All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S05E02 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Previously
On "Gilmore girls"...

You're kissing luke?!
You're with luke!

I'm fine if you want to
Just forget it ever happened.

I don't want to forget.
It was a great kiss.

Lorelai, rory...

Richard and I
Have separated.

I am going to europe,
Richard,

And I'm going to have
A marvelous time.

I love you, rory.

I love you, too, dean.

You know what you're doing.

I do know what I'm doing.

He I married.

Are you mad at me?

No.

Rory, my offer to you
Still stands.

What offer?

To escort you
Around europe this summer.

Sure.
Grandma, I'd love to.

Lorelai,
I'm going to use your phone.

You do want to go?
How come?

I want to go
So I can get away from you!

Luke: hey, it's me.

Listen, I got a call
From my sister and t.J.

They're up in maine, and they
Got into a little accident.

So, anyhow, they can't run
The renaissance faire booth

For a couple of weeks,
So I'm on my way to maine.

Just don't change your mind
Until I get back.

If you need to talk about
Anything, just please call me.

Okay.

Morning, al. Morning, fred.
Morning, sam.

Cider mill's
Opening saturday.

Big parade and free cider
For one and all.

Thank you.

Cider mill's
Opening saturday.

Big parade and free cider
For one and all.

Thank you.

Keep it going, kids.
You're red, you're delicious.

You're about to have
The juice sucked out of you.

There she is --
Our spunky entrepreneur.

I am the
Uber-trump-murdoch-maximus.

Oop. Apple down.
Apple down. Apple down!

Hold it, everybody! Apple down!
Okay, roll her over.

Have a nice day.

Big parade,
Free cider for one and all.

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

And two eggs over easy.
Just be a couple minutes.

Caesar, order.

Since they were both
Actually royalty,

Their child would have a real
Claim to the judean throne,

So mary magdalene goes to gaul
To have the kid.

She's also supposed to run
The church after his death,

But that's not
What peter wants.

But all that got covered up
Later by constantine

After the council of nicea
Purged the christian --

Oh, my god! Will you stop
Talking about this!

This is, like, the number-one
Book in the country.

Well, it's my
Number-one bummer.

Okay, guys,
What'll you have?

Burger for me -- nothing healthy
On it, extra cheese --

And, of course,
An order of...Wink-winkers.

You don't have
To call them that.

Just want
To make myself clear.

I told you guys
I'd throw you free fries --

Not a big deal since
They're usually the ones

We wind up throwing out anyway
From making too many,

Which means you don't have
To call them wink-winkers

Or nudge-nudgies
Or know-what-I-meanies

Or anything else in verbal code,
Especially if it's cute-cutesy.

I will abide by that.

Brian?

Same thing --
Burger and fries.

Dude, that's cute-cutesy.

She said not to be
Verbally cute-cutesy.

It was a blanket
Moratorium

On anything cutesy
Concerning the fries.

I'll be back.

Cokes, too.

Better get my money ready.

That's not embarrassing.

Hi, lane.

Lorelai, hi.
Would you like your usual to go?

Yes, and quick-quick,
Please.

You know, people
Are calling you "The blur."

That's mean. Or is it?
What is that?

You're not around, and you're
Always running -- swoosh, blur.

That's business. If you
Slow down, they might catch up.

Still no luke, huh?

Liz and t.J. Are still
Not back up on their feet.

Luke's calling
The renaissance faire

His "Vietnam without
All the fun shooting."

Oh, poor guy.

I made it extra strong.

It should blacken your teeth
And rot your stomach.

Bless you.

All from rory.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Just being nosey.

No, go ahead, read.

I'm sure it's stuff
She already told you.

Yeah, probably.

You are ready to whoosh.

The blur is off.

And don't overtip.

Try and stop me.

Hey, guys.

Hey, lorelai.
Get yourself a wink-winker?

What?

Please erase this
From your brain.

I will definitely try.

Liz: I'm telling you,
I was going crazy.

I was in pain
For six weeks.

It was fractured
In three places.

That's why it took
So long to heal.

But thank god
For my big brother.

[ women giggling ]

Morning, lucas.

Hey, henry.
How's your beard?

[ laughs ] You always ask that,
And I always laugh.

Well, it's our thing.

Hey, come here.
Got some dish.

You know hay bale bill, the guy
That totes the hay bales?

I seen him around.

Got caught in a tent last night
With annie from the grog booth.

Isn't she engaged
To the fruit-ice guy?

Yeah, and the fruit-ice guy
Comes back,

And there's annie
And hay bale,

So he tears
The tent to pieces.

Now the grog people
Have to hide her.

They set up a fort
Made out of kegs.

Crazy stuff.
I'll keep you posted.

