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1
00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:15,341
Ooh. A woman, right? Huh!
2
00:00:15,365 --> 00:00:17,861
Fallen in love with somebody
who's got the vote this time.
3
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,741
How old is she? 20?
4
00:00:20,805 --> 00:00:23,101
No, she's about 30.
5
00:00:37,525 --> 00:00:38,661
Do you like my tits?
6
00:00:41,045 --> 00:00:42,765
Hello? Tits!
7
00:00:43,445 --> 00:00:45,005
Yeah. I love your tits.
8
00:00:47,085 --> 00:00:48,125
Do you wanna come on them?
9
00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:51,125
Sure. Let me just get this off.
10
00:00:52,765 --> 00:00:55,885
Actually, don't. I got a rash last time.
Let's do it from behind.
11
00:00:56,365 --> 00:00:57,365
Okay.
12
00:01:03,405 --> 00:01:04,405
Mm!
13
00:01:09,845 --> 00:01:12,085
I'm gonna come. Are you gonna come?
14
00:01:18,765 --> 00:01:19,901
Mm!
15
00:01:32,965 --> 00:01:34,885
Did you just fake it?
16
00:01:35,285 --> 00:01:36,365
Don't be stupid.
17
00:01:40,645 --> 00:01:42,261
- Why are you staring?
- Show me the condom.
18
00:01:42,285 --> 00:01:43,285
No way.
19
00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:49,181
Where's the spunk, Adam?
20
00:01:53,135 --> 00:02:01,182
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
21
00:02:48,445 --> 00:02:50,781
Whoa, there.
22
00:02:50,805 --> 00:02:52,445
This is not the bathroom.
23
00:02:53,565 --> 00:02:55,421
Sorry, man. I'm very sorry. I'm, uh...
24
00:02:55,445 --> 00:02:56,765
- Uh...
- Sleeping with my mother?
25
00:02:58,205 --> 00:02:59,645
Correct.
26
00:03:00,525 --> 00:03:01,821
Awkward. I'm Dan.
27
00:03:01,845 --> 00:03:03,781
- And you are...
- Otis.
28
00:03:03,805 --> 00:03:04,805
Ah...
29
00:03:05,725 --> 00:03:07,245
Don't worry. Left-handed.
30
00:03:11,445 --> 00:03:13,685
- First door on your left.
- Cheers, dude.
31
00:03:23,805 --> 00:03:25,645
- Morning, darling.
- Morning.
32
00:03:26,765 --> 00:03:28,925
- Coffee?
- I've got some.
33
00:03:29,245 --> 00:03:30,245
Toast?
34
00:03:30,565 --> 00:03:32,901
Um... Maybe...
35
00:03:32,925 --> 00:03:34,885
Uh, I've got clients in a few minutes.
36
00:03:36,565 --> 00:03:38,165
Oh, Otis, this is, um...
37
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:39,605
We've met.
38
00:03:41,925 --> 00:03:43,805
- Coffee?
- Oh, yes, please.
39
00:03:49,525 --> 00:03:50,605
How old are you, Dan?
40
00:03:51,245 --> 00:03:53,020
How old am I... Uh, I'm 32.
41
00:03:53,765 --> 00:03:56,325
You having some kind
of preemptive midlife crisis?
42
00:03:56,685 --> 00:03:59,101
- Otis...
- Mum, he rides a motorbike.
43
00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:00,941
I'll take you for a ride in it,
if you like?
44
00:04:00,965 --> 00:04:03,045
No, thanks.
45
00:04:03,325 --> 00:04:04,941
Do you have an Oedipal complex?
46
00:04:04,965 --> 00:04:07,341
As in, you mean
do I wanna have sex with my mum?
47
00:04:07,365 --> 00:04:09,141
- Mm.
- Uh, not really.
48
00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:12,181
- It's not really my thing, that.
- Just ignore him. He's teasing you.
49
00:04:12,205 --> 00:04:14,501
Otis, it's perfectly normal
for a younger man
50
00:04:14,525 --> 00:04:17,181
to be sexually attracted
to a mature woman.
51
00:04:17,205 --> 00:04:19,941
In fact, when you stigmatize his choice,
52
00:04:19,965 --> 00:04:21,901
then you feed into an unhealthy narrative
53
00:04:21,925 --> 00:04:23,485
on masculinity in middle age.
54
00:04:23,925 --> 00:04:27,021
That's why I say you should
never date a shrink, huh?
55
00:04:27,045 --> 00:04:29,885
Sex and relationship therapist,
thank you very much.
56
00:04:31,845 --> 00:04:32,845
That's me.
57
00:04:33,205 --> 00:04:35,805
Yeah, I should probably, uh,
shoot off as well.
58
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,101
- Thanks.
- Okay.
59
00:04:40,125 --> 00:04:41,621
- Mm-hm.
- Um...
60
00:04:41,645 --> 00:04:44,645
Thanks for everything, Mum.
Uh, Jean. Jean. Definitely Jean.
61
00:04:45,965 --> 00:04:46,965
Okay.
62
00:04:50,005 --> 00:04:52,205
- Hopefully see you again, then, dude.
- Yeah.
63
00:04:52,845 --> 00:04:53,885
Unlikely.
64
00:04:54,605 --> 00:04:58,805
Your mum's new boyfriend
is a big hot sticky wet dream.
65
00:04:59,205 --> 00:05:00,205
Yeah.
66
00:05:00,725 --> 00:05:01,981
Mum doesn't do boyfriends.
67
00:05:02,005 --> 00:05:04,581
Ah-ah! Are those the ones
that like to do it in animal costumes?
68
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:07,605
No, he wants her to wear
a strap-on. She's not really into it.
69
00:05:07,965 --> 00:05:09,821
It's a classic power dynamic issue.
70
00:05:09,845 --> 00:05:12,101
Aww! I wish my mum was a sex guru.
71
00:05:12,125 --> 00:05:14,245
Trust me, you don't.
72
00:05:18,205 --> 00:05:19,205
Marjorie...
73
00:05:19,965 --> 00:05:22,085
how are you getting on with your penis?
74
00:05:23,805 --> 00:05:26,381
- I'm not hating it.
- Fantastic.
75
00:05:26,405 --> 00:05:27,765
Okay, let's proceed.
76
00:05:34,445 --> 00:05:36,125
So, did you do it?
77
00:05:37,445 --> 00:05:39,685
Don't tell me you choked again.
78
00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:41,261
Ha-ha!
79
00:05:41,285 --> 00:05:43,101
- You didn't even try.
- I've given up.
80
00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:46,141
It's too much. I don't...
I don't wanna talk about it.
81
00:05:46,165 --> 00:05:50,381
I mean, what exactly is the problem here?
I mean, can you even get a hard-on?
82
00:05:50,405 --> 00:05:53,301
Of course I can.
I'm not a fucking eunuch, all right?
83
00:05:53,325 --> 00:05:55,141
I just... I wait for them to go away.
84
00:05:55,165 --> 00:05:58,541
I don't like how it feels.
Can we drop it now, please?
85
00:05:58,565 --> 00:06:00,405
No offense, but that is super weird.
86
00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:02,181
Super weird.
87
00:06:31,285 --> 00:06:34,501
Oh, my God, the Untouchables have a car.
88
00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:36,252
Just when you thought they
couldn't get any more elusive,
89
00:06:36,277 --> 00:06:37,669
now they have wheels!
90
00:06:37,885 --> 00:06:40,301
You reckon Anwar's been workin' out?
He's lookin' extra tight.
91
00:06:40,325 --> 00:06:42,381
Just because he's
the only other gay in our year,
92
00:06:42,405 --> 00:06:44,941
- it doesn't mean you have to fancy him.
- Yeah, correction.
93
00:06:44,965 --> 00:06:46,245
Only other gay we know of.
