All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S07E11.Classy.Christmas.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

Got it.

Okay, let's go in.
I'm freezing.

People, wait, wait, wait.
Come back, come back.

One fun one.
We're gonna do a fun one.

One "Charlie's Angels."
One. Let's go.

Okay, this is just
a Christmas card

from your paper supplier.

No one's putting this
on their fridge.

Ooh, I got it, you guys,
how 'bout this--

Michael, what if all the boys
are on one side,

all the girls are
on the other.

The boys are, like,
"Why, I oughta,"

and the girls are, like,
"Let's go shopping"?

Let's just jump in the air.

That's it!
That's a picture! Yes!

Jump in the air.
We're gonna jump in the air.

- Here we go.
- Okay, one...

two... three...

[camera shutter clicks]
Not everyone jumped.

Okay, everybody jump
in the air this time, please.

Here we go.

One, two, three.
[camera shutter clicks]

Still some people
not jumping.

You got to be kidding me.
Who isn't jumping?

I'll tell you who.
Darryl, Phyllis, Stanley,

- Angela, and Oscar.
- I am jumping.

You are?
Let me see you jump.

Oh, my God.

This is a store-bought camera.

This isn't one of those special
military-grade cameras

that would be able
to capture that.

I'm freezing.

Um, also, Erin is jumping
way too early.

She's on the ground
by "three."

I didn't want to miss it.

Well, if we all jump
really high,

we'll be in the air longer.
Do that.

Here's a question
nobody's asking--

- is this worth it?
- Don't answer that.

People, listen up
and listen good.

We need to just
get one picture

where we're all in the air
at the same time. Yes?

- Why?
- I believe in us.

- We can do this.
- Okay, on three,

everyone in the air.

Three, two, one, zero.
[camera shutter clicks]

[all exclaiming at once]

We didn't get it.

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪

I'm the office
administrator now,

which means I'm basically
being paid

to be head of
the Party Planning Committee.

The first thing I did as head--
I shut it down.

At its worst it was
a toxic political club

used to make others
feel miserable and left out.

At its best,
it planned parties.

It hardly looks fake.
It's so lush.

Why does it smell real?

Ah... good one.

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas,
little children!

all: Merry Christmas.

How's everybody doing
today?

- Good.
- Good.

How's the party
coming along?

- Great.
- Are we over budget?

- Nope.
- No? Good.

Did anyone get drunk
already?

Not yet.

Excellent.

Did Kevin get
into the food early?

Nope, I ate a big breakfast
so I wouldn't be tempted.

Good for you.

Angela, lay it on me--
what's the problem?

Nothing.
Should be fun.

So, Stanley,
how big is the bug

up your butt today?

Pam got those
sugar-free cookies I like.

I'm doing fine.

All right, well,
I will be in my office

making toys
for the good children.

Andy?

- Yeah?
- What you got?

It's all good, Santa.

Well, that's a relief.

Santa's gonna take
some much-needed free time.

All right. Good!

My kids are growing up.

As a boss, I look at that,
and I say great.

It is exactly what a boss
would hope would happen

because that's what I want.

That's what every boss wants,
is a--

is a wonderful Christmas
with no drama.

It's present time,
you guys.

[all react]
Happy holidays

from your friends
at Sabre.

We just want to say
how grateful we are.

Sabre is actively looking
for ways to involve me

as minority executive trainee.

So I suggested choosing
the annual Christmas gift

to the employees.

And they said,
"Oh, yes. Perfect.

Thank you, Kelly. Finally,
something for you to do."

It's a Hello Kitty
laptop sleeve.

Hello Kitty's for girls.

Nashua got MP3 players.

Yeah, I don't even have
a laptop.

I wonder if these presents
would be under

as much scrutiny
if I were white.

- Wow...
- Come on.

I said "I wonder."
I didn't say "I think."

And, anyway, we can all agree

that these are much better than
that stupid donation to charity

that they gave us
last year, right?

Don't even get me started.

Do not make a donation
in my name.

I do not want some redwood tree
in Oregon

named Stanley Hudson
or whatever.

I don't know that tree.

I want a Relax The Back
gift card.

How hard is that?

Kelly, I thought we agreed
on fleece blankets.

Blankets?
What am I, five?

Erin and I make
great use of ours.

Yes, Erin and I
are still dating.

Why do you ask me so often
if we're still dating?

I'll take one of those
pink pouches.

I feel good today.
My little girl Jada?

It's my turn to have her
for Christmas this year.

Two years ago I had her,
and we had the best time.

I TiVoed her favorite shows,

some things
I've never heard of.

"iCarly"...

You know who's funny
on that show?

The friend
with the video camera.

He's got a nice way
of talking.

[drumming pencils
rhythmically]

Hey, it's snowing.

[mockingly]
Oh, my God!

