All language subtitles for The Addams Family (1964) — 1x26 — Morticia, the Breadwinner

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,274 Here, darling. 2 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,444 Cleopatra, don't gulp. 3 00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:10,779 Morticia. 4 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,408 - Did you see the paper this morning? - No, dear. 5 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,952 The bottom fell out of the stock market again. 6 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:19,329 They really ought to fix that rickety old place. 7 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,832 The bottom's always falling out of it. 8 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,626 Oh, it's not the place, it's the stock. 9 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,462 And you know, Gomez could lose millions in a good market 10 00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:30,591 but, boy, I bet he lost his shirt today. 11 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:34,928 He has plenty of shirts. It's his money I'm worried about. 12 00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:38,849 Come now, Blooker, you've been my broker long enough 13 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,602 to know that a little market crash doesn't scare me. 14 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:44,688 Why, my Consolidated Funds climbed to 60 yesterday. 15 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,232 Unfortunately I'd sold it the day before. 16 00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:50,485 Blooker, I just feel like buying a railroad. 17 00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,154 A little surprise for my wife. 18 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,824 We'd better find Gomez and see if everything is all right. 19 00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:57,117 Thing? 20 00:01:57,868 --> 00:02:01,079 Would you finish feeding Cleopatra, please, Thing? 21 00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:05,125 That's good. Now mind your manners, dear. 22 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:09,963 Blooker, I know fortunes have been lost speculating on railroads, 23 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,298 but what's a fortune? 24 00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,842 But Mr. Addams, the people I'm talking about went broke. 25 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,677 Broke? 26 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:18,138 They're absolutely penniless. Wiped out. 27 00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:21,892 That's incredible, Blooker, incredible. Broke, you say? 28 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:26,188 Penniless? Wiped out? Ghastly, absolutely ghastly. 29 00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:32,152 - Uncle Fester, this is shocking. - It's worse than I thought. 30 00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:34,154 Oh, the poor, poor dear. 31 00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:37,032 Poor thing is right. They wiped him out like a greasy skillet. 32 00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,201 It's hard to believe, Blooker. 33 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:42,538 As a token of my sympathy, write them a check for $100,000. 34 00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,831 And now get moving on that railroad. 35 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,376 Oh, dear. 36 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:58,470 Oh, thank you, Thing. And thank you, Cleopatra. 37 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,724 It's so nice to know you have friends at a time like this. 38 00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,435 Morticia, what are we gonna do for money? 39 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:08,897 I'm too proud to beg and too lazy to work. 40 00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,733 Never mind, Uncle Fester, I'll think of something. 41 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:14,069 It's Gomez I'm concerned about. 42 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:17,990 The poor dear. He must never know that we know. It'd kill him. 43 00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:22,744 If his life insurance is paid up, that could be a solution. 44 00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,746 - Uncle Fester. - Hello, Fester! 45 00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,957 - There you are, my dear. - Darling. 46 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,251 I'm gonna be busy all day. If you want me for anything, 47 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:32,462 I'll be in the library on my private line to my broker. 48 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:36,091 - Pawnbroker? I know a fellow that'll... - No, no. Stockbroker. 49 00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:37,926 Naturally, Uncle Fester. 50 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:41,513 I'm buying up a little stock. Nothing big. Just a few million here or there. 51 00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:43,724 You know, a little pastime. 52 00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:49,688 Oh, that poor, brave, darling man. 53 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:53,567 Did you see him? Laughing in the face of disaster. 54 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:58,822 - It almost made me cry. - Almost? It does make me cry. 55 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,241 Buck up, Uncle Fester. 56 00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:04,244 I'll call the family together. We'll handle this. 57 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,247 Spend another million. Just keep buying. 