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1
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,274
Here, darling.
2
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,444
Cleopatra, don't gulp.
3
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:10,779
Morticia.
4
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,408
- Did you see the paper this morning?
- No, dear.
5
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,952
The bottom fell out
of the stock market again.
6
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:19,329
They really ought
to fix that rickety old place.
7
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,832
The bottom's always falling out of it.
8
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,626
Oh, it's not the place, it's the stock.
9
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,462
And you know, Gomez could lose millions
in a good market
10
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:30,591
but, boy, I bet he lost his shirt today.
11
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:34,928
He has plenty of shirts.
It's his money I'm worried about.
12
00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:38,849
Come now, Blooker,
you've been my broker long enough
13
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,602
to know that a little market crash
doesn't scare me.
14
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:44,688
Why, my Consolidated Funds
climbed to 60 yesterday.
15
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,232
Unfortunately I'd sold it the day before.
16
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:50,485
Blooker, I just feel like buying a railroad.
17
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,154
A little surprise for my wife.
18
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,824
We'd better find Gomez
and see if everything is all right.
19
00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:57,117
Thing?
20
00:01:57,868 --> 00:02:01,079
Would you finish feeding Cleopatra,
please, Thing?
21
00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:05,125
That's good.
Now mind your manners, dear.
22
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:09,963
Blooker, I know fortunes have been lost
speculating on railroads,
23
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,298
but what's a fortune?
24
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,842
But Mr. Addams,
the people I'm talking about went broke.
25
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,677
Broke?
26
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:18,138
They're absolutely penniless. Wiped out.
27
00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:21,892
That's incredible, Blooker, incredible.
Broke, you say?
28
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:26,188
Penniless? Wiped out?
Ghastly, absolutely ghastly.
29
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:32,152
- Uncle Fester, this is shocking.
- It's worse than I thought.
30
00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:34,154
Oh, the poor, poor dear.
31
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:37,032
Poor thing is right.
They wiped him out like a greasy skillet.
32
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,201
It's hard to believe, Blooker.
33
00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:42,538
As a token of my sympathy,
write them a check for $100,000.
34
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,831
And now get moving on that railroad.
35
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,376
Oh, dear.
36
00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:58,470
Oh, thank you, Thing.
And thank you, Cleopatra.
37
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,724
It's so nice to know you have friends
at a time like this.
38
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,435
Morticia, what are we gonna do
for money?
39
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:08,897
I'm too proud to beg and too lazy to work.
40
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,733
Never mind, Uncle Fester,
I'll think of something.
41
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:14,069
It's Gomez I'm concerned about.
42
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:17,990
The poor dear. He must never know
that we know. It'd kill him.
43
00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:22,744
If his life insurance is paid up,
that could be a solution.
44
00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,746
- Uncle Fester.
- Hello, Fester!
45
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:26,957
- There you are, my dear.
- Darling.
46
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,251
I'm gonna be busy all day.
If you want me for anything,
47
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:32,462
I'll be in the library on my private line
to my broker.
48
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:36,091
- Pawnbroker? I know a fellow that'll...
- No, no. Stockbroker.
49
00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:37,926
Naturally, Uncle Fester.
50
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:41,513
I'm buying up a little stock. Nothing big.
Just a few million here or there.
51
00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:43,724
You know, a little pastime.
52
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:49,688
Oh, that poor, brave, darling man.
53
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:53,567
Did you see him?
Laughing in the face of disaster.
54
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:58,822
- It almost made me cry.
- Almost? It does make me cry.
55
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,241
Buck up, Uncle Fester.
56
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:04,244
I'll call the family together.
We'll handle this.
57
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,247
Spend another million. Just keep buying.
58
00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:09,082
Now, how much stock do I have so far?
59
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:12,711
- 100,000 shares so far.
- Fine.
60
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,464
Now, how much do I need
to control the company?
61
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:16,757
About 200,000.
62
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,092
But, Mr. Addams, what do you want
with a broken-down railroad
63
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,677
like Big Swamp and Southern?
64
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,054
You'll never make any money with it.
65
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,889
Make money? I've got money.
66
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,767
What I'm looking for
is excitement, adventure.
