All language subtitles for The Office Superfan Episodes S05E13 Prince Family Paper Extended Cut 1080p PCOK WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

(papers rustling)

(phone ringing)

What's this?

Looks like a red wire.

Oh.

That wasn't here before.

Well, it's a computer, Dwight.

I mean, computers have wires.

Yours doesn't.

Doesn't it?

No.

It's going in a different
direction than the other wires.

Dwight, I'm really busy.

I can't talk about this anymore.

(Dwight sighing)

(phone ringing)

(tape ripping)

[Phyllis] Dwight.

- Get out of here.
- Just shut up, Phyllis.

(chair falling)

(tape ripping)

[Stanley] Can you go away?

(stepstool clattering)

(tape ripping)

I got 500 feet of red wire

at a flea market up by
Dunmore High School.

20 bucks for the whole spool.

Crazy.

What a deal.

Oh, he'll be fine.

I made it up there. (chuckling)

(bright upbeat music)

(phone ringing)

Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

Yes, he is.

Hold, please.

(phone ringing)

Yeah?

[Pam] Michael,
David Wallace for you.

Okay.

David Wallace is the
CFO of Dunder Mifflin.

He is the smartest
man I have ever met.

He is easy on the eyes, which
is not really important,

but I think it would be
odd not to mention it.

He is on the phone right now,

so I should probably take this.

What you talkin' 'bout, Wallace?

[David] Hi, Michael.

- How are you?
- Hi.

I'm well, how are you?

[David] Very good.

So listen, as you know,

we haven't yet filled the
regional supervisor job.

Oh, have you not?

[David] Correct.

And I was wondering
if I could get you

to do some of the field work

that would normally
go to the supervisor.

Okay, there's an area from
Carbondale to Marshbrook

where we've never
done any business.

There's a small company
there, Prince Paper.

I can't get a report on it

because it's not
a public company.

Mm-hmm.

[David] But we've
been talking about

going after their market,

so I was hoping you could
some fact-finding for me.

Okay.

[David] I'll fax over

some of the things
we're looking for, okay?

Fax?

Why don't you just send it
over on a dinosaur? (chuckling)

[David] This is
important, Michael.

Oh, well, then
email it, David.

You've got no
taste, Stanley Hudson.

Oh, I do.

What are you
guys talking about?

Some actress,
whether she's hot.

[Andy] Who's the
gal in question?

Hilary Swank.

Ah, Hilary Swank.

Not at all.

She's gotta be nice.

Have you seen
her with her bangs?

She looks like a monster.

Guys, she is a
beautiful movie star,

so maybe we should
just go to work.

She is an amazing actress.

That's not the question.

She's not hot.

[Kevin] Yeah,
thank you, Phyllis.

Okay, okay, okay, why don't
we just put this to a vote

and then we'll be done with it?

I'm not voting.

No one cares.

Who thinks that Hilary Swank
is hot, raise your hand?

Okay, and who thinks that
Hilary Swank is not hot,

raise your hand?

Five.

Five to five.

Thank you,
accounting department.

So what do we do now?

What if the owner
of Prince Family Paper

has a beautiful daughter,

and we have to seduce her in
order to get their secrets?

- I will seduce her.
- No, I wanna seduce her.

- I'll seduce her.
- Let me seduce her,

- Michael, please.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- I got it.
- Can I seduce her?

You'll fall in love with her.

Yeah, so what if I did?

That would take precedence and
I would expect your support.

Okay, so let's go
over the plan again.

All right, I am a
local business owner,

I need to buy paper,

I find out everything about
their prices and policies.

Your fictitious name?

Michael Scarn.

Good.

I am a paper salesman
looking for a new job.

I find out everything about
their expenses and salaries.

Okay.

Then we meet at the Denny's

- and we compare notes.
- No.

No, I never said Denny's, IHOP.

No.

IHOP.

I said Denny's. You know how I
feel about IHOP.

Oh, don't start.

- Don't start.
- Are you a socialist?

