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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
"THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW"!
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HA!
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WOODY ALLEN IS IN THE NEWS,
HUH?
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WELL, HE'S NOT, BUT I THINK HIS
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WHOLE EXISTENCE IS WEIRD.
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"MIDNIGHT IN PARIS" -- GOOD.
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UM, MARRYING YOUR
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STEPDAUGHTER -- BAD.
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ARE WE JUST COOL WITH THAT?
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WE'RE COOL WITH WHAT HE'S LIVING
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WITH?
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I'M NOT. BOOM!
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REALLY TOPICAL HUMOR.
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OH, MAN.
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I WAS JOGGING DOWN THE STREET --
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NO, I WASN'T JOGGING, 'CAUSE I
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DON'T WORK OUT.
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I'D RATHER JUST LET THE CALORIES
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DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO.
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MAN, WE ARE KILLING IT!
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NAH, MAN.
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I'M KILLING IT.
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TOMATO, TO-MAH-TO.
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LETTUCE, ONIONS, PICKLES,
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KETCHUP, MAYONNAISE, MUSTARD.
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT
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GUEST -- SINBAD!
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YAY. AH-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H...
DON'T BE SHY. DON'T BE SHY.
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COME ON OUT.
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WHAT'S HAPPENING, MAN?
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[ LAUGHS ] SINBAD!
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ASSALAMU ALAIKUM.
ALAIKUM SALAM.
ALL RIGHT. RIGHT ON.
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HEY. WHAT'S UP?
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YOU GONNA STAND THERE THE WHOLE
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TIME?
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YEAH.
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SINBAD.
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ANY PUBLIC APOLOGIES YOU'D LIKE
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TO MAKE REAL QUICK UP AT THE
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TOP?
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UM, ANYBODY I'VE HURT IN MY
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LIFE.
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YEAH.
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I SHOT A WOMAN ONCE.
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DAMN.
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IT WAS A CLUB IN DENVER.
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YOU EVER BEEN ON ACID?
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THEN YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
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TALKING ABOUT.
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I'M ON IT RIGHT NOW.
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THERE YOU GO.
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WHAT'S THE WORST STAND-UP GIG
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OF ALL TIME?
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I DID -- I THINK IT WAS A
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WEDDING -- OH, I DID A WEDDING.
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THEY WOULDN'T LET ME HAVE A
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PLACE TO STAY, SO I HAD JUST
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ENOUGH MONEY TO STAY IN THIS
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LITTLE HOLE-IN-THE-WALL PLACE.
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I DIDN'T REALIZE -- THERE WAS A
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PIMP.
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HE SAID, "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
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I'LL PAY FOR YOUR ROOM, BUT YOU
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CAN'T BE HERE DURING THE DAY,
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'CAUSE THE GIRLS ARE GONNA USE
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YOUR ROOM."
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WAIT. THE PIMP HOOKED IT UP?
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PIMP HOOKED ME UP.
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AND HE CAME TO MY SHOW.
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YOU, OF COURSE, EITHER TOOK
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THE SHEETS OFF OR SLEPT ON THE
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FLOOR, RIGHT?
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MUST HAVE BEEN STINKY-ASS
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SHEETS.
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THAT ROOM GONNA BE JIZZED
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OUT, MAN.
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THAT ROOM GONNA BE REAL JIZZED
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OUT.
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THE ROOM HAD TO BE JIZZED
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WHAT WAS SINBAD'S SLEEPING
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SITUATION?
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NO.
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IT HAD TO BE.
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DID HE JUST BRING HIS OWN
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SHEETS OR DID HE SLEEP ON THE
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FLOOR?
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YOU GOT TO WORRY ABOUT THE
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JIZZ.
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YOU GOT TO WORRY ABOUT BEDBUGS.
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NO, IT WASN'T -- THEY WOULD
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CLEAN IT, THE MAIDS.
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OH, IT'S TIME FOR THE WHEEL
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OF PRIZES!
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ALL RIGHT!
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YEAH.
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YEAH!
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YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
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YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
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ALL RIGHT.
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HERE WE GO!
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AH-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H...
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YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
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YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
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YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
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YEAH!
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OHH! OHH!
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YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
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YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
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YEAH! YES! YES!
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YES!
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COME ON. COME ON.
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COME O-- YEAH!
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YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
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I'LL JUST MOVE TO
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NORTH KOREA.
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I'LL JUST MOVE.
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I'LL JUST MOVE TO NORTH KOREA.
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OKAY?
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OKAY.
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OKAY. OKAY.
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I'LL JUST MOVE TO
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NORTH KOREA.
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AH. PERFECT.
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HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
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AAH!
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GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR!
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GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR!