It's the first snowfall
of Christmas.

Is that just so magical
for you, little girl?

Can you not wait
to have a hot chocolate,

and cuddle up with Papa
and tell him

about all
your Christmas dreams, hmm?

It's not even a real snow.

Look, it's a dusting.

Pitiful.

Hey, Dwight.

- [all laughing]
- Whoo!

Damn it, Jim, you cannot
throw snowballs in here!

Well, it's not a snowball,
'cause it's only a dusting.

Right?

Look at that.
There's a pebble in there.

You could have killed me!

Oh, don't be such
a baby.

Yeah, who's
a little girl now?

[laughter]

You apologize to me
right now.

You have something
on your nose.

You apologize right now.

- No.
- Very well,

then I challenge you
to a snowball fight

on the first real snow
of winter.

You got it.

That sounds awesome.
Can we all do it?

No, Andy,
it's a snowball fight.

It's not fun.
Go get your own thing.

Beat it.

Jim, let go.
Let go.

Angela, are you bringing
your new boyfriend

to the party?

I wouldn't
subject Robert to that.

He's a very busy senator.

State senator.

I would not expect you
to know what it's like

to date someone
in the public arena.

Who are you dating
in the public arena?

The senator.

Oh, right.
The state senator.

We went to a picnic thrown
by the comptroller's wife.

Oh, that would be impressive...

if anyone knew
what a comptroller was.

Well...

Do you have any idea how many
photographers there are

at a ribbon-cutting ceremony?

I do. Two.

"Angela..."
[imitates camera shooting]

"Over here, Angela..."
[imitates camera shooting]

"Here. Look here!"

Before we kick off
the party,

I just want
to remind everyone

that an office party
is just that...

- Yeah!
- A party.

It's not an excuse
to get really drunk

or confront someone
or have a cathartic experience

- of any kind.
- Pam?

- Pam?
- Pam?

Wow, there are questions
to that. Okay.

Um, you know what?
No questions.

Last item on the agenda,

Toby would like
to make an announcement.

- Hi, guys.
- Hi.

I just wanted
to let you know that

I'll be taking
a leave of absence

starting next week.

Because you've been
on the lam?

Because the "boring police"
have been after you,

and they finally
caught up with you?

No, the opposite.

I was actually selected
to be a juror

on a very high-profile case.

Yes, the case of the horrible
red-headed sad sack.

And the verdict--
it was Toby.

And the sentence, death.
Death to Toby!

Death to Toby!

Okay, that's hurtful talk.
We've talked about that.

You know, I don't interrupt
your announcements.

You leave these huge pauses
in your sentences.

- What do you expect me to do?
- What's the case, Toby?

Well, I really can't
talk about it,

but it's a very
high-profile case.

- Is it criminal?
- Yes.

- Have we heard of it?
- I don't know.

Is it the middle-school
teacher who tried

to turn her foreign exchange
student into a sex slave?

- Come on.
- Was it the post office guy

who rubbed his penis
all over the mail?

Guys, it's a really big deal.

He's rubbing his neck.
He's rubbing his neck!

- He's rubbing his neck.
- Oh, Scranton Strangler!

[all react]

I can neither confirm
nor deny this.

Let's just say I'll be
up to my neck in jury duty.

[excited outbursts]

That was the worst joke ever.

Corporate will be
sending someone else

to take my place.

Okay, good-bye.
Good-bye.

Uh, Holly Flax--she comes
from the Nashua branch.

What? What?

Yeah, she'll be starting
next week.

If you have any questions
about the transition,

just let me know.

Hold on,
Holly's coming back here?

- Yeah.
- Guys, who's Holly?

That is a great question, Erin.

How do you describe somebody
who is at the same time

an old friend
and was a lover...

and was a complicated part
of my past,

and maybe, just maybe

- a part of my future?
- Wow.

She's one sassy
Black lady.

Holly's coming back, everybody,

and we have to have a party.

I'm not sure
the temporary replacement

of an HR rep
really warrants a party.

You know what? We'll postpone
this party until then.

This is too important.
Cancel this one.

- Dwight, get rid of the tree.
- Okay.

Cancel.
We're canceling it.

- No, don't throw those out!
- No, we have to cancel--

- We can save that.
- No, no, no.

We're gonna get fresh
for Holly.

- I bought these.
- These cookies are fine!

They're not.
Fresh and new.

Michael, wait.
We don't have--

we don't have the budget
for another party.

Well, then everybody will
chip in--it'll be fine.

I honestly think you're
idealizing people

here again, Michael.

I don't think
that's gonna happen.

You know what?
I'll pay for it.

I'll pay for the party.
This is way too important.

People, Holly's coming back,

and this is the most important
Christmas party of my life.

So back to work.

Man, I worked hard.
I worked so hard for this!

I was after Corporate constantly.

