All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S05E05 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Previously on gilmore girls.

You've been pining for me.

[ chuckles ]
I have not been pining.

What are you looking for?
A big, boring book.

Who is that?
It's luke?

It's pretty early in the morning
For luke to be there.

Unless, perhaps,
He woke up there.

Well, he did.

Well, we have
A new town selectman!

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't want to be selectman.

I like you zach.

I like you as more than
A band mate

And more than a friend,
Just thought you should know.

Your father is moving
Into the pool house.

So grandpa's actually
Living out here?

Looks like.
Do you think he's happy?

I do, I think he's happy out
Here with his books

And his special friend robert.

Hey, rory,

Do you have a boyfriend?

I don't know.

How's dean?

He's fine.

Okay, well, good.

Why did you say "How's dean?"
Like that?
Like what?

[ affected voice ]
"How's dean?"

I don't know, I think
I'm trying so hard

To make rory think I'm totally
Cool with the situation

That I end up sounding totally
Freaked out by the situation.

It's getting the word out
To the business community

That we're here --
That's the key.

We've got to draw them in

With the things they like --
Amenities.

What does a businessman want
When they travel?

Booze.
And hookers.
Anything else?

I think that covers it.

We got booze.
How do we get hookers?

How about a banner that reads
"Hoes up at the dragonfly"?

Or we tell them
Bill maher's here.

[ gasps ]
They'd come a-flocking.

Maybe we're in
Too silly a mood

To be discussing
Such serious stuff.

You think?

Jackson, what would you do

To lure more businessmen
To the dragonfly?

Besides inviting bill maher.

What do I look like,
The shell answer man?

Everybody's gotta have a piece
Of jackson.

He's got nothing left,
I tell you, nothing.

His town selectman duties
Are starting to wear on him.

That's why the fancy duds?

He's got functions every day
And meetings and hearings.

I try to work in a suicide, but
My schedule wouldn't allow it.

That sound's death to me.
[ cell phone rings ]

Don't answer it.

Could be a customer.

Hello?
Yes, mrs. Cassini.

I got the note
About the playground equipment.

Is that blood?
It's tomato.

It happens daily.
Disrobe.

You say your granddaughter
Fell off the ducky?

Oh, she fell off the piggy

And she whacked her arm
On the ducky.

Uh-huh.
I see.

The first thing I would do
Is question the horsy,

'cause he's right next to
The piggy

And is our most reliable
Witness.

No, there's nothing funny
About that, mrs. Cassini.

Nothing whatsoever.

Arms up, big boy.

No, a little girl being thrown
From a pink, spring-loaded,

Bobbling piggy toy
Is very serious business.

Yes, mrs. Cassini.

I don't think
That's gonna come out.

Poor guy.
He's only got two dress shirts.

Maybe a big old bloodstain
Will help him.

People will think there was
An assassination attempt

And be more sympathetic.

I do. I hear what you're saying,
Mrs. Cassini.

Yes, mrs. Cassini.

I'll talk to my parks
And recreation chairman

And get this solved.

I promise.
Goodbye, mrs. Cassini.

It's a goner.
I know how it feels.

I gotta go.
I got a kiwanis luncheon.

Have fun.

Before you go, I need
Your john hancock on that there.

I was just ordering
A ton of extra, you know,

Vegetables and stuff.

It's just to sign and confirm
That I'm ordering that stuff.

Hey, this is for those extra
Parking spaces you need.

It's selectman business.

Really?
Et tu, former friend?

I just need your signature.
It's your duty.

So impeach me.

I'll forge that for you.
Thanks.

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need
* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need
* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

So dickie hightails it
To his office

And e-mails me
Within seconds.

Dickie's the other you
At your office, right?

Well, there's no other me.

You know what I meant,
Grandpa.

Dickie and I share
Some duties.

We lunch occasionally,
Socialize a bit.

But he would cut my throat
In a heartbeat, as I would his.

It's like rikers island,
Except everyone drives a jag.

Well, dickie made a mistake.

He e-mailed me, thinking that
I wouldn't read it for days,

But I read it the minute
He sent it.

He figured my weekend starts
At lunch on fridays,

As so many others do --
Error followed by error.

That man needs to reread
His sun tzu.

Anyway, that's why I am missing
Friday night dinner.

Dickie and I are going to be
In the chicago office.

Well, send me a postcard.

I'm traveling much less,
But I don't miss it.

30 years ago,
Any chance I had to travel,

I jumped at, but now...

I'm talking a lot, aren't I?

No.

I mean, yes.
But it's good.

I don't want to be tiresome.

Grandpa,
You could never tire me.

This is fun.
Good.

My valet isn't much
Of a conversationalist.

He's the master
Of the monosyllable.

Although he can shine a shoe
With the best of them.

So, been reading
Anything good lately?

I'm very into p.G. Wodehouse
Right now.

Oh, that's great.
You?

Actually, I've had
A personal triumph of late.

Oh, yeah?
What?

I've just finished the sixth
And final volume

Of "The decline and fall
Of the roman empire."

That is a triumph.

I started it in 1968.

So it took only -- what? --
36 years to finish it.

But by god, I finished it.

Wow.
That's quite a commitment.

Well, I've had a little more
Time on my hands lately.

Not as many evenings out
As there once were.

Right.
Not as many.

You're still getting together
With your grandmother tonight?

