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1
00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:07,000
DAN: He does smell lovely. Does he smell
different? From...? A cooked ham. Oh, you're funny.
2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,120
Most of these are beyond saving,
I'm afraid, Dan.
3
00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:11,160
Well, they're fresh flowers, Veronica, so...
4
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,520
These are fresh, Dan.
5
00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:14,480
Why's he buying you flowers, anyway?
6
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:17,360
Well, he's hoping I'll go back
to the school and work, isn't he?
7
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:19,520
"To one of the most
inspirational teachers I've met,
8
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,520
"enjoy being a mum, but come back soon."
9
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:22,600
Over-the-top, isn't it?
10
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,360
I got fuck all when I had my adenoids out.
11
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,240
Well, that's because Emma is an inspiration,
Daniel.
12
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:28,600
We're all inspirational, Jeff.
13
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,200
Sort of comes with the territory.
14
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,560
THEY LAUGH QUIETLY
15
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,440
Yeah,
you're lessons are like Dead Poets Society.
16
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,840
I'm unconventional, but I get results.
17
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:38,040
EMMA AND JEFF LAUGH LOUDLY
18
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:41,280
Well, from what I hear, you can't wait to
get out of the room at the end of the day.
19
00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:42,560
LAUGHTER FROM NEXT ROOM
20
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:43,640
Why are you laughing?
21
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:44,880
You've never see me teach!
22
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:46,640
I've never seen a cat ice a cake,
23
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,880
but I'm pretty sure it
would make a mess of it.
24
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,080
THEY LAUGH LOUDLY
25
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,720
Very good!
26
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,560
No opposable thumb, you know?
27
00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,800
Carnage!
28
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,320
Well, why's the head asked me
to run a trip if I'm that bad?
29
00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:01,200
Probably looking for an excuse to sack you.
30
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,360
It's because I light the flame
of the children's imaginations.
31
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,960
Fuck's sake!
32
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:09,960
Shhh!
Try not to wake my baby with your hysteria.
33
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,000
MY baby?
34
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,760
Yes.
35
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,680
Our baby.
36
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:21,880
Well...
37
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,560
Yes.
38
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,000
No, they're all dead.
39
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:29,000
FLOWERS LAND IN BIN
40
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:45,740
As if I couldn't get a kid to look up to me.
41
00:01:45,740 --> 00:01:47,620
They're kids! They're no cleverer than bees.
42
00:01:47,620 --> 00:01:49,460
You don't care about the children you teach?
43
00:01:49,460 --> 00:01:50,940
I choose not to.
44
00:01:50,940 --> 00:01:52,620
I could inspire the tits off a kid!
45
00:01:52,620 --> 00:01:55,980
God, please be quiet.
Let me eat an egg in peace.
46
00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:57,060
I know you're sulking.
47
00:01:57,060 --> 00:01:58,580
It wasn't my fault you got arrested.
48
00:01:58,580 --> 00:01:59,660
MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES
49
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:00,700
Christ!
50
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:03,500
Secret fancy woman blowing you out,
you dirty little ferret?
51
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:04,500
No, it's Jo.
52
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,220
I don't have a secret fancy woman.
53
00:02:06,220 --> 00:02:09,780
I've got an upset daughter whose birthday
party I missed because of my moronic friends!
54
00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:13,260
One of whom has decided to check
up on me every five seconds.
55
00:02:13,260 --> 00:02:15,100
At least Jo feels guilty about it.
56
00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:16,300
These damn texts!
57
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:18,300
"Make sure you brush those teeth, Brian!"
58
00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:20,180
I thought she was in
hiding from the tax man.
59
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:23,260
She is, but she's also now
decided she's my guardian angel.
60
00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:26,460
It's madness.
I'm being stalked by a big Barbara Windsor.
61
00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:27,620
MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES
62
00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:30,060
Oh, my God!
"Hope your bacon is nice, Brian."
63
00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:31,980
She's here!
64
00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:34,060
Leave me alone, you peroxide clown!
