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- ♪ Get, get, get, get,get on up ♪
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♪ Get on up ♪
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- [screams]Holy shit!
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How are you not freaking out?
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- I am, I just freak outin a quieter way than you do.
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- Give me my phone--- Ah!
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What hell is going on?
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Bela, this better not beabout another pic
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of Pete Davidson in sweatpants.
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- I can't believeI'm saying this,
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but it's actually betterthan that.
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Look at what Nico commentedon Kimberly's pic.
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- "That dress tho."Eye-bugging emoji.
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Oh, damn! He wants to fuck you.
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That's what I said.
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- No,I don't think that's true.
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Wait, has Leighton seen this?
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- No, she's made it very clearshe does not follow me
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- on social media.- Me too.
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- Same.- And please don't tell her.
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She gets mad at mewhen I touch her sweaters,
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let alone her brother.
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- So are you gonna replyto him?
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- I thought I'd write backsomething cute.
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Like, I could say,"That comment tho."
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Stop. No. That's bad.
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Here's what you do.
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Send him a picture,something tasteful
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like pulling the topof your shirt way down
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- with your middle finger--- Bela, too much.
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- 8:00 AM.- [laughs]
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- Oh, my God,he just deleted it.
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- Wait, what?- What the fuck?
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- He deleted the comment.It's gone.
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Is this bad?
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Like, maybe he decided
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he doesn't like"that dress tho"?
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- I mean, it doesn't seem good.- Hold up.
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Nico deleting the commentis a good thing.
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It means that not only washe into your picture--
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wink, wink--but he thought about it enough
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to actually come backto it again later.
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He's basically obsessedwith you.
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- Wow, Bela may actuallyhave a point.
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- Mm-hmm.- You know what? No.
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I will not drive myself crazy
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waiting onsome man's attention.
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I refuse to overthink this.
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- Mm-hmm.[phone dings]
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Ugh.
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- Well?- It's a coupon for Panera.
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- ♪ First thing first,I'm a winner ♪
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♪ You ain't even competition ♪
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♪'Cause my landain't for beginners ♪
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♪ Only getting better when myhead is getting bitter ♪
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♪ Yes, I gotta keep it moving'cause I never... ♪
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- I know we're collectingthese clothes
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for people who need them,
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but, really, haven't they beenthrough enough?
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- But these clothes are to helpget people off the streets,
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not into Dean & DeLucafor brunch.
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- Oh, my God, do you thinkthat's a brunch place?
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- Hey, Leight, um, a bunch ofus are going
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to a drag queen trivia tonight,if you wanna join.
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- Yeah, the winning team getsa free eyebrow shaping
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and a photo with Vermont'sbest drag queen, Miranda Penis.
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- I actually have planstonight.
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Theta's throwing one of theirbiggest parties of the year,
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the Theta-lympics.
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What? Why are you all so quiet?
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Did I accidentally saysomething triggering again?
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- Hey, I get thatyour brother is in Theta,
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but frats can be extremelysexist, toxic nightmares.
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I mean,we have been campaigning
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to abolish Greek lifefor over a year now.
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- Okay, look,I know frats get a bad rap,
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all right, but Theta actuallydoes a lot of good.
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They just finished aconstruction project in Mexico.
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- Yeah, on the Señor Frog'sthat they burned down.
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- Okay, fine,maybe they're not perfect.
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But have any of you even beento a frat party?
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Hmm?
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- I chained myself toa tree outside one once.
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- So we're makinga judgmental assumption?
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- You're right.- Thank you.
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- Yeah, I mean,we shouldn't be judging Theta
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until we goto one of their parties.
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- Mm-hmm.
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- So maybe we should all gotonight.
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No!
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Oh, no, no, come on.
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I mean, you guys have yoursuper fun drag queen thing.
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- No, no, no, no,let's give Theta a chance
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to prove us wrong.
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Send me that invite.
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I can.
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Just FYI,they did photoshop a boob
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into the Theta logo.
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- And we're offto a great start.
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[upbeat music]
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♪ ♪
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- I have the coolest fuckingplans tonight.
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"The Catullan" editorsare throwing
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a wine and cheese soirée.
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- Yeah,that doesn't sound cool.
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But, hey,things must be going well
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if they invited you over.
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- Oh, no,they didn't invite me.
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I overheard them invitesomeone else,
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so I got all the deetsI need to crash it.
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Do we need to say something,
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or do we just let herdo this craziness?
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I'm still learningyour dynamic.
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- Hey, I need facetimewith these dudes
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however I can get it.
