All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S06E22.Secretarys.Day.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:12,303 OSCAR, TOBY SAID HE LEFT MY GIRL SCOUT COOKIES 2 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:13,471 ON MY CHAIR. 3 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:14,681 HAVE YOU SEEN THEM? 4 00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:17,225 WAIT, I'M SITTING ON THEM. [laughter] 5 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,435 THIS IS AWESOME. 6 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:20,311 THANK YOU. IT DIDN'T EVEN TAKE THAT LONG. 7 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:22,522 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CHIMICHANGA, 8 00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:25,650 A CHALUPA, AND A TOSTADA? 9 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:29,696 CALL ME BACK ASAP. 10 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,197 IT'S URGENT. 11 00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,491 [laughter] THIS ISN'T FUNNY. 12 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,701 I DON'T TALK LIKE THAT. 13 00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:37,537 [laughs] SAY, "ME EAT COOKIE." 14 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,414 NO. I WON'T SAY IT. 15 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:40,957 WHY IS EVERYONE CLUMPED AROUND ACCOUNTING? 16 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:42,250 BREAK IT UP, YOU CLIQUE. 17 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,710 IT'S KEVIN AS COOKIE MONSTER 18 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:44,836 FROM SESAME STREET. 19 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,171 IS THAT THE PROGRAM 20 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,547 WHERE ALL THOSE PUPPETS LIVE IN THE BARRIO? 21 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:48,923 - MM-HMM. - I LOVE THAT SHOW. 22 00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:51,176 I WAS ACTUALLY CAST IN THE CHINESE LANGUAGE VERSION 23 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,428 OF SESAME STREET. TURNED IT DOWN. 24 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,013 WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE. 25 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,724 THIS IS KEVIN. THIS IS KEVIN. 26 00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:58,975 THANK YOU. 27 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,477 THAT IS AN AMUSING LINK. 28 00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:01,853 - I'D LIKE IT SENT TO ME, PLEASE. - YES. 29 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:02,854 ME TOO, OSCAR. PLEASE SEND IT TO ME. 30 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,190 - [all agreeing] - C.C. ME. 31 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,692 ANGELA, THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE. 32 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,402 THIS IS MY FAVORITE DAY. 33 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:12,405 {\an8}[cheerful music] 34 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:19,412 {\an8}♪ ♪ 35 00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:32,550 {\an8}IT'S SECRETARY'S DAY. 36 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,929 {\an8}AND IT IS ERIN'S AND MY THREE-WEEK ANNIVERSARY. 37 00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:40,350 {\an8}SO PERFECT STORM FOR A ROMANTIC GESTURE. 38 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,893 {\an8}WANNA MAKE SURE THE WHOLE OFFICE REMEMBERS 39 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,103 {\an8}IT'S SECRETARY'S DAY. 40 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:45,355 {\an8}I SENT AN EMAIL BLAST, A TEXT BLAST, 41 00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:47,190 {\an8}A GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED TALK BLAST. 42 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,567 {\an8}I SENT A SNAIL MAIL BLAST A WEEK AGO. 43 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:52,362 {\an8}AND A STERN REMINDER VIA FAX AT 7:00 THIS MORNING, 44 00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:53,905 {\an8}SO PEOPLE BETTER STEP UP 45 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,616 {\an8}AND APPRECIATE THE CRAP OUT OF ERIN. 46 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:57,784 {\an8}- HERE YOU GO. - OH, THANK YOU. 47 00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:59,035 {\an8}I DO. 48 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:03,623 {\an8}THANK YOU. [clatter] 49 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,750 {\an8}IF IT WASN'T FOR SECRETARIES, 50 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,961 {\an8}I WOULDN'T HAVE A STEPMOM. 51 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:10,005 {\an8}- WELCOME BACK. - HEY, THANKS. 52 00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,590 {\an8}IT'S MY FIRST DAY BACK AFTER MATERNITY LEAVE. 53 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,926 {\an8}AND I MISS CECE, OF COURSE. 54 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,928 {\an8}BUT WE NEED THE MONEY. 55 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,431 {\an8}WHAT WAS MATERNITY LEAVE LIKE? 56 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,641 {\an8}OH, HOW DO I EXPLAIN IT? 57 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:22,934 {\an8}IT ROCKED. 58 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,937 {\an8}IT ROCKED MY ASS OFF. 59 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:29,357 {\an8}OH. YOU COULDN'T HAVE WATERED IT? 60 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,651 {\an8}I LITERALLY DID NOT KNOW THAT EXISTED 61 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,403 {\an8}UNTIL THIS MOMENT. 62 00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:36,990 {\an8}WELL, I KNEW IT EXISTED, AND I CHOSE TO LET IT DIE. 63 00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:39,284 {\an8}IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, DWIGHT. 64 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,660 {\an8}I'D LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU 65 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,412 {\an8}USED YOUR MATERNITY LEAVE WISELY-- 66 00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:44,664 {\an8}NURSING YOUR INFANT, EXPOSING IT TO THE NATURAL WORLD. 67 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,958 {\an8}BUT I SUSPECT YOU SQUANDERED IT ON YOUR HOBBY 68 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,668 {\an8}OF WATERCOLOR PAINTING. 69 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:50,128 {\an8}I DID DO SOME PAINTING, YES. 70 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,298 {\an8}OH, THERE'S SO MUCH BEAUTY IN THIS FENCE. 71 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,885 {\an8}OH, WHAT CAN THIS WINDOWSILL TELL ME ABOUT LIFE? 72 00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:59,304 {\an8}OHH--GARBAGE. 73 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,389 {\an8}I THINK YOU SHOULD ONLY BE ABLE TO PAINT THE PRESIDENT. 74 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,516 {\an8}OR, IN A PERFECT WORLD, THE KAISER. 75 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:06,519 {\an8}OH. 76 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:09,189 {\an8}WHO LEFT CUPCAKES ON MY DESK FOR SIX WEEKS? 77 00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,982 {\an8}THERE'S FRUIT FLIES EVERYWHERE. 78 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,901 {\an8}LOOK AT THOSE TENACIOUS BASTARDS. 79 00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:14,819 {\an8}OKAY. OH! 80 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,321 {\an8}MY DESK IS FILLED WITH MAGGOTS. 