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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:10,802 (Michael) I'm an early bird, 2 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:11,970 and I'm a night owl. 3 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,597 So I'm wise and I have worms. 4 00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:16,474 Now. [knocking on door] 5 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,268 Oh! Breakfast. 6 00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:20,061 I got you your sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. 7 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:24,107 Yummy, yummy. Thank you, Ryan. 8 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:28,486 What was the thing you needed me to come in early for? 9 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,155 Um... 10 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,449 the sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. 11 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:36,578 But thank you, and why don't you just... 12 00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:37,829 Take a couple of hours. 13 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:38,997 Office is yours. 14 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,958 Home Alone, Risky Business. 15 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,545 Take your pants off, run around. 16 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,172 Whatever you wanna do. 17 00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:49,507 I'm just gonna take a nap in my car till work starts. 18 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,467 Okay. 19 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:54,596 See? Healthier. 20 00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:57,140 Gotta watch those carbs. 21 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,769 Hey. 22 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:04,356 (Jim) Oh, Pam, can I see you in here for a second? 23 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:07,192 It's important, so... 24 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:10,779 Okay. 25 00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:17,160 What? 26 00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,536 What is this? 27 00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:21,039 I found Dwight's wallet in the parking lot. 28 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,624 Oh, my God, what are we gonna do? 29 00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,000 I don't know, I don't know. 30 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,960 I don't know what the best play is. 31 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,629 Do we tear everything up, 32 00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:30,882 or do we buy a horse on the internet? 33 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,258 I mean, I don't know what to do. 34 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,551 What do you think? 35 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:34,719 I know. I know what to do. 36 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,054 Okay, what? 37 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,807 Okay, put everything back exactly how you found it. 38 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:41,017 Okay. 39 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:49,067 Hey, Dwight, Jim and I found your wallet in the parking lot. 40 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,780 What did you do to it? 41 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,281 Nothing. 42 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:58,827 I'm serious. What did you do to it? 43 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:02,414 Dwight, I swear, we didn't do anything. 44 00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:12,757 Nice try. 45 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,135 Cancel card. 46 00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:21,808 Cancel... card. 47 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:30,775 Cancel card. 48 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,778 [piano rock] 49 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:40,869 ♪ ♪ 50 00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:08,813 Today I, Michael Scott, am becoming a homeowner. 51 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,106 Investing in real estate. 52 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,358 Diversifying. Smart. 53 00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:14,194 Yes, it is. Yes, it is. 54 00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:16,905 It is very important to own property. 55 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,490 Back in olden days, 56 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,909 they would not even let you vote 57 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,285 unless you owned property. 58 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,871 They'd throw you in the stocks and humiliate you. 59 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:25,914 And it worked. Yes. 60 00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:26,915 We should bring the stocks back. 61 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:27,957 People will obey the law. 62 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,042 There'd be less troublemakers. 63 00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:31,044 Maybe. [laughs] 64 00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,712 So what are the specs? What? 65 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:35,757 What are the specs? Oh, okay, I'll tell you. 66 00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,300 Let's see here. 67 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:38,760 Three bedroom, two bath contemporary townhouse... 68 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,220 Nice. 69 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,180 Two-car parking... Yes. 70 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,140 Wall-to-wall carpet... God, what a steal! 71 00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:45,392 All fixtures included. 72 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:48,770 Yes, this is looking good. 73 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,898 Does it have a deck? 74 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,066 I think it does. 75 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,819 Have you seen it? Yes. 76 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:57,570 Does it have a deck? 77 00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,698 I think it has a--yeah, it has a deck. 78 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,741 They call it a porch, but it is a deck. 79 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,244 When a man is laying on his deathbed, 80 00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:06,413 there are four things that go through his mind. 81 00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:10,333 Was I well-loved? Check. 82 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,252 Did I express myself? 83 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:14,087 Did I let my light shine through? 84 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,672 Check. 85 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,049 Will an attractive woman cry at my funeral? 86 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:21,970 Check--probably more than one. Check, check, check, check. 87 00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:26,099 Lastly, did I achieve success and own real estate? 88 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:27,726 And when I close on this condo, 89 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:31,688 I will be able to check that one as well. 90 00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,315 [sighs] 91 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:41,865 (Pam) Every so often, Jim dies of boredom. 92 00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:44,617 I think today it was the expense reports 93 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,119 that did him in. 94 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,454 And, uh, our deal is 95 00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:49,706 that it's up to me to revive him. 96 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,833 You see Dwight's coffee mug? Mm-hmm. 97 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,043 Sometimes when he's not here, 98 00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:54,794 I try to throw stuff in it. 99 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,297 No way. [laughs] 100 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,090 Let's do this. 101 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,509 [crumpling paper] 102 00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:04,304 Oh! 103 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:07,891 Here. Try paper clips. 