All language subtitles for S01E05 The Case of the Discontented Soldier

(man) Yes. Thank you. Good morning.

Come on, Wally.

- Morning, Major.
- Morning.

Nothingfor you, as per usual.
Perhaps next week, eh?

Quite.

- Morning, Major.
- Oh, blazes!

- Could I have a word with you?
- Sorry, Vicar, bit of a hurry.

Enemy diverted.

Look out, heavy artillery.

(horn)

come on.

Made it back to HQ.

That's a bit rum.

Listen to this, Wally.
Personal column, understood?

"Are you happy? If not, consult
Mr Parker Pyne, 1 7 Richmond Street."

What do you make of that, old chap?

Quite right. Ridiculous.

Morning. Wilbraham.

- Yes, good morning, Major Wilbraham.
- Morning.

- May I take your coat?
- Absolutely.

I... telephonedfor an appointment.

Of course, Major Wilbraham.
Mr Parker Pyne is expecting you.

Thank you.

- Major Wilbraham, sir.
- Ah.

- Good morning, Major.
- Morning.

- Good morning. Come in, please.
- Thank you.

- Coffee, Major?
- Thank you.

- BIack or white?
- Er,... black.

Pent Cottage, Bricking Lane, Cobham.
That sounds charming.

Yes, charming spot.

And does the vine
round the thatched eaves run?

Er,... sort of thing.
Wisteria, actually.

Ah. Thank you.

- Sugar?
- Er,... thank you.

- And is there a good Iady?
- Bachelor.

Ah. Thank you, Miss Lemon.
PIease sit down.

Correct me if I'm wrong,

but I'd say that you were a man
recently returned from abroad.

- Yes, that's right.
- India or africa?

- East Africa, Kenya.
- A fine country, I believe.

And now here you are and you're not
happy being back home again, is that it?

Very shrewd of you.
You're absolutely right.

- Though how you know that...
- It's my business to know.

For 35 years of my Iife,

I've been engaged in the compiling
of statistics in a government office.

35 years, Major Wilbraham.

Now I'm retired
and it has occurred to me

to use the experience I've gained
in this novelfashion.

You see, unhappiness can be classified
under five main headings, no more.

- You make it sound so simple.
- Well, Iife is simple,

if people will only allow it to be.
(chuckles)

Now, may I ask why you came back?

You're obviously not a man who's
retired, you're still in your prime.

I hope you don't think me impertinent?

No, not at all, it's afair question,
quitefair.

No, I don't mind telling you,
not at all.

Yes, that's it exactly. And we need you
here straight away if you wouldn't mind.

Yes. Thank you.

Thank you. Goodbye.

(Wilbraham)The Army's given me
a goodlife. ive seen a bit ofaction,

travelled, of course,
companionship, freedom, and Kenya.

That was the best posting of all.
Regiment was therefor six years.

They actually have a pack of hounds
in the White Islands.

It's only drag hunting,

but it makes a damp February
in the shires seem pretty silly.

Anyway, when the regiment
was due to come back,

I gave very serious thought
to staying on.

- But it's... it's difficult, really.
- Yes, the Iife of an exile.

That's it! Absolutely.

And there are
some splendid women out there.

- But...
- No one youfound you could...

Absolutely. No, I justfelt
that England was my home

and I should return to it, settle down,
make a go of it here.

So I came back
and resigned my commission.

Why did you do that?

There's no real soldiering any more
when youface it.

Ifelt I should make a break,
start afresh. And now....

- Now you're restless?
- That's putting it mildly.

Well, I doubt it's much consolation,
but your situation isfar from unique.

- Would you...?
- No, no.

You see,
retired empire builder, whoever he is,

exchanges an active Iife
full of responsibility,

a Iife of possible danger,for what?

Strained beans, dismal climate,
andfeeling Iike a fish out of water?

That's it, absolutely!

My neighbours are pleasantfolk,

but they've got veryfew ideas
beyond the parish pump.

I've got money,
but I can't afford to hunt or shoot.

The Iong and the short is you're bored
and you find Iife tame?

- Damned tame.
- Well, having diagnosed the malady,

the remedy shouldn't be impossible.

I hope you're right.

You see,
I stand in the place of a doctor.

There are cases where no treatment
can be of any avail,

if this is so, I say frankly
that I can do nothing.

But if I undertake a case
the cure is practically guaranteed.

And so?

In your case,
I will willingly undertake it.