I don't wanna get
into this debate again.

Okay.

I enjoy IHOP.

I'll have a cup of coffee.

You will have pancakes
and you'll like it.

International
House of Pancakes?

I don't think so.

You hear that sucking
sound, America?

That's our pancakes
going overseas.

(Michael and Dwight chewing)

The store next to
them is for lease.

So what?

Means they're not expanding.

Maybe they're shrinking.

No.

They could be shrinking.

No, because the
sign is centered

perfectly above their store.

No sign of the sign being moved.

Uh-uh.

Yep.

It's lunchtime, but no sign
of anyone coming in or out,

which means they're not taking
new customers out to lunch,

which means they're not
acquiring new business,

so once again, no growth.

Yeah.

And there are clouds.

Clouds in the sky,
means it's gonna rain.

Bad for business.

Oh, it would if
they were altocumulus

and not cirrostratus.

Why do you, (scoffs) okay.

Michael.

Whatever.

Get your clouds right.

Shut up.

Okay, so, you go in now.

I'm gonna go in
exactly 10 minutes.

We have never met each other. We
are complete strangers.

Right.

Also, we're
gonna need a signal

to bolt out of there

- in case there is danger.
- Fine.

And that signal
is lick your lips.

Try it.

No, no, no, like this.

Good.

You ready to do this?

[Dwight] Yeah.

All right. Here come the sharks.

♪ Ba, dum ♪

♪ Ba, dum ♪

♪ Ba, dum, ba, dum,
ba, dum, ba, dum ♪

♪ Ba, dum, ba, dum,
ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ Ba, dum ♪

♪ Ba, dum ♪

In nature, there's something
called the food chain.

It is where the shark
eats the little shark,

and the little shark
eats the littler shark,

and so on, and so on, and so on,

until you get down to
the single cell shark.

So now, replace sharks
with paper companies,

and that is all you need
to know about business.

Hello?

Hello.

[Michael] Hello.

Hi.

[Michael] Hi.

How can I help you?

My name is Michael Scarn.

I am a local business owner,

and I would like to find
out about your company.

Oh, please come in.

Thank you.

[Roger] What kind of
business are you in?

We're a law firm.

I assume your
primary paper needs

are stationary, general office?

You know, I'll be honest
with you about something.

Where I used to live,

our paper supplier had
a lot of big clients

and I just didn't
feel like a priority.

So I guess my question
to you would be,

how many clients do you have?

About 80.

Really, that many?

[Roger] Hmm.

This doesn't seem like
a very big operation.

Well, it's just me,
my wife, and my son.

Ah.

So when did you set up shop?

Oh, I opened this place
after I came back from Vietnam.

Ooh, Vietnam, I
hear it's lovely.

Mm.

Each side will
have three minutes

to prepare opening arguments.

Topic, Hilary Swank
is attractive.

[Employees] Hot.

The debate is
whether she's hot.

What difference does it make?

Attractive, hot, beautiful,

we're talking about
the same thing here.

Huge difference.

A painting can be beautiful,

but I don't wanna
bang a painting.

Okay, TMI.

I was crazy into the
debate team in high school.

Honestly, I think I watched
every debate they had.

So even specialty paper, say
94 brightness, double bonded,

you would put that
on the same truck

as your conventional stock?

(chuckling) You sure know a
lot about paper for a lawyer.

Oh, well, that is
because I am a genius.

[Roger] Oh, really?

Yes.

Well, about some things,

and other things I'm
just, I'm very stupid.

(Roger chuckling)

Like, watch this.

Is this the cup?

(Roger laughing)

Is this the cup?

Is this what I drink out?

(Michael groaning)

Laughter is my job.

Tears are my game.

Law is my profession.

Ah, well.

Hello.

I'd like to apply for a job.

Hi.

I'm afraid we're not hiring
right now. (chuckling)

Why don't you just
get rid of this guy?

(chuckling) [Roger]
That's my son.

I'm your son now.

