All language subtitles for Spin City s06e05 Yet Another Stakeout.eng

I called your adoption agency
because I realized that,

while I'm professionally
successful,

personally,
something's missing.

I have a lot of love
to give,

and I know that I would make
a good and decent father.

That's beautiful.

But all I asked was
your date of birth.

Sorry.

I'm... A little nervous.
[LAUGHS]

I don't think
he's doing well.

We've gotta do something.

Next question...
is your...

oh, sorry to interrupt.

Carter, thanks for writing
the speech.

You're a very thoughtful,

intelligent,
responsib person.

Thank you, Caitlin.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Sorry about that.
Uh, please continue.

Carter...

Great job on
that budget report.

It was very... Loving
and fathering.

Uh, again, I'm sorry.
They're my friends.

They're just trying to help.

Oh, there you are, Carter.

I wanted to thank you

for taking me
to that baseball game,

buying me a hot dog,

and giving me that talk about
the birds and the bees.

Carter, you're the greatest.

[DOOR CLOSES]

That story was a bit much.

Actually,
that one really happened.

Sir, the latest election polls
are in.

Oh, excellent.

I'm beating Wheeler by 19%
among young adults,

14% among women...
heh heh.

I'm down 6% with seniors.

What do those geezers have
against me?

It's a mystery, sir.

Oh, guys, guys...
Wheeler's new campaign ad.

I'm Julian Wheeler,

and I believe in protecting
the environment.

What about Winston?

I believe that technology
is the future.

What about Winston?

[BEEPING]

And I believe in old-fashioned
family values.

What about Winston?

For a better New York,

vote Wheeler.

Bravo, sir.
You looked great.

Sir...

My gut says we retaliate.

He attacks us,
we attack him.

Let's hit him back
with everything we got.

Thank you, Sonny corleone.

Sir, focus-group research
indicates

that voters prefer politicians
who stay positive

and stick to the issues.

Thank you, Brenda Miller.

Who's Brenda Miller?

Some brainy girl I used to cheat
off in high school.

You know, sir...

We could always hit them
with some snaps.

Snaps?
Witty remarks,

like "Wheeler's mama
is so fat...

When she hauls ass,
she has to make two trips."

Well, I've heard some
compelling arguments.

I prefer to run my campaign
on issues, not on insults.

So I'm gonna go with Caitlin
on this one.

Thank you, sir.

In fact, I've decided to choose
one of you

to be the point person
for all campaign strategies.

Well, thank you, sir.
I'm honored.

Since Caitlin has the most
campaign experience,

I'm choosing her.

Good call, sir.

Well, the adoption agency
says I'm still number 3,000

on the waiting list.

At this rate, I'll have a baby
when I'm 87.

I'll be too old to teach him
how to throw a baseball.

On the upside, you have
50 years to learn yourself.

Guess who.

Chanel no. 5...

Lavender hand cream...

Brian?

Carter!
You know it's me.

I can't believe you're here!

Michelle, what are you doing
in town?

Carter told me everything
he was going through

trying to adopt.

I knew he was upset,
so here I am.

We've always been there
for each other.

Even in high school, Carter was
there to cheer me up

when I got dumped by the captain
of the football team.

And Michelle gave me a shoulder
to cry on when he dumped me.

Hello, Michelle.

It's so very nice to see you
again.

As always, you look lovely.

Thank you, Stuart.

You are so sweet.

What do you say
we go get some lunch?

Great idea.
See you guys later.

Goodbye, Michelle.
It was lovely seeing you.

Have a lovely afternoon.

So, how long have you had
a crush on Michelle?

What are you talking about?

I just think it was lovely

the way you said
she was lovely.

Stop it.

Lovely, lovely, lovely,
lovely.

You don't know
what you're talking about.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

Mr. Jerry Flynn,
the king of porn,

is doing a video signing.

You really want to see
the king of porn?

What's happening to me?

You like Michelle.
Why don't you tell her?

I can't. I get near her,
I can barely talk.

Maybe Carter could talk to her
for you.

Oh, Carter can't know.

He'll either disapprove,
or worse...

get emotionally supportive.

Okay, I've just called
Wheeler's headquarters,

and I've set up a sit-down
meeting with him.

We'll get him in a room,
liquor him up,

make him spill some secrets,
and ruin his campaign.

No, we're gonna sit down,
air out our differences,

and establish ground rules.

Then we'll liquor him up
and ruin his campaign.

No. We should be beating
this guy into the dirt.

You need to pull back
on the testosterone.

You need to pull back
on the...

what is that stuff
chicks have?

There's a reason the mayor made
me the point person.

I've run successful campaigns,
and this is how I do it.

Whatever.

Oh, I see what
this is about.

You're upset that the mayor
chose me over you.

He made the call.
I'm fine with it.

There's a lot more going on in
your head than you let on.

Like right now,
what are you thinking?

Right now.

Those dancing hot dogs
from the...

..."let's all go to the lobby"
end movie song.

Why do I bother?

* let's all go to the lobby...

Hi, Stuart.

