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1
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,094
This here
is a radon test kit.
2
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:12,637
'Kay?
I'll be putting 'em everywhere.
3
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:16,266
And please don't throw
these out.
4
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,977
This is a radon test kit.
5
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,980
Please don't throw
these out.
6
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,857
See them all over the office.
7
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:26,317
Toby has been leaving
radon kits everywhere,
8
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,987
like he owns the place.
9
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,613
The first time
I threw mine away,
10
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:33,158
I thought it was an ant trap.
11
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,951
But I figured
I'd rather live with ants
12
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,828
than with his creepy
little disk.
13
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,538
The second time... God.
14
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,498
I thought it was one of those,
15
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,335
you know, the things
you turn over, and it moos,
16
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:47,589
like a cow thing,
but upon closer examination,
17
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:50,508
it was another ant trap,
so I threw it away.
18
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,969
And the third time...
19
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:56,765
I did it out of spite.
20
00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,433
- [imitates fart]
- Come on, Michael.
21
00:00:58,475 --> 00:00:59,559
You're--you're interrupting.
22
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:01,353
You're kidding me. God!
23
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,396
You say radon is silent
but deadly, and then you expect
24
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,774
me not to make farting noises
with my mouth?
25
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,192
- What is this?
- Please sit down.
26
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,735
You know what?
We're not gonna die of radon.
27
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,028
- We're gonna die of boredom.
- Yeah!
28
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,030
- [laughter]
- Right?
29
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,324
And if I had a gun
with two bullets
30
00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,909
and I was in a room
with Hitler,
31
00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:18,703
bin Laden, and Toby,
I would shoot Toby twice.
32
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:19,746
No.
[low murmuring]
33
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:20,872
- That's not--
- Okay.
34
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:21,873
You were being really funny,
35
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,208
and then you went too far.
36
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,210
I would kill bin Laden
and then Toby.
37
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,836
- No, that's still--
- Still no.
38
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,797
Okay, geniuses,
how would you do it?
39
00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:30,048
Curve the bullet
40
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,258
like in my favorite
James McAvoy film,
41
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,593
"Wanted."
42
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,720
All that does is help you
shoot around things.
43
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,389
Is there a curtain rod
in the room?
44
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,557
- I don't know.
- How about make-believe land
45
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,267
has anything you want?
46
00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:43,895
Stanley, please.
This is serious.
47
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,730
Is this the thing
where they use an icicle
48
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,065
- so there's no evidence?
- Yes.
49
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,817
We stab Toby through the heart
with an icicle.
50
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:50,402
The whole two-bullet thing
is a red herring.
51
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,195
Here's how you do it.
You line them all up,
52
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,863
you take one bullet,
shoot them all
53
00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:56,324
through the throat
at the same time.
54
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:57,867
Watch this.
Phyllis, you're Hitler.
55
00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,911
Come up here.
Toby, you're Toby.
56
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,454
Andy, you're bin Laden.
Line up.
57
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,039
- I don't wanna do this.
- Throats together.
58
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,457
[shouting]
Toby, just do it!
59
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:05,959
- Toby, come on.
- God!
60
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:07,585
Ready? One bullet.
61
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,879
And boom!
62
00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:13,216
[imitates gunshot]
63
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,260
- Yeah, that works.
- That works.
64
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,345
Good work.
65
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,076
What flavors did you get?
66
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,953
It's so exciting, Pam.
67
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,621
The Eagles are doing
a theme of ice creams
68
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:44,873
in honor of turning 60.
69
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,374
"Despera-dough."
70
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,501
"Witchy-womanilla."
Why do they do this?
71
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:49,919
Do you want me to go back
to the store?
72
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:52,297
No, no, no, it's fine.
I was just commenting.
73
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,798
We gotta get these out.
Open 'em up.
74
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,800
{\an8}Okay.
This is all for Michael.
75
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,886
{\an8}Turns out his girlfriend
was married.
76
00:02:57,927 --> 00:02:59,471
{\an8}Yeah, and when Michael
gets a broken heart,
77
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,097
{\an8}this whole place comes
to a halt,
78
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:03,558
{\an8}so we're just trying
to get out in front of this.
79
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,684
{\an8}After his last breakup,
80
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,811
{\an8}he ate 40,000 calories
in three hours.
81
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,564
{\an8}Right, Pam?
That's what Pam told me.
82
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,733
{\an8}Yeah.
Or no--well--
83
00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:13,318
{\an8}I don't know. I'm sorry.
84
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,654
{\an8}I was up all night with Cece,
otherwise I'd be running this.
