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(soft orchestral music)
4
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:53,362
(Bobbie yawns)
5
00:01:53,362 --> 00:01:54,946
- Jer, clean or dirty?
6
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,408
- Marginal.
7
00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:58,784
- (sniffs) No, it's not.
8
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,043
- I don't know why you use that thing.
9
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,170
I mean, if it's for
me, it's not necessary.
10
00:02:11,255 --> 00:02:13,465
Of course, I do like to watch you use it.
11
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,885
- I know. (chuckles)
12
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:18,804
Listen, I think we should wait
13
00:02:18,804 --> 00:02:20,305
with the powder room, then, huh?
14
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:23,225
- Nope. No more waiting for toilets.
15
00:02:23,225 --> 00:02:25,143
- Well, I just don't
like to see you worrying
16
00:02:25,144 --> 00:02:27,813
about loans and mortgages, that's all.
17
00:02:27,813 --> 00:02:29,314
- Then don't look.
18
00:02:31,567 --> 00:02:32,734
(Jerry chuckles)
19
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:34,319
- Jer, I just don't think
that we should spend
20
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,196
that kind of money--
- No more thinking tonight.
21
00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:38,073
Let's watch TV.
(Bobbie yawns)
22
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:39,867
(TV blaring)
23
00:02:39,867 --> 00:02:40,742
Was there any good mail today?
24
00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:42,911
- [Bobbie] Oh, a couple of junk,
25
00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:44,705
some bills, and a letter for you.
26
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,009
- Huh. Read this.
27
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,471
(Bobbie sighs)
28
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:02,306
- "God grants you an interveiw,
29
00:03:02,306 --> 00:03:06,806
1600 North Hope Street,
Los Angeles, California, Room 2700,
30
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:08,687
Tomorrow at 11 a.m."
31
00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:11,565
It's a gag.
32
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:15,611
- No stamp, no return address.
33
00:03:15,611 --> 00:03:17,279
Pretty crazy gag.
34
00:03:17,279 --> 00:03:19,030
(Jerry sighs)
- It's an ad.
35
00:03:19,031 --> 00:03:19,823
- For what?
36
00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:24,578
- For God oven cleaner or God detergent.
37
00:03:24,578 --> 00:03:26,288
I don't know.
- Nobody would dare.
38
00:03:27,289 --> 00:03:31,789
(nose blowing)
(TV blaring)
39
00:03:36,882 --> 00:03:37,716
- Air ball.
40
00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:40,636
- (snaps) Artie Coogan.
41
00:03:42,179 --> 00:03:44,181
- What?
- Artie Coogan.
42
00:03:44,181 --> 00:03:46,933
That's it.
- (chuckles) Oh, yeah.
43
00:03:46,934 --> 00:03:49,269
Artie, crazy Artie.
44
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,855
- No. An English teacher
wouldn't misspell interview.
45
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,401
- Well, neither would God.
46
00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,362
- Well, I can't meet him tomorrow, anyway.
47
00:03:58,362 --> 00:04:00,989
I've got to meet the
district produce manager.
48
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:03,033
- Sorry, God.
- Two points.
49
00:04:09,498 --> 00:04:10,957
- Did we make love last night?
50
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:14,962
- Mm-hmm.
51
00:04:14,962 --> 00:04:17,673
- Mm-hmm. Just checking.
52
00:04:17,673 --> 00:04:19,466
- Well, keep checking.
53
00:04:21,385 --> 00:04:22,344
- I love you.
54
00:04:22,344 --> 00:04:25,847
(broadcast signal humming)
55
00:04:42,823 --> 00:04:45,534
- [Bobbie] Honey, it's so late.
56
00:04:45,534 --> 00:04:48,161
(bed squeaking)
57
00:04:51,415 --> 00:04:54,709
(remote clicks)
58
00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:57,546
(Jerry sniffles)
59
00:04:57,546 --> 00:05:00,674
(indistinct rustling)
60
00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:33,165
- Where's two points?
61
00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:38,128
Huh.
62
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,007
(paper ripping)
63
00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:49,761
(light clicks)
(lively music)
64
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:55,020
(woman giggles)
65
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,439
- Watch your hands, Norman.
66
00:05:57,439 --> 00:05:58,982
(woman exclaims)
- Oh! We were just, uh--
67
00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:01,568
- Good morning, Mr. McCarthy.
I'm sorry to be late, sir.
68
00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:03,654
- Landers. Hold it, hold it, hold it.
69
00:06:04,905 --> 00:06:06,489
Is this how you've instructed your staff
70
00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:08,366
to prepare romaine lettuce for display?
71
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,578
- Mr. McCarthy, I know
what you're getting at,
72
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:14,415
and I had the same argument
with the last district manager.
73
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:15,707
- Please answer.
74
00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:20,128
- Yes, I do.
75
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:20,921
- Ah.
76
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:25,801
Now, why would anyone buy that,
77
00:06:25,801 --> 00:06:30,301
when they could get
this for the same price?