I emailed Joe.
I wrote letters.

And you know who I end up
owing this to

is the Scranton Strangler.

Thank you.
Thank you, Scranton Strangler.

I love you!

You just took
one more person's breath away.

We have always had
good Christmas parties here,

as you know,
but they've never been cool.

[imitating Sean Connery]
The name is Bond... Santa Bond.

I'll have an eggnog,
shaken, not stirred.

Classic Brosnan.

Santa... wonderful tradition.
Everybody loves Santa.

Everybody can't get enough
of the jolly old man.

But that is a myth,
because you know what?

He is not necessarily
a big fat guy with a beard.

He's not necessarily
an old guy.

No one knows
what the real Santa Claus--

God! Ow!

Just stop moving your calves
so much while you're talking.

Well, this year's
gonna be different.

We're gonna have fun.
It's not gonna be tacky.

It's going to be--
You know what?

The food is going to be austere.

It is not going to be
tacky, deli platter food.

It's not gonna have
a big, fat, gross Santa Claus.

It's gonna be a cool,
sleek Santa.

Maybe I'll bring
my boyfriend.

- I'll invite him.
- Okay. Sure.

I mean, unless
there's any chance

there could be press
at this party.

You never know
about the press.

Well, I only ask
because he's a senator.

Could he help us
with some parking tickets?

I don't think
that's appropriate.

Well, then he's not
a senator.

- Yes, he is.
- Okay.

[door opens]

- Hey.
- Hey.

We still doing
the gifts today?

I mean, it is
the Christmas party.

Well, the classy
Christmas party.

Yes.
But don't get too excited,

'cause I didn't have
a lot of time this year.

- Me neither. Whew.
- Okay.

I've been working forever
on Jim's present.

He always gives me
the best Christmas gifts.

He'll take a memory
or a private joke,

and he'll create something
totally unique.

I love them.

So this year
I made him something.

A comic book.

It stars Jimmy Halpert,
a mild-mannered paper salesman

who, while riding his bike
through the forest,

is bitten by
a radioactive bear--

becomes Bear Man,
wreaks havoc on the office.

It's really good.

Okay...

[sighs]

Oh, no, no, no, no!
Fake tree. No!

- No, it has the little--
- Pam, no, no.

Holly's coming
from New Hampshire.

Somebody from New Hampshire
looks at that

and thinks it's
a burning cross.

No, no. I want you to go
and get a real tree.

Take some money.
Thank you.

Hi, I'm looking for
Michael Scott.

Yes, that's me.
Come on in.

[scatting awkwardly,
bass playing]

There's nothing classier
than boring jazz music,

I am here to tell ya.

And I made a bit
of a judgment call.

I hired one musician,
because I thought,

what's better, to hire
an entire quartet

for half an hour

or one bassist
for the entire day?

♪ ♪

Hey, can you come with me
to buy a Christmas tree?

I'd love to, but I have
a snowball fight soon.

I actually put it
on your calendar.

Oh, my God, you did.

Okay.

Hey, uh, any volunteers
to come with me

to go buy a Christmas tree?

I would, but I don't want
to get dirty.

There might be girls
at the party.

Why do you always think
that girls

are gonna be at the party?

No one invited girls.
It's just us.

I will help.
Although my 'brid... my hybrid--

my Prius hybrid
won't fit a tree.

Which is ironic, considering
how many trees it saves

- on a daily basis.
- Yeah.

I do, however,
have a hookup

with a dude
who has a pickup.

Oh, do you mean Darryl?
That's a great idea.

- I'll ask him.
- You know Darryl?

Yeah. He works here.
We all know him.

I should come along,
just 'cause he's my--

you know, he's my hookup.

Cool.

Come on, now,
Justine, look--

Listen--look,
I've been planning this, okay?

- You cannot do this, Justine.
- I'm not doing it!

She told me she wants
to have Christmas here.

- She did?
- Yes.

She wants to be around family
for Christmas.

I don't know...

I thought I was enough family
for my daughter.

Don't come in, I'm busy.

It's cool, Darryl,
I'm here, too.

Hey, sorry, I really
didn't want to come in.

It's just that we have to
go buy a new Christmas tree,

and we're hoping
we could borrow your truck.

Uh, no.

Come on, it'll be fun.

We could do doughnuts
in the snow on the way back.

No. Thank you for
your interest in my truck.

Okay. Sorry.
We'll leave you alone.

Hey...

[sighs]
You know what?

I could use a breath
of fresh air.

Let's do it.

[both chuckle]

When Holly gets here,

I want you to be
very helpful to her.

I've looked her up online--
there's nothing about her.

She's made no impression
on the Internet.

She doesn't need an Internet
presence--you just know.

Oh...
[door opens]

Hey.

What the hell are you
doing here?

You're supposed to be
in the courthouse.