All right.
See you later.

Luke?

What, t.J.?

You're putting the pewter
Next to the turquoise?

Looks like it.

We don't usually put the pewter
Next to the turquoise.

Well, I'm a maverick.

Mm-hmm.

[ slurps ]

Ahh.

Might be why the pewter
Ain't moving.

Pewter's moving
Just fine, t.J.

Excuse me?

Oh, hi, there.
Can I help you?

Yeah. I'm looking for
The shakespeare stage.

Okay, uh, you walk past
The calumba booth,

Veer right
At the drinking horns,

Then left
At the antler ark.

Thank you.
Mm-hmm.

Luke?
What, t.J.?

You didn't use the approved
Faire language

With that customer.

Maverick -- me.
Don't forget that.

There's undercover faire
Officials walking around.

They look for
That kind of stuff.

They should get real jobs.

Would it kill you to shoot her
A good-morrow?

Look, t.J. --

[ baseball announcer
On television ]

I don't believe it.
I know.
The yanks went with mussina.

They should have gone
With brown.

You're watching tv!
I'm not ready for my nap.

You're milking it.
I'm convalescing.

And you're milking me.
But no more.

Find some help, get a crutch,
Because by week's end, I'm gone.

Liz, you hearing this?

What? I'm sorry. I was listening
To my deepak chopra.

I got things to do.

I got a business,
Hopefully a life.

Uh, prithee, you jest, good sir,
And leave us short of hand?

I ain't jesting.
But my arm!

Had no trouble reaching into
A tub of caramel corn last night

While you were scratching
Yourself with the other.

Your dexterity's fine.

T.J., it's time
For him to go.

So, you're gonna
Break up the team?

I'm not good to you.
I'm not moving the pewter.

Don't want you to get in trouble
With the undercover squad.

And here we are --
Room 518.

A beautiful room -- very special
For you, mrs. Gilmore.

It's nice.
It's hot.

I will adjust the air for you.
No problem on my end.

It's a spectacular view.
Very nice.

A little balcony there.

It's different.
Something is different?

The view --
It's different.

Wow.
It's pretty spectacular.

It's not the same.

It's the same room you had
Two years ago, signora -- 518.

The ruins --
They used to be closer.

Something move?
I don't think so.

That pillar
Is in a different place.

I think the ruins are probably
Where they've been

For the past 2,000 years,
Grandma.

We can get you another room,
Signora. No problem.

No, no, it's fine.

Smokers.

I despise smokers.

Rory, I told you before,
You do not move luggage.

Yes, yes, please.
We will do that.

Sorry.
Your high tea is still
At the same time?

Si, signora.
We'll need to book
Some private tours --

The vatican,
The villa medici.

And private --
Just the two of us.

The concierge in florence
Stuck us with a belgian couple

At the uffizi who didn't know
A fresco from a ferret hole.

And the ruins, of course.

Make sure the guide's
Not too dry.

So different.

The hanging bags should be hung,
Not laid on the bed.

Excuse me. How far away
Are we from the catacombs?

Close, but your grandmother
Would not like the catacombs.

Bones disturb her.

It's for me.

My grandmother
Usually takes a nap,

So I go off
And do my own thing.

Ah, yes, a nap.

We need two more pillows.

I will see to it.

Anything else I can do?

That should do it.
Thank you, luciano.

Thank you very much.

Grazie mille. Buona notte.
Good evening. Thank you.

Let's sit down
And pick our restaurants.

That's three nights --

That's three lunches
And three dinners.

We'll take our usual passeggiata
Around the piazza navana,

But let's pick
The restaurants.

Do you want to pick them
Before your nap or after?

I'm skipping my nap today.

Oh, really?

Absolutely.
I'm not the least bit tired.

Oh, good.

Couldn't hide it
Any better than that, huh?

Hide what?

I don't take my nap, you don't
Get to go out on your own.

Oh...[ scoffs ]

Grandma,
I wasn't thinking that.

Well, I was kidding.
I'm exhausted.

I'm not sure I'll even
Make it to the bedroom.

I may just drop down here
On the carpet.

Thank you, grandma. It's all
Cultural stuff, I promise.

Just kind of faster
And funkier.

Well, go enjoy your funk.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Say, when was the last time
We called your mother?

Not sure.

Have we called her
This week?
I think you did.

We'll call
When you come back.
Okay. Bye.

Bye-bye.

* la la la la la la la la

Morning.

Rob: morning.

Rob, I want to keep these
Brochures neat in the rack here.

Otherwise,
It gives the place

That "We'll leave the light on
For you" feel

That we're desperately
Trying to avoid.

That is, if we ultimately decide
That we don't mind

Having brochures
Here in the lobby.

