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1
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,073
[upbeat pop music]
2
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:08,457
- ♪ Hey, yeah ♪
3
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,744
♪ ♪
4
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,295
- [sighs] This place looks
so fucking good.
5
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:14,263
- Yeah, who cares
if the frats won't let us in?
6
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:16,232
We'll just throw our own party.
- Yeah!
7
00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:18,067
And now, we don't have
to wait in some long lines
8
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,468
freezing our asses off,
9
00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:21,637
hoping some power-hungry
douchebags let us in.
10
00:00:21,721 --> 00:00:23,223
- Yes, Bela. Go off.
11
00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:25,474
- Now, we get to be
the power-hungry douchebags.
12
00:00:25,558 --> 00:00:28,094
Can't wait to reject people.
- Oh.
13
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:30,479
- Oh, my God. This looks amazing.
14
00:00:30,563 --> 00:00:33,400
- Yeah, you guys killed this.
We brought more booze.
15
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,318
- Oh!
- I got high-end for the VIPs.
16
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:36,786
- Seniors, populars, attractives.
17
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,854
- And bargain bin for the gen pop.
18
00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:40,589
- Ugs, randos, people less cool than us.
19
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:41,775
- Yeah.
[laughter]
20
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,276
- This is gonna be amazing.
21
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,027
- Okay, so now, all we have to do
22
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:47,163
is just sit back and let the people come.
23
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:49,783
[cheering]
24
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,420
- I can't believe no one came.
25
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,004
- Honestly, I'm having fun.
26
00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:56,305
Should I put a podcast on?
27
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:57,673
I just head a great one about
28
00:00:57,757 --> 00:00:59,875
the etymology of the word etymology.
29
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:00,960
[knock on door]
30
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,144
[gasps] Someone's here.
31
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:03,312
- Quick, someone start the music.
32
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:04,480
- Yeah.
- Dance, dance!
33
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,382
[upbeat pop music playing]
34
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:09,218
- Come in!
35
00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:10,637
- Oh, it's Frude.
36
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,321
- Are you here for the party?
- Sadly, no.
37
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:15,224
Girls, I know you attempted
to throw a social event
38
00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:17,727
this evening and it is clear no one came.
39
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:18,861
- There's still time.
40
00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:20,814
- Mm, it is 1:30 in the morning
41
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,483
and a good party
would be peaking right now.
42
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,818
- Damn, Frude.
43
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,502
- But just because you don't have friends
44
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,571
doesn't mean
your life doesn't have value.
45
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:29,989
- Thanks?
- Mm?
46
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,707
- I would normally
confiscate your alcohol,
47
00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:35,911
but this situation is so sad,
you can keep it.
48
00:01:35,995 --> 00:01:36,996
- [sighs softly]
49
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,164
- And hey,
50
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,999
make as much noise as you like.
51
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,167
No one else is home.
52
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:44,086
- [sighs]
- Bye, Frude.
53
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,973
- Guys, Frude just pitied us.
54
00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:48,475
- Oh, my God.
55
00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:50,510
We need to fix things with the frats.
56
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,345
- ♪ Burning me up, burning me up ♪
57
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,263
♪ Burning me down ♪
58
00:01:54,347 --> 00:01:55,564
♪ Turning me up, turning me up ♪
59
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:57,150
♪ Turning me out ♪
60
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:59,986
- Good luck asking your mom
about the loan.
61
00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:03,105
[computer chimes]
- Okay.
62
00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:04,607
- Oh, hi, honey.
63
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,025
- Hi, Mom.
64
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,194
I love your new earrings.
- Thank you.
65
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,579
Someone left them
in the Walgreens bathroom.
66
00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:12,581
Finders keepers, right? [chuckles]
67
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:15,535
- So look, there's something
I need to talk to you about.
68
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:16,886
- Oh, my gosh. There's something I need
69
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,220
to talk to you about and I just can't
70
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,522
keep it from you any longer.
71
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:21,090
- What's going on?
72
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:23,343
- Well, Biscuit almost died.
- [gasps]
73
00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:26,012
What? Whoa, what happened?
74
00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:28,064
- Well, he needed a new colon,
didn't you?
75
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,933
- Oh, my God, Biscuit. Is he okay?
76
00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:32,735
- Oh, yeah, he's fine.
He got into your dad's
77
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:36,890
Metamucil and it just blew him right out.
78
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,974
- Aren't surgeries like that expensive?
79
00:02:39,058 --> 00:02:42,061
- Oh, your dad and I will be
paying it off till we're dead,
80
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,780
but we know how much Biscuit
means to you,
81
00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:46,449
so totally worth it.
82
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:47,783
- Yeah, he's a great dog.
83
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:50,904
I mean, he's almost 12 though, so...
84
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,988
- It's fine.
No, dad took some extra shifts
85
00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:54,590
on the weekend and I've decided
86
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,292
to sell leggings on Etsy.
87
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:59,212
But, sweetie,
what did you want to tell me?
88
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,714
- It's nothing. Don't worry about it.
89
00:03:01,814 --> 00:03:03,416
- You sure?
