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1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:02,771
(trio chanting backwards)
2
00:00:02,772 --> 00:00:04,411
(wind whistling)
3
00:00:06,415 --> 00:00:08,467
He's late.
4
00:00:08,468 --> 00:00:09,935
It's fine.
We'll wait.
5
00:00:09,936 --> 00:00:12,321
(hip-hop music playing,
gunfire in song)
6
00:00:12,322 --> 00:00:14,356
AKA Gunshot...
7
00:00:14,357 --> 00:00:15,357
(siren blaring)
Dead man love me...
8
00:00:15,358 --> 00:00:17,075
(tires screech)
9
00:00:17,076 --> 00:00:20,378
My life ain't been easy...
10
00:00:20,379 --> 00:00:21,880
Hey, yo, man, keep it running.
11
00:00:21,881 --> 00:00:23,465
I'm-a pop in real quick,
12
00:00:23,466 --> 00:00:25,067
and then,
we'll hit up the titty club.
13
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:27,402
Hey, yo, fam. What's up?
14
00:00:27,403 --> 00:00:29,404
My mixtape
dropped this week.
15
00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:31,189
It's tight as hell.
16
00:00:31,241 --> 00:00:33,158
Hey, you need this, man.
You need this in your life.
17
00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:34,776
New shit. New shit.
18
00:00:34,777 --> 00:00:36,862
Get it while
it's dope. Oh,
19
00:00:36,863 --> 00:00:38,413
Poseidon's here!
20
00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:39,948
What's up, fam? (laughs)
21
00:00:39,949 --> 00:00:42,534
Aphrodite, looking very trill.
22
00:00:42,535 --> 00:00:44,086
Oh, what's up,
Apollo?
23
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:46,755
What's up, Moms?
What's up, Pops?
24
00:00:46,756 --> 00:00:49,006
One CD.
25
00:00:52,045 --> 00:00:54,213
Yo, who's this white dude?
26
00:00:54,214 --> 00:00:55,764
Hi, Cupid.
My name is Alan Gilbert.
27
00:00:55,765 --> 00:00:57,432
I'm a drug
and addiction specialist.
28
00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,434
We're here today to talk
to you about your dependence
29
00:00:59,435 --> 00:01:01,553
on alcohol and
codeine cough syrup.
30
00:01:01,554 --> 00:01:03,722
Yo, hold up.
This is an intervention?
31
00:01:03,723 --> 00:01:05,140
Oh, hell, no, man.
I ain't doing this shit.
32
00:01:05,141 --> 00:01:06,608
You will do it, or I shall
33
00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:09,728
smite thee with a thunderbolt!
34
00:01:09,729 --> 00:01:11,613
ALAN: Now, Zeus, remember
what we talked about?
35
00:01:11,614 --> 00:01:13,615
We're coming
from a place of compassion.
36
00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:16,034
- Ah, this is such bullshit.
- Yes. Yeah, why don't you
37
00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:18,120
sit down, bitch?
38
00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:20,155
Mom, would you begin?
39
00:01:20,156 --> 00:01:22,624
Cupid,
40
00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:26,078
you used to bring love to
people of all shapes and sizes.
41
00:01:26,079 --> 00:01:27,579
You talk about the old me.
But now,
42
00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:29,131
you spend all your time
in nightclubs,
43
00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:31,300
only bringing love
to the worst type
44
00:01:31,301 --> 00:01:33,719
of people, like DJs and
45
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,671
club promoters and
46
00:01:35,672 --> 00:01:37,589
guys who say they're producers,
47
00:01:37,590 --> 00:01:39,758
but when you look them up,
they haven't produced anything.
48
00:01:39,759 --> 00:01:41,393
That's 'cause all of those dudes
are there for me,
49
00:01:41,394 --> 00:01:42,978
when I real...
it comes down to it.
50
00:01:42,979 --> 00:01:44,563
Have any of you listened
to my mixtape?
51
00:01:44,564 --> 00:01:45,981
Be for real.
52
00:01:45,982 --> 00:01:47,766
Have you?
53
00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:50,352
I listened
to it.
54
00:01:50,353 --> 00:01:52,437
It struck me as
a cry for help.
55
00:01:52,438 --> 00:01:54,106
Whatever happened
to helping the little guy?
56
00:01:54,107 --> 00:01:56,241
Don't nice guys
deserve love, too?
57
00:01:56,242 --> 00:01:57,693
Yeah, nice guys don't have
yayo for Cupid.
58
00:01:57,694 --> 00:01:59,278
ZEUS:
See? There he goes.
59
00:01:59,279 --> 00:02:00,779
He's drinking that damned
sizzurp again.
60
00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:02,281
Oh, like, you never did anything
bad in your life.
61
00:02:02,282 --> 00:02:03,415
What about that time
you turned into a swan,
62
00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:04,783
and you raped that lady?
63
00:02:04,784 --> 00:02:06,285
That's not... that's not
what this is about.
64
00:02:06,286 --> 00:02:07,369
- It could be.
- Or what about
65
00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:08,620
when you turned into that bull,
66
00:02:08,621 --> 00:02:10,088
and you raped that other lady?
67
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:12,174
I admit it,
I made some mistakes, okay?
68
00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:13,508
You raped her
a bunch of times, too.
69
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,043
Yup, yup, yup.
70
00:02:15,044 --> 00:02:16,595
But I don't
want you following
71
00:02:16,596 --> 00:02:17,879
in your old man's
footsteps.