Has she mentioned
Her car lately?

Her car?

It's due for its
Six-month service.

I don't know.
I'm happy to ask.

Oh, no.
That's too much trouble.

I'll have robert check
With her maid.
Okay.

He may have to use upwards of
Six syllables for this.

Couldn't you just ask her
Yourself, grandpa?

I mean, you're right there.

I don't want to be
An annoyance.

Okay.

But, grandpa --

Chicken's getting cold.

Right.

I saw the most preposterous
Thing on tv the other night.

It's been ages since I've just
Flipped through the channels,

And the horrors
To be discovered there.

Hey, what brings you here?

Caffeine withdrawal.
And I like looking at you.

To go?
To go.

Don't worry about it.

Luke, this is your business.

I've always paid,
And I always should pay.

Fine, but don't tip me.
Tipping now is weird.

Okay.
Besides, I can tip you later.

That was weird, too.

I'm a very awkward winker.

You're never supposed to
Tip me, anyway.

You're not supposed to tip
The proprietor,

Even when they serve you.

You mean all those years,
That extra 20% was unnecessary?

You never tipped me 20%.

Ooh.
Now it's getting ugly.

You were a solid 15 percenter,

Sometimes less
If the bill got higher.

Way less if you were mad at me
About something.

It doesn't matter.

I wasn't supposed to be
Tipping you, anyway.
True.

In fact, I want a rebate.
What?

You've been ripping me off
For ten years.

Have your lawyer call
My lawyer.

We still on
For tomorrow night?

Absolutely.
Talk to you later.

Bye.

Oh, hi, lorelai.

Hi, dean.

Um, good to bump into you.

Yeah, same here.

Um, you on your way
Back to work?

Yeah. You?

Yeah.
I'm going to doose's.

You were just at the inn.

Yeah, tom wanted me to sand
Some doors down.

They were getting
A little warped.

I saw you in the hallway there,
But you looked kind of busy.

Yeah, I-I saw you, too.

Oh.

So, how's our girl?

Rory?
Yeah.

Uh, she's good.

I saw her
Like three days ago,

Or a couple days ago.
But yeah, she's good.

Good. Well, I talked to her
This morning, so I win.

Not that it's a contest.

Right.

Well, I guess
I'll see you around.

Next time you're at the inn,
Find me.

We could have some coffee
And chew the fat.

Sounds like a disgusting
Combination, but come by.

I will. Sure.
Absolutely.

So have a good day.

You too.

[ doorbell rings ]

I'll get it, sara.

Hi, mom.

Come in, come in.

I'm sorry I'm late.
Traffic was bad.

Some moron coming out
Of stars hollow

Decided to go the speed limit,
Which is --

Ooh!
What the hell is that?

What does it look like?
It's a panic room.

Like jodie foster?

I have no idea.

But it's very small.

It's more like
An anxiety room.

It's for one person.
You could maybe squeeze two in.

When those two are done,
The next panickers get a turn?

It's primarily for me.

Why the foyer?

It was supposed to go upstairs,
But the boors who delivered it

Claimed they weren't told about
The stairs,

So they didn't have
The right equipment.

Hey, let's test it out.

I'm gonna get you.
Oh, my god.

You better get in there,
'cause I'm a bad guy.

Stop it.

I'm menacing.
Panic, damn it. Come on.

There's nothing funny
About this.

[ doorbell rings ]

Oh! Get in, quick!
Quick!

Stop it.

Hi, grandma.

So --
Hey, what's that?

I know how to protect you
From shrapnel and agent orange.

Ask me how.

It's a panic room.

Like jodie foster?

What does jodie foster
Have to do with this?

You need one for your dorm.
That's not a stupid thought.

It'll stop
A 9-millimeter shell.

Handy for when suge knight comes
For tea.

Why is it here?
It's a long story.

Let's have drinks and forget
About the panic room.

What'll you have?

Gin martini.
A soda with lime.

This little rinky-dink cart.
It has nothing.

Dad got the big one?

He stole it away in the dark
Of night, so I'm stranded.

I had our minister over,

And he had to go without
His whiskey sour.

I bet he excommunicated you
On the spot.

I've got vermouth,
But no gin.

Perfect.
Sara?

Yes, ma'am?

I need gin.
Check everywhere.

Including the bathtub.

Start with the pantry.

Yes, ma'am.

The main reason I got
The panic room

Is because I'm a woman
Living alone.

Let the record show I did not
Bring up the panic room.

Do you know
I've never lived alone?

I went from my parents' house
To college to richard.

But, grandma,
You're not alone alone.

Grandpa is only
A few feet away.

He might as well be
A million miles away.

I don't even know if your
Grandfather would look up

From his stamp collection
If he heard me scream.

That's not true.

Unless his nose got stuck
To the stamp

And he physically couldn't
Look up.

It happens.

He's gone so much,
He's no protection, anyway.

He just left on some business
Trip, and it's an afterthought

That he even bothered to
Tell me about.

But he told you,
So that's not an afterthought.

That's a very thoughtful
Thought.

I'm sure it was in some way
For his own convenience.

There's no gin anywhere,
Mrs. Gilmore.

Oh, perfect.
I'll check the bathtub now.

That was a joke, sara.

Lorelai, please don't joke
With the maids.

Sorry.
Check mr. Gilmore's study.

Yes, ma'am.

I should just call richard
Myself and make him tell me.