94
00:06:46,485 --> 00:06:47,725
Could be anywhere.
95
00:06:48,405 --> 00:06:50,165
What are you lookin' at, El Pervo?
96
00:06:50,525 --> 00:06:51,525
Did you hear that?
97
00:06:51,925 --> 00:06:54,701
He spoke to me! With actual words!
98
00:06:54,725 --> 00:06:56,266
He called you a Spanish pervert.
99
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,981
Oh, this is gonna be such a good year!
100
00:06:58,005 --> 00:06:59,005
I can feel it!
101
00:07:08,165 --> 00:07:09,725
- Is that Tom Baker?
- Yup.
102
00:07:10,165 --> 00:07:13,165
Captain of the Warhammer Society.
His balls finally dropped.
103
00:07:13,525 --> 00:07:16,941
Yeah, I keep telling you, man,
everyone has had sex over the summer.
104
00:07:16,965 --> 00:07:19,381
- Everyone except you.
- And you.
105
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:20,440
Excuse me,
106
00:07:20,465 --> 00:07:23,381
I gave two and a half hand jobs
to that guy I met in Butlin's.
107
00:07:23,405 --> 00:07:25,725
- Why the half?
- We got interrupted.
108
00:07:26,525 --> 00:07:28,165
Stupid surprise karaoke.
109
00:07:28,565 --> 00:07:30,621
Still, not exactly a player.
110
00:07:30,645 --> 00:07:32,805
Yeah, at least I can touch my own penis.
111
00:07:36,885 --> 00:07:38,325
I'm worried about you, man.
112
00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:39,821
Like, look around.
113
00:07:39,845 --> 00:07:42,005
Everybody's either thinking
about shagging,
114
00:07:42,485 --> 00:07:43,525
about to shag,
115
00:07:45,445 --> 00:07:46,645
or actually shagging,
116
00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:49,061
and you can't even jack your beanstalk.
117
00:07:49,085 --> 00:07:51,221
- I've got plenty of time.
- Mm, I don't know, man.
118
00:07:51,245 --> 00:07:54,021
Everything's changing round here,
and it's changing fast.
119
00:07:54,045 --> 00:07:56,581
Case in point, even Maeve Wiley's boobs
have gotten bigger,
120
00:07:56,605 --> 00:07:58,301
which I thought
was technically impossible.
121
00:07:58,325 --> 00:07:59,685
They look the same to me.
122
00:08:00,165 --> 00:08:02,125
I heard she bit Simon Furthassle
on the scrote,
123
00:08:02,645 --> 00:08:03,941
and now, it's all wonky.
124
00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:06,221
- Like a discount avocado.
- I don't think that's true.
125
00:08:06,245 --> 00:08:08,421
I heard she sucked off
12 guys in ten minutes for a dare.
126
00:08:08,445 --> 00:08:10,541
- That's definitely not true.
- What a slag.
127
00:08:10,565 --> 00:08:12,781
Look at that greasy hair.
Maybe she can't afford shampoo.
128
00:08:12,805 --> 00:08:15,205
- Or deodorant.
- Told you.
129
00:08:15,525 --> 00:08:17,165
She's basically a nympho.
130
00:08:22,645 --> 00:08:25,365
This is a new frontier,
my sexually repressed friend.
131
00:08:25,765 --> 00:08:28,701
Our chance to finally move up
the social food chain.
132
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,125
We shall transform
133
00:08:30,965 --> 00:08:34,765
from lowly caterpillars into...
awesome killer whales.
134
00:08:35,805 --> 00:08:36,805
Do we have to?
135
00:08:37,085 --> 00:08:39,485
Prepare for the best two years
of our lives.
136
00:09:09,165 --> 00:09:10,165
I'm sorry.
137
00:09:10,885 --> 00:09:13,805
Thank you, Eric,
for that rendition of the school anthem.
138
00:09:14,285 --> 00:09:15,285
It was...
139
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:16,805
adequate.
140
00:09:21,445 --> 00:09:23,781
So, just a few things to get us started.
141
00:09:23,805 --> 00:09:28,732
The toilet block behind the gymnasium
is full of asbestos, so, please,
142
00:09:28,757 --> 00:09:30,821
keep out.
143
00:09:30,845 --> 00:09:34,141
Running in the corridors
is the scourge...
144
00:09:34,165 --> 00:09:36,501
- Told you not to do it.
- I wanted to impress Swing Band.
145
00:09:36,525 --> 00:09:40,301
...the story of
James Cairney and the pencil.
146
00:09:40,325 --> 00:09:43,581
I have spoken to his mother.
He, uh, has recovered.
147
00:09:43,605 --> 00:09:47,045
However, the mental scars still remain.
148
00:09:47,765 --> 00:09:49,405
A lesson for us all.
149
00:09:50,125 --> 00:09:51,221
Calmly moving on.
150
00:09:51,245 --> 00:09:53,901
It is my great pleasure
to introduce to you
151
00:09:53,925 --> 00:09:56,245
our brand-new head boy...
152
00:09:57,485 --> 00:09:58,701
Jackson Marchetti.
153
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:14,645
Whoo!
154
00:10:22,965 --> 00:10:24,101
We are taking over.
155
00:10:38,085 --> 00:10:39,485
Hi, Adam.
156
00:10:40,325 --> 00:10:42,821
- Good summer?
- Shut the fuck up, Tromboner.
157
00:10:42,845 --> 00:10:43,885
Give me what you've got.
158
00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,525
- What's in the bag?
- My lunch.
159
00:10:55,885 --> 00:10:57,965
You know that, because you always eat it.
160
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,301
- I think you forgot something.
- It's just a pencil case.
161
00:11:09,325 --> 00:11:11,541
Don't give a fuck about your pencil case.
Curly Wurly.
162
00:11:11,565 --> 00:11:13,885
Come on, man. Not my Curly Wurly.
163
00:11:15,205 --> 00:11:16,685
Give me that Curly Wurly...
164
00:11:17,605 --> 00:11:19,045
or I will break your face.
165
00:11:21,365 --> 00:11:22,365
Okay.
166
00:11:41,245 --> 00:11:42,245
Aah!
167
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,261
Yeah, see you tomorrow.
168
00:11:45,285 --> 00:11:46,285
Shit biscuit.
169
00:12:11,885 --> 00:12:14,141
- Are you a complete moron?
- No, I'm not.
170
00:12:14,165 --> 00:12:15,501
That was a rhetorical question.
171
00:12:15,525 --> 00:12:16,621
- Here.
- Don't touch my shit.
172
00:12:16,645 --> 00:12:17,941
- Just trying to help.
- Don't.
173
00:12:17,965 --> 00:12:20,181
Guys! You're not supposed to run
in the hallway.
174
00:12:20,205 --> 00:12:22,525
It was my fault. Fuck off, snowflake.
175
00:12:23,405 --> 00:12:25,101
Nice rack, Wiley.
176
00:12:27,645 --> 00:12:28,821
Are you going to write me up?
177
00:12:28,845 --> 00:12:30,741
I'll let you off. This time.
178
00:12:30,765 --> 00:12:32,781
I'm eternally grateful for your kindness.
179
00:12:32,805 --> 00:12:35,605
Actually, on second thought...
180
00:12:38,245 --> 00:12:40,885
Head Boys notoriously peak too early.
I'd watch out, if I were you.
181
00:12:41,205 --> 00:12:42,205
Oh, yeah?
182
00:12:42,485 --> 00:12:44,901
I said, nice rack, Wiley.
183
00:12:47,525 --> 00:12:49,621
- Say that again.
- Nice... ra...
184
00:12:53,485 --> 00:12:55,165
You did kind of deserve that, man.
185
00:13:09,365 --> 00:13:10,925
Settle down, class.