The jury's still out
On that.

You know what?
Jury's back. Brochures are out.

I'll just take this
In the office and...

Michel...
Good morning.

Um, what are you doing?
Hiding.

From me?
No.

My hiding is not costing
The inn any income.

In fact,
I'm overdue for my 10.

So consider this my 10,
And you are conducting business

With an employee
Who is officially on his 10,

Which is in direct violation
Of union rules.

You're not in a union.
I'm in a union
Of oppressed frenchmen.

Oh, the u.O.F. -- got it.
All right. Carry on.

[ sighs ]

Oh, hey, there is a spot
On the floor over here

That the vacuum
Never quite reaches.

Let's make sure it does.
Thank you.

Hi. It's the krumholtzes.
How are you doing today?

Great.
Are you always here?

I give that illusion.
So, what's on the agenda today?

Mike and I would love
To hit some antique stores.

We can guide you
To the best of them.

But the kids would love
To stay here.

You got games and books, and
They'd be bored stiff with us.

They can absolutely stay here.
There's always people around.

Is michel going to be here?
Yes.

Oh, good.
He is their favorite.

Michel? Have they met michel?
Have you met michel?

He's funny!
They love him.

He chases them around and shouts
And pretends to be mad,

And they laugh and laugh.

Well, michel is here,

And I'm sure he would be happy
To look after you guys

While your parents are gone.

In fact, he's playing
Hide-and-seek right now,

And if you go over
To the reception area,

I guarantee you'll be getting
Warm, warmer, hot.

Goodie!

Have a good day.

Morning!

Who needs coffee?

Oh, I'll get you some coffee
Right there.

Oh, hey,
When sookie gets in,

Tell her I want to go over
The layout for the dinner menu.

I want to go another way.
I'll be in my office.

Thank you.

Hey, you found him.
Good job, krumholtzes.

He grounded us and told us
To go do something to ourselves.

He used a dirty word.

And I'm destined
To use many more.

No, you're not.
Come here.

It is not my job
To entertain little people.

Michel, the krumholtzes
Are in our most expensive room.

We need people like them
To be happy

So they tell other people
Like them they were happy.

Because we are a new business,
And we all have to go

Above and beyond the call of
Duty until we are established.

So you watch them.
I hate kids.

This isn't fair.

You're a profit
Participant.

Happy krumholtzes equal
Lots of profits, participant.

Who wants to play
Some insipid board game with me?

We want to play
An insipid board game!

Yeah!
[ cellular phone rings ]

Hello?

Lorelai, it's your mother!
I'm calling from rome!

The line is crystal clear.
You don't have to yell.

Sorry -- I still think
Transcontinental calls

Are a bigger deal
Than they are.

You're coming in fine.
So, rome?

Our last stop, and a good thing,
Too, because I don't know

How long I can keep
These randy european men off me.

Excuse me?

They're terrible flirts here.
Gorgeous, but so forward.

Do you want to talk to rory?

Oh, um, sure.
Is she there?

Yes, she is.
Hang on. Rory!

Hello?
Hi.

Hi.

So, rome?
Yep.

Weather good?

Hot in the day,
Cooler at night.

That's kind of what
We're having here.

Huh.

Coinky-dink.

Yeah. So...

So...

Um, I guess I'll be seeing you
In a couple of days.

Yep.

Great, then. Be safe, and watch
Out for those italian men,

Especially
The ones named randy.

I will. Bye.

Bye.

Didn't look like a quarter
Would bounce off it.

Got to have
Those bouncing quarters.

I think the pink purse with
The gold clasp is my favorite.

We probably could have gotten
All this stuff at home.

Now we have to pay
Duty on them.

But if you buy them
Back in the states,

Then you can't say,
"I picked this up in rome."

Buon giorno. Hello.
May I help you, please?

Buon giorno.
[ speaking italian ]

Ah, la bellissima signora
Parlo italiano molto bene.

Grazie.

He called me "Pretty lady."
It just never stops.

You got the gams,
Grandma.

[ conversing in italian ]

Rory?

Rory?
Huh?

What do you want?

Oh. A triple espresso.

[ speaking italian ]

[ speaking italian ]

Si, signora.

[ chuckles ]
He won't stop.

[ speaking italian ]

[ laughing ]

We've got five original songs
Ready to play live.

A 40-minute gig

Means we can fill it out
With six or seven covers.

Problem. Our covers are tight
And people dig 'em.

We play
"Fell in love with a girl"

As good
As the white stripes,

So how is one of our originals
Gonna stack up coming after it?

Play all our originals up top,
Then close with our covers.

That's asymmetrical,
And we could lose our audience

If we play a bunch
Of originals in a row.

Our covers
Are just too good.

