All language subtitles for Scenes.From.A.Mall.1991.720p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG

♪You do

♪Something to me

♪Something that simply mystifies me

♪Tell me

♪Why should it be

♪You have the power to hypnotize me

♪Let me

♪Live 'neath your spell

♪Do do that voodoo

♪That you do so well

♪Oh, you do

♪Something to me

♪- That nobody else could do
- Put it over there.

Put it... Put it on...
Put it in the back. Don't...

- Here. Take the... Hey... Will you just...
- Fifty bucks? That's not enough.

Hey, will you stop bothering
with money all the time?

Put... Put... Put that over there.
This is top-of-the-line stuff.

- Take it easy on that, all right?
- You'll be all right, Mr Fifer.

Get it... Get it in there. And don't... Try
not to scratch it against the brace there.

Dad, Billy's father
gave him a gold card.

I don't care what Billy's father gave him.
You know... What are you talking about?

- What are you telling me? Fifty bucks is not enough for three days?
- No.

- Fifty bucks is not enough. - No.
- We need dinner. We need lunch. We need video games.

Well, forget it. You're not gonna get that. And every
time you roll your eyes, it's gonna be ten bucks less.

- So... - That's not fair.
- Okay, so now it's 40 bucks.

- That's... - Forty bucks?
- Yeah, yeah. And you give me that look, it's 30 bucks.

- It... - Come on. Be a...
- All right. Now it's 20.

- Boo!
- No, I'm not gonna take that. Fifty bucks is plenty. - Boo!

Listen to this, Dad.
They got more money than we did.

Your cheering section is not gonna
get you off the hook here.

They're gonna... These guys
are gonna bury you. Now forget it.

You know, this is... This is a lesson
on how to cope with the Depression.

- The Depression? You didn't live through the Depression.
- You know, I don't...

Stop giving me that.
Have a good time. And don't...

You know, fifty bucks is a lot,
believe me. If you need more, call me.

You know, but...

Take care of her.
And let her... Let her... You know...

It's okay if you ski down the cornice,
but don't tell your mother I said that.

No, don't tell your mother.
Don't tell me anything.

I don't want to know.
Oh, gosh, I'm gonna miss you.

- This kid wanted my gold card.
- Take care. - Okay. - Can you believe it?

- Bye, Mom. - See you Thursday. But wear...
- Don't forget your thermal socks, okay? - I won't, Mom.

- Bye, Mom. - Don't scratch the boots if you can help it there.
- All right.

- You know, that stuff costs a fortune.
- Bye. Have a good time, I guess.

- We'll see you when...
- Be careful. - See ya.

- That fast. - Gee.
- The kid wanted my gold card.

- Can you believe this?
- Gee, it makes you feel irrelevant, doesn't it?

I think we've... we've
committed ourselves.

We've done our duty,
you know, to civilization.

We've procreated, and now we can die.

Debbie, tell the guy that delivers the newspaper not
to, you know... He's gotta put it in a plastic bag.

- Honey, I've told you a million times, no more plastic.
- It's moist. It's moist.

- I know. It's moist, but it's also non-biodegradable.
- Look at the thing.

- We can't do this any more.
- I'm starting to feel guilty that I didn't give them enough money.

Well, Nick, they have to have
a sense of the real world.

So why am I so guilty about it?
I know what you're gonna tell me...

That I... That I... That I have to be
the loved one all the time.

Well, you don't mind being
the bad guy in business.

In business, I'm a... I'm a killer.

And you're a... You're a killer
in the marriage business.

- But a sweet killer.
- The very sweetest.

Aw. What did you just do?

I'm drying the paper.

Cindy...

Daniel...

Nora.

I'm going to put Marty
here in the middle.

Oh, gosh, if he starts with that
Kennedy assassination again...

- I'm gonna put her next to Marty. They're gonna get on great together.
- Yeah.

Phillip... I'm gonna put here at the end,
otherwise he'll hog the entire conversation.

Well, the only way this guy w-won't
hog the conversation, I promise you...

is if you don't invite him,
'cause he's just gonna rant on.

Oh, Arthur said he... he couldn't come.
He called to say so.

What... Arthur's at a s...
a "Save the Bats" convention.

You hear about that?
He's in Houston.

Isn't that incredible? Suddenly bats
are... are vital for the ozone layer.

I'll bet ya Phillip told him that.

Let me tell you something. If Phillip
starts in with me one more time...

I promise you, about "New York is
the cultural center of the world"...

and "Los Angeles is...
is a barren desert"...

I'm... I'm gonna stick
my fingers in his eyes.

- Come here. Happy anniversary.
- Aw!

I was hoping you'd say that.

Do you have any interest at all in
making love? Can I interest you in that?

Do we have the time? I thought
we were gonna take a brisk walk.

You know, we always do it
on the anniversary.

- Okay. If we hurry, we can do both.
- Well, I'll hurry.

...to be able to enjoy what I have
coming up for you, it's this.

Take a look at this ring. It's the most
beautiful cocktail ring you've ever seen...

in a graceful waterfall design.

- It's set with both the baguette...
- The sound of ripping Velcro.

That's the quintessential
sound of the 80's, right?

- Or is this the 90's? - Honey, I don't know.
- I can't get the decades straight.

Do you think I should put Nora
next to Daniel?

Yeah. You had to mention it.

- Am I getting fat? - No.
- I am, huh? - You're crazy.

- No. You know... M-Maybe a tiny bit, just as a...
- That's it. That's it.

- I'm going to a spa. - You don't need to lose weight.
- Seven hundred and fifty calories a day.

- Really? Where's that, Auschwitz?
- Worse. Pritikin. Come on. Come on. I thought we were in a hurry.

- I can't. I gotta get my pants off, otherwise I can't be effective.
- Come on.

Okay. Oh, g... Hey...

Oh, you...

Now, if you're out there cleaning house,
doing dishes or doing something else...

stop what you're doing,
come on over to the screen...

and start dialing 1-800-555-3456...

- Honey, it's me or the ring.
- Why? Because we are going to offer this today for about 50% off retail.

- I'm sorry. It's my favourite show.
- Eighty-five dollars.

- Don't wait. There are a limited...
- Okay, I choose you.

Oh, I can't believe this!

I'll get it. It's mine.

Hello.

Yes, this is Dr Feingold-Fifer.
Oh, hello, Elizabeth.

No. No, you're not calling me
at a bad time, Elizabeth.

You know you can always call me.

Oh, I see.

Well, we discussed that, didn't we?

I- I-It's natural that there would be a
period of mourning in a situation like this.

Yes, I know he acted
inappropriately...

but you cannot control
how another person acts.

You can only control how you act.

I see. Well, listen.
Elizabeth, if...

You know, that's
an excellent idea, Elizabeth.

Why don't you, um, call your friend
and see if you can visit her?

But don't hesitate if you need me.

Yes. My service can get me anywhere.

All right. You know,
Elizabeth, you're doing fine.

You're welcome. Bye-bye.

Oh, that poor excuse for a husband
left her three months ago.

She's finally starting to feel it.

They should give you double
when they bother you on the holidays.

Oh! Oh! I...

That's me. That's mine. That's mine.

Hello?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, Mrs Fong.

Yes, yes, hello.

You're right. No, tod...
today... today's the day.

Yes. Abso... No, no, no.
I'm... I'm... I'm gonna get him...

I'll get him double what McEnroe got, I
promise, for... for... for... for everything.

Th-Th-That's for... for sneakers
and tennis rackets and wristbands.

Yes. Y... Stop that.
That's terrible.

M... Mrs Fong... No, no, n-no.

M- Mrs Fong, your son's gonna be the richest
13-year-old tennis prodigy in the world, I... I promise.

N- No, I... I won't do anything
without checking with you.

No, I... I pro... I have a beeper. You'll
be able to reach me no matter where I am.

Y... Okay...
Mrs Fong, I have to go.

Yes, I promise. Okay.

- Shh, come on.
- I think Mrs Fong is jewish.

- Oh.
- Come here.

Oh, honey.
Happy anniversary, baby.

- I adore you.
- Oh, I adore you. Kiss me.

- Did Cindy get you yesterday?
- Mm-hmm. She called my office.

- See, I think she wants a recommendation.
- And I suggested Branfman, 'cause he's so good with couples.

I- It's the second marriage
for both of them, you know?

- It'd be great if it could work out.
- Yeah. I love them both.

- They deserve it.
- Mm-hmm.

I was thinking about this
the other day.

The... The two of us,
in all our, you know...

in our whole group, we're the only two that have
been married for so long to the same husband and wife.

- Well, what about Isaac and Nora? They've been married for a long time.
- Isaac and Nora, sure.

But Isaac and Nora live in two separate
cities for the last nine years...

so, you know, it's easy for them
to relate to one another.

- You can't count them.
- We are pretty amazing, huh?

- Yeah, I know. Sixteen years is a modern record.
- Yeah.

Seventeen. Seventeen.

Seventeen. Right. So we count the year
we lived together as seventeen years?

- I always do.
- I know. I always... I repress that.

- Why? It was a great year.
- I don't know. 'Cause... 'Cause you didn't want to split the rent.

- Congratulations.
- Oh, you too.

- What do you attribute it to? Our... Our...
- Professionally? - Yeah, yeah.

- Or any way at all. You know, what's the secret of our longevity?
- Oh, I don't know. Let me think.

- I have my own theory about this.
- Commitments. You know what? I have to admit it.

- It's a mystery. I have no idea.
- Is it?

- No, I have no idea. - 'Cause I have a definite theory.
- What's that?

- Can I say what it is?
- Sure. It's... It's the meaningless little things.

It's the corny things.
It's-It's-It's, you know, the kids...

and... and, um,
our memories together...

and the fact that we take trips
and laugh at the same thing.