81 00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,115 {\an8}THOSE ARE MINE. I WAS BREEDING 'EM FOR PERSONAL USE. 82 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,493 {\an8}BUT I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FRUIT FLIES, OKAY? 83 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,330 {\an8}- OH, WHAT? - AHH! 84 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:28,083 {\an8}OH, YOU HAVE ONE BABY, AND IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. 85 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,126 {\an8}BUT A FLY HAS A THOUSAND MAGGOT BABIES, 86 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:33,838 - AND IT'S DISGUSTING? - MM-HMM. 87 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,840 IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE-- LIVING OR DEAD-- 88 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,593 FOR ME TO FIND ON MY DESK? 89 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,303 - HEY, BOSS. YOU GOT A MINUTE? - I DO. 90 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,888 I ACTUALLY HAVE 58 MINUTES, 91 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,306 ACCORDING TO THESE DOWNLOAD BARS. 92 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,183 I WAS JUST WONDERING WHAT YOU HAD PLANNED 93 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,267 FOR SECRETARY'S DAY. 94 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:49,312 I'M GOING TO GIVE ERIN $15. 95 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,939 IS THAT LIKE A TIP? THAT'S WEIRD. 96 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,023 NO, NO, NO. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT 97 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,608 I ALWAYS USE TO DO WITH PAM. 98 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:56,236 SEE, PAM DECIDED THAT SHE WOULD RATHER HAVE 99 00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:58,154 THE CASH VALUE OF HER HALF OF LUNCH, 100 00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,698 WERE I TO TAKE HER OUT. 101 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,867 SO SHE PROMISES EVERY YEAR TO TAKE THAT MONEY, 102 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,994 GO TO COOPERS, AND BUY HERSELF A SUNDAE. 103 00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:09,207 YEAH. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WORKED. 104 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,919 A SUNDAE. THAT WAS AWESOME. 105 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:16,631 PAM'S KIND OF A ARTSY LONER TYPE. 106 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:20,385 I KNOW THAT ERIN WOULD BE SO PSYCHED 107 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,678 IF YOU TOOK HER OUT TO LUNCH. 108 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,805 - A ONE-ON-ONE LUNCH WITH ERIN? - YEAH. 109 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,390 SHE REALLY LOOKS UP TO YOU. 110 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,726 AND THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH WE CAN DO AS HER COWORKERS. 111 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:31,312 SECRETARY'S DAY IS REALLY KIND OF A BOSS-SECRETARY THING. 112 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,776 SHE'S KIND OF A RUBE. 113 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,820 THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 114 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,238 OKAY. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 115 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,573 OKAY. I'LL TAKE HER TO LUNCH. 116 00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:44,325 - [tapping desk] - SHE'S GONNA BE SO PSYCHED. 117 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,536 HI, ERIN. HAPPY SECRETARY'S DAY. 118 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:47,954 WELL, HAPPY BOSS'S DAY. 119 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,789 THERE WOULDN'T BE A SECRETARY IF THERE WAS NO BOSS. 120 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,916 I WANTED TO KNOW WHAT YOUR PLANS FOR LUNCH WERE 121 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,295 BECAUSE I WAS HOPING TO ASK YOU TO... 122 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,504 LUNCH. 123 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,715 I GOT A PICTURE OF YOU ASKING ME TO LUNCH. 124 00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:00,967 I WAS THINKING WE COULD GO TO HAYWORTH'S. 125 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,552 - UGH. - JUST THE TWO OF US. 126 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,471 WELL, HAYWORTH'S IS MORE BUSINESS CASUAL, 127 00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:06,097 AND THEY ALWAYS SCREW UP YOUR ORDER. 128 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,558 - SO I'M... - YEAH, OKAY. 129 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,352 YEAH, THAT WAS A STUPID SUGGESTION. 130 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:11,936 I WAS THINKING SOMEPLACE SPECIAL, 131 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,521 SO I THOUGHT HAYWORTH'S, BUT... 132 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:14,856 OKAY, WELL, WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHING. 133 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,232 OH. 134 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,320 OKAY, LET'S GO TO HAYWORTH'S. 135 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,613 OKAY. 136 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,239 I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO ONE-ON-ONE TIME 137 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,699 WITH MICHAEL SO MUCH. 138 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,327 I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE THAT I ADMIRE AS MUCH AS HIM. 139 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,623 HE'S EVEN BETTER THAN SULLY SULLENBERGER 140 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,583 BECAUSE MICHAEL WOULD'VE TOLD US FUNNY JOKES 141 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:36,461 AS HE WAS LANDING THE PLANE IN THAT RIVER. 142 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,797 "BE CAREFUL AS YOU EXIT THE PLANE. 143 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:42,550 SWIM TO THE LEFT, OR YOU'LL END UP IN NEW JERSEY." 144 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:45,929 WELL, I CAN'T DO IT AS GOOD AS MICHAEL, BUT-- 145 00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,889 HAVE A COOKIE, KEV. 146 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,891 YEAH, HA HA. TRAY OF COOKIES. 147 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,309 I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT. 148 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,852 I BROUGHT THOSE IN. 149 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,270 IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. 150 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,314 THAT'S SOME STONE-COLD NARCISSISM RIGHT THERE. 151 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,441 MAN, DARRYL, I'M SORRY. 152 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:02,278 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY. - THANK YOU. 153 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,489 [as Cookie Monster] YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM, YUM. 154 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,616 [laughter] 155 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,118 THEY'RE MAKING FUN OF COOKIE MONSTER. 156 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,369 I GET THAT. 157 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,746 BUT IN A STRANGE WAY, IT FEELS 158 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,082 LIKE THEY'RE MAKING FUN OF ME. 159 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:18,128 OSCAR, DID YOU EAT SOME OF MY M&M'S? 160 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,630 - THE LEVEL-- - THIS IS VIOLENT AND OFFENSIVE. 