You can visit him on holidays.

Dwight Schrute.

I'm a paper salesman

at a second-tier paper
company called Dunder Mifflin.

I'm the top salesman there

and I'm looking for
a new challenge.

I would say you guys have
what, 40 high volume clients?

Try 80.

[Roger] 80. (chuckling)

- (Michael blowing raspberry)
- That's nothing.

I've got 90 clients myself.

(Roger chuckling)

Better look out, someone
might run you out of business.

Well, I sure hope
not (chuckling)

(laughing) Me, too.

Listen, Mr. Prince,
what if I called

one of my top clients
right now at Dunder Mifflin

and told him that I was
going over to Prince Paper?

Would that convince you
I deserve an interview?

Well.

[Mr. Shaughnessy] Hello?

Hello, Mr. Shaughnessy.

Hi, Dwight Schrute here.

Listen, I'm planning a
move over to Prince Paper,

so what do you say

we start the account
transfer process immediately?

Yeah.

Hold on a minute.

Linda here is gonna
set up the paperwork.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Bill, why don't you handle
this interview? (chuckling)

How you doing?

All right.

Dwight Schrute.

- Hey, sharp shirt.
- Oh, thank you.

I think all of us have a
tendency to view celebrities

as sort of mythical
figures, you know?

We don't really
see them as real,

so therefore, we don't
judge them as real people.

Are you serious?

Jim, just show us a picture.

Kevin, come on.

Yeah, shut up.

No, but he's making
all these fancy-

It's a gut thing.

That's fair. You know what,
Kevin, do me a favor.

Why don't you close your eyes?

Okay.

Now imagine that Hilary Swank

comes into this office for real,

and she walks over
to you and she says,

"Kevin Malone, I just
read your online profile,

and there's nothing
I'd rather do

than make out with
you right now."

Now you tell me
something, is she hot?

(employees applauding
and cheering)

Does that end the debate, or?

[Andy] Oh, hey.

Kev, what are you doing?

No, it's is she hot,
not would you do her.

Respect the game.

Oh my god.

(Meredith laughing)

This close.

I imagined making out with
her, and then I realized,

if she's willing to make out
with me, how hot could she be?

[Bill] So why
are you considering leaving Dunder Mifflin?

My boss.

Oh, yeah? (laughing)

Do tell.

His insensitivity could
border on the cruel.

This is a man who
does not listen

to the needs of his underlings.

Hey.

He's way-

Hey, how's the
interview going?

It's going
very well, Mr.-

Don't blow it.

Well, anyway,
I'm not surprised

you want to get outta there.

I hear that place is a
little rough. (chuckling)

Uh-huh.

Yeah, we had one of the
salesmen from over there

come in for an interview
about a year ago

and said he was willing
to take a pay cut

just to get out of there, so.

Name?

Older African
American gentleman.

(laughing) Oh, he's funny.

[Roger] Yeah.

Hey, Linda, can I
get a picture of you?

You want a picture of me?

I would.

Could you just stand
right over here?

That would be great.

Just something to
remember the trip by.

Just a little to your left.

There you go.

Good.

(camera clicking)

Perfect.

Can I have a copy of that?

Um.

Grandma, I can't do this.

What's going on?

Little homework over here?

Yeah.

Let's see if I can help.

Right there.

(sighing) Oh, math,
that's not so hard.

Okay.

There are four of these.

Ignore the parentheses, right?

Why is this little two so small?

It's weird.

Just go by the X,
the X means times.

So that means four times X two.

What is double four?

Eight.

Right, excellent.

(Rebecca cheering)
Way to go.

Nice.

(Rebecca chuckling)

Oh, oh.

Don't put that.

I told them that I had to
go to my car and feed my dog,

and they totally bought it.

I have so much information
and they suspect nothing.

I am going to go back in-

[Dwight] Michael.

Hey.

Dwight, this
company is going down.

This whole family
is going down.

