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1
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:06,572
Morning.
2
00:00:07,948 --> 00:00:09,404
Mm.
3
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,027
Mm.
4
00:00:15,028 --> 00:00:16,211
Oh.
5
00:00:17,488 --> 00:00:20,388
I know this is a dream, you know.
6
00:00:20,389 --> 00:00:22,638
No, it isn't, silly.
7
00:00:22,639 --> 00:00:24,557
I'm here.
8
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:26,890
I've moved in, because we're
in love.
9
00:00:28,519 --> 00:00:30,557
No.
10
00:00:30,558 --> 00:00:33,687
No, my brain won't even allow me
to enjoy dreams these days.
11
00:00:33,688 --> 00:00:35,797
That's how much it hates me.
12
00:00:35,798 --> 00:00:38,316
No, it's no good. I may as well
wake up.
13
00:00:38,317 --> 00:00:40,174
And what makes you think it's
a dream?
14
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,130
Well...
15
00:00:44,519 --> 00:00:45,930
...you know.
16
00:00:47,878 --> 00:00:50,256
There's this.
17
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:55,944
Plus there are other clues. I mean,
the Proclaimers are in my room.
18
00:00:55,945 --> 00:00:57,692
We're making a pot!
19
00:01:00,238 --> 00:01:02,357
Oh, Piss!
20
00:01:02,358 --> 00:01:04,292
It's overcrowded enough in
here as it is.
21
00:01:04,293 --> 00:01:05,997
I heard that.
22
00:01:05,998 --> 00:01:08,037
Yes, and I heard you last
night snoring.
23
00:01:08,038 --> 00:01:10,122
It's like sharing a room
with a dot matrix printer.
24
00:01:10,123 --> 00:01:12,760
You've got a nerve, talking about my
night-time shortcomings.
25
00:01:12,761 --> 00:01:16,219
Who eats lamb chops at two o'clock
in the morning in bed?
26
00:01:16,220 --> 00:01:17,689
No-one's making you stay, Brian.
27
00:01:17,690 --> 00:01:21,308
Is it any wonder the dog follows you
around? You constantly smell of meat.
28
00:01:21,309 --> 00:01:24,077
Brian, breakfast is ready!
Oh...
29
00:01:24,078 --> 00:01:26,228
Coming, Mrs D!
30
00:01:30,878 --> 00:01:32,255
Piss! Get out!
31
00:01:35,954 --> 00:02:00,355
32
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:04,688
And so, if I hadn't have explored my
community, I'd never have met Gerry here.
33
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:08,218
And you see, that's what
Community Week is all about.
34
00:02:08,219 --> 00:02:12,967
It's about reaping the rewards for
looking around you and getting involved.
35
00:02:12,968 --> 00:02:17,765
And we're very lucky that Gerry has agreed
to leave Bella here with us for the week.
36
00:02:17,766 --> 00:02:19,943
So, feel free to pop by and
say hi.
37
00:02:19,944 --> 00:02:22,157
Ah...!
38
00:02:22,158 --> 00:02:23,398
Hm.
39
00:02:23,399 --> 00:02:27,176
I'd like to finish with a poem. Don't
groan. Not all poems are boring.
40
00:02:34,878 --> 00:02:36,300
Me.
41
00:02:37,368 --> 00:02:38,447
We.
42
00:02:38,448 --> 00:02:42,180
Now, this poem was made up on the
spot by a very great person.
43
00:02:42,181 --> 00:02:43,580
Do you know who?
44
00:02:47,118 --> 00:02:48,317
This man.
45
00:02:48,318 --> 00:02:52,414
Boys and girls, we are stronger
together. Enjoy Community Week.
46
00:03:02,288 --> 00:03:04,302
Thank you so much. Thank you.
47
00:03:05,399 --> 00:03:08,677
God! Alistair's good, isn't he?
48
00:03:08,678 --> 00:03:10,648
Oh, he is.
49
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,727
I also sort of want him dead.
50
00:03:12,728 --> 00:03:15,140
Oh, even you can't be cynical
about Community Week,
51
00:03:15,141 --> 00:03:17,398
surely? Oh, no.
52
00:03:17,399 --> 00:03:21,037
Ah! Adorable!
53
00:03:21,038 --> 00:03:23,477
Who's this?
Its name is Piss.
54
00:03:23,478 --> 00:03:26,381
Stop following me around, you hairy
little shit! Oh, he's so cute.
