All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S07E10.China.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

[watch beeps]

Hm. All right.

Why?

20 minutes a day, Jim.
That's all it takes.

20 minutes a day,
all feet, no hands,

and I'll have
the pededexterity of a chimp

and you'll be sitting there
like an idiot.

Oh, please,
get that thing away from me.

[scoffs]

Your face is way filthier
than my feet.

My feet have no nostrils
from which to spill mucus.

They have no mouth hole
from which to spew vomitus.

Okay, here we go.
Ah, yes.

- Do you mind?
- I'm sorry, Pam.

Allow me to write you
an apology letter.

You don't have to do that.

D-E-A--

oh, backspace, A.

- [whistling]
- Dear--

[sighs]
Thank you, hands.

Nothing else in the universe
can do what you do.

Oh, don't worry about it.

Dwight, it's okay.
You were wrong.

It's so hot.

Ah, ow.

Ahh. Ah.

Ah!

Well, A for effort, right?

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪

Welcome.

Start your morning right
with a burst of blueberry

or try plain.

What's the occasion?

Dwight said this entry
was a waste of space.

I would like
[speaking French badly]

Du blueberry,
por favor.

- $8.
- $8?

Must be a really good muffin.

I don't have any cash.
Can I give you a credit card?

I don't have a machine.

- Can you call it in?
- Who am I gonna call?

Come on, man.
Just move along.

Move along, come on.

Owning a building
is a war

between the landlord
and the tenant.

Not a literal war, unfortunately.

But I am using
the same tactics.

I have surrounded
the enemy

and I'm slowly
starving them.

To save on electricity,
I have installed a timer

and motion censors
on the lights.

It's part
of my green initiative.

And by green,
I mean money.

[candy rattling]

Excuse me, Pam?

Oh, hey, Nate,
you want some candy?

Oh, no, thank you.
That's all right.

Uh, hang on to it.
You may need it

for whatever it is you guys
do up here.

Okay.

Sorry, is there any way
I can get underneath there?

I need to swap this energy
saving plug

for the un-energy saving plug.

I'm--sorry, it'll just
take a second.

- Yeah, no problem.
- Thank you.

Hurry up, Nate.

Hurry it up.
[smacks head]

Oh.

Okay, it's all taken care of.

You can get back to your
important business,

and I won't bother you anymore.

Mm-hmm. China. China.

Michael,
how was the dentist?

It was great.

China.

Do you have any cavities?

Nine cavities
and a receding gumline.

- Who cares?
- You should maybe.

- I mean, nine's a lot.
- China.

Are you okay?
What's wrong?

Everything here
was made in China, Pam.

Yeah, that's where
they make stuff.

They used to make stuff
in America, Andy,

but we're falling behind.
Did you know that?

China is a sleeping dragon
that is just beginning to stir.

- Oh, no.
- Yeah.

Right here.
It is right there.

Anybody read the news
anymore?

China is on the move.

I found that
in the waiting room

at the dentist's office.

This kid had the magazine
I wanted to read.

That's the only one
I could reach

and I read it
and then I read it again.

China is going to pass us
as the number one

global superpower.

When did that happen?

My whole life
I believed

that America was number one.

That was the saying.

Not America's number two.

England is number two.
China should be like eight.

Michael, you took
their magazine?

Is this the first
you've heard of China?

Do you not keep up
with world events?

The last time I checked,
America was on top

in everything,
except soccer.

And that's because
we didn't try.

We should be very afraid.

- I'm terrified.
- Good girl.

Good girl.

Hey, Andy.

Hey, Darryl.

You gotta stop
texting me so much.

[laughs]

But I wanted you to know
that Michael and I

are wearing the same tie today.

It's insane.

You need to change
your standard

for what's worthy of a text.

Ask yourself,
"is this something

Darryl needs to know?"

The answer's almost always no.

Got it.

- Then I will call you.
- No.

There was a time when
the only people who texted you

were people you wanted
to text you. Girls.

And they'd all say
the same thing.

"I'm comin' over, baby."

And I would text back.

"B.T.B."
Bring that booty.

Dwight, why is the toilet
paper only half a ply?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is that not good enough
for your anus?

Don't get me started
on how coddled

the modern anus is.