Jolly good. And the cure?

What you require is excitement,
possibly danger.

That's it exactly, but I'm not going
to find it in dear old England, am I?

I beg to differ, Major.
You're quite wrong.

No, sofar you've only seen
the smiling surface of English Iife,

where turnips
are applauded at villagefêtes

and wisteria grows round
the cottage doors.(Laughs)

But you must realise
that there is another, darker side,

where danger is commonplace.

If you wish, I can show you that side.

You know something, Mr Parker Pyne,
I believe you can.

When I first came in and first saw you,
you know,

I thought to myself,
"There's a chap I can trust."

I should warn you, however,
that there is an element of danger.

- It would be rum if there weren't.
- Exactly so.

- And yourfee?
- 50 guineas, payable in advance.

- Ah. That's rather...
- But... I make it returnable.

If in six weeks' time you're still
in the same state of unhappiness,

I will refund you your money.
No cure, nofee.

Fair enough, I agree.
I'II give you a cheque now.

Thank you, Major.

Now, you will receive certain
instructions from me in a day or so.

Be sure to carry them out
to the Ietter.

- Sir.
- Thank you, Major.

- Oh, has Madeleine arrived?
- She has, sir.

Ah.

- Madeleine, my dear.
- Mr Parker Pyne.

- Come in.
- Thank you.

Madeleine, may I introduced Major
Wilbraham? Miss Madeleine de Sara.

- Delighted.
- How do you do?

- The Major is taking you out to Iunch.
- How wonderful!

- Might I recommend Maroney's?
- Er,... certainly. Splendid.

- Miss Lemon.
- Your taxi will be here at any moment.

- Splendid.
-(horn)

- Ah! Your carriage awaits.
- Splendid. Shall we, er...?

Thank you.

- Miss...?
- Miss de Sara.

-(Miss Lemon) Do enjoy your Iunch.
-(both) Thank you.

- Hmm. A diffident man.
- But not without charm.

- I think I know what's required.
- Oh, I'm sure you do.

- He's obviously Schedule C.
- Yes.

And I'II wager you a new
typewriter ribbon to a glass of sherry

that you'II need a Type Four.

- Type Four?
- Hmm.

(chuckles) I'II accept that wager
and await Madeleine's judgement.

(Laughs) Type Four!

- Oh, did you ring Maroney's?
- Of course.

(chatter)

(chatter)

Bonjour, monsieur àvotre service.

Ah, yes, very well. For two.
I'm afraid we haven't booked.

That willdérange us not at all,
monsieur, j'en suis sûr

I have just the tablefor you.
Suivez-moi, s'ilvous plaît.

Arstide,lesfleurs,toutde suite!

If monsieur and mademoiselle
would care tofollow?

Absolutely.

- Mademoiselle.
- Thank you.

Merci, madame.Merci, monsieur

Ah, bien, Arstide.

Pourvous,touslesdeux.
Complimentsdela maison.

Ah, it's a very, erm...
The sort of place, erm...

- You don't Iike it?
- It's not really a question of...

Oh, I Iike it... occasionally.

It's somewhatfaded, don't you think,
but still quite stylish.

Oh, it's stylish definitely,...
thoughfaded.

But not an everyday place,
I quite agree with you.

- One would become tired of it.
- Yes, I think that one, er...

Butfor a special occasion,
it's splendid.

- Mmm! These arefor us, you know?
- Yes, I gathered.

- May I?
- Of course, absolutely.

Oh.

- I suppose that waiter chap is French?
- Hmm.

I've heard that most of these chaps
are from the East End

and have an earfor the Iingo.

I Iike the French,
as a matter offact,

just wish they'd get out of the Ruhr.

- There. Oh, you do Iook splendid.
- Good. Splendid.

How can you get war reparations
from a country that's broke?

You can't mess aroundforever
with the Germans, can you?

Quite.

Shall we, erm...?

Ah, English Iamb cutlets, good.
How about you?

I'II have the shrimps and the medallion.

Sounds Iike something from the Rhine
followed by something from Burgundy.

(Laughs) That sounds Iike
what you were just talking about.

What? Oh, yes. Very good, yes.

Tell me, was it awful out in Africa?

Er, not really, no.
It's pretty good on the whole.

Did you go on safari,
that sort of thing?

- Yes, I suppose I did, really.
- Must have been pretty dangerous?

- Sort of, from time to time.
- Did you see any tigers?

