All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S04E07 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

[ off-key rock music plays
In the distance ]

[ sighs ]

Morning.
Morning.

Hey, would you be
Horrified

If I started
Clipping coupons again?

Yes.

Oh, well, then, I won't.

Did you say "Again"?
I meant ever.

When did you clip coupons
Before?

I didn't. I misspoke.
Whoops.

Hey, how is it

That your dirty laundry
Has increased exponentially

Since you started yale?

'cause I'm a dirty,
Filthy yale girl now.

I'm not gonna clip them!

Then I don't see the problem.

Just for the fig newtons!

Whoa!
That is --

Sucks!

That is totally sucks.

And they're on their 200th
Guitarist audition.

Well, they must be down

To the deaf, dumb,
And blind ones.

Ah, he found it.

Found what?

The lost chord.

So, the washer's broken.

Yep.

You didn't mention that
When you saw me walk out

With my exponential amounts
Of laundry.

Or when I called from yale

To say that I had exponential
Amounts of laundry to do.

You've totally
Co-opted my word.

"Plethora" --
That's my word.

I have a plethora of dirty
Laundry and nowhere to do it.

But you don't come home
To do your laundry.

You come home to see
Your mama.

No, this time I came home
To do my laundry.

All right. I'll call
The repairman a.S.A.P.

You hear that?

No music.

And the band stopped
Playing, too.

Hi, lane.

How's it going there?

You think she can hear us?

I think out of self-defense

Her ears have become
Vestigial organs.

I'm not clipping coupons!

Then I don't see
The problem.

Ha.

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

Hey, it's your friendly
Neighborhood lorelai.

I'm in the kitchen!

Good morning.
Is it?

Just spreading that loving
Sunshine around, huh, buddy?

Lorelai, this is bo,
Jackson's brother.

Bo, this is our friend
Lorelai.
Hi.

Hmm.
Come on.

Let's leave oscar wilde here
To his reading.

What's with the 'tude?

Jackson asked bo to be here
For the birth.

Uh-huh.

Which was supposed to
Happen a week ago.

So bo's missing way more work
Than he thought he would,

And he's letting me know it.

It would be nice
If god gave women

A pop-up thing like a turkey,
But he chose not to.

Hey, jackson.
Hi.

This extra time is great.
I'm getting so much done.

I know.
I'm still storing meals.

Hey, jackson,
What day is it today?

It's saturday, bo.

I get time and a half
On saturdays.

It gets me my fun things.

Otherwise, it's all just
Bill paying.

Have I apologized
To you enough?

Yes, daddy, you have.

So, I got the plastic
Sheet on the bed.

What's that for?

She doesn't know?
Know about what?

You ready? This is big.
It's really good.

And I want you
To slowly drink it in.

I'm ready to take a sip.

We're skipping the hospital
And having the baby here.

Here in your house?
In our bed.

Hence the sheet.

Got a honey of a sheet.
It's the top of the line.

The little thing will come out

And carom right down
Into the catcher's arms.

While we all yell, "Hey, batter,
Batter, batter"?

He means the midwife.

Got the best one
On the eastern seaboard.

You look mystified.

No, no, it's just --

You guys have done a lot
Of research on this, right?

Millions of babies
Have been born this way.

It's a great tradition.

And hospitals are so cold,
So full of infections.

And dead people.

And sometimes the dead people
Have infections.

And if they're not dead yet,
They die.

All true.

But the best thing about having
Davy or colgate here --

Zero chance of bringing home
The wrong baby.

What comes out of her here,
Stays here.

Oh, I got something for you.

It's a baby pager.

It'll go off
When sookie's close.

[ "The entertainer" beeps ]
Oh, cute.

Scott joplin seemed
Appropriately sunny.

I want you to be here even
If home birth disgusts you.

Of course I'll be here.
Nothing could keep me away.

Ohh! Extra buckets --
I gotta put it on the list.

Extra buckets? What's --
Hmm. Never mind.

Excuse me.

Can my girlfriend and I
Sit here?

Hi.

My girlfriend and I
Appreciate it.

Yes, thank you.

I got a pretty polite
Girlfriend.

Should we be nervous
About this?

I don't know.

Did taylor tell anyone why
He called an emergency meeting?

He said nothing to me
Or my girlfriend.

I can't remember the last town
Emergency meeting he called.

Me and my girlfriend
Can't either.

Home birth?

I was horrified,
And I hid it horribly.

I wanted to be supportive
But throw up at the same time.

A plastic sheet?

I saw it.
It was the same one

That boy who couldn't
Hold it had to use

In that after-school special.

What was that called?

"It's not benny's fault."

Oh, god.
It was so insane.

It's what hospitals
Are for.

Hey, lane, there's a seat
Behind my girlfriend.

That's okay, kirk.

Hi.

Get this.