I say we cut any cover song
That overpowers our originals.

So no "Suffragette city."
And no white stripes.

"Lithium" is gone,
The radiohead, both pixies.

No dandy warhols.
Or velvet underground.

Wait, guys. You're cutting
Every good cover song we play.

But maybe that's the key.

Yeah, yeah -- if we play
Nothing but crappy covers,

Our originals
Will stand out.

Brilliant.

Anything by men at work.
Or chicago, wings.

Styx.
Culture club.

We throw in a quarterflash,

They'll be eating
Out of our hands.

This is just kooky.

I say we reconvene tonight
And figure it out then.

I got to get to work.
I'll see you
At home tonight.

I'll get you
Some more water?

[ bells jingle ]

Well, hello.

Hey, there.
Hi, zach.

Trina, how you doing?

Cheryl, come on.
Shoot me some.

Come this way.

You sit there.
I want you to sit right here.

It's your turn.

Really?

That fact has not changed since
You said it 10 seconds ago?

[ both giggle ]

If you lose,
Will you do that thing

Where you pretend to get all mad
And you hit the board

And send the marbles
Flying all around?

Yeah!
I am not going to lose.

Hi, kids. Michel, do we have
Any double-a batteries?

How can a man play
Chinese checkers

With all these
Interruptions?

They're still
Not vacuuming that spot.

It's your turn.

Redundant little rodent.
Michel, the batteries?

In the office -- far-right
Drawer of the credenza.

Damn!

Is where water is stored
To power electrical facilities.

It's your turn again.

Why are the dining room tables
Always, always out of place?

[ sighs ]

Lorelai.

Excuse me.

Okay, okay.
Table's perfect now.

Who keeps moving them
Out of place? I want a name.

Uh, cruel, sadistic
Table fairies?

Come into the pantry
With me.

I can give you a minute.
That's it.

Ooh.

I've been trying to figure out
A way to bring this up --

What's that?
I cleared a plate.

You don't clear plates.

The plate was empty,
So I grabbed it.

Give me the plate.
You've gone nutty!

What?!
Now you're mad.
I hate making you mad.

I have the worst
People skills.
I'm not mad or nutty.

But you are,
And you have been for weeks.

The nutty don't usually know
That they're nutty,

Thus the nutty.

Sookie, I'm very busy.
Doing other people's work.

I am not.
It's your job to change sheets,
Fluff pillows?

No.
Brush the horses, fold
The points on the toilet paper?

We're breaking in new people.
I'm picking up the slack.

I'm new? Michel's new?
I'm not doing your jobs.

Two weeks ago, I come in,
And my refrigerator,

Which is sorted
By a system

That I have honed
For 10 straight years,

Is completely rearranged.

The beets are on the top.

The vegetables
Are on the bottom.

It's "Apocalypse now,"
Baby!

I yelled at the staff,
But now I know.

It was you.

It was messy.

It was my messy.

I couldn't find anything
In there for days.

I kept reaching in
For strawberries

And coming up with liver --
That's not pleasant.

I promise not to touch
The fridge again.

You're yelling at the employees.
You never yelled before.

I'm yelling?
And you've got to go home
Once in a while.

We're a new business.
It's time-consuming.

How many times have you
Fallen asleep at your desk?

Once.
No.

Once, you fell asleep
On a stapler.

The whole next day,
You had "Swingline"

Printed backwards
Across your face.

But you've fallen asleep
At that desk a hundred times.

I'm here when I'm here.
I can't change that. I'm sorry.

Want to know the last time
I saw staff and maids

Looking this scared
Of their boss?

Your mother's house.

Ow! Knife in the gut!

Sorry to deal from the bottom of
The deck, but that's reality.

Well...
I am pretty burned out.

Me too.
We all are.

It's been hard.

I will take a break.

Good.

Not this week,
'cause stuff's been piling up.

But...Not next week.

God. I don't know.
Now.

Uh-oh. Hey, stop!

Wait,
I'm being kidnapped!

Go home and relax.

I have no one
To hang out with.

I'll hang out with you
Sometime this week.

I need a break, too.
We'll have a girlfriend day.

We'll get manicures and
Jump rope and talk about boys.

The whole cliché thing.

Now go!
Go and don't stop for nothing.

Okay, I promise.

Michel: aaaah!
Krumholtzes: do it again!

Hold it.
Hold it!

Good girl.

Now, get your things
And go.

[ sighs ]

Oh, hey.

Um, bob, are you sure
You want to --

Nope. Keep going.

[ cellular phone rings ]

Hello?
It's me.

Oh. Hello.
Bad time? Are you busy?

Uh, trying not to be.
How are you doing?

Good. You?

Good.

