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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,094 This here is a radon test kit. 2 00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:12,637 'Kay? I'll be putting 'em everywhere. 3 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:16,266 And please don't throw these out. 4 00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,977 This is a radon test kit. 5 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,980 Please don't throw these out. 6 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,857 See them all over the office. 7 00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:26,317 Toby has been leaving radon kits everywhere, 8 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,987 like he owns the place. 9 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,613 The first time I threw mine away, 10 00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:33,158 I thought it was an ant trap. 11 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,951 But I figured I'd rather live with ants 12 00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,828 than with his creepy little disk. 13 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,538 The second time... God. 14 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,498 I thought it was one of those, 15 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,335 you know, the things you turn over, and it moos, 16 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:47,589 like a cow thing, but upon closer examination, 17 00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:50,508 it was another ant trap, so I threw it away. 18 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,969 And the third time... 19 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:56,765 I did it out of spite. 20 00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,433 - [imitates fart] - Come on, Michael. 21 00:00:58,475 --> 00:00:59,559 You're--you're interrupting. 22 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:01,353 You're kidding me. God! 23 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,396 You say radon is silent but deadly, and then you expect 24 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,774 me not to make farting noises with my mouth? 25 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,192 - What is this? - Please sit down. 26 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,735 You know what? We're not gonna die of radon. 27 00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,028 - We're gonna die of boredom. - Yeah! 28 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,030 - [laughter] - Right? 29 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,324 And if I had a gun with two bullets 30 00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,909 and I was in a room with Hitler, 31 00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:18,703 bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice. 32 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:19,746 No. [low murmuring] 33 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:20,872 - That's not-- - Okay. 34 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:21,873 You were being really funny, 35 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,208 and then you went too far. 36 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,210 I would kill bin Laden and then Toby. 37 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,836 - No, that's still-- - Still no. 38 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,797 Okay, geniuses, how would you do it? 39 00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:30,048 Curve the bullet 40 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,258 like in my favorite James McAvoy film, 41 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,593 "Wanted." 42 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,720 All that does is help you shoot around things. 43 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,389 Is there a curtain rod in the room? 44 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,557 - I don't know. - How about make-believe land 45 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,267 has anything you want? 46 00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:43,895 Stanley, please. This is serious. 47 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,730 Is this the thing where they use an icicle 48 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,065 - so there's no evidence? - Yes. 49 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,817 We stab Toby through the heart with an icicle. 50 00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:50,402 The whole two-bullet thing is a red herring. 51 00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,195 Here's how you do it. You line them all up, 52 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,863 you take one bullet, shoot them all 53 00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:56,324 through the throat at the same time. 54 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:57,867 Watch this. Phyllis, you're Hitler. 55 00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,911 Come up here. Toby, you're Toby. 56 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,454 Andy, you're bin Laden. Line up. 57 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,039 - I don't wanna do this. - Throats together. 58 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,457 [shouting] Toby, just do it! 59 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:05,959 - Toby, come on. - God! 60 00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:07,585 Ready? One bullet. 61 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,879 And boom! 62 00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:13,216 [imitates gunshot] 63 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,260 - Yeah, that works. - That works. 64 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,345 Good work. 65 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,076 What flavors did you get? 66 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,953 It's so exciting, Pam. 67 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,621 The Eagles are doing a theme of ice creams 68 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:44,873 in honor of turning 60. 69 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,374 "Despera-dough." 70 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,501 "Witchy-womanilla." Why do they do this? 71 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:49,919 Do you want me to go back to the store? 72 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,297 No, no, no, it's fine. I was just commenting. 73 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,798 We gotta get these out. Open 'em up. 74 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,800 {\an8}Okay. This is all for Michael. 75 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,886 {\an8}Turns out his girlfriend was married. 76 00:02:57,927 --> 00:02:59,471 {\an8}Yeah, and when Michael gets a broken heart, 77 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,097 {\an8}this whole place comes to a halt, 78 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:03,558 {\an8}so we're just trying to get out in front of this. 79 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,684 {\an8}After his last breakup, 80 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,811 {\an8}he ate 40,000 calories in three hours. 