55
00:03:26,382 --> 00:03:28,167
Whose is he?
56
00:03:28,168 --> 00:03:29,613
He, um...
57
00:03:35,678 --> 00:03:38,087
He belongs to this old guy I visit.
58
00:03:38,088 --> 00:03:41,287
You visit?
Yeah, he's a war veteran.
59
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:42,768
He hasn't got anyone any more,
60
00:03:42,769 --> 00:03:45,569
so I just pop round sometimes,
do a bit of ironing for him
61
00:03:45,570 --> 00:03:50,179
and he tells me what it was like having
no bananas and, you know, all that.
62
00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:52,255
Dan, you do not visit an old
war veteran.
63
00:03:52,256 --> 00:03:53,845
What, because I don't crow
about it
64
00:03:53,846 --> 00:03:56,255
and bring him in for an
assembly, like that click?
65
00:03:56,256 --> 00:03:59,627
Well, you should. Most people, the
Head included, think that you're a...
66
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:01,917
Well...
67
00:04:01,918 --> 00:04:03,807
a lazy tosser.
68
00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:06,266
Lazy? Lazy?
69
00:04:07,808 --> 00:04:09,025
Is this lazy?
70
00:04:10,448 --> 00:04:11,528
Uh...!
71
00:04:11,529 --> 00:04:14,007
This?
72
00:04:14,008 --> 00:04:16,087
No? Well...
73
00:04:16,088 --> 00:04:17,447
Oh!
74
00:04:17,448 --> 00:04:19,337
Lazy?
75
00:04:21,368 --> 00:04:23,291
Were any of those lazy?
76
00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:34,459
Honestly, sometimes I think she's not
the girl for me. There's no trust.
77
00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:35,896
You don't visit an old man.
78
00:04:35,897 --> 00:04:37,975
What's that got to do with it?
Where's the trust?
79
00:04:37,976 --> 00:04:40,187
Well, either way, I'm going to have
to find one ASAP.
80
00:04:40,188 --> 00:04:42,087
Use Big Dave Bowers.
81
00:04:42,088 --> 00:04:44,398
What? He's only about 50.
82
00:04:44,399 --> 00:04:45,837
I'm 32!
83
00:04:45,838 --> 00:04:48,421
Fucking hell, Dave. Eat some
veg, mate.
84
00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:50,398
Ta-da! What do you think?
85
00:04:50,399 --> 00:04:52,743
It sort of looks a bit like Miley
Cyrus.
86
00:04:54,088 --> 00:04:55,852
It's fucking shit.
87
00:04:57,918 --> 00:05:01,047
I've done Shakira now, Brian.
Look. Yes.
88
00:05:01,048 --> 00:05:03,557
Do you think it's time for another
visit to the Jobcentre?
89
00:05:03,558 --> 00:05:06,220
No, Jackie says I'm a free spirit
and I should concentrate on my art.
90
00:05:06,221 --> 00:05:09,206
Right, I need to get hold
of a World War ll vet.
91
00:05:09,207 --> 00:05:12,488
Oh, God. I forgot this place was like
a swap shop for the mentally ill.
92
00:05:12,489 --> 00:05:15,391
Listen, I'm not staying. I just
popped in to say I'm cooking tonight.
93
00:05:15,392 --> 00:05:17,939
6.30 sharp, OK?
Yes.
94
00:05:20,448 --> 00:05:23,687
He's got to go. He's been a nightmare
since Julia kicked him out.
95
00:05:23,688 --> 00:05:25,782
And he's weird. Who takes a stopwatch
into the toilet?
96
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:28,197
Where the hell
am I going to find
97
00:05:28,198 --> 00:05:29,849
a pensioner?
I'd love to help,
98
00:05:29,850 --> 00:05:32,255
but I'm doing portraits at Autumn
Leaves this weekend.
99
00:05:32,256 --> 00:05:34,296
Autumn Leaves, the retirement home?
100
00:05:34,297 --> 00:05:37,197
Yeah. Perfect models. Can't
move.
101
00:05:37,198 --> 00:05:41,254
The old people at the retirement home?
Yeah. Some of them are so old...
102
00:05:41,255 --> 00:05:42,569
You can't help me, no?
103
00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:46,477
Are you deaf? I'm working. You're like
the old people at the retirement home.
104
00:05:46,478 --> 00:05:47,838
But you don't know any old people?
105
00:05:49,998 --> 00:05:51,545
Dan, I think you need a
holiday, mate.
