smarty Pints.
258
00:10:09,166 --> 00:10:11,233
Well, we've done very well with the trivia.
259
00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:13,802
No big deal, but we're kind of a big deal.
260
00:10:13,804 --> 00:10:15,837
That must be very exciting for you,
261
00:10:15,839 --> 00:10:18,707
being the smartest people at a bar.
262
00:10:18,709 --> 00:10:19,708
If we win our next game, we'll hold
263
00:10:19,710 --> 00:10:21,643
the record for most consecutive wins.
264
00:10:21,645 --> 00:10:25,080
So, Rebecca, do you hold
any records at Dolan's Pub?
265
00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:26,982
You know what, you guys?
266
00:10:26,984 --> 00:10:30,986
Maybe for once, we could just
talk and connect like adults.
267
00:10:30,988 --> 00:10:33,388
So no records at Dolan's Pub.
268
00:10:33,390 --> 00:10:35,357
I didn't think so.
269
00:10:36,158 --> 00:10:37,526
EILEEN: Oh, there's Cole.
270
00:10:37,528 --> 00:10:39,194
Ah, terrific.
271
00:10:39,196 --> 00:10:40,462
Oh, hi, Cole.
272
00:10:40,464 --> 00:10:41,463
Hey, Aunt Marjorie.
273
00:10:41,465 --> 00:10:42,964
Everyone, this is Daniel.
274
00:10:42,966 --> 00:10:43,832
He's my boyfriend.
275
00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:45,200
Hey, everyone.
276
00:10:45,202 --> 00:10:47,469
Nuh-uh.
277
00:10:47,471 --> 00:10:48,403
Excuse me?
278
00:10:48,405 --> 00:10:50,705
But you just came out.
279
00:10:50,707 --> 00:10:52,207
I know. It's crazy.
280
00:10:52,209 --> 00:10:54,643
Came out on a Wednesday;
met Daniel that Friday.
281
00:10:54,645 --> 00:10:56,645
Glad you made it through Thursday.
282
00:10:56,647 --> 00:10:58,513
Everything just kind of fell into place.
283
00:10:58,515 --> 00:11:00,548
They're really happy.
284
00:11:01,183 --> 00:11:03,752
How... terrific.
285
00:11:04,687 --> 00:11:06,087
So, how about you, Ronny?
286
00:11:06,089 --> 00:11:07,422
Are you seeing anyone?
287
00:11:07,424 --> 00:11:09,924
Oh, no. Not at the moment.
288
00:11:09,926 --> 00:11:11,259
So no prospects?
289
00:11:11,261 --> 00:11:12,160
Didn't say that.
290
00:11:12,162 --> 00:11:13,995
Oh. So prospects?
291
00:11:13,997 --> 00:11:16,064
Didn't say that, either.
292
00:11:16,066 --> 00:11:17,632
You know, since you've been out,
293
00:11:17,634 --> 00:11:19,634
I can't remember seeing you with anyone.
294
00:11:19,636 --> 00:11:21,836
So, how's Chicago?!
295
00:11:21,838 --> 00:11:23,805
What do you think that is about you?
296
00:11:23,807 --> 00:11:25,073
I'm just selective.
297
00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:27,775
Really? You think you should be?
298
00:11:28,577 --> 00:11:29,544
Excuse me?
299
00:11:29,546 --> 00:11:30,845
Uh, I'm gonna meet someone.
300
00:11:30,847 --> 00:11:32,713
Oh, no, no, no. Of course you will.
301
00:11:32,715 --> 00:11:34,282
And you've got your career.
302
00:11:34,284 --> 00:11:36,017
You're a guidance counselor, right?
303
00:11:36,019 --> 00:11:36,818
Uh-huh.
304
00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:38,286
Wow. You have the summers off,
305
00:11:38,288 --> 00:11:39,887
and you still haven't met someone.
306
00:11:39,889 --> 00:11:42,290
I'd rather be a lonely guidance counselor
307
00:11:42,292 --> 00:11:43,791
than a horse murderer!
308
00:11:43,793 --> 00:11:44,592
What?
309
00:11:44,594 --> 00:11:46,060
You killed my mom's horse!
310
00:11:53,650 --> 00:11:56,118
What is this about a horse?
311
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:59,255
Okay, I guess we're finally
gonna talk about this.
312
00:11:59,257 --> 00:12:01,791
It was a brisk autumn's day...
