All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S06E14.The.Banker.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,511 DUNDER MIFFLIN IS ABOUT TO BE SOLD. 2 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,805 BUT FIRST, AN INVESTMENT BANKER HAS TO DROP BY 3 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,557 AND SIGN OFF ON OUR BRANCH. 4 00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:19,019 AND I'M PRETTY NERVOUS ABOUT IT. 5 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:24,399 AND I'M...MAKING SOME COSMETIC TWEAKS 6 00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:29,404 TO HELP CREATE A MORE APPEALING ENVIRONMENT. 7 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,905 IS THAT DISHONEST? 8 00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:32,449 WELL, THINK OF IT THIS WAY. 9 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,367 WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND YOU SEE YOUR PUSH-UP BRA 10 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,870 AND YOUR FAKE EYELASHES AND YOUR MAKEUP, 11 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,414 AND YOUR PRESS-ON NAILS, 12 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:42,167 THE PRINCIPLES THAT I'M APPLYING TO THE OFFICE 13 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:45,295 ARE THE SAME ONES THAT HAVE MADE LADY GAGA A STAR. 14 00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:47,380 OR ANY NUMBER OF DRAG QUEENS. 15 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:50,342 {\an8}[cheerful music] 16 00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:57,349 {\an8}♪ ♪ 17 00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,032 {\an8}HI. 18 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,867 {\an8}[in a robotic voice] HELLO, ERIC WARD. 19 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,286 {\an8}WELCOME TO DUNDER MIFFLIN. 20 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:23,041 {\an8}I AM COMPUTRON, YOUR ANSWER TO EVERYTHING. 21 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,626 {\an8}HELLO. 22 00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,044 {\an8}HELLO. 23 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,879 {\an8}I SEE YOU'VE MET COMPUTRON, OUR VIRTUAL HELPER. 24 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,547 {\an8}I'M MICHAEL SCOTT. 25 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:31,049 {\an8}WELCOME, WELCOME. 26 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,386 {\an8}COMPUTRON IS JUST ONE OF THE MANY MODERN DEVICES 27 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:37,305 {\an8}THAT I HAVE INCORPORATED INTO THE OFFICE. 28 00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,474 {\an8}- WATCH THIS. COMPUTRON. - YES? 29 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:41,559 {\an8}WHAT IS THE WORLD'S LARGEST OCEAN? 30 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,728 {\an8}CALCULATING. 31 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,230 {\an8}CALCULATING. 32 00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,272 {\an8}PACIFIC! 33 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:49,901 {\an8}PACIFIC OCEAN. PRETTY COOL, HUH? 34 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,403 {\an8}WOULD YOU LIKE TO HANG UP YOUR COAT? 35 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,529 {\an8}YES. 36 00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:54,489 {\an8}THERE IS A RACK BEHIND YOU, MR. WARD. 37 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,241 {\an8}THANK YOU, COMPUTRON. 38 00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,326 {\an8}FEEL FREE TO USE ANY OF THE HOOKS. 39 00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,453 {\an8}- THAT'S ENOUGH, COMPUTRON. - OKAY. 40 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,080 {\an8}I THOUGHT IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD IDEA. 41 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,415 {\an8}WE HAVE DWIGHT'S VOICE PASSED THROUGH 42 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,083 {\an8}ALL THE SPEAKER PHONES IN THE OFFICE, 43 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,794 {\an8}BUYER WALKS IN, THINKS THAT WE HAVE 44 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:11,131 {\an8}A FRIENDLY SUPERCOMPUTER WHO RUNS THE PLACE. 45 00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:17,137 {\an8}HAD I ACTUALLY HAD A SUPERCOMPUTER, 46 00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:20,890 {\an8}HE MIGHT HAVE TOLD ME THAT THAT WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA. 47 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,851 {\an8}- ANY MESSAGES? - YES. 48 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:25,311 {\an8}THE GOVERNOR CALLED. HE SAID THANK YOU. 49 00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,063 {\an8}WELL, TELL HIM, "I TOLD YOU SO." 50 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:28,440 {\an8}WHAT'S THE SECOND MESSAGE? 51 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,774 {\an8}THE TREASURY CALLED. 52 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,317 {\an8}DUNDER MIFFLIN PAPER IS BEING USED 53 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,611 {\an8}FOR COUNTERFEIT CURRENCY-- THAT'S HOW GOOD IT IS. 54 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:36,114 {\an8}WELL, THAT'S THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR BEING THE BEST. 55 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,532 {\an8}GREAT NEWS, MICHAEL. 56 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:40,118 {\an8}WE'RE NOW THE OFFICIAL PAPER SUPPLIER OF THE NFL. 57 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,078 {\an8}THAT IS FANTASTIC. 58 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,496 {\an8}IT'S GOOD, BUT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 59 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,789 {\an8}KEEP WORKING. 60 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,124 {\an8}AND HERE'S PAM. 61 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,876 {\an8}SHE'S OUR INTERNATIONAL SALES CONSULTANT. 62 00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,377 {\an8}HELLO-- 63 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:52,255 {\an8}THE NFL CELEBRATED ITS 50TH ANNIVERSARY 64 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,591 {\an8}IN 1972. 65 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:58,595 {\an8}OLA. BONJOUR. NI HAO. 66 00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:00,263 {\an8}IT MIGHT SEEM CRAZY, 67 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,432 {\an8}BUT SINCE THERE'S NO ONE LEFT IN NEW YORK, 68 00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:06,811 {\an8}MICHAEL IS DUNDER MIFFLIN'S HIGHEST RANKING EMPLOYEE. 69 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,314 {\an8}SO THAT'S WHERE WE ARE. 70 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,648 HELLO, STANLEY. 71 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,108 HI. 72 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,612 FOR THE RECORD, NOT ON BOARD WITH FAKE STANLEY. 73 00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:18,656 ALTHOUGH I GET IT. 74 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,784 MICHAEL OFFERED ME THE DAY OFF WITH PAY, 75 00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:25,163 SAID I DESERVED IT FOR WORKING SO HARD ALL THESE YEARS. 76 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,499 I'M GONNA HAVE ME SOME NICE-- 77 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:30,168 CYNTHIA, IF YOU DON'T COME GET THESE DOGS FROM JUMPING ON ME, 78 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,128 I SWEAR I'LL GO HOME TO MY WIFE. 79 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:37,050 LET'S GO IN HERE FOR JUST A SEC. 80 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,177 AH. THIS IS OUR CREATIVE THINK-SPACE. 81 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,929 GOOGLE HAS ONE OF THESE. 