- You know, the... the corniest things.
- Oh, really?

Yeah. A-A-Actually, when I
was outside just now with Sam...

You know, I was helping him,
y-you know, load his skis...

I... You know, the kid's practically a
man, and I wanted to just pick him up...

and kiss him and hug him,
and the same with Jennifer and you.

- You know? I-I know this sounds... unbelievably corny.
- Oh.

Oh, no. More, more, more, more, more.

- Oh, that's the family line.
- Don't get it. Y-You know...

- Let's just leave it.
- It could be about tonight though.

Hello. Hi. Hi, how are you?

Yes. Oh, thank you.

Yes, thank... It's Sheila. She's...
She's wishing us a happy anniversary.

- Thank... Yes.
- Hi, Sheila.

To... Uh... Tonight,
about seven-thirtyish, I would say.

Right. Uh-huh. No, it's gonna be...

It's... It's gonna be an oriental motif,
so it'll be, you know...

What we're discussing here basically
is sushi. So you should bring...

You should bring Kirin Light
if you're gonna bring anything.

Right. Oh... Oh, incidentally...

you know, we're gonna be
seating you next to Phillip...

so... so you'll want to bring
your earplugs.

I... I just thought I'd warn you.
I know how you feel about that.

Okay. Okay, yes.
Uh... Listen, I love you too.

I love Sheila. I just wish she were
a little less anxious.

- Well, I like her exactly the way she is.
- Uh-huh.

I think you like her 'cause
she's got a great body.

Sheila has a great body?
You must be joking.

- Oh, you rat.
- She's your best friend.

- More your friend these days, ever since we went to China together.
- No, it's...

Remember how the two of you took
that long hike up the Great Wall?

I have nothing to wear. You guys
didn't come back for four hours.

- You had the flu, remember that?
- Well, so did she!

And ever since she broke up with Claude... gee,
whiz... it's hard to keep her out of the house.

Claude was a moron, a complete moron.

You don't think I had a thing
for Sheila, do you?

No, not at all.
Well, hmm, maybe just a little.

Well, you know, some affection
for friends is a natural thing.

- Did you put your tennis racket on my good shoes?
- Yeah. Yeah.

I like to keep it up there on your...
on your underpants, you know?

Brings me luck. You know,
you were the one that wrote...

"As long as you don't act
on those affectionate feelings."

You know what I wish? We could spend
our anniversary alone, just once.

We're gonna be alone. We'll be alone,
you know, till 6:00 tonight...

if you count the mall as alone,
which I do.

You know, the lonely crowd.
Man against humanity.

- Kafka in California.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- Am I gettin' through to you on this poetry?
- Yes, honey, yes.

But don't forget your beeper,
okay, poet?

♪ Give me your kisses

♪ I'll give you my heart

♪ Give me your promise

♪ That we'll never part

♪ I'll give you love

♪ And devotion

♪ High as the sky above

♪ - Deeper than the deepest ocean
- Hello?

♪ - Give me the light
- Hello? I... You know, those...

- Those field phones in Vietnam were probably better, where they roll 'em up.
- I thought you loved that phone.

- That's the newest model of that. I thought you loved it.
- But, uh, you know, it's like every spot is a... is a trouble spot.

You know.
Hel... Court Shoe Promotions.

I... I... Hold... Wa...

I can hear every other word.
I... Can you hear me?

I've heard... You know, it's like we're in the
midst of an electrical dust bowl or something. Yeah.

Court Shoe Promotions.

I can't hear you.

I can't hear you. Wait one...
Wait one second. I can't hear you.

I can't...
Oh, Christ, it's a siren.

- Oh, no! Oh, honey!
- Will we get a parking space?

- All right. - Oh, this is impossible.
- I... I can't hear you.

I'm still at the office.
I'll, uh, be a little late tonight.

Uh, no, nothing earth-shattering.
I, uh...

I just have to clear up some things.

Yeah, sure.
Yeah, I know we have guests.

- Well, uh, entertain them till I get there. I won't be too long.
- It's like a done deal, Tom. Exactly.

So what I think we should do today...
today is get back together...

get... have dinner, and we'll
talk about how we can finalize it.

- Right. He loved it. He loved it.
- Court Shoe Promotions, please.

Yeah. Yeah. C... C...
Uh, Court Shoe Promotions.

- I want... I want Jack Williams.
- Nap... Napkins, gifts. - You gotta get a phone like this.

- And save the... Save the sushi for last?
- This... Then... Then your patients could track you down no matter where you are.

They could bug you 24 hours. I should've
gotten you this for your anniversary.

- It would've been so perfect, 'cause...
- What did you get me? - I can't tell you that.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, Jack,
this is Nick Fifer.

R... Listen, Jack. I... I... You know, I
gotta find out where we stand on this thing.

This is crazy.
This woman's bugging me every day.

You know? What is the story?

Well, I'll tell ya...

I don't think Reebok
is gonna feel the same way.

You kn... That's crazy!

Danny Fong's name on your label is...
You know, it's gonna meet your...

I- I can't talk you into this. This is...
You know, I'm not gonna negotiate.

Y... You know, I want an answer today, and
I want it... I want it by 12:00 noon LA time.

And I... I want a "yes" or a "no."
I'm not negotiating here.

Just tell me if you want
to go through with it or not.

You know, it's... it's crazy.
I'll call you at 12:00 noon.

And I... Yes, I want to know.

God, please say yes. Please.
I'm bluffing. I'm bluffing.

- Honey, calm down.
- He doesn't know that. I'll weep if he says no.

- Oh, dear.
- This is stress-age gum. Have you seen this?

- It turns pink. You chew it. - No. What...
- If it turns pink, y-y-you're fine. - Let me see.

If it turns green, they rush you
immediately into intensive care.

- You should try this. They'll put you on a respirator.
- Oh. - God, say yes. Oh.

9- E, blue. Keep that in mind. 9...

That's where we left the car
out there... 9-E, blue.

I don't want to be like the Springsteen concert.
We had to take a cab to find the car there.

- 9-E, blue. Remember that... 9-E, blue.
- How's your stress gum?

It's so... Jesus, it's green. It's a deep
green. Should I... 9-E, blue. 9-E...

Why should it be green so quickly?
- ♪-We wish you a merry Christmas
- I don't know.

- 9-E, blue. Was it 9...
- ♪We wish you a merry Christmas

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
♪ and a happy New Year

♪ Good tidings we bring
to you and your kin

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy New Year

♪ - Now bring us some figgy pudding - Now bring us
some figgy pudding - Now bring us some figgy pudding

♪ - Now bring us some figgy pudding - Now bring us
some figgy pudding - Now bring us some figgy pudding

♪ And bring some out here

♪ Figgy pudding, figgy pudding
figgy pudding

♪ - Good tidings we bring
- Figgy pudding, figgy pudding figgy pudding

♪ - To you and your kin
- Figgy pudding, figgy pudding figgy pudding

♪ - We wish you a merry Christmas
- Figgy pudding, figgy pudding figgy pudding

♪ - And a happy New Year
- Figgy pudding

♪ - Figgy pudding
- For we all like figgy pudding

♪ - We all like figgy pudding
- Yeah.

♪ Oh, we all like figgy pudding
so bring some out here

♪ Good tidings we bring

- Oh, Barcelona!
- Let me see. Let me see.

- Oh, there's Jennifer. Oh, gee, we never get any good pictures.
- She... She looks adorable.

- How can you say that?
- She always hides her face. She's so beautiful.

- 'Cause she thinks she's ugly, which is so crazy. She...
- Madrid.

- Oh, I got sick in Madrid. Remember that?
- Salamanca.

- Remember that olive tree we sat under? Isn't this fab?
- I do.

- You know, these are terrific. I think this was our best trip so far.
- I do. It was.

- Sex... Sexually, that was our best trip. That's why I think of it.
- Sex is always better on vacation.

Is it? I think it's...
Excuse us, please.

- I hate mimes, so...
- Oh, honey, don't be mean.

No. What is this guy, eavesdropping?
What if... This is not cute.

- Give him a buck.
- "Give him a buck"? For what?

- There's a time and a place for cruelty. Give him a dollar.
- For... For listening to... to our erotic, intimate conversation?

Here. Now please go away.
These guys are worse than Hare Krishnas.

You know, he's like... Come on.
Let me give you your present.

- Oh! No. No, you first.
- This is insane.

- Oh, really? - I have something for you.
- Do you? I thought you forgot.

- What'd you get me? Tell me.
- No. I am gonna head off your mid-life crisis.

- No kidding? - Uh-huh.
- That could only mean the full-body vibrator.

Darling. Darling. Oh.

♪ Californ, Californ-I-A.

♪ Californ, Californ-I-A

♪ Californ, Californ-I-A

♪ Californ, Californ-I-A

♪ California, the sun and sounds

♪ - Christmas Eve, but I ain't snowbound
- Yo!

♪ People wear shorts on the boulevard

♪ Singin'ho-ho-ho
wavin'Christmas cards

- You think I look silly with this thing?
- No. I think it's important to keep the boy in you.

When I get out to Malibu,
I'm gonna be unbelievable, you know?

- The waves are bouncing.
- I'm glad you like it.

- Let me get you yours now.
- Oh, boy. I hope you didn't spend a fortune.

Hey, how many 16th anniversaries
does a person have in a lifetime?

One, maybe two.

- Here you go, Mr Fifer.
- Ah! - Oh!

- Happy anniversary.
- Oh, Nick! Nick, this is crazy.

- What did this cost you? Oh!
- What's the difference what it cost?

- You know I'd never buy anything like this for myself.
- I know, that's the whole point.

That's... That's why... That's what a
present is. That's why I got it for you.

Isn't it great? This was a... a...
what... a Victorian frame that...