90
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:06,335
Okay, well, I'm gonna send
the leggings to all of you,
91
00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,721
but which one
do you think Bela would like?
92
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:12,007
The surfing turtles or the cupcakes?
93
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:13,809
They're both so fun!
94
00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:16,479
[upbeat pop music]
95
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:18,565
- [moans] Damn.
96
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:20,983
That was, like, great.
97
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:22,602
How'd you get so good at sex?
98
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,270
- One summer in high school,
99
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:27,440
I met this older woman
who showed me the ways of love.
100
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,657
- Shut up. Really?
101
00:03:28,741 --> 00:03:30,292
- No. I just watch a lot of porn.
102
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,278
- Oh. Cool.
103
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:37,450
- Wait, seriously,
you're on a dating app already?
104
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,834
- What do you mean?
105
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:40,369
- I mean, I was
inside you 30 seconds ago.
106
00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:42,138
- I thought we talked about this already.
107
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,305
Aren't we both allowed
to hook up with other people?
108
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:44,791
- Yeah, I just assumed
109
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,375
we'd kind of tactfully look
for those hookups.
110
00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:48,477
Like, not while
we're lying naked together.
111
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,146
- Hey, what are you up to?
Want to hang out tonight?
112
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,314
- You've come over,
like, three nights in a row.
113
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,150
- I just love spending time with you.
114
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,518
- Oh, this is 'cause
115
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:57,686
you and your roommates
are banned from parties.
116
00:03:57,770 --> 00:03:59,138
- Yes. It's horrible.
117
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,523
I had to do homework last night.
118
00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:01,724
I don't know what to do with myself.
119
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,276
- Look, guys love flattery
120
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:04,978
and I hesitate to tell you this
121
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,696
'cause you are
pathologically overconfident,
122
00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:09,315
but you're cute.
123
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,117
- Thank you. I know.
124
00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:12,468
- So just beg them to let you back in.
125
00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:14,036
- Smart, like how I begged you
126
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,571
to keep your glasses on during sex.
127
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:17,339
- I need to take them off
when I go down on you.
128
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,074
They get foggy.
I can't see what I'm doing.
129
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:20,709
- [chuckles]
130
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:23,663
♪ ♪
131
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:26,499
- I have got to get at least
a B on this Spanish final
132
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,002
or my mom's gonna go no bueno on my ass.
133
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,887
- See? This is why I take easy classes.
134
00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:33,355
Next trimester, I'm taking a class
135
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:36,009
that's just called Textures.
136
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,844
- Mm.
137
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,012
Hmm.
138
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,429
Sweet mother of Kristen Stewart,
139
00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:44,066
that is a smoking hot woman. Mm!
140
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:45,534
- Do you know who that girl is?
141
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,936
- I know exactly who she is.
142
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,488
She's hot, she works as Sips,
143
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:50,439
and she just touched your man's arm.
144
00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:52,575
♪ ♪
145
00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:53,860
- I will be right back.
146
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,044
- It's crazy how
you can make that happen.
147
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,212
- You are catching on fast.
148
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,613
Maybe you should be training me.
149
00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,782
Oh, Whit, this is our new coworker, Zoe.
150
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,417
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm Whitney.
151
00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:03,202
I live with Kimberly.
152
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,120
- Kimberly, yes. Oh, my God, I love her.
153
00:05:05,204 --> 00:05:06,455
She reminds me of my grandmother.
154
00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:07,707
- [chuckles]
155
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,124
- Zoe just fixed our register system
156
00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:10,726
so that it's all automated to the iPad.
157
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,211
- Oh.
158
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,396
- Mostly so I could make
the minimum tip option 30%.
159
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,549
- She's like some mad coder genius.
160
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,101
How cool is that?
- That's cool.
161
00:05:19,185 --> 00:05:21,387
- Oh, she also jailbroke my iPhone.
162
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:22,938
It's like damn, Zoe.
163
00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:24,907
Leave something for
the rest of us to be good at.
164
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,275
Right?
165
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:27,610
- [forced laugh]
166
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:30,563
- ♪ Never seem to mind ♪
167
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:34,734
♪ Shine like a diamond always ♪
168
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:35,884
- I'm so glad you DM'd me.
169
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,203
- ♪ And nobody knows ♪
170
00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:38,554
♪ I just want some real shit ♪
171
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:39,888
- By the time I leave here,
172
00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:41,724
you'll be glad I did a lot of things.
173
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:44,377
- ♪ I guess I should walk away ♪
174
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:46,245
♪ Baby girl, you're drippin' ♪
175
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,881
♪ Thought you had a vision ♪
- [moans]
176
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:50,099
- ♪ I think I'll be okay ♪
177
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,218
- That was fun.
- Yeah.
178
00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,921
- Yeah? Okay.
[laughter]
179
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:59,642
- Leighton, why are you
all messy and happy-looking?
180
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,427
- Wait, did you just hook up?
181
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:02,978
[whispers] With her?
182
00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,097
- I did.
183
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,681
- Oh. I'm Leighton's roommate.
184
00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:08,115
I've seen her change
and you are one lucky lady.