106
00:05:53,378 --> 00:05:57,327
Rig ht... concentrate.
107
00:05:57,328 --> 00:05:59,687
Go.
108
00:05:59,688 --> 00:06:01,487
Hello there.
Hello.
109
00:06:01,488 --> 00:06:02,997
Robin!
110
00:06:02,998 --> 00:06:05,288
He always shits himself in
school plays.
111
00:06:05,289 --> 00:06:09,398
Only if I have lines. I never shat
myself when I was the donkey in 'tivity.
112
00:06:09,399 --> 00:06:12,197
Just go to the toilet. Right.
113
00:06:12,198 --> 00:06:14,917
My community is full of
surprises.
114
00:06:14,918 --> 00:06:19,207
Good morning, Mr Davies, out
for a walk?
115
00:06:19,208 --> 00:06:21,188
Yes, young Ralph. See you in
school
116
00:06:21,189 --> 00:06:23,408
This is shit, sir!
Silence!
117
00:06:23,409 --> 00:06:26,167
Oh, look. It's old Mrs Campbell,
118
00:06:26,168 --> 00:06:28,687
the mean-spirited old lady.
119
00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:32,537
I'm horrible to everyone. I wish
people would give me a chance, though.
120
00:06:32,538 --> 00:06:34,509
I'm only like this
because I have no friends...
121
00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:38,817
...seriously, not one.
122
00:06:38,818 --> 00:06:41,583
I'm not doing this.
None of us want to do it.
123
00:06:41,584 --> 00:06:45,127
Shut up! It's inspiring.
Guys, I'm inspiring you.
124
00:06:45,128 --> 00:06:47,278
Oh!
125
00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:48,940
Go on. We'll finish it tomorrow.
126
00:06:53,888 --> 00:06:56,607
Are you seriously doing an
assembly?
127
00:06:56,608 --> 00:06:58,097
Yes.
128
00:06:58,098 --> 00:07:01,477
With a war veteran?
Very much the centre of the piece.
129
00:07:01,478 --> 00:07:05,567
You are full of surprises, Dan
Davies.
130
00:07:05,568 --> 00:07:07,927
Thank you.
Ssh!
131
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,147
I don't do this for thanks.
132
00:07:11,818 --> 00:07:13,377
Have you been eating meat?
133
00:07:17,968 --> 00:07:21,567
Mm! What is it you say it is?
Truffle oil?
134
00:07:21,568 --> 00:07:24,378
Yes, a little. Brings out the flavour
of the aubergine, doesn't it?
135
00:07:24,379 --> 00:07:26,408
It's exquisite, dear.
Mm!
136
00:07:26,409 --> 00:07:27,717
Daniel.
137
00:07:27,718 --> 00:07:29,817
You're late.
Yes.
138
00:07:29,818 --> 00:07:33,337
Well, unlike you, Zelda from
Terrahawks, I have a job.
139
00:07:33,338 --> 00:07:35,007
I did give you plenty of notice,
Dan.
140
00:07:35,008 --> 00:07:37,375
Brian has taken the trouble to make
us this wonderful meal,
141
00:07:37,376 --> 00:07:39,659
and you can't even be
bothered to turn up. If I were
142
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:43,215
any less relaxed, I'd take a length
of rubber hosing to you.
143
00:07:43,216 --> 00:07:47,270
You are all aware that Marital Crisis
Boy here is sharing my bedroom?
144
00:07:49,078 --> 00:07:52,127
Well, if you'll excuse me, I...
145
00:07:52,128 --> 00:07:53,914
I think Morse is on.
146
00:07:55,848 --> 00:07:59,457
You monstrous shit!
147
00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:01,694
You never think about the people
around you, do you?
148
00:08:01,695 --> 00:08:04,555
I've really noticed it
since Brian moved in.
149
00:08:04,556 --> 00:08:05,767
Keys.
150
00:08:05,768 --> 00:08:06,908
What? We've had a chat,
151
00:08:06,909 --> 00:08:09,947
and we've decided Brian needs house
keys more than you do.
152
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,367
You're not serious?
Deadly.
153
00:08:12,368 --> 00:08:15,747
And we have also bagged up all your
old clothes from your wardrobe,
154
00:08:15,748 --> 00:08:17,408
and we're burning them.
155
00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:19,538
Poor Brian needs storage space.
156
00:08:19,539 --> 00:08:21,127
Give me those!