67
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:27,893
Adventure?
68
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:31,897
Now, frankly, Blooker, I'm getting
a bit bored with my model trains.
69
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:35,108
I'm just itching
to get my hands on a real railroad.
70
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,236
Think what a wreck
I could have with those babies.
71
00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:38,403
Wreck?
72
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:41,281
What else? Oh, we'd keep the people off.
73
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,951
All right, now, Blooker. Get moving.
74
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,745
And, oh, Blooker?
Keep my name out of this.
75
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,956
I don't want Wall Street
to know what I'm doing.
76
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:54,127
Now, we must think of ways
to make money.
77
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,712
I know an easy way.
78
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,714
- Oh?
- Print it!
79
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,634
- Uncle Fester, that's illegal.
- It is?
80
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:05,848
- I can get a job as a bunny girl.
- No. No, I don't like the hours.
81
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:10,435
Besides, that atmosphere.
You're much too sweet and innocent.
82
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:13,438
How about a beauty expert?
83
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:17,150
- Beauty expert?
- Yeah, you know, a hairstylist.
84
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:19,486
That's perfect, Mama.
85
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:22,447
Now, remember,
we must keep this from Gomez.
86
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,157
Just tell him it's a lark.
87
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,076
Wednesday and I are gonna pitch in, too.
88
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,996
We're gonna open a drink stand
on the sidewalk.
89
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,163
Marvelous.
90
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,666
What are you gonna do, Mother?
91
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:36,920
I think I'll give fencing instruction
and tango lessons.
92
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,174
I'm gonna start an escort service.
Me and Lurch.
93
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:45,596
You know, hire out for dates,
like with rich widows, eh, Lurch?
94
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:52,936
I'm sure you'll be an instant success.
You're both such fascinating types.
95
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,272
Look, Mother!
96
00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:58,692
Thing wants to help, too.
97
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:06,116
How sweet. Thank you, Thing.
98
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:13,999
I feel so good being my own boss,
I think I'll take the rest of the day off.
99
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,016
Oh, it's almost perfect.
100
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:34,603
But do you think it could stand
a little dash of hemlock juice?
101
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:37,773
That's it. I knew it needed something.
102
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,779
Oh, what a lovely sign.
103
00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:47,199
We're gonna paste a picture on it, too.
104
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:49,868
Oh, that's a marvelous attention-getter.
105
00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:53,205
You children are going
to be fine little merchants.
106
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:02,506
- Uncle Fester, what are you doing?
- I'm practicing for my escort service.
107
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:06,802
You see, I figure I'll have all different kinds
of women for customers,
108
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,263
so I gotta be all different kinds of men
for them.
109
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,306
- Oh?
- Well, you know,
110
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:14,601
if they like Cary Grant, I'll be Cary Grant.
111
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,729
Hello, duck, what are you doing today?
112
00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:21,567
And if they like their Frank Sinatra,
why, I'll be Frank Sinatra.
113
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:31,410
Uncle Fester, I think that's a mistake.
114
00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,287
Yeah, I think I better get another song.
115
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:38,667
No, no. What woman could possibly ask
for more than Uncle Fester himself?
116
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:44,631
Yeah. Well, you got me there.
117
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:49,261
Well, well, what's going on?
118
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,637
I haven't seen so much activity
119
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:54,641
since the night I hid the hornets
in Aunt Phobia's sleeping bag.
120
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:57,144
Darling, this is something
I'm doing for the children.
121
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,563
I think every child
should know the value of money.
122
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,481
By george, you're right.
123
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,026
Attention, children.
124
00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:07,154
Five pennies make a nickel,
125
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,156
two nickels make a dime,
126
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:12,075
10 dimes make a dollar. You got that?
127
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,243
- Yes, Father.
- Yes, Father.
128
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,996
Good. Now you know the value of money.
129
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:23,837
We're running a little low on cigars.
130
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,091
You rang?
131
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:32,221
Lurch, you better pick me up
another 1,000 cigars. The dollar size.
132
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,891
Thank you.
133
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:39,228
Well, back to the stock market.
Have fun, everyone!
134
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,066
Oh, that sweet, darling man.