161 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,424 THANK YOU. 162 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,592 IT REALLY MAKE ME SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY VOICE. 163 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:29,180 - IT'S AWFUL. - I'M NOT CRYING. 164 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,557 YOU HAVE SOME FOOD ON YOUR FACE. 165 00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:33,935 DO MY HANDS FEEL SWEATY TO YOU? 166 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:36,396 THE BEGINNING HERE HAS BEEN A LITTLE BIT OF A FIASCO. 167 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:40,817 EITHER THEY DON'T RESPECT ME OR THEY RESPECT ME TOO MUCH. 168 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:44,070 AND SOME OF THEM STILL THINK THAT I'M THE I.T. GUY. 169 00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,448 THIS COOKIE MONSTER THING IS AN OPPORTUNITY 170 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:49,075 TO SHOW PEOPLE THAT I'M AN AUTHORITY FIGURE. 171 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:52,787 HELLO, EVERYONE. 172 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:56,041 IF I MIGHT HAVE A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME. 173 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,209 IT'S COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WATCHING 174 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,712 AND LAUGHING AT A HURTFUL PARODY VIDEO. 175 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,174 IT IS NOW FORBIDDEN TO TALK, JOKE ABOUT, 176 00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:05,175 OR EMAIL THIS AROUND. 177 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,551 YEAH. 178 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:07,802 AND THAT'S STRAIGHT FROM CORPORATE. 179 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:10,263 SO, NOT TO BE SCARY, 180 00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:11,806 BUT, YEAH, I WOULD LISTEN TO ME. 181 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,725 AND THAT'S ALL. 182 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,685 CIAO. 183 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,487 WOULD YOU MIND IF I LISTEN TO MY BOOK ON TAPE? 184 00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,697 I'M KIND OF A BOOKWORM. 185 00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,325 THIS IS A NOVELIZATION OF THE MOVIE 186 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,494 PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE BOOK PUSH BY SAPPHIRE. 187 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,913 I WAS THINKING IT WOULD BE FUN TO TALK ON THE WAY OVER. 188 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:38,375 SO WHAT DECADE WOULD YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO BE A TEENAGER? 189 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,088 I DON'T KNOW. 190 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,423 I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN THE 1490s. 191 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,759 'CAUSE AMERICA WAS DISCOVERED. 192 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,011 RIGHT. 193 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,763 [sighs] 194 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,516 AND THEN MY LAST JOB WAS AT A TACO BELL EXPRESS. 195 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,267 BUT THEN IT BECAME A FULL TACO BELL, 196 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,645 AND I DON'T KNOW, I COULDN'T KEEP UP. 197 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,897 YOU KNOW WHAT, I SAW A STACK OF THE PENNY SAVER UP FRONT. 198 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:04,818 I THINK I MIGHT GO CHECK OUT WHAT'S GOING ON. 199 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,695 MY FAVORITE PART ABOUT BEING A RECEPTIONIST 200 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,321 IS THAT I GET TO HAVE MY OWN DESK. 201 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,240 IN MY FOSTER HOME, I NEVER HAD A DESK. 202 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:13,076 SO IT'S LIKE--I DON'T MEAN THAT I DIDN'T LIKE MY FOSTER HOME. 203 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,369 I DID LIKE IT. 204 00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,204 I JUST DIDN'T HAVE A DESK THERE. 205 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:18,164 DID YOU HAVE A FAVORITE AGE? 206 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,208 OR MONTH? 207 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,543 AN AGE OR MONTH? 208 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,628 YEAH, LIKE A FAVORITE MONTH. 209 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,588 LIKE, I LIKE APRIL WHEN I WAS SEVEN. 210 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,340 I'VE BEEN TRYING. I'VE BEEN TRYING 211 00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,843 TO KEEP IT GOING. 212 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:34,514 ERIN IS JUST WEIRD. 213 00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,391 HOW MANY PILLOWS DO YOU SLEEP ON AT NIGHT? 214 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,476 SO HOW ARE THINGS GOING WITH ANDY? 215 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,687 HE'S THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD. 216 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,274 TELL ME ABOUT HIM BEFORE I MET HIM. 217 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,234 WELL, LET'S SEE. 218 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:49,237 UM... ANDY. 219 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:50,488 PLAYS THE BANJO. 220 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,407 YEAH. I LOVE THAT. 221 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,951 OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT HE DATED ANGELA, 222 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:57,078 I DON'T THINK HE IS A SNAPPY DRESSER. 223 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,496 WHAT? 224 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,331 I DON'T THINK HE IS THE BEST DRESSER. 225 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:04,044 - REMINDS ME OF EASTER. - SORRY. ABOUT ANGELA? 226 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,754 DID YOU SAY HE DATED ANGELA? 227 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,380 MM-HMM. 228 00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,965 YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT? 229 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,593 - OH. - HERE WE GO. HOT PLATE. 230 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:14,220 - OKAY. - AND YOUR SALAD, MISS. 231 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,306 WHY WOULDN'T HE TELL ME THAT? 232 00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:18,016 I DON'T KNOW. 233 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,352 PROBABLY DIDN'T WANT YOU TO HAVE A MENTAL IMAGE 234 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,936 OF HIM HAVING SEX WITH SOMEBODY ELSE. 235 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,605 THEY HAD SEX? 236 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,523 THEY WERE ENGAGED, SO... 237 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,235 OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT, SIR? 238 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,862 YES. 239 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,447 YEAH, I ASKED FOR PICKLES WITH MY BURGER, 240 00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:33,823 AND THERE ARE ONLY, LIKE, FIVE OR SIX. 241 00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,075 COULD I GET SOME MORE PICKLES? 242 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,452 OF COURSE. I'LL GET YOU A BOWL OF PICKLES. 243 00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:40,246 - THANK YOU. - THEY WERE ENGAGED? 