Okay, um, Stanley,
maybe you can just unspool

a little more each time
you need to--

Don't tell me how
to do my business.

Stanley, as a fellow
Dunder Mifflin employee

I feel for you,
but like you,

I am completely powerless
to the whims

of the new building owner.

Which is you.

"Which is you"
is not a sentence.

I disagree with.

Are you gonna just sit
there, office administrator,

or are you
gonna do something?

Dwight, can we talk
about these cut backs?

Pam, when I'm sitting
at this desk, I'm a salesman.

If you wanna talk
to the new building owner,

you should call Nate
and schedule an appointment.

I'm not gonna do that.

Well, then you're not going
to talk to new building owner,

which is a shame,

because I hear
he's a very reasonable guy.

Y'ello?

Hi, Nate.
It's Pam Halpert.

- Oh, hey, Pam.
- Hey.

I'm glad you called.
I am kicking myself.

I would do anything for
a do-over on that candy offer.

[laughs]
Well, anytime.

You know, I would just love
to schedule a meeting

today with Dwight.

Let me just put you on hold
just for one eensy second.

Sure.

[cell phone ringing]

Dwight Schrute.
Mm-hmm.

Tell her I'm busy.

I don't know.
Make something up.

Hey, Pam, Dwight's being
questioned by the police

in connection
with a string of dog-nappings

that have been--

Dwight.

Dwight, can you please tell
the new building owner

that he is screwing over
all the people he works with.

People he's worked with
for years.

His friends.

You know what, Pam?
You're right.

This isn't just a business,
this is a home.

And I would much rather
see a smile from Kevin

than save hundreds
on plumbing and electricity.

Oh, my God.

What?

According to the internet
the tallest man in the world

is Chinese.

So much for keeping
our secrets up high.

What's America gonna do?

I know what
we're gonna do.

We're gonna put
our best minds on it.

Everybody, stop working.

I want you all
to imagine a world

in which America is not
the number one superpower,

where it is illegal
to burn the Chinese flag,

where forks are irrelevant,

and where every man,
woman, and child

is expected to learn
how to play the cello.

Now, open your eyes.

You never told us
to close them.

Welcome to your future.

What do we do?
How do we stop this?

How do we stop it?

With a big idea.

That's what America
is built on.

Big ideas, blue jeans,
the Grand Canyon.

Who's got one?
Who's got a big idea?

An idea bigger
than the Grand Canyon?

Yes, indeed.
Yes, Kevin.

An antacid that you
only take once a week.

Once-a-week antacid
is the idea to beat.

Anyone else?

Nobody?
Okay, then, we are--

- Michael.
- Yes.

An acid pill that you take
once every six weeks.

Why not go just one
for the year?

I don't know.

It's too big a pill
to swallow.

All right.

What if we all get together
and help each other

and hire a new guy
and then we all kill him

but first we take out, like, a
$100,000 life insurance policy?

I bet you guys like that idea,
don't you?

I think that's what
they're doing to me.

I can't prove it,
but I wanted to see their faces

when I said it.

I learned nothing.

I don't know
what the [bleep] that was.

Listen, everybody,

we can't fix America
with just one invention.

China is not a threat.

It is a rich
and fertile culture.

Did you know
that the Fourth of July

is as much a Chinese holiday
as it is American?

Because the Chinese
invented fireworks.

I say we bomb 'em.

By 2020 they're gonna be
the world's largest economy

and they're getting a taste
for protein.

We'll all starve.

Yeah, Dwight's right,
we should drop the bomb.

No, he's not--
we're not--

where would we even
drop it, Phyllis?

Did you know that in China

there are 56 cities
with over a million people?

You know how many we have here?
Nine.

Actually, that's not true.

I know the figure you're
referring to,

and it's a projection
of 15 years from now.

- Thank God.
- No, no, that is right now.

Michael, China's agrarian.

Urbanizing fast?
You betcha.

But still agrarian.

Most in terms of land,
not population.

Come on, Michael,
you couldn't--

No! No, you're wrong
about this.

Where are you getting
this information?

I got it
from NewYorkTimes.com.

Uh-oh.
Getting nervous, Oscar?

Okay, someone look it up.

I'm on it, Jim.
I'm on it.

Guys, it's not worth it. Really.

Guys, this is not
worth our time.

"Are you watching this?"
Seriously?

