All language subtitles for Marry Me s01e04 Annicurser-Me.eng

- A toast.
- A toast.

Thank you all for making this,

The sixth anniversary of
our first date, so special.

Who better to celebrate with
than old friends

and new acquaintances?
Liam, welcome.

Brilliant to meet you all, by the way.

Dennah was right. Bunch of wankers.

- I didn't get a word of it.
- Me neither.

Got to admit, when Dennah first told us

She was seeing a doctor, I just assumed

She was finally doing something

About those earrings she swallowed.

Hey, in the middle of the night,

Everything feels like a Xanax.

Oh, that's all right, love.

My mum once sleep-ate a dog's dinner.

Wow, you are hard British.

So here's to our last date-iversary.

Due to our upcoming nuptials,
date TBD ASAP, BTW,

We can now finally retire
this date forever.

- R.I.P.
- Good riddance.

Thank Yeezus, because your
date-iversary is cursed as hell.

Whoa. I mean, I know there might have been

The occasional incident through the years,

But I don't think it's cursed.

[coughing]

The soy. I'm...

[coughing] I'm allergic.

Oh, my gosh! Wait, wait, wait.
I have an epipen.

You have a what?

Oh! [bleep].

Bruce!

Oh, my god, Springsteen live

Is a religious ex... aah! [horse whinnies]

Calabasas, baby. Calabas...

- Aah! Oh, my god!
- Oh! Oh, my god!

Oh, I can't wait to try this bread pudding.

Oh, we just ran out of bread pudding.

Both: What?

Wow, that dress leaves just enough

To horny up the imagination.

- And your hair...
- What?

This little two-hour,
$200 Brazilian blowout?

[screams]

Aah! [alarm blares]

- Oh, my god!
- Oh, oh.

- Oh, my god! Oh, god! Oh, no!
- Oh.

[laughs]

Merely an unfortunate string
of coincidental events.

- You're cursed, lady lumps.
- Actually, for what it's worth,

That bread pudding bistro closed down

After they found
rat droppings... In the recipe.

So us not eating it
was a blessing, not a curse.

Not to mention tonight
has gone off without a curse...

H-h-h-hitch.

And I even made it through the whole dinner

Without breaking my wedding diet,

Despite Kay bringing
these sin-famous oatmeal bars.

Uh, we're not on your wedding diet.

Those were imported.

I saved up all my points for dessert.

It's okay.

Raise your glasses

To our last date-iversary,

And here's to breaking the curse,

Not that there ever was a curse.

You'll like this one, Liam.

[British accent] cheers.

All: [British accent] cheers. [thunder]

Oh! Oh!

Oh, Jake, grab a flashlight.

We don't own a flashlight. [loud thud]

- Oh, my god!
- Oh, bollocks! My leg!

- Oh! Ow!
- Oh, my god. Are you okay?

Ow! Oh, [bleep].

No flashlights in there.

Everybody relax.
It was just the circuit breaker.

Wow, thanks, Gil. How did you...

I can see in the dark.

Years of light sensitivity training,

Due to years of not paying my power bill.

- You all right, Liam?
- Slight sprain, I'm afraid.

Sorry, Liam, I tried to warn you

- About the annicursery.
- Whoa, no.

It's date-icursery. I mean, date-iversary.

And despite this minor power outage,

Resulting in little more than...

You eating out of the trash like a raccoon?

Well, they're highly intelligent animals

With opposable thumbs,
so I take that as a compliment.

The point is, there's no curse.

[all cell phones chiming]

"Tornado warning.

Seek shelter now"?

You got to be [bleep] kidding me.

[whistling]

-
Oh, no

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This says we need to seek
shelter below ground now.

- Guys, I'm scared.
- Kitten, I'm sure

They're just being overly cautious.

[tree branch cracks] oh, no! Not Treeonce.

Okay, people, please remain calm.

I keep a B.O.B. Strategically
located in each of your homes

For emergencies such as this.

- What?
- B.O.B.

A bug-out bag? Hello?

Wait, Gil, you're a doomsday prepper?

We prefer "survival-istas."

Okay, everybody, grab bottled water,

Nonperishable food items and batteries,

And let's go before we all
end up storm meat.

I can't believe
I'm taking orders from a guy

The Chicago tribune called a cab

To get him home safely when they found him

In their lobby on shrooms.

[chuckles] nobody? Nothing?

- No time.
- No time for it.

- Now, let's move out!
- Okay, let's move.

Come on, go! Go!

Is this absolutely necessary?

- Oh, thanks, Gil.
- Don't mention it, milady.

Jake, get out of the way!
Get out of the way!

Okay. I already opened it, but...

You know, I've never seen this
side of Gil before. He's so...

- Coherent?
- Awake?

In charge... like Charles,

The guy who runs my booty boot camp.

Okay, forget about Gil.
Let's talk about Liam.

