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1
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:12,637
[door closes]
2
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,223
Where is my desk?
3
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:17,642
That is weird.
4
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,812
This is not funny.
This is totally unprofessional.
5
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,689
Okay. Well, you're the one
who lost the desk.
6
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:23,815
I didn't lose
my desk.
7
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,233
Okay, calm down.
8
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:26,693
Where was the last place
you saw it?
9
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,403
Okay, who moved
my desk?
10
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,488
I think you should retrace
your steps.
11
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,323
Okay, I am going
12
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:33,783
to tell Michael,
13
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:36,494
and this entire office
will be punished.
14
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,204
Colder.
15
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:43,460
Warmer.
16
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:45,837
Little warmer.
17
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,547
There you go.
Ooh, warmer.
18
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,507
Warmer.
19
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,842
Warmer.
20
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,052
Warmer. Warmer.
21
00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:53,219
Cold. Cold. Cold.
22
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:54,387
Back up.
23
00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:58,683
Ooh. Ooh. Warmer.
24
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,519
Hot. Red hot. Hot.
25
00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,813
Very hot.
26
00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:07,317
[phone ringing]
27
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:16,910
Dwight Schrute.
28
00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:18,370
Hi, Dwight.
29
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,413
Um, what sort of discounts
are we giving
30
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:21,956
on the 20 pound white?
31
00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:23,792
Jim, I've given you this
information, like, 20 times.
32
00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:25,335
I know.
33
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:27,337
[toilet flushes]
34
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:30,340
It's by the ream?
35
00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:31,549
Uh, yeah.
36
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,760
It is now 9.78.
37
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:35,387
So it's a discount of 7%.
38
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:38,098
Okay, thank you.
Gotta get back to work.
39
00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,562
Wash your hands, Kevin.
40
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:47,565
[upbeat music]
41
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:55,532
{\an8}♪ ♪
42
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,182
Right.
43
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:22,892
Oh, well, let me just
check the pricing list.
44
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,728
Hold on one second. Sensei.
45
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:27,480
Hello, it's sempai.
46
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,107
Dwight.
47
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,734
You know what, let me
give you a call right back.
48
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:32,902
I'm going to find it
and then I'll call you back.
49
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,070
Thanks.
50
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,656
Yes, I just had a ques--
51
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,116
Yes, sensei.
52
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,035
Arigato gozaimashita.
53
00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,327
Hai.
54
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,665
Was that your mom?
55
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:48,293
No. That was my sensei.
56
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:49,878
Oh, thought it was
your mom.
57
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,380
I am now sempai,
58
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,466
which is assistant sensei.
59
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,134
Assistant to the sensei,
that's pretty cool.
60
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,762
Assistant sensei. Okay.
61
00:02:58,803 --> 00:03:01,639
I am a practitioner
of Goju-Ryu Karate
62
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,516
here in Scranton.
63
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,018
(all)
Huh!
64
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,311
2.
(all) Huh!
65
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,104
Dwight,
stamp and kick back. 3.
66
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,105
(all)
Huh!
67
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,274
My sensei, Ira,
68
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,443
recently promoted me
to purple belt
69
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:16,488
and gave me the duties
of a sempai.
70
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,281
Not that a lot of people
here in America
71
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,367
know what a sempai is.
72
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:23,620
But it's equally as respected
as a sensei.
73
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:24,996
Huh!
Great.
74
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,247
Huh!
Excellent.
75
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,541
Huh!
That's okay.
76
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,168
Huh!
Good.
77
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,294
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on, hold on.
78
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,171
[pager beeping]
79
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,673
Sorry, just one sec--
Dwight--
80
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,633
Dwight, you can't use your
pager in here, I told you.
81
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,176
Okay, it's just--
it's a sales call.
82
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,553
Dwight, ten push-ups.
83
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:41,930
Ten push-ups!
84
00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,223
I can--
Yes, sensei!
85
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:45,392
Go!
86
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:48,269
One, two.
And snap, okay?
87
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:51,439
Now, Dwight got hurt
last week, all right?
88
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,566
It's because we didn't
pull our kicks back.
89
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:57,278
When we fight in-class,
we don't fight full-contact.
90
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,323
From now on, not full-contact
with Dwight, okay?
91
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:02,033
(Dwight)
Do I feel bad that I haven't
92
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,910
bonded with the other students?
93
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,745
No, I'm not there
to make friends.
94
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,580
I'm there to attack people.
95
00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:14,963
I don't want to stay
until 7:00 again this year.