81 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,564 {\an8}Right, Pam? That's what Pam told me. 82 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,733 {\an8}Yeah. Or no--well-- 83 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:13,318 {\an8}I don't know. I'm sorry. 84 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,654 {\an8}I was up all night with Cece, otherwise I'd be running this. 85 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,198 {\an8}That's okay. 86 00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:21,493 {\an8}You probably shouldn't keep a baby up that late, though. 87 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,119 {\an8}We have "Mr. Bean" playing in the conference room 88 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,579 {\an8}and "The Pink Panther" movie in his office 89 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,081 {\an8}with half-hour shifts to watch with him. 90 00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:27,916 {\an8}And we need bodies in both these rooms, people, 91 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,125 {\an8}so please sign up. 92 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,460 {\an8}- He's coming. - Oh, okay. 93 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:32,337 {\an8}Everyone, remember, when he gets like this, 94 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,172 {\an8}he will wallow if you empathize. 95 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,632 {\an8}Keep conversations light 96 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,926 {\an8}and if you get stuck and you don't know what to do, 97 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,719 {\an8}make a random sound effect, okay? 98 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,888 {\an8}Farting noise, whatever. Okay. 99 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,348 {\an8}Hey, everyone. both: No. 100 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,391 {\an8}- Out! - Get out right now! 101 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,767 {\an8}- Leave now. - Leave. Get back. 102 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,019 {\an8}- Please! - Right now. 103 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,437 {\an8}Oh, and if he makes a joke, 104 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,314 {\an8}just laugh it up, no matter what. 105 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,649 {\an8}Okay? 106 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,195 {\an8}- Morning, everyone. - Hey! 107 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,531 {\an8}- Hey! - Hey. 108 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,491 {\an8}Hello, Michael. 109 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:02,951 {\an8}Nice tie or something. 110 00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:05,286 {\an8}Oh, thank you. It's reversible, I think. 111 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,955 {\an8}[laughter] 112 00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:08,456 {\an8}- That's hilarious. - That's awesome. 113 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:11,042 {\an8}- You want some ice cream? - Oh--oh, wow! 114 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,378 {\an8}Are those Eagles' flavors? 115 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,547 {\an8}Cake It to the Limit, that's my favorite. 116 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:16,589 {\an8}I love that. 117 00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:17,924 {\an8}Too much for me to have by myself. 118 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,217 {\an8}Anybody wanna share? 119 00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,804 {\an8}Boi-oi-oi-oing! 120 00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:26,141 {\an8}Okay. Well, that's random. 121 00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:27,600 {\an8}I will dig into those later. 122 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,564 {\an8}Turns out Donna's married. 123 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,441 {\an8}Did not see that comin'. 124 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:38,570 {\an8}What you gonna do? 125 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,405 {\an8}Life's full of surprises. 126 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,744 I'm always cold and I tell people to-- 127 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,412 How do I know you're not a member of her family? 128 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,747 Uh, because I thought you said you picked me 129 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:49,831 out of a yellow pages. 130 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,125 Yeah, her yellow pages. 131 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,085 I wanted a randomly selected yellow pages 132 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,545 from a public phone booth. 133 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,797 Apparently they don't exist anymore. 134 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,133 Rise of the cell phone. 135 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:04,346 - Mm? - Okay, um, shall we start? 136 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:05,972 Rather than spend all day in court, 137 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,016 we've decided to settle our dispute 138 00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,309 using a mediator. 139 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,560 It was an option spelled out 140 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,437 in our child-rearing contract and-- 141 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,689 - Alleged contract. - Alleged? 142 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,983 I am going to own your farm by the time this is over. 143 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,943 Pfft. Yeah, just try. 144 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,945 I will do legal jujitsu on you. 145 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,906 - Oh, yeah-- - Gaah! 146 00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:24,699 See? Don't even need to make contact. 147 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,785 The law will do it. 148 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,870 So much of this is just impossible to verify. 149 00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:32,415 Item five, point B, uh, the beet juice cleanse. 150 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,250 I'm doing it. You know I am. 151 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,835 - It's disgusting! - How do we know this? 152 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:40,006 - I'd like to see a stool sample. - Dwight, look at my teeth. 153 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:41,549 - Ugh. - And what are you doing? 154 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,135 Are you fondling a giant tacky Amazon woman? 155 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,303 - Yes. - She is not tacky. 156 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,554 Did you see those boots? 157 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,390 She is an incredible physical specimen. 158 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,683 You have to see this girl. 159 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,309 - If you like a big specimen. - She's amazing. 160 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,560 Do you have any children? 161 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,895 You know what? I'd like to bring it back-- 162 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,480 Have you ever had intercourse? 