82 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:43,515 WHAT IF WE RAN THE WHOLE THING... 83 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:44,974 BACKWARDS? 84 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:48,186 - TOTAL PARADIGM SHIFT. - LOOK AT THAT. 85 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,646 SEE WHAT THE LITTLE ONE'S DOING? 86 00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,356 SHE'S MAKING SOME SWEATERS FOR THE KITTENS. 87 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,024 SOMETIMES THEY GET COLD AT NIGHT, 88 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,318 SO WE TRY TO HELP 'EM OUT. 89 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,153 THAT'S WHAT'S GREAT ABOUT THIS PLACE. 90 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,488 GOT SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE, 91 00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,532 WHETHER YOU'RE INTO CUTTING-EDGE THINKING 92 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,659 OR PILGRIM VALUES. 93 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,119 WOULD YOU LIKE A KITTEN? 94 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,453 HE CANNOT HAVE A KITTEN. 95 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:06,871 - GIVE HIM A KITTEN. - NO. 96 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,331 YOU HAVE PLENTY OF KITTENS. 97 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:11,418 ANGELA DATED COMPUTRON A WHILE BACK. 98 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:15,422 UH, I'M ALLERGIC TO KITTENS. 99 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,382 LISTEN, I JUST NEED TO CHECK OUT YOUR WAREHOUSE 100 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,591 AND THEN TALK TO YOUR H.R. GUY. 101 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,135 THAT IS PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY REASON 102 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:21,594 THAT I CAME HERE TODAY. 103 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,013 OKAY. WELL, I THOUGHT I'D SHOW YOU AROUND A LITTLE BIT 104 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,639 SINCE YOU MADE THE TRIP OUT. 105 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,641 AND I GOT US RESERVATIONS AT COOPERS SEAFOOD. 106 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:27,892 YOU LIKE LOBSTER? 107 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,352 YOU'VE HAD LOBSTER BEFORE, RIGHT? 108 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,687 YEAH. 109 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,147 THEY MAKE THE BEST MAINE LOBSTER IN THE WORLD. 110 00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,398 YOU'LL LOVE IT. 111 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,442 MUL YAM IN TEL AVIV IS BETTER. 112 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:36,860 NO, COMPUTRON, 113 00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:38,737 ACTUALLY, I THINK COOPERS IS THE BEST. 114 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,030 YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT. 115 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,906 ARE YOU CALLING ME WRONG? 116 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,324 OH, MY GOD. 117 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:44,993 COMPUTRON IS NEVER WRONG. 118 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,244 SHUT IT, COMPUTRON. 119 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,912 COMPUTRON IS TRUTH. 120 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,623 BOW DOWN BEFORE COMPUTRON. 121 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:53,293 ONCE AGAIN, DWIGHT HAS JUST TAKEN IT TOO FAR. 122 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:55,378 WHO IS THIS "DWIGHT"? 123 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,297 [sighs] 124 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,592 IT'S CALLED DUE DILIGENCE. 125 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,303 BASICALLY I CONFIRM INVENTORY, TAKE A HEAD COUNT, 126 00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:06,014 SEE IF THERE ARE ANY H.R. LIABILITIES. 127 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,600 I'M A GLORIFIED FACT CHECKER. 128 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:13,063 ACTUALLY, I AM A FACT CHECKER. 129 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,357 LOTTA BOXES OF STUFF. 130 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,694 NOT THE MOST EXCITING PLACE DOWN HERE, I GUESS. 131 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,949 DARRYL. 132 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,618 WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT PUTTING 133 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,995 OUR BEST FOOT FORWARD DOWN HERE? 134 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:31,289 THIS IS A COMPLETE BUST. 135 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,166 YOU NEED TO GIVE ME MORE TIME. 136 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,126 WELL, I TOLD YOU HE WAS GONNA BE HERE TODAY. 137 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,544 I KNOW, BUT I NEEDED MORE TIME. 138 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,588 - I WANTED TO PUT ON A SHOW. - YOU DID? 139 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,256 YEAH. HOT DOG STATION. 140 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,925 - REALLY? - DANCING GIRLS. 141 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,259 OH. 142 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,844 AN OPERA SINGER THAT'LL BRING YOU TO TEARS. 143 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,721 WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD. 144 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,640 I DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME. WE COULD HAVE SEALED THE DEAL. 145 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,266 OKAY. 146 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,976 - LOOKS GOOD. - WHAT LOOKS GOOD? 147 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,145 - IT ALL CHECKS OUT. - OH, OKAY. 148 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,397 ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU, DARRYL. 149 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,815 BALER FULL OF DIPPIN' DOTS. 150 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:57,982 YOU'RE KILLING ME, MAN. 151 00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,567 HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS. 152 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,027 OH, MY GOD. 153 00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,487 - HEY, MICHAEL. - MM-HMM. 154 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,489 WE JUST LANDED THE FOREST SERVICE ACCOUNT. 155 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,408 SELLIN' IT RIGHT BACK TO THE SOURCE. 156 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,660 - VERY GOOD, SIR. - THANK YOU. 157 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,954 MY FILES SAY YOU HAVE 3,000 SQUARE FEET, 158 00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,789 - BUT THIS IS ONLY 2,000. - MM-HMM. 159 00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:13,998 IS THE REST BACK THERE? 160 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,166 NO. 161 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,293 THAT IS AN ABSOLUTE ABYSS. 162 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:20,213 NOTHING. NOTHING BACK THERE. 163 00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,466 WELL, THAT'S IT. 164 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,510 THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING. 165 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,012 MICHAEL, I HAVE GLOBAL INVESTMENTS 166 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,430 ON THE LINE FOR YOU. 167 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,682 OOH, WOW. GLOBAL INVESTMENTS. 