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Hey, Jocelyn, uh,
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would you ever tag mein one of your videos?
3
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- I'd love to get more followers.- I'll do it for 50 bucks.
4
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- Whoa, Whitney,you look like shit.
5
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Uh, sorry, I didn't realize
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this dorm meetingwas a formal event.
7
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No, it's amazing.
8
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You look like a celebritytaking out the trash.
9
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I wish I had the confidenceto look that bad.
10
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- All right,my favorite FreshThem.
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As you know,it is Parents' Weekend.
12
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Yay.
13
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- My juggling group will beperforming at the brunch,
14
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if you are lookingfor something super fun to do.
15
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- Ooh, Whitney,I'd love to fit in
16
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a quick TikTok with your mom.
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I mean, it is sponsoredby Chex Mix,
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so she cannot mentionany other crunchy snack brands.
19
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- All right, look, I getthat my mom is exciting,
20
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but my dad's coming, too.
21
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He's pretty cool.He's a musician.
22
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Whoa.
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- I can't find him online.Is he famous?
24
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- He's a very well respectedbassist in the Bay Area.
25
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- Well, if your momwasn't a senator,
26
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that would probably be cooler.
27
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- Frude, I'm just gonnajump in here for a second.
28
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Um, before our families arrive,
29
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I think we shouldall quickly share any lies
30
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we've told them that we'd likeeach other to corroborate.
31
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- Oh, hell, yes.Yes, that's smart.
32
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- Finally, an actual reasonto have one of these meetings.
33
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- Hey.- I'll start.
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My parents thinkI'm a neuroscience major,
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which I'm clearly not.
36
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Also, they thinkI've washed my sheets.
37
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- I told my dadthat all of our textbooks
38
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come from Net-a-Porter,
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and that iswhy he's getting charges.
40
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Oh, good one.
41
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- My parents think I goto church every weekend.
42
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I made up a priest.His name is Father Steve.
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And he's guiding meon my faith journey.
44
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So good.
45
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- I told my mom I joinedthe Young Republicans.
46
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I didn't. I'm just tryingto fuck with her.
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But please corroborate.
48
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- My parentscannot know I'm gay.
49
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- Oh.- What?
50
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- Might want to changethat shirt.
51
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- All right,I have about 50 of them.
52
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- Wow.- All right.
53
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No one mentionmy fake ID business
54
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- or my OnlyFans or my--- I am leaving the room.
55
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I cannot hear these things,and I am leaving the room.
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- ♪ Don't say you were therewhen you weren't ♪
57
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♪ 'Cause I don't think ♪
58
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♪ You were therewhen I was hurtin' ♪
59
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♪ And now I don't knowif I want to come home ♪
60
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♪ No, I don't know... ♪
61
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[laughs] So I said to Barack,
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"You cannot breakthe glass ceiling
63
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without gettingsome glass in your eye."
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[laughing]
65
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- My mom is so fake,it's insane.
66
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I think she's very inspiring.
67
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- Are you wearing,like, an African dress?
68
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- It's not African.It's tribal-themed.
69
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I was invitedto the Black Affinity House.
70
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I wanted to show some respect.
71
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- Well, you look likea Nigerian prom queen.
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- Damn it.- I'm sorry.
73
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- Hey, do you know how fancythis restaurant
74
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Leighton chose for tonight is?
75
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Some websites are sayingthree out of four dollar signs
76
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and others are saying four.
77
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- Uh, yeah, I have no idea.- Hi.
78
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- [gasps] Senator Chase,that was incredible.
79
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- Representation matters.- [chuckles]
80
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- I think it wasFrederick Douglass
81
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- who once said--- I can't. I'm sorry, I can't.
82
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- Do you mind getting a sconeor something?
83
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Absolutely.
84
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- [indistinct chatter]- [chuckles]
85
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Is that girl wearinga dashiki?
86
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- She is.- Mm.
87
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- Uh, hey, Mom, I wanted totalk to you about something.
88
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It's kind of personal.
89
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- Well, can we do it Sundaybetween 3:30 and 4:30?
90
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I have a board meeting, andthen I have to cut the ribbon
91
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for a new all-gender bathroomat the business school.
