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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,046 --> 00:00:01,687 Synced and corrected by Chitorafa www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:01,734 --> 00:00:03,335 Oh bless your heart, bless your heart 3 00:00:04,636 --> 00:00:06,071 Wooo hey 4 00:00:06,138 --> 00:00:07,872 Okay I'm reloaded 5 00:00:07,938 --> 00:00:09,306 Yeah 6 00:00:09,374 --> 00:00:10,709 Hey some heads talking about me like 7 00:00:10,775 --> 00:00:11,708 That dude ain't a true rapper though 8 00:00:11,775 --> 00:00:13,077 He ain't hip-hop 9 00:00:13,144 --> 00:00:14,712 He ain't got those bars, bars 10 00:00:14,779 --> 00:00:15,914 You know what I'm talking about? 11 00:00:18,916 --> 00:00:20,184 I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. 12 00:00:20,251 --> 00:00:21,937 I'm sorry, I know it was my turn 13 00:00:21,961 --> 00:00:22,928 to sort all the deliveries. 14 00:00:22,995 --> 00:00:24,039 And I did text you last night 15 00:00:24,064 --> 00:00:25,366 to tell you I wasn't coming home, but... 16 00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:27,164 Oh my God, Paige. 17 00:00:27,203 --> 00:00:29,443 - You already sorted all the product. - Yeah, I did get that text. 18 00:00:29,468 --> 00:00:31,308 I also got a weird 2:00 a.m. butt dial 19 00:00:31,375 --> 00:00:33,143 where someone was shouting, "Denver Broncos"? 20 00:00:33,211 --> 00:00:34,144 That's his safe word. 21 00:00:34,211 --> 00:00:35,226 Paige... 22 00:00:35,251 --> 00:00:37,201 - you sorted all the product. - Yup. 23 00:00:37,226 --> 00:00:38,582 You have your indica over there. 24 00:00:38,650 --> 00:00:40,310 Sativa on the right, hybrids in the middle. 25 00:00:40,335 --> 00:00:41,752 All the pre-rolled joints are over there. 26 00:00:41,818 --> 00:00:43,954 And our vape cartridges and gummies are in the baggies. 27 00:00:44,022 --> 00:00:45,990 This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. 28 00:00:46,055 --> 00:00:47,592 Paige, let me make it up to you. 29 00:00:49,697 --> 00:00:51,966 Oh, a muffin... 30 00:00:51,991 --> 00:00:53,464 that's been sitting in your bag 31 00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:54,406 for a couple hours. 32 00:00:54,431 --> 00:00:55,804 Jordan, you really shouldn't have. 33 00:00:55,829 --> 00:00:57,663 Okay, fine, substandard gift, I agree. 34 00:00:58,035 --> 00:01:00,438 I'm gonna roll you a perfect doob of 35 00:01:00,505 --> 00:01:01,606 Kylo Ren Faire. 36 00:01:01,672 --> 00:01:03,406 It's a classic morning high 37 00:01:03,473 --> 00:01:04,874 with a hint of... you know what? 38 00:01:04,942 --> 00:01:06,211 Maybe I will go back to bed. 39 00:01:06,276 --> 00:01:08,912 No, no, I am on a strict no-wake-and-bake policy. 40 00:01:08,979 --> 00:01:10,814 41 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,887 What, did you... what, on your face? 42 00:01:17,955 --> 00:01:20,291 Yes, they're all trying to do it now because of porn. 43 00:01:20,357 --> 00:01:21,904 - It's ruining everything. - Oh my God. 44 00:01:21,929 --> 00:01:22,893 We need to put it out there to guys. 45 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,728 Like this is a no-splash zone. 46 00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,329 - Mm-mm. - Like do a PSA. 47 00:01:26,397 --> 00:01:27,234 Jizz. 48 00:01:27,259 --> 00:01:29,234 Men who care don't finish there. 49 00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:31,428 Brought to you by every woman's face in America. 50 00:01:31,453 --> 00:01:32,600 Girls are so much cleaner than that. 51 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,272 And you never have to wash your hair afterwards. 52 00:01:34,338 --> 00:01:36,639 - So where did you meet this doughnut glazer? - (chuckling) 53 00:01:36,707 --> 00:01:38,342 Um, he was actually, uh, what's it called? 54 00:01:38,409 --> 00:01:39,844 My delivery. 55 00:01:39,910 --> 00:01:41,420 You (bleep) a customer? 56 00:01:41,445 --> 00:01:43,113 - Jordan! - But he made me muffins afterwards, 57 00:01:43,181 --> 00:01:44,114 so it's like... 58 00:01:44,181 --> 00:01:45,416 So this is a sex muffin? 59 00:01:45,482 --> 00:01:47,618 Oh my God, how close was this to your face? 60 00:01:47,684 --> 00:01:48,919 Not that close... hey, whoa, come on, 61 00:01:48,985 --> 00:01:50,687 don't be angry high right now, Paige. 62 00:01:50,755 --> 00:01:51,988 Go back to being carefree high. 63 00:01:52,056 --> 00:01:53,390 Remember when we were joking about jizz? 64 00:01:53,457 --> 00:01:55,521 Jordan, we cannot sleep with our customers. 65 00:01:55,546 --> 00:01:56,967 We are a pot delivery service, 66 00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:58,631 - not prostitutes. - I know we're not prostitutes. 67 00:01:58,656 --> 00:01:59,625 That's why I didn't take any money. 68 00:01:59,650 --> 00:02:01,399 You didn't take any money for the weed either? 69 00:02:01,465 --> 00:02:02,390 - Nope, I didn't. - Jordan, oh... 70 00:02:02,415 --> 00:02:04,234 It was one customer, multiple times, 71 00:02:04,302 --> 00:02:05,951 but it's not like gonna be a regular thing. 