72
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,182
All I ever wanted...
73
00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:22,634
was to give you the life
that I never had.
74
00:02:22,635 --> 00:02:24,936
And all I ever wanted was
for you to be proud of me,
75
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,388
but I was never enough!
76
00:02:26,389 --> 00:02:28,106
Cupid...
77
00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:30,642
I'll always be proud of you.
You're my son.
78
00:02:30,643 --> 00:02:33,528
Daddy.
Son.
79
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,364
Cupid, I've got a plane ticket
with your name on it
80
00:02:35,365 --> 00:02:36,565
for a rehab center in Arizona.
81
00:02:36,566 --> 00:02:38,317
Do you accept?
82
00:02:38,318 --> 00:02:40,485
I do, Alan,
and I'm gonna start right now
83
00:02:40,486 --> 00:02:42,371
by hooking up
the world's biggest loser
84
00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:44,323
with some super hot chick.
85
00:02:44,324 --> 00:02:46,907
Good luck,
loser dumb-ass.
86
00:02:50,079 --> 00:02:53,297
(sighs)
87
00:03:04,093 --> 00:03:05,644
Oh.
88
00:03:05,645 --> 00:03:07,262
Hi.
89
00:03:07,263 --> 00:03:08,730
Hi.
90
00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:10,015
Sorry. I...
91
00:03:10,016 --> 00:03:11,433
No. Thank-thank you.
92
00:03:11,434 --> 00:03:13,068
Yeah.
93
00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:14,603
I'm-I'm... I'm Whitney.
94
00:03:14,604 --> 00:03:17,105
Hi. I'm-I'm Josh.
95
00:03:17,106 --> 00:03:18,740
- Hi.
- Hi.
96
00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:21,159
- (laughing)
- Yup.
97
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,923
Do you want some company?
98
00:03:23,805 --> 00:03:25,805
Man Seeking Woman - 01x05
Sizzurp
99
00:03:47,633 --> 00:03:50,235
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
100
00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:55,977
(knocking on door)
101
00:03:55,978 --> 00:03:58,146
Dude, where have you been?
102
00:03:58,147 --> 00:03:59,948
I've been calling you all week.
103
00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:01,650
Hey, I'm sorry. I've just
been kind of busy.
104
00:04:01,651 --> 00:04:03,034
Busy with what?
You don't do anything.
105
00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:04,986
Well, I, uh...
106
00:04:04,987 --> 00:04:06,405
- I kind of, uh...
- Honey, where are your washcloths?
107
00:04:06,406 --> 00:04:07,906
Oh!
Oh! So sorry.
108
00:04:07,907 --> 00:04:09,574
- I didn't realize we had company.
- (laughs)
109
00:04:09,575 --> 00:04:11,576
- We just... he just arrived.
- No, uh, uh...
110
00:04:11,577 --> 00:04:13,412
- Ah. Oh, yeah.
- Mike, this is, uh, Whitney.
111
00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:15,747
- Whitney, this is, uh, Mike.
- Hi. Hi.
112
00:04:15,748 --> 00:04:17,132
I'm-I'm...
I'm Michael.
113
00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:18,633
- Okay.
- Uh-huh.
114
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:20,919
- Yeah, cool. It's...
- Uh, no. Oh, okay.
115
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,421
- I'm gonna jump in the shower.
- Yeah, you know where everything is.
116
00:04:22,422 --> 00:04:23,588
Uh-huh.
Shh.
117
00:04:23,589 --> 00:04:25,090
Oh, my God.
118
00:04:25,091 --> 00:04:26,391
- No?
- That's the hottest chick I have ever seen.
119
00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:29,644
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
she's-she's pretty cute.
120
00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:31,763
- I'm literally gonna jack off for a million years.
- Oh, my God.
121
00:04:31,764 --> 00:04:33,765
- I don't...
- I'm gonna rip my penis off.
122
00:04:33,766 --> 00:04:35,567
How did you pull that?
123
00:04:35,568 --> 00:04:39,237
Okay, so, uh, I was
having my lunch in the park.
124
00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:42,491
A gust of wind, uh, blustered
some napkins onto the ground.
125
00:04:42,492 --> 00:04:44,609
- I should get some napkins.
- Well, listen,
126
00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:46,661
I-I mean, it was more
of a moment, okay?
127
00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,413
- Oh.
- Like, it's-it's not sort of a template
128
00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:51,116
as much as it is
an organic happening.
129
00:04:51,117 --> 00:04:54,619
What am I doing?
What am I doing?
130
00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:57,622
I don't know. I mean, I would
think you should just be happy
131
00:04:57,623 --> 00:04:59,257
that I found someone
I like spending time with.
132
00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:01,626
Sure, yeah, I'm
happy, but, uh...
133
00:05:01,627 --> 00:05:03,295
What about me, man?
134
00:05:03,296 --> 00:05:04,846
Where's my piece
of the pie?
135
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,631
- (muttering)
- It's okay. It's okay.
136
00:05:06,632 --> 00:05:07,933
You're living the dream.
137
00:05:07,934 --> 00:05:09,968
Thank-thank you.
138
00:05:09,969 --> 00:05:11,436
You're an American hero.
139
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,305
- Oh, come on.
- No, seriously.
140
00:05:13,306 --> 00:05:14,940
I'm...
Thank-thank you.
141
00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:16,308
- Thank you.
