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1
00:00:00,438 --> 00:00:01,734
(Paige) Okay, are you ready?
2
00:00:01,742 --> 00:00:03,992
One, two, three!
3
00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:07,204
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
4
00:00:07,273 --> 00:00:10,507
We're gonna be the sexiest
Cheech and Chong at the con.
5
00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:12,308
I'm oddly attracted
to you in that beard.
6
00:00:12,377 --> 00:00:13,266
Obviously.
7
00:00:13,291 --> 00:00:15,355
Girl, I can't wait to
show you MarijuanaCon.
8
00:00:15,380 --> 00:00:16,375
Imagine Comic Con
9
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,024
but everybody's all about getting high.
10
00:00:18,093 --> 00:00:19,726
So like when you go to Comic Con.
11
00:00:19,794 --> 00:00:20,660
Better.
12
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:22,161
We get to meet with all the suppliers.
13
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:23,896
We get to sample all the new products.
14
00:00:23,965 --> 00:00:26,065
And having our own booth qualifies us
15
00:00:26,134 --> 00:00:28,434
as an official vendor,
which makes us eligible
16
00:00:28,503 --> 00:00:30,403
for this year's Mystery Box strain.
17
00:00:30,472 --> 00:00:34,006
Girl, they only award it
to one supplier each season.
18
00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:35,308
What is that?
19
00:00:35,376 --> 00:00:37,543
This is a gratitude basket.
20
00:00:37,612 --> 00:00:38,578
I signed up for the convention's
21
00:00:38,646 --> 00:00:40,079
Smoke A Wish bud program.
22
00:00:40,148 --> 00:00:42,281
It's basically like
Make-A-Wish but with cannabis.
23
00:00:42,350 --> 00:00:45,318
Each volunteer is paired with
a cancer patient in their 20s.
24
00:00:45,386 --> 00:00:46,686
You know that there's
a room where you can get
25
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,577
rolled inside a giant doob?
26
00:00:48,602 --> 00:00:49,655
No, no, I know.
27
00:00:49,724 --> 00:00:51,157
I just think it's gonna be so inspiring
28
00:00:51,226 --> 00:00:53,493
helping a patient through
such a difficult time.
29
00:00:53,561 --> 00:00:55,261
You know, learning from him,
30
00:00:55,330 --> 00:00:58,231
helping him through those
dark, tortured nights.
31
00:00:58,299 --> 00:00:59,766
Maybe taking him to Europe!
32
00:00:59,834 --> 00:01:01,934
I mean, you know, if
that's what he wants to do.
33
00:01:02,003 --> 00:01:04,036
Hey, Paige, uh, you don't think this
34
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:06,639
charitable event's gonna
turn into some sort of like
35
00:01:06,708 --> 00:01:09,575
YA "Fault in Our Stars" romance, do you?
36
00:01:09,644 --> 00:01:11,377
(scoffing) No!
37
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,546
God, I haven't even thought of that.
38
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,081
I mean, after all, I might actually get
39
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:17,216
paired with... a girl.
40
00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:18,417
Right.
41
00:01:18,486 --> 00:01:20,820
We set the roof on fire
42
00:01:20,889 --> 00:01:23,389
We set the roof on fire
43
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:25,792
We set the roof on fire
44
00:01:25,860 --> 00:01:28,161
We set the roof on fire
45
00:01:28,229 --> 00:01:30,797
We set the roof,
we set the roof
46
00:01:30,865 --> 00:01:33,065
We set the roof on fire
47
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:34,233
(sighing)
48
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:35,701
Breathe it all in, Paige.
49
00:01:35,770 --> 00:01:37,170
Or actually try to take shallow breaths
50
00:01:37,238 --> 00:01:40,006
because it's like being inside
the world's biggest bong.
51
00:01:40,074 --> 00:01:41,374
Oh, they're gonna
announce the secret strain.
52
00:01:41,442 --> 00:01:42,575
Come on!
53
00:01:44,612 --> 00:01:46,212
(crowd gasping)
54
00:01:46,281 --> 00:01:49,015
(man) 177Sick!
55
00:01:49,083 --> 00:01:50,283
We will be hearing pitches
56
00:01:50,351 --> 00:01:53,152
from potential distributors
starting tomorrow.
57
00:01:53,221 --> 00:01:54,687
Many will apply
58
00:01:54,756 --> 00:01:58,591
but only one will emerge the winner!
59
00:01:58,660 --> 00:01:59,725
Do you see this, Paige?!
60
00:01:59,794 --> 00:02:01,694
This is the Holy Grail of weed!
61
00:02:01,763 --> 00:02:03,796
Now that we have a booth
we totally have a shot!
62
00:02:03,865 --> 00:02:05,131
Um...
63
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,033
Yeah, there's something
I've been meaning to
64
00:02:07,101 --> 00:02:08,034
tell you about the booth.
65
00:02:08,102 --> 00:02:09,235
Who do you think we're sharing it with?
66
00:02:09,304 --> 00:02:10,536
We Bong It?
67
00:02:10,605 --> 00:02:11,871
I mean, they can make
a bong out of anything.
68
00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:13,206
Like last year, they made a bong out of
69
00:02:13,274 --> 00:02:14,373
- my old hairdryer.
- Well...
70
00:02:14,442 --> 00:02:15,975
Oh, it could be Hempon,
71
00:02:16,044 --> 00:02:16,843
the hemp tampon.
72
00:02:16,911 --> 00:02:19,145
Not even in an emergency.
73
00:02:19,214 --> 00:02:20,112
Ahh!
74
00:02:21,449 --> 00:02:22,715
Bentley?
75
00:02:22,784 --> 00:02:25,196
We're sharing a booth
with Bentley?
76
00:02:25,221 --> 00:02:27,486
Um... yeah.