168 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,058 THAT'S BIG TIME. 169 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,351 I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM. 170 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,395 MAJOR INVESTMENT BANK. 171 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:37,897 THEY HAD A HUGE PART OF THE FINANCIAL COLLAPSE. 172 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,232 VERY WELL RESPECTED, THOUGH. 173 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,026 - PATCH 'EM THROUGH. - PATCHING. 174 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,402 COMPLETE. 175 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,945 HELLO. 176 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,321 HI, SMITTY. 177 00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,198 YOU WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING? 178 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,534 NO, REALLY. 179 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,202 THE APPRAISAL WENT THAT WELL? 180 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,580 OH, THAT'S GOOD NEWS FOR US. 181 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,709 SMITTY'S MY INSIDE GUY OVER AT GLOBAL INVESTMENTS. 182 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:01,004 THEY WANNA MAKE A HUGE OFFER FOR DUNDER MIFFLIN, 183 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,340 SO I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IF YOU WANNA MAKE AN OFFER, 184 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,425 YOU BETTER PULL THE TRIGGER NOW. 185 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,302 I-I DON'T HAVE THE POWER TO PULL THE TRIGGER. 186 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,762 I JUST NEED TO TALK TO YOUR H.R. GUY. 187 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,638 YOU HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION RIGHT NOW 188 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,432 OR WE'RE GONNA SELL TO YOUR ARCH RIVAL. 189 00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,351 I CAN'T EVEN SAY NO. 190 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,769 - OKAY. OKAY. - BUT NO. 191 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,520 YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S NOT EVEN A HUGE OFFER, 192 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,105 SO IF YOU JUST CAME IN WITH ANYTHING, 193 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,231 I THINK YOU'D BE FINE. 194 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:23,109 COMPUTRON, WHERE IS THE H.R. GUY? 195 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,652 I CANNOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION. 196 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,863 BUT THERE IS NOTHING COMPUTRON CAN'T ANSWER. 197 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,156 BUT I CANNOT ANSWER. 198 00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,824 BUT THERE IS NOTHING COMPUTRON CANNOT ANSWER. 199 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,951 BUT I CANNOT ANSWER. BUT THERE IS NOTHING COM-- 200 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,913 THINK I NEED A SUPERCOMPUTER TO TELL DWIGHT 201 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,623 TO BACK OFF RIGHT NOW. 202 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,293 ALL RIGHT. 203 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,295 - 'SCUSE ME, IF YOU WILL-- - HEY, MICHAEL, 204 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,755 DO YOU THINK I COULD GET A SPACE HEATER-- 205 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,256 FOLLOW ME THIS WAY. I WILL INTRODUCE YOU 206 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,550 TO THE CRACK H.R. REP THAT YOU REQUESTED. 207 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,969 I GIVE YOU TOBY FLENDERSON. 208 00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,971 HAVE FUN, YOU TWO. 209 00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:53,640 OH, WE WILL. 210 00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,183 HAVE A SEAT. 211 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,563 MM. 212 00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,441 I LEFT A COPY OF BEST AMERICAN MYSTERY STORIES 1999 213 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,734 IN TOBY'S FAVORITE STALL, 214 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:07,487 SO YES, I THINK I BOUGHT US SOME TIME. 215 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,781 SO. 216 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:13,118 UM, THE MANAGER, MICHAEL SCOTT 217 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,953 IS A BIT OF A CHARACTER. 218 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,329 HE HAS MORE CHARACTER 219 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,872 IN A SINGLE FLAKE OF HIS DANDRUFF 220 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,332 THAN YOU HAVE IN THAT ENTIRE SNOWBANK 221 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:22,043 ON YOUR SHOULDER. 222 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,795 SO WHAT WAS THE QUESTION? 223 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,630 WHAT ARE--ARE YOU DOING AT MY DESK? 224 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,299 IGNORE HIM. HE'S THE LOCAL LUNATIC. 225 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,634 COME ON, DWIGHT. GET OUT OF HERE. 226 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,511 DWIGHT? WHO IS THIS DWIGHT? 227 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,346 OH. 228 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,973 YOU MEAN DWIGHT SCHRUTE. 229 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,851 THE COMPANY'S TOP SALESMAN AND THE CREATOR OF COMPUTRON. 230 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,519 I WEAR MANY HATS, 231 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,062 BUT THE ONE I'M WEARING CURRENTLY 232 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,272 IS THAT GRACIOUS HOST. 233 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,648 [chuckles] 234 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,191 WELCOME. 235 00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,362 SORRY. HEY, TOBY FLENDERSON. 236 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:52,115 NICE TO MEET YOU. HOW CAN I HELP? 237 00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:54,743 UM, ARE THERE ANY OUTSTANDING LIABILITY ISSUES 238 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:55,827 TO BE AWARE OF? 239 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,120 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 240 00:08:57,162 --> 00:09:00,081 WELL, SAFETY ISSUES OR INJURIES 241 00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,876 THAT COULD LEAVE THE COMPANY OPEN TO ANY POTENTIAL LAWSUITS. 242 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,504 UM... 243 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,256 NOTHING COMES TO MIND. 244 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,632 GET OFF OF THE LIFT, PLEASE. 245 00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,509 - COME ON, NOW. - I'M FINE, I'M FINE. 246 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,304 WOULD YOU--LOOK. YOU'VE GOTTA-- 247 00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,014 WHOA, OH, OH! 248 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,391 [lift beeping] 249 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,686 WE'LL GET SOMEBODY TO CLEAN THAT UP. 250 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,813 WE'RE THE ONES THAT GOTTA CLEAN THAT UP. 251 00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:25,023 I FEEL VERY BLESSED. 252 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,317 DAH! [thudding sound] 253 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,905 BON APPETIT! 