All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S05E08 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Previously...

We're having drinks
In the pool house.
Yep.

He gets you first,
Talks you out,

And I get two exhausted,
Empty shells.

Luke: dean?
Rory's seeing dean?
You knew that.

It was real fun.
Like the old days.

Like the old days.

Why are you living
In my house?

I am exchange student
From seoul,

I am here for three months,
And mrs. Kim is my host.

This is my guy.

This is t.J.

Is logan the head
Of the group?

Because the way
That people act around him,

Logan kind of seems --
Cute?

No, yes, but --
There's a line
To get to him.

No, I'm not looking to get
In a line -- I'm a reporter.

I smell meat.
Is that meat?

Why, yes, miss,
It is meat.

Oh, he called me "Miss."

There's meat and a miss.
I'm happy.

What's the occasion?

Well, I thought we might like
Some appetizers

With our cocktails
Tonight.

Would we ever.

The first batch
Is ready, sir.

Wonderful.
On the table, please.

Mmm, my god,
This smells good.

I love a good steak
On a stick.

Me too.
We should form a club.

We could have t-shirts
Made up.

Grandpa, I've never seen you
Wear a t-shirt.

Well, I've just never found
A proper occasion.

To the proper occasion.

Ah, I'll drink to that.

I knew I smelled something.
You're barbecuing.

So what?
"So what?"

The agreement was the girls
Have drinks with you

And dinner with me.

We are having drinks --
Drinks and appetizers.

Those are not appetizers --
Those are skewers.

Little skewers.
Little, tiny skewers.

This is not tiny.

Mom, that's mine.

This is a main course

And a cheap way of cheating me
Out of my dinner.

You are the most paranoid woman
I've ever met.

I highly doubt that.

You were the one who designated
The drinks portion

Of the evening to me.

You love drinks.

Drinks last one hour
At most.

Then you get the dinner portion,
Which can last several hours,

Especially the way
You structure things.

You get more time.

I should be able to serve
Appetizers with my drinks.

Fine. I'll leave.

You can have your drinks
And your appetizers.

You two better be hungry
When you get inside or else.

Or else.

Sounds serious.

So, one more?

Well, two more
At the most.

Yeah, 'cause
She was really mad.

[ soft piano music plays ]

Something wrong?

No. Why? Why?

You're not eating.
No, I'm eating.

You've taken two bites.
Two really big bites.

Rory's taken none.

I did.
You just missed it.

You're full.
No.

He can't stick
To a simple agreement.

He makes deals all the time
In business,

But drinks there,
Dinner here --

Somehow, that's too difficult
For him to manage.

He was just --
He was trying
To upstage me.

He was trying to make his part
Of the evening the fun part.

He's a child,
A spoiled 4-year-old.

I should take
His dump truck away

And send him to bed
Without supper --

Or, as he calls it,
"Appetizers."

Mom, seriously,
We are starving.

Look. Mmm. Wow.

Eat some carrots.

Carrots -- delicious.

If you're both that hungry,
You must want more.

Olga, good timing.
The girls are famished.

Load them up.

[ cellular phone ringing ]

Lorelai.
What?
That's not me.

It's me, grandma.
I'm sorry.

Okay.

I have to take this.
I promise I'll be quick.

Hello? Hi.
No, now is fine.

Who is she talking to?
How should I know?

You taught her to leave her
Cellphone on at the table.

That's for safety, mom,

In case someone forces her
To eat five chickens,

And she has to call 911.

She's talking to a boy,
Isn't she?
I don't know.

She certainly sounds like
She's talking to a boy.

Does she have
A new boyfriend?

Did she finally meet someone
At yale?
I don't know.

Oh, of course you know.

Because I taught her to leave
Her cellphone on at the table?

Sorry, grandma.
Hey, that won't happen again.

That's all right.

So, who
Were you talking to?

Dean --
Do you remember dean?

The boy who made you
The car?
Yep.

I didn't know
You were still seeing him.

Um, well, we got back together
Recently.

Really?

Well, that's a surprise,
Isn't it, lorelai?

I know.
I'm floored.

He's been working
Crazy shifts lately,

And I've had so much
Schoolwork that we keep
Missing each other,

So I told him
To call me tonight.

Well, thank you
For telling me.

I'm just glad I got to hear it
From you

And didn't have to pick it up
On the street somewhere.

'cause you hang out on
The street so often, mom --

You and
Melrose larry green.

So, are you happy
With this dean?

Yes, I am.

Well, good.

Now, eat up.
We have the fish course coming.

The fish course?

Yes, olga makes a mean
Pickled herring.

Oh, wow.
What a delightful skill.

Grandma's mean.

If it flew, swam,
Or crawled on this earth,

We just ate it.

I can't breathe.

Ow! What was that for?!

Why'd you tell my mother
About dean?

I was totally covering for you
With the phone call,

And then you waltz back in
And just tell her?

My arm is swelling up!

You were totally off
The hook.

I was very skillfully
Covering for you --

Well, not skillfully,

But there was a certain aplomb
To my evasiveness.

I'm not going to lie
To grandma about dean.

Why should I?
'cause she's her.

Mom, I am with dean.

She's already met him.
Grandpa's already met him.

What is the problem besides
This permanent welt on my arm?

All right, fine.
[ sighs ]

You know,
I'm actually hungry.

[ knock on door ]

We need to talk.