72 00:02:05,976 --> 00:02:07,204 When you asked me to help you with this, 73 00:02:07,270 --> 00:02:09,205 you said you wanted to start a real business. 74 00:02:09,273 --> 00:02:11,041 I was going to go into event planning. 75 00:02:11,108 --> 00:02:13,644 I gave up my lifestyle blog for this, Jordan. 76 00:02:13,710 --> 00:02:16,046 Whoa, P, I do care about this. 77 00:02:16,113 --> 00:02:18,014 - Mary + Jane means everything to me. - Mmm... 78 00:02:18,082 --> 00:02:20,383 I've invested every penny I have in this business. 79 00:02:20,451 --> 00:02:22,686 On my honor, we will be the great "ganjapreneurs" 80 00:02:22,752 --> 00:02:25,023 of the east side or we will die trying! 81 00:02:26,210 --> 00:02:27,792 Also, Daniel Day-Lewis 82 00:02:27,858 --> 00:02:29,226 is eating my underwear again. 83 00:02:29,292 --> 00:02:30,327 What? Hey! 84 00:02:30,394 --> 00:02:31,728 DDL, come here! 85 00:02:31,794 --> 00:02:33,530 Why does he always chew on my underwear? 86 00:02:33,596 --> 00:02:35,000 Why can he never chew on yours? 87 00:02:35,025 --> 00:02:37,070 (whimpering) _ 88 00:02:37,095 --> 00:02:39,063 I told you to stay out of Paige's room, dude. 89 00:02:39,088 --> 00:02:41,070 (moaning) _ 90 00:02:42,239 --> 00:02:43,808 This is really starting to wear on me. 91 00:02:43,875 --> 00:02:44,942 Oh, he just needs exercise. 92 00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:46,076 Let me walk him around the block 93 00:02:46,143 --> 00:02:47,278 and then we'll go get breakfast. 94 00:02:47,345 --> 00:02:48,412 95 00:02:48,478 --> 00:02:50,279 So you wanna party? 96 00:02:50,346 --> 00:02:51,814 So you wanna dance? 97 00:02:51,882 --> 00:02:53,317 You better know someone 98 00:02:53,383 --> 00:02:55,752 Then find someone of our friends 99 00:02:55,818 --> 00:02:57,887 You wanna get higher? 100 00:02:57,954 --> 00:02:59,622 Shake that thing 101 00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:02,126 Spinning round and round and round and round like that 102 00:03:02,192 --> 00:03:03,326 Oh, I'm starving. 103 00:03:03,394 --> 00:03:05,296 Why couldn't we just go to the Mexicatessen? 104 00:03:05,363 --> 00:03:07,698 Everyone says this place is amazing. 105 00:03:07,764 --> 00:03:09,466 Oh, look, it's Jen?e. 106 00:03:09,534 --> 00:03:10,667 Jen?e! 107 00:03:10,734 --> 00:03:11,935 Hey, chick-chacks. 108 00:03:12,002 --> 00:03:14,404 Ooh, you guys are here really late. 109 00:03:14,471 --> 00:03:15,872 I hope they don't run out. 110 00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:17,508 You guys should've just tweeted me your orders. 111 00:03:17,573 --> 00:03:19,776 The owner is obsessed with me. 112 00:03:19,844 --> 00:03:21,011 You look amazing. 113 00:03:21,078 --> 00:03:22,979 Uh, I am so over everything. 114 00:03:23,046 --> 00:03:24,765 You know how I got that book deal off my blog? 115 00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,484 Well, it turns out they're flying me to Tulum 116 00:03:26,549 --> 00:03:27,884 for this whole media conference. 117 00:03:27,952 --> 00:03:29,787 It's basically the new TED Talks. 118 00:03:29,853 --> 00:03:31,721 And now I have to buy sunscreen. 119 00:03:31,991 --> 00:03:33,060 So much yes. 120 00:03:33,085 --> 00:03:34,291 But anyways, once I'm done, 121 00:03:34,358 --> 00:03:36,427 I'm definitely gonna throw myself a bomb party. 122 00:03:36,493 --> 00:03:37,312 You guys should come. 123 00:03:37,337 --> 00:03:38,961 Softs3rve is gonna DJ. 124 00:03:39,029 --> 00:03:41,198 Ooh... I don't know how you guys left things 125 00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:43,166 after he dropped you off in Dumpsville. 126 00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:45,101 Oh, no, we're... we're totally fine. 127 00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:46,370 We're cool. 128 00:03:46,436 --> 00:03:48,945 Okay, 'cause you know he was just here. 129 00:03:49,328 --> 00:03:50,808 People were freaking out. 130 00:03:50,874 --> 00:03:53,093 He's basically the new Banksy. 131 00:03:53,118 --> 00:03:54,443 Softs3rve was here? 132 00:03:54,511 --> 00:03:56,680 Yeah, and you know he cut off that man bun. 133 00:03:56,746 --> 00:03:57,847 He looks really good. 134 00:03:57,915 --> 00:03:59,417 I think he's doing CrossFit. 135 00:03:59,483 --> 00:04:00,451 (cell phone clicking) 136 00:04:00,510 --> 00:04:02,999 Oh, this place is already over. 137 00:04:03,032 --> 00:04:04,433 Bye, Jen?e. 138 00:04:04,646 --> 00:04:06,447 Ugh, Jen?e. 139 00:04:06,515 --> 00:04:08,258 You know her name is Jenny, right? 140 00:04:08,324 --> 00:04:10,493 Like there's no way her parents named her Jen?e. 141 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:11,895 He was like just here. 142 00:04:11,962 --> 00:04:13,462 I just missed him. 143 00:04:13,529 --> 00:04:15,298 I always told him he should cut off that man bun. 144 00:04:15,365 --> 00:04:17,401 He has like the perfect jawline for short hair. 145 00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,437 Hey, hey, hey, like the only reason she brought him up 146 00:04:19,502 --> 00:04:21,471 was to make you feel like shit. 147 00:04:21,538 --> 00:04:22,872 'Cause she's an asshole. 148 00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:25,740 Sorry, she's an asshol?. 