Look, I got a whole bunch of
their mail. (chuckling)

Isn't that illegal, Dwight?

No, I told 'em
I'd mail it for them

and they just handed it to me.

Idiots. (laughing)

What?

It's personal.

See that?

The obvious symmetry
of the face.

This is a natural appeal

of the scientific
standard of koinophilia,

features that are a composite
average of many features.

Yes, she's attractive,
but she's not hot.

Koinophilia?

Who the hell does
he think he is?

Ladies, are we prepared to
let the Kevins of the world

decide anything for us?

Anything at all?

We don't even give him
full internet access.

Wait, what?

To me, what makes a woman hot

is if I would have a
lesbian encounter with her.

And ladies and gentlemen,
I would do this woman.

Ladies and gentlemen, even
though the penis was fake,

I kept expecting a
second plot twist

where we found out that Hilary
Swank actually was a boy.

Kevin.

Okay, I wasn't gonna dignify

this discussion by
getting involved.

And I don't even
get the discussion.

Hot is a temperature, people.

But Kevin deserves to
lose for what he said.

So yes, she's hot.

She's hot as heck.

She's a female Boris Becker.

Oh.

(employees applauding)

All right.

Well, I took my best shot.

I did what I could.

The people here are
amazing debaters.

I guess you could say

that they're master
baters. (snickering)

Well, thank you very
much for all of your help.

Going to be incredibly
hard decision.

Yeah, well, wait, let me
get something for you, here.

Here's some references.

Our top clients.

You call any of them, I trust
you'll hear some good things.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

All right, thank you.

[Roger] (chuckling)
You're welcome.

Excuse me, sir.

Mm-hmm?

I took the bus here
and was wondering

if I could catch a ride
home with you in your car?

Of course.

Thank you very much, thanks for
your time.

Thank you very much,
thank you for your time.

I cannot wait to
contact your clients.

I'll look forward
to getting your calls.

[Roger] Bye now. So long.

Oh my god, oh my god.

[Dwight And Michael] Oh my
god, oh my god. (giggling)

(Dwight cheering)

We struck the mother lode.

Come on.

Wallace's gonna freak.

- He's going to actually freak.
- All the the top clients,

I can't believe it.

Someone's looking
out the window.

Go, go, go.

Go, peel out, go.

- (car thudding)
- Oh, shoot.

What the?

Okay.

Okay, you drove over the-

I know.

(car thudding)

God, what was that?

That's not good.

(Toby murmuring)

Oh, come on.

(employees groaning)

No, no, no, no, no.

She's hot, okay?

Because if you are saying
that Hilary Swank isn't hot,

then you're saying
that I'm not hot,

because obviously I'm not as
hot as Hilary Swank. (crying)

[Michael] (groaning) Darn it.

- Oh, come on.
- Oh, man.

(Michael groaning)

My car.

Are you all right?

- Is everyone okay?
- [Dwight] Not good.

Yeah.

It sounded bad.

No, no, no, we're fine.

We're fine.

You folks have done
enough already.

You've done more than
you could possibly know.

Dwight, just, shh.

Okay.

You know, we're just
gonna call a tow truck, so.

(scoffs) A tow truck is
gonna charge you 100 bucks

just to take you a mile.

Let me take a look.

No, no, really not necessary.

He drove over the divider
and then backed over it

- and caused the body-
- Dwight, it doesn't-

I'll be right back, I'm
just gonna grab my toolbox.

Don't.

(Roger chuckling)

It's just these impossible
standards of beauty, you know?

'Cause like, I know
that I'm not like,

the prettiest girl
in the whole world,

(crying) but they
just were so vicious

about someone who's
so clearly pretty.

And it's like, I'm
sorry, Kevin, I'm sorry.

I can't be a pageant queen-
(employee applauding)

Hey, Kel?

Yeah, Kelly, we're just gonna
check on this really quick.

You mind?

Yeah, okay.

[Toby And Jim] You sure?

[Kelly] (sniffling)
Yeah, it's okay.