85
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,198
{\an8}That's okay.
86
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:21,493
{\an8}You probably shouldn't keep
a baby up that late, though.
87
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,119
{\an8}We have "Mr. Bean"
playing in the conference room
88
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,579
{\an8}and "The Pink Panther" movie
in his office
89
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,081
{\an8}with half-hour shifts
to watch with him.
90
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:27,916
{\an8}And we need bodies in both
these rooms, people,
91
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,125
{\an8}so please sign up.
92
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,460
{\an8}- He's coming.
- Oh, okay.
93
00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:32,337
{\an8}Everyone, remember,
when he gets like this,
94
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,172
{\an8}he will wallow
if you empathize.
95
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,632
{\an8}Keep conversations light
96
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,926
{\an8}and if you get stuck
and you don't know what to do,
97
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,719
{\an8}make a random sound effect, okay?
98
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,888
{\an8}Farting noise, whatever. Okay.
99
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,348
{\an8}Hey, everyone.
both: No.
100
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,391
{\an8}- Out!
- Get out right now!
101
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,767
{\an8}- Leave now.
- Leave. Get back.
102
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,019
{\an8}- Please!
- Right now.
103
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,437
{\an8}Oh,
and if he makes a joke,
104
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,314
{\an8}just laugh it up,
no matter what.
105
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,649
{\an8}Okay?
106
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,195
{\an8}- Morning, everyone.
- Hey!
107
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,531
{\an8}- Hey!
- Hey.
108
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,491
{\an8}Hello, Michael.
109
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:02,951
{\an8}Nice tie or something.
110
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:05,286
{\an8}Oh, thank you.
It's reversible, I think.
111
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,955
{\an8}[laughter]
112
00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:08,456
{\an8}- That's hilarious.
- That's awesome.
113
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:11,042
{\an8}- You want some ice cream?
- Oh--oh, wow!
114
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,378
{\an8}Are those Eagles' flavors?
115
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,547
{\an8}Cake It to the Limit,
that's my favorite.
116
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:16,589
{\an8}I love that.
117
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:17,924
{\an8}Too much for me
to have by myself.
118
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,217
{\an8}Anybody wanna share?
119
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,804
{\an8}Boi-oi-oi-oing!
120
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:26,141
{\an8}Okay. Well, that's random.
121
00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:27,600
{\an8}I will dig into those later.
122
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,564
{\an8}Turns out Donna's married.
123
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,441
{\an8}Did not see that comin'.
124
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:38,570
{\an8}What you gonna do?
125
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,405
{\an8}Life's full of surprises.
126
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,744
I'm always cold
and I tell people to--
127
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,412
How do I know you're not
a member of her family?
128
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,747
Uh, because I thought
you said you picked me
129
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:49,831
out of a yellow pages.
130
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,125
Yeah, her yellow pages.
131
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,085
I wanted a randomly selected
yellow pages
132
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,545
from a public phone booth.
133
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,797
Apparently they don't exist anymore.
134
00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,133
Rise of the cell phone.
135
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:04,346
- Mm?
- Okay, um, shall we start?
136
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:05,972
Rather than spend all day
in court,
137
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,016
we've decided
to settle our dispute
138
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,309
using a mediator.
139
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:10,560
It was an option spelled out
140
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,437
in our child-rearing contract
and--
141
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,689
- Alleged contract.
- Alleged?
142
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,983
I am going to own your farm
by the time this is over.
143
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,943
Pfft. Yeah, just try.
144
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,945
I will do legal jujitsu
on you.
145
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,906
- Oh, yeah--
- Gaah!
146
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:24,699
See? Don't even need
to make contact.
147
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,785
The law will do it.
148
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,870
So much of this
is just impossible to verify.
149
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:32,415
Item five, point B,
uh, the beet juice cleanse.
150
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,250
I'm doing it. You know I am.
151
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,835
- It's disgusting!
- How do we know this?
152
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:40,006
- I'd like to see a stool sample.
- Dwight, look at my teeth.
153
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:41,549
- Ugh.
- And what are you doing?
154
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,135
Are you fondling
a giant tacky Amazon woman?
155
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,303
- Yes.
- She is not tacky.
156
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,554
Did you see those boots?
157
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,390
She is an incredible
physical specimen.
158
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,683
You have to see this girl.
159
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,309
- If you like a big specimen.
- She's amazing.
160
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,560
Do you have any children?
161
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,895
You know what?
I'd like to bring it back--
162
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,480
Have you ever
had intercourse?
163
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,065
- I would like to focus...