149 00:04:26,110 --> 00:04:27,979 Anyway, things are looking up for us, P. 150 00:04:28,045 --> 00:04:29,980 - We got a killer review on "Weeder LA" today. - Really? 151 00:04:30,046 --> 00:04:31,082 Like if we keep this up, 152 00:04:31,147 --> 00:04:32,849 we're gonna land on the Green 15. 153 00:04:32,916 --> 00:04:34,718 The Green 15! 154 00:04:34,784 --> 00:04:37,887 The top-15 weed dealers in the city. 155 00:04:37,954 --> 00:04:39,923 I've already been practicing my acceptance speech. 156 00:04:39,990 --> 00:04:41,492 I'm pretty sure there's not a ceremony. 157 00:04:41,558 --> 00:04:42,560 Best to be prepared. 158 00:04:42,627 --> 00:04:43,827 Look, look, look. 159 00:04:43,894 --> 00:04:45,570 "Dank wax, tasty buds, 160 00:04:45,595 --> 00:04:47,890 hot chicks who go the extra mile." 161 00:04:47,915 --> 00:04:48,915 Boom. 162 00:04:49,242 --> 00:04:51,101 Okay, see, this is why we... 163 00:04:52,735 --> 00:04:55,673 ...this is why we cannot sleep with our customers. 164 00:04:55,740 --> 00:04:56,740 What? Why? 165 00:04:56,807 --> 00:04:58,008 That doesn't say anything. 166 00:04:58,074 --> 00:05:00,217 Uh, "who go the extra mile"? 167 00:05:00,242 --> 00:05:03,079 Yeah, it's talking about our delivery radius. 168 00:05:03,147 --> 00:05:04,615 You realize that review basically says 169 00:05:04,682 --> 00:05:05,916 we're prostitutes. 170 00:05:05,983 --> 00:05:08,408 I think it's pretty clear we're drug dealers. 171 00:05:08,819 --> 00:05:10,755 Uh, uh, mostly legal 172 00:05:10,820 --> 00:05:11,921 prescription delivery service. 173 00:05:11,988 --> 00:05:13,390 Fine, no more sex. 174 00:05:13,457 --> 00:05:17,394 But if someone insists on just going down on me, 175 00:05:17,461 --> 00:05:18,763 then I have to let them. 176 00:05:18,829 --> 00:05:19,863 Mm-mm. 177 00:05:19,930 --> 00:05:22,098 (hammering in the distance) 178 00:05:22,164 --> 00:05:24,234 Go, go, go, go, go... 179 00:05:24,301 --> 00:05:25,435 Welcome to MNNA. 180 00:05:25,502 --> 00:05:26,971 Cracked wheat or six-year sourdough? 181 00:05:27,038 --> 00:05:28,805 I'm gonna do the six-year sourdough and a coffee. 182 00:05:28,872 --> 00:05:29,807 Two please, with butter. 183 00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,007 We don't have butter. 184 00:05:31,074 --> 00:05:32,242 No butter, no jam, no spreads, 185 00:05:32,308 --> 00:05:34,143 also no coffee or any drinks. 186 00:05:34,211 --> 00:05:36,480 Wait, I'm sorry, you just sell dry toast? 187 00:05:36,546 --> 00:05:37,814 Two six-year sourdough. 188 00:05:37,882 --> 00:05:39,149 That's 14. 189 00:05:39,174 --> 00:05:40,368 Dollars? 190 00:05:40,393 --> 00:05:41,994 American dollars? 191 00:05:44,721 --> 00:05:46,957 192 00:05:49,894 --> 00:05:51,228 (toast crunching) 193 00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,766 Mmm... mm-hmm. 194 00:05:55,832 --> 00:05:57,433 (gulping) 195 00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:58,274 No Instagramming! 196 00:05:58,299 --> 00:05:59,633 Get the (bleep) out! 197 00:06:05,175 --> 00:06:06,877 - Yuck. - (cell phone ringing) 198 00:06:06,944 --> 00:06:08,454 Ooh, delivery. 199 00:06:08,479 --> 00:06:10,181 - Beachwood. - Nice. 200 00:06:10,206 --> 00:06:11,574 Oh, crap, it's Robbie. 201 00:06:11,602 --> 00:06:13,183 (Paige) Ugh, come on. 202 00:06:13,250 --> 00:06:15,853 (man) Ladies, hi! 203 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:16,954 How's business? 204 00:06:17,019 --> 00:06:18,688 Saw your review on "Weeder LA." 205 00:06:18,755 --> 00:06:22,125 You guys are offering prostitution services now too? 206 00:06:22,192 --> 00:06:23,293 See? 207 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:24,661 What, do you just go through "Weeder LA" 208 00:06:24,728 --> 00:06:26,297 and look for our reviews? 209 00:06:26,363 --> 00:06:28,666 You must be really threatened by us, Robbie. 210 00:06:28,731 --> 00:06:29,866 Not at all, actually. 211 00:06:29,933 --> 00:06:30,868 I read that and I was like... 212 00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:31,743 (gasping) 213 00:06:31,768 --> 00:06:32,769 ...good for them. 214 00:06:32,794 --> 00:06:34,162 That's adorable. 215 00:06:34,187 --> 00:06:36,839 I have something here that I thought you'd love to see. 216 00:06:36,906 --> 00:06:39,276 Oh, look who cracked the Green 15. 217 00:06:39,343 --> 00:06:41,044 (bleep) me with a Christmas tree. 218 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,245 How did you do that? 219 00:06:42,312 --> 00:06:43,581 Easy, celebrity endorsement. 220 00:06:43,647 --> 00:06:44,647 (gasping) 221 00:06:44,714 --> 00:06:45,649 Boom! 222 00:06:45,716 --> 00:06:46,684 Oh, come on. 223 00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:47,688 That's right, bitches. 224 00:06:47,713 --> 00:06:50,362 Pot Holder is Rogen approved. 225 00:06:50,387 --> 00:06:51,988 You got a picture with Seth Rogen? 226 00:06:52,055 --> 00:06:53,690 How much did you have to pay him to get him to do that? 227 00:06:53,757 --> 00:06:54,587 Nothing. 228 00:06:54,612 --> 00:06:56,234 I just send him some free Sour Diesel. 229 00:06:56,259 --> 00:06:57,048 (gasping) 230 00:06:57,073 --> 00:06:58,374 Business. 