104 00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,809 Oh, wait. This message. 105 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:10,810 For Dwight. 106 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,270 Perfect. 107 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,149 Uh! Oh! 108 00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:19,027 I love it, I love it. What do you call it? 109 00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,278 Schrute ball. 110 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,613 How about Skeet Schruting? 111 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,156 Did you just come up with that? 112 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:25,492 Mm-hmm. That is good. 113 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:26,868 That's it. That's what it is. 114 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,037 Thank you. 115 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:32,957 Oh, somebody went in. 116 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,751 That was a team effort, Pam. 117 00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:37,629 Oh! 118 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,507 I mean, you've got stuff here. 119 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:44,636 You rented "Mermaids." You can't--it's a movie. 120 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,304 You can't deduct that. You know that. 121 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,889 (Angela) It's not an office expense. 122 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,265 Yes, thank you. 123 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:53,478 Next year you should file your stuff in a basket. 124 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,980 Remember, last year he slipped by with "Stripes." 125 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,941 He put--he rented "Stripes," he had it for a week, 126 00:05:57,982 --> 00:05:59,567 and that got through, so maybe he's thinking 127 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,778 he can do that from now on. 128 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:02,987 Please. 129 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,032 Maybe he can file his things in a paper bag. 130 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:09,202 That's not helping, Angela. That's not helping him. 131 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,579 Homeowner. 132 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,708 About to join an exclusive club, Dwight. 133 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,876 Maybe someday these people out here will know 134 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,545 what that feels like. 135 00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:21,798 Maybe not, who knows? Not my problem. 136 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:22,882 You should go. 137 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:24,134 Yes. Yes. 138 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,343 Final walkthrough. Mm-hmm. 139 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,553 Sign the papers at the condo. 140 00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:27,971 You have your lawyer there? 141 00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,556 Uh, I don't need one. Can I be your representative? 142 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,391 I don't need a representative. I think I should be there. 143 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:32,600 No, no. No, I'm good. 144 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:33,643 I can make sure things are up to code. 145 00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:34,978 No, Dwight. I'm fine. Please? 146 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,604 I'm always the guy that you rely on at work. 147 00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:37,605 Well, this isn't about work. 148 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,107 This is closing on a condo. 149 00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:40,275 It's completely personal. 150 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,193 So you're taking a personal day? 151 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,361 [clears throat] 152 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,446 Except that 153 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,031 this is about my living arrangement, 154 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,449 and as boss, 155 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,409 I need to have a living arrangement 156 00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:50,744 in order to do work. 157 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,120 Please? 158 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,663 I'll make you proud. 159 00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,457 Okay, fine. Yes, you can come. 160 00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:56,416 Yes! As your representative? 161 00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:57,500 As my associate. 162 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,753 Same thing. No, it is not. 163 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:03,131 Why don't you bring some work that we can do in the car 164 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,008 and some Lunchables as snacks. 165 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,176 Lunchables are a whole lunch. 166 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,344 Just bring it. 167 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:09,012 I have been Michael's number two guy 168 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,930 for about five years. 169 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,557 And we make a great team. 170 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,934 We're like one of those classic, famous teams. 171 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:15,852 He's like Mozart, 172 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:19,647 and I'm like... Mozart's friend. 173 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:20,523 No. 174 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,692 I'm like Butch Cassidy, 175 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:26,321 and Michael is like Mozart. 176 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,531 You try and hurt Mozart, 177 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,408 you're gonna get a bullet in your head 178 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,452 courtesy of Butch Cassidy. 179 00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:35,622 [in mocking Asian accent] Oh, most honorable Pamera. 180 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:38,792 Not offensive because that's the way they talk in movies. 181 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,251 You headed out? Uh, we are. 182 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,711 Dwight and I are going to the big thing. 183 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:44,172 So why don't you have everybody 184 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,548 work on their expense reports, 185 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,509 and I'd like them in by the end of the day. 186 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:48,718 Okay. Very good. 187 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,011 Have a great time. We will. 188 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,054 Um, did you do the thing 189 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:52,430 I asked you to do about the magazines? 190 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,890 Yeah, I changed them to your new address. 191 00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,266 Good. The... 192 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,352 Small Businessman? Yep. 193 00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,854 Maxim? American Way? 194 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:00,814 Cracked? 195 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,190 Yes. 196 00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:05,068 I changed your Cracked magazine subscription. 