Tigers are India. No tigers in Africa.

Look here, is this Parker Pyne's way
of finding out about people?

(Laughs) No, it ismy way
of finding out about people.

I see. Well, Iet's choose
some vegetables, shall we?

Where's that waiter? He's about
as French as Wapping, I'd say.

- Wait...
-(clatters)

Excuse me.

-Merci, monsieur
- It's easily done.

Now then,legumes,

Ah.

- Well?
- Well?

I never knew such enchantingly
simple men still existed.

- So?
- What type are we going to need?

Don't be so excruciatingly efficient,
Miss L.

You know perfectly well I cannot
keep the grading codes in my head.

We shall need the Army Gazette,
Miss Lemon.

Very good, Mr Parker Pyne.

I make it Type Four.

- You are a bit of a witch, Miss Lemon.
- I should jolly well hope so.

Do tell me
we agree about something at Iast.

- You owe me a new typewriter ribbon.
- It's yours.

I have afeeling that this is a case
for Mrs OIiver.

- Huh?
- How extraordinary.

- What is it, Miss Lemon?
- I was about to say the same thing.

- We are having a good day.
- Both of you?

Oh, dear.

I could have argued successfully
with either of your individual opinions,

but this begins to Iook Iike nemesis.

- Mrs OIiver usually does.
- Ah, well.

- What's this?
- Females. Type Four.

(chuckles) Thank you.

- Hello, Miss CIegg.
Hello, miss.

Hello, Charlie. Hello, Neville.

- Thatfella's here again.
- Whatfellow?

- Fella that come when you was out.
- This morning.

- Who is he?
- The Prince of Wales.

- Charlie, what does he Iook Iike?
- Not half as pretty as you.

- Oh.
- Nah, much prettier.

Yeah, smooth as an Austin gearbox.
Delicious!

A heartthrob, a matinée monsieur.

Stop it, the pair of you.
What does he want, do you know?

No. Don't 'alf talk odd. Most peculiar.

- Australian.
- Australian?

- Yep.
- Anything else?

- Nope.
- Well, I'd better go and see him.

- Tell us when the wedding is.
- Be quiet, Charlie. I'II see you Iater.

Oh, Iet mefold you in my arms!

My dearest, I hungerfor your touch!

Ah, Miss CIegg, there you are.

- Hello, Mrs B.
- There's a gentleman to see you.

A Mr Reid. A Iawyer, he says.

He might be a Iawyer,
but he's got a funny voice.

- Australian perhaps?
- It's peculiar whatever it is.

Anyway, I put him in my parlour.

You can see him in there if you Iike.
You'II be alright in there.

Oh, I don't mind seeing him
in my sitting room.

- Are you sure, Miss CIegg?
- I dare say I'II survive.

I got a good Iook at him, so he needn't
think he can get away with anything.

I'm sure he won't.

Just give me a moment
and then send him up. AIright?

- I'II notforgive myself if...
- I'II be alright.

I didn't even know
they had Iawyers in Australia.

(knock atdoor)

- Come in.
- Ah, Miss CIegg?

- Mr Reid, I believe?
- That's right.

- It's very good of you to see me.
- I'm sorry you had to wait.

- That's alright.
- Do go in.

Thanks.

I'm one of the world's workers,
I'm afraid.

- Vacuum Gas Company.
- I see.

- PIease, sit down.
- Thanks. Very charming room you have.

- Oh, thank you.
- My goodness! That Iooks old.

- Yes, that's myfather's old sea chest.
- Really?

Mrs Benson tells me you're a Iawyer?

That's correct. I'm a solicitor. I have
a very Iarge practice in Melbourne.

- Melbourne?
- Yeah.

Actually, I knew yourfather years ago
when I was only articled to the firm.

- Really?
- Yes. He was, as you know,

master of one of the
Liverpool & Oriental fleet at that time

and he put some of the company's
business into our hands.

I see.

Now, Miss CIegg,

the reason why I'm here is a year
or two before yourfather died,

he entered into
some business transactions,

which had beenforgotten

until a reference to them
came to Iight this year

when we were overhauling
our filing system.

- Really? I didn't know...
- Oh, you wouldn't have heard of it.

From what we've Iearned, it seems that
Captain CIegg hardly took it seriously.

But I have reason to believe that
you might benefit as a result of it.

- Good heavens! How exciting.
- Yes.(Laughs)

- Would you Iike a cup of tea?
- Oh, no, thank you.