92
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You know what? Never mind.
93
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I'll just see youat the restaurant, whatever.
94
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- Thanks, honey,for being so flexible.
95
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[indistinct chatter]
96
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[pop music]
97
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♪ ♪
98
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No, no, no!
99
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Guys, we got to throwthe leaves much higher.
100
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They got to explode upinto the air, okay?
101
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- Dad, can we please stop,all right?
102
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This is so embarrassing.
103
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- Honey, this pictureis very important to me.
104
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I have dreamed of usbeing an Essex family
105
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since you were a baby.
106
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Come on,I want it to be perfect.
107
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- What about the student-loanprotest behind us?
108
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- [sighs] We're luckyto even have student loans.
109
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I don't know. Maybe I can scrubit out later, okay?
110
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Let's just go againreal fast
111
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before the sun goesbehind the library tower.
112
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Okay, everybodyget 30% more leaves.
113
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30%, these are artisanalfoliage, very expensive.
114
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Big smiles, perfect family,perfect family.
115
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Holy shit.
116
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Here we go.
117
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Leighton, pay attention.
118
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My facialist begged meto stay out of the sun.
119
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Sorry.
120
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- Protect Mommy's face.Here we go.
121
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Three, two, one, leaves.[camera shutter clicking]
122
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Perfect. That's the one.That's the one.
123
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- I think we did it.- That's my shit right there.
124
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Yes!Perfect New England family!
125
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[moody rock music]
126
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♪♪
127
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- So this is my absolutefavorite class.
128
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It's calledbiochemistry and biophysics.
129
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It meets twice a week,but, honestly, it's so fun,
130
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I wish it met three times.
131
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Seems so impressive, beta.
132
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So many smart-looking boys.
133
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Yeah, these are my people.
134
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Good afternoon.
135
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It's nice to seethe parental elements
136
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that combined to createthe student compounds.
137
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- [laughing]- Dad, cool it.
138
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:03,336
He's a very funny man.
139
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[jazzy piano music]
140
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♪ ♪
141
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Don't scratch that car.
142
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[chuckles]
143
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- Dad, you're not gonna bea dick to Whitney's mom, right?
144
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No one needs Sean Hannityat dinner tonight.
145
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No, I'm not gonna be a dick.
146
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I'm only gonna askabout her insane stance
147
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on inheritance tax.
148
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- So this is the nicestrestaurant near campus?
149
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- So sorry it's notthe Polo Lounge.
150
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It's just so earnest.
151
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Mom, it's good, chill.
152
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Leight, you pickeda great place.
153
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- I love how unpretentiousyou are, Nicholas.
154
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Oh, and you've gotten so builtsince you've been here.
155
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I hardly recognize you.
156
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- Still doesn't make itany more socially acceptable
157
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that you wantto have sex with him.
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- Leighton Murray.- Jesus Christ, Leighton.
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Please don't suggest
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that your mom wantsto have sex with your brother.
161
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It's disgusting.
162
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Plus, Nico could doso much better than me.
163
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- Yes.- Let's just find our table.
164
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Wonderful.
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Hi.
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[indistinct chatter]
167
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- Oh, there's my girl.- Hi.
168
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- [laughs]Ah!
169
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All right, uh,you're wearing this?
170
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- I mean, it's on my body,so, yes.
171
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Well, you know what?
172
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With this figure,you could pull off anything.
173
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[chuckles]
174
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Your dad's not here yet.
175
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You can stay out hereif you want to.
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♪ ♪
177
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Oh, no.
178
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I was so worriedabout underdressing
179
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that we overdressed.
180
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- Nonsense.We look festive.
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Come on.
182
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- Hi.- Sorry we're late.
183
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- Are you going to an eventafter this?
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- Um, we're only attendingthis dinner.
185
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- Well, I thinkthey look great.
186
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Well, welcome.
187
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They're excited to be hereas am I.
188
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I told my security,unless the president is dead,
189
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do not interrupt me.
190
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[awkward laughter]
191
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- I brought little surprisegifts for the girls.
192
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Here you go.
193
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The elderly womanacross the street makes them,
194
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keeps her dementiaat bay, so...