77
00:02:27,555 --> 00:02:28,955
Sorry, did I forget to tell you that?
78
00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:31,958
Well, I have to go help dying people.
79
00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:32,959
Gotta change.
80
00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:33,993
Bye!
81
00:02:34,062 --> 00:02:35,328
What are you looking
at me like that for?
82
00:02:35,396 --> 00:02:37,029
You think I'm happy about this?
83
00:02:37,098 --> 00:02:39,432
Tell the dying people I'm jealous!
84
00:02:40,969 --> 00:02:42,869
Say it baby what's your name?
85
00:02:42,937 --> 00:02:44,270
Are you the one Mary?
86
00:02:44,339 --> 00:02:45,469
Are you Jane?
87
00:02:45,494 --> 00:02:46,874
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addi7ed.com
88
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,374
Who rolled these, joints, huh?
89
00:02:48,443 --> 00:02:49,342
A monkey wearing mittens?
90
00:02:49,410 --> 00:02:50,710
This (bleep) is sloppy.
91
00:02:50,778 --> 00:02:53,069
Maybe it's the same monkey
that you pay to write
92
00:02:53,094 --> 00:02:55,314
fake Yelp reviews of Mary + Jane.
93
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:57,617
Botulism is spelled with a "T," idiot.
94
00:02:57,685 --> 00:02:59,218
Whatever.
95
00:02:59,287 --> 00:03:00,141
What the hell are those?
96
00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:02,755
Doob Dude exclusive: VR goggles.
97
00:03:02,824 --> 00:03:05,091
They give you the virtual
experience of being high.
98
00:03:05,159 --> 00:03:06,211
There's nothing in here.
99
00:03:06,236 --> 00:03:07,593
You have to smoke a bowl first.
100
00:03:07,662 --> 00:03:08,895
See, that's the problem with you!
101
00:03:08,963 --> 00:03:10,763
You're all flash over substance.
102
00:03:10,832 --> 00:03:12,531
You're just here because like this is
103
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:13,966
the next cool trend.
104
00:03:14,035 --> 00:03:15,134
You're a poser.
105
00:03:15,203 --> 00:03:18,838
I, on the hand, am in
this for the love, brother.
106
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,207
And that is why Mary + Jane is gonna win
107
00:03:21,276 --> 00:03:24,133
this year's Mystery
Box strain competition!
108
00:03:24,165 --> 00:03:25,898
- Okay.
- Wait, what?
109
00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:28,067
There can only be one
applicant per booth?
110
00:03:28,136 --> 00:03:29,068
That's bullshit.
111
00:03:29,137 --> 00:03:30,703
This booth cost $10,000.
112
00:03:30,772 --> 00:03:32,938
Oh, by the way, thanks for
paying half my entrance fee.
113
00:03:33,007 --> 00:03:33,839
Screw that.
114
00:03:33,908 --> 00:03:35,074
I get to be the one who pitches.
115
00:03:35,143 --> 00:03:36,509
Wha... over my dead body!
116
00:03:36,577 --> 00:03:38,010
- Don't tempt me.
- What?
117
00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:39,999
_
118
00:03:40,024 --> 00:03:41,557
119
00:03:41,849 --> 00:03:42,882
- Whoa!
- Oh!
120
00:03:42,950 --> 00:03:44,283
I'm sorry.
121
00:03:44,352 --> 00:03:46,152
I dropped my book of poetry.
122
00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:48,120
You write poetry?
123
00:03:48,189 --> 00:03:49,421
(man) Move it, assholes!
124
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:51,490
My cancer's hurting.
125
00:03:51,559 --> 00:03:53,025
Where's the free weed?
126
00:03:54,862 --> 00:03:55,895
127
00:03:55,963 --> 00:03:58,130
Some guys have the wrong attitude.
128
00:03:58,199 --> 00:03:59,431
Yeah.
129
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,432
(woman) All right.
130
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:01,500
Hello, everyone.
131
00:04:01,569 --> 00:04:02,768
Thank you for coming.
132
00:04:02,837 --> 00:04:04,470
I just wanted to extend a big thank you
133
00:04:04,539 --> 00:04:06,038
to all the volunteers.
134
00:04:06,107 --> 00:04:08,674
The Smoke A Wish bud's program is about
135
00:04:08,743 --> 00:04:11,877
two people embarking on a
very special journey together.
136
00:04:11,946 --> 00:04:14,547
So let's take the first step
in that journey, you guys.
137
00:04:14,615 --> 00:04:17,750
Let's meet your inspirations.
138
00:04:17,819 --> 00:04:19,752
First up, Alexandra Noise,
139
00:04:19,821 --> 00:04:23,689
say hello to your very
special bud, Josh Ruta.
140
00:04:23,758 --> 00:04:24,523
Josh?
141
00:04:24,592 --> 00:04:25,891
And there they are.
142
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:29,028
Oh, that's the moment I always live for.
143
00:04:29,096 --> 00:04:30,896
Like it's a funeral
144
00:04:33,453 --> 00:04:34,800
Glad I didn't get the girl.
145
00:04:34,869 --> 00:04:36,735
You're a real-life fantasy
you're a real-life fantasy
146
00:04:36,804 --> 00:04:38,204
But you're moving so...
147
00:04:38,272 --> 00:04:41,507
And, last but not least,
because there are no bad picks,
148
00:04:41,576 --> 00:04:45,678
we have Trent Weston and Morton Butts.
149
00:04:45,746 --> 00:04:48,514
Paige, I got ya a good one.
150
00:04:48,583 --> 00:04:49,815
Trent Weston.
151
00:04:49,884 --> 00:04:51,650
Ha! In your face!
152
00:04:51,936 --> 00:04:54,437
Which means, Emily, you
are with Morton Butts.