96
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:18,133
I don't really have
any control over that, Stanley.
97
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:26,099
Michael tends
to procrastinate a bit
98
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:27,726
whenever he has to do work.
99
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,561
Um, time cards.
100
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:31,813
He has to sign these
every Friday.
101
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,773
Purchase orders
have to be approved
102
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,400
at the end of every month.
103
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,235
And expense reports.
104
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,112
All he has to do
is initial these
105
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,739
at the end of every quarter.
106
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:43,324
But once a year, it all falls
on the same Friday.
107
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,243
And that's today.
108
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,579
I call it
the perfect storm.
109
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,873
♪ I don't want to work *
[clinking mug with finger]
110
00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:52,417
♪ I just want to bang
on this mug all day * ♪
111
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,169
Did you ask me here
for any specific reason?
112
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,254
Ah, yes. I did.
113
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,423
Here's the dizzle.
114
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:02,010
I have a very top secret
mission for you.
115
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,888
I want you to update all the
emergency contact information.
116
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,639
Why is that secret?
117
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:07,682
[knock at door]
118
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:08,975
(Michael)
Hello. Oh, God.
119
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,185
Busy work. Get away.
Get away.
120
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:11,603
Ah, cretin.
121
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,438
Um, I put stickers
so you know where to sign.
122
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,731
Yes, thanks.
I know where to sign.
123
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,358
It's just that last year,
you--
124
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,859
Last year,
they were out of order,
125
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,444
weren't they, Pam?
126
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,946
Well, the last pickup
for overnight deliveries
127
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:25,033
is at 7:00, so you need
to have them signed by then
128
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,576
or much earlier.
129
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:30,121
Chillax, Pam.
Stop Pam-MSing.
130
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,414
That's pretty good.
131
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:32,582
Um, actually,
I'm sending Ryan
132
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,459
on a top secret mission.
133
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,294
Tell her what it is.
134
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,588
Updating emergency contacts.
135
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,591
Well, is that really
a priority?
136
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:42,967
(Michael)
Is it a priority?
137
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,177
Oh, I don't know.
138
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,596
Um, what if there's
a tornado, Pam?
139
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,640
People's legs are crushed
under rubble.
140
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,851
Please, would you be so kind
as to call my wife?
141
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,436
No. I can't.
142
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,313
Because we don't have any
emergency contact information
143
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,565
because Pam said
it wasn't a priority.
144
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,025
Think.
Think with your head, Pam.
145
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,819
Okay, well, she walks out.
146
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,821
That's the problem
with being a boss
147
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,657
is that when you are tough,
they resent you
148
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:08,284
and when you are cool,
they walk all over you.
149
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,203
Catch-22.
150
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:14,207
Catch-22. Yes.
151
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,293
Why don't you give me
152
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:18,795
your contact information
to start with, okay?
153
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:21,006
What's your cell?
154
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,841
Uh, Larisa Halpert.
155
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:23,967
What's her address?
156
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:27,012
[cell phone rings]
117 Von Bergen Street.
157
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,430
Hello.
158
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,640
[Michael in high voice]
Hey, Ryan.
159
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:34,310
[snickers]
This is Michael Jackson
160
00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:36,521
calling from Wonderland.
161
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:40,191
You mean Neverland?
162
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,193
This is Tito.
163
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,904
[laughing]
164
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,906
What?
165
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:50,201
Calling from--
166
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,787
Your major and minor lines
167
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,873
cross at a ridge.
168
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,166
That sucks.
169
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,752
You're making this up
as you go along, aren't you?
170
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,211
I am just following
the website.
171
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,379
Well...
172
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,173
at least I don't
have cavities.
173
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:05,550
Yes, you have
very nice teeth.
174
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,260
Thanks.
175
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,554
Who's your
emergency contact?
176
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,306
Stacey.
177
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,892
[cell phone rings]
178
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:15,268
[knock on window]
179
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,895
Pick up.
180
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,858
Hello?
181
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,818
[Michael in high voice]
This is Mike Tyson.
182
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,570
[laughs]
183
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,991
TGIF.
184
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,743
Thank God it's Friday.
185
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,828
Mm.
186
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,668
Are you going
to happy hour later?
187
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:42,712
Ugh, I'm still recovering
from last night.
188
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,005
Ah.
189
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,924
But maybe.
190
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,803
Hey, Dwight.
191
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:53,515
As sempai, do you ever think
there's gonna be a day
192
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:57,310
where humans and robots
can peacefully coexist?
