All language subtitles for The Addams Family (1964) — 2x15 — Christmas with the Addams Family

They're creepy and they're kooky

Mysterious and spooky

They're altogether ooky

The Addams family

The house is a museum

When people come to see 'em

They really are a scream

The Addams family

Neat.

Sweet.

Petite.

So get a witch's shawl on

A broomstick you can crawl on

We're gonna pay a call on

The Addams family

Nothing like a musical hammer.

Tish! I've got you under the mistletoe.

Oh, for crying out loud, Gomez!

Don't you know the difference
between Morticia and me?

I do now.

You're a lot softer.

You're under the mistletoe.

Can sure tell Christmas is coming around.

Everybody's getting kiss-happy.

I wrapped another present.

Oh, Uncle Fester, you did it beautifully.

It's so you.

It's a knack.

Dear Uncle Fester.

He's such a sentimental softy,
but he tries to hide it.

There's plenty of room to hide it in.

Thank you, darling. Merry Christmas.

Now, I must wrap
some more Christmas packages.

Oh, darling, I want to show you.

This is for Mama.
Do you think she'll like it?

Oh! Head of Cousin Caliban.

Beautiful! It certainly flatters him.

I wonder if I should've had the sculptor
do his other head, as well?

No, this is plenty.

Oh, darling, and this is for Lurch. Look.

Wonderful idea!

Timesaver, too.
He can work and eat at the same time.

Also saves on dishwashing.

And this is for my sister Ophelia.

Her favorite perfume, Holiday Macabre.

Christmas present.

Oh, how jolly, Lurch! Who is it from?

Maharaja of Manipuri.

Good old Maharaj,
400 pounds of rippling generosity.

What did you send him this year, dear?

His weight in rubies
plus a copy of the Air Force reducing diet.

Put it over there on the table,
please, Lurch.

Thank you, Thing.

I can hardly wait to see
what the old boy sent.

A basket!

And a flute.

And a turban.

I got it! A headless flute player.

No, no, no, darling. Here, let me show you.

Interesting.

You got to hand it to the Maharaja,

he sure knows what to get
for the man who has everything.

Let me try.

Thank you.

Everybody's a critic.

- Perhaps another piece of music, dear.
- Of course!

- What's that?
- Oh, hello, darlings.

That's a Christmas present for your father.

Don't tell us it came from Santa Claus.

And why not?

Because Mr. Thompson next door said
there is no such thing as Santa Claus.

What?

That neighbor of ours isn't very neighborly
telling the children that.

Remember, children,

it was old Thompson who told you
there weren't any witches on Halloween.

And we produced a beautiful
witch for you, Aunt Singe.

- But she was a relative.
- Oh, well, that doesn't matter.

If a witch can come, so can Santa.

You mean, he's going to be here tonight?

With all his lovely reindeer.
Donder and Blitzen and...

Darling, what are the names
of those reindeer?

Winken, Blinken and Nod?

No.

- Tom, Dick and Harry?
- No.

Well, the point is, children,
there is a Santa Claus.

- Isn't there?
- Of course there is.

I hope he brings me a new
Marie Antoinette doll for my guillotine.

Oh, that is fun.

A bow and arrow for me.

I'd like to shoot apples off
of Uncle Fester's head.

That's a nice, clean sport.
But remember, children, be careful.

If you hit Uncle Fester's head,
you can ruin the arrow.

Going to hang someone?

Pugsley, you know this tree has tradition.

It's been in the family since
Gomez was a little boy.

So nice and gloomy.

Yeah, and without all those
little sharp needles,

it's got plenty of room for Santa
to hang more presents on.

Uncle Fester,
do you believe in Santa Claus?

Well, of course.
You kids are talking like children.

But Mr. Thompson said there is no Santa.

Next thing he'll be telling you is
there's no dragon.

We wouldn't believe that.

Come on, Wednesday.

Thank goodness they've not been
completely corrupted.

Uncle Fester, it was so good of you
not to disillusion the children.

Well, gosh, I'm no crackpot.

But what if Santa doesn't show up?

After all, our children do have
much more than they need.

It could destroy their faith in everything.

The astronauts have a back-up team.
We'll have a back-up Santa Claus.

- Yeah. We'll need somebody who's fat.
- And jolly.

- Someone who knows children.
- And can talk to them on their own level.

Golly, I wish I knew somebody.