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I want them to respect me,
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and this is a hell of a loteasier than growing a dick.
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You know?
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Hey, Hayden, sick tracksuit.
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You get thatat the Essex bookstore?
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- Pfft, nah,it was team issued.
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Drip-drip, right?
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- Team-issued, like, for free?
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- We didn't get those, did we?- Nah.
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The guys' team always getsmore shit than we do.
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- Yeah, I don't know,these were just waiting
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for us in our lockersafter our last game.
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Which you lost. Badly.
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- I mean, did we really loseif we had fun?
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- Hmm.- And, yes, we lost 7-1.
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Are you kidding me?
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- Welcome to the world of beinga female college athlete.
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I try to ignore itso I don't go insane,
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but you should have seen melast year when I first saw
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how much nicer theirlocker rooms are than ours.
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How much nicer is it?
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- Exactly.I looked just like that.
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[upbeat music]
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♪ ♪
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- Hey, Canaan.- Hey.
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- You're kinda likemy only male friend so far,
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- can I ask--- Nope.
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I see where this is heading,and I do not do dating advice.
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- Oh, my God, no.This is so not about dating.
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- But it is about a boy I like.- Okay.
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- Okay, when you're flirtingwith a girl,
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do you ever commenton her Instagram
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and then deletesaid comment later?
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- Wait, what?- See, I told you.
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You're dealingwith a sociopath.
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A hot sociopath.But honestly, most are hot.
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- Look, Kimberly, I don't havetime for this conversation.
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And neither do you.
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These Econ problem setis due at midnight,
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and it's crazy hard.Focus on that.
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- Okay, I just can't tellif he likes me or not.
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Hmm.
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- Look,if he left a nice comment,
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he probably meant it.
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- Either that, or he's a fuckboy.- So what do I do?
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- You should doyour Econ homework.
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- Look, if you want to knowif Nico's into you,
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test it.
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Post a story and seeif he checks it right away.
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If he does, that meansyou're really high up
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in his algorithm,and algorithms, they don't lie.
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- Oh, my God, you're a genius!- I know.
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- Okay, so what should I putin my story?
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Like a topical TikTok dance,or--[gasps]
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I can doa SpongeBob impression.
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Okay.
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- You should not have custodyof your phone.
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[upbeat dance music]
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- ♪ Hit the mall and ourfashion fits our flesh ♪
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♪ Hit the club and I'll... ♪
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- Hey, my for-some-reasonshirtless brother.
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- Oh, I'd make up a reasonfor why my shirt is off,
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but, honestly, it's becauseI know I look good without it.
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- [chuckles]- What's up?
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- I need to bring some othergirls with me tonight?
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Dope. Other Kappa hopefuls?
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- No, they're from the, um,the Women's Center.
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Oh. Less dope.
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Uh.
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Doesn't the Women's Center,like, hate the frats
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- and what to shut us down?- Yes.
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But everythingthey know about frats is
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from the Kavanaugh hearings.
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All right, so just let them in,and they'll see
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- it's not as bad as they think.- Leight, you don't understand.
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Theta is already on thin icewith the administration,
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and one more complaintcould get us shut down.
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- They are not goingto shut you down.
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Tell that to Sigma Chi.
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They used to be down the block,and now their building is
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an Amazon fulfillment center.
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Look, Leight, please.
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Just do us both a favorand convince them not to come.
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- [clears throat]So upon some reflection,
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I think we should all goto your drag thing.
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- Uh, sorry, Leight,a deals a deal.
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We're going to Theta.
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- But if you wantto support Miranda Penis,
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you can Venmo her tips.It's @CharlesSmith78.
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[phone dings]
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- Dude,these sombreros are awesome.
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- Is anyone in our delegationa Women Studies major?
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- Fuck no.- Minor?
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- Get out of herewith that crap.
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No?
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Shit.
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- This is Whitney Chase,starting forward
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for the EssexWomen's soccer team,
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and I am documentingthe disparity
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between male and femalestudent athletes.
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Now, I have been toldthat the men's locker room is
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significantly nicerthan the women's.
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And, honestly, I--
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Oh, you gotta befucking kidding me.
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This is insane.
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Wood-paneled lockers?
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And next up,the Essex fox mascot uniform
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to cheer them onwhile they dry their balls.
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And let's seewhat else they've got--
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- What the fuck?- Oh, shit.
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Sorry.
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- What the hell wereyou thinking?
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- I was spotlighting injusticeso I could go public
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with the footageand get it fixed.
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- Right, 'cause news outletsregularly share videos
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of floppy 18-year-old penises.