313
00:12:01,793 --> 00:12:03,025
Sean.
314
00:12:03,027 --> 00:12:05,194
All right, Eileen, I'm
sure that you remember
315
00:12:05,196 --> 00:12:08,264
when we were kids, Mom and
Dad bought us rocking horses.
316
00:12:08,266 --> 00:12:09,732
No.
317
00:12:09,734 --> 00:12:12,835
(laughs): Okay. Do you remember
when you weren't a liar?
318
00:12:12,837 --> 00:12:16,238
Oh, wait, I think I do
remember those rocking horses.
319
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,741
Mine was white... what was yours again?
320
00:12:18,743 --> 00:12:20,443
Dead.
321
00:12:20,445 --> 00:12:22,878
You put her behind Dad's car.
322
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,447
Marjorie, I really don't
know what this is all about.
323
00:12:25,449 --> 00:12:28,250
Do you want me to buy you a rocking horse?
324
00:12:28,252 --> 00:12:30,352
I'll buy you all rocking horses.
325
00:12:30,354 --> 00:12:32,388
- Ah, terrific.
- (Laughs)
326
00:12:32,390 --> 00:12:34,356
We don't need your rocking
horses, and guess what,
327
00:12:34,358 --> 00:12:35,524
we don't need your free dinner.
328
00:12:35,526 --> 00:12:38,293
Marjorie, two steaks and a seafood tower.
329
00:12:38,295 --> 00:12:39,762
Don't ruin this.
330
00:12:39,764 --> 00:12:42,064
In fact, dinner is on us tonight.
331
00:12:42,066 --> 00:12:44,400
We're paying. So there!
332
00:12:44,402 --> 00:12:46,268
How gracious of you.
333
00:12:47,237 --> 00:12:50,105
Arthur, uh, could you
pass me the wine list?
334
00:12:50,107 --> 00:12:51,540
No.
335
00:12:54,644 --> 00:12:56,778
And did you see the look on Eileen's face
336
00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:58,347
when your dad paid the bill?
337
00:12:58,349 --> 00:13:00,983
What about the look on my face, Marjorie?
338
00:13:00,985 --> 00:13:03,185
That total had a comma in it.
339
00:13:03,187 --> 00:13:04,886
A comma.
340
00:13:05,922 --> 00:13:07,889
I think all 11 of us sharing one dessert
341
00:13:07,891 --> 00:13:09,625
- brought us closer.
- Well,
342
00:13:09,627 --> 00:13:11,694
we don't have to deal with
them for a whole nother year.
343
00:13:12,196 --> 00:13:13,862
Hello, Marjorie.
344
00:13:13,864 --> 00:13:15,297
Or eight seconds.
345
00:13:15,299 --> 00:13:16,565
Eileen, what are you doing here?
346
00:13:16,567 --> 00:13:18,667
I thought you were flying
out to Chicago tonight?
347
00:13:18,669 --> 00:13:20,035
Well, our flight was delayed,
348
00:13:20,037 --> 00:13:22,905
and you talked up your trivia
streak so much last night
349
00:13:22,907 --> 00:13:27,142
that we thought we would come by
and watch you break the record.
350
00:13:27,144 --> 00:13:29,044
Or not.
351
00:13:29,046 --> 00:13:31,647
'Cause we're gonna play, too.
352
00:13:31,649 --> 00:13:33,882
(chuckles): "Triv and Let Die"!
353
00:13:33,884 --> 00:13:35,951
Damn it, that's brilliant.
354
00:13:36,986 --> 00:13:38,887
- This'll be fun.
- So fun.
355
00:13:38,889 --> 00:13:41,089
- The funnest.
- Fun plus infinity. No tops.
356
00:13:41,091 --> 00:13:42,891
Damn it!
357
00:13:44,260 --> 00:13:45,961
Can you believe this?
358
00:13:45,963 --> 00:13:47,929
She just couldn't stand
that we paid for the dinner.
359
00:13:47,931 --> 00:13:51,166
She had to find some
other way to one-up me.
360
00:13:55,438 --> 00:13:57,472
Plus, Daniel cut his
shirt into one of those
361
00:13:57,474 --> 00:14:00,575
gross bodybuilding tank tops. It's winter!
362
00:14:01,577 --> 00:14:03,979
And he's totally pulling it off!
363
00:14:03,981 --> 00:14:05,914
Okay, teams, write down your answers.