When's the last time you were
with a nice guy like that?

Nineteen-ninety-never? [both laugh]

Yeah, seriously, Den,
your track record with dudes

Is ah-not great.

The helicopter DJ,
the hologram denier, Lamar Odom.

D-bags, degenerates, D-listers.

[both laugh] - stop it!

[laughs]

Hilarious.

[thunder rumbles]

Is anybody getting reception down here?

- [thunder crashes]
- Damn curse.

Hey, no. We're not gonna let
a little storm get us down.

You guys, let's have fun.

Oh, I know. We can play candy land.

Aah! More like spider land.

Oy! Ah!

Okay, everybody,
let's get down to business.

We're going to be here a while,

So this is your toilet.

This is the kitchen.

Do not confuse the toilet and the kitchen,

Or you're going to have to go
running to this guy.

Puke bucket.

Maybe we should slap a label on those.

- Get a marker.
- Something.

I don't know. I think it's pretty clear.

Got the kitchen, toi...

You...

Kitchen, toi...

- You already mixed them up.
- Okay.

Whoever needs to go to the bathroom first,

Go in one of these.

And then that'll be the toilet
from here on out. Yes?

Is there a chance
we would eat our own [bleep]?

You know what, let's just start using them,

And it'll organically sort itself out.

Now, we need to do a complete
inventory of our supplies.

- Okay.
- So fan out

And look for anything we can drink,

Eat, or sharpen.

I found something we can drink, I think.

"Cabernet soy-vignon"?

America's first and last
soy protein wine cooler.

I stocked up after the FDA
banned it on trumped-up charges

Of causing something called
"super puberty."

- Let's drink.
- Yeah, let's drink.

This is fun. We're here to party.

Hey, Jake, Jake! No, no, no. It's got soy.

- You're allergic.
- Oh. Right.

[groaning and coughing]

[clears throat]

Not exactly.

But at our last date-iversary...

Yeah. I flat-out lied.

Oh, that's good.

Five years since our first date.

Five years.

You don't meet many couples
that just date for five years.

Well, no.

[gasps] oh, my gosh! This is it.

[laughs] oh, my god! Jake!

[patrons clap] - oh, my god!

Yes!

What are we doing, Jake, seriously?

Because I have waited... no.
[gags and coughs]

Soy... the soy. I'm allergic.

- I have an epipen.
- You have a what?

- Ah!
- Oh! [bleep].

I mean...

[whimpers]

Thank you. Oh, thank you for that.

Do you want me to pull it out?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Annie, I was in an impossible spot.

I mean, there was no way out
without you dumping me

Or me spoiling the fact that
I was already ring shopping,

And I was planning on surprising you.

You were going to go
your whole life avoiding soy

Just to keep the proposal a surprise?

Well, I love my edamame,
but I love my Annie-mommy more.

[laughs] anybody? No?

Come on, that was gold.
God, tough storage room.

Hey, look, just promise me,
now that we're engaged,

No more secrets, okay?

- No more secrets.
- Okay.

Hey, maybe there's something
in this desk we can use.

Oh, the drawer is locked.

Oh, Jake, that's your old desk.

What's in here?

Ah, yeah.

Don't worry about it.
I wouldn't worry about it.

Then why don't you just open it?

Well... [chuckles]

You're going to love the answer to this.

It's a secret.

Babe, I know it looks bad,

But I am not unlocking my drawer,

So our friends can just rifle
through my stuff... it's private.

Weren't you embarrassed when Gil
went through your nightstand?

Of course I was. He found Dilda Radner.

I still think you should
have called it Dildo Baggins.

- Gilda's my hero.
- Look, it's the same thing.

Okay? It's not some big secret.
It's just about privacy.

Don't you trust me?

Yes. Yes, of course.

Okay. Good.

All right, give me a little... little sugar.

All right. I'm so glad we made up.

I don't trust him.

Uh-uh.

You gotta find out what's
in that drawer, Annie-kin.

It could be bad.

So is Gil over his divorce,

Or is he just looking for a rebound?

Are you seriously interested in Gil?

I knew it... authority is like an instant

Romper-dropper for Dennah.
Someone tells her what to do...

- That's not true!
- Do not interrupt me.

Did you do something to your hair?

See? It's just like that time when...

Bruce! This is going to be amazing.

I can't wait to see Springsteen!

I know, right?

Hey, get to the back of the line.

I'm in charge here.

Or what?

Unlike this poor beast,
I'm not so easily tamed.

[horse whinnies] - is a religious ex... aah!

So it wasn't the curse
that got my jaw wired shut

For a month, it was you?

- Are you mad?
- Uh, no.

- Easiest diet ever.
- Oh!

Guys, what about the super-hot super doc?

Dennah, you're finally with a good guy.