- I'm so proud of you.
142
00:05:16,309 --> 00:05:17,809
So proud of you.
143
00:05:17,810 --> 00:05:19,528
You're doing God's
work now, okay?
144
00:05:19,529 --> 00:05:21,396
(laughs)
I guess. I guess.
145
00:05:21,397 --> 00:05:23,031
I guess maybe I am.
146
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:24,483
(laughs)
I guess maybe I am.
147
00:05:24,484 --> 00:05:26,818
(laughs)
Absolutely.
148
00:05:26,819 --> 00:05:29,571
Yeah? Huh.
149
00:05:29,572 --> 00:05:31,456
Oh, hey, uh, Jessica?
Do I know you?
150
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,325
Josh Greenberg. We were
in middle school together.
151
00:05:33,326 --> 00:05:34,993
I actually had
a huge crush on you,
152
00:05:34,994 --> 00:05:36,711
even though
you were super cruel to me
153
00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:38,246
and often called me a gaylord.
154
00:05:38,247 --> 00:05:39,748
God, it's been forever.
155
00:05:39,749 --> 00:05:41,883
- This is my girlfriend Whitney.
- Hi.
156
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,252
Wow.
157
00:05:44,253 --> 00:05:45,670
Hey, big sister
who thought
158
00:05:45,671 --> 00:05:47,172
I needed help
finding a girlfriend.
159
00:05:47,173 --> 00:05:50,392
- Hey.
- Oh. Shows what I know.
160
00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:53,428
Hey, childhood bully who used to
throw milk cartons at my face.
161
00:05:53,429 --> 00:05:55,897
Pretty good, right?
162
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:59,267
- Hey, ex-girlfriend who broke my heart.
- Hey.
163
00:05:59,268 --> 00:06:01,186
Hey, Spanish professor who
said I was bad at Spanish.
164
00:06:01,187 --> 00:06:03,103
Hola, Yosh. ?Que pasa?
165
00:06:04,774 --> 00:06:06,691
What?
166
00:06:06,692 --> 00:06:08,360
Remember when you
asked me if I've been, uh,
167
00:06:08,361 --> 00:06:10,028
sexually active any time
in the last three months?
168
00:06:10,029 --> 00:06:12,113
You said, "Sort of." And I said,
"What does that mean?"
169
00:06:12,114 --> 00:06:14,199
And you said, "Actually, no."
And then I raised
170
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:15,784
my eyebrows
as if to silently judge you.
171
00:06:15,785 --> 00:06:18,670
Uh, so here's my girlfriend,
Whitney.
172
00:06:18,671 --> 00:06:19,588
Hello. Nice to meet you.
173
00:06:19,589 --> 00:06:21,873
Hi.
174
00:06:21,874 --> 00:06:23,375
Hey, dog
that used to scare me.
175
00:06:23,376 --> 00:06:25,010
- (dog barking)
- Go. Go.
176
00:06:25,011 --> 00:06:26,378
Hey, long book
I couldn't finish.
177
00:06:26,379 --> 00:06:29,097
I want to make sure you met, uh,
current girlfriend Whitney.
178
00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:31,850
- Yeah. I met her.
- Yeah, I'm just double-double-checking.
179
00:06:31,851 --> 00:06:33,218
- I got it. Good-bye.
- JESSICA: Josh, first of all,
180
00:06:33,219 --> 00:06:35,637
gaylord-- I could not have been
more wrong on that one.
181
00:06:35,638 --> 00:06:37,522
You're clearly some kind
of straightlord.
182
00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:38,473
- Thank you very much.
- I should have married you
183
00:06:38,474 --> 00:06:39,641
instead of this guy.
184
00:06:39,642 --> 00:06:41,059
When she's right,
she's right.
185
00:06:41,060 --> 00:06:42,727
- They seem nice.
- Oh, they (bleep)ing suck.
186
00:06:42,728 --> 00:06:46,063
I thought I was smart,
but, in fact, I'm stupid.
187
00:06:46,065 --> 00:06:47,449
Guess I won't be needing
this anymore.
188
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,734
- Probably not.
- He seems nice.
189
00:06:49,735 --> 00:06:51,703
And, uh, you know, we-we met.
I was just on a bench
190
00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:55,240
chasing napkins. Never give up
on your dreams, okay?
191
00:06:55,241 --> 00:06:57,207
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
192
00:06:58,578 --> 00:06:59,744
Yeah!
193
00:06:59,745 --> 00:07:01,246
(dog barking)
(Josh yelps)
194
00:07:01,247 --> 00:07:03,965
Hey, Granddad, who was
brave and fought in wars.
195
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:06,501
I miss you.
196
00:07:06,502 --> 00:07:09,254
He seemed nice.
197
00:07:09,255 --> 00:07:11,089
- I'm getting really tired.
- I know. L-Last stop, I promise.
198
00:07:11,090 --> 00:07:12,257
- Okay.
- Uh, knock knock.
199
00:07:12,258 --> 00:07:14,009
Hey, you're the temp, right?
200
00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:15,927
- Uh, Jeremy whatever?
- It's, uh,
201
00:07:15,928 --> 00:07:18,597
- Josh, actually. Um, so...
- What's up, Josh?
202
00:07:18,598 --> 00:07:21,888
I just wanted you, my boss,
to meet my girlfriend Whitney.