254 00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:36,451 DROP THAT SUCKER. 255 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,411 YEAH...BINGO! 256 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,871 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 257 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,373 OH, CRAP. 258 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,957 [car alarm honking] 259 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,334 - DO IT! - YEAH! 260 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:55,011 TODAY, SMOKING IS GONNA SAVE LIVES. 261 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,181 [all shouting at once] 262 00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,141 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY... 263 00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,393 - GET OUT OF THE WAY! - OSCAR! 264 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,727 STAY ALIVE, I'M GETTING HELP. 265 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,270 - PULL ME UP! - YOU'RE TOO HEAVY. 266 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,814 I ONLY WEIGH 82 POUNDS. 267 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,107 [cat howling] 268 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,566 SAVE BANDIT. 269 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,318 [Bandit meowing, crashing sounds] 270 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,945 [Bandit shrieks] 271 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:14,447 SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE GONNA SIT IN BACK. 272 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,782 UH, YEAH. 273 00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,409 IT'S THE SAFEST PART OF A CAR. 274 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,702 IN THE EVENT OF A CRASH, 275 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,413 DRIVER ALWAYS PROTECTS HIS SIDE FIRST. 276 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,997 [tires screech] 277 00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:28,044 [labored breathing] 278 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,380 GRR--AAH! 279 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:33,466 - HAH! AH! - [screaming] 280 00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:38,388 MY HEAD! AH! NO! 281 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:39,973 [screaming] 282 00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,558 I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU. 283 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,686 [continues screaming] 284 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:52,110 [bat squeaking] 285 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,820 YOU'RE WELCOME. 286 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,407 - SO THE STAFF-- - MM-HMM. 287 00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,117 ARE THE PEOPLE GENERALLY HAPPY? 288 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,994 [laughs] 289 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,956 OH... 290 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,292 HAPPY'S A FUNNY WORD. 291 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,127 IN WHAT WAY? 292 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,921 YOU KNOW, UH, 293 00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:15,508 YOU KNOW, WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE HAPPY? 294 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:20,305 KEEP PHILOSOPHERS BUSY FOR A WHILE. 295 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,099 SO GENERALLY. 296 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:24,809 - YES. - GENERALLY. 297 00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,519 - GENERALLY HAPPY. - GENERALLY... 298 00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,813 [growling] 299 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,273 OW! 300 00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:33,109 - [gasps] - GAH! 301 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:36,029 I DON'T KNOW WHAT STREETS WE MISSED--OW! 302 00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,238 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 303 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,698 IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU WERE UNCONSCIOUS. 304 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,326 OW! 305 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,494 TRY MY GOOGIE-GOOGIE. 306 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,537 TRY MY GOOGIE-GOOGIE. TRY MY-- 307 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,332 - EXCUSE ME. - DON'T TOUCH ME, HEY! 308 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,750 OW, OW! 309 00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,335 HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! WHOA, WHOA! 310 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:53,254 CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? 311 00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:56,132 OR HAVE WE FORGOTTEN THE WORDS 312 00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,467 OF THE REVEREND KING? 313 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,345 WHAT ABOUT NON-SAFETY ISSUES 314 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,681 IN TERMS OF LIABILITY? 315 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,392 SEXUAL HARASSMENT, ANYTHING LIKE THAT? 316 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,435 OH, I DON'T KNOW. 317 00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,897 YOU--YOU DON'T KNOW? 318 00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,692 I DON'T KNOW. 319 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,777 YOU'RE THE HEAD OF HUMAN RESOURCES. 320 00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:17,529 - I DON'T KNOW. NO. - OKAY. 321 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,905 STANLEY. 322 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:23,034 HOW ABOUT THAT HOT PICTURE YOU HAVE BY YOUR DESK? 323 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,453 CENTERFOLD IN THE CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRLS OUTFIT? 324 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,247 I MEAN, IT IS HOT, IT IS SEXY, 325 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:28,581 AND IT TURNS HIM ON. 326 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:29,874 AND I WILL ADMIT, 327 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,585 THE BEST PART OF MY MORNING IS STARING AT IT. 328 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,212 BUT WHAT, ARE WE JUST GONNA TAKE IT AWAY? 329 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,714 THAT IS MY DAUGHTER. 330 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,424 SHE GOES TO CATHOLIC GIRLS' SCHOOL. 331 00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:39,843 MICHAEL. 332 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,219 COME IN. 333 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,554 - HEY, HEY, HEY. - OH, MY GOD. 334 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,888 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 335 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,557 - BUT YOU SAID, "COME IN"! - NO, I DIDN'T, JUST-- 336 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,183 - OH, MY GOD. - PLEASE GET OUT. 337 00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,894 WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY OUTFIT? 338 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,480 YOU MIGHT CONSIDER PULLING IT DOWN A TOUCH. 339 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:53,857 BUNCH OF PRUDES. 340 00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,150 YOU KNOW, OSCAR'S ALLOWED TO WEAR SANDALS, 341 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,735 BUT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR OPEN-TOED SHOES? 