The excellent Mrs Benson plied me with
five cups of tea and several biscuits.

Well, now, where was I?

Oh, yes, now, the amount accruing
could be considerable.

But I can't go into details just in case
the money doesn't infact pass to you.

Oh, quite. Why might it not?

Er, any claim you might make will depend
upon your ownership of certain papers.

Now, these papers would be part
of yourfather's estate

and they could have been destroyed
as worthless.

You haven't kept any
of yourfather's papers, have you?

Well, yes. My mother put all his papers
and mementoes in his old sea chest.

When she died, I Iooked through it, but
I don't think I saw anything. I mean...

You wouldn't perhaps recognise the
significance of the papers in question?

- Or any of them, as a matter offact.
- I see.

I didn't get rid
of a single one of them.

You...? Well, that's excellent.

- Would you Iike to see them?
- Er,... please.

(clearsthroat)

Yes, they're... they're all in there.

Well, well, well.

Er,... this is very promising,
Miss CIegg.

Would you mind if I took them away with
me and studied them in my own time?

- PIease, take them, they're all yours.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.

Well, now, I'II be in contact with you,
Iet's see, tomorrow?

- As soon as I've been through them.
- Right.

- Right, well, goodbye, Miss CIegg.
- Goodbye, Mr Reid.

Goodbye.
And, er,... I'II see you tomorrow.

Yes.

Nice Iittle job you're doing there,
Major.

- Good of you to say so.
- Hmm.

- Know her, do you, Major?
- Hardly at all.

Oh, I reckon she's got her eye on you,
Mrs Trember.

Buried two husbands already, you know.

- Really?
- Yeah, very hard woman to resist.

- Only onefor you this afternoon.
- Thank you.

- A Iovely bit of wisteria, that.
- Yes.

Never flowers. Well, I've gotta get up
to the OId Rectory,

so I'd best be getting along. Cheerio.

(ParkerPyne) Goto Egremont,
Briar's Lane,Hempstead,

tomorrow at 11:15 sharp
and askforMrde Souza.

YouwilLrepresentyourself

as an employee
ofthe SettLing BrownFirearms Company.

I say, old boy, I say.

(door closes)

You alright, Wally?

Sit and stay.

(woman screams)

(woman) Help! Help! screams)

Help! Let me go! Let me go!

Screams)

screams)

Let her go
or I'II break every bone in your body!

- Come on!
- No! Let me go! Let me go! No!

Screams)

-(groans)
- Look behind you!

- Over there!
- Right.

(grunts)

come on! come on! Now we'II see.

Sighs)

- Are you alright?
- Yes, I'm fine.

Come on, we don't know
how many more there might be.

- Thank you.
- I know.

Thank you.

There. That should put
a safe distance between us.

- You should have a drop of this.
- Oh, I really think I ought.

- There.
- Oh, thank you.

Splutters) I'm not used to this stuff.

- Well done.
- You really were splendid.

- Nonsense. It was...
- If you hadn't come...

GIad I was on hand.
Nasty experiencefor you.

- Yes. But you really were splendid.
- Really, it was nothing.

(Laughs) You did pretty well yourself.

Those brutes
had quite a job holding you.

- You sure you're alright?
- Much better, thank you.

- Goodfor the brandy.
- Yes.

Sighs)

Oh, by the by,... Wilbraham,
Major of that ilk.

Oh,...CIegg. Freda CIegg.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

- Oh, I say, is he yours?
- Inseparable, I'm afraid.

- Oh, he's rather nice, isn't he?
- Hmm.

You're taking this awfully well,
you know.

Oh, well,... it doesn't seem real.

No.

Isn't it odd? I was thinking only this
morning that my existence was too tame.

- Really?
- Hmm.

Isn't that...

- What?
- No, it's nothing.

- Oh.
- Would it help...

I don't mean to pry, but would it help
to talk about all this?

Not necessarily now...
Over Iunch perhaps?

- That would be very nice.
- Splendid.

Then yesterday
I got a Ietter from Mr Reid

saying he thought he'dfound
what he was Iookingfor

and would I meet to discuss it with him.

The address he gave
was that empty house, BIanchlands.

- The rest you know.
- I see.

Well, one thing's certain. Whatever
yourfather had amongst his papers,

it was the key to something valuable.

- I suppose so.
- Hmm. Must be so.