65
00:02:34,060 --> 00:02:37,260
I'll take a stick to you, you cunt bastard!
66
00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:41,260
Please, Jo. Please!
67
00:02:44,940 --> 00:02:45,980
Where's he gone?
68
00:02:45,980 --> 00:02:47,020
He's stressed!
69
00:02:47,020 --> 00:02:49,180
Let him go and have his
horrible Y-fronts jiggled!
70
00:02:49,180 --> 00:02:51,820
And stop this madness!
71
00:02:51,820 --> 00:02:52,860
And remember, Jo,
72
00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:54,860
a waterfall may flow downward,
73
00:02:54,860 --> 00:02:56,460
but the pool it forms
74
00:02:56,460 --> 00:02:58,460
looks up.
75
00:02:58,460 --> 00:02:59,780
See? Inspirational.
76
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:02,420
And it was a piece of piss!
77
00:03:02,420 --> 00:03:03,860
The taxman!
78
00:03:03,860 --> 00:03:07,380
I live in the shadows!
79
00:03:07,380 --> 00:03:08,980
Oh, hello! My name's Jennifer.
80
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,260
I pay my taxes.
81
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:12,100
Oh, what a yummy breakfast!
82
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:13,940
JO MAKES CHEWING SOUNDS
83
00:03:13,940 --> 00:03:15,660
If I can't separate these,
84
00:03:15,660 --> 00:03:19,660
I'm going to fuck you up!
85
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:35,140
Yeah, hi,
can I come by for a couple of hours?
86
00:03:35,140 --> 00:03:38,380
I know I'm not due,
but I could really do with a session.
87
00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:42,220
Things are getting a little bit much.
88
00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:44,820
Chop chop. Going to the museum!
89
00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:47,580
Yeah!
90
00:03:47,580 --> 00:03:49,820
Oi! Why has he asked you to come along?
91
00:03:49,820 --> 00:03:52,700
He said to keep an eye on you
because of what happened in Cornwall.
92
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:53,900
He shit in a fountain.
93
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,020
Uh, I stood in a fountain that had
a shit in it. Big difference, Jason!
94
00:03:57,020 --> 00:04:00,020
Why are you shouting at me?! All right!
95
00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:03,180
I'm perfectly capable of running
a poxy trip to a war museum.
96
00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:04,540
I speak the kids' language.
97
00:04:04,540 --> 00:04:06,500
Up top, Josephine. Get fucked!
98
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:07,820
There, you see?
99
00:04:07,820 --> 00:04:11,380
That's real talk!
100
00:04:11,380 --> 00:04:15,380
Let's roll!
101
00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:20,500
Oh, hey.
102
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:21,700
Forgetting something?
103
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:24,500
Uh...
104
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:28,420
Have you done something to your hair or...?
105
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:30,660
Oh, it's, erm...
106
00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:32,660
Kevin. Kevin!
107
00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:33,820
Come on! Honestly...
108
00:04:33,820 --> 00:04:35,460
No touching! Whoa, whoa!
109
00:04:35,460 --> 00:04:39,460
Dear me.
The spirit of the wolf is strong in that one.
110
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,540
Don't worry. We'll tame him.
111
00:04:41,540 --> 00:04:42,620
Together.
112
00:04:42,620 --> 00:04:44,540
Lovely.
113
00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:46,420
Want some more wisdom?
114
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:47,460
Yeah.
115
00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:51,460
If you mess up this school trip,
I'll sack you.
116
00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:03,980
God,
it's so good to be getting out of that place.
117
00:05:03,980 --> 00:05:05,100
Here.
118
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:07,940
Oh, no thanks.
119
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:09,660
The kids aren't allowed sweets, are they?
120
00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:11,060
So I don't think we should be.
121
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:12,460
KIDS: Stop talking about it.
122
00:05:12,460 --> 00:05:16,460
What? Talking about what?
123
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,220
Hey, you.
124
00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:19,660
How you doing?
125
00:05:19,660 --> 00:05:20,740
Fine.