I just found the most amazing
Guitarist -- a phenom.

He was cool on the phone, and
We're meeting him tomorrow.

That's great.

I'm trying not to get
My hopes up,

But I've already figured out
That our spin cover

Should be against a bloodred
Backdrop with a skull.

Very norman rockwell.

That woman's staring at me.

Oh, mrs. Van uppity?

Well, maybe you're
Just her type.

People, thank you for assembling
On such short notice.

What's up, taylor?

My girlfriend was wondering
That, too.

As you know, every year,
One lucky town in connecticut

Gets to host "The festival
Of living pictures,"

A show which presents onstage
Re-creations

Of famous works of art --
Statues, paintings, et cetera,

With real people posing
As the figures in the art.

We hosted it seven years ago,
Successfully, I might add.

Yeah, it was a blast.
Definitely.

My girlfriend's
Gonna love this.

The town of woodbury was
Supposed to host it this year,

But because of recent flooding,

They canceled
At the last minute,

And I offered
Stars hollow to be the host.

How does that sound?

Cool.

Yeah, sign us up.

Yeah, taylor, you finally did
Something right.

Your beard is so sexy.

How much time do we have?

One week.
And as per tradition,

We need to come up
With one original re-creation

To go with all the others that
Are in the show every year.

That's not a lot of time.

Yeah, taylor,
Is it even possible?

Well, it'll have to be.

I've already assured hank, who
Is the taylor doose of woodbury,

That we'd take it over
Successfully.

It's a challenge, people,
But doable.

Now, I would like to introduce
You to a key player

In our execution of this
Endeavor,

The head of the connecticut
Arts council, buff otis.

Hey, it's your future wife.

Shut up.

Would you like to say
A few words, mrs. Otis?

Your enthusiasm...Shocks me.

Is that good?

Hard to tell.

It might be.

Scary broad.

I will be managing the event
And emceeing.

Miss patty, you will be
Stage managing.

Lorelai, if you could help
Organize the costumes.

I'm here for you and your
Sexy beard, taylor.

Everyone should sign up now
If you want to be considered

To be cast in one
Of the re-creations.

Mrs. Otis and I will make
The final decisions.

Hey, you're gonna be the girl

In that renoir painting
Again, right?

You were such a doll in that.

I'm sure
I can be persuaded.

This is an enormous
Challenge, people,

But I say we do it
And do it well.

Meeting adjourned.

Wait.
Why?

I want to see
If she asks you out.

I wonder if I want to be

Something other
Than the renoir girl.

The audience has come
To expect you

In the role of renoir girl.
You can't disappoint them.

True. True.

Sorry I took so long.

I was dealing with more
Divorce-lawyer stuff.

Good lord, is nicole's lawyer
Still harassing you?

No, mine was.

Please don't point out
The irony

Of my paying a lawyer
To work for me.

Then you're gonna
Owe me something else

I can ironically comment on.

What was that emergency meeting
All about?

We're hosting "The festival
Of living pictures" again.

Oh, joy.

[ imitating mrs. Otis ]
His lack of enthusiasm
Shocks me.

You're involving yourself
In this thing?

[ normal voice ] I just
Thought of the perfect painting

For luke to be in.

"Cranky guy in baseball cap."

Was that manet or monet?

That was mustard on my
Hamburger and side of fries.

She's the queen of segues.

She's the queen of something.
You want your usual?

Yes, please.

Maybe I'll just be
A backstage person this year.

There's less pressure.

You don't have to get made up,
And...What are they doing?

I bet she's coming to --

Hey, and no more

Inappropriate lesbian
References, please.

Oh, you know what?
I bet you're in line

For the new painting
They're cooking up.

I feel like a used car.

Turn to the side.

What?

Turn to the side.
We need to see your profile.

Just what I thought.

This is a violation
Of my civil rights.

You better do
What john ashcroft says

Or they may just
Follow us home.

Unbelievable.
[ sighs ]

Other way.
Other way.

I'm a yale student,
For god's sake.

Thank you.

Crazy, doofus town.

Yeah.

Let's not loiter around
The cast sheets, people.

Find your name
And then move on.

Oh, cool.
I'm gonna be some statue.

You're "The reaper,"
Andrew --

A prize work at versailles
And a prize role,

Not some statue.

So I get to be painted
All white, huh?

Yes, that's what that means.

Hi, taylor.

When are the costumes
Getting here?

Hank in woodbury swears
They're en route,

But you gotta double- and
Triple-check with that guy.

Hank's the you in woodbury.

A real ninny.

He's praying we don't pull
This off,

But that only inspires me
To work harder.

I need to see the list.

Watch the elbows, kirk.

I just need
To see the list!

He's going to be very happy.

Whoo-hoo!

What'd you get, kirk?

Christ in "The last supper."

I'm gonna do it right, too.
Lots of research.

What's a good book to read?