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

The man at table 3
Wants to send an orange juice

To the woman at table 4.

As long as he's paying.

If someone who wants to eat
Comes in here...

I'm outie.
I got it.

Hey, lane.

Hi. A potential hookup
At table 4.

Oh, wow.
Diner love.

"Over easy" takes on
A whole new meaning.

Hey, liz!

Hey.

I didn't know
You were back.

Yeah, just cruised in.

How are you?
How's t.J.?

He's great.
He's gotten taller.

I'm so glad to hear it.

So, you and my brother,
Huh?

Yeah, well...

I'm so jazzed.
I want private details.

Tell her nothing.

Really -- nothing,

Not even about
Your canadian mountie hat?

Liz, you have been sitting there
For over an hour.

I know.
I'm almost done.

What you doing?

T.J. And I are thinking
About buying a winter place --

Something nice for when the
Renaissance faire season's over.

You're moving
To stars hollow?
No.

Thinking about it.

There's some great places
For sale around here.

They're not for sale.
They've all been sold.

Plus, there's a few stores
Around here

That are willing to sell
My jewelry on consignment,

And I'd like a house
With a fence and a lawn.

No lawns in stars hollow --
We had them taken out.

Hey, how much did you pay
For your house?

You can't ask people
Questions like that.

Why not?
'cause you can't.

Don't tell her how much you paid
For your house.

You don't want to live here.
Yes, I do.

It's too quiet for you.
I like quiet.

You do not like quiet.
T.J. Does not like quiet.

He likes monster trucks

And baboons that get really mad
At the zoo.

That's true.
He does like that.

Stop -- you're gonna like
Living so close to your family.

I've seen how much you enjoy
Living so close to yours.

What can I get you?
Hmm. Nothing looks good.

I'll make you a burger.
I don't want a burger.

Make her your gumbo.

Oh, he makes
The most amazing gumbo.

You make gumbo?

And great mexican food.
Makes his own tortillas.

Got to make
Your own tortillas --

The ones in the package
Are crap.

And garlic soup
And paella.

He was really into lasagna
For a while, got obsessed,

Made hundreds of lasagnas trying
To find the perfect recipe --

He wore an apron.

Okay, liz,
You don't even live here yet.

Fine.
I got to bail, anyhow.

T.J.'s meeting me
At the realtor's office.

Lorelai, it was great
Seeing you again.

You, too.

Later, bro.
Uh-huh.

You've been holding out
On me.

What?

Um, paella, gumbo,
Lasagna king.

I have many talents,
Okay?

I know.

I mean, the way you keep
That mountie hat

Perfectly balanced
The entire time we're --

Okay, see, if you keep making
Mountie-hat jokes,

You're going to
Eventually believe

That there's
An actual mountie hat.

Well, I'm very impressed,

Or, at least, I would be
If I had any proof

Of these extraordinary
Cooking skills of yours.

Okay, I'm gonna cook you the
Most amazing meal of your life.

This weekend?

Stop making the mountie jokes,
And you're on.

Deal.
Blueberry muffin to go.

You're still picturing me
In a mountie hat, aren't you?

Uh-huh.
How do I look?

I'll tell you this weekend.

You cannot put those flyers
In here.

I'm surprised my mother told you
That you could,

But you can't, so go stand
On a street corner,

Like I had to do
Ages 6 through 14.

Go.

What?

I'm so hungry.

What?

It's flaxseed muffin month.

Flaxseed muffin
In the morning.

Flaxseed muffin at night.

I have trouble lifting
My toothbrush.

Okay, come here.

Not fast, please.

Sit.

She made the food
With flaxseed.

It lasts a very long time.

Here.

What is this?
Fries.

But mrs. Kim says the fries
Are the devil's starchy fingers.

They're hot and delicious,

And they don't have any flaxseed
In them.

But they are
A gateway food.

They lead to harder things --

Pizza, movie popcorn,
Deep-fried snickers bars...

Ooh.

Mmm.

[ chuckling ]

Welcome to america.

So, now I've got three days

To do this
Comparative-religions paper,

And the teaching fellow
Who runs our group

Spends all his time
Explaining to us

How much he disagrees
With the professor,

And what are you
Looking at?

That guy over there
Is staring at me.

Which guy?

The one in the santa-claus
Red sweater.

Professor prady?
Shh! He'll hear you.

You think professor prady
Is looking at you?

He's more than looking
At me.

God, this is so annoying.

Ever since word leaked out
About me and asher,

Every faculty member over 50
Thinks I'm easy.

I don't think prady's
Hitting on you.

You are so naive.

He's practically licking
His lips.

You sleep with one old guy,

And, suddenly,
You're catherine zeta-jones.

[ cellular phone ringing ]

Hello?

Rory,
It's your grandmother.

Oh, hey, grandma.

Your grandfather is here,
Also.

Richard:
Hello, rory, how are you?

Fine, grandpa, and you?

We're wonderful.
Thank you for asking.

Rory, we're sorry
To bother you at school,

But next friday,
Your grandfather and I agreed

To host a little yale alumni
Event at our house.

It completely slipped our minds
The other night.

So we'll have to cancel
Our usual friday-night dinner.

Oh.
That's okay.

However, we were wondering
If maybe you'd like to come.

Me?

The alumni like to meet
The new generation of elis,

And, plus, we'd love to be able
To show you off

To all our friends,
Wouldn't we, emily?