244 00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,248 MM-HMM. 245 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,625 YEAH. 246 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,420 - UH-OH. - WELL... 247 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,009 [moans] 248 00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:55,011 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 249 00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:58,431 IN THE FOSTER HOME, MY HAIR WAS MY ROOM. 250 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:02,310 [exhales] 251 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,437 [prolonged exclaiming] 252 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,522 OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? 253 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:06,690 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT? 254 00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,274 EVERYBODY'S LOOKING AT YOU RIGHT NOW. 255 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,944 [breathes heavily] 256 00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,238 [groans] 257 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,906 I'LL HAVE WHAT SHE'S HAVING. 258 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:24,249 DID YOU HAVE A-- DID YOU LIKE YOUR LUNCH? 259 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,960 DID YOU HAVE A GOOD LUNCH? 260 00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:29,754 DID YOU LIKE THAT? DID YOU ENJOY YOUR FOOD? 261 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,923 IT WAS GOOD. I LIKED MY LUNCH. 262 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,550 OOH. 263 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:34,926 AH-AH-AH. HA-HA. 264 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,345 - WHAT'S UP? - HER MILK IS COMING IN. 265 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,346 SHE'S GETTING UNCOMFORTABLE. 266 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,764 DWIGHT, DON'T BE GROSS. 267 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,350 NO, NO, HE'S RIGHT. 268 00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,685 SAME THING HAPPENS WITH MY COWS 269 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,687 IF I DON'T TEND THEM FREQUENTLY ENOUGH. 270 00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,981 YOU GOTTA MILK THEM, OR ELSE THEY'LL MOO LIKE CRAZY. 271 00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,315 THAT'S WEIRD. MY BREAST PUMP IS MISSING. 272 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:50,734 HAVE YOU SEEN MY BREAST PUMP? 273 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,028 ALL RIGHT, THIS IS GONNA TRAUMATIZE ME 274 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:56,489 A HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN YOU, BELIEVE ME. 275 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:57,866 YOU KNOW WHAT, DWIGHT? 276 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,325 LET ME JUST CHECK THE BATHROOM FIRST. 277 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,618 - OKAY? - REALLY? FINE. 278 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,620 LET YOUR BREASTS EXPLODE. 279 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,956 THREE SQUEEZES AND I WOULD DRAIN YOU. 280 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,791 MM. 281 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,337 MEREDITH! 282 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,546 I JUST LIKE THE WAY IT FEELS. 283 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:12,630 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 284 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,049 - RELAX. OKAY. - RELAX? 285 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:16,301 THIS IS LIKE THE CADILLAC OF PUMPS. 286 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,469 GIVE IT BACK TO ME NOW. 287 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,012 OKAY, I WAS JUST WARMING IT UP. 288 00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,014 IT'S DISGUSTING! 289 00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:22,599 - IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. - IT'S NOT STERILE! 290 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,726 WE'RE BOTH GIRLS. WHO CARES? 291 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:28,063 KINDA GOING THROUGH A DRY SPELL RIGHT NOW. 292 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,578 SO... 293 00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,080 HOW WAS LUNCH? 294 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,623 LUNCH WAS FINE. 295 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:50,126 WAS IT EVERYTHING THAT YOU HOPED AND DREAMED IT MIGHT BE? 296 00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:53,254 I DON'T KNOW. IT WAS LUNCH, ANDY. 297 00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:56,174 WELL, I KNOW. [stammers] 298 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,842 JUST WANT-- I MEAN... 299 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:01,429 - [chuckles] - ERIN? 300 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:02,889 I THINK WE'RE OUT OF FAX COVER SHEETS. 301 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,432 GOD, OSCAR, WILL YOU KEEP YOUR PANTS ON? 302 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,184 IT'S EASY. 303 00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:10,188 [drawer shuts] 304 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,773 [as Cookie Monster] "MY NAME IS KEVIN. 305 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,316 I'M AN ACCOUNTANT." 306 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:14,776 SEE, I DID THE VOICE. 307 00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,778 THAT'S A LITTLE DERIVATIVE. 308 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,154 BUT PARODY IS ALWAYS DERIVATIVE. 309 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,739 UH, IT'S NOT ORGANIC. 310 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,282 - DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? - JIM DOES A REALLY GOOD ONE. 311 00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,575 - DO YOURS. - OH, GUYS. 312 00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:24,160 I REALLY REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE. 313 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:27,414 "MICHAEL, CAN I HAVE AN ADVANCE ON MY PAYCHECK 314 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:30,792 BECAUSE A MRS. FIELD COOKIE JUST OPENED UP AT THE MALL." 315 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,627 GUYS, WHY DON'T WE LEAVE THE PARODIES 316 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,546 TO THE PROS AT MADtv? 317 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:38,591 "SORRY, GABE, BUT THAT SHOW HASN'T BEEN ON IN MANY COOKIES." 318 00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,677 OKAY. 319 00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:42,846 HEY, CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE? 320 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,931 FIRST OF ALL, THANKS TO EVERYONE 321 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,058 FOR HELPING PUT THIS AWESOME PARTY TOGETHER. 322 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,395 AND A VERY SPECIAL SHOUT-OUT TO THE CHAIR 323 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,648 OF THE PARTY PLANNING COMMITTEE, MISS ANGELA MARTIN. 324 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,567 YOU HAVE OUTDONE YOURSELF. 325 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,985 [applause] 326 00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,737 YOU KNOW WHAT, I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE 327 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,989 THAT ANGELA'S NOT SO GREAT, SO... 328 00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:02,490 I AM SAYING THE EXACT OPPOSITE. 329 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:03,700 ANGELA IS FANTASTIC. 