Uh, the bible.

Right.

Yo, where are my apostles?
Where are my homeboys?

James, son of alpheus,
Give me five.

Simon, the canaanite,
Don't leave me hanging.

I say we go celebrate.
How 'bout shakey's?

Cool.

That is one happy christ.

Oh, well, it was nice
Of you guys to give him that.

I wanted to show you this.
It's our original picture.

Well, we think rory would be
Perfect for it.

It's called, "Portrait
Of a young girl named anthea."

Wow, that's rory!

Do you think she'll do it?

Well, you got some sway
With me.

Good. Good.

Okay, I'm confused.

I should go make my calls.

I'm not the renoir girl.

Oh, really?
I didn't realize that.

Patty, I'm the spitting image
Of the renoir girl.

I played her seven years ago

And received
The proper accolades.

This is a mistake.

Um, taylor?

Yes, lorelei.

I'm not listed
As the renoir girl.

Is that a mistake?

Frankly, no, it's not.

Okay, I'm not listed
As anything else, either.

That's also correct.
You'll be helping with costumes.

Why am I not the renoir girl?
I'm the spitting image.

You are.
Your look is perfect.

Then why am I not
The renoir girl?!

I really have to tell you?

Yes, you do.

You flinched.
I what?

Seven years ago,
The curtain opened.

You were posed in the painting,
Then you flinched noticeably.

I did not flinch.

We thought
You were having an attack.

I did not flinch!

You almost knocked
Terrence over.

I did not!

The whole town saw it.

And with hank from woodbury
Looking over my shoulder,

I'm not taking any risks.

Patty,
Please back me up here.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
You flinched!

Big-time.

You almost knocked
Terrence over.

Yeah, you screwed the pooch,
So you're out.

I'm sorry.

So, you'll ask rory
About the painting?

It's humiliating!

You and the renoir girl --
It was a lock.

Yeah, until
This smear campaign.

[ bang! ]

There's a lot of tension
In the air here.

It's midterms.

You seem calm.

Well, on the outside.

Is this what you're using,
Dream fresh laundry powder?

It's a new brand.
It's an off-brand.

It leaves your clothes with
That dream-fresh scent.

You used a coupon,
Didn't you?

35 cents off or not,

I still would have chosen
Dream fresh.

So, who'd they pick
For the renoir girl?

Carol dandridge.
Carol dandruff from now on!

Okay, now, don't take it out
On poor carol.

It's not like
She lobbied for it.

I bet she did.

That would be just like that
Old porky, doo-dee-dridge.

Oh, wow. You're really bummed
About this.

On the outside,
I am a mature adult

Who's able to put setbacks
In their proper place.

On the inside, I want to wear
That pretty dress again.

You will.

Yeah, if a brick lands
On taylor's head,

And he suddenly likes me
Again.

You don't need a brick.
You have me.

What are you talking about?

You are going to be the renoir
Girl -- end of story.

If they want an anthea

For "Portrait of a young girl
Named anthea,"

Then they're going to have to
Have you for the renoir girl.

Look at you folding your laundry
All haughty and powerful.

Bada-bing all over his nice
Ivy-league suit.

Rory, you couldn't do that.
Come on.

It would be embarrassing.
It would be manipulative.

Can you do it tonight?

I think I'll wait until
The anthea costume

Is perfectly fitted to my
Specifications.

Then we won't have
No surprises.

I am in awe.

Pass me the dream fresh.
I wouldn't dare not to.

I don't know about you, but I'm
Completely jazzed about this.

This is the first time

I've been excited about
Playing since dave.

If he's half as good as this
Tape, I'm gonna plotz.

Can we help you?

Yeah, I'm looking for lane.

I'm lane.

Am I late?
For?

The audition.
For?

I'm gil!

Gil.

Gil.

Gil.

No, you're right on time.

Come on in.

Primo space.

Primo.

I'm brian.

Zach.

Where do you guys want me?

Uh, right there's good.

Cool.

How's your research
Coming along, kirk?

Good. Although I got off
To a slow start.

I didn't realize jesus wasn't
In the old testament

Till I hit page 368.

Hey, taylor.

Hello.

I took a quick survey
Of the costumes.

Looks like everything's here
And accounted for.

And the renoir girl dress
Still fits you?

Like a glove.

If you make me look bad
In front of hank,

There is gonna be hell
To pay.

Okay.

Sorry.

Hey, I'm here
For a fitting.

You've come to the right place.
What are you in?

"The last supper."

Oh, you must be one
Of my missing apostles.

I'm christ.

It's gonna be
A lot of fun, huh?

Definitely.
Which apostle are you?

Judas.

Where do I go
For my fitting?

I think you know
Where you're going.

Right through that flap.
I'll meet you back there.

Thanks.

So I heard you
And all the apostles

Are going to shakey's later.