- Dwight, not appropriate.
164
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,191
- On the contract.
- It's not appropriate.
165
00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,526
- We don't need to know about...
- [sighs]
166
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:00,944
- Sex life.
- By the way,
167
00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,028
I'm still a little bit confused
168
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,905
by exactly who Morpheus is.
169
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,199
No secret crying.
170
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,493
Hasn't even opened
the tissue box in there.
171
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,161
Could he still be seeing her?
172
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,080
I don't think he'd do that.
173
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,498
So we're gonna say
the most likely scenario
174
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,625
is that Michael matured
overnight?
175
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:18,336
Well, it happened
to Tom Hanks in "Big."
176
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:22,340
Exactly.
It happened in "Big."
177
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,509
No, I gotta go.
Text me later.
178
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,177
I'm really too tired
to do this.
179
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,179
- Me too!
- Then let's just not do this!
180
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,850
Do you have any idea
the risks involved?
181
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,184
- Hey, Michael.
- Hey.
182
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,686
We were wondering
if you'd like to have dinner
183
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,439
with us tonight in our home
and play with our baby.
184
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,357
We could order
in from Hooters.
185
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,775
Oh, Hooters a go. Nice.
186
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,360
We can watch a movie
and play Rock Band.
187
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,778
Billy Joel Rock Band.
188
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,239
- That exists?
- Yes.
189
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,658
Okay, well, I'll have
to take a rain check,
190
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,493
but thanks for the offer.
191
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,787
Michael Scott,
are you still seeing Donna?
192
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:56,708
Okay, Pam...
193
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,210
she's not invisible,
so stop asking silly questions.
194
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:02,547
- Oh, Michael.
- Since when is this an office
195
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,008
where we delve into
each other's personal lives?
196
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:08,261
I like Donna.
197
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:11,056
Is it wrong to keep seeing her?
198
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,140
Depends on who you ask.
199
00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:14,851
I mean,
if you ask her husband
200
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:18,104
or you took a random poll,
yeah, it's wrong.
201
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,439
That is something
I would never do.
202
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:20,565
Well, I think we all know
203
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:21,858
what you're capable of, Meredith.
204
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,985
Hey, I have never cheated on,
been cheated on,
205
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,570
or been used to cheat with.
206
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:32,369
I ask everyone in the room,
"Are you in a relationship?"
207
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:33,703
People, this is Scranton,
208
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,413
and many people consider that
to be the Paris
209
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,248
of Northeastern Pennsylvania.
210
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,583
And in Paris, it is rude
211
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,418
for a woman
to have less than four lovers.
212
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,003
Ugh, Ryan, I do not want you
hanging out
213
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:43,171
with Michael anymore.
214
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,631
- Okay.
- Okay, I will have you know
215
00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:47,759
that I asked Donna about this,
and she is fine with it,
216
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,594
and just to be sure,
I asked her again afterward.
217
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,930
- Same answer.
- How does he feel about it?
218
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,973
Yeah, I can see you really
thought this through, Mike.
219
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,433
I used to be a cheater
220
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,602
till I saw "Love Actually."
221
00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:01,815
The scene where Emma Thompson
plays that Joni Mitchell song
222
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,693
made me never cheat again.
223
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,612
Course I haven't been
in a relationship since then.
224
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,364
I think that movie screwed
with my expectations
225
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:11,574
about romance, you know?
226
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,493
He is never gonna find out.
227
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,453
He is a high school
baseball coach.
228
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:19,207
He wakes up early.
He goes to bed early.
229
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,543
Look at how long it took
for him to find out.
230
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,795
It was right under his nose.
I had to tell him!
231
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,630
Okay, now you're just
being hurtful.
232
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,798
I'm sorry, it--
233
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,967
why is it okay
for Stanley to cheat
234
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,176
or for Phyllis to cheat...
235
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,595
- Hey.
- On her diet?
236
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:35,348
And he's a sports' guy.
He's scummy.
237
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,308
Dogfighting, drugs.
They spit.
238
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,644
Did Donna tell you that?
239
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,646
"Real Sports
with Bryant Gumbel."
240
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:42,939
So you're just making
a giant assumption.
241
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,066
- You don't even know the guy.
- You know what?
242
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:48,653
You know what? I am declaring
a moment of silence right now.
243
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,531
Ten minutes of silence
honoring Michael Jackson.
244
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:54,868
Just sit there and think
about Michael Jackson.
245
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,537
My name is Andy Bernard,
and I am a cuckold.