193
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,770
Impossible.
194
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,855
The way they're programmed...
195
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,609
You're mocking me.
No, I'm not.
196
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,404
Well, let me offer you
a little piece of advice.
197
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:11,116
I am not afraid
to make an example out of you.
198
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,575
Well, that's not advice.
199
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,411
What advice sounds like
is this.
200
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:18,373
Um, don't ever bring
your purple belt to work
201
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:20,750
because someone might
steal it.
202
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,127
Okay, give that back
to me.
203
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,128
Okay, say please.
204
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,421
No. That is not a toy.
205
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:25,839
Please.
Please.
206
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,299
Good. And it absolutely
is a toy.
207
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,926
Arigato.
Arigato.
208
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,052
This is not a toy.
209
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,762
This is a message
210
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:35,432
for the entire office
so that everyone
211
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:36,474
could see
that I am capable
212
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,851
of physically
dominating them.
213
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,979
[grunting]
214
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,190
And this is more
of a yin-yang thing.
215
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:47,527
The Michael is all cursive,
Scott all caps.
216
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:49,320
Left brain, right brain.
217
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,239
Or a duality of man.
218
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:52,657
[knock on glass]
219
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:55,035
Could you practice
on the forms?
220
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,830
[groans softly]
221
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,666
What about Oscar?
222
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,835
Could you beat Oscar?
No problem.
223
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,503
(Jim)
Oh, no, he looks pretty scrappy.
224
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,921
(Dwight)
Unless he has a shiv,
225
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,590
in which case
it wouldn't be a fair fight.
226
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,009
True.
Meredith?
227
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,178
No women or children
unless provoked.
228
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,637
Okay. Roy.
229
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,598
Warehouse guy.
Doesn't count.
230
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,600
Okay. Michael.
Could you beat up Michael?
231
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,019
Yeah, I don't think
that would happen.
232
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,645
'Cause we're friends.
233
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,898
Because I would
kick his ass.
234
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:26,900
Well, Dwight's
purple belt, so...
235
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:29,652
So? I've beat up
black belts. Yeah.
236
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,488
How'd you know
they were black belts?
237
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,115
They told me after.
238
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,493
See, I used to run
with a very tough crowd,
239
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,203
street fighter types.
240
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:41,122
Real, real bad people.
241
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:43,208
I'm just lucky I got out.
242
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,043
I was a badass mofo.
243
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,128
Stanley knows
what I'm talking about.
244
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:48,421
Excuse me?
245
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:50,215
Never lost a fight.
You know why?
246
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,967
My motto.
Never say die.
247
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,345
You just said it.
You just said it.
248
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:56,471
No, that's not how
I meant it.
249
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,722
He just--
No.
250
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:01,059
You said it.
Shut up, Dwight.
251
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,727
[breathes deeply]
252
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,104
Do you think
he signed them yet?
253
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,480
Signed what?
254
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:08,483
Forget it.
255
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,151
Is that
chocolate vanilla swirl?
256
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:11,736
Just chocolate.
257
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,030
Angela, for the last time,
258
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,990
I did not eat your
chocolate vanilla swirl.
259
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:20,036
Don't look at me.
260
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,250
I don't know why
I write my name on things.
261
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,751
[sighs]
262
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,004
Is your wife
still your contact?
263
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:31,047
Uh, ex-wife, yeah.
264
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:34,467
Uh, her last name
is Becker now.
265
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:36,928
Okay.
266
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,347
You don't need
to write "ex".
267
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:40,849
(Michael)
And after that,
268
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,935
nobody ever messed with
the damn rascals ever again.
269
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,562
Sounds tough.
270
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,105
When you're a Jet,
271
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,107
you're a Jet all the way,
right? You're a Jet?
272
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,650
Have you signed
the expense reports yet?
273
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,694
Yes, in theory I have.
274
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:55,780
I just need to cross
some Ts and dot some Is.
275
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,450
All right.
276
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,410
I am going to be
in my office,
277
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:02,495
if anybody needs me.
278
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:03,621
Hoo! Ha!
279
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,790
Oh, wow. Michael.
280
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,917
Sleeper hold.
Bed time for vato.
281
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:09,294
Oh.
282
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:10,670
(Dwight)
Stop it.
283
00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:11,796
(Michael)
Oh ho ho ho.
284
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,131
You are the weakest link.
285
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,341
Ow!
286
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,801
I'm friends with everybody
in this office.
287
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,763
We're all best friends.
I love everybody here.