157
00:08:21,128 --> 00:08:22,505
Keys.
158
00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:30,727
Everybody getting married!
Tony getting married.
159
00:08:30,728 --> 00:08:32,647
Belinda getting married.
160
00:08:32,648 --> 00:08:35,788
Sophie not getting married.
She's a holiday rep.
161
00:08:35,789 --> 00:08:39,408
Gregory going to Vegas,
getting married by an Elvis.
162
00:08:39,409 --> 00:08:41,617
Ah... what?
163
00:08:41,618 --> 00:08:43,727
Just brought you some clothes.
164
00:08:43,728 --> 00:08:44,847
I got eyes.
165
00:08:44,848 --> 00:08:48,087
Right. There's some really nice stuff
there.
166
00:08:48,088 --> 00:08:49,635
Would you like to go through them?
No.
167
00:08:49,636 --> 00:08:51,538
Maybe a thank you?
168
00:08:51,539 --> 00:08:54,207
You want the clothes back?
No, but...
169
00:08:54,208 --> 00:08:56,257
You don't need the clothes?
No.
170
00:08:56,258 --> 00:08:58,226
But I think a little thank you
wouldn't go amiss.
171
00:08:58,227 --> 00:09:00,087
You want me to hang up?
172
00:09:00,088 --> 00:09:01,337
No.
173
00:09:01,338 --> 00:09:03,921
If you want me to hang up, you'd
better tell me to hang up!
174
00:09:07,289 --> 00:09:08,538
Tch!
175
00:09:08,539 --> 00:09:10,553
Jennifer gone to Gretna Green.
176
00:09:13,568 --> 00:09:17,374
What? Walter is perfect for your
assembly. He's well nice.
177
00:09:17,375 --> 00:09:21,418
Yes, also lacking that most vital of
presentation skills, the gift of speech.
178
00:09:21,419 --> 00:09:23,558
Well, I introduced you to
Roger and he was in the war.
179
00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:27,337
He was also not in trousers
and pants. Come on, Jo.
180
00:09:27,338 --> 00:09:32,257
Ah, the war. Ah, there... there was a
time when we all pulled together.
181
00:09:32,258 --> 00:09:34,226
Hi, Tim. Did you like
the painting I did of you?
182
00:09:34,227 --> 00:09:37,200
Oh, yes, yes. Thank you,
dear. Very, very good. Yes.
183
00:09:39,058 --> 00:09:41,177
You haven't introduced me to
Tim, Jo.
184
00:09:41,178 --> 00:09:43,465
No, I didn't think he was quite
right. He doesn't wear a hat.
185
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:45,578
Why would I need him to
wear a hat?
186
00:09:45,579 --> 00:09:50,697
Well, I don't really need to wear a hat,
because I don't get to go out very often.
187
00:09:50,698 --> 00:09:53,713
Ah, well, maybe I could take you out for
a lovely cup of tea some time, Tim.
188
00:09:53,714 --> 00:09:56,547
Oh, well, yes, that would be
lovely. The town hall's having
189
00:09:56,548 --> 00:09:58,349
a craft fair for Community Week.
190
00:09:58,350 --> 00:10:00,432
You should come down.
I'm doing some portraits.
191
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,001
Craft fair? How lovely!
192
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,447
Reminds me of the war. Yes.
193
00:10:04,448 --> 00:10:06,647
Simple times.
194
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:09,106
Shall we, Tim?
Oh.
195
00:10:10,368 --> 00:10:11,288
Right.
196
00:10:11,289 --> 00:10:13,030
Right!
197
00:10:21,289 --> 00:10:22,777
This is it.
198
00:10:22,778 --> 00:10:26,015
Yeah, go on, you go in. I'll... I'll
catch you up. There's just, er...
199
00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:28,272
there's just something I've got
to do.
200
00:10:29,368 --> 00:10:31,791
I'll... I'll come with you, shall I?
Sure.
201
00:10:33,728 --> 00:10:36,720
Oh. I feel a little nervous,
crossing roads.
202
00:10:38,258 --> 00:10:39,777
OK.
203
00:10:39,778 --> 00:10:43,749
Now, now, ladies. It was Dan's idea
to let me stay. He's not all bad.
204
00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:46,298
Well, I, for one, prefer you,
Brian.
205
00:10:46,299 --> 00:10:47,977
Nesta!
206
00:10:47,978 --> 00:10:52,540
Come on, Polly. What does Daniel bring
to the party that Brian doesn't?