We're on recess.
I came for the party.

Hi.

- Hey, everyone.
- Hi, Toby.

What does the Strangler
look like?

Is he gorgeous?

He looks gorgeous
in the drawings.

- Yeah.
- That scowl.

I can't talk about it,

or I'll get removed
from the jury.

And then he will come back
here and replace Holly,

so stop asking him questions.

I know people are only
this excited to talk to me

because of the trial.

But they talk to me
for a while,

and maybe people realize
I have something to say.

And then one day,
we're just talking.

Does he ever look
at you and be like,

"Don't you say another word,
or you're next"?

- Does he do that?
- It can get really tense.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I feel like I'm in an episode
of "Law & Order."

[chuckles]

Well, the second half, right?

- [laughter]
- Yeah.

- That's pretty good, Toby.
- Oh, thanks.

Hey, I am proud of you.

This is a great thing
you're doing for this county.

- Yeah.
- Oh, thanks, Oscar.

Man, it is hard not to talk
about it.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

If you say another word
to anyone about this trial,

I will kill you.

And good luck finding a jury
for that,

'cause no one
will be impartial.

Okay?

So do you think he did it?

I-I can't talk about it.

[cell phone dialing,
line trilling]

You've reached the voice
mail of Dwight Kurt Schrute.

Please leave--

Raaaaugh! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Stop!

Oh... oh!

[grunting, shouting]

I have no feeling
in my fingers or penis.

But I think it was worth it.

Aah!

[door opens]

Don't panic, but I think you
might have a bloody--

Yeah, yeah, could I get
the first-aid kit, please?

It's in the kitchen.

I'd get it for you, but I'm not
supposed to leave my desk

- in case Holly arrives.
- That's okay.

Um, I was laying
on the ground, defenseless,

and, uh, he just kept
throwing 'em

until he exhausted himself.

And, uh... then...
[cell phone chimes]

"How 'bout icing it?
Lol. Dwight."

- Hi.
- Hello.

Is there any way I can
get a hand with these, please?

I'm really sorry,
I can't help you.

I'm waiting for my boss'
pretty friend to arrive.

There she is.

Hey.

Erin, would you help her,
for God's sake?

Oh, you're Holly!
Of course.

Sorry.

Hello.

[weak Clint Eastwood]
Well, well, well,

if it isn't Michael Scott,
you old bastard.

[weak Clint Eastwood]
Well, I never thought

I'd see your face
around these parts,

you old bastard!

Well, I did show my face
around these parts,

you old bastard.

[as Curly] Why, you're some
sort of wise guy, huh?

[as Curly]
I most certainly am.

- Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
- Unnnnnngh!

- [as Homer] D'oh!
- [as Marge] Oh, Homey.

Okay... Holly's back.

[laughter]

Hi. Hi.

[monster voice]
Oh, huggy monster!

Oh, not the huggy monster!

I don't want to die!

I don't want to die!
I don't want to die!

[both sigh]

Wow. Well, everybody,

- you remember Holly.
- Hi.

Did you bring us anything
from Nashua?

Oh, yeah. I brought, um,
some maple candy.

But I have to admit, I got
a little hungry on the drive,

- and I ate some of them.
- That's adorable.

- Would you put those out?
- To throw out?

Or put out, like,
six pieces for everyone?

Oh, it's so nice
to be back.

It looks beautiful in here.
Super-classy.

It's like a party
for limousine drivers.

Well, you came on the day
of our Christmas party.

Oh, it's fabulous.

I love what you did!

Isn't it wonderful?

We love it here.
Don't you love it?

All right, let me show you
to your desk.

[stereotyped Mexican accent]
I show you to your dayyy-esk!

[stereotyped Mexican accent]
Watch out for my guns.

They're both loaded.

What kind of guns
do you have?

- Six-shooter?
- Aww...

This is weird.
I can't believe you're here.

This feels like
you never left.

- Doesn't it?
- Yeah, kind of. Yeah.

[chuckles]

- Oh, God.
- Oh, and you have a Woody.

Bah!

- Oh... I love--
- AJ gave me that.

Well, that's understandable.
Still raw.

- Woody your favorite character?
- Mm-hmm.

You know who my favorite
character in "Toy Story" is?

- Andy's mom.
- Why?

Because without Andy's mom,
there's no plot.

And without any plot,
there is no movie.

That is a really good point.

Well, I also like
Mrs. Potato Head.

I think she's great.
She always speaks her mind.

And I tend to like strong,
outspoken female characters

in movies.

It's just--
you don't see it enough.

AJ said he hadn't seen any
of the "Toy Story" movies.

- You're kidding me.
- No. I know.

I' was like, "What?
Are you serious?"

- What a douche bag!
- Get a life!

Get a--yeah.
Good riddance.

We sat down, and we watched
them all in one day.