186
00:13:11,445 --> 00:13:13,941
Settle down. Thank you.
187
00:13:13,965 --> 00:13:15,261
Ahh!
188
00:13:15,285 --> 00:13:19,541
We're jumping straight in to
the romantic world of the immortal Bard.
189
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:21,301
Shakespeare, obviously.
190
00:13:21,325 --> 00:13:24,301
This year's first assignment
will be on As You Like It.
191
00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:27,301
Set in the fictional forest of Arden.
192
00:13:27,325 --> 00:13:30,125
Uh, nice of you to join us, Adam.
193
00:13:30,525 --> 00:13:32,261
Uh, you'll be doing presentations
194
00:13:32,285 --> 00:13:35,421
on Shakespeare's relationship
with love and disguise.
195
00:13:35,445 --> 00:13:39,461
The person you are sat next to now
will be your partner for the project.
196
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,421
So if you just look at your sheets,
197
00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,341
you're gonna go through
all the five points.
198
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:45,101
I want you to talk in pairs.
199
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,581
Please listen, right? Listening is key.
200
00:13:48,605 --> 00:13:50,901
So, um, the assignment brief, um...
201
00:13:50,925 --> 00:13:55,261
Examine the ways that Rosalind,
uh, tests Orlando's love for her
202
00:13:55,285 --> 00:13:57,141
- in act four...
- And who are you?
203
00:13:57,165 --> 00:14:01,381
- Um... I'm Otis. Yeah.
- Act four, scene one. The impression...
204
00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:04,061
- I guess we're partners for the project.
- Are you new?
205
00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:06,525
No. No, no, no.
I've been here since first year.
206
00:14:06,885 --> 00:14:08,741
- We had chemistry together...
- Explore the ways
207
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,901
- Shakespeare uses witty wordplay...
- ...last term.
208
00:14:10,925 --> 00:14:13,821
- You set my desk on fire.
- ...sport and wrestling analogies...
209
00:14:13,845 --> 00:14:15,861
- Anyway.
- ...to reveal his characters' views
210
00:14:15,885 --> 00:14:19,701
- on the subject of love.
- Maybe later on we can get together.
211
00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:21,725
I know the library's open...
212
00:14:22,405 --> 00:14:24,101
I don't do after hours, new kid.
213
00:14:24,125 --> 00:14:26,421
- Uh, discuss the concepts of fortune...
- Where do you live?
214
00:14:26,445 --> 00:14:30,221
...and nature as they apply to Orlando
and, um, and Oliver.
215
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,404
43 Ashford Street.
216
00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:32,781
Compare and contrast the relationship...
217
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:33,901
I'll be there at 6:00.
218
00:14:33,925 --> 00:14:35,301
...Orlando with Rosalind and Celia.
219
00:14:35,325 --> 00:14:39,141
Um... If you have any questions,
please, uh, do ask.
220
00:14:39,165 --> 00:14:42,181
But what I'd like you to do is,
really, first, just mind map.
221
00:14:42,205 --> 00:14:43,805
Mind map together...
222
00:14:44,365 --> 00:14:45,501
- Um...
- Boring.
223
00:14:45,525 --> 00:14:47,765
What? Excuse me, this is boring?
224
00:14:48,205 --> 00:14:49,485
Okay, um...
225
00:14:57,085 --> 00:14:58,605
You told Adam where you live?
226
00:14:59,045 --> 00:15:00,085
He asked me.
227
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,525
Dude, your mum has a lot
of weird sex shit in the house.
228
00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:05,341
I'm cool with it, obviously,
229
00:15:05,365 --> 00:15:10,101
but if that guy even sees a Kama Sutra,
he will destroy your life.
230
00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:12,325
- She won't be home.
- Oh. She better not be.
231
00:15:13,485 --> 00:15:16,045
He still calls me Tromboner.
It's been four years.
232
00:15:16,325 --> 00:15:17,485
Four years.
233
00:15:17,885 --> 00:15:21,621
You did get an erection on the stage,
in front of the entire school.
234
00:15:21,645 --> 00:15:23,005
It was a semi!
235
00:15:26,085 --> 00:15:27,965
The nickname doesn't even make sense.
236
00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:29,845
I play the French horn.
237
00:15:30,405 --> 00:15:31,821
Such a philistine.
238
00:15:31,845 --> 00:15:34,885
Look, he'll be in my house
for an hour, tops. It will be fine.
239
00:15:35,965 --> 00:15:38,845
Do you reckon his brain is so small
'cause his dick is so big?
240
00:15:39,485 --> 00:15:41,205
- That's a myth.
- Well, it's not.
241
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,221
A friend of a friend saw it once.
242
00:15:43,245 --> 00:15:44,745
She said it was the
size of two Coke cans.
243
00:15:44,770 --> 00:15:46,038
One on top of the other.
244
00:15:46,062 --> 00:15:47,725
Length and width.
245
00:15:48,085 --> 00:15:50,885
- You don't have any friends. Except me.
- Not for long.
246
00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:54,005
Because Adam is going to kill you
in your own home.
247
00:16:01,445 --> 00:16:04,501
Do you really think this place
has asbestos in it?
248
00:16:04,525 --> 00:16:07,421
I don't know.
There's worse ways to go, I suppose.
249
00:16:07,445 --> 00:16:10,925
God, yeah. My auntie got eaten by wasps.
250
00:16:11,205 --> 00:16:13,861
What? Was she stung to death?
251
00:16:13,885 --> 00:16:15,021
No.
252
00:16:15,045 --> 00:16:16,165
She was eaten.
253
00:16:19,485 --> 00:16:21,981
Scabby Queen. I win! I win!
254
00:16:22,005 --> 00:16:24,405
No, you don't.
You have to get rid of the queen.
255
00:16:25,005 --> 00:16:27,741
- You lost, sorry.
- I still don't get this game.
256
00:16:27,765 --> 00:16:28,765
Hand them over.
257
00:16:30,325 --> 00:16:31,525
Thank you.
258
00:16:39,845 --> 00:16:42,845
- How's it going with Knobzilla?
- He can't come.
259
00:16:44,165 --> 00:16:47,141
So, the other night,
we're, like, goin' and goin'.
260
00:16:47,165 --> 00:16:49,078
And I'm losin' my shit.
261
00:16:49,103 --> 00:16:50,300
And I, you know...
262
00:16:50,324 --> 00:16:51,981
- Reached the summit.
- Yeah.
263
00:16:52,005 --> 00:16:54,181
But he, like...
264
00:16:54,205 --> 00:16:56,525
- Slipped and dropped the yogurt?
- No, I wish.
265
00:16:56,925 --> 00:16:57,925
He faked it.
266
00:16:58,365 --> 00:16:59,365
You sure?
267
00:17:01,445 --> 00:17:03,085
I don't know what I'm doin' wrong.
268
00:17:03,965 --> 00:17:05,541
Maybe he was nervous or something.
269
00:17:05,565 --> 00:17:07,821
Ruby and Olivia think I should dump him.
270
00:17:07,845 --> 00:17:10,325
They say he's bringin' down
my social status, but...
271
00:17:11,125 --> 00:17:14,165
The thing is, he can be really sweet
when nobody's watchin'.
272
00:17:14,925 --> 00:17:17,141
Don't know why you listen
to those dickheads.
273
00:17:17,165 --> 00:17:18,685
If you like him, do what you want.
274
00:17:19,765 --> 00:17:20,845
Tits.
275
00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:22,365
They're looking for me.
276
00:17:23,925 --> 00:17:25,661
- Thanks for the game.
- No worries.
277
00:17:25,685 --> 00:17:26,725
And the chat.
278
00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:31,485
- Oh, and...
- Don't worry, you were never here.
279
00:17:32,045 --> 00:17:33,885
- Ta-ra, lad.