135
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:47,110
He's trying so hard not to let us know.
136
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:50,072
$1,000 worth of cigars.
137
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,533
I'm not sure we can afford him.
138
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:03,919
Oh, look, Gladys,
this must be one of those gigolo places.
139
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:08,757
$50 an hour?
Oh, they must be absolutely dreamy.
140
00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,218
See for yourselves, girls.
141
00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:16,932
- What's the matter with them?
- Flighty.
142
00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:24,481
- Well, how's business, kids?
- Pretty slow, sir.
143
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:27,192
Gee, with a cute sign like that,
you should be doing great.
144
00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:28,861
"Henbane on the rocks."
145
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:33,115
Boy, those trade names
get wackier everyday.
146
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,909
- Let me have a tall one, son.
- Yes, sir.
147
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,753
Well, always like to help out
the small businessman.
148
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:48,422
- Cheers!
- Cheers.
149
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:56,221
- Would you like some more?
- I'd like some help.
150
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,682
I'm gonna tell my lawyer about this.
151
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:02,269
See? Satisfied customers
always tell their friends.
152
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,478
Oh, my...
153
00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:06,523
Why, I've tasted better glue than this.
154
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:11,403
Maybe we ought to sell glue on the rocks.
155
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:14,990
I bet Mother's making
lots of money, though.
156
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,996
En garde.
157
00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:24,124
And parry, thrust.
158
00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:25,626
Parry, thrust.
159
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:28,921
How're you doing, Morticia?
Are you teaching him anything?
160
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:31,256
Oh, Mama, I'm so disappointed.
161
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,425
I haven't had a pupil all day long.
162
00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:35,260
Well, I'm pretty disgusted, too.
163
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:38,889
I went to every beauty shop in town.
Nothing.
164
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,935
I'm very surprised.
Your talent is so obvious.
165
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:47,272
Honey, it isn't what you know,
it's who you know.
166
00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:48,482
That's true.
167
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,443
Good man, Blooker, keep spending.
168
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:02,746
My dear family, I'm afraid
we didn't make very much today,
169
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:05,123
but Thing sold a pencil.
170
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,128
Thank you, dear Thing.
171
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,635
Just a nickel? We made a quarter.
172
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,263
Oh, that's wonderful, dear.
173
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,640
But the man's going to sue us.
174
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,684
- Oh?
- Morticia?
175
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,399
I guess I was high man for the day.
I made a dollar.
176
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:35,529
Oh, Uncle Fester, that's wonderful.
Your escort service must be catching on.
177
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:40,242
Well, not exactly. A lady gave it to me
when I popped up from behind my sign.
178
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,911
- Said it cured her hiccups.
- Oh.
179
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:11,356
Nothing like a fiery tango right after
breakfast to stir up the old hormones.
180
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,358
Yes, it is exhilarating.
181
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:18,322
- Well, mind if I cut in?
- Please do.
182
00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:25,412
This reminds me of the junior prom.
My date looked just like Gomez.
183
00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:31,043
- Well, can't dance the day away.
- Oh, you got a job?
184
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:35,672
- Fester, don't be cruel.
- Sorry, slip of the tongue.
185
00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:43,305
Darling, you do have some financial plans,
don't you?
186
00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:45,682
Nothing important, mind you.
Just a little amusement.
187
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,812
Gomez, do you have something to tell me?
188
00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:52,981
After all, I am your wife.
189
00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:56,068
No need to remind me of that, cara mia.
190
00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:03,158
Morticia thought
you'd like to talk about money.
191
00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:06,203
Money? Why should I bother
her pretty head with a thing like that?
192
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,247
You're not well, Fester.
193
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:13,168
- Mail's in.
- I'll get it, my dear.
194
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,339
Thank you, Thing.
195
00:13:17,548 --> 00:13:20,968
Oh, the circular I sent for
from the yacht company.
196
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:24,054
Thought I'd buy a yacht
and take us all on a world cruise.
197
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:27,349
- A cruise?
- At a time like this?
198
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,685
I think we could use a change of scenery.
199
00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:32,604
The Dead Sea, perhaps. Some fun place.