231 00:06:58,399 --> 00:06:59,767 Big deal, who cares? 232 00:06:59,892 --> 00:07:00,926 I'm sorry? Big deal? 233 00:07:00,951 --> 00:07:01,952 - Yeah. - The Green 15? 234 00:07:01,977 --> 00:07:03,532 - Yeah. - Yeah, you're right. 235 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:04,491 It is a big deal. 236 00:07:06,502 --> 00:07:07,594 (inhaling) 237 00:07:07,619 --> 00:07:08,754 Have a smoking day. 238 00:07:08,779 --> 00:07:10,082 (exhaling) 239 00:07:11,574 --> 00:07:13,144 (inhaling) 240 00:07:13,209 --> 00:07:15,178 (hoverboard whirring) 241 00:07:16,118 --> 00:07:18,254 We are getting on that goddamn list. 242 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,921 "Have a smoking day." 243 00:07:19,988 --> 00:07:21,690 Stupidest (bleep) catchphrase ever. 244 00:07:25,015 --> 00:07:26,850 245 00:07:26,875 --> 00:07:27,809 Hey 246 00:07:27,821 --> 00:07:29,155 I am not losing to Robbie 247 00:07:29,222 --> 00:07:30,323 because he got a selfie 248 00:07:30,390 --> 00:07:32,793 with the world's most famous stoner. 249 00:07:32,859 --> 00:07:33,893 Okay, who do we know? 250 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,496 Who can we get a picture with? 251 00:07:35,563 --> 00:07:36,563 What? 252 00:07:39,431 --> 00:07:40,829 You okay? 253 00:07:41,366 --> 00:07:42,302 Yup. 254 00:07:43,604 --> 00:07:45,005 Okay, I... 255 00:07:45,071 --> 00:07:47,140 I just need to come out and say this. 256 00:07:47,207 --> 00:07:49,209 You need to get over this shitbag and move on. 257 00:07:49,275 --> 00:07:51,905 Jordan, I am fine, okay? 258 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,914 I mean, I barely even think about him anymore. 259 00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:55,047 Look, I get it, okay? 260 00:07:55,114 --> 00:07:56,816 He is a rising graffiti artist 261 00:07:56,883 --> 00:07:58,118 with a mystique about him, 262 00:07:58,175 --> 00:08:00,676 like a smile from Kanye West. 263 00:08:00,701 --> 00:08:02,056 And, yeah, he makes ten grand a night 264 00:08:02,121 --> 00:08:03,785 to (bleep) DJ. 265 00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:05,379 Which is not a real job. 266 00:08:05,404 --> 00:08:08,460 And according to you, he has a huge penis. 267 00:08:08,527 --> 00:08:10,998 But at the end of the day, he's a... 268 00:08:11,064 --> 00:08:14,934 self-centered, cheating... asshole. 269 00:08:15,001 --> 00:08:16,936 Who overuses the word "authentic." 270 00:08:17,003 --> 00:08:19,172 Also, he used all my Moroccan oil shampoo 271 00:08:19,239 --> 00:08:21,008 on his goddamn man bun. 272 00:08:21,075 --> 00:08:22,242 You can't live like this, P. 273 00:08:22,308 --> 00:08:23,959 I have my own process, okay? 274 00:08:23,984 --> 00:08:25,434 I have been doing vision boards. 275 00:08:25,459 --> 00:08:27,013 I have my positive affirmations. 276 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,749 I am doing Tracy Anderson, it's not... 277 00:08:28,816 --> 00:08:30,246 No, no, no, no. 278 00:08:30,271 --> 00:08:32,184 You need to (bleep) him out of your system. 279 00:08:32,252 --> 00:08:33,987 Random sex doesn't cure anything. 280 00:08:34,053 --> 00:08:35,621 Random sex cures everything. 281 00:08:35,646 --> 00:08:37,754 Headaches, uh, period cramps, 282 00:08:37,779 --> 00:08:39,525 Lyme disease, boredom. 283 00:08:39,591 --> 00:08:42,457 Also, it is scientifically proven to be the best 284 00:08:42,482 --> 00:08:44,163 and only way to get over a breakup. 285 00:08:44,230 --> 00:08:45,297 You realize that Lyme disease 286 00:08:45,364 --> 00:08:46,532 is a real thing, right? 287 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,200 Is it? 288 00:08:48,268 --> 00:08:50,504 Oh my God, look, someone lost a monkey. 289 00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:51,965 - I would kill for a monkey. - _ 290 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,141 I would not give him a dipshit name like Tumbles, though. 291 00:08:54,206 --> 00:08:55,674 Jordan, we cannot get a monkey. 292 00:08:55,742 --> 00:08:58,178 We would never get our security deposit back. 293 00:08:58,244 --> 00:09:00,279 And plus, Daniel Day-Lewis would freak out. 294 00:09:00,346 --> 00:09:02,148 It's not his fault, he's a jealous breed. 295 00:09:02,215 --> 00:09:04,151 Ah push it 296 00:09:04,175 --> 00:09:05,833 _ 297 00:09:05,857 --> 00:09:07,652 _ 298 00:09:07,653 --> 00:09:08,788 299 00:09:10,657 --> 00:09:12,926 - (Paige) Whoa... - (Jordan) Whoa... 300 00:09:12,992 --> 00:09:14,561 It's so fancy. 301 00:09:14,628 --> 00:09:15,895 Who the hell lives here? 302 00:09:15,961 --> 00:09:17,997 And how do we get them to be regular clients? 303 00:09:18,065 --> 00:09:19,762 Without having sex with them. 304 00:09:23,335 --> 00:09:24,704 Good afternoon. 305 00:09:24,771 --> 00:09:25,806 Cool place. 306 00:09:25,873 --> 00:09:27,007 We have your weed. 307 00:09:27,072 --> 00:09:28,378 What? They called us. 308 00:09:28,403 --> 00:09:29,642 They know we're drug dealers. 309 00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:32,479 Uh, mostly legal prescription delivery service. 