Mm-hmm.

Now he's the biggest
"Toy Story" fanatic ever.

- Good for him.
- Next day I found him

in my bed.

Really?
That's creepy.

How did AJ get
in your house?

We live together.

Oh, you do?

He had a little note
pinned to him

that said,
"You've got a friend in me."

Yeah, Randy Newman's
the best.

Yeah.

- I love him.
- Me too.

* Christmas tree,
Christmas tree ♪

♪ Won't you be
my Christmas tree? ♪

Hey, how about this one?

Ehh, seems a little
full of itself, right?

Kind of a pretty boy.

What if we got
a really beat-up one,

like on "Charlie Brown."

And we just loved it
for what it is?

Maybe. I mean...

No, she be talking
to your mom or something.

This is my daughter, too,
Justine!

You seem to think--

Oh...

Pick a damn tree already.

Um, hey, listen, Darryl,
it's none of my business,

but if I couldn't have
Cece for Christmas,

I'd be really upset, too.

I don't have kids
or anything,

but if my grandmother
ever dies,

I'm going to kill myself.

Jada don't want to
spend Christmas with me.

She told her mom
it wasn't as much fun.

How could she say that?

You know, I took her
to the toy store

to buy her own presents.

Well, Darryl, no kid wants

to buy their own
Christmas presents

Her mom wants me
to take her to Mass.

I guess that's something
to do.

No, you should have
her mom do

the boring Christmas stuff
on her time.

You should be associated with
the fun parts of Christmas.

How do I do that?

Bring her to the party.

Yeah, we'll have Santa,
and we'll play games with her.

- It'll be a lot of fun.
- Yes!

You'll be Mr. Christmas
by the end of the night.

[sighs]

- [door opens]
- Hey, guys, the tree's here.

- Hey.
- Nobody hug me--

I'm covered in tree sap, so...

Why would someone hug you?

Hey, there, Jada.
Nice to see you again.

I'm Santa Claus. Welcome.

Are you serious?

It's a sophisticated take.

He doesn't look
like Santa Claus.

No, he doesn't.

I told her
Santa would be here.

Yeah, well, I was told
that Holly would be here,

single and ready to date.

- And we all got misled.
- Who told you that?

Nora Ephron, in every
romantic comedy ever made.

So is it an open
relationship?

Oh, God, no.

Well, you're almost 40.
Oh, do you not want kids?

Oh, I want kids.
I really want kids.

But AJ and I are
practically engaged.

We talk about
spending our lives together.

- So where's the ring?
- Kelly!

Um, how are you adjusting
to the move?

Nobody cares about that.

Look, you have to
make him commit,

or kick his butt
to the curb.

You guys, I don't think
any of us

are really qualified to be
giving Holly personal advice

about her love life.

Yeah, I mean, maybe Holly's
not in any position

to be shooing guys away.

I don't get it.
I'm sorry.

I just--
I don't get it.

Okay, listen,
I'm gonna tell him

that if he doesn't propose
by the end of this year,

we're over.

- Wow, an ultimatum.
- Yeah.

It doesn't really seem
like you.

That is a great idea.
Ultimatums are key.

Basically, nobody does anything
for me anymore

unless I threaten
to kill myself.

Do I think Holly's ultimatum
is a good idea?

It's not my place to judge.

[laughing maniacally]

Don't. Stop--Dwight!

- Dwight, stop!
- Oh, no. Oh, no!

- Stop!
- Oh, no.

- Yes, taste my wrath!
- Okay. Okay--

- You like that?
- Seriously!

Okay. Okay.

[laughing maniacally]

Yes, I have a wig for every
single person in the office.

You never know when
you're gonna need

to bear a passing resemblance
to someone.

I just want it to stop.

So cool, right?

There's no
connection between

- the origin story and the quest.
- Okay.

We need to know
who Jimmy Halpert was

before he was bitten
by the bear.

Otherwise
it's the bear's quest.

Okay, well, I just sort of
meant, like, cute, right?

Well, did you come here
for help,

or did you come here for me
to tell you how great it is?

I mean, help,
if it's something simple,

like add page numbers
or laminate it or--

It sounds like
you know what you want.

It's also a little derivative
of a serial called "Bear Man."

Did you look that up?

- No.
- Okay.

[door opens]

Oh, hey, Jim.

- Hey, Holly, how are you?
- Hi.

- [chuckles]
- Hey.

Thank you.
No. What?

I can't wait to catch up
with you a little bit later.

All right.

I'm just looking
for one clean shot--that's it.

One clean shot,
and this is happening.

So just show me where--

- Oh, Jim. Hey.
- Hey, Toby.

There's this female stenographer

at the courthouse...

- No way.
- Who looks exactly like you.

- That's incredible.
- Yeah. No, it's uncanny.

You know what's crazy?
I can't reconnect with you

right now.
Hold on one second.