163 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,065 - I would like to focus... - Dwight, not appropriate. 164 00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,191 - On the contract. - It's not appropriate. 165 00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,526 - We don't need to know about... - [sighs] 166 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:00,944 - Sex life. - By the way, 167 00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,028 I'm still a little bit confused 168 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,905 by exactly who Morpheus is. 169 00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,199 No secret crying. 170 00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,493 Hasn't even opened the tissue box in there. 171 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,161 Could he still be seeing her? 172 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,080 I don't think he'd do that. 173 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,498 So we're gonna say the most likely scenario 174 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,625 is that Michael matured overnight? 175 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:18,336 Well, it happened to Tom Hanks in "Big." 176 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:22,340 Exactly. It happened in "Big." 177 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,509 No, I gotta go. Text me later. 178 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,177 I'm really too tired to do this. 179 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,179 - Me too! - Then let's just not do this! 180 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,850 Do you have any idea the risks involved? 181 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,184 - Hey, Michael. - Hey. 182 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,686 We were wondering if you'd like to have dinner 183 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,439 with us tonight in our home and play with our baby. 184 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,357 We could order in from Hooters. 185 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,775 Oh, Hooters a go. Nice. 186 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,360 We can watch a movie and play Rock Band. 187 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,778 Billy Joel Rock Band. 188 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,239 - That exists? - Yes. 189 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,658 Okay, well, I'll have to take a rain check, 190 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,493 but thanks for the offer. 191 00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,787 Michael Scott, are you still seeing Donna? 192 00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:56,708 Okay, Pam... 193 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,210 she's not invisible, so stop asking silly questions. 194 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:02,547 - Oh, Michael. - Since when is this an office 195 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,008 where we delve into each other's personal lives? 196 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:08,261 I like Donna. 197 00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:11,056 Is it wrong to keep seeing her? 198 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,140 Depends on who you ask. 199 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,851 I mean, if you ask her husband 200 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:18,104 or you took a random poll, yeah, it's wrong. 201 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,439 That is something I would never do. 202 00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:20,565 Well, I think we all know 203 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:21,858 what you're capable of, Meredith. 204 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,985 Hey, I have never cheated on, been cheated on, 205 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,570 or been used to cheat with. 206 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:32,369 I ask everyone in the room, "Are you in a relationship?" 207 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:33,703 People, this is Scranton, 208 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,413 and many people consider that to be the Paris 209 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,248 of Northeastern Pennsylvania. 210 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,583 And in Paris, it is rude 211 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,418 for a woman to have less than four lovers. 212 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,003 Ugh, Ryan, I do not want you hanging out 213 00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:43,171 with Michael anymore. 214 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,631 - Okay. - Okay, I will have you know 215 00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:47,759 that I asked Donna about this, and she is fine with it, 216 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,594 and just to be sure, I asked her again afterward. 217 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,930 - Same answer. - How does he feel about it? 218 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,973 Yeah, I can see you really thought this through, Mike. 219 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,433 I used to be a cheater 220 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,602 till I saw "Love Actually." 221 00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:01,815 The scene where Emma Thompson plays that Joni Mitchell song 222 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,693 made me never cheat again. 223 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,612 Course I haven't been in a relationship since then. 224 00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,364 I think that movie screwed with my expectations 225 00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:11,574 about romance, you know? 226 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,493 He is never gonna find out. 227 00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,453 He is a high school baseball coach. 228 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:19,207 He wakes up early. He goes to bed early. 229 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,543 Look at how long it took for him to find out. 230 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,795 It was right under his nose. I had to tell him! 231 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,630 Okay, now you're just being hurtful. 232 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,798 I'm sorry, it-- 233 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,967 why is it okay for Stanley to cheat 234 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,176 or for Phyllis to cheat... 235 00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,595 - Hey. - On her diet? 236 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:35,348 And he's a sports' guy. He's scummy. 237 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,308 Dogfighting, drugs. They spit. 238 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,644 Did Donna tell you that? 239 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,646 "Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel." 240 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:42,939 So you're just making a giant assumption. 