310 00:09:32,546 --> 00:09:34,147 Follow me, won't you? 311 00:09:34,214 --> 00:09:35,549 (shrieking) 312 00:09:37,617 --> 00:09:38,752 Please, wait here. 313 00:09:42,346 --> 00:09:43,995 Will you look at this place? 314 00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:45,792 No one comes by this kind of money legally. 315 00:09:45,859 --> 00:09:47,360 I mean, that's what I'm hoping. 316 00:09:47,427 --> 00:09:50,063 God, you could throw such great parties here. 317 00:09:51,665 --> 00:09:53,628 I always used to dream that Softs3rve and I would 318 00:09:53,653 --> 00:09:55,067 throw really good parties. 319 00:09:55,134 --> 00:09:57,136 And we'd invite people from his gallery. 320 00:09:57,202 --> 00:09:58,404 And normal people too. 321 00:09:58,471 --> 00:10:00,239 Maybe Cara Delevingne would show up. 322 00:10:00,528 --> 00:10:03,143 Our house would be big but not this big. 323 00:10:03,210 --> 00:10:04,176 You know, it would be cozy. 324 00:10:04,243 --> 00:10:05,645 - Mm-hmm. - Tasteful. 325 00:10:05,711 --> 00:10:09,148 My dream is to live inside a 747 that circles the globe, 326 00:10:09,215 --> 00:10:10,776 and we'd only land when I need to 327 00:10:10,801 --> 00:10:13,085 slap you in the face for talking about Softs3rve. 328 00:10:13,152 --> 00:10:14,854 Hey, Jordan, look. 329 00:10:14,921 --> 00:10:16,223 Look, look, look, look! 330 00:10:16,288 --> 00:10:17,323 Oh, come on, you can get these 331 00:10:17,391 --> 00:10:18,491 in any souvenir shop in Hollywood. 332 00:10:18,557 --> 00:10:19,724 No, no, no, these are real. 333 00:10:19,792 --> 00:10:21,862 - Wait! Don't touch that. - Why? 334 00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:23,401 Because if you touch it you're never gonna 335 00:10:23,426 --> 00:10:25,041 win one in real life. 336 00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:26,668 Don't. 337 00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,736 Best Supporting Actress 19... 338 00:10:29,802 --> 00:10:30,837 (gasping) 339 00:10:33,071 --> 00:10:34,607 That's who lives here. 340 00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:35,878 Oh my God. 341 00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:37,026 I think they're like the biggest 342 00:10:37,051 --> 00:10:38,244 movie stars on the planet. 343 00:10:38,311 --> 00:10:40,206 They're like the sexiest movie stars on the planet. 344 00:10:40,231 --> 00:10:41,909 I don't even know which one of them I'd do it with. 345 00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:43,034 And they're such good people. 346 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,472 He basically rebuilt Haiti with his bare hands. 347 00:10:45,497 --> 00:10:47,050 And I think she won a Nobel Prize. 348 00:10:47,075 --> 00:10:48,576 I mean, I guess I could do it with both of them. 349 00:10:48,644 --> 00:10:50,080 No, no, you are not going to have 350 00:10:50,146 --> 00:10:51,179 a three-way with them. 351 00:10:51,247 --> 00:10:52,314 What? No! 352 00:10:52,381 --> 00:10:53,715 I mean, yeah, but no. 353 00:10:53,782 --> 00:10:55,284 I'm gonna get a picture with them. 354 00:10:55,352 --> 00:10:56,419 "F" Seth Rogen! 355 00:10:56,486 --> 00:10:58,287 This is our ticket to the Green 15. 356 00:10:58,353 --> 00:10:59,287 If they ever show up. 357 00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:00,288 358 00:11:00,356 --> 00:11:01,370 Sir? 359 00:11:01,757 --> 00:11:03,626 - Did you see this? It has boobs in it. - What? 360 00:11:04,278 --> 00:11:05,713 361 00:11:07,372 --> 00:11:08,540 (cell phone clicking) 362 00:11:08,607 --> 00:11:10,543 (Jordan) Dammit, Robbie's at 13. 363 00:11:10,608 --> 00:11:12,511 That asshat's actually climbing. 364 00:11:12,804 --> 00:11:14,339 We gotta get on this list, Paige. 365 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,208 What are you doing? 366 00:11:16,815 --> 00:11:18,917 Oh, I might go home for Thanksgiving 367 00:11:18,984 --> 00:11:21,487 and when my friends brag to me about their engagements, 368 00:11:21,554 --> 00:11:24,089 I can tell them I deliver weed to movie stars. 369 00:11:24,156 --> 00:11:25,525 Oh, I'm not gonna say that. 370 00:11:25,592 --> 00:11:27,129 No, I meant why are you using my camera 371 00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:28,440 on the back to take a selfie? 372 00:11:28,465 --> 00:11:30,042 Because the camera on the front isn't as sharp. 373 00:11:30,067 --> 00:11:31,763 Yeah, but that's what the camera is for, look... 374 00:11:31,830 --> 00:11:34,666 - No, Jordan, I'm fine, I know how to do it! - Yeah, this is how you take... 375 00:11:34,733 --> 00:11:35,734 (both gasping) 376 00:11:35,801 --> 00:11:37,503 - Oh! - Oh, fix it. 377 00:11:37,569 --> 00:11:39,304 Dude, you fix it, I don't know how to fix it. 378 00:11:39,372 --> 00:11:41,175 You're crafty, don't you have glue in your bag? 379 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,183 I have weed in my bag. 380 00:11:42,208 --> 00:11:43,286 I'm not a glue dealer! 381 00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:44,372 Hello. 382 00:11:45,343 --> 00:11:47,347 Why is that Asian man so tiny? 383 00:11:47,413 --> 00:11:48,848 It's not a man, it's a child. 