- See you later, pet.
280
00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:39,925
Hiya!
281
00:17:41,165 --> 00:17:43,005
- Where have you been?
- Nowhere.
282
00:17:43,485 --> 00:17:44,501
Biology went over.
283
00:17:44,525 --> 00:17:47,125
We thought you were doin' it
with your whale dick boyfriend.
284
00:17:47,925 --> 00:17:49,645
You know he's a delinquent, right?
285
00:17:52,045 --> 00:17:54,981
Yuck. Is that ham?
We're vegan now, remember?
286
00:17:55,005 --> 00:17:56,461
Oh, right, yeah, I forgot.
287
00:17:56,485 --> 00:17:57,685
Have you been smokin' again?
288
00:17:58,005 --> 00:17:59,461
- No, I haven't.
- Good.
289
00:17:59,485 --> 00:18:01,445
Because smoking is definitely not vegan.
290
00:18:04,725 --> 00:18:05,845
My ham.
291
00:18:12,845 --> 00:18:13,845
Have you got the money?
292
00:18:14,965 --> 00:18:16,245
You taking the piss?
293
00:18:17,285 --> 00:18:18,445
Take it or leave it.
294
00:18:27,045 --> 00:18:29,685
- Tell anyone and I'll maim you.
- This better be an A.
295
00:19:11,045 --> 00:19:13,605
- You're on time.
- How long is this gonna take, new kid?
296
00:19:13,885 --> 00:19:15,061
Well, um...
297
00:19:15,085 --> 00:19:16,245
I'm already bored.
298
00:19:19,685 --> 00:19:21,005
Have you got any Nesquik?
299
00:19:22,165 --> 00:19:23,845
On... Only Mana.
300
00:19:34,205 --> 00:19:35,445
Do you wanna get monged?
301
00:19:35,845 --> 00:19:36,845
Um...
302
00:19:37,405 --> 00:19:38,845
No, thank you.
303
00:19:47,405 --> 00:19:50,541
- Why is there a minge on your wall?
- What? Where? That's...
304
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:51,501
Uh...
305
00:19:51,525 --> 00:19:53,181
That's just an orchid.
306
00:19:53,205 --> 00:19:54,805
It's... My mum's super into...
307
00:19:55,125 --> 00:19:56,501
flora and fauna.
308
00:19:57,885 --> 00:19:59,141
Ooh, uh...
309
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:00,725
Maybe not inside, sorry.
310
00:20:02,805 --> 00:20:05,861
I mean, Adam, we've only been working
for half an hour, so...
311
00:20:05,885 --> 00:20:06,861
Yeah.
312
00:20:06,885 --> 00:20:08,365
You should keep goin'.
313
00:20:12,165 --> 00:20:14,141
That's it, just rolling the testicle...
314
00:20:14,165 --> 00:20:16,981
- There's a ball bag on the TV.
- Good.
315
00:20:17,005 --> 00:20:18,885
Sorry. Sorry, I, uh...
316
00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:21,645
I forgot to take my... my DVD out.
It's my...
317
00:20:22,245 --> 00:20:24,325
- It's my porn.
- A bit old school.
318
00:20:25,885 --> 00:20:28,565
You should get on Pornhub.
There's loads of stuff on there.
319
00:20:28,845 --> 00:20:31,005
You could watch a CGI demon fuck a horse.
320
00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:34,085
- Hm.
- I need to piss.
321
00:20:35,205 --> 00:20:36,925
Upstairs, on your right.
322
00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:06,805
New kid!
323
00:22:09,325 --> 00:22:10,485
Adam?
324
00:22:11,605 --> 00:22:12,605
Get in here!
325
00:22:13,045 --> 00:22:13,981
Oh!
326
00:22:14,005 --> 00:22:15,005
Adam!
327
00:22:15,805 --> 00:22:17,005
Oh...
328
00:22:19,245 --> 00:22:20,741
- You've got a sex dungeon.
- No.
329
00:22:20,765 --> 00:22:22,325
No, this is not. I...
330
00:22:22,765 --> 00:22:26,061
I can explain. This is my mum's office
and she's a therapist.
331
00:22:26,085 --> 00:22:27,845
- Sex therapist.
- I don't know what that is.
332
00:22:28,125 --> 00:22:30,285
She helps people with sex problems.
333
00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,125
- She's a prostitute.
- No.
334
00:22:32,445 --> 00:22:35,325
- Like a pimp.
- No, no, she's like a... a shrink.
335
00:22:35,605 --> 00:22:39,061
But instead of talking about mental
health stuff, she talks about sex.
336
00:22:39,085 --> 00:22:40,085
People's sex lives.
337
00:22:40,925 --> 00:22:42,845
She... She helps people bone better.
338
00:22:43,605 --> 00:22:45,005
Yes, in essence.
339
00:22:47,045 --> 00:22:48,285
Look, um...
340
00:22:50,165 --> 00:22:52,301
Could you not tell anyone
about this, please?
341
00:22:52,325 --> 00:22:54,661
Otis, darling?
342
00:22:54,685 --> 00:22:56,085
I'm home!
343
00:23:08,445 --> 00:23:10,125
Mm! Mmm...
344
00:23:14,525 --> 00:23:16,925
God, that's strong stuff.
345
00:23:18,125 --> 00:23:21,205
It is chronic shit.
346
00:23:21,725 --> 00:23:23,925
I'm already hungry.
347
00:23:24,725 --> 00:23:27,445
It's snack time.
348
00:23:35,845 --> 00:23:36,845
Your mum's cool.
349
00:23:37,205 --> 00:23:38,285
Why aren't you cool?
350
00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:41,605
And she's hot.
Why didn't you say she was hot?
351
00:23:42,165 --> 00:23:43,981
Because she's my mum.
352
00:23:44,005 --> 00:23:47,021
- I mean, seriously, are you adopted?
- No.
353
00:23:47,045 --> 00:23:48,901
- Then why are you so shit?
- Adam.
354
00:23:48,925 --> 00:23:49,925
Yeah?
355
00:23:51,205 --> 00:23:52,765
Do you smoke every day?
356
00:23:53,525 --> 00:23:56,341
Yeah. Yeah, most days, Mrs., um...
357
00:23:56,365 --> 00:23:57,685
Oh, just call me Jean.
358
00:23:58,325 --> 00:24:01,085
You know, they've been doing
some interesting studies with cannabis.
359
00:24:01,485 --> 00:24:03,941
They're just starting to wake up
to its health benefits.
360
00:24:03,965 --> 00:24:05,645
Yeah? Like, um...
361
00:24:06,525 --> 00:24:08,405
How it makes everything funny?
362
00:24:08,645 --> 00:24:10,741
- You know, like your face.
- Hm?
363
00:24:10,765 --> 00:24:12,005
Ever so serious,
364
00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:14,125
like a... atlas.
365
00:24:21,845 --> 00:24:26,685
However, it has been linked
to early onset impotence.
366
00:24:27,565 --> 00:24:29,005
Nothing conclusive yet.
367
00:24:30,285 --> 00:24:32,181
But be careful with how much you smoke.
368
00:24:32,205 --> 00:24:33,205
Mum...
369
00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:37,341
I only bring it up
because I have a number of clients
370
00:24:37,365 --> 00:24:40,125
who were heavy drug users at your age,
371
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:43,085
and now they have trouble
with sexual performance.
372
00:24:43,765 --> 00:24:46,565
- Sexual performance?
- They have trouble finishing.
373
00:24:48,965 --> 00:24:50,605
- Ejaculation.
- Hm.
374
00:24:50,845 --> 00:24:52,365
Jizz, spunk.
375
00:24:53,245 --> 00:24:54,141
Man milk!
376
00:24:54,165 --> 00:24:56,421
- Mum, Jesus Christ!