342 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,528 IS THAT HOW IT GOES? 343 00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,905 - MEREDITH, YOUR BOOB IS OUT. - FINE. 344 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,907 - NO. - TOO FAR, MEREDITH, TOO FAR. 345 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,118 DAMN IT, MEREDITH, WHERE ARE YOUR PANTIES? 346 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,327 IT'S CASUAL DAY. 347 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,204 COME HERE. GIVE ME A KISS. COME ON. 348 00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:10,290 MICHAEL, COME ON. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY. 349 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,417 I'M NOT GONNA REPORT YOU TO H.R. 350 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,918 I'M NOT WORRIED. 351 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,212 YOU KNOW WHAT, THE ONLY THING I AM WORRIED ABOUT... 352 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:18,089 IS GETTING A BONER. 353 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,800 I'M NOT GONNA READ ALOUD 354 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,302 YOUR SUBMITTED MEDICAL CONDITIONS. 355 00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:23,720 WHEN YOU HEAR YOURS READ, 356 00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:25,805 PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND TO INDICATE THAT IT IS REAL. 357 00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:28,600 IF YOU DO NOT RAISE YOUR HAND, IT WILL NOT BE COVERED. 358 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,810 NUMBER ONE, INVERTED PENIS. 359 00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,565 COULD YOU MEAN VAGINA? 360 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:38,485 BECAUSE IF YOU DO, I WANT THAT COVERED. 361 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,569 I THOUGHT YOUR VAGINA WAS REMOVED 362 00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,029 DURING YOUR HYSTERECTOMY. 363 00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:44,449 THE UTERUS IS DIFFERENT FROM A VAGINA. 364 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,826 I STILL HAVE A VAGINA. 365 00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:51,414 ATTENTION, EVERYONE, HELLO. 366 00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,792 UH, YES, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT, UH, 367 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,377 THIS IS NOT MY DECISION. 368 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,796 YOU CAN CONSIDER THIS MY RETIREMENT FROM COMEDY. 369 00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,590 DOES THAT INCLUDE "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID"? 370 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,218 MM-HMM. YES. 371 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,136 WOW, THAT IS REALLY HARD. 372 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,515 YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN GO ALL DAY LONG? 373 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,685 WELL. 374 00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:14,187 YOU ALWAYS LEFT ME SATISFIED AND SMILING, SO. 375 00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,065 THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. 376 00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,359 - [laughing loudly] - MICHAEL. MICHAEL! 377 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,236 WHY DID YOU GET IT SO BIG? 378 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,154 THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. 379 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,490 DOES THE SKIN LOOK RED AND SWOLLEN? 380 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,825 THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. 381 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,160 THAT'S MY JOKE. DAMN IT, DWIGHT. 382 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,663 HOW ABOUT THE PHYLLIS-ANGELA DISPUTE? 383 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,206 YOU ALREADY DID ME. 384 00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:34,541 THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. 385 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,667 IS THERE ANY MUSTARD? 386 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,669 NO MUSTARD. NO MUSTARD. 387 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:39,587 JUST...EAT IT. EAT IT, PHYLLIS. 388 00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:40,922 DIP IT IN THE WATER 389 00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,340 SO IT'LL SLIDE DOWN YOUR GULLET MORE EASILY. 390 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,675 all: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. 391 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,510 NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT. JUST--COME ON, YOU GUYS. 392 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:46,720 LET'S DO IT. 393 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:55,395 I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS. 394 00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,731 I DON'T WANNA LIE. 395 00:14:57,772 --> 00:15:00,233 AND I DON'T WANNA TELL THE TRUTH. 396 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,780 SO I JUST WANNA LET YOU KNOW-- 397 00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,450 THE GUY WHO YOU WERE TALKING TO IS AN IDIOT. 398 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,243 HE IS A LIAR. 399 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,870 HE IS DIVORCED. 400 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,580 I'M DIVORCED. 401 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:16,916 UM, WELL... 402 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:19,753 SO AM I, SO THAT MAKES THREE OF US. 403 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:23,048 AND WE SHOULD ALL HIT THE SINGLES BARS. 404 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,174 MM. 405 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,931 WHAT ABOUT SALES SPECIFICALLY? 406 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,808 HEY, TOBES. WHATCHA DOIN'? 407 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,185 WHAT YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT? 408 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,687 WELL, ERIC'S JUST GOING OVER SOME STUFF. 409 00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,731 STUFF. I LOVE STUFF. 410 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,232 IT'S H.R. STUFF. 411 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:45,612 H.R. STUFF? H.R. PUFNSTUF. 412 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,530 RIGHT UP MY ALLEY. WHAT IS THAT? 413 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:49,032 WHAT KIND OF STUFF IS THAT? 414 00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:51,743 IT'S, UM, IT'S A COMPANY EVALUATION FORM. 415 00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,411 AH. 416 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,539 - WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, UH-- - TALKING ABOUT, UH, WHAT? 417 00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,083 UH, WASTE IS NEXT. 418 00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,334 WASTE? 419 00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:01,336 WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? LIKE GARBAGE? 420 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,588 NO, WASTE OF TIME AND RESOURCES. 421 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,216 OH. TIME AND RESOURCES. 