246
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,581
For those of you unfamiliar
with William Shakespeare,
247
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,500
a cuckold is a man
whose woman is cheating on him.
248
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,003
I've lived the part.
249
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,797
And let me tell you,
I would so much rather
250
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:11,009
play the part onstage.
251
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,344
I don't follow this exactly.
252
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,471
Uh, "The descendants
of any replicants
253
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,930
from this union shall have"--
254
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:16,890
both: Joint custody.
255
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,185
Are we talking about
your grandchildren?
256
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,519
both: No.
257
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,729
That's why we specified
"descendants"
258
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,440
- versus "replicas."
- Mm-hmm.
259
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:28,610
So you're talking about
a clone of your child?
260
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:31,237
No, "clone" has a pejorative connotation.
261
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,365
That's why we've agreed
to use the word "replicants."
262
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,699
As I understand
the technology--
263
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,201
You don't understand
the technology,
264
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,243
which is why
this whole contract
265
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:38,411
should be null and void.
266
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,413
[laughs] Pearls before swine.
267
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,627
Okay, uh, let's move on
to the next clause.
268
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,837
"The child shall be schooled
in the art of the raper"?
269
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,757
Ah, that's "rapier,"
not "raper."
270
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,051
Uh, it's a kind of a sword.
That's a misspelling.
271
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,344
This contract is null and void.
272
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:55,720
Just throw out that clause.
273
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,222
I never should have agreed
to it anyway
274
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,848
because guns are better.
275
00:09:58,890 --> 00:09:59,891
It's not about killing.
276
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,184
It's about the art
of the killing.
277
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:02,727
Maybe it should be about
the art of spelling.
278
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:05,063
Look, if we can't agree
on guns versus swords,
279
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,898
how are we gonna bring a child
into this world?
280
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,442
Our child can use guns
and swords, okay?
281
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,070
Just add an I to the "raper."
282
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,363
Done.
283
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:16,408
So here's the thing
about infidelity.
284
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,909
Mm, no, no.
285
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,786
When are you people going
to stop casting
286
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,037
the first stone?
287
00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:22,247
I am not in the wrong here.
288
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,623
I am the good guy.
289
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,750
How does that work?
290
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:29,337
Do you think this husband
is a supersweet nice guy?
291
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,589
Do you think he's an angel?
I don't think so.
292
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,092
Why is his wife going off
293
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,469
and having a little
something-something with me?
294
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:40,348
There has to be a problem
with him.
295
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,725
In any cheating movie,
296
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:44,227
the person getting cheated on
is the hero.
297
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,479
You're Ali Larter.
I'm Beyoncé.
298
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,231
I am Beyoncé always.
299
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,941
- Not this time.
- Yes, I am.
300
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,944
This guy's a high school
baseball coach, right?
301
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,821
Let's go check him out, see
what a horrible person he is.
302
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,698
- I would love that.
- Yeah.
303
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,116
Those teams have games
and practices every day.
304
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,618
- Let's go check it out.
- I have work to do.
305
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,495
Oh, really?
I thought you were the boss.
306
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,249
Let's go.
307
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,584
I can't wait to see this jerk
308
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,377
who is making me cheat
on his wife.
309
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,503
I should punch him in the nose
310
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,964
for what he's making me
do to her.
311
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:21,056
[humming]
312
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,391
Okay, all right.
Andy, please.
313
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,477
- Baseball!
- Shh.
314
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:29,314
Try not to draw attention, please.
315
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,815
That's him. That's him.
316
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,193
- Where?
- Right there. The coach.
317
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:34,652
Stage right or stage left?
318
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,446
I played batboy
in "Damn Yankees!"
319
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:37,822
Right there.
Look, look.
320
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,824
Follow my finger.
Okay? See?
321
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,618
The grown-up by the base?
322
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,828
And now, coaching third base
323
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,122
with two arms, two legs,
and a heart
324
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,499
capable of feeling pain.
325
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,376
All right. Could you just--
326
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,836
can you just act normal
for a second, please?
327
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,589
Whatever.
I'm the one blending in.
328
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,220
[clears throat]
329
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:04,015
Guys?
330
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:07,018
- Pam.
- Mm. Hey. Oh, hi, Gabe.
331
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,896
Can you two please join me
in my office?
332
00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:12,691
Now.
333
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:16,986
You were supposed
to be the lookout.
334
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,571
Yeah, well,
it's really warm in here.
335
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,198
It's like a sleeping bag.
336
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,908
I don't wanna be
the heavy here,
337
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:24,619
but honestly, guys,
this makes us all look bad.
338
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:28,164
- Sorry about that.