You heard wrong, friend.
We're not going to shakey's.

Oh, okay.
Well, maybe some other time.

Yeah.
Some other time.

[ rock music plays ]

[ singing indistinctly ]

Man, you guys
Are fantastic!

Yeah, you too.

Yeah.
Really good, gil.

I mean it's tight.
It feels right.

Definitely.
It's got a feel that...

It feels right.
Yeah.

You want to do another one?
Sure.

Just give me one minute
To call work.

I own a sandwich shop
In salisbury,

And I gotta check in every once
In a while, or it's chaos.

I'll be right back.

Awesome, guys!
Really!

Back at you!

Whoa.

Yeah.

He's...He's...

Old.

Just say it, dude.
Grandpa's old.

He's not a grandpa.

Did you know
How old he was?

He sounded young on the phone.

Right here,
He's got some lines.

What is he, late 30s?

Approaching 40.

He was alive before man
Walked on the moon.

Don't do that, man.
You're freaking me out.

Let's not be overdramatic.

He is an incredible
Guitarist.

He's had a lot of time
To practice.

And the bicentennial --
He was alive for that.

This is the best we've sounded
Since dave, and he's really --

Elderly.

He was our age
When we were born.

There were no cds
When he was born.

Stop it, man.
I mean it.

Maybe there's a way to offset
His oldness.

Put a hat on him.

Dress him up like angus young
In ac/dc --

That schoolboy outfit.

He could have seen ac/dc with
Their original lead singer.

And 1980 is when that guy
Choked on his own vomit.

You want to stop the audition?

We shouldn't be rude.

Good!

Remember, any new member

Has to be approved
By all of us.

So one vote against,
And he's back at bingo.

Cindy knows where the extra
Prosciutto is, kevin.

Ask her.

Come on.
I've told you before.

When I'm not there,
Cindy is me, okay?

I'll check in later.
Bye.

Kids, man.

In one ear
And out the other.

Okay, come on.

Let's rock!

[ knock on door ]
Hey.

Hi.

Ooh, balloons!

Sad, little, droopy balloons.

We got 'em too soon.

Hey, you feeling okay?
Fine.

Bruce just suggested
A little afternoon rest.

Bruce? Who's he?

She.
It's a last name.

Who's she?

Best midwife
On the eastern seaboard.

Uh-huh. So it's gonna
Be another 50 bucks

To change the flight again?

That's six and a half hours
Take-home

After taxes, disability,
And fica.

And the oscar for biggest
Blubber baby goes to...

No, no, go ahead.
Put me down for it.

I got no choice.
Thanks.

She sounded hot.

Hey, bo, why don't you go
Take a little walk?

You know, go do something.

Yeah, good idea.

But there's nothing to do
In this hick town,

Not like back in bogalusa.

Why don't you come

Help me pick the zucchini
In the back?

I got a couple of giant
Miracle-gro ones out there.

It'll tickle you.

That might be something.

Wow, you can cut the sexual
Tension with a knife.

Ugh! Don't joke.

The bedroom is now prepared
For the baby.

Your husband tried, but he
Screwed up, so I fixed it.

Thank you, bruce.

There's someone new here.

This is my best friend
I was telling you about.

Hello.

Hi. I heard
You were the best midwife

On the eastern seaboard.
May I call you bruce?

Everyone does.

Then I will call you bruce.

You're anti-midwife.

Pardon me?

There's anti-midwife energy
In this room,

And it wasn't here
When I left it.

It's not coming from me.

Yeah, bruce, lorelai is pro-you,
All the way.

Uh-huh.
I'll be in the bedroom.

Um, wow, that woman's
Got strong hands.

She ate a whole jar of peanut
Butter in one sitting.

I would want a woman
Just like that

Yanking the baby out of me.

Please lay on your side.

Yeah, sorry.

This is the position I'm going
To be in for the baby.

Less tearing this way.

Ohh, smack that image right out
Of my head.

I beg your pardon?

You know, bruce spent
Two years in china

Educating poor villagers
On female issues.

Oh, I hear they got great
Chinese food there.

A card.

You're the friend who's
Going to be there, right?

With rings on my fingers
And bells on my toes.

You'll leave the negativity
At home?

Bruce, I swear,
I am miss positivity.

I swear,
I am not anti-midwife.

That would be as dumb
As being anti-best friend.

Don't you think?

Uh-huh.

You're the one who asked me out
To pick zucchinis.

Pick them, not kick them.

You used to be fun.

Now you're just
A big-city phony.

Bo, what did I say before?
I wasn't listening.

The baby will come
When the baby comes.

We're all here
To serve the baby.

Jackson! How are you serving
The baby?

I could go get
More balloons?

Good. And, bo, how are you
Serving the baby?

I could help jackson
With balloons.

You need two men for that?

I could get flowers.
Good!