Oh!
[startled gasps]

Excuse me.

[clears throat]

[wind whistling through window]

I guess there are just
some people

who you stay together with
when you transfer

and some people you don't.

And that's just
the way it is.

And I can be mature
about that.

[wind whistling]

It's so cold.
Even with my coat on.

Maybe your senator boyfriend
has a blanket in his car

for screwing Americans.

Yet another opportunity

where a blanket would have
come in handy.

You guys,
this has to stop.

Someone could have
really gotten hurt.

What if Meredith was taking
her smoking break

below that window?

You know what would
have happened?

The shards of glass would have
shaved her face right off.

And, yes,
it might have been funny,

but it also would have been
incredibly tragic.

I could not agree more.

And I just want to state
for the record

that I am intending
to sue Jim

for acute psychological distress.

What are you talking about?

You're the one
terrorizing me.

With snowballs, Jim?
With fluffy little snowballs?

No. I thought
we were just playing.

Dwight's right.

What you did was dangerous
and inappropriate.

Mmm, mmm. Mm-hmm.

I'm really surprised
at you guys.

Last time I was here,
you were both best friends.

All this arguing reminds me
of a very funny story.

You see this
on my desk?

Know who gave me this?

My girlfriend Tara,
who lives in New York City.

- Wait, what girlfriend?
- I haven't told you about her.

I find that unlikely.

You email me
when you get a new zit.

I'm a man in my mid-40s,
and I still get zits.

I think that's
pretty interesting.

But you know what?
I am not on trial here.

The Scranton Strangler is.

So, anyway,
we have this great weekend,

and she drives me
to the airport,

and we get to JFK,

but I'm flying out
of LaGuardia.

So we laugh and laugh
and laugh,

and then we spend
the rest of the day

walking around slo-mo
drinking latte.

And at the end of the day,
she gives me this,

and she says, "Michael,
maybe next time,

you should take a cab."

I didn't know
you had a girlfriend.

I do. She is.

Did you see her face?

Well, it seems to me
that there is a person

sitting out there
in the annex

that still has feelings
for Michael G. Scott.

And it ain't Tara.

So you went homemade
this year.

- Yep.
- Yeah.

Money problems--is that
what this is about?

I mean, oh, dear, I don't think
we can help you out.

No, no.
Jim had a great year, actually.

I just wanted
to get your opinion.

Are you good at homemade?

Look at this.

Yeah.

[bass playing]

Who did this?

It's obvious to me
I'm not welcome here,

but somebody better tell me
who did this,

or else I'm leaving.

Well, I don't think Erin
seems to like you.

That's not true.

I don't know her enough
to make a decision even.

What happened?
What happened?

Toby, what did you do?

I think Toby's very jealous

of all the attention
you've been getting.

No, I would never, ever
do anything like that.

But it does seem like something
you would do.

Oh, really?
Turn it on me.

Well, isn't that nice?
Thank you very much.

Wait, wait, guys, listen.

"Toy Story" is all about toys
that come to life

when people aren't looking.

You don't think...
it's not possible...

that Woody did this
to himself?

It is Christmas.

No, it really seems like
something Michael would do.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Well, the fact that
you would think that

points to the possibility
that it is probably not me.

And that I have been framed.

Why would anyone
frame you for that?

Okay, I'm sorry,
why are we discounting

this whole "Woody came to life"
thing so quickly?

Aaaaahh... ahh, ahh!
[laughs]

Surprise!
It was part of the party.

- Pretty funny, huh?
- You think this is funny?

[laughs]
I don't.

But someday I think
we will laugh about this...

- when we tell our kids--
- Yikes.

[gasps and murmurs]

- Oh, my God.
- All right! Shh.

Okay, you know what?
Holly, I didn't mean to do it.

It was an accident.

An accident borne
of jealous feelings.

Michael, you have to
let this go.

I'm with someone else.
I don't feel that way anymore.

Oh, really?

Well, you certainly
seemed jealous

when I told you
about my fake girlfriend.

That's what
Jim and Dwight thought.

Okay, hey, hey, hey...

No, fake girlfriends
are always wrong.

You made up
a fake girlfriend

to see if I'd get jealous?

And you destroyed a gift
my boyfriend gave me?

What is the matter
with you?

When you got transferred

and I drove you
up to Nashua,

you said,
"Michael, I love you,

but I can't do this."

But then with this other guy,
you don't have any problem

with a long-distance
relationship, do you?

And you know what?

That is what is the matter
with me.

Michael, I'm sorry.

And we did this whole
stupid party for you.

No.

[door closes]

I honestly thought
it wouldn't work.

Why?
You're in the same time zone.

It seemed really far.

You didn't really give it
a try, did you?

Guys, come on.

Be cool here.

