All language subtitles for The Office Superfan Episodes S05E22 The Michael Scott Paper Company Extended Cut 1080p PCOK WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

(upbeat pop music)

It's Britney, bitch.

And I am back in the
form of a new company,

the Michael Scott Paper Company.

Okay.

Not gonna make this one.

Just admit you're excited.

I am happy that I don't
have to answer phones anymore,

but it's not like I'm going
into space or something.

That's true.

I'm a saleswoman.

Woohoo.

- I'm really excited.
- I knew it.

- I just don't want-
- I know, all right?

I get it.

I know how to live my own life.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I am.

18 months ago, I was the
youngest vice president

in Dunder Mifflin history.

Last week I was
disinfecting shoes.

Today I'm starting a new
company that will either

make me rich or leave me broke.

But no matter what
happens, I'll always be

the same guy inside.

The youngest vice president
in Dunder Mifflin history.

Love the hair.

- Morning, Michael!
- Hello.

They took away my parking space,

but they can't
take away my pride.

I'm embarking on
a new adventure.

There was a fork in
the road and I took

the road less traveled.

Never traveled.

Not even a road,
really, more of a path,

with a sign that says,
"those who pass shall die,"

and a skull and crossbones.

The other road was kind
of like Putnam Road.

That's a really boring
road in Scranton.

All right.

The name says it all.

Michael, who?

Michael Scott.

Oh, yes.

I know him.

What does he sell?

Paper.

Does he sell it by himself?

No, he has company.

Is he incorporated?

I don't have a suite number.

I would like to invite you
all to come along with me

on a journey.

Welcome to the Michael
Scott Paper Company.

Once in a generation,
something happens

that changes everything.

Is that the old copier
from Dunder Mifflin?

Yes.

That...

No, Ryan, you're
sitting over here

at the executive conference
table, which is very sweet.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's way
cooler than a desk.

I'm glad you think so.

Good attitude.

He's just trying to trick you.

So this is it.

Yes, This is it.

Once we get up and
running, we have an IPO,

we will look to expand
into a bigger space.

Once in a generation,
something happens

that defines that generation.

This is that defining moment.

I look around this room,
and the faces that I see

are faces of friends, they
are faces of coworkers,

they are faces of my
brethren and arms.

- Is there only one computer?
- Yes, yes, yes.

Okay, let's just...

- Watch it with those.
- Okay, I know.

Find your seat.

Sorry.

What these people
don't understand

is that it's not about
the size of the office,

it is about the
size of the brains

of the people in that office.

Small can be awesome.

Like Apple.

Okay, Apple is a company
with 35,000 employees

spread across a
six-building campus.

I believe that you
are thinking about PC.

Apple is the Justin Long guy.

You are PC, I am Apple.

I'm a dude.

And you're a dork.

(bright upbeat music)

So, I thought we could
take the customer lists.

And...

We could...

You realize you're not
actually talking to me, right?

- And-
- Hey, Kelly.

Yes, Charles.

You wanted me?

Oh, no, I meant that Kelly.

The new receptionist
is also named Kelly,

so Kelly Kapoor has decided
to hover around my desk

so that she can run
into Charles's office

every time he calls for Kelly.

She thinks that if she says
"you wanted me" enough,

he will in fact want her.

It's not the worst
plan she's ever had.

- Oh, and Kelly.
- Yes, Charles.

Yes, you wanted me.

Okay, I'm gonna
call you Kapoor, okay?

And you Hannon.

If we're changing
names, can I be Erin?

It's my middle name.

Erin, okay,
that's very pretty.

Well, you know, what
my middle name is?

Rajnigandha, and I hate it.

I hate it!

I thought Rajnigandha
was a boy's name.

It's pretty cool.

Like any other office, I guess.

There's phones and
copiers, computers.

Do I have to do this
on all my breaks?

(toilet flushing)

We are in the heart of it.

And the surge of water carries
our business out to the sea.

What should we do now?

We wait and hope
that people show up

to the pancake luncheon.

I don't know, I
think I have done

absolutely everything you can
do to prepare for the day.

I've updated our contacts.

I have gotten quotes
from suppliers.

I have sent out
e-vite for our big

grand opening pancake luncheon.

Six yes's, one
maybe, only 11 no's.

And 788 not yet replies,
but of that group,

782 have viewed it.

Altoids, anybody?

I think I'll check the
e-vite for the first annual

Dunder Mifflin...

Oh, wow, Michael Scott Paper
Company pancake luncheon.

I am such a blonde.