288
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:23,058
But sometimes
your best friends
289
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,143
start coming in
to work late
290
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,936
and start having dentist appointments
291
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,688
that aren't dentist appointments.
292
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,690
And that is when it's nice
to let them know
293
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,817
that you could
beat them up.
294
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,194
Just hit me.
You'll see.
295
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,278
I can't.
296
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,530
'Cause I just got a manicure, so...
297
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:40,075
Oh, queer!
Eye. Queer Eye.
298
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,160
That's a good show.
Important show.
299
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,536
Go ahead. Do it.
300
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,038
Just have Dwight punch you.
301
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,165
Oh, yeah. Well, that would
be kind of worthless
302
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,334
because I know
a ton of 14-year-old girls
303
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:50,669
who could kick his ass.
304
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,379
You know a ton
of 14-year-old girls?
305
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:54,756
Look. Dwight is a wuss.
306
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:56,716
When we rented Armageddon,
307
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,426
he cried at the end of it.
308
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,011
No, Michael,
I told you.
309
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,638
That was because
it was New Year's Eve
310
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,348
and it started to snow
at exactly midnight.
311
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,683
[mock crying]
Bruce Willis.
312
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,267
They're going to leave him
on the asteroid.
313
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,435
Okay, I'll punch you.
314
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,645
Oh, okay.
Here we go.
315
00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:10,021
All right. Come on.
316
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,189
Gah!
317
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,191
[coughs, gags]
318
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,902
[inhaling deeply]
Oh!
319
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,570
Did I want to harm Michael,
320
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,614
the one man
I've been hired to protect?
321
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,282
No, I did not.
322
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,283
Are you okay?
323
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,368
[hoarse] Yes.
324
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,369
Are you sure
you're all right?
325
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,204
Yeah. Yeah.
326
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,581
Thank you.
327
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,796
I come from a long line
of fighters.
328
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:36,089
My maternal grandfather
329
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,716
was the toughest guy
I ever knew.
330
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,342
World War II veteran.
331
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:42,220
Killed 20 men
then spent the rest of the war
332
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,264
in an allied prison camp.
333
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,808
My father battled
334
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:50,395
blood pressure and obesity
all his life.
335
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,272
Different kind of fight.
336
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,857
Still noble.
337
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,191
If I come for you--
338
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:56,359
'cause your cartilage
can go right through.
339
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,987
Okay, take this pen
and stab me with it.
340
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:01,990
Okay, he has
to be stopped.
341
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:04,826
Please, please, please,
please, just ask Michael.
342
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,120
[indistinct chatter]
343
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,496
I don't know.
344
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,290
Ha.
345
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,710
Okay. I'll buy you
a bag of chips.
346
00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:15,211
French onion?
347
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:16,755
Obviously.
Why are you spinning around?
348
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,257
Okay.
Yes.
349
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,634
Take this pen, okay?
350
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,636
Stab me with it.
351
00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:24,763
(Michael)
Go away.
352
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,014
I just have
a quick question.
353
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:28,600
I haven't signed them, okay?
354
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,268
No, it's not that.
355
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,062
Um, I was just wondering,
356
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:34,022
since I'm probably going
to have to stay late,
357
00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,107
could you ask Dwight
to stay late too
358
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,735
so he can walk me
to my car?
359
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,364
Come in.
360
00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:45,367
Uh, Pam,
361
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:46,701
I hate to break this
to you,
362
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,953
but Dwight can't stop you
from being mugged.
363
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,789
He's just not
tough enough.
364
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,791
He's a purple belt.
That's really high.
365
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,626
Oh, I could beat up Dwight.
That's ridiculous.
366
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,252
I can murder him.
367
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,129
It's just that out there, you...
368
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,506
Oh, is that what
they're saying?
369
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,675
Yeah, kind of.
Okay. All right.
370
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,135
Where's Dwight?
Uh, kitchen.
371
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,054
Okay.
372
00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:11,351
(Dwight)
Try it again. Here we go.
373
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:12,769
Hi-yah!
Good.
374
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,104
Wow, it was actually
pretty close, right?
375
00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:15,939
Excellent. Now watch.
Let me take you from behind.
376
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:16,981
What?
(Michael) Watch out, Kelly.
377
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,983
He might sucker punch you.
378
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,402
I didn't sucker punch you, Michael.
379
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,278
No, really?
380
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,822
In case you didn't remember,
I was defending my honor.
381
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,323
Like a samurai.
Really?
382
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,825
Yeah.