153
00:04:57,491 --> 00:04:58,791
What?
154
00:04:58,860 --> 00:04:59,792
No, I...
155
00:05:03,531 --> 00:05:05,531
Hi, I'm Paige.
156
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,600
Congratulations, Paige, you got the dud.
157
00:05:08,125 --> 00:05:09,835
Uh... no, no, no, no, no.
158
00:05:09,904 --> 00:05:11,036
I...
159
00:05:11,105 --> 00:05:13,305
- I am super excited to get to know you.
- Hmm...
160
00:05:13,374 --> 00:05:15,030
And if there is
anything I can do for you
161
00:05:15,055 --> 00:05:17,312
this weekend, please
don't hesitate to ask.
162
00:05:17,337 --> 00:05:19,570
Mmm, there is one
thing you can do for me.
163
00:05:19,639 --> 00:05:21,839
- Yeah?
- Show me your tits.
164
00:05:21,908 --> 00:05:23,341
Yeah, and when you do
it, can you lean down,
165
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,143
because it's hard to get
a good view from down here?
166
00:05:25,211 --> 00:05:26,110
(gasping)
167
00:05:26,179 --> 00:05:27,278
168
00:05:29,849 --> 00:05:31,215
(grunting)
169
00:05:31,284 --> 00:05:33,084
Dude, I should be the
one who gets to pitch.
170
00:05:33,109 --> 00:05:35,686
I have wanted this my entire life.
171
00:05:35,755 --> 00:05:37,221
Like the only thing
you ever wanted is to
172
00:05:37,290 --> 00:05:39,524
twerk at a foam party in South Beach.
173
00:05:39,592 --> 00:05:41,259
Yeah, been there, done that,
174
00:05:41,327 --> 00:05:43,361
got 18 likes, all right?
175
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,096
Besides, you could want it all you like
176
00:05:45,165 --> 00:05:47,432
but there's gonna be some
stiff competition this year.
177
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:48,933
You think you can handle The Haseeds?
178
00:05:50,170 --> 00:05:52,170
And you, you think you can
break the Trustafarians?
179
00:05:52,238 --> 00:05:53,237
Huh, look at 'em.
180
00:05:53,306 --> 00:05:54,906
They roll joints using dollar bills.
181
00:05:54,974 --> 00:05:58,142
They have no drive to make more loot.
182
00:05:58,211 --> 00:05:59,944
(bleep)
183
00:06:00,013 --> 00:06:01,345
It's the Encino Dance Moms.
184
00:06:01,414 --> 00:06:03,147
185
00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:13,091
Conquest
186
00:06:13,159 --> 00:06:15,760
Holy (bleep)!
187
00:06:15,829 --> 00:06:18,429
I forgot about the Encino Dance Moms.
188
00:06:18,498 --> 00:06:20,298
They are untouchable.
189
00:06:20,366 --> 00:06:23,101
They run the Valley,
from Burbank to Calabasas.
190
00:06:23,169 --> 00:06:25,103
Oh, hey.
191
00:06:25,171 --> 00:06:27,705
Do you really think those
earrings make you look cool?
192
00:06:27,774 --> 00:06:29,640
You look like the guy who cried
193
00:06:29,709 --> 00:06:31,676
during his audition for "The Voice."
194
00:06:31,744 --> 00:06:32,877
(giggling)
195
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:37,482
That was four years ago!
196
00:06:37,550 --> 00:06:39,584
How the hell did she remember?
197
00:06:39,652 --> 00:06:42,019
There's no way I'll be able
to defeat them on my own.
198
00:06:42,088 --> 00:06:44,147
Well, I'm not gonna
let those bullies win.
199
00:06:44,172 --> 00:06:46,190
I'd strike a deal with
the devil to beat them.
200
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:47,959
Me too.
201
00:06:48,027 --> 00:06:49,527
- Okay, fine, but I'm the devil.
- All right, fine, but you're the devil.
202
00:06:49,596 --> 00:06:50,594
Wait, what?
203
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,252
Why would you wanna be the devil?
204
00:06:52,532 --> 00:06:53,498
Whatever, deal.
205
00:06:53,566 --> 00:06:54,966
206
00:06:57,734 --> 00:06:58,578
Here's what we do.
207
00:06:58,603 --> 00:06:59,586
We're gonna write a rap.
208
00:06:59,594 --> 00:07:01,193
Just like the musical "Hamilton,"
209
00:07:01,262 --> 00:07:04,781
except this one is about
the Founding Fathers.
210
00:07:04,805 --> 00:07:06,625
So the musical "Hamilton"?
211
00:07:06,650 --> 00:07:09,117
No, nothing like that, Jordan.
212
00:07:09,142 --> 00:07:10,875
Open up your ear holes.
213
00:07:10,944 --> 00:07:13,979
Mine is called "DOIP."
214
00:07:14,047 --> 00:07:16,648
"Declaration of Indica-pendence."
215
00:07:16,717 --> 00:07:19,517
17-sigidy-7Sick
216
00:07:19,586 --> 00:07:20,986
- What?
- Here's what we do.
217
00:07:21,219 --> 00:07:24,222
We put laxatives in
the Encino Dance Moms'
218
00:07:24,291 --> 00:07:25,357
coconut water.
219
00:07:25,425 --> 00:07:27,892
- Pow!
- No and no.
220
00:07:27,961 --> 00:07:29,709
We are not doing anything
dirty to win this.
221
00:07:29,734 --> 00:07:30,895
That is not me.
222
00:07:30,964 --> 00:07:33,431
Look, we both run good,
successful businesses,
223
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:35,602
we just need to let
that speak for itself.
224
00:07:35,627 --> 00:07:37,135
You think I run a good business?
225
00:07:39,606 --> 00:07:40,639
Yeah.