Oh, sorry, Ryan, no offense.

- It is hurtful, actually.
- Retracted.

All right.

So, I have enough pancake
batter for 1000 pancakes

or 3000 silver dollar pancakes.

Can I check my email?

Oh, you don't have any new
ones, except one from Jim.

You read my email?

You forgot to log out.

What do you want me to do?

Okay.

I'm going to need 800 of
these on a nice bright paper.

It is a coupon for
unparalleled customer service.

I make that one
copy and I become

the girl who makes copies.

And by the end of the day,
I'm receptionist again.

And the worst part is,
I like making copies.

The paper comes out
all warm and stuff,

and it's cold in there, 'cause
it's technically a closet.

What do you think?

Let me check.

Oh, nope, clearly a hunter.

Who knows how to throw
an outfit together.

- Thank you.
- Yes.

I am taking Andy
hunting after work.

Not long ago, we were
sexual competitors.

I used to hate him, hate
him, hate him, hate him.

I studied him to figure out
why I hated him so much.

But that blossomed into
a very real friendship,

as these things often do.

Let me tell you something.

When Angela and I split, ha...

Oh, I went through it, big time.

Lost my high notes.

Top of my range was like, ba!

Then it took some time.

I got my heal on.

I got some perspective on.

And I found a new friend in
the most unlikely of places,

the enemy bin.

And now...

(singing wordlessly)

(imitating bullets whooshing)

Well, you've been doing the...

Yeah, it's the 1620.

All these numbers, exactly.

Yeah.

And you don't want
to do any color or...

Right, of course not.

Yeah, exactly.

And you wanted three
whole punch or no?

Can you, you know, I'm
gonna give you a call back.

Something just came
up in the office.

Thanks so much.

Bye.

Guys having fun?

Yeah, anyway you can
do the play fight

somewhere else, maybe?

(imitating bullets whooshing)

- You would totally be dead.
- Come on.

- You couldn't survive that.
- That's not realistic.

All your organs were just, I
put a grenade in your mouth.

Thank you.

- Nice.
- Well done, sir.

Hey everybody, keep it down.

Jim's taking a nap.

Keep it down.

You should come on
down this weekend, man.

Yeah.

We'll, hang out Scranton style.

Hey.

You said you were gonna be
outta town this weekend.

Please don't listen
to my phone calls.

Yeah, she's like, she'd
probably be a six in New York,

but she's like a seven
here in Scranton.

And then the boss is my old
boss from Dunder Mifflin.

It's a small space.

Hey Jim, can I get a...

Hi.

Hi.

I need to run down
of your clients.

Can you get that to me?

- Sure.
- Yeah.

- Yep.
- Okay.

What the hell is a rundown?

(knocking on door)

When did you need
that rundown by?

- As soon as possible.
- Okay.

- Just get it right.
- Yeah.

Gotcha.

Of course.

We're gonna dive
in to the rundown.

I'll be exhausted 'cause
it's like a triathlon.

Did you want to close this?

We'll keep it.

(tapping on glass)

Hey, can I use the computer?

I'm working on a spreadsheet.

You're watching
street fight videos.

In one of the windows.

There's a lot of memory
on this computer.

Hey, I have some stuff to do.

You know, Pam, you
don't have to start

every sentence with, "hey."

What?

It's a small office,
we'll all hear you,

even if you're not leaping
out from behind a Daisy.

Hey!

Look at me, I have a question.

Hey, screw you.

Hey, hey, hey, I'm Fat Albert.

Oh, this isn't
a closet anymore?

No, this is the Michael
Scott Paper Company.

I am Michael Scott.

I'm gonna have to
leave these right here.

Mm, you can't do that.

More water for you.

Literally every song is
better acapella, name a song.

- "Cherry Pie," Warrant.
- Better acapella.

No.

- Really?
- Yeah, name another enter.

"Enter Sandman," Metallica.

Better acapella.

"Rebel Yell," Billy Idol.

Aww, way better acapella.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Dwight and Andy, friends.

I mean, what do those two
possibly have in common...

You know there's a
ghost in this office.

Really?

A woman was murdered on
this very floor in 1816.

Hattie McGonagall.

She was a prostitute.

Why was she in this building?

Oh, this whole place
used to be a brothel.

There was a tavern
on the ground floor.

That's crazy.

Yeah, isn't it?

She was bludgeoned to
death by the business end

of a riding crop.

Oh my god.

Oh, it was gruesome.

They say she walks
these hallways.

If you ever feel a
tapping on your shoulder,

that could be Hattie,
begging for her life.