Yes, we would.

You might even make
A few connections

That could come in handy
Somewhere down the road.

Please, come.

We'd hate to miss
Our weekly rory fix,

And I promise you
There won't be any chicken...

Or steak on a stick.

[ both laugh ]

Well, sure.
I'd love to come.

Wonderful. Your grandmother
And I are thrilled.

Is it fancy?
What should I wear?

Just pick out
A pretty little dress.
And bring that face.

The face comes
With the package.

Oh, and rory, I know
You usually come at 7:00,

But could you make it
At 6:00 instead?

6:00 is fine.
See you friday.

What's going on friday?

My grandparents are having
A party.

Oh, damn it.

Dean treadwell just came in.

He's been throwing sex daggers
Out his eyes at me all week.

Chili fries --
Extra cheese and onions.

Thank you.

Didn't you just
Say grace?

Yes, but that was
For my soda.

Kyon, tip --

If you pray over every
Single thing you eat,

You might never be able
To leave the table.

Breakfast will run into lunch,
Which will run into dinner.

I'm telling god
I'm thankful.

He gets it.

Do a blanket thank-you
And move on.

We got free passes
For tory's band on saturday.

No, seriously?

Totally seriously.

All we have to do is carry
The equipment, and we are in.

Ahh!

Okay, cool.
You're jazzed.

I'll tell him it's a go?
It's a total go.

You free for dinner
Tonight?

We'll discuss it
When I get home.
Okay, bye.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I am in escrow.

You're what?

I am in escrow.

I got the paperwork
To prove it.

We bought a house.

It's beautiful -- white.

B-but you just started
Looking.

I know. We bought
The first home we saw.

Oh, liz.
No, I'm telling you --

I walked into this place
And just felt it.

Felt what?
The vibe.

That's right -- she felt the
Vibe, and now I'm in escrow.

Did you at least have an
Inspector look at this place?

Hey, we don't need some guy
With a clipboard

To tell us what
We already knew,

Which was this white house
Was for us.

Please, don't be worried
About this.

The place is great.

It's on a corner.
It's got room for a pool.

It's air-conditioner-ready.
It's landscaper-ready.

It's alarm-ready,

And it's got three bedrooms
If you build on two.

It's got a roof, right?

Of course, and as
Soon as we replace it,
It won't leak as much.

Just be happy, okay?

Oh, sure.

That's right, buddy.

Smile, man,
'cause I'm in escrow.

Coffee on the house --

You like that --
On the house?

You're paying for coffee
For the entire diner?

What -- am I made of money?
I'm in escrow.

Throw in the coffee, buddy.
We're celebrating.

Lane: got it.

You're not really bugged
We're moving here, are you?

Does he even know
What "Escrow" means?

Doubt it,
But he's so happy.

Hey, man,
I'm in escrow.

Give it up, sister.
I'm in escrow.

So, you're off the hook.

Lorelai: for what?

Friday night grandma and grandpa
Are having a party

For their
Yale alumni friends.

Really?
This is news.

So you're free as a bird.

Wow, friday night
Without my mother.

I don't know if I can deal.

You might have to
Come over

And force-feed me
Pickled herring

And tell me what
A disappointment I am.

Hey, you want to go
To the movies?

Can't -- I'm going to the party.
They asked me to.

Huh. Okay.
I can get you out of it.

Mom.

Hold on just a moment.
Just let me formulate a plan.

I don't need you
To formulate a plan.

I want to go.
You don't want to go.

You feel obligated to go.
It's very different.

Mom, they're giving
The party together.

Oh, I got it.
Transfer to harvard.

Then you won't be invited.

Are you listening?

Rory, they're just
Manipulating you.

Yes, exactly -- them --
Both of them, together.

They called me together.

They were on the speakerphone
Together,

Which means that they were
In the same room

At the same time,
Together.

So what you're saying
Is they were together?
Exactly.

Whose antennae are up
Besides mine?

Maybe they made up.
They would have told us.

They didn't tell us
They broke up.

That's because
It looked bad.

They didn't tell people I was
Pregnant until my eighth month.

My mother kept getting
Numbers for fat farms
From her friends.

They sounded so happy.
They sounded like they used to.

Are you sure
You want to go?

I'm sure.
All right.

Don't let grandpa
And his cronies

Make you sing whiffenpoof songs
All night.

I won't.

Well, I'm sorry I'm not
Gonna see you on friday.

How about I come by after?
I can stay the night.

And then you could take me
Shopping on saturday.

Ah, I'm the lucky girl.
Okay, bye.

[ beeps ]

Hey, amir, where's this month's
Guitar magazine?

I wasn't done
Reading it yet.

You buy it,
Then you read.

What kind of bogus system
Is that?

It's the bogus system called
"This is a magazine stand,

Where people come to buy,
Not hang out and read for free."

It's a long freaking name
For your bogus system, buddy.

You!

You dirty, filthy devil boy!
You will pay for this!

You will burn in the hellfire
For this!

You will swim in the sludge
With satan's helldogs

And feed them your innards
For eternity!

Uh, is this about
The magazine?

She is an innocent girl, and
You are a wild pig of filth!

I know --
I know all you do!

You think you can hide
From me --

That you can carry out
Your dirty, filthy schemes

Without me finding out?!

I'm really, really lost
Right now.

I heard about it.
Kyon told me.