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Do you know how much troubleyou could have gotten into?
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You're lucky I convincedCoach Jim to let this go.
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So that's your plan?
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Just look awayand condone a system
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where we get treated worse?
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- Chase, I am a 54-year-oldlesbian soccer coach.
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You don't need to tell me howhard it is for female athletes.
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Okay, and no,that's not all I'm doing.
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I'm also benching youfor two games.
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What! That is so unfair.
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You can go.
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- ♪ I like it betterwhen you hold me ♪
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♪ Don't actlike you don't know me ♪
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- Okay, so how soonafter you posted the story
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- did Nico look at it?- Two minutes.
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- Damn, girl, my stalkerdoesn't even check
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my stories that fast.
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And he served time.Nico's into you.
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- Okay, and then he invitedyou to the Theta party?
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- Mm-hmm.- Oh, yeah.
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That's a sex invite.Shower good.
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No, you're crazy.
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- Kimberly, there is no otherway to interpret it.
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Go for it, seize the dick.
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00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,949
- Okay, but then I repliedwith a GIF
257
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,785
of a baby running real fastsaying, "I'm coming."
258
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,387
And he replied "JK,"
259
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:17,290
and then, "Whoops, that wasmeant for someone else."
260
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,724
And that was it?
261
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:21,294
Hmm.
262
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,195
Maybe I should just stay inand do my Econ.
263
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:25,431
I have to upload itby midnight sharp
264
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:26,632
or I get a zero.
265
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:28,467
Or you should go tonight,
266
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,202
let him flirtlike this in person,
267
00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:32,471
- and see if something happens.- I agree with Jocelyn.
268
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,873
And I say that as someone
269
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,808
with extremely highsocial intelligence.
270
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,476
All right, I'm gonna go crasha cheese party
271
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,245
I wasn't invited to.
272
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,313
Seize the dick.
273
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,647
- Seize the dick.- Hey!
274
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,249
- Seize the dick, seize thedick.
275
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,651
- [whispering]Seize the dick, seize the dick.
276
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,654
[upbeat music]
277
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,823
♪ ♪
278
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:53,159
- Bela,what are you doing here?
279
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,995
- Uh, duh,I'm here for the cheese thing.
280
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,597
You goof.
281
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:04,670
- Uh, hey, Coach Woods,you wanted to see me?
282
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:05,838
Take a seat.
283
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,743
- Dalton, let's go!- Dalton?
284
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,280
Okay, what is happening?
285
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,182
You mom has askedfor a meeting.
286
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:20,519
So thanks for makinga two-game suspension
287
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,921
a national security issue.
288
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:23,289
What?
289
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,790
Coach, I swearI didn't ask her to do this.
290
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:26,192
I mean, I only--[computer dings]
291
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,194
- Hello.- Mom, what the hell?
292
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,829
- I'm reaching outto your coach
293
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:31,864
because I would likefor her to explain
294
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,300
why my daughter called me,all upset,
295
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,768
to tell meshe had been benched
296
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,670
for standing upagainst discrimination.
297
00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:39,538
- And we welcomethat opportunity.
298
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,807
But we do have rules.
299
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:45,211
- Senator, I assure you,we love your daughter.
300
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,712
Like, all of us do. We all do.
301
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,181
Coach Woods includedeven more so than I.
302
00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:50,349
Oh, my God.
303
00:10:50,449 --> 00:10:52,351
I'm sorry, who are you?
304
00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:54,553
Uh, Dalton, assistant coach.
305
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,957
- Coach Woods, can youturn the screen slightly
306
00:10:58,024 --> 00:11:00,126
- to frame him out?- Oh, yeah.
307
00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:02,028
- Now,as you probably can expect,
308
00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:04,063
I cannot sit backand allow my daughter
309
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,498
to be mistreated.
310
00:11:05,564 --> 00:11:07,166
I'm not sayingI want to go to the dean
311
00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:09,735
- about a leadership change--- Mom, stop it!
312
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,137
Senator Chase,
313
00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:14,040
I am willing to overturnmy previous decision.
314
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:17,810
But, uh, I hope you understandwhy I took this so seriously.
315
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:22,415
[clears throat]Your daughter filmed naked boys
316
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,417
without their permission.
317
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,485
- Wait, I'm--I'm sorry, what?
318
00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:28,587
- Well, she's luckythe 17-year-old goalie
319
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:29,922
stayed in the sauna
320
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:31,857
since that would legally bethe creation
321
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:33,926
of child pornography.
322
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,761
- Could you angle metowards my daughter?