226
00:07:40,707 --> 00:07:41,873
In the way that like a cockroach is
227
00:07:41,942 --> 00:07:43,475
a very successful animal.
228
00:07:43,554 --> 00:07:46,789
Look, we don't need anything
shady or gimmicky to win this.
229
00:07:46,847 --> 00:07:49,881
We are stuck together,
so let's get to work.
230
00:07:49,950 --> 00:07:51,049
Okay, fine,
231
00:07:51,118 --> 00:07:52,317
but can we order room service first
232
00:07:52,386 --> 00:07:55,487
'cause have you seen this edibles menu?
233
00:07:55,555 --> 00:07:56,287
No!
234
00:07:56,312 --> 00:07:57,244
We need to be focused.
235
00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:58,568
We can't do this stoned.
236
00:07:58,892 --> 00:08:00,859
Oh my God.
237
00:08:00,927 --> 00:08:03,061
I have never uttered
that sentence in my life.
238
00:08:04,231 --> 00:08:05,630
This must really mean a lot to me.
239
00:08:05,699 --> 00:08:07,599
240
00:08:07,624 --> 00:08:10,592
This... is for you.
241
00:08:10,871 --> 00:08:12,270
And what the hell is this?
242
00:08:12,339 --> 00:08:14,506
It is a gratitude basket I made for you.
243
00:08:14,574 --> 00:08:15,807
- It has...
- Weed!
244
00:08:15,876 --> 00:08:17,108
That's awesome.
245
00:08:17,646 --> 00:08:18,677
I'll take one of these.
246
00:08:18,745 --> 00:08:20,945
Um, I'm pretty sure you're
supposed to pay for that.
247
00:08:21,014 --> 00:08:23,448
I'm pretty sure I'm not
supposed to have cancer, so...
248
00:08:23,517 --> 00:08:24,849
I don't think that
kind of talk is healthy.
249
00:08:24,918 --> 00:08:26,434
Well, there is one thing
250
00:08:26,459 --> 00:08:27,385
that would make me feel better.
251
00:08:27,454 --> 00:08:28,920
- I'm not showing you my tits.
- Just show me your tits.
252
00:08:30,023 --> 00:08:32,557
Look, I am so sorry if I gave you
253
00:08:32,626 --> 00:08:34,993
the completely mistaken
impression that I was not
254
00:08:35,062 --> 00:08:37,195
super enthusiastic to meet you,
255
00:08:37,264 --> 00:08:38,730
but you must want my help on some level,
256
00:08:38,799 --> 00:08:40,031
otherwise why would you be here?
257
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:41,966
For all the free stuff, obviously.
258
00:08:42,035 --> 00:08:44,402
Trent, I have made it my mission
259
00:08:44,471 --> 00:08:46,671
to give you the best
weekend of your life.
260
00:08:46,982 --> 00:08:48,406
And, you know, if there
just so happens to be
261
00:08:48,475 --> 00:08:50,408
a lost love you wanna reconnect with...
262
00:08:50,477 --> 00:08:52,210
- There's not, there's not.
- ...or a family member, then maybe...
263
00:08:52,279 --> 00:08:54,631
Well, there must be
something on your bucket list
264
00:08:54,656 --> 00:08:56,590
that's not tit related.
265
00:08:56,883 --> 00:08:58,350
There is one thing.
266
00:08:58,418 --> 00:08:59,751
Yeah?
267
00:08:59,820 --> 00:09:00,819
I've always wanted to know
268
00:09:00,887 --> 00:09:02,654
what it was like to kill a man.
269
00:09:02,723 --> 00:09:04,222
Hmm?
270
00:09:04,291 --> 00:09:06,520
Just watch the life go out of their eyes
271
00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:07,559
when you choke him to death.
272
00:09:07,627 --> 00:09:09,427
Or maybe, I don't know, hit
him in the head with a rock
273
00:09:09,496 --> 00:09:10,595
or hammer.
274
00:09:10,664 --> 00:09:14,265
Just as we have overcome
our personal differences,
275
00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:17,369
we can unite an entire city.
276
00:09:17,437 --> 00:09:19,084
We are community.
277
00:09:19,109 --> 00:09:20,975
We are democracy.
278
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,943
We are 177Sick.
279
00:09:26,146 --> 00:09:28,413
- Thank you.
- Oh, yeah.
280
00:09:28,482 --> 00:09:29,748
- Wow!
- Thank you.
281
00:09:29,816 --> 00:09:32,350
- I think we might really have a shot.
- Yeah.
282
00:09:32,419 --> 00:09:34,619
That Wiz Khalifa song
was an amazing touch.
283
00:09:34,688 --> 00:09:36,654
Maybe a little flash isn't
the worse thing after all.
284
00:09:36,723 --> 00:09:38,123
Well, thank you.
285
00:09:38,191 --> 00:09:39,991
And your knowledge of
weed runs pretty deep,
286
00:09:40,060 --> 00:09:41,526
so props.
287
00:09:41,595 --> 00:09:42,727
Are we done yet?
288
00:09:42,796 --> 00:09:44,329
- Yes.
- (sighing)
289
00:09:44,398 --> 00:09:46,831
You know a woman has never won
the Mystery Box strain before?
290
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:48,333
I could be the first, like a pioneer.
291
00:09:48,402 --> 00:09:51,302
Like I'm breaking
through the grass ceiling.
292
00:09:51,371 --> 00:09:52,070
Cool.
293
00:09:52,139 --> 00:09:53,238
You know what?
294
00:09:53,306 --> 00:09:54,739
All my brothers are doctors,
295
00:09:54,808 --> 00:09:57,175
so I'm kind of like the
pioneer in my family, too.