185
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,419
- Okay. All right.
Well, I'm gonna see you later.
186
00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:11,537
- Okay.
187
00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,750
- [chuckles]
- Later. Bye.
188
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,501
- Bye.
189
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:28,871
Okay. That was a lot even for me.
190
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,256
- Right?
191
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:31,974
- Oh, actually,
I'm so glad I ran into you.
192
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,543
I'm on my way to talk
to the Theta guys at the gym.
193
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:36,045
I have a plan to get us back
on their good side.
194
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,846
It's genius and it cannot fail.
195
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:39,799
- Did you come up with it?
- I did.
196
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,684
- Yeah, I'm gonna go with you.
- Okay.
197
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:44,303
- ♪ Always felt like
I could walk through fire ♪
198
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,774
- So did you tell your mom
about your scholarship?
199
00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,558
- It's not gonna happen.
- Oh.
200
00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:50,659
- But I'll figure it out.
201
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:52,127
I just signed up for 23andMe
202
00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:53,562
to see if I have any rich relatives
203
00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:54,563
I don't know about yet.
204
00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:56,616
- Oh, I love that site.
205
00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:58,951
It told me J Lo was a distant great-aunt.
206
00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:00,653
Can you see it?
207
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,371
- Mm-hmm.
- Me too.
208
00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:04,957
- Kimberly.
- [gasps] Professor Hennessey.
209
00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:06,709
It's so good to see you.
What can I get you?
210
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:09,128
- I came to see you, actually.
- Oh.
211
00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,046
- I wanted to ask if you could come
212
00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:13,800
to a small dinner party
at my home tomorrow.
213
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,469
- Like, to cater it.
- No, as a guest.
214
00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:17,670
- Mm.
215
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,388
- I'm inviting a group of students
216
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:20,689
who I think would enjoy
a spirited exchange of ideas.
217
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,157
- I love spirited exchanges.
218
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:23,843
What can I bring? Like, dessert?
219
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,861
Or a clipping from a feminist magazine?
220
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:29,015
- No. Just you.
Arif will be there as well.
221
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,016
- Hi.
- Hi.
222
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,684
- He's a student from Syria
223
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:35,070
staying in our guest room
until he finishes his studies.
224
00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:37,106
- So you like helping students in need.
225
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:38,907
- Of course.
- Even the white ones?
226
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:40,193
- I would love to come.
227
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,861
- Great. It'll be fun.
228
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,211
- See you tomorrow.
- Bye.
229
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,948
- Bye.
- Oh, and bring a friend.
230
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:47,683
- Okay, we're going to that dinner.
231
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,551
You're gonna get that lady
to cosign your loan for you.
232
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,204
- What? No. She's my professor.
233
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,955
- Okay, yeah,
but if she can financially aid
234
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:56,258
that Syrian snack,
maybe she can help you too.
235
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,543
- She does love me.
236
00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,846
- Absolutely. This will work.
237
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:04,383
Now, let me see if hot-rif and
I have any mutuals in common,
238
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,687
and oh, my God. We both follow Malala.
239
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,522
I can work with that.
240
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:14,560
- ♪ We are wild and wonderful ♪
241
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:17,063
- Go, go, go, go!
- I got it!
242
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,313
Got it, got it!
243
00:08:18,397 --> 00:08:19,948
- Yeah, nice, nice!
244
00:08:20,032 --> 00:08:21,483
- What are you two doing here?
245
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:23,118
- Yeah, what part of us
actively hating you
246
00:08:23,202 --> 00:08:25,071
did you not understand?
247
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,739
- Look, I hear you.
248
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,825
On behalf of all our roommates,
we are here to apologize.
249
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:31,210
What we did was wrong
250
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,829
and we are stupid fucking bitches.
251
00:08:33,913 --> 00:08:35,381
- Hmm.
252
00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:37,132
- You and your brother
should've been allowed to cheat
253
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:38,901
as much as you want and
use those grades to get into
254
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,135
grad schools you could've
never gotten into otherwise.
255
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:41,420
- Okay, what the hell?
256
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,471
- You're making us sound even worse.
257
00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:43,923
- Yeah, you kind of are.
258
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,607
- That apology sucked
and your hand was clammy.
259
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,443
- Well, you got to forgive us.
This is killing me.
260
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,977
Without an active social life,
I'm having regular,
261
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:50,411
monogamous sex with someone
262
00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:52,598
I only intended to be a casual hookup.
263
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:53,649
It's hell.
264
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,117
- Yeah, this isn't compelling
265
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,819
and we've got bigger
things to worry about.
266
00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:58,120
Theta might lose their charter
267
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,755
because of the stunt you pulled.
268
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:01,457
- Look, if you want to get
Theta out of trouble,
269
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,292
prove to the administration
that you're good guys.
270
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,161
You know, throw a fundraiser
for something Essex cares about
271
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:08,363
like climate change or something.
272
00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:10,799
- How? We can't throw parties
in the house anymore.
273
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,334
They won't even let my book club meet.
274
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:13,535
I guess I'll just read
"The Secret History"
275
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:15,288
and talk about it with no one.