Thatfellow... Reid put a Iot of thought
into getting yourfather's papers.

Evidently, what he wanted wasn't there.

Yes. Oh, another thing.
Yesterday, when I got up to my rooms,

I had afeeling that my things
had been tampered with.

- It was only afeeling, of course.
- Well, Iet's see.

Reid doesn't find
what he's Iookingfor,

so he assumes
it must still be in your room.

So he sends round someone posing as
a water board inspector, or something.

He still can't find it, so he assumes
youfound it yourself

and arranges this dreadful ambush.

Yes.

- May I make a suggestion?
- Of course.

After Iunch,
we should go over to your place

and make sure
whether this thing exists or not.

- You agree?
- I agree.

Oh, Miss CIegg, there you are.
Thank goodness.

How d'you do, sir? Oh, Miss CIegg,
I've been worrying all day.

- That person, I'd neverforgive myself.
- What on earth's wrong?

That person yesterday.

You haven't noticed anything
from your room gone missing?

- No. Why?
- No? Oh, well, what a relief.

What a blessing.
I pride myself on my vigilance,

but young Neville cut his knee,
so I was off my guard,

otherwise I would never have,...
you know, not unaccompanied.

Even though I find the stairs a trial,
I wouldn't have.

You still haven't told us what happened.

From the electricity yesterday.
Well, that's what he said.

Peaked cap, Iittle bag, I never thought.
Something to do with the meters.

Starts at the top of the house.
Well, you don't know, do you?

And there was Neville's knee. But
he wasn't up there Iong, I saw to that.

Dab of iodine, I was up those stairs
before you could say how's yourfather.

Fiddling with the Iight he was.

I never thought,
but then this morning...

What happened this morning?

A man from the electricity
came to read the meter.

Sighs)

What do you suppose it is,
if we even find it? Buried treasure?

Buried's the word,
I've been through everything.

I suppose thatfellow...

The egg.

- Sorry?
- May I?

Oh, yes, of course.

How stupid of me.

- There's something.
- Really?

Looks Iike a piece of soft cloth
or tissue, but it's definitely there.

Do you have a knitting needle,
something Iike that?

Yes, wait a minute.

- There.
- Thank you.

Now, then.

Come on.

- Well done.
- Now, Iet's see.

- Oh!
- It's in Swahili.

- I mean, Swahili of all things!
- Can you read it?

Oh, yes.

I say, here's your buried treasure,
in a manner of speaking.

- Treasure?
- In a manner of speaking.

-(speaks Swahili)
- What is it?

Ivory, a mass of it.

"An ivory pit Iaid"... Erm...

"Iaid in dry sand, six courses deep."

speaks Swahili) "Seven by five."

It's directions,
most of it's directions.

It's up in Kikuyu country by the Iook
of it. I'd have to consult my maps.

- Ivory?
- Probably the haul of some old moosy.

- Moosy?
- Moosy wando. EIephant poacher.

Yes, the authorities get onto him,
so he hides the Iot.

- Perhaps even gets out of the country.
- Perhaps myfather gets him out.

Yes, that's possible. Years Iater,
when he knew he'd never get back,

he gave yourfather that.

Yourfather didn't take it seriously,
perhaps didn't even know what it meant,

popped it in the egg and
forgot about it, something Iike that.

Do you suppose it's still there?

Whoever's been trying to find this
thinks so.

Do you think you'd be able to find it?

If anyone can, yes.

It could be worth an awful Iot,
you know. We should go after it.

- Us?
- Yes.

- Meanwhile, what do we do about this?
- Yes, of course.

- Would you Iook after itfor me?
- Yes.

But you've trusted one man already.

- You were allowed up unaccompanied.
- Mrs Benson, yes. Right.

I'II take it home
and I'II work out a plan of action.

- Mind you, it might be dangerous.
- I'II Iook on that as a bonus.

Are you sure
this is what Mrs OIiver said?

- Absolutely.
- But is it necessary?

It's not very original, is it?

Mrs OIiver is a writer,

so when it comes to the construction
of a story, we must accept her verdict.

I suppose so.

Mrs OIiver did say
that you were a great diagnostician.

Thank herfor me.

But that, "AII those years
with government statistics

and the company of clockwork men
may have withered his instinct."

- Oh, really!
- I challenged her on that.

I told her that you'd advance to
science the science of happiness.

Thank you, Miss Lemon. It's just that
her scheme seems a Iittle extravagant.