203
00:07:22,018 --> 00:07:24,136
Hi. Charles Powell,
204
00:07:24,137 --> 00:07:27,472
CEO of Powell Consulting.
Have a seat right here.
205
00:07:27,473 --> 00:07:29,975
Whitney, that is
a beautiful name.
206
00:07:29,976 --> 00:07:31,310
- You ever flown a Cessna?
- Nope.
207
00:07:31,311 --> 00:07:32,811
- Never?
- I have not.
208
00:07:32,812 --> 00:07:34,813
- Not once?
- Not once.
209
00:07:34,814 --> 00:07:38,400
You? Cute little you.
You've never flown in a Cessna?
210
00:07:38,401 --> 00:07:40,652
No one has ever offered
you a ride in a Cessna?
211
00:07:40,653 --> 00:07:44,289
(quietly):
No...
212
00:07:44,290 --> 00:07:46,375
- Go to the airport.
- We will take... Let's go for a ride.
213
00:07:46,376 --> 00:07:48,327
Yeah, we-we got to go.
214
00:07:48,328 --> 00:07:50,495
We may have some where we're
going. So just give it a second.
215
00:07:50,496 --> 00:07:51,997
- He seemed nice.
- No, he's not nice.
216
00:07:51,998 --> 00:07:55,299
- None-none of these people are nice!
- Hi.
217
00:07:57,141 --> 00:07:59,674
- Hey. Nice shoes. Where'd you get 'em?
- No. Hi.
218
00:07:59,676 --> 00:08:01,460
Thank you.
Oh, a little boutique.
219
00:08:01,461 --> 00:08:03,712
- Doesn't matter.
- MAN: Hey, hey. Let me guess: Virgo.
220
00:08:03,714 --> 00:08:07,601
- August 29! Oh, my God.
- No, no. No! Stop it!
221
00:08:07,601 --> 00:08:09,602
- We're going home. It's a nice home.
- Okay.
222
00:08:09,603 --> 00:08:11,303
- Hello, beautiful!
- Oh! Wait, careful, bud!
223
00:08:11,304 --> 00:08:12,354
Hi, Ravi.
224
00:08:12,355 --> 00:08:13,389
What, you know this guy?
225
00:08:13,390 --> 00:08:14,523
Yeah. He's my yoga instructor.
226
00:08:14,524 --> 00:08:16,692
You're tight.
We need a session.
227
00:08:16,693 --> 00:08:18,477
We need to get
your body loose again.
228
00:08:18,478 --> 00:08:20,062
- You guys all need to stop.
- No, we...
229
00:08:20,063 --> 00:08:23,532
(echoing):
We need to get you loose...!
230
00:08:23,533 --> 00:08:27,486
Not every guy that's nice to me
is trying to sleep with me.
231
00:08:27,487 --> 00:08:29,571
- I don't actually think that's true.
- This may come
232
00:08:29,572 --> 00:08:31,073
as a surprise to you,
but some guys
233
00:08:31,074 --> 00:08:32,908
are actually interested in me
as a human being.
234
00:08:32,909 --> 00:08:34,410
(stammers)
235
00:08:34,411 --> 00:08:36,328
(sighs) No.
236
00:08:36,329 --> 00:08:38,247
You're right, you're right,
you're right.
237
00:08:38,248 --> 00:08:40,082
I'm just being, uh, jealous.
238
00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:42,334
I won't let it happen again.
239
00:08:42,335 --> 00:08:44,003
I appreciate that.
240
00:08:44,004 --> 00:08:46,472
Yeah, of course.
241
00:08:46,473 --> 00:08:47,840
(- intercom buzzes) (gasps)
- He's here.
242
00:08:47,841 --> 00:08:49,925
Uh, who's-who's, uh, here?
243
00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:51,927
- Hello?
- (over speaker): Tanaka. Tanaka.
244
00:08:51,928 --> 00:08:54,420
Hi. Come on in.
First door on the right.
245
00:08:54,676 --> 00:08:57,348
- Who's-who's that?
- I invited my friend Tanaka over.
246
00:08:57,350 --> 00:08:59,685
He's visiting from Japan.
Didn't I tell you?
247
00:08:59,686 --> 00:09:01,637
- No. No.
- Remember,
248
00:09:01,638 --> 00:09:04,523
I met him on my study abroad.
He took me to see Coldplay.
249
00:09:04,524 --> 00:09:07,024
He's a giant Japanese
penis monster.
250
00:09:08,695 --> 00:09:10,529
(stammers) I could've swore
you just said
251
00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:13,649
- uh, "Japanese penis monster."
- (chuckles)
252
00:09:13,650 --> 00:09:15,200
Well,
Tanaka's an octopoid creature
253
00:09:15,201 --> 00:09:16,952
from an alternate universe
whose body consists
254
00:09:16,953 --> 00:09:18,954
- entirely of penises.
- Uh, uh, he's...
255
00:09:18,955 --> 00:09:21,657
he's, um... What? What?
256
00:09:21,658 --> 00:09:23,325
He's traveling, right now,
through time and space
257
00:09:23,326 --> 00:09:25,294
seeking out orifices to
penetrate with his many penises.
258
00:09:25,295 --> 00:09:26,495
He's amazing.
259
00:09:26,496 --> 00:09:27,796
- (knocking on door)
- Tanaka.
260
00:09:27,797 --> 00:09:29,715
- Coming!
- He-he, uh...
261
00:09:29,716 --> 00:09:31,466
- This is, uh...
