Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:50,426 --> 00:00:51,469
Ten hut!
2
00:01:01,646 --> 00:01:02,980
At ease.
3
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:07,068
I'm often asked, "What makes a hero?"
4
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:10,404
Courage, selflessness, sacrifice.
5
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,699
From Bunker Hill to the Alamo,
6
00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:15,243
Gettysburg to Normandy,
7
00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:18,079
Korea to Khe Sanh,
the American fighting man
8
00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:21,165
has always answered the call of duty.
9
00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:24,335
These are dangerous times, gentlemen.
10
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:28,172
Once more, America is in need
of its best and brightest.
11
00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:31,550
One wonders if there are still heroes.
12
00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:33,970
Somebody say "hero"?
13
00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:36,347
Hi.
14
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,599
Two Deadwood meatball subs
15
00:01:38,683 --> 00:01:40,059
with extra tumbleweeds.
16
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,480
Ah, don't worry about that hair,
I'm using a new conditioner.
17
00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:48,067
Sugar britches!
18
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:52,113
- Larry, we need to talk.
- Talk?
19
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:54,615
What is that, some kind of code
for a lunchtime quickie?
20
00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:57,326
- Diaper table, ladies room.
- No, Larry...
21
00:01:57,410 --> 00:01:58,869
I'm pregnant.
22
00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:02,665
Pregnant. That's great news!
23
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:05,960
I just got promoted!
Now we can move in together!
24
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,129
- I got an idea, come here!
- No, Larry!
25
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:09,714
- Just a second...
- Let me...
26
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,507
I gotta do this.
27
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,509
Hey, everybody? Folks,
28
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,970
my name's Larry, and I'm your server.
29
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:20,182
And this precious little lady right here
is my girlfriend, Karen.
30
00:02:20,266 --> 00:02:21,267
Hi.
31
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:24,478
And I'm happy to say
she's having my baby.
32
00:02:24,562 --> 00:02:26,063
Oh!
33
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,984
So,
on this special occasion just for today,
34
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:34,071
the salad bar will be free for an hour
with all the fixings you can handle.
35
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,657
Hold on. Before you all get up there
36
00:02:36,741 --> 00:02:38,784
to get your bacon bits and your chick peas,
37
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,870
there's one more thing I need to do.
38
00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:42,663
No, Larry. Larry, please.
39
00:02:42,747 --> 00:02:45,624
No, honey, I want to say this
in front of God and everybody.
40
00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:47,710
Larry, please! Larry, I...
41
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,045
Karen,
42
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,423
I love you with all my heart,
43
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:56,594
and you would make me
the happiest man in the world if
44
00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:58,804
you'd be my wife.
45
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:00,931
Oh!
46
00:03:02,767 --> 00:03:03,768
.333
47
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:08,189
No, say it in here. I want the whole world
to share in this special moment.
48
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,571
It's not your baby.
49
00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:24,538
I don't understand.
50
00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:28,042
It means she's got a bun in her oven
that ain't your recipe.
51
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,795
Now, is the salad bar still free, though?
52
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,213
Why would you care?
53
00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:35,883
Doesn't look like you've had a salad
in your whole life.
54
00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:46,435
I'm not telling you again. Now,
get in here!
55
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:52,900
- Die, paleface!
- You little bastards!
56
00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:56,320
Hey! Hey, now! Hey, now! Hey!
57
00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:59,865
Hey! Knock that shit off!
58
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:02,243
Those are my good golf clubs!
59
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:04,620
My little Rusty. He's a dickens, isn't he?
60
00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:06,831
He's got a nice backswing.
61
00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:12,002
- So, how's Connie?
- Oh, she's great.
62
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:14,505
Damn it, Bill!
You better control these kids of yours!
63
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,674
They tore up the backyard!
64
00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:19,093
Well, what do you want me to do about it?
65
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:22,346
Turn the garden hose on them!
I'm busy out here.
66
00:04:23,806 --> 00:04:25,951
I guess this is the kind
of marital bliss I'm missing out on.
67
00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:28,769
Oh, marriage is a wonderful institution.
68
00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:33,649
Of course, 50% of all marriages
end in divorce.
69
00:04:34,859 --> 00:04:37,319
That is, if you're lucky enough
to get a divorce.
70
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:43,117
That becomes impossible when your wife's
got incriminating photos of you
71
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:47,705
simply having coffee with a young dancer
'cause she was a great listener.
72
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:51,959
Now, your life is just one series
of endless humiliations.
73
00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:56,338
You lie awake and dream
of the sweet release
74
00:04:56,422 --> 00:04:58,799
a murder/suicide could bring.
75
00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:02,511
But it's good, though. Really good.
76
00:05:02,595 --> 00:05:03,971
Nice move by Orton!
77
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,808
Well, normally, I don't gotta pay for it,
but life is full of sad stories.
78
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:15,149
Oh, my God.
79
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,109
Hey, Victor.
80
00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:20,237
What is this?
81
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,823
When I hired you as a security guard,
82
00:05:22,907 --> 00:05:25,993
I didn't think you was going
to be living here.
83
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:29,079
This is a storage unit, not an apartment.
84
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,373
As a former law enforcement officer, it...
85
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,292
Law enforcement?
86
00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:36,337
You were a cop for, what, only four days
87
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:39,173
before you drive your car
right through the beauty parlor?
88
00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:42,092
- It was a nail salon.
- What the hell's the difference?
89
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:43,344
Just...
90
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,304
Clean this shit up!
91
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,348
Oh,
92
00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:49,016
and keep your eyes open.
93
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,393
Some drunk has been exposing himself
94
00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:54,605
to the waitresses
at the Denny's across the street.
95
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:58,609
The last time, the crazy bastard
was carrying a samurai sword.
96
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:04,949
There's a lot of deviants out there,
ain't they, Victor?
97
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,033
But don't you worry.
98
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,786
I'm gonna keep a eye out
when I'm on my next patrol.
99
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:12,039
I gotta get going.
I've got a big weekend planned.
100
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:15,084
Look, man, you're better off
without Karen or that crummy job.
101
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,335
Am I?
102
00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:20,756
Larry, listen to me, it's always darkest
right before the dawn, all right?
103
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,967
Now, you remember when I had shingles?
104
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:25,344
Did I give up? Nope.
105
00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:28,138
I put my nose to the grindstone.
All my hard work paid off.
106
00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,557
Hard work?
107
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,475
Are you kidding me?
108
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,352
You tripped at the Wal-Mart!
109
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,146
And every day I thank God
for that spill on aisle 6.
110
00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:40,776
Because of that settlement,
I don't gotta work for another 11 months.
111
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,403
All right, look. Here's Everett.
112
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:44,655
Now, come on. It's our Reserve weekend.
113
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,658
We're gonna have a great time.
We always do.
114
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:51,620
Thanks for showing up, Everett.
We've only been waiting an hour.
115
00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:54,498
Anybody ever tell you that loitering
is a class D misdemeanor
116
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:57,668
punishable by a $50 fine
and 10 hours of community service?
117
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:01,088
Hey, what's the penalty
for vehicular homicide of a beauty parlor?
118
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,923
It was a nail salon.
119
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:08,012
Well, what a great way
to chase away the break-up blues,
120
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,180
spending the weekend with two retards.
121
00:07:15,561 --> 00:07:18,355
Nice shooting! Man.
122
00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:19,481
What's next?
123
00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:21,025
That bathroom scale.
124
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,153
I'm gonna blow up every nice thing
I ever got that woman.
125
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,740
I got her that on Valentine's Day.
126
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,783
I'm a romantic.
127
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:31,201
Pull!
128
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:35,497
Everett!
129
00:07:38,042 --> 00:07:40,085
What are y'all doing?
130
00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:42,212
- Shooting shit.
- Grief counseling.
131
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,131
Copy that. Going on a beer run.
132
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:51,430
Nice!
133
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,849
- I know. I feel better already.
- Good.
134
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:56,292
Kind of hungry though.
What do you say we hit the mess hall?
135
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:58,062
Hooters?
136
00:07:58,562 --> 00:07:59,938
Left! Left!
137
00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:02,066
Lefi, flghLlefi.
138
00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:07,321
Sir, we just received another
manpower request from Washington.
139
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,244
There's increased fighting
outside of Fallujah.
140
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:10,366
What?
141
00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:13,661
Don't those Pentagon pencil-pushers know
we're stretched to the limit down here?
142
00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:15,180
What about those men down
at Chattahoochee?
143
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:17,873
I don't think they all reported in.
144
00:08:22,086 --> 00:08:25,005
They drill at the Reserve Center
down on Highway 8.
145
00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:28,509
Perhaps you should send Sergeant Kilgore
down there to see what we have.
146
00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:29,802
Kilgore?
147
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:33,764
He scares the shit out of me.
148
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:38,519
All I'm saying is some of them girls hadn't
ought to be wearing little shorty-shorts.
149
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:39,602
That's all I'm saying.
150
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:40,997
Well, what's Crystal supposed to do?
151
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,857
You know Hooters
don't got a maternity leave.
152
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:46,276
Hey. Who's the new guy?
153
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,113
How you doing, GI Joe? Can I help you?
154
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,285
Sergeant Kilgore.
155
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:59,039
I'm looking for the men
that didn't mobilize with this unit.
156
00:08:59,832 --> 00:09:02,668
- I ain't seen them.
- I think they went over to...
157
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,044
Who's in charge here, soldier?
158
00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:05,754
- I am.
- I am.
159
00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:08,465
This is
160
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,093
quite a setup you got here.
161
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,219
Oh, yeah, it's nice.
162
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,114
We're like a water-head
at the theme park in here.
163
00:09:14,138 --> 00:09:15,180
It's real comfortable.
164
00:09:15,264 --> 00:09:18,144
We're about to watch the game.
You can join us if you want. Grab a chair.
165
00:09:19,143 --> 00:09:22,312
I tell you what, son. You know, I like you.
166
00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:25,149
Why don't I grab a chair,
167
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:28,235
and shove it up your ass!
168
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,280
Now, stand at attention,
you miserable pissants!
169
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:35,159
From now on,
you will address me as Sergeant Kilgore!
170
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,244
The honeymoon's over, numb nuts!
171
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,912
I am a warrior,
172
00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:40,664
a killing machine,
173
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:43,792
and your mama's not
here to wet-nurse you.
174
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:47,921
Larry's mom passed away
about four years ago.
175
00:09:48,005 --> 00:09:49,006
Yeah, that's true.
176
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,483
She went squirrel hunting
with my Uncle Lester...
177
00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:51,759
Shut up!
178
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,676
I don't know what kind
of horseshit monkey business
179
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,182
has been going on down here,
but that's all about to end, ladies.
180
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,892
This is the Army.
181
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:03,187
We're just state military reserves.
182
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:04,938
Yeah. Smurfs.
183
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,899
And I'm a leprechaun.
184
00:10:07,483 --> 00:10:09,234
Now, pack your gear.
185
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,237
But we're just weekend warriors.
186
00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:17,159
Well, I'll tell you what, fat body,
187
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,577
this weekend,
188
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,204
I own your ass!
189
00:10:21,497 --> 00:10:23,040
Son of a bitch.
190
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,629
If there was ever a worse
excuse for a soldier,
191
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,547
I'd like to meet him.
192
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,007
Hey, y'all.
193
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:35,803
I got Funyuns, beer, and Barely Legal.
Who wants what?
194
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,556
Well, hey, there, Sarge.
Snap into a Slim Jim.
195
00:10:40,516 --> 00:10:44,603
Well, this looks like a little slice
of heaven. Can they do this to us?
196
00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:47,064
It's the army, man.
They can do whatever they want.
197
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,608
Welcome to Fort Davis, ladies.
198
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:55,656
I want another one! Come on! One more!
199
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:57,825
UP, UP, up! Down, up!
200
00:10:57,908 --> 00:11:00,452
All right, you're all mine now.
You ready, Freddy?
201
00:11:00,536 --> 00:11:01,805
Oh, there you go. How about that? Huh?
202
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:03,330
You like that?
203
00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:18,637
- Get back here!
- What are you doing?
204
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:20,722
Watch out! Watch out!
205
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,100
Get up there!
206
00:11:31,984 --> 00:11:33,735
Take it like a man!
207
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,250
Get out of here!
208
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:52,004
You gotta stay clear...
209
00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:54,548
- Come on, Everett. Let me hold it.
- No, no. It's mine.
210
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,301
Look out!
211
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,012
Yeah!
212
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:09,563
This is a little harder than I thought.
213
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:13,358
But I guess it's the price you pay
to be a trained government killer.
214
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:17,779
I didn't think they could activate us.
215
00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:21,074
I mean, if I wanted to get my ass kicked,
I'd have stayed home with Connie.
216
00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:24,912
I guess it easier for
a samurai-type like myself.