364
00:14:05,916 --> 00:14:09,050
The two highest-scoring teams
move on to the Lightning Round.
365
00:14:09,052 --> 00:14:10,852
Okay, everyone focus.
366
00:14:10,854 --> 00:14:12,554
We need that gift card.
367
00:14:12,556 --> 00:14:15,523
We have to start rebuilding
ourselves financially.
368
00:14:19,095 --> 00:14:21,229
Okay, it's time for the Lightning Round.
369
00:14:21,231 --> 00:14:23,398
It's come down to the Smarty Pints
370
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,067
- versus Triv and Let Die.
- Okay,
371
00:14:26,069 --> 00:14:28,670
I just want to tell you
all, if you fail me tonight,
372
00:14:28,672 --> 00:14:30,371
you're no longer welcome in my home.
373
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,075
Okay, this first question
is about diamonds.
374
00:14:34,077 --> 00:14:36,077
Oh, Marjorie, that's too
bad it's not something
375
00:14:36,079 --> 00:14:39,447
you know about, like...
off-brand hot dogs.
376
00:14:41,216 --> 00:14:44,052
"The largest diamond ever
found was called the what?"
377
00:14:44,054 --> 00:14:45,253
(bell clangs)
378
00:14:45,255 --> 00:14:46,387
The Great Mogul.
379
00:14:46,389 --> 00:14:48,022
No, I'm sorry, that is incorrect.
380
00:14:48,024 --> 00:14:49,357
(clang) The Cullinan.
381
00:14:49,359 --> 00:14:51,392
- Yes, that's correct!
- (Cheering, shouting)
382
00:14:51,394 --> 00:14:53,728
"Duh, the Great Mogul?"
383
00:14:56,098 --> 00:14:58,199
"What two instruments in an orchestra
384
00:14:58,201 --> 00:14:59,567
have the highest pitch?"
385
00:14:59,569 --> 00:15:01,202
(clang) The violin and the piccolo.
386
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:02,236
Yes, that is correct.
387
00:15:02,238 --> 00:15:04,272
- You're so smart.
- You're so hot.
388
00:15:04,274 --> 00:15:05,940
We get it. I'm single.
389
00:15:07,643 --> 00:15:09,477
"Which professional athlete
390
00:15:09,479 --> 00:15:12,847
was voted MVP nine times during the 1980s?"
391
00:15:12,849 --> 00:15:14,382
(clang) Wayne Gretzky.
392
00:15:14,384 --> 00:15:17,818
Although Bobby Orr is the best
hockey player who ever lived.
393
00:15:17,820 --> 00:15:19,286
Th... that's a lot of bonus information,
394
00:15:19,288 --> 00:15:20,554
but yes, Wayne Gretzky...
395
00:15:20,556 --> 00:15:22,456
(cheering, shouting)
396
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,592
Guess your PhD isn't in sports.
397
00:15:24,594 --> 00:15:26,861
No, it's in behavioral neuroscience.
398
00:15:26,863 --> 00:15:29,563
Yeah, 'cause that's a thing.
399
00:15:29,565 --> 00:15:30,965
It is a thing.
400
00:15:30,967 --> 00:15:34,401
Oh, God, I'm starting
to care what they think.
401
00:15:34,403 --> 00:15:37,271
Okay, a tough one for the win.
402
00:15:37,273 --> 00:15:40,608
"Cheryl James and Sandra
Denton are better known
403
00:15:40,610 --> 00:15:42,843
as what '90s musical duo?"
404
00:15:42,845 --> 00:15:44,812
Shoot, I know this!
405
00:15:44,814 --> 00:15:46,981
Daniel's cheating. He's using his phone.
406
00:15:46,983 --> 00:15:48,882
- Don't!
- "Duncan."
407
00:15:48,884 --> 00:15:50,818
Oh, no, it's a text. All right,
408
00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:52,152
carry on, Curly Sue.
409
00:15:54,122 --> 00:15:55,489
You were texting Duncan?
410
00:15:55,491 --> 00:15:57,157
You told me that was over.
411
00:15:57,159 --> 00:15:59,426
It is. It was.
412
00:15:59,428 --> 00:16:02,863
Oh, so he's cheating cheating.
413
00:16:02,865 --> 00:16:04,131
Oh...
414
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:05,866
hot Daniel.
415
00:16:05,868 --> 00:16:08,035
I'm so sorry, Cole.