I hardly know Liam. Sure, he seems perfect,

But all that's probably just
an act to try to sleep with me.

Again, whereas I know Gil is a

I mean, what if the Harry to
my Sally has been Gil all along?

- Maybe you're right.
- Really?

Oh, I'm sorry, no.
I was directing that to Kay.

Maybe you're right, Kay.

I got to find out what's in that drawer.

Dennah, you crazy, girl.

So, Gil, what is it that you
do when you're not apocalyzing?

Between gigs at the moment.

I used to sell cars
at my cousin's dealership,

But I got let go after
I accidentally took a customer

On a test drive-by shooting.

That was a December to remember to forget.

[man crooning over record player]

Hey, look at that.

Grandpa's record player.

Oh, that greatest generation sure had a way

Of leaving us some really cool stuff

To sell on eBay.

[thunder crashes]

All right, everybody relax.

I got it.

- Gil, I'm scared!
- Dennah, let me help you... aah!

If you can help me up first.

It's going to be all right, Dennah.

This building is limestone

Built on a steel-reinforced foundation.

It's been through a lot worse than this.

- Annie, you okay?
- Yes, honey, I'm fine.

And I've been thinking about it.
You were right.

You deserve your privacy.

Annie, what the hell?

I'm freaking out,
between the storm and the curse

And your soy-soaked lies.
I want that drawer open now.

No!

I knew it. He's hiding something.

- I am not.
- All: Then open the drawer!

I don't think he should have to do anything

He doesn't want to do.

"I don't think he should
have to do, Gov'nor!"

He shouldn't have to. I'll do it.

Aah! Sticks and stones! My hand!

I told you this would happen.

We're already starting to turn
on each other.

Order must be restored!

Disaster protocol says
we need to hold an election

To determine under
whose authority the rules...

Such as privacy... shall be made.

Also, I was senior class president.

Well, actually, I was vice president,

But I was elevated to president
very quickly

After a tragic ski trip fire.

Nobody died, but the other guy
was too burned to lead.

Anyway, point is, I am the most
qualified person for the job.

Thank you, and god bless America.

Gil?

[clears throat]

[exhales]

If elected, I will open the drawer.

- Yes!
- Both: Gil! Gil! Gil!

Yes! Yes!

It's a landslide, Mr. President.

Thank you. Thank you all very much.

From this day forth, I'm in charge.

Me, okay?

Questioning my authority is forbidden.

Consuming rations without
my permission is forbidden.

Forbidding things is forbidden...

- Forbidden.
- Except by me, your king.

- What is happening?
- What always happens.

Every time Gil succeeds,

It goes to his head, and he way oversteps.

Oh! Damn, Gil, this beer is delicious.

- You made this yourself?
- You know it, girl.

And after mastering the art
of home-brewed beer,

I've moved on to home-brewed gasoline.

Don't tell me you put
that mess in your car.

Oh, I don't have a car.

Road trip to the birth barn

Of the Kardashians?

You so get me!

Calabasas, baby. Calabas...

- Aah! Oh, my god!
- Oh! Oh, my god!

[gasps] wait, we weren't
cursed that time either.

Jake, do you know what this means?

Yeah, Gil owes me a sports utility vehicle.

The universe isn't against us at all.

Our friends are just idiots.

Now nothing can stop our love,
not even what's in that drawer.

Hey, all right! Awesome.

- So let's not open it.
- Hey, nice try.

Gil, you want to make good
on that campaign promise?

- Hand over the keys, citizen.
- You heard the king.

And I don't make the rules, you know.

- I hate this.
- Do you?

I don't know.

- Oh, no.
- [gasps]

- Aah!
- Oh!

[cell phone beeps]

Has everyone gone mental?

The storm passed.

This crazy euro phone is getting reception.

The tornado totally passed over us

On its way to... the phone died.

Is that beef jerky?

No, it's shark-bark.

Teriyaki. I'll take it.

- Storm passed. Let's skedaddle.
- Thank hell.

Oh, you know what, I locked that

For our own protection.

- And the keys are?
- On my key chain.

In the hallway.

Oh, god. We're locked in?

My bad.

Annie, Annie, wait. Wait, stop.

Prenuptial agreement?

- Hold up, you want a prenup?
- [record needle scratches]

My bad.

A prenup? You want a prenup?

Annie, it's not what you think.

I was holding it for a friend.

It's not a pack of cigarettes.

God! There's not even anywhere
to storm off to down here!

Guys, this is no joke.

We're locked in, there's no reception,

And the super won't be down here
till Monday.

Annie, come on.

Liam, I don't know what came over me.

I mean, you said some things.
I kissed some things.

How about after this we get dinner,

- Maybe even skip dinner?
- No, thank you.

You and your stupid friends...
Watch yourself.

- We're not great.
- Got me stuck down here.

And then you go and snog Gil,

A doomsday loser who couldn't
even hold down a job

Selling used cars.