- TANAKA: Tanaka!
262
00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:33,585
- WHITNEY: Tanaka! Hi!
- Oh, (bleep).
263
00:09:33,586 --> 00:09:36,388
- (shouts)
- It's so good to see you. I missed you.
264
00:09:36,389 --> 00:09:37,506
(heaving)
How was the trip?
265
00:09:37,507 --> 00:09:39,391
- You get here okay?
- Tanaka. Tanaka.
266
00:09:39,392 --> 00:09:41,318
- Kill it! Kill it!
- I want you to meet Josh.
267
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,187
Josh, come say hi to Tanaka.
268
00:09:43,646 --> 00:09:45,847
Oh, hey, hey.
269
00:09:45,848 --> 00:09:47,900
Hey, man. Welcome.
270
00:09:47,901 --> 00:09:51,270
- He wants you to shake his penis.
- Tanaka.
271
00:09:51,272 --> 00:09:53,606
- Tanaka.
- Hi.
272
00:09:53,606 --> 00:09:54,907
Nice to...
273
00:09:54,908 --> 00:09:57,276
Uh, Josh. Greenberg.
274
00:09:57,277 --> 00:09:59,278
Tanaka.
275
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,531
(chuckles)
I'm so excited you guys are finally meeting.
276
00:10:01,531 --> 00:10:02,998
Tanaka.
277
00:10:02,999 --> 00:10:04,199
- Yay.
- Tanaka, Tanaka.
278
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,866
- Tanaka, Tanaka,
- Oh.
279
00:10:07,620 --> 00:10:08,954
God. Th...
280
00:10:08,955 --> 00:10:10,756
Mm, Tanaka.
281
00:10:10,757 --> 00:10:13,175
(Whitney and Josh chuckle)
282
00:10:13,176 --> 00:10:14,293
- (laughter)
- Tanaka, Tanaka, Tanaka.
283
00:10:14,294 --> 00:10:15,427
Okay, oh, my...
284
00:10:15,428 --> 00:10:17,379
This is awful.
285
00:10:17,380 --> 00:10:19,765
Tanaka, Tanaka,
Tanaka, Tanaka-naka-kaka.
286
00:10:19,766 --> 00:10:21,433
Tanaka, Tanaka.
287
00:10:21,434 --> 00:10:22,718
-(Tanaka chuckling)
- You're so bad!
288
00:10:22,719 --> 00:10:24,469
I hate him.
289
00:10:24,470 --> 00:10:26,054
- What?
- What-What's the, uh...
290
00:10:26,055 --> 00:10:28,557
How's he bad? What's...
291
00:10:28,558 --> 00:10:29,975
Just an inside joke.
292
00:10:29,976 --> 00:10:31,193
I, let me inside.
293
00:10:31,194 --> 00:10:32,277
I-I'll be inside.
294
00:10:32,278 --> 00:10:33,729
Just, what-what's the joke?
295
00:10:33,730 --> 00:10:35,948
Well, Tanaka was just talking
296
00:10:35,949 --> 00:10:37,566
about this girl
that he used to date
297
00:10:37,567 --> 00:10:40,368
and how his condom bill was,
like, through the roof.
298
00:10:40,370 --> 00:10:41,954
Tanaka.
299
00:10:41,955 --> 00:10:43,288
Because of his...
300
00:10:43,289 --> 00:10:45,324
- He has a lot of penises.
- Oh, no.
301
00:10:45,325 --> 00:10:46,408
Yeah, no, I got it.
302
00:10:46,409 --> 00:10:47,960
Yeah, that's, that is adorable.
303
00:10:47,961 --> 00:10:50,162
That's... that's so funny.
304
00:10:50,163 --> 00:10:51,496
Tanaka?
305
00:10:51,497 --> 00:10:52,914
(chuckles) No, he has...
306
00:10:52,915 --> 00:10:54,166
He has a sense of humor;
he gets it.
307
00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,885
He gets it.
I'm gonna get some more wine.
308
00:10:56,886 --> 00:10:58,420
- Oh, okay. All right.
- Tanaka.
309
00:10:58,421 --> 00:11:00,254
I won't.
310
00:11:01,591 --> 00:11:02,891
So...
311
00:11:02,892 --> 00:11:05,559
Um, Japan.
312
00:11:08,765 --> 00:11:10,983
I don't know anything
about that place.
313
00:11:10,984 --> 00:11:13,485
(groaning):
Long days.
314
00:11:13,486 --> 00:11:16,071
Long days.
315
00:11:16,072 --> 00:11:19,191
You like manga?
316
00:11:19,192 --> 00:11:20,525
You...
317
00:11:20,526 --> 00:11:21,827
Oh, I'm back.
318
00:11:21,828 --> 00:11:23,996
Ah, Tanaka-Naka-Naka-Naka!
319
00:11:23,997 --> 00:11:25,831
(laughter)
320
00:11:25,832 --> 00:11:26,748
Honey, we don't have
any more wine.
321
00:11:26,749 --> 00:11:30,085
Do you think you can
go to the store and get some?
322
00:11:30,086 --> 00:11:33,422
So you want me to leave you
in my apartment with, uh...
323
00:11:33,423 --> 00:11:34,840
Tanaka.
324
00:11:34,841 --> 00:11:36,041
- Yeah.
- Oh, okay.
325
00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:37,959
Just to get some more wine.
326
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,461
Shit, yeah, okay.