58 00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:09,082 Now, how much stock do I have so far? 59 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:12,711 - 100,000 shares so far. - Fine. 60 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,464 Now, how much do I need to control the company? 61 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:16,757 About 200,000. 62 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,092 But, Mr. Addams, what do you want with a broken-down railroad 63 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,677 like Big Swamp and Southern? 64 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,054 You'll never make any money with it. 65 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,889 Make money? I've got money. 66 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,767 What I'm looking for is excitement, adventure. 67 00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:27,893 Adventure? 68 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:31,897 Now, frankly, Blooker, I'm getting a bit bored with my model trains. 69 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:35,108 I'm just itching to get my hands on a real railroad. 70 00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,236 Think what a wreck I could have with those babies. 71 00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:38,403 Wreck? 72 00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:41,281 What else? Oh, we'd keep the people off. 73 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,951 All right, now, Blooker. Get moving. 74 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,745 And, oh, Blooker? Keep my name out of this. 75 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,956 I don't want Wall Street to know what I'm doing. 76 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:54,127 Now, we must think of ways to make money. 77 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,712 I know an easy way. 78 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,714 - Oh? - Print it! 79 00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,634 - Uncle Fester, that's illegal. - It is? 80 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:05,848 - I can get a job as a bunny girl. - No. No, I don't like the hours. 81 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:10,435 Besides, that atmosphere. You're much too sweet and innocent. 82 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:13,438 How about a beauty expert? 83 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:17,150 - Beauty expert? - Yeah, you know, a hairstylist. 84 00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,486 That's perfect, Mama. 85 00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:22,447 Now, remember, we must keep this from Gomez. 86 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,157 Just tell him it's a lark. 87 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,076 Wednesday and I are gonna pitch in, too. 88 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,996 We're gonna open a drink stand on the sidewalk. 89 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,163 Marvelous. 90 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,666 What are you gonna do, Mother? 91 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:36,920 I think I'll give fencing instruction and tango lessons. 92 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,174 I'm gonna start an escort service. Me and Lurch. 93 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:45,596 You know, hire out for dates, like with rich widows, eh, Lurch? 94 00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:52,936 I'm sure you'll be an instant success. You're both such fascinating types. 95 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,272 Look, Mother! 96 00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:58,692 Thing wants to help, too. 97 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:06,116 How sweet. Thank you, Thing. 98 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:13,999 I feel so good being my own boss, I think I'll take the rest of the day off. 99 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,016 Oh, it's almost perfect. 100 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:34,603 But do you think it could stand a little dash of hemlock juice? 101 00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:37,773 That's it. I knew it needed something. 102 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,779 Oh, what a lovely sign. 103 00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:47,199 We're gonna paste a picture on it, too. 104 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:49,868 Oh, that's a marvelous attention-getter. 105 00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:53,205 You children are going to be fine little merchants. 106 00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:02,506 - Uncle Fester, what are you doing? - I'm practicing for my escort service. 107 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:06,802 You see, I figure I'll have all different kinds of women for customers, 108 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,263 so I gotta be all different kinds of men for them. 109 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,306 - Oh? - Well, you know, 110 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:14,601 if they like Cary Grant, I'll be Cary Grant. 111 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,729 Hello, duck, what are you doing today? 112 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:21,567 And if they like their Frank Sinatra, why, I'll be Frank Sinatra. 113 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:31,410 Uncle Fester, I think that's a mistake. 114 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,287 Yeah, I think I better get another song. 115 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:38,667 No, no. What woman could possibly ask for more than Uncle Fester himself? 116 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:44,631 Yeah. Well, you got me there. 