296
00:09:57,244 --> 00:09:58,843
If by "pioneer" you mean they just
297
00:09:58,912 --> 00:10:00,512
leave me off all the holiday cards.
298
00:10:00,580 --> 00:10:02,580
Hey, whoa, don't let
anybody make you feel ashamed
299
00:10:02,649 --> 00:10:03,982
about what you do, okay?
300
00:10:04,050 --> 00:10:05,517
We deliver medicine.
301
00:10:05,585 --> 00:10:07,285
We deliver love.
302
00:10:07,354 --> 00:10:08,620
We do deliver love.
303
00:10:11,725 --> 00:10:14,551
Turn on the live feed of
the Miss Cannabis Pageant
304
00:10:14,576 --> 00:10:15,760
'cause maybe we'll catch
the talent competition
305
00:10:15,829 --> 00:10:18,763
and there is nothing better
than watching a stoned girl
306
00:10:18,832 --> 00:10:19,864
try on chap pants.
307
00:10:19,933 --> 00:10:21,566
Whoa.
308
00:10:21,635 --> 00:10:24,102
- (woman on TV)Oh yeah!
- That's weird... ha-ha.
309
00:10:24,171 --> 00:10:25,603
That's, uh... wow, should I change it?
310
00:10:25,672 --> 00:10:26,604
No!
311
00:10:26,673 --> 00:10:28,027
- It's free porn.
- Yeah.
312
00:10:28,052 --> 00:10:29,340
This is the fanciest Best Western
313
00:10:29,409 --> 00:10:31,309
- I've ever stayed in.
- (woman on TV)Oh yeah!
314
00:10:31,378 --> 00:10:33,344
I bet this guy's like...
315
00:10:33,413 --> 00:10:35,865
really good at licking envelopes.
316
00:10:35,890 --> 00:10:37,023
Yeah.
317
00:10:37,284 --> 00:10:39,056
I bet he licks like...
318
00:10:39,650 --> 00:10:42,784
all... the envelopes
319
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,400
and then like opens the letters...
320
00:10:45,425 --> 00:10:48,293
- Yeah.
- ...just like reads what's inside.
321
00:10:48,361 --> 00:10:50,395
- It's very...
- Licks all the envelops.
322
00:10:50,464 --> 00:10:51,463
Just...
323
00:10:51,531 --> 00:10:52,530
324
00:10:54,267 --> 00:10:56,734
Put... put the mustache back on.
325
00:10:56,803 --> 00:10:59,003
(giggling)
326
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,006
There's something I wanted to show you.
327
00:11:02,075 --> 00:11:04,209
One call away
328
00:11:04,277 --> 00:11:07,679
Yeah, downtown Burbank is so inspiring.
329
00:11:07,747 --> 00:11:09,681
Oh, look, I think I see IKEA from here.
330
00:11:09,749 --> 00:11:11,249
Okay.
331
00:11:11,318 --> 00:11:12,951
I thought that we could
try this wish paper.
332
00:11:13,019 --> 00:11:14,252
- (scoffing)
- See?
333
00:11:14,321 --> 00:11:16,087
No, you're supposed to take a piece
334
00:11:16,156 --> 00:11:17,655
- and then you write something...
- Mm-hmm.
335
00:11:17,724 --> 00:11:19,023
- ...that you want on it.
- Oh!
336
00:11:19,092 --> 00:11:20,758
Like... maybe enlightenment
337
00:11:20,827 --> 00:11:24,254
or... closure or peace.
338
00:11:25,265 --> 00:11:27,389
And then you write it and
let it fly into the air.
339
00:11:27,414 --> 00:11:28,613
- (lighter igniting)
- And you...
340
00:11:30,103 --> 00:11:31,411
Trent, what are you doing?
341
00:11:32,873 --> 00:11:34,205
I'm smoking your wish.
342
00:11:34,274 --> 00:11:36,908
Trent, I am trying to do
something nice for you.
343
00:11:36,977 --> 00:11:38,042
No, you're not.
344
00:11:38,111 --> 00:11:39,344
No, you're doing this for you.
345
00:11:39,412 --> 00:11:40,645
All right, you wanna
pat yourself on the back
346
00:11:40,714 --> 00:11:43,147
because you're being
nice to the dying guy.
347
00:11:43,216 --> 00:11:44,349
I get it, all right.
348
00:11:44,417 --> 00:11:45,617
But I'm not here to prove to you
349
00:11:45,685 --> 00:11:47,485
that you're a good person, Paige.
350
00:11:47,554 --> 00:11:49,053
I'll be there...
351
00:11:49,122 --> 00:11:50,388
And where is that music coming from?!
352
00:11:50,457 --> 00:11:52,114
... to save the day
353
00:11:52,139 --> 00:11:53,653
Okay, look, you're right.
354
00:11:54,168 --> 00:11:55,560
I signed up for this
charity because I thought
355
00:11:55,629 --> 00:11:57,762
it would make me feel
better about myself.
356
00:11:58,137 --> 00:12:00,398
Look, can we please just
start over tomorrow morning?
357
00:12:00,467 --> 00:12:02,267
I promise, we can do whatever you want.
358
00:12:02,335 --> 00:12:04,435
Except for staring at my tits...
359
00:12:04,504 --> 00:12:05,970
- Ugh...
- ...or murder.
360
00:12:06,039 --> 00:12:07,438
Please.
361
00:12:07,507 --> 00:12:08,706
I really think if you
give me another chance
362
00:12:08,775 --> 00:12:10,875
we could have a lot of fun tomorrow.
363
00:12:10,944 --> 00:12:12,277
Fine.
364
00:12:12,345 --> 00:12:14,543
- Whatever.
- Okay!
365
00:12:15,382 --> 00:12:17,048
(Morton) I know this
sounds crazy but I feel like
366
00:12:17,117 --> 00:12:19,284
I've known you all my life.