Okay. We're going to get
Balloons and flowers.

She didn't give me
Any instructions.

Should I move?

I wouldn't yet.

This is nice.
Good suggestion.

You think bruce was just
Trying to get rid of us?

You -- yes.

But bruce is there for the baby,
And I've got the baby.

Have you checked that
Recently?

What?

Are you sure she
Hasn't taken the baby

And shoved a pillow under there
When you weren't looking?

Oh, my god!

You haven't popped yet!

Not yet.

It's like
An elephant's gestation.

Thanks for the very welcome
Perspective on that, andrew.

Hey, how's the research
Going, kirk?

Good.

I'm using the clothing
To get into character,

And I've been focusing
On historical foods.

Christ ate a lot
Of lentils.

No utensils back then?

No, they had utensils.

This is a disaster,
An unmitigated disaster!

What happened?

We're missing half the table
For "The last supper."

Drag.

This is hank
From woodbury's doing.

That little fink only shipped
Half the table on purpose.

No, I just talked to him,
Taylor,

And he swears he shipped
Everything they had.

There's got to be a way
To do this.

Just add a card table to the end
Or some tv trays.

It'll be like
A funky last supper.

"The last supper"
Cannot be funky.

Or we could just make do
With what we have

And crowd all the apostles
Around it.

Or eliminate some
Of the apostles.

This is not going to work.

I think we're just gonna
Have to throw in the towel.

I think you might be right,
Taylor.

This just might be a sign
To pack it in.

No festival.

I have to keep moving.

Okay, start packing it up,
People.

You would fold?

What was that, kirk?

You would fold due simply
To hardship?

Not now, kirk.
Keep everything where it is.

No reason to unload it
Just to load it again.

Would you follow blind guides

Which strain at a gnat
And swallow a camel?

Oh, that's your blood sugar
Talking, sweetie.

Eat a candy bar.

This is but a crisis
Of faith.

I said, "Not now, kirk."

Let him talk.

When the road to your
Destination is revealed

To be long and dusty,

Is your destination's value
So diminished?

Well, I-I suppose not,
But still --

If a storm mars your camp
For the night,

Is it wise to search
For high ground

Or hold your camp
Till the light of new day?

Well, it's something
To think about.

A crisis of faith
Can be delivered,

But one must believe
To be delivered.

No way am I building
That table out for them.

No way.

Anyone ask you to, jose?

No, but they're going to.

They'll just get tom
To do it.

No, he's too busy
With his own stuff.

You having twins?

No.
You sure?

Let me think for another
Millisecond. No.

It looks like
You're having twins.

You're gonna make me fall
In love with you.

It would take me hours.

What would?
The table.

It's got to be built out
In a forced perspective.

Throw a stick, and you can find
Someone to fix that table.

So grab a stick and throw it
Because I'm not doing it.

No one asked you to.
Not yet.

Kirk: remain true to the will

That brought you
To where you are.

I'm hungry.
Let's get something.

Check out the group!

There might be loaves
And fishes.

Hmm. I had fish
Last night.

...The light that we have
In all of us.

Do not heed the naysayers.

They will not lead you
Down the proper road.

Hey, rory.

Dig the sounds coming
From that garage!

They sound amazing.

I was over there before.
That new guitarist --

Yum, yum, like
A long-haired cake.

Sounds like a winner.

You gonna check him out?

Yeah, lane called
And asked me to come down

And drink
In the whole picture.

I got dibs on the new hunk.
[ growls ]

[ rock music plays ]

Really tight, guys,
But it's getting late.

I gotta go.
Go rest.

Hey, gil,
This is my friend rory.

Hey, you guys sound great.

Don't you think?

These guys are gonna be
As good as pink floyd.

Nice topical reference.

Lane, you got my number?

Yeah, gil,
I've got your number.

So, we'll talk later?
We'll talk later.

Take it easy.

Bye.

Okay, zach,
Shut up for a minute.

I want to hear
What rory has to say.

I didn't tell her
What she was walking into,

So she's our fresh eyes here.

He's great.

And...

Experienced.

And, um, babette thinks
He's really cute,

So she's got dibs,
And, um, he moves great.

The jump was cool.

I was afraid
He was gonna break a hip.

He's our only prospect.

And maybe that schoolboy
Outfit's worth a shot.

Yeah?

Look, you're all fooling
Yourselves here.

Bottom line -- dude rocks,
But dude's too old.

I vote "No."

Okay, I guess
That's that, then.

That's that.

And that could be that
For the band.

That could be that, too.

Okay.

[ knocking on door ]

Identify yourself!
It's me!

Who?!
Me!!

Sookie?!

It's not coming out!

My god.
It's 1:00 in the morning.

It's lodged in there!
It's stuck, for god's sakes!

It's not coming out!

You're insane.

And it's growing
All the time!

Just getting bigger and bigger.