She's convinced
that if the Major's threatened,

he'II realise that business is meant,

and everything else
becomes that much more simple.

Maybe, but it is very trying, you know.
I've reduced my theories

to a set of precepts as Iimpid
as the Mediterranean on a calm day.

But Mrs Ariadne OIiver...

Perhaps you'd better
get hold of young Lorimar.

- Right, sir.
- Oh, Miss Lemon?

- Yes, sir?
- For you... and your typewriter.

Oh, thank you, sir.
I thought you'dforgotten.

(radio plays /hums)

Nothing elsewould matter
intheworldtoday

We could go onloving
inthe same oldway

A Garden ofEdenjust madefortwo

With nothingto mar ourjoy...

(bird screeches)

(whimpers)

(creaking)

(Wally barks)

Damn!

Oh, what a relief.

Of course! Why the deuce
didn't I think of that before?

(knock atdoor)

- Afternoon.
-(both) Hello.

-(knock atdoor)
- That won't do no good.

She's out.

I came to see Miss CIegg.
Is she at home?

- Ah!
- Your name Wilbraham?

- Major Wilbraham, that's right.
-(both) Ah!

What on earth's that supposed to mean,
you horrible Iittle duo?

- We have a Iittle bill and coofor you.
- A billet-doux from her. 'Ere.

Thank you.

(Freda) DearMajorWilbraham,
somethingrather strange has happened.

Canyou meet me at Blanchlands?

Canyou please gothere as soon
asyou getthis?Yours,Freda Clegg,

- Where did you get this?
- Mrs Benson said to Iook outfor you.

Thank you.

She give us a penny.

Very well. Here's a tanner each
for both of you. There you are.

(both) Ta ever so.

Did Mrs Benson say where she got it?

- No.
- Just that it arrivedfor you.

- Arrived? When did Miss CIegg go out?
- After she come back.

She come back
and went straight out again.

- Miss CIegg?
- Yeah.

I see. Thank you, men. Carry on.

(doorbelL chimes)

(grunts)

(waterdrips)

(woman) John?

John? It's me, Freda.

(he moans)

Oh, damn, damn, damn!

Sighs) Sorry, old girl.

Don't be silly.

I knew there was something wrong
and still I walked right into it.

- I suppose you didn't send me a note.
- And you didn't send me one?

- No.
- And have they got the map?

I suppose they must have,
I had it on me.

(needLe scratches)

(Reid)Well,well,MajorWilbraham.

It's alLturned outvery
satsfactorily,wouldn'tyou say?

- It's Reid!
- No?

Well, i can hardlyexpectyouto agree.

Anyway,we havewhatwewerelooking
for My most appreciativethanks.

Unfortunately,this also means
you are nowdispensable.

Therefore,youwilL bedispensedwith.

Enjoyyourlast momentstogether

- Reid!
- John, don't.

- Reid!
- It's no good, you know.

(creaking)

- My God! We're going drown!
- No, we're damn well not.

Whatever happens,
I just want you to know that...

I know. Me, too.

- Worth Iivingfor, wouldn't you say?
- I would. I would.

Right.(groans)

Now, you're going to have to guide me.

Yes, of course. Up a bit.

A bit further.

A bit to your Ieft. Not toofar.
You're there.

-(gasps) Are you alright?
- Yes... Don't worry.

Are you alright?

- Try them.
-(groans)

Just try them once more.

Right! Nearly.

-(groans)
- Well done. Let me see.

No, I'm alright. Got to see to you.
Are yourfeet tied?

- Yes.
- Damn!

Come on!

Oh! come on!

Oh! It's Iocked.

I don't think that was quite
what Mrs OIiver had in mind.

(Laughs)
You can turn that thing off now.

Poor man. I've never seen anyone show
that sort of courage before.

Who'd want to play the hero?

That reminds me. Did you get the job
in the cochrane show?

No. Too tall or some such rot.

- Oh, bad Iuck.
- Yes.

I'm to tell you,
if you come into the office tomorrow

the charming Miss Lemon
will give you yourfee.

Oh, jolly good.
Oh, by the way, I'm Iookingfor...

- Are you sure I'm not hurting you?
- Yes.

It's worth a bit of pain
having you here to do it.

I'm... glad theyfound the map.

- Why?
- It was afake.

The original
should be at my bank by now.

(Laughs) Jolly good.

So we can still go.