200
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,276
10:00! Market's open. See you later.
201
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:43,782
That settles it.
I'm going to sell everything we own.
202
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:46,368
I must get money for Gomez.
203
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,662
You mean auction him off, huh?
204
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:54,168
- Oh, you mean get money to give Gomez?
- Yes, dear.
205
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:55,460
Now, you come upstairs with me
206
00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:58,881
and help me get out
the family jewels and treasures.
207
00:14:05,137 --> 00:14:06,638
Are you ready?
208
00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:08,765
Ready.
209
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:28,410
Uncle Fester, I do think we ought to have
gotten the combination from Gomez.
210
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:33,081
Oh, it wasn't locked. I just like
to keep in practice on my safe-blowing.
211
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,460
You do have a delicate touch.
212
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:45,677
Oh, dear, I dread to think of selling
our family heirlooms and treasures.
213
00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:52,559
Cousin Crimp's glass eye.
214
00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:56,021
Those were the days when men were men.
215
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,068
Uncle Fester, look.
216
00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:03,403
Pugsley's baby spoon.
217
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:07,032
He always did have a strong bite.
218
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,243
And not a bad bark, either.
219
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,997
What's that?
220
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,251
Oh, I'd forgotten all about that.
221
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:20,921
It was a gift for my 12th birthday
from Grandpa Droop.
222
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,714
Stock certificates.
223
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:26,760
"100 shares,
Big Swamp and Southern Railway."
224
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:31,598
I read something about that
in the paper today.
225
00:15:31,682 --> 00:15:34,142
What did I do with today's paper?
226
00:15:36,395 --> 00:15:39,273
Yeah, sure, there it is.
227
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:43,026
"Wall Street is intrigued
by a mystery financier
228
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:47,447
"who is buying stock
in the Big Swamp and Southern Railway."
229
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,950
Uncle Fester, do you think
maybe he'd buy this?
230
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,744
Why don't we call a broker and find out?
231
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,668
What's the name of that outfit
that Gomez deals with?
232
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:03,672
- Blaker, Blacker, Blooker...
- Blooker and Company.
233
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,716
Oh, but I don't want to embarrass Gomez
234
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,510
by telling some stranger
that we need money.
235
00:16:08,594 --> 00:16:10,971
Well, why don't you give him
a phony name?
236
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:13,182
Phony name. Jones?
237
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:16,185
What kind of a name is that?
238
00:16:16,894 --> 00:16:19,438
- Smith?
- Much better.
239
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:25,068
What do you mean
you can't find any more stock, Blooker?
240
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,738
I need only another 100 shares
to control the whole railroad.
241
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,574
Mr. Addams,
there isn't a single share for sale.
242
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,534
I've got men looking all over the country.
243
00:16:32,618 --> 00:16:35,704
- Well, have them look in the city, too.
- Just a minute.
244
00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:39,041
Hello? Who?
245
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,376
Mrs. Smith?
246
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:43,462
What?
247
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:46,340
We certainly are interested
in buying your stock.
248
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,717
I can pay you $10,000?
249
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,553
Well, that's awfully nice of you.
250
00:16:51,637 --> 00:16:55,224
- He's offering $10,000.
- Then ask for $20,000.
251
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,604
I'd like $20,000.
252
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,858
- He'll pay $20,000.
- Good, make it $30,000.
253
00:17:07,236 --> 00:17:09,905
I'm sorry, but...
254
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,449
- $30,000?
- Crook!
255
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,660
Hello?
256
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:15,869
Uncle Fester!
257
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,747
That always makes them
a little more anxious.
258
00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:24,962
Mrs. Smith? Mrs. Smith? Oh, no.
259
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:31,134
- Yes, Blooker.
- I found the 100 shares of stock for you.
260
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:32,886
Good man, I knew you'd do it!
261
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:35,931
- But I lost it again.
- Lost it?
262
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:39,560
That's mighty careless, Blooker.
Put an ad in the lost and found.
263
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:51,196
- Uncle Fester, I'm worried.
- Big business. Better play it cool.
264
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:55,659
- But hanging up on him.
- Yeah, maybe that was a little too cool.