195
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- Thank you, Ms. Finkle.- Sure. They're purse hooks.
196
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You hang 'em, then our bagsnever have to touch the ground.
197
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[laughs]
198
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- Bela, you should inventsomething like this,
199
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like that womanwho invented the underwear
200
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that pulls your stomach in.
201
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She's very rich.
202
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- Mm, yeah, I've invested.I'll tell you that.
203
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- Evette, can I just say whatan honor it is to meet you?
204
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Thank you.
205
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- May I ask--did you fly here private
206
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or first-classon the taxpayers' dollar?
207
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- Dad.- [laughs]
208
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:04,150
I actually do fly privatebecause of the death threats.
209
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You must know what it's liketo have people want you dead.
210
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[laughter]
211
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- That's great, that's great.Beautiful and funny.
212
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Oh, I'm sorry,
213
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I forgot it's a crime to givea woman compliments now.
214
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- Well, when I hear one,I'll let you know. [laughs]
215
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,800
- Super chilly outside,isn't it?
216
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,368
- Yeah, how colddo we all think it is?
217
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- Mom, do you want to guess?- Oh, jeez, I'd love to.
218
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Okay.
219
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♪ ♪
220
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"Price upon request."
221
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They never do thatwhen it's cheap, do they?
222
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- [chuckles]- Is this place okay, Kimberly?
223
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,254
- This is a lovely choice,Leighton.
224
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,356
- If everyone's ready,I'll flag down the waiter.
225
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- Yes.- Oh, sorry.
226
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I think we're still waitingfor my dad, if that's okay.
227
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I mean, did he give an ETA?
228
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- Oh, I'm surehe'll be here very soon.
229
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♪ ♪
230
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This bread is so pretty.
231
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I'm gonna take a picturefor your dad.
232
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He loves art.
233
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:09,115
- Yay!That's a good one.
234
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Um, everyone, well,
235
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I'd like to say what a delightit is to see all of you again.
236
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And so, to that end,I will be treating tonight.
237
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- Oh, that's so generous.Thank you so much.
238
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:24,263
- No, no, we should split it.- Oh, Mr. Malhotra,
239
00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:25,865
it really seemslike he would like to pay.
240
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:29,068
- I cannot allow that.- No, just let him pay!
241
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♪ ♪
242
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- I actually insistwe split it.
243
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Legally any gift or meal
244
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that I receive over $50is considered a bribe.
245
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Okay.
246
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:43,149
- Just so you know, the pursehooks were under $50.
247
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,817
- [sighs]- Are you okay?
248
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,052
Yeah.
249
00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:48,154
- You're just scratchingyour neck a lot.
250
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,156
- It's fine. It's hives.It's normal.
251
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,791
Excuse me.
252
00:09:55,995 --> 00:09:57,763
I get it, my hivesare disgusting.
253
00:09:57,830 --> 00:09:59,832
I think this dressis making it worse.
254
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,635
- Take my credit cardfor your share of dinner?
255
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:04,403
- No.- You are clearly stressed out
256
00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:05,671
about how much it costs.
257
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,406
All right, I feel terrible.
258
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:09,575
- Then why did you choosesuch an expensive restaurant?
259
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:11,143
There are things on this menu
260
00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:12,845
that cost more thanmy mom's plane ticket here.
261
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,280
Just please take my card.
262
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,182
Okay, my parentswon't even notice it
263
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,851
on the statement, really,just...
264
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,353
please.
265
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:25,191
Thank you, Leighton.
266
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:29,295
♪ ♪
267
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:30,596
- Everything good?- Mm-hmm.
268
00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:33,332
- I'm sorry.We really need to order.
269
00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:35,201
My wife's blood sugaris spiking.
270
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,003
It's true. I could faint.
271
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:38,871
Maybe Nico could catch mewith those strong arms.
272
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:41,607
- Mom, chill.Just have some bread.
273
00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:43,476
- I'm having bread.- Stop it.
274
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:45,111
- Why would you tell meto stop it?
275
00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:46,712
- Please stop it.You're embarrassing yourself.