126
00:05:20,740 --> 00:05:21,820
Cool.
127
00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:23,700
How's mum? All good?
128
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:25,140
My mother is dead.
129
00:05:25,140 --> 00:05:29,140
Oh, yeah, well, forgot about that, sorry.
130
00:05:32,660 --> 00:05:33,700
Yeah...
131
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:34,780
Guys, slow down!
132
00:05:34,780 --> 00:05:35,860
Slow down!
133
00:05:35,860 --> 00:05:38,940
Lots to discover,
but let's do it together, yeah?
134
00:05:38,940 --> 00:05:40,700
You're being really weird.
135
00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:44,700
No, I'm not!
136
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,020
Jesus Christ, Jo!
137
00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:49,420
Dan, where are we?
138
00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:51,460
The taxman could be anywhere!
139
00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:52,980
They have eyes everywhere!
140
00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:54,740
They have things
141
00:05:54,740 --> 00:05:56,940
up there!
142
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,780
You're not a Taliban commander,
for fuck's sake!
143
00:05:59,780 --> 00:06:02,300
Hey, this trip's all about the kids!
144
00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:04,620
I did this for the children, all right!
145
00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:08,620
Yeah, you're definitely being weird.
146
00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:12,420
Well, hello, time travellers,
147
00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:16,420
and welcome to the 1940s.
148
00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:18,060
1940S MUSIC PLAYS
149
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:20,260
Oh, look!
150
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:24,260
Yes!
You are about to step back to the golden age.
151
00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:28,420
Yes, there was struggle,
152
00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:32,420
but there was incredible community spirit.
153
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:35,940
Any questions?
154
00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:36,980
Yes.
155
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,140
You seen Two Girls, One Cup?
156
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,660
Yes, I see. Can I have a word?
157
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:42,140
Yep.
158
00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:43,180
Well?
159
00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:45,060
It's a viral video, two women gobbling shit.
160
00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:47,100
Shut up! Stand up straight, man!
161
00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:49,620
Now I know the school don't expect much
162
00:06:49,620 --> 00:06:53,380
in what we used to happily and
correctly refer to as retards!
163
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:55,820
We usually ask the children
to fill in worksheets,
164
00:06:55,820 --> 00:06:59,460
but I'll settle for you keeping
the little chimps under control.
165
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:02,540
A big stick and a lot of shouting! Right?
166
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:04,900
Well, no, I think you'll find
with the right guidance...
167
00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:07,700
Shut up!
You're a stranger to discipline, Davis!
168
00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:10,420
A gobbler of confectionery!
169
00:07:10,420 --> 00:07:14,140
Unable to hold on down a
relationship or a proper job!
170
00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:16,660
Live with your mother, I would think.
171
00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:18,500
Am I close?
172
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:20,060
Yes, I am!
173
00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:21,660
Who is this?
174
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:24,460
Oh! I said who is this?
175
00:07:24,460 --> 00:07:26,020
Well, it's supposed to be Churchill.
176
00:07:26,020 --> 00:07:30,020
Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill, yes!
177
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:31,980
An inspiration!
178
00:07:31,980 --> 00:07:35,980
A potent symbol of the greatest
period in British history!
179
00:07:36,180 --> 00:07:38,460
Off you go, Tony.
180
00:07:38,460 --> 00:07:41,100
That is a leader, Davis.
181
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:44,740
You're nothing more than
a glorified sheepdog!
182
00:07:44,740 --> 00:07:48,740
Keep your flock of zombies off my
exhibits and we will get along fine.
183
00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:51,180
However,
184
00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:55,180
if you fail to follow the
expected code of conduct,
185
00:07:56,620 --> 00:08:00,620
I will shut your shit down
like a rat on a potato.
186
00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:05,700
What will I do?
187
00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:07,860
Now, look... What will I do?
188
00:08:07,860 --> 00:08:09,300
Yes, you'll shut my shit down.
189
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:10,500
Like? Like a rat.
190
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:11,620
But the thing about our...