265
00:17:55,742 --> 00:18:00,706
- I think I'd better ask Gomez's advice.
- Oh, you can't tell him what we're doing.
266
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:05,878
Uncle Fester, you're not the only one
in this family who can be cool.
267
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:12,634
But, Blooker, what
if she doesn't call you back, what then?
268
00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:14,595
No problem, I'll kill myself.
269
00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:16,388
Good thinking.
270
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,098
Blooker, if you do get that stock for me,
271
00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:22,186
I'll buy you the biggest, thickest,
juiciest camel-hump steak in town.
272
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,770
What do you have to say to that?
273
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:25,230
I'll kill myself.
274
00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:28,567
Got a one-track mind, Blooker. I like that.
275
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:36,783
Oh, Tish! Even when I speak French,
it drives me wild.
276
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:39,995
Darling, I want to ask your advice.
277
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:42,331
You know, I'm trying to teach Pugsley
a little bit about business.
278
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:44,833
Oh, a chip off the old block, that lad.
279
00:18:44,917 --> 00:18:47,085
Well, he's decided to sell his flea collection
280
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:49,588
and a boy at school has offered him 30...
281
00:18:49,671 --> 00:18:51,256
$30 for it.
282
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:55,093
Well, there's a simple rule, my dear.
Never accept the first nine offers.
283
00:18:55,177 --> 00:18:57,429
When they come up with number 10,
grab it.
284
00:18:57,513 --> 00:18:58,680
Take the 10th offer.
285
00:18:58,764 --> 00:19:00,098
It's known as Addams' Law.
286
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:04,228
Or "How to slit your competitor's throat
without getting blood on his necktie."
287
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,604
What a colorful phrase.
288
00:19:05,687 --> 00:19:07,648
It isn't for nothing
they call me The Plunger.
289
00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:10,901
- The men on Wall Street?
- The men in the plumbers' union.
290
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:18,492
But, Mr. Addams, I've got my secretary
calling every Smith in the book.
291
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:19,952
Just a minute.
292
00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:22,329
Hello? Mrs. Smith.
293
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:23,872
It's Mrs. Smith, she called back.
294
00:19:23,956 --> 00:19:27,334
Good, don't let her get away.
Offer her $50,000.
295
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:28,585
Right.
296
00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:34,508
Mrs. Smith, I can offer you $50,000.
297
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,718
$50,000?
298
00:19:36,802 --> 00:19:38,387
Buzzardfeed.
299
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:41,181
I'm sorry,
I'm afraid that's only your fourth offer.
300
00:19:41,265 --> 00:19:42,641
Please continue.
301
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,184
She wants more!
302
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:45,853
Make it $60,000.
303
00:19:46,854 --> 00:19:48,188
How about $60,000?
304
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:49,982
- Well...
- $70,000!
305
00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:52,693
Who is that?
306
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:55,821
- Well...
- I'm another customer, that's who is that.
307
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,657
I wanna buy her stock myself,
I'll go $80,000!
308
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:01,076
She's got another buyer.
309
00:20:01,702 --> 00:20:04,913
Great shades of Hades, run him out!
Bid his head off!
310
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,541
How about $100,000?
311
00:20:10,544 --> 00:20:15,090
Isn't that sweet?
Thing wants to get in on the bidding, too.
312
00:20:15,174 --> 00:20:16,425
$200,000?
313
00:20:18,844 --> 00:20:24,349
I'm sorry, Mr. Blooker,
I have a third bidder at $200,000.
314
00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:29,605
Wait a minute.
Now, look, I wanted to bid $300,000.
315
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:31,190
$350,000!
316
00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,902
$400,000, Mr. Blooker.
317
00:20:36,445 --> 00:20:38,447
$500,000? $500,000.
318
00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:43,076
$600,000! Let's see you top that,
nimble knuckles!
319
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,663
He can't go any higher.
That's all the fingers he's got.
320
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,291
Oh, poor Thing.
321
00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:04,848
Hell, I've gotta have that railroad, Blooker.
I just wrecked my last locomotive.
322
00:21:04,932 --> 00:21:06,642
Just a minute, Blooker.