78
00:06:30,347 --> 00:06:33,808
- Mr. McCarthy, if I put this
head of lettuce in the bin,
79
00:06:33,809 --> 00:06:35,268
it's gonna stay there all day.
80
00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:37,854
It'll be there tomorrow and
the next day and the next,
81
00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:40,065
and we're gonna wind up throwing it away.
82
00:06:40,065 --> 00:06:40,940
- Our others stores-
83
00:06:40,941 --> 00:06:43,443
- Your other stores do not
have a Ralph's up the street
84
00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:44,987
and a Lucky Market
right around the corner,
85
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,072
who trim even closer than I do.
86
00:06:47,072 --> 00:06:49,282
Now, I know my customers, Mr. McCarthy.
87
00:06:51,660 --> 00:06:52,452
- I see.
88
00:06:56,457 --> 00:07:00,957
(lettuce snaps)
(soft orchestral music)
89
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:05,799
Landers?
90
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:09,637
I also noticed that you
haven't been oiling your cukes.
91
00:07:10,512 --> 00:07:11,804
- (stammers) What?
92
00:07:11,805 --> 00:07:13,807
- Why haven't you been oiling your cukes?
93
00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:16,560
- Oh, uh.
94
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,020
Well, it takes time, it takes oil.
95
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,731
It's dishonest, Mr. McCarthy.
96
00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:21,773
- Dishonest?
97
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:23,692
- Uh, sir, there's an interview that--
98
00:07:23,692 --> 00:07:26,194
- Look, our company has
certain policies, which you--
99
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:28,739
- Mr. McCarthy, I have an
interview with (stammers)--
100
00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:29,614
- You have a what?
101
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:30,407
- Uh, I.
102
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:32,659
Thank you very much.
103
00:07:36,121 --> 00:07:39,415
(soft orchestral music)
104
00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:05,901
(elevator dings)
105
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,452
(ominous music)
106
00:08:31,051 --> 00:08:34,304
(soft orchestral music)
107
00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:54,073
(mysterious music)
108
00:08:58,662 --> 00:09:00,705
- [Man On Intercom] Stay.
109
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:03,500
- What is this?
110
00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:07,045
- [Man On Intercom] You're
right on time. I like that.
111
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:07,838
Close the door.
112
00:09:11,216 --> 00:09:12,258
- Who are you?
113
00:09:12,259 --> 00:09:13,677
- [Man On Intercom] You read the note.
114
00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,265
- Who's that, Artie?
115
00:09:18,265 --> 00:09:19,391
- [God] God.
116
00:09:19,391 --> 00:09:20,350
- Come on, Artie.
117
00:09:21,351 --> 00:09:23,394
- [God] No, it's me, God.
118
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,648
- God?
- Right, God.
119
00:09:26,648 --> 00:09:29,108
God Almighty. Big G.
120
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,912
It's not a gag, I promise.
121
00:09:43,415 --> 00:09:44,416
Where are you going?
122
00:09:44,416 --> 00:09:46,126
- I've got this load of plums coming in.
123
00:09:46,126 --> 00:09:47,585
- [God] Let the plums wait.
124
00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:49,546
How often do you talk with God?
125
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:52,716
- Practically never.
126
00:09:59,723 --> 00:10:01,015
How do I know you're God?
127
00:10:01,016 --> 00:10:03,351
I mean, all I hear is
a voice on an intercom.
128
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:06,104
- [God] Well, you're
not allowed to see me.
129
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,231
- Why not?
130
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:09,983
- Because.
- That's no answer.
131
00:10:10,984 --> 00:10:11,776
- [God] Sue me.
132
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:14,571
- If you're God.
- Yeah?
133
00:10:15,614 --> 00:10:18,199
- If you're really God.
- Yeah, yeah?
134
00:10:21,411 --> 00:10:23,246
If I'm really God, what?
135
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:29,836
You leaving?
- Right the first time.
136
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:32,506
- [God] Where are you leaving?
Where do you think you are?
137
00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:33,590
- What do you mean, where do I think I am?
138
00:10:33,590 --> 00:10:35,383
Right here is where I am, that's where.
139
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,010
- [God] And where is here?
140
00:10:37,010 --> 00:10:40,388
- 1600 North Hope Street, R-R-Room, uh, 2700.
141
00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:42,891
- Jerry.
- Huh?
142
00:10:42,891 --> 00:10:45,435
- [God] There's no Room
2700 in this building.
143
00:10:47,729 --> 00:10:49,689
There's no 27th floor here.
144
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,821
I thought this way we'd
have a little privacy.
145
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,365
Check it out.
146
00:10:58,365 --> 00:10:59,407
Go ahead, I'll wait.
147
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:02,911
(ominous music)
148
00:11:11,086 --> 00:11:14,380
(soft orchestral music)
149
00:11:24,099 --> 00:11:25,850
- Uh, sir?
- Yes, sir?
150
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:29,354
- (stammers) How do I get
to the, uh, 27th floor?