191
00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:13,980
On?
192
00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:16,340
Like a rat on a... On a potato!
193
00:08:16,340 --> 00:08:18,860
Splendid.
194
00:08:18,860 --> 00:08:22,860
Enjoy the Bewkley War Experience.
195
00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:29,100
Out!
196
00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:32,300
What is this?
197
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,420
Have you no sense of where you are?
198
00:08:34,420 --> 00:08:36,300
Honestly! Right!
199
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:37,820
Phones in the bag.
200
00:08:37,820 --> 00:08:39,940
What?!
I don't think that's a very good idea.
201
00:08:39,940 --> 00:08:42,420
They didn't have mobile phones in the war.
202
00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:44,940
Lucky to have a tin of ham and a pipe!
203
00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:46,820
Here, get a picture of me handing these out.
204
00:08:46,820 --> 00:08:48,020
Why? Just do it!
205
00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:49,580
Worksheet,
206
00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:51,900
worksheet...
207
00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:53,620
There you go.
208
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:54,980
All right, everyone, off you go!
209
00:08:54,980 --> 00:08:57,340
First exhibit. Learning, always learning.
210
00:08:57,340 --> 00:08:59,060
Well, this is bullshit!
211
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,620
You shouldn't struggle too much with this.
212
00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:04,020
It's for children.
213
00:09:04,020 --> 00:09:06,420
What's going on?
Why have you taken their phones off them?
214
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,540
Because the bloke who runs
this place seems to think
215
00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:11,540
our children can't be sufficiently
inspired to fill out a worksheet.
216
00:09:11,540 --> 00:09:12,580
Well, he's got a point.
217
00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:15,260
We're better to let them run around
taking pictures of each other.
218
00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:18,300
They haven't got the concentration span!
Wake up!
219
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,900
Can we dare to dream a little bit
bigger for our children, Allie?
220
00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,100
Can we?
221
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:24,540
Can we dream a little bigger?
222
00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:28,540
Yeah.
223
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:47,100
All right, guys, you got your worksheets.
224
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,540
So if you struggle, just let me know.
225
00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:51,660
You know I'll help you. I can and I will.
226
00:09:51,660 --> 00:09:53,380
You know I will.
227
00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:55,900
OK, stand still.
228
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:58,500
Look at me. What? Eat this.
229
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,380
Look, come on, leave them! They're fine!
230
00:10:00,380 --> 00:10:02,460
Let's go and take the piss
out of some of the actors.
231
00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:04,820
General Montgomery has a speech impediment.
232
00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:07,980
And?
And let's get him to say stuff with S's in.
233
00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:09,420
Greetingsh.
234
00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:11,780
Old Dan would've found that funny,
very funny.
235
00:10:11,780 --> 00:10:13,700
But I've realised something.
236
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,660
If children are going to find their way,
237
00:10:15,660 --> 00:10:17,580
they need a bright light to guide them.
238
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:18,620
Me.
239
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:20,780
Hold this bag of phones.
240
00:10:20,780 --> 00:10:22,660
All right, guys!
241
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:25,900
Gather round! Let's have a little
look at this worksheet, shall we?
242
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,940
Number one,
describe the atmosphere in this zone.
243
00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:30,820
Well, that's easy. What can you see?
244
00:10:30,820 --> 00:10:34,820
The biggest knob in Britain? Hey!
245
00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:38,180
You've got problems at home,
so I'm going to let that slide.
246
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:40,180
Her mum drinks. OK, close your eyes.
247
00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:41,940
Sir, this is torture.
248
00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,660
Close your eyes!
249
00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:45,180
Soak up the atmosphere.
250
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:46,660
DAN INHALES LOUDLY
251
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:47,980
That's it.
252
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,020
Oh, my God!
253
00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:53,020
Yes, Jason! It's powerful, isn't it?
254
00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:55,900
Gregory's farted! I have not farted.
255
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:57,700
You have! Hey, nobody's farted!
256
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:58,820
He has!
257
00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,620
And I know it's him! It stinks of bananas!