- So embarrassing.
339
00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,624
Good. Okay.
340
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,668
End of the dressing down.
341
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,420
I just hate that part
of the job, you know,
342
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,046
the power dynamic.
343
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,965
Well, you were
surprisingly restrained.
344
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,883
We will be
well-rested tomorrow.
345
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,802
Okay, that's great, actually
because I wanted to talk
346
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:41,803
to you about something else.
347
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,471
Excellent. Go for it.
348
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,640
I'm sure you got my email
about the printer fires.
349
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:47,684
The one with the branching
decision tree?
350
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:49,352
I actually designed that chart.
351
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,062
Kinda hoping it catches on.
352
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,940
Anyway, the question is,
what is the best way
353
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:55,859
to disseminate
important information
354
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,444
in an efficient way?
355
00:12:57,485 --> 00:13:01,072
Right?
So, uh, let's, uh...
356
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,991
Finally there's a provision
here in the occurrence
357
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,743
that the child is born
an old man,
358
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:05,994
à la "Benjamin Button."
359
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:07,704
- both: Same page.
- Go to the next one.
360
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:09,164
Just keep moving.
361
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,832
Despite
the provision covering
362
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,542
whether this is all part
of the matrix...
363
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,044
Which we can't know.
364
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:17,047
- This is essentially...
- Unless we're unplugged.
365
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:19,758
Equivalent to a donor
or surrogate contractor.
366
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,134
And wake up in the future.
367
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:23,261
Which is actually
pretty common.
368
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:26,806
So I have to tell you
that this is a solid contract.
369
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:28,892
What?
370
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,602
Look, I can't enforce
371
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,437
that anybody have a child
with anyone else.
372
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,439
- What?
- So essentially,
373
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,274
this comes down to damages.
374
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:40,278
Now there is some precedent
for the range of $30,000.
375
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,321
What?
376
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:43,948
I don't have $30,000
lying around.
377
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,450
I have it buried
very deeply,
378
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:49,287
and I don't want to dig past
a certain someone to get it.
379
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,082
Chase Dixon is up.
Could be a big play.
380
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,249
You have no idea
what you're talking--
381
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:54,709
- I know it's like cricket.
- You don't.
382
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,169
- No, no.
- And it's--there's--well,
383
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:58,046
- home plate is like a wicket.
- You don't know.
384
00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:00,215
You don't--
you don't know anything.
385
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,801
Look at him.
Look at him over there.
386
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,762
High-fiving? God.
He didn't even do anything.
387
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:07,555
Kid did all the work.
388
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:08,723
I bet he does that at home.
389
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:09,766
I bet it's like, "Hey, Donna,
390
00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:12,185
"why don't you wash the dishes?
391
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,812
"High five, Donna.
392
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,105
"Hey, why don't you
bring me my slippers?
393
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:17,649
High-five.
I'm taking all the credit."
394
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,317
Seems pretty well-liked
by the team.
395
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:23,863
Okay, well, that's because
he's paying their salary.
396
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,949
You do know
that high school coaches
397
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,826
- don't pay their players.
- I know, I know, I know.
398
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,286
It--I'm--it--
that was a euphemism.
399
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,497
$30,000?
There's gotta be another way.
400
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:35,834
He has a 60-acre beet farm
that is worth a small fortune.
401
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,502
Look, I will not pay.
402
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:41,423
Well, I have an alternative.
403
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:42,757
"Intercourse to completion.
404
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:45,010
Five individual times rendered
at my discretion"?
405
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,511
Look, I don't think
that's actually legal.
406
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,388
Agreed.
407
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:52,183
Five times for $30,000?
408
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,854
Not a bad stud fee.
Better than most horses.
409
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,981
Competitive with my bull.
410
00:14:58,023 --> 00:14:59,983
But not in your bed.
It's lumpy.
411
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,985
Those lumps are cats,
and those cats have names,
412
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:05,030
and those names are Ember,
Milky Way, Diane, and Lumpy.
413
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,781
Fine. Five times.
414
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,491
Look, I can't legally
watch this unfold.
415
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:09,826
It's coming
a little dangerously close
416
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,202
to prostitution.
417
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,079
- I want eye contact.
- No.
418
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,330
- Yes.
- Do you understand how rare
419
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:15,498
that is in nature?
420
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,167
I am not some farm animal.
421
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,881
So we're operating
within the bounds
422
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,716
of existing paradigms.
423
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:27,344
So thank you so much
for your help.
424
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,637
You got it.
425
00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:30,722
- All right.
- Okay.