- Don't have a problem with that.
377
00:24:56,445 --> 00:24:59,045
What makes you think
I've got a problem with that?
378
00:24:59,485 --> 00:25:01,565
I didn't say you had a problem with that.
379
00:25:03,965 --> 00:25:07,061
- But if you want to talk about it...
- I... Uh, okay, I'm gonna go.
380
00:25:07,085 --> 00:25:08,085
I'm gonna go.
381
00:25:09,805 --> 00:25:11,325
Okay, Adam!
382
00:25:12,085 --> 00:25:14,005
- Nice to meet you!
- Mum!
383
00:25:14,725 --> 00:25:16,205
Come and hang out again.
384
00:25:16,965 --> 00:25:19,821
Adam! Adam, wait. Wait.
385
00:25:19,845 --> 00:25:22,565
You and your mum are freaks.
386
00:25:31,165 --> 00:25:33,165
I hope I didn't touch a nerve.
387
00:25:33,565 --> 00:25:35,965
Your friend is very sensitive.
388
00:25:36,205 --> 00:25:37,901
Ooh, my mouth is immensely dry.
389
00:25:37,925 --> 00:25:40,101
Mum, how many times have I said
390
00:25:40,125 --> 00:25:42,901
you can't go around
therapizing people you don't know?
391
00:25:42,925 --> 00:25:45,461
Your generation is so touchy.
392
00:25:45,485 --> 00:25:48,661
- Information is empowering.
- No, it's fucked up!
393
00:25:48,685 --> 00:25:51,621
Okay, calm down, take a breath.
394
00:25:51,645 --> 00:25:54,381
Let's...
395
00:25:54,405 --> 00:25:56,485
Let the negative energy dissipate.
396
00:25:59,805 --> 00:26:01,645
Okay.
397
00:26:05,045 --> 00:26:07,045
Two...
398
00:26:10,685 --> 00:26:11,805
Sorry I yelled.
399
00:26:12,485 --> 00:26:16,365
And I'm sorry... if I upset your friend.
400
00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:21,445
Come on.
401
00:26:30,605 --> 00:26:31,685
Sweetheart...
402
00:26:35,605 --> 00:26:38,181
I've noticed
you're pretending to masturbate
403
00:26:38,205 --> 00:26:40,845
and I was wondering
if you wanted to talk about it.
404
00:26:42,405 --> 00:26:44,301
It was the hand cream that gave it away.
405
00:26:44,325 --> 00:26:47,645
And, well,
the magazine was a bit overkill.
406
00:26:48,285 --> 00:26:52,621
Anyway, I want you to know that
you can talk to me about anything.
407
00:26:52,645 --> 00:26:53,845
No judgment.
408
00:26:54,205 --> 00:26:55,821
This is a safe place.
409
00:26:55,845 --> 00:26:57,461
This is not a safe place, Mum.
410
00:26:57,485 --> 00:27:00,805
You... need to stop analyzing
everything I do.
411
00:27:02,165 --> 00:27:05,941
I will when you stop creating
performative situations
412
00:27:05,965 --> 00:27:07,781
that you clearly want me to observe.
413
00:27:07,805 --> 00:27:09,765
Okay.
414
00:27:10,925 --> 00:27:15,141
I'm going to my room, because I'm angry
and I need some space.
415
00:27:15,165 --> 00:27:17,141
Okay.
416
00:27:17,165 --> 00:27:19,165
We'll talk about it when you're ready.
417
00:27:22,405 --> 00:27:26,125
Darling! It's too loud!
418
00:27:30,205 --> 00:27:31,205
Otis!
419
00:27:32,645 --> 00:27:34,125
Turn it down!
420
00:27:34,685 --> 00:27:38,205
♪ I wasn't born in '77 ♪
421
00:27:53,605 --> 00:27:56,021
Eric, come help your mother.
422
00:27:56,045 --> 00:27:57,581
Down in a minute!
423
00:28:14,525 --> 00:28:16,925
Oh-ho-ho!
424
00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:34,365
Did you... you know?
425
00:28:35,085 --> 00:28:36,845
Yeah. I'd tell you if I didn't.
426
00:28:39,085 --> 00:28:41,261
- Do you want me to drive you home?
- Nope.
427
00:28:41,285 --> 00:28:42,221
Where do you live?
428
00:28:42,245 --> 00:28:44,701
- Honestly, I'm fine.
- Come on, let me drive you home.
429
00:28:44,725 --> 00:28:46,261
We're just fucking, Jackson.
430
00:28:46,285 --> 00:28:48,245
We don't need to know
each other's postcodes.
431
00:28:48,525 --> 00:28:49,605
See you at school.
432
00:29:07,525 --> 00:29:09,245
Shh!
433
00:29:10,685 --> 00:29:11,685
Adam?
434
00:29:20,765 --> 00:29:22,445
You're five minutes past curfew.
435
00:29:23,285 --> 00:29:24,445
Sorry, Dad.
436
00:29:25,325 --> 00:29:27,765
- Lost track of time.
- Don't let it happen again.
437
00:29:29,445 --> 00:29:30,925
You know the rules.
438
00:29:39,645 --> 00:29:41,485
You can have it back in the morning.
439
00:29:50,165 --> 00:29:51,765
- Hello, lover.
- Ooh! Fuck.
440
00:29:52,365 --> 00:29:54,445
How did you get in? You've gotta go.
441
00:29:58,605 --> 00:30:00,365
Your hand's a bit dry.
442
00:30:12,445 --> 00:30:14,285
Can you not even get hard now?
443
00:30:15,285 --> 00:30:16,781
- Am I that bad?
- Yes.
444
00:30:16,805 --> 00:30:19,925
No! No, I meant no. I got confused.
445
00:30:20,565 --> 00:30:22,005
I don't know why I bother.
446
00:30:25,245 --> 00:30:26,725
Well... Leave out the window.
447
00:30:30,525 --> 00:30:31,685
Good night, Mrs. Groff.
448
00:30:32,325 --> 00:30:33,805
Good night, Headmaster Groff.
449
00:30:34,245 --> 00:30:36,221
What is wrong with you?
450
00:30:36,245 --> 00:30:37,925
Adam, get down here now!
451
00:30:46,725 --> 00:30:49,821
Your mum talked to Adam
about ejaculation?
452
00:30:49,845 --> 00:30:51,821
- She used the words "man milk."
- Oh, my...
453
00:30:51,845 --> 00:30:54,181
It's worse than I thought.
454
00:30:54,205 --> 00:30:56,581
No, I mean... I mean... It's fine.
455
00:30:56,605 --> 00:30:58,725
He was baked,
he's probably forgotten all about it.
456
00:30:59,125 --> 00:31:00,261
Shit.
457
00:31:00,285 --> 00:31:02,085
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...
458
00:31:02,605 --> 00:31:03,605
Don't look.
459
00:31:07,005 --> 00:31:08,541
Watch where you're going, fag.
460
00:31:08,565 --> 00:31:11,285
Hey, Adam, you know homophobia
is so 2008, right?
461
00:31:11,725 --> 00:31:12,805
Totes passé.
462
00:31:19,965 --> 00:31:20,965
Thanks, Anwar.
463
00:31:21,365 --> 00:31:22,605
- Not your friends.
- Okay.
464
00:31:24,805 --> 00:31:27,005
See? I told you he'd forget.
465
00:31:27,445 --> 00:31:28,445
Yeah...
466
00:32:05,845 --> 00:32:07,301
Yeah!
467
00:32:07,325 --> 00:32:08,341
I'm only saying.
468
00:32:29,925 --> 00:32:31,005
Great, it's you.
469
00:32:31,565 --> 00:32:33,605
I get it. You're mean.
470
00:32:34,645 --> 00:32:35,765
Okay, so...