367
00:12:19,352 --> 00:12:22,086
I think... I love you.
368
00:12:22,155 --> 00:12:23,888
I love you too, Morton.
369
00:12:28,628 --> 00:12:30,094
You're a little jealous.
370
00:12:30,163 --> 00:12:31,896
No, no, not at all.
371
00:12:31,965 --> 00:12:33,765
Would you mind turning
the music back on?
372
00:12:36,970 --> 00:12:41,324
I'm only one call away
373
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:44,034
Hey, Trent, it's Paige again.
374
00:12:44,060 --> 00:12:45,628
Um, I thought we said 10:00 a.m.
375
00:12:45,653 --> 00:12:46,753
so text me when you get this.
376
00:12:46,821 --> 00:12:47,840
Bye.
377
00:12:47,865 --> 00:12:49,733
(woman on PA) Do not
roll your swag bag...
378
00:12:49,758 --> 00:12:51,824
Excuse me, are you Paige?
379
00:12:51,893 --> 00:12:52,859
Yeah.
380
00:12:52,927 --> 00:12:54,694
I'm afraid I have some bad news.
381
00:12:54,763 --> 00:12:58,197
Uh, Trent Weston passed
away in his sleep last night.
382
00:12:58,266 --> 00:12:59,606
Oh my God.
383
00:12:59,631 --> 00:13:01,934
Well, actually, I think he
may have sensed it was coming
384
00:13:02,003 --> 00:13:04,637
because he, uh, well,
he left you a note.
385
00:13:05,247 --> 00:13:06,646
"Thank you, Paige.
386
00:13:07,316 --> 00:13:09,149
"Don't cry.
387
00:13:09,161 --> 00:13:10,260
I'm in a better place."
388
00:13:10,329 --> 00:13:11,262
I'm so sorry.
389
00:13:11,287 --> 00:13:13,287
There was nothing I could do.
390
00:13:13,632 --> 00:13:15,532
Because of his terminal illness?
391
00:13:15,601 --> 00:13:17,834
No, because I'm a pot doctor.
392
00:13:17,903 --> 00:13:20,270
But if your grief causes you any anxiety
393
00:13:20,339 --> 00:13:23,473
or back pain... feel
free to give me a call.
394
00:13:25,110 --> 00:13:26,509
395
00:13:27,946 --> 00:13:29,279
Um...
396
00:13:29,348 --> 00:13:31,081
I know I cried that time
but I think I'll be better...
397
00:13:31,149 --> 00:13:31,879
Oh, hey, Paige.
398
00:13:31,904 --> 00:13:33,883
Ugh, Bentley, you're the worst.
399
00:13:33,952 --> 00:13:35,385
- Isn't Bentley the worst?
- I'm horrible.
400
00:13:35,454 --> 00:13:37,654
- He's so gross.
- I'm just a bad...
401
00:13:37,723 --> 00:13:39,661
Oh, wait, Jordan, you're a bad person.
402
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,019
You suck.
403
00:13:41,122 --> 00:13:42,421
What?
404
00:13:42,833 --> 00:13:46,425
Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm...
I'm a little distracted.
405
00:13:46,903 --> 00:13:49,194
My Smoke A Wish bud died.
406
00:13:49,551 --> 00:13:51,630
Are you okay? Do you
wanna talk about it?
407
00:13:51,699 --> 00:13:53,065
No, I...
408
00:13:53,134 --> 00:13:55,634
I think maybe I just need to
be by myself for a little bit.
409
00:13:58,506 --> 00:14:00,806
Phew, I thought she was upset about us.
410
00:14:00,875 --> 00:14:03,509
Thank God it was just
about some dead guy.
411
00:14:03,577 --> 00:14:04,576
(audience whistling)
412
00:14:04,645 --> 00:14:06,011
They see me rollin'
413
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,213
They hatin' patrollin'
414
00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:10,249
(Trent) Show us your tits!
415
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,817
Tryin' to catch
me ridin' dirty
416
00:14:11,886 --> 00:14:13,118
Tryin to catch me
ridin' dirty...
417
00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:14,853
- (Paige) Trent!
- Oh...
418
00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:15,954
Oh, you can't hide.
419
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,923
You're in a wheelchair.
420
00:14:17,992 --> 00:14:19,124
- Hey...
- Shh!
421
00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:20,426
You are interrupting
422
00:14:20,494 --> 00:14:22,094
the Miss Cannabis Competition, okay?
423
00:14:22,163 --> 00:14:24,163
This little lady is rolling the joints.
424
00:14:24,754 --> 00:14:26,120
You have never seen anything like it.
425
00:14:26,145 --> 00:14:27,366
Tryin' to catch
me ridin' dirty
426
00:14:27,435 --> 00:14:28,634
Tryin' to catch
me ridin' dirty
427
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:31,503
(cheers and applause)
428
00:14:31,572 --> 00:14:33,305
Oh... oh man!
429
00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:35,574
You faked your own death,
you lying little shit.
430
00:14:35,643 --> 00:14:39,034
No, I said I was in
a better place, okay?
431
00:14:39,059 --> 00:14:40,279
Look, she rolled me a va-joint shark.
432
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:41,480
- What?
- Look at that.
433
00:14:41,549 --> 00:14:43,182
- Ew!
- Oh, come on.
434
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,250
Look, I gave you everything
you wanted, all right?
435
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:46,752
A tragic death that you could go
436
00:14:46,821 --> 00:14:48,454
write in your journal about.
437
00:14:48,522 --> 00:14:49,922
That's not what I wanted.
438
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,523
I wanted to give something back.
439
00:14:51,993 --> 00:14:53,292
But you know what?