151
00:11:29,354 --> 00:11:30,813
- In this building?
- Yeah.
152
00:11:30,814 --> 00:11:32,190
- I'm afraid you'd need a can opener.
153
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:33,817
We only have 17 floors.
154
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:37,654
- 17?
155
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:44,407
(Jerry chuckles)
(mellow jazz music)
156
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:45,722
(dramatic orchestral music)
157
00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:57,442
- [God] Have a nice ride?
158
00:12:58,902 --> 00:13:00,862
Come in. Come in.
159
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:02,739
Close the door.
160
00:13:06,868 --> 00:13:07,660
Sit down.
161
00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:23,343
Go ahead.
162
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:29,641
Relax.
163
00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:32,518
Don't smoke.
164
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,314
- I don't.
- Good.
165
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,108
Tobacco was one of my big mistakes.
166
00:13:39,901 --> 00:13:41,903
- Mistakes?
- You try.
167
00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:46,950
Ostriches were a mistake.
Silly looking things.
168
00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:48,409
Avocados.
169
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,370
Made the pit too big.
170
00:13:50,370 --> 00:13:52,163
Like I say, you try.
171
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:56,000
You still don't believe it?
172
00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:01,673
- Artie, if this is you, man, you win.
173
00:14:01,673 --> 00:14:04,467
I mean, this is the best
gag you've ever pulled.
174
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:05,510
- [God] I'm not Artie.
175
00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:06,344
I went to a lot of trouble
176
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,138
to make it a comfortable interview.
177
00:14:09,473 --> 00:14:11,266
- You misspelled it, you know?
178
00:14:11,266 --> 00:14:12,934
- What?
- Interview.
179
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:15,353
Uh, in your note.
180
00:14:16,563 --> 00:14:17,730
It's, uh.
181
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:18,940
It's I be-
182
00:14:20,817 --> 00:14:23,152
It's I before E.
183
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:26,489
- [God] Give me a break.
A few things I got right.
184
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:28,867
I put summer before winter, didn't I?
185
00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:32,871
You're scared.
186
00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:33,997
- Well, sure.
187
00:14:33,997 --> 00:14:36,249
Aw, but, look, if this is
a joke, it's gone too far.
188
00:14:36,249 --> 00:14:37,250
- [God] It's no joke.
189
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,295
- How come you've got such a,
190
00:14:40,295 --> 00:14:43,298
I mean, just a voice, like everybody's?
191
00:14:43,298 --> 00:14:46,926
- [God] Empathy. I'm talking
to you in a way you can accept.
192
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:47,719
I'm relating.
193
00:14:48,595 --> 00:14:49,637
I don't like to brag,
194
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:52,432
but if I appeared to you just as God,
195
00:14:52,432 --> 00:14:54,976
how I really am, what I really am,
196
00:14:54,976 --> 00:14:56,811
your mind couldn't grasp it.
197
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,480
- Look, I think you made a mistake.
198
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,190
I'm not religious.
- So?
199
00:15:01,149 --> 00:15:02,942
- Well, I'm not one of your believers.
200
00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:05,487
And I sure as heck don't believe this.
201
00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:07,447
- [God] That's why I showed up.
202
00:15:07,447 --> 00:15:09,323
Too many non-believers.
203
00:15:09,324 --> 00:15:10,700
- But I, But I read in an article
204
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:12,993
that religion is on the upswing.
205
00:15:12,994 --> 00:15:14,578
- [God] Religion is easy.
206
00:15:14,579 --> 00:15:16,289
I'm talking about faith.
207
00:15:16,289 --> 00:15:18,374
You're gonna help me change that.
208
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:21,795
- Me? I don't belong to any church!
209
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:22,837
- [God] Neither do I.
210
00:15:23,755 --> 00:15:26,299
Go back to work. I don't
want you to get in trouble.
211
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:28,885
- Thank you.
212
00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:31,930
- [God] We'll talk on the way.
213
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:34,182
- How?
214
00:15:34,182 --> 00:15:36,809
- [God] Trust me, like
it says on the money.
215
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,353
(Jerry chuckles)
216
00:15:38,353 --> 00:15:41,981
(people chattering faintly)
217
00:15:48,488 --> 00:15:49,822
- Sir?
- Huh?
218
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:51,032
- Are you all right, sir?
219
00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:54,160
- No.
220
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:01,793
- [God] Jerry?
221
00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:08,967
You want me to talk louder?
(dials clicking)
222
00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:09,759
- Oh, God.
223
00:16:10,635 --> 00:16:12,970
- [God] I thought you
didn't believe in me.
224
00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:15,682
- Oh, uh. (sighs) That's
just an expression.
225
00:16:15,682 --> 00:16:16,516
- [God] I'm more than that,
226
00:16:16,516 --> 00:16:18,726
and I want you to spread the word.
227
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:21,396
- Me? Spread what word?
228
00:16:21,396 --> 00:16:24,482
- [God] That I am. I exist.
229
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,484
That we've spoken.