- I got it! Lurch!
- No, he's a little too tall.

- Cousin Itt!
- A little too short.

I got just the one. Pugsley!

No, that's no good.

- We know who.
- Who?

- You.
- Me?

Yes. I'm going to look up costumers
in the classified.

Let's see. Cosmetics, cosmonauts...
Costumers! Here we are.

Kaski's Costumes. Thank you, Thing.

Hello? Is this Kaski's Costumers?

This is Mrs. Addams calling.

I'd like to rent
a Santa Claus costume, please.

Very well. I'll send the subject right over.

Morticia, this is silly.
I'm not the Santa Claus type.

I'm too young and glamorous.

Do you want the children
to have broken hearts?

Gomez, don't soft-soap me.
Their hearts are stronger than mine.

Of course, they are children.

And children's dreams can be shattered.

Sometimes, it can affect their whole lives.

Affect it? It can ruin them.

That's what it'll probably do,
wreck their whole lives.

Kaski's Costumers, here I come!

That's what I like about old Fester.

In a family crisis,
he's always calm, cool and collected.

Perfect!

How nice and jolly it is
to be trimming the tree

and to have all the old family decorations.

That reminds me,
shouldn't Fester be here by now?

Never fear, darling.
Uncle Fester is always dependable.

May I have another one of
those balls, dear, please?

Mama's favorite.

Oh, yes, dear Mama.

She's so sentimental,
she never throws anything away.

Perhaps Fester stopped by
to pick up gifts for the children?

Perhaps.

That was French.

Darling, please, not on the ladder!

May I have Mama's stocking, please?

- Mama wears this?
- Only when she dresses up.

Let's see now. There, that's perfect.

Mama always insists on having
her stocking on the tree.

Well, Tish, you've done it again.

Darling.

Children! Just in time.

Do you think Santa will really come?

Do we think...

Cara mia, tell them.

He should have been here
over an hour ago.

Hope he doesn't get stuck in the chimney.

Pugsley, old boy, we're talking about
Santa Claus, not Uncle Fester.

Good! Come on, Pugsley!

Isn't that sweet?
They want to give Santa a warm welcome.

Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Fa la la la la, la la la la

'Tis the season to be jolly

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Don we now our gay apparel

Fa la la, fa la la, la la la

Troll the ancient Yuletide carol

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Tish, you sing like a robin.

Gomez.

Sorry, I meant like a raven.

Now, run along upstairs, darlings,
and wait for Santa to come.

Probably scouting the house
for a landing right now.

I don't think Santa's going
to get here tonight.

If he was, he'd be here by now.

Nonsense. You remember
Santa Claus' motto.

"Through hail or sleet or dark of night..."

Oh, no, that's the postman.
Well, no matter. They both deliver things.

I don't think Santa's going to deliver
anything here tonight.

Well, we better get up to bed
as Mother says,

or he definitely won't be here.

You never should have trusted Fester
to play Santa.

You're right, Cousin Itt.
Fester is the balance wheel of the family.

He must have broken his axle somewhere.

We must get a Santa Claus
for the children.

We can't let them down.

Got to get a Santa for the children.

A Santa Claus for the children.

For the children.

Turkey dinners at the mission!

How's business?

Terrible. If things keep on like this,

we're going to be serving turkey dinners
without the turkey.

Well, brace up, old man. I'm here to help.

- You mean, you want to make a donation?
- Well, in a manner of speaking.

Let's see. That ought to be about size 42.

Forty-four, but if you're thinking
of buying this suit, it's not for sale.

Of course not.
I just want to rent it for a while.

How much would you take?

Twenty-five.

That's fair enough.

Twenty-five thousand.

Mister, you don't need this suit.

Turkey dinners at the mission!

Turkey dinners at the mission!

Dear Santa, we just wanted you to know

that even though Mr. Thompson said
there was no such thing as Santa Claus,

we didn't believe him.

So please come,
or else it will make us look like dummies.

Signed Wednesday and Pugsley Addams.

- Do you see what I see?
- Santa Claus?

- Sure looks like him.
- I thought he came down the chimney.

- Maybe he took a shortcut.
- Sure answers letters fast.

I think he's trying to tell us something.

Merry Christmas, children!
Merry Christmas!

Well, well, little boy and girl,
what might your names be?

- I'm Wednesday Addams.
- I'm Pugsley Addams.