276
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,306
- Well, why don't you let us
figure out where to throw it?
277
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,342
- Yeah, and if this works,
and I'm not sure it will
278
00:09:20,426 --> 00:09:21,810
because I have no experience doing this,
279
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,879
you let us back into parties.
280
00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,547
- Okay, but I don't get why anyone
281
00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:27,182
would go to a Theta fundraiser.
282
00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:28,517
- It's a good point.
283
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:31,520
[net swishes]
- Damn, I am so money!
284
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:34,690
- ♪ Shake that thing ♪
285
00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:37,693
- Do you know what "Magic Mike Live" is?
286
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:40,313
- A strip show?
- It's not a strip show.
287
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,481
It's a sex-positive, female-forward,
288
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,366
entertainment strip-tacular.
289
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,468
- It's also a fundraiser
for climate change.
290
00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:48,003
- Yeah, those two things don't mix.
291
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,338
- People aren't gonna pay to watch
292
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,006
these Theta guys take their shirts off?
293
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,508
They're already never wearing shirts.
294
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,910
- This is different. This is spectacle.
295
00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:56,912
I'm talking tear away pants, body oil,
296
00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:58,680
happy trails, both front and back.
297
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,667
There won't be a dry, pardon
my French, panty in the house.
298
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,218
- I can't believe I'm saying this,
299
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:04,853
but I think Bela might be right.
300
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:07,022
- I agree. I do think
people will pay for this.
301
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,891
- I know they will and when this works,
302
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:10,192
you all will be thanking me.
303
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,560
Hopefully, while holding my hair
304
00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:13,028
while I puke into a frat's urinal.
305
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,530
- Why are you fantasizing about that?
306
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,765
- Oh, who knows
where fantasies come from?
307
00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:19,018
I'm gonna go work on a playlist of songs
308
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,536
that's good to hump a floor to.
309
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,904
Text me if you have any ideas.
310
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:24,156
I'll be trying some out in my room.
311
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:26,692
- Hey, so I met your new coworker.
312
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:27,860
- Zoe?
[gasps]
313
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,745
She is so smart and so funny.
314
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,413
She saw how much apple juice I drank
315
00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:33,532
and she started calling it my usual.
316
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,918
Like, that's your usual.
- That's good. [chuckles]
317
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,120
- [chuckles] So everyone likes her.
318
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:42,208
Like, Lila, your boss, Canaan.
319
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,458
- Yeah. I mean, she's amazing.
320
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:45,093
AOC even follows her on Twitter.
321
00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:47,596
- I mean, is that special?
AOC follows my mom too.
322
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,064
- Yeah, but your mom's a senator.
323
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,799
Zoe's just a student and a former model.
324
00:10:50,883 --> 00:10:52,385
It's different.
325
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,554
- Wait. Are you... are you, like,
jealous of this girl?
326
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,555
- No.
- Oh.
327
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,973
- No, no, I'm not jealous.
328
00:10:58,057 --> 00:11:01,394
She should be jealous
of how not jealous I am.
329
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,896
[chuckles]
330
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,281
You guys should join
Bela's comedy magazine thing
331
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:08,784
'cause that is hilarious.
332
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:11,486
[laughs]
333
00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:14,573
[upbeat dreamy music]
334
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:18,077
- Bela, why are there a bunch
of male thongs on your bed?
335
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,829
- Because I am jazzing up
some booty shorts
336
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:22,664
for the Theta boys to dance in.
337
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:25,751
They are sexy and biodegradable.
338
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,302
- Oh.
- Only if someone asks.
339
00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:28,604
They're not actually biodegradable.
340
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,172
- Oh.
- Oh, fuck.
341
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:32,058
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
- What happened?
342
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,009
- Oh, God. Did your mom get assassinated?
343
00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:35,895
- What? No.
- Oh.
344
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:37,813
- No, I was on that girl Zoe's Insta
345
00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:40,933
and I accidentally liked a pic.
Like, a super deep one.
346
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,435
- How deep?
- June.
347
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,236
- That's not bad.
- Of 2014.
348
00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:45,487
- Okay, that's bad.
- Whitney!
349
00:11:45,571 --> 00:11:46,588
- This doesn't have to be weird.
350
00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:48,107
What is the post?
351
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,592
- It says, "Miss you, Gam Gam,
today and every day."
352
00:11:50,676 --> 00:11:51,827
Oh, fuck me.
353
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:52,928
I liked a picture
of her dead grandmother.
354
00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:54,196
What am I supposed to do?
355
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,297
- Just start liking all her pics.
356
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,615
It'll confuse her.
357
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:57,933
- No, no. That'll make it so much worse.
358
00:11:58,017 --> 00:11:59,368
- Can one of you help me please?
359
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:00,802
- Okay, report her account for terrorism
360
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,304
and then maybe they'll take it down.
361
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,472
- She's like a hot Black Mark Zuckerberg.
362
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,957
She's gonna figure that out.
363
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,626
- Okay, everybody, calm down.
I know what to do.