117 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:49,261 Well, well, what's going on? 118 00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,637 I haven't seen so much activity 119 00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:54,641 since the night I hid the hornets in Aunt Phobia's sleeping bag. 120 00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:57,144 Darling, this is something I'm doing for the children. 121 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,563 I think every child should know the value of money. 122 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,481 By george, you're right. 123 00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,026 Attention, children. 124 00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:07,154 Five pennies make a nickel, 125 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,156 two nickels make a dime, 126 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:12,075 10 dimes make a dollar. You got that? 127 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,243 - Yes, Father. - Yes, Father. 128 00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,996 Good. Now you know the value of money. 129 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:23,837 We're running a little low on cigars. 130 00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,091 You rang? 131 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:32,221 Lurch, you better pick me up another 1,000 cigars. The dollar size. 132 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,891 Thank you. 133 00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:39,228 Well, back to the stock market. Have fun, everyone! 134 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,066 Oh, that sweet, darling man. 135 00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:47,110 He's trying so hard not to let us know. 136 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:50,072 $1,000 worth of cigars. 137 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,533 I'm not sure we can afford him. 138 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:03,919 Oh, look, Gladys, this must be one of those gigolo places. 139 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:08,757 $50 an hour? Oh, they must be absolutely dreamy. 140 00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,218 See for yourselves, girls. 141 00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:16,932 - What's the matter with them? - Flighty. 142 00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:24,481 - Well, how's business, kids? - Pretty slow, sir. 143 00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:27,192 Gee, with a cute sign like that, you should be doing great. 144 00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:28,861 "Henbane on the rocks." 145 00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:33,115 Boy, those trade names get wackier everyday. 146 00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,909 - Let me have a tall one, son. - Yes, sir. 147 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,753 Well, always like to help out the small businessman. 148 00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:48,422 - Cheers! - Cheers. 149 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:56,221 - Would you like some more? - I'd like some help. 150 00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,682 I'm gonna tell my lawyer about this. 151 00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:02,269 See? Satisfied customers always tell their friends. 152 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,478 Oh, my... 153 00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:06,523 Why, I've tasted better glue than this. 154 00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:11,403 Maybe we ought to sell glue on the rocks. 155 00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:14,990 I bet Mother's making lots of money, though. 156 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,996 En garde. 157 00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:24,124 And parry, thrust. 158 00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:25,626 Parry, thrust. 159 00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:28,921 How're you doing, Morticia? Are you teaching him anything? 160 00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:31,256 Oh, Mama, I'm so disappointed. 161 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,425 I haven't had a pupil all day long. 162 00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:35,260 Well, I'm pretty disgusted, too. 163 00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:38,889 I went to every beauty shop in town. Nothing. 164 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,935 I'm very surprised. Your talent is so obvious. 165 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:47,272 Honey, it isn't what you know, it's who you know. 166 00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:48,482 That's true. 167 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,443 Good man, Blooker, keep spending. 168 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:02,746 My dear family, I'm afraid we didn't make very much today, 169 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:05,123 but Thing sold a pencil. 170 00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,128 Thank you, dear Thing. 171 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,635 Just a nickel? We made a quarter. 172 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,263 Oh, that's wonderful, dear. 173 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,640 But the man's going to sue us. 174 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,684 - Oh? - Morticia? 175 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,399 I guess I was high man for the day. I made a dollar. 