197 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,821 How about m--uh, 198 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:12,992 Fine Arts... Aficionado Monthly? 199 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,202 No? Okay. 200 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,495 Well, could you get on that? 201 00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,205 'Cause I don't just read Cracked. 202 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:18,498 [sighs] Thank you. 203 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:22,585 Okay. See you soon. 204 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,546 What is he so excited about? 205 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,172 Michael's closing on his condo today. 206 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,966 Ah. 207 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,551 Yesterday he asked me if I'd go with him 208 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,261 as his associate. 209 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,263 And you said no? Yeah. 210 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:37,600 He also asked me if I would cry at his funeral. 211 00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,812 What kind of shocks you got on this baby? 212 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,523 I don't know. Regular, normal ones. 213 00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:45,859 Nothin' fancy. 214 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,652 Not my style. 215 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,070 What are you doin'? 216 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,280 I wanna put the top down. 217 00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,865 No, Dwight. It's 50 degrees outside. 218 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:52,866 Don't--Please. 219 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,701 Yeah, but then no one can see us. 220 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,037 I--Just, would you put it up? 221 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,330 Okay. Fine. 222 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,790 Just leave it down. 223 00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,084 Whiner. 224 00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,878 Check it out. 225 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,629 Terminator. 226 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,841 I do not understand what you spend your money on. 227 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,384 Ooh. 228 00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:12,510 (Jim) Hey, Oscar. 229 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,720 On these new expense reports, 230 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,680 do we really have to go back to last quarter? 231 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:16,681 Yeah. 232 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,308 It's a terrible system, I know. 233 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,726 What? 234 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,228 What does "2005 season" mean? 235 00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:23,396 Tha--[laughs] 236 00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:24,898 Wait a minute. What is this? 237 00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:25,857 It's a scoreboard. 238 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,442 What? 239 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,235 Kevin and I play this paper football game 240 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,403 when Michael's out. Really? 241 00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:31,529 Yeah. Or when we're bored. 242 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,365 Oh, my God! 243 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,283 Wait, this goes back two years! 244 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,369 We're bored a lot. 245 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,245 Oh-ho. Oh! 246 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,247 Sweet. Yes! 247 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,749 So close. 248 00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,250 I really love the, uh, 249 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,753 paper triangle flicking and hitting things game. 250 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,380 Yeah. We call it Hateball. 251 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,756 Why? 252 00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,634 Because of how much Angela hates it. 253 00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,969 Hey, do you guys have any other games? 254 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,137 Sometimes we play 255 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,556 Who Can Put the Most m&ms in Their Mouth? 256 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,266 (Angela) You play that. 257 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,559 You should ask Toby 258 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,521 to teach you Dunderball. 259 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,023 Home sweet home. 260 00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,900 Which one's yours? 261 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,402 Right there. 262 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,945 My sanctuary. 263 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:14,447 My party pad. 264 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,907 Someday I can just see 265 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,951 my grandkids 266 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,495 learning how to walk out here. 267 00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:23,623 Hang a swing from this tree. 268 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:26,751 Push 'em back-- 269 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:27,877 Wait. 270 00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,296 No, it's this one right here. 271 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,798 Home sweet home. 272 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,258 So it's like volleyball. Okay. 273 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,801 Okay, you're gonna want to take a hold of the ball. 274 00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,636 Mm-hmm. And you bounce it off 275 00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,638 the wall on your side of the tape. 276 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,515 Oh, okay--oh, so that's what the tape's for. 277 00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,475 I didn't know. 278 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:43,977 Yeah, Michael asked about it once, 279 00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,271 and I just pretended not to hear him. 280 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,314 He left. 281 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,108 All right, let's play. 282 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,568 Kelly, do you mind if I use your desk? 283 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,570 Yeah, go ahead. 284 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:54,738 Extra points if you break his monitor. 285 00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:55,989 Is that true, Toby? 286 00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,323 It's not true. 287 00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,783 It's my monitor. 288 00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:02,203 And I'll just take Kelly's. 289 00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:03,455 (Kelly) Nice. 290 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,831 This is all mine. 291 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,541 All the way down, around the corner. 292 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:08,001 It's a shared space, 293 00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,044 but I can use it whenever I want to. 294 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,879 Okay, so I called in a favor 295 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:11,963 to my buddy at the police department... 296 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,798 Ah, the volunteer sheriff's station. 297 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,425 Same thing. No. 298 00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:16,968 Um, these are the crime statistics 299 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,762 for the surrounding square mile over the past four years. 