It's okay.
Mom doesn't need a martini.

I'll take what you got.

What's good enough for the
Minister is good enough for me.

Your hands are empty.

The door to the study
Is locked.

He locked the study?

Mom, really, I don't need gin.
I'll take whatever you have.

I don't have anything.
That's the problem.

I'm not going to let
Richard's business trip

Keep you from having the drink
You want.

Grandma, wait.

Should we really
Be doing this?

Oh, that he can live
In this squalor.

It's another calcutta.
Is that open sewage?

It certainly smells like a sewer
In here.

It's his cigars.
That's the smell.

It's more than cigars.
It's debauchery.

Dad mentioned he had
The barbi twins up here.

He and his butler have a little
"Auto focus" thing going on.

Well, the drink cart's
Over there, grandma.

We can grab the gin
And vamoose.

No, she's got vamoose, remember?
It's the gin we need.

He must have five packs
Of breath mints here.

Why would a man need five packs
Of breath mints?

It could be the gorgonzola
And onion diet he's on.

It has its drawbacks.

Grandma, I feel kind of weird
Snooping like this.

This is my property
As much as his,

And when we die, it'll be yours.

We're all entitled here.

He's got some new books.

Hey, my petunia pig plate
And spoon.

What's it doing here?

Odds and ends wound up out here
Over the years.

This is not an odd nor an end.
I'm taking it.

It's not yours to take.

Dad's not using my spoon.

I say take it.

Hey, mom, what are we carrying
Our booty home in?

Do you have a canvas bag
With a big dollar sign on it?

Just to remind you, the
Drink cart is right over here.

Oh, and I think I spot gin.
It's brown, right?

I love that you think that.
Looking for skeletons?

I'm just looking.

Oh, man. I spilled a ton
Of scotch on my skirt.

Who's not closing
These bottles?

Oh, my god.
Did you really find
A skeleton?

Gin -- it's clear,
It's in my hand,

And it looks good enough
For a minister.

Oh, my god.
Will you look at this?

Bright.
And tasteful.

It's a vest.
Grandpa has lots of vests.

It's got glitter.
It's a glitter vest.

So?

Where would your father wear
A vest like this?

Certainly nowhere
He ever would've taken me.

Grandma, it's just a vest.

There's tons of places
He would wear that.

Name one.
Okay, I'm at a loss.

This is insane.

This is the place where
Unwanted things came to repose.

Maybe it's a vest of his
From the old days.

Our days never included
Richard dressing up

Like that gay fellow
Whose tiger tried to eat him.

I have definitely,
Positively never seen this vest.

This is a party vest.

Just put it back, mom,
And let's go.
You put it back.

We've moved a lot of stuff.
We've got to cover our tracks.

Where did you find it?

In the middle,
As if he was hiding it from me.

Can you blame him?
It's hideous.

How dare he have a vest
Like that.

Okay, the mints looked something
Like this, right?

That devious man.

Come on, mom, let's go.

Mom, petunia pig.

Grab it.

I have never seen grandma
So singularly obsessed

About a piece of clothing.

Not since I wore my "Gas, grass,
Or ass -- no one rides for free"

T-shirt to the junior league
Spring tea.

Here we go.
Boysenberry pie with ice cream.

Hot fudge sundae.
Half a grapefruit.

I don't want a grapefruit.

It's good for you.
Kinda my point.

It's too late for her,
But not for you.

The service is very rude.
No tip for you.

In fact,
He owes us a lot of money

Because we weren't supposed to
Be tipping him all these years.

Customarily,
You do not have to tip

The proprietor
Of an establishment.

Why have we
Been tipping him?

We like him?
Oh, that.

Bring us some coffee,

And I promise this grapefruit
Will be eaten.

Okay.

How long is my nose?
Very.

What's with the scarfing?

I figured
Since it's still early

I'd stop by dean's new place
Real quick and say hi.

Is that okay?
Oh, yeah.

So he's out of the parents'?

He's sleeping
On his friend kyle's couch.

It's just temporary.

We could call him and have him
Meet us here if you want.

Really?
Yeah.

Plenty of pie, ice cream,
Grapefruit to go around.

If we twist his arm, I bet luke
Will throw in some raw spinach.

I don't think
It's a good idea.

So skip the spinach.
You know what I mean.

No. What?

It's been a little weird
Between you two.

No, it hasn't.

Mom.
I just ran into him today.

Didn't he tell you?

Yeah.
He said it was weird.

Well, then it was only weird
On his side,

'cause it wasn't on mine.

Hey, how about I come along
With you to kyle's?

He's back
From the navy, right?

We could all hang out
And hear his stories.

He could teach us
Some sea chanteys,

And I could tell dean
How not weird the situation is.

That's how unweird it is for me.
I'd do that.

No.
That'd be weird, too.

I don't like it this way.

I know.

We all used to get together

All the time for whatever
And hang out.

We had a great rhythm.

I like dean.
I've always liked dean.

He has a great heart.
I don't want it to be weird.

Neither do I.
Dean doesn't either.

Well, then,
What about tomorrow night?

Let's all hook up then.

All who?
All of us.

You know -- the gang --
The fearsome foursome.

How does that sound?
How does what sound?

Doing something with rory
Tomorrow night.

You don't have to.
That sounds great.

We can all do something
Together.

It's a great idea.

There's a ground swell
Of support.

