All language subtitles for Louie s03e06 Barney Never.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,164 --> 00:00:04,705 ( wind whistling ) 2 00:00:32,982 --> 00:00:35,217 ( wind whistling ) 3 00:01:20,768 --> 00:01:21,968 Thank you. 4 00:01:26,373 --> 00:01:29,208 Life seems lonely 5 00:01:29,276 --> 00:01:31,842 And I'm by myself again 6 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:38,344 There's no use 7 00:01:38,412 --> 00:01:40,286 In trying to pretend... 8 00:01:40,629 --> 00:01:42,182 May I join you? 9 00:01:42,249 --> 00:01:43,416 Of course, please. 10 00:01:45,223 --> 00:01:46,790 Robin. I'm Louie. 11 00:01:46,910 --> 00:01:48,159 Yeah, I know. Oh, it's nice to meet you. 12 00:01:48,226 --> 00:01:49,327 You too. 13 00:01:49,394 --> 00:01:50,828 Can I have a cup of coffee? 14 00:01:56,998 --> 00:01:59,567 So... you knew Barney? 15 00:01:59,634 --> 00:02:01,102 Yeah, sure. 16 00:02:04,607 --> 00:02:06,575 Were you close? 17 00:02:06,642 --> 00:02:08,811 Um, well... 18 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:11,914 I, uh, I worked at the club. 19 00:02:11,982 --> 00:02:14,383 Oh, the Laugh Circuit. Yeah. 20 00:02:14,451 --> 00:02:17,654 And what did you-- you were close to him? 21 00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:19,123 Were you... I knew him. 22 00:02:19,191 --> 00:02:20,691 Did you-- were you-- 23 00:02:20,759 --> 00:02:22,927 was he a friend of yours or just. J.. 24 00:02:22,995 --> 00:02:25,563 He was my ex-wife's brother-in-law. 25 00:02:25,631 --> 00:02:27,699 So... he was important to you. 26 00:02:33,173 --> 00:02:34,707 I'm pretty sure that Barney 27 00:02:34,775 --> 00:02:36,275 was the biggest piece of shit I ever knew. 28 00:02:36,343 --> 00:02:37,777 Oh, yeah. 29 00:02:37,845 --> 00:02:40,213 He was to me. 30 00:02:40,281 --> 00:02:42,749 ( exhaling ) ( laughing ) 31 00:02:42,817 --> 00:02:44,418 I mean, he was the worst guy ever maybe. 32 00:02:44,486 --> 00:02:45,719 Oh, yeah, I hated him. Right? 33 00:02:45,787 --> 00:02:46,754 Yeah. You hated him? 34 00:02:46,822 --> 00:02:48,122 Oh. Hated him. 35 00:02:48,190 --> 00:02:49,190 A prick. 36 00:02:49,257 --> 00:02:50,458 He was a prick and an asshole. 37 00:02:50,525 --> 00:02:52,026 Hated him. Oh... 38 00:02:52,094 --> 00:02:53,328 All the comics hated him. 39 00:02:53,395 --> 00:02:55,029 Serious? Yep. 40 00:02:55,097 --> 00:02:56,197 He underpaid. 41 00:02:59,235 --> 00:03:01,870 Just mean. 42 00:03:01,937 --> 00:03:03,838 You know, I knew that nobody would be there today. 43 00:03:03,906 --> 00:03:05,073 Oh, God, yeah. 44 00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:06,541 And I-- like when he-- 45 00:03:06,609 --> 00:03:09,077 This is weird, 'cause when he died, I felt nothing. 46 00:03:09,144 --> 00:03:11,612 Ditto. I didn't care. 47 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,381 But I knew... 48 00:03:13,448 --> 00:03:16,016 when I pictured him going in the ground 49 00:03:16,084 --> 00:03:19,520 and nobody's there, he's alone... 50 00:03:19,588 --> 00:03:22,023 it gave me nightmares. 51 00:03:22,090 --> 00:03:23,491 Me too. 52 00:03:25,928 --> 00:03:28,329 I was married to his wife's sister. 53 00:03:28,397 --> 00:03:30,131 I put money into that club. 54 00:03:30,199 --> 00:03:32,467 You did? About a half-million dollars. 55 00:03:32,535 --> 00:03:35,337 And on top of that, he stole another 100 grand from me. 56 00:03:35,405 --> 00:03:37,139 Jesus, really? Oh, yeah. 57 00:03:37,207 --> 00:03:38,240 And I couldn't go after him. 58 00:03:38,308 --> 00:03:39,441 You know, what can I do? 59 00:03:39,509 --> 00:03:41,944 He's family, so I had to... let it go. 60 00:03:42,012 --> 00:03:43,279 And then here's the worst part. 61 00:03:43,347 --> 00:03:44,580 He kept wanting to be pals with me, y'know, hang out. 62 00:03:44,648 --> 00:03:47,083 He wouldn't let it go. 63 00:03:47,151 --> 00:03:49,918 He bought a boat with the money he stole from me. 64 00:03:49,986 --> 00:03:52,020 He kept wanting me to go out on the boat. 65 00:03:52,088 --> 00:03:54,156 Out on the boat that he bought with money 66 00:03:54,223 --> 00:03:56,224 he stole from you? Oh, yeah. 67 00:03:56,292 --> 00:03:57,659 That's amazing. 