422 00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,884 LOOK, YOU KNOW, IN ANY COMPANY, 423 00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:08,968 THERE'S GONNA BE A CERTAIN DEGREE-- 424 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,970 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 425 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:13,306 RESPECTFULLY TOBY, NO. 426 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:17,435 NO, THIS COMPANY DOES NOT WASTE TIME OR RESOURCES EVER. 427 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,313 [Dwight and Michael screaming] 428 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,692 WHOA, HO, HO, HO, HO! 429 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:26,653 - WHOO-HOO! - [laughing] 430 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:29,531 - HERE WE GO. - GO, GO, GO! 431 00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,700 DIG DEEP, DIG DEEP. 432 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:32,909 [screaming] 433 00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:34,369 OH, OH, OH! 434 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,954 - IT'S PHYLLIS. - IT'S PHYLLIS. 435 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,248 PHYLLIS BY A NOSE. GOLD MEDAL IN FLERNUNTIN. 436 00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:39,833 FLONKERTON. 437 00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,751 WHERE IS MY DESK? 438 00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:44,838 THAT IS WEIRD. 439 00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:46,589 HAPPY HOLIDAYS, DWIGHT. 440 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,508 BUT DO NOT OPEN IT UNTIL CHRISTMAS. 441 00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,635 YOU'RE SO PATHETIC. WELL, I HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT. 442 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,555 'CAUSE I'M GONNA TAKE IT APART IN ABOUT FIVE MINUTES. 443 00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,390 I THINK IT'LL TAKE YOU A LITTLE BIT LONGER THAN THAT. 444 00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,892 IF I CAN SKIN A MULE DEAR IN LESS THAN TEN MINUTES, 445 00:16:57,934 --> 00:17:01,813 I OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO CUT-- 446 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,774 OH! DAMN IT! JIM! 447 00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,401 OKAY, HOLD ON, HOLD ON. 448 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,945 JUDGE IS IN SESSION. WHAT IS THE PROBLEM HERE? 449 00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:10,947 HE PUT MY STUFF IN JELL-O AGAIN. 450 00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:12,699 [laughs] 451 00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:15,910 [in a low-pitched voice] BURN, BOOM, SHAKE, AH! 452 00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:19,414 WHY, HELLO EVERYBODY. 453 00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:21,541 - [growling] - WHOA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 454 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:22,709 - COME ON. - STOP. 455 00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:24,002 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 456 00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:27,589 QUESTION, WHAT KIND OF BEAR IS BEST? 457 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:29,090 THAT'S A RIDICULOUS QUESTION. 458 00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,009 FALSE. BLACK BEAR. 459 00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,510 WELL, THAT'S DEBATABLE. 460 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,512 THERE ARE BASICALLY TWO SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT. 461 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,681 FACT. BEARS EAT BEETS. 462 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,100 - OH... - BEARS, BEETS... 463 00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,727 BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. 464 00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:41,978 BEARS DO NOT-- 465 00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:43,646 WHAT IS GOING ON? 466 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,315 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 467 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,402 IDENTITY THEFT IS NOT A JOKE, JIM. 468 00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:52,739 MILLIONS OF FAMILIES SUFFER EVERY YEAR. 469 00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:55,158 - MICHAEL! - OH, THAT'S FUNNY. 470 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,326 MICHAEL! 471 00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:58,161 IS ANYONE NEAR RETIREMENT AGE? 472 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,415 THIS IS CREED. 473 00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:05,001 AND HE IS CHARGE OF... SOMETHING. RIGHT? 474 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,294 THAT IS CORRECT. 475 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:07,629 - SAY HI TO THE KIDS. - HI, KIDS. 476 00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:09,130 YAY. 477 00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:11,966 YOU EVER SEEN A FOOT WITH FOUR TOES? 478 00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:13,468 - kids: EW! - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 479 00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,178 STOP IT, STOP IT. JUST--NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 480 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,471 WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT? 481 00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,806 OKAY, RYAN. 482 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,641 YOU TOLD TOBY THAT CREED HAS 483 00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:22,560 "A DISTINCT OLD MAN SMELL"? 484 00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,147 I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT. 485 00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,525 I SPROUT MUNG BEANS ON A DAMP PAPER TOWEL 486 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,859 IN MY DESK DRAWER. 487 00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:33,530 VERY NUTRITIOUS, BUT THEY SMELL LIKE DEATH. 488 00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:34,948 HEY, WHERE'S DWIGHT? 489 00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:36,199 YOU DIDN'T HEAR? 490 00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,702 DECAPITATED. WHOLE BIG THING. 491 00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:41,287 WE HAD A FUNERAL FOR A BIRD. 492 00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:44,666 I'M PRETTY SURE NONE OF THAT'S REAL. 493 00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:47,502 YOU'RE NOT REAL, MAN. 494 00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:49,087 HEY. 495 00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:52,799 UH, YEAH, I FINALLY GOT A CHANCE TO SIT DOWN WITH H.R. 496 00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:55,343 SO... 497 00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,220 WELL, I THINK I'M GONNA BE HERE FOR A WHILE. 498 00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:02,892 I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES I'M GETTING 499 00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,310 DIFFERENT ANSWERS FROM YOU TWO. 500 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:05,520 ARE YOU BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE? 501 00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:07,605 - FROM US? REALLY? - YEAH. 502 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:11,067 - I DON'T-- - I THINK WE'RE BEING CLEAR. 503 00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,694 I THINK WE'RE--YEAH. 504 00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:14,779 WE'RE ALWAYS ON THE SAME PAGE. 505 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:17,532 IT'S HARD TO GET US OFF THE SAME PAGE, RIGHT? 