She told me about your hands
On lane.

You put your hands on lane --
My lane!

And before god, I swear
That you will be punished,

Because that is what happens
To all swine that walk up tall.

Okay, so, we have today,
For your dining pleasure,

A choice of sandwiches,

All fairly fresh,
Though slightly dented,

So as to afford me
The 80% employee discount

That taylor throws in
With the paycheck.

He's a heck of a humanitarian,
That taylor.

[ chuckles ]

We have a battered
Chicken-salad,

Um, a bruised tuna-salad,

A ham that survived the
Creamed-corn assault of 2004,

And something gray.

Toss that.

Got you.

Well, this is a very nice spread
You've assembled here.

Well, when you're dating
An ivy league girl,

You have to pull out
All the stops.

Chip pieces?

Yes, please.

I'm glad we got to do this
Today.

Me too.

We haven't been able to see
Each other much lately.

Well, we're here now,
Right?

Yeah, right.

Hey, did you ever read
My story?

What story?

The one about
The life and death brigade.

Uh, yeah, I did.

Do you like it?

I did like it.

I like everything
That you write.

Do you think I painted the
Picture interestingly enough?

Because I tried to be objective
To a certain extent,

But it is a feature piece,

So I wanted to have
Some human spark.

I thought it was good.

Nothing specific, though?

Hey, you're the writer.
I can't critique these things.

I just know that I read it,
And I was interested.

Well, that's what counts.

Okay, so, let's talk
About tonight.

Let's talk about tonight.

Okay, I'm going over
To my grandparents' at 6:00.

I figure I'll go in,
Make the rounds,

Say hello,
Eat a cheese puff,

Then you can meet me
Outside the house at 8:30,

And we can hit a movie
In hartford or something.

I don't want you ducking out
Of your party early

If it's gonna be
A big thing.

Hey, don't you want
To get together with me?

You know I do.

Okay, then, it's settled.
8:30, out front --

I'll be the one in the party
Dress with jeans in a purse.

I'll have to take
A pretty big purse,

But desperate times call
For desperate actions.

Deal?
Deal.

How long have we got?

14 minutes till
My lunch break's over.

Okay, then.
Cheers.

Bonjour.

What's all this?

This is as close
As you're gonna get

To me cleaning up tonight.

Hi.
Hi.

[ chuckles ]

Man, something smells
Crazy good in here.

Oh, my god.
What are you making?

Lamb-and-artichoke stew,
Penne with pesto and potatoes,

Roasted garlic
With rosemary focaccia,

Tomatoes stuffed with
Breadcrumbs and goat cheese,

And ricotta cheesecake

With amaretto cookies
To go with your coffee.

You're the perfect man.
Thank you.

I used to think it was
Kelsey grammer.

But it's not.
It's you.

Finally,
I'm one-upping grammer.

Do you want some wine?
Yes, please.

Okay, so, I brought
A little ambiance

And a little clooney.

George?

Rosemary.

Oh, my god.
This is so great.

I mean, besides the fact
That it's an evening of you,

It's also the first friday
In many, many moons

That I'm not at
My parents' house,

And that knowledge is giving me
A really warm, fuzzy feeling

Right about now,

Meaning that if, by some chance,
Your meal winds up sucking,

I might not even notice.

Excellent to know.

To the warm and fuzzy.

* come on to my house,
To my house *

[ bell dings ]

Time to add
The artichokes.

It may have choked artie,
But it ain't gonna choke me --

Some "Little rascals" humor
There for you.

I know.
You know?

* ...A plum

You are the perfect man.

Move them so people can navigate
Around them comfortably --

Not that far apart --
Not that far apart.

If someone needs that much room
To get around a chair,

They shouldn't be at a party --
They should be on a treadmill.

Hey, grandma.

Rory, oh, look at you.

Will you look at her?
I said look at her!

Isn't she beautiful?

Yes, very beautiful.

I love this dress --
Very elegant.

Thanks, grandma.
The place looks wonderful.

Oh, there's
Too much blue.

It's yale alumni.
There can't be too much blue.

Emily, I noticed the bartenders
Weren't planning

On using proper
Martini glasses.

Oh, well, rory,
How lovely you look tonight.

Doesn't she?

This dress is divine,
But you know what?

My hairdresser's upstairs
In my bedroom right now.

Why don't you go have her do
Something with your hair?

My hair?

Just for kicks.
Come on, I'll take you up.

Richard, could you?
I have it all under control.

Thank you.
Come on.

Oh, you're home.

You want to talk
About dinner?

Um, sure, or about how your mom
Totally attacked me today.

What?

I'm standing out on the street
In broad daylight,

And out of nowhere, bam,

She was in my face,
Crazy and screaming.

Zach, slow down.
I don't understand.

She cursed me, lane.
What's not to understand?

She went on and on
About burning in hellfire

And swimming in satan's sludge
And helldogs eating me,

And I got to tell you,
It sounded bad.

I don't understand.
Why would she --

'cause she knows, okay?
She knows everything.

She sees everything.
You know that.

She doesn't know everything,
Zach.

She knows about you and me,
She's sending me to hell for it,

And this is not cool --
This is not rock 'n' roll.

I know.
I'm sorry.

I don't do parents.
I'm not that guy.

Nobody brings me home to mom
For a reason, okay?

I'm a total backseat,
Get-in-the-closet,

Jump-out-the-window dude
All the way.