68 00:03:57,727 --> 00:03:58,660 You know, the thing about him is, 69 00:03:58,728 --> 00:04:00,562 he wanted everybody to like him, 70 00:04:00,630 --> 00:04:02,932 even when he was killing them. That was the thing with that guy. 71 00:04:02,999 --> 00:04:04,633 He was like that with everybody. 72 00:04:04,701 --> 00:04:07,002 I mean, he-- he begged comics to hang out with him. 73 00:04:07,069 --> 00:04:08,804 He'd mistreat us 74 00:04:08,871 --> 00:04:10,239 but then after the show he'd go, 75 00:04:10,306 --> 00:04:11,440 "Hey, uh, where are we going? 76 00:04:11,508 --> 00:04:13,008 "Come on, let's hang out. 77 00:04:13,076 --> 00:04:14,076 "Where do you want to go? 78 00:04:14,143 --> 00:04:15,410 "Come on, fellas. 79 00:04:15,478 --> 00:04:16,812 "Let's get in the limo. 80 00:04:16,879 --> 00:04:18,914 Let's go to the strip club." The strip club. 81 00:04:18,982 --> 00:04:20,082 The strip club. 82 00:04:20,149 --> 00:04:21,249 Right. 83 00:04:21,317 --> 00:04:22,250 What was the name of the place by 84 00:04:22,318 --> 00:04:23,485 the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel? 85 00:04:23,553 --> 00:04:25,120 Sweet Charity. Sweet Charity. 86 00:04:25,188 --> 00:04:26,155 Every time I came to town, he kept wanting me to 87 00:04:26,222 --> 00:04:27,423 go down there with him. 88 00:04:27,490 --> 00:04:29,591 He'd go, "Hey, Robbie, you gotta come down 89 00:04:29,659 --> 00:04:31,794 "and check out the tits on this new Chilean broad 90 00:04:31,862 --> 00:04:33,029 down at Sweet Charity." 91 00:04:33,096 --> 00:04:35,231 ( laughing ) 92 00:04:35,299 --> 00:04:36,732 He begged everybody to go there. 93 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,401 Did you ever go there with him? No, not once. 94 00:04:38,468 --> 00:04:39,802 Never? Never. 95 00:04:39,870 --> 00:04:41,237 I never went there, either. No. 96 00:04:41,305 --> 00:04:42,939 I don't know anybody who went to that club with him. 97 00:04:43,007 --> 00:04:44,407 Not one time. No... 98 00:04:49,346 --> 00:04:51,981 ( rock music blaring ) 99 00:04:59,289 --> 00:05:01,357 ( man ) Gentleman, for the next two minutes, 100 00:05:01,425 --> 00:05:04,494 all lap dances are two for $20. 101 00:05:04,561 --> 00:05:05,895 Right now, for your viewing pleasure, 102 00:05:05,963 --> 00:05:07,964 on the main stage we have Amber Dambra 103 00:05:08,032 --> 00:05:10,300 and Supa-Loosa. 104 00:05:10,368 --> 00:05:12,602 Let's get those dollars flying and those drinks flowing. 105 00:05:19,644 --> 00:05:21,612 You want a dance? 106 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,314 Uh, no thank you. 107 00:05:23,382 --> 00:05:25,583 You? 108 00:05:25,650 --> 00:05:27,385 Oh, no, no thank you. 109 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,520 Thank you very much. ( sighing ) 110 00:05:29,588 --> 00:05:31,556 Want a double dance? 111 00:05:31,624 --> 00:05:33,258 No thank you-- thank you. 112 00:05:33,326 --> 00:05:34,760 Yeah, thanks a lot. I'm good. 113 00:05:34,827 --> 00:05:36,228 So you don't want a dance? 114 00:05:36,296 --> 00:05:37,965 No. No, no. 115 00:05:38,032 --> 00:05:39,400 We're-- not so much-- Then why are you here, then? 116 00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:41,635 Well, uh... 117 00:05:41,703 --> 00:05:44,071 We, uh, we... 118 00:05:44,139 --> 00:05:47,007 A friend of ours, uh, uh, died. 119 00:05:47,075 --> 00:05:49,176 Who died? 120 00:05:49,244 --> 00:05:52,814 Just a guy that we knew who used to come here, so. 121 00:05:52,881 --> 00:05:53,849 I've been working here for ten years. 122 00:05:53,916 --> 00:05:55,517 Who was he? 123 00:05:55,585 --> 00:05:56,718 Barney Ross. 124 00:05:58,354 --> 00:05:59,588 Barney Ross? 125 00:06:01,624 --> 00:06:04,926 Wait, I don't understand. 