241 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,066 - You don't even know the guy. - You know what? 242 00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:48,653 You know what? I am declaring a moment of silence right now. 243 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,531 Ten minutes of silence honoring Michael Jackson. 244 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:54,868 Just sit there and think about Michael Jackson. 245 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,537 My name is Andy Bernard, and I am a cuckold. 246 00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,581 For those of you unfamiliar with William Shakespeare, 247 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,500 a cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him. 248 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,003 I've lived the part. 249 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,797 And let me tell you, I would so much rather 250 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:11,009 play the part onstage. 251 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,344 I don't follow this exactly. 252 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,471 Uh, "The descendants of any replicants 253 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,930 from this union shall have"-- 254 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:16,890 both: Joint custody. 255 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,185 Are we talking about your grandchildren? 256 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,519 both: No. 257 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,729 That's why we specified "descendants" 258 00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,440 - versus "replicas." - Mm-hmm. 259 00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:28,610 So you're talking about a clone of your child? 260 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:31,237 No, "clone" has a pejorative connotation. 261 00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,365 That's why we've agreed to use the word "replicants." 262 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,699 As I understand the technology-- 263 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,201 You don't understand the technology, 264 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,243 which is why this whole contract 265 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:38,411 should be null and void. 266 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,413 [laughs] Pearls before swine. 267 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,627 Okay, uh, let's move on to the next clause. 268 00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,837 "The child shall be schooled in the art of the raper"? 269 00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,757 Ah, that's "rapier," not "raper." 270 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,051 Uh, it's a kind of a sword. That's a misspelling. 271 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,344 This contract is null and void. 272 00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:55,720 Just throw out that clause. 273 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,222 I never should have agreed to it anyway 274 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,848 because guns are better. 275 00:09:58,890 --> 00:09:59,891 It's not about killing. 276 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,184 It's about the art of the killing. 277 00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:02,727 Maybe it should be about the art of spelling. 278 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:05,063 Look, if we can't agree on guns versus swords, 279 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,898 how are we gonna bring a child into this world? 280 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,442 Our child can use guns and swords, okay? 281 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,070 Just add an I to the "raper." 282 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,363 Done. 283 00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:16,408 So here's the thing about infidelity. 284 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,909 Mm, no, no. 285 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,786 When are you people going to stop casting 286 00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,037 the first stone? 287 00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:22,247 I am not in the wrong here. 288 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,623 I am the good guy. 289 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,750 How does that work? 290 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:29,337 Do you think this husband is a supersweet nice guy? 291 00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,589 Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. 292 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,092 Why is his wife going off 293 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,469 and having a little something-something with me? 294 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:40,348 There has to be a problem with him. 295 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,725 In any cheating movie, 296 00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:44,227 the person getting cheated on is the hero. 297 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,479 You're Ali Larter. I'm Beyoncé. 298 00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,231 I am Beyoncé always. 299 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,941 - Not this time. - Yes, I am. 300 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,944 This guy's a high school baseball coach, right? 301 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,821 Let's go check him out, see what a horrible person he is. 302 00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,698 - I would love that. - Yeah. 303 00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,116 Those teams have games and practices every day. 304 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,618 - Let's go check it out. - I have work to do. 305 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,495 Oh, really? I thought you were the boss. 306 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,249 Let's go. 307 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,584 I can't wait to see this jerk 308 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,377 who is making me cheat on his wife. 309 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,503 I should punch him in the nose 310 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,964 for what he's making me do to her. 311 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:21,056 [humming] 312 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,391 Okay, all right. Andy, please. 313 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,477 - Baseball! - Shh. 314 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:29,314 Try not to draw attention, please. 315 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,815 That's him. That's him. 316 00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,193 - Where? - Right there. The coach. 317 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:34,652 Stage right or stage left? 318 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,446 I played batboy in "Damn Yankees!" 