[Andy] Ah-ha.

(employees applauding)

Darrell, that's right.

- You did good, so good.
- [Pam] Awesome.

What happened?

Darrell just cast
the winning vote.

And?

She's hot.

[Jim] That's what I'm saying.

(employees booing
and applauding)

No, hold on, wait.

[Creed] What, what?

Well, the warehouse
is a separate thing.

I beg your pardon?

Well, I mean-

No, that's a good point.

I mean, did you poll
the entire warehouse?

No, I didn't.

This man should not
have the right to vote.

What?

He works for this
office, he's the foreman.

Okay, then I propose
he gets half a vote.

How about 3/5?

That sounds fair.

I'm gonna go, I'ma use
the white's only restroom.

That's ridiculous, we
don't have one of those.

How much longer is
this gonna take that?

[Roger] Put that over there.

You know, let me give
you some money for this.

No, I sit all day.

It's nice working with my hands.

Oh, coffee, that's
too much, nice.

[Roger] Maybe not enough oil.

Thank you.

[Linda] You're welcome.

(groaning) Disgusting.

What is this, instant?

[Roger] Well,
that oughta do it.

Okay.

It's all better.

Thank you.

Gosh.

[Roger] Well, so long.

Bye-bye.

That looks great.

Drive safe.

[Rebecca] Bye.

Look forward to
hearing from you

about that job application now.

Bye.

Okay.

Goodbye, Prince family.

(chuckling) Should be
called the sucker family.

Here you go, shark, let
me fix your fin for you

and sharpen your teeth
while I'm at it. (laughing)

Bye-bye.

Suckers. (laughing)

(Dwight clapping)

[Jim] I'm just saying.

All I'm saying is Kevin's
not necessarily a feminist.

(employees murmuring)

(phone ringing)

(door closing)

(sighing) Dwight, what
will happen to that family

if I call Wallace and
give him this information?

It's simple,

Wallace would use that
information to destroy them.

Okay.

You know, our sales are fine.

We're doing fine.

They're doing fine.

It could be better.

Why don't we
just live and let live?

- What?
- Live and let live.

I'm not familiar
with that expression.

It's a James Bond.

It doesn't make any sense.

[Michael] Okay.

Of course I'm alive.

I'm gonna be alive tomorrow.

I am not a shark. I am not a shark.

I'm not aggressive.

I think I am more of a dolphin.

(scoffs) You don't
know dolphins then.

It's not like in Sea World.

Dolphins get a lot of good press
for saving drowning humans,

but we only hear
about the swimmers

they've pushed back to shore.

You know who we
haven't heard from?

All the people they've
pushed out to sea.

(scoffs) Dolphins don't
know what they're doing.

They're just like
pushing things.

I'm not going
to make this call.

Michael.

You have to.

Have you ever seen a
lioness devour her cub?

Oh, god, not this.

Have you ever seen a
baboon devour it's mate?

Have you ever seen a
raccoon devour a squirrel?

My heart.

My heart says no.

Your heart is a
wonderful thing, Michael,

but it makes some
terrible decisions.

That's true.

[Dwight] Yes.

That's true.

Gosh.

It has gone down the
wrong path many, many times.

Jan, Ryan.

Yeah, save your heart for love

and use your brain for business.

Right?

If we don't do this to Prince
Paper, then someone else will.

Or worse yet, someone
else will do it to us.

She's an incredible actress.

[Phyllis And Kevin]
Not in dispute.

But it is all connected.

Talent, style, attitude.

That's what makes
you fall for someone.

It's not what makes 'em pretty,
it's what makes them hot.

I am trying to be
more optimistic in life.

I've got, what, 20,
30, more years left?

And my family history
says I have less.

Now, the old Stanley Hudson
would've found something

to complain about
with this actress,

but that's no way to live life.

Look at this healthy, sexy,
pretty, strong, young woman.

Come on, people.

She is hot.

And it was a terrible war.

Oh, so many died.

Far too many died.