327
00:11:39,462 --> 00:11:41,095
So-so I'll... yeah, yep.
328
00:11:43,549 --> 00:11:44,967
Hey...
329
00:11:45,051 --> 00:11:46,885
tell me everything
about Burning Man.
330
00:11:46,886 --> 00:11:48,504
Tanaka, Tanaka...
331
00:11:48,505 --> 00:11:50,005
- Oh, really?
- Tanaka, Tanaka.
332
00:11:50,006 --> 00:11:51,757
Oh, my God,
did you have so much fun?
333
00:11:51,758 --> 00:11:53,307
Where was your guys' tent?
334
00:12:00,683 --> 00:12:03,685
You're still dating nice girl?
335
00:12:03,686 --> 00:12:05,854
Oh, yes, yes,
still-still dating nice girl.
336
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,773
You drive Lamborghini?
337
00:12:07,774 --> 00:12:09,441
Do I drive a... No.
338
00:12:09,442 --> 00:12:10,442
(whistles)
339
00:12:10,443 --> 00:12:11,660
You own real estate?
340
00:12:11,661 --> 00:12:13,195
Do I own real est... No.
341
00:12:13,196 --> 00:12:15,164
Tycoon? Greek tycoon,
something like this?
342
00:12:15,165 --> 00:12:16,115
- No.
- I mean, in...
343
00:12:16,116 --> 00:12:17,533
In my experience, my friend,
344
00:12:17,534 --> 00:12:19,034
to be with a lady like this,
345
00:12:19,035 --> 00:12:20,536
you have to have something.
346
00:12:20,537 --> 00:12:22,037
You have to buy better wine
than this.
347
00:12:22,038 --> 00:12:23,539
- Thank you.
- Can you...
348
00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:24,790
Can you tell her I say hi?
349
00:12:24,791 --> 00:12:26,508
JOSH:
I-I can't help
350
00:12:26,509 --> 00:12:28,093
but get the feeling
that this, uh,
351
00:12:28,094 --> 00:12:29,878
this Tanaka character,
352
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,681
he really just hangs out with Whitney
'cause he wants to have sex with her.
353
00:12:32,682 --> 00:12:34,550
Yeah, so you guys have
got something in common.
354
00:12:34,551 --> 00:12:38,103
No, no, no, no, I hang out with
her for a lot of reasons, okay?
355
00:12:38,104 --> 00:12:40,773
She-she's got
some great ideas, okay?
356
00:12:40,774 --> 00:12:43,859
She-she, uh, she's got
a cute-cute little jacket.
357
00:12:43,860 --> 00:12:46,028
She smells wonderful.
358
00:12:46,029 --> 00:12:47,980
Josh, is this really
a healthy relationship,
359
00:12:47,981 --> 00:12:50,399
or are you just trying
to make it work 'cause she's...
360
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,951
more beautiful than any
other girl you've ever dated?
361
00:12:52,952 --> 00:12:54,903
Wait, is-is-is she beautiful?
362
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:57,239
I mean, I mean, 'cause, I mean,
I don't think of those things.
363
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,907
I mean, every woman
is beautiful to me.
364
00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:01,160
A woman can hang out
with a friend.
365
00:13:01,161 --> 00:13:02,794
A male friend.
366
00:13:04,247 --> 00:13:05,380
No... no...
367
00:13:05,381 --> 00:13:06,832
You sound desperate
368
00:13:06,833 --> 00:13:09,751
and paranoid,
which is not attractive.
369
00:13:09,752 --> 00:13:11,920
If you're confident in yourself,
370
00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:14,423
it doesn't matter
how many penises Tanaka has.
371
00:13:14,424 --> 00:13:16,341
I am not insecure. I...
372
00:13:16,342 --> 00:13:17,810
I'm a goddamned American hero!
373
00:13:17,811 --> 00:13:19,511
What?
374
00:13:19,512 --> 00:13:21,680
(thunder rumbling)
Uh, I... never... I gotta go.
375
00:13:21,681 --> 00:13:24,065
- Got the...
- TANAKA: Ooh, Tanaka, naka.
376
00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:26,185
You get your filthy
penises off of her!
377
00:13:26,186 --> 00:13:27,736
What?
Huh?
378
00:13:27,737 --> 00:13:29,738
Josh, he's just giving me
a back massage.
379
00:13:29,739 --> 00:13:32,324
Oh, come on! Really?
380
00:13:32,325 --> 00:13:34,193
I'm pretty sure he was trying
to have sex with you.
381
00:13:34,194 --> 00:13:36,695
Are you really doing this again?
For the last time, he's my friend.
382
00:13:36,696 --> 00:13:38,447
- Tanaka...
- I'm serious. Just...
383
00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:40,115
just step off.
384
00:13:40,116 --> 00:13:42,367
Josh, you're being
a huge asshole!
385
00:13:42,368 --> 00:13:43,785
- Tanaka! Tanaka! Tanaka!
- No, stop it, all right?
386
00:13:43,786 --> 00:13:45,420
It's just...
it's a figure of speech.
387
00:13:45,421 --> 00:13:46,872
- Tanaka.
- J-OSH: Okay, fine, fine.
388
00:13:46,873 --> 00:13:48,674
So... so...
389
00:13:48,675 --> 00:13:50,292
Okay, I'm paranoid.
390
00:13:50,293 --> 00:13:52,594
(thunder rumbling)
I'm-I'm paranoid.