- that was with the Duke of Kent or somebody.
- Oh, it's...

- It's just exquisite. - I knew... And don't say you don't have a
great picture of the family any more. - I never will again. I love you.

- I love you. - You're hard to find something for. This was a...
- Yes, I know. This is...

Would you... Would you put some tissue
or paper around it, and put...

- you know, put it in a box and make sure it doesn't get scratched?
- Of course, Mrs Fein.

- Thank you. - Of course. - Oh, Nick.
- I would've engraved that...

- but I can never remember your name.
- Oh, I love you so much.

- I love my present.
- Look at that.

Can you believe that?
It's great. They are.

- That's fantastic. That's fantastic.
- Yeah, it looks great.

I do! I do! I do!
Like it? It saved my life.

I just recommitted to my husband
for our third marriage.

Actually, it was our second, but it really
was our third depending on how you look at it.

I do! I do! I do!
By Deborah Feingold-Fifer, PhD.

Now playing at a bookstore near you.

This is Dr Hans Clava,
the eminent family therapist.

- Would you care to comment, Dr Clava, on Dr Feingold-Fifer's book?
- This is fabulous.

- Well, as Dr Feingold-Fifer so brilliantly points out...
- Why does this make me uncomfortable? - It's great. I never saw this.

Marriage began when life expectancy
was not even 30 years.

Therefore, a modern marriage
has to be several marriages.

- To survive, one has to make a clean break...
- Come on, Nick. Let's get out of here.

- Just a second. This... This...
- every six or seven years and remarry each other.

This is a profound and healing insight
spoken from the heart of the author.

I do! I do! I do!

Recommitting Yourself to Marriage
in the Age of Divorce...

- by Deborah Feingold-Fifer, PhD.
- This is great. - Pretty tacky, huh?

- No. This is... This is exactly what you want to sell books. You should be...
- Now playing at a bookstore near you.

Honey, you should be proud
of your book. This...

This is fabulous. Let me...
Let me get a copy. Hang on for a second.

- Nick!
- Come on. I'll get you... Well, you know, I want to pick up one of these.

It'll be great. Y... This... This'll be the
sale that'll put you, you know, on-on the charts.

I'm gonna get one of these, please. Have you read this,
incidentally? It's a wonderful book. Really wonderful.

It's full of interesting insights
about marriage and...

Here, you can turn to any page. Like
"The Joy of Fidelity." Look at that.

"Too many people accept that passion
must disappear from a long marriage...

but commitment itself can be used
to generate passion."

That's interesting. This... This is Dr
Feingold-Fifer. She... She wrote this.

- Hi. - See? Pictures match up and everything.
- Oh, hi.

- Yeah.
- I'm gonna get one. I'm gonna have... get a copy of this.

- Y-You should pick one up. I... I... Really, if your
marriage is sinking, this is the thing for it. - I'll get one.

- That was hostile.
- Why?

Don't be silly.
You're a celebrity.

I'm not a celebrity. But whatever I am,
public exposure makes me uncomfortable.

- Y-Y... My heart was pounding back there.
- What for?

Listen, I can't help it if you wrote
a hugely successful book.

But you know my... my feelings
about cheap publicity.

There's competition.
This is what everybody does.

- You didn't have to buy another book.
- It's a reality.

I got one for Cindy. I'll give it
to Cindy and Daniel tonight.

Believe me, with their marriage, they
could use a half dozen copies of this.

I still think it was hostile.

Okay, it was hostile. I... You know,
I don't know what came over me.

I suddenly, you know,
was possessed or something.

- I-I've been feeling very strange lately.
- Nick, there's a difference between a hostile act and a hostile person.

Well, you know, I still...
Maybe I'm hostile person.

- I know it was very silly.
- Keep it up and I'll believe you.

- Listen, can I speak to you, Deborah?
- Oh, honey, of cour...

What is the matter? You know
that deal's gonna come through, Nick.

You're so low.

Come on. We'll get some sushi.

Mmmm, sea urchin and quail egg. Yum.

This is pure cholesterol,
you know. This...

- I-It's sheer death.
- You don't have to eat it.

- Sheer death.
- Oh, Nick, look at you, still down in the dumps.

- I'm not. I'm fine.
- Honey, you're not destructive or hostile. You're my sweetheart.

- I'm absolutely fine, I swear to you.
- Here, darling, here.

- Have a little tuna roll.
- Thank you. - It'll cheer you up.

Jiro, you've outdone yourself this year.
It is so beautiful.

A flower arrangement, a painting.

It's a $370 flower arrangement.

- Can we talk? Is that possible?
- Of course, Nicky-san.

Anything for Nicky-san
on most honorable anniversary.

- Let's just... just...
- Is important, Nicky-san?

It's important. It's not...
It's not earth-shattering, but...

you know, it's important.

Okay.

- I'm gonna get a yogurt.
- Avoiding, Nicky-san?

- No. You want a yogurt? Can I get you...
- Yeah, the usual.

♪ Walking in a winter wonderland

♪ In the meadow we can build a snowman

♪ - And pretend that he is Parson Brown
- Um, a vanilla yogurt and a...

- and a chocolate yogurt in a cup.
-He'll say, "Are you married" We'll say, "No, man

♪ But you can do the job
♪ when you're in town"

♪ Later on we'll conspire

♪ As we dream by the fire

♪ To face unafraid
the plans that we made

♪ Walking in a winter wonderland

♪ In the meadow we can build a snowman

♪ And pretend that he is Parson Brown

- He'll say, "Are you married" We'll say, "No, man
- Thank you.

- So, I had an affair.
- ♪But you can do the job when you're in town"

I see. When?
- ♪-Later on we'll conspire

- Recently. It's over now, you know. I...
- ♪-As we dream by the fire

- I'm sorry.
- ♪To face unafraid the plans that we made
- Oh.

♪- Walking in a winter wonderland
- That's why I was so crazy before in the bookstore, you know?

- Because I was... You know, I've been trying now for weeks...
- ♪In the meadow we can build a snowman

- to figure out a way that I could just say this to you.
- ♪And pretend that he is Parson Brown

- You know, I... My... My hope was that I could just say it to you...
- ♪He'll say, "Are you married"

- and be honest and that you would forgive me...
- ♪We'll say, "No, man"

- and that, you know, since it was our... our anniversary...
- ♪But you can do the job when you're in town"

- that we could, you know, like in the book, we could remarry and... and begin again.
- ♪Later on we'll conspire

♪- As we dream by the fire
- It's, uh, 12:00.
- Yeah, so?

♪- To face unafraid the plans that we made
- Well, don't you have a phone call to make?

- Now?
- You promised that Williams man you'd call him back.

♪In the meadow we can build a snowman

- ♪And pretend that he is Parson Brown He'll say, "Are you married"
- To hell with him. I'm... I'm explaining something very serious to you.

- We'll say, "No, man"
- Nicholas, this is your business.

- Mrs Fong expects an answer. Whatever we have to say to each other...
- ♪But you can do the job when you're in town"

- can wait for ten minutes, believe me.
- ♪Later on

I... I do... I don't have to make
this phone call. This is crazy.

- ♪As we dream by the fire
- No, really, you should go, because he wants you to...

- He's expecting you to call. It'll be fine.
- ♪Walking in

- ♪A winter wonderland
- Okay.

♪ Mister Santa, bring me some toys

♪ Bring merry Christmas
to all girls and boys

Yeah, I'm... I'm...
I'm, uh, 213-555-427-2111.

Uh, yeah.
C-Court Shoe Promotions.

I- I wanna speak to Jack Williams.

Uh, it's Nick Fifer.

S... What are you talking about? I was
supposed to call him at 12:00 noon.

Well... Well, where is he?

Well... Look, tell him...
Tell him that I called him at 12:00...

and I wanna to speak to him, or...

you know, I'm... I-I'm just
gonna have to go to Reebok.

Okay.

Fuck off.

Christ, the gum is jet black already.

- Wow!
- Oh, wow, that's great.

They're from Shanghai.

- How'd it go?
- The guy won't take my call.

- So... You know. I don't know.
- You're gonna have to go to Reebok.

Tell me about your affair.

- Wh-What do you wanna know?
- When was it over?

Yesterday. Yesterday afternoon
around, uh, 4:30.

- How long did it last?
- Do you really wanna know this?

- Yes.
- I mean, is this really... - Yes.

Six months. Seven months.
Seven months.

- Then it was serious.
- It... It wasn't serious. It was, you know...

If it lasted seven months,
it was serious.

When did you meet her?
When did you find the time?

I did. I found time. I... You know...

After work, mostly, when I... when I was
supposed to be going to the health club.

I couldn't figure out why
you were working out so much.

- That's when I was taking your daughter to her clarinet lessons and her soccer practise.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- Is this your first affair, or have there been others?
- I'm just...

- You might as well tell me now that we're talking.
- I-Let's go someplace else.

This is fine. No one is
listening to us, believe me.

I had two others, but they were one-nighters,
and this was years ago. And that's it.

- Who were they?
- You really wanna know this?

What possible difference could it make?
I mean, you know... One was a...

- One was a headhunter that I met at O'Hare Airport in Chicago...
- A headhunter?

Y- Yeah. She gets talent for,
you know, corporations and stuff and...

- Then there was a legal secretary from Atlanta. You know...
- That's it?

- That's it?
- Two. Two, yes, and they were one-nighters. Both.

Three, actually, if you count
the hooker in Dallas.

But that... that was business. That was totally business.
They sent her to my room. I couldn't refuse. It was a gift.

- What did she have that I didn't have?
- Who, the hooker?

- The yesterday one.
- Nothing! That's the whole point.

- It was not about that.
- Then what was it about?

Did she do tricks in bed,
things I don't do?

No. No. Yes, actually, she did some.
You know...