126 00:06:04,994 --> 00:06:06,461 Barney Ross is dead. 127 00:06:09,965 --> 00:06:11,333 Barney. 128 00:06:13,770 --> 00:06:15,670 I'm sorry. 129 00:06:15,738 --> 00:06:16,804 Come here. 130 00:06:18,374 --> 00:06:19,774 Sister Christian 131 00:06:19,842 --> 00:06:22,176 Oh the time has come 132 00:06:24,179 --> 00:06:28,249 And you know that you're the only one 133 00:06:28,316 --> 00:06:30,684 To say... 134 00:06:30,751 --> 00:06:33,286 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to interrupt 135 00:06:33,354 --> 00:06:35,555 the festivities here at Sweet Charity for a moment 136 00:06:35,623 --> 00:06:39,259 but we need to pay tribute right now 137 00:06:39,327 --> 00:06:41,128 to a man... 138 00:06:41,195 --> 00:06:43,597 quite frankly, we all loved... 139 00:06:43,665 --> 00:06:46,333 who had passed away. 140 00:06:46,401 --> 00:06:49,236 A good man, a generous man. 141 00:06:49,304 --> 00:06:51,972 Barney Ross. 142 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,974 Barney... 143 00:06:54,042 --> 00:06:55,809 this one's for you, buddy. 144 00:06:55,877 --> 00:06:58,478 Motorin' 145 00:06:58,546 --> 00:07:01,581 What's your price for flight? 146 00:07:03,918 --> 00:07:07,155 In finding Mister Right 147 00:07:09,591 --> 00:07:12,861 You'll be all right tonight 148 00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:22,204 Babe you know you're growing up so fast 149 00:07:24,274 --> 00:07:28,077 And Mama's worryin' that you won't last 150 00:07:28,145 --> 00:07:29,145 To say... 151 00:07:32,281 --> 00:07:35,817 Sister Christian there's so much in life 152 00:07:41,858 --> 00:07:44,259 ( laughing ) 153 00:07:44,327 --> 00:07:45,293 Oh. 154 00:07:47,382 --> 00:07:48,582 Hey, man, it was nice to meet you. 155 00:07:48,650 --> 00:07:50,217 Same. See ya. 156 00:07:50,285 --> 00:07:52,019 Hey, can you do me a favor? Yeah. 157 00:07:52,087 --> 00:07:53,688 If... 158 00:07:53,755 --> 00:07:54,956 Oh, I'll go to yours. Yeah. 159 00:07:55,023 --> 00:07:56,290 Will you... Whoever dies first. 160 00:07:56,358 --> 00:07:57,525 Okay, good. 161 00:07:57,593 --> 00:07:58,826 Take care, pal. Good to see ya, take care. 162 00:08:04,894 --> 00:08:05,856 Come on, baby. 163 00:08:06,078 --> 00:08:08,045 Are we gonna go get Jane now? 164 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,114 No, she's with your mom today. Good. 165 00:08:10,182 --> 00:08:12,416 I want an alone day with you. Oh, nice. 166 00:08:12,484 --> 00:08:14,018 Me too. What do you want to do? 167 00:08:14,086 --> 00:08:15,753 You want to get something to eat? I don't know. 168 00:08:15,821 --> 00:08:17,422 Hang out? 169 00:08:17,490 --> 00:08:18,556 Whatever you want-- Louie... 170 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,825 I wonder if I could ask you for a favor. 171 00:08:20,893 --> 00:08:22,494 Sure, what's up? 172 00:08:22,561 --> 00:08:25,163 I have an emergency situation and I need-- 173 00:08:25,231 --> 00:08:27,499 I'm wondering if you could watch Never for me, 174 00:08:27,567 --> 00:08:29,334 maybe bring him home for a play date 175 00:08:29,402 --> 00:08:31,169 and I can pick him up later. 176 00:08:31,237 --> 00:08:32,837 Sure, you have an emergency? 177 00:08:32,905 --> 00:08:34,171 What's wrong? 178 00:08:34,239 --> 00:08:35,906 I'm having my vagina removed. 179 00:08:38,509 --> 00:08:39,910 I'm sorry. 180 00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:42,212 No, it's elective. 181 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,782 I've chosen to have it removed. 182 00:08:44,849 --> 00:08:46,183 But I have a consultation 183 00:08:46,251 --> 00:08:47,551 and they could only do it today. 184 00:08:47,619 --> 00:08:49,286 Right. 185 00:08:49,353 --> 00:08:51,321 I have to do it now to stay on schedule. 186 00:08:51,388 --> 00:08:54,791 I want to get rid of my vagina before Easter. 187 00:08:54,859 --> 00:08:56,159 Okay, so you need-- 188 00:08:56,227 --> 00:08:58,662 you need me to watch Never while you do that? 189 00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:00,064 Yes, could you please? 