506 00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:18,450 YEAH. 507 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,828 WE COMPLETE EACH OTHER'S... 508 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,079 SENTENCES. 509 00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,247 OR THOUGHTS. 510 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,874 I WAS THINKING THOUGHTS, BUT-- 511 00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,250 YOU WERE. 512 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,919 SO COULD WE TALK ABOUT THE PHYSICAL BUILDING? 513 00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:31,338 YES. THANK YOU. 514 00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:33,715 UH, I'VE ACTUALLY HAD CONCERNS FOR MANY YEARS NOW 515 00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,091 ABOUT RADON GAS. 516 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,885 I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. THE BUILDING IS FINE. 517 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,928 THERE'S SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL ABOUT THIS BUILDING, 518 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,472 WOULDN'T YOU SAY? 519 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:45,685 I MEAN, THIS IS A BUILDING WHERE FRIENDS BECOME LOVERS, 520 00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:50,315 AND LOVERS BECOME SEXUALLY INTERACTIVE. 521 00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,400 RIGHT? WOULD YOU AGREE WITH THAT? 522 00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,819 MICHAEL, THIS IS REALLY INAPPROPRIATE TO TALK ABOUT. 523 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,654 THAT'S--THAT IS TRUE. 524 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,198 MM. 525 00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,785 WHAT? 526 00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:03,244 MM. 527 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,086 [scoffs] 528 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,797 I LIKE YOU. 529 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:16,257 BUT YOU NEED TO ACCESS YOUR UNCRAZY SIDE. 530 00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:18,927 DARRYL PHILBIN IS THE MOST COMPLICATED MAN 531 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,470 THAT I HAVE EVER MET. 532 00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:23,515 I MEAN, WHO SAYS EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE THINKING? 533 00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,559 WHAT KIND OF GAME IS THAT? 534 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,938 I'M SO HAPPY WE DON'T HAVE TO BREAK UP NOW, RYAN! 535 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,606 MM, MM, MM. 536 00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:33,274 THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY WHOLE LIFE. 537 00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:36,403 WHEN I SAID THAT I WANTED TO HAVE KIDS 538 00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,988 AND YOU SAID THAT YOU WANTED ME TO HAVE A VASECTOMY, 539 00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,448 WHAT DID I DO? 540 00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,617 AND THEN WHEN YOU SAID THAT YOU MIGHT WANNA HAVE KIDS 541 00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:45,161 AND I WASN'T SO SURE, WHO HAD THE VASECTOMY REVERSED? 542 00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:46,413 AND THEN WHEN YOU SAID 543 00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:47,706 YOU DEFINITELY DIDN'T WANNA HAVE KIDS, 544 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,124 WELL, IT REVERSED BACK. 545 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,917 SNIP-SNAP, SNIP-SNAP, SNIP-SNAP! 546 00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,377 - I DID. - OKAY. 547 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:55,380 YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE PHYSICAL TOLL 548 00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,966 THAT THREE VASECTOMIES HAVE ON A PERSON. 549 00:20:58,008 --> 00:20:59,843 KELLY, I'M YOUR BOSS NOW. OKAY? 550 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:02,137 YOU CAN'T KEEP TALKING TO ME LIKE I'M YOUR BOYFRIEND. 551 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:05,473 OH, BIG STRONG MAN. FANCY NEW WHATEVER. 552 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:06,766 I DON'T THINK YOU EVER CARED ABOUT ME. 553 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:07,767 I NEVER CARED ABOUT YOU? 554 00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,019 SIX MONTHS AGO, KAREN FILIPELLI 555 00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,562 SENT ME AN EMAIL ASKING ME OUT. 556 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,731 I SAID NO BECAUSE I WAS COMMITTED TO OUR RELATIONSHIP. 557 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,399 WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE STILL COMMITTED 558 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,276 BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT. 559 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,156 THIS IS AN IMAGE... 560 00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:23,408 THAT I WANT YOU PEOPLE TO REMEMBER 561 00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:25,577 FOR A LONG TIME TO COME. 562 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,078 WHENEVER YOU COME INTO THE OFFICE, 563 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,247 I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT THIS. 564 00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:31,082 WE DON'T NEED TO. 565 00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:33,626 - YES, WE DO. - WHAT? 566 00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:35,253 OH, MY GOD. 567 00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:43,970 OH! AH! 568 00:21:44,012 --> 00:21:46,014 - OH! - AH! 569 00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:48,391 AH. OH... 570 00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:50,518 I DID IT. [sniffles] 571 00:21:52,062 --> 00:21:53,646 - THANK YOU. - THANK YOU. 572 00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:56,441 JIM HAS GOT IT BAD FOR PAM. 573 00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:58,902 OH, HO. WHICH ONE IS PAM? 574 00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:03,114 - WHAT? - NOTHING. 575 00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:04,949 OKAY. 576 00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:06,451 WHAT? 577 00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:08,870 I DON'T KNOW. WHAT? 578 00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:10,205 OH, MY GOD. 579 00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:11,831 DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME SOMETHING? 580 00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:14,626 YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WANNA TELL ME SOMETHING. 581 00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:16,211 YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT TO SAY 582 00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:18,630 AND YOU JUST CAN'T FOR SOME REASON. 583 00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:23,426 COME ON, YOU CAN TELL ME. 584 00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:26,846 JIM. YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING. 585 00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:35,188 YOU HAVE NEW MUSIC? 586 00:22:35,230 --> 00:22:37,065 YEAH. 587 00:22:37,107 --> 00:22:38,441 DEFINITELY. 588 00:22:38,483 --> 00:22:41,611 [Travis' Sing] 589 00:22:41,653 --> 00:22:48,451 ♪ ♪ 590 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,038 BRING IT IN. HERE WE GO. 591 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,374 YEAH! [laughter] 592 00:22:56,376 --> 00:22:58,378 LOOK INSIDE. 