But at first, You know... I-In
the beginning it's always crazy time.

Oh, you have lots of experience
with beginnings?

Hey, we were great in the beginning too.
You know, we were fabulous.

You used to... You used to grab me
under the table in the restaurant...

and, you know, in the... in the elevator
when we made it, you know.

- Is that what you did with her?
- A little bit, yeah, at first.

But then it tapers off very quickly
to very, very nothing, nothing.

- Oh, nothing.
- You know... J... You know, routine sex.

Oh, like ours was this morning.

Fake, perfunctory.

- Do you love her? - I...
- Do you wanna marry her?

- Hey, look, I told you, this is over, so I don't wanna make it a drawn-out thing.
- Did you love her?

- Did you want to marry her?
- I... I couldn't marry her. I was married.

- Yes or no? - How could I marry her?
- No, of course not.

Believe me, no. I mean...

- You never told her you loved her?
- No... I might have. Yes, I might have.

- But I didn't love her. I'm... I'm not even sure...
- Then you lied to her too?

- I didn't lie. You tell people things, you know, in the heat of passion.
- Oh, then you did love her.

I didn't love her. I... I...
I... I liked her. I loved the sex.

Oh. You love me,
but you only like the sex.

No. I... I love our sex,
but after 16 years, you know...

y- you must admit, in every family,
it gets very routine.

You know, it becomes
like two zombies.

- Look, I told you, it's over. What are you... What are you...
- Then why are you telling me now?

- What... Deborah, what's the difference? I'm trying to...
- You're guilty, and you want me to exonerate you.

Hey, can I...
May I tell you something?

Hold it. Before you get too wound up, just...
Let me point... This is your book, right?

This is your book. I'm... I'm giving you
a very, very good source in here.

So... So... One second.
One second. But listen to this.

"You cannot carry a large lie
through a marriage..."

because a large lie,
like an untreated cancer...

"will continue to grow until you
or the relationship dies."

- This is you writing. This is your... You don't believe your own...
- It's Sheila, isn't it?

How can it be Sheila?
Would I do that to you? Of course not.

It's a total stranger.
Someone you don't know.

- How old is she?
- Her age was an accident.

- How old?
- Twenty-five.

She's very brilliant. Uh, a painter.
Creative and very, very lovely.

- A painter. - She... A paint... She paints.
- How interesting.

She paints the sports pictures
that you hate, okay?

- And... And how'd you meet this very bright, creative painter?
- That's the...

I met her in Chicago. What's
the difference? I... I... You know...

I was... I was doing a deal for...
for... her husband.

He was... He was being traded
to the Chicago Cubs.

And then they had a bad marriage
and... and it... it was messy.

And she was vulnerable, and I was, at
the time, I guess. I don't know. But...

- What's her name?
- Her name you gotta know? What do you have to know her name?

- What are you gonna do, call her?
- She knew my name, didn't she?

- What's hers?
- Ed.

- Ed?
- Ed. Ed. Yes, Ed. Ed.

- What's so strange? Edwina is her name.
- Edwina?

I know. I know.

Oh, Nick.

What a lost boy you are.

- I'll bet you feel better now, huh?
- I do.

I'll tell you, I feel 100% better. 'Cause I...
You know... I didn't know how to broach this.

I've been trying
to bring this up for weeks.

- But you couldn't until yesterday at 4:30.
- Right. Exactly.

4:30 I was able to bring it up.
Who knew how you would react?

You know, a lot of wives
would not understand this.

You know, they would th... make a big
thing out of it. But... But, you know...

The thought of remarrying
is such a sophisticated concept.

- I love you. I really, really love you.
- Oh, honey.

You are the most callow, selfish...

short sighted son of a bitch
who has ever lived!

I hope you fry in hell, shithead!

- Give me the car keys. I said, give me the car keys!
- Where are you going?

First, I'm gonna call everyone
and let them know the party's off.

- Then I'm gonna find myself a lawyer!
- I'm a lawyer.

- Rudolf, the red-nosed reindeer
- Hi, this is Cindy Lipman.

- In the holiday spirit, I'm offering you the original soundtrack recording...
- Had a very shiny nose

- of Gene Autry singing "Rudolph the
Red-Nosed Reindeer." - And if you ever saw it

- Leave your message at the beep.
- You would

Cindy, I can't explain now,
but the party for tonight's off.

And my marriage is also off. All right?
Let everybody know. Goodbye.

♪ Goodbye, my Coney Island baby

♪ - Farewell, my own true love, true love
- My honey

♪ I'm gonna go away and leave you

♪ - Never to see you any
- Never gonna see you any more

♪ I'm gonna sail upon that ferryboat

♪ - Never to return again
- Return again

♪ - So goodbye
- Farewell

♪ So long forever

♪ Goodbye, my Coney Island baby

♪ Farewell, my own true love
true love

♪ - My honey
- I'm gonna go away and

9- E, blue.

9- E, blue.

Deborah. Deborah. Deborah, where...

I was looking all over...

What are you doing? What's the matter
with you, you... Are you blind?

She can't... The woman can't move!

I'll kill you, I swear.
I've killed before. I'll...

Oh, Deborah. Deborah. Deborah.

Move... Let me... Let me drive.
You're in no condition to drive.

Let me take over. Get that space.
Pull... There's a... There's a space.

Get... Get over there, quickly!

- Deborah. Deborah, we have to talk.
- Go away!

- No, I don't want to go away.
- There's no point. - What do you mean?

- There's always a point in talk...
- Adultery is never about the third party.

It's about the original couple.
It's about us!

- You were sending me a message!
- What kind of message?

- What kind of message? I... She was available. I was... I was weak!
- I can't believe you...

I can't believe you threw away
everything we had.

Would you stop saying that?
I didn't throw away anything.

- Hey, put yourself together.
- It's jealousy, isn't it?

- Jealousy of what? What... What... What am I jealous of?
- My success. My book.

I... I'm proud of your book.
I... I... I told you that.

- I'm... I'm...
- You started life as a public defender.

I... I like what I'm doing.
I told you that. I'm proud of it.

I don't care. I like negotiating
for the Chargers and the Athletics.

It's fun, and I like the money.
I don't care about the...

I'm happy to get the money. And I give
to the-the ACLU, and I give to Amnesty.

- I'm proud of the money. I don't care.
- Yes, but deep down!

- Yes... - Deep down!
- Deep down, no... - Yes!

- Will you stop it? You...
- No! - You're embarrassing me.

You don't have to be
a shrink all the time.

Can't things just be sometimes
exactly what they seem on the surface?

All right, all right. I'm... I'm... So I'm
normal. So once in a while I'm jealous.

Did you know...
Y-Y-You'll be at a party...

- and everyone will be, you know, fussing over your book...
- Okay. All right.

- They'll be... They'll be making...
- It's over. It's over. - Why is it over?

- Because that's what you want!
- What I... What I want?

- What I... I don't want it.
- It's classical. You had an affair...

to sabotage the relationship because
you couldn't confront me directly.

I was the one who brought it up. I
wanted to start over and tell the truth.

- You were the one who was out getting laid.
- So read your own book.

Seventy-five percent of married couples
have adultery, but...

I thought we were in the other 25%.

It's over.

- Where you going?
- To get a cab.

- That's ridiculous, Deborah. I'll drive you.
- No you won't.

You're crazy. Uh, look... Okay, I made a
mistake. Statistics are bullshit, okay?

- I was wrong to bring that up. You know, it's... it's my adultery.
- Why are you kidding yourself, huh?

- It's over.
- I don't want it to be over.

What do you want? Another 16 years
of lying to each other?

- The mature thing is to get out now while we're both still young enough to start over.
- I don't want to get out now.

All right, have it your way.
I can't debate this argument.

- What about the children?
- Children? That's a good one.

- Debbie, will you stop this? You can't get a cab in Los Angeles.
- Oh, of course you can.

Look, you're gonna throw everything away...
the whole marriage... for one lousy...

Four! It was four by your count.
Who knows how many it really was?

It was... Deborah, the first three
were nothing. It was... Would I...

- How can you ever expect me to trust you again?
- I... Yeah. I don't know what to say.

- You... You're making a mountain out of a molehole.
- You can't even give me a reason!

- I can't...
- How do you expect... Where's your present?

- What do you mean? - Your surfboard!
- I don't know. - Somebody's going to take it.

- I bought it three months ago. I had them engrave your name on the damn thing!
- What are you...

♪ We three kings of Orient are

♪ Bearing gifts we traverse afar

♪ Field and fountain
Moor and mountain

♪ Following yonder star

♪ Wise men from
the shepherd to the lamb

♪ Pack your bags
Shoot to Bethlehem

♪ Yo, gee, are we men or mice

♪ Find that baby
by the name of Christ

♪ You can't stop me
No man or beast

♪ I see a star shining from the East

Safe.

But I ruined the picture.

You know what I should do? I should have
them deliver this. This is cumbersome.

What are you talking about? I thought
you wanted to take it to Malibu.

- You'll never get it this weekend. It's Christmas!
- It's... It's not such a big deal.

- I don't have to have it. I'll live without it for a second.
- Maybe I could have Nora's handyman come and p...

- Oh, Deborah.
- Don't touch me. I'll kill you. I'll kill you, I swear.

Why did you do this to me?

You've ruined my life.
Oh, God.

I'm sorry, Deborah. I...
It... It was a mistake.

I made a mistake.
What do you want me to say?

- Is that you or me?
- Me. - It's you, yeah.

- No, you don't have to go.
- Let me alone.

Just alone. Get it?

I'm sorry your friends
weren't home, Elizabeth.

No. No, I don't think Valium
is the solution.

Oh, that's an excellent idea.

Go to the museum for the Russian
Futurist show. Very good idea.

Oh, there's nothing wrong with me.