Well, are you?

I'm sitting right here.

Got it.

China has 56 cities with a
population of over one million.

The U.S. has nine.

Suck it, Oscar.

Well, on the plus side,
all this worrying about China

has made you
smarter than Oscar, Michael.

Great, I was wrong.
I'm wrong.

- Is everyone happy?
- Boo-yah.

So I happen to know more than
the smartest guy in the office.

So what?
[laughs]

I don't care.

Okay, now, where were we
before I bested Oscar?

Wow, so this building can
get uglier.

I will not work
in a roach billboard.

Oh, my God.
I can't look at roaches.

Michael,
do something about this.

Absolutely.

Pam, this is exactly
why I hired you

as office administrator.

Handle it.
Takin' care of business.

- Dwight, take it down.
- [laughs]

I'm serious.
Take it down or else.

Or else.
Or else what?

There's nothing you can do.

We can move out.

Uh. Really?

Uh. Ah.

So does anyone wanna know
where I've been

for the last two hours?

Oh, my God, I've been playing
Zombie Soccer for two hours?

I went out to look
for a better office space.

Waste of time.

Not really,
because I found one.

Oh, wow.

- These are nice.
- Yep.

Let me see.

What camera?

Look at
the huge offices, Jim.

Yeah, I know.

Check out that
conference room.

Totally.
If you had just asked,

I totally would have
let you borrow it.

It's just that--

Hey, Jim, can I use
your camera?

That's all.

What is that, like five words?

It's not a big deal.

Can I use your camera please?

Add that extra please in there,
it's still not hard.

She just always changes
the settings, and--

You can't just move out.

Oh, in three months we can.
Check the lease.

And if you don't undo
all the changes you've made,

we're moving.

We're moving? Not again.

As a kid, my foster family
moved all the time.

One summer, we moved into
a tent in the woods for a week.

And then another summer,
we moved into a tent

in a different woods
for another week.

Every summer.

And we had to live
on basically nothing

but crackers and marshmallows
and chocolate bars.

We had to build a fire
just to keep warm.

Hey, guys,
can I show you some pictures?

Oh, my gosh, she's so cute.
She looks like both of you.

- They're not of Cece.
- Oh, cool.

This is possibly our new
Dunder Mifflin office.

Well, I like being
in the same building as Bob.

It keeps me honest.

This building isn't far
and it's much newer.

There's a dry cleaner,
a nail place and a gym.

Oh, and it's next door
to an Outback

so it always smells like steak.

Are you trying to kill me?

Is the nail place
Koreans or whites?

Koreans.

Good.
And the dry cleaners?

White?

Good.

Whoa, there's a lot
of brain power in this room.

We got Michael and Oscar,

the two smartest guys
in the office.

Also, in that order.

Funny.
Jim, that is funny.

Very comedically
humorous, Jim.

I have a computer question.

- Hey, Oscar?
- What is it?

Can you move aside so that
I can ask Michael?

All right.
All right, I get it.

Michael, how do I create
a new tab?

Try control-P.

That's print.

Not if the printer
isn't hooked up.

You're making some very
dangerous assumptions, Oscar.

Oscar, it must be
killing you

now that Michael is smarter
than you.

He's--he's not
smarter than me.

He was just right
about one thing.

Yeah, but it was really
a smart thing

to be right about, actually.

Actually, it was.

Around here Oscar is known
as "actually"

because he will insert himself
into just about

any conversation to add facts
or correct grammar.

Actually, you're speculating.

He really does fit that
old stereotype

of the smug gay Mexican.

[phone chimes]

Megan Fox, question mark.
What's that mean?

Megan Fox.
Come on.

You know what?

You're one bad text away
from gettin' blocked.

Yes, but one good text away
from a high five.

You accept these terms?

Oh, it's on.

One away.

Pst-pst, Erin, you know what
I love about this building?

It's not haunted.

So many buildings
in the area are haunted.

I don't believe in ghosts.

That's why they leave me alone.

D--

Kevin, in your perfect world,

what would make
this building awesome?

I'm putting together
kind of a wish list.

I wish
for a million wishes.

Yeah, no, I'm not a genie.

- I'm just talking about--
- Then see you later, building.

You can't
possibly be serious.

I said
see you later, building.