And it could mean
that you're next.

Oh!

Just kidding.

You finding everything okay?

Yeah.

Got some ice.

Oh, this is awkward.

Oh.

Uh-oh.

Oh.

- Oh.
- Oh.

whoops.

So I'll see you guys round.

Hey, buddy.

(man rapping indistinctly)

♪ Oh yeah ♪

Hey, Ryan, could you get
to that copy from before?

Pam's better at that stuff.

That is so insulting.

How is it insulting to say
that you're good at something?

Because the thing
you're saying I'm good at

is pushing a big green
button a bunch of times.

I'm not judging it.

It's like, I could run GM,
but I couldn't fix a car.

It's not saying that one is
better than the other.

Seriously?

'Cause it sounds like one of
those is better than the other.

What the hell!

Listen, listen, listen,
listen, listen, listen.

I need somebody to
make a copy of this,

because I don't make
copies, I'm the boss.

Got it?

I make originals.

Yeah, I make originals too.

- Shut up.
- Stop it, stop it!

Bickering, stop it.

- Really?
- Yeah.

[Toby] Not much.

What's up with you?

Nah, it's okay, I'm
in the bathroom.

Hey, you been watching
"Damages" this year?

It's so good.

No, you gotta to tune in, it's
as good as anything on HBO.

(liquid trickling)

Hey, does blue go with tan?

Somebody just make the copy.

[Toby] Like a blue shirt.

I don't wear a lot of colors,
but I have a lot of tan.

Just make that copy, okay?

Seriously?

This is what's so important,
putting naked pictures

on the desktop.

That's me and my friend
Jasmine from Thailand.

I don't wanna look at your
friend Jasmine's boobs all day.

You could be hot too if
you made any effort at all.

Like how?

Dying my hair blonde?

This is from the sun.

Oh yeah, I bet.

They're getting
on my nerves, Mom.

Both of 'em.

R thinks he's too
good to be here

and P is not as much
fun without Jim.

Michael, we can hear you.

I'm on the phone, please.

Mom, I gonna have
to call you back.

P is being a giant B.

Okay, it's my turn.

No, don't take that.

- Give that back.
- Give it back for what?

What are you gonna do with it?

- I'm gonna-
- Make another spreadsheet.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, exactly.

- Go make the copies, secretary.
- It's my turn, come on.

Ryan!

They always say
that it is a mistake

to hire your friends,
and they are right.

So I hired my best friends,
and this is what I get?

Hey, buddy.

What are you up to?

Mm, nurthin'.

Listen.

When I saw you talking
to Erin earlier,

I noticed that your pupils
dilated and your skin flushed,

and I'm assuming a
little bit of blood

rushed into your penis.

Well, a little bit of blood
rushed into mine as well.

So where does that leave us?

The last thing I want to
do is step on your funk, man.

And I yours.

So I will cede her to you.

- No, that's ridiculous.
- No, no, no.

Look, you've been here longer

and besides, I'm a
better wingman than I am a boyfriend, so.

I just want you and I
to hang out, you know?

Just...

Boom.

This can't be what
he meant, right?

I mean, if he wanted a list,
he would've just said "list."

When I want a
list. I say "list."

Hey, dude, you know
what a rundown is?

Use it in a sentence.

Can you get this
rundown for me?

Try another sentence.

This rundown better
be really good.

I don't know, but it
sounds like the rundown

is really important.

Charles asked me to do this
rundown of all my clients.

Why don't you just ask him?

I can't, it was
like hours ago.

What have you've been doing?

Try another sentence.

Listen up.

It has come to my attention
that some people in this office

are not getting along with
other people in this office.

And I think I have come
up with the reason why.

This office space is too small.

- Definitely.
- Okay.

There are four
corners in this room.

Each corner is to be a personal
space for each one of you,

whichever corner you want,
and make it your own.

You can decorate it, you may
play your own music there,

this is your space
to just disappear to

whenever you so desire.

Yes, Pam.

Or we could just
get a bigger office.

Are you kidding?

This place is great.

I talked Billy into giving us

a seven year lease
on this office.

He started with three
years and he didn't even

try to negotiate when
I countered with seven.

I should've gone for 10.

We could work from home.

Or you could fire one of us,
whoever has less education.

Okay, guys, thank
you for the offers,

but I want you guys to consider
that every great company

struggled at its inception,
including this one.

You look at a company
like McDonald's, where did that start?

A guy named Ronald flipping
burgers in his kitchen.