Let's do it.
Okay, if you want.

Yeah, we want, right?
Yeah. We want.

Go run it past dean.

I'm sure I can persuade him.

Good.
Yeah, good.

I'll see you tomorrow night.

Okay.
See you tomorrow night.

Bye, luke.

Dean?
Rory's seeing dean?

You knew that.
No, I didn't.

Didn't I tell you?

No. Since when?

Since she got back
From europe.

Haven't you seen them
Walking around?

No. Were you hiding it?
No.

I wasn't sure
When they wanted people to know

Or how I should tell people

Without getting hammered
With a bunch of questions.

Was this before he left his wife
Or after?

Did -- did he leave her
For rory?

Like those.
Questions just like those.

Sorry, it's just, you know,
Dean and rory together again.

Well, you can back out
If you want.

I kind of
Shanghaied you there.

No.
We can do it.

I just have to wrap my mind
Around it.

Dean.
Dean.

All right.
Well, I'll be right back.

"G."

"G."

For four beats,
Back to "C" major to "A" minor.

"C" minor to "A."

Major.
"A" major.

A minor after "C" major,
Then it's back to "G."

Yo, kid flash, slow down.

I've got chops,
But I'm not les paul.

Follow the chart, zach.
You wrote it all down.

I can't look at the chart.
It's depressing.

How can a chord chart be
Depressing?

The title, "Brian's song."

It's a working title.

Well, it's bumming me out.

It's reminding me of
Billy dee williams and cancer.

I have to change a working
Title?

Then leave it if you don't mind
Bumming everybody out.

Or change it to "Lepers are fun"
Or "Kiss my scurvy."

Look. There.
"Brian's tune," okay?

Good working title there.

Okay.

From the "G," we go to --

Let's take five.
I gotta clear my head.

Okay.
Five minutes.

I'm gonna go water the lawn.
We're getting brown spots again.

Don't overwater.
That's not good for it, either.

So, how you doing, zach?

Comme ci, comme ca.

Anything new?

Went to the dentist.

Said I'm brushing too
Vigorously.

When you're a kid, they tell you
To really go at it.

Another lie fed
To our generation.

And now I'm paying
With eroding gums.

Want to see 'em?

I'm good.

So, anything else
On your mind?

Not really.

Want a drink or anything?

Nope.
I want for nothing.

[ doorbell rings ]

Hi, kyle.

Oh, hey, rory.
Come on in.

Thanks.

Welcome to casa kyle.

It's not the taj mahal,
But it's cozy.

You like dylan?

I think I better.

I listened to a lot of dylan
Out at sea.

He really spoke to me.
And you understood him?

[ laughs ]
Funny.

So you look good.

How you been doing?

Great.
Navy's been fantastic.

Bitchin' rehab,
So I'm up and running.

I can drive,
Type 60 words a minute.

You know what else?
No. What?

This thing is
A real chick magnet.

Yeah.
It's the captain hook thing.

Well, good for you.

Hey.
What are you doing here?

Bonus visit.

Oh.
I think I know what that means.

I'm gonna make myself scarce.

No, kyle.
It's okay.

We don't want to put you out.

I gotta make some calls.

Check my traps,
If you know what I mean.

Give a shot out to cindy
Or luene

Or maybe throw stacy
A little something.

He's been throwing it around
A lot lately.

Everybody loves
The bionic man.

[ cell phone rings ]

That's not me.
Mine plays "Superfreak."

Sorry.
It's me.

I'll leave you two
To play.

Hello?

Rory, listen, I like you,

And I want to be more
Than just friends with you.

What?

See?
You reacted.

That's what a person does
After someone says

That they like him or her,
But in my case, it's him.

Oh, we're talking zach here.

The inscrutable zach.
He's driving me crazy.

I gave him ample opportunity
To address the issue,

And all he talked about
Was his eroding gums.

Oh, sexy.

He's really getting on
My nerves, that guy.

Where are you, school?

No, I'm with dean.

He's staying with kyle.

How's his hook?

Apparently
It's a chick magnet.

Well, say hi to dean.

Hi from lane.
Hi, lane!

And call me back
When you're less distracted.

I will.
Keep me posted.

If there's anything to post.

Bye.
Bye.

So, tomorrow night.

Yeah.
What time?

Well, I can get here
Pretty early,

But I just wanted to talk about
Plans with you.

Sure.
What do you want to do?

How about we go on a double date
With my mom and luke?

A double date?

Yeah.

Won't that be awkward, weird,

And about 50 other things
Like that?

Mom and I already talked about
The issue, and it won't be.

It was mom's idea.

You're kidding.
No.

You're forgetting, we used to
Hang out all the time.

That was a long time ago.

Yeah, but we had fun.

I remember.

Well, so does mom.
Come on.

Okay.

Good.

I'm off.

I hate these short visits.

They're better than none,
Though.
I guess.

Don't leave on my account,
'cause I'm outta here.

A couple of my girls took
The bait.

I'm thinking about doing
A back-to-backer.

Well, I'm not leaving
On your account.

Tomorrow?
Tomorrow.

[ "Superfreak" plays ]

[ sighs ]
No rest for kyle.

Yeah?

Hey, cool.

Yeah, what are you doing
Around 11:30, baby?

[ laughs ]
All right.

So is meeting up at 6:30 cool?

Good with us.
What'd you have in mind?