276
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,181
- I'm embarrassing no one.- It is Parents' Weekend.
277
00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:51,183
- It is Parents' Weekend,so act like a parent.
278
00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:52,718
- What is thatsupposed to mean?
279
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:53,953
You know what it means.
280
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,656
Let's getto the important stuff.
281
00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:59,325
- Your love lives.- [chuckles] Oh.
282
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,960
Who has a boyfriend?
283
00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:03,362
- Mom, we've literallybeen here for, like, six weeks.
284
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:05,031
Whitney, you're gorgeous.
285
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:06,999
I'm sure someone'scaught your eye.
286
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:08,367
Not really.
287
00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,536
I'm too busy with soccerto have a boyfriend.
288
00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:13,806
- Oh, boo.[cell phone vibrates]
289
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:15,841
- Oh, excuse me.I have to take this.
290
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:17,977
Can you order my dadthe rack of lamb?
291
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:20,312
- He'll be here so soon.- Yeah, of course.
292
00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:21,747
Thankfully for us,
293
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,750
Bela has never beentoo distracted by boys.
294
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:28,320
[laughter]
295
00:11:28,387 --> 00:11:29,488
What's so funny?
296
00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:31,524
- Bela is the biggest--
297
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:33,192
Bookworm.
298
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:35,094
I'm always studying.
299
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,398
- The Asian way--that's very smart of you.
300
00:11:39,498 --> 00:11:42,501
Kimberly, what about you?Are you dating anyone?
301
00:11:42,568 --> 00:11:45,104
- Oh, no, I don't havea dating--a boyfriend.
302
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,439
I'm not dating a boyfriend.
303
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,075
- Oh, your nervessay otherwise.
304
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:52,578
- Are you seeing someone?- No, I'm definitely not.
305
00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:54,380
Mom, stop badgering them.
306
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,749
Maybe they don't want todiscuss their private lives
307
00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:58,584
- with you, huh?- I'm ordering.
308
00:11:58,684 --> 00:12:00,352
- Hey, are youat the train station?
309
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:02,121
I can take Mom's carand come get you.
310
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,956
Honey, I'm in San Jose.
311
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,225
You're in San Jose? Why?
312
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:07,960
Actually, pretty exciting.
313
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,629
The Barbary Coast neededa bassist to fill in tonight,
314
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,697
and I said, yes.
315
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,132
But it's Parents' Weekend.
316
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,901
- I know, honey.I wish I could be there.
317
00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:18,204
But, Dad...
318
00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:19,872
Are you serious?
319
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:23,976
- Honey, I just want to makesomething of myself.
320
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:26,145
Uh, I'm happy for you.
321
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,980
I love you.
322
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:28,981
Love you, too.
323
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,416
Have fun.
324
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:33,052
♪ ♪
325
00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:34,487
[toilet flushes]
326
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,822
- [sighs] Kimberlyand her mother are so sweet.
327
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:41,594
Bless their hearts.And this sad little thing--
328
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:42,995
Mom, that was a gift.
329
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,764
At least wrap itin a paper towel or something
330
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:46,165
before you throw itin the trash.
331
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,433
Whatever, isn't it funny
332
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,168
how the oneswith the cheapest purses
333
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,837
are always the most concernedabout getting them dirty?
334
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,273
- Okay, I get it, all right?You hate my roommates.
335
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,808
Great, let's move on.
336
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:57,676
- Oh, I don't hate them.They're just--
337
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,613
they're not as sophisticatedas your friends back home,
338
00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:03,582
and you have to admitthese girls are quirky.
339
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:04,950
- [scoffs]As quirky as you?
340
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:07,987
An anorexic housewifewho shoplifts?
341
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,259
Mom, I'm sorry.I didn't mean--
342
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:15,861
- You think you are so muchbetter than me,
343
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:19,832
but, sweetheart,you and I are exactly the same.
344
00:13:23,702 --> 00:13:29,809
♪ ♪
345
00:13:31,343 --> 00:13:32,945
Wow, Carol, thank you.
346
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:35,648
This is so convenient.Thank you so much.
347
00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:37,550
You're welcome.