Well, the offer, Dwight,
383
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,411
was for one punch,
which I absorbed.
384
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:32,122
I had no idea that there'd be
a second punch.
385
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:33,998
So catch-22.
386
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,835
(Dwight)
Okay, fine. Tit for tit.
387
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:40,005
Give it your best shot.
Two punches. Go.
388
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,840
Look. If we were in a bar
right now,
389
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,091
there would be two punches.
390
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,093
Me punching you
and you hitting the floor.
391
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:46,344
No, I'd block
your first punch
392
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,721
rendering you ineffective.
Oh, really?
393
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,055
Yeah.
You know what,
394
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,849
you're just lucky
that we're at work right now.
395
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,017
Ooh, what about
Dwight's dojo?
396
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,060
No, they just have classes.
397
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:55,770
It's free during the day.
It's fine.
398
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,022
I've got the key.
Hey, Michael.
399
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,356
Hey, Toby.
Any word on those time cards?
400
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,649
Hey, you know what?
I have an idea.
401
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,276
Why don't you leave
right now?
402
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:04,863
Why don't you walk
away from the room, okay?
403
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,531
Fine.
404
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,491
We'll go at lunch.
405
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:11,995
Pam, make an announcement.
406
00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:13,872
Figure out carpools.
407
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,719
He's leaving the office?
408
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,597
I know...
You gotta be kidding me.
409
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,390
(Jim)
Um, well, we're all getting excited
410
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,476
to see this fight.
411
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,895
The Albany Branch is working
right through lunch
412
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,229
to prevent downsizing.
413
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,232
But Michael, he decided
to extend our lunch
414
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,651
by an hour so that we could
all go down to the dojo
415
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,904
and watch him fight Dwight.
416
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:49,783
Fight. Fight. Fight.
Fight. Fight. Fight.
417
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,077
Fight. I'm coming. Fight.
418
00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:57,415
Sorry.
419
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,376
[elevator dings]
420
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,551
I recognize that.
421
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:10,845
That is Japanese
for California roll.
422
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,263
Uh, no, it's not.
423
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,723
I think it is.
A guy told me about that.
424
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:15,475
Actually, it's a symbol
for eternal discipline.
425
00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:16,601
Oh.
426
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,144
Your shoes.
Yes?
427
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:19,187
You're gonna have
to take 'em off.
428
00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,897
It's a sign of respect.
429
00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:22,315
Oh.
430
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:26,194
Well, in my office
if you took off your shoes,
431
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,613
it would be a sign
of disrespect.
432
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,700
Stinky feet feel.
Kind of a yin-yang.
433
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,493
Hoo-ch-ch-ch-cha!
434
00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:34,994
Ch-ch-ch-ch-cha!
435
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,246
Oh, stretching.
436
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,498
I like to stay tight. Compact.
437
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,001
Gaaah!
438
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,585
[exhaling rapidly]
Here's your gear.
439
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:43,586
Please put this on.
440
00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:45,296
Do you have, uh,
441
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,424
do you have anything
in, like, black?
442
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:48,591
No, just white.
All right.
443
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,010
Wow. That is really interesting.
444
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:51,344
What?
445
00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:52,387
Your love l--
I'm just kidding.
446
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,847
I can't see anything.
447
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:56,057
Look closer.
448
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:58,018
Okay.
One point for me.
449
00:16:58,059 --> 00:16:59,477
Tied up.
Oh, you're dead.
450
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,603
What? What are you
going to do?
451
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:01,855
Bring it, Beesly.
Bring it.
452
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:03,398
Ooh, yeah. Good move.
453
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,483
Ooh, not such
an ultimate fighter now, huh?
454
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,110
Oh, put me down.
455
00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:08,570
[laughing]
Put me down.
456
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,071
Oh my God.
Hey, put me down.
457
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,365
Hey.
458
00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:36,514
You ready?
459
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,641
Okay, gentlemen, listen up.
460
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,435
After a clean strike
to the chest,
461
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,562
stomach, or kidneys,
462
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:44,731
I will separate you
and award a point.
463
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,274
First person
to three wins, all right?
464
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:47,650
Yes, sensei.
Lot of rules.
465
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,486
Lot of rules. On the street,
we didn't have any rules.
466
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,654
Maybe one. No kicks
to the groin.
467
00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,073
Home for dinner.
468
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:55,742
Hi, sensei!
Hi, Dwight!
469
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:57,369
That's Alyssa, my sempai.
470
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,787
She just qualified
for regionals.