440
00:14:53,317 --> 00:14:55,160
If what you want is to
spend your last days on earth
441
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:58,697
being mean to someone,
then that's your right.
442
00:14:58,766 --> 00:15:00,065
I hope you're happy.
443
00:15:01,702 --> 00:15:04,236
Paige... don't cry.
444
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,606
Seriously, you're
bumming out Miss Cannabis.
445
00:15:07,675 --> 00:15:09,098
Ugh... whatever.
446
00:15:10,611 --> 00:15:12,411
(woman on PA)Hotbox Car
Serviceis offering a...
447
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:13,779
You know, I never thought I'd say this
448
00:15:13,848 --> 00:15:16,482
but we're really good together.
449
00:15:16,550 --> 00:15:17,749
Yeah.
450
00:15:17,818 --> 00:15:19,451
Listen, Jordan, I'm sorry that I wrote
451
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,820
those nasty Yelp reviews
about Mary + Jane.
452
00:15:21,889 --> 00:15:23,339
And I'm sorry I paid that dude
453
00:15:23,364 --> 00:15:24,356
to take a dump on your car.
454
00:15:24,425 --> 00:15:26,003
Well, you know, it's a convertible,
455
00:15:26,028 --> 00:15:27,464
so, technically, it was in my car.
456
00:15:27,489 --> 00:15:28,193
It was in your car.
457
00:15:28,262 --> 00:15:29,628
- Yeah, but I appreciate that.
- Yeah.
458
00:15:29,697 --> 00:15:31,396
I've never been this close
to like one of my dreams
459
00:15:31,465 --> 00:15:33,145
actually coming true before.
460
00:15:33,864 --> 00:15:35,334
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
461
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,236
And, you know, just to add
a little extra insurance,
462
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:38,570
I spiked all the Dance Moms
463
00:15:38,639 --> 00:15:41,740
coconut-based liquids
with laxatives.
464
00:15:41,809 --> 00:15:42,774
- Wait, what?
- Huh?
465
00:15:42,843 --> 00:15:44,009
No, I said no.
466
00:15:44,078 --> 00:15:45,344
Yeah, then I read between the lines.
467
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:46,812
There were no lines.
468
00:15:46,881 --> 00:15:47,880
We agreed nothing shady.
469
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,915
It's not shady if you win.
470
00:15:49,984 --> 00:15:51,583
The ends justify the means.
471
00:15:51,652 --> 00:15:53,752
Come on, it's in the
Declaration of Independence.
472
00:15:53,821 --> 00:15:55,020
No, it's not.
473
00:15:55,089 --> 00:15:56,488
- It's not?
- Nope.
474
00:15:56,557 --> 00:15:59,024
Oh man, I gotta rewrite
like all of "DOIP."
475
00:15:59,093 --> 00:16:00,592
God, I thought winning this strain
476
00:16:00,661 --> 00:16:03,095
would change my life,
477
00:16:03,164 --> 00:16:06,798
but I am not willing to change who I am
478
00:16:06,867 --> 00:16:08,433
in order to win it.
479
00:16:08,502 --> 00:16:11,176
Not even the Holy Grail is worth that.
480
00:16:13,384 --> 00:16:14,483
I'm out.
481
00:16:14,508 --> 00:16:15,674
(crowd applauding) Yes!
482
00:16:15,743 --> 00:16:17,309
483
00:16:17,378 --> 00:16:18,844
We know what you did.
484
00:16:18,913 --> 00:16:22,147
You really think you could
take us down, little man?
485
00:16:22,216 --> 00:16:24,716
We drink laxatives for breakfast.
486
00:16:24,785 --> 00:16:26,090
Don't judge me.
487
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:27,386
How do you think we eat
so much string cheese
488
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,321
and stay so regular?
489
00:16:29,390 --> 00:16:30,856
And stand up straight.
490
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,459
Yes, ma'am.
491
00:16:36,030 --> 00:16:37,596
Oh... Jordan, oh...
492
00:16:38,666 --> 00:16:40,666
Here are your drink tickets.
493
00:16:40,734 --> 00:16:41,867
Have fun at the dance.
494
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,503
Dance like no one's watching.
495
00:16:44,572 --> 00:16:45,604
You...
496
00:16:46,674 --> 00:16:48,707
I am so sorry your bud didn't work out.
497
00:16:48,776 --> 00:16:50,676
But it's nice that you
still wanna work the dance.
498
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:51,677
Of course.
499
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:53,045
It's not about me, it's about the cause.
500
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,746
That's right.
501
00:16:54,815 --> 00:16:56,315
- Chin up.
- Oh...
502
00:16:58,152 --> 00:17:00,052
Morton just asked me to marry him!
503
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,119
(Morton) We're flying to Italy tonight.
504
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,487
Even though our time is short
505
00:17:02,556 --> 00:17:04,189
- we're making the most of it.
- Mm-hmm.
506
00:17:05,893 --> 00:17:06,925
Mwah!
507
00:17:06,994 --> 00:17:08,927
Oh!
508
00:17:08,996 --> 00:17:10,153
You.
509
00:17:12,333 --> 00:17:13,799
I mean, come on.
510
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:16,735
You didn't really wanna
be Mrs. Butts, did you?
511
00:17:16,804 --> 00:17:18,136
You came.
512
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,205
Yeah.
513
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:24,127
Oh, and I, um... bought you a corsage.
514
00:17:24,712 --> 00:17:26,034
- Miss Cannabis made it...
- Oh.
515
00:17:26,059 --> 00:17:27,346
With her hands.
516
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,648
She's actually a very
talented florist as well.
517
00:17:31,609 --> 00:17:32,541
Look...
518
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:35,821
...I'm sorry.
519
00:17:36,372 --> 00:17:37,940
But I did in fact fake my own death
520
00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:39,891
so I guess I do owe you
just like a little bit.