My nose is a little stuffed up,
that's all.

Of course you can.
You can call me anytime.

Elizabeth, you'll be fine.

Just stay away from the Valium.

All right. Goodbye.

That was very touching. You know,
I thought you handled that great.

- Come on. I'll drive you home.
- I'm not going home.

- I'm going to Marty Lefkowitz's office.
- Marty?

- You're gonna see Marty tonight at the party.
- No, I won't. The party's off.

- Remember? What, did you think I was going to act out some humiliating charade in front of our friends?
- No. Who wants to act out a charade?

Besides, I need a lawyer.

A lawyer?
Why do you need a lawyer? So soon?

What's the matter with you?
When did you think I was going to do it?

What are you talking about?
And Marty Lefkowitz she picks?

- You won't accept real...
- That's who you would use? That's who you'd use for a lawyer, Marty Lefkowitz?

- A guy who's been sanctioned by the bar three times?
- Look, whom I choose for a lawyer is my business. You got that?

- I... Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.

You... You're kidding. Marty Lefkowitz?

That's... Th-Th-That's who you
would pick for a lawyer, my, you know...

- I... I just... - You got a better recommendation?
- Yes. Yes, I do. Me.

- That's who you should use.
- You?

- Yes, if you're serious about this. Why... Why not? Why not?
- You!

It's just possible that you
lack objectivity, that's all.

- I lack objectivity? Thank you.
- Enjoy.

- Deborah, this is y-y-your, you know, your favourite.
- For some reason, I don't have much of an appetite.

Yeah, I know... What's... Look, we... This is
California, right? So it's community property anyhow.

So everything's gonna be split
down the middle. Use your head.

And you know I'm not gonna screw you when it
comes to the kids because I'm crazy about them.

Stop for a second. So this is... I'm
talking a savings of 30,000 bucks here.

- That's if we don't go to court even.
- I can't believe I'm hearing this.

Hey, try me, okay?
What have you got to lose?

Nothing. Just my shirt, my livelihood,
my house and my children.

Hey, look, w-we'll discuss it. If you think
it's unfair... Deborah. Deborah, wait one second.

If you think it's unfair, then go get Marty
Lefkowitz, get Marvin Mitchelson, whoever you want.

You're just using this as an excuse to stay in
contact. I've seen it 100 times with my patients.

You're wrong. I'm... I'm s... doing this
to save us money, I promise you.

- You really wanna do this?
- I do. I-I-I'm the guy.

- All right. Right now.
- Now you wanna do it?

Right now. I don't want to live
with this hanging over my head.

If I don't see you again at the end
of today, it'll be just heaven for me.

If you've got any trick up your sleeve,
I'd like to know it now.

- Two... Two... Two margaritas.
- I don't want a margarita.

- No salt. Two.
- I won't drink it. I don't want it.

It's... It's... It's okay. I'll... I'll...
I'll... I'll drink them both. No salt.

Soft talk, alcohol.
Next you'll be buying me flowers.

- It's not gonna change my mind.
- So, let me... let me get this.

I know you're... you're anxious.

Um, what we should start with,
I guess...

is a list of all the, uh...
all the community property stuff...

uh... we... all the stuff
that we acquired...

prior to residency in
a community property state.

- You mean, like the Early American breakfront?
- Mm-hmm.

We should also write down our debts
and our outstanding bills...

a list of my estate...

with the welfare and the pension.

- We should decide, uh, actually what we're gonna do with the house.
- Dos margaritas.

You know, 'cause it's a... We have
a number of options. Uh, thank you.

Uh, one thing we can do, if you like...

is, uh, sell the house
and divide the profit.

A possibility. Uh, another possibility
for us would be, um, to...

- Take this. We're not gonna eat anything.
- I think we should call the kids and tell them now.

What is "now?" Why... Why... Today is so
urgent all of a sudden. They're on vacation.

They have a right to know their parents
are getting a divorce.

Well, now... You know... Now I feel like
the... the scumbag of all time.

You are.

- You want another... another... Give her another one.
- Why not?

You know, I... I want one... I want
another one too. You can leave mine.

The wicker chest.

It's from my mother.

- The folding chairs.
- Well, I should keep the folding chairs...

because I have the Formica table,
and they go with the Formica table.

See?

- The pole lamps.
- Oh, you can have the pole lamps.

The "Free Angela Davis" posters.

- I don't want 'em.
- The rolltop desk.

- Nick, that was your birthday present.
- Was it?

Yes. Don't you remember?

We bought it in that antique shop
in Oxford. Gosh, don't you remember?

- Was that my present?
- I remember.

- I do remember. We missed the train.
- That's right.

- To London, right? Was I right about that?
- Mm-hmm.

- And then we... s... we... we mired down in that dreadful bed and breakfast place.
- The bed and break...

- Oh, that was the worst.
- But the leaky toilets and the 500 cats. - Right. And remember...

we s... we were up all night 'cause I
couldn't find any coins for the heater.

- That was, uh... That was adorable in a way.
- It was fabulous. Great.

- We were 23 at the most, right?
- No, 24.

Twenty-four. So... So where did we...
Where did we get the balls...

to buy a rolltop desk
with that kind of money?

Amazing.

The Persian rug.

The one in the dining room
or the one in the foyer?

The one from law school...

Artie Sims threw up
the... the spaghetti sauce on.

Artie Sims.

Hey, are you sure you wanna
go through with this?

This was your idea.

I know... You know, but...

If you can't handle it,
I'm gonna get myself another lawyer.

I can handle it. It's fine. There was this... You know, so
when I... when I said the Persian rug, I got a little twinge.

You know what? This is crazy.
We're just kidding ourselves.

- Hey, I said I can handle it. I can handle it.
- This isn't fair to either one of us.

- Deborah, I can handle this.
- I'm gonna get a cab.

- I think what we ought to do is...
- I said I can handle it.

- We ought not to speak to each other for a while.
- What are you talking about suddenly? - That's right.

- I tell you... Nick, what are...
- Hey.

- Nick, it's over. I-I... - Don't say it.
- There's no trust any more.

The whole thing is over.
What I think you ought to do...

is you ought to go out, and you
ought to get yourself an apartment.

It's gonna be difficult for a little while, but,
you know, I know we're gonna be friends again.

After we get over the resentment
and the pain, we'll be friends again.

Listen, thanks for
a great 16 years, honey.

- What are you saying?
- Bye-bye.

You... Wait a minute.
Deborah, wait a minute.

Wait.

Deborah... Deborah, please don't do this.
Don't do this. I need you.

- Nicholas... - No, please listen to me.
- Nicholas... Nicholas, you'll be fine.

- No. No. No.
- You'll be fine. Your future depends on yourself, not on me.

- No... You know... Is that what you tell your patients sometime?
- People adjust.

At first they think
they're gonna die or something.

- But then, a few years later, they're perfectly fine. I've seen it 1,000 times.
- No. Deborah. Deborah...

- Calm down.
- I know a man's not supposed to do this.

- I know that.
- Men can do anything they want.

Anything they want.

- I love you. I need you. Don't do... Don't do this, please! Pl...
- Nicholas...

- I can't live without you.
- You can. You can, Nicholas. You can.

Nicholas...

Nicholas, breathe deeply. Breathe
deeply. What's the matter with you people?

Don't you have anything better to do
than to watch a person in pain?

- This isn't a TV talk show.
- I'm ashamed. - Two tickets for anything.

- For what show?
- Anything. Whatever's on now.

- All we've got is Salaam Bombay, and it's ten minutes in.
- That's fine. That's fine.

Hang on. Hang on, Nicholas.
Thank you.

I saw Salaam Bombay. Deborah...

Two for Predator for the 4:00 show.

Jesus. When I see
these people in India...

my problems seem like
complete and total bullshit.

- Your problems are not complete and total bullshit.
- Yes.

Besides, I can assure you, there are plenty of
men in India doing exactly the same thing you did.

Let me tell you, this picture holds up
damn well for the second time.

It's a powerful picture.

Oh, Christ!
What do you want me to say, Deborah?

I don't... I don't...
I don't know how I could have done it.

You do know how
you could've done it.

Your needs were not being met.

- Maybe I... Maybe I was just giving too much time to my patients.
- No, no, no.

That's not what it is.
It's, you know... Just...

God, it was so ridiculous.

I- I... I'm sorry. How could...
I don't know how you could forgive me.

- You have to forgive yourself. - I can't! I can't.
- It's a problem of self-esteem.

You know, you come on strong
to the world, but you hate yourself.

And what better way to-to deal with your hatred
than to take it out on your marriage partner.

- This is obvious, and yet I still act shitty.
- Only in this case, your wife became your mother.

- It's classical. Think about your own mother.
- Shh!

- She never wanted me.
- At least not when you were an infant. - No.

You remember how she was
when Sam was little?

- She refused to hold him.
- Right. I remember.

- It's no wonder you spent your life looking for love and reassurance.
- Yes, I know. But I had it.

That's the point. I had love and reassurance with you and I
- I blew it. I fucked it up.

That's because you didn't trust it.

You had something good. You thought it was going
to go away so you sabotaged it before it did.

Right. Of course, that's-that's what
I'm used to. I'm used to that.

That's right.
Now you're getting real insight.

Of course. I'm used to a relationship
with no... with no... you know...

So what kind of way is that to be?
How can a person be that way?

Shh!

- Relax. Relax. Sit back.
- That feeling is coming back.

- I ruined our life, Deborah.
- No. - Yes, I did.

- No, no, you didn't ruin it.
- I feel so terrible about it.

You didn't ruin it. It can get better,
but it's going to take a lot of work.

You know, you're a good man.
You really are. You really are.

- I... I betrayed us.
- Only once.

Four times I betrayed us.
Four times.

Once it mattered. How many in
a 16-year marriage can say that?