I've forgotten what it's like
Not to be expanding.

I'll get so huge,
I'll be the fat guy

In "Monty python's the meaning
Of life."

I'll explode
And slime the whole room.

Honey, sit down.
Wrap this around you.

Ohh!
That andrew.

I hate that he was right.
That pasty-faced bastard!

Right about what?

Ohh, no, I can't sit.

Right about what?

I looked up an elephant's
Gestation period -- 22 months!

You're not an elephant.

The baby doesn't know that.

Why would baby think
You're an elephant?

Because he's tiny and stupid

And floating around
In a sack of fluid.

He doesn't know his butt
From a hole in the ground.

What happened?

You know, an elephant
Squirted me once at the zoo.

Maybe it shot something
On me --

Some kind of
Elephant-gestation juice.

I mean tonight.
What happened?

Where did the freak-out
Come from?

Are you listening?
It's not coming out!

The ship's too big, and
The bottle's too small!

You have to sit down
And rest.

I've been doing everything I can
To make it come out.

I've jumped, jiggled,
Shimmied.

Add a feather boa,

And I could book you
On the burlesque circuit.

My pain is funny to you.

No, but you should not be
Hopscotching all around town

Trying to get the baby out.

That's not how it works.

This is my mother's fault.

She fed me too much roughage
As a kid.

And now my insides
Are all rough and grabby,

And davy can't work his way out
Of my sandpaper innards.

I want booze.

I want a manhattan
And a scotch and a beer

And a rob roy
And a sidecar.

But I can't,
And I'm mad about that.

I want to give birth!

I would give you a hug

If you would sit still
For one second.

How'd you get yours out?

I swallowed a map.

Cut the freaking vagueness.
Why is it you mothers

Don't want to pass down your
Wisdom to other mothers?

Please, stop jiggling.

Not till I'm skinny.

All right, bouncy san pedro,

Can I just show you
Something here?

You can show me
Your sweet tokus

As long
As I can keep jiggling.

I was just going through
Something.

I thought you might be
Interested.

It's from 1984.
The book?

No, the year.

It's my baby box.

It's full of all
These little things --

Mementos and stuff from
The night rory was born.

I haven't taken it out
In ages.

Mine's not getting a box
Because mine's not coming out.

Mmm.

My walkman with the homemade
Compilation tape still in it.

"99 luftballoons,"

Some r.E.M.,
Some thompson twins.

I never cared for them.

The magazine I was reading
That night

With a special feature
On who's hotter --

Andrew mccarthy
Or emilio estevez.

They're both dogs.

My bubblicious-gum necklace,
My chunky wrapper.

Ooh, I do like the chunkys.

I'd like bourbon better,
But I do like the chunkys.

John's digits.

John who?

He was volunteering
At the hospital.

He said, "Call me when
You get your figure back."

Sweet-talker.

And for me,
It was always emilio

'cause he's kind of nasty.

Same here.

Rory's first jumper.

Bananarama?

I made it out of one
Of my t-shirts.

It was the first thing I ever
Made her -- ever made, ever.

It was post-gilmore economy.

Look how tiny.

[ chuckles ]
Tiny.

She was the most beautiful pink
All over.

She even smelled pink.

That sounds weird.

I can't describe it -- that
Little, pink, baby smell.

[ sighs ]

The first time her eyes
Focused on me,

And her little fingers
Reached out,

I was someone new.

She had me.

Emilio.

Rory.

[ indistinct conversations ]

We're five minutes away from
The starting gate, people.

Five minutes.

Oh, my god!
You guys look so cute!

You know, it was just
Seven short years ago

That I was a little chinese
Acrobat just like you.

You smell!

And we respected our elders

When I was a little
Chinese acrobat.

I hate kids.

Lookin' good, lookin' good!

Everybody, big night, huh?
Hi, kirk.

Anyone sitting here?

Yes. You have to go
Somewhere else.

But miss patty said --

You have to go
Somewhere else!

Perhaps there's an empty chair
Next to one of your friends,

Say, the high priest
Caiaphas?

Maybe he can
Accommodate you, hmm?

I guess so.

Hey, rory, one of those
Little acrobat boys

Told me my breath smells stinky.

They're running wild.

Acro-brats, I call them.

Ha, nice!
Got your ferret.

Ohh, he looks mean.

I don't think there's any such
Thing as a friendly ferret

And definitely
Not a cute one.

Yeah, they got dealt
A rough card -- those ferrets.

Oh, hey, art nouveau clock girl,
Hands off the face!

Art nouveau clock girl
Touched her face!

Oh, relax, taylor.
We're right on schedule.

Have a cigarette.

I don't smoke.

Could you start?

Taylor, look, your cousin
Came to visit you backstage.

[ high-pitched ]
Oh, hello!

What a pretty night it is
For a festival!