I'll surprise you with it,

But it's a classic slate
Of activities.

So we're gonna t.P.
Taylor's house again?

I wanted it to be
A surprise.

Wait, hon.
Hold on a sec.

Okay.

Hello?

Lorelai, are you alone?
Why?

I'm going to give you
The code

To open the panic room
From the outside.

I don't want to do it
If you're not alone.

Just hanging out here
With my close friend tex watson.

This is not a joking matter.

Can I trust you
With this information?

Maybe you should give it to
Someone else, someone closer.

I can't trust a neighbor.

How about dad?

Your father wouldn't come
To my rescue if I was on fire.

Besides,
That vest of his is so loud

He wouldn't be able to
Hear me screaming.

Okay, mom.

Give me the code,
And I will keep the code safe.

Okay. Here goes.
Are you ready?

Pen is poised.

1, 1, 1...

1, 1.

Is that the code
It came with?

I don't know
How to change it.

The men were supposed to
Show me,

And now it's the code
I'm stuck with.

Did you write it down?

Barring an aneurysm,
I think I'll remember it.

Well, factor in an aneurysm
And write it down.

This is important.

Okay.
I'm writing it down.

1, 1, 1, 1, 1.

Don't say it out loud.

Our football team is so great.
We won, won, won, won, won.

Everything's a joke.

The man might have overheard.

I gotta get off the phone and
Chase him down and whack him.

Hide that number.

I will. Goodbye.
Goodbye.

I'm back.

That was mom giving me
The secret panic room code.

She should just give it
To grandpa.

I suggested that,
But she scoffed.

Those two should just divorce
And get it over with.

Don't say that.

I was just talking.

It's not funny.

This standoff between them
Isn't good for anybody.

Mom's getting more insane

And sharing the insanity with me
And everybody else.

Divorce is not the answer.

I can tell you for a fact
That grandpa is miserable.

He and jeeves seem very happy in
Their new modern relationship.

Grandpa misses grandma
Terribly.

Why?
He say something like that?

I just know.
How?

Yesterday, when we had lunch
On campus,

Grandpa told me
That he finished

"Decline and fall
Of the roman empire."

Hmm?
You see?

You want to de-mensa
The reference?

No one sits at home alone
Reading that book

Unless it's
A class assignment.

It just doesn't happen.

It's a honking long book.
It's clearly a cry for help.

You're very anti-intellectual.

He asked me if grandma
Had taken her car in

For its six-month service.

Hon, that's concern for her car,
Not for her.

No, that's concern about grandma
And her safety.

Why didn't you mention this
To mom?

Maybe she would have been less
Panicked about what he's doing

And the now-infamous
Glitter vest.

I don't want to open
A can of worms.

How would that open up
A can of worms?

I'd have to tell her
I had lunch with him,

A lunch I had previously
Not informed her of,

And that would have made her
Jealous and defensive.

The less you tell grandma,
The better.

By george,
I think she's got it.
What?

I have been trying to burn that
Into your brain

Since you were a baby,
But you stubbornly resisted.

Now a breakthrough.

So 6:30, you said?

By the gazebo.
Dress is cas.

I really, really, really hate

What's going on with grandma
And grandpa.

I know, hon,
But it's up to them to fix it.

I guess.

I'll see you tonight.

Okay.
See you tonight.

Bye-bye.

Lorelai?
This is a surprise.

Did we have an appointment?

Oh, no, I just stopped by to
Pick something up for mom.

Apparently she's not home.

She's at a d.A.R. Meeting.

She's always there
Mid-saturday afternoons.

You should know that.

Oh, yeah.
I guess I forgot.

Maybe one day the entire d.A.R.
Will go collectively wiggy

And meet on
A late saturday afternoon.

I doubt that.
Can I get you something?

Water, soda?
No, no, thanks.
I'm fine.

See you have your nose
In your proust.

Yes, have you read him?

Oh, I tried once.
Struck out.

Whoa.
That's a lot of certs.

You know how that is --

You pick one up,
You forget you have it.

You pick up another.
The cycle continues.

Kind of like me and men.

What?
I don't know.

Mom wasn't here,
So there was a vacuum.

Ah.
I'm sorry about the mess.

My man
Is with his sick mother,

And I'm kind of left
In the lurch here.

Ah, your lurch
Left you in the lurch.

Hey, is that
Where that's from?

You know,
Lurch on the "Addams family"?

'cause he would leave people
In the lurch?

I'm not familiar with
The etymology of lurch.

So lurch is away,
You're back from your trip.

Anything else
New with you?

Not that I can think of.

How have you been spending
Your time lately?

Anything new and fancy?

Not really.
I joined a barbershop quartet.

Aha!
What do you mean, "Aha"?

And what does
The barbershop quartet entail?

It's a musical group.
We dress up in outfits.

Aha!

Stop saying that.

What kind of outfits?

Well, old-timey period things.

Straw hats, vests?

That kind of thing.

And don't say "Aha" again.
It's loud.

Dad, have you talked
To mom lately?

Your mother has
Nothing to say to me.

That's not true.

I'm sure she'd be interested
In what you're doing,

Like the quartet thing.

Why?
Why?

You were together 40 years.

She couldn't care less
About what I do.

Dad, you're still her husband.

And if you're filling
Your nights with something,

I'm sure she'd be curious
What you're filling them with,

As you would be with her.