217
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,622
Accept the pain.
218
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,790
It's cleansing.
219
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:33,503
Plus, the weekend's almost over.
One more day and we're gone.
220
00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:41,762
Besides, how much worse could it get?
221
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,518
Rise and shine, ladies!
222
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,481
Where the hell is that other fat turd?
223
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:53,815
Hey, speaking of turds,
224
00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:56,401
I just left one in there
for the Guinness Book.
225
00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,862
Stand at attention, soldier!
226
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,324
Congratulations, gentlemen.
227
00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,451
We just got our orders.
228
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,495
We're going to paradise,
229
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:09,164
the land of sand and sun.
230
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:12,209
- Daytona Beach?
- Fallujah, Iraq, numb nuts!
231
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:15,212
Sarge, excuse me.
232
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:19,508
Far be it for me to stand in the way
of the war on terror,
233
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:22,219
but we're supposed to go home tomorrow.
234
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:25,764
I mean, seriously, we only do this
one weekend a month.
235
00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:29,101
- Yeah, and on Mondays, I cut the grass.
- Wrong, sunshine!
236
00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:30,811
You will be the tip of the spear.
237
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:34,147
Uncle Sam uses to shove
up some insurgent's ass!
238
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:36,984
Sarge, now that's downright unsanitary.
239
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:40,171
You know, I read somewhere that them
carpet-fliers don't even use toilet paper.
240
00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:41,780
Can it, dipshit!
241
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:46,034
And don't worry,
you won't be in the rear with the gear.
242
00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:50,580
I plan on volunteering us
for every dangerous assignment there is!
243
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:54,084
Now, I want every one of you
to look to the man on your right!
244
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,670
Now, look to the man on your left,
245
00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:59,923
'cause your life is in his hands.
246
00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:04,261
Shit!
247
00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:07,723
Fallujah. No, it's not in Louisiana.
248
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,350
- It's in Iraq.
- Why are they sending you to Iraq?
249
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:12,811
- 'Cause I'm going to war!
- War?
250
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,980
- Well, I can't help it.
- Who's gonna mow the grass?
251
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,791
Well, I don't know who's
gonna mow the grass.
252
00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:17,858
God damn it, Bill!
253
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,776
Five hundred dollars?
254
00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:22,195
Damn. Does she have four tits?
255
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:25,824
Well, how about a military discount?
256
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,576
Hello? Hello?
257
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,042
- Hey, what unit you with?
- I01st Airborne.
258
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:37,127
Screaming Eagles. You?
259
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,839
37th Georgia. The Sleeping Marmots.
260
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:44,051
What's up, y'all? How'd Connie take it?
261
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,428
Let me just put it this way.
I'll be safer in Iraq.
262
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:47,846
Ten hut!
263
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,433
All right, you maggots,
264
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,769
we got a long road ahead of us,
265
00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:55,645
and it won't be easy.
266
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:59,274
But it's my job as your
sergeant to lead the way.
267
00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:00,358
Gee, thanks, Sarge.
268
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:02,442
I know I'll feel safer standing
directly behind you
269
00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:04,196
when the bullets start flying.
270
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,836
Can that shit!
271
00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:25,175
Now, Larry,
I'm appointing you acting squad leader.
272
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,010
Don't get too excited.
273
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:29,387
You beat out a mongoloid and a candy-ass.
274
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,223
He called you a candy-ass.
275
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:34,309
Gee, thanks, Sarge.
You know, I learned a lot about leadership
276
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:37,521
when I was secretary
of the Midgeville Gun Club.
277
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,606
And don't you worry about it.
278
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,775
Both those shootings
were ruled accidental.
279
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,568
Keep your hands to yourself!
280
00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:45,946
It's don't ask and don't tell
in this man's army.
281
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:48,782
Now, get your candy-asses on that plane.
282
00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:55,455
Did you hear what I said?
I gave you an order.
283
00:15:55,539 --> 00:15:58,667
You said candy-asses. I'm a mongoloid, sir!
284
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,919
Get your ass on that plane!
285
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:02,921
Candy-ass.
286
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,389
Oh, sure.
287
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,724
Killing a man
with your bare hands is real easy.
288
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:17,310
Aside from the assorted
choke holds and head yanks,
289
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:19,729
you deliver a hand-spear to a man's temple,
290
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:23,984
Adam's apple, kidneys, armpits,
solar plexus, testicles,
291
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,820
or coccyx, that's the little
bone down by your back...
292
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,488
That's real informative, Everett,
293
00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:30,907
but come on, I'm trying
to get some sleep here.
294
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:34,077
Of course, all that pales in comparison
to the heart-punch.
295
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:38,790
It's a strong man's attack,
a sharp blow delivered right to the heart.
296
00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:41,418
Chuck Norris used it once
on the set of Walker, Texas Ranger
297
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,837
to kill some smart-ass intern.
298
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:47,382
Talk about your hush-money.
299
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:48,592
All right.
300
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,802
All right. That's it.
301
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,600
Let's hit it.
302
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,950
I don't think the flight attendant
turned off the fasten seatbelt sign.
303
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:11,364
Look, y'all, if I'm gonna die tomorrow,
I want to get a good night's sleep.
304
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:15,118
My Uncle Dave died in his sleep.
That's a peaceful way to go.
305
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,913
Of course, all his friends died
screaming from the back seat
306
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,873
trying to wake him up.
307
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,458
It was a mess.
308
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:23,210
Good night, Everett!
309
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,087
- Good night, Larry.
- Good night, Larry.
310
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,845
Who farted?
311
00:17:37,182 --> 00:17:39,726
Severe weather alert until 0600 hours.
312
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,228
With a possible...
313
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,773
I'm losing all pressure
in engines three and four!
314
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,944
Hydraulic pressure down
in the rear stabilizer.
315
00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:55,325
Damn it!
316
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,346
- Oh, this is bad.
- Losing altitude.
317
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,432
We're overloaded.
Get ready to dump the gear.
318
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,061
What the...
319
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,366
Hey! Wait a minute!
320
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,245
Come on!
321
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,373
Hey! Wait a minute!
322
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:48,670
No!
323
00:19:00,515 --> 00:19:03,852
I'm gonna kill you miserable pissants!
324
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,439
Did you hear something?
325
00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:09,316
That was weird.
326
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,318
For a minute there,
I thought we were goners.
327
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:13,129
What are we gonna do
about the gear we dumped?
328
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:16,239
You fill out the paperwork,
and then it's the Army's problem.
329
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:19,993
Hey, you like meatloaf?
They got a killer meatloaf in Ramstein.
330
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,578
- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.
331
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:33,965
Where the hell?
332
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,929
Oh, son of a bitch.
333
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,225
So, this is it, Iraq,
334
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,438
jewel of the Middle East,
335
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,440
land of the Hammurabis.
336
00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:52,734
Iraq? Oh, damn!
337
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:55,862
Damn! Hey, we're in... Hey!
338
00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,198
We're in Iraq! Damn!
339
00:19:58,281 --> 00:19:59,657
Get up! Hey!
340
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:02,869
Bill, we're in...
341
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:07,999
What in the name of Siegfried and Roy
are you fellas doing?
342
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:09,542
Don't ask.
343
00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,002
Don't tell.
344
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,338
We're in Iraq!
345
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:14,923
We're in Iraq!
346
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:18,009
- All right, now, Larry, calm down.
- Be careful, Everett.
347
00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:19,653
There's a lot of gear scattered around.
348
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:22,931
Now, listen to me, Larry.
Pull yourself together.
349
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,225
Now, we're in a hot zone.
350
00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:27,644
It's time to take it up a notch.
351
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,407
Shot.
352
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:45,537
Leave it to Everett
to break the only working radio we got.
353
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:48,665
They drop us in Iraq,
they don't even wake us up.
354
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:52,252
What the hell are we supposed to do now?
I guarantee you this was Kilgore's idea.
355
00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:54,546
All right, let's calm down.
356
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:59,175
Let's just regroup while we're here.
Last thing we need to do is panic.
357
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,428
Man down! Man down!
358
00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:03,972
Man down! There's a man down!
359
00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:16,151
Sarge?
360
00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:20,280
I think he's dead, y'all.
361
00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:22,532
K.l.A., man! K.l.A.!
362
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:25,368
Oh, man.
363
00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:28,705
This is gonna be a lawsuit.
364
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:37,630
Well,
365
00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:40,091
I guess we ought to say a few words.
366
00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:41,259
Bill?
367
00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:43,970
Me? You were closer to him than I was.
368
00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:45,555
Well,
369
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,432
all right.
370
00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:51,686
Lord,
371
00:21:52,228 --> 00:21:55,523
we ask that you be with Sergeant Kilgore.
372
00:21:56,316 --> 00:22:00,612
Sure, he was a mean bastard, incapable
of establishing normal relationships
373
00:22:00,695 --> 00:22:02,572
with any other human being, and...
374
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,157
Larry.
375
00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:07,702
But, Lord...
376
00:22:10,205 --> 00:22:12,165
- Everett!
- Everett!
377
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:13,267
What the hell are you doing?
378
00:22:13,291 --> 00:22:16,002
When we run out of water,
we're gonna have to drink our own urine.
379
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:18,713
Desert warfare 101, man!
380
00:22:18,796 --> 00:22:22,175
Everett, now's not the time
to be talking about bodily functions.
381
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:25,178
We're talking to the Lord here!
382
00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:28,431
- You want to say a few words?
- Yeah.
383
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,060
Dear Lord,
384
00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:34,395
I ask you to take this man,
385
00:22:34,479 --> 00:22:36,231
for richer or for poorer,
386
00:22:36,314 --> 00:22:39,984
as he walks through the valley
of the shadow of death.
387
00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:41,694
And also, dear Lord,
388
00:22:41,778 --> 00:22:43,905
the Powerball's up to 90 million.
389
00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:46,699
So, if you could help me out,
I sure would appreciate it.
390
00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:48,117
Amen!
391
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:51,871
- That was just great, Everett.
- Yeah, real touching.
392
00:22:54,415 --> 00:22:56,125
Powerball!
393
00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:38,001
Come on! Get some!
394
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:39,335
Get some!
395
00:23:43,631 --> 00:23:45,383
All right, ladies,
396
00:23:46,509 --> 00:23:48,595
let's git-r-done.
397
00:23:50,722 --> 00:23:53,558
Operation shock and awe!
398
00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:55,226
Here we go!
399
00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:57,103
Kill, kill, kill!
400
00:24:34,515 --> 00:24:37,101
All right, y'all, let's fan out.
401
00:24:38,853 --> 00:24:43,274
I'll secure the perimeter.
That Charlie's a real sneaky bastard!
402
00:24:43,358 --> 00:24:44,359
Charlie?
403
00:24:44,442 --> 00:24:46,486
You think Everett's mom drank
during pregnancy?
404
00:24:46,569 --> 00:24:49,489
Yeah, and I'm guessing
she sniffed paint thinner, too.
405
00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:01,918
Well, what do we have here?
406
00:25:03,711 --> 00:25:05,171
Damn!
407
00:25:05,546 --> 00:25:08,508
You know who that is?
That's the Butcher of Baghdad, buddy.
408
00:25:08,591 --> 00:25:10,593
That's Saddam Hussein.
409
00:25:10,677 --> 00:25:12,345
He's an ugly son of a bitch, isn't he?
410
00:25:12,428 --> 00:25:14,639
Kind of looks like that fellow
that works the register
411
00:25:14,722 --> 00:25:16,182
down there at the Circle K.
412
00:25:16,265 --> 00:25:18,184
You know, Rugburn.
413
00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:19,769
You mean Ray'?
414
00:25:20,603 --> 00:25:22,897
Yeah, that little Indian fella.
415
00:25:22,980 --> 00:25:25,733
He's a red-dot Indian though,
not a tomahawk Indian.
416
00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:28,319
You're crazy.
That don't look nothing like him.
417
00:25:28,403 --> 00:25:30,738
Only an idiot would think that.
418
00:25:31,739 --> 00:25:34,617
Oh, look! It's Raji from Circle K!
419
00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:36,160
Y'all hungry?
420
00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:43,010
What's wrong with it?
Why aren't you eating?
421
00:25:43,042 --> 00:25:45,044
I got spaghetti and meat sauce.
422
00:25:45,128 --> 00:25:46,170
So?
423
00:25:46,713 --> 00:25:48,923
It gives me bad gas.
424
00:25:49,298 --> 00:25:52,427
Fine. Take my beef stew.
425
00:25:54,137 --> 00:25:56,180
Larry, what the hell is that?
426
00:25:56,264 --> 00:25:58,099
I needed a spit cup.
427
00:26:00,268 --> 00:26:01,894
Just eat around it.
428
00:26:01,978 --> 00:26:05,022
That's gross. Come on.
We gotta get on the road.