Do you have a mouse?
I'm feeling a bit peckish.

Put that down.

[ normal voice ] Just trying
To lighten the mood.

It's too late.

That hank from woodbury is
Sitting front-row center,

Just trying to psych me out.

Everybody's ready, taylor.

I hope everybody's ready.

[ high-pitched ]
Hey, let's all be friends.

Can I nibble your neck?

He's really got his knickers
In a twist tonight.

Talk more like a ferret.

[ normal voice ] Sorry.
Time to attach it.

So, is sookie okay?

Oh, she's great.

Still big, still waiting,
But she's fine.

Was she the one shaking me
In the middle of the night

Yelling, "What motivated you
To come out of your mother?"

She got a little spooked.

There. Wow!
You're beautiful, anthea.

I feel very painty.

I gotta go change.
Freeze good.

The time approaches.
I am ready.

Aw, you might want to check
That gumby/pokey watch, kirk.

Right. Sorry.

And it's a collectible,
Not a toy.

It's an adult --
It's very valuable.

[ applause ]

Ladies and gentlemen,
I am taylor doose.

Welcome to the 43rd annual

Connecticut "Festival
Of living pictures."

[ applause ]

As you may know,
The town of woodbury

Was supposed to host
This year's festival,

But due to their recent
Flooding, woodbury backed out.

They got a little moisture
Over there

And basically said, "Oh, well,
Whatever, never mind."

But the town of stars hollow
Was happy to step in

Because this vital tradition
Must continue.

[ applause ]

"The festival
Of living pictures"

Has a storied history.

Cecilia --
That's a very pretty name.

Very pretty.

Keep it in your pants,
Andrew.

Okay, listen up, people.

The fire department is out here

Because some dingbat
Parked in the red zone.

Now, I warned you guys
About parking there.

So, who is it?

Come on, speak up
Or you're gonna be towed.

Who is it?

I saw it when I came in,
And I think that's kirk's.

You judas!

Go move it, kirk!

Just trying to help.

Shouldn't you kiss me on the
Cheek before you betray me?

You're gonna get towed.

Just keep away from me!

I'm getting a little tired

Of this holier-than-thou
Attitude of yours.

Rory, go, go.
You're on.

Hey, art nouveau clock girl,
You got your zippo on you?

Our first tableau was created

By the talented craftsmen
In our little town.

It is a painting by the italian
Master girolamo parmigianino.

He was born in parma and was
Of the mannerist school,

Becoming a master portraitist,

Blending the sensual style with
The classical style of raphael,

As you can see in his "Portrait
Of a young girl named anthea."

[ applause ]

Five minutes
To "The last supper," people.

Five minutes.

Oh, my god!

Christ, judas,
Stop fighting!

You apostles, why couldn't you
Get in there and stop them?!

If I've repulled my calf muscle,
You are so getting it!

So perform a miracle
And unpull it, you jerk!

You're a blasphemer!

You're a blasphemer
And a traitor!

And let's face it.
You're unattractive.

Okay, we got no time
For this.

Get your butts on that stage!

And, apostles, keep christ
And judas apart!

Da vinci's "Last supper"
Has become one

Of the most revered masterpieces
In the world.

This majestic fresco
Was completed in 1498,

And its prestige
Has never diminished.

You've been a jerk
From the start!

What about shakey's?

You all went out without me,
And you lied about it.

You're imagining things.

Well, simon peter said so.

James, the son of alpheus,
Lebbeus -- they all said so.

When did you speak
With lebbeus?

If you two don't shut up,

I'm gonna stick these
Papier-mâché rolls

Down your throats!

That's it! That's it!
Curtain!

And so now may we present
"The last supper"?

[ applause ]

So I was good?
The ferret didn't upstage me?

The ferret
Underplayed it nicely.

Hey, isn't that
That guitarist?

It is. It's gil.

Rats, I was gonna call him
Tomorrow with the bad news.

Well, you could just walk
Away rudely.

I'll say a quick hello

And tell him I'll call him
Tomorrow.

Hey, lane.
Trippy, huh?

Totally.
How you doin', gil?

Great.
I saw the flyers.

I thought
I'd come check it out.

Cool. Great. Yeah.

Hey, don't sweat it, okay?

What do you mean?

It's okay.
I know I'm not in the band.

I picked up the vibe.
The age difference --

It doesn't bother me,
But it's a little weird.

I know.

Maybe a little.

It's cool, really.

Good.

Well, you're a great guy, gil,
And a great guitarist.

Someone's gonna scoop you up
Quick.

I hope so.

I'm gonna keep going no matter
What, not like last time.

Last time?

Yeah, I had another band,
A great band,

The hottest band in l.A.

We sold out all the clubs --

The house of blues,
The whiskey.

We had an awesome demo
With tunes.

Then we got our big break --
An opening slot

On a national tour
With quiet riot.