I was at the corner
Of bark and cheese today.

Bark and cheese?
Really?

And it's exactly the same.

Exactly the same?

Was there a tiny,
Little italian dog

In a basket barking
The whole time you were there?

Not this time, but I definitely
Had flashbacks.

Did you have a nice piece
Of cheese with your coffee?

I still say I said the correct
Word for "Cream" in italian.

I even pointed at my coffee
When I asked for it.

How could I be asking
For cheese?
Cheese you were brought.

Stinky cheese.
The worst, don't forget.
That you proceeded to eat.

Because I hate people who make
Mistakes when they order,

Especially
In a foreign country,

And then make a big to-do
When they get the wrong thing.

Ugly americans. Yuck.

Aha! You admit it was a mistake.
You did say "Cheese."

I know french, a bit of spanish,
But my italian -- not so good.

Being trilingual
Is plenty for a young lady.

Yeah.

[ sighs ] Mom?

Yeah?

I'm sorry.

[ sighs ] It's okay.

I screwed up.

I screwed up so bad.

I handled everything wrong.

Oh, honey.

I keep reliving everything
Over and over.

It's such a mess.

I just want to fix it.

I have to fix it.

You will.
I know. I just --

I need a favor.

Okay.

It's big.
Okay.

I wrote a letter...

To dean.

Could you get it to him?

Oh.

I don't know
How else to do it.

I just can't mail it
To his apartment.

It's a big favor.

Honey, I don't know.

It's a lot to ask,

But I think that this
Will make everything better.

Please.
I can't wait until I get home.

I have to do something now.

A letter, huh?

Well, get it to me,
And I will get it to him.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Have some espresso
And limburger for me.

I will.

I love you, mom.

I love you, too.
Bye.

Bye.

You know, I think if you made it
A little fuller --

Go!
Going.

[ sighs ]

I want to thank thee, kind lady,
For your purchase.

Please take
One of my cards.

Note the website.

And do enjoy
Your day at the faire.

I am kickin' ass!

Who knew I was
A master salesman?

So, I'm all packed
And ready to go.

Good, and don't worry
About nothing,

'cause we're all
Cool here.

Well, that's the thing.

In 10 years, I could die,

And they could very well
Trace it back to this moment.

"He got back up
On his feet too fast."

That's what they can say.

It's weird when people
Who aren't doctors

Start thinking
They're doctors.

He'll be fine.

Gosh, I was so worried.

So, I'm gonna make a phone call,
And then I'll go.

Okay.

Hey, hon, could you try
And get this cashbox open?

It's stuck again.

If you want.

It's just I was holding
This screwdriver before,

And I almost blacked out.

I'll try again.

Thanks.

Luke!

Don't forget
The undercover guys.

They look for cell phones.

I'll keep an eye out.

Luke, I'm being
Your friend here.

[ sighs ]

[ telephone rings ]

Hello?

Hey, it's me.

Well, huzzah and prithee.
Art thou --
Stop.

How are you?
Good.

Sorry, that was incomplete.
How are you, you big, fat liar?

What?
You said you would be home
Yesterday.

I'm coming home today
For sure.

"Oh, what's that, lucy?
A football for me to kick?"

I mean it this time.

Oh, whoa! Man!

Whoo!

It's a done deal.

I'll believe it
When I see it.
Did I tell you about bill?

Hay bale bill?
No. Spill.

He crawled in a tent
With grog booth annie.

No way!
He did.

But she's engaged
To the fruit-ice guy.

It's not gonna last.
Oh, boy.

You feeling okay?

I'm very nauseous.
Not you, t.J.

I'm fine. I just have a little
Assignment I've got to do.

So, what lie are you gonna tell
Me about coming home now?

I'm coming home today.

So, next week?
Today.

Milady, dost thou have
Pepto-bismol on thee?

Or breadstuffs?

This month at least?
Today.

See you when
Hillary's president.
I'll see you later today.

Bye.

[ beep ]

Looking for
Something specific?

Nah. Well...

You remember those earrings
You got me before?

You have a necklace
That would match that?

Yeah, I think so.
You give them to a girl?

Yeah.

Anyone I know?

Oh, you know,
It's just someone.

Dark hair, bright, blue eyes?
You were just talking to her?

I could tell, 'cause you
Grin a lot when you do.

It's lorelai.

It's lorelai! Huzzah!
Huzzah!

Huzzah!Huzzah!
Huzzah!Huzzah!

I never got
The whole "Huzzah" thing.

I am so happy for you.

You've found your t.J.

Please don't put it
Like that.

I've had dreams
About you two being together,

And my dreams
Always come true.

Dream me a healthy spine,
Sweets.

You're not gonna be alone.