429
00:26:26,961 --> 00:26:30,173
Why don't you just admit it? We're lost!
430
00:26:30,256 --> 00:26:31,841
He thinks you're lost!
431
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:34,719
There's a town right over this next ridge!
432
00:26:37,805 --> 00:26:38,806
Wait a minute.
433
00:26:39,348 --> 00:26:40,475
Nope.
434
00:26:41,517 --> 00:26:42,894
We're lost.
435
00:26:43,478 --> 00:26:45,688
Nothing to report from my patrols.
436
00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:48,441
Damn it, I thought
we was gonna be in the shit.
437
00:26:48,524 --> 00:26:50,044
When am I gonna get to shoot somebody?
438
00:26:50,109 --> 00:26:52,695
Everett, there are specific
rules of engagement.
439
00:26:52,779 --> 00:26:54,363
There are friendlies around.
440
00:26:54,447 --> 00:26:56,699
You can't just run around shooting people.
441
00:26:56,783 --> 00:26:58,826
You got your Geneva Convention
to think about.
442
00:26:58,910 --> 00:27:01,579
Rule is you don't fire
unless you're fired upon.
443
00:27:01,662 --> 00:27:03,706
- You understand?
- Yep.
444
00:27:13,466 --> 00:27:16,969
One shot, one kill! Get some!
445
00:27:17,053 --> 00:27:20,097
Damn it, Everett!
What the hell are you doing?
446
00:27:20,181 --> 00:27:21,474
Nice shooting!
447
00:27:21,557 --> 00:27:24,602
Down on your knees,
hands behind your head!
448
00:27:28,689 --> 00:27:31,818
Easy, man! This ain't Cops.
449
00:27:31,901 --> 00:27:35,071
- I was on Cops once. Remember?
- Who could forget?
450
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:38,616
High speed pursuit
followed by indecent exposure.
451
00:27:38,699 --> 00:27:41,410
That was the best Thanksgiving ever.
452
00:27:42,328 --> 00:27:44,831
All right, assume the position.
453
00:27:47,333 --> 00:27:49,752
Well, congratulations, Everett!
454
00:27:49,836 --> 00:27:52,255
You just killed yourself a donkey.
455
00:27:52,463 --> 00:27:55,007
We don't even know
if they have a donkey season.
456
00:27:55,091 --> 00:27:56,217
What do we do now?
457
00:28:04,559 --> 00:28:08,437
- Come on. Let me blow them both away.
- Calm down, Everett.
458
00:28:08,938 --> 00:28:11,774
I guess since I'm squad leader,
I ought to do the interrogating.
459
00:28:11,941 --> 00:28:14,569
Besides that, everybody knows
I'm a skilled communicator.
460
00:28:16,863 --> 00:28:18,739
Who are you?
461
00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:23,160
Are you Republican Guard?
462
00:28:23,995 --> 00:28:26,038
Larry'
463
00:28:26,122 --> 00:28:28,541
they're not deaf, they're Iraqi.
464
00:28:28,916 --> 00:28:33,087
What we need to do is find out
whether they're Turds or Shitites.
465
00:28:34,171 --> 00:28:36,215
I think you mean Kurds or Shiites.
466
00:28:48,227 --> 00:28:49,312
Hi.
467
00:28:49,395 --> 00:28:51,272
My name's Larry.
468
00:28:52,315 --> 00:28:54,775
We're here to liberate your people.
469
00:28:55,985 --> 00:28:58,696
We bring gifts of freedom and democracy.
470
00:29:00,489 --> 00:29:02,575
Oh, sorry about your donkey.
471
00:29:12,168 --> 00:29:14,086
Freedoms?
472
00:29:14,253 --> 00:29:17,757
Freedom. Yeah, right.
We're here to liberate you.
473
00:29:18,341 --> 00:29:20,343
- Freedoms!
- Freedoms!
474
00:29:20,426 --> 00:29:21,844
- Freedoms!
- Freedoms!
475
00:29:21,928 --> 00:29:23,346
Freedom, yeah!
476
00:29:23,429 --> 00:29:24,931
- Freedoms.
- Freedoms.
477
00:29:25,014 --> 00:29:26,807
Freedoms! Freedoms!
478
00:29:26,891 --> 00:29:28,142
Shut up!
479
00:29:29,852 --> 00:29:33,731
Your village?
Is your village named Baslamabad?
480
00:29:36,692 --> 00:29:38,235
Freedoms!
481
00:29:38,319 --> 00:29:42,073
- Yeah, freedoms.
- This is it, fellas. This is our objective.
482
00:29:42,239 --> 00:29:44,283
Get ready to be heroes.
483
00:29:44,450 --> 00:29:48,537
I wish Sarge was here right now.
He'd be so dag-gum proud of us.
484
00:29:50,665 --> 00:29:52,166
It's alive!
485
00:29:58,547 --> 00:29:59,715
Iraq,
486
00:30:00,591 --> 00:30:02,551
it's a land of miracles.
487
00:30:17,066 --> 00:30:18,859
Where the hell am I?
488
00:30:22,363 --> 00:30:24,365
You gotta be shitting me!
489
00:30:40,589 --> 00:30:44,301
Son of a bitch!
I'm gonna kill those miserable pissants!
490
00:30:51,892 --> 00:30:53,602
What do you see?
491
00:30:54,770 --> 00:30:57,857
Not much. I forgot to
take off the lens caps.
492
00:30:58,274 --> 00:31:01,193
- And he's in charge.
- I know.
493
00:31:05,156 --> 00:31:06,282
Well?
494
00:31:06,657 --> 00:31:08,075
Iraqi insurgents. Four of them.
495
00:31:08,659 --> 00:31:09,994
Freedoms. Freedoms.
496
00:31:10,077 --> 00:31:12,663
Just hold on, Saddam.
497
00:31:13,664 --> 00:31:16,709
Look, this is what I think we should do.
498
00:31:16,792 --> 00:31:19,086
We just sit tight
until reinforcements get here.
499
00:31:19,170 --> 00:31:21,010
The 101st Airborne is
gonna be here any minute.
500
00:31:21,047 --> 00:31:23,883
These people are in trouble.
I think we're dealing with Fedayin.
501
00:31:23,966 --> 00:31:25,217
Damn right they're in trouble.
502
00:31:25,301 --> 00:31:28,512
I had some of that Fedayin
at the Parthenon Cafe.
503
00:31:29,180 --> 00:31:31,807
Greek food goes right through me.
504
00:31:32,892 --> 00:31:34,935
Irritable bowel syndrome.
505
00:31:40,775 --> 00:31:42,777
It looks like she needs our help.
506
00:31:42,860 --> 00:31:43,944
She?
507
00:31:45,071 --> 00:31:46,572
I mean "they."
508
00:31:49,075 --> 00:31:51,702
They appear to be C-cups.
509
00:31:52,995 --> 00:31:55,414
All right, listen. Our orders are clear.
510
00:31:55,498 --> 00:31:57,166
We have to engage the enemy.
511
00:31:57,249 --> 00:31:58,584
Gentlemen,
512
00:31:58,834 --> 00:32:01,337
you know what they say
in the Army, Semper fi.
513
00:32:01,504 --> 00:32:03,839
That would be the Marines.
514
00:32:06,050 --> 00:32:07,635
Stay here.
515
00:32:07,718 --> 00:32:10,096
Don't worry about anything.
The cavalry is on the way.
516
00:32:10,179 --> 00:32:12,264
They are? Oh, thank God.
517
00:32:13,015 --> 00:32:17,353
I thought for a second you wanted us
to go down there by ourselves.
518
00:32:21,190 --> 00:32:24,026
When this is over, I am so gonna sue you.
519
00:32:28,114 --> 00:32:31,075
What we need is some fighting music.
520
00:32:34,995 --> 00:32:36,914
What the hell's that?
521
00:32:38,124 --> 00:32:39,375
Hold on.
522
00:32:46,507 --> 00:32:48,092
Here we go.
523
00:32:48,175 --> 00:32:49,844
God bless America!
524
00:33:01,856 --> 00:33:03,816
- Should I shoot?
- Hold your fire!
525
00:33:03,899 --> 00:33:06,026
- Did you say fire?
- I said hold your fire!
526
00:33:06,110 --> 00:33:08,154
All right, I'm gonna fire!
527
00:33:08,946 --> 00:33:10,865
It's Rambo! Let's get out of here!
528
00:33:12,908 --> 00:33:14,410
I'm going in!
529
00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:43,939
On the ground, now!
530
00:33:44,023 --> 00:33:46,025
I'm a trained killing machine!
531
00:33:46,108 --> 00:33:47,610
Everett!
532
00:33:48,485 --> 00:33:50,779
I think you got her, Everett!
533
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:54,283
Oh.
534
00:33:57,161 --> 00:33:59,038
Where the hell's Larry?
535
00:33:59,622 --> 00:34:02,041
I guess that coward run off, huh?
536
00:34:02,124 --> 00:34:04,960
Not everybody's cut out
for the rigors of combat.
537
00:34:06,795 --> 00:34:08,881
The other three got away,
but I got this guy.
538
00:34:08,964 --> 00:34:10,799
Oh, hey there, Larry.
539
00:34:11,258 --> 00:34:12,527
Thank you for the help, Everett.
540
00:34:12,551 --> 00:34:15,804
I was just telling Bill here,
what a good job you done.
541
00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:22,895
That Iraqi is a pretty language, ain't it?
542
00:34:22,978 --> 00:34:25,064
Think they're friendly?
543
00:34:25,147 --> 00:34:26,941
It's a very delicate situation
544
00:34:27,024 --> 00:34:30,069
that calls for the soft touch
of a diplomat, so...
545
00:34:30,152 --> 00:34:32,154
I am your king!
546
00:34:32,238 --> 00:34:33,989
Bow down before me!
547
00:34:39,328 --> 00:34:41,497
Everett, get down from there!
548
00:34:47,586 --> 00:34:49,546
Not just a job, it's an adventure.
549
00:34:49,630 --> 00:34:53,008
Yeah. That's the Navy,
but I know what you're saying.
550
00:35:06,522 --> 00:35:08,440
Wish the Sarge was here to see this.
551
00:35:21,829 --> 00:35:24,873
At least those idiots left me
something to eat.
552
00:35:33,090 --> 00:35:34,466
Oh, Christ!
553
00:35:39,888 --> 00:35:42,224
Oh, I'll be damned! Hey! Hey!
554
00:35:43,517 --> 00:35:45,352
Hey, am I glad to see you!
555
00:35:45,436 --> 00:35:46,770
Hey...
556
00:35:47,354 --> 00:35:49,732
I don't parla any Espanola,
557
00:35:49,815 --> 00:35:51,859
but either of you two amigos
habla lnglese?
558
00:35:58,115 --> 00:36:00,034
I need a ride to the next town.
559
00:36:00,868 --> 00:36:04,496
El ride-o in el car-o to el town-o.
560
00:36:07,249 --> 00:36:08,459
Hey, tequila, eh?
561
00:36:08,542 --> 00:36:10,502
Si. Tequila!
562
00:36:10,586 --> 00:36:12,463
Hey, hey. All right. Okay.
563
00:36:16,842 --> 00:36:17,843
Yeah, well...
564
00:36:17,926 --> 00:36:20,086
You two pissants gonna give me a ride
to the next town?
565
00:36:32,608 --> 00:36:33,692
Oh, good!
566
00:36:35,444 --> 00:36:36,528
Yeah!
567
00:36:37,321 --> 00:36:39,031
You're all right, amigo!
568
00:36:39,448 --> 00:36:40,616
Right On!
569
00:36:42,534 --> 00:36:43,786
Right On!
570
00:36:50,626 --> 00:36:53,712
Hey, Everett, why don't you
go guard the prisoner?
571
00:36:53,796 --> 00:36:55,339
Oh, hell, yeah!
572
00:36:59,635 --> 00:37:02,388
Should we be worried
he's too excited about this?
573
00:37:02,471 --> 00:37:03,639
Probably.
574
00:37:04,807 --> 00:37:06,225
Hey, man,
575
00:37:06,308 --> 00:37:07,851
radio's had it.
576
00:37:08,102 --> 00:37:11,188
And I did a house to house search,
and there ain't nothing close to a phone
577
00:37:11,271 --> 00:37:13,190
in this little podunk town.
578
00:37:13,273 --> 00:37:15,401
- So, what now?
- Well,
579
00:37:16,485 --> 00:37:18,695
reckon we ought to maintain
a defensive posture,
580
00:37:18,779 --> 00:37:21,323
and then hold our position here
in case there's a counterattack.
581
00:37:21,407 --> 00:37:24,827
And then, we'll link up with
some reinforcements.
582
00:37:25,202 --> 00:37:26,578
I don't even know what that means.
583
00:37:26,662 --> 00:37:27,746
I bought it.