319 00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:37,822 Right there. Look, look. 320 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,824 Follow my finger. Okay? See? 321 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,618 The grown-up by the base? 322 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,828 And now, coaching third base 323 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,122 with two arms, two legs, and a heart 324 00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,499 capable of feeling pain. 325 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,376 All right. Could you just-- 326 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,836 can you just act normal for a second, please? 327 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,589 Whatever. I'm the one blending in. 328 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,220 [clears throat] 329 00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:04,015 Guys? 330 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:07,018 - Pam. - Mm. Hey. Oh, hi, Gabe. 331 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,896 Can you two please join me in my office? 332 00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:12,691 Now. 333 00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:16,986 You were supposed to be the lookout. 334 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,571 Yeah, well, it's really warm in here. 335 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,198 It's like a sleeping bag. 336 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,908 I don't wanna be the heavy here, 337 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:24,619 but honestly, guys, this makes us all look bad. 338 00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:28,164 - Sorry about that. - So embarrassing. 339 00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,624 Good. Okay. 340 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,668 End of the dressing down. 341 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,420 I just hate that part of the job, you know, 342 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,046 the power dynamic. 343 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,965 Well, you were surprisingly restrained. 344 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,883 We will be well-rested tomorrow. 345 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,802 Okay, that's great, actually because I wanted to talk 346 00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:41,803 to you about something else. 347 00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,471 Excellent. Go for it. 348 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,640 I'm sure you got my email about the printer fires. 349 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:47,684 The one with the branching decision tree? 350 00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:49,352 I actually designed that chart. 351 00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,062 Kinda hoping it catches on. 352 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,940 Anyway, the question is, what is the best way 353 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:55,859 to disseminate important information 354 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,444 in an efficient way? 355 00:12:57,485 --> 00:13:01,072 Right? So, uh, let's, uh... 356 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,991 Finally there's a provision here in the occurrence 357 00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,743 that the child is born an old man, 358 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:05,994 à la "Benjamin Button." 359 00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,704 - both: Same page. - Go to the next one. 360 00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:09,164 Just keep moving. 361 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,832 Despite the provision covering 362 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,542 whether this is all part of the matrix... 363 00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,044 Which we can't know. 364 00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:17,047 - This is essentially... - Unless we're unplugged. 365 00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:19,758 Equivalent to a donor or surrogate contractor. 366 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,134 And wake up in the future. 367 00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:23,261 Which is actually pretty common. 368 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:26,806 So I have to tell you that this is a solid contract. 369 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:28,892 What? 370 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,602 Look, I can't enforce 371 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,437 that anybody have a child with anyone else. 372 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,439 - What? - So essentially, 373 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,274 this comes down to damages. 374 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:40,278 Now there is some precedent for the range of $30,000. 375 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,321 What? 376 00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:43,948 I don't have $30,000 lying around. 377 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,450 I have it buried very deeply, 378 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:49,287 and I don't want to dig past a certain someone to get it. 379 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,082 Chase Dixon is up. Could be a big play. 380 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,249 You have no idea what you're talking-- 381 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:54,709 - I know it's like cricket. - You don't. 382 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,169 - No, no. - And it's--there's--well, 383 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:58,046 - home plate is like a wicket. - You don't know. 384 00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:00,215 You don't-- you don't know anything. 385 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,801 Look at him. Look at him over there. 386 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,762 High-fiving? God. He didn't even do anything. 387 00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:07,555 Kid did all the work. 388 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:08,723 I bet he does that at home. 389 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:09,766 I bet it's like, "Hey, Donna, 390 00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:12,185 "why don't you wash the dishes? 391 00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,812 "High five, Donna. 392 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,105 "Hey, why don't you bring me my slippers? 393 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:17,649 High-five. I'm taking all the credit." 394 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,317 Seems pretty well-liked by the team. 395 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:23,863 Okay, well, that's because he's paying their salary. 396 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,949 You do know that high school coaches 397 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,826 - don't pay their players. - I know, I know, I know. 398 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,286 It--I'm--it-- that was a euphemism. 399 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,497 $30,000? There's gotta be another way. 400 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:35,834 He has a 60-acre beet farm that is worth a small fortune. 