364
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,596
Zoe will see that notification
and she will know that
365
00:12:10,696 --> 00:12:12,981
it's from you because your face
is on your profile pic
366
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,683
and Whitney's in your Insta name,
367
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:16,985
but she won't know it's you
if you change those things.
368
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,637
So make your account private,
369
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,607
change your profile picture
to a stock image of a burrito,
370
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:24,777
and make your account name
@ChipotleAbluqeurque.
371
00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:26,328
She'll think you're a random like
372
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,696
from a Chipotle promo account
in New Mexico.
373
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:30,116
- Holy shit. That is wildly brilliant.
374
00:12:30,216 --> 00:12:31,450
- It really is.
375
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:33,735
That's like Zoe level smart.
376
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:35,621
- Could you not?
377
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:37,906
♪ ♪
378
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:41,127
- Professor Hennessey,
this dinner has been so fun.
379
00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:42,644
Can I help you with those dishes?
380
00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:44,379
- Oh, don't worry about it.
381
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:45,380
I have a dishwasher.
382
00:12:45,464 --> 00:12:46,999
His name is Craig.
383
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:49,668
- [laughs]
384
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,387
- So I probably should say this
as I haven't posted
385
00:12:52,471 --> 00:12:54,656
the final trimester grades yet,
but you got an A.
386
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:55,841
- I did?
- Yes.
387
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:57,426
- Oh.
- One of two in the class.
388
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,478
- [squeals excitedly]
389
00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,029
Professor Hennessey,
can I ask you something?
390
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,330
- Yes, of course. Anything.
391
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:04,566
- I lost my scholarship.
- Mm-hmm.
392
00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,702
- And I need someone
to cosign a loan for me
393
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,270
so I can stay here.
394
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:11,273
I hate to ask you, but my
parents can't know about this
395
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:12,941
and I don't know what else to do.
396
00:13:13,025 --> 00:13:14,743
All I need...
- Let me stop you...
397
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:15,877
- Okay.
- For a second.
398
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,163
- Yeah.
399
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:18,847
- I see a lot of myself in you, Kimberly,
400
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:20,916
and I would never want to lose
a student like you.
401
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:25,420
Just give me a minute
to think on it, okay?
402
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:26,372
- Okay.
403
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:29,424
[upbeat pop music]
404
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:32,878
- Yes! This dining hall
was born to be a strip club.
405
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,129
Looking good, guys.
406
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:35,964
Time to get fluffed and stuffed.
407
00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:39,051
Let's make our climate daddy proud.
408
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:43,305
Okay, DJ, keep it peppy.
I want 80 humps per minute.
409
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:44,390
[clicks tongue]
410
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,559
Okay, Cody, work it.
411
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,976
Get that chair pregnant.
412
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:50,278
- Bela, we've sold so many tickets
413
00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:52,948
that my Venmo just froze.
God, this is incredible!
414
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,083
- I know. You know, I think
this might be my calling.
415
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,735
It combines my two loves.
416
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,754
Sexy, greasy men
and bossing people around.
417
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,573
- Okay, I got to give you credit.
418
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,709
I think this fundraiser could
really get our frat reinstated.
419
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,927
- It's my pleasure
and if you take any pictures
420
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,763
in the dressing room,
my AirDrop's always on.
421
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,966
- Excuse me? What on Earth is going on?
422
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:13,886
- Dean Miller?
Are you here to buy a ticket?
423
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,303
- To a strip show?
424
00:14:15,387 --> 00:14:18,306
Essex is a respected,
feminist institution,
425
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:21,227
a cornerstone of Vermont herstory.
426
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:23,345
Whatever this is, it's over.
427
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:25,080
- Dean Miller, if you let me explain,
428
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,149
this is a legitimate and tasteful event.
429
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,284
- Okay, I didn't spend
three decades marching
430
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,486
in support of women's rights
to support that.
431
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:33,939
- Yo, he's making his dick bounce!
432
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,942
- Okay, ma'am, we at Theta,
we're trying to prove
433
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,860
that our bodies aren't just for pleasure.
434
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:40,579
They are also for service.
435
00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:43,431
I promise, if you could just
stay and watch my performance
436
00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:46,118
of "Thot Shit" by Megan
Thee Stallion, you'll agree.
437
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,636
- Yeah, that's not happening.
438
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,173
The Vermont constitution
was ratified in this room.
439
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:54,543
It's not where we gyrate to "Thot Shit."
440
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,428
- Keep her here till I get back.
441
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:59,965
- Dean Miller, can I tell you
a long story about
442
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:02,601
why the environment
is so important to me?
443
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,271
- ♪ I wanna feel like yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
444
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:08,140
♪ I-I wanna feel like ♪
445
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,724
♪ Yeah, yeah I-I wanna ♪
446
00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:11,393
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
447
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:13,946
♪ Feel like that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
448
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:15,897
♪ ♪
449
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,483
- Hi. I'm Bela.
450
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,835
I live next door to you
and I really need your help.
451
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,403
- Okay.
452
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,238
- Also, can I have some water?
I ran all the way here.
453
00:15:23,322 --> 00:15:24,739
♪ ♪
454
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:26,708
- How are you liking Essex, Arif?