584
00:37:27,830 --> 00:37:29,873
You know, I gotta say,
585
00:37:29,957 --> 00:37:31,333
feeling pretty good.
586
00:37:31,458 --> 00:37:32,918
A couple days ago,
587
00:37:33,001 --> 00:37:35,504
I had more problems
than a Cub Scout at the Neverland Ranch,
588
00:37:35,587 --> 00:37:37,589
but now I think I've found my true calling.
589
00:37:37,673 --> 00:37:39,425
Yeah? And what might that be?
590
00:37:39,508 --> 00:37:40,509
Well, think about it.
591
00:37:40,592 --> 00:37:41,927
We're in Iraq,
592
00:37:42,010 --> 00:37:44,430
the most dangerous place in the world,
593
00:37:44,513 --> 00:37:47,391
well, except for maybe Detroit,
594
00:37:47,474 --> 00:37:50,519
but the point is, I've been tested
in the crucible of battle,
595
00:37:50,602 --> 00:37:54,857
and my troops seized their objective
and didn't even get a scratch.
596
00:37:56,775 --> 00:38:00,529
I think I'm cut out
for this military stuff after all.
597
00:38:03,740 --> 00:38:07,119
All right, Akmed.
Don't get your burka in a wad.
598
00:38:07,202 --> 00:38:08,328
Jesus.
599
00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:10,998
I thought maybe we'd see
more turbans around here.
600
00:38:11,081 --> 00:38:12,207
Yeah.
601
00:38:15,502 --> 00:38:16,545
Hey!
602
00:38:21,675 --> 00:38:24,636
Boy, them Iraqis really know
how to throw a good party.
603
00:38:24,720 --> 00:38:25,720
How are you?
604
00:38:25,762 --> 00:38:27,514
Thank you for saving our village.
605
00:38:27,598 --> 00:38:29,224
Hold on, Abdul! You speak English?
606
00:38:29,308 --> 00:38:32,436
Of course! Many of us do!
You're country is very close to ours.
607
00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:34,271
That's right! Our people are friends
608
00:38:34,354 --> 00:38:36,231
in freedom and democracy.
609
00:38:36,315 --> 00:38:40,319
Oh, right.
We're also very close together literally.
610
00:38:41,695 --> 00:38:44,281
- Somebody ought to get this guy a map.
- Yeah.
611
00:38:44,364 --> 00:38:45,991
Hey, how are you?
612
00:38:52,289 --> 00:38:54,333
Man, that smells delicious!
613
00:38:54,750 --> 00:38:57,085
What do you call this local delicacy?
614
00:38:57,169 --> 00:38:59,338
- Tacos.
- Tacos?
615
00:38:59,421 --> 00:39:01,465
- Si, s1'. Tacos.
- You got tacos here?
616
00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:02,841
This is...
617
00:39:02,925 --> 00:39:04,402
Who would have thought
they'd have tacos here?
618
00:39:04,426 --> 00:39:08,180
Tell you what, if they got pork rinds,
I'm never leaving.
619
00:39:10,766 --> 00:39:11,766
That's delicious!
620
00:39:11,808 --> 00:39:14,228
You do realize
that's probably a camel ass taco.
621
00:39:15,354 --> 00:39:18,774
I wish my wife could
cook camel ass this good.
622
00:39:26,156 --> 00:39:28,825
Gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself.
623
00:39:28,909 --> 00:39:30,661
My name is Maria Garcia,
624
00:39:30,744 --> 00:39:34,790
and this is my father, Antonio Garcia,
the mayor of La Miranda.
625
00:39:35,249 --> 00:39:36,875
We owe you our lives.
626
00:39:36,959 --> 00:39:39,753
Thank you for freeing us
from under the thumb of these bandits.
627
00:39:39,836 --> 00:39:41,171
It's been far too long.
628
00:39:41,255 --> 00:39:42,798
Oh, it's our pleasure, Mayor.
629
00:39:42,881 --> 00:39:44,633
Bill Little, U.S. Army.
630
00:39:45,801 --> 00:39:49,263
It's my honor to introduce you
to General Eisenhower.
631
00:39:49,638 --> 00:39:52,683
He's currently the ranking officer
in this theater of operations.
632
00:39:55,060 --> 00:39:57,104
You can just call me Larry.
633
00:39:58,313 --> 00:40:02,776
You answered our prayers today, General,
and you were very brave.
634
00:40:02,859 --> 00:40:05,654
Oh, shoot. It's just part of the job.
635
00:40:05,737 --> 00:40:08,574
This evening is yours.
Our town is your town.
636
00:40:08,657 --> 00:40:11,076
Please, please, enjoy yourselves.
637
00:40:20,586 --> 00:40:22,838
A general?
What the hell did you say that for?
638
00:40:22,921 --> 00:40:26,425
Well, what did you want me to say?
Hey, Maria, meet my buddy, Larry.
639
00:40:26,508 --> 00:40:28,093
He just got fired from Cowboy Franks,
640
00:40:28,176 --> 00:40:30,512
and his girlfriend is carrying
a parolee's baby.
641
00:40:30,596 --> 00:40:32,014
Funny.
642
00:40:33,348 --> 00:40:35,601
I tell you what, though, she is a looker.
643
00:40:35,684 --> 00:40:38,895
You play your cards right,
and you could end up with a war bride.
644
00:40:38,979 --> 00:40:41,189
- War bride?
- Yeah.
645
00:40:41,523 --> 00:40:45,611
It's the right of every American fighting
man to take a wife in a combat zone.
646
00:40:45,694 --> 00:40:48,822
My Uncle Charlie came home
from Korea with one.
647
00:40:48,905 --> 00:40:50,866
Boy, Aunt Rose was pissed.
648
00:40:51,366 --> 00:40:53,076
- Hey, let's have a toast.
- A toast.
649
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:54,536
The Army...
650
00:40:55,579 --> 00:40:58,540
- Leave the driving to us.
- Good God, man.
651
00:40:58,624 --> 00:41:00,250
That's Greyhound.
652
00:41:02,002 --> 00:41:04,713
Might as well fess up, Haji,
653
00:41:04,796 --> 00:41:09,676
'cause I'm gonna break you down
till I get the truth out of your ass.
654
00:41:10,010 --> 00:41:12,304
I don't know what you want.
655
00:41:12,387 --> 00:41:14,181
I'm just a poor Mexican.
656
00:41:14,264 --> 00:41:17,017
Oh. A foreign fighter, huh?
657
00:41:17,100 --> 00:41:19,645
Well, that's even worse in my book.
658
00:41:19,728 --> 00:41:23,398
I should just ship you off
to Guantanamera Bay right now.
659
00:41:25,067 --> 00:41:27,110
Don't you mean Guantanamo Bay?
660
00:41:29,696 --> 00:41:34,284
Guantanamo, Gorgonzola!
They're all hell-holes, man!
661
00:41:34,368 --> 00:41:36,995
Hey, Everett, I think we ought to...
662
00:41:37,079 --> 00:41:38,830
What the hell are you wearing?
663
00:41:38,914 --> 00:41:40,332
This is my sniper suit.
664
00:41:40,415 --> 00:41:42,793
I'm doing some serious Psyop
shit here, man.
665
00:41:42,876 --> 00:41:46,171
- We weren't issued any sniper gear.
- I brought it from home.
666
00:41:46,254 --> 00:41:48,882
Well, you look like a retard Chewbacca.
667
00:41:48,965 --> 00:41:50,300
How's it going with this guy?
668
00:41:50,384 --> 00:41:52,761
Oh, he's a tough nut to crack,
but I'm gonna bust...
669
00:41:52,844 --> 00:41:54,012
Let me handle it!
670
00:41:54,096 --> 00:41:56,098
I don't know nothing.
671
00:41:56,181 --> 00:41:58,934
Where are the weapons
of mass destruction?
672
00:42:01,436 --> 00:42:04,940
Are you Republican Guard or Al-Qaeda?
673
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:08,694
Are you a Turd or a Shitite?
674
00:42:08,777 --> 00:42:10,946
Wait a minute. What...
675
00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:13,448
Weapons of mass destruction?
676
00:42:16,535 --> 00:42:19,579
You guys actually think that you're in...
677
00:42:23,917 --> 00:42:25,627
Hey, what's so funny?
678
00:42:25,752 --> 00:42:28,213
You're not in Iraq, gringo.
679
00:42:30,757 --> 00:42:31,967
Gringo.
680
00:42:32,759 --> 00:42:34,803
That's what you say in...
681
00:42:35,846 --> 00:42:37,222
Oh, my God!
682
00:42:37,347 --> 00:42:38,515
What?
683
00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:42,686
Are we in France?
684
00:42:53,905 --> 00:42:55,282
Hey, buddy!
685
00:42:55,824 --> 00:42:59,786
This is gonna sound crazy,
but we might be in Mexico!
686
00:43:07,252 --> 00:43:08,295
Oh.
687
00:43:09,045 --> 00:43:10,714
Well, this is bad.
688
00:43:11,047 --> 00:43:12,758
Really bad.
689
00:43:12,841 --> 00:43:15,469
Slow down. It's not that big a deal.
690
00:43:15,552 --> 00:43:18,013
We invaded Mexico.
691
00:43:18,180 --> 00:43:19,431
And we're AWOL.
692
00:43:19,514 --> 00:43:22,726
I mean, that alone is 10 years
in Leavenworth.
693
00:43:23,143 --> 00:43:24,728
I can't do time.
694
00:43:25,437 --> 00:43:27,105
Prison's full of chubby-chasers.
695
00:43:27,189 --> 00:43:30,442
Hope you got smokes.
Cigarettes is currency in the joint, man.
696
00:43:30,525 --> 00:43:33,629
You can't buy a prison bitch or a shank
for anything less than a carton of Kools.
697
00:43:33,653 --> 00:43:37,032
Everett, don't you have something else
to be doing?
698
00:43:37,115 --> 00:43:39,618
Yep. I'll go question the villagers.
699
00:43:39,701 --> 00:43:42,454
See if there's been
any bin Laden sightings.
700
00:43:42,537 --> 00:43:44,289
We're in Mexico!
701
00:43:44,372 --> 00:43:45,749
Roger that.
702
00:43:47,042 --> 00:43:48,668
I'm a screw-up.
703
00:43:48,752 --> 00:43:53,799
I finally found something I was good at,
and what I do, invade a friendly nation.
704
00:43:53,882 --> 00:43:56,468
We were asleep during the drop.
705
00:43:56,551 --> 00:43:58,804
Who's to say the Army
doesn't want us to be here?
706
00:43:58,887 --> 00:44:01,932
Why would they want us here?
This is Mexico.
707
00:44:02,224 --> 00:44:06,228
We committed an act of war
inside a sovereign nation.
708
00:44:06,686 --> 00:44:09,523
This is an international incident
just waiting to happen.
709
00:44:09,606 --> 00:44:12,275
One man's international incident
is another man's preemptive strike
710
00:44:12,359 --> 00:44:13,819
in the war on terror.
711
00:44:13,902 --> 00:44:16,279
Those men weren't terrorists.
712
00:44:16,988 --> 00:44:18,907
Hang on. Tell him, Everett.
713
00:44:19,658 --> 00:44:23,578
The U.S. Government defines terrorism
as the unlawful use or threatened use
714
00:44:23,662 --> 00:44:27,582
of force or violence to intimidate
or coerce governments or societies,
715
00:44:27,666 --> 00:44:30,752
often for ideological or political reasons.
716
00:44:32,462 --> 00:44:35,006
Now, I don't know about you,
717
00:44:35,924 --> 00:44:37,843
but those fellows sound
like terrorists to me.
718
00:44:37,926 --> 00:44:39,803
Hell, my wife could be a terrorist.
719
00:44:39,886 --> 00:44:42,681
Look, man, these people
think we're heroes,
720
00:44:42,764 --> 00:44:44,766
and there's nothing we can do
about it right now.
721
00:44:44,850 --> 00:44:46,935
Eventually, somebody's gonna
come get us.
722
00:44:47,018 --> 00:44:48,895
So, I say we just enjoy ourselves.
723
00:44:48,979 --> 00:44:50,522
Sefior Bill?
724
00:44:50,605 --> 00:44:53,316
We have more tacos and cervezas for you.
725
00:44:53,650 --> 00:44:56,736
You see?
If we leave now, the terrorists win.
726
00:45:02,617 --> 00:45:04,494
Everett, where did you get that cannon?
727
00:45:04,578 --> 00:45:07,581
This is an 1875 Napoleon 12-pounder.
728
00:45:07,664 --> 00:45:10,458
Only an amateur like yourself
would call it a cannon.
729
00:45:10,542 --> 00:45:13,086
I found it out behind a barn.
730
00:45:13,169 --> 00:45:15,940
I thought that court order said you
wasn't supposed to be around cannons.