391
00:13:52,595 --> 00:13:55,214
The penis monster
makes me uncomfortable.
392
00:13:55,215 --> 00:13:57,466
You have a penis;
he has a few more.
393
00:13:57,467 --> 00:14:00,018
- Why is that so threatening?
- I am asking you
394
00:14:00,019 --> 00:14:01,887
as your boyfriend...
395
00:14:01,888 --> 00:14:03,805
please stop
hanging out with him.
396
00:14:03,806 --> 00:14:05,023
Josh...
397
00:14:05,024 --> 00:14:06,308
please don't make me choose
398
00:14:06,309 --> 00:14:07,809
between you and my friend.
399
00:14:07,810 --> 00:14:09,311
I can't believe
this is happening.
400
00:14:09,312 --> 00:14:11,730
Hm. I didn't realize
you were so insecure.
401
00:14:11,731 --> 00:14:14,316
Listen, I'm just trying to--
get away!
402
00:14:14,318 --> 00:14:15,201
- Tanaka.
- Josh,
403
00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:16,985
he's just trying to be nice.
404
00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:18,654
I know that.
I-I appreciate that.
405
00:14:18,655 --> 00:14:20,205
- But I'm saying-- oh, my God...
- TANAKA: Tanaka.
406
00:14:20,206 --> 00:14:22,875
- Naka.
- Oh, my... oh, God.
407
00:14:22,876 --> 00:14:25,043
Okay, it's in my mouth...
it got in my mouth that time.
408
00:14:25,044 --> 00:14:26,995
- Oh, God. Tanaka, please!
- You're being
409
00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:29,164
- very rude to my friend, Josh.
- You're...
410
00:14:29,165 --> 00:14:31,216
you're touching his penis.
You're touching one
411
00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:33,102
- of his penises. His penis is on you!
- Yeah? So?
412
00:14:33,102 --> 00:14:34,503
It's in your hands!
413
00:14:34,504 --> 00:14:35,671
TANAKA: Tanaka.
For (bleep) sake,
414
00:14:35,672 --> 00:14:37,506
Tanaka, will you please mind
415
00:14:37,507 --> 00:14:39,675
- your own goddamn business?
- Josh!
416
00:14:39,676 --> 00:14:41,510
- Whitney... Oh, my...
- TANAKA: Tanaka!
417
00:14:41,511 --> 00:14:42,678
Oh... God!
418
00:14:42,679 --> 00:14:43,729
Tanaka.
419
00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:45,295
Tanaka.
420
00:14:45,732 --> 00:14:48,454
I can't break up with
Whitney. No, I...
421
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:51,257
Have you seen her?
She's... she's...
422
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:52,375
she's... she's...
423
00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:54,843
everything I've ever wanted.
424
00:14:56,130 --> 00:14:57,764
Okay.
(sighs)
425
00:14:57,765 --> 00:15:00,633
- She make you happy?
- Sh...
426
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:03,970
Being with her makes me
feel better about myself.
427
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,721
But just because
428
00:15:05,722 --> 00:15:08,724
she is kind of perfect...
429
00:15:08,725 --> 00:15:12,395
doesn't mean
she's perfect for you.
430
00:15:12,396 --> 00:15:14,112
(sighs heavily)
431
00:15:17,256 --> 00:15:20,453
Do you remember, in seventh grade,
when you begged...
432
00:15:20,454 --> 00:15:23,206
for a FUBU jacket
for Hanukkah?
433
00:15:23,208 --> 00:15:25,659
-My God.
- (laughs)
434
00:15:25,659 --> 00:15:27,743
You loved that thing,
you remember?
435
00:15:27,744 --> 00:15:29,295
It was shiny...
436
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,297
and it had these
big puffy sleeves
437
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:32,965
with the racer stripe
down them.
438
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:34,167
- Yep.
- You wore it,
439
00:15:34,168 --> 00:15:35,401
- like, every day.
- Uh-huh.
440
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,086
But it didn't fit you.
441
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,270
And eventually, we...
442
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,573
you know, we had
to give it to Goodwill.
443
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:43,158
Which you cried about for...
444
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:44,660
a long time.
445
00:15:44,661 --> 00:15:46,779
- Yeah, I-I know.
- Then we got you
446
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,248
- that Lands' End jacket.
- Mm-hmm.
447
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:51,617
And it... it was
a great fit.
448
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:54,920
Someday you're
gonna find your...
449
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:57,872
Lands' End lady.
450
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,093
WHITNEY:
Tanaka says he's really sorry
451
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,294
about what happened.
452
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,378
That's, that's
nice of him.
453
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,264
How's your cheek?
454
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:08,050
Um... not-not so bad.
Ooh.
455
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,601
(sighs)
456
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:10,654
How's his penis?
457
00:16:10,656 --> 00:16:11,656
It's really swollen.
458
00:16:11,658 --> 00:16:12,970
Aw, that's too bad.
459
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:15,257
Josh, what's been
going on with you?
460
00:16:15,258 --> 00:16:16,725
You've been acting
so weird.
461
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:17,926
Yeah, I, uh...
462
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,932
Forgive me, Whitney,
I'm sorry, uh,
463
00:16:22,933 --> 00:16:25,184
but we-we-we need,
we need to-to break up.
464
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,852
- No, but...
- Yeah.
465
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,938
- I-I can't handle it.
- Really?
466
00:16:28,939 --> 00:16:30,322
I... wait... I'm sorry.