323
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,329
Oh, yeah, you bet.
324
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:39,331
Nudes of a minor?
325
00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:41,233
Jesus, Whitney,we're not the Kennedys.
326
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:43,669
- Mom, I'm sorry, I just wantedto make things right.
327
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:46,439
- You and I will talkabout this later.
328
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,174
- Yeah.- [chuckles]
329
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,677
Thanks again, Gertrude.Appreciate your time.
330
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,913
Girl, I love that blouse.[chuckles]
331
00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:56,048
[chuckles]
332
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:58,117
[sighs]
333
00:11:58,217 --> 00:11:59,952
[upbeat music]
334
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,687
- Hey, what are you guystalking about over here?
335
00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:03,055
How cool this guy's hair is?
336
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:05,291
- Hmm?- We were discussing Franzen.
337
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,892
Ugh, Franzen sucks.
338
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:08,861
My parents used to keepthis box of white Zinfandel
339
00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:09,962
in their fridge.
340
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,297
One time,I drank it all and barfed
341
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,798
in my cat's litter box.
342
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:15,634
- [chuckling]- Do you mean Franzia?
343
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,070
The boxed wine?
344
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:21,640
- No, no,I was obviously joking, guys.
345
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,444
- Uh, but hey, I'm gonna getthat, uh, cheese platter
346
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:28,380
somebody broughtand eat something
347
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:30,116
off of it.
348
00:12:30,216 --> 00:12:32,051
[sighs]
349
00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:38,791
- So which person here do youfind the most insufferable?
350
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,226
I'm going with the girlwho's mentioned
351
00:12:40,292 --> 00:12:43,629
studying abroad in Syria,like, nine times.
352
00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:45,164
Oh, by the way,
353
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:46,899
I thought that last pieceyou wrote was great.
354
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:48,834
The one about all the peopleyour immigrant dad
355
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,503
keeps confusingwith Jennifer Garner?
356
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,738
- Cool, thank you so much.I'm glad you liked it.
357
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:54,607
I can say it comesfrom a real place.
358
00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:57,343
My immigrant dad confuses a lotof people with Jennifer Garner.
359
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,978
- Well,I wrote some notes on it,
360
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,413
- if you're interested.- Oh, my God.
361
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,982
That would be great.
362
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,852
[upbeat dance music]
363
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:10,022
- We tossed all the sombreros,kimonos, and fake afros.
364
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,691
We tried to get ridof any and all triggers.
365
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,527
- Yeah, yeah, I mean,it looks good.
366
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,961
I can't imaginethe Women's Center crew
367
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:17,830
being offended by any of this.
368
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:20,766
- Leighton, hi.May we enter?
369
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,101
Where is everybody?
370
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:23,836
Does the party not beginat 8 o'clock?
371
00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:25,871
- It's 8:05,that's an insane time to arrive
372
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:27,439
for an 8 o'clock party.
373
00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:29,542
Uh, can I take your coat?
374
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,677
- I will keep it onand buttoned, thank you.
375
00:13:31,777 --> 00:13:34,146
- Great, yeah,whatever makes you comfortable.
376
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:35,881
I made you a bread.
377
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,517
- Oh, that's--wow,it's so heavy.
378
00:13:38,617 --> 00:13:42,121
Cool. Uh, please.Let me show you around.
379
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,992
- Nico, what a lovelycraftsman home you have.
380
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:49,161
♪ For life ♪
381
00:13:49,228 --> 00:13:51,397
♪ ♪
382
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:52,898
♪ Take my hand ♪
383
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:55,868
- So tonight is gonna bea shitshow, isn't it?
384
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:57,736
Heh, oh, yeah.
385
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,206
Um, do you want a drink?
386
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:01,907
- Oh, I already startedin the driveway.
387
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,909
But yeah,let's continue drinking.
388
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,711
- Please.- [laughs]
389
00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:08,881
Ginger, is that a bodycam?
390
00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:12,585
- What? No, no.This is a normal broach.
391
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,821
- Yeah, I think if you makea few of these cuts,
392
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:16,889
it'll be great.
393
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,257
You should totally include this
394
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,491
in your final writingsubmission.
395
00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:21,894
- Really?Cool, thank you so much.
396
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:23,262
Should we go back out there?
397
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,597
- Hey, before we go,I want to show you
398
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,432
- this funny video I saw.- Sure.
399
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:27,867
After yours, I have one too.
400
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,935
It's a lady who fallswith a milkshake.