But if Frodo hadn't
destroyed the ring,

then goodness itself
might have died.

You're right.

Yeah.

You are right.

I will call Wallace and I will
give him the customer list,

and I will give
him all of my info.

You are doing the
right thing, Michael.

Good.

So.

Where are you going?

Just something I
have to do first.

Where are you taking
the client list?

Someplace safe where
it can't hurt anyone.

Michael.

(Michael groaning)

Michael.

No, Michael.

Michael, don't do this.

(Michael groaning)

Michael!

Oh, shoot.

Michael, come on, stop.

My keys.

Freeze, stop.

Give me the list.

All right.

(Dwight groaning)

(Michael groaning)

(Michael breathing heavily)

(Michael groaning)

No, no, no, no.

I can't let you do this.

Those people will be ruined.

No, it's business,
it's not personal.

(Michael and Dwight groaning)

(door opening)

(Dwight growling)

Ha ha!

No.

Give it.

Dwight, give it.

(Michael groaning)

We can't do this
to those people.

It's over, Michael.

It's over. (breathing heavily)

(Michael breathing heavily)

I'm not a shark.

(Michael groaning)

No.

(employees chattering)

[Angela] She's inappropriate.

[David] This is
great stuff, Michael.

You are a titan
of industry, pal.

(sighing) Yeah.

[David] Good work.

Thank you.

[David] Look, I'll be in
touch. Thanks, buddy.

Okay, bye-bye.

Well, guess whose stock
just went up, golden boy?

I guess this is what they
call a bittersweet moment.

It is bitter because
I slightly destroyed

a wonderful little family,

but sweet because David Wallace
thought I did a good job.

That's why I hate
bittersweet chocolate.

I don't even-

What's the point of that?

Why not just sweet, I
mean, who are you helping?

Okay, time for the final vote.

All those in favor of the
resolution, Hilary Swank is hot.

Okay.

And all those opposed.

[Kevin] It's just ridiculous.

That's the thing
about debating.

People just got entrenched

in the view they had
in the first place.

(employees murmuring)

[Kevin] It's a
total waste of time.

(clearing throat) Guys,

I think I did a bad thing,

and there is no taking it back.

What'd you do?

David Wallace
asked us to scout out

this small family paper company,

and we got a lot of
information out of him.

All of their best
clients, actually.

That's awesome.

It's enough to put
them out of business,

which I think is what Wallace
is going to end up doing.

Well, that's business.

That's how Bob got rich.

Business isn't pretty.

People try to do that
to us all the time.

I mean, it sucks.

It's just business.

You know what, that's
just the way the world is.

Oh, hey, what is this?

Hilary Swank.

Oh, she's hot.

(door closing)

(employees cheering
and applauding)

Dammit.

I've always been intrigued

with the idea of ruling
with an iron fist.

And it is good for ruling.

But you know what
it's not good for?

For caressing the
face of a child,

or making love to a
woman with your hands,

or thumb wrestling, or
hanging out in the rain.

Or if you walk through
a magnet store,

you get covered in magnets.

Oh.

Well, I'm done.

No more iron fisting for me.

Hottest movie star ever?

Charlize Theron.

Theron, Theron.

I don't know how you say it.

I should probably get it right
before I call her. (chuckling)

I always thought
Elizabeth Taylor

had a classic look about her.

But for pure raunch, I'd
go with Kim Kardashian.

Tawny Kitaen.

I thought Pamela Anderson
was absolutely stunning

when she was the "Tool Time"
girl on "Home Improvement."

And then that lifeguard
show came out and,

(sniffling) she
just lost her way.

And I had bought some
of her merchandise.

She really made me
look like a fool.

Briefcase number six,
number 20, and number 14.

In that order.

Gong Li, Zhang Tui.

Oh, the Tear Queen.

Li Bing Bing, Zhang Xin Xin.

Biel, Alba, Simpson, Rabbit.

All the hot Jessicas.

(bright upbeat music)