230
00:16:26,818 --> 00:16:29,362
- (stammers) You want me to tell people
231
00:16:29,362 --> 00:16:30,988
that I've spoken with God?
232
00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:33,491
- Yes.
- They'll put me away.
233
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:36,077
- I'm tired of all the
talk that I may be dead,
234
00:16:36,077 --> 00:16:37,745
or that I never was at all.
235
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:41,958
Or that God was just
particles of cosmos, gas.
236
00:16:41,958 --> 00:16:44,961
I'm not gas. I found that very insulting.
237
00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:49,049
- Do you actually expect
people to believe--
238
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:50,508
- That, that's your job.
239
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:55,847
- (stammers) But I'm
just a man. I'm no Moses.
240
00:16:55,847 --> 00:16:57,348
- [God] What was Moses?
241
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:59,976
You think Moses was born on page one?
242
00:16:59,976 --> 00:17:02,645
Moses was just a messenger. My messenger.
243
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:07,692
- (sighs) That's it.
244
00:17:07,692 --> 00:17:08,526
Well, look.
245
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:13,990
God, if, uh, if, if, if I tell people that I,
246
00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:16,492
I mean, that I spoke with God, they--
247
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,749
(Jerry chuckles nervously)
248
00:17:22,749 --> 00:17:24,500
- [God] And now an oldie but a goodie,
249
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:27,253
Jerry Gray and "String of Pearls."
250
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:30,715
(lively orchestral music)
251
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:37,430
- God?
252
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:40,016
God?
253
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:46,564
- [God] Top 10 time on
KGOD. What is it, Jerry?
254
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:49,401
- Well, that guy on the
motorcycle thinks I'm a nut!
255
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,528
Is that the kind of God you are?
256
00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:52,737
How come didn't you let him hear you?
257
00:17:52,737 --> 00:17:54,655
- [God] It's a policy of mine.
258
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:58,034
I try not to work with more
than one savior at a time.
259
00:17:58,034 --> 00:18:00,995
- Savior? Me?
260
00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:03,081
- [God] You do your job right.
261
00:18:03,081 --> 00:18:04,791
- I can't take this job.
262
00:18:04,791 --> 00:18:06,959
(stammers) I don't believe--
- I know, I know.
263
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,169
But even non-believers
264
00:18:08,169 --> 00:18:10,129
want what they've got down here to work.
265
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,591
- Well, have you read the papers lately?
266
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,093
It, it, it ain't working.
267
00:18:15,093 --> 00:18:16,552
- [God] That's why I came,
268
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:19,389
to tell everybody I set the
world up so it can work,
269
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:21,057
only it's up to you.
270
00:18:21,057 --> 00:18:23,392
You can't look to me to do it for you.
271
00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,353
- No, no. Uh-uh.
272
00:18:25,353 --> 00:18:28,105
- [God] You can do it.
It's only one message.
273
00:18:28,106 --> 00:18:29,982
Moses had to handle ten.
274
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:31,818
- But you gave him tablets.
275
00:18:31,818 --> 00:18:33,236
- [God] He had a bad memory.
276
00:18:33,236 --> 00:18:34,987
- Well, I need something. I--
277
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:36,406
- [God] What kind of something?
278
00:18:37,532 --> 00:18:39,700
- (scoffs) Uh, I don't know.
279
00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:41,994
Anything. (stammers) A tape recording.
280
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:44,539
- My voice wouldn't come out on tape.
281
00:18:44,539 --> 00:18:46,415
It's very, very complicated.
282
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:47,792
It's like, uh,
283
00:18:47,792 --> 00:18:51,086
you know how Dracula can't
see himself in a mirror?
284
00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:52,129
It's along those lines.
285
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:53,965
- But, but, I mean,
286
00:18:53,965 --> 00:18:55,925
if people could just hear your voice, I--
287
00:18:55,925 --> 00:18:57,134
- [God] This isn't even how I sound.
288
00:18:57,135 --> 00:19:00,471
I'm talking like this, only
so that you'll understand me.
289
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:04,017
- Understand? I don't understand anything!
290
00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:05,309
- [God] Well, that's a beginning.
291
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:06,602
Over and out.
292
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:08,938
- Hey, hold it!
293
00:19:08,938 --> 00:19:10,356
Don't hang up on me!
294
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,692
- [God] Hey! You just
went through a red light!
295
00:19:12,692 --> 00:19:14,068
You're gonna get yourself killed.
296
00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:15,236
I need you down here.
297
00:19:18,531 --> 00:19:20,991
(Bobbie sighs)
298
00:19:20,992 --> 00:19:23,369
- I have some nice fresh chicken soup.
299
00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,121
Why don't you let me fix you a bowl?
300
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:38,589
(spoon clinks)
(dishes clattering)
301
00:19:42,555 --> 00:19:45,182
- Is that all I can get from you? Soup?
302
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:47,852
- You know what, darling?
- What?
303
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:52,940
- Why don't you and I take a few days off
304
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:54,567
and go on a little holiday?