426
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:31,890
- Okay, thank you.
- All right.
427
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,141
- Yep.
- So just let me know
428
00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,185
when we can move forward
with that.
429
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,936
- Yes.
- All right.
430
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,940
- Move forward with what?
- I do not know.
431
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,776
I wasn't focusing. Do you know?
432
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,569
No. Oh, what are we gonna do?
433
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,321
We just agreed to move forward
with something.
434
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,406
Okay, well,
you took notes, right?
435
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,408
Yes. Yes!
436
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:56,289
Okay, "Third quarter,
maximize Chick-fil-A."
437
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,249
We can move forward
with that.
438
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:06,257
- Great game, coach.
- Shh! Okay, all right.
439
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,718
- Don't, don't, don't.
- You guys are awesome!
440
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,804
Best game I've ever seen
in my life.
441
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,972
Yeah, right, you must be
rootin' for the other guys.
442
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,641
Ha,
the other guys can go die.
443
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:15,975
- [whispers] Okay.
- Baseball!
444
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:19,145
- Go talk to him.
- No, God. You go talk to him.
445
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,941
Shane, great game, man.
446
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,651
- Do I know you?
- No.
447
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:27,570
Uh, just big fans.
Both of us.
448
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,572
Are somebody's... parents?
449
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,408
Oh, are you guys...
450
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:32,992
Kenny's dads?
451
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,161
Ha, no. No.
452
00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,163
But we're gay for baseball.
[chuckles]
453
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:38,957
- Okay.
- But I have a wife, actually,
454
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,042
- who I really love a lot.
- Okay.
455
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:45,171
Yeah, I am so into
the institution of marriage.
456
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,507
I mean, isn't marriage
the best, you know?
457
00:16:47,549 --> 00:16:49,259
Two good people
finding each other,
458
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,386
getting all committed
to each other.
459
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,347
So you love baseball.
What else do you love?
460
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,266
Let's round you out
as a person.
461
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,225
Hey, I'm really sorry,
I'm just trying
462
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:59,144
to focus here on the game.
463
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,812
I get it, man. I love it.
464
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,397
That's what makes you
a good coach.
465
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,315
You know, but as a fan,
it just helps me
466
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:08,319
enjoy the game better if I know
the coach loves his wife.
467
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,114
Of course. Okay?
I gotta get back to this.
468
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,490
- Of course.
- All right.
469
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,242
But real quick, I want you
to meet my associate.
470
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:15,535
- Sheldon!
- No, no, no.
471
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:16,786
- Come on, get over here.
- I'm good.
472
00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:18,538
- Oh, my God.
- Get over here.
473
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,790
Sheldon, say hi
to the nice coach.
474
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,500
Sorry.
I got some stomach cramps.
475
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,210
It's all right, it's all
right, just keep it going!
476
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,421
Well, that was not at all
what I expected.
477
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:28,673
[laughs] Whew.
478
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,966
My heart's still racing.
479
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,509
I just looked a man
in the eyes
480
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:34,387
and I shook his hand,
all the time I was thinkin',
481
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,139
"I'm sleeping with your wife."
482
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:39,392
And you know who does that?
James freakin' Bond.
483
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,481
Okay, orange slices.
484
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,107
- There you go.
- Thanks, Michael.
485
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,693
Don't thank me.
Thank Dylan's mom.
486
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,488
Here you go! Oh!
[laughing] Ooh!
487
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,198
Why would you throw
something wet at me?
488
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,617
You love it.
There you go.
489
00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:57,202
Now were those for the team?
490
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,787
Uh, no,
they didn't say "Team."
491
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,580
- They just said "Coal Hawks."
- Ah.
492
00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:02,332
I don't think
those were yours to take.
493
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:03,708
Well, then it wouldn't
be the first time
494
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,710
I stole something
away from Coach Shane.
495
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,379
I just wanna go on record
as saying
496
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,589
that I do not condone
this affair,
497
00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:11,299
and I even went so far
as to force Michael
498
00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:13,802
to confront the victim
of his behavior.
499
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,929
And I did so through
the very clever use
500
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:19,182
of a character named Trevor,
but it didn't work.
501
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,810
Who is Trevor?
It's a great question.
502
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,396
He's a regular guy
with a passing interest
503
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:28,274
in high school sports,
bit of a foodie,
504
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:31,194
kind of a wine snob, actually,
505
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:33,363
uh, loves documentaries.
506
00:18:33,405 --> 00:18:35,490
If you were
to ask Trevor who he is,
507
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,659
he'd probably just say,
"I'm a dad."