Just think about it, okay?

I'll tell robert to tell
Your mother you were here
When he gets back.

Bye.

When did the bathroom sink
Stop up?

It just happened.
I called the landlord.
He's on it.

'cause we've got rights.
This isn't russia.

Can I scoot in here?
Sure.

Don't brush too hard, dude.

I'd show you my gums,
But you'd puke.

What about flossing?
You mean the silent killer?

It's a rope of destruction.

Nothing's safe anymore.
Gentle little strokes.

We still lack
Basic necessities, man.

We've gotta get a plunger.
Yeah.

Wanna go today?
Huh?

To get a plunger?

I know a store
That sells 'em used.

Zach?
Yeah?

I've changed my mind.
Huh?

I've changed my mind.
I'm taking it back.

Taking what back?
I have no feelings for you.

I was confused before,
But not anymore.

We're roommates and bandmates,
And that's it,

And that's all
It'll ever be.

Is that them?
Yeah,
That's stretch and skinny.

Oh, man, he's wearing
Nice slacks.

I don't think so.

They're creased.
That equals nice?

I hate that.

It's hard enough
Getting dressed for a date.

When you're gonna
Double with people,

It's like dressing
For four.

Well, be thankful you're not
Wearing your penguin outfit.

Then you really would have
Been out of place.

This is so
Not a slacks evening.

Please stop saying slacks.
That word is creepy.
Sorry.

And don't mention
The "S" word to them, okay?

Dean is going to be
Uncomfortable enough as it is.

We don't want him to think
That we're judging him,

Or that you're inordinately
Interested in his pants.

Hi, hi.

Hi.

Dean.

Hi.
Hi.

Oh, hi.

Wow, this is
Going to be fun.

Yeah, absolutely.
How you doing, buddy?

Yeah, good.
How you doing?

Too bad you weren't
Holding a trophy.

That would have made
A great picture.

So what's on the agenda?

We grab some takeout
Then hit the black, white,
And red movie theater.

Cool.
I miss that place.
It's been forever.

They're playing a great movie
Tonight. "Cool hand luke."

Not too shabby.

Let's go get the food.

Well, good timing.
No line at jojo's.

Let's just get the stuff
At my place.
Why?

Same kind of food,
But better.

Yours is way better.

That's why we're
Going to jojo's.
What?

Allow me.
Take it.

We always do jojo's
On b.W.R. Nights.

That's short for black, white,
And red movie theater.

I'm following it.

Because your stuff is good and
Has to be eaten pretty quickly.

If it sits around,
It starts to suck.

That's true of all food.

Ah, but not jojo's.

Jojo's sucks to begin with,

So it's no worse
When you eat it later.

It's a relativity thing.
Einstein and whatnot.

The secret is jojo's chili.
The chili acts as a seal.

Jojo's burgers
Could travel to china,

And they'd still be
Just as good.

Because they start off bad.
Get it?

Not really.
Good, then let's go.

Plus, jojo's is cheaper.

'cause it sucks.
I'm just saying.

Jojo is going to be so excited
To be making a sale.

Hello?

Are they open?
The sign said they were.

Hello?
I have a gun!

Chill out, kirk.
We're here for the movie.

You were supposed to
Pay out front.
You weren't out front.

Here's $20.
That's too much.

Keep the change.

You can get in 16 more people
For that.

Put it towards
The popcorn.

Let's sit.
Yes, yes.

Ooh, let's take big red.

Yes, big red.

That's the name
For the couch.

Yeah, thanks.
I kind of caught onto that.

Oh, sorry.
No, no, no you go.

That's okay.
No, that's fine.

It's the same
Down here.

Cool, we have
A short feature to start.

"The katzenjammer kids
Try to sit on the couch."

Whoa,
I love the emptiness.

Yeah, means we can talk
During the movie.

Would people being here
Have stopped you?

We would have hesitated
Ever so slightly.

Food, food!

Hello, everybody,

And welcome to the black,
White, and red theater.

How are we all doing tonight?

Good, kirk.
How are you?

Good, I'm kirk.

I'm very proud to announce that
Tonight's feature presentation

Is the classic
"Cool hand luke."

[ cheering ]

But I'm deeply sorry to report

That the first reel
Of the movie

Inexplicably caught fire
Earlier this evening.

Oh, no!
That's what happens

When richard pryor is
Your projectionist.

I can still show you the film,

But you'd miss
The first 25 minutes.

I'd be happy to recap
What you'd miss,

Or even act it out for you.

I must say,
I do a wicked george kennedy.

What do you think?
First 25 minutes
Are pretty important.

I agree.
But having kirk reenact things
Can be pretty disturbing.

He totally ruined
"Last tango in paris" for me.

What are our options
In place of "Cool hand," kirk?

I can offer you anything from
The theater's library of films.
What have you got?

A series of graphically violent
Driver's education films

Or "The adventures
Of pippi longstocking."

Pippi!
Yay!

Pippi!
"Annika, it's pippi!"

"Pippi longstocking" it is.
Enjoy your film.

How long has it been since
We've seen "Pippi longstocking?"
Too long.

That's gotta be one of
Our most watched films ever.
Oh, it's up there.

I've seen it at least
Three times with you two.

Isn't it some kind
Of kids movie?

Wait a minute.
Have you never seen this movie?

Never.
We got us a "Pippi" virgin.

I didn't think
There were any left.