207
00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:57,558
Oh, look! You can get your
name on a piece of rice.
208
00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:01,127
Brian, would you like your
name on a piece of rice?
209
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,119
My treat.
I couldn't, Auntie.
210
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,406
I can... call you Auntie?
211
00:11:06,407 --> 00:11:08,910
You can call me anything you
want, dear boy.
212
00:11:08,911 --> 00:11:12,816
If you were thirsty, I would happily
wet-nurse you...
213
00:11:12,817 --> 00:11:16,469
if these wells weren't so very dry.
214
00:11:18,227 --> 00:11:20,456
Everybody on 3G.
215
00:11:20,457 --> 00:11:22,576
Marlene on 3G.
216
00:11:22,577 --> 00:11:23,976
Patrick on 3G.
217
00:11:23,977 --> 00:11:27,616
Paula not on 3G.
She don't trust smartphone.
218
00:11:27,617 --> 00:11:29,406
Yes?
219
00:11:29,407 --> 00:11:31,318
Just popped in to see
how my clothes are selling.
220
00:11:31,319 --> 00:11:33,377
Why?
Well...
221
00:11:33,378 --> 00:11:35,497
I suppose I brought you some
nice things
222
00:11:35,498 --> 00:11:38,346
and I just wondered if it had raised
any money for your charity.
223
00:11:38,347 --> 00:11:40,823
Why you want praise
for giving away rubbish?
224
00:11:40,824 --> 00:11:43,309
It's not rubbish. I think that's
my point.
225
00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:44,736
I like this jug.
226
00:11:44,737 --> 00:11:46,736
OK.
227
00:11:46,737 --> 00:11:48,717
Sorry? You don't want me
to buy it for you?
228
00:11:48,718 --> 00:11:50,486
Oh, yes. Yes, please.
229
00:11:50,487 --> 00:11:53,176
Reminds me of one I had in
the war.
230
00:11:53,177 --> 00:11:55,766
Right. How much is this jug,
please?
231
00:11:55,767 --> 00:11:57,096
?100.
232
00:11:57,097 --> 00:12:00,146
What? Don't be ridiculous.
I wouldn't shit in it.
233
00:12:00,147 --> 00:12:01,960
Oh. I really like it.
234
00:12:04,737 --> 00:12:08,816
Oh, I'm not... l-l don't really
like... I don't like crowds.
235
00:12:08,817 --> 00:12:11,423
Don't worry, Tim. We're just going to
pop in and have a nice cup of tea.
236
00:12:11,424 --> 00:12:13,016
Well...
237
00:12:13,017 --> 00:12:15,206
could we hold hands?
238
00:12:15,207 --> 00:12:17,357
What?
Only I-I'd feel better if we...
239
00:12:17,358 --> 00:12:19,766
if we could hold hands.
240
00:12:19,767 --> 00:12:21,673
Do you know, I'd rather not.
241
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,416
Oh.
242
00:12:23,417 --> 00:12:25,681
Oh, I'd better go back to the
home, then.
243
00:12:25,682 --> 00:12:28,536
She says I'm not spontaneous
enough,
244
00:12:28,537 --> 00:12:30,073
and, well...
245
00:12:31,177 --> 00:12:33,946
...I suppose she has a point.
Rubbish!
246
00:12:33,947 --> 00:12:37,190
You were going to pay for your
crumpet and you changed it.
247
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:39,536
To a toasted teacake.
248
00:12:39,537 --> 00:12:42,074
The woman had even started
to warm it.
249
00:12:42,075 --> 00:12:44,503
Yes, it was a little maverick.
250
00:12:46,258 --> 00:12:47,328
Oh.
251
00:12:50,457 --> 00:12:53,324
All right, I think we can stop
holding hands now, Tim.
252
00:12:53,325 --> 00:12:56,868
Oh, I'd rather not. Ooh, cake!
253
00:12:59,207 --> 00:13:01,517
Having a nice time?
Perfectly lovely,
254
00:13:01,518 --> 00:13:04,946
thank you. Brian has treated us to
a cream tea.
255
00:13:04,947 --> 00:13:06,416
I'll bet he has.
256
00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:09,409
It was the least I could do. You
have put a roof over my head.
257
00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:13,456
Which was my idea. When will I be
receiving my cream tea?
258
00:13:13,457 --> 00:13:17,508
Daniel, you shouldn't do things for
people just to get thanked.