300 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:19,929 Oh, anything bad? 301 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,806 Two charges of loitering. Mm-hmm. 302 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,475 One noise complaint. 303 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,477 Several speeding tickets. Mm-hmm. 304 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,270 Do you own a gun? No. 305 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:28,897 I'd think about it. Mm--I don't need a gun. 306 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:32,400 Hello? Hello! How are you? 307 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,069 Okay. I'm, uh, just about to close 308 00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,987 on 126 over there. 309 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,697 And I guess we're gonna be neighbors. 310 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,532 Very cool. Very cool. 311 00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:41,534 So, uh--so what's the vibe? 312 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:43,036 What's the vibe of this place? 313 00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:45,038 Uh, I don't know. It's pretty quiet. 314 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,998 Oh, rea--wow. Ooh, that's gonna change. 315 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,625 [laughs] 316 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:49,709 Why? 317 00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:53,338 Because... I loves to party. 318 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:57,217 And I'm gonna be partying my butt off at this place. 319 00:11:57,258 --> 00:12:00,220 Okay, but there's an 11:00 noise curfew. 320 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:01,554 Hi, I'm Dwight Schrute, 321 00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:02,722 Mr. Scott's associate. 322 00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,724 Who's Mr. Scott? Him. 323 00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:06,226 I have a question about the property line. 324 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,436 These two trees are pretty close together, 325 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:10,730 but it looks to me like this one's more on your side, 326 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,650 this one might be more on his. 327 00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:15,652 Yeah. 328 00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:17,612 What are you doing home in the middle of the day? 329 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,531 I just came back for lunch. 330 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:22,283 What are you having? 331 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,494 Like a Hot Pocket. 332 00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:25,537 What line of business are you in? 333 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,414 I'm a salesman. 334 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:28,665 (Dwight) Really? So am I. 335 00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:29,708 Yeah? What? 336 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,168 I sell yarn. 337 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,837 You're a yarn salesman? Yeah. 338 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,338 I have a couple questions about the neighborhood. 339 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,215 Have you had any problems with prostitution, 340 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:40,593 crack dealing, gang violence, etcetera? 341 00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:43,471 [groans] No. 342 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,849 Here's a question for you. I have a convertible. 343 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:48,435 Is it safe to park that in my driveway? 344 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,186 All right, see you soon. 345 00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:52,022 A good guy. 346 00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,690 Um... 347 00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:54,899 cool. 348 00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,739 So that's what this sound is all day. 349 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,073 [laughter] 350 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,742 I think I'm going to make myself 351 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,785 some microwave popcorn. 352 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:08,455 [humming] ♪ La, la, da-da ♪ 353 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:11,624 Press Popcorn. Oh, that's gonna be delicious. 354 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,294 I just love having popcorn in the middle of the afternoon. 355 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:15,503 You know what? 356 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:18,131 I could do with some hot chocolate as well. 357 00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:21,593 Oh, drat, I can't make hot chocolate 358 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,512 and popcorn at the same time, 359 00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,264 unless I can! 360 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:32,145 Boom, second microwave for "le hot chocolate"! 361 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,980 Hello, hello, hi. Oh, Carol, hi, how are you? 362 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,315 Hey, Michael. Good to see you. 363 00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:36,399 Uh, Michael, this is Bill. 364 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,859 He's the head of the Condo Association. 365 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:38,902 Oh! Hey, how are you? 366 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,236 Nice to meet you, Bill. 367 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,488 Bill. Mr. Bill. 368 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,782 (as Mr. Bill) Oh, no! 369 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,785 Mr. Bill! Whoa! Ho-Ho! 370 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,578 SNL? 371 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:51,164 When they pull him apart? 372 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,833 He would always get rolled over by something. 373 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,835 N-Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. 374 00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,420 This is smaller than your old place. 375 00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,756 Yes, well, I'm buying it and I'm not renting it. 376 00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:03,343 So it's still an upgrade. 377 00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:06,137 He doesn't know anything about property ownership. 378 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,847 He's kind of an idiot. Um... 379 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,808 (Dwight) Actually, I do own property. 380 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:10,892 My grandfather left me 381 00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,019 a 60-acre working beet farm. 382 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,021 I run it with my cousin Mose. 383 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,440 We sell beets to local stores 384 00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,359 and restaurants. 385 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:22,278 It's a nice little farm. 386 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,532 Sometimes teenagers use it for sex. 387 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,908 Are we ready to sign some papers? 388 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,034 Actually, no. 389 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:29,703 We have a couple of questions, 390 00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,287 uh, about the neighborhood. 391 00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,206 I-It's very safe. It's very clean. 392 00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:35,542 Uh, also, it's very accepting 393 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,502 of all lifestyles. 394 00:14:39,087 --> 00:14:41,798 It's a very gay-friendly neighborhood. 