Tell me. Some of my patients
do it on their honeymoon!

- Deborah. Listen to me, Deborah.
- What, darling?

- Listen to me. I'm gonna try. I promise you, I'll try.
- What, darling? Yes. Of course.

- But I can't do this by myself.
- No, of course you can't.

- I love you. Don't you understand that?
- I need help. I need help.

- Deborah. Deborah, look at me. - Oh, darling, I love you so much.
- Deborah. Deborah. - I love you.

- Deborah.
- Oh, darling.

- Deborah. - Oh, Nick. Nick, my darling.
- Oh, Deborah.

Oh, sweetheart.

- Deborah.
- Darling. Oh, my angel.

- Deborah. Deborah. Deborah.
- What? What? What?

I want you.

I want you now.

- Oh, my God!
- Shh!

That was amazing.

You wanna see another movie?

We should really get
the sushi for the party.

Yeah.

Salaam Bombay?

We want to make sure we get enough sushi because
it'd be a terrible thing to-to not have enough.

- It'd be embarrassing at our anniversary.
- Oh, honey.

We already spent $ 743 on this anniversary
and... and I'm absolutely exhausted.

- I feel great. - Do you?
- Well, listen, if you're tired, why don't you go sit in the atrium.

- I don't feel tired. I feel great.
- No, it's comfortable down there. And I'll call Cindy.

- I love you. - I love you.
- I adore you.

- All right, honey, hang onto this. And I'll be right back.
- Let me have it. Okay.

Gene Autry singing
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."

- Had a very shiny nose
- Leave your message at the beep.

Hi, Cindy, Deborah.
Cancel my previous message.

I know it sounds schitzy,
but I'll explain later.

Uh, just call everyone and tell them
that the party is still on.

And I'm crazy about Nick.
Sorry for the inconvenience.

All right.
I'll talk to you later. Bye.

- Norteña music from Chihuahua. Remember?
- Yeah.

The-The train and the canyon and the whole
thing? Remember that and how charming that was?

- Yeah.
- We should take the kids sometime. That would be a great trip.

- You know, 'cause you always wanna take 'em someplace where...
- I'm having an affair.

His name's Dr Hans Clava.

He's an expert in
family systems therapy...

a refugee from Brno,
Czechoslovakia, but he's...

but he's lived in the West
since he... since he defected in 1968.

You saw him in that
TV blurb in the bookstore...

the one with the beard.

I met him at that UC retreat for mental health
practitioners in-in Arrowhead last-last spring.

He, uh... He was the guest lecturer.
He's 61 years old.

And he's just brilliant.

We went to dinner a few times and...

You know that fixation
I had on my father.

I guess I never worked it out.

So... So, we met during the year
every week or two...

sometimes not for a month.

I tried to end it three
or four times, but I couldn't.

I mean, I felt like I had used him.

And-And it wasn't fair.

And there were his feelings to consider too.
After all, I mean, I-I got a lot out of it.

He helped me with the book.
And it wasn't just the sex.

Although the sex was...
the sex was... was good.

In fact, I'm not gonna lie to you.
The sex... The sex was incredible.

The man was insatiable.
But it wasn't about that.

It was more about my growing up and
becoming a fully-integrated human being...

and working out
my relationship with my father.

Do you see? Something like that.
In any case, um...

I- I-I-I wanted to break up with him.

I- I couldn't break up with him.
I-I became terribly confused.

And, uh, I drifted
back and forth, you know.

At one time, I tried to tell you,
but you just didn't seem to be there.

Nick, it's not an accident...

that both of us were doing
the same thing at the same time.

How could it be? But it
started to become so painful.

So much shame, so much guilt.
The children, you.

I mean, I've just been a mess!

But finally, I know what I have to do.
I have to end it immediately, today.

Right now.
And that's what I'm going to do.

Oh, you've helped me so much.

All I wanna say is I love you.

And thank you. Thank you.

Well, what'll happen is...

I'll send for my clothes.

And you phone Marty Lefkowitz.

I'll use Herb Brenner as a lawyer.

And I'll call you.
And we'll have lunch.

- Gene Autry singing, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer." - Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

- Leave your message at the beep.
- Had a very

It's me again, Cindy.
Disregard my previous message.

Just call everybody and cancel.

Christ!
Where's my fucking Saab?

Oh, shit! I can't...

- Mr Santa, bring me some toys
- This is Dr Hans Clava, the eminent family therapist.

Would you care to comment, Dr Clava,
on Dr Feingold-Fifer's book?

Well, as Dr Feingold-Fifer
so brilliantly points out...

the institution of marriage began when
life expectancy was not even 30 years.

Therefore, a modern marriage
has to be several marriages.

To survive, one has to make
a clean break with the past...

every six or seven years
and remarry each other.

This is a profound
and healing insight...

spoken from the heart of the author.

And I should know because for the last year
I have been having an affair with the author.

Three times a week. She is fantastic.
I heartily recommend her.

Dr Deborah Feingold-Fifer,
I Do, I Do, I Do!

- Calm down!
- I'm calm.

Stop telling me to calm down. I'm calm.
I understand everything.

I was parked in a restricted zone
and I don't have a permit.

But I'm a cripple. Can't you see that you're
dealing with-with a mental cripple here?

Anything goes with me. I'm... I...

Don't tell me it's, uh, uh,
the biggest shopping day of the year.

I don't wanna know that. I gotta
get the car back. Give me the car.

I gotta get the car back and I don't
want a lot of... uh, a lot of tap dancing.

I... Don't just sit there.
I need the car. I need the vehicle.

I gotta get out of... Hey, I need
an aspirin. I gotta get an aspirin.

In the drugstore.

- Oh, my God!
- Are you okay?

- Would someone get a glass of water?
- What happened? - Get a doctor.

- She's fainted. - Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Somebody do something. - I'm her husband.

- Look.
- Are you okay? Deborah? Deborah, are you all right?

Deborah. My God. What happened?
Uh, could you please not... Go back.

- This is my wife. I can handle this.
- Not any more. He left me. - No, no.

I'm her wi... I'm her husb...
I'm her husband, legally. We're still...

- I'm all right. Really, I'm all right.
- Take-Take two... Take two... Don't stand up!

I'm-I'm... Here, here, let me just
have some of this. Here. Here. Here.

Drink this. Have...
Have some. You-You...

- I blacked out. Must be my blood sugar.
- Breathe deeply.

- I'm fine. I'm fine. I'll be fine.
- Drink the water. Breathe...

- Thank you.
- I know, but I see you laying here on the floor, I get alarmed.

- It's natural.
- I don't need your help.

Okay, okay!
I'm not, you know... I'm not... not...

- Jesus! I mean, what...
- You can go.

- Stop telling me I can go.
- I'm not your responsibility any more, all right?

- I understand that, and I'm not yours. That's not my point. I was concerned.
- That's a relief.

- Believe me, sixteen years... sixteen years worth of relief.
- Seventeen.

Seventeen years. For Christ sakes,
what's wrong with you?

- And I-I don't have to listen to you any more. Can I...
- Who said you had to listen?

- Can I have some Advil, please?
- I want one too. - A bottle of Advil.

- What do you need Advil... I was gonna get one and split it.
- I don't want to split it.

- What are you talking about? There's 250 in a jar. How many do you need?
- It's not a jar. It's a bottle.

- Two bottles of Advil.
- Two Advils.

- I don't know how our marriage lasted so long.
- Mutual death wish. - That'll be 8.95 each.

- Yeah, yeah, here. I'll pay for my own.
- It's been interminable. Thank God we're getting a divorce.

- Give me that.
- I'll drink to that.

So, how do you feel now
that the thing's over?

- You feel relaxed? 'Cause I feel... I feel completely relaxed.
- You know, I feel a lot better. Not bad.

- Yeah, it's a good feeling.
- I feel kind of weightless like I was in a spa.

- Well, I wouldn't overdo this if I were you.
- Like dancing in a way.

- Really? You never liked to dance.
- Well, so what? People change.

And you were always a lousy dancer
if you don't mind me saying so.

- What are you laughing at?
- Still at it.

- I don't mind. Nothing you can say can hurt me.
- We can let it all hang out now. You know, it's over.

- We can...
- What else about me bothered you?

- Go ahead. Take your best shot.
- You've gotta be kidding.

I- I... You know,
I could go on for days.

- Really?
- Just a numer... Yeah. I've told you before.

- Go ahead.
- It's like... It's like nothing new.

Your... Your self-indulgent
fear of flying.

You know, your-your having to take
a valium and a martini...

just to get past security
on the aeroplane.

Searching your hair follicles
for grey roots, you know.

I beg your pardon.
I don't remember doing any such thing.

What do you mean you don't...
You gotta be kidding.

- And your interrupting me all the time when I speak.
- Please.

In 16 years,
I've never finished a sentence.

- Go ahead, finish.
- I forgot what I was saying.

- Follicles. We were talking about follicles.
- Okay, I got a good one. How about...

How about the way when you're nervous,
you-you chew Kleenex?

You actually eat it.
You swallow it.

It's endearing. In my case it's endearing
'cause I don't... I don't imbue it with any...

- Okay, here's a good one. How 'bout when we make love, not in 16 years...
- I can't finish a sentence. I can't finish a sentence.

Have we ever made love
unless the television was on.

- So what? I'm a guy who can do more than one thing at a time.
- It's... No, you're not.

- Oh, Jesus. So was there... There was nothing good about me?
- Oh, you had your moments, I suppose.

Like what?

- Like what?
- Oh, please, give me some room.

- Really? You wanna know?
- Yeah, well. - Well...

Is this a tough question?
Because, uh...

- Well, you have a decent sense of humour.
- Mm-hmm.

You care about people.