416
00:16:08,703 --> 00:16:12,172
EILEEN: Don't just stand
there... go after him.
417
00:16:12,174 --> 00:16:14,107
Yeah, and tell him to put a coat on.
418
00:16:14,876 --> 00:16:17,044
You stay out of it.
419
00:16:17,046 --> 00:16:18,679
Mom, I'm not going after him.
420
00:16:18,681 --> 00:16:20,580
You knew we were having
problems for months...
421
00:16:20,582 --> 00:16:23,350
you still made me bring
him just to show up Ronny.
422
00:16:24,118 --> 00:16:25,419
That is not true!
423
00:16:25,421 --> 00:16:26,686
Yes, it is.
424
00:16:26,688 --> 00:16:27,688
What?!
425
00:16:27,690 --> 00:16:29,656
I'm tired of the lies, Eileen.
426
00:16:30,291 --> 00:16:31,725
We flew coach.
427
00:16:32,393 --> 00:16:34,061
In row 38.
428
00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:36,062
We had to stop in Buffalo.
429
00:16:36,064 --> 00:16:37,130
Ouch.
430
00:16:37,132 --> 00:16:39,099
- Ray!
- And you wanted me to pay for dinner
431
00:16:39,101 --> 00:16:41,001
even though I quit my job at the firm.
432
00:16:41,003 --> 00:16:44,337
If we'd got stuck with that bill,
that would not have been terrific.
433
00:16:44,339 --> 00:16:47,240
Big words for someone who
ordered a whole lobster.
434
00:16:47,242 --> 00:16:49,709
Market price, you son of a bitch.
435
00:16:49,711 --> 00:16:52,579
EILEEN: No, no, he didn't quit.
436
00:16:52,581 --> 00:16:54,347
They made him a partner.
437
00:16:54,349 --> 00:16:57,350
I did quit... because I wasn't happy.
438
00:16:57,352 --> 00:17:00,286
And now I can finally pursue
my dream of becoming...
439
00:17:00,288 --> 00:17:02,856
- Ray, don't!
- Go for it, Ray.
440
00:17:03,691 --> 00:17:06,092
A magician.
441
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,229
(whispers): Wow! Wow!
442
00:17:09,231 --> 00:17:13,433
This... this is terrific.
443
00:17:13,435 --> 00:17:15,802
Ah, so I guess you're really not getting
444
00:17:15,804 --> 00:17:17,537
that doctorate from Harvard, are you?
445
00:17:17,539 --> 00:17:18,771
No, I am.
446
00:17:18,773 --> 00:17:21,474
Ah. Congrats.
447
00:17:21,476 --> 00:17:25,545
EILEEN: Well, I bet you're
really loving this, huh, Marjorie?
448
00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:27,413
You win again.
449
00:17:27,415 --> 00:17:29,048
Again? You're the one who's always winning.
450
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:30,350
You never let me win.
451
00:17:30,352 --> 00:17:32,852
Oh, please. You have been winning
452
00:17:32,854 --> 00:17:35,388
ever since you got...
453
00:17:35,390 --> 00:17:36,456
What?
454
00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:37,457
- Nothing.
- Say it.
455
00:17:37,459 --> 00:17:39,158
- No.
- Say it.
456
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,461
You got the pink rocking horse!
457
00:17:41,463 --> 00:17:44,363
Yes. And where did you put it?
458
00:17:44,365 --> 00:17:46,632
In the driveway! In the driveway!
459
00:17:46,634 --> 00:17:48,434
I knew it!
460
00:17:48,436 --> 00:17:50,503
And was it or was it not
461
00:17:50,505 --> 00:17:52,905
a brisk autumn's day?
462
00:17:52,907 --> 00:17:54,040
It was!
463
00:17:54,042 --> 00:17:55,641
Ah!
464
00:17:56,944 --> 00:17:59,178
Marjorie, I... I had to do it.
465
00:17:59,180 --> 00:18:00,980
I just couldn't face the fact
466
00:18:00,982 --> 00:18:03,149
that you were Mom and Dad's favorite.
467
00:18:03,151 --> 00:18:04,517
- What?
- RONNY: Ooh!
468
00:18:04,519 --> 00:18:07,887
I just remembered that '90s pop duo.
469
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,523
Not important. Go on.
470
00:18:10,525 --> 00:18:13,392
Eileen, that's ridiculous!
471
00:18:13,394 --> 00:18:14,894
I wasn't their favorite.