401
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:33,172
[moaning from computer]
402
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:40,846
- Theta-lympics area celebration
403
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:43,182
of competition and pageantry.
404
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,851
Uh, specifically,drinking competition
405
00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:47,786
- and drinking pageantry.- Okay.
406
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,122
- But note that we take everypossible precaution.
407
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:52,791
Drinks are pouredby licensed bartenders.
408
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,126
And two brothershave been designated
409
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,194
as sober problem-solvers.
410
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,629
You can calm down.
411
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,130
Look, I know that you thinkI'm some, like,
412
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,466
- big, scary lesbian protester--- Whoa!
413
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,867
Coming to get you.
414
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,470
- I did not knowthat you are a lesbian.
415
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,739
It would be rudeif I'd assumed that.
416
00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:08,307
Nico, less.
417
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:11,310
- Hey, so, I'm just hereto have a good time.
418
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,880
Now, would you please holdmy feet for a keg stand?
419
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,550
- Only if you hold mineafterwards.
420
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:21,620
- Equality.- Oh, my God.
421
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,822
- Okay, cool.Needs more ice.
422
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,625
- Uh, actually,I am gonna go make sure
423
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:28,460
that Ginger has hergluten-free beer.
424
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:30,996
Check on her.
425
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:34,466
- But really, I'm here for me.Not for him.
426
00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:36,902
- I don't even care if I see him.- Okay, good.
427
00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:39,004
- Yeah, tonight's a "me" night.- Mm.
428
00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:41,573
- But in the eventthat I do see him,
429
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,509
should I mention him deletingthe Instagram comment?
430
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,411
- Hi,what's going on over here?
431
00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:46,779
Actually, I don't care.
432
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:48,347
I'm just tryingto avoid someone, so.
433
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:49,648
Damn, okay.
434
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:51,016
- Hey, there she is.- Hey.
435
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,151
- How wasthe wine and cheese thing?
436
00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:53,652
It was fine.
437
00:15:53,752 --> 00:15:55,621
- That's it?- Yeah, what?
438
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,423
- What's wrong?- You're acting weird.
439
00:15:57,489 --> 00:15:59,425
Yeah, your vibes are way off.
440
00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:01,860
- Yeah, um, something sort ofweird actually did happen.
441
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,830
One of "The Catullan" editorswas giving me notes on a piece,
442
00:16:04,930 --> 00:16:07,199
and then he put on a porn.
443
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,702
- What? Why did he do that?- Were you hooking up with him?
444
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,470
- No, we were just talking,and then he put it on.
445
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:14,273
- So like a predator does.- No, not like a predator.
446
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:15,808
It was friendly.
447
00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:17,643
He said he just wantedto show me a funny video.
448
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:20,279
- And the funny video was porn?- Bela, I don't like this.
449
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:21,947
- Was the porneven funny though?
450
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:23,382
- That's the thing,I couldn't figure out
451
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:24,616
what the funny part was,
452
00:16:24,683 --> 00:16:25,718
but I must have missedsomething.
453
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,319
It's fine.
454
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:30,322
- Well, do you rememberwhat it was called?
455
00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:32,124
[moaning from phone]
456
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,326
- Maybe he thought it was funnythat they kept their socks on?
457
00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:36,128
No, I don't think so.
458
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:38,163
- Is it funny that his ballsare a different color
459
00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:39,398
than his penis?
460
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,333
- Was he laughingwhile you were watching?
461
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:42,701
- No,he was just staring at it
462
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:44,236
and, like, breathed heavy.
463
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,071
We didn't even make eye contactuntil it ended.
464
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:49,308
- Yeah, hey, final decision.This guy is weird as fuck.
465
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:51,143
- Yeah, I agree.You should avoid him.
466
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:52,978
- Okay, if this was Eric,that would be one thing,
467
00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:55,381
but this is Ryan.He's the nice one.
468
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:56,582
Hey!
469
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,083
No watching porn tonight!
470
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,352
We are on our best behavior.
471
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,157
[driving dance music]
472
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,658
- Okay, all right,this is gonna be okay.
473
00:17:06,725 --> 00:17:08,027
But listen,I'm gonna need you to sweep
474
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:09,328
like you've never swept before.
475
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:10,696
- Yo,I am the king of sweeping.
476
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:13,098
- Hit it.- Go. Okay, go! Go, sweep!
477
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,767
Sweep! Oh!
478
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,668
- What!- Fuck yes! Yes.
479
00:17:16,735 --> 00:17:19,438
[all cheering]
480
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,607
- Looks like Nico's got himselfa new Barbie doll.
481
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,108
Her?