395 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,301 Oh, good. That's good. 396 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:48,471 It's good to be accommodating of... that. 397 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,725 Let's go check out the master bedroom. 398 00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,643 Hey, Phyllis. 399 00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:56,604 Do you have any games that you play in the office? 400 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,064 What do you mean? 401 00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,150 You know, like, little time killer games, 402 00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:04,612 like stapler tennis or something like that. 403 00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,656 No. 404 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,533 Okay. 405 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,035 Stanley. 406 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,619 I just played Dunderball with Toby. 407 00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,413 What about you? You got any games? 408 00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:14,831 Yeah, I got a game. 409 00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:18,251 It's called Work Hard So My Kids Can Go To College. 410 00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,919 Fair enough. 411 00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,589 This, my friends, 412 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,966 is the master bedroom. 413 00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,634 Check out the cathedral ceilings. 414 00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:28,928 Those are, like, 17 feet high. 415 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,473 We have cable readiness right there. 416 00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,475 I am going to totally pimp this place out. 417 00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:35,935 I am going to put a surround sound system. 418 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,562 I am going to put a plasma screen 419 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:38,772 right against this wall. 420 00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:40,357 Ooh, terrible idea. 421 00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:41,566 'Cause I'm putting my bed right over here. 422 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,109 No, no, no, no, no. This is a shared wall. 423 00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,527 Neighbor throws his wife into the wall, 424 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,488 plasma screen hits the floor, totally smashed. 425 00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,323 Well, then I will get a warranty. 426 00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:50,241 Warranties don't cover it. Plus, they're a rip-off. 427 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,534 Well, then I won't get a warranty. Christina! 428 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,495 Shh! So, that's the problem. It's solved. 429 00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:55,455 What? I don't hear you practicing. 430 00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:56,623 Can you hear that? 431 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,291 [cello playing] 432 00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,502 Oh, man! 433 00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:04,214 These babies are thin! 434 00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:09,344 [singing Olympic Anthem] 435 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,225 This scented candle 436 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,518 - [imitating echo] - -andle,--andle... 437 00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,104 Which I found in the men's bathroom, room, room... 438 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:23,525 Represents the eternal... 439 00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:27,821 burning of competition or something. 440 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:29,656 It smells like cookies. 441 00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:30,907 Yes, it does. 442 00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:33,660 Yes, it does, my friend. 443 00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:34,994 Okay, we will be competing 444 00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:37,372 for gold, silver, and bronze 445 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,415 yogurt lids. 446 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,542 Now, the bronze are really blue. 447 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,127 And they're also the backside of the gold, 448 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,294 so no flipping. 449 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,171 Okay? Honor system. 450 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,302 (Angela) I do play games. 451 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,595 I sing. 452 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,848 And I dangle things in front of my cats. 453 00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,599 I play lots of games. 454 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,435 Just not at work. 455 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,020 Let the games begin. 456 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,813 [applause] 457 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:06,317 [all singing Olympic Anthem] 458 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:10,363 Second bedroom, whoop! For the ladies! 459 00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:12,782 I mean, the extra ladies who aren't in my bed 460 00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:16,161 or for friends and family, whoever wants to pop on by 461 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,955 to casa de Scott, and right in here, 462 00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:20,707 what's in here? 463 00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:25,420 Uh-oh, bedroom number three. What are we gonna do in there? 464 00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,088 Limitless possibilities. (Dwight) Seal it off! 465 00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:30,133 What? What are you doing in there? 466 00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:32,093 Fill it full of cotton or soundproof insulation. 467 00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,762 Oh, my God, Dwight! 468 00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,597 Seal it off with drywall so you don't hear Yo-Yo Ma over there. 469 00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,724 Oh, you know what I might do is I might make this 470 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,309 into a kid's room. 471 00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:41,227 Kids, you don't even have a girlfriend. 472 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,521 I will have a girlfriend once she sees this place. 473 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,566 I'm gonna get married, and I'm going to have kids. 474 00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,777 (Dwight) Well, that depends on how old she is. 475 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,320 What if your girlfriend is 55? 476 00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,280 I'm not gonna date a 55-year-old woman. 477 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:54,657 Just a possibility. No, it's not, just shut up! 478 00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:58,453 If you fall in love with her. You're an ass, shut it! 479 00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:01,247 I smell mold. No, you don't. Stop. 480 00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:03,958 Living on a farm, your sense of smell gets very sharp. 481 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,088 For example, there are beets in a condo 482 00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:12,342 two doors down that way, and... 483 00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:17,597 someone over there I believe is a big fan of olives. 484 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,974 And then I just need you to sign here at this arrow. 485 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,768 What kind of mortgage did you get? 486 00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,561 Uh, 10-year. 487 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,647 Well, 10 over 30, 488 00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:27,023 so 30-year total. 