- Hey, Michael.
- Hey.

I was thinking about some
of the stuff you said earlier

about China.

I'd love to talk more
about it.

Yeah.

- Maybe over some coffee later?
- Sure.

[chuckles]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Do you know what you
just agreed to?

- Just coffee, Jim.
- No, it's not just coffee.

He's trying
to set you up, Michael.

Happened to me when
he told me Hawaiians

call white people "hoolies."

I was like, uh, no, pretty
sure it's "howlies."

I had it written on my face.

What's gonna happen
is he's gonna try to bring up

whatever you're talking about
in a very casual way.

But secretly he'll be trying
to trip you up.

And when he does,
boom, it's awful.

Haven't you noticed that
I don't bring up

the Tour de France around him?

Yes.

And then, he will smugly
pay the check

and make you feel so small.

All right, well, I just need

to learn everything
about China.

To be safe I should learn
everything about everything

but I don't have time.

Okay. Okay, I'll just
learn about China

and science and geography
and math and literary.

No politics?

I'm pretty good on politics.

[as Arnold Schwarzenegger]
California is bankrupt.

And California, California.

What?

Parlay. My office.
Five minutes.

Parlay?

Pirate code.
He wants to meet.

So everyone here
knows pirate code?

I understand it.
I can't speak it.

Pam, I am not
an unreasonable man.

If you guys stay,

I will stop
watering down the soap.

You've been watering down
the soap?

Why do you even need soap?

Are you that bad
at going to the bathroom?

We want everything back
the way it was.

You don't wanna move.

Moving is one of the most
stressful things

you can do in life.

You'll probably just
take it out on your kid.

Jim will turn to the drink.
The family will fall apart.

And 25 years from now,
Cece will become world famous

for stripping.

That's a sad story.

I have another one.

We move,
the other tenants follow,

the banks takes the building,
takes your farm,

takes your car
and beats the crap out of you.

Penniless, you die.

And my daughter, Cece,
dances on your grave

fully clothed.

Where is Tibet?

Pass.

- When was China founded?
- Pass.

Two for two.
Keep it up.

Who is Mao?

- Life line.
- Damn it, Michael.

You are moments away from
the smack down of your life.

If you don't know something,
steer the conversation

back to something
you do know.

I could talk about boobs.

I bet he knows nothing
about boobs.

What do you know
about boobs?

Michael, I have
to tell you something.

- It's from "Rocky II."
- Thank you.

This guy doesn't
just wanna win,

you know,
he wants to bury you.

He wants to humiliate you.

Wait, wait, wait.
How long is this gonna take?

I'm like a quarter
of the way through.

Is it gonna be worth it?

No.

Just in case, Michael,
I made you a cheat sheet.

I don't need to cheat.

Show him how to use it.

10,706.

Here it is right here.
Pull over. Pull over.

Oh, my God.

No way.

- Man, look at that.
- Yeah.

There's no building.

Hmm-hmm-hmm.

This can only mean one thing.

- Building's underground.
- She was lying.

- Oh, Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam.
- Pam, Pam, Pam.

- Yeah.
- Pam?

- What?
- I'm Pam.

- Oh.
- No, you're not.

I'm sorry, we have
a colleague with the same name.

Oh, oh, that's funny.

You're not a liar too,
are you?

I've been known
to bend the truth.

Damn it, Pam.
Get out.

Right now.
Leave it.

I mean it.
Get the hell out of here.

Go!

I can't wait to do to Pam
what I just did to Pam.

- Hey, Pam?
- Yeah.

You know,
I'm the only one here

that you haven't asked
about the new office.

I know. Because you're
the reason we're moving.

Yeah, but I'm still
an employee here,

and that part of me
is really excited

about the change of scenery.

What's the square footage
in the new place?

Uh, I think it's something
like, um...

What's the exact
square footage?

Um, let me see.

How many offices are there?

Oh, I'll just look
at the one-sheet myself.

Uh, actually I don't know
what I did with the one-sheet.

You know,
that's the problem.

You only have one sheet.

[laughs]

Oh, you're a funny guy, Pam.

What's the first thing
you guys are gonna do

when you move in
to the new office?

I'm gonna walk down the hall

and I'm gonna say, "Wow,
I can't believe this is real,

but it is."

I can't wait.