190 00:09:00,131 --> 00:09:01,565 I know we're not friends 191 00:09:01,633 --> 00:09:03,233 but you're the only person at this school 192 00:09:03,301 --> 00:09:06,637 that I feel I can confide in or trust. 193 00:09:06,705 --> 00:09:08,806 ( Lilly ) Daddy? What? 194 00:09:08,874 --> 00:09:10,608 What? Daddy, I don't want a play date with Never. 195 00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,243 Baby, don't do that. 196 00:09:12,311 --> 00:09:13,411 Her mother needs our help. 197 00:09:13,478 --> 00:09:15,113 But, Daddy! No, no-- shh. 198 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,181 I'm sorry. 199 00:09:17,249 --> 00:09:18,683 Okay, so you need me to watch Never 200 00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,318 and then you go and... 201 00:09:20,385 --> 00:09:22,086 Yes! Okay. 202 00:09:22,153 --> 00:09:23,520 That's-- we'll be happy to have him 203 00:09:23,588 --> 00:09:26,390 and just call me after your thing. 204 00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:27,491 Thank you. Sure. 205 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:29,093 Oh, also, I need you to know 206 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,828 that I don't say "no" to him. 207 00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:37,901 And he can't eat anything with carbon in it. 208 00:09:37,969 --> 00:09:39,569 Carbon? 209 00:09:39,637 --> 00:09:41,771 It's all from China. 210 00:09:41,839 --> 00:09:42,906 Right. 211 00:09:47,278 --> 00:09:49,779 Do you have any food at your house? 212 00:09:49,847 --> 00:09:52,114 Yeah, yeah, we got plenty of food. 213 00:09:52,282 --> 00:09:53,816 We'll, uh... 214 00:09:53,883 --> 00:09:56,084 Daddy? Baby, come here. 215 00:09:56,152 --> 00:09:58,086 Look. Daddy, I really don't want to play with him. 216 00:09:58,154 --> 00:09:59,821 I know, but his mom needs our help. 217 00:09:59,888 --> 00:10:00,855 ( woman screaming ) 218 00:10:00,923 --> 00:10:02,156 ( horns honking ) 219 00:10:02,224 --> 00:10:04,425 ( tires screeching ) 220 00:10:08,163 --> 00:10:10,331 Holy shit! Run, run! 221 00:10:10,399 --> 00:10:12,166 Get out of here! Move, move! 222 00:10:12,234 --> 00:10:13,234 Get out of here! 223 00:10:20,542 --> 00:10:21,876 ( sighing ) 224 00:10:23,745 --> 00:10:25,546 All right, gang. 225 00:10:25,614 --> 00:10:26,781 So what do we want to do? 226 00:10:26,849 --> 00:10:28,349 We wanna... ( door slamming ) 227 00:10:33,722 --> 00:10:35,656 You hungry? 228 00:10:35,724 --> 00:10:36,624 Okay, come on. 229 00:10:40,229 --> 00:10:41,563 Carbon. 230 00:10:44,166 --> 00:10:46,568 Listen, um, Never, 231 00:10:46,635 --> 00:10:48,670 your mom told me that you can't eat anything 232 00:10:48,737 --> 00:10:50,138 that has carbon in it. 233 00:10:50,205 --> 00:10:53,408 And I-- I, frankly, I don't know what that means. 234 00:10:53,475 --> 00:10:55,476 So I'm going to need some guidance from you, okay? 235 00:10:58,481 --> 00:11:00,182 Okay. 236 00:11:00,249 --> 00:11:02,918 Let's see. 237 00:11:02,986 --> 00:11:05,254 How about... a peanut butter sandwich? 238 00:11:05,322 --> 00:11:07,123 I can't have that. 239 00:11:07,190 --> 00:11:09,392 Is it the peanuts or the bread or what's the... 240 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:10,393 I can't. 241 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,729 My mom says I'll die. 242 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:13,864 That's pretty serious. 243 00:11:13,931 --> 00:11:14,965 Do you have an allergy? 244 00:11:15,033 --> 00:11:17,034 She says I'll die. 245 00:11:17,102 --> 00:11:18,736 Okay. 246 00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:20,304 How about some eggs? 247 00:11:20,372 --> 00:11:22,406 I'll make you some eggs. 248 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:25,175 Carrots? I hate carrots. 