176 00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:35,529 Oh, Uncle Fester, that's wonderful. Your escort service must be catching on. 177 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:40,242 Well, not exactly. A lady gave it to me when I popped up from behind my sign. 178 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,911 - Said it cured her hiccups. - Oh. 179 00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:11,356 Nothing like a fiery tango right after breakfast to stir up the old hormones. 180 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,358 Yes, it is exhilarating. 181 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:18,322 - Well, mind if I cut in? - Please do. 182 00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:25,412 This reminds me of the junior prom. My date looked just like Gomez. 183 00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:31,043 - Well, can't dance the day away. - Oh, you got a job? 184 00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:35,672 - Fester, don't be cruel. - Sorry, slip of the tongue. 185 00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:43,305 Darling, you do have some financial plans, don't you? 186 00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:45,682 Nothing important, mind you. Just a little amusement. 187 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,812 Gomez, do you have something to tell me? 188 00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:52,981 After all, I am your wife. 189 00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:56,068 No need to remind me of that, cara mia. 190 00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:03,158 Morticia thought you'd like to talk about money. 191 00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:06,203 Money? Why should I bother her pretty head with a thing like that? 192 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,247 You're not well, Fester. 193 00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:13,168 - Mail's in. - I'll get it, my dear. 194 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,339 Thank you, Thing. 195 00:13:17,548 --> 00:13:20,968 Oh, the circular I sent for from the yacht company. 196 00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:24,054 Thought I'd buy a yacht and take us all on a world cruise. 197 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:27,349 - A cruise? - At a time like this? 198 00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,685 I think we could use a change of scenery. 199 00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:32,604 The Dead Sea, perhaps. Some fun place. 200 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,276 10:00! Market's open. See you later. 201 00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:43,782 That settles it. I'm going to sell everything we own. 202 00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:46,368 I must get money for Gomez. 203 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,662 You mean auction him off, huh? 204 00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:54,168 - Oh, you mean get money to give Gomez? - Yes, dear. 205 00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:55,460 Now, you come upstairs with me 206 00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:58,881 and help me get out the family jewels and treasures. 207 00:14:05,137 --> 00:14:06,638 Are you ready? 208 00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:08,765 Ready. 209 00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:28,410 Uncle Fester, I do think we ought to have gotten the combination from Gomez. 210 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:33,081 Oh, it wasn't locked. I just like to keep in practice on my safe-blowing. 211 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,460 You do have a delicate touch. 212 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:45,677 Oh, dear, I dread to think of selling our family heirlooms and treasures. 213 00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:52,559 Cousin Crimp's glass eye. 214 00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:56,021 Those were the days when men were men. 215 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,068 Uncle Fester, look. 216 00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:03,403 Pugsley's baby spoon. 217 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:07,032 He always did have a strong bite. 218 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,243 And not a bad bark, either. 219 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,997 What's that? 220 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,251 Oh, I'd forgotten all about that. 221 00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:20,921 It was a gift for my 12th birthday from Grandpa Droop. 222 00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,714 Stock certificates. 223 00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:26,760 "100 shares, Big Swamp and Southern Railway." 224 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:31,598 I read something about that in the paper today. 225 00:15:31,682 --> 00:15:34,142 What did I do with today's paper? 226 00:15:36,395 --> 00:15:39,273 Yeah, sure, there it is. 227 00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:43,026 "Wall Street is intrigued by a mystery financier 228 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:47,447 "who is buying stock in the Big Swamp and Southern Railway." 229 00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,950 Uncle Fester, do you think maybe he'd buy this? 230 00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,744 Why don't we call a broker and find out? 231 00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,668 What's the name of that outfit that Gomez deals with? 232 00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:03,672 - Blaker, Blacker, Blooker... - Blooker and Company. 233 00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,716 Oh, but I don't want to embarrass Gomez 234 00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,510 by telling some stranger that we need money. 235 00:16:08,594 --> 00:16:10,971 Well, why don't you give him a phony name? 236 00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:13,182 Phony name. Jones? 