330 00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,285 NO. NO. NO. 331 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,079 - SPECIFIC SHOUT-OUT... - STOP TALKING. 332 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,330 OKAY. 333 00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:10,957 AS SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW, 334 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:14,044 I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL CONNECTION TO SECRETARY'S DAY 335 00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:18,131 IN THE FORM OF THAT 115-POUND MOONBEAM OVER THERE 336 00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,799 NAMED ERIN HANNON. 337 00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,009 TO A LOT OF YOU SHE MAY JUST BE THE PERSON 338 00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,761 WHO BRINGS YOU YOUR FAX CONFIRMATIONS, 339 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,847 BUT TO ME, SHE IS MY GIRLFRIEND... 340 00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,766 IN ADDITION TO BEING THE PERSON 341 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,018 WHO BRINGS ME MY FAX CONFIRMATIONS. 342 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:35,398 SO I WROTE A [English accent] LITTLE DITTY 343 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,776 THAT I WOULD LIKE TO PLAY FOR ALL OF YOU RIGHT NOW. 344 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,154 IT'S A LITTLE TUNE CALLED 345 00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:45,241 SECRETARY OF LOVE. 346 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,743 A ONE, A TWO, 347 00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:48,703 A ONE, TWO, THREE-- [gasping] 348 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:49,996 I KNOW ABOUT ANGELA. 349 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:52,165 I KNOW THAT YOU WERE ENGAGED TO HER 350 00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,333 AND THAT YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH HER. 351 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,377 - MICHAEL TOLD ME. - OH, GOD. 352 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,504 ERIN, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS IN PRIVATE? 353 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,463 I DON'T WANT IT TO BE IN PRIVATE. 354 00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,881 IS IT TRUE OR IS IT NOT? 355 00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:05,804 - YES. - WHO ELSE DID YOU SLEEP WITH? 356 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:09,432 DID YOU SLEEP WITH PHYLLIS OR KELLY OR PAM? 357 00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:10,850 MAYBE ALL TOGETHER? 358 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,560 - NO. NO, NEVER. - DID EVERYONE KNOW? 359 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:13,812 WAS I THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW? 360 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,772 - YEAH, PRETTY MUCH. - PRETTY MUCH. 361 00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:18,733 WHO ARE YOU? I DON'T KNOW YOU. 362 00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,193 I DON'T KNOW YOU! 363 00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:26,074 I SHOULD PROBABLY GET INVOLVED IN THIS, 364 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,618 BUT I THINK MY ENERGY IS BETTER SPENT 365 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,037 ON THE COOKIE MONSTER ISSUE. 366 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:33,748 ERIN, YOU KNOW, IF I HAD BEEN ENGAGED 367 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,333 TO ANYBODY BEFORE YOU, 368 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,627 I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU. 369 00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:38,753 THANKS. 370 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,755 SO IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, 371 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,215 I'M RIGHT OVER THERE. 372 00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:46,761 "HEY, ERIN, YOU LOOK DELICIOUS. 373 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,888 I MEAN, BEAUTIFUL." 374 00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,890 - [snickers] - OKAY. 375 00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:53,143 OKAY. THERE. I HEARD THAT. 376 00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:56,855 SO I'M SORRY, PAM, BUT THAT'S IT. 377 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,065 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SUSPEND YOU WITHOUT PAY 378 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,400 - FOR TWO DAYS. - WHOA. 379 00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:02,235 WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SUSPEND ME? 380 00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,945 I THINK YOU NEED TO GO A LITTLE EASY. 381 00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,613 YOU CAN'T JUST SUSPEND SOMEONE FROM WORK. 382 00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:06,823 YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT? 383 00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,616 UM, YOU'RE SUSPENDED TOO, JIM. 384 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,827 [laughs] 385 00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:14,456 - OKAY. - FINE. YOU TOO, DWIGHT. 386 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:15,665 WAIT, WHAT? 387 00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:16,791 I WAS JUST SLOW-CLAPPING 388 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,043 YOUR NO-NONSENSE DECISION-MAKING. 389 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,544 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. 390 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,213 SUSPENDED. 391 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,967 "C" IS FOR SUSPENSION. 392 00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:30,555 THAT IS CRAZY. 393 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,474 I KNOW. ALL I DID WAS CLAP. 394 00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:35,143 SOUNDS LIKE HE'S TRYING TO PROVE SOMETHING. SOMETHING. 395 00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:36,644 - YEAH, THAT'S A BUMMER. - YEAH. 396 00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:39,731 IT'S LIKE THAT GUY WHO WAS MEAN TO ME AT THE CAR WASH. 397 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:40,857 YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST LIKE, WHAT WAS-- 398 00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,567 TOBY, WE JUST NEED TO FIND OUT 399 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:45,320 IF GABE CAN SUSPEND US OR NOT. 400 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:48,156 OH. YOU'RE HERE 'CAUSE I'M HR. 401 00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,866 WHY ELSE WOULD WE BE HERE? 402 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:55,372 UM, YEAH. I'LL LOOK INTO IT. 403 00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,374 AND YOU'D LIKE ME TO DO IT THIS INSTANCE. 404 00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,084 - CAN I JUST FINISH MY BAN-- - YEAH. 405 00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,169 NEVER--NEVERMIND. 406 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,845 I'LL--I'LL CALL YOU. 407 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:13,306 WITH THE-- 408 00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:21,815 [huffs] 409 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,499 WHY DID YOU TELL HER? 410 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,584 I THOUGHT THAT SHE KNEW, OBVIOUSLY. 411 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:44,045 I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR RELATIONSHIP WAS LACED WITH DECEIT. 