- Go?
- To find it.

Oh...(Laughs)

Good.

- You Iike the cottage?
Oh, it's beautiful. Just right.

For whom?

- For you.
- Or...for us?

Does that mean... what I... I think?

Absolutely.

And... Wally?

Doesn't Iook as though he'd mind.

- More tea?
- Ah, thank you.

(Laughs) Another case concluded.

I think the Major's getting value
for money, don't you?

Most certainly, but was Lorimer
really worth the eight guineas?

He collected the moment
the office was open this morning.

Miss Lemon, you are the victim
of thespian prejudice.

The poorfellow is an actor,

but he's not a scoundrel
because he calls you darling.

(tuts) Our two assailants were much
more reasonable, 30 shillings apiece.

Yes, in this world
the unskilled will always suffer.

- Unless they sit in the House of Lords.
- Hmm?

Oh, I see.(Laughs)

You're right, as always.

How did you manage with the Swahili?

Thank youfor reminding me.

I consulted the Hertford
Commercial Language Bureau.

I'm afraid that's another 38/ 6d.

- Mr Parker Pyne?
- Mrs Ariadne OIiver.

And sounding very cross.

Mr Parker Pyne, do you realise
you could have ruined everything?

Have I not impressed upon you, time and
time again, the importance of detail?

- Detail, Mr Parker Pyne.
- But I'm a master of detail.

Your kind of detail, not mine. Really!
It's Iike teaching music to a tram.

Why didn't you tell me the basement
was gas Iit? Could have been disastrous.

Your kind of detail, not mine,
it should have occurred toyou.

If you had thought to mention it,
it would have occurred to me.

Sillyfellow might have gassed himself.
Men defeat me, they really do.

Couldn't he have seen that picture with
the broken glass I put there especially

so that he could cut himself free?

Human nature, I suppose.

I've noticed it before. People simply
will not see what you want them to see.

I have this trouble
with my characters,

I put a perfectly good clue in front of
them, they simply turn the other way.

- It's too tiresome.
- Tea, Mrs OIiver?

Ah, no, thank you.

Apart from your unfortunate oversight,
everything went off well, did it?

- Yes, very well.
- I'm glad.

- There's just one thing.
- What?

Don't you think
that on a future occasion

the mise en scène
might be a Iittle more original perhaps?

- No.
- No?

- No.
- Oh.

What we are talking about,
Mr Parker Pyne,

is the basisfor my being able to sell
my 40 books in 20 different Ianguages.

That is to say, the conservatism
of the generality of mankind.

People Iike to know
where they stand.

They read about buried Ioot,
maidens in distress,

water rising in the cellar and so on,

and they're thoroughlyfamiliar
with them,

so that when they experience
these thingsfor themselves,

they really know
they've had an adventure.

Put them through something
too unfamiliar,

they merely have a disagreeable
experience they'd ratherforget.

Oh, no, Iife should imitate fiction
wherever possible. Now, I must dash.

Thank you.

Thank youfor your help.

Any time, Mr Parker Pyne,
as Iong as we get it right in the end.

- Speaking of which.
- Yes?

(Laughs) Do you think
they'II try to find the ivory?

- I sincerely hope so.
- You hope so?

- Yes.
- Well, it's inevitable they will try,

but I'd rather have Iiked
to spare them the disappointment.

Nonsense.
They're realists, both of them.

Their expectations won't be very high.

Most important
he should show her africa. Vital.

It's his soul,
the very heart of his experience.

She must see it.

Of course.

Of course.

(cicadas chirrup /dstant chanting)

Are you very disappointed?

It's funny, you know.
When I saw the mission station

and the road and everything
and the canningfactory

built just where the stuff was supposed
to be buried, I didn't mind.

More than that,
I was actually quite pleased.

It was only then
that I realised how happy I was.

If we'dfound your ivory
things would have changed.

I want nothing to change.

- Does that make sense?
- I was dreading finding it too.

Good Lord. We should'veforgotten
about it, gone up country.

- I thought you'd be disappointed.
- I thoughtyou would be.

(Laughs)

- Do you know, it's our anniversary?
- Really?

- Six weeks to the day we met.
- Six weeks?

What is it?

I've just remembered,
a chap owes me 50 quid.

(chanting continues)

- Still, I suppose...
- What?

Six weeks... Seems more Iike
a couple of days, doesn't it?

Weren't we Iucky, finding each other?

Weren't we just?