Yeah, yeah.
The necklace.

Perfect?

Perfect.

[ sighs ]
So, give it to her.

* la la la la la la
La la la *

Take care, sis.

I love you, big brother.

Whoa!

One hug and my back would snap
In eight pieces.

Good morrow, buddy.

* la la

* la la la
La la la la *

* la la la
La la la la *

Excuse me.
I'm looking for dean.

Thanks.

Dean: we get lots of stuff
From marco farms,

But a lot of the time,

It's hard to predict
When it's gonna come in

And how much of it
We're gonna get.

We're kind of at the mercy
Of -- of the guys --

Of the farmers themselves,
Because they sell out a lot.

But why don't you leave
Your name and number

When you check out,
And we'll give you a call

As soon as the eggs you want
Come in, okay?

Dean.

Hi.
Hi.

What's that?

It's a letter for you
From rory.

What happened?
Where is she?

Just take the letter.
She went to europe, right?

Miss patty said
She went to europe.

What happened?
What's she doing there?

Who is she with?
When's she getting back?
Soon. Just take it.

Where is she?
Europe.

With who?
Her grandmother.
Look, take it.

No. Why did she go?
Whose idea was it?

That doesn't matter.
It does.

Dean, please.
I'm a messenger, nothing more.

Just take it.

Onion, guacamole,

A little red pepper over
Butter lettuce and endive --

It could be a big seller.

But, caesar,
It's not the salad.

The salad looks delicious.
It's what you're calling it.

Caesar's salad.
Right.

There's already a caesar salad.
It's kind of famous.

That's caesar salad.
Mine's got an apostrophe "S."

I don't think
That makes it less confusing.

Customers.

Keep going, zach.

Yeah, this is da bomb.

So, mary magdalene goes
To gaul to have the kid.

That's the slutty one, right?
Not the mom?

It's so confusing
'cause they're all named mary.

She's not the mom,
But she's not slutty.

That's what constantine
Wanted you to believe.

He was purging the "E!
True hollywood story" part of it

For his own benefit.

Turned the whole thing
Into hollywood babylon,

And chicks got
The short end.

God, I just want
To spend, like,

Three straight years
Doing but reading, you know?

What book?
What?

You're supposed
To wait to be seated.
Since when?

Since always. That's what
What they do at denny's.

Okay, well, my usual table
Where I always sit. Okay, lane?

Fine. What will you have?
Allow me to order
For you girls.

A ham sandwich
For the lady on my right.

Light mustard, right?
[ giggles ]

Is that a "Yes"?
That's a "Yes."

Burger, no cheese
For cheryl.

Cheeseburger for me,

And go ahead and shoot
Everybody here some fries.

Free fries are for friends
And family only. Sorry.

Another new rule?
Nope -- old. Old as moses.

Okay, just bring me my order,
And we'll all share.

Sorry, no. You get free fries,
You have to eat them.

I can't share
My own fries?

That's right.
That's bogus.

They're for you,
Not these girls.

They're to be consumed
By you, and you alone.
I don't believe this.

I'll be watching,
So don't get any big ideas.

Just forget about it, okay?
We'll go to al's pancake world.

Fine! Go!
We are.
Come on, girls.

[ door opens ]

[ scoffs ] Whatever.
Like I care where you go to eat.

[ door closes ]

Hey.

What?

Sorry. We didn't know.

Know what?

Know what?

So...

So, this is nice.

Being away from the inn
For a whole day.

Get some perspective.

Just looking at something
Other than those same walls.

What a relief.

It all falls away.

My meat guy better not screw me
Like he did yesterday.

Oh, my god! The gutters!
That's what I forgot.

I told steve that
If he doesn't leave by 3:00 --

Did I tell michel
To have the guy

Check all the radiators
Or just the one --

No, no, I did. I did.

[ both giggle ]

Ah, now it's falling away.
It's starting to.

Lindsay: I hate you, dean!
I hate everything!

Dean: let's just talk.

I don't want to talk!
I don't want you here!

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

You've got my --
Don't you dare!

That's what happens
When you get married too young.

Yeah, that must be it.

This is juicy.

I usually only get
To hea about these things.

I never get to see them.

Lucky us.

Come on.

You definitely prepped
The sauce for the duck?

Because the duck without
The sauce, we can't use.

The sauce has to be
Prepped early.

I know you said it.
Say it again.

Stop saying "Let it go"!

Stop saying "Let it go," john.
Stop it.

Stop it!
I am letting it go.

I just need you to assure me
That everything's getting done

So that I know
I can fully let it go.

Rory: hello?

[ gasps ] Kitchen!

I am hanging up,
But I am not letting it go!

Mom!
Oh, my traveler.