412 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:47,465 WHY WOULD THAT BE SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULD TALK ABOUT 413 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,800 ON SECRETARY'S DAY? 414 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,260 ANDY, SHE'S NOT THE EASIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD 415 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:51,803 TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH. 416 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,263 ALL RIGHT? AND BESIDES, 417 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,306 WHO DOESN'T TELL THEIR GIRLFRIEND 418 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,267 THAT THEY WERE ENGAGED TO SOMEONE 419 00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:59,060 WHO WORKS FOUR FEET AWAY FROM THEM? 420 00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:00,937 THAT'S LIKE-- THAT'S-- 421 00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,063 THAT'S, LIKE, MR. AND MRS. SMITH CRAP. 422 00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:03,481 I WAS GONNA TELL HER, 423 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,774 JUST ON MY OWN TIME. 424 00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,818 YOU KNOW WHAT, I RESENT THE IMPLICATION 425 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,319 THAT I WOULD KEEP THAT SECRET. 426 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,947 EVERYONE HERE KNOWS THAT I CAN'T 427 00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:13,658 AND WON'T KEEP A SECRET. 428 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,993 WHO CARES? 429 00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:18,830 I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I KILLED SOMEBODY. 430 00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,331 BIG DEAL, RIGHT? 431 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,250 THIS IS GONNA BLOW OVER IN TWO SECONDS. 432 00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,461 SHE NEVER ASKED ME, SO, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT... 433 00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:26,796 I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER, I GUESS. 434 00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:28,506 EVERYBODY DOES STUPID THINGS. 435 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,344 HEY, KIDDO. 436 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,388 - HOW YOU HOLDIN' UP? - NOT GREAT, RYAN. 437 00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,265 NOT GREAT. 438 00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:38,850 YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT ABOUT YOU? 439 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,226 A LOT OF GIRLS WOULD'VE JUST RUN OUT 440 00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:42,187 WHEN THEY HEARD THAT NEWS AND HOOKED UP 441 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,439 IN SOME CHEAP BAR WITH THE FIRST RANDOM GUY 442 00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,524 - WHO BOUGHT 'EM A DRINK. - I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT. 443 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,526 'CAUSE WHERE'S THE TENDERNESS IN SOME HOOKUP 444 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,321 WITH SOME RANDOM DUDE YOU'RE NEVER GONNA SEE AGAIN? 445 00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,656 LOOK, KELLY IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. 446 00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:55,075 KELLY IS MY GIRLFRIEND. 447 00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:57,077 I THINK I SPEAK FOR BOTH OF US WHEN I SAY 448 00:17:57,118 --> 00:18:00,372 WE BOTH WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. 449 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,248 YOU GUYS ARE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS. 450 00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:03,750 THE ODDS ARE ALWAYS BEST FOR A THREEWAY 451 00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,960 IF ONE OF THE PARTIES IS EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL 452 00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,337 OR IMPULSIVE. 453 00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:09,005 YOU LOOK SO GOOD RIGHT NOW. 454 00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,049 - WHAT? - OH, ERIN. 455 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,093 I AM SO SORRY. 456 00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,553 YEAH. HEY, GIRL. 457 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:18,973 - WE'RE HERE FOR YOU, OKAY? - YEAH. OH. I-- 458 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:22,102 PSST. HEY. 459 00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,646 - ERIN. - YOU WANNA TALK TO ME, 460 00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:27,065 COME TO MY DESK. 461 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:37,951 YOU EMBARRASSED ME EARLIER. 462 00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:40,578 OH, TAKE IT UP WITH THE CHIEF OF POLICE. 463 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,580 YOU THINK I WANT PEOPLE REMEMBERING 464 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,291 I HAD SENSUAL RELATIONS WITH ANDY? 465 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,751 IT'S THE KIND OF THING YOU WISH YOU COULD HAVE ANNULLED. 466 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,795 I WANT TO THROW UP JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. 467 00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:50,797 I WANT TO THROW UP JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. 468 00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:53,591 YOU ARE THROWING UP FOR THE WRONG REASONS. 469 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,636 I DON'T THINK THIS FAX IS GOING THROUGH. 470 00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,763 OH. 471 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,099 IS THERE A DIFFERENT... 472 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,976 I CAN JUST PUT IT THROUGH AGAIN, YOU KNOW. 473 00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:13,903 HEY. 474 00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:17,365 YOU KNOW, I WAS ENGAGED BEFORE JIM. 475 00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:19,367 REALLY? 476 00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:22,078 YEAH. AND HE WORKED HERE, TOO. 477 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,914 IT WAS ANDY, WASN'T IT? 478 00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:26,541 NO, NO, IT WASN'T ANDY. 479 00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,501 IT WASN'T. 480 00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,962 IT DOESN'T MATTER. 481 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,923 IT'S NOT ABOUT WHO YOU'VE BEEN WITH. 482 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,633 IT'S ABOUT WHO YOU END UP WITH. 483 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,887 SOMETIMES THE HEART DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT WANTS 484 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:41,264 UNTIL IT FINDS WHAT IT WANTS. 485 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:49,731 I HOPE YOU FIND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. 486 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:54,527 THANK YOU. 487 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,376 SO I CAN REPRIMAND THEM, BUT I CAN'T SUSPEND THEM. 488 00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,797 OH, I CAN'T DO EITHER. 489 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:15,548 UH-HUH. FAIR ENOUGH. 490 00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:17,342 - [phone rings] - HEY, TOBY. 491 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,803 I CALLED TALLAHASSEE. HE CAN ASK YOU NOT TO COME IN, 492 00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,346 BUT HE CAN'T DOCK YOUR PAY. 493 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,348 - THAT'S NOT LEGAL. - VERY INTERESTING. 