Oh, hey, Michelle.

Where's Carter?

He went out for a while.

I'm having a beer.
I'll get you one.

That would be... Glorious.

"Glorious"?

All right, calm down.
You can do this.

Don't freak out.
You're the man.

You're freaking out.

You're not the man.

Here you go.

Stuart?

Are you trying to say
something?

I've really liked you
for a long time,

and I would love to go out
with you.

I don't know
what to say.

I always imagined you saying,
"are you kidding?

I want nothing to do
with you."

Oh, and then you laugh.

I would love
to go out with you.

Why?
I mean, cool.

No, "why" was right.

Remember two christmases ago

when Carter dragged us
to rockefeller center

to watch that figure-skating show?
Yeah, it was freezing.

And you gave me
your mittens.

That's when I knew
I liked you.

Why didn't you tell me?

You're always so proper
around me.

"You look so lovely."

"It's lovely to see you."

I mean, when I a guy likes
a girl,

you're supposed to say,
"baby, I wanna get with you."

That was what was
in my heart.

Wheeler's 20 minutes late.
He'll be here, sir.

Then we'll work out a solution
to these personal attacks.

If this doesn't work,

we could always bake him
some cookies.

I need a drink.

Excuse me.

You know, you could try to be
a little more supportive.

I'm here, aren't I?

If you expect me
to be your cheerleader...

who's that guy sitting
with the mayor?

I don't know.

Wait. That's Jerry Flynn.

He's, like, the city's king
of porn.

We're being set up.

Thanks, Mr. mayor.

Oh, by the way...

Mr. Wheeler will not be able
to make it.

He's gone way too far
this time.

I'll say...
Wheeler should've called

if he knew
he was gonna cancel.

This is exactly
what I've been waiting for.

Why didn't you tell me
you liked me?

We could've been doing this
a long time ago.

We have been...
In my mind.

You want to see what we've been
doing in my mind?

Oh! Michelle...

Good. You're here.

There's something I want to talk
to you about.

Actually, there's something
I want to talk to you about.

Me first. You know how much
I want to have a child.

And adoption will take
forever.

So I decided
that the best thing to do be

would be get a surrogate.

Carter,
that's a great idea.

I'm glad you think so,

because I was hoping maybe you'd
consider doing it.

Wow!

I'm touched
that you would ask.

But, well,
I-it's complicated.

I understand... you live
in a different city,

it's a huge commitment,
it could affect our friendship,

Stuart's arm is around
your waist.

Why is Stuart's arm
around your waist?

Michelle and I are...

what are we?

Well, I-I guess
we're dating.

You're dating Stuart?

Why?

I asked her
the same question.

Carter, I'm gonna seriously
consider what you've asked me,

but, um...

I feel like Stuart and I have
started something

that could really be
special,

so I want to make sure
that he's comfortable with it.

Well?

Am I comfortable

with Carter impregnating
my new girlfriend?

No.

Have you seen
the headlines...

"mayor dines
with smut king"?

"Winston's breast buddy"?

"Winston... a porn leader."

What paper was that in?

None. I just thought
it was kind of funny.

Well, it's not.

We have tried to take
the high road,

but Wheeler has gone
too far.

If you think it's time to go
after this guy, we're ready.

I have never lost an election,

and I'm sure as hell
not gonna lose one now.

I'll admit, I was wrong
about Wheeler.

He's a lowlife.
So what do we do now?

Stuart's checking his tax
history with the I.R.S.,

and Carter's looking for any
criminal record.

Maybe one night, he got into a
drunken bar fight,

stole a car, and drove
into the Hudson river.

That's my story.

It sounded familiar
as I was saying it.

Hey, guys,
a buddy of mine says

Wheeler's been showing up at his
apartment building

with some little chippy.

I can't believe he has a woman
on the side.

That's what a chippy is?

Wow! That's even better!

This is huge.
He's got a wife and four kids.

I'm not sure this sex scandal
is the way to go.

This guy's whole platform is
about family values.

I know, but we don't have
any proof.

Then we'll get some.

We'll stake out his building
and take some pictures.

Maybe we'll catch him drunk
in a rooftop pool,

playing naked Marco polo with
a lonely divorc?e from 3-g.

I gotta stop telling you
my stories.

Real nice, Carter.

You show no class.

You know, I can't believe

Michelle is listening
to the opinion of man

whose Internet name
is "boob monger."

Well, she is,
and for the last time,

it's "boob meister."
When are you gonna grow up?

When are you gonna stop being
a pompous jerk?

Guys, come on,
you've been at it all day.

Now, the three of us,
we're gonna sit down,

and nobody's leaving
until we fix this.

Okay. What's going on?

I just started to date
Carter's best friend,

and now he wants her to carry
his gay baby.

You guys will work it out.

You know what?
I hope you're happy.

You know how much
I want to have a child,

and Michelle is the only person
I'd want to be my surrogate.

You can still adopt.

The waiting list for a new baby
is two years!

By that time, Rosie O'Donnell
will have taken the good ones!