401 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,502 Look, I will not pay. 402 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:41,423 Well, I have an alternative. 403 00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:42,757 "Intercourse to completion. 404 00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:45,010 Five individual times rendered at my discretion"? 405 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,511 Look, I don't think that's actually legal. 406 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,388 Agreed. 407 00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:52,183 Five times for $30,000? 408 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,854 Not a bad stud fee. Better than most horses. 409 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,981 Competitive with my bull. 410 00:14:58,023 --> 00:14:59,983 But not in your bed. It's lumpy. 411 00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,985 Those lumps are cats, and those cats have names, 412 00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:05,030 and those names are Ember, Milky Way, Diane, and Lumpy. 413 00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,781 Fine. Five times. 414 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,491 Look, I can't legally watch this unfold. 415 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:09,826 It's coming a little dangerously close 416 00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,202 to prostitution. 417 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,079 - I want eye contact. - No. 418 00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,330 - Yes. - Do you understand how rare 419 00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:15,498 that is in nature? 420 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,167 I am not some farm animal. 421 00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,881 So we're operating within the bounds 422 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,716 of existing paradigms. 423 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:27,344 So thank you so much for your help. 424 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,637 You got it. 425 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:30,722 - All right. - Okay. 426 00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:31,890 - Okay, thank you. - All right. 427 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,141 - Yep. - So just let me know 428 00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,185 when we can move forward with that. 429 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,936 - Yes. - All right. 430 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,940 - Move forward with what? - I do not know. 431 00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,776 I wasn't focusing. Do you know? 432 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,569 No. Oh, what are we gonna do? 433 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,321 We just agreed to move forward with something. 434 00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,406 Okay, well, you took notes, right? 435 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,408 Yes. Yes! 436 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:56,289 Okay, "Third quarter, maximize Chick-fil-A." 437 00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,249 We can move forward with that. 438 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:06,257 - Great game, coach. - Shh! Okay, all right. 439 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,718 - Don't, don't, don't. - You guys are awesome! 440 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,804 Best game I've ever seen in my life. 441 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,972 Yeah, right, you must be rootin' for the other guys. 442 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,641 Ha, the other guys can go die. 443 00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:15,975 - [whispers] Okay. - Baseball! 444 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:19,145 - Go talk to him. - No, God. You go talk to him. 445 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,941 Shane, great game, man. 446 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,651 - Do I know you? - No. 447 00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:27,570 Uh, just big fans. Both of us. 448 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,572 Are somebody's... parents? 449 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,408 Oh, are you guys... 450 00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:32,992 Kenny's dads? 451 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,161 Ha, no. No. 452 00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,163 But we're gay for baseball. [chuckles] 453 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:38,957 - Okay. - But I have a wife, actually, 454 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,042 - who I really love a lot. - Okay. 455 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:45,171 Yeah, I am so into the institution of marriage. 456 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,507 I mean, isn't marriage the best, you know? 457 00:16:47,549 --> 00:16:49,259 Two good people finding each other, 458 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,386 getting all committed to each other. 459 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,347 So you love baseball. What else do you love? 460 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,266 Let's round you out as a person. 461 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,225 Hey, I'm really sorry, I'm just trying 462 00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:59,144 to focus here on the game. 463 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,812 I get it, man. I love it. 464 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,397 That's what makes you a good coach. 465 00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,315 You know, but as a fan, it just helps me 466 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:08,319 enjoy the game better if I know the coach loves his wife. 467 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,114 Of course. Okay? I gotta get back to this. 468 00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,490 - Of course. - All right. 469 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,242 But real quick, I want you to meet my associate. 470 00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:15,535 - Sheldon! - No, no, no. 471 00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:16,786 - Come on, get over here. - I'm good. 472 00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:18,538 - Oh, my God. - Get over here. 473 00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,790 Sheldon, say hi to the nice coach. 474 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,500 Sorry. I got some stomach cramps. 475 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,210 It's all right, it's all right, just keep it going! 476 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,421 Well, that was not at all what I expected. 477 00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:28,673 [laughs] Whew. 478 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,966 My heart's still racing. 479 00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,509 I just looked a man in the eyes 480 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:34,387 and I shook his hand, all the time I was thinkin', 481 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,139 "I'm sleeping with your wife." 482 00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:39,392 And you know who does that? James freakin' Bond. 483 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,481 Okay, orange slices. 