482
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,277
Girl, what the hell didyour Barbie dolls look like?
483
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,613
- Great job, Nico!- Hey!
484
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,515
- Hey!- Thanks, man.
485
00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:32,551
[awkward laughter]
486
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,119
Did he just call you "man"?
487
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:37,056
- Maybe he said "ma'am."- That's not better.
488
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,529
- Hey!- Hey! Thank you!
489
00:17:43,595 --> 00:17:44,630
- All right,I'm gonna get you later.
490
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:45,798
All right, sounds good.
491
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:46,865
- Oh.- Oof.
492
00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:48,467
- What the hell, I just--
493
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,302
- Oh.- Of course it's you.
494
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,137
- Oh, take it easy.What are you gonna do?
495
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,306
Grab some more pics of my dickfor your personal collection?
496
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:55,974
- That's not what I was doing.- Okay.
497
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,644
- Look, do you think it's fairthat a men's soccer team
498
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,479
with a losing record getstons of swag
499
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:03,482
while a women's team witha winning record gets nothing?
500
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,584
- Okay,I think that we get shit
501
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,753
because people actually cometo our games.
502
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,421
And people prefer men's sports
503
00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:11,156
because we're betternatural athletes.
504
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:14,393
We're stronger, we're faster,and we have bigger muscles.
505
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:16,128
Was that too realof an answer for you?
506
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:18,263
- You really thinkyou're faster than me?
507
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:19,665
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
508
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,901
Prove it.
509
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:25,838
♪ ♪
510
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,173
[chuckling]
511
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:31,944
- Um, why are there so manysombreros in that dumpster?
512
00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:34,413
- I think when they heardwe were coming,
513
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,315
they ditched some of the moreproblematic elements
514
00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:37,916
of this party,and by problematic,
515
00:18:37,983 --> 00:18:40,953
I do mean deeply,deeply racist.
516
00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:42,521
- We?- Huh?
517
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,690
- You just said, "Whenthey heard we were coming."
518
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,758
What, are--are youone of us now?
519
00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:48,794
Oh, a Women's Center person?
520
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,864
Um, are you insane?I would sooner do improv.
521
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,533
Oh, God, we're that bad?
522
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,368
- Yeah, you're right,I crossed a line.
523
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:59,271
- Ooh.[both laugh]
524
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:03,142
- [zipper unzips, trickling]- oh, oh, yeah...
525
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:06,111
- Dude, can you please not takea piss right next to us?
526
00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:09,548
I mean, I came here to drink,not see the side of your dick.
527
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,850
- Whatever.- Asshole.
528
00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:14,453
- If you don't like it,leave, you dyke.
529
00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:20,893
- What the fuckdid you just call me?
530
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,728
Fuck off.
531
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,530
Take that, motherfucker.
532
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,632
Yes, this dyke is kickingyour fucking ass!
533
00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:29,868
- Alicia! Alicia! Alicia, stop!- Get off of me.
534
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,036
What the hell?
535
00:19:31,136 --> 00:19:32,304
- Who's side are you on,anyway?
536
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:33,872
Did you see that?
537
00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:41,847
Wait, Alicia. Wait up.
538
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,215
Alicia. Alicia, stop.
539
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:44,716
Why?
540
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:46,485
So that you can get madat me for defending myself
541
00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:48,153
against that fucking dick?
542
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:49,588
- No, I just didn't wantto see you get hurt.
543
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,023
Okay,that guy could have killed you.
544
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:52,324
I know you think you're tough,
545
00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:53,992
but you are fucking5 feet tall.
546
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:55,994
I am 5'2"!
547
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:59,331
- Okay, I am so, so sorry thatthat happened.
548
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:01,867
Okay, and I'm so sorrythat I brought you here.
549
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:04,069
I--I swear to God,I've never seen these guys
550
00:20:04,169 --> 00:20:07,272
- do anything like that before.- Yeah, of course you haven't.
551
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,508
Because they don't treat youlike they treat me.
552
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:12,177
I'm just this queer girlthat they can't fuck.
553
00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:15,781
But you, you're this pretty,blonde, straight girl
554
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,383
who they actually think isworthy of respect.
555
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,752
- That--that's not true.- Yes, it is.
556
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:21,887
No.
557
00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:26,358
No--no, I mean, what--
558
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:28,227
what you said about me.
559
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:29,561
You're wrong.
560
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,365
What part am I wrong about?
561
00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:38,737
[Black Belt Eagle Scout's"Soft Stud"]
562
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:45,110
♪ ♪
563
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:50,215
- Whoa, I was,like, really wrong about you.