Certified pre-owned.

Are you going into your sales pitch?

- Are you in the market?
- Annie, think about it.

I didn't even give you that prenup.

But you had it.

So as we're just starting
our life together,

You're already planning an exit strategy?

You are a complete Muppet!

Hey! Nobody talks to Gil that way but us.

And his ex-wife,

His parents, and neighbors,
and the occasional barista.

The point is, shut up!

You twits deserve each other.

Oh, easy, Mr. Bean. We get it.

- You're British.
- Hey, wait.

I may have I found a way
to get us out of here.

The hard way.

The die hard way.

That vent goes through that storage area

And right out to the hallway
where the keys are.

You understand
the die hard reference, right?

- Yeah.
- Mcclane spends, like,

Half that movie crawling through vents.

- Get it.
- I mean, he must crawl through

Three or four vents in that movie.

- He doesn't have shoes.
- Annie.

He left his shoes in the bathroom.

I cannot spend another minute in here.

Annie, wait.

Get down. Come on, don't go... wow.

Come down to the storage unit.

We'll get together.
We'll have a few laughs.

Annie, please be careful up there.

Why? We're cursed, Jake.
Yeah, I'll admit it.

And it's not just the day that's cursed.

It's us. We are doomed.

Okay, you want to know why
I didn't give you the prenup?

Because the prenup wasn't for you.

It was for somebody else.

Fantasia Yang.

The woman I was engaged to before you.

[record needle scratches]

I keep doing that. I'm sorry.

You were engaged before me?

Yes.

You actually kind of met her.

Ah! What are you doing here, Fantasia Yang?

I got a tip you'd be here
with your new whore.

This has got to stop.
We broke up a year ago, okay?

Listen, that woman in there
is the best thing

That's ever happened to me.

Will you please stop licking
your lips like LL Cool J?

It's distracting.

Just let me be happy, Fantasia Yang.

No, get away... stop it.

Stop it.

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

Traffic was a crazy bitch.

[screams]

[alarm blares]

- Aah!
- Oh!

- Oh, my god!
- Oh!

Fantasia was real-deal crazy.

I mean, she proposed to me a month in,

And I knew it was wrong.

So, yes, yes, I got a prenup,

Shortly followed by a restraining order.

That girl was cray-Ola.

- Wait, how did you know her?
- We got together.

Had a little something. Talk about hot.

Boom! [laughs]

Full disclosure: I may have been the one

Who tipped Fantasia off that night.

Wait, Jake, you picked me over a crazy

Hot bisexual Asian chick?

I mean, I beat out a Fantasia Yang?

- Wait, you're really not mad?
- No.

That means that I won.

And that means if that date-iversary

Wasn't cursed either, then...

Then none of them were.

I faked an allergy,

Dennah got you kicked by a horse,

Gil blew up our car,
the bread pudding was poison,

And Kay sicked a psycho on us.

The universe isn't against our love.

This proves once and for all
there really isn't a curse.

- No!
- Oh, my god.

Annie, are you okay?

[sighs] yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine.

But the curse officially wins.

- I give up.
- No, come on. Don't give up.

That's... that's what I love about you.

You know, no matter how bad things get,

You always make the best of it.

Like tonight
or like our first date-iversary.

- Oh, my god!
- I'm sorry.

Well...

I always wanted to kiss in the rain.

- I've got it!
- What?

- Jake, burn the prenup.
- I get it, Annie.

You're big on dramatic gestures,
but honestly...

- No, burn the prenup.
- Okay.

Now hold it up, hold it up. Hold it up.

Hold it up. There you go.

Burning documents.

That was going to be my next move as king.

- [alarm blares]
- the smoke alarm.

Oh, my god, woman. You're brilliant!

What the hell is going on down here?

- Help!
- Over here!

- We're locked in.
- Hallelujah.

Oh, thank god.

Bunch of wankers!

Hey.

Thanks for defending me back there.

Don't mention it, Milord.

I mean, seriously,
don't mention that we kissed,

Or I'll [bleep] destroy you.

My lips are sealed but still tingling.

[laughs]

- Thank you!
- Mwah.

- Oh!
- Wow.

You took that floor to the face
like a boss.

- Did I? I don't remember.
- You don't?

- Hey, I have an idea.
- Rush you to the E.R.?

Let's get married one year from today.

That's right, we are taking this day back.

So go ahead, universe,
try and curse us now.

I dare you.

Oh!

- Oh!
- Perfect.

Perfect.

[laughs] what?

Why do I keep saying that?
Have you learned nothing?

I don't know what is wrong with me.

This is like a joke.

Happy date-iversary, Annie.

Happy date-iversary, Jake.

- [both laugh]
-
you're everywhere

I actually do need to go to the hospital.

Yeah, you do. Okay, let's go.

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