249 00:11:25,243 --> 00:11:26,810 You want an apple? I'll die. 250 00:11:26,878 --> 00:11:28,378 All right, listen, Never. 251 00:11:28,446 --> 00:11:30,113 I know your mom says these things to you-- That. 252 00:11:30,181 --> 00:11:31,748 I can have that. 253 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:32,983 A burger. 254 00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:35,151 Want me to make you a burger? 255 00:11:35,219 --> 00:11:36,152 I can't have it cooked. 256 00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:37,954 Just the meat. 257 00:11:38,021 --> 00:11:39,722 You want to eat it raw? In a bowl. 258 00:11:39,790 --> 00:11:41,457 I have that a lot-- I like it. 259 00:11:41,525 --> 00:11:44,227 You want me to give you raw meat in a bowl? 260 00:11:44,295 --> 00:11:46,663 Your mother gives you that? Yes. 261 00:11:46,731 --> 00:11:49,300 All right, you got it, killer. 262 00:11:49,367 --> 00:11:50,434 ( cell phone ringing ) 263 00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,570 Oh, sorry. 264 00:11:52,638 --> 00:11:53,938 Hello? 265 00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:55,740 Hey, Louie, it's Doug. 266 00:11:55,808 --> 00:11:57,409 Hey, Doug. 267 00:11:57,476 --> 00:11:59,911 Hey, can you do a radio interview in a few minutes? 268 00:11:59,979 --> 00:12:02,080 Uh, what for? 269 00:12:02,147 --> 00:12:04,482 Um, you're playing Kansas City in two weeks 270 00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:06,585 and ticket sales are a little soft. 271 00:12:06,652 --> 00:12:09,387 Oh, man, I told you not to book me in Kansas City. 272 00:12:09,455 --> 00:12:11,322 I-- I-- They hate me there. 273 00:12:11,390 --> 00:12:13,625 I got you a live interview on a major market station 274 00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:15,360 which should really help. 275 00:12:15,427 --> 00:12:18,162 You want me to-- you want me to do radio right now? 276 00:12:18,230 --> 00:12:19,697 It's not even drive time. 277 00:12:19,765 --> 00:12:21,266 Doesn't matter, the economy's really bad in KC. 278 00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:22,968 Nobody's at work anyway. 279 00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:25,470 The radio ratings have been much higher in the afternoons. 280 00:12:25,538 --> 00:12:27,372 Yeah, but, Doug, I hate doing radio shows. 281 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,408 There's always some idiot and his idiot friend. 282 00:12:29,475 --> 00:12:30,643 I know, I know. 283 00:12:30,710 --> 00:12:31,944 But spend ten minutes with these guys 284 00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:33,612 and you'll make way more money next week. 285 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:36,049 It's worth it. Can we just book me in, like, a... 286 00:12:36,116 --> 00:12:37,584 a city where people want to see me 287 00:12:37,651 --> 00:12:39,385 without having to listen to some high-energy-- 288 00:12:39,453 --> 00:12:41,320 Hey, I'm just telling you the economics of the situation. 289 00:12:41,388 --> 00:12:42,488 I don't want you to go to Kansas City 290 00:12:42,555 --> 00:12:44,556 and not make any money. 291 00:12:44,624 --> 00:12:45,824 Okay. 292 00:12:45,892 --> 00:12:47,326 All right, I'll do it. 293 00:12:47,393 --> 00:12:49,094 I'm having them call you in 15 minutes. 294 00:12:49,162 --> 00:12:50,363 Okay. 295 00:12:50,431 --> 00:12:51,331 All right, talk to you later. 296 00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:53,099 Bye. 297 00:12:53,167 --> 00:12:54,867 These guys, it's crazy. 298 00:13:02,509 --> 00:13:03,842 Never? 299 00:13:12,619 --> 00:13:14,753 Did you just throw my rug out the window? 300 00:13:14,821 --> 00:13:16,055 So? 301 00:13:24,031 --> 00:13:25,298 Hey, that's my rug! 302 00:13:26,867 --> 00:13:28,368 Hey, that's-- that's my rug! 303 00:13:40,749 --> 00:13:42,217 Listen, I have an important phone call to make 304 00:13:42,284 --> 00:13:44,753 so I need something that you can do while I'm doing that. 305 00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:46,755 Can I play with Lilly? 