564
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:51,883
Shut up.
565
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:58,323
♪ ♪
566
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:01,126
- [cheering]- Let's go, let's go.
567
00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:02,494
All right, all right.
568
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:05,397
First one to a milepermanently proves
569
00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:07,165
which gender is superior.
570
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:10,636
Three, two, one, go!
571
00:21:10,736 --> 00:21:13,905
[partygoers cheering]
572
00:21:13,972 --> 00:21:15,941
- See me all day, baby.- I got you.
573
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:17,442
- Okay.- Yeah, okay.
574
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:27,653
Hey, Kimberly, wait up.
575
00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:29,855
- Hey.- Hey.
576
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,123
I feel terrible.
577
00:21:31,189 --> 00:21:32,491
Like, I invited you,I got busy,
578
00:21:32,591 --> 00:21:34,326
and I barely saw you.
579
00:21:34,426 --> 00:21:36,128
Oh, I didn't even notice.
580
00:21:36,194 --> 00:21:38,463
I was just hanging outwith so many friends.
581
00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:40,599
Right.
582
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:43,302
- But I have to get going.Homework.
583
00:21:43,368 --> 00:21:44,436
Oh.
584
00:21:46,438 --> 00:21:48,607
Do you want me to walk you?
585
00:21:48,674 --> 00:21:50,309
Yeah, you can do that.
586
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:52,377
- [chuckles]- Sure.
587
00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:59,051
- Give it up for feminism!- Yeah!
588
00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:01,019
- I'm close!- You're gonna win!
589
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:02,654
No, no, no, no, no!
590
00:22:02,721 --> 00:22:04,823
Yeah! That's right!
591
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:06,358
Yeah, that's right!
592
00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:08,960
I guess men are fasterthan women after all.
593
00:22:09,027 --> 00:22:10,562
Whoa!
594
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:12,631
- [crowd gasps]- Shit.
595
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:20,806
Nevertheless, she persisted!
596
00:22:20,872 --> 00:22:23,475
[partygoers cheering]
597
00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:26,645
[upbeat music]
598
00:22:26,712 --> 00:22:28,680
♪ ♪
599
00:22:28,747 --> 00:22:31,883
- So was the Theta-lympicseverything you hoped for?
600
00:22:31,983 --> 00:22:33,185
Yeah.
601
00:22:33,251 --> 00:22:34,653
I mean, no one spilleda beer on me,
602
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,656
so it was easily my favoriteTheta party yet.
603
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,261
Hey,
604
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:46,998
did you leave a comment on myInstagram and then delete it?
605
00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:49,901
Yes.
606
00:22:51,503 --> 00:22:54,439
I didn't want anyone reading itand getting the wrong idea.
607
00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:58,343
The wrong idea like what?
608
00:22:58,410 --> 00:23:00,712
You're my sister's roommate,and I'm tutoring you,
609
00:23:00,779 --> 00:23:03,081
and I shouldn't be sayingyou look, uh...
610
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,451
You know.
611
00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:09,521
[sentimental music]
612
00:23:09,588 --> 00:23:12,591
♪ ♪
613
00:23:12,691 --> 00:23:14,593
I should get back.
614
00:23:14,693 --> 00:23:16,895
Thanks for walking me home.
615
00:23:16,962 --> 00:23:18,296
No problem.
616
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,232
♪ Disappear ♪
617
00:23:20,298 --> 00:23:23,802
♪ ♪
618
00:23:23,902 --> 00:23:26,571
♪ There's all my tears ♪
619
00:23:26,638 --> 00:23:28,140
Oh, shit.
620
00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:34,279
♪ I've cried them all out ♪
621
00:23:34,379 --> 00:23:41,119
♪ ♪
622
00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:45,056
- [sighs]Fuck.
623
00:23:47,392 --> 00:23:48,794
Fuck.
624
00:23:53,932 --> 00:23:58,270
- ♪ Never let goof the grave ♪
625
00:23:58,336 --> 00:24:00,839
♪ ♪
626
00:24:00,939 --> 00:24:06,445
♪ Never even once said ♪
627
00:24:06,511 --> 00:24:08,847
♪ Explain ourselves ♪
628
00:24:08,947 --> 00:24:11,850
- Are you seriously leavingright now?
629
00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:14,019
- No, it's just late.That's all.
630
00:24:15,987 --> 00:24:18,323
Look, I get it.
631
00:24:18,423 --> 00:24:20,792
I always used to rush awayafter sex too.