258
00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:02,980
They didn't have bananas in the wartime.
259
00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:04,260
Whoa!
260
00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:05,340
That's good!
261
00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:07,540
Now, it's a shame farting got brought up.
262
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:10,060
But, together, we have learned.
263
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,820
They didn't have bananas in the war.
264
00:11:11,820 --> 00:11:14,340
So that's historically accurate.
265
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:18,340
Is that historically accurate?
266
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,140
Oh, my...
267
00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,820
That's just a bit of horseplay.
268
00:11:23,820 --> 00:11:27,820
I'm sure that'll wipe straight off.
269
00:11:29,020 --> 00:11:31,220
I'm so sorry.
270
00:11:31,220 --> 00:11:32,260
I've just had a Twix.
271
00:11:32,260 --> 00:11:37,660
STUDENTS LAUGH
272
00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:44,340
And we always leave our doors open,
cos it's safe as 'ouses.
273
00:11:44,340 --> 00:11:47,780
It's the spirit of the Blitz!
274
00:11:47,780 --> 00:11:51,420
Oh! Um...
275
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:54,580
And this is my...
276
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,260
..wife?
277
00:11:56,260 --> 00:11:57,500
That's right!
278
00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:00,500
Yeah! So any questions so far?
279
00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:02,260
Is it true you had great sing-alongs?
280
00:12:02,260 --> 00:12:03,780
Oh, it certainly is!
281
00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:04,820
SHE LAUGHS
282
00:12:04,820 --> 00:12:08,140
It's a Long Way to Tipperary
283
00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:12,140
It's a long way to go
284
00:12:12,620 --> 00:12:14,460
Sippin' on coke and rum
285
00:12:14,460 --> 00:12:16,380
I'm like, so what, I'm drunk
286
00:12:16,380 --> 00:12:18,100
It's the freakin' weekend, baby
287
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:21,540
I'm about to have me some fun...
288
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,180
Any more questions about the war?
289
00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:25,380
Is it true women couldn't
afford tights in the war?
290
00:12:25,380 --> 00:12:26,740
I'm glad you asked me that.
291
00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:30,740
I love the 1940s!
292
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:33,940
Are you sure?
293
00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:36,420
Oh, I've never done this before.
294
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:38,820
Can't I just do the usual?
295
00:12:38,820 --> 00:12:42,820
This doesn't feel right to me at all.
296
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:45,380
Why do I have to stay with you?
297
00:12:45,380 --> 00:12:48,060
Hey...
298
00:12:48,060 --> 00:12:50,580
What happened before, it wasn't cool.
299
00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:53,300
But I get it,
you feel like you're not being listened to.
300
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:56,140
And I want you to know, I've got ears.
301
00:12:56,140 --> 00:12:57,380
I've got big ears.
302
00:12:57,380 --> 00:12:59,260
What the fuck are you talking about?
303
00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:02,860
You see these war poems?
304
00:13:02,860 --> 00:13:05,060
I'll bet you feel you couldn't write one.
305
00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:06,380
I couldn't. You could.
306
00:13:06,380 --> 00:13:08,020
I don't want to. You're going to.
307
00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:11,540
Can I have my phone back? Write a war poem!
308
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,060
Sir, I'm a Nazi!
309
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:15,820
Oh, f...
310
00:13:15,820 --> 00:13:18,380
It is great that you're interested!
311
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,100
And I want you to be curious, Jason,
312
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,340
but you're going to have to put that back.
313
00:13:22,340 --> 00:13:23,740
Can I have my phone back, then?
314
00:13:23,740 --> 00:13:25,660
Oh, Jesus Christ, where's the bag of phones?
315
00:13:25,660 --> 00:13:27,620
Oh, shit, I left them in the last zone.
316
00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:29,020
Oh, brilliant!
317
00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:32,260
Go and find the bag of phones,
and put that back!
318
00:13:32,260 --> 00:13:34,140
What are you hoping to achieve?
319
00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:35,420
Sir?