And it's not a kids movie.

It's a classic of surrealism.
And bizarre cinematography.

And atonal singing.
And forced acting.

* freckles on her nose,
Diddle diddle dee *

* a girl came riding
Into town one day *

* diddle diddle dee,
Was quite a sight *

* it's pippi longstocking

* he ho ho ah he ha ha

* it's pippi longstocking

* there's no one like her

* happy as can be

* diddle diddle dippy,
Tells you stories *

* you just wait and see,
Tra la la la la *

What happened to her hair?

She's between stylists now.
It's very awkward.

Unbelievable.

* a monkey and a horse

* a suitcase
Full of golden coins *

You okay?

Yeah, yeah.
Of course.

Pippi:
Of course I will.

I'll behave just like
A fine lady.

Not a bad effect.

I don't think george lucas is
Shaking in his boots, though.

I've always wanted to lift an
Immense quadruped over my head.

Shh.

What?
I can't hear anything.

Oh.
I'll speak up.

Not you -- the movie.

Why do you wear
Such large shoes?

I love wiggling my toes,
And I need plenty of room.

[ laughing ]
Hey, look at her.

I still don't understand
Why every merchant in town

Takes her gold coins
As payment

Without questioning
Where she got them.

Her father's
A cannibal king.

Everyone knows
They're lousy with gold.

This was a book, right?
I should get the book.

Hey, you want to pass
The popcorn there, buddy?

Oh, yeah.
Sorry.

Oh, hey, we're below
Quarter full with the tub.

You guys wanna fetch
A refill?

Sure.
And drinks.

Thanks, rory.

[ clears throat ]
Kirk?

Kirk?
Yo.
Hey, lulu.

Hi, rory.
Hi, dean.

Hi.
We're needing more popcorn.

Coming up.

Hold that thought.

I will.

Boy, "Pippi"'s
A great make-out movie.

Much better
Than "Blood on the highway"

Or "That's
My daughter's head."

Hey, cool hand?
Hmm?

Try to drop the 'tude.

What 'tude?

You practically barked at dean
To pass the popcorn.

I didn't bark at him.
Besides, he was hogging it.

Mm-hmm. Say "Popcorn"
More nicely, please.

I'll try.
Good.

Does he have to
Be all over her like that?

Who? Kirk?
It's healthy for him.

His complexion
Has never been better.

Dean.

All they were doing
Was holding hands.

Yeah.
It was that innocent.

Unless he has a third hand,

He wasn't holding anything he
Wasn't supposed to be holding.

And the way he grabbed
That drink from her

And started slurping
On it.

She gave it to him to drink.
Come on, chill.

For me. And for rory.
It's important.

I said I will, and I will.

Thanks, guys.
Mm-hmm.

Thank you, dean.
No problem.

...Your eyes are bigger
Than your tummy,

And I don't want you
To get sick.

Now sit over here
With tommy and annika...

Hi, zach.

I got something to say.
Okay.

You've known me
For two years.

You've seen the good
And the bad.

Oh, yeah!

I mean, yes.

You probably know me

Better than most people,
Including my parents.

Neither of them
Have seen me cry

During "Dances with wolves,"
And you have.

What's this about, zach?

You, of all people,
Know that it takes me a while

To process things, okay?

You saw how long it took me

To get that chord change
In "Brian's tune."

It was a tricky chord change.
It wasn't your fault.

Whatever.
It's just the way it is.

Now, I may not be fast,

But that's what
We're dealing with here.

And this issue with me and you

Is going to take longer
Than a chord change, okay?

Sure.

I hope you weren't expecting

An "Officer and a gentleman"
Kind of thing when I came in.

I was not expecting that.

Good.
So we clear?

Yes.
Good.

You want something to eat?
Yes.

Name it.
Give me a minute, okay?

Sorry. Sure.
Take a minute.

Did she own that house
She lived in

Before she rode the horse
Into town,

Or did she buy it
With her gold coins?

That's a good question.

Oh, yeah, I see a prequel
In the works.

"The adventures
Of pippi in escrow."

I'd go see it.

So, beverages.
Shout 'em out.

Water.
Beer.

Beer sounds good.

[ chuckles ]

Oh, you're serious.
You want a beer?

Yeah.
Yeah, okay.

Bring him a beer.
He's not driving...Or 21.

Fine.
I won't have a beer.

No, buddy, go ahead.
Have a beer.

You're tall.
You've got slacks.

You can have one.

I don't want one anymore.

Can I substitute
Something for you?

Water, I guess.

Put some barley and hops in it.
No one's judging here.

Water.
We have good water here,
Right?

Oh, yeah -- and I'll bring out
A couple of extra beers,

And those who want them
Can grab them as need be.

Just keep an eye on rory,

Or she'll grab them
All for herself.

I'll try to refrain.
Need help?

No, you stay, entertain.
I'll be right back.

Hey, remember when you guys were
On a softball team together?

It was just
A pickup game.

But you guys played
A neighboring town, right?

I forget which one.
Um...

But I do remember that you guys
Did stars hollow proud.

In fact, I think
It's probably the best team

Stars hollow has ever thrown.

Or however you would word
That phrase I attempted

In the proper
Softball vernacular.

Yeah, well,
I haven't played in awhile.

Same here.

Dum de
Dum dum dum.

What's that?
A song?

No, it's just
Dum de dum dum.