306 00:13:46,823 --> 00:13:47,956 She's not into it. 307 00:13:48,024 --> 00:13:49,391 You want to watch some TV? 308 00:13:49,459 --> 00:13:50,726 My mom doesn't allow it. 309 00:13:50,794 --> 00:13:52,595 Okay, but you're not with your mom. 310 00:13:52,663 --> 00:13:54,764 You're with me and I say it's okay. It's not appropriate. 311 00:13:57,568 --> 00:13:59,703 All right, well, what do you want to do? 312 00:13:59,770 --> 00:14:01,571 Can you give me a bath? 313 00:14:01,639 --> 00:14:02,806 You want to take a bath? 314 00:14:02,873 --> 00:14:04,674 I want you to give me a bath and wash me. 315 00:14:04,742 --> 00:14:06,510 That's not gonna happen. Why? 316 00:14:06,577 --> 00:14:08,445 Because that's not appropriate. 317 00:14:08,513 --> 00:14:10,213 Why? 318 00:14:11,949 --> 00:14:13,149 Look, you can take a bath 319 00:14:13,217 --> 00:14:15,585 but you got to do it by yourself, okay? 320 00:14:15,653 --> 00:14:17,120 Okay. 321 00:14:17,188 --> 00:14:18,221 All right, come on. 322 00:14:26,234 --> 00:14:27,568 Okay. 323 00:14:27,636 --> 00:14:29,603 All right, Never, I'm gonna leave you to it. 324 00:14:29,671 --> 00:14:31,038 And I'm gonna ask you that you just 325 00:14:31,106 --> 00:14:32,840 don't wreck anything. 326 00:14:32,908 --> 00:14:34,275 If you could just sit peaceful in this tub 327 00:14:34,343 --> 00:14:37,077 while I'm on the phone. 328 00:14:37,145 --> 00:14:38,713 All right, look, if you can keep it cool 329 00:14:38,780 --> 00:14:40,014 while I'm on the phone, 330 00:14:40,082 --> 00:14:43,017 I'll give you another bowl of meat, okay? 331 00:14:43,085 --> 00:14:44,552 Okay. All right. 332 00:14:44,619 --> 00:14:45,453 Good luck. ( cell phone ringing ) 333 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:47,421 Oh, there's my call. 334 00:14:47,489 --> 00:14:48,823 Hello? 335 00:14:48,891 --> 00:14:50,091 ( man ) Hi, is this Louie? 336 00:14:50,159 --> 00:14:51,660 Yeah. 337 00:14:51,727 --> 00:14:53,161 I'm Jeff, I produce the show. 338 00:14:53,229 --> 00:14:55,197 We're gonna have you on the air in one minute, okay? 339 00:14:55,265 --> 00:14:56,999 Okay. 340 00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:58,767 Okay, you'll be on with Tracer, Pig 341 00:14:58,835 --> 00:15:00,803 and The Hole is Diane. 342 00:15:00,870 --> 00:15:02,304 The Hole? 343 00:15:02,372 --> 00:15:03,806 You're gonna hear some music right now 344 00:15:03,873 --> 00:15:05,307 and then you'll be on with the guys. 345 00:15:05,375 --> 00:15:07,076 Just sit tight, thanks. Okay, thank you. 346 00:15:14,918 --> 00:15:16,051 ( man ) That's better, Di! 347 00:15:16,119 --> 00:15:17,586 Coming down, Chow Down! 348 00:15:17,654 --> 00:15:19,655 ( man ) That's what the back says! 349 00:15:19,723 --> 00:15:21,924 ( woman ) Don't! It's the "MamaJamJamSound." 350 00:15:21,992 --> 00:15:23,526 We've got Louis CK on the line. 351 00:15:23,593 --> 00:15:24,860 Hi. 352 00:15:24,928 --> 00:15:26,896 All right. Hi, Louie. 353 00:15:26,963 --> 00:15:28,264 Hi. 354 00:15:28,331 --> 00:15:29,364 Hey, thanks for coming on "Chow Down." 355 00:15:29,432 --> 00:15:30,632 We've gotta take time. 356 00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,735 Take time. 357 00:15:32,802 --> 00:15:34,536 Well, thank you for having me. 358 00:15:34,604 --> 00:15:37,106 Louie CK is all-time funny-funny. 359 00:15:37,173 --> 00:15:39,408 Ah, he's funny. 360 00:15:39,476 --> 00:15:41,644 And just "jammy" he's going to be at 361 00:15:41,711 --> 00:15:43,746 the Stanford and Son Comedy Club 362 00:15:43,814 --> 00:15:46,182 next week, from Thursday through Saturday night. 363 00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:49,185 You can get tickets by going to StanfordsComedyClub.com. 364 00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:50,553 That's right. 