Mm-hmm.

I lied about
some aspects of the building.

It's still on a bike path,
though, right?

There's no building.
It doesn't exist.

What does that mean?

I needed leverage,

so I pulled those pictures
off the internet.

So it wasn't with my camera,
so that's a plus.

It's just this--this office
administrator thing,

I don't want to...

What?

Fail.

I don't want to fail. Again.

You didn't fail.

That's what you said
about art school

and that's what you said
about sales.

And you didn't
fail those things either.

Well, I'm not an artist,

and I'm not a salesman.

So what would you call it?

Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.

Michael, the reason I asked
you down here for this chat is

I've been thinking
that your fears about China

are a bit exaggerated.

Did you know that China
has a new missile

that can sink
a U.S. Naval carrier

900 miles off the coast?

We have missiles too.

Did you also know that China

has secretly been expanding
its nuclear arsenal?

But what do I know?

I mean, that's just
according to the Pentagon.

Our pentagon.

I wasn't here.

What?

I wasn't here.

It's a pretty common saying.

You may want to log it away
for future use.

Well, thanks.

Yeah.

China has been loaning us

billions upon
billions of dollars.

We are going to be owing them
for the rest of our lives,

and they will control us.

Actually, we're in
a mild recession right now,

I'll give you that, and true,
without China's money,

it'd be the 1930s
all over again.

The 1930s was the Depression.

I have seen "Seabiscuit."
I know what the Depression is.

One horse changed the world.

But people use China
as the boogeyman

for all their problems.

In the 1980s, it was Japan.

How then do you explain
that in the past year

manufacturing in China
has risen by 17%,

and in the U.S.
It has only risen by 8%?

Do you really think
that manufacturing

is a relevant indicator

of where the world economy's
heading in 2010?

Do you know
the comparative expansion

of, say,
the information sector?

I'd say
that's far more relevant.

Wouldn't you?

Don't...

I...

Hello. Hello.

You're breaking the law.

Impossible.
I love the law.

Read article 19.

There are certain standards

that you have to maintain
the building at

and that includes
comfortable temperatures

and adequate lighting.

It also means no more cutting
the tampons in two

and no more tampering
with the toilet paper.

I see I've
underestimated you

and I didn't think
that was possible.

Nate.

Re-ply the paper.

I don't think it goes
that way.

Re-ply it!

It clearly doesn't
go that way.

- It doesn't go that way.
- Just re-ply it.

You think you've won,
don't you?

Oh, I know I've won.

So do I.

I also think she won.

Don't worry
about the coffee.

- It's on me.
- Yeah, I figured that.

Michael, I am so happy

that we were able
to have this little chat.

Wait.

You forgetting something?

- What?
- This chat.

Two men.
One white. One Latina.

A boss and a money cruncher.

I could fire you.

Fire him.

No.
Show mercy.

But here we are.

What is your point?

My point is...

that as long as people like
you and me

don't stop talking...

nobody can stop the USA.

Yeah, go, girl.

- But that's not--
- Right. Yes.

- I am talking about freedom.
- Mm-hmm.

About choice.

America...

I don't think you need
to worry,

because if you want
to be China, you will.

If you don't, that's fine.

That, my friend,
is your victory.

You know,
a lot of people say

that if you dig long enough
and hard enough

you will get to China
and that may be true,

but what they don't tell you
is that if you dig

long enough and hard enough
in a conversation,

you get to a friend.

Oh.

So here is to conversation.

That's not--

Raise your cups on high.

Case closed.

Yeah!
[applause]

That wasn't what
we were discu--

that wasn't the whole--

Actually, Michael just made a
180 degree change of position.

And he thinks he won.

I--you saw it, right?

How do you deal
with tactics like that?

They say the best vampires
don't bleed their victims dry,

but give them the strength
so that they can bounce back

only to be fed on again.

I spared Pam
and I might feast

off of her profits
for years to come.

I let Pam win.
[chuckles]

I was not motivated
by compassion.

I have no compassion.

Make sure you got that.

"Not motivated by compassion."

[phone chimes]

"Come to parking lot.

Crazy pigeon action"?

What?

Shh.
You're gonna scare 'em away.

[chuckles]

That's a text.

Yeah.
Right?

That's your new standard.

[cheerful music]

♪ ♪