We all know that it is next
to impossible

for even the greatest
of romances

to withstand the length
of New England.

You guys,
it wasn't my fault.

Nothing is ever your fault.

Just like when you ate
those maple candies

that you brought for us!

I really think
you're better off.

Mmm. Erin,
would you do me a favor

and find my street clothes
for me, please?

Yeah.

Is she an amazing cook
or something?

[jazzy "O Christmas Tree"
plays]

"Hey, Pickles,
merry Christmas.

"Open immediately?

Love, Swiss cheese."

[laughter]

Damn it, Dwight!
[laughter]

Didn't think your
affectionate nicknames

would be your undoing,
did you, Jim?

Let that be a lesson
to you all.

I spend all day
in the same desk clump

as an annoyingly simpering
married couple.

Of course I know
their pet names.

So do they bring in food,
or do you get to go out?

No, they bring it in.

You lucky
son of a bitch.

I have been trying
to get on jury duty

every single year
since I was 18 years old.

To get to go sit in an
air-conditioned room downtown,

judging people
while my lunch is paid for...

that is the life.

- I like Cupid.
- Comet and Cupid.

[indistinct chatter]

There's Eric, Doug.

Comet, Cupid,
Donner, Blitzen.

Hey, man.

Uh, do you have to go
to the bathroom?

- Always.
- Great.

Let's go together.

You want to go
to the bathroom together?

- Well...
- Girls do that.

We're not girls,
though, so...

No. Plus, I can't go anywhere
with you today.

Sorry. Anyone next to you
could be collateral damage.

Well, I--

You're a dead man.

I do have to go
to the bathroom.

- You should hold it.
- Go later.

Daddy, I'm bored.

Can I read my book
in your office?

Sure, sweetie.

[dialogue inaudible]

Jada, Darryl,
I'm so glad I found you guys.

A grinch stole the star from
on top of the Christmas tree

and is hiding it
in the warehouse somewhere.

You want to go help me
find him?

[gasps]

Oh, my goodness.

[Tchaikovsky's "Dance
of the Sugar Plum Fairy"]

♪ ♪

I am the mean old Grinch.

The little girl who wishes
to win back the Christmas star

must first succeed
at these challenges.

Ohh, that sounds fun
and Christmassy,

you mean old Grinch.

What kind of challenges?

Waahhh...

Something like
an obstacle course, Mr. Grinch?

No. You must answer
topical political questions.

"How many congressmen

"is the state
of Pennsylvania guaranteed?

And what other state has
the equal number?"

I don't know.

Do you know the other state?

I'll give you a hint.

Ill...

Illi...

Illin--

Maybe the grinch hid
the Christmas star,

and we could ask for clues,

and he'll tell us
if we're hot or cold.

- Huh?
- It was Illinois.

- The star has been hidden.
- [gasps]

Is the little girl hot
or cold?

Well, it turns out
she's burning up

because the star is
right behind her ear!

And the game's over
seconds later.

I'm so glad
you could come.

- It's nice. I know.
- Hey, everybody.

This is my boyfriend,
Senator Robert Lipton.

Hi.

Senator, it's an honor.

I'm Angela's friend Oscar.

Oscar. A pleasure.

Robert seems great.
He's very handsome,

firm handshake, he's gay,
good sense of humor.

[bass playing,
indistinct chatter]

[door opens, closes]

- Hi.
- Hello.

I'm, uh--I'm AJ.
I'm here to see Holly.

It's kind of a surprise.

I know who you are,
and I think you should go.

I bet you didn't even
bring us anything, did you?

Was I supposed
to bring you guys something?

What? AJ!

- Surprise.
- What are you doing here?

- Oh, my God.
- I wanted to see you.

- How are you?
- Wow! Nice.

- Oh, God, you look great.
- Oh...

When did you get here?

- Just now. Just now.
- Hey.

- Hey, Michael.
- Good to see you again, AJ.

- Welcome.
- Nice to see you. Thank you.

- Good trip down?
- Yeah, it was great.

Good, good.
Good to see you.

Have fun.
Enjoy the part-ay.

I am dead inside.

What do you want, baby?
We got some granola,

got some cupcakes, chips,
apples, pies...

You have a whole room
of vending machines.

[chuckles]
I know. Isn't it something?

I can't decide
what I want.

["The Twelve Days
of Christmas" plays]

♪ ♪

It's true.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

- And merry Christmas.
- Thank you.

And merry Christ... mas.

- Thank you so much.
- Merry Christmas.

- And merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas to you.

- Merry Christmas.
- Oh, thank you.

For your feet.

- It's amazing.
- It's good?

It's so great.
Thank you.

- For me?
- Yes.

- Thank you very much.
- Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

I don't know if you guys
have had a chance

to use the new parking meters
that accept credit cards,

but Robert was instrumental
in that legislation.

Wow, that's awesome!