348
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,552
- Wait, this shitactually works
349
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,888
- Yeah, Mrs. Pratt saysit can hold up to 45 pounds.
350
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:44,557
Yes!
351
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,560
- Well, not to bea nagging parent,
352
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,895
but what is everyonemajoring in?
353
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,064
When I went to Stanford,I was a double major
354
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:55,234
in African American studiesand women's studies.
355
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:58,470
- [chuckles]- Is there something funny?
356
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:04,243
- Just all these majorswith "studies" after it--
357
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:08,247
you know, gender studies,Islamic studies.
358
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,049
Whatever happenedto good old-fashioned degrees,
359
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:14,486
like chem, econ,history, you know?
360
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,056
I'm majoring in neuroscience.
361
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:19,391
- Oh.- It's my passion.
362
00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:21,560
- Beta,isn't that Professor Harpin?
363
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:23,596
You should go to his tableand greet him.
364
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,164
It shows respect.
365
00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:27,032
- I don't want to bother him.He's with his wife.
366
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:28,767
What if she's leaving himor telling him she's gay?
367
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,670
- That could be hella awkward.- What nonsense.
368
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:33,873
Go say hi right now.
369
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:36,108
Uh, I will be back.
370
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,379
Good girl, she's a good girl.
371
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:43,382
[indistinct chatter]
372
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:48,254
- Hey, Prof, it's Belafrom biochem.
373
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:49,855
I just want to say,great lecture today.
374
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,690
Actually,all your lectures are great,
375
00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:53,893
but today's was a banger.
376
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:55,628
Thanks.
377
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,096
Wonderful lecture today.
378
00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:59,732
Nevaan Malhotra, Bela's father.
379
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:01,867
I wanted to thank youwith something.
380
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:05,137
Show this cardat any Subway restaurant,
381
00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:07,373
and you'll be pleased you did.
382
00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:10,576
- Um, I'm sorry, but I thinkthere's been a mistake.
383
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:13,712
I pride myselfknowing my students,
384
00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:16,215
and you're not one of them.
385
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:21,320
Nico, how's French going?
386
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:22,554
Oh.
387
00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:24,556
- Oh, Kimmy'staking French, too.
388
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:26,425
Let me hear somethingfrom you guys.
389
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:28,794
I want to hear this French.[Nicholas chuckles]
390
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:38,971
[laughter]
391
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,411
Ah, isn't he good?
392
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:48,147
[laughter]
393
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:51,617
- I wish I understood them,but I don't!
394
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:56,088
- Who ordered the rack of lamb?- Oh, uh, just put it here.
395
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:59,491
My father won't be joining ustonight.
396
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:03,128
- Wait, he's not makingParents' Weekend?
397
00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:05,130
Oh, sweetheart,that's horrible.
398
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:08,367
- Oh, it was kind ofa work emergency.
399
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:12,104
- Work emergency?I thought he was a musician.
400
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,040
- Uh-uh, no.
401
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:18,010
Look, I do not likemy ex-husband.
402
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:19,545
He's a flake,
403
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,047
and I don't think he owns onesingle button-down shirt,
404
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:25,551
but you do not makemy daughter feel bad about it.
405
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:28,153
- Evette, I did not--- It's Senator Chase, Henry.
406
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:29,521
I saw the little eye-roll
407
00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:31,690
you gave your wifeabout my ex-husband.
408
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:33,225
Don't do that to my kid.
409
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,828
You wait until you getto the hotel for that shit.
410
00:16:35,894 --> 00:16:37,629
Come on!
411
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,500
Whitney, I'm so sorry.
412
00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:45,170
It's okay.
413
00:16:47,806 --> 00:16:50,242
[sighs]
414
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:55,247
♪ ♪
415
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:58,017
- Reena, may we borrow youfor a family conversation?
416
00:16:58,083 --> 00:17:02,021
Bela has something to explainout back behind the restaurant.
417
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:05,157
Excuse me.
418
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:09,028
♪ ♪
419
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:10,763
- How could you lieto us like that?
420
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:14,333
- I can't believe I almostgave him a golden Subway card.
421
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,901
That's unlimited subs.