494 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,933 YEAH, I ALSO LEARNED SOME INTERESTING THINGS 495 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:25,975 ABOUT HOW THEY STRUCTURE-- 496 00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:27,852 THANKS, TOBY. 497 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,980 HEY, EVERYONE. HI. 498 00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:32,691 QUITE AN AFTERNOON, HUH? 499 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,359 CATHARTIC IN A WAY. 500 00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,403 I'M GLAD THAT I GOT TO SHARE IT WITH YOU. 501 00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:39,197 IT MAKES YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT. 502 00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:41,032 IT'S NOT ABOUT SHOWING YOU'RE IN CHARGE 503 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,201 OR FLEXING SOME SORT OF AUTHORITY. 504 00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,536 IT'S ABOUT FORGIVENESS. 505 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,329 AND, YES, I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU THREE 506 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:47,664 IN THIS DESK CLUMP RIGHT HERE. 507 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:49,958 I THINK THAT, IF YOU WERE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME, 508 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,377 THEN I WOULD REVOKE YOUR SUSPENSION. 509 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,546 I DON'T THINK AN APOLOGY IS ENOUGH. 510 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,716 I REALLY THINK THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO LEARN MY LESSON 511 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,384 IS TO TAKE MY SUSPENSION. 512 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:02,303 AND I GOT TO TAKE THIS BAD ATTITUDE, 513 00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:04,264 AND I GOT TO GO HOME, AND I GOT TO ADJUST IT. 514 00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:05,515 - OH, COME ON. - AND I HOPE 515 00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:07,851 - THE SUSPENSION DOES THAT. - PRIDEFUL IDIOTS. 516 00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:09,936 WATCH HOW IT'S DONE. 517 00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:12,897 GABRIEL, I APOLOGIZE. 518 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,191 GREAT. 519 00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:18,194 I KNEEL BEFORE YOU. 520 00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,196 GUYS, I WOULD EVEN TAKE A CONTRITE LOOK 521 00:21:20,238 --> 00:21:21,406 AS AN APOLOGY. 522 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:23,366 HUMBLY TAKING YOUR HAND UPON WHICH I KISS 523 00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:24,826 TO SHOW MY CONTRITION. 524 00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:27,579 - OKAY. - FORGIVE ME. 525 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,289 THAT WAS AMAZING, AND I CAN'T DO THAT. 526 00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:30,582 ME EITHER. SORRY. 527 00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,417 OH, NOT FOR THE THING, BUT, YOU KNOW, 528 00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,127 - FOR NOT SAYING SORRY. - BUT YOU SAID IT, SO 529 00:21:34,169 --> 00:21:35,754 THAT IS A GOOD START. 530 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,213 GUYS-- 531 00:21:37,255 --> 00:21:39,049 I CAN LOOK SHEEPISH, TOO, IF YOU NEED. 532 00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:40,633 - NO, YOU'RE FINE. - AM I ABSOLVED? 533 00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:41,760 - OH-- - CAN I GET BACK TO WORK? 534 00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:42,802 - YEAH, I'M NOT A-- - ALL RIGHT. 535 00:21:42,844 --> 00:21:44,471 OKAY. 536 00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:48,808 GUYS, TO-- TO ERR IS HUMAN. 537 00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:01,112 TRUST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME. 538 00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:02,614 IS YOUR NAME ANDY BERNARD? 539 00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,616 WHAT'S YOUR REAL NAME? LIONEL FRANKENSTEIN? 540 00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:07,077 WILL YOU STOP WALKING FOR ONE SECOND? 541 00:22:07,118 --> 00:22:09,162 THAT'S IT. THERE'S NO OTHER SECRETS. 542 00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:12,665 OKAY? I MEAN, YEAH, 543 00:22:12,707 --> 00:22:14,626 MY CHEST IS NOT NATURALLY HAIRLESS, 544 00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:16,294 AND MY PARENTS PAY MY CREDIT CARD BILL. 545 00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:18,672 HOW LONG WERE YOU GUYS TOGETHER? 546 00:22:18,713 --> 00:22:20,799 A YEAR. 547 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,300 A YEAR? 548 00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:25,845 YOU WERE TOGETHER FOR A YEAR. 549 00:22:25,887 --> 00:22:27,472 YEAH. BUT THAT'S IT. 550 00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:30,225 NOW YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. 551 00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:31,643 I PROMISE. 552 00:22:31,685 --> 00:22:34,562 AND IF I THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE... 553 00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:37,273 I THINK I HAVE TO BE ON MY OWN FOR A LITTLE BIT. 554 00:22:37,315 --> 00:22:39,567 LIKE THAT GIRL PRECIOUS IN PRECIOUS: 555 00:22:39,609 --> 00:22:42,112 BASED ON THE NOVEL PUSH BY SAPPHIRE. 556 00:22:42,153 --> 00:22:43,488 OKAY? 557 00:22:43,530 --> 00:22:45,615 I DIDN'T SEE THAT MOVIE. 558 00:22:47,033 --> 00:22:50,078 [chatter] 559 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:51,329 THAT WAS UGLY. 560 00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:52,497 I'M SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO SEE THAT. 561 00:22:52,539 --> 00:22:53,665 DO THEY STILL GET PAID? 562 00:22:53,707 --> 00:22:55,834 IT'S TACKY TO DISCUSS FINANCES. 563 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,919 IT'S BEST TO PRETEND THAT THIS NEVER HAPPENED. 564 00:22:57,961 --> 00:23:00,088 SOUNDS LIKE THEY JUST GOT TO GO HOME WITH PAY. 565 00:23:00,130 --> 00:23:01,339 - YEAH. - PATHETIC. 566 00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:02,674 - VERY NICE. - CAN I BUY EVERYONE COFFEES? 567 00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:06,511 [muttering] 568 00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:10,056 [imitating] "OR COOKIES?" 569 00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:12,475 - OH. - WHAT WAS THAT? 570 00:23:12,517 --> 00:23:14,227 ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WAS THAT AN IMPRESSION? 571 00:23:14,269 --> 00:23:15,520 ALL RIGHT. 572 00:23:15,562 --> 00:23:17,022 [imitating Gabe] UH, GUYS, 573 00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:19,357 I'M NOW GOING TO APOLOGIZE 574 00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:20,608 FOR THE MESS THAT WE'RE IN. 575 00:23:20,650 --> 00:23:22,861 BECAUSE CORPORATE TOLD ME TO. 576 00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:24,279 [laughter] 577 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,656 I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I LAUGH LIKE A CRAZY PERSON. 578 00:23:26,698 --> 00:23:28,283 - [laughter] - OKAY. 579 00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:29,325 YOU GOT TO BE ABLE TO-- YOU GOT TO BE ABLE 580 00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:30,326 TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF. 581 00:23:30,368 --> 00:23:32,203 I'M ONE OF THE GANG. 582 00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:33,413 "I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE ZOO 583 00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:35,290 TO THE STICK INSECT EXHIBIT." 