How many drugs do you think
Pfizer sold on the first day?

Probably not many.

That's where we are.

But I think you're gonna
look back at this time

and you're going to remember it

as an awful, horrible struggle.

- Sure.
- Yeah.

I want you to get pumped
about this corner idea,

all right?

One, two, three.

What are we gonna do?

Corner idea.

No, you're supposed
to say "rock the house."

- "Rock the house."
- How would we know that?

You start on that rundown yet?

Oh, this is just something
I'm taking a break with.

Oh.

I will get back to
the rundown right now.

- Okay, great.
- Hey, you know what?

Do you have a rundown that
I could take a look at

just so I know what the
rundown you're looking for?

Just keep it simple.

Keeping it simple,
that's what I'm doing.

But I am working
hard on this one.

- Real hard.
- You're working hard on this?

No, not, not too hard.

Not harder than I should.

Right.

I mean, why work
harder than you should?

(chuckles)

No, I...

Last night was crazy.

Jojo?

Yeah, he did a donut in the
parking lot in front of a cop.

And then he yells, "Hey
cop, you like donuts?"

and we drive off.

No, he just stayed there.

I want that new phone.

No, the other one.

No, the other one.

No, you know which one I'm
talking about, it's the one...

(Pam sighs)

No, the only with
the awesome browser.

(toilet flushing)
No, not that one.

That's my corner.

I thought that
was your corner.

No, this is where I work.

I can't relax in the
same corner where I work.

So my corner's the
one with the copier?

Pam, I don't make the rules.

[Ryan] Yeah.

I wish my iPod could
make phone calls.

No, I don't want an iPhone,
I know what an iPhone is.

(knocking on door)

You have a second?

What is it, Jim?

It's about the rundown.

Jim, god, this
rundown is taking

more of my time than
if I did it myself.

What is the question now?

What's a rundown?

Is this one of your pranks?

Huh?

Yep.

- Boo.
- Jim.

- Sorry.
- I don't have time for this.

- I know.
- Okay.

- I'm gonna get you to run down.
- Just get it to me, Jim.

Right now.

I'm gonna go out and find it.

- Hi, can I help you?
- No, thanks.

[Jim] Hey.

Hey, I'm here to see Charles.

Okay.

(knocking on door)

- Hey Charles.
- Hey Pam.

I know you're a very busy man,
so I'll cut right to the chase.

- Okay.
- I'd like my old job back.

I don't know what to tell
you, the job's been taken.

Well, I could come
back as a salesman.

I have experience now.

Or I could come back as
your personal assistant.

You know, sort your mail,
set your appointments.

I know all the people.

Yeah, no.

- Personal shopper?
- No.

Well, it was great
catching up with you,

and I'll see you
around the building.

[Charles] Okay.

I'm just gonna sit here for a
little bit longer

if that's okay.

The air smells so good.

I don't remember it
smelling so good.

Chairs are so comfortable.

(knocking on door)

Oh, hey, Stanley,
Phyllis, come on in.

Welcome, welcome.

I'll give you the tour.

I get it.

You need to see more?

It's really cute.

Thank you.

You remember Ryan?

(Stanley chuckling)

And Pam's around here somewhere.

She's upstairs
talking to Charles.

What for?

I don't know.

We stay until five?

Yes.

Maybe the Michael Scott Paper
Company was a huge mistake.

I should leave.

I should go and start
my own paper company.

They are delicious.

They are nutritious.

They are complimentary.

Young sir, would you
like a free pancake?

I'm texting, I don't
wanna get my hands sticky.

Ryan, enough with
the texting machine.

Come on.

Tuck in your shirt, you're
the face of this company.

Hey, Pam.

Hey.

You sort of disappeared
there for a while.

Where you been?

Yeah, needed to take
care of some stuff.

Yeah?

That's as specific
as I'd like to be.

Well, at least you're
still being honest with me.

I don't know.

Is my company a worst place
to work than Dunder Mifflin?

[Ryan] Yep.

Who said that?

[Ryan] Pam.

(strumming instruments
and humming)

♪ Country roads, take me home ♪

♪ To the place ♪

Sorry.

I like that song.

You're good.

You're good.

- Thank you.
- That was great,

but it's just sort of, it's
still a little choppy, like,

but don't worry, it's hard,
it took me a while too,

it's like...
(strumming banjo)

Wow.

What?

Oh my god, you heard that? I'm
so embarrassed.

- I'm so like rusty.
- It's good.

You're really coming along.

It's really technically
proficient, but you know,

there's really no
heart or soul in it.