632
00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:24,529
Instead, you know, maybe youcould just come sit down.
633
00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:27,032
We could order some Postmates,
634
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:29,334
maybe watch some"Indian Matchmaker."
635
00:24:34,506 --> 00:24:35,607
Okay.
636
00:24:36,775 --> 00:24:39,978
Okay, I will stayfor one to six episodes.
637
00:24:40,045 --> 00:24:41,480
Okay.
638
00:24:41,546 --> 00:24:43,882
♪ Let it all go ♪
639
00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:46,818
- Um, could I borrowyour Netflix login?
640
00:24:50,222 --> 00:24:51,723
- Are you serious?Did you get hurt?
641
00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:54,159
- I'm fine.You should see the treadmill.
642
00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:56,294
My chin definitely dented it.
643
00:24:58,497 --> 00:24:59,898
Whit, we need to talk.
644
00:25:02,067 --> 00:25:03,835
We can't do this anymore.
645
00:25:05,203 --> 00:25:07,639
Are you breaking up with me?
646
00:25:07,706 --> 00:25:09,407
It's my fault.
647
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:11,142
This whole thing was wrong.
648
00:25:11,209 --> 00:25:13,912
And it was inappropriate forme to ever go along with it.
649
00:25:14,012 --> 00:25:15,881
"Go along with it"?
650
00:25:15,981 --> 00:25:18,083
Look, we just need to end it.
651
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:19,751
- I don't--I don't understand.
652
00:25:21,052 --> 00:25:23,321
Wait, is this becauseof the--the call with my mom?
653
00:25:23,388 --> 00:25:25,190
- Whit, if she ever found outwe're together,
654
00:25:25,257 --> 00:25:26,424
I'd be done. You know it.
655
00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:28,260
She would have me so cancelled.
656
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:30,929
It would be this big story, andno school would ever hire me.
657
00:25:31,029 --> 00:25:32,397
- Wait, so--so what now?
658
00:25:32,497 --> 00:25:34,566
We just go on pretendingeverything's normal,
659
00:25:34,666 --> 00:25:36,434
and you go hometo your fucking wife
660
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,570
and hope she forgives youand takes you back?
661
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:45,343
I never actually told her.
662
00:25:49,881 --> 00:25:51,283
- You shouldn'ttell anyone, either.
663
00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:53,418
We both have a lot to lose.
664
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,790
["History & the Victors"by Catriona Irving]
665
00:25:58,890 --> 00:26:01,192
[engine turns over]
666
00:26:04,896 --> 00:26:06,865
What the fuck?
667
00:26:13,138 --> 00:26:16,474
♪ It's oh, oh, oh ♪
668
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:17,742
♪ ♪
669
00:26:17,809 --> 00:26:21,046
♪ It's oh, oh, oh ♪
670
00:26:21,112 --> 00:26:22,414
♪ ♪
671
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,550
♪ It's stopped by a look ♪
672
00:26:25,617 --> 00:26:30,488
♪ And it doesn't take muchto be misunderstood ♪
673
00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:31,990
♪ ♪
674
00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:35,260
♪ Freed by a sound ♪
675
00:26:35,327 --> 00:26:40,565
♪ Falling up the waterof the roll of the rocks ♪
676
00:26:40,632 --> 00:26:44,402
♪ It's not that I don't mind ♪
677
00:26:44,469 --> 00:26:49,908
♪ It's just I needa little time ♪
678
00:26:49,975 --> 00:26:53,645
♪ It's not that I don't mind ♪
679
00:26:53,745 --> 00:26:59,184
♪ It's just I needa little time ♪
680
00:26:59,284 --> 00:27:01,419
♪ And stop for a minute ♪
681
00:27:01,486 --> 00:27:03,755
♪ I don't care who's in it ♪
682
00:27:03,822 --> 00:27:06,024
♪ Your head chose ♪
683
00:27:06,124 --> 00:27:08,193
♪ And your heart knows ♪
684
00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:12,030
♪ There's a lot of leavesin the sky ♪
685
00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:15,133
♪ Believe in your own shine ♪
686
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:19,371
♪ Should say so, oh, oh, oh ♪
687
00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:21,339
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
688
00:27:21,439 --> 00:27:24,175
♪ ♪
689
00:27:24,275 --> 00:27:26,778
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
690
00:27:26,845 --> 00:27:28,847
♪ It's ♪
691
00:27:28,947 --> 00:27:30,715
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
692
00:27:30,815 --> 00:27:32,717
♪ ♪
693
00:27:32,817 --> 00:27:34,886
Go to bed.
58283
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