320
00:13:35,420 --> 00:13:37,940
I finished the worksheet. Ohh!
321
00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:40,620
That is what I'm hoping to achieve.
322
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:44,620
A completed worksheet from...
323
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:51,460
You are?
324
00:13:53,980 --> 00:13:57,980
Well done...
325
00:13:59,620 --> 00:14:02,340
What's your name? Kevin. Kevin!
326
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:04,300
Well done, Kevin!
327
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:06,140
Hang on a minute.
328
00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:08,420
You taking the piss? What's this? What?
329
00:14:08,420 --> 00:14:10,300
"Women couldn't afford tights in the war,
330
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:13,300
"so they smeared Nutella on their legs"?
What's this? It's bullshit!
331
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:14,540
A woman told me!
332
00:14:14,540 --> 00:14:15,780
"A woman told me"!
333
00:14:15,780 --> 00:14:17,900
What was Hitler's first name? "Danny"?!
334
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,380
What are you, a moron, lad?!
335
00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:22,580
Mr Davis! Well...
336
00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:24,140
It's true, there was a woman.
337
00:14:24,140 --> 00:14:26,260
She said she'd give us all
the answers if we promised
338
00:14:26,260 --> 00:14:29,700
we aren't working for the taxman. Oh, no.
339
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:33,700
Oh, no, no, no!
340
00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:35,780
What did they put in bombs?
341
00:14:35,780 --> 00:14:37,660
Jam.
342
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:39,540
Jo! No!
343
00:14:39,540 --> 00:14:42,220
I don't know who Jo is,
I'm just a simple 1940s housewife!
344
00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:43,660
Get that costume off!
345
00:14:43,660 --> 00:14:46,140
I'm trying to fill these kids
with a passion for knowledge!
346
00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:49,060
No, Dan, leave me here!
I'm safe in the 1940s!
347
00:14:49,060 --> 00:14:53,060
You're not in the 1940s, you maniac!
348
00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:59,460
Oh, shit!
349
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,060
You don't fancy him, do you?
350
00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:04,700
Who? Sir.
351
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:05,980
Don't be ridiculous.
352
00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:08,940
Dick, isn't he?
353
00:15:08,940 --> 00:15:11,260
Guess who?
354
00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:13,500
Right, come on,
we need to collect these worksheets up -
355
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,340
they're bullshit! Give me those!
356
00:15:15,340 --> 00:15:16,980
PA: Now, if you'd like to gather round,
357
00:15:16,980 --> 00:15:20,980
you can see first-hand what life
was like for a wartime evacuee!
358
00:15:21,260 --> 00:15:22,660
Yes, this'll do.
359
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:25,700
Right, all gather round.
Watch this, and you'd better look interested!
360
00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:27,660
I've done your stupid poem, I'm going.
361
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,540
You stay, you watch,
or I steal the tuck shop money
362
00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:32,060
and I frame you for the crime!
363
00:15:32,060 --> 00:15:33,860
Mr Davis!
364
00:15:33,860 --> 00:15:36,460
Oh! We're having a wonderful day!
365
00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:40,460
The children devour, they learn! Really?
366
00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:43,500
PA: To explain,
please welcome little Toby Perkins
367
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:47,500
from the East End of London.
368
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,020
Hello, there!
369
00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:53,780
I'm Toby, and in the summer of 1940,
370
00:15:53,780 --> 00:15:56,620
my parents made a very big decision...
371
00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:59,580
Fuck my whole face.
372
00:15:59,580 --> 00:16:00,900
Carry on, Brian!
373
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:02,460
SHE SNICKERS
374
00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:03,820
SHE WHEEZES
375
00:16:03,820 --> 00:16:07,820
We arrived in Cornwall,
and were greeted by old Mr Watlington,
376
00:16:08,180 --> 00:16:10,740
and his rosy-cheeked wife, Fanny.
377
00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:14,700
THEY LAUGH
378
00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:16,500
Brian, what the hell is this?
379
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:19,660
We thought you were sneaking
off to meet a lady! You gimp!