Okay.
Well, here are the beverages.

Thanks.
Thanks.

I'll be right back.

Where are you going?

It's time to bring out
The bop it.

[ gasps ] Bop it!
Yes, yes!

Good idea.

Hey, look what I found.
Bop it!

Who wants to play?
I want to play!

Let's all play.
You guys know how to play?

I've played it here before.

Yeah, he has.
Yeah, I remember.

Hey, cool hand.

What is it?

Oh, well...

Each guy holds
One of the handles.

And you start up, and then
You do whatever it says.

You twist it or pull it or bop
It until one of you's out.

Watch.

I'll be yellow.
You be green.

Twist it.

Pull it.

Bop it.

Yellow.
Flick it.

Ow!

Okay, you try it.

Come on.

It looks like luke is green,
And dean is yellow.

We've got ourselves
A contest here.
Yep.

You wanna do
A practice run?

It's not
That complicated.

Okay.
Here we go.

Twist it.

Spin it.

Pull it.

Pull it.

Flick it.

Don't hurt the bop it, guys.
It's got feelings too.

Pull it.

Bop it.
Looks like
It's a draw.

Good going, guys.
Why don't you take a break?

Green.
Twist it.

Twist it.
Twist it.

Bop it.
Ow!

Yeah! In your face!
In your face!

Fine. You won.
I hammered you, buddy.

It's just a stupid game.

Says the loser.

I gotta go.

Already?
Yeah, it's getting late.

Thank you, lorelai.
Thanks for everything.

You're welcome, dean.
Anytime.

I'll call you later.

Okay.
Yeah, call me.

Thanks a lot.
What did I do?

Rory...
We shouldn't have
Gone out like this

If people didn't want to.

No, rory, I wanted to.
You made no effort.

I did.
I swear.

Look, we can
Talk about this later.

He had some sort of chip
On his shoulder.

Oh, come on, luke.

You're the reason we had to
Pull out the bop it.

What?
Bop it's what we bring out
For social gatherings

That need mouth to mouth.

I'm going back to school.
Rory, wait.

I feel awful here.

No, it's okay.
Whatever.

Bye, mom.

Bye, honey.
Drive safely.

Yeah, drive safe.

[ sighs ]

I feel awful.

Well, it's --
You know, it's my fault.

I forced this.
It's not your fault.

I shouldn't have said yes
To a double date.

Well, I wanted to do this.

But I can't be around
That guy.

I knew that,
And I said yes anyway.

Why can't you be around him?

Because he's not good
For her.

Luke...
He's not.
He's not right for her.

You're made at dean
From years past.

What's past is past.
They're a couple now.

Do you even remember
Why you're mad at him?

He's a punk.
That's what I remember.

Just look at his history.
He broke her heart before.

Their problems were mutual.
You don't know the whole story.

He got married
And bailed out

Before the honeymoon
Was even over.

When you're young,
You make mistakes.

He was pining for rory,
And he got married.

That's unstable.

He's 19.
Give him a break.

He doesn't know what he wants.
He's proven that.

How can rory trust him now?

Matters of the heart
Are not science.

There are no sure things.

He's not good enough for her.

Well, who is?
Jess?

No, not jess.
A prince, maybe.

One that's in line
To be king.

Not one of those

Waiting-for-a-brother-to-die
Ones, but a real one.

If not a prince, someone
Who's gonna be good for her.

You know,
Rory is like pippi.

Pippi?

She can have adventures
And be free, she's smart.

The whole world's
Waiting for her.

You're comparing rory
To pippi longstocking?

Pippi is strong
And independent.

She can lift a horse
Above her head.

Uh-huh. And beat up bullies
And build a hot-air balloon.

She's unique, like rory.

But I guarantee you,
If pippi had met dean,

There would be no horse,
No balloons.

He'd drag her down to his level,
Spend all her gold coins,

And poof, like that,
All her dreams would be gone.

It's rory's choice who
She chooses to be with.

Not yours, not mine.

Does it feel right to you?

Are you okay with
This rory-and-dean thing?

I just need this to work.

Look at me.

Not stopping till he's upset
Every person

That means anything in
The world to him in one night.

You want a beer?
Yes.

[ sighs ]

Maybe if I brought out
The twister.

Maybe.

[ door closes ]

Who is it?

I hope this isn't
A bad time.

No, I was just catching up
On some correspondence.

I just wanted to
Let you know

That our property tax bill
Is wrong this year.

I'm contesting it.

In case they call here,
I wanted to let you know.

Fine.
Thank you.

You're welcome.

Oh, and I've joined
A barbershop quartet.

Oh.
Yeah, we do it up right.

Dress in period costumes.

These silly vests
And things.

We've performed a couple of
Times at charity events.

All right.

It's part of
A barbershop chorus.

That's a group of about 30.

Very good.

I guess I'll be going.

I bought a panic room.

Very good.

Hey.
Hi.

Well, I guess that was
A bust, huh?

Sorry.

Maybe it was too soon.

Your mom was real nice.
She was great.

Thank her for me, okay?
I will.

It was fun for a while there,
Though, wasn't it?

Yeah.

The movie was.
It was real fun.

Like the old days.

Like the old days.

I'd invite you over,

But kyle's entertaining
Some buddies.

I should go anyway.

Want a ride?

I'm almost there.

Okay. Kiss.

Bye.

Bye.