305
00:19:56,319 --> 00:19:57,987
- [Jerry] A holiday?
306
00:19:57,987 --> 00:19:59,154
- Yeah.
307
00:19:59,155 --> 00:20:02,158
We could go to San Francisco.
308
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:06,037
You haven't even seen your
sister's new baby yet.
309
00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,501
- You don't want me to
see my sister's baby,
310
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:13,586
you want me to see my sister's husband.
311
00:20:13,586 --> 00:20:15,337
Now, I am not crazy!
312
00:20:15,338 --> 00:20:17,340
And I don't need some child psychiatrist
313
00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:20,343
to tell me that I didn't
talk to God, because I did!
314
00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:26,098
- On an intercom.
315
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,517
- And on the car radio.
316
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:32,355
- Yes! Yes, Jerry!
317
00:20:32,355 --> 00:20:34,482
Jerry, do you remember when Artie Coogan
318
00:20:34,482 --> 00:20:36,275
set up that hidden microphone,
319
00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:38,194
and he broadcast those filthy limericks
320
00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:40,112
through the television set?
321
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:42,490
- It was not Artie.
322
00:20:42,490 --> 00:20:44,700
I know all of Artie's voices,
323
00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:47,620
and Artie is not capable
of adding ten stories
324
00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:49,330
to a building that doesn't have them,
325
00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:51,165
and he cannot talk back and forth
326
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:54,127
through a car radio that's
been busted for two months!
327
00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:58,047
Now, whoever the hell this
guy is, he's very smart,
328
00:20:58,047 --> 00:20:59,548
and I'm going to listen to him!
329
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:02,719
For a while.
330
00:21:02,719 --> 00:21:04,554
- And you think it's God?
331
00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:07,056
- Well, he thinks he's God!
332
00:21:07,056 --> 00:21:09,058
And I'm in no position to argue with him!
333
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:13,813
I thought you believed in him!
334
00:21:13,813 --> 00:21:15,898
- I do! I believe in God.
335
00:21:15,899 --> 00:21:18,276
I just don't believe that he exists.
336
00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:19,568
I mean, in the sense that he
337
00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:21,487
repaints floor numbers in office buildings
338
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:24,491
or doubles as a disc jockey. (sighs)
339
00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:26,326
- Well, that is what he does.
340
00:21:28,244 --> 00:21:30,996
- And he wants you to give
his message to the world?
341
00:21:30,997 --> 00:21:31,789
- Yes.
342
00:21:32,832 --> 00:21:33,624
- Jerry.
343
00:21:35,001 --> 00:21:36,961
Does he know how you feel about Him?
344
00:21:36,961 --> 00:21:39,588
- I told him. It doesn't
seem to bother him.
345
00:21:44,552 --> 00:21:47,763
- So, is that all he told you?
346
00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:49,682
That you're gonna be the savior
347
00:21:49,682 --> 00:21:51,975
and that to tell everybody
348
00:21:51,976 --> 00:21:54,103
what we have down here can work, huh?
349
00:21:54,103 --> 00:21:57,689
- Yes. He also told me he is
very disappointed in avocados.
350
00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:00,401
- He is?
351
00:22:01,402 --> 00:22:03,070
- He said he made the pit too big.
352
00:22:06,866 --> 00:22:08,534
I-I am not crazy!
353
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:11,912
- Jerry?
354
00:22:13,456 --> 00:22:17,956
(curtains whirring)
(birds chirping)
355
00:22:18,044 --> 00:22:18,836
Jer?
- Hmm?
356
00:22:21,214 --> 00:22:22,048
(Jerry groans)
357
00:22:22,048 --> 00:22:23,549
- I'll let you sleep a little later.
358
00:22:24,717 --> 00:22:26,468
I'll take the kids to school, OK?
359
00:22:27,887 --> 00:22:29,889
- Mm. (chuckles)
360
00:22:29,889 --> 00:22:31,473
- Jer?
361
00:22:31,474 --> 00:22:32,892
- Hmm?
- How do you feel?
362
00:22:32,892 --> 00:22:34,768
- Hmm?
- You know, about, um.
363
00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:37,647
- Oh.
364
00:22:40,358 --> 00:22:41,192
I almost forgot.
365
00:22:42,902 --> 00:22:45,029
I'm fine. Fine.
366
00:22:47,323 --> 00:22:48,115
- Good. Good.
367
00:22:49,909 --> 00:22:53,954
'Cause, you know, I was thinking,
you didn't actually see.
368
00:22:53,955 --> 00:22:55,206
All you did was hear.
369
00:22:56,291 --> 00:22:58,042
And you know what they say.
370
00:22:58,042 --> 00:23:01,545
- What?
- Seeing is believing.
371
00:23:01,546 --> 00:23:02,463
Not hearing.
372
00:23:04,299 --> 00:23:06,426
- What about Ingrid Bergman?
373
00:23:06,426 --> 00:23:08,010
- Ingrid Bergman?