455
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,210
- It's very nice.
456
00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:30,412
The professor and her husband
have been very generous.
457
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:31,680
- Arif, forget about college.
458
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,981
You can make a killing modeling.
459
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:34,182
Your bone structure is sick.
460
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,051
- Aw, thanks, Lila.
461
00:15:36,135 --> 00:15:37,336
You're very sick too.
462
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,721
- Kimberly.
- Yeah.
463
00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:41,189
- I thought about what you asked me.
464
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,675
- Uh-huh.
465
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,025
- And if it means keeping
a student like you at Essex,
466
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,760
I would be happy to cosign for you.
467
00:15:45,844 --> 00:15:48,347
- Seriously? Oh, thank you.
468
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,599
Thank you so much. Oh!
469
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,318
- My pleasure.
470
00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:55,904
All right, gang, I'm gonna
call it a night for myself,
471
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:57,356
but please stay and enjoy.
472
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,575
- Okay. Thank you.
473
00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:02,744
- You having a good time?
- Yeah, great.
474
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:05,531
Dinner was awesome
and your wife is the best.
475
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,283
She's so smart and impressive.
- Yeah, she really is.
476
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:10,051
Although, she would kill me if I told you
477
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,020
stories about her from college.
[laughter]
478
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:14,373
Maybe after one more drink. [laughter]
479
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,891
- I love the life you two have.
480
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,178
Two smart, cool, academics
in this cute house
481
00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:21,296
with all your books
and worldly knickknacks.
482
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:22,715
It's like a dream.
483
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:26,218
- I can see why
Elizabeth likes you so much.
484
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:29,688
We should fuck sometime.
485
00:16:29,788 --> 00:16:32,024
♪ ♪
486
00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:34,409
- As a climate refugee,
the fact that these students
487
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,645
would work so hard to raise
money for the environment,
488
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:38,947
it almost makes me forget
the day that I lost
489
00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:41,950
two close friends in
a "Wizard of Oz"-style tornado.
490
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:43,485
You should be proud
of the campus community
491
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:44,753
that you've created here.
492
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,739
- Also, Theta raised $11,000 tonight.
493
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,556
- You know, I don't care...
oh, my God, what?
494
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:52,077
$11,000?
- Yup.
495
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,879
- Okay. You can do your show.
496
00:16:53,979 --> 00:16:57,082
But lights out by midnight
and no full nudity.
497
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,417
- Don't worry, Dean.
498
00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,768
All penises will remain safely stowed.
499
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,587
- Okay.
500
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,104
- Holy shit. That actually worked.
501
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:05,758
- Thanks, new hot friend.
- Yeah, I got you.
502
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,776
Hey, I'm gonna go back to my room because
503
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,411
I'm expecting a girl in,
like, five minutes,
504
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:12,064
but have fun with this.
505
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:13,782
- All right, everyone. It's go time.
506
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,417
Line up for your good luck butt slap.
507
00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:17,736
- ♪ Yo, the level has risen again ♪
508
00:17:17,836 --> 00:17:20,855
- Hello, Essex.
How is everyone doing tonight?
509
00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:22,857
[cheers and applause]
510
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,993
It's about to get real heated
up in this room
511
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:27,662
and it's not because of carbon emissions.
512
00:17:27,746 --> 00:17:31,250
Give it up for the boys of Theta.
513
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:33,034
[cheers and applause]
514
00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:36,504
[Latto's "Wheelie"]
515
00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:37,956
- ♪ Pop it like a wheelie ♪
516
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,625
♪ Hop on top and I go silly ♪
517
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,209
♪ Pretty, tight, and sticky ♪
518
00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:43,462
♪ Fuck him once, he won't forget me ♪
519
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,130
♪ Wet, wet ♪
520
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,099
♪ Bust it like the blicky ♪
521
00:17:47,199 --> 00:17:49,684
♪ If I fuck around and
leak the tape, I win an Emmy ♪
522
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,103
- [laughs] Yeah?
523
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:52,320
- Come here.
- You got it?
524
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,655
- Damn. You blinked in this one
525
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,223
and somehow you still look fine.
526
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:57,157
- Thank you.
- It's going on the main.
527
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,478
- Oh, okay.
- [laughs]
528
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,564
Wait. What's up?
I can't find your profile.
529
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,899
- Oh, yeah. Something weird
must've happened.
530
00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:06,167
- Oh, here. Let me see. I can fix it.
531
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,986
- No, no. It's good. I can...
532
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,489
- Wait. What the...
- Don't...
533
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,658
- Whit, did you rename your account
534
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,493
to @ChipotleAlbuquerque?
535
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,411
There's wraps and burritos and shit.
536
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:17,712
Why would you do that?
537
00:18:17,796 --> 00:18:19,014
- [chuckles] Okay, listen.
538
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,248
It's so stupid.
539
00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:22,584
So I was, you know, lightly perusing
540
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:24,586
your coworker Zoe's profile
and I accidentally liked
541
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:26,021
a picture of her dead grandma,
542
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,390
so Bela changed my profile to a Chipotle.
543
00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:31,810
- I understood, like,
half of that sentence.