489 00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:28,942 What? Wha-- 490 00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:31,820 You said 10. S-- 491 00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,655 10-year fixed... 492 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,031 over 30. 493 00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,658 30-year total. 494 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,118 Huh. 30 years. 495 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,452 Okay, okay, okay. 496 00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:42,330 Wow, you'll be payin' this off in your mid 70s. 497 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,581 All right. [chuckles] 498 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,167 Forget about retiring when you're 65. 499 00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:47,293 [exhaling] Hey, I've got an idea. 500 00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,628 You know that extra bedroom? 501 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:50,213 If the whole girlfriend thing never happens, 502 00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,673 that's where the nurse can live. 503 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,466 Okay, all right. 504 00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:55,677 Oh, boy. Well, this is it. 505 00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:56,803 Whenever you're ready. 506 00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:58,096 Yeah. Um... 507 00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:01,349 that's news to me, the whole 30 years thing. 508 00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:04,185 I think I was pretty clear about that, Michael. 509 00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:06,021 Moment of reckoning. It's pretty standard. 510 00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,188 All right, it's not the moment of reckoning. 511 00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:08,606 Just stop it. This is not it. 512 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,650 This is--this-- there's a lot more. 513 00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,027 (Dwight) What is this if this isn't it? 514 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,988 Ho. Ho-okay. 515 00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,489 Is that supposed to come off? 516 00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,074 Actually, yes. Hey, look, cool. Carpenter ants. 517 00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,994 Um... Gonna take a little, uh, breather 518 00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:21,995 for a second. 519 00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:23,329 Excuse me. 520 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:24,581 It'll be here waiting for you. 521 00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:26,082 Oh, man. 522 00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,208 (Dwight) A 30-year mortgage 523 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,626 at Michael's age 524 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,712 essentially means that he's buying a coffin. 525 00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,339 If I were buying my coffin, 526 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:34,466 I would get one with thicker walls 527 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,010 so you couldn't hear the other dead people. 528 00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:38,678 [cello playing] 529 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,096 [breathing heavily] 530 00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,349 Oh! Whenever you're ready, Michael. 531 00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:43,892 Ugh! 532 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,269 No, this isn't it. 533 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:49,105 Not by a longshot. 534 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:56,363 You have what is the national sport 535 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,406 of Icelandic paper companies. 536 00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:00,492 And I'm blanking on the name. 537 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,285 Could you help me out, Pam? 538 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:04,412 Jim, they refer to it as... 539 00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,414 Flonkerton. 540 00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:07,540 (Jim) Hmm. 541 00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:08,583 (Pam) In English, 542 00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:09,918 Box of Paper Snowshoe Racing. 543 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,419 Fair enough, 544 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,421 but I like Flonkerton. 545 00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:16,132 The thing about Jim is, 546 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:17,592 when he's excited about something, 547 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,302 like the office Olympics, 548 00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:20,845 he gets really into it 549 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,348 and he does a really great job. 550 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,308 But the problem with Jim 551 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,518 is that he works here, 552 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,396 so that hardly ever happens. 553 00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,815 So who will be challenging Kevin 554 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,108 in Flonkerton? 555 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,901 Anyone? 556 00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:35,902 I'll do it. 557 00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:37,445 Yes! Phyllis! 558 00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:40,073 [applause] 559 00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:43,076 Phyllis, if you'd just put your foot right through here. 560 00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:44,661 Right through the flonk. 561 00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:47,455 I'm gonna back out of the deal. 562 00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:50,917 Nothing personal, but I feel like I have been 563 00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,293 taken advantage of here. 564 00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,753 How? [sniffs] 565 00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:57,507 This smells of fraud to me. 566 00:20:57,549 --> 00:21:00,468 This whole thing just kind of stinks. 567 00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:03,388 The ceilings are lower than they were last week. 568 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,639 That--I don't-- 569 00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:06,266 What? I don't know if you showed me 570 00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:07,642 this same unit or not. 571 00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:09,477 Where-- Michael, this is the unit you saw, and-- 572 00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:12,188 Where are all the hot people? 573 00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:13,481 I was told that there would be 574 00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:15,108 all these attractive singles. 575 00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:17,235 Who told you that? And as far as I can tell, 576 00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:18,611 I'm the best-looking person here. 577 00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:20,363 (Michael) There's a basic principle in real estate 578 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:21,656 that you should never be 579 00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,491 the best-looking person in the development. 580 00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,160 It's just sorta common sense, 581 00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,828 because if you are, 582 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:30,665 then you have no place to go but down. 583 00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:32,167 Is this a financial thing? 