593 00:22:58,420 --> 00:23:01,047 * YOU'VE BEEN GOING SO CRAZY ♪ 594 00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:03,008 ♪ ♪ 595 00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,968 OH, MY GOD! 596 00:23:05,010 --> 00:23:08,054 * LATELY, NOTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING RIGHT ♪ 597 00:23:08,096 --> 00:23:09,556 ♪ SOLO-- ♪ 598 00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,391 I BET JIM GOT THE JOB. 599 00:23:11,433 --> 00:23:13,184 I MEAN, WHY WOULDN'T HE? 600 00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,770 HE'S TOTALLY QUALIFIED AND SMART. 601 00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:17,355 EVERYONE LOVES HIM. 602 00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:19,065 IF HE NEVER COMES BACK AGAIN, 603 00:23:19,107 --> 00:23:21,151 IT'S OKAY. 604 00:23:21,192 --> 00:23:22,444 WE'RE FRIENDS. 605 00:23:22,485 --> 00:23:24,404 WE JUST-- WE NEVER GOT THE TIMING RIGHT. 606 00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:27,282 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S OKAY. 607 00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:29,242 I'M TOTALLY FINE. 608 00:23:29,284 --> 00:23:30,952 EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE TOTALLY-- 609 00:23:30,994 --> 00:23:32,871 PAM. SORRY. 610 00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:36,374 UM, ARE YOU FREE FOR DINNER TONIGHT? 611 00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:39,044 - YES. - ALL RIGHT. 612 00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:41,338 THEN IT'S A DATE. 613 00:23:41,379 --> 00:23:43,423 ♪ ♪ 614 00:23:43,465 --> 00:23:48,887 ♪ COLDER, CRYING OVER YOUR SHOULDER ♪ 615 00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:51,431 I'M SORRY, WHAT WAS THE QUESTION? 616 00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:53,308 OH, MY GOD. 617 00:23:56,227 --> 00:23:58,772 PAM, WILL YOU MARRY ME? 618 00:23:58,813 --> 00:23:59,898 OH, MY GOD. 619 00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:02,317 [cheering] 620 00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,569 ♪ 'CAUSE NO ONE'S GONNA BE STOPPED ♪ 621 00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:06,279 ♪ NA NA NA NA ♪ 622 00:24:06,321 --> 00:24:10,867 ♪ BUT IF YOU SING ♪ 623 00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:12,494 ♪ ♪ 624 00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:14,412 ♪ SING ♪ 625 00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:17,457 ♪ SING, SING, SING ♪ 626 00:24:17,499 --> 00:24:20,168 ♪ FOR THE LOVE YOU BRING ♪ 627 00:24:20,210 --> 00:24:24,255 ♪ WON'T MEAN A THING ♪ 628 00:24:24,297 --> 00:24:26,424 ♪ UNLESS YOU SING ♪ 629 00:24:26,466 --> 00:24:28,468 ♪ SING, SING, SING ♪ 630 00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:30,637 [music fades out] 631 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,275 - THANK YOU SO MUCH. - THANK YOU. 632 00:24:44,317 --> 00:24:45,610 - THANK YOU. - THANK YOU. 633 00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:48,488 IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU ALL. 634 00:24:48,530 --> 00:24:50,240 - GOOD TO MEET YOU. - HAVE A GREAT DAY. 635 00:24:50,281 --> 00:24:51,783 - I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON. - YEAH. 636 00:24:51,825 --> 00:24:53,118 I FEEL VERY SORRY FOR THAT BANKER 637 00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:56,871 BECAUSE HE HAS TO EVALUATE WHAT WE ARE WORTH. 638 00:24:56,913 --> 00:24:59,666 HE HAS TO DECIDE WHAT WE'RE CAPABLE OF. 639 00:24:59,708 --> 00:25:01,960 AND HOW DO YOU DO THAT? 640 00:25:02,002 --> 00:25:04,295 WHAT IS JIM CAPABLE OF? 641 00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:06,256 OR PAM? 642 00:25:06,297 --> 00:25:08,717 OR KEVIN? 643 00:25:08,758 --> 00:25:11,636 * OUT OF PAPER, OUT OF STOCK ♪ 644 00:25:11,678 --> 00:25:15,223 ♪ THE FRIENDLY FACES AROUND THE BLOCK ♪ 645 00:25:15,265 --> 00:25:17,350 ♪ BREAK LOSE FROM THE CHAINS ♪ 646 00:25:17,392 --> 00:25:19,602 ♪ THAT ARE CAUSING YOUR PAIN ♪ 647 00:25:19,644 --> 00:25:21,479 ♪ CALL MICHAEL AND FAMILY ♪ 648 00:25:21,521 --> 00:25:22,772 ♪ JIM, DWIGHT, CREED ♪ 649 00:25:22,814 --> 00:25:24,357 ♪ CALL ANDY AND KELLY ♪ 650 00:25:24,399 --> 00:25:26,026 ♪ FOR YOUR BUSINESS PAPER NEEDS ♪ 651 00:25:26,067 --> 00:25:27,861 ♪ DUNDER MIFFLIN ♪ 652 00:25:27,902 --> 00:25:29,446 ♪ THE PEOPLE PERSON'S PAPER PEOPLE ♪ 653 00:25:29,487 --> 00:25:30,780 ♪ DUNDER MIFFLIN ♪ 654 00:25:30,822 --> 00:25:33,033 ♪ THE PEOPLE PERSON'S PAPER PEOPLE ♪ 655 00:25:33,074 --> 00:25:34,159 ♪ DUNDER MIFFLIN ♪ 656 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,452 ♪ THE PEOPLE PERSON'S PAPER PEOPLE ♪ 657 00:25:35,493 --> 00:25:36,786 I DON'T CARE. 658 00:25:36,828 --> 00:25:38,663 IF HE GOES AND FILES A REPORT 659 00:25:38,705 --> 00:25:40,123 THAT SAYS WE'RE NOTHING SPECIAL, 660 00:25:40,165 --> 00:25:44,461 BECAUSE I THINK OUR FUTURE IS VERY BRIGHT. 661 00:25:44,502 --> 00:25:45,837 WE HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN. 662 00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:49,716 COMPUTRON EXPERIENCING EMOTION. 663 00:25:49,758 --> 00:25:52,260 COMPUTRON, I'M GONNA PULL YOUR PLUG. 664 00:25:52,302 --> 00:25:54,596 OKAY, BUDDY? 665 00:25:54,637 --> 00:25:56,431 - OKAY. - JUST SH-- 666 00:25:58,975 --> 00:26:00,518 PLEASE DON'T. 667 00:26:02,479 --> 00:26:04,189 - COMPUTRON WANTS TO LIVE. - SHUT-- 668 00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:06,441 SHUT UP. SHUT UP. 669 00:26:13,656 --> 00:26:15,158 * SITTIN' IN MY OFFICE WITH A PLATE OF GRILLED BACON ♪ 670 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,118 ♪ CALL MY MAN DWIGHT JUST TO SEE WHAT WAS SHAKIN' ♪ 671 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,746 * YO MIKE, OUR TOWN IS DOPE AND PRETTY ♪ 672 00:26:19,788 --> 00:26:20,872 * SO CHECK OUT HOW WE LIVE ♪ 673 00:26:20,914 --> 00:26:23,375 both: ♪ IN THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪ 674 00:26:23,416 --> 00:26:24,959 - * THEY CALL IT SCRANTON * - * WHAT ♪ 675 00:26:25,001 --> 00:26:26,127 * THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪ 676 00:26:26,169 --> 00:26:27,462 - ♪ SCRANTON * - * WHAT ♪ 677 00:26:27,504 --> 00:26:28,797 * THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪ 678 00:26:28,838 --> 00:26:31,132 ♪ LAZY SCRANTON, THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪ 679 00:26:31,174 --> 00:26:33,718 ♪ THEY CALL IT THAT 'CAUSE OF THE ELECTRICITY ♪ 680 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,096 ♪ THE CITY'S LAID OUT FROM EAST TO WEST ♪ 681 00:26:36,137 --> 00:26:37,639 ♪ AND OUR PUBLIC PARKS AND LIBRARIES ♪ 682 00:26:37,681 --> 00:26:39,099 ♪ ARE TRULY THE BEST ♪ 683 00:26:39,140 --> 00:26:41,559 ♪ CALL POISON CONTROL IF YOU'RE BIT BY A SPIDER ♪ 684 00:26:41,601 --> 00:26:42,936 * BUT CHECK THAT IT'S COVERED ♪ 685 00:26:42,977 --> 00:26:44,729 both: * BY YOUR HEALTH CARE PROVIDER ♪ 686 00:26:44,771 --> 00:26:46,981 * PLENTY OF SPACE IN THE PARKING LOT ♪ 687 00:26:47,023 --> 00:26:49,818 * BUT THE LITTLE CARS GO IN THE COMPACT SPOT ♪ 688 00:26:49,859 --> 00:26:52,612 both: * SPOT, SPOT, SPOT, SPOT, SPOT ♪ 689 00:26:52,654 --> 00:26:55,240 - * SNACK ATTACK TIME * - * DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD ♪ 690 00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:58,827 * WE LIKE CUGINO'S * both: * FOR THE TASTY BREAD ♪ 691 00:26:58,868 --> 00:27:00,245 - * THEY CALL IT SCRANTON * - * WHAT ♪ 692 00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:01,746 * THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪ 693 00:27:01,788 --> 00:27:02,789 - ♪ SCRANTON * - * WHAT ♪ 694 00:27:02,831 --> 00:27:04,165 * THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪ 695 00:27:04,207 --> 00:27:05,333 - ♪ SCRANTON * - * WHAT ♪ 696 00:27:05,375 --> 00:27:06,584 * THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪ 697 00:27:06,626 --> 00:27:07,836 - ♪ SCRANTON * - * WHAT ♪ 698 00:27:07,877 --> 00:27:09,504 * THE ELECTRIC CITY * SCRANTON ♪ 699 00:27:09,546 --> 00:27:10,880 - * WHAT * - DAH! 48040

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.