374
00:23:08,011 --> 00:23:10,888
- Uh, Joan of Arc.
375
00:23:10,889 --> 00:23:12,307
She played Joan of Arc.
376
00:23:14,392 --> 00:23:15,309
- Joan of Arc?
377
00:23:16,227 --> 00:23:19,188
- Yeah. Joan didn't see, either.
378
00:23:19,188 --> 00:23:21,398
She just heard, like me.
379
00:23:25,028 --> 00:23:28,197
- (clicks tongue) Oh, Jer.
380
00:23:28,197 --> 00:23:30,824
(water rushing)
381
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:32,952
- [God] Jerry?
382
00:23:34,537 --> 00:23:35,329
Jerry.
383
00:23:37,832 --> 00:23:39,875
- Oh, God!
- That's right.
384
00:23:43,171 --> 00:23:44,630
- Is that you?
385
00:23:44,631 --> 00:23:45,506
- [God] In person.
386
00:23:48,259 --> 00:23:49,843
- You're not on the radio?
387
00:23:49,844 --> 00:23:51,595
- [God] Have you got a radio out here?
388
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,348
- No.
- Bingo.
389
00:23:55,391 --> 00:23:56,183
- You're here?
390
00:23:58,519 --> 00:23:59,520
In my bathroom?
391
00:24:00,438 --> 00:24:01,480
- [God] Come take a look.
392
00:24:02,357 --> 00:24:05,568
- I can't. I'm naked.
393
00:24:05,568 --> 00:24:08,070
- You think I don't know what you've got?
394
00:24:08,071 --> 00:24:10,114
That was another little goof of mine.
395
00:24:10,114 --> 00:24:11,406
Shame.
396
00:24:11,407 --> 00:24:13,534
I don't know why I
thought we needed shame.
397
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:15,953
Come on out.
398
00:24:29,509 --> 00:24:30,593
Don't catch cold.
399
00:24:39,143 --> 00:24:41,812
Not, uh, not what you expected, huh?
400
00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:49,612
I picked a look you could understand.
401
00:24:49,612 --> 00:24:51,780
For someone else, I would look different.
402
00:24:51,781 --> 00:24:53,783
I could do any face, voice, whatever.
403
00:24:54,909 --> 00:24:56,076
I could, I could even be a woman.
404
00:24:57,704 --> 00:24:59,497
You're feeling a little strange, huh?
405
00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:01,624
- Very strange.
406
00:25:01,624 --> 00:25:02,875
- Like you're gonna faint?
407
00:25:05,086 --> 00:25:06,545
You know what's good for that?
408
00:25:07,964 --> 00:25:08,756
Shaving.
409
00:25:10,299 --> 00:25:11,258
- Shaving?
410
00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:12,843
- Sometimes when you don't feel normal,
411
00:25:12,844 --> 00:25:15,513
doing a normal thing
makes you feel normal.
412
00:25:15,513 --> 00:25:16,639
Here, start shaving.
413
00:25:35,616 --> 00:25:36,408
Go ahead.
414
00:25:37,535 --> 00:25:38,369
- I am.
415
00:25:38,369 --> 00:25:39,995
- I don't mean with the shaving.
416
00:25:39,996 --> 00:25:42,498
With the questions that
are popping into your head.
417
00:25:45,084 --> 00:25:45,876
- Yeah.
418
00:25:47,211 --> 00:25:49,504
Yeah. Why me?
419
00:25:50,590 --> 00:25:51,382
- Why not you?
420
00:25:52,633 --> 00:25:54,217
- You mean, there's no special--
421
00:25:54,218 --> 00:25:55,844
- Life is a crap shoot,
422
00:25:55,845 --> 00:25:58,138
like the millionth customer
who crosses a bridge
423
00:25:58,139 --> 00:26:00,683
gets to shake hands with the governor.
424
00:26:00,683 --> 00:26:01,809
You thought I picked you,
425
00:26:01,809 --> 00:26:03,769
because you're better than everybody?
426
00:26:03,770 --> 00:26:04,604
- Uh, I'm not?
427
00:26:04,604 --> 00:26:06,647
- You're better than some,
but not as good as others,
428
00:26:06,647 --> 00:26:09,441
but you crossed the
bridge at the right time.
429
00:26:09,442 --> 00:26:11,193
- If you wanted to see me,
430
00:26:11,194 --> 00:26:14,530
why didn't you just appear over my bed?
431
00:26:14,530 --> 00:26:16,823
- Ah, Hollywood.
432
00:26:16,824 --> 00:26:17,741
Next question.
433
00:26:19,952 --> 00:26:20,744
- OK.
434
00:26:24,499 --> 00:26:27,335
People are always, uh, praying to you.
435
00:26:28,419 --> 00:26:30,087
Do you listen?
436
00:26:30,088 --> 00:26:31,881
- I can't help hearing.
437
00:26:31,881 --> 00:26:33,507
I don't always listen.
438
00:26:33,508 --> 00:26:35,092
- Then you don't care?