I missed you.
I missed you, too.

Sookie!

[ squeals ]
You remember who I am!

Emily: hello!

Hi.

Hello, lorelai.
Hello, sookie.

Hi, emily.
Hi, mom.

Don't.
I smell like airplane.

I should go get my bags.
Rory, you do not touch bags.

Oh, I thought that was
Just a europe thing.

The driver's
Bringing them in.

We had such a trip.
Rory will fill you in.

Spare her
The more salacious aspects.

Salacious aspects?

Those european men --

Young, old, in between --
They saw us coming.

They saw you coming where?

We were like magnets.
Such high libidos.

You weren't wearing

Your "Hot and wealthy"
Sandwich board, were you?

She was very popular.

Well, I should go.

I bring you back
A charming, cultured,

Well-mannered young lady.

Don't undo it.

I will definitely try
Not to not undo it.

Well, goodbye, all.
Goodbye, rory.

Bye, grandma.

Nope. Airplane.

Oh, I can take it.
Thanks, grandma.

Ciao.

Come here, you.

So, what are you guys
Doing home?

We're trying to get
Some distance from the inn.

And it's going
Through the roof.

Not the inn's roof --
That's solid as a rock.

You know what I mean.
We're booked to 90% capacity.

And the restaurant --
We're turning people away.

Oh, you know all that.
No, keep going.

Well, customers agree
That, despite michel,

We're their favorite
Connecticut inn.

That's nothing compared
To the big town news.

Wow. What?
Sookie --

We walked past dean's place,

And lindsay was throwing
His stuff out on the street.

They were really going at it.
It was like "Raging bull."

There's yelling
And screaming.

Sookie, you're exploding
All over the poor girl.

Oh, sorry.

And she's probably hungry.
You're hungry, right?

I'll whip us something up.

You said
You had to pick up davey,

So we'll go out,
And we'll call you later.

Okay, let's go.

Talk to you later.

See you later, sookie.

What happened?

It was unbelievable.
It was bad.

She was yelling.
She was throwing things.

He was yelling.
She called him a jerk.

It was very violent
And very public.

Other people saw it.
It was horrible.

This was not
Supposed to happen.

You!

You should be ashamed
Of yourself -- what you did!

Just wait.
What did she ever
Do to you?

How did she hurt you?
Why are you doing this?

Please. Calm down.
Calm down?

My little girl
Has to come home

And find your heinous letter
In dean's jacket.

We're in the street --
You little monster!

Hey! Pull back, lady!

There aren't other boys
In the world?

You have to go after
Her husband?

Stop attacking
My daughter right now.

You're upset, I get it,
But you do not do this.

She slept with my son-in-law.
She broke up a marriage.

Are you proud?
She did not break up
A marriage.

What do you know of this?
Enough. I know rory.

All I know is that now
My lindsay is devastated,

Dean is back with his parents,
Lives are destroyed,

And you and your daughter
Can go to hell!

[ clears throat ]

Okay, I have got to know
What was in that letter.

Um...

I...

I told him...That...
That night was special

And...That I wasn't sorry
That it happened.

But he's married, and...

He has to figure out
His life.

So I was going to make it
Easier for him

And take myself
Out of the mix.

Well, that was
A very good letter.

I can't believe
She found it.

We can't keep
Standing here.

I know.

These streets
Are dangerous right now.

Come on.

Anything you want is on me.

Pie, cake, pancakes, pan pie,
Cake pan, panacockin.

Say the word or make one up.
It's yours.

Chair feels good.

Yeah, yeah.
A chair does feel good.

I think a root beer
Might be good.

Root beer sounds good!

It's on the house,
So go crazy.

Luke!

Hey. Hi, rory.
Welcome back.

Thanks.
Are you okay?
You look a little pale.

You know,
Pale's the new tan.
[ chuckles ]

So, you're here.
You're not a mirage.

I told you
I was coming back.

But you lied to me
Repeatedly for weeks,

So your credibility's
Been shattered.

I know.
It's been seven weeks.

Seven weeks.

[ chuckles nervously ]

[ clears throat ]

You know, I just remembered --
I have an errand to run.

Oh, yeah?

I got to go to the pharmacy.
I'm gonna go now.

Lane's here.
She'll bring you your root beer.

Hey, lane, I got to run down
To the pharmacy!

Lane: okay!

I'll be back in a bit.

Rory?!

Hey, you!

You're back!
Our girl's back.

I know.

We need to consult.
I'm in a quandary.

Other people's quandaries.
I'm all ears.

Hey, you know,
I just remembered --

I have to go to doose's
To...Pick something up.

You need a banana
Or anything?
I'm good.

Are you sure?
I'm consulting
On a quandary. Go.