323
00:21:08,644 --> 00:21:10,062
What is it, Thing?
324
00:21:11,772 --> 00:21:14,274
You think I can get the railroad for that?
325
00:21:16,944 --> 00:21:18,779
Thank you, Thing.
326
00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:22,032
I'll make one more offer, Blooker,
$1 million.
327
00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:25,577
I'll try.
328
00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:27,955
Mrs. Smith?
329
00:21:28,497 --> 00:21:32,167
Mrs. Smith? This is my last and final offer.
330
00:21:32,251 --> 00:21:33,877
$1 million.
331
00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:35,921
It's his 10th offer.
332
00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:37,881
- How much?
- What difference does it make?
333
00:21:37,965 --> 00:21:40,634
Sold, for $1 million.
334
00:21:42,803 --> 00:21:45,681
I can hardly wait
to get my hands on that railroad.
335
00:21:47,516 --> 00:21:48,684
Nice going, Blooker.
336
00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:49,852
To show you my appreciation,
337
00:21:49,935 --> 00:21:52,521
I'm gonna send you a couple
of freight cars.
338
00:21:54,064 --> 00:21:57,568
Gomez, darling, guess what I made today?
339
00:21:57,651 --> 00:22:01,488
- That fabulous bat broth of yours?
- No, $1 million.
340
00:22:01,572 --> 00:22:04,992
Oh. Well, I have some real news for you.
I just bought a railroad.
341
00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:07,578
Oh, darling, that's wonderful, but...
342
00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:11,331
- A railroad?
- Big Swamp and Southern.
343
00:22:11,415 --> 00:22:14,710
When I blow those tracks,
it'll be the wreck of the century.
344
00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:17,754
He bought a railroad.
345
00:22:18,839 --> 00:22:20,340
The Big Swamp...
346
00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:23,093
He bought it.
347
00:22:24,052 --> 00:22:26,972
Addams here. Hello, Blooker.
348
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:28,640
You heard what?
349
00:22:30,142 --> 00:22:33,312
The Big Swamp and Southern
sank into the big swamp?
350
00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:36,023
Clear out of sight, eh?
351
00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:39,109
Thanks for calling me.
352
00:22:39,776 --> 00:22:41,987
Oh, well, easy come, easy go.
353
00:23:13,644 --> 00:23:17,272
Oh, I do hope this shawl isn't too short
for Cousin Crimp.
354
00:23:17,356 --> 00:23:18,982
It looks perfect.
355
00:23:19,066 --> 00:23:22,027
- And so does this.
- What's that, dear?
356
00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:25,113
I bought your stock, querida,
I intend to pay for it.
357
00:23:25,197 --> 00:23:27,074
Oh, nonsense.
358
00:23:27,157 --> 00:23:30,953
Even though you're still wealthy,
I refuse to accept it.
359
00:23:31,036 --> 00:23:33,372
It's a matter of honor, querida.
360
00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:37,668
There you are, a check for $1 million.
361
00:23:38,877 --> 00:23:41,088
First National Bank of Siberia?
362
00:23:41,171 --> 00:23:44,550
Nice bunch. Always pay in cold cash.
363
00:23:45,634 --> 00:23:47,094
Are you sure?
364
00:23:47,845 --> 00:23:49,263
Come to think of it,
365
00:23:49,346 --> 00:23:54,560
we Addamses haven't done
any business with them since 1917.
366
00:23:54,643 --> 00:23:58,605
Things may have changed since then.
Forget that check, I'll write another.
367
00:23:59,356 --> 00:24:01,775
Second National Bank of Peking.
368
00:24:02,693 --> 00:24:05,612
How could I have ever doubted
your financial genius?
369
00:24:06,613 --> 00:24:10,159
Querida, we all make mistakes.
370
00:24:10,242 --> 00:24:12,953
Darling, let's celebrate.
371
00:24:15,038 --> 00:24:16,456
Wine, Thing.
372
00:24:23,881 --> 00:24:25,549
Thank you, Thing.
373
00:24:26,967 --> 00:24:29,887
How convenient. Instant wine.
374
00:24:32,931 --> 00:24:34,474
- Cara.
- Darling.
29417
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