439
00:26:35,093 --> 00:26:37,678
- Of course I care. I care plenty.
440
00:26:37,678 --> 00:26:39,304
But what can I do?
441
00:26:39,305 --> 00:26:42,975
- What can you do? But, you're God!
442
00:26:42,975 --> 00:26:44,810
- Only for the big picture.
443
00:26:44,811 --> 00:26:46,312
I don't get into details.
444
00:26:46,312 --> 00:26:49,106
- Then whatever happens to us--
445
00:26:49,107 --> 00:26:50,274
- Happens.
446
00:26:50,274 --> 00:26:51,692
Here, I put in a new blade.
447
00:26:53,319 --> 00:26:54,862
- You mean there's,
448
00:26:54,862 --> 00:26:59,362
there's no plan, no scheme
to guide our destinies?
449
00:27:00,034 --> 00:27:01,744
- A lot of it is luck.
450
00:27:01,744 --> 00:27:04,830
- Luck? Just luck?
451
00:27:04,831 --> 00:27:05,665
(Jerry winces)
452
00:27:05,665 --> 00:27:07,166
- Mm. Put on a little toilet paper.
453
00:27:07,166 --> 00:27:08,167
I'll get you a piece.
454
00:27:11,462 --> 00:27:14,882
- (stammers) You don't control our lives?
455
00:27:14,882 --> 00:27:17,634
- I gave you a world and everything in it.
456
00:27:17,635 --> 00:27:18,761
It's all up to you.
457
00:27:19,679 --> 00:27:22,264
- But, we need help!
458
00:27:22,265 --> 00:27:24,267
- That's why I gave you each other. Here.
459
00:27:26,310 --> 00:27:27,894
- (stammers) With your powers,
460
00:27:27,895 --> 00:27:30,314
you could solve so many problems.
461
00:27:31,816 --> 00:27:32,900
- Don't. Don't wet it.
462
00:27:34,443 --> 00:27:37,070
- Are you sure?
- Am I sure?
463
00:27:37,071 --> 00:27:39,031
Did I do a good job on the Grand Canyon?
464
00:27:42,660 --> 00:27:45,412
- Well, anyway, why don't you?
465
00:27:45,413 --> 00:27:49,041
I mean, solve all our
problems, work a few miracles?
466
00:27:49,041 --> 00:27:51,960
- I don't do miracles. They're too flashy.
467
00:27:51,961 --> 00:27:53,879
And they upset the natural balance.
468
00:27:54,839 --> 00:27:55,881
- No miracles, huh?
469
00:27:56,924 --> 00:27:59,301
I knew it.
- Oh, maybe now and then,
470
00:27:59,302 --> 00:28:01,512
just to keep my hand in.
471
00:28:01,512 --> 00:28:04,723
The last miracle I did was the 1969 Mets.
472
00:28:06,058 --> 00:28:09,394
Before that, I think you have
to go back to the Red Sea.
473
00:28:09,395 --> 00:28:11,480
That was, that was a beauty.
474
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,608
- No offense, but I don't
believe the Red Sea,
475
00:28:14,609 --> 00:28:18,029
and I don't believe six
days to create the world.
476
00:28:18,029 --> 00:28:18,821
- You're right.
477
00:28:19,822 --> 00:28:21,406
- I am?
- Tell you the honest truth,
478
00:28:21,407 --> 00:28:25,285
I thought about it for five days
and did the whole job in one.
479
00:28:25,286 --> 00:28:26,787
I'm really best under pressure.
480
00:28:27,955 --> 00:28:29,957
- One day to create the world?
481
00:28:29,957 --> 00:28:33,043
- And the sun. I hate to work in the dark.
482
00:28:33,044 --> 00:28:34,295
Anyway, you have to remember
483
00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:37,047
that one of my days is
not exactly one of yours.
484
00:28:37,924 --> 00:28:38,925
- How long are they?
485
00:28:38,925 --> 00:28:40,092
- When I got up this morning,
486
00:28:40,092 --> 00:28:42,177
Sigmund Freud was still in medical school.
487
00:28:43,638 --> 00:28:44,430
- Oh.
488
00:28:49,602 --> 00:28:51,604
But, if you're so involved with us--
489
00:28:51,604 --> 00:28:52,563
- Yeah?
490
00:28:52,563 --> 00:28:54,690
- How can you permit all the suffering
491
00:28:54,690 --> 00:28:56,358
that goes on in the world?
492
00:28:56,359 --> 00:28:59,028
- Ah, how can I permit the suffering?
493
00:28:59,028 --> 00:28:59,903
- Yeah!
494
00:28:59,904 --> 00:29:01,280
- I don't permit the suffering.
495
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,615
You do. Free will.
496
00:29:03,616 --> 00:29:05,618
All the choices are yours.
497
00:29:05,618 --> 00:29:08,120
- Choices? What choices?
498
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,329
- You can love each other,
499
00:29:09,330 --> 00:29:10,622
cherish and nurture each other,
500
00:29:10,623 --> 00:29:11,790
you can kill each other.