471
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,455
Osu!
472
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:02,791
Alyssa?
473
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:05,293
I guess she's technically
the sempai.
474
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:07,504
But nobody really respects her.
475
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,214
The only reason she got into regionals
476
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:12,133
was because her competition was
a bunch of 13-year-old girls.
477
00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:13,385
[scoffs]
478
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,011
Put me in that division.
479
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:17,389
Let's see how she does.
480
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,057
Hajime!
Ha-yah!
481
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,184
Whoa, hey!
What the hell was that?
482
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:22,268
(Sensei)
Dwight. Yes!
483
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,478
No way.
One point.
484
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,522
All right. That's the way you
want to do it?
485
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,358
Two more!
You want to play dirty, huh? Okay, game on, man.
486
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:29,734
Sweep the leg.
487
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,194
I'm coming
at you, man.
488
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:34,322
[exhaling briskly]
489
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,243
Ha!
Okay, purple belt.
490
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,954
Okay.
I got it.
491
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,163
No.
I got his pants.
492
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:45,542
That was my pants.
No points for pants.
493
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,793
Dwight, you have--
No, look.
494
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:49,963
No, you have something.
You have something.
495
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:51,965
God, you look like such
an idiot.
496
00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:54,884
[both yelling]
497
00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:57,846
[Michael panting]
498
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,848
Ha!
499
00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:04,352
[exhales]
500
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:10,275
[both grunting]
501
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,825
Huh, huh, huh, huh,
huh, huh!
502
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:19,909
Come on.
503
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,411
Against steel
you cannot penetrate.
504
00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:24,831
Huh, huh, huh, huh,
Huh, huh, huh, huh!
505
00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:27,334
Oh, nice try!
Huh, huh, huh, huh!
506
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:30,462
[pants, yells]
507
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,504
Clean technique, gentlemen.
508
00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:33,006
Come on. Do that again.
Do that again.
509
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:34,215
I dare you.
510
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:36,009
Ha!
511
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:38,845
Okay, break.
Break. No holding.
512
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:41,514
Oh, you can't see?
You can't see?
513
00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:43,475
One point. Two points.
Three points.
514
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,685
(Sensei)
Break.
515
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:48,938
I win. I win.
516
00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:50,857
No, you didn't.
517
00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:52,025
No you--
518
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:54,110
Eight point.
Nine point.
519
00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:55,779
[hocking up phlegm]
520
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:57,155
Stop it. No.
521
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:58,990
Come on. Michael!
522
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,116
Open your mouth.
No, Michael!
523
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,076
[hocking up phlegm]
524
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,452
[elevator dings]
525
00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:13,046
[elevator dings]
526
00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:15,715
[exhaling rapidly]
527
00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:20,679
You talkin' to me?
You talkin' to me?
528
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,181
Raging Bull. Pacino.
529
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:24,849
Oh, I want that footage.
I want it.
530
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,101
I need it.
531
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:27,727
Oh, I have to get back
to work.
532
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:29,521
I have lots of work.
Oh, oh, oh.
533
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,106
Check this out.
Come here.
534
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,942
There he is.
Mr. Temp.
535
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,986
Having lunch by the car.
536
00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:39,114
Let us play with him.
537
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:40,907
See what we can learn.
538
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:43,868
[line trilling]
539
00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:51,042
Oh, we're playing
phone tag.
540
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:52,919
(female voice)
Seven new messages.
541
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:54,337
First new message.
542
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:57,757
(Michael)
Hi, Ryan. This is Saddam Hussein.
543
00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,259
(female voice)
Next message.
544
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,886
(Michael)
Hey, Ryan. This is your girlfriend.
545
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,014
And I'm mad.
546
00:21:25,744 --> 00:21:27,370
Stan the Man.
547
00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:28,788
Hi, Michael.
Did you hear about the fight?
548
00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:31,207
Well, wasn't much
of a fight, actually.
549
00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:32,667
(Stanley)
No, are those purchase--
550
00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:34,711
I opened a big ol' can
of whup-ass on him.
551
00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:37,047
Huh?
I went medieval on his hiney.
552
00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:38,840
Okay, are those
purchase orders signed?
553
00:21:38,882 --> 00:21:41,009
(Michael)
Hey, Stanley, I don't tell you how to do your job, do I?
554
00:21:41,051 --> 00:21:42,927
Look, I just wanna have a job, Michael.
555
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:44,346
If we don't get these
purchase orders--
556
00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:48,141
Grow a pair, Stanley.