508
00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:41,913
With layers, you know?
509
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:45,834
But he's inquisitive,
which is why we as an audience
510
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:49,170
are so intrigued by him.
511
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,922
- Did you talk to him?
- I did.
512
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,048
You talked to the man
513
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,009
whose wife you're having
an affair with?
514
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:55,510
Wow, that is crazy.
515
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,012
- Uh-huh.
- Was there a fistfight?
516
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,388
No, we just talked.
517
00:18:58,430 --> 00:18:59,514
He's very nice.
518
00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:01,182
And it didn't
change your mind?
519
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:03,184
- It did not.
- Michael, that's awful.
520
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:04,394
- Isn't it?
- Yes.
521
00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:05,854
- I'm awful, aren't I?
- Yeah.
522
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:08,273
- That's pretty bad.
- I'm an awful guy! Ooh!
523
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,566
How can you live
with yourself?
524
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,528
I am what I am, Oscar,
and I want what I want.
525
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:15,572
And right now
I want a piece of cake.
526
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,449
From now on, when I'm hungry,
527
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,534
I am going to eat
whatever I am hungry for.
528
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:22,537
That is a dangerous game, friendo.
529
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:25,582
People don't like heroes anymore.
530
00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:30,086
They respond to people like
Tony Soprano or Nurse Jackie
531
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:33,131
or the woman from "Weeds."
532
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:34,341
Those are real people.
533
00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:37,218
Those are complex
534
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:41,598
and complicated and flawed.
535
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,975
I am seriously flawed.
536
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,602
Well, because I thought
that it was a book
537
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:47,228
about Anthropologie the store.
538
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,855
I don't know why you were
in that part of the bookstore.
539
00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:50,732
'Cause it's next
to the baby section, okay?
540
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:51,858
All right,
that makes more sense.
541
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:52,984
You should have said that
at the beginning
542
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,277
when you said,
"I read a book about"--
543
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:55,278
I don't even know why
you're screaming
544
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,237
- at me right now.
- I'm not scream--
545
00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:58,365
I'm not screaming.
546
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,367
That's Meredith's cake.
It's her birthday.
547
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,951
I don't care.
548
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:06,039
I have an appetite for life.
549
00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:07,707
Mmm.
550
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:11,378
Mmm. Oh, God, that's lemon.
551
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:14,172
Good for you, man.
552
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,466
- Good for you.
- Hmm.
553
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,804
He takes what he wants.
554
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:24,933
You know what?
555
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:28,144
I think you're attractive,
and I wanna sleep with you.
556
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:29,562
What about Kelly?
557
00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:31,272
You read my mind.
558
00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:33,191
[quietly]
Is this a joke?
559
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,651
Yep.
560
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,488
It's hard to live
that way, man.
561
00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,782
You gotta really not care
what people think about you.
562
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,701
I--I don't know how you do it, Michael.
563
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,745
I--I--I can't be that cold.
564
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,747
You'll learn, baby.
You'll learn.
565
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:51,584
The teacher
has become the teacher.
566
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,929
I am an honorable man,
and I will honor the contract.
567
00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,390
But I don't have
to give her the good stuff.
568
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:06,808
Schrute sperm are strong...
[groaning]
569
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,393
But they're no match
for a grown Schrute man.
570
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:09,978
Aah!
571
00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:12,772
[chuckling]
Let's see what she gets.
572
00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:14,649
Aah!
573
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:19,320
Uh, boss, we're out of paper.
574
00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:21,322
- Yeah, I noticed that.
- Are you gonna add any more?
575
00:21:21,364 --> 00:21:22,824
Nope.
576
00:21:22,866 --> 00:21:25,326
He don't give an F
about nothin'!
577
00:21:25,368 --> 00:21:28,830
I have got big balls.
578
00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:30,582
I don't think
I'm gonna make it.
579
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,292
[yawning] What about
a energy drink or something?
580
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:33,835
It gets in the breast milk.
581
00:21:33,877 --> 00:21:36,379
If I drink it,
Cece drinks it six hours later.
582
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:37,589
Well, it doesn't mean
I can't drink it.
583
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,799
Well,
it does and it doesn't.
584
00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:41,176
Probably
shouldn't tell you this,
585
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:43,720
but a lot of guys
in the warehouse
586
00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:47,599
work multiple jobs,
so we have a place.
587
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,560
- A place?
- A restful location.
588
00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:52,520
Talk to Glenn.
He'll take you up in the lift.
589
00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:55,065
You sleep in the warehouse?