422
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:17,770
- I'm sorry, I'm not takingbiochem because I know
423
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,773
what I want to do with my life,and it's not being a doctor.
424
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,041
- I want to be a comedy writer.- [scoffs]
425
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:24,710
- And I'm, like,making progress
426
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:27,246
and pledging a really exclusivecomedy-writing group.
427
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:28,881
And you guys lovethe funny stuff.
428
00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:31,216
- I like "Young Sheldon,"and that is it.
429
00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:32,785
Bela, this schoolis very expensive,
430
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,088
and we are paying for youto study and learn,
431
00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:38,557
not play around.
432
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:39,858
[sighs]
433
00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:43,962
[insects chirping]
434
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,431
[sighs]
435
00:17:45,531 --> 00:17:47,132
- My girlfriends, you know,they just keep them.
436
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,468
My best cook pan, remember,Peggy had that,
437
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,370
and I never saw it again.
438
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:54,706
So I just cookin those toss-away tins now.
439
00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:56,208
You should really usethe real lemons,
440
00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:59,144
but, you know,in Arizona, it's offensive.
441
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:01,814
If you get the thin stuff, it'sgonna burn right through that,
442
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,749
then your top is ruined,anyway, on the pie.
443
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:05,651
So, well, that's justone of my tricks.
444
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:10,155
♪ ♪
445
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:13,158
[indistinct chatter]
446
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:16,295
- Oh, I--Mm.
447
00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:18,931
Okay, let's see here.
448
00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:21,066
Leighton,why is your card in here?
449
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:22,634
- Oh, um, I--
450
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:27,172
- It's my card, the Malhotras,Senator Chase,
451
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:28,841
and yours.
452
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,676
Wait, we didn't pay?
453
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:37,349
Leighton, why did you payfor our dinner?
454
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,518
Oh, um...
455
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:42,020
it--it--it wasa surprise treat.
456
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,590
I asked her to.
457
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:50,696
♪ ♪
458
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,332
[chuckles awkwardly]
459
00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:55,467
It's...[clears throat]
460
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:58,103
Silly.Here you go, Leighton. Sorry.
461
00:18:58,170 --> 00:18:59,705
- Well, Carol,don't worry about it.
462
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,107
- No, no, I insist.- Carol, it's fine.
463
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,676
I'm paying for our portion...
464
00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:08,547
of the bill,so it's end of discussion.
465
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,522
Ma'am, your card.
466
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,960
- Thank you for sayingthat about Dad.
467
00:19:22,027 --> 00:19:24,363
It meant a lot to methat you defended him,
468
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:27,065
and the lookon Leighton's dad's face--
469
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,534
- He was rightabout your dad.
470
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:31,837
I'm so sick of makingexcuses for him.
471
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,839
I show up, you hate me.
472
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:37,643
He doesn't show up,you love him.
473
00:19:37,709 --> 00:19:41,146
Whitney, one dayyou're gonna realize
474
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:45,184
he doesn't deservethe pedestal you put him on.
475
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:49,221
[moody indie music]
476
00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:56,061
♪ ♪
477
00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:59,698
- I'm going to ask the valetwhat's taking so long.
478
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:03,335
- [groans] He's so mad.- Mm, he'll be fine.
479
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:06,672
Bela, I know how muchthis dream means to you,
480
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,941
but we need youto protect your future,
481
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:12,711
just in case you don't becomethe next Amy Schumer.
482
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,680
- I'm impressedyou remembered her name.
483
00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:16,114
Ha, of course I do.
484
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,450
You spent yearswatching her videos--
485
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,285
boobs, sex, funny stuff.
486
00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:23,355
Damn, Mom.
487
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,390
Beta, I cut you a deal.
488
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:27,059
You promise methat you will take
489
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:29,595
that professor's biochemistrycourse next semester,
490
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:32,197
and I will work on your father,
491
00:20:32,264 --> 00:20:35,634
get him to bea little more supportive.
492
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,936
I can do that.
493
00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:40,472
Also, I need moneyto buy books and underwear.
494
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:43,075
- I already put an envelopeon your dresser.