I just don't understand
How she found out.

It's not like she's ever seen us
Together, or --

I know who told her.

I can't do this crazy,
Scary, short chick

Screaming at me
On the street.

Zach, I'm sorry.

I promise, it will never
Happen again.

I will take care of it.

What about
The hellhounds?

I will take care
Of the hellhounds, too.

'cause "Hellhounds"
Is a cool band name,

But the positive imagery
Stops there.

I got it.
It's done.

Okay. Fine.

I got to go walk by a church
Or something.

Hey, this is the same stuff
From the diner.

Have you been pilfering
Silverware from the diner?

It's my diner.

Yes, but it's wrong.

You should have boundaries
In your life.

You need a work life
And a home life,

And the silverware
Is your work life.

I'm so telling dr. Phil
On you.

[ knock on door ]

T.J.: luke, you in there?
Open up. Luke!

What...

You're home -- good.

Don't come in.

She's your sister, luke --
Your sister.

T.J.,
This is really not --

Do you know how many people
Told me not to get married?

They said,
"Women make you crazy --

They burrow into your head,
And you can't get them out."

Women suck!

Oh, hey, lorelai.

I'm assuming you guys
Had a fight.

Not just a fight --
A whammo monster of a fight.

It was like jake lamotta,

And I was that blond chick
He was married to.

You'd think I took a shot
At the pope

The way she talked to me!

I'm sorry I didn't hear
When she asked for the beer,

And preset station numbers
Are there for a reason!

Okay, hey, look at the table
And the candles, okay?

This is not a good time.

You're telling me?
I'm in escrow.

Okay, hold on.
Go stir the sauce.

Me? But I can't cook.

It's not cooking --
It's stirring.

No, I'm not good
With big spoons

Unless there's ice cream
On the end.

Okay.

T.J., all right.

What is this all about?

She's crazy, man!

She goes nuts,
And she yells at me.

There's a register that her
Voice reaches when she yells

That only a freaking dog
Can hear,

But her face is so twisted
And contorted

That you know she's hit
That register,

And it's amazing.

It should be on the discovery
Channel or something.

Um, excuse me.

How fast am I supposed
To be stirring here?

Just keep it
From sticking.

Look, I am really sorry
You had a fight,

But you're married now.

You can't run out every time
You have a disagreement.

Now, go on back.

I can't go back.
I'm not ready.

It's all too fresh!

It's bubbling
And turning brown.
It's fine.

But what constitutes
Sticking?

You can't ruin it.

I can.
I have powers.

Once, the barefoot contessa
Was making a soufflé,

And it fell.

She looked out the tv and said,
"Gilmore, was that you?"

You got to go, man.

Just let me hang out here.
No!

Just for a little while,
Here in the corner, very quiet.

You won't notice me at all --
Church mouse, buddy.

[ sighs ]

I'm getting
Carpal tunnel syndrome.

I got it.

* singing fills the air

[ sobs ]

[ sighs ]

He just needs a minute.

[ sobbing ]

Oh, yes, that's very nice.
I love the lashes.

Grandma, this is really nice,
But --

Just a little more
Cheeks.

Shouldn't we be getting down
To the party?

Yes, one more minute, now.

Let's see here.

This might do it.

Grandma, I couldn't.

Diamond necklaces were invented
To be worn.

They're doing nobody any good
Just sitting in a box.

Perfect.
Do you like it?

Well, yes, it's beautiful,
But --

It needs earrings.
I agree.

No, it's fine on its own,
Really.

Your grandfather bought me
These earrings

On our first trip to denmark.

He swears he bought them

Off the ne'er-do-well brother
Of the king,

Who stole them
From the queen.

[ gasps ]
I have a wonderful idea.

Have you ever worn
A tiara?

Well, when I was 4.

You look like a princess.

Grandma, are you sure

You want me wearing
All this stuff?

They must be very expensive,

And if something
Should happen --

Nothing's going to happen.

And, yes, you look
Exactly the way

I want my granddaughter to look
To all our guests.

Shall we?
Okay.

It's going to be
A wonderful evening.

Everyone, here's rory.

You look
Absolutely royal.

Well, it's probably
The crown.

Emily,
You did a fine job.

Thank you, richard.

Oh, rory, I'd like you
To meet min and argus head

And their son andrew.

Andrew, this is
My granddaughter, rory.

Andrew will be at yale law
Next year.

Isn't that wonderful?

It is, especially if you want
To be a lawyer.

She's a pistol --
This one.

We need to make the rounds.
You two can talk more later.

It was nice to meet you.

Rory, we'd like you to meet
Tiana and chase anderson

And their son, donnan.

It's a pleasure
To meet you.

Donnan is going to run his
Father's shipping business.

Our own aristotle onassis

With infinitely better
Table manners.

Nothing's written
In stone yet.

We'll see what sort of pension
Plan the company has.

Oh.
[ laughing ]

Rory's going to be
A journalist --

Take the world by storm.

The two of you should talk
Later.

Okay, well...

Oh, rory,
Bunny and napoleon barnes

And their son kip.

Oh, hi, kip.
It's nice to meet you.

Kip is captain
Of the polo team.

A hell of a player --

Give those windsor boys
A run for their money.

Kip: william and harry are
Good guys, decent horsemen --

Terrible bridge players.

[ laughs ]

Um, kip, will you excuse us
For a minute?