731
00:45:15,964 --> 00:45:17,132
Only in the state of Georgia.
732
00:45:17,215 --> 00:45:19,134
General Eisenhower,
733
00:45:19,217 --> 00:45:21,261
how come you're not at the party?
734
00:45:21,469 --> 00:45:26,099
Oh, I'm just strategizing my next
counteroffensive against the insurgents.
735
00:45:26,808 --> 00:45:28,727
Or something like that.
736
00:45:29,436 --> 00:45:31,897
So, you thought this was Iraq.
737
00:45:32,439 --> 00:45:35,066
How can that happen? This is Mexico.
738
00:45:35,150 --> 00:45:38,820
Well, we kind of confused our latitudes
with our longitudes,
739
00:45:38,904 --> 00:45:41,907
and our stalagmites with our stalactites.
740
00:45:42,490 --> 00:45:44,993
- It's a long story.
- Well, I don't care.
741
00:45:45,076 --> 00:45:47,203
You saved our village from those animals.
742
00:45:47,287 --> 00:45:49,497
Yeah, who were those guys?
743
00:45:49,623 --> 00:45:51,541
They are vicious bandidos.
744
00:45:51,958 --> 00:45:56,338
Their leader is a cruel man,
nothing more than a common criminal.
745
00:45:56,504 --> 00:45:59,049
He's preyed upon our village for years,
746
00:45:59,132 --> 00:46:02,135
stealing our crops
and what little else we have.
747
00:46:02,218 --> 00:46:03,887
You think they might be back?
748
00:46:04,054 --> 00:46:06,973
No. They are cowards.
749
00:46:07,515 --> 00:46:11,436
And now we have a brave general here
to protect us.
750
00:46:12,145 --> 00:46:14,105
Well, about that, I'm...
751
00:46:14,314 --> 00:46:16,775
I'm not actually a general.
752
00:46:16,858 --> 00:46:20,904
I am a squad leader though,
and that's pretty high up there.
753
00:46:21,613 --> 00:46:25,200
One day, I hope to travel
across those mountains to the ocean.
754
00:46:25,325 --> 00:46:29,371
And I will open a cantina
on a beautiful beach far away from here.
755
00:46:29,913 --> 00:46:33,208
Well, if you need an assistant manager,
I got some experience.
756
00:46:34,876 --> 00:46:36,419
Maria!
757
00:46:37,212 --> 00:46:39,381
That's my father. I must go.
758
00:46:40,006 --> 00:46:43,718
But perhaps you will allow me the honor
to cook dinner for you some night?
759
00:46:44,886 --> 00:46:47,389
The honor would be all mine.
760
00:46:47,931 --> 00:46:50,058
- Good night.
- Good night.
761
00:46:50,350 --> 00:46:51,601
Oh...
762
00:46:52,227 --> 00:46:53,827
What was the name of that bandit leader?
763
00:46:55,939 --> 00:46:58,942
His name is one that strikes fear
764
00:46:59,025 --> 00:47:01,736
into the hearts
of decent people everywhere.
765
00:47:01,987 --> 00:47:05,782
The bastard's name is Carlos Santana.
766
00:47:18,211 --> 00:47:20,005
Let's get this party started!
767
00:47:20,088 --> 00:47:22,507
Okay, so where's the entertainment?
768
00:47:22,924 --> 00:47:24,718
Bring out the gringo!
769
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:28,888
El Jefe, I think you're really
going to like this act, Jefe.
770
00:47:29,055 --> 00:47:31,433
We kidnapped him from a hotel in Cancun.
771
00:47:32,392 --> 00:47:35,603
So, without further ado,
por favor, please welcome
772
00:47:35,687 --> 00:47:38,398
the Amazing Ken and Rufus!
773
00:47:40,817 --> 00:47:44,571
Thank you. Quite a crowd.
What do you think, Rufus?
774
00:47:44,946 --> 00:47:47,115
Lots of Mexicans tonight.
775
00:47:47,198 --> 00:47:51,202
Feels like I'm standing
in front of the Home Depot.
776
00:47:52,746 --> 00:47:55,623
Be nice, Rufus. How about a joke?
777
00:47:55,707 --> 00:47:56,708
Okay.
778
00:47:56,791 --> 00:48:02,422
Do you know why there were only
3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
779
00:48:02,505 --> 00:48:05,550
- No. Why?
- They only had four trucks.
780
00:48:06,509 --> 00:48:07,719
Boo! Boo!
781
00:48:07,802 --> 00:48:08,970
That's not funny!
782
00:48:09,137 --> 00:48:13,308
Relax, sweetheart.
I did not know this was a gay bar.
783
00:48:14,809 --> 00:48:16,811
He's just kidding.
784
00:48:17,479 --> 00:48:19,731
What is your name, sir?
785
00:48:19,814 --> 00:48:21,608
I am Carlos Santana.
786
00:48:21,691 --> 00:48:24,152
Holy shit! The singer?
787
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:28,114
No, not the singer!
I'm the real Carlos Santana!
788
00:48:28,198 --> 00:48:31,826
Man of courage, honor. The leader of men!
789
00:48:32,285 --> 00:48:35,080
That other guy, he is just a guitar player.
790
00:48:35,163 --> 00:48:37,582
Yeah, well, I think you both suck.
791
00:48:40,877 --> 00:48:42,587
You shot Rufus!
792
00:48:44,005 --> 00:48:46,591
I was aiming for the Amazing Ken.
793
00:48:54,557 --> 00:48:57,852
Luis, you are back.
How did the pillaging go?
794
00:48:59,687 --> 00:49:01,356
Not so good, Jefe.
795
00:49:01,439 --> 00:49:03,191
What do you mean, not so good?
796
00:49:03,274 --> 00:49:04,901
There was a problem.
797
00:49:04,984 --> 00:49:06,444
And we could not get your tribute.
798
00:49:06,528 --> 00:49:07,528
What?
799
00:49:07,570 --> 00:49:11,032
Jefe, you don't understand!
There's nothing we could do.
800
00:49:11,616 --> 00:49:13,368
The American Army show up.
801
00:49:14,828 --> 00:49:17,205
There were hundreds of them.
802
00:49:17,288 --> 00:49:21,209
They captured Ricardo.
Jefe, we barely escaped with our lives.
803
00:49:22,043 --> 00:49:24,587
Gringo soldiers in La Miranda.
804
00:49:24,879 --> 00:49:26,464
It was good you brought me this news.
805
00:49:26,548 --> 00:49:29,676
Since they shut off the cable,
I can't get CNN.
806
00:49:29,759 --> 00:49:31,010
Hard to stay current.
807
00:49:32,428 --> 00:49:35,306
I thought you were going to kill me.
808
00:49:35,557 --> 00:49:37,725
Kill you?
809
00:49:37,809 --> 00:49:40,395
We have shared
many a great adventure together.
810
00:49:42,730 --> 00:49:45,900
I would never kill you.
811
00:49:49,863 --> 00:49:51,906
Paco and Hector are going to kill you.
812
00:49:53,658 --> 00:49:55,869
Jefe, please don't kill me! Jefe! Jefe, no!
813
00:49:55,952 --> 00:49:58,663
Jefe! Are we going to destroy La Miranda?
814
00:50:00,290 --> 00:50:02,834
No, I don't like to work on the weekends.
815
00:50:02,917 --> 00:50:05,587
Tonight, it's karaoke!
816
00:50:32,155 --> 00:50:34,657
What did you guys do last night?
817
00:50:34,741 --> 00:50:37,035
You missed a hell of a party.
818
00:50:37,118 --> 00:50:38,453
You were partying?
819
00:50:38,536 --> 00:50:40,622
It's part of the hero business, man.
820
00:50:41,247 --> 00:50:44,083
For us not to partake in the celebration
would have just been rude.
821
00:50:44,167 --> 00:50:45,168
Relax.
822
00:50:45,460 --> 00:50:48,796
We're goodwill ambassadors
winning over hearts and minds.
823
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:52,383
Everett, that's exactly why
you shouldn't drink tequila.
824
00:50:52,467 --> 00:50:53,593
Damn.
825
00:50:54,302 --> 00:50:57,263
This always happens when I eat the worm.
826
00:50:57,347 --> 00:50:58,890
Where were you?
827
00:51:00,516 --> 00:51:03,478
You went and saw
that little girl, didn't you?
828
00:51:04,437 --> 00:51:05,772
Did y'all do the chimichanga?
829
00:51:05,855 --> 00:51:08,316
Oh, come on, Bill. Don't be crude, man.
830
00:51:08,399 --> 00:51:10,902
Larry's a gentleman, and Maria's a lady.
831
00:51:10,985 --> 00:51:12,612
Did you bang her?
832
00:51:12,695 --> 00:51:17,408
All right, listen, I was up all
night thinking about our situation.
833
00:51:17,492 --> 00:51:20,995
We just can't be running around
a country we're not supposed to be in.
834
00:51:21,079 --> 00:51:24,499
So, I think we ought to just stay right
here and wait for the Army to pick us up.
835
00:51:24,582 --> 00:51:26,417
- So, we're staying?
- Relax.
836
00:51:26,501 --> 00:51:28,378
This ain't the infield at Talladega.
837
00:51:28,461 --> 00:51:30,046
Since we're stuck here,
838
00:51:30,129 --> 00:51:32,882
I figure we ought to do
what we're supposed to do.
839
00:51:32,966 --> 00:51:34,968
And these folks have
been pretty hospitable.
840
00:51:35,802 --> 00:51:40,014
I think it's time we return the favor.
So, come on, let's get to it.
841
00:51:42,642 --> 00:51:47,021
- You want to change there, sefiorita?
- Oh, I forgot I had this on.
842
00:51:47,105 --> 00:51:48,690
It really breathes.
843
00:51:49,565 --> 00:51:52,944
Iraq? You guys may want to buy a map, eh?
844
00:51:53,027 --> 00:51:55,446
But what my father means to say
845
00:51:55,530 --> 00:51:57,282
is that we are really appreciative
846
00:51:57,365 --> 00:51:59,534
for what you have done
for our poor village.
847
00:51:59,617 --> 00:52:01,369
We know we messed up,
848
00:52:02,245 --> 00:52:04,831
and kind of hoping
we can keep this our little secret.
849
00:52:04,998 --> 00:52:07,184
We'd like to stick around
and provide perimeter security
850
00:52:07,208 --> 00:52:08,560
and help restore your infrastructure.
851
00:52:08,584 --> 00:52:10,837
Infrastructure? Okay!
852
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:13,298
First place you can start is this well.
853
00:52:13,381 --> 00:52:15,049
It's been dry for years.
854
00:52:15,133 --> 00:52:18,261
We're forced to carry water from the river.
855
00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:19,929
Yeah. No problem.
856
00:52:20,013 --> 00:52:22,307
Thank you for your generosity.
857
00:52:23,391 --> 00:52:25,018
My pleasure, ma'am.
858
00:52:25,101 --> 00:52:27,687
Here's the problem with the well.
859
00:52:29,188 --> 00:52:30,440
It's dry.
860
00:52:55,048 --> 00:52:58,092
That's right, boys! Can't hate number 8!
861
00:53:14,442 --> 00:53:15,943
They love it!
862
00:53:30,041 --> 00:53:31,435
Hey, where'd you get all those extra nails?
863
00:53:31,459 --> 00:53:34,170
I just pulled them out of that old shed.
864
00:53:38,174 --> 00:53:39,425
Everett!
865
00:53:51,771 --> 00:53:53,731
You know, we're doing a lot of good.
866
00:53:53,815 --> 00:53:55,900
They could really use
these medical supplies.
867
00:53:55,983 --> 00:53:57,485
Copy that.
868
00:54:00,655 --> 00:54:03,658
Oh, man. Guys, you gotta see this.
869
00:54:09,163 --> 00:54:11,082
What do you think happened?
870
00:54:11,165 --> 00:54:12,667
I don't know.
871
00:54:13,167 --> 00:54:15,211
Maybe some wild critters dug him up.
872
00:54:15,294 --> 00:54:17,839
I think it's a more logical explanation.
873
00:54:18,923 --> 00:54:20,258
The Chupacabra.
874
00:54:20,383 --> 00:54:22,176
- What?
- The Chupacabra.
875
00:54:22,260 --> 00:54:24,178
It's a mythical hairless dog-like creature
876
00:54:24,303 --> 00:54:26,639
that sucks the blood out
of both man and beast.
877
00:54:26,722 --> 00:54:29,308
It's been terrorizing
these parts for years.
878
00:54:29,392 --> 00:54:30,702
Either that, or it's grave robbers.
879
00:54:30,726 --> 00:54:34,856
I mean, you can get top dollar
for a testicle on eBay these days.
880
00:54:35,898 --> 00:54:38,693
Poor bastard. Couldn't even rest in peace.