467
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,774
We, we need, we need
to break up.
468
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:39,498
LIZ: Just becauseshe's kind of perfect
469
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:43,002
doesn't mean she's perfectfor you... for you...
470
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,920
JESSICA: Gaylord, I could not have beenmore wrong on that one.
471
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,840
You're clearly some kind of straightlord...
straightlord...
472
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:50,543
SPANISH TEACHER: Hol?, Yosh!
?Que pasa? ?Que pasa?
473
00:16:50,544 --> 00:16:51,961
MIKE: That's the hottest chickI've ever seen.
474
00:16:51,962 --> 00:16:53,762
That's the hottestchick I've ever seen.
475
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,047
You're living the dream.You're living the dream.
476
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:55,931
You know what?
477
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:56,932
Put a pin in that.
478
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,851
I was... so wrong.
479
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,387
I am... I was
an insecure idiot.
480
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,722
I am so... so very sorry.
481
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:04,890
Can we just...
(imitates rewinding tape)
482
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,025
Just, please take me back.
483
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,526
(gentle laugh)
484
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,061
Josh, I'm really happy
to hear that.
485
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:10,029
- Thank you.
- Good, good.
486
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,230
But I'm engaged now.
487
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:14,366
- What?
- I'm engaged. See?
488
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,402
We broke up ten seconds ago.
489
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:18,954
And it was the hardest
ten seconds of my life.
490
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,873
I was in a really bad place.
491
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,241
But I did some soul searching,
492
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:23,709
and eventually,
I had to move on.
493
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:24,994
Right, okay.
494
00:17:24,995 --> 00:17:27,746
I'm just trying to do the... the
math, figure out the chronology.
495
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,583
I literally walked...
just over there.
496
00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:32,885
- MAN: Hey, babe. Who's this?
- What? Oh...
497
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,471
Hey, Roger.
This is my old boyfriend Josh.
498
00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:38,007
Josh, this is Roger,
my fianc?.
499
00:17:38,008 --> 00:17:39,642
Josh! I've heard
a lot about you!
500
00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:40,643
Oh.
501
00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:43,429
The shipping industry
sounds absolutely fantastic.
502
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,064
Oh, no, honey, that was Nico,
my boyfriend after Josh.
503
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,181
Josh was the temp.
504
00:17:46,182 --> 00:17:47,600
- There was another guy?
- Mm-hmm.
505
00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:49,818
Dear, um, can...
can I have a word?
506
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:50,936
Sure.
507
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,271
What is it?
508
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:55,658
It's-it's this guy,
uh, Josh, um...
509
00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:57,076
I think he's into you.
510
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,494
(scoffing):
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
511
00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,279
He and I are ancient history.
512
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,115
The guy just makes me feel
really uncomfortable.
513
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:06,785
Well... I think
you're being paranoid.
514
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:11,709
But, if it bothers you,
I'll never talk to him again.
515
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,841
Thanks, babe.
516
00:18:17,213 --> 00:18:19,381
- Hi.
- Hi.
517
00:18:19,382 --> 00:18:21,133
So, I don't think we should
hang out anymore.
518
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,135
- I hope you understand.
- Oh, yeah.
519
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:24,637
- Bye.
- Bye.
520
00:18:24,638 --> 00:18:26,722
Good-bye.
521
00:18:26,723 --> 00:18:28,189
Dude... dude.
522
00:18:30,556 --> 00:18:32,439
(wind whooshes)
523
00:18:35,424 --> 00:18:37,259
Yeah, I guess, uh...
524
00:18:37,260 --> 00:18:39,192
girls like that don't stay
on the market for too long.
525
00:18:39,194 --> 00:18:40,661
Mm-hmm. Tanaka.
526
00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,447
It... it really does suck.
527
00:18:42,448 --> 00:18:43,498
Tanaka.
528
00:18:43,499 --> 00:18:45,950
Mm!
529
00:18:45,951 --> 00:18:47,502
Just tell me, you...
530
00:18:47,503 --> 00:18:48,953
Tanaka?
531
00:18:48,954 --> 00:18:51,038
You were hitting on here, right?
532
00:18:51,039 --> 00:18:53,257
I mean, I was-I was-I wasn't
just making that up, was I?
533
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:56,677
Tanaka, naka, naka.
534
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,212
(laughs)
I knew it.
535
00:18:58,213 --> 00:18:59,514
I knew it!
536
00:18:59,515 --> 00:19:00,798
Tanaka.
537
00:19:00,799 --> 00:19:01,715
(squishing)
538
00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:03,800
Pals.
539
00:19:10,948 --> 00:19:13,472
- Good-bye, son.
- Bye, mom. Bye, dad.
540
00:19:13,474 --> 00:19:14,918
It's a new day for Cupid.
541
00:19:14,919 --> 00:19:16,919
It's a new day for love.
542
00:19:17,693 --> 00:19:19,693
Can you help me do the wings? 'Cause...
543
00:19:20,919 --> 00:19:22,199
Okay... Hey, could somebody help me?
544
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,200
Hey, Hey, one of you
dudes, can you help me... just...?
545
00:19:24,201 --> 00:19:26,201
Get well soon.
546
00:19:26,202 --> 00:19:29,840
_
547
00:19:29,841 --> 00:19:34,871
_
548
00:19:36,372 --> 00:19:39,324
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
549
00:19:39,374 --> 00:19:43,924
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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