259
00:13:17,509 --> 00:13:20,478
Typical. Wipes his own
bottom and wants a badge.
260
00:13:20,479 --> 00:13:23,856
Daniel, this woman wants
some money.
261
00:13:23,857 --> 00:13:25,056
Oh...!
262
00:13:25,057 --> 00:13:26,400
I like scones.
263
00:13:32,857 --> 00:13:35,183
All right now, Tim?
Well, not really, no.
264
00:13:35,184 --> 00:13:38,265
I... You know,
I'm not feeling very confident.
265
00:13:38,266 --> 00:13:41,432
I... You know, I think I'd rather go
back to the home.
266
00:13:42,927 --> 00:13:43,940
Er...
267
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:47,480
...unless, um...
268
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:10,776
Oh. Oh, I want my name in wire.
269
00:14:10,777 --> 00:14:13,576
Christ. How much is it?
270
00:14:13,577 --> 00:14:16,126
?3 a letter.
All right, then, Tim.
271
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:24,746
This bloke's a fucking nightmare.
He's costing me a fortune.
272
00:14:24,747 --> 00:14:26,590
He's just lonely.
You're spreading a bit of joy.
273
00:14:26,591 --> 00:14:29,137
Just like I am with my
paintings.
274
00:14:29,138 --> 00:14:31,561
It's not about the money.
275
00:14:33,337 --> 00:14:35,826
I'm not paying for that.
It looks like Miley Cyrus.
276
00:14:35,827 --> 00:14:37,147
OK, you don't have to pay for it!
277
00:14:38,547 --> 00:14:40,623
Tim's going to be brilliant
in your assembly.
278
00:14:40,624 --> 00:14:42,870
I'll come along, help with the
kids. For free!
279
00:14:42,871 --> 00:14:44,768
Thanks, mate.
280
00:14:46,297 --> 00:14:47,719
This man wants paying.
281
00:14:49,107 --> 00:14:50,597
Fuck's sake!
282
00:14:55,777 --> 00:14:58,776
New personal best?
283
00:14:58,777 --> 00:15:00,848
Why are you dressed like that?
It's Sunday morning.
284
00:15:00,849 --> 00:15:02,841
Just taking the ladies to
church as a thank you.
285
00:15:02,842 --> 00:15:04,826
You're staying in my bedroom.
286
00:15:04,827 --> 00:15:07,696
In your mum's house. It's me
who has to put up with you.
287
00:15:07,697 --> 00:15:09,927
Do you think I want to be here?
It might surprise you to learn
288
00:15:09,928 --> 00:15:11,755
that my wife not speaking to
me is...
289
00:15:11,756 --> 00:15:13,834
pretty ruddy painful, actually!
290
00:15:13,835 --> 00:15:17,309
Just... look further than the end of
your own nose for once.
291
00:15:17,310 --> 00:15:19,056
Oh, hello.
292
00:15:19,057 --> 00:15:21,416
One of the nurses brought me.
Ha!
293
00:15:21,417 --> 00:15:25,923
I fancied a trip to the... to the
seaside. Reminds me of the war.
294
00:15:31,024 --> 00:15:33,222
Sir, Piss keeps running off!
295
00:15:33,261 --> 00:15:36,583
Well, put him on a lead!
He's the big "ah" factor at the end.
296
00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:40,501
Dan, when do you want
Maddie to bring this on?
297
00:15:40,502 --> 00:15:44,499
I've told you. Just after the emotional
summing up, after the war veteran's been on.
298
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:47,657
You - you don't miss your cue.
Chill out, Dan,
299
00:15:47,658 --> 00:15:49,066
this is going to be wicked.
300
00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:51,745
I might just get away with it
if that weirdo Tim delivers.
301
00:15:51,746 --> 00:15:54,130
Oh, he's not coming. What?
302
00:15:54,131 --> 00:15:56,463
Says he doesn't feel confident.
I saw him last night.
303
00:15:56,464 --> 00:15:57,779
Bastard!
304
00:15:57,780 --> 00:16:02,104
He was confident enough to have four rides
on a donkey at the seaside yesterday - and as many ice creams.
305
00:16:03,340 --> 00:16:06,184
Right. You watch this lot,
I'll go and get him... Bastard!
306
00:16:09,541 --> 00:16:11,361
No good. Stop.
307
00:16:17,090 --> 00:16:18,369
Please, Tim.