I need to talk
To my grandparents.

It was nice to meet you,
Mr. And mrs. Barnes.

Make sure you two
Talk later.

Yes, rory?

Are you enjoying
The party?

The party is very nice,
Grandma.

I was just wondering,

Do your alumni friends
Have any daughters?

Daughters?
What do you mean?

Well, I was just noticing

That there are a lot
Of boys here,

But not that many girls.

Really?
Why, I hadn't noticed.

Did you notice, emily?

Why, no, I hadn't.
Huh.

Well, I will have to pay
More attention

To the guest list next time,
Won't I, richard?

Yes, you will.

I promise you,
We will throw another party

Just for our friends
With girls.

Ah, the campbell boy
Is here.

Oh, good. Let's go.
Campbell, like the soup.

Oh, my gosh.
This is good.

I mean,
This is seriously good.

Glad you like it.

How you doing, t.J.?

I just need a minute.

He said that
35 minutes ago.

Well, he's not crying
Now, so --

I want him to leave.

I know. He will.

You sure there's nothing
I can do for you?

Just 30 seconds --
That should do it.

Would you like something
To eat, t.J.?

Why are you asking him
If he wants something to eat?

He's been sitting there
For a half an hour.

You're gonna make the 30 seconds
Go longer.

T.J., we've got plenty.

That's very kind of you,
Lorelai.

I appreciate it,
Being in escrow and everything,

But I don't want to interrupt
Your evening.

As soon as I gather myself,
I'll be going.

10 more minutes?

Mmm.

Look, you can go amg,

But you're still going
Stock mercedes.

Okay, are you seriously knocking
493 horses at 6,100 rpm

Coming out of a 5.5 liter,
24-valve v-8?

Okay, well, let's say
You go with the sl55.

Um, I'm sorry.

Would you all excuse me
For just a --

Yeah, sure.

So, the sl55 --

Look, at least go aftermarket
On its ass.

[ cellular phone rings ]

I told you.

You told me what?

Whatever happened at that party
You got roped into tonight.

Do you want to hear,
Or do you just want to gloat?

Well, I'm a multitasker.

So, I get here, and grandma
Immediately whisked me upstairs,

Where her hairdresser
And her makeup artist

Are waiting
To make a new me.

'cause the old you
Is so last season.

Then I come downstairs to find
That the guests

Are all yale friends
Of grandma and grandpa

And their sons.

What?

No girls --
All boys and me.

You're kidding.

I feel like
I'm being auctioned off.

They suck.
My parents suck.

This is very silly picture.

They know you're with dean,
'cause you told them.

It's okay. I just thought
You'd like to know.

Do you have a pencil?

There are 12 ways
Out of that house

That they don't know about.

First, the basement --

It's a little dusty,
But almost foolproof.

If you can't get there,

Grab a screwdriver and jimmy
The back of my mother's closet.

There's a false back.

And if they haven't trimmed
The trees yet,

The second
Guest bathroom window

Opens out
Onto the massive elm,

And you can shimmy
Right down.

I am not going to shimmy.
I don't need to sneak out.

It's fine.
Dean is picking me up at 8:30.

I can manage till then.

They played you, kid.

Yeah, I know.

I hate that they did that.
Well, it's done.

Okay, I should go.

In this crowd, they will
Definitely notice me missing.

Bye, hon.
[ beeps ]

What's the matter?

Nothing a little patricide
Won't solve.

[ rings ]

[ speaking spanish ]

Lorelai: ooh, hello, I'd like
To speak to richard or emily.

I'd like to speak to richard
And emily gilmore.

No comprendo.

Is there someone there
Who speaks english?

I hear english
In the background.

[ knock on door ]

Oh, right there,
I heard the word "Salmon."

Could you pass the phone to
The person who said "Salmon"?

Uh, uh-huh, "Salmon."

Is he here?
Yes.
Get him out, please.

[ door closes ]

Emily gilmore --
Senora emily gilmore.

T.J., come on.
Let's go.

I cannot deal with you
Right now.

You can't just barge in here
Like this.

I did not barge.
Do not accuse me of barging!

You are ruining
Their evening.

No, I am not.
I'm just sitting here.

I'm not saying anything!

Will you two just go downstairs
And talk, please?

You are unbelievable.
You know that?

I do,
As a matter of fact!

I hadn't even come out of
The bedroom, and you'd gone!

I wasn't gonna stick around
So you could yell at me!

Okay, this is enough!

The both of you just
Have to shut up right now!

I've got neighbors.

You don't even have
Your shoes on.

I've got shoes on!
You've got my shoes on!

Oh, so I guess all that
"What's mine is yours"

Was just a bunch of crap,
Also!

I am fed up with you
And the drama!

I can't take it!

My head's gonna explode

From all your freaking scenes
And your tantrums!

My tantrums?!

I cannot look at you
Right now.

Liz, what are you --
[ door slams closed ]

You go get her
Out of there.

Nope, that's exactly
What she wants!

Okay, never mind.
I'll call back. Bye.

T.J.!

Damn, I had almost gotten
Myself together.

Now I have to start
All over!

She's in the bathroom.

You go try
To calm him down,

And I'll see if I can talk
To her.

You were right.
Having family near is fun.

Rory?

Mm-hmm?

I'm jordan.

Your grandmother sent me
Over here.

Apparently,
We're made for each other.