365 00:15:50,621 --> 00:15:53,489 So, Louie, hey, what do you think of the whole 366 00:15:53,557 --> 00:15:55,191 "clammy down chow" thing 367 00:15:55,259 --> 00:15:56,859 going down at the "rowdy down"? 368 00:15:56,927 --> 00:15:58,495 I wouldn't want to be that guy, you know, he sounds like 369 00:15:58,562 --> 00:15:59,963 he's in a lot of trouble. 370 00:16:00,030 --> 00:16:02,399 Ha-ha-ha. Oh, my God! 371 00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:04,867 That's a "cramadiga." 372 00:16:04,935 --> 00:16:06,703 ( speaking gibberish ) 373 00:16:06,770 --> 00:16:08,538 Ah, Pig, shut up! 374 00:16:08,606 --> 00:16:10,373 Wow, that's a "cramalaco." 375 00:16:10,441 --> 00:16:11,975 Aye-ya-ya! 376 00:16:12,042 --> 00:16:14,610 And what about the guy on the cover of the "Cham Dow"? 377 00:16:14,678 --> 00:16:16,379 He might be a little chatty. 378 00:16:16,447 --> 00:16:18,415 Ah, well, you know, maybe, right? 379 00:16:18,482 --> 00:16:19,482 Ha-ha. 380 00:16:19,784 --> 00:16:22,385 Louie CK. Ah, that's so bad. 381 00:16:22,453 --> 00:16:25,654 Louie CK is going to be at the Stanford and Sons Comedy Club 382 00:16:25,722 --> 00:16:27,523 Thursday through Saturday night. 383 00:16:27,591 --> 00:16:30,960 Get your tickets now at StanfordsComedyClub.com. 384 00:16:31,027 --> 00:16:32,394 Louie! Yeah? 385 00:16:32,462 --> 00:16:35,030 You ever go to "Dime-A-Dime Penny"? 386 00:16:35,097 --> 00:16:36,865 Yeah, sure, I'm a single guy-- why not? 387 00:16:36,933 --> 00:16:37,933 Whoa! Don't! 388 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,434 There goes a loud "shebang." 389 00:16:39,502 --> 00:16:41,636 I might wear a couple condoms, though. Oh! 390 00:16:41,704 --> 00:16:44,773 Louie CK, a dirty, dirty guy. 391 00:16:44,841 --> 00:16:46,341 Louie, hey, what do you think 392 00:16:46,409 --> 00:16:48,577 of the "bat-a-bomb" about Kansas City? 393 00:16:48,644 --> 00:16:50,045 Oh, Kansas City. 394 00:16:50,113 --> 00:16:52,147 Well, I've been going there to work the clubs 395 00:16:52,214 --> 00:16:53,415 for the last ten years or so... 396 00:16:53,482 --> 00:16:54,783 Uh-huh. 397 00:16:54,851 --> 00:16:56,685 ...and I'd have to say Kansas City 398 00:16:56,753 --> 00:16:58,687 is the worst town I've ever been in. 399 00:16:58,754 --> 00:17:01,623 I mean, what a dump, right? 400 00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:03,759 It's got to be the worst city in North America. 401 00:17:03,827 --> 00:17:06,528 And that includes Mexico and Canada. 402 00:17:10,065 --> 00:17:11,433 Hello? 403 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:14,435 Okay, Louie CK, hey, thanks for coming on the air. 404 00:17:14,503 --> 00:17:17,038 Oh, okay, uh... 405 00:17:17,106 --> 00:17:18,940 Hello? ( Lilly ) Daddy! 406 00:17:19,008 --> 00:17:22,244 Daddy, something smells really bad coming from the bathroom. 407 00:17:22,311 --> 00:17:23,678 Oh, no. 408 00:17:23,746 --> 00:17:24,779 Jesus! 409 00:17:26,749 --> 00:17:28,349 Damn it. 410 00:17:32,454 --> 00:17:34,689 Never, what... 411 00:17:34,757 --> 00:17:36,958 What is that? 412 00:17:37,026 --> 00:17:38,426 Oh. 413 00:17:38,494 --> 00:17:40,094 Oh, my God. 414 00:17:40,162 --> 00:17:41,862 I "diarrheaed" in the tub. 415 00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:43,330 ( Lilly ) Oh, my God! 416 00:17:43,398 --> 00:17:45,199 Daddy, ew! 417 00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:47,201 Okay, go, go, get-- get out of here! 418 00:17:47,268 --> 00:17:48,202 ( Lilly ) That is so gross. 419 00:17:49,704 --> 00:17:50,871 I "diarrheaed." Uh-huh. 420 00:17:50,938 --> 00:17:52,372 Okay, uh. 421 00:17:56,677 --> 00:17:58,711 Uh, okay, we're gonna... 422 00:17:58,779 --> 00:18:00,313 You're gonna... 