471
00:32:36,485 --> 00:32:38,141
what was gonna be biology
472
00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:43,021
is now an emergency SRE class.
473
00:32:43,045 --> 00:32:45,501
Apparently, there's been an outbreak
of pubic lice.
474
00:32:46,445 --> 00:32:48,365
Mr. Groff felt you needed a refresher.
475
00:32:48,685 --> 00:32:50,325
Lucky me, huh?
476
00:32:50,605 --> 00:32:53,421
I'm joking. This is actually gonna be
incredibly awkward.
477
00:32:53,445 --> 00:32:55,261
You'll be working in pairs.
478
00:32:55,285 --> 00:32:56,901
You'll need worksheets,
479
00:32:56,925 --> 00:32:58,301
two prophylactics,
480
00:32:58,325 --> 00:33:00,141
and a plastic cock and balls.
481
00:33:14,405 --> 00:33:15,405
Um...
482
00:33:22,925 --> 00:33:24,725
Jesus Christ!
483
00:33:26,965 --> 00:33:27,965
What's next?
484
00:33:34,445 --> 00:33:36,845
Uh... That's not the hymen.
485
00:33:37,485 --> 00:33:39,421
I think I know where the hymen is,
but thanks.
486
00:33:39,445 --> 00:33:42,485
Okay, well, I mean, you're...
quite wrong.
487
00:33:43,645 --> 00:33:44,645
What is it, then?
488
00:33:46,605 --> 00:33:49,885
They are the paraurethral glands.
489
00:33:50,805 --> 00:33:52,645
The female prostate.
490
00:33:53,885 --> 00:33:54,885
Where's the hymen, then?
491
00:33:58,805 --> 00:33:59,805
Hymen.
492
00:34:01,005 --> 00:34:02,021
Hm.
493
00:34:08,125 --> 00:34:09,365
See me after.
494
00:34:12,925 --> 00:34:15,821
Okay, yeah... Phones away, please!
495
00:34:15,845 --> 00:34:16,885
Phones away!
496
00:34:17,765 --> 00:34:18,765
People!
497
00:34:19,445 --> 00:34:20,445
What is it?
498
00:34:21,165 --> 00:34:22,165
Nothing.
499
00:34:22,725 --> 00:34:25,045
The head of the penis
is incredibly sensitive.
500
00:34:25,405 --> 00:34:28,861
Feel free to stimulate it
with your fingers in a circular motion.
501
00:34:28,885 --> 00:34:32,325
As he gets closer to orgasm,
you can speed up.
502
00:34:32,605 --> 00:34:36,845
You'll feel him throbbing in your hand
like a volcano about to erupt.
503
00:34:37,245 --> 00:34:38,621
Look at that!
504
00:34:38,645 --> 00:34:40,245
Huh. Here we go.
505
00:34:40,765 --> 00:34:43,621
- I can feel it. Look, it's throbbing.
- Can we turn this off, please?
506
00:34:43,645 --> 00:34:45,125
Throbbing...
507
00:34:46,085 --> 00:34:47,341
Look...
508
00:34:47,365 --> 00:34:49,165
Oh, fantastic!
509
00:34:50,125 --> 00:34:51,165
And then he comes.
510
00:34:54,205 --> 00:34:55,685
Can you go and see if he's all right?
511
00:34:56,845 --> 00:34:58,245
Oh, fuck it.
512
00:34:58,525 --> 00:35:01,285
Okay, thank you everyone.
That's enough drama for today.
513
00:35:05,205 --> 00:35:06,685
Oh, my God.
514
00:35:11,125 --> 00:35:12,165
Do you want one?
515
00:35:19,365 --> 00:35:20,605
Was that really your mum?
516
00:35:21,165 --> 00:35:22,565
Mm. Could have been a lot worse.
517
00:35:23,285 --> 00:35:25,045
She could have been stroking
an actual penis.
518
00:35:26,565 --> 00:35:29,125
Oh, God. Yeah, I just think
I'm gonna die now.
519
00:35:29,925 --> 00:35:31,005
Don't worry about it.
520
00:35:31,485 --> 00:35:34,501
Speaking as a long-term member
of the Moordale Social Pariah Club,
521
00:35:34,525 --> 00:35:35,725
you'll survive.
522
00:35:50,045 --> 00:35:51,901
Oh, ow!
523
00:35:56,365 --> 00:35:57,365
Shit!
524
00:35:57,605 --> 00:35:58,981
Oh, my God.
525
00:36:01,685 --> 00:36:02,581
- Get out!
- Okay.
526
00:36:02,605 --> 00:36:03,885
- Fine.
- No, wait!
527
00:36:04,685 --> 00:36:05,685
Don't go.
528
00:36:06,245 --> 00:36:07,181
Help me.
529
00:36:07,205 --> 00:36:09,445
I know it was you
who sent that video around.
530
00:36:09,885 --> 00:36:11,501
- So?
- So I'm not gonna help you.
531
00:36:11,525 --> 00:36:13,901
Please, new kid.
It feels... like it's gonna explode.
532
00:36:13,925 --> 00:36:16,301
- And not in a good way.
- Well, that's not my problem.
533
00:36:16,325 --> 00:36:17,325
No, wait!
534
00:36:18,045 --> 00:36:19,861
Please, don't go.
535
00:36:19,885 --> 00:36:22,565
- Should we get the nurse?
- No! No, you can't tell anyone.
536
00:36:23,365 --> 00:36:25,221
- What if he dies or something?
- Dies?
537
00:36:25,245 --> 00:36:26,245
Adam...
538
00:36:27,285 --> 00:36:28,285
what did you take?
539
00:36:30,045 --> 00:36:31,101
Viagra.
540
00:36:31,125 --> 00:36:32,125
How much Viagra?
541
00:36:33,845 --> 00:36:36,045
Hey, look, um...
542
00:36:36,565 --> 00:36:39,341
Think of this room
as being four walls of trust.
543
00:36:39,365 --> 00:36:41,485
Anything you say is fine.
There's no judgment.
544
00:36:42,725 --> 00:36:44,421
- Three Viagras.
- Jesus Christ.
545
00:36:44,445 --> 00:36:46,261
- You said there'd be no judgment.
- Sorry.
546
00:36:46,285 --> 00:36:49,101
Is three Viagras bad? Her reaction
made it seem like it was bad.
547
00:36:49,125 --> 00:36:51,301
I feel lightheaded and
I can taste scampi.
548
00:36:51,325 --> 00:36:54,661
- No wonder. You could besiege a castle.
- I said stop staring at it!
549
00:36:54,685 --> 00:36:55,965
Sorry! It's like a third leg.
550
00:36:58,565 --> 00:36:59,645
What now?
551
00:37:01,445 --> 00:37:02,445
We wait.
552
00:37:07,845 --> 00:37:10,405
- How is it looking?
- Still large, still...
553
00:37:11,885 --> 00:37:12,781
angry.
554
00:37:12,805 --> 00:37:15,701
- Where did you even get the Viagra from?
- None of your business.
555
00:37:15,725 --> 00:37:17,565
Please don't tell me you got it
from your dad.
556
00:37:20,445 --> 00:37:21,445
I didn't.
557
00:37:24,405 --> 00:37:25,381
Why did you take it?
558
00:37:25,405 --> 00:37:28,261
I don't know.
Heard it gives you a good buzz.
559
00:37:28,285 --> 00:37:30,501
You should try it
instead of being such a joy fucker.
560
00:37:30,525 --> 00:37:31,581
He's having dick problems.
561
00:37:31,605 --> 00:37:34,461
- Yeah? What would you know, Wiley?
- Girls talk, clodpole.
562
00:37:34,485 --> 00:37:35,805
Aimee said you can't come.
563
00:37:42,045 --> 00:37:43,165
It's too much pressure.