584 00:23:35,331 --> 00:23:38,668 [laughter] 585 00:23:38,710 --> 00:23:41,212 "CIAO." 586 00:23:41,254 --> 00:23:43,465 RIGHT? "CIAO. 587 00:23:43,506 --> 00:23:46,760 I SAY CIAO 'CAUSE I'M FANCY FROM TALLAHASSEE." 588 00:23:46,801 --> 00:23:48,386 [laughter] 589 00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:49,846 WHY DON'T WE SAY "CIAO" TO THE IMPRESSIONS? 590 00:23:49,888 --> 00:23:52,724 all: CIAO. 591 00:23:52,766 --> 00:23:55,185 - CIAO. FILMING. - CIAO, STICK INSECT. 592 00:23:55,226 --> 00:23:56,603 all: CIAO. 593 00:23:57,645 --> 00:23:59,731 FIRST DAY BACK AT WORK. 594 00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:01,107 IT WAS OKAY. 595 00:24:01,149 --> 00:24:02,609 IT WAS BETTER THAN I EXPECTED. 596 00:24:05,737 --> 00:24:08,948 ME WANT SUSPENSION EVERY DAY. 597 00:24:10,158 --> 00:24:15,246 GOD. [groans] 598 00:24:15,288 --> 00:24:17,582 - ERIN? - OH. 599 00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:19,459 SORRY. I THOUGHT EVERYONE WAS GONE. 600 00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:20,919 NO, NO, I WAS JUST WATCHING COOKIE MONSTER. 601 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,254 FINALLY DOWNLOADED. MIND IF I SIT DOWN? 602 00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:27,300 - YEAH. - WHAT'S, UM... 603 00:24:27,342 --> 00:24:29,177 I CAN'T TRUST ANDY ANYMORE. 604 00:24:29,219 --> 00:24:31,221 OH. YEP. 605 00:24:31,262 --> 00:24:32,597 I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT. 606 00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:34,933 I FEEL-- I'M SORRY I CAUSED THAT THING. 607 00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:36,142 IT'S ANDY'S FAULT. 608 00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:38,144 WELL, YEAH, YES. 609 00:24:38,186 --> 00:24:40,313 BUT I STILL FEEL SORRY. 610 00:24:42,857 --> 00:24:44,567 [sighing] OH. 611 00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:46,444 YOU KNOW WHAT, I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT ANGELA. 612 00:24:46,486 --> 00:24:49,489 SHE'S-- SHE DOESN'T HOLD A CANDLE 613 00:24:49,531 --> 00:24:50,907 TO YOU, ERIN. 614 00:24:50,949 --> 00:24:54,577 SHE'S OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MOM, FOR ONE THING, 615 00:24:54,619 --> 00:24:58,456 AND SHE'S, LIKE, THREE FEET TALL. 616 00:24:58,498 --> 00:25:00,792 [laughter] 617 00:25:00,834 --> 00:25:05,213 AND SHE WEARS PIONEER WOMEN CLOTHING. 618 00:25:05,255 --> 00:25:07,132 AND I DON'T THINK SHE'S EVER POOPED 619 00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:08,591 IN HER LIFE. 620 00:25:08,633 --> 00:25:11,511 AND ANDY, YOU KNOW, COME ON. 621 00:25:11,553 --> 00:25:14,639 ANDY, HIS BUTT LOOKS BIG IN THOSE KHAKIS. 622 00:25:14,681 --> 00:25:16,266 OH, I LIKE HIS BUTT. 623 00:25:16,307 --> 00:25:18,601 YOU SAID BUTT. 624 00:25:18,643 --> 00:25:20,437 - YOU TRICKED ME. - AHH! 625 00:25:20,478 --> 00:25:23,565 AHH. [laughter] 626 00:25:23,606 --> 00:25:26,151 - YOU SAID IT. - YOU KNOW WHO'D YOU LOVE? 627 00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:27,819 OH, THIS GUY 628 00:25:27,861 --> 00:25:30,405 IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD, TOM DIZEMORE. 629 00:25:30,447 --> 00:25:34,576 THIS IS HIM. "HEY! HEY, SCOTT!" 630 00:25:34,617 --> 00:25:36,327 SOMETIMES, TELLING SOMEONE SOMETHING 631 00:25:36,369 --> 00:25:38,997 IS HARD. 632 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:43,793 WELL, AT LEAST SOMEBODY MADE HER HAPPY ON SECRETARY'S DAY. 633 00:25:47,339 --> 00:25:48,423 HEY, KEVIN, IT'S OSCAR. 634 00:25:48,465 --> 00:25:49,841 I'M LOOKING AT THE SHEET YOU SENT ME. 635 00:25:49,883 --> 00:25:51,343 AND I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND THE COLUMN FOR SHIPPING COSTS. 636 00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:55,972 I MADE THE MOST BRILLIANT RETALIATION VIDEO. 637 00:25:56,014 --> 00:25:58,516 IT IS SO AWESOME. 638 00:25:58,558 --> 00:26:00,185 I DON'T GET IT. 639 00:26:00,226 --> 00:26:02,437 YEAH, I MEAN, THE COUNT HAS A VERY DISTINCT VOICE. 640 00:26:02,479 --> 00:26:03,438 - THANK YOU. - YEAH. 641 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,648 "I VANT TO COUNT TO TEN." 642 00:26:05,690 --> 00:26:07,609 BUT OSCAR IS AN ACCOUNTANT, 643 00:26:07,650 --> 00:26:09,944 AND THE COUNT COUNTS NUMBERS. 644 00:26:09,986 --> 00:26:12,072 YOU'RE AN ACCOUNTANT TOO, SO IT DOESN'T... 645 00:26:12,113 --> 00:26:13,656 WHY DIDN'T YOU DO OSCAR THE GROUCH? 646 00:26:13,698 --> 00:26:15,116 - THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUNNY. - THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUNNY. 647 00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:18,370 BUT THE COUNT IS PURPLE, AND OSCAR WEARS PURPLE. 648 00:26:18,411 --> 00:26:20,246 OH, OH, I WAS JUST WATCHING THAT. 649 00:26:20,288 --> 00:26:21,915 DID YOU DO THAT, MAN? 650 00:26:21,956 --> 00:26:25,251 "OSCAR. I AM THE COUNT." 651 00:26:25,293 --> 00:26:26,795 NAILED HIM. NAILED HIM. 652 00:26:26,836 --> 00:26:28,129 GOOD WORK, COOKIE MONSTER. 653 00:26:28,171 --> 00:26:29,130 THANK YOU. 654 00:26:30,173 --> 00:26:31,383 PAMELA. 655 00:26:31,424 --> 00:26:32,801 PAMELA-- [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 656 00:26:32,842 --> 00:26:35,387 PAMELA! PAMELA. 657 00:26:35,428 --> 00:26:37,138 CONFERENCE ROOM. FIVE MINUTES. 658 00:26:37,180 --> 00:26:38,139 THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. 659 00:26:38,181 --> 00:26:39,224 TUNA! 660 00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:41,351 RA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DOO! 661 00:26:41,393 --> 00:26:43,353 RIG-A-DEET-DEET-DEET-DOO! 662 00:26:43,395 --> 00:26:45,522 RID-DID-DID-DID-DOO! 663 00:26:45,563 --> 00:26:48,066 [rolls tongue] RAD-DA-DA-DOO! 664 00:26:52,195 --> 00:26:53,530 OH, HI, CREED. 665 00:26:53,571 --> 00:26:55,990 OH, HAVE I SHOWN YOU PICTURES OF MY NEW CATS? 666 00:26:56,032 --> 00:26:59,994 I THINK IMPRESSIONS ARE DUMB, AND I DON'T LIKE THEM. 667 00:27:00,036 --> 00:27:03,248 IT'S NOT MY JOB TO ADD UP THOSE COLUMNS. 668 00:27:03,289 --> 00:27:05,667 EW, YOUR FEET. MM! 669 00:27:05,709 --> 00:27:07,794 THAT COLOR MAKES YOU LOOK WHORISH. 670 00:27:07,836 --> 00:27:09,546 COULD YOU BE ANY MORE-- 671 00:27:09,587 --> 00:27:10,839 NO, THAT'S CHANDLER. 672 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:15,635 I'M VERY SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS 673 00:27:15,677 --> 00:27:19,222 BUT I HAVE FLATULENCE. 674 00:27:19,264 --> 00:27:21,224 I HAVE A GAS PROBLEM. 675 00:27:22,726 --> 00:27:25,395 [imitating fart] 676 00:27:25,437 --> 00:27:26,688 SHE FARTS A LOT. 677 00:27:26,730 --> 00:27:29,649 DO I HAVE TO GO TO THE MEETIN'? 678 00:27:29,691 --> 00:27:31,693 MM-HMM. 679 00:27:34,362 --> 00:27:36,239 MICHAEL, YOU'RE AN IDIOT. 680 00:27:37,699 --> 00:27:39,826 HEY, BOSS, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM HERE? 681 00:27:39,868 --> 00:27:43,538 IS IT THE SEVERED FOOT I KEEP IN MY DESK? HM? 682 00:27:43,580 --> 00:27:45,582 RIGHT NEXT TO MY MUNG BEANS? 683 00:27:45,623 --> 00:27:47,542 WHEN I WAS IN A PRISON IN CAMBODIA, 684 00:27:47,584 --> 00:27:48,918 I DID AN IMPRESSION OF ELVIS PRESLEY 685 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,587 THAT BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN. 686 00:27:50,628 --> 00:27:52,881 DO YOU STILL HEAR IT, CLARICE? 687 00:27:52,922 --> 00:27:55,508 THE SCREAMING OF THE SPRING LAMBS. 688 00:27:55,550 --> 00:27:57,177 I'M JO BENNETT. 689 00:27:57,218 --> 00:27:59,679 I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING THAT, ACTUALLY. 690 00:27:59,721 --> 00:28:03,475 THE THING ABOUT IMPRESSIONS ARE THEY'RE NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. 691 00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:05,268 - MICHAEL! - QUESTION. 692 00:28:05,310 --> 00:28:06,811 MICHAEL, COME IN HERE RIGHT NOW! 693 00:28:06,853 --> 00:28:08,980 DAMN IT, JIM. 48946

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