544
00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:37,065
- I guess I was jealous of
how impressed you are with Zoe
545
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:38,650
and how smart she is.
546
00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:43,238
And it made me feel...
I don't know, unimpressive.
547
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:46,191
- You have nothing to be jealous about.
548
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,360
You're a dream girl.
549
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,211
And I'm not even into Zoe like that.
550
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:53,365
Like... like at all.
551
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:57,085
- Also, I was right behind you
552
00:18:57,169 --> 00:18:58,853
at Omega Pi when you told your friend
553
00:18:58,937 --> 00:19:01,540
I'm a loser who doesn't have a thing.
554
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,292
- Well, I definitely
didn't say you were a loser.
555
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:07,429
But I'm sorry for saying
anything behind your back.
556
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:10,432
That was wrong.
- Thanks.
557
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:12,233
- But do I think you have
too much time on your hands?
558
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:15,270
I mean, seems like it, right?
- Okay, okay, sure.
559
00:19:15,354 --> 00:19:17,272
Maybe I could find more constructive ways
560
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:19,224
to use my time, yes.
- Maybe, maybe.
561
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,476
- But for now, I'm just gonna focus
562
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,144
on the dream girl part of all of this.
563
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:24,412
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- That was cute. That was good.
564
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:26,147
- As you should.
[laughter]
565
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:29,234
[hip-hop music playing]
566
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,953
[cheering]
567
00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:35,574
♪ ♪
568
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,543
- Was I nuts to dump her?
569
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,294
She's, like, one of
the hottest girls on campus.
570
00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:41,747
- [chuckles] Sure,
but given all the texts
571
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,231
I've gotten about you this week,
572
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:44,766
I'm pretty sure you're one of the hottest
573
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,718
queer girls on campus now too.
574
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,420
- What? Really?
575
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,422
- Uh, to be clear, you're not my type.
576
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,558
I'm into gingers. I'd die for Shiv Roy.
577
00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:55,810
But you don't notice the way
they all look at you?
578
00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:57,729
♪ ♪
579
00:19:57,829 --> 00:19:59,280
Shit, they used to do that for me.
580
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,767
Look, sis is practically drooling.
581
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,902
- Hmm.
582
00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:05,320
- ♪ Blow the whistle on a bitch ♪
583
00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:06,855
♪ I dismiss a bitch ♪
584
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:08,456
♪ Blow the whistle on a bitch ♪
585
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:09,991
♪ I dismiss a bitch ♪
586
00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:11,359
♪ Blow the whistle on a bitch ♪
587
00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:13,194
[overlapping chatter]
588
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,662
- Hey!
- Hey.
589
00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:16,415
- This is amazing.
590
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:19,418
It somehow manages to be both
erotic and thought-provoking.
591
00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:21,536
- Yeah, who said
you can't save polar bears
592
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:23,671
and admire a dude's V muscles
at the same time?
593
00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:26,458
- [laughs] Hey, how was the dinner party?
594
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:27,842
- Good, I guess.
595
00:20:27,926 --> 00:20:29,511
My professor said she'd cosign my loan.
596
00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,312
- Yes!
- Oh, my God, that's so great.
597
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,481
- Yeah, but then
I was talking to her husband
598
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,935
and he said, "We should fuck sometime."
599
00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:37,970
- What?
- Huh?
600
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,805
- Oh, that's so gross.
601
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,055
- What did you tell him?
602
00:20:41,139 --> 00:20:42,490
- Oh, don't worry. I shut it down.
603
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:44,859
- Okay, but what did you say exactly?
604
00:20:44,943 --> 00:20:47,312
- I think I said cool, but in a way
605
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:49,330
that clearly communicated
that meant not cool.
606
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:52,150
Like, not cool, man. Not cool.
607
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,287
- But did you say the not part
or just the cool part?
608
00:20:55,387 --> 00:20:56,822
- Just cool.
- Mm.
609
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,490
- Kimberly, cool means cool.
610
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,175
You told him yes.
- No, I didn't.
611
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,876
- Okay, say it to me
like you said it in the moment.
612
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,495
We should fuck sometime.
613
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:04,913
- Cool.
614
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:07,048
- Yeah, so you just told this man
615
00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:08,683
that you want to have sex with him.
616
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,586
- Yeah, I hear that now.
617
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:14,589
[cheering]
- ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪
618
00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:17,225
[Doja Cat's "Vegas"] ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪
619
00:21:17,309 --> 00:21:20,145
- Uh... uh-oh.
I think you're being summoned.
620
00:21:20,245 --> 00:21:23,682
- ♪ Ah, get it ♪
621
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:26,184
- [laughs]
- I think we all are.
622
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,687
- ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪
623
00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:31,039
- Okay, but I have to go
to church twice tomorrow.
624
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,574
- Yeah, you do.
- Okay.