881
00:54:56,127 --> 00:54:58,671
I am gonna kill you deviant bastards!
882
00:55:23,029 --> 00:55:25,573
What are you doing, Sefior Bill?
883
00:55:25,656 --> 00:55:30,077
Trying to get this dang radio working.
I need to talk to my superior.
884
00:55:30,161 --> 00:55:33,080
Well, why don't you just use a telephone?
885
00:55:33,664 --> 00:55:35,249
You got a phone?
886
00:55:35,333 --> 00:55:39,378
Well, not here in town,
but I can show you where.
887
00:55:42,381 --> 00:55:44,300
Now, we need to keep this
between you and I.
888
00:55:44,383 --> 00:55:47,512
See, it's a covert op, and we don't want
General Larry interfering.
889
00:55:47,595 --> 00:55:51,015
Why wouldn't you want him to know?
I thought you had to call your superior.
890
00:55:51,098 --> 00:55:53,309
I do. My wife.
891
00:55:53,768 --> 00:55:55,269
Oh, s1', Sefior Bill.
892
00:55:55,853 --> 00:55:57,480
It will be our secret.
893
00:55:57,563 --> 00:55:59,163
Good. Now, where the hell is this phone?
894
00:56:03,402 --> 00:56:05,238
Shut up in there! Hello?
895
00:56:05,321 --> 00:56:07,031
Hey, sweetie! It's me!
896
00:56:07,114 --> 00:56:09,534
Why haven't you called? Are you in Iraq?
897
00:56:09,617 --> 00:56:12,370
No. No, we had a little change of plans.
898
00:56:12,453 --> 00:56:13,496
This better be good.
899
00:56:13,579 --> 00:56:15,790
Yeah, it's actually a pretty funny story.
900
00:56:15,873 --> 00:56:17,434
Quiet in there! I'm talking to your dad!
901
00:56:17,458 --> 00:56:19,085
We're in Mexico.
902
00:56:19,293 --> 00:56:21,504
Mexico? You better get
your ass right back here...
903
00:56:21,587 --> 00:56:23,589
- Sefior Bill?
- Hang on a second.
904
00:56:23,673 --> 00:56:25,132
A two-way whore in a rowdy...
905
00:56:25,216 --> 00:56:27,969
No, no, no, no.
Now, you hold on a second, honey.
906
00:56:28,052 --> 00:56:31,013
It's not like that at all.
I'm not on vacation down here.
907
00:56:31,097 --> 00:56:33,450
Damn right you're not on vacation.
What are you doing down there?
908
00:56:33,474 --> 00:56:34,767
I'm working!
909
00:56:34,850 --> 00:56:37,603
Hey, this is part
of a government sanctioned incursion
910
00:56:37,687 --> 00:56:40,356
into a sovereign nation
as part of Operation Sombrero.
911
00:56:40,439 --> 00:56:41,542
You're a part of a government operation?
912
00:56:41,566 --> 00:56:44,193
Yeah. Yeah, so, tell the boys,
their daddy is a hero.
913
00:56:44,277 --> 00:56:45,903
Sefior Bill?
914
00:56:45,987 --> 00:56:47,071
Hang on a second!
915
00:56:47,154 --> 00:56:48,406
Are you coming home or not?
916
00:56:48,489 --> 00:56:51,075
No. I don't know when I'm gonna be home.
917
00:56:51,158 --> 00:56:52,743
Well, I don't know. Hell.
918
00:56:52,827 --> 00:56:54,579
- Wrong!
- Hello?
919
00:56:54,662 --> 00:56:55,997
Connie?
920
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:57,164
Hello.
921
00:56:58,332 --> 00:57:01,419
- Hey, what is...
- Oh, I'm sorry, sefior.
922
00:57:01,502 --> 00:57:03,337
Did I cut you off?
923
00:57:11,178 --> 00:57:12,388
Shit.
924
00:57:12,471 --> 00:57:13,931
Okay, gringo,
925
00:57:14,015 --> 00:57:16,517
how many more men you
got back in La Miranda?
926
00:57:16,601 --> 00:57:20,104
All I gotta tell you
is my name, rank, and favorite cereal.
927
00:57:20,187 --> 00:57:22,607
And that's all you're getting.
928
00:57:24,775 --> 00:57:27,111
I think Ruben likes you.
929
00:57:28,696 --> 00:57:31,991
It just seems odd that
a man of your stature
930
00:57:32,074 --> 00:57:35,286
would embrace alternative lifestyles
amongst his men.
931
00:57:35,369 --> 00:57:37,872
You can't fire someone
because they're gay!
932
00:57:37,955 --> 00:57:39,957
That's discrimination!
933
00:57:40,041 --> 00:57:41,667
You can get sued for that, eh?
934
00:57:41,751 --> 00:57:43,919
Besides, he's my nephew.
935
00:57:44,003 --> 00:57:46,297
You cam choose your familia.
936
00:57:46,881 --> 00:57:49,842
So, he's here, he's queer. Get used to it.
937
00:57:49,925 --> 00:57:53,054
I'm still not telling you anything.
938
00:57:53,137 --> 00:57:56,515
Start talking or I'll tell Ruben
he can marry you.
939
00:57:56,599 --> 00:57:58,225
He wants a wife.
940
00:57:59,435 --> 00:58:01,979
Well, there's just three of us.
941
00:58:02,063 --> 00:58:04,416
We don't have an idea what we're doing.
We thought this was Iraq.
942
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:05,650
Can you believe that? Iraq.
943
00:58:05,733 --> 00:58:08,277
Who would make that stupid mistake?
944
00:58:09,070 --> 00:58:11,280
You and you men
have really done some good here.
945
00:58:11,405 --> 00:58:14,700
Oh, well, just goes to show you
what a little hard work
946
00:58:14,784 --> 00:58:16,577
and ingenuity can do.
947
00:58:16,744 --> 00:58:18,913
You must have learned
so much in the Army.
948
00:58:19,288 --> 00:58:22,917
Oh, shoot, yeah.
We're all highly-trained individuals.
949
00:58:23,125 --> 00:58:26,837
Hey, Larry! Help me out with this thing!
950
00:58:26,921 --> 00:58:28,881
Well, most of us, anyway.
951
00:58:28,964 --> 00:58:31,801
- I better handle this. I'll see you later.
- Okay.
952
00:58:40,935 --> 00:58:42,895
I think I got it now.
953
00:58:48,150 --> 00:58:50,152
Look out, you idiot! Not at the village!
954
00:58:50,236 --> 00:58:52,446
- Oh, yeah.
- Turn it!
955
00:58:54,865 --> 00:58:56,242
Stand back!
956
00:58:58,828 --> 00:59:01,580
Damn it! That's been happening all day!
957
00:59:01,664 --> 00:59:03,416
I don't get it.
958
00:59:05,126 --> 00:59:08,212
I'm gonna get this thing working
if it kills me.
959
00:59:10,798 --> 00:59:14,343
- Damn it. Come on, Everett!
- I'm right behind you, buddy!
960
00:59:15,302 --> 00:59:16,554
Damn!
961
00:59:25,479 --> 00:59:27,314
People of La Miranda,
962
00:59:27,857 --> 00:59:31,610
you have disobeyed your Jefe
by not paying my tribute.
963
00:59:31,694 --> 00:59:34,655
Now, come out and take your punishment!
964
00:59:35,156 --> 00:59:37,074
Hold it right there!
965
00:59:37,158 --> 00:59:40,244
You're in a lot of trouble, gringo!
This is not Iraq!
966
00:59:40,327 --> 00:59:41,662
I am the law here!
967
00:59:41,746 --> 00:59:43,873
I am Carlos Santana!
968
00:59:45,583 --> 00:59:46,917
The singer?
969
00:59:47,001 --> 00:59:49,420
Definitely not the singer.
970
00:59:51,297 --> 00:59:53,841
We caught your friend here
trying to call his wife.
971
00:59:53,924 --> 00:59:55,259
What?
972
00:59:55,342 --> 00:59:57,845
You found a phone,
and the one person you call is your wife?
973
00:59:57,928 --> 00:59:59,972
She gets moody if I don't check in.
974
01:00:00,055 --> 01:00:02,141
She sounds like a real bitch, sefior.
975
01:00:02,224 --> 01:00:04,643
You have to set some boundaries.
976
01:00:06,604 --> 01:00:07,688
All right, turn him loose!
977
01:00:07,772 --> 01:00:10,524
Turn him loose?
We have you outnumbered.
978
01:00:10,608 --> 01:00:14,361
What are you gonna do,
kill us all by yourself?
979
01:00:15,446 --> 01:00:16,530
Nope.
980
01:00:18,532 --> 01:00:20,868
I'm just gonna kill you.
981
01:00:22,745 --> 01:00:23,788
Oh.
982
01:00:24,330 --> 01:00:26,165
I hadn't thought of that.
983
01:00:26,582 --> 01:00:30,461
Well, looks like we got ourselves
a Mexican standoff.
984
01:00:32,087 --> 01:00:35,299
Actually, sefior,
down here, we just call it a standoff.
985
01:00:35,382 --> 01:00:36,634
Yeah, okay.
986
01:00:37,218 --> 01:00:38,761
Tell your people to stand back.
987
01:00:38,844 --> 01:00:39,970
This is my town!
988
01:00:40,054 --> 01:00:42,348
You don't give the orders here, I do!
989
01:00:45,017 --> 01:00:48,062
In just a few minutes,
the entire 101st Airborne
990
01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:49,647
is gonna come down that road.
991
01:00:50,272 --> 01:00:51,565
They are?
992
01:00:52,149 --> 01:00:54,193
Just go with me on this.
993
01:00:55,027 --> 01:00:57,238
Sefior, I think you're bluffing!
994
01:01:09,583 --> 01:01:11,877
Iraq, it's a land of miracles.
995
01:01:12,670 --> 01:01:13,838
Sarge? You're alive?
996
01:01:13,921 --> 01:01:15,881
Shut up, numb nuts.
997
01:01:17,883 --> 01:01:20,261
Surprised to see me, maggots?
998
01:01:20,469 --> 01:01:23,389
Can we sort this out later, Sarge?
999
01:01:23,597 --> 01:01:27,351
- Little bit of a situation on our hands.
- You bet your ass we got a situation.
1000
01:01:27,434 --> 01:01:29,728
You assholes are A-W-O-L!
1001
01:01:32,022 --> 01:01:33,107
What?
1002
01:01:33,190 --> 01:01:36,777
I was just telling these armed men,
the rest of our highly-trained
1003
01:01:36,861 --> 01:01:40,698
firepower-out-the-ass 101st Airborne
was coming up right behind you.
1004
01:01:40,781 --> 01:01:42,283
Are you nuts?
1005
01:01:42,950 --> 01:01:44,201
We're not even in Iraq.
1006
01:01:44,451 --> 01:01:46,787
There's no one here! We're alone.
1007
01:01:46,871 --> 01:01:48,789
Now give me that weapon.
1008
01:01:50,791 --> 01:01:52,459
This shit-hole of a country is Mexico.
1009
01:01:52,543 --> 01:01:53,544
Hey!
1010
01:01:53,627 --> 01:01:57,047
You're not exactly a box of chocolates,
eh, sweetheart?
1011
01:01:57,131 --> 01:01:58,883
Mind your own business, Pedro.
1012
01:01:58,966 --> 01:02:02,344
Actually, sefior, this is my business.
1013
01:02:06,181 --> 01:02:07,474
Oh, shit.
1014
01:02:15,524 --> 01:02:17,484
Put your hands in the air now!
1015
01:02:17,568 --> 01:02:19,069
You have the right to remain silent!
1016
01:02:19,153 --> 01:02:20,513
You have the right to an attorney!
1017
01:02:20,571 --> 01:02:22,239
What the hell is that?
1018
01:02:22,323 --> 01:02:26,327
This is a Mark 153 shoulder-launch
multipurpose assault weapon.
1019
01:02:28,329 --> 01:02:30,414
Who wants to ride the pain train?
1020
01:02:32,583 --> 01:02:37,171
Well, boys, looks like we got ourselves
a Mexican standoff.
1021
01:02:39,924 --> 01:02:42,509
Hey, Sarge. You still got your testicles?
1022
01:02:42,593 --> 01:02:44,345
Everett? Everett, hand that thing over.
1023
01:02:44,428 --> 01:02:45,488
- No, I can do it.
- Hand it over.
1024
01:02:45,512 --> 01:02:46,573
I'm a trained law enforcement officer.
1025
01:02:46,597 --> 01:02:47,677
You're gonna hurt somebody.
1026
01:02:47,723 --> 01:02:48,933
Watch and learn!
1027
01:02:49,016 --> 01:02:50,392
Everett, no!
1028
01:02:54,855 --> 01:02:56,106
Incoming!
1029
01:03:27,596 --> 01:03:28,973
Hell, yeah!