Oh, gee,
Well, how convenient.

There's nothing like having
Your family play matchmaker.

How old are you?

Me? I'm almost 20.

All right, good -- just making
Sure everything's legal.

You need a drink?

No, not a drink.
Why?

Do you get a little crazy
When you drink?

Yes, that's it.

I'd like to see that.

Rory, there you are.

I've been looking everywhere
For you.

I'm late. I'm sorry.
Don't be mad.

Logan huntzberger.
Jordan chase.

Good to meet you.
Thanks for keeping my girl busy.

If you hadn't, she would have
Noticed how late I am,

And then she might have left,

And that would have been
Very bad.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.
You're with her?

Going on a year
And a half.

Great.

Then what the hell
Am I doing here?

Oh, thank you.

You look cornered.
I was.

Well, I'm glad to be
Of service.

Man, I hate these parties.

Not really my bag, either.

But at least the bar
Is stocked,

And I must say, your grandmother
Has excellent food.

Wait -- my grandmother?

Logan, how are you, son?

I'm very well, sir,
And yourself?

Well, I'm fit as a fiddle.
It's good to see you.

Are your parents here?
Wandering around somewhere.

Mom is obsessed with emily's
New draperies.

Ah, yes, emily has
Exquisite taste in fabrics.

All right, rory, since I see
That you are in capable hands,

I will make another round
And end up at the bar.

It's been good to see you,
Richard.

Good to see you, logan.

You know my grandparents.

My folks are good friends
With richard and emily.

Okay, so, lesson one

In coping with
Painfully boring parties --

Form a subparty.

Where are you going?

Finn.

Finn's here?

Finn!

You rang?

Time for a change
Of venue.

Oh, fantastic.

Do I know you?

[ knocks ]

[ dog barks ]

Is my mother here?

No, she's
At mrs. Cho's house.

Mrs. Cho thinks
She lost her faith.

Mrs. Kim went
To give it back.

Good.

Why did you rat me out
To my mother?

Rat you out?

You told her about zach.

The boy you hugged?

Yes, you told her,

And I'm a little mystified
As to why you would do that.

Mrs. Kim has taken me in.

No, I took you in.

You came to me starving,
And I gave you fries.

You did like the fries,
Right?
Very, very much.

So, that is what we call here
In america a bonding thing.

I gave you the fries,

And you are not supposed
To tell on me to my mother.

But what am I supposed
To do?

Nothing -- you say nothing
And do nothing.

But she would know.
She would know what?

She would know I lie.

She would know I'm ungrateful
And I keep a secret from her.

How would she know?
She'd know.

No, she no know --
She's not magic.

Yes, she is. She reads thoughts
And hand gestures.

Okay, come here.

[ exhales sharply ]

If you want,
I can help you.

Help me?

What do you do every sunday
Between noon and 4:00?

I study.
And then?

And then I wait
For mrs. Kim to get home

From her crochet for christ
Group with her sister.

Okay, and what do you do
While you're waiting?

Nothing.
I sit quietly.

Now, wouldn't you rather,
Let's say, watch some television

While you're waiting
For my mother to get home?

Oh, I cannot.

Mrs. Kim does not want me
To watch the television.

And how would she know?

Because there's a little machine
In the television set

That will tell her
What I watch.

Ha!
What "Ha!"?

That machine
Does not exist.

It does not?

Took me 15 years to figure it
Out, but that's the truth.

So, she cannot know?

She also cannot smell
Fast food on you,

Even after you've showered.

She can't?

And she can't tell how many
Times you've opened your bible

By staring at your palm.

Oh, my head is spins.

You don't have to hand
Out all those religious
Flyers she gives you.

Just post enough around
Her regular route home,

And she'll think
The job is done.

I think
I need lie down.

It's a whole new world,
Kyon,

A world I fought long and hard
To figure out,

And I'm willing to pass
All my knowledge on to you.

So, I can eat fries
And watch tv

If I go home early from
Not giving out my flyers?

I wouldn't bring the fries
Into the house --

She has a really good nose.

But you're thinking big,
And I respect that.

I can watch the tv.

Stick with me, kid,

And I'll have you wearing
Lip gloss within a month.

Liz: why don't you just talk
To me?!

Emily and richard gilmore --
Oh, come on.

I know you speak english.

I heard you yell "Salmon"
Earlier.

My mother put you up
To this.

[ sighs ] Fine.

[ beeps ]

What are they doing
In there?

Um, fighting?

And how long can you fight
In an 8 x 10 room?

Well, maybe they're
Not fighting.

Maybe they're having
Angry make-up sex.

Oh, that makes me feel
Much better. Thank you.

Sorry about dinner.

Oh, dinner was great.

It was delicious
And interactive.

T.J.: how about this?!
How about this?!

Okay, I don't know how long
This is gonna continue.

We could set fire to
The place -- smoke them out.

Listen, you don't
Have to sit here.

I'll deal with this.
You go home.

You sure?

Yep.
They are my family.

Yippee.
I'll deal with it.

You take this and go home,

And we will try again
Tomorrow.

Wow, my own cheesecake?

No man's ever given me
A whole cheesecake before.

You remember that.
Mm-hmm.

Hey, maybe when I get home,
I'll stir something,

Seeing as
I'm so good at it.

Thanks for dinner.

I didn't hear you when you asked
For the beer!