237 00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:16,185 What kind of a name is that? 238 00:16:16,894 --> 00:16:19,438 - Smith? - Much better. 239 00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:25,068 What do you mean you can't find any more stock, Blooker? 240 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,738 I need only another 100 shares to control the whole railroad. 241 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,574 Mr. Addams, there isn't a single share for sale. 242 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,534 I've got men looking all over the country. 243 00:16:32,618 --> 00:16:35,704 - Well, have them look in the city, too. - Just a minute. 244 00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:39,041 Hello? Who? 245 00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,376 Mrs. Smith? 246 00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:43,462 What? 247 00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:46,340 We certainly are interested in buying your stock. 248 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,717 I can pay you $10,000? 249 00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,553 Well, that's awfully nice of you. 250 00:16:51,637 --> 00:16:55,224 - He's offering $10,000. - Then ask for $20,000. 251 00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,604 I'd like $20,000. 252 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,858 - He'll pay $20,000. - Good, make it $30,000. 253 00:17:07,236 --> 00:17:09,905 I'm sorry, but... 254 00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,449 - $30,000? - Crook! 255 00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,660 Hello? 256 00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:15,869 Uncle Fester! 257 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,747 That always makes them a little more anxious. 258 00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:24,962 Mrs. Smith? Mrs. Smith? Oh, no. 259 00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:31,134 - Yes, Blooker. - I found the 100 shares of stock for you. 260 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:32,886 Good man, I knew you'd do it! 261 00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:35,931 - But I lost it again. - Lost it? 262 00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:39,560 That's mighty careless, Blooker. Put an ad in the lost and found. 263 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:51,196 - Uncle Fester, I'm worried. - Big business. Better play it cool. 264 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:55,659 - But hanging up on him. - Yeah, maybe that was a little too cool. 265 00:17:55,742 --> 00:18:00,706 - I think I'd better ask Gomez's advice. - Oh, you can't tell him what we're doing. 266 00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:05,878 Uncle Fester, you're not the only one in this family who can be cool. 267 00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:12,634 But, Blooker, what if she doesn't call you back, what then? 268 00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:14,595 No problem, I'll kill myself. 269 00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:16,388 Good thinking. 270 00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,098 Blooker, if you do get that stock for me, 271 00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:22,186 I'll buy you the biggest, thickest, juiciest camel-hump steak in town. 272 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,770 What do you have to say to that? 273 00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:25,230 I'll kill myself. 274 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:28,567 Got a one-track mind, Blooker. I like that. 275 00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:36,783 Oh, Tish! Even when I speak French, it drives me wild. 276 00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:39,995 Darling, I want to ask your advice. 277 00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:42,331 You know, I'm trying to teach Pugsley a little bit about business. 278 00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:44,833 Oh, a chip off the old block, that lad. 279 00:18:44,917 --> 00:18:47,085 Well, he's decided to sell his flea collection 280 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:49,588 and a boy at school has offered him 30... 281 00:18:49,671 --> 00:18:51,256 $30 for it. 282 00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:55,093 Well, there's a simple rule, my dear. Never accept the first nine offers. 283 00:18:55,177 --> 00:18:57,429 When they come up with number 10, grab it. 284 00:18:57,513 --> 00:18:58,680 Take the 10th offer. 285 00:18:58,764 --> 00:19:00,098 It's known as Addams' Law. 286 00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:04,228 Or "How to slit your competitor's throat without getting blood on his necktie." 287 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,604 What a colorful phrase. 288 00:19:05,687 --> 00:19:07,648 It isn't for nothing they call me The Plunger. 289 00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:10,901 - The men on Wall Street? - The men in the plumbers' union. 290 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:18,492 But, Mr. Addams, I've got my secretary calling every Smith in the book. 291 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:19,952 Just a minute. 292 00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:22,329 Hello? Mrs. Smith. 293 00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:23,872 It's Mrs. Smith, she called back. 294 00:19:23,956 --> 00:19:27,334 Good, don't let her get away. Offer her $50,000. 295 00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:28,585 Right. 296 00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:34,508 Mrs. Smith, I can offer you $50,000. 297 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,718 $50,000? 298 00:19:36,802 --> 00:19:38,387 Buzzardfeed. 