472
00:18:14,896 --> 00:18:17,296
Oh, yes, you were. I
overheard them talking.
473
00:18:17,298 --> 00:18:19,164
Really? Really?
474
00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:22,001
Yeah, one night I heard Mom say
475
00:18:22,003 --> 00:18:23,903
that Marjorie was "just a delight,"
476
00:18:23,905 --> 00:18:26,905
and that Eileen was "a bit of a chore."
477
00:18:26,907 --> 00:18:30,743
And then Dad said, "Yeah. If
only we had two Marjories."
478
00:18:30,745 --> 00:18:32,745
Well, I mean, do the math.
479
00:18:32,747 --> 00:18:35,848
That means no Eileens.
480
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:39,151
Yeah, I think that's right.
481
00:18:39,153 --> 00:18:41,053
Oh, my God, Eileen,
482
00:18:41,055 --> 00:18:43,422
you've been carrying that around
all this time? That's terrible.
483
00:18:43,424 --> 00:18:45,390
Yeah, it has been terrible.
484
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:47,326
But you know what's really terrible?
485
00:18:47,328 --> 00:18:49,361
I've been taking it out on you.
486
00:18:49,363 --> 00:18:51,129
Well, you know what?
487
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:53,565
You and I are gonna get some beers,
488
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:57,836
and we're gonna drink 'em,
and who knows, we might even...
489
00:18:57,838 --> 00:19:00,038
talk about our feelings.
490
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,641
I heard that, and I approve.
491
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,178
- That would be nice.
- Great.
492
00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:08,380
Beers are on me.
493
00:19:08,382 --> 00:19:11,249
Marjorie.
494
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,785
Here's last week's gift card.
495
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,489
Okay, while those two are learning
496
00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:20,725
that feeling leads to healing,
we can turn our attention
497
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:23,528
back to more trivial pursuits.
498
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,031
(clang) Salt-n-Pepa.
499
00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:27,299
- ANNOUNCER: Correct!
- RONNY: Damn it!
500
00:19:27,301 --> 00:19:28,533
(groaning)
501
00:19:33,009 --> 00:19:34,576
Well, I just want you to know
502
00:19:34,578 --> 00:19:37,980
I'm done with Pedro... I thought
you should hear it from me.
503
00:19:37,982 --> 00:19:40,115
Who else would we hear it from?
504
00:19:40,917 --> 00:19:42,050
ARTHUR: Hey.
505
00:19:42,052 --> 00:19:43,418
How'd it go with your sister?
506
00:19:43,420 --> 00:19:45,721
Good. We decided that
we're gonna try and be
507
00:19:45,723 --> 00:19:48,390
happy for each other rather
than always be so competitive.
508
00:19:48,392 --> 00:19:50,792
Good for you, Mom. Taking the high road.
509
00:19:50,794 --> 00:19:53,295
Well, I won, so... (chuckles)
510
00:19:53,297 --> 00:19:55,530
But, you know,
511
00:19:55,532 --> 00:19:57,532
with all her kids'
successes, Eileen told me
512
00:19:57,534 --> 00:19:59,801
that she almost never gets to see them,
513
00:19:59,803 --> 00:20:02,904
because they're always out
doing and dating and achieving.
514
00:20:03,806 --> 00:20:05,073
You're lucky, Ma.
515
00:20:05,075 --> 00:20:06,708
You get to see us all the time.
516
00:20:06,710 --> 00:20:08,944
I do.
517
00:20:09,745 --> 00:20:11,413
There's probably a middle ground.
518
00:20:12,248 --> 00:20:14,049
(phone rings)
519
00:20:14,051 --> 00:20:16,084
No caller I.D.
520
00:20:16,919 --> 00:20:18,720
Who's this?
521
00:20:19,822 --> 00:20:21,322
Oh. Hold on.
522
00:20:21,324 --> 00:20:23,324
Dad, it's the credit card company.
523
00:20:24,627 --> 00:20:26,194
Hello?
524
00:20:26,196 --> 00:20:27,662
Yes.
525
00:20:27,664 --> 00:20:32,000
That does sound like an unusually
large expenditure for me.
526
00:20:33,169 --> 00:20:35,603
Was it stolen?
527
00:20:35,605 --> 00:20:36,804
Sure seems like it.
528
00:20:40,510 --> 00:20:45,505
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
529
00:20:45,555 --> 00:20:50,105
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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