1030
01:03:42,319 --> 01:03:44,530
That's what I'm talking about!
1031
01:03:50,411 --> 01:03:54,999
Not only have you saved us again,
but you've given us the miracle of water.
1032
01:03:56,375 --> 01:03:59,003
- Nice shooting, Everett.
- I know.
1033
01:03:59,086 --> 01:04:03,215
You know what they say?
The Army, toughest job you'll ever love.
1034
01:04:03,340 --> 01:04:05,592
No, that's the Peace Corps.
1035
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:08,220
Hey!
1036
01:04:08,303 --> 01:04:09,388
Where's Sarge?
1037
01:04:09,471 --> 01:04:10,889
God damn it, Everett!
1038
01:04:10,973 --> 01:04:13,684
I'm gonna tear off your head
and shit down your...
1039
01:04:13,767 --> 01:04:16,603
Say hello to my nephew Ruben.
1040
01:04:20,774 --> 01:04:21,859
Shit.
1041
01:04:24,778 --> 01:04:27,656
Do you really think this is a good idea?
1042
01:04:27,740 --> 01:04:29,950
I mean, we've already buried Sarge once,
1043
01:04:30,242 --> 01:04:33,579
and I don't know
if I can go through this again,
1044
01:04:33,662 --> 01:04:35,456
emotionally speaking.
1045
01:04:35,539 --> 01:04:39,084
Look, he may be an asshole,
but he's our asshole.
1046
01:04:42,129 --> 01:04:43,589
Everett, what are you doing?
1047
01:04:43,881 --> 01:04:47,426
I'm changing the terror level
from orange to red pinata.
1048
01:04:47,509 --> 01:04:49,178
Everett, get down!
1049
01:04:51,388 --> 01:04:55,017
Are you sure you must do this?
This is not your fight.
1050
01:04:55,100 --> 01:04:58,604
Look, once they messed with Sarge,
it became our fight.
1051
01:05:06,236 --> 01:05:07,905
Bin Laden, here we come!
1052
01:05:07,988 --> 01:05:10,324
Shut up, Everett.
1053
01:05:13,660 --> 01:05:14,828
Lock up the prisoner!
1054
01:05:14,912 --> 01:05:16,592
Jefe, are we going
to burn down La Miranda?
1055
01:05:17,873 --> 01:05:20,125
Tonight it's wrestling!
1056
01:05:22,711 --> 01:05:23,837
Yeah!
1057
01:05:25,005 --> 01:05:26,340
El Javalina!
1058
01:05:28,008 --> 01:05:29,718
Who's he fighting, Jefe?
1059
01:05:29,802 --> 01:05:31,804
You and Hector.
1060
01:05:31,887 --> 01:05:33,597
But, Jefe...
1061
01:05:34,723 --> 01:05:36,517
I would love to.
1062
01:05:41,855 --> 01:05:44,066
All right. Does everybody know the plan?
1063
01:05:44,149 --> 01:05:45,234
Yeah.
1064
01:05:45,692 --> 01:05:46,819
Affirmative.
1065
01:05:46,902 --> 01:05:49,154
Crack skulls and kick ass!
1066
01:05:53,742 --> 01:05:57,246
Well, we may never see him again.
1067
01:05:57,329 --> 01:06:00,249
I'm gonna miss that little mongoloid.
1068
01:06:00,332 --> 01:06:03,877
You disable the vehicles.
I'm gonna get Sarge.
1069
01:06:07,714 --> 01:06:09,675
Boy, am I glad to see a friendly face.
1070
01:06:11,343 --> 01:06:14,763
I have had the darnedest time
ever since I left the interstate.
1071
01:06:14,847 --> 01:06:18,183
I think we took a wrong
turn at buenas noches.
1072
01:06:19,351 --> 01:06:20,894
What you have to do is...
1073
01:06:20,978 --> 01:06:23,689
That's what I need to do right there.
1074
01:06:41,874 --> 01:06:44,251
I'm getting too fat for this shit.
1075
01:07:09,443 --> 01:07:11,236
Electric shock, huh?
1076
01:07:11,778 --> 01:07:13,780
Well, in the Mekong Delta,
1077
01:07:13,864 --> 01:07:17,534
the Vietcong stuck bamboo shoots
under my fingernails.
1078
01:07:17,618 --> 01:07:20,579
It'll take a lot more
than that to break me.
1079
01:07:21,455 --> 01:07:23,290
What the hell is this?
1080
01:07:29,254 --> 01:07:30,631
It's a duet!
1081
01:08:02,496 --> 01:08:04,498
Hey, hey, hey!
1082
01:08:34,319 --> 01:08:37,489
Who else is man enough
to step into the ring?
1083
01:08:37,698 --> 01:08:39,491
Right here, amigo!
1084
01:08:39,700 --> 01:08:41,201
Who is this maricén?
1085
01:08:41,285 --> 01:08:42,703
I don't know,
1086
01:08:42,953 --> 01:08:44,496
but I like him.
1087
01:08:54,047 --> 01:08:55,882
He's got style!
1088
01:08:56,341 --> 01:09:00,387
Muchachos, a masked challenger
is gonna take on El Javalina.
1089
01:09:08,228 --> 01:09:10,981
Hold on, Sarge. I'm coming.
1090
01:09:16,069 --> 01:09:18,780
Come on, Tijuana! You want some?
1091
01:09:18,864 --> 01:09:20,324
You gonna get some!
1092
01:09:20,407 --> 01:09:22,492
Hey, don't you worry about anything, man.
I'm a pro.
1093
01:09:22,576 --> 01:09:23,744
I'm a card-carrying member
1094
01:09:23,827 --> 01:09:26,330
of the Georgia
Independent Wrestling Alliance.
1095
01:09:26,413 --> 01:09:29,041
Just take a lookout for my trick knee.
1096
01:09:51,480 --> 01:09:54,024
Man,
look at the size of that son of a bitch.
1097
01:09:54,107 --> 01:09:56,943
- He'd have ripped you a...
- Get me loose!
1098
01:09:59,613 --> 01:10:01,073
I hate Sonny and Cher.
1099
01:10:01,156 --> 01:10:03,450
Hey, Bill's down by the gate.
I'm gonna go get Everett.
1100
01:10:03,617 --> 01:10:04,659
Okay.
1101
01:10:09,748 --> 01:10:11,208
What are you doing?
1102
01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:12,626
Hey, Sarge.
1103
01:10:13,293 --> 01:10:17,047
You're wearing the enemy's uniform.
I should have known you'd be a traitor.
1104
01:10:17,130 --> 01:10:18,673
No, I'm undercover.
1105
01:10:19,257 --> 01:10:22,302
I'm wrecking the vehicles. Here's the plan.
1106
01:10:22,469 --> 01:10:25,013
I'm putting sugar in their gas tanks.
1107
01:10:26,890 --> 01:10:28,767
I got a better idea.
1108
01:10:29,601 --> 01:10:30,644
Okay.
1109
01:10:53,500 --> 01:10:54,543
Oh!
1110
01:10:54,668 --> 01:10:57,754
I see we're playing
by Panamanian prison rules.
1111
01:11:05,971 --> 01:11:08,932
Yeah, take some of this, amigo!
1112
01:11:22,863 --> 01:11:25,824
You just bought yourself
a six pack of pain, buddy!
1113
01:11:25,907 --> 01:11:27,826
Come get some!
1114
01:11:34,541 --> 01:11:37,294
I'm the king! I'm the king!
1115
01:11:46,470 --> 01:11:49,764
Get set for the full
force of the U.S. Military!
1116
01:11:49,848 --> 01:11:51,641
Get them, guys!
1117
01:11:53,935 --> 01:11:55,061
Guys?
1118
01:11:55,270 --> 01:11:56,646
I know you!
1119
01:11:56,771 --> 01:11:59,649
You're that retarded guy with the bazooka!
1120
01:11:59,733 --> 01:12:01,151
It was a rocket-launcher.
1121
01:12:01,234 --> 01:12:02,903
Kill this cabrén!
1122
01:12:05,238 --> 01:12:06,907
Hold it right there!
1123
01:12:06,990 --> 01:12:09,284
You gotta be kidding me!
1124
01:12:09,576 --> 01:12:12,412
You gringos are like
a bad case of the crabs.
1125
01:12:12,496 --> 01:12:13,872
I can't get rid of you!
1126
01:12:13,955 --> 01:12:15,999
Everett, get over here.
1127
01:12:18,293 --> 01:12:22,839
You, sefior, are either very brave
or very stupid.
1128
01:12:22,923 --> 01:12:25,425
Either way, you can't kill all of us.
1129
01:12:26,009 --> 01:12:27,469
Probably not.
1130
01:12:28,261 --> 01:12:30,430
I'll just kill you.
1131
01:12:30,597 --> 01:12:33,141
Damn! I keep doing that.
1132
01:12:33,225 --> 01:12:35,101
Good job, Larry.
1133
01:12:35,185 --> 01:12:37,312
I'm out of here. You disarm them,
1134
01:12:37,395 --> 01:12:39,155
and I'll meet you back
at Checkpoint Charlie.
1135
01:12:42,025 --> 01:12:43,705
All right, come on! Let's get out of here!
1136
01:12:55,288 --> 01:12:57,207
Let's go! Shotgun!
1137
01:12:57,290 --> 01:12:59,167
Damn you, Everett!
1138
01:13:09,970 --> 01:13:11,680
They're over there!
1139
01:13:16,810 --> 01:13:19,354
Look at our cars, Jefe.
1140
01:13:19,437 --> 01:13:21,356
Who would do such a thing?
1141
01:13:21,481 --> 01:13:23,191
That's vandalism!
1142
01:13:23,275 --> 01:13:25,652
Saddle up the horses
and bring out Big Bertha!
1143
01:13:25,819 --> 01:13:27,737
Come on! Move, move, move!
1144
01:13:27,821 --> 01:13:28,947
Come on! Let's go!
1145
01:13:29,030 --> 01:13:30,240
Go! Go!
1146
01:13:30,323 --> 01:13:32,951
This is the end of La Miranda.
1147
01:13:42,836 --> 01:13:43,962
You made it back.
1148
01:13:44,045 --> 01:13:45,964
I'm so glad. I was very worried.
1149
01:13:46,047 --> 01:13:48,800
There's still a certain sefiorita
I gotta take out on the town.
1150
01:13:48,883 --> 01:13:51,595
Or make sweet, sweet love to her
under the stars
1151
01:13:51,678 --> 01:13:56,683
as a mariachi bands serenades you
with a song of romance and desire.
1152
01:13:56,766 --> 01:13:59,561
You saved our village
by killing Carlos Santana.
1153
01:13:59,644 --> 01:14:01,813
Well, not quite.
1154
01:14:01,896 --> 01:14:03,815
Son, make it quick. We gotta get going.
1155
01:14:03,898 --> 01:14:06,443
What? We can't leave.
1156
01:14:06,860 --> 01:14:09,195
Santana might be
on his way down here right now,
1157
01:14:09,279 --> 01:14:11,156
and this village is defenseless.
1158
01:14:11,239 --> 01:14:15,535
Son, you showed me something
by coming to save me, you really did.
1159
01:14:15,702 --> 01:14:18,371
But this is out of my hands.
We have to leave.
1160
01:14:19,039 --> 01:14:21,041
- Bill?
- This isn't Iraq.
1161
01:14:21,124 --> 01:14:22,626
It's Mexico.
1162
01:14:22,709 --> 01:14:25,545
We did what we could do,
but this isn't our fight.
1163
01:14:25,629 --> 01:14:26,963
Sorry, son.
1164
01:14:27,547 --> 01:14:28,547
I'm not leaving.
1165
01:14:28,590 --> 01:14:29,716
Oh, Larry, come on!
1166
01:14:29,799 --> 01:14:32,218
Private, I'm giving you an order.
1167
01:14:32,636 --> 01:14:35,639
I think you guys forgot
what our orders are.
1168
01:14:35,722 --> 01:14:37,515
We're supposed to bring
freedom and democracy
1169
01:14:37,599 --> 01:14:39,517
to people that need it.
1170
01:14:39,934 --> 01:14:42,520
I think these people need it.
1171
01:14:43,188 --> 01:14:44,564
I'm staying.
1172
01:14:45,065 --> 01:14:48,902
I'm staying to finish the job.
I'm staying to do what's right.
1173
01:14:53,573 --> 01:14:57,619
Anybody that's with me can cross this line.
1174
01:14:59,079 --> 01:15:01,206
Oh, come on, guys!
1175
01:15:02,248 --> 01:15:06,544
Sarge, look at these people.
They're honest, hardworking.
1176
01:15:07,754 --> 01:15:10,215
They got hopes, dreams.
1177
01:15:11,174 --> 01:15:13,385
Ain't you ever had a dream?