Have you thought about what
Michelle might mean to me?

She could be the greatest thing
that's happened in my life.

But instead of being happy
for me,

all you think about
is how it affects you.

Yeah? Well...

at least I don't eat food
out of the garbage.

It was one
unpeeled tangerine!

Would you let it go?!

So I guess you're not on board
for Carter's baby plan, huh?

For once, he's being petty
and selfish.

I thought about this,
and I know I'm right.

Well, I'm sure you are.

Although you may want to ask
yourself

what if you and Michelle
don't work out?

Is that worth risking
your friendship with Carter?

On the other hand,
it may work out.

What if you and Michelle are
together forever?

Isn't nine months a small
sacrifice

if you can give your best friend
immeasurable happiness?

Well, I'm sure you've thought
of all the angles.

All these years,

and you choose this moment to
start making sense.

I pick my spots,
boob meister.

You ever been on a stakeout
before?

Not on this end.

This is a waste of time.

If we get out of here now,
I could still make my date.

You have a date tonight?

We got the van.

Wait.

Chippy... 3:00.

He's got his arm around her,
and they're kissing.

Ah! You are so busted.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

You know what?
This is wrong.

If we go public with this, we'll
be coming down to his level.

I say, "run a positive
campaign," you're against it.

Now I'm ready to go negative, and you're
against that? What's your problem?

I'm a complicated dude.

You can't handle taking orders
from me.

That's not true.

You're not in control,
so you're undermining me.

Why else would you want to
protect this jerk?

Because he's got kids,
okay?

Look, when I was growing up,
I idolized my father.

Once day, me and some friends,
we skipped school,

and we were hanging out
in the city,

and I saw him coming out of
a hotel, kissing another woman.

I never told anyone about it,

and I never looked at him
the same way again.

I know Wheeler's a sleaze,

but I don't want his kids to
find out because of me.

You've held on to this pain
for so long.

Go ahead. Let it out.

It's out.

That explains so much.

I mean, do you think that's why
you're with so many women?

No, I just really like sex.

These pictures might be enough
to give us the election.

I'll leave it up to you.

I want you to know that I was
a psych minor in college,

and if you ever
want to sift through

your repressed feelings
about your father...

Charlie!

Hey, Stuart.

I was, uh, thinking about
what you said,

and you're right.

So you're gonna stop wearing
those red leather pants?

I was so busy thinking about
my own problems,

I couldn't see
how much this meant to you.

I'm really happy you found
each other.

Really?

Yeah.
She's an amazing woman.

She's way out
of your league.

My mother said
the same thing.

What are those?

I've decided to search
for a new surrogate.

I've divided them into three
separate categories...

professionals, artists...

what are those?
Bad fashion sense.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Michelle.

Carter,
I want you to know

I've been up all night
thinking about your proposal.

It's a huge commitment,
both physically and emotionally.

I'll probably be moody
all the time.

I'll be sick every morning.

My breasts will get huge.

There are a million reasons
why I shouldn't do this.

But I want to anyway.

Why?

I can't think of anyone

who deserves to be a father
more than you do.

And helping you get there
could be

one of the most important things
I ever do in my life.

You okay with that,
Stuart?

Well, I thought about it,

and if anybody has to knock up
my girlfriend,

I want it to be
my gay roommate.

You know...
In a strange way,

that's beautiful.

Charlie...

You look terrible.

I was out late with Mandy.

I'm too old to be
fooling around in vans.

I'm not 29 anymore.

Here are the pictures.

Have you decided
what you want to do?

No. I keep going back
and forth.

[DOOR OPENS]

So, Crawford...

I understand you have
some pictures.

What do you plan to do
with them?

I'll tell you what I plan
to do with them.

I'm gonna send them
to the papers

and watch you go down
in flames.

Then we've got nothing
to talk about.

Wait.

Why should I stoop
to your level?

I'm not gonna use
the pictures.

Okay.

On the other hand...

I'd do anything
to get Winston re-elected.

Then again, this is not how I
want to do it.

I'm lost. Are we using
the pictures or not?

I don't know.

I think I worked myself
into a corner.

How am I losing
to you guys?

You've got kids, and they don't
need to know about this,

so I'm not using
the pictures.

But...
Oh, jeez!

I'm not giving them to you
either.

If you take any more shots
at the mayor...

I will bury you.

Nice.

When I win,

there may be a place for you
in my administration.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

I'm sorry I made this
so difficult.

I never should have let
my... Personal issues

affect our work.

It's refreshing to see you
like that.

On the outside, you have this
macho shell,

and on the inside,
you have this...

Creamy fruit filling?

Sensitive side.

You have so many deep,
repressed issues.

Let it out.

It's out.

What do you think?

It's a very important debate.
We need something sharper.

How about this...
"Wheeler's mama is so fat...

...when she dances,
the radio station skips"?

Doesn't quite pop,
does it?

Here we go...
"Wheeler's mama's so fat,

on Halloween,
she says 'trick or meatloaf.'"

snap.

Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.

(BARKING)

Moo.

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