Really?

(strumming guitar)

(strumming banjo)

Hey, you wanna
sing it with me?

♪ Almost heaven ♪

♪ West Virginia ♪

♪ Blue Ridge Mountains ♪

♪ Shenandoah River ♪

In German!

(singing in German)

♪ Take me home ♪

♪ Country road ♪

♪ To the place ♪

♪ I belong ♪

♪ West Virginia ♪

♪ Mountain Mama ♪

♪ Take me home ♪

♪ Country road ♪

Pick it, Andy!

(strumming instruments)

♪ Take me home ♪

♪ To the place ♪

(knocking on window)

You have to stop.

There's the rundown
you asked for.

I may have expanded some areas

that you weren't prepared for.

Great, fax that to everyone
on the distribution list.

Sure.

Do you wanna look at it first?

Do I need to?

No.

No, no, I just wanna make
sure we had the same format.

So that distribution list is...

It's gonna be my...

What's that?

The one I have.

I'll use the one I have.

Just faxing my dad a rundown.

We're small, but we're eager
to make a name for ourselves.

Do you have a card?

Nope.

I don't have a card, but
I'll do you one better.

A little scrap of paper.

Right?

These are terrible, boss.

You gotta make 'em in a circle
so that they cook evenly.

They're shaped like paper.

Well, I don't even want these.

I'll take 'em for my kid.

I heard you know
sign language.

I do.

What, are you
deaf or something?

Just kidding, 'cause
you can totally hear me.

I just thought I could
learn it really easily.

Just looks really
simple, you know?

'Cause it's basically charades.

Like...

What's that?

It's like a guy walking.

Oh, well, you're
just acting it out.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Hey, buddy.

Nard Dog.

Ah.

My coffee.

Thank you so much.

Anyway, you got any other
questions, let me know.

Thank you, I will.

See you.

Erin.

- Hi.
- How are you?

Okay, how are you?

Forgive me if I'm
being too forward here,

but I couldn't help noticing
that your hair's not tied back

and your clothing
is kind of loose.

You might wanna
reconsider sitting so close to the shredder.

Oh.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

That's a good point.

- Okay.
- Thank you, Dwight.

Okay.

I once had a dream
that I was eating

a peanut butter and
tuna fish sandwich,

and let me tell you
something, it was delicious.

So the next day, I decided
to make that sandwich,

and in real life,
it is disgusting.

It is a disgusting sandwich.
(phone ringing)

And the reason I
tell you this story.

Pick up the phone.

Just...

Dunder...

Michael Scott Paper
Company, this is Pam.

Oh, hi, Russell from
the pancake luncheon.

How are you?

Well, we'd like to do
business with you too.

How can I make that happen?

Tell him we have
free delivery.

We already offer
free delivery.

They don't know that.

I can offer you free
delivery on any order

that you place today.

God.

- Okay.
- Shh!

20 boxes?

I can do, just a second.

I can do 20 boxes at $43 a box.

Great.

Write it down.

- Give 'em a guarantee.
- A guarantee of what?

Just say the word.

And I guarantee that
you will be satisfied,

'cause your satisfaction
is our guarantee.

We guarantee it.

We look forward to doing
business with you too.

Thank you, Russell.

- Yes!
- I made a sale!

You did!

- Oh!
- Oh my god!

- Yeah!
- We did it!

She did it!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Who would've thought
that the thing

that would save this
company would be work?

And pancakes.

Give me a dollar.

- Somebody gimme a dollar.
- Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

That is our first dollar.

[Ryan] Well earned.

Oh!

Wow, I stood up too fast.

Hey.

Thanks.

[Pam] Michael, I don't
think you should do that

if it's not...

Okay.

In the end, this day definitely
had its ups and downs.

I realized that we don't
have the biggest office,

which is a surprise,
because 165 square feet

sounds like a lot.

But we have people with
the biggest hearts,

and I think for a small
company, that is real...

(toilet flushing)

Someone went to the bathroom.

That is really what's important.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

This is going to be fun.

- This is going to be fun.
- I'm glad you said that.

I'm glad you still
wanna do this.

I do, very much.

Darkness is falling,
so you should probably

walk in front of me, since
you know the terrain so well.

Very well.

And I'll have you know that
I swing to my left-right,

so make sure you stay
on the other side of me.

Will do.
(elevator dings)

Did you tell your
anger management sponsor

that you were going
to be using a gun?

No, I don't go anymore.

Of course not.

I mean, you're cured, right?
(both chuckle)

(bright upbeat music)