584 00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:33,585 If it's financial thing, 585 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,337 what some people do is, they rent out the third bedroom. 586 00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:36,755 No, no. No, no, no, no. 587 00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:38,048 And that's some extra income for you. 588 00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:39,799 I am not going to rent the third bedroom. 589 00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:43,595 I want a price reduction or I am a-walkin'. 590 00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:48,850 You will lose $7,000 if you walk away right now. 591 00:21:48,892 --> 00:21:51,394 Muh... 592 00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:56,691 Mmm, mmm, mmm. 593 00:21:56,733 --> 00:22:00,111 Cugino's, what a great bread. 594 00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:01,654 I made the right decision. 595 00:22:01,696 --> 00:22:03,281 I'm glad I signed. 596 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:04,824 The--I'm a homeowner. 597 00:22:04,866 --> 00:22:06,117 Right? 598 00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:07,994 Good to be a homeowner. Diversifying. 599 00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:09,662 This is good. 600 00:22:09,704 --> 00:22:11,539 This is fun. We're havin' fun. 601 00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:12,874 Totally havin' fun. 602 00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,209 Can you imagine those poor saps 603 00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:15,627 stuck at the office today? 604 00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:17,796 [both laughing] 605 00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,547 (Jim) Here we go. Here we go. 606 00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:21,091 [cheering] 607 00:22:21,132 --> 00:22:22,217 Dig deep. 608 00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:23,551 Dig deep! 609 00:22:23,593 --> 00:22:25,053 [screaming] 610 00:22:25,095 --> 00:22:26,388 Oh! 611 00:22:26,429 --> 00:22:27,389 It's Phyllis! It's Phyllis. 612 00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:28,515 (Jim) Phyllis by a nose. 613 00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:30,100 Gold medal in Flurnenton. 614 00:22:30,141 --> 00:22:31,476 Flonkerton! 615 00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:33,728 (Jim) Thank you, delegate from Iceland. 616 00:22:39,818 --> 00:22:41,569 (Jim) Wow. Okay. 617 00:22:41,611 --> 00:22:43,446 No one else should even try. 618 00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:44,739 Gold medals. 619 00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:46,991 [cheering] Give him medals. 620 00:22:47,033 --> 00:22:48,702 Wow! 621 00:22:48,743 --> 00:22:50,787 [cheers and applause] 622 00:22:51,705 --> 00:22:55,333 Ahh, so want to head back? 623 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:58,169 Yes. 624 00:22:58,211 --> 00:23:01,923 Oh, and... 625 00:23:01,965 --> 00:23:03,675 there's somethin' else, Dwight, 626 00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:05,343 wanted to talk to you about. 627 00:23:05,385 --> 00:23:07,178 I have a surprise for you. 628 00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:08,388 For helpin' me out today. 629 00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:10,265 Oh, you didn't have to do-- No. 630 00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:11,433 No. I insist, I insist. 631 00:23:11,474 --> 00:23:12,892 Because you've really done some great work. 632 00:23:12,934 --> 00:23:14,019 Great work! 633 00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:16,354 And that is why I am going to let you 634 00:23:16,396 --> 00:23:18,606 move into my third bedroom 635 00:23:18,648 --> 00:23:20,400 and pay me rent. 636 00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:22,444 [gasps] 637 00:23:22,485 --> 00:23:24,029 Why did I do it? 638 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:26,781 Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts. 639 00:23:26,823 --> 00:23:30,285 Uh, I rewarded Dwight 640 00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:31,911 with the room, 641 00:23:31,953 --> 00:23:34,622 and he is rewarding me back 642 00:23:34,664 --> 00:23:37,375 with, uh, $500 plus utilities. 643 00:23:37,417 --> 00:23:38,626 Let's just take a moment though 644 00:23:38,668 --> 00:23:40,503 and make sure that this is the right fit for you. 645 00:23:40,545 --> 00:23:42,297 Why are you even saying that? 646 00:23:42,339 --> 00:23:44,883 You don't have enough money. 647 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,719 Here's how we'll remedy that. I can give you a raise. 648 00:23:47,761 --> 00:23:50,388 And then we can have Dunder Mifflin just pay for it. 649 00:23:50,430 --> 00:23:55,101 That's not unethical because Dwight does excellent work, 650 00:23:55,143 --> 00:23:58,146 and he's earned it. 651 00:23:58,188 --> 00:23:59,522 Thank you. 652 00:23:59,564 --> 00:24:01,649 I guess my philosophy about Dwight would be this: 653 00:24:01,691 --> 00:24:07,280 If you can teach a man, Dwight, to fish, room, 654 00:24:07,322 --> 00:24:11,451 then he will learn, 655 00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:16,206 pay $500 in rent, 656 00:24:16,247 --> 00:24:20,669 how to fish, plus utilities. 657 00:24:20,710 --> 00:24:22,796 I don't even know what to say. 658 00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:26,091 I'm thinkin', lock into a four-year commitment. 659 00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:28,134 We'll go month-to-month after that. 660 00:24:28,176 --> 00:24:30,053 Or until I start dating, 661 00:24:30,095 --> 00:24:31,513 have a girlfriend. 662 00:24:31,554 --> 00:24:32,806 And then you're, you know, 663 00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:33,973 you're gone, so... 664 00:24:34,015 --> 00:24:36,935 Question: Where can I put my terrarium? 665 00:24:38,728 --> 00:24:40,647 What hell is a terrarium? 666 00:24:40,689 --> 00:24:43,233 It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards. 667 00:24:43,274 --> 00:24:44,943 Oh, so, an aquarium? 668 00:24:46,236 --> 00:24:48,029 Uh, that... 669 00:24:48,071 --> 00:24:50,573 will not come into this place. 670 00:24:50,615 --> 00:24:52,200 Okay? Question: 671 00:24:52,242 --> 00:24:53,243 Oh, my God. 672 00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:54,411 My grandparents left me 673 00:24:54,452 --> 00:24:56,871 a large number of armoires. 674 00:24:56,913 --> 00:24:59,916 Tell you what, the deal will be off the table 675 00:24:59,958 --> 00:25:02,836 in ten minutes, so take it or leave it. 676 00:25:02,877 --> 00:25:07,215 I've got a lot of work to do. 677 00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:09,092 Oh, boy. 678 00:25:15,432 --> 00:25:17,350 This whole condo's shifting. 679 00:25:19,477 --> 00:25:20,562 It's like this place was built 680 00:25:20,603 --> 00:25:23,398 on an ancient Indian burial ground. 681 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:24,733 (Pam) Are you sure you don't wanna play? 682 00:25:24,774 --> 00:25:25,775 (Angela) I'm sure. 683 00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:27,527 Come on, Angela. Don't you have a game? 684 00:25:27,569 --> 00:25:30,655 I have one, yes. 685 00:25:30,697 --> 00:25:32,449 Well, let's play. What is it? 686 00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:33,908 I call it Pam Pong. 687 00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:36,202 I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk 688 00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:38,413 and goes to reception to talk to you. 689 00:25:38,455 --> 00:25:40,081 We're friends. 690 00:25:40,123 --> 00:25:41,916 Apparently. 691 00:25:41,958 --> 00:25:43,543 (Jim) Very nicely done. 692 00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:46,421 Okay, so, think that's H-O-R for Stanley 693 00:25:46,463 --> 00:25:47,797 and H-O for Phyllis. 694 00:25:47,839 --> 00:25:49,215 Are you calling me a ho? 695 00:25:49,257 --> 00:25:50,925 Oh, my God. 696 00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:53,511 Phyllis coming alive. I like it. 697 00:25:53,553 --> 00:25:55,221 Are you calling me a whore? 698 00:25:55,263 --> 00:25:57,932 Stanley! That is inappropriate, okay? 699 00:25:57,974 --> 00:25:59,517 We just need to stop. 700 00:25:59,559 --> 00:26:00,685 Everybody, let's get involved. 701 00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:02,103 There are medals to be won here. 702 00:26:02,145 --> 00:26:03,104 Here we go. 703 00:26:03,146 --> 00:26:05,398 Question: What about carpooling? 