299 00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:41,181 I'm sorry, I'm afraid that's only your fourth offer. 300 00:19:41,265 --> 00:19:42,641 Please continue. 301 00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,184 She wants more! 302 00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:45,853 Make it $60,000. 303 00:19:46,854 --> 00:19:48,188 How about $60,000? 304 00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:49,982 - Well... - $70,000! 305 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:52,693 Who is that? 306 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:55,821 - Well... - I'm another customer, that's who is that. 307 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,657 I wanna buy her stock myself, I'll go $80,000! 308 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:01,076 She's got another buyer. 309 00:20:01,702 --> 00:20:04,913 Great shades of Hades, run him out! Bid his head off! 310 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,541 How about $100,000? 311 00:20:10,544 --> 00:20:15,090 Isn't that sweet? Thing wants to get in on the bidding, too. 312 00:20:15,174 --> 00:20:16,425 $200,000? 313 00:20:18,844 --> 00:20:24,349 I'm sorry, Mr. Blooker, I have a third bidder at $200,000. 314 00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:29,605 Wait a minute. Now, look, I wanted to bid $300,000. 315 00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:31,190 $350,000! 316 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,902 $400,000, Mr. Blooker. 317 00:20:36,445 --> 00:20:38,447 $500,000? $500,000. 318 00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:43,076 $600,000! Let's see you top that, nimble knuckles! 319 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,663 He can't go any higher. That's all the fingers he's got. 320 00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,291 Oh, poor Thing. 321 00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:04,848 Hell, I've gotta have that railroad, Blooker. I just wrecked my last locomotive. 322 00:21:04,932 --> 00:21:06,642 Just a minute, Blooker. 323 00:21:08,644 --> 00:21:10,062 What is it, Thing? 324 00:21:11,772 --> 00:21:14,274 You think I can get the railroad for that? 325 00:21:16,944 --> 00:21:18,779 Thank you, Thing. 326 00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:22,032 I'll make one more offer, Blooker, $1 million. 327 00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:25,577 I'll try. 328 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:27,955 Mrs. Smith? 329 00:21:28,497 --> 00:21:32,167 Mrs. Smith? This is my last and final offer. 330 00:21:32,251 --> 00:21:33,877 $1 million. 331 00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:35,921 It's his 10th offer. 332 00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:37,881 - How much? - What difference does it make? 333 00:21:37,965 --> 00:21:40,634 Sold, for $1 million. 334 00:21:42,803 --> 00:21:45,681 I can hardly wait to get my hands on that railroad. 335 00:21:47,516 --> 00:21:48,684 Nice going, Blooker. 336 00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:49,852 To show you my appreciation, 337 00:21:49,935 --> 00:21:52,521 I'm gonna send you a couple of freight cars. 338 00:21:54,064 --> 00:21:57,568 Gomez, darling, guess what I made today? 339 00:21:57,651 --> 00:22:01,488 - That fabulous bat broth of yours? - No, $1 million. 340 00:22:01,572 --> 00:22:04,992 Oh. Well, I have some real news for you. I just bought a railroad. 341 00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:07,578 Oh, darling, that's wonderful, but... 342 00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:11,331 - A railroad? - Big Swamp and Southern. 343 00:22:11,415 --> 00:22:14,710 When I blow those tracks, it'll be the wreck of the century. 344 00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:17,754 He bought a railroad. 345 00:22:18,839 --> 00:22:20,340 The Big Swamp... 346 00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:23,093 He bought it. 347 00:22:24,052 --> 00:22:26,972 Addams here. Hello, Blooker. 348 00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:28,640 You heard what? 349 00:22:30,142 --> 00:22:33,312 The Big Swamp and Southern sank into the big swamp? 350 00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:36,023 Clear out of sight, eh? 351 00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:39,109 Thanks for calling me. 352 00:22:39,776 --> 00:22:41,987 Oh, well, easy come, easy go. 353 00:23:13,644 --> 00:23:17,272 Oh, I do hope this shawl isn't too short for Cousin Crimp. 354 00:23:17,356 --> 00:23:18,982 It looks perfect. 355 00:23:19,066 --> 00:23:22,027 - And so does this. - What's that, dear? 356 00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:25,113 I bought your stock, querida, I intend to pay for it. 357 00:23:25,197 --> 00:23:27,074 Oh, nonsense. 358 00:23:27,157 --> 00:23:30,953 Even though you're still wealthy, I refuse to accept it. 359 00:23:31,036 --> 00:23:33,372 It's a matter of honor, querida. 360 00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:37,668 There you are, a check for $1 million. 361 00:23:38,877 --> 00:23:41,088 First National Bank of Siberia? 362 00:23:41,171 --> 00:23:44,550 Nice bunch. Always pay in cold cash. 363 00:23:45,634 --> 00:23:47,094 Are you sure? 364 00:23:47,845 --> 00:23:49,263 Come to think of it, 365 00:23:49,346 --> 00:23:54,560 we Addamses haven't done any business with them since 1917. 366 00:23:54,643 --> 00:23:58,605 Things may have changed since then. Forget that check, I'll write another. 367 00:23:59,356 --> 00:24:01,775 Second National Bank of Peking. 368 00:24:02,693 --> 00:24:05,612 How could I have ever doubted your financial genius? 369 00:24:06,613 --> 00:24:10,159 Querida, we all make mistakes. 370 00:24:10,242 --> 00:24:12,953 Darling, let's celebrate. 371 00:24:15,038 --> 00:24:16,456 Wine, Thing. 372 00:24:23,881 --> 00:24:25,549 Thank you, Thing. 373 00:24:26,967 --> 00:24:29,887 How convenient. Instant wine. 374 00:24:32,931 --> 00:24:34,474 - Cara. - Darling. 29417

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