495
00:20:43,141 --> 00:20:45,544
[laughs]
496
00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:49,114
♪ ♪
497
00:20:49,214 --> 00:20:51,049
[sighs]
498
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:56,121
♪ ♪
499
00:20:56,221 --> 00:20:58,657
- I'm sorry if I embarrassedyou at dinner tonight.
500
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,827
- Oh, you mean when you made melook like a street urchin
501
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,595
in front of the rich people?
502
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:05,230
[chuckles]
503
00:21:05,297 --> 00:21:08,400
I knew dinner was gonna beexpensive--I'd saved for it.
504
00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,002
I just freaked out.
505
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,938
Fitting in at Essex has beenharder than I expected.
506
00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:15,774
- Speaking of fitting in,where'd you get that coat?
507
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:18,677
It's not the one I shipped you.
508
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,947
It's Leighton's.
509
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,982
Oh, boy.
510
00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:27,319
Honey, I am so proud of youfor being here.
511
00:21:27,419 --> 00:21:30,022
And I want you to haveevery amazing experience
512
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,290
this place has to offer.
513
00:21:31,356 --> 00:21:33,859
I just don't want youto pretend
514
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:36,194
to be somebody you're not.
515
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:37,663
I'm not.
516
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:41,867
- I think you've changeda little since Move-in Day,
517
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:46,138
and I'm not sayingin a bad way, I'm just...
518
00:21:46,204 --> 00:21:48,006
I'm noticing it.
519
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:51,143
Hey, it's okay.
520
00:21:51,209 --> 00:21:53,712
Want to walk me backto the hotel?
521
00:21:53,812 --> 00:21:55,147
Yeah
522
00:21:55,213 --> 00:21:59,318
♪ ♪
523
00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:02,654
- All I said was--
524
00:22:02,721 --> 00:22:05,390
- You know, I feel like she'snot here for the right reasons.
525
00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:07,459
And, honestly, neither is she.
526
00:22:07,526 --> 00:22:10,996
[indistinct chatter on laptop]
527
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:13,365
- I think I like you betterthan anyone I know.
528
00:22:13,465 --> 00:22:16,068
Oh, no, that is so sad.
529
00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:18,503
We've only known each otherfor, like, four weeks.
530
00:22:18,570 --> 00:22:20,572
- Okay, well,I don't like a lot of people.
531
00:22:20,672 --> 00:22:23,241
- Nah, don't compliment meand then water it down.
532
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:26,178
I want to feel thatfull-blown compliment.
533
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,015
Tell me how you like me.
534
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:31,917
- No!- Tell me how you like me!
535
00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:33,919
- Get off me,you little weirdo!
536
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,355
Come on,you're pushing my boob!
537
00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:39,391
[electronic music]
538
00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:46,565
♪ ♪
539
00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:56,775
[knock at door]
540
00:22:56,875 --> 00:22:59,177
That dinner fucking sucked.
541
00:22:59,244 --> 00:23:01,947
It wasn't that bad.
542
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,583
Like, for what it's worth,
543
00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:09,020
I don't think of youas poor or anything like that.
544
00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:11,289
I am, though.
545
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:15,093
I am kind of poor,and that's okay.
546
00:23:15,193 --> 00:23:16,595
I just--
547
00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:19,464
I wish I could still, like...
548
00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:21,867
belong here.
549
00:23:21,933 --> 00:23:24,269
What, at Essex?
550
00:23:24,369 --> 00:23:26,037
You already do.
551
00:23:27,739 --> 00:23:29,574
- Thank you.[chuckles]
552
00:23:29,641 --> 00:23:36,748
♪ ♪
553
00:23:52,898 --> 00:23:54,833
Should we go to your room?
554
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:58,303
- Actually,I should probably get to bed.
555
00:23:58,403 --> 00:24:01,673
I want to get a fulleight hours of sleep in.
556
00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:03,275
Oh, okay.
557
00:24:03,341 --> 00:24:04,810
[chuckles]
558
00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:06,445
I'm kidding.
559
00:24:06,511 --> 00:24:08,447
Let's go.
560
00:24:10,582 --> 00:24:17,656
♪ ♪
561
00:25:38,169 --> 00:25:39,237
Go to bed.
46885
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