384 00:11:48,914 --> 00:11:49,848 Ugh. 385 00:11:49,915 --> 00:11:51,617 386 00:11:53,118 --> 00:11:54,953 Why are there so many of them? 387 00:11:55,021 --> 00:11:57,055 Have you seen Mama or Papa? 388 00:11:57,122 --> 00:11:58,468 Um... 389 00:11:59,058 --> 00:12:00,260 Are you the new nannies? 390 00:12:00,325 --> 00:12:01,360 Will you play with us? 391 00:12:01,426 --> 00:12:02,695 (Jordan) They're looking at you. 392 00:12:02,761 --> 00:12:04,063 No, they're not, they're looking at you. 393 00:12:04,130 --> 00:12:05,530 I don't know how to play with kids. 394 00:12:05,598 --> 00:12:08,367 You have a dog, that's basically the same thing. 395 00:12:08,434 --> 00:12:10,069 Can we watch a show? 396 00:12:10,136 --> 00:12:11,536 - Yeah, sure. - Oh yeah. 397 00:12:11,603 --> 00:12:13,238 Oh yeah, there's so much I wanna catch up on. 398 00:12:13,304 --> 00:12:14,306 Where's the remote? 399 00:12:14,373 --> 00:12:15,441 In the theater. 400 00:12:15,507 --> 00:12:16,742 - Home theater, sweet. - (chuckling) 401 00:12:16,809 --> 00:12:18,376 (text alerting) 402 00:12:18,444 --> 00:12:19,913 Oh, it's another delivery. 403 00:12:19,978 --> 00:12:21,413 What are we gonna do? 404 00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:24,049 I am not leaving without this picture. 405 00:12:24,117 --> 00:12:26,386 You go, take the car, I'll Lyft it home. 406 00:12:26,453 --> 00:12:29,255 Kids, Auntie Jordan's coming to watch TV with you! 407 00:12:32,058 --> 00:12:33,326 (glass tinkling) 408 00:12:33,391 --> 00:12:35,560 (woman on radio) I am happy being single. 409 00:12:35,627 --> 00:12:38,129 I can have a lot of fun being single. 410 00:12:38,450 --> 00:12:39,823 I'm happy being single. 411 00:12:39,848 --> 00:12:41,666 I can have a lot of fun being single. 412 00:12:41,905 --> 00:12:44,508 I find romance everywhere I go. 413 00:12:48,207 --> 00:12:49,708 I never know what amazing, 414 00:12:49,775 --> 00:12:52,678 incredible person I might meet next. 415 00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:53,847 (man sobbing) 416 00:12:55,180 --> 00:12:58,549 Tumbles! 417 00:12:58,617 --> 00:12:59,885 Tumbles. 418 00:12:59,952 --> 00:13:03,223 There is joy and happiness all around me. 419 00:13:05,424 --> 00:13:07,567 Okay, what are we watching, "SpongeBob"? 420 00:13:07,592 --> 00:13:08,794 "Phineas and Ferb"? 421 00:13:08,896 --> 00:13:11,699 We're not allowed to watch television or movies. 422 00:13:11,930 --> 00:13:12,856 What? 423 00:13:12,881 --> 00:13:14,915 I thought you said we were watching a show. 424 00:13:15,263 --> 00:13:17,399 425 00:13:18,603 --> 00:13:20,839 Good evening, we are Live Wire. 426 00:13:20,906 --> 00:13:23,910 We're gonna do some long-form improvisational comedy for you. 427 00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,410 Now, can I get a suggestion 428 00:13:25,477 --> 00:13:26,780 from the audience for a topic? 429 00:13:26,846 --> 00:13:29,280 Anything... a book title, current events. 430 00:13:29,348 --> 00:13:31,349 (girl) Poop! 431 00:13:31,416 --> 00:13:35,253 Okay, we're going to do poop... again. 432 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,022 433 00:13:37,089 --> 00:13:38,590 (whispering) What year is it? 434 00:13:38,657 --> 00:13:40,491 How long have you been here? 435 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:41,593 Shh. 436 00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:43,362 Can you give this letter to my parents? 437 00:13:43,429 --> 00:13:45,064 Are you kidding? 438 00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:46,564 Of course she's kidding. 439 00:13:46,631 --> 00:13:47,367 It's comedy. 440 00:13:47,433 --> 00:13:48,867 (nervously laughing) 441 00:13:51,371 --> 00:13:52,905 (Australian accent) G'day, mate. 442 00:13:52,972 --> 00:13:56,275 I think I might've had too much Mexican food last night. 443 00:13:56,342 --> 00:13:57,443 (blowing raspberry) 444 00:13:57,510 --> 00:13:58,843 (children laughing) 445 00:13:58,910 --> 00:14:00,313 (whispering) Help me. 446 00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:02,515 Excuse me, they're ready to see you now. 447 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:08,754 (crickets chirping) 448 00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:10,290 (doorbell ringing) 449 00:14:14,193 --> 00:14:15,495 - Hi. - Hello. 450 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,863 - (man swallowing) - I have your... delivery. 451 00:14:17,930 --> 00:14:19,397 Cool, I'm Chris. 452 00:14:19,676 --> 00:14:21,700 Um... how does this work? 453 00:14:21,766 --> 00:14:24,703 Do I just give you the cash first or... 454 00:14:24,771 --> 00:14:25,804 (whimpering) 455 00:14:27,405 --> 00:14:29,729 - Um, we could do cash later. - Oh, God. 456 00:14:29,754 --> 00:14:31,137 I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening. 457 00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:33,112 - Are you okay, are you having a seizure? - I'm sorry. 