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I'M NOT GOING TO JAIL TWICE FOR
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TWO BITS.
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TALK TO THE [BLEEP] SECURITY
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GUARD AND TALK TO THE COPS.
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT
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GUEST -- THE HULK!
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YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE?
YEAH, I'VE BEEN IN LOVE.
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN IN LOVE.
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I'VE BEEN IN LOVE.
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I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT...
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YEAH.
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WHEN DID YOU LOSE YOUR
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VIRGINITY?
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WHEN I WAS, UH, 22.
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YEAH? WHAT WAS IT LIKE?
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IT WAS PRETTY COOL, YOU KNOW?
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SHE, UH...
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WENT TO AMSTERDAM.
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I ACTUALLY WENT TO AMSTERDAM.
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YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY TO A
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PROSTITUTE?
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YES, I DID.
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YOU'RE ASKING SOME DOPE
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QUESTIONS, MAN.
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AND SHE GAVE YOU A BLOW JOB
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WITH A CONDOM ON?
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YES.
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YEAH, I'VE BEEN THERE.
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I HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE.
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DESCRIBE -- DESCRIBE THE EVENT.
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SOME FUN TIMES. FUN TIMES.
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YOU CAN GET GRAPHIC.
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THIS IS AFTER HOURS.
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OH, AFTER HOURS.
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WELL, I MEAN, I JUST...
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WELL, I MEAN, UH...
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SHE FIRST TOOK OFF HER CLOTHES,
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AND THEN...
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SHE PUT, LIKE, THE CONDOM ON
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AND, UH, SHE, UH, YOU KNOW, SHE
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WENT AHEAD AND...DID SHE --
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WHAT -- DID, UH...WHAT, YOU
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KNOW, SHE WAS PAID TO DO, YOU
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KNOW?
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SHE WAS PAID TO DO, UH...
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WHICH IS?
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A GOOD JOB OF, UH...
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SEX?
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THE HULK, EVERYBODY!
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A LONG TIME AGO!
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IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY!
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DARTH VADER CAPTURES
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PRINCESS LEIA AND HAS STOLEN
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PLANS FOR THE DEATH STAR!
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YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,
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YELLOW HOODIE?
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YOU SPECIFICALLY!
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HE ACCIDENTALLY TRIGGERS A
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MESSAGE FROM THE PRINCESS LEIA!
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YOU'RE A ROBOT!
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YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING!
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SPECIFIC--
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SPECIFICALLY!
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232
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I'M TALKING A LITTLE BIT OF
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BOBA FETT!
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BEN KENOBI ALLOWED HIMSELF TO BE
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KILLED!
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CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?
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WE ALL KNOW THA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A...
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...A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-T!
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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS NEXT
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GUEST WAS NOT EASY TO GET.
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LIVING LEGEND, COMEDY ICON --
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MR. JERRY SEINFELD, EVERYBODY!
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JERRY SEINFELD.
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JERRY SEINFELD. JERRY SEINFELD.
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MAN, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING,
MAN.
THE AIRPLANE, MAN, IT'S ALL
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MAN, I PAID $5,000 TO FLY FROM
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NEW YORK TO LOS ANGELES, MAN.
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ALL I GOT FOR IT IS PEANUTS AND
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P-PIZZA, MAN!
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[BLEEP] THAT [BLEEP]
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MAN, I'M PISSED OFF, MAN.
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THEY CLASHED MY ASS, MAN.
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MY ASS!
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[BLEEP] IT, MAN.
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I'M PISSED OFF.
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MAN, I'M GOING BACK TO NEW YORK,
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MAN.
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DUDES, I'M SO PISSED, I CAN'T
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EVEN TALK RIGHT NOW.
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[ SPAGHETTI-WESTERN MUSIC
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PLAYS ]
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HEY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE SHOW?
MM, OKAY.
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WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ERIC ANDRE?
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I GUESS HE LIKES BOYS RATHER
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THAN GIRLS.
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YEAH.
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WELL, HEY, TO EACH HIS OWN.
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I GUESS SO.
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CAN I GET A LITTLE KISS?
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OKAY.
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MWAH!
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MWAH.
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00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:32,971
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE
280
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,406
WELCOME TAP-DANCING SENSATION
281
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:35,874
SAVION GLOVER!
282
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,509
283
00:09:37,511 --> 00:09:40,145
284
00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:45,183
285
00:09:57,997 --> 00:10:04,769
286
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:15,647
287
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:29,594
288
00:10:43,776 --> 00:10:46,244
289
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,681
290
00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:06,865
RUSSELL BRAND HERE.
AS I WAS SAYING...
291
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:13,271
DON'T LET YOUR COMPUTER JUST
SLEEP.
UNPLUG IT.
292
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:13,938
15392
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