Wow!

But we blew it.

We were fighting all the time
Over money, over chicks.

We broke up before
The tour even started.

I didn't touch my axe
For years.

I just got a day gig
And lived my life.

Then a few months ago,
I picked up my guitar,

And I realized how much
I missed it.

So I went out looking again,

And that's how
You got my tape.

But I'm not stopping this time
For anything.

I'm gonna keep going
Until it happens.

But thanks for letting me play
With you guys.

It was a blast.
You're fantastic.

Well, get used to playing
With us, gil,

'cause you're in the band.

Really?

Really.

No way!

Way.

Oh, my god!
This is so cool!

I'll call you tomorrow,
Okay?

Okay, I'll talk
To you tomorrow.

Honey, kids,
I am in the band!

Yes!

Our guitarist is married.

You made his kids
Happy, too.

You guys watched

The first two "Matrix"S
On dvd together, too.

I heard all about it.

Get away from me.

"The last supper,"
Ladies and gentlemen.

Serene, wasn't it?

Better order quick.
We're closing --

Soon.

Surprise.

I'll say.

Lots of nuttiness
Going on out there.

Yeah, it's "The festival
Of nutty pictures."

So, you successfully
Avoid the nuttiness?

For the most part, yeah.

Christ's table was broken,
So I fixed it.

He's a carpenter.

He should have
Fixed it himself.

Speaking of nutty --
All this -- you and me.

Yeah.

If it were happening
To anyone else, I'd laugh.

Getting married
Is what broke us up.

You gotta love the irony.

[ chuckles ]

Yeah, it is a little ironic.

I'm not gonna say getting
Married on that ship like we did

Wasn't wrong.

We should have thought
More about it,

But maybe rushing into divorce
Would be just as wrong.

What are you talking about?

We're still you and me.

Why can't we have
What we had before?

Which was?

Two people who loved
Being together.

We're in the middle
Of a divorce.

We can postpone it.

We can?

I'm a lawyer.
I know these things.

Postpone it and do what?

Date.

Remember?
That was the fun part.

So what you're saying is
We get back together,

Not divorce, but not
Be married, either?

I guess.

I know it sounds stupid,

But it doesn't feel stupid,
Does it?

Picasso's "Guernica,"
Everybody.

Wasn't that something?

Our next work is found
In the gardens of versailles

In the country of our
Former ally, france.

It is one of more than 2,000
Sculptures to be found

In that famed garden.

I'd like to turn
Your attention now

To our town's beloved gazebo
For "The reaper."

[ applause ]

Okay, our statue's done.
Stamp it, ship it.

Terrence and lorelai, our renoir
Couple, you're up next.

Be ready.

Okay, I'm just about done
Here, patty.

Just give me one second.

Okay, I'm just saying --
2-minute warning.

Terrence, get into place.

My aching feet will never
Forgive me.

You ready for your close-up,
Miss desmond?

Just about.

It's a great way
To close this thing.

I don't know why everybody's
Rushing me like this.

Mom...

You okay?

Yeah. No.

No?

My heart is going
A million miles a second.

I feel hot.
Is my makeup running?

No, mom, you look great.
What's wrong?

I flinched.

Seven years ago on this very
Stage in this very costume,

I flinched.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.
I was in denial.

I just didn't want taylor
To be right, but he was.

So what? I bet most people
Didn't see it.

Stevie wonder
Could have seen it.

I almost knocked
Terrence down.

I flinched.
I am a big, fat flincher!

But that was
A long time ago.

Once a flincher,
Always a flincher.

That was seven years ago.
You're different now.

Yeah, I am.
I'm less stable.

My muscles are weaker,
And my bones are more fragile.

There are a dozen more ways
For me to wobble now.

I'm a weeble,
And weebles wobble.

The town
Is gonna hate me.

Mom, listen,

You are in amazing
Physical shape.

This is mental.
You can beat it.

How?

'cause you can.

No specifics?

Not really.

Well, I need something.

Close your eyes
And think of england.

Okay.

And know that I love you
No matter what happens up there

And go be still.

England, england.

She's not gonna flinch,
Is she?

Is she?

...Made pierre auguste renoir

One of the world's
Most beloved painters.

So to close
Our triumphant evening,

We give you his incomparable
"Dance at bougival."

[ applause ]

Good girl.
Keep it up.

[ pager beeping to tune of
"The entertainer" ]

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

What the hell is that?

It's sookie's baby pager.

[ gasps ]
Oi to the vai!

[ beeping continues ]

I can't look.

Keep frozen.
Keep frozen.

What's happening?

That's it.

Curtain.

[ applause ]

[ exhales ]

Ladies and gentlemen,

Thank you for making tonight
Such a success.

On behalf of the town
Of stars hollow,

We bid you adieu from "The
Festival of living pictures."

[ applause ]

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