484 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,107 - There you go. - Thanks, Michael. 485 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,693 Don't thank me. Thank Dylan's mom. 486 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,488 Here you go! Oh! [laughing] Ooh! 487 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,198 Why would you throw something wet at me? 488 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,617 You love it. There you go. 489 00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:57,202 Now were those for the team? 490 00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,787 Uh, no, they didn't say "Team." 491 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,580 - They just said "Coal Hawks." - Ah. 492 00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,332 I don't think those were yours to take. 493 00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:03,708 Well, then it wouldn't be the first time 494 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,710 I stole something away from Coach Shane. 495 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,379 I just wanna go on record as saying 496 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,589 that I do not condone this affair, 497 00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:11,299 and I even went so far as to force Michael 498 00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:13,802 to confront the victim of his behavior. 499 00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,929 And I did so through the very clever use 500 00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:19,182 of a character named Trevor, but it didn't work. 501 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,810 Who is Trevor? It's a great question. 502 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,396 He's a regular guy with a passing interest 503 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:28,274 in high school sports, bit of a foodie, 504 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:31,194 kind of a wine snob, actually, 505 00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:33,363 uh, loves documentaries. 506 00:18:33,405 --> 00:18:35,490 If you were to ask Trevor who he is, 507 00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,659 he'd probably just say, "I'm a dad." 508 00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:41,913 With layers, you know? 509 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:45,834 But he's inquisitive, which is why we as an audience 510 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:49,170 are so intrigued by him. 511 00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,922 - Did you talk to him? - I did. 512 00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,048 You talked to the man 513 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,009 whose wife you're having an affair with? 514 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,510 Wow, that is crazy. 515 00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,012 - Uh-huh. - Was there a fistfight? 516 00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,388 No, we just talked. 517 00:18:58,430 --> 00:18:59,514 He's very nice. 518 00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:01,182 And it didn't change your mind? 519 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:03,184 - It did not. - Michael, that's awful. 520 00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:04,394 - Isn't it? - Yes. 521 00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:05,854 - I'm awful, aren't I? - Yeah. 522 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:08,273 - That's pretty bad. - I'm an awful guy! Ooh! 523 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,566 How can you live with yourself? 524 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,528 I am what I am, Oscar, and I want what I want. 525 00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:15,572 And right now I want a piece of cake. 526 00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,449 From now on, when I'm hungry, 527 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,534 I am going to eat whatever I am hungry for. 528 00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:22,537 That is a dangerous game, friendo. 529 00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:25,582 People don't like heroes anymore. 530 00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:30,086 They respond to people like Tony Soprano or Nurse Jackie 531 00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:33,131 or the woman from "Weeds." 532 00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:34,341 Those are real people. 533 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:37,218 Those are complex 534 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:41,598 and complicated and flawed. 535 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,975 I am seriously flawed. 536 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,602 Well, because I thought that it was a book 537 00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:47,228 about Anthropologie the store. 538 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,855 I don't know why you were in that part of the bookstore. 539 00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:50,732 'Cause it's next to the baby section, okay? 540 00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:51,858 All right, that makes more sense. 541 00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:52,984 You should have said that at the beginning 542 00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,277 when you said, "I read a book about"-- 543 00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:55,278 I don't even know why you're screaming 544 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,237 - at me right now. - I'm not scream-- 545 00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:58,365 I'm not screaming. 546 00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,367 That's Meredith's cake. It's her birthday. 547 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,951 I don't care. 548 00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:06,039 I have an appetite for life. 549 00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:07,707 Mmm. 550 00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:11,378 Mmm. Oh, God, that's lemon. 551 00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:14,172 Good for you, man. 552 00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,466 - Good for you. - Hmm. 553 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,804 He takes what he wants. 554 00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:24,933 You know what? 555 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:28,144 I think you're attractive, and I wanna sleep with you. 556 00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:29,562 What about Kelly? 557 00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:31,272 You read my mind. 558 00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:33,191 [quietly] Is this a joke? 559 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,651 Yep. 560 00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,488 It's hard to live that way, man. 561 00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,782 You gotta really not care what people think about you. 562 00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,701 I--I don't know how you do it, Michael. 