458 00:14:33,179 --> 00:14:34,780 459 00:14:39,084 --> 00:14:40,920 (electrical beeping) 460 00:14:44,390 --> 00:14:46,192 You know, he was working at a Chipotle 461 00:14:46,258 --> 00:14:47,325 when I first met him, 462 00:14:47,392 --> 00:14:49,027 and he was like totally broke and... 463 00:14:49,094 --> 00:14:52,297 every night I had to buy all of his spray paints for him. 464 00:14:52,365 --> 00:14:53,665 I used to drive him around at night 465 00:14:53,732 --> 00:14:55,602 so he could tag things and not get caught. 466 00:14:57,636 --> 00:14:59,872 But then (bleep) Taylor Swift Insta'd 467 00:14:59,938 --> 00:15:01,040 one of his ice cream cones 468 00:15:01,107 --> 00:15:02,408 and suddenly he's all like, 469 00:15:02,474 --> 00:15:03,674 "Oh, babe, sorry, 470 00:15:03,742 --> 00:15:06,178 "I just got invited to this event in Malibu 471 00:15:06,245 --> 00:15:07,947 and I can't bring a plus-one." 472 00:15:08,012 --> 00:15:10,349 And he's not coming home at night anymore and... 473 00:15:11,684 --> 00:15:13,953 He doesn't even need me to buy him his spray paints. 474 00:15:21,581 --> 00:15:22,514 Thanks. 475 00:15:23,761 --> 00:15:25,634 My best friend, Jordan... 476 00:15:26,232 --> 00:15:27,565 she just keeps on telling me 477 00:15:27,632 --> 00:15:29,501 that the only way I'm ever gonna get over him 478 00:15:29,568 --> 00:15:32,472 is if I have rebound sex with someone else. 479 00:15:32,539 --> 00:15:34,386 And that it doesn't even really matter who. 480 00:15:34,411 --> 00:15:37,301 I just have to have sex with someone and... 481 00:15:42,515 --> 00:15:43,750 I mean, that's... 482 00:15:46,852 --> 00:15:48,621 That's like crazy, right? 483 00:15:50,722 --> 00:15:51,658 Mmm. 484 00:15:52,958 --> 00:15:54,426 485 00:16:09,856 --> 00:16:12,045 (woman) Come on in. 486 00:16:12,111 --> 00:16:14,112 - (Paige) Right there, right there! - (Chris) Okay, okay. 487 00:16:14,179 --> 00:16:15,647 That's nice. 488 00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,450 - Oh, it's so... - Oh my God. 489 00:16:18,517 --> 00:16:20,285 Oh... 490 00:16:20,352 --> 00:16:22,021 I'm getting close. 491 00:16:22,088 --> 00:16:23,488 - Oh! - (shrieking) 492 00:16:23,555 --> 00:16:24,690 Tumbles? 493 00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:27,693 You're ruining it! 494 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,495 Yeah, yeah, I'm ruining it. 495 00:16:29,562 --> 00:16:30,496 I'm wrecking it. 496 00:16:30,562 --> 00:16:32,365 I'm a wrecking ball! 497 00:16:32,430 --> 00:16:33,631 Oh, yeah. 498 00:16:33,698 --> 00:16:35,034 Oh, God, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 499 00:16:36,569 --> 00:16:38,737 500 00:16:38,804 --> 00:16:40,606 Whoa! 501 00:16:40,673 --> 00:16:41,874 (woman) Sorry to have kept you waiting. 502 00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:46,445 You guys look so different in person. 503 00:16:47,613 --> 00:16:49,849 Well, without all the makeup and costumes, 504 00:16:49,915 --> 00:16:52,059 we're really just normal people. 505 00:16:54,353 --> 00:16:56,504 What the (bleep) did I just smoke? 506 00:16:57,790 --> 00:17:01,059 Um, I have your... stuff. 507 00:17:01,126 --> 00:17:03,194 Oh, great, just leave it on the dresser. 508 00:17:03,261 --> 00:17:05,062 The money should be there for you. 509 00:17:05,129 --> 00:17:06,064 Oh. 510 00:17:07,388 --> 00:17:08,656 Thanks. 511 00:17:08,934 --> 00:17:10,368 You know, we love supporting women 512 00:17:10,435 --> 00:17:12,471 in business for themselves. 513 00:17:12,538 --> 00:17:14,741 Hey, would it be like totally crazy 514 00:17:14,807 --> 00:17:17,231 if I asked to take a photo with you guys? 515 00:17:18,309 --> 00:17:19,944 Oh, not at all. 516 00:17:20,011 --> 00:17:20,913 No problemo. 517 00:17:20,980 --> 00:17:22,280 That's so cool, thank you. 518 00:17:22,347 --> 00:17:23,516 God, move over. 519 00:17:23,582 --> 00:17:24,883 Ah, thanks, guys. 520 00:17:28,453 --> 00:17:30,698 You know, you should really use the camera on the back. 521 00:17:30,723 --> 00:17:31,823 Wait, really? 522 00:17:31,889 --> 00:17:34,425 Trust me, I'm an award-winning director. 523 00:17:34,492 --> 00:17:36,596 Just do it, she's right about everything. 524 00:17:36,662 --> 00:17:37,864 All right. 525 00:17:39,598 --> 00:17:40,933 (cell phone clicking) 526 00:17:40,999 --> 00:17:42,134 You were great. 527 00:17:42,201 --> 00:17:43,268 Thanks. 528 00:17:43,335 --> 00:17:44,270 You too. 529 00:17:44,337 --> 00:17:45,570 - (chuckling) - Thanks. 530 00:17:47,137 --> 00:17:50,142 Hey, um, you got Square, right? 531 00:17:50,209 --> 00:17:51,644 So I can use my card? 532 00:17:51,711 --> 00:17:53,913 Oh, yeah, yeah. 533 00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:55,447 Sorry, it's kind of stupid... 534 00:17:55,513 --> 00:17:58,497 For charges under $50 we kind of prefer cash. 535 00:17:59,851 --> 00:18:01,161 Wasn't the Kush 45? 536 00:18:01,186 --> 00:18:02,387 Yeah. 537 00:18:02,580 --> 00:18:03,749 What about the sex? 538 00:18:04,999 --> 00:18:06,401 What? 539 00:18:06,724 --> 00:18:09,828 How much for the sex that we did? 540 00:18:09,895 --> 00:18:11,230 Why would I charge you for sex? 541 00:18:11,297 --> 00:18:13,232 I'm... I'm not a hooker. 542 00:18:13,299 --> 00:18:14,232 Okay, very funny. 