521
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,360
Just a little.
522
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:44,162
So... we could, uh...
523
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:45,731
go to the dance.
524
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:48,700
Not exactly my forte, obviously.
525
00:17:48,769 --> 00:17:51,696
Or I was thinking that maybe we could...
526
00:17:52,406 --> 00:17:53,538
...go up to the roof
527
00:17:53,607 --> 00:17:55,641
and sample some of the 177Sick
528
00:17:55,709 --> 00:17:57,643
that I got in my swag bag.
529
00:17:57,711 --> 00:17:58,944
Mmm?
530
00:17:59,247 --> 00:18:00,613
Okay, fine.
531
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:03,515
Holy shit.
532
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,093
That's amazing.
533
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,085
Actually would've been a shame to die
534
00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:08,542
without trying that.
535
00:18:08,789 --> 00:18:09,921
(coughing)
536
00:18:12,059 --> 00:18:13,925
Cancer sucks!
537
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,878
Yeah, you know what?
538
00:18:16,903 --> 00:18:19,498
Cancer sucks!
539
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:20,799
People who say,
540
00:18:20,868 --> 00:18:23,802
"God won't give you what
you can't handle" suck!
541
00:18:23,871 --> 00:18:25,537
IKEA sucks!
542
00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:29,608
Splitting one book
into two movies sucks!
543
00:18:29,677 --> 00:18:31,800
The ending of this
seasons "Walking Dead"
544
00:18:31,825 --> 00:18:33,779
sucks! Sucks!
545
00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:35,614
(laughing)
546
00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:38,884
Oh man.
547
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,119
That was actually a little bit of fun.
548
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:42,387
Yeah.
549
00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:43,989
Uh, it's getting late.
550
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:46,625
I'll see you around.
551
00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:50,829
Trent, wait.
552
00:18:54,735 --> 00:18:57,302
553
00:18:57,371 --> 00:18:58,804
Yeah.
554
00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:01,006
Oh bless your heart,
bless your heart
555
00:19:01,075 --> 00:19:02,774
They always show me their tits.
556
00:19:02,843 --> 00:19:04,843
Okay I'm reloaded
557
00:19:04,912 --> 00:19:06,345
(horns honking)
558
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:07,813
Come on, you damn hippies!
559
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:09,348
Move your van!
560
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:11,183
Come on, don't take a nap on your roof!
561
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,784
Don't... no!
562
00:19:12,853 --> 00:19:14,019
Well, get comfortable because
563
00:19:14,088 --> 00:19:15,654
we're gonna be here for awhile.
564
00:19:15,723 --> 00:19:17,122
I'm sorry you guys
didn't win the strain.
565
00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:19,011
- Who won?
- The Russian Mafia.
566
00:19:19,036 --> 00:19:20,025
Yeah, no.
567
00:19:20,094 --> 00:19:21,793
They kidnapped one of
the judges' grandmas.
568
00:19:21,862 --> 00:19:23,579
You really can't
underestimate those guys.
569
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:26,298
I feel like I barely
saw you all weekend.
570
00:19:26,367 --> 00:19:27,866
You must've been super bored.
571
00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:29,768
Uh, yeah, bored.
572
00:19:29,837 --> 00:19:31,470
But like relaxing but...
573
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:32,704
don't worry... but I was bored.
574
00:19:32,773 --> 00:19:34,139
Yeah, nothing happened at all.
575
00:19:34,208 --> 00:19:35,372
Oh good.
576
00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:37,854
So how was (bleep) Bentley?
577
00:19:37,879 --> 00:19:38,944
- I can't hear you.
- (horn honking)
578
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,581
- (horn honking continues)
- I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.
579
00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:42,249
No, really, like how was it?
580
00:19:42,318 --> 00:19:43,550
Was he... was he just like...
581
00:19:43,619 --> 00:19:45,559
(all horns honking)
582
00:19:45,583 --> 00:19:46,754
I can't hear you.
583
00:19:46,778 --> 00:19:50,612
See I'm giving you the
Declaration of Indica-pendence
584
00:19:50,637 --> 00:19:51,831
Unresplendent
585
00:19:51,864 --> 00:19:54,852
I'm a good candidate to
take your weed to sell it
586
00:19:54,877 --> 00:19:56,120
And bake it into cookies
587
00:19:56,145 --> 00:19:58,145
Or even brownies like my skin
588
00:19:58,169 --> 00:19:59,253
Wait a minute, racial
589
00:19:59,277 --> 00:20:00,511
I'll give you girl a facial
590
00:20:00,535 --> 00:20:02,722
Didn't mean that,
please take that back
591
00:20:02,747 --> 00:20:05,206
Yeah, let's get high
mother(bleep), high
592
00:20:05,230 --> 00:20:06,308
Come on, all white men
593
00:20:06,333 --> 00:20:07,917
High, mother(bleep), high
594
00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:10,393
Girl, you're blonde, you're
my favourite kind of woman
595
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:12,714
You and me later to
get, to get the move in
596
00:20:12,738 --> 00:20:15,175
I'll rub my sack
all over your...
No.
597
00:20:15,364 --> 00:20:17,081
I apologize that you had to hear that.
598
00:20:17,106 --> 00:20:18,917
That was very misogynistic.
599
00:20:18,941 --> 00:20:21,855
I'm not a rude, dude,
I'm the dude, dude
600
00:20:21,879 --> 00:20:23,879
Yeah, girl, wanna get
you down to your socks
601
00:20:23,903 --> 00:20:26,060
So I could explore
your mistery box
602
00:20:26,085 --> 00:20:27,281
I did it again.
603
00:20:27,382 --> 00:20:29,305
I... I'm so sorry.
604
00:20:29,355 --> 00:20:33,905
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