A real David
and Goliath story.

I'm just so touched that
she's so interested in my work.

I am.

The real problem is
the teachers' union.

- Zip it, Meredith.
- No.

You tell me why my kid is 17
and still can't read.

Hey, who's in charge
of making drinks around here?

Is there a bartender?

You are.
You make your own drink.

[groans]

I'll make it.
What are you drinking?

An F train to Brooklyn,
extra bitters.

I don't know how
to make that.

Okay, well, I'll just
stick with my mojito.

And you know those
annoying geese at the park?

Well, he's helping
eradicate them as well.

I mean, I think they've
really become a pest.

- Annoying.
- Yes.

I don't think
he's in the ceiling, babe.

Well, uh... I don't think
any of us really know.

All right.

[sighs]

Is it...

is it pebbles from the beach
in Jamaica?

Ooh, go easy
with the shaking.

Oh, my God.

You like it?

I love it.

Yep, I do make
great Christmas gifts.

But I couldn't make that.

All right, my turn.

Oh, um, it's just--
I didn't--

I didn't have a lot of time,
so that's just a place holder.

Right. Of course.

"The Adventures
of Jimmy Halpert."

Oh... my...God.

This is awesome!

That's my bike.

That's my desk.

- And that is my daughter.
- [chuckles]

I mean...

[sighs]

[bass playing
"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"]

Better office policy
up there.

It's not as fun as Scranton.

But it should be
the same policy as us.

[clears throat]

Michael, wait.

Oh, hey, hey,
no, don't run.

You're gonna slip.

- That's good advice.
- Yep.

I read this story about a woman
who slipped on some black ice,

and she hit her head
and went into a coma forever.

And then every day
her husband went

and visited her
in the hospital until she died.

That's a sad story.

[voice breaking] Yeah, well,
at least he was married.

Oh, okay, Michael,
slow down.

Everything's gonna be okay.

No, it's not. It's not.

Oh, man, I can
tell you confidently

that it is not
gonna be okay.

I shouldn't tell you this, but...

AJ won't commit to Holly.

And she's gonna tell him that
if he doesn't propose to her

by the end of the year,
it's over.

Really?

Really.

And I don't know about you,

but I don't know
a lot of happy marriages

that start off
with an ultimatum, do you?

No.

So just be patient.

Yeah.

I mean, I can wait
till then.

Come here.

I don't want you to fall.

- Thank you.
- I need you.

Wow. Look at all that blood.

That's gross.

I surrender.

I do not accept
your surrender.

There's only one way
that I would ever relent.

Anything.
You got it.

You hit Pam in the face
with a snowball

while I watch.

You're a psychopath.

I'll take that
as a no.

I was in the mall,
and I saw that,

and I thought it had your name
written all over it.

Michael, this is the gift
that Corporate gave us

that I picked out.

- You're re-gifting this to me.
- No, that's not--

No, I went to the mall,
and I picked that out

especially for you.

Oh, yeah?
Well, show me the receipt.

From the mall.

That--

This is a fast-food receipt
from April.

Well... that...

God, how many number nines
did you order?

Is everyone here
kind of mean?

Oh, I think
everyone's on edge

because of the Strangler trial.

- Oh.
- Hey...

I'm so glad you came down.

It's been so much harder
than I expected.

Hey, what happened
to Woody?

Oh, okay,
get ready for this.

You're not gonna believe it.

I was making salad, and he fell
right into the dressing.

I mean, there was
salad dressing all over him.

- He smells awful.
- It was blue cheese dressing.

Great.

- Hey, Mike.
- Hey.

We wanted
to give you something.

- Oh.
- Merry Christmas.

Thank you.
A Hostess apple pie!

This is my favorite breakfast.
How did you know that?

Thank you very much.

- What do you say?
- You're welcome.

Oh, you know,
I seem to remember

that Santa promised
that he would listen

to all the gifts
you wanted for Christmas.

- Didn't he say that?
- Yeah.

I think I know
where he is.

- A trampoline.
- Mm-hmm.

- Video games.
- Video games.

- A DSI.
- DSI?

- A horse.
- A pool.

Are you sure
you don't want a pony?

- You want a real horse.
- Yes.

All right.
You have to pick up after them.

Hey, sorry.
I'm ready.

I don't want to go.

Oh...
come on, Bear Man.

Come on.

Have you ever seen 'em
do that?

[door closes]

[wind whistling]

[whispering]
I'm sorry.

I had no idea.

No, it's--it's okay.

- Okay.
- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.
No, no, no, no.

- Okay, this is it.
- What?

- Go! Go! Go!
- What? What is it? What?

Oh, my God!

[grunting]

Honey? Jim?

Jim!

[Jim grunting]

In the end,
the greatest snowball

isn't a snowball at all.

It's fear.

Merry Christmas.