1178
01:15:13,468 --> 01:15:14,761
Shit.
1179
01:15:15,512 --> 01:15:17,138
Hell, you got me.
1180
01:15:19,724 --> 01:15:22,644
I always wanted to be
an aerobics instructor.
1181
01:15:23,061 --> 01:15:24,104
Okay.
1182
01:15:27,774 --> 01:15:31,152
Don't look at me, man.
I got a wife and kids to think about.
1183
01:15:31,236 --> 01:15:34,698
And what would you do if Connie
and the boys lived in a town like this?
1184
01:15:34,781 --> 01:15:36,783
Would you leave them then?
1185
01:15:38,451 --> 01:15:39,494
No.
1186
01:15:40,453 --> 01:15:41,663
Damn it.
1187
01:15:43,456 --> 01:15:44,791
All right.
1188
01:15:45,125 --> 01:15:48,962
Like they say in the Army,
be all you can be.
1189
01:15:49,796 --> 01:15:51,631
You got it right!
1190
01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:55,927
Who am I kidding?
I live in a storage locker.
1191
01:15:56,010 --> 01:15:57,804
I'm not going anywhere.
1192
01:15:57,887 --> 01:16:01,349
All right, then.
We got all day to figure out a plan.
1193
01:16:01,433 --> 01:16:03,810
Come on, we're the Sleeping Marmots!
1194
01:16:03,893 --> 01:16:06,187
What else can Santana do to us?
1195
01:16:06,980 --> 01:16:10,608
Sefior! Sefior!
I think you better take a look at this.
1196
01:16:24,330 --> 01:16:25,915
A tank?
1197
01:16:25,999 --> 01:16:27,208
Where'd they get that?
1198
01:16:28,668 --> 01:16:31,421
That's a Sherman tank, U.S. Army surplus!
1199
01:16:31,963 --> 01:16:35,633
Back in the '80s, the Mexicans traded
15,000 cases of Chiclets for them.
1200
01:16:35,717 --> 01:16:37,302
You're kidding!
1201
01:16:37,510 --> 01:16:38,762
Incoming!
1202
01:16:41,765 --> 01:16:42,849
Down!
1203
01:16:51,524 --> 01:16:52,585
Get everybody in the church!
1204
01:16:52,609 --> 01:16:54,486
- But what about...
- Now!
1205
01:17:03,453 --> 01:17:04,746
We gotta take that tank out.
1206
01:17:04,829 --> 01:17:06,122
Get the rocket-launcher!
1207
01:17:06,206 --> 01:17:08,917
I got it, Sarge! It's in the bunkhouse!
1208
01:17:09,292 --> 01:17:10,794
Cover him.
1209
01:17:21,971 --> 01:17:24,307
If I die, Connie's gonna kill me!
1210
01:17:24,390 --> 01:17:26,309
We gotta take that tank out!
1211
01:17:26,392 --> 01:17:29,479
Don't we have anything
in this town we can use?
1212
01:17:30,730 --> 01:17:32,398
Cover me!
1213
01:17:33,441 --> 01:17:34,567
Cover me!
1214
01:17:34,651 --> 01:17:37,070
You heard the man! Cover him!
1215
01:17:39,697 --> 01:17:41,282
I said cover me!
1216
01:17:43,618 --> 01:17:45,245
Bitch!
1217
01:18:06,432 --> 01:18:07,684
Come on!
1218
01:18:09,519 --> 01:18:10,770
Come on!
1219
01:18:12,355 --> 01:18:14,607
Damn it! Come on!
1220
01:18:22,615 --> 01:18:25,243
Shit. That'll work.
1221
01:18:35,587 --> 01:18:39,716
It is time for us to stand up to Santana
once and for all!
1222
01:18:47,974 --> 01:18:49,851
Come on! Let's get them!
1223
01:18:50,268 --> 01:18:52,270
Remember the Alamo!
1224
01:18:52,353 --> 01:18:54,814
That is a sore subject around here, sefior.
1225
01:19:18,212 --> 01:19:20,465
We did it. We ran them off!
1226
01:19:20,882 --> 01:19:24,761
- Where's Maria?
- Oh, General, Santana has taken her.
1227
01:19:26,638 --> 01:19:28,890
You have any more daughters?
1228
01:19:29,515 --> 01:19:30,725
Lupfia.
1229
01:19:32,185 --> 01:19:33,895
I'll go find Maria.
1230
01:19:35,188 --> 01:19:36,731
Stupid gringos.
1231
01:19:37,065 --> 01:19:38,733
They may have won this battle,
1232
01:19:38,816 --> 01:19:42,278
but as usual,
Carlos Santana will win the war.
1233
01:19:42,362 --> 01:19:43,738
Far enough!
1234
01:19:44,197 --> 01:19:45,698
Now let her go!
1235
01:19:47,116 --> 01:19:49,285
What do you see in this fat redneck?
1236
01:19:49,369 --> 01:19:51,371
Fat redneck?
1237
01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:54,666
I swear, on Monday,
I'm starting a low-carb diet.
1238
01:19:55,875 --> 01:19:58,670
Now I'll have to kill both of you.
1239
01:20:02,340 --> 01:20:07,178
It will take more than one helicopter
to defeat Carlos Santana!
1240
01:20:09,847 --> 01:20:11,641
This is not good.
1241
01:20:42,463 --> 01:20:43,464
Thank you.
1242
01:20:44,924 --> 01:20:47,093
Papa! Oh, thank God!
1243
01:20:47,427 --> 01:20:49,345
Look forward and come this way, please!
1244
01:20:49,470 --> 01:20:50,722
Hey, everybody okay?
1245
01:20:50,847 --> 01:20:52,348
Oh, sure. Everybody's fine.
1246
01:20:52,515 --> 01:20:53,891
Couldn't be better.
1247
01:20:53,975 --> 01:20:55,018
Bill got shot.
1248
01:20:55,101 --> 01:20:56,936
Bill got... What?
1249
01:20:59,897 --> 01:21:02,150
Bill! You all right?
1250
01:21:02,608 --> 01:21:06,279
They got me!
I don't think I'm gonna make it.
1251
01:21:06,446 --> 01:21:07,697
"LaTTY".
1252
01:21:08,781 --> 01:21:10,992
You tell them my story.
1253
01:21:14,620 --> 01:21:17,290
He was shot in the ass. He'll be fine.
1254
01:21:19,125 --> 01:21:21,210
- Sir.
- Colonel Dalton, Delta Force.
1255
01:21:21,294 --> 01:21:23,254
Is there a Bill Little here?
1256
01:21:23,337 --> 01:21:24,547
Yeah. That's me.
1257
01:21:24,630 --> 01:21:26,466
Your wife's a real pain in the ass.
1258
01:21:26,549 --> 01:21:29,469
When she found out you were in Mexico,
she started calling the Pentagon.
1259
01:21:29,635 --> 01:21:32,346
Wouldn't stop till the Joint Chiefs
sent us down here to get you.
1260
01:21:32,430 --> 01:21:33,806
God, I love that woman.
1261
01:21:33,890 --> 01:21:37,852
Yeah. You better mow the lawn
when you get home.
1262
01:21:37,935 --> 01:21:39,395
Yes, sir.
1263
01:21:39,812 --> 01:21:42,791
Hey, Larry, this guy wants to talk to you.
Says he's from the State Department.
1264
01:21:42,815 --> 01:21:46,736
Roger Grabowski,
undersecretary, Central American affairs.
1265
01:21:46,819 --> 01:21:50,323
You hear that? Poor bastard's a secretary.
1266
01:21:50,865 --> 01:21:53,117
Bit of a sticky situation we've got here.
1267
01:21:53,201 --> 01:21:55,703
We're in a lot of trouble, ain't we?
1268
01:21:55,787 --> 01:21:58,081
Maybe not. That is,
1269
01:21:58,164 --> 01:22:00,249
if you guys will cooperate.
1270
01:22:01,417 --> 01:22:03,252
We're all about cooperation.
1271
01:22:03,336 --> 01:22:05,755
Another victory in the war on terror
1272
01:22:05,838 --> 01:22:08,174
as the White House today
announced the success
1273
01:22:08,257 --> 01:22:10,093
of Operation Sombrero
1274
01:22:10,510 --> 01:22:13,679
with strikes against terror camps
located in northern Mexico
1275
01:22:13,763 --> 01:22:18,267
by U.S. personnel operating with
permission from the Mexican government.
1276
01:22:18,351 --> 01:22:21,979
In a shocking development,
among those captured in the attack
1277
01:22:22,063 --> 01:22:25,274
was Grammy-winning musician,
Carlos Santana,
1278
01:22:25,358 --> 01:22:27,860
known for such mks
as Black Magic Woman,
1279
01:22:27,944 --> 01:22:30,613
Evil Ways, and Oye Como Va.
1280
01:22:32,406 --> 01:22:37,203
Once more, America is in need
of its best and brightest.
1281
01:22:37,537 --> 01:22:42,667
One wonders if there are still heroes
willing to lead us
1282
01:22:42,750 --> 01:22:45,628
through the challenges we face as a nation.
1283
01:22:45,711 --> 01:22:47,672
I say the answer is yes.
1284
01:22:49,006 --> 01:22:52,135
And I am proud to be standing
here with them today
1285
01:22:52,218 --> 01:22:53,970
as we honor their sacrifice.
1286
01:22:54,053 --> 01:22:55,388
Ten hut!
1287
01:23:07,900 --> 01:23:09,360
What's my name?
1288
01:23:09,443 --> 01:23:11,279
Sergeant Kilgore, sir!
1289
01:23:11,654 --> 01:23:14,407
You will be a mean, lean fighting machine.
1290
01:23:14,615 --> 01:23:16,450
One, two, three!
1291
01:23:16,534 --> 01:23:17,994
Move it, fat buddy!
1292
01:23:18,077 --> 01:23:19,954
Oh, yeah! That's the way I like it!
1293
01:23:33,551 --> 01:23:34,802
Get some!
1294
01:23:57,283 --> 01:23:58,451
Hey!
1295
01:23:58,784 --> 01:24:00,411
Stop it! Stop it!
1296
01:24:00,661 --> 01:24:04,498
I'm a government employee!
You can't do this!
1297
01:24:05,124 --> 01:24:06,417
Here you go, honey.
1298
01:24:14,383 --> 01:24:17,386
Oh, I wish I had a thousand of them
just like you, son.
1299
01:24:18,137 --> 01:24:20,973
Any chance I can convince you
to come back to Washington?
1300
01:24:23,309 --> 01:24:25,770
Actually, General, I got other plans.
1301
01:24:51,420 --> 01:24:54,423
Mr. Chile, would you like to sing a song?
1302
01:24:54,507 --> 01:24:55,549
Yes!
1303
01:24:56,926 --> 01:25:00,346
Why don't you sing something
by Carlos Santana?
1304
01:25:00,596 --> 01:25:02,181
Okay.
1305
01:25:26,706 --> 01:25:29,208
- You sing very good.
- Thank you.
1306
01:25:29,792 --> 01:25:32,437
- What did you think of the last guy?
- I did not like the last guy.
1307
01:25:32,461 --> 01:25:33,587
- No?
- No.
1308
01:25:33,671 --> 01:25:35,256
He was squeezing my stick.
1309
01:25:35,339 --> 01:25:37,508
All right, you're gonna love this. Pull!
1310
01:25:37,591 --> 01:25:39,218
Lace thong.
1311
01:25:40,678 --> 01:25:43,014
Wait a second. Those are mine!
1312
01:25:43,097 --> 01:25:44,765
When you address me, you will address me
1313
01:25:44,849 --> 01:25:47,310
as Sergeant... What is my name? Kilgore!
1314
01:25:47,393 --> 01:25:50,271
How you doing, GI Joe. Can I help you?
1315
01:25:50,563 --> 01:25:52,064
What is my name?
1316
01:25:56,694 --> 01:25:58,904
My last movie was nominated
for two Academy Awards.
1317
01:25:58,988 --> 01:26:00,948
I would like to say that.
1318
01:26:16,255 --> 01:26:20,343
Man, who'd have thought
a woman that fat could move so quick?
1319
01:26:20,509 --> 01:26:22,386
Oh, my God, y'all!
1320
01:26:27,099 --> 01:26:28,351
Sergeant!
1321
01:26:28,434 --> 01:26:30,227
People of La Mirada...
1322
01:26:31,937 --> 01:26:33,939
People of La Miranda!
1323
01:26:34,106 --> 01:26:35,441
Tonight.
1324
01:26:35,608 --> 01:26:37,360
The end of La Mirada!
1325
01:26:37,610 --> 01:26:39,070
Shit!
1326
01:26:49,288 --> 01:26:50,664
Git-r-done!
1327
01:26:59,965 --> 01:27:03,094
Oye como va, bitches. I'm out.
98159
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.