308
00:16:18,370 --> 00:16:20,729
I can't do it. I feel too nervous.
309
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:23,099
Look, it's not going to take long.
So please.
310
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:25,024
I've never really had
very much confidence.
311
00:16:26,261 --> 00:16:28,355
I'd feel better
if I could wear your shirt.
312
00:16:28,356 --> 00:16:29,539
What?
313
00:16:29,540 --> 00:16:31,619
Well... it's such a nice shirt.
314
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,537
I think it would give me confidence.
315
00:16:33,538 --> 00:16:36,346
Well, you're not having
my fucking shirt, so...
316
00:16:36,347 --> 00:16:39,719
Oh, well, you'd better take me
back to the home, then.
317
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:46,027
All right. We'll have to go back
to my house to get another shirt.
318
00:16:46,028 --> 00:16:48,434
I haven't got any keys!
319
00:16:51,450 --> 00:16:54,260
Tara, Jeremy...
320
00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:55,979
...Clio, Sean,
321
00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:58,289
Steven and Felicity.
322
00:16:58,290 --> 00:17:02,339
All of them got damp-proofing.
323
00:17:02,340 --> 00:17:04,140
Come back for more praise?
324
00:17:04,141 --> 00:17:06,872
Well, it would be nice. And I'd like
one of my shirts back, please.
325
00:17:06,873 --> 00:17:09,089
Certainly. ?200.
326
00:17:09,090 --> 00:17:12,219
I gave them to you.
327
00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:14,439
They're top quality.
You said so yourself.
328
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:15,890
?200!
329
00:17:15,891 --> 00:17:17,988
If you do not give me
one of those shirts back,
330
00:17:17,989 --> 00:17:20,871
I swear I will never
give to charity again!
331
00:17:20,872 --> 00:17:22,999
You think it matters
what you bring in?
332
00:17:24,090 --> 00:17:25,160
See this?
333
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:31,032
There'll be five pottery owls in tomorrow
to replace it. You don't get thanked.
334
00:17:31,033 --> 00:17:32,899
This...?
335
00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:34,880
Who you think
gonna buy a Johnny Mathis?
336
00:17:37,650 --> 00:17:39,659
They didn't get thanked.
337
00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:44,499
And who you think gonna buy clothes
to fit a lanky fat-chops like you?
338
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:47,185
No-one!
339
00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:49,729
Fine.
340
00:17:49,730 --> 00:17:52,307
I'll take one. Could I have a bag,
please?
341
00:17:52,308 --> 00:17:54,826
I got one in the back.
That'll be a pound.
342
00:18:06,060 --> 00:18:09,859
Now, volunteered assemblies
are very dear to me.
343
00:18:09,860 --> 00:18:11,890
And I'm sure you'll all agree
344
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:16,059
that last week's assembly
by Mr Thomas was a tour de force.
345
00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:18,449
Me. We.
346
00:18:18,450 --> 00:18:20,699
Well done.
347
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,299
Happy?!
348
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:26,020
Well, I... I still feel
a bit nervous.
349
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,718
Right. Well, we're on in a few
moments. I'm sure you'll be fine.
350
00:18:28,719 --> 00:18:31,379
Sir, my stomach feels gurgly.
351
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:34,873
Yes, well, all you're doing is waving
now, isn't it, Robin? So, relax.
352
00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:38,958
Everything all right on stage?
Music sorted? Yep.
353
00:18:38,959 --> 00:18:40,779
It's going to be so good.
354
00:18:40,780 --> 00:18:44,672
You'll hardly notice Piss is missing
at all. What? I need him.
355
00:18:44,673 --> 00:18:47,266
That prick Alistair had a cute
animal. Find him.
356
00:18:48,780 --> 00:18:51,027
Am I going to have to go on
without the dog?
357
00:18:51,028 --> 00:18:54,184
Oh, no, no. No, that...
that's really dented my confidence.
358
00:18:54,185 --> 00:18:57,659
No, I... I don't think I can go on.
Tim, please!
359
00:18:57,660 --> 00:18:59,185
...thank him for stepping up.
360
00:18:59,186 --> 00:19:01,349
So, without any further ado,
361
00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:06,083
er... I call upon Mr Davies
and the pupils of 9G.
362
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:28,595
My community is very important to me.
363
00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:30,907
Hello...
364
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:45,630
Now, then. How many of you know
who said these inspirational words?
365
00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:52,579
No?
366
00:19:52,580 --> 00:19:54,730
It was this man.