543 00:18:14,299 --> 00:18:15,334 (chuckling) 544 00:18:15,401 --> 00:18:16,769 Well, how would you get that idea? 545 00:18:16,836 --> 00:18:18,604 'Cause the "Weeder LA" review said you guys 546 00:18:18,669 --> 00:18:19,670 "go the extra mile." 547 00:18:19,738 --> 00:18:21,407 Like what else would that mean? 548 00:18:21,473 --> 00:18:22,641 Dammit, Jordan. 549 00:18:24,042 --> 00:18:26,712 Wait, you had sex with me 'cause you wanted to? 550 00:18:26,778 --> 00:18:27,817 That's awesome! 551 00:18:27,842 --> 00:18:29,145 Goddamnit, Jordan! 552 00:18:30,372 --> 00:18:31,807 553 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,134 (Jordan) Why the hell do we have to bring our own plates? 554 00:18:36,201 --> 00:18:37,839 - It's a green experience. - What? 555 00:18:37,864 --> 00:18:39,893 No, they're really concerned about the water shortage. 556 00:18:39,918 --> 00:18:40,956 Yeah, but it doesn't matter. 557 00:18:40,981 --> 00:18:41,840 When I go home and wash the plate, 558 00:18:41,907 --> 00:18:43,007 I'm still gonna use water. 559 00:18:43,075 --> 00:18:44,477 So this is not a green experience. 560 00:18:44,544 --> 00:18:45,845 - This is not a green experience! - Shh! 561 00:18:45,912 --> 00:18:47,579 - You're gonna get us kicked out of line. - So? 562 00:18:47,646 --> 00:18:49,714 - But Jen?e said this place is the tits. - (groaning) 563 00:18:49,781 --> 00:18:51,083 You are the only person I would do this for. 564 00:18:51,151 --> 00:18:52,317 Aw... 565 00:18:52,384 --> 00:18:53,552 Oh, and great advice, by the way, 566 00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:55,154 on using the camera on the back. 567 00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:56,388 Look at this. 568 00:18:56,455 --> 00:18:57,923 - That photo's worthless. - Mmm... 569 00:18:57,990 --> 00:19:00,326 But the good news is we got a lot of referrals. 570 00:19:00,393 --> 00:19:01,893 We're gonna be fine. 571 00:19:01,961 --> 00:19:04,064 Oh, and Robbie got a cease and desist from Seth Rogen. 572 00:19:04,130 --> 00:19:05,176 - What? - Yeah. 573 00:19:05,201 --> 00:19:06,674 He made him take the picture down. 574 00:19:06,699 --> 00:19:09,235 He fell off the Green 15 completely. 575 00:19:09,301 --> 00:19:11,036 Clearing the way for us, baby boo. 576 00:19:11,104 --> 00:19:12,270 - Boom! - Boom! 577 00:19:12,337 --> 00:19:13,605 - (text alerting) - Oh. 578 00:19:13,672 --> 00:19:15,567 - Who's that? - I don't know. 579 00:19:15,592 --> 00:19:16,941 Who's Chris? 580 00:19:17,609 --> 00:19:19,110 It's that guy from last night. 581 00:19:19,178 --> 00:19:20,813 "Can I take you out sometime? 582 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,282 I'll bring the weed." 583 00:19:22,348 --> 00:19:23,749 Nice, okay. 584 00:19:23,816 --> 00:19:25,418 Are we gonna text him back? 585 00:19:25,484 --> 00:19:27,452 - I don't know, it's... - This is great. 586 00:19:27,519 --> 00:19:29,320 This is the power of rebound sex. 587 00:19:29,387 --> 00:19:30,622 You are already moving on. 588 00:19:30,690 --> 00:19:32,424 I love it, this could be something. 589 00:19:32,490 --> 00:19:33,826 Yeah, being mistaken for a prostitute 590 00:19:33,893 --> 00:19:36,328 is exactly how I thought I'd meet my soul mate. 591 00:19:36,395 --> 00:19:38,364 (whimpering) _ 592 00:19:38,431 --> 00:19:39,864 (text alerting) 593 00:19:39,932 --> 00:19:42,918 See, homegirl, he's texting you twice in one day. 594 00:19:42,943 --> 00:19:44,504 - You got skills. - _ 595 00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:47,807 So, what are you gonna tell him? 596 00:19:49,286 --> 00:19:50,576 Good move, man. 597 00:19:50,643 --> 00:19:52,010 Don't wanna seem desperate. 598 00:19:52,077 --> 00:19:53,311 I get that. 599 00:19:53,378 --> 00:19:54,647 - (text alerting) - Oh... 600 00:19:56,182 --> 00:19:57,851 "Fillabow," that's a delivery. 601 00:19:57,916 --> 00:19:59,051 Can't wait in this line anymore 602 00:19:59,118 --> 00:20:00,352 Gotta go! 603 00:20:00,420 --> 00:20:02,788 Uh... (bleep) this green experience! 604 00:20:04,056 --> 00:20:06,726 We bring you the real green experience. 605 00:20:10,029 --> 00:20:12,230 'Cause we're mother(bleep) drug dealers, yo! 606 00:20:12,297 --> 00:20:13,532 Okay, okay, it's a mostly legal 607 00:20:13,598 --> 00:20:15,301 prescription delivery service. 608 00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:17,636 Okay, Mary + Jane, look us up, thank you. 609 00:20:17,695 --> 00:20:19,763 610 00:20:19,838 --> 00:20:21,973 You know what, that's a really good slogan. 611 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,592 Mary + Jane bring you the green experience. 612 00:20:24,617 --> 00:20:27,468 Yes, put it on some panties so your customers can see it. 613 00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:29,715 Say it baby what's your name? 614 00:20:29,782 --> 00:20:31,016 Are you the one Mary? 615 00:20:31,084 --> 00:20:32,485 Are you Jane? 616 00:20:32,550 --> 00:20:34,920 I know a few faces and I do got game 617 00:20:34,988 --> 00:20:37,591 Turn it up for me now light that flame 618 00:20:37,615 --> 00:20:38,695 Synced and corrected by Chitorafa www.addic7ed.com 619 00:20:38,745 --> 00:20:43,295 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42536

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