564
00:37:45,205 --> 00:37:47,341
- What is?
- Everyone knows I've got a giant penis.
565
00:37:47,365 --> 00:37:49,125
- So you wanted to make it bigger?
- No.
566
00:37:50,005 --> 00:37:51,621
I just wanted it to get hard.
567
00:37:51,645 --> 00:37:54,125
- Well, why do you think it couldn't?
- I don't know.
568
00:37:55,565 --> 00:37:57,421
I can't stop thinkin' about stuff
when we shag.
569
00:37:57,445 --> 00:37:59,661
"What if I'm not good at this?
Maybe I'm doin' it wrong.
570
00:37:59,685 --> 00:38:02,341
Maybe she knows I'm doin' it wrong.
What if my dad walks in?
571
00:38:02,365 --> 00:38:04,821
What if my dad walks in and it's right
when I'm blowing my load
572
00:38:04,845 --> 00:38:07,141
and I can't stop,
and he sees my jizz face?
573
00:38:07,165 --> 00:38:09,765
- What if..."
- Okay. Um... Yeah, no, we get it.
574
00:38:12,565 --> 00:38:13,781
Okay.
575
00:38:13,805 --> 00:38:14,805
Well...
576
00:38:15,965 --> 00:38:20,285
Sounds to me like you're experiencing
some performance anxiety.
577
00:38:20,925 --> 00:38:23,840
Perhaps the mythology surrounding
the size of your penis
578
00:38:23,865 --> 00:38:24,861
doesn't help things.
579
00:38:24,885 --> 00:38:27,045
It is interesting you mention
your father.
580
00:38:27,765 --> 00:38:29,501
How does being the headmaster's son
affect you?
581
00:38:29,525 --> 00:38:31,125
Well, it's shit, obviously.
582
00:38:31,765 --> 00:38:32,661
Go on.
583
00:38:32,685 --> 00:38:34,741
Everyone's watching me all the time.
Everyone's like,
584
00:38:34,765 --> 00:38:37,101
"There goes Adam Groff, headmaster's son.
585
00:38:37,125 --> 00:38:39,965
He's got a big massive elephant's cock."
I've got feelings.
586
00:38:44,285 --> 00:38:45,325
I guess that...
587
00:38:48,725 --> 00:38:50,285
I wish I could be a normal kid.
588
00:38:53,045 --> 00:38:54,485
With a normal dick.
589
00:38:58,205 --> 00:38:59,325
And a normal dad.
590
00:39:01,845 --> 00:39:03,125
I think...
591
00:39:03,765 --> 00:39:06,765
that you need to own your narrative,
592
00:39:07,125 --> 00:39:08,701
not let it control you.
593
00:39:08,725 --> 00:39:11,005
Yes, you have a large appendage.
594
00:39:11,365 --> 00:39:14,085
Yes, you're very visible in the school
due to your father's position.
595
00:39:14,605 --> 00:39:16,685
But neither is likely to change.
596
00:39:17,165 --> 00:39:18,365
But your outlook can.
597
00:39:19,645 --> 00:39:20,685
Does that make sense?
598
00:39:21,165 --> 00:39:22,165
Not really.
599
00:39:24,045 --> 00:39:26,901
It shouldn't matter
what anyone in the school thinks.
600
00:39:26,925 --> 00:39:28,181
You are who you are.
601
00:39:28,205 --> 00:39:30,205
Don't let anyone take that away from you.
602
00:39:30,725 --> 00:39:32,845
So everyone's wrong, and I'm basically...
603
00:39:33,965 --> 00:39:34,965
awesome.
604
00:39:36,885 --> 00:39:39,805
Be proud of your penis and your heritage.
605
00:39:40,085 --> 00:39:41,845
'Cause neither are going anywhere.
606
00:39:42,285 --> 00:39:43,845
You should work with what you've got.
607
00:39:53,485 --> 00:39:54,885
It's going down, new kid.
608
00:39:56,445 --> 00:39:57,445
Thank God.
609
00:40:00,925 --> 00:40:03,485
Uh, you won't tell anyone about this,
will you?
610
00:40:04,165 --> 00:40:06,261
You said that thing about
the four walls of trust.
611
00:40:06,285 --> 00:40:07,445
We won't tell anyone.
612
00:40:07,725 --> 00:40:10,285
If you leave my friend Eric alone.
613
00:40:11,445 --> 00:40:13,525
- For good.
- Tromboner?
614
00:40:13,765 --> 00:40:14,765
It's your choice.
615
00:40:15,845 --> 00:40:16,845
Fine.
616
00:40:18,045 --> 00:40:19,805
I think you owe Otis an apology.
617
00:40:23,125 --> 00:40:26,605
Sorry for sending the video around,
but your mum...
618
00:40:27,685 --> 00:40:29,325
really got in my head, new kid.
619
00:40:30,165 --> 00:40:31,445
She's like some kind of...
620
00:40:32,645 --> 00:40:33,645
sexy witch.
621
00:40:42,165 --> 00:40:43,405
Well, that was unusual.
622
00:40:46,285 --> 00:40:47,741
See you around, Otis.
623
00:41:01,805 --> 00:41:04,685
Do you think Headmaster Groff
is well hung too?
624
00:41:05,245 --> 00:41:06,725
Yogurt's vegan, right?
625
00:41:16,005 --> 00:41:18,501
Hey!
626
00:41:18,525 --> 00:41:20,325
Can I have everyone's attention, please?
627
00:41:23,045 --> 00:41:24,165
I have something to say.
628
00:41:24,685 --> 00:41:27,645
My name is Adam Groff.
Headmaster Groff is my dad.
629
00:41:28,045 --> 00:41:30,605
Which is weird,
'cause I'm quite shit at school.
630
00:41:32,885 --> 00:41:34,581
And this...
631
00:41:36,085 --> 00:41:37,285
This is my dick.
632
00:41:43,845 --> 00:41:44,845
No.
633
00:41:45,405 --> 00:41:46,725
Yes, it is large.
634
00:41:48,045 --> 00:41:49,981
- Oh, my God.
- But I've done some googling.
635
00:41:50,005 --> 00:41:52,541
- Oh, my God.
- And it's actually just above average
636
00:41:52,565 --> 00:41:55,405
in terms of worldwide adult statistics.
637
00:41:56,565 --> 00:41:57,565
So, yeah.
638
00:41:58,045 --> 00:42:00,165
That's me.
639
00:42:00,845 --> 00:42:01,925
And that's my dick.
640
00:42:13,965 --> 00:42:15,605
You have to break up with him.
641
00:42:16,285 --> 00:42:17,485
Yeah, I do.
642
00:42:26,205 --> 00:42:27,525
I have to tell you something.
643
00:42:32,045 --> 00:42:33,101
I'm owning my narrative.
644
00:42:33,125 --> 00:42:35,701
I'm owning my narrative!
645
00:42:47,885 --> 00:42:50,005
I owned it!
646
00:42:55,845 --> 00:42:58,445
Welcome back, old friend.
How I've missed you.
647
00:43:01,125 --> 00:43:03,045
Uh, what did you wanna talk about?
648
00:43:05,165 --> 00:43:06,605
We have to break up.
649
00:43:08,645 --> 00:43:11,005
- We just had sex.
- Yeah.
650
00:43:11,325 --> 00:43:12,965
I wanted to do it one last time.
651
00:43:13,645 --> 00:43:15,165
For, like, memories.
652
00:43:16,285 --> 00:43:17,805
But I don't understand.
653
00:43:18,885 --> 00:43:20,085
I thought it was me.
654
00:43:21,005 --> 00:43:22,445
But it's definitely you.
655
00:43:23,045 --> 00:43:25,205
- What is?
- Everything.