367
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:00,219
Miley Cyrus.
368
00:20:00,220 --> 00:20:01,939
Oh, for...
369
00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:04,363
It's Winston Churchill!
370
00:20:05,710 --> 00:20:09,819
When I say the word "pensioner",
371
00:20:09,820 --> 00:20:11,117
what is it that you think of?
372
00:20:11,118 --> 00:20:14,819
Piss! Piss!
373
00:20:14,820 --> 00:20:16,640
You don't perhaps think "hero"?
374
00:20:16,641 --> 00:20:19,601
But after today, you might!
375
00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:27,819
Who has a question for Tim
about the war?
376
00:20:27,820 --> 00:20:29,069
Piss!
377
00:20:29,070 --> 00:20:31,179
Piss! Piss!
378
00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:34,172
I'm going to have to go backstage
and sort this out.
379
00:20:34,173 --> 00:20:36,279
Let go of my hand.
380
00:20:37,430 --> 00:20:39,444
You. Ask Tim a question
about the war.
381
00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:45,179
Piss...! Ssh!
382
00:20:45,180 --> 00:20:47,299
Did you find him? No. Not yet.
383
00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:50,634
Well, keep looking. Just shove him on at
the end when the music starts playing.
384
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:55,633
Everybody stealing from charity!
385
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:58,229
Mmm...
386
00:20:58,230 --> 00:21:01,339
No! No...
Take off this shirt!
387
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:02,842
It's my shirt! You're a thief!
388
00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:14,379
Yeah.
389
00:21:14,380 --> 00:21:16,949
So...
390
00:21:16,950 --> 00:21:19,150
Tim...
391
00:21:19,151 --> 00:21:21,339
where DID you serve in the war?
392
00:21:21,340 --> 00:21:23,179
Er... behind a counter.
393
00:21:23,180 --> 00:21:26,709
Yes, I... I was always rather worried that
there weren't going to be enough chairs
394
00:21:26,710 --> 00:21:29,397
and... and, you know,
people would get cross.
395
00:21:29,398 --> 00:21:31,429
What?
396
00:21:31,430 --> 00:21:33,912
Not that many people
bought shoes in those clays,
397
00:21:33,913 --> 00:21:36,996
but, er... we were always
quite busy on Saturdays.
398
00:21:36,997 --> 00:21:40,509
You worked in a shoe shop?
Yes, yes. Mm.
399
00:21:40,510 --> 00:21:43,429
But you also served in the army.
Oh, no,
400
00:21:43,430 --> 00:21:45,320
I wasn't allowed in the army.
401
00:21:45,321 --> 00:21:48,757
No, they said I was far too nervous
for all the guns.
402
00:21:48,758 --> 00:21:50,459
Hm.
403
00:21:50,460 --> 00:21:53,282
I've spent about ?400 on you!
404
00:22:06,340 --> 00:22:07,353
Um...
405
00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:11,362
Good morning, Mr Davies!
Out for a walk?
406
00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:15,339
Sit down, please.
It's all under control.
407
00:22:15,340 --> 00:22:16,603
Sit down.
408
00:22:31,901 --> 00:22:33,357
Sounds awful.
409
00:22:34,750 --> 00:22:36,002
Yep.
410
00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:39,389
What are we doing here?
411
00:22:39,390 --> 00:22:41,688
I made a real mess of today, mate.
412
00:22:43,110 --> 00:22:45,708
I suppose I just wanted
to do one thing right, so...
413
00:22:45,709 --> 00:22:48,798
I bumped into your wife
and she agreed to meet.
414
00:22:48,799 --> 00:22:52,431
Look - I know you probably think
it's cos I want you out of the house
415
00:22:52,432 --> 00:22:53,490
but it isn't that.
416
00:22:53,491 --> 00:22:55,229
I...
417
00:22:55,230 --> 00:22:57,528
I can just see you hurting, so...
418
00:23:00,750 --> 00:23:02,889
Thank you, Dan.
419
00:23:18,390 --> 00:23:20,404
Well done.
420
00:23:30,980 --> 00:23:33,339
Brian...? That's not my wife.
421
00:23:33,340 --> 00:23:36,435
What? Who is it, then?
No idea. But it's not my wife.
422
00:23:36,436 --> 00:23:38,161
Shall we go home?
423
00:23:39,620 --> 00:24:06,891
424
00:24:06,941 --> 00:24:11,491
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