704 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:06,608 Uh, who pays for the gas? 705 00:26:06,649 --> 00:26:07,776 We take separate cars. 706 00:26:07,817 --> 00:26:09,194 Then question: Can sometimes I drive your car 707 00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:10,153 and you drive mine? 708 00:26:10,195 --> 00:26:11,279 (Michael) Why would we do that? 709 00:26:11,321 --> 00:26:12,906 Just for fun? No. 710 00:26:12,947 --> 00:26:14,491 Question: Who's the primary on the fire insurance? 711 00:26:14,532 --> 00:26:17,827 [imitating hockey air horn] Game over! 712 00:26:17,869 --> 00:26:20,163 Offer revoked, Dwight. 713 00:26:20,205 --> 00:26:21,373 I'm sorry, 714 00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:23,708 but you reach out and you try to be a nice guy 715 00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:24,876 and help out a friend, 716 00:26:24,918 --> 00:26:26,586 and this is what happens. 717 00:26:26,628 --> 00:26:28,213 This is what I get. 718 00:26:28,254 --> 00:26:30,465 I--God. 719 00:26:30,507 --> 00:26:32,634 I'm--Okay. 720 00:26:32,676 --> 00:26:33,885 Ooh. 721 00:26:33,927 --> 00:26:35,428 (Dwight) Thank God. 722 00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:37,138 It was nice of him to offer. 723 00:26:37,180 --> 00:26:39,557 But I live in a nine-bedroom farmhouse. 724 00:26:39,599 --> 00:26:41,726 I have my own crossbow range. 725 00:26:41,768 --> 00:26:43,770 It's a perfect situation for me. 726 00:26:43,812 --> 00:26:45,980 Although two bathrooms would have been nice. 727 00:26:46,022 --> 00:26:48,900 We just have the one. 728 00:26:48,942 --> 00:26:50,735 And it's under the porch. 729 00:26:50,777 --> 00:26:51,903 [elevator dings] 730 00:26:51,945 --> 00:26:53,154 Ah! Oh! 731 00:26:53,196 --> 00:26:54,906 Who had somebody from Vance Refrigeration? 732 00:26:54,948 --> 00:26:56,574 Ryan Howard. 733 00:26:56,616 --> 00:26:58,576 [cheering] Ryan. 734 00:26:58,618 --> 00:27:00,453 Gold medal. 735 00:27:00,495 --> 00:27:03,123 I made something for our closing ceremonies. 736 00:27:03,164 --> 00:27:04,249 What? 737 00:27:04,290 --> 00:27:05,667 Oh, my God! 738 00:27:05,709 --> 00:27:07,460 Where'd you have time to make that? 739 00:27:07,502 --> 00:27:08,962 Automatic voice mail. 740 00:27:09,004 --> 00:27:11,214 All right, Pam. All right. 741 00:27:11,256 --> 00:27:12,632 [laughs] 742 00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:14,217 Nice work. 743 00:27:23,101 --> 00:27:26,021 You know you can always refinance your mortgage. 744 00:27:26,062 --> 00:27:27,939 We had a 15-year on our beet farm. 745 00:27:27,981 --> 00:27:29,065 We paid it off early. 746 00:27:29,107 --> 00:27:30,191 Yeah, well, you know what? 747 00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:32,277 Nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. 748 00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:34,195 Beets are the worst. 749 00:27:34,237 --> 00:27:35,905 People love beets. Nobody likes beets. 750 00:27:35,947 --> 00:27:36,948 Everyone loves beets. 751 00:27:36,990 --> 00:27:39,451 Nobody likes beets, Dwight! 752 00:27:39,492 --> 00:27:41,995 Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? 753 00:27:42,037 --> 00:27:45,165 You should grow candy. 754 00:27:45,206 --> 00:27:48,293 I'd love a piece of candy right now. 755 00:27:48,335 --> 00:27:50,712 Not a beet. 756 00:27:50,754 --> 00:27:52,005 Let's get this roof goin'. 757 00:27:52,047 --> 00:27:53,465 Stop it! Ow! 758 00:27:53,506 --> 00:27:55,050 Final lap! Final lap! 759 00:27:55,091 --> 00:27:56,176 (man) Oscar! 760 00:27:56,217 --> 00:27:57,510 (Jim) Time to beat is 1:15. 761 00:27:57,552 --> 00:27:59,679 Time to beat is one minute, 15 seconds. 762 00:27:59,721 --> 00:28:00,889 Here they come! 763 00:28:00,930 --> 00:28:04,059 [cheering and urging] 764 00:28:06,728 --> 00:28:08,897 Guys? 765 00:28:08,938 --> 00:28:10,815 (Dwight) What is going on? 766 00:28:10,857 --> 00:28:12,233 Nothing. 767 00:28:12,275 --> 00:28:14,861 Guys? Timer still goin'? Or-- 768 00:28:14,903 --> 00:28:16,446 That's my stopwatch. 769 00:28:32,587 --> 00:28:35,965 Hey. That was fun today. 770 00:28:36,007 --> 00:28:39,552 Sorry we didn't get to the closing ceremonies. 771 00:28:39,594 --> 00:28:42,472 Yeah. 772 00:28:42,514 --> 00:28:44,474 Thanks. 773 00:28:44,516 --> 00:28:48,561 What... the hell? 774 00:29:08,248 --> 00:29:10,333 There you go. All done. 775 00:29:10,375 --> 00:29:12,002 Great. 776 00:29:12,043 --> 00:29:14,629 (Jim) Yeah, I filled out the expense reports. 777 00:29:14,671 --> 00:29:16,131 That took about five minutes. 778 00:29:16,172 --> 00:29:19,134 And then I closed two sales at lunchtime. 779 00:29:19,175 --> 00:29:23,346 So... about as productive as any other day. 780 00:29:23,388 --> 00:29:25,974 If not more so. 781 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,899 (Ryan) I figured I could throw it away now, 782 00:29:34,941 --> 00:29:37,485 or I could keep it for a couple of months 783 00:29:37,527 --> 00:29:39,320 and then throw it away. 784 00:29:39,362 --> 00:29:41,406 I mean, it was really nice of Pam to make them, 785 00:29:41,448 --> 00:29:44,451 but what am I gonna do with a gold medal 786 00:29:44,492 --> 00:29:49,372 made of paper clips and an old yogurt lid? 787 00:29:54,419 --> 00:29:57,505 Hey, Dwight. Want to play a game? 788 00:29:57,547 --> 00:29:59,674 No. 789 00:29:59,716 --> 00:30:01,801 What kind of game? 790 00:30:01,843 --> 00:30:05,180 I don't know. Let's make one up. 791 00:30:05,221 --> 00:30:08,892 Oh, and you can use your weird rubber band ball if you want. 792 00:30:08,933 --> 00:30:11,019 To do what? 793 00:30:11,061 --> 00:30:13,563 I don't know, um... 794 00:30:13,605 --> 00:30:17,233 oh, you know what? 795 00:30:17,275 --> 00:30:20,779 Okay, I'll set up these pencils, 796 00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:23,198 and then you try to knock them down. 797 00:30:23,239 --> 00:30:27,035 It'll be like desk bowling or something like that. 798 00:30:29,579 --> 00:30:33,416 I'm really not in the mood for games today, Jim. 799 00:30:50,183 --> 00:30:51,184 Hey. 800 00:30:51,226 --> 00:30:52,686 I have 59 voice mails. 801 00:30:52,727 --> 00:30:53,728 Mm. 802 00:30:53,770 --> 00:30:56,231 Hey, can you ignore those 803 00:30:56,272 --> 00:30:58,483 and do something for me instead? 804 00:30:58,525 --> 00:31:00,235 Sure. 805 00:31:00,276 --> 00:31:01,361 Okay. 806 00:31:01,403 --> 00:31:03,905 Today, 5:00... 807 00:31:03,947 --> 00:31:05,448 closing ceremonies. 808 00:31:05,490 --> 00:31:06,741 Really? 809 00:31:06,783 --> 00:31:08,451 Notify the athletes. 810 00:31:08,493 --> 00:31:09,911 Cool. 811 00:31:09,953 --> 00:31:12,497 [knocking on door] 812 00:31:12,539 --> 00:31:13,748 Michael. 813 00:31:13,790 --> 00:31:16,209 Yeah? Jim. Slim Jim. 814 00:31:16,251 --> 00:31:18,378 What's goin'--What's goin' on? 815 00:31:18,420 --> 00:31:21,464 Nothin'. I just wanted to congratulate you on your condo. 816 00:31:21,506 --> 00:31:22,590 Oh, thanks. 817 00:31:22,632 --> 00:31:24,134 Thanks. It's very cool. 818 00:31:24,175 --> 00:31:26,177 It's, uh, three bedroom, gay-friendly. 819 00:31:26,219 --> 00:31:27,887 Nice. You know. 820 00:31:27,929 --> 00:31:30,056 Hey, would you mind comin' out here for a second? 821 00:31:30,098 --> 00:31:30,974 I just have something for you. 822 00:31:31,016 --> 00:31:32,434 Really? 823 00:31:34,811 --> 00:31:36,604 What's this? 824 00:31:36,646 --> 00:31:38,606 There are the closing ceremonies. 825 00:31:38,648 --> 00:31:39,899 Step up. 826 00:31:39,941 --> 00:31:42,569 W--Um... 827 00:31:42,610 --> 00:31:45,071 You're on the top one. 828 00:31:45,113 --> 00:31:46,948 Congratulations to Michael 829 00:31:46,990 --> 00:31:48,950 because he closed on his condo. 830 00:31:48,992 --> 00:31:50,535 So gold medal. 831 00:31:50,577 --> 00:31:52,996 [applause] 832 00:31:56,374 --> 00:31:59,878 I don't really know what to say. 833 00:31:59,919 --> 00:32:01,755 Um... 834 00:32:03,256 --> 00:32:04,966 I'm not one for making speeches, 835 00:32:05,008 --> 00:32:07,427 but, uh... 836 00:32:07,469 --> 00:32:10,138 my heart is very full at this moment. 837 00:32:10,180 --> 00:32:13,641 [applause] 838 00:32:13,683 --> 00:32:17,729 And for Dwight Schrute, the silver medal. 839 00:32:17,771 --> 00:32:19,773 (Michael) Get on up here, Dwight. 840 00:32:25,111 --> 00:32:26,321 Silver medal. 841 00:32:26,363 --> 00:32:28,323 Yep. Not as good as gold. 842 00:32:28,365 --> 00:32:31,159 [Star-Spangled Banner plays] 843 00:32:31,201 --> 00:32:34,621 ♪ ♪ 844 00:32:34,662 --> 00:32:37,582 Why are you playing the national anthem? 845 00:32:37,624 --> 00:32:40,835 Um, 'cause your condo's in America. 846 00:32:40,877 --> 00:32:42,379 Oh. 847 00:32:47,884 --> 00:32:49,219 What the hell is that? 848 00:32:49,260 --> 00:32:51,179 Those are the doves. 849 00:33:14,661 --> 00:33:18,623 [applause] 850 00:33:18,665 --> 00:33:20,083 [cheering] 851 00:33:20,125 --> 00:33:22,210 (man) All right! 57483

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