Addams, eh?

One of my favorite names.

I've often thought of changing
my own name to Santa Addams.

But you know tradition.
People like the Claus.

Well, this is for you, little girl.

Gee, just what I wanted.

And this is for you, young man.

- Gosh, thanks, Santa.
- Thanks, Santa.

- Thank you very much!
- Thank you very much!

Have fun, kids.

Remember, there is a Santa Claus.

Merry Christmas!

Hey, Donder! Hey, Blitzen!
Let's get moving!

- Who's there?
- It's Santa Claus.

Oh, what a night!
Hunched up in that cramped sleigh,

yelling at those lazy reindeers and trying
to read addresses from 200 feet in the air.

What are you staring at?
Didn't you ever see me before?

Sure, just a minute ago,

but your voice sure has changed.

You must have me mixed up
with some other fellow.

Either that's Grandmama,
or Santa Claus is a woman.

Either that, or Grandmama is a man.

You still think I was just here?

Well, kids are always imagining things.

Here you are.

Here you go.

And don't let your imagination
run away with you.

Well, I've got to get going.

Merry Christmas!

Two dolls!

Boy, two bows and arrows!

Maybe we ought to give one of these back
to some poor child.

Well, maybe, seeing as it's Christmas.

Let's go down and see
if there is anything else under the tree.

Merry Christmas.

For you, Pugsley.

And Wednesday.

No thank-you for Santa?

You sure have grown.

You sure you aren't Lurch?

Santa Claus.

My imagination's running wild.

Mine, too.

Just a moment. Come on, Wednesday.

There's something mighty peculiar
going on around here. That's Lurch.

I could tell by his smile.

Well, if they want to play, then we'll play.
Come on.

Look, Mr. Santa Claus,
we think two presents are too much.

Now you give us three.

Santa gives one.

Merry Christmas.

I don't think Santa counts very well.

Santa counts fine,
but I'm not so sure about Lurch.

And a Merry Christmas to you, too.

Santa?

If that isn't Cousin Itt,
Santa's shrunk again.

- And a Merry Christmas to you, too, Santa.
- To you, too, Santa.

Merry Christmas!

Well, if there aren't two lovely children
waiting for old Santa to arrive.

And here I am.
Look at what I've brought you.

Where did you get those lovely things?

These aren't lovely.

They aren't?

No, we're just imagining it.

Yeah, we even imagined
there's a whole run on Santa Clauses.

I am the only true Santa Claus.

Oh, yeah? Well, who's that?

- Santa Claus!
- Santa Claus!

Somebody call me?

Are you sure
you're the one and only Santa?

Of course! These two are impostors.
I shall have them removed.

You rang?

Who are you?

Never mind who he is. Who are you?

- Who do I look like?
- You look like me.

Who are you?

Like you? Who are you?

- Santa Claus?
- Santa Claus?

Coming!

Well...

Here I am, bruised, braised and fricasseed,
but still on the job.

And I see all my assistants
are on the job, too.

And here are your presents.

Thank you, Uncle Fester.

Uncle Fester? Who's he?

That's you.

And that's Mother and that's Father
and that's Grandma and that's Lurch

and that's Cousin Itt.

The jig's up!

It was nice of you to do this, but it's
too bad the real Santa never got here.

Oh, I'm sorry, darlings, but...

Look!

- Who's been working on the tree?
- Not me.

- Not me.
- I haven't been near it.

Nor I.

Well, if it wasn't you, Cousin Itt,
it must have been...

Snow! But it isn't snowing outside.

By george, the real Santa must have
gotten here while our backs were turned.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Gomez, thank you again.
This is such a sensible Christmas gift.

The minute I saw it,
I said, "That's Morticia."

Darling.

Gomez, dear, aren't you going to use
the cigar lighter I gave you for Christmas?

Of course.

Best cigar lighter I ever had.

- Hi, Gomez.
- Dear Uncle Fester.

Were you able to change Pugsley's
bows and arrows for a chemistry set?

Yeah. I showed him how to use it, too.

Taught him how to mix
just the right combination

of sulfur, charcoal, and saltpeter.

Makes wonderful fudge.

- Fudge? It makes gunpowder!
- Oh, don't be...

I could've sworn it made fudge.

- Wonderful Christmas.
- Yes, darling.

- There's only one thing missing.
- Querida, what?

That.

We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

And a Happy New Year