Okay.
I'll be right back.

My quandary -- are you ready?
And I need honesty.

Shoot.

Am I in love with zach?

What?

I need to know if you think
I'm in love with zach,

'cause a dirty trollop
Suggested it,

And they're generally reliable
About these things.

She said something to me

And gave me
This knowing, worldly look

That seemed to suggest
I was acting in a way

That said
I have a thing for zach,

Or she was hitting on me.

I just need to know
Your thought on this.

Hey.
Are you listening?

Hey. There you are.

Hi.

So -- oh, you really
Ran an errand.

I didn't run an errand,

But I sort of kept up
The pretense.

So I went in the pharmacy.

So, I was in the pharmacy,
So I had to buy something.

I feel kind of dumb.

Yeah. But you didn't really
Have an errand, right?

It was just getting kind of
Crowded back there, you know?

Yeah.

So, I brought you
Something.

Oh.

[ gasps ]
My own smokes. Ginchy.

Oh.

That's beautiful.

I think that'll match
The earrings I got you before.

If they don't,
I'll take them back.

Definitely goes.

Oh, yeah, look at that.
Perfect match.

Perfect match.

[ cymbals crash,
Marching band plays ]

What the hell is this?

Cider mill.

I don't believe it.
What the hell?

Hurry up, michel!

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

I'm enjoying
The cider mill parade.

Such culture I've been missing
All these years.

This band -- so subtle.

Like a polo mallet
Hitting your head.

Come on!
Come on!

Don't pull!
I'm fragile!

This town...

Is our town.
This town is so glamorous.

So, we'll hook up later,
Maybe.

We'll hook up later.
Definitely.

Good.

I love the necklace.

Good.

Good.

Oh, I'm sorry.
[ gasps ] Oh, no!

Oh, let me pay you.

I don't have any cash.

Um, well, would you take
An I.O.U.?

Have you been
To the dragonfly inn?

The food is great.
Would you like to --

Oh, I know.
You smoke?

Hi.

I hope this is okay.

I wasn't sure where to call,
And I just had to --

Are you okay?

[ scoffs ] Okay?

Yeah, I mean...
How do you...Feel?

I'm sorry.
That's a stupid question.

No. It's not
A stupid question.

Um...Let's see.
How do I feel?

Actually...
I feel like an idiot.

Why?

Why? Because I was married,
Rory. Married.

And I threw it all away
For someone

Who dumped me once
And then just bailed on me.

I didn't just bail.

I hurt everybody.

I hurt lindsay, I hurt her
Parents, I hurt my parents,

And now I'm back at home,

And you're in europe
With your grandmother.

And what the hell
Was I thinking?

What am I doing?
What's wrong with me?

Nothing.

I got to get ready
For work.

[ sighs ]

* I'm spacing out

* spacing out, spacing out

* I'm seeing silences...

Rory:
So, finish your story.

Lorelai: everybody knows you
Don't mess with hay bale bill.

So hay bale goes off
And punches the guy,

And it turned out
To be the wrong guy --

All over this perceived insult
About his girlfriend's legs.

Wait -- which one
Had hairy legs --

Annie the grog girl
Or ocarina jane,

Who secretly sold pot behind
The brass-rubbing booth?

You mean "Hairiest."
Egads.

I'm thinking bathing-suit season
At the renaissance faire

Is only enjoyed
By the blind.

Hey, I should bring
Steak sauce, right?

For what?
Pizza.

I just got back from italy.
So?

So they'd shoot you
In italy for that.

But this is america, where
We unapologetically bastardize

Other countries' cultures

In a gross quest for moral
And military supremacy.

I forgot. Bring on
The imperialistic condiments.

Do you think annie the grog girl
Made a pass at luke?

I'm sure he rebuffed her,
But he was there a long time.

I hope not.

I'd joust the little slut.

[ chuckles ]

Hmm.

So, you want
To talk about --

Something to watch?

Uh, yes.
Something to watch.

You pick.

Will you be mad
If it's "Showgirls" again?

I got the deluxe edition

With shot glasses
And a drinking game.

Sanctuary.

Let me show you one thing
Before "Showgirls," okay?

What?

Home movies from my trip
With grandma.

You have home movies?
She was in fine form.

Signora distinctly wrote,

"South rooms with a view
And close together."

Instead of which,
She has given us north rooms

Without a view
And a long way apart.

She gets very british
When she's abroad.
Oh, yes.

Hurry
And get dressed, dear,

Or we'll miss our dinner,
On top of everything else.

And you look very innocent
And pretty.

It was a great view.

I don't know what
She was talking about.

...What we were led
To expect.

I thought we were going
To see...

The signora distinctly wrote,
"South rooms with a view"...