380
00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:22,260
Why are you dressed like
a child from the past?
381
00:16:22,260 --> 00:16:23,900
I'm usually an air raid warden!
382
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,580
Anyway...fuck you!
383
00:16:25,580 --> 00:16:27,500
Fuck me?! Fuck you, baby!
384
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,500
Sorry, kids, that's just emotion.
385
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:33,060
Hey, hey.
386
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,700
What is wrong with you?
387
00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,660
I was really looking forward to today.
388
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:39,180
All I do is look after kids,
and I really thought you and I
389
00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:42,460
would just let the kids off the leash,
and have a bit of a laugh.
390
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,740
What's going on? Nothing's going on.
391
00:16:44,740 --> 00:16:46,180
Here, take a picture of me
392
00:16:46,180 --> 00:16:48,820
reading Josephine's poem
really thoughtfully.
393
00:16:48,820 --> 00:16:50,860
SHE SIGHS
394
00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:53,300
Her. Emma.
395
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:55,580
What?
That's who you were sending the picture to.
396
00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:57,660
You're trying to prove something to Emma.
397
00:16:57,660 --> 00:17:01,660
As usual,
by pretending to be something you're not!
398
00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:08,460
Right, OK, I think we should just go.
399
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:12,460
Sir, they've gone! The phones! What?
400
00:17:17,220 --> 00:17:19,620
Oh, sorry,
I didn't realise you were in here.
401
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:22,220
I was just looking for
somewhere to have a fag.
402
00:17:22,220 --> 00:17:26,220
No, it's OK.
403
00:17:33,940 --> 00:17:37,940
I'm sorry about the laughing,
it was just a bit of a shock, that's all.
404
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:42,300
That's all right. I'd laugh, too.
405
00:17:43,340 --> 00:17:46,700
Everyone thought I was
having a steamy affair.
406
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:49,620
I rather liked that they were thinking that.
407
00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:51,060
Pathetic.
408
00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:55,060
Brian,
my life is so dull that for two weeks,
409
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:56,860
I've looked forward to having a laugh
410
00:17:56,860 --> 00:17:59,900
with your stupid, distracted friend today.
411
00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:03,900
I spend my spare time as an
unpaid historical reenactor.
412
00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:06,980
It looks fun. You don't think that.
413
00:18:06,980 --> 00:18:10,460
No, I don't!
But my life is really boring, too.
414
00:18:10,460 --> 00:18:14,460
Oh, thanks! I didn't mean it like that.
415
00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:18,380
You make a cute child refugee.
416
00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:20,900
Jesus! What an epitaph!
417
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:24,900
SHE LAUGHS
418
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:29,580
Oh! You can't smoke in here.
419
00:18:31,580 --> 00:18:35,580
Don't you ever just want
to do something crazy?
420
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:40,500
I'm afraid I do not.
421
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:44,100
Crazy and I rarely cross paths.
422
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:47,980
Well, I'd be up for some real crazy, Brian.
423
00:18:47,980 --> 00:18:51,980
I could drive us back to
town with no seat belt on.
424
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,260
Oh.
425
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,380
They're not here.
426
00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:58,900
We better find them -
my mum is going to go mental!
427
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:02,020
We are not telling the head,
do you all understand?
428
00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:04,940
If I have to,
I'll buy you all new phones, all right?
429
00:19:04,940 --> 00:19:06,780
Jesus, he trusted me.
430
00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:08,580
God, you're thicker than me!
431
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:10,980
He was getting us out of the way. What?
432
00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:12,980
We got the inspectors in today, you idiot!
433
00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:14,620
We're an embarrassment.
434
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,380
Apparently, so are you.
435
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:17,500
No!
436
00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:18,700
Dan!
437
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:22,700
It's this fat guy! He's got the phones!
438
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,900
CHURCHILL!
439
00:19:30,940 --> 00:19:34,940
Wanker.
440
00:19:40,060 --> 00:19:44,060
What the fuck?