423 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,682 Um, I'm gonna drain the tub. 424 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,051 Okay, you're gonna step out. 425 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,086 I'm gonna lay this down, okay? 426 00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:09,454 Here's what we're gonna do... 427 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:18,797 ( sighing ) 428 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:30,276 Listen, Never, I don't-- I don't know what your deal is. 429 00:18:30,344 --> 00:18:31,678 I know it's just you and your mom. 430 00:18:35,149 --> 00:18:36,616 I just want to-- 431 00:18:36,684 --> 00:18:38,117 I just want to say that if you ever need to 432 00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,086 talk about anything, 433 00:18:40,154 --> 00:18:41,721 you know we see each other in school, 434 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:46,058 so if you need to, you can talk to me. 435 00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,428 Talk about what? 436 00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:49,829 Well, you know, that's up to you. 437 00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,130 It doesn't matter. 438 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:53,500 If you think of something you need to talk about-- 439 00:18:53,568 --> 00:18:55,002 You might not. 440 00:18:55,069 --> 00:18:57,204 I'm just saying. 441 00:18:57,272 --> 00:18:58,639 You can talk to me. 442 00:18:58,707 --> 00:19:00,842 Lilly doesn't like me. 443 00:19:00,909 --> 00:19:02,243 Nope. 444 00:19:02,311 --> 00:19:05,346 No, she does not. Why? 445 00:19:05,414 --> 00:19:08,583 Because you eat raw meat and you shit in the tub 446 00:19:08,650 --> 00:19:11,319 and you wreck everything. 447 00:19:11,386 --> 00:19:12,787 And as long as you act like that, 448 00:19:12,855 --> 00:19:14,322 no one's going to like you. 449 00:19:14,389 --> 00:19:16,457 No one's going to want to be around you. 450 00:19:16,525 --> 00:19:18,560 My mom says that any choice I make is okay 451 00:19:18,627 --> 00:19:20,228 because I love myself. 452 00:19:22,464 --> 00:19:24,298 Your... 453 00:19:24,366 --> 00:19:26,334 your mom is wrong. 454 00:19:26,402 --> 00:19:27,769 I'm gonna tell her you said that. 455 00:19:27,837 --> 00:19:29,337 That's okay, you tell her. 456 00:19:29,405 --> 00:19:31,005 I'll take the heat. 457 00:19:44,020 --> 00:19:45,487 ( knocking ) 458 00:19:45,555 --> 00:19:46,755 Oh, that's her, come on. 459 00:19:49,242 --> 00:19:51,477 ( wind whistling ) 460 00:19:56,449 --> 00:20:01,386 ( speaking foreign language ) 461 00:20:10,897 --> 00:20:12,297 I told you before, man, I don't-- 462 00:20:12,365 --> 00:20:13,865 I don't understand African. 463 00:20:13,933 --> 00:20:17,803 ( speaking foreign language ) 464 00:20:17,871 --> 00:20:19,972 Look, I don't understand what the hell you're talking about. 465 00:20:20,039 --> 00:20:21,440 If you want to talk to me, 466 00:20:21,507 --> 00:20:24,609 talk to me with useful stuff, okay? 467 00:20:24,677 --> 00:20:26,311 Oops, I farted. Okay? 468 00:20:26,378 --> 00:20:27,946 See how cool that is? 469 00:20:28,014 --> 00:20:30,415 All right, all right, all right? 470 00:20:30,483 --> 00:20:33,051 This dude right here is being buried in an IKEA shelf. 471 00:20:33,118 --> 00:20:35,286 Look at this dude, man-- you kidding me? 472 00:20:35,354 --> 00:20:37,528 Since you don't understand what the hell I'm talking about, 473 00:20:37,648 --> 00:20:39,177 I never go to the adult learning center 474 00:20:39,297 --> 00:20:41,421 to learn African, so I can come back to work 475 00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:43,932 and be here to tell you that I don't want to hear that African shit. 476 00:20:44,052 --> 00:20:46,359 ( speaking foreign language ) 477 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,549 Eh? 478 00:20:49,396 --> 00:20:50,461 I hate you. 479 00:20:51,056 --> 00:21:01,148 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 480 00:21:01,198 --> 00:21:05,748 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33218

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