563 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,745 I--I--I can't be that cold. 564 00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,747 You'll learn, baby. You'll learn. 565 00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:51,584 The teacher has become the teacher. 566 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,929 I am an honorable man, and I will honor the contract. 567 00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,390 But I don't have to give her the good stuff. 568 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:06,808 Schrute sperm are strong... [groaning] 569 00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,393 But they're no match for a grown Schrute man. 570 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:09,978 Aah! 571 00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:12,772 [chuckling] Let's see what she gets. 572 00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:14,649 Aah! 573 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:19,320 Uh, boss, we're out of paper. 574 00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:21,322 - Yeah, I noticed that. - Are you gonna add any more? 575 00:21:21,364 --> 00:21:22,824 Nope. 576 00:21:22,866 --> 00:21:25,326 He don't give an F about nothin'! 577 00:21:25,368 --> 00:21:28,830 I have got big balls. 578 00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:30,582 I don't think I'm gonna make it. 579 00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,292 [yawning] What about a energy drink or something? 580 00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:33,835 It gets in the breast milk. 581 00:21:33,877 --> 00:21:36,379 If I drink it, Cece drinks it six hours later. 582 00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:37,589 Well, it doesn't mean I can't drink it. 583 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,799 Well, it does and it doesn't. 584 00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:41,176 Probably shouldn't tell you this, 585 00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:43,720 but a lot of guys in the warehouse 586 00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:47,599 work multiple jobs, so we have a place. 587 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,560 - A place? - A restful location. 588 00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:52,520 Talk to Glenn. He'll take you up in the lift. 589 00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:55,065 You sleep in the warehouse? 590 00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:58,693 Light bulb's burnt out, so it's dark. 591 00:21:58,735 --> 00:22:00,278 And the heat from the backup generator 592 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,030 keeps it nice and warm. 593 00:22:02,072 --> 00:22:04,032 Sometimes I think about it when I'm trying 594 00:22:04,074 --> 00:22:06,201 to fall asleep at home. 595 00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:07,744 But as far as the rest of the office goes, 596 00:22:07,786 --> 00:22:10,038 it doesn't exist, okay? 597 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,331 - Okay. - Pam? 598 00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:12,540 Okay. 599 00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,920 - For your signature. - Okay. 600 00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:23,593 Phyllis. 601 00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:26,596 Okay, look at me. 602 00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:30,225 Phyllis, look at-- 603 00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:33,395 okay, that's-- 604 00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:34,562 all right, all right. 605 00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:37,023 You know what? I'm sick of this. 606 00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:39,984 I'm sick of the little disapproving head shakes. 607 00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:42,570 If you think that's going to have any effect on me, 608 00:22:42,612 --> 00:22:43,738 it will not. 609 00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:45,448 I am going to leave right now 610 00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:47,742 and go to a motel to meet Donna. 611 00:22:47,784 --> 00:22:49,577 Why not your condo? 612 00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:53,581 Because a motel is dirty and it is sexy. 613 00:22:53,623 --> 00:22:56,418 Like me. And like Donna. 614 00:22:56,459 --> 00:22:57,794 And frankly, the stuff that we're into 615 00:22:57,836 --> 00:22:59,587 isn't very condo-appropriate. 616 00:22:59,629 --> 00:23:01,548 Oh, Michael, will you drop it? 617 00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:02,757 Everybody's spoken their mind, 618 00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,217 and no one's changing their mind. 619 00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:06,761 Okay, Morgan Freeman narrating everything. 620 00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:08,263 Do you want someone to stop you? 621 00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:10,974 - 'Cause no one's going to. - Nobody better try to stop me. 622 00:23:13,018 --> 00:23:15,145 Good. 623 00:23:15,186 --> 00:23:17,188 I could have stopped him. 624 00:23:23,987 --> 00:23:25,655 - Are you warmed up? - No. 625 00:23:25,697 --> 00:23:28,241 God, Angela, why is that always my responsibility? 626 00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:32,162 - What did you do to yourself? - Never mind. 627 00:23:32,203 --> 00:23:33,788 Just never mind. 628 00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:36,207 - Well, it better work. - Oh, it'll work. 629 00:23:36,249 --> 00:23:38,084 Mm. Stop kissing me. 630 00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:40,086 - [groans] - It's not in the contract. 631 00:24:18,291 --> 00:24:21,336 How do I feel about breaking up with Donna? 632 00:24:21,378 --> 00:24:24,506 Good. Moral. I feel proud. 633 00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:27,217 Like a grown-up. 634 00:24:27,258 --> 00:24:31,429 That was not easy because I really liked her a lot, 635 00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:33,181 and I'm a little bit emotional right now 636 00:24:33,223 --> 00:24:36,685 because I know that I absolutely made 637 00:24:36,726 --> 00:24:38,228 the right decision. 638 00:24:38,269 --> 00:24:41,564 At the end of the day, we have to do what's right. 639 00:24:41,606 --> 00:24:45,360 And it was either living with myself... 640 00:24:45,402 --> 00:24:48,071 or being happy. 641 00:24:50,573 --> 00:24:56,121 And I picked the... 642 00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:58,790 former. 643 00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:04,295 - Michael Scott? - Yes? 644 00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:06,423 Do you wanna make a comment on the rumors? 645 00:25:06,464 --> 00:25:09,134 [sighs] Um... 646 00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:11,970 I have done some very bad things, 647 00:25:12,012 --> 00:25:14,055 things of which I am not proud. 648 00:25:14,097 --> 00:25:18,727 I would like to publicly apologize to... 649 00:25:18,768 --> 00:25:20,770 the coach and the players. 650 00:25:20,812 --> 00:25:25,191 And I vow to never listen 651 00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:29,362 to my bodily instincts ever again. 652 00:25:29,404 --> 00:25:30,822 I'm talking about the Sabre printers 653 00:25:30,864 --> 00:25:31,990 that catch on fire. 654 00:25:32,032 --> 00:25:35,035 Oh, okay. I was talking about... 655 00:25:35,076 --> 00:25:36,911 what do--what-- what's goin' on? 48368

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