590
00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:58,693
Light bulb's burnt out,
so it's dark.
591
00:21:58,735 --> 00:22:00,278
And the heat
from the backup generator
592
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,030
keeps it nice and warm.
593
00:22:02,072 --> 00:22:04,032
Sometimes I think about it
when I'm trying
594
00:22:04,074 --> 00:22:06,201
to fall asleep at home.
595
00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:07,744
But as far as the rest
of the office goes,
596
00:22:07,786 --> 00:22:10,038
it doesn't exist, okay?
597
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,331
- Okay.
- Pam?
598
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:12,540
Okay.
599
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,920
- For your signature.
- Okay.
600
00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:23,593
Phyllis.
601
00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:26,596
Okay, look at me.
602
00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:30,225
Phyllis, look at--
603
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:33,395
okay, that's--
604
00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:34,562
all right, all right.
605
00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:37,023
You know what?
I'm sick of this.
606
00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:39,984
I'm sick of the little
disapproving head shakes.
607
00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:42,570
If you think that's going
to have any effect on me,
608
00:22:42,612 --> 00:22:43,738
it will not.
609
00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:45,448
I am going to leave right now
610
00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:47,742
and go to a motel
to meet Donna.
611
00:22:47,784 --> 00:22:49,577
Why not your condo?
612
00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:53,581
Because a motel is dirty
and it is sexy.
613
00:22:53,623 --> 00:22:56,418
Like me.
And like Donna.
614
00:22:56,459 --> 00:22:57,794
And frankly,
the stuff that we're into
615
00:22:57,836 --> 00:22:59,587
isn't very condo-appropriate.
616
00:22:59,629 --> 00:23:01,548
Oh, Michael,
will you drop it?
617
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:02,757
Everybody's spoken their mind,
618
00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,217
and no one's
changing their mind.
619
00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:06,761
Okay, Morgan Freeman
narrating everything.
620
00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:08,263
Do you want someone
to stop you?
621
00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:10,974
- 'Cause no one's going to.
- Nobody better try to stop me.
622
00:23:13,018 --> 00:23:15,145
Good.
623
00:23:15,186 --> 00:23:17,188
I could have stopped him.
624
00:23:23,987 --> 00:23:25,655
- Are you warmed up?
- No.
625
00:23:25,697 --> 00:23:28,241
God, Angela, why is that
always my responsibility?
626
00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:32,162
- What did you do to yourself?
- Never mind.
627
00:23:32,203 --> 00:23:33,788
Just never mind.
628
00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:36,207
- Well, it better work.
- Oh, it'll work.
629
00:23:36,249 --> 00:23:38,084
Mm. Stop kissing me.
630
00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:40,086
- [groans]
- It's not in the contract.
631
00:24:18,291 --> 00:24:21,336
How do I feel about
breaking up with Donna?
632
00:24:21,378 --> 00:24:24,506
Good. Moral. I feel proud.
633
00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:27,217
Like a grown-up.
634
00:24:27,258 --> 00:24:31,429
That was not easy because
I really liked her a lot,
635
00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:33,181
and I'm a little bit
emotional right now
636
00:24:33,223 --> 00:24:36,685
because I know
that I absolutely made
637
00:24:36,726 --> 00:24:38,228
the right decision.
638
00:24:38,269 --> 00:24:41,564
At the end of the day,
we have to do what's right.
639
00:24:41,606 --> 00:24:45,360
And it was either
living with myself...
640
00:24:45,402 --> 00:24:48,071
or being happy.
641
00:24:50,573 --> 00:24:56,121
And I picked the...
642
00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:58,790
former.
643
00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:04,295
- Michael Scott?
- Yes?
644
00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:06,423
Do you wanna make a comment
on the rumors?
645
00:25:06,464 --> 00:25:09,134
[sighs] Um...
646
00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:11,970
I have done
some very bad things,
647
00:25:12,012 --> 00:25:14,055
things of which
I am not proud.
648
00:25:14,097 --> 00:25:18,727
I would like to publicly
apologize to...
649
00:25:18,768 --> 00:25:20,770
the coach and the players.
650
00:25:20,812 --> 00:25:25,191
And I vow to never listen
651
00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:29,362
to my bodily instincts
ever again.
652
00:25:29,404 --> 00:25:30,822
I'm talking about
the Sabre printers
653
00:25:30,864 --> 00:25:31,990
that catch on fire.
654
00:25:32,032 --> 00:25:35,035
Oh, okay.
I was talking about...
655
00:25:35,076 --> 00:25:36,911
what do--what--
what's goin' on?
48368
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