441
00:20:02,380 --> 00:20:04,660
Fucking hell!
442
00:20:04,660 --> 00:20:08,660
Do take a look inside,
a rare glimpse into the belly of the beast!
443
00:20:10,540 --> 00:20:14,540
Behind this curtain, enjoy...
444
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,300
DAN YELLS
445
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,180
THEY GRUNT
446
00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:23,620
What the hell?!
447
00:20:23,620 --> 00:20:27,420
DULL THUDS
448
00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:29,940
You like that, Churchill? Yeah!
449
00:20:29,940 --> 00:20:31,100
CIGAR SIZZLES
450
00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:35,100
HE SCREAMS
451
00:20:35,780 --> 00:20:39,180
Oh! My eyes!
452
00:20:39,180 --> 00:20:43,180
Hey!
453
00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:50,300
Brian, relax!
454
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:54,300
I am relaxed! It's just a bit...sleepy.
455
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:03,420
CAMERA CLICKS
456
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:04,700
Brian?
457
00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:08,700
HITLER SPEAKS OVER SPEAKER
458
00:21:10,780 --> 00:21:14,780
CHEERING OVER SPEAKER
459
00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:28,060
Right, listen, I've a call from the museum...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
460
00:21:28,060 --> 00:21:30,980
I fought Churchill,
she tossed someone off in a bunker, I know!
461
00:21:30,980 --> 00:21:32,860
Now you listen to me.
462
00:21:32,860 --> 00:21:34,780
We think we know these kids.
463
00:21:34,780 --> 00:21:36,740
But we don't, cos we don't even try.
464
00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:38,100
I've seen things from them today
465
00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:39,900
that I wouldn't have thought possible.
466
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:43,060
Some of them wrote war poems,
for God's sake, war poems!
467
00:21:43,060 --> 00:21:44,380
Josephine?
468
00:21:44,380 --> 00:21:46,580
"Fat, fat, pussy rat, Hitler is a twat..."
469
00:21:46,580 --> 00:21:47,820
That's fine for now.
470
00:21:47,820 --> 00:21:51,820
The point is you send these kids away,
and then you lie.
471
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:55,860
And I don't care if I've lost my job,
because this needs to be heard.
472
00:21:55,860 --> 00:21:59,740
Any inspector, you, sir,
you need to see the whole school.
473
00:21:59,740 --> 00:22:01,700
Warts and all.
474
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:04,420
Well, these are the warts.
475
00:22:04,420 --> 00:22:08,420
And they won't to be swept
under the carpet any more!
476
00:22:10,740 --> 00:22:12,700
Mr Thompson isn't an inspector.
477
00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:15,460
He's the school's accountant.
478
00:22:15,460 --> 00:22:19,460
What? He's preparing our tax statements.
479
00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:24,220
We're not having an inspection.
480
00:22:24,220 --> 00:22:25,580
Kevin! What?
481
00:22:25,580 --> 00:22:28,220
You told me we'd been booted
out cos there was an inspection!
482
00:22:28,220 --> 00:22:31,940
I made it up. Ohh, you fucking nutter!
483
00:22:31,940 --> 00:22:33,500
My office.
484
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:36,740
Now!
485
00:22:36,740 --> 00:22:40,740
Well, that all went well!
486
00:22:41,020 --> 00:22:42,740
You've got a visitor.
487
00:22:42,740 --> 00:22:46,180
See you tomorrow.
488
00:22:46,180 --> 00:22:48,940
Sweet speech.
489
00:22:48,940 --> 00:22:52,580
What are you doing here?
I brought your son in to meet everyone.
490
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:55,580
MY son, yeah?
491
00:22:55,580 --> 00:22:57,580
Yeah.
492
00:22:57,580 --> 00:23:01,580
MUSIC: The Dam Busters March by Eric Coates
493
00:23:06,860 --> 00:23:10,860
Come!
494
00:23:36,460 --> 00:23:44,660
Subtitles by Ericsson
495
00:23:44,710 --> 00:23:49,260
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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