Right?
557
00:21:48,183 --> 00:21:49,476
You're not gonna downsize
558
00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:50,727
because I miss
a lot of deadlines.
559
00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:53,730
It's not how
business works, okay?
560
00:21:53,772 --> 00:21:55,357
Okay.
561
00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:57,484
For the record,
let me just say
562
00:21:57,525 --> 00:22:00,070
Michael Scott has no honor.
563
00:22:00,111 --> 00:22:03,615
If he lived in Japan,
he would be an outcast.
564
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:07,160
My emergency contact
is Tod Pecker.
565
00:22:07,202 --> 00:22:10,121
Tod F. Pecker.
566
00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,165
You know what
the F standings for? Fudge?
567
00:22:12,207 --> 00:22:13,792
[knock on door]
568
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:15,794
Uh, come in.
569
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,338
Oh, hey, Karate Kid.
570
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:19,547
The Hilary Swank version.
571
00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:21,591
Hi. How are you?
572
00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:24,344
I need to change my emergency
contact information
573
00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,012
from Michael Scott.
574
00:22:26,054 --> 00:22:28,139
Okay, to what?
575
00:22:28,181 --> 00:22:31,559
Just put... the hospital.
576
00:22:31,601 --> 00:22:34,688
Contact number,
just put 911.
577
00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:36,398
[pen scratching out
information]
578
00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:38,483
He is such a sore loser.
579
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:39,984
You heard obviously
580
00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:42,654
that I mopped the floor
with him this afternoon.
581
00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:46,366
You know what,
um, do yourself a favor.
582
00:22:46,408 --> 00:22:48,201
Just leave me
as his contact
583
00:22:48,243 --> 00:22:49,661
and I will call
the hospital.
584
00:22:49,703 --> 00:22:51,663
Cut out the middleman.
585
00:22:51,705 --> 00:22:53,707
[pen scratching out
information]
586
00:22:58,044 --> 00:22:59,004
Good night, Toby.
587
00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:00,672
(Toby)
Bye, Kelly.
588
00:23:10,265 --> 00:23:11,182
(Kevin)
Later, Jim.
589
00:23:11,224 --> 00:23:12,809
Later, Kev.
590
00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:20,400
Have a good weekend.
591
00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:22,444
Yeah, you too.
592
00:23:33,163 --> 00:23:34,914
[knocks at door]
Yeah.
593
00:23:34,956 --> 00:23:36,583
I have the emergency contacts.
594
00:23:36,624 --> 00:23:38,126
Just lay 'em
on the chair.
595
00:23:38,168 --> 00:23:40,295
I'll take it from here.
596
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,088
So what you up to
this weekend?
597
00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:45,091
Uh, hanging out
with some friends probably.
598
00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:47,761
Well, if you do anything crazy,
give me a shout.
599
00:23:47,802 --> 00:23:49,596
Yeah. All right.
I will, um, see you Monday.
600
00:23:49,637 --> 00:23:52,098
All right. Bye.
601
00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:54,768
[breathes deeply]
602
00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:59,731
All right, here you go, princess.
603
00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:02,150
Just finished
with part one.
604
00:24:03,443 --> 00:24:04,736
This is what you had Ryan do.
605
00:24:04,778 --> 00:24:06,321
Yes, under my tutelage.
606
00:24:06,363 --> 00:24:08,907
But what about the other stuff?
That has to be in today.
607
00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:11,076
If you didn't badger me
with so many questions, Pam,
608
00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:13,787
I could be done with it
by now.
609
00:24:31,596 --> 00:24:32,722
Dwight.
610
00:24:32,764 --> 00:24:34,265
Michael,
did you finish yet?
611
00:24:34,307 --> 00:24:36,643
This close. Dwight, may I
speak with you for a minute?
612
00:24:36,685 --> 00:24:38,019
Uh, I'm busy.
613
00:24:38,061 --> 00:24:39,854
Well, busier.
But I'm making the time.
614
00:24:39,896 --> 00:24:41,731
Michael, can't your
conversation wait till Monday?
615
00:24:41,773 --> 00:24:43,149
We want to go home.
616
00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:45,652
Well, you don't even have
anybody to go home to, Toby.
617
00:24:45,694 --> 00:24:48,029
The shipping place closes
in a half hour.
618
00:24:48,071 --> 00:24:52,117
I know. But I've been carrying
the load on my back all day.
619
00:24:52,158 --> 00:24:55,578
And if everyone would just
chip in a little bit,
620
00:24:55,620 --> 00:24:58,081
might help me out.