656
00:43:26,925 --> 00:43:29,485
Just everything about us is wrong.
657
00:43:30,765 --> 00:43:31,845
Sorry.
658
00:43:32,685 --> 00:43:33,965
But it's over.
659
00:43:42,485 --> 00:43:45,125
Adam Groff
to the headmaster's office, please.
660
00:43:48,045 --> 00:43:50,245
Adam Groff
to the headmaster's office, please.
661
00:43:55,485 --> 00:43:56,765
And thank you for coming.
662
00:44:04,405 --> 00:44:06,485
Do you have any idea what you have done?
663
00:44:08,405 --> 00:44:09,600
I've had multiple parents
664
00:44:09,625 --> 00:44:11,781
threatening to take their
children out of school.
665
00:44:11,805 --> 00:44:13,649
They were going to charge
you with public indecency
666
00:44:13,674 --> 00:44:15,629
if I hadn't intervened.
667
00:44:17,565 --> 00:44:19,181
Detention for the rest of term.
668
00:44:19,205 --> 00:44:20,925
- What? Dad...
- You heard me.
669
00:44:21,645 --> 00:44:22,645
Now get out.
670
00:44:24,565 --> 00:44:26,285
I can't even bear to look at you.
671
00:44:34,125 --> 00:44:35,685
I broke up with Adam.
672
00:44:36,005 --> 00:44:37,925
- Still couldn't come?
- No, he did.
673
00:44:38,365 --> 00:44:39,645
We had goodbye sex.
674
00:44:40,085 --> 00:44:43,405
Thing is, school's hard enough
without having to date an actual flasher.
675
00:44:43,845 --> 00:44:46,021
I need to find someone
a bit more socially acceptable...
676
00:44:46,045 --> 00:44:48,165
- Rewind, he came?
- Yeah.
677
00:44:48,725 --> 00:44:51,525
It was like something clicked
in his brain. Boom!
678
00:46:05,405 --> 00:46:06,405
No!
679
00:46:08,445 --> 00:46:10,941
Faster! Faster!
680
00:46:10,965 --> 00:46:13,021
Faster! Oh, oh, oh!
681
00:46:13,045 --> 00:46:15,701
Don't stop! Don't stop! Don't stop!
682
00:46:15,725 --> 00:46:18,141
- Okay! Good! Keep going!
- Yes! Yes!
683
00:46:18,165 --> 00:46:20,221
Don't... don't...
684
00:46:20,245 --> 00:46:22,541
Don't stop! Don't stop!
685
00:46:56,165 --> 00:46:57,261
Oh!
686
00:46:57,285 --> 00:46:58,421
Very sorry.
687
00:46:58,445 --> 00:46:59,821
This isn't the bathroom.
688
00:46:59,845 --> 00:47:01,541
No, this is not the bathroom.
689
00:47:01,565 --> 00:47:03,005
I'm Harry, by the way.
690
00:47:14,365 --> 00:47:16,085
- Mum.
- Yes, darling?
691
00:47:16,965 --> 00:47:18,325
I can't masturbate.
692
00:47:21,125 --> 00:47:22,461
Sweetheart, I'm glad you...
693
00:47:22,485 --> 00:47:24,845
I can't masturbate.
But I don't wanna talk about it.
694
00:47:25,445 --> 00:47:26,645
I'm dealing with it on my own.
695
00:47:28,125 --> 00:47:29,685
Thank you for telling me.
696
00:47:36,605 --> 00:47:38,365
Yeah, I think I'd better leave too.
697
00:47:39,085 --> 00:47:41,045
I think that's probably best.
698
00:47:51,805 --> 00:47:56,021
Well, only 376 days of sixth form left.
699
00:47:56,045 --> 00:47:57,381
Yeah!
700
00:47:57,405 --> 00:48:00,261
I thought this was supposed to be
the best two years of our lives.
701
00:48:00,285 --> 00:48:02,101
At least you got Adam to leave me alone.
702
00:48:02,125 --> 00:48:03,765
Thank you very much for that, man.
703
00:48:04,645 --> 00:48:06,501
- We had a deal.
- Yeah, your advice was shit.
704
00:48:06,525 --> 00:48:08,021
My girlfriend's broken up with me.
705
00:48:08,045 --> 00:48:10,005
Everyone's got a picture
of my lovely big dick.
706
00:48:11,005 --> 00:48:12,005
Deal's off.
707
00:48:13,325 --> 00:48:14,365
See you later...
708
00:48:15,085 --> 00:48:16,085
Tromboner.
709
00:48:21,965 --> 00:48:23,965
See? That's why you always wear a helmet.
710
00:48:27,165 --> 00:48:29,701
Um, Maeve Wiley's
coming straight over here.
711
00:48:29,725 --> 00:48:32,925
She's literally walking
straight towards us with purpose.
712
00:48:34,125 --> 00:48:36,061
Uh, Otis. Otis! Otis.
713
00:48:36,085 --> 00:48:38,085
- Okay, she's here.
- Nice helmet.
714
00:48:38,765 --> 00:48:40,861
It's just, safety first.
715
00:48:40,885 --> 00:48:42,205
Can I talk to you for a sec?
716
00:48:44,605 --> 00:48:47,165
Oh, do you want me...
Do you want me to go?
717
00:48:47,485 --> 00:48:49,085
- Yeah.
- Oh, good.
718
00:48:50,125 --> 00:48:51,245
I'll just, um...
719
00:48:52,165 --> 00:48:53,805
leave, then, shall I?
720
00:49:02,605 --> 00:49:04,925
What did you wanna talk about?
721
00:49:06,765 --> 00:49:07,885
See those two over there?
722
00:49:08,205 --> 00:49:11,261
The one on the right has never been
in a lesbian relationship before.
723
00:49:11,285 --> 00:49:13,245
She's terrified
of her new girlfriend's vagina.
724
00:49:14,365 --> 00:49:15,301
See her?
725
00:49:15,325 --> 00:49:18,445
She believes that flicking the bean
might make her clit drop off.
726
00:49:18,685 --> 00:49:21,565
She hates herself.
But she just can't stop wanking.
727
00:49:22,485 --> 00:49:23,685
Do you see them?
728
00:49:24,205 --> 00:49:26,725
Yeah, he's definitely giving everyone
pubic lice.
729
00:49:27,005 --> 00:49:28,325
What's your point?
730
00:49:29,445 --> 00:49:31,805
The students at this school
need your help, Otis.
731
00:49:32,485 --> 00:49:33,485
And we need their money.
732
00:49:34,005 --> 00:49:36,781
I haven't really worked out the details
yet, but I'm good with numbers, so,
733
00:49:36,805 --> 00:49:39,581
I'll deal with the business end of things
and you can do the therapy.
734
00:49:39,605 --> 00:49:41,541
We'll charge for every appointment
and split the cash.
735
00:49:41,565 --> 00:49:43,485
- Therapy?
- Yeah, sex therapy.
736
00:49:44,045 --> 00:49:46,245
You have a gift.
It would be irresponsible to waste it.
737
00:49:46,845 --> 00:49:51,141
- Look how you helped Adam.
- But I didn't. He hates me now.
738
00:49:51,165 --> 00:49:52,405
He came, Otis.
739
00:49:53,045 --> 00:49:55,125
Your words made him come.
740
00:49:56,765 --> 00:49:57,845
Sort of.
741
00:50:00,285 --> 00:50:02,405
Look, I haven't got all day.
Are you in or out?
742
00:50:03,245 --> 00:50:05,645
- Uh...
- Okay, fine. Don't worry about it.
743
00:50:10,405 --> 00:50:12,541
Uh... Okay. Maeve!
744
00:50:12,565 --> 00:50:13,621
Wait! Wait!
745
00:50:17,325 --> 00:50:18,325
I'm in!
53146
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