And preset station numbers
Are there for a reason!

I don't understand it!

Thank you for not
Being related to me.

[ chuckles ]

That came out wrong.

No, I got it.

[ muffled shouting
Continues ]

Good night.

Night.

I didn't hear you when you asked
For the beer!

And preset station numbers
Are there for a reason!

Gilmore, your grandfather
Has appalling taste in scotch.

Oh, I think you should go on
Inside and tell him.

If he hasn't learned by now,
I certainly can't teach him.

Colin, make sure you refill
That bottle with something.

Don't want ace
To get busted.

I know.

Refill?

Sure. Why not?

Because drinking is bad --

It's very, very bad,
And we're bad for doing it.

Spank me.

I think the hangover tomorrow
Will be punishment enough.

She hasn't had enough
Champagne, logan.

Hey, listen,
I forgot to tell you.

I read the article.

You did?

Yep, not bad.
Thank you.

You caught the spirit of the
Thing -- I'll give you that.

But...
No, no buts.
You got a good style.

There were a few too many
Similes in it for my taste,

But it had a little
Joseph mitchell thing going.

I'm surprised you even bothered
To read it.

Are you? Hmm.

So, who's it gonna be?

What?

Well, this shindig's
An obvious meat market.

I got the feeling your
Grandparents are expecting you

To choose someone
Tonight, so...

Oh, well...

Me -- pick me.

Pick me.Pick me.
Pick me.Pick me.

But I'm exotic.

So is the asian bird flu.

Wow, a roomful of guys
And still slim pickings.

Well, I don't know.
It's a pretty tough choice.

Maybe I should let my boyfriend
Help me choose.

You have a boyfriend?
I'm crushed.

Do richard and emily know
About this?
Yeah, they do.

They're trying to make sure
You got a backup?

No, they're just --
Oh, no, what time is it?

It's crying time.

8:45.

Dean is meeting me
At 8:30.

Where?
Here -- out front.

Dean --
Is this the boyfriend?

Yes.
Well, we got to see
This guy.

See the man who's won
Your heart, make sure
He's good enough.

Let's go, boys.

Whoo-hoo!

Coming?

[ laughter ]

Boy: oh, yeah!

Dean, hi. I'm sorry.
Have you been waiting long?

I didn't have a watch,
And we were in the pool house.

These are some friends.

They go to yale with me,
And they know my grandparents.

The party was so boring,
So we...

Is that a new shirt?
'cause I like it.

What am I doing here,
Rory?

You're picking me up.

I don't belong here --

Not anymore...

...Do I?

Dean...

You look good.

[ sniffles ]

* aahh-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

* a-la la la la la la la

* a-la la la la la

* aahh-aahh

* aahh-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

* a-la la la la la la la

You'll be okay.

[ crying ]

No, I won't.
[ sniffles ]

Okay, that's it.
Back to the pool house, men.

We have some serious bucking up
To do here.

I swiped some scotch.

I'll re-enact
"The passion of the christ."

[ laughter ]

Come on, ace.

Nothing ever seems
Quite as bad

After finn's
"Passion of the christ,"

Except finn's
"Passion of the christ."

[ chuckles ]

Man: dude's got a little bit
Of a spanking thing!

[ ringing ]

Woman: hello?

Hello.

Oh, you speak english.
Thank god.

Is emily gilmore there,
Please?

It's for you,
Mrs. Gilmore.

Hello?

Hi, mom, it's me.

Well, hello, lorelai.
How are you?

I'm fine. Can I talk to you
And dad for a minute?

Your father's paying
The caterers.

This will just take
A minute.

Could you maybe go in the study
On the speakerphone --

Seriously,
Just one minute?

All right, hold on.

All right,
We're both here.

Hello, lorelai.
What can we do for you?

I just wanted to touch base
With you

About this little party
You threw for rory tonight.

The party was not for rory.
It was for our yale alumni.

Oh, it was not.

It was a trick,
And you know it,

And I know it,
So let's just know it together.

What do you want,
Lorelai?

You lied to your granddaughter
Tonight.

You lied to a kid
Who trusted you.

It was a party.
It was a mating ritual.

What are you talking about?

All boys, mom?
Seriously, what is that about?

It's good for her
To interact with her peers.

Lorelai, rory is in a new phase
Of her life now,

And she needs to be exposed
To different things,

Different people --

That's all we were trying
To do.

She has a boyfriend.

Oh, so what?

So she has a boyfriend,

Which means she doesn't need
Another one.

She's 20 years old,
Lorelai.

She is not going to be
With that boy forever.

That's right, and when
She's ready to move on,

She'll have met
Some nice young man

Who will represent
The new phase in her life.

I am sure that dean
Is a very nice young man,

But he is certainly not
Good enough for rory.

That's right.

Now she is young, but
Young people need guidance,

And since you seem so little
Help in this department,

We have to step in.

Well, step on out again, because
This is none of your business.

Lorelai, I am tired,

And the caterers have caked
The floor with something sticky,

And I don't have time
For this.

We want more for her,
Period.

Now, obviously,
It's too late for you,

But it is not too late
For rory.

We are going to make sure
She has the life she deserves.

It doesn't matter
What you think of me.

Rory will choose her own path
In life,

And there's nothing either one
Of you can do about it.

I'm hanging up.
Well, me too.

[ beeps ]

[ sighs ]

[ tv blares ]

Bye!