- Okay. And? Nothing else?
- And when you're not being hostile and judgmental, you're a pretty good father.

- When I think about it.
- No, you-you really are.

You-You are a good father. I have to
give you that. When you think about it.

- Okay, and you have some good points too. You know, I didn't mean to imply that...
- No kidding? Really?

- Yeah.
- When?

Well, I, you know... I have some... I have
some good memories of... of things actually.

You know, when-when we'd... we'd...
we would travel, that was fun.

And... And when... when you would sit in
the car and sing the Grateful Dead songs.

I... You know, for some reason...

I have a... a sweet memory of that.

And when my father died,
you were fabulous.

- I mean it. I'm not kidding about this. You were... You were great.
- You know what? I was.

- Because my mother would've gone crazy. I mean it, Deborah.
- Your mother was completely out of it. She was a lunatic.

- You were really... You were really... That was a very important thing to me.
- So you do. You have a lot to be grateful for.

You know, 'cause... 'cause a person
needs to be taken care of sometimes.

And-And, you know,
you were a good mother.

- And you... loved the kids which is really, really important to me.
- Oh, I do. I love those kids.

So, all right, okay, if you had it
to do all over again...

what would you do differently?

Uh, the truth?

No, a lie. Of course the truth.
We're talking.

- We're trying to be truthful.
- Well, okay, is... If-If... If so then, like, if I can be frank...

I would not...
I would not marry again at 24.

I mean, I think that's crazy.
I would wait till I was 40 or 45.

You know, and I would want to
live to a certain amount.

You know, I would want to travel and see places
that I've, you know... that I haven't seen.

Machu Picchu and Bali. You know,
because I'm more exotically inclined.

I would like to meet some exotic women and
try some exotic things with some exotic women.

- That would be fun for me.
- Oh. - You know, and, um...

'Cause, you know, that's...
that's a young age to be married, 24.

It's crazy. Don't-Don't you find this? You know, that
24-year-old marriages don't last as a general rule?

- Statistically, no.
- Isn't that your experience? It's true.

- So, you know, I, uh... Listen.
- And then after that was over, would you get married to me?

I don't think we would have met
if I lived like that. I think...

- You know, I think... And if we did run into each other...
- Oh, why? Because I would be like in-in a conservative square mode?

- I wouldn't meet anyone as hip and cool as you?
- No. I mean...

It would have been a one-night stand
or something. I'm sure.

Listen. What's the difference?
We-We... You know, we found out now.

- And I think we're lucky. You know, it's a miracle we lasted this long, let me tell you.
- Amen, really.

- And we still have... we still have plenty of time, I think, you know, before we're old and decrepit.
- Well, I...

I'm not going to Machu Picchu,
I can tell you that.

You're afraid of heights
and not too adventurous.

- Excuse me. I'll be right back.
- Don't hurry.

♪ So everybody say
Go, Santa, go, Santa, go

♪ Go, Santa
Go, Santa, go

♪ - Go, Santa, go, Santa, go
- Go, Santa, go, Santa, go

♪ - Now let me hear you say Go, Santa, go, Santa, go
- Go, Santa, go, Santa, go

♪ And let me hear you say the break
Yo, the Christmas break

♪ With a ho-ho-ho
and a bottle of rum

♪ It's the break, yo
The Christmas break

♪ It's a ho-ho-ho
and a bottle of rum

♪ It's the break, yo
The Christmas break

Deborah, the guy went for it,
the whole thing, the whole 600,000.

Williams went for the whole thing.
You know, it's...

Danny Fong's gonna be
in tennis-brat heaven.

Well, don't... We should celebrate.
This is... Is this not fantastic?

- Good. Go call your girlfriend. What's her name? Ed?
- Will you stop? That's-That's over.

- I'm talking seriously.
- Aw, poor Nicky, he hasn't got anybody to celebrate with.

- Hey, look, I could do this by myself. But this is big news.
- You certainly could.

- We'll-We'll get some champagne or something.
- Champagne?

- Come on. Yeah, with a little caviar?
- What do I want champagne with you for?

Look, we'll celebrate. This is
half yours. This is not just me.

This-This deal was made while we were still
married. So, fifty percent of it is you.

- Oh, all right. That's a horse of another color.
- Come on. This'll be fantastic.

- Let me get my... Let me get my burdensome surfboard.
- Let's get some Thai food.

No! I'm talking champagne
and caviar, not Thai food.

- Champagne. Champagne and caviar?
- Yeah. Some black eggs, some-some...

All right, if we're gonna eat black eggs
I'm gonna get a new dress.

- I wanna look great.
- Whatever you want. I'll get you whatever you want. - No, it's all right.

I'll pay for it myself
out of my own half.

No alimony, no special stipends, just
plain vanilla child support... a lot of it.

- Mrs. Feingold-Fifer?
- Oh, yes, yes!

- How's it going? - Well...
- Oh, you look beautiful!

- Oh, that's fabulous.
- Look at you!

- What do you think? - I love it.
- Have I crossed the line?

- Is it too much?
- No, it's radically sexy!

- Oh, you like it. - I do. I think you look great.
- Well, it's an awful lot of money.

- But Fatima says it's absolutely me.
- No, I think it's wonderful.

Now I feel that I should get something in-in...
you know, to get in the celebrating, uh, mode.

- Okay.
- I should get something trendy and-and attractive too.

- Then we'll get caviar. - Okay.
- Okay, so I'll go over to the... to the atrium.

- Oh, yeah. - And I'll meet you there.
- Well, you take your time... - Okay.

'Cause I'm... I'm still shopping.

What'd he say?

- He likes it.
- I think it's fabulous.

- Well, look at you! Very nice.
- Me? Look at you!

- Italian? - Yes, I picked this up at Bernini's.
- Oh, brother.

- Very sexy.
- But you're a... a rhapsody in pumpkin chiffon.

- Look, you should have dressed Italian a long time ago!
- Yeah? You think that's, uh...

- Would other women say that, or is it just you? 'Cause I gotta... I gotta start planning.
- Depends on the other woman.

- Well, what about this little number over here?
- Obviously.

- Oh, let me get my... my good prescription.
- Oh, you fancy her, do you?

- Yeah. Wow. - Want me to set you up?
- You don't have to. I can handle that.

- Actually, she's probably a little brainless for me.
- Brainless? Brainless? - Yeah.

- Why? Because she's young and blonde and beautiful?
- What can I say? It's an instinct.

- I think she... she wouldn't be enough for me.
- Look, you're gonna have to make up your mind.

- Well...
- I mean, there's a world of choices out there for you midlife guys.

- And the demographics are all in your favour.
- Midlife?

- Midlife! That's you.
- You're talking to the boy. You gotta be kiddin'.

I got... I got... You know, most...
I'm still on the way up.

Oh? Well, how 'bout these two gorgeous
creatures coming along right here?

- Oh. Yes, yes.
- Think you can handle them?

- Handle them? I could... I could salivate on them.
- Mm-hmm.

- My God. Oh, look at that.
- Well, now's your chance.

- Yeah. This could be great.
- Want me to get lost?

- Well, it's starting to sound like a better idea than, you know...
- Well, okay.

- They're adorable. - Okay. Just don't forget to practise, um...
- Yeah, I know. Safe sex, safe sex.

- You too.
- Oh, of course I will.

We'll get the... We'll get
the large economy family size condom.

You know, we can both use it.
It'll be... It'll be interesting.

You think I'm gonna endanger
my life just for some... younger man?

- Geez, talk about brainless.
- Who said anything about brains? - This guy behind us.

Oh, no, you got that, right, with your
Otto... your-your Dieter guy... that Nazi?

He's not a Nazi.
He's a Czech. And his name is Hans.

Mm-hmm. Go ahead, make your move.
Go ahead.

- Nick!
- You can just grab the guy. You can find out.

Oh, please.

This was the guy.
He's the guy for you.

- He was... He was clocking you in the... in the elevator.
- I should be so lucky.

- No, you'd be perfect. Older women are in.
- Will you stop calling me an older woman?

You know, where are you gonna meet guys if
not through a friend? How you gonna do it?

What about you? Planning on making
the rounds at the singles bars?

- I hadn't thought about it, to tell you the truth.
- Well, you ought to think about it.

- What are you gonna do, buy another garment?
- Maybe. What are you gonna do?

I mean, really? You gonna join a health
club? You gonna get a big fancy car?

You gonna have plastic surgery?
Go to a tanning salon?

What are you gonna do? You gonna, uh,
uh, take a cruise to Machu Picchu?

- You can't cruise to Machu Picchu.
- Oh, excuse me.

It would be very embarrassing. No, I'm
gonna be... I'm gonna be one of those guys...

that... that buys a, um...
a personal ad.

- Really?
- Yeah, they're personals. Yeah.

- Which you can write for me 'cause you know me better than me.
- Oh, no problem.

Hey. "Straight single man experiencing
extreme mid-life crisis."

- "Seeks second chance."
- Very depressing.

We'll wind up with people we know,
you know that, don't you?

To Danny Fong.

- Don't forget Mother Fong. To Mother Fong.
- The Fongs!

Deborah, I hope that you get everything that
you want out of life. I really mean that.

I'm not joking now. I... I just want you to
have any-any little thing your heart desires.

And may you have
a thousand adventures.

I want you to meet the man
of your dreams. That's important to me.

And may you find eternal love.

Thank you.

Really.

Come on.
For old time's sake. Come on.

♪ You'd be

♪ So easy to love

♪ So easy to idolize

♪ All others above

♪ Oh, we'd be

♪ So grand at the game

♪ So carefree together

♪ That it does seem a shame

♪ Though you can't see

- So tell me. You never answered my question.
- Your future with me

- 'Cause we'd be
- Debbie, you never... you never...

- So easy to love
- Tell me, which one of our friends...

which one of our friends
would you wind up with?