625
00:21:32,658 --> 00:21:35,410
- ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪
626
00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:37,946
♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪
627
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:39,698
♪ ♪
628
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:42,367
♪ You ain't nothing but a ♪
- ♪ Dog ♪
629
00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:44,619
♪ Player, ah, get it ♪
630
00:21:44,703 --> 00:21:47,205
♪ Fraud, player, ah, get it ♪
631
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:50,208
♪ I understand, I understand ♪
- Oh, my God! [laughs]
632
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:51,843
- ♪ You ain't the man ♪
633
00:21:51,943 --> 00:21:53,461
- Weirdly, I'm into this.
634
00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:56,515
- ♪ Hound dog, hound dog ♪
635
00:21:56,615 --> 00:21:57,765
♪ Hound dog ♪
636
00:21:57,849 --> 00:21:59,934
- ♪ You ain't nothin' but a ♪
637
00:22:00,018 --> 00:22:02,054
♪ Yeah, you ain't nothing but a ♪
638
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,355
[knock on door]
639
00:22:04,556 --> 00:22:06,140
- Kimberly, I'm glad you're here.
640
00:22:06,224 --> 00:22:09,110
- I brought this to say
thanks for the lovely dinner
641
00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:11,479
and you know, the other thing. [chuckles]
642
00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:13,648
- That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
643
00:22:13,732 --> 00:22:15,033
I'm so sorry, Kimberly,
644
00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:19,153
but I cannot cosign your loan for you.
645
00:22:19,237 --> 00:22:20,706
- Oh, my God.
646
00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:22,423
Professor Hennessey, I am so sorry.
647
00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:25,126
I never would've done anything
sexual with your husband.
648
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:26,912
I should've said no in the moment,
649
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,630
but I was confused. It was just an...
650
00:22:28,714 --> 00:22:30,382
- What are you talking about?
651
00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:33,085
- What were you talking about?
652
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,103
- My accountant was worried
that cosigning a loan
653
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,556
would affect my credit score too much.
654
00:22:38,890 --> 00:22:40,759
Did my husband make a pass at you?
655
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:42,844
- You know, I think
656
00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:45,063
I just might've misunderstood
what he said.
657
00:22:45,163 --> 00:22:47,348
- What did he say?
658
00:22:47,432 --> 00:22:50,936
- I think he said something like,
659
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,838
"We should fuck sometime."
660
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:56,024
I am so sorry, Professor.
661
00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:57,825
- No. You've done nothing wrong.
662
00:22:57,909 --> 00:23:00,862
You are not my unemployed husband
663
00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:04,499
who is trying to fuck a coed
for not the first time.
664
00:23:04,583 --> 00:23:06,000
Excuse me.
665
00:23:06,084 --> 00:23:07,502
Craig, hi.
666
00:23:07,586 --> 00:23:10,455
It's your wife, you piece of shit.
667
00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:12,540
Have you seen yourself in the mirror?
668
00:23:12,624 --> 00:23:13,941
- I'm just gonna leave the plant.
669
00:23:14,025 --> 00:23:15,260
- Seriously?
670
00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:17,712
You hit on another student? That's it.
671
00:23:17,796 --> 00:23:19,280
I'm calling your sister to pick you up.
672
00:23:19,364 --> 00:23:21,716
Pack your stuff.
You're Nancy's problem now.
673
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,718
No, you can't get your guitars later.
674
00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:25,804
Take them now!
675
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:27,188
- Shit!
676
00:23:27,272 --> 00:23:29,141
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
677
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:31,276
[Barrie's "Hutch"]
678
00:23:31,376 --> 00:23:33,645
- ♪ We can do better ♪
679
00:23:33,745 --> 00:23:36,114
♪ We can do better than before ♪
680
00:23:36,214 --> 00:23:41,202
♪ Better than before again and
better than before again and ♪
681
00:23:41,286 --> 00:23:43,655
♪ We could keep loving ♪
682
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:46,324
♪ We could keep loving some more ♪
683
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:47,875
♪ Love a little more again ♪
684
00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:51,379
♪ And love a little more again and ♪
685
00:23:51,463 --> 00:23:56,301
♪ A body, body so different
from your own ♪
686
00:23:56,401 --> 00:24:01,173
♪ ♪
687
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:04,009
♪ Not to know it, not to feel it ♪
688
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:06,344
♪ But sit beside it slow ♪
689
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:10,732
♪ ♪
690
00:24:10,816 --> 00:24:14,235
♪ What you got, who you with,
where you going? ♪
691
00:24:14,319 --> 00:24:15,937
♪ ♪
692
00:24:16,021 --> 00:24:19,574
♪ What you got, who you with,
where you going? ♪
693
00:24:19,658 --> 00:24:21,409
♪ ♪
694
00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:23,695
♪ We can do better ♪
695
00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:26,031
♪ We can do better than before ♪
696
00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:31,203
♪ Better than before again and
better than before again and ♪
697
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:33,672
♪ We could keep loving ♪
698
00:24:33,772 --> 00:24:36,007
♪ We could keep loving some more ♪
699
00:24:36,107 --> 00:24:40,545
♪ Love a little more again and
love a little more again and ♪
700
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:45,933
♪ We're gonna treat you so much better ♪
701
00:24:46,017 --> 00:24:49,721
♪ ♪
702
00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:50,956
- Go to bed.
52216
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