621
00:24:58,123 --> 00:24:59,165
What do you say?
622
00:24:59,207 --> 00:25:00,583
Let's gang bang
this thing and go home.
623
00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:02,961
Good? Dwight.
624
00:25:09,217 --> 00:25:10,593
This is illegal.
625
00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:12,137
I don't care.
626
00:25:15,306 --> 00:25:17,809
I have been testing you
the entire day.
627
00:25:17,851 --> 00:25:19,185
Did you know that?
628
00:25:21,229 --> 00:25:23,189
Of course.
629
00:25:23,231 --> 00:25:25,734
And I'm happy to say
that you passed.
630
00:25:25,775 --> 00:25:27,152
So effective immediately,
631
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:28,695
I am promoting you
632
00:25:28,737 --> 00:25:31,156
from assistant
to the regional manager
633
00:25:31,197 --> 00:25:32,949
to assistant
regional manager.
634
00:25:32,991 --> 00:25:35,118
[gasps]
635
00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:38,121
Michael...
636
00:25:38,163 --> 00:25:39,539
I don't know--
637
00:25:39,581 --> 00:25:41,207
I know. I know. I know.
I know.
638
00:25:41,249 --> 00:25:42,542
I wouldn't be offering it
639
00:25:42,584 --> 00:25:44,252
if I didn't think
you could handle it.
640
00:25:44,294 --> 00:25:45,628
I can handle it.
I can.
641
00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:47,255
I know. Okay.
642
00:25:47,297 --> 00:25:49,549
[sighs]
Wow.
643
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:52,385
So I guess this'll
just be my office.
644
00:25:52,427 --> 00:25:53,678
No.
645
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,722
No. Title change only.
646
00:25:55,764 --> 00:25:57,223
I'll have Pam
send out a memo.
647
00:25:57,265 --> 00:25:59,309
No. No. Three month
probationary period.
648
00:25:59,351 --> 00:26:02,228
Let's just not tell anybody
about this right now.
649
00:26:02,270 --> 00:26:03,146
Just a formality?
650
00:26:03,188 --> 00:26:05,523
Absolutely.
But not really.
651
00:26:05,565 --> 00:26:07,150
Michael...
652
00:26:10,737 --> 00:26:14,449
I have so much
to learn from you.
653
00:26:14,491 --> 00:26:16,701
Yes, you do.
654
00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:22,582
Thank you...
655
00:26:22,624 --> 00:26:24,626
sensei.
656
00:26:27,379 --> 00:26:30,590
And ditto.
657
00:26:30,632 --> 00:26:32,050
I told Dwight
658
00:26:32,092 --> 00:26:33,760
that there is honor
in losing,
659
00:26:33,802 --> 00:26:36,429
which as we all know
is completely ridiculous.
660
00:26:36,471 --> 00:26:40,225
But there is however honor
in making a loser feel better,
661
00:26:40,266 --> 00:26:43,019
which is what I just did
for Dwight.
662
00:26:43,061 --> 00:26:46,439
Would I rather be
feared or loved?
663
00:26:46,481 --> 00:26:48,817
Um, easy. Both.
664
00:26:48,858 --> 00:26:52,153
I want people to be afraid
of how much they love me.
665
00:26:52,195 --> 00:26:55,365
And I think I proved that today
at the dojo.
666
00:26:55,407 --> 00:26:56,700
Typewriter torture.
667
00:26:56,741 --> 00:26:57,951
Sensei, help.
Typewriter torture.
668
00:26:57,992 --> 00:26:59,285
No.
Typewriter.
669
00:27:03,707 --> 00:27:04,749
As a boss, I'm always
telling my employees,
670
00:27:04,791 --> 00:27:06,167
"No pain, no gain."
671
00:27:06,209 --> 00:27:07,335
And if that's true,
672
00:27:07,377 --> 00:27:09,754
Dwight gained
an awful lot today.
673
00:27:09,796 --> 00:27:10,922
A lot.
674
00:27:10,964 --> 00:27:12,882
He gained a lesson.
675
00:27:12,924 --> 00:27:14,509
Don't mess with me.
676
00:27:14,551 --> 00:27:16,219
He gained knowledge.
677
00:27:16,261 --> 00:27:18,596
See what happens
when you mess with me?
678
00:27:18,638 --> 00:27:21,307
And he gained pain.
679
00:27:21,349 --> 00:27:25,145
Which is what happens
when you mess with me.
45903
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