Oh, I like Daniel.

Daniel. Not Marty, right?

- 'Cause I always had that... that secret fear
that it was... Well, Daniel doesn't turn me on.

- But Marty really doesn't turn me on.
- Oh, really?

- 'Cause Marty... I-I-I always suspected Marty.
- He's big. He's a big man.

- He's cuddly.
- He needs to lose 50 pounds.

I'd be afraid to go to bed with him.
He'd crush me like a pea.

I always... I always feared...
I always suspected Marty.

Who's your "Miss Right?"

- No one... No one in our crowd.
- Oh, come on. Nora. Oh, she's perfect.

- You... You know me so little after all these years.
- She's perfect. She has no breasts.

- You know me so little. You know me so little.
- You're a breast man.

- You're not a breast man.
- Nora is the least interesting of all the people we hang out with.

Well, what about Cindy?
She's cerebral.

Cindy's your best friend.
I couldn't do that to you.

Cindy... Cindy and Sheila,
that would be like incest.

I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do it to you.

No. It's singles bars, definitely.

- That's the... direction.
- Well, at least they're anonymous.

Yes.

- Blind dates are always a possibility.
- Blind dates are great.

You know, we can tell our life story to
total strangers two or three nights a week.

- Oh, my God.
- It'll be fun, a little dreary, but, uh, you'll get used to it.

- Introducing them to the children afterward.
- I know, it's depressing.

- I-I know.
- It's tedious. It's unbearable.

So, to the future.

Many hopes and many dreams.

Thanks a lot.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- Yeah, unfortunately, I probably am.
- Tell me. What?

I'm thinking that, you know...
that I'm stuck with you.

That-That... That you betrayed me
and that I'm... that I'm stuck with you.

- I betrayed you? - I don't believe this.
- Well, that is a real good one.

- Yes, you betrayed. You sure did betray me.
- That's a good one. I betrayed you? What about you? Who betrayed me, huh?

- Don't think...
- What about your seven-month adventure with a girl named Ed?

- At least I had the guts to call it off!
- I was gonna call mine off. - You're still...

- You're still out there doing it.
- I was going to call it off. - Oh, stop it, stop it.

- What are you talking about? It's still going on.
- Would you lower your voice, please?

- It's still going on. What are you...
- That's it. That's it. That's it. - Here. Here.

- You can keep... keep the change.
- I quit. I don't have to listen to this. - Just a minute.

- That's not enough.
- Let go of me! - Fuck you too!

- Excuse me, pardon me. Excuse me, pardon me. Excuse me.
- Hey, man.

- Excuse me, pardon me. Excuse me.
- Hey, what's your hurry?

Sweetheart, if you think you're going someplace
without me saying what I want to say...

I have no interest in hearing anything you have
to say. And keep your wife-battering hands off me!

- What are you gonna do, make a citizen's arrest?
- Maybe I will!

- You would, right here in front of all these people.
- You are the lowest, two-timing sociopath that ever walked the earth.

- Let go of me! - Will you please...
- Shut up and let go of me!

How did we get to this? I don't understand. How did
I... How did I wind up with you? It's a joke. It's a...

- Why? Why did I ever have children with anyone as shallow as you?
- Hey!

She's a very sick woman, folks.
Really sick.

- Let go of me! I said...
- What do your... What do your patients do? You ever cure anybody?

Keep my patients out of it.
I help my patients.

I'm not wasting my life putting
people's names on tennis shoes.

- You're such a fraud. Your whole life is a sham.
- Shut up, shut up, shut up.

- If you knew how many years I've been dying to tell you what I really think of you...
- Will you stop it? Stop it.

How many times I've had to bite my tongue, how much
shit I've had to swallow not to hurt your feelings.

- Will you stop that? 'Cause I can say some very ugly things to you.
- Oh, yeah? Like what?

Like if you had any idea how you looked.
If you had any notion what a silly...

You-You look like
my Aunt Minna in that dress.

You look... You think you...
Will you stop it?

I'll kill you! I will!
I'll kill you!

I'll kill you!

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Did I...
- Excuse me. Excuse me.

- I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry.
- What happened here? - I never hit a mime before.

- I'm a licensed psychotherapist. This man is an outpatient in my care.
- I didn't mean it. I'm not a violent person.

- He's very, very sick. He's very sick.
- I punched him. I-I hit him in the make-up for a minute.

- He hit the mime.
- Here. Take this. It's $ 100. It will make you feel much better.

- I never hit anybody before.
- Yes, he's fine. He's fine. - I-I-I'm an outpatient.

- Could you back up, please? Please, back up.
- It's all over. Break it up.

Let's move on.

Thank you.
I-I-I appreciate that...

for bailing me out.

That's probably my deal
going right into the toilet.

Probably my patient.

- Code 3205.
- Code 4689.

Oh, all right. Thanks.

The kids are fine.
They're absolutely fine.

They-They-They've arrived there
and they're having a good time.

- I wanna make a credit card call.
- Mine was from Hans.

Yeah, well, that doesn't surprise me.

Uh, it's... it's
area code 213-555-2047.

I wanna call, uh, uh,
Mammoth Lakes...

- person-to-person, to Sam Fifer.
- Hello, Hans. Yes, it's me.

- Yeah, I-i-it's his father.
- Oh, you've been worried about me.

Yes. Yes, it is my anniversary.

- Hi, Sam!
- Thank you.

Yes. Yes, everything is okay.

Yes, I would say it's... it's been pretty difficult.
- Oh, good, good.

'Cause we-we were worried
for a second.

- Yeah. Really? And Jennifer's okay?
- Um, Hans, I can't do that.

- Mm-hmm.
- I... I-I don't wanna do that.

- Right. N-No, n-nothing at all. So... So, try the other one.
- No.

- Not now and not tomorrow.
- Try tonight, because, you know, sometimes, I-i-it'll be, you know...

- Sometimes it's great in one place and not the other.
- Hans, you don't understand.

I- I... I don't want to.

Absolutely not.

- No, I'm fine. I'm... I'm...
- Hans, that's a manipulation.

- It's over.
- What for?

- You're kidding. What do you want with 200 bucks? That's crazy.
- Hans, I'm sorry.

This is turning
into a very expensive weekend.

- No. Now...
- Goodbye and good luck.

I- I'll give you 150. I-I'll wire
it to you. I'll wire it tonight.

Incidentally,
your-your mother sends her love.

Okay, Sam. Okay.

Jesus. I really spoil them.

Two hundred bucks they wanted.
I-I settled it at a hundred and a half.

- Where are they?
- Well, now they're at Mammoth...

but they-they... but I told them to go to June Lake
because there's... there's no snow it turns out.

- Or not enough snow.
- How could you send them there? How could you let them go there?

- That's where Cindy broke her leg.
- What are you getting so crazy? Cindy's a klutz.

Sammy's a wonderful skier and Jennifer's
already better than-than Cindy.

- Did you send them money?
- Hey... I'm... I-I settled it at a hundred and a half. You know.

- I ended it.
- I know. I heard that.

Uh, excuse me, sir.
We found your car.

It's in security parking
on level one.

- Okay, thank you very much. - You're welcome.
- Level one. Now I gotta remember that.

- You want a... You want a cab home or do you want me to drive you or what?
- No.

I'll drive you!

♪ You do

♪ Something to me

♪ Something that simply

♪ Mystifies me

♪ Tell me

♪ Why should it be

♪ You have the power

♪ To hypnotize me

♪ Let me

♪ Live 'neath your spell

♪ Do do that voodoo

♪ That you do

♪ So well

♪ Oh, you do

♪ Something to me

♪ That nobody else

♪ Could do

Do you really hate this dress?

What I hate is this jacket... this white
jacket. I look like a Brazilian gigolo, you know.

Oh.

♪ Let me

♪ Live 'neath your spell

♪ Do do that voodoo

♪ That you do

- You should call Cindy. I'll get the sushi.
- So well

- I want to go with you.
- Eleven hundred bucks for sushi already.

Can you believe that?
That's a lot of dead fish.

- Where'd you put the surfboard?
- What do you mean? You had the surfboard. I didn't have the surfboard.

- No. No, you had the surfboard.
- What are you talking about? I gate it... I gave it to you.

- I gave it to you. Nick, don't lose your temper.
- I'm not losing my temper.

- Don't be silly. Hey, am I the kind of guy who loses his temper?
- Please.

- You smashed the mime in the jaw!
- I gave the guy a hundred bucks.

♪ You do

♪ Something to me

♪ Something that simply mystifies me

♪ Oh, tell me

♪ Why should it be

♪ You have the power to hypnotize me

♪ Let me live 'neath your spell

♪ Do do that voodoo that

♪ You do so well

♪ Oh, you do

♪ Something to me

♪ That nobody else can do

♪ Come on, come on, come on
And let me

♪ Live under your spell

♪ Keep doin'that voodooin'that
you're doin'so well

♪ Oh, you do

♪ Something to me

♪ That nobody else can do

♪ - Nobody - Nobody
- Nobody - Nobody

♪ - Nobody - Nobody -
No, nobody - Nobody

♪ Why would I lie when, baby
don't you know it's true

♪ You do what nobody else can do

♪ Give me your kisses

♪ I'll give you my heart

♪ Give me your promise

♪ That we'll never part

♪ I'll give you love

♪ And devotion

♪ High as the sky above

♪ And deeper than the deepest ocean

♪ Give me the right

♪ To call you all mine

♪ And I'll be true

♪ Till the ending of time

♪ Give me your kisses

♪ I'm willing to start

♪ And I'll give you my heart

♪ Give me the right

♪ To call you all mine

♪ And I'll be true
till the ending of time

♪ Give me your kisses

♪ I'm willing to start

♪ And I'll give you my heart