501
00:29:12,792 --> 00:29:15,544
Incidentally, kill is the word.
502
00:29:15,544 --> 00:29:17,087
It's not waste.
503
00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:18,672
If I meant waste, I would have written,
504
00:29:18,673 --> 00:29:20,675
"Thou shalt not waste."
505
00:29:20,675 --> 00:29:23,552
You're doing some very funny
things with words here.
506
00:29:23,552 --> 00:29:26,346
You're also turning the sky into mud.
507
00:29:26,347 --> 00:29:28,766
I look down, I don't believe the filth.
508
00:29:28,766 --> 00:29:31,018
Using rivers for toilets.
509
00:29:31,018 --> 00:29:32,352
Poisoning my fishes.
510
00:29:33,229 --> 00:29:34,605
You want a miracle?
511
00:29:34,605 --> 00:29:37,816
You make a fish from scratch. You can't.
512
00:29:37,817 --> 00:29:40,110
You think only God can make a tree?
513
00:29:40,111 --> 00:29:42,279
Trying coming up with the mackerel.
514
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,032
And when the last one is
gone, that'll be that.
515
00:29:45,032 --> 00:29:47,701
86 on the fishes. Goodbye, sky.
516
00:29:47,702 --> 00:29:50,454
So long, world. Over and out.
517
00:29:50,454 --> 00:29:52,622
- I thought you said
we were gonna make it?
518
00:29:52,623 --> 00:29:54,666
- I said you've got to make it work.
519
00:29:55,751 --> 00:29:56,918
- (stammers) You don't care!
520
00:29:56,919 --> 00:29:58,045
- I do care.
521
00:29:58,045 --> 00:30:00,213
- Well, then do something about it!
522
00:30:00,214 --> 00:30:02,799
- I did. I got you to carry the ball.
523
00:30:05,136 --> 00:30:06,637
- I got no ball!
524
00:30:06,637 --> 00:30:08,388
Well, how can I carry it?
525
00:30:08,389 --> 00:30:10,557
- I gave you a mouth, didn't I?
526
00:30:10,558 --> 00:30:13,143
Tell people how I feel, what I said.
527
00:30:14,770 --> 00:30:16,104
- How do I do that?
528
00:30:16,105 --> 00:30:18,649
- How did you get to be
an assistant manager?
529
00:30:18,649 --> 00:30:22,152
Did you ever hear of
newspapers? Reporters?
530
00:30:22,153 --> 00:30:24,905
You got a scoop here, an exclusive.
531
00:30:24,905 --> 00:30:26,573
A "Hold the Presses."
532
00:30:26,574 --> 00:30:28,826
- Fine. Fine.
533
00:30:29,910 --> 00:30:32,287
And how do I convince anybody
534
00:30:32,288 --> 00:30:35,749
that I've actually seen
you, that you exist?
535
00:30:35,750 --> 00:30:36,542
- Simple.
536
00:30:39,253 --> 00:30:40,045
Show 'em this.
537
00:30:51,307 --> 00:30:52,683
- Your card?
538
00:30:52,683 --> 00:30:54,768
- No, no, no. It's not my card!
539
00:30:54,769 --> 00:30:56,479
It's God's card.
540
00:30:56,479 --> 00:30:57,771
- It's God's card?
541
00:30:57,772 --> 00:30:59,565
- Look at it.
- I am.
542
00:31:01,275 --> 00:31:03,277
(phone rings)
- Do you know where I got it?
543
00:31:03,277 --> 00:31:04,444
- At a novelty store?
544
00:31:05,613 --> 00:31:07,323
- God gave it to me.
545
00:31:07,323 --> 00:31:09,325
- Oh, did he?
- Uh-huh.
546
00:31:09,325 --> 00:31:13,078
- May I ask when and where you got it?
547
00:31:13,079 --> 00:31:15,372
- This morning, in my bathroom.
548
00:31:15,373 --> 00:31:18,000
- God visited you in your
bathroom this morning?
549
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:18,792
- [Jerry] Yes.
550
00:31:20,419 --> 00:31:22,087
Sounds crazy to you, doesn't it?
551
00:31:22,088 --> 00:31:23,297
- Um, well--
552
00:31:23,297 --> 00:31:26,216
- Yesterday, he was just
a voice on an intercom,
553
00:31:26,217 --> 00:31:27,927
and then he was on the radio.
554
00:31:28,928 --> 00:31:31,013
- God, uh, God spoke to you on the radio?
555
00:31:31,013 --> 00:31:33,015
- In my car.
- What station?
556
00:31:33,015 --> 00:31:34,683
- All sta--
- All stations, right.
557
00:31:34,683 --> 00:31:36,226
And then, and then this morning,
558
00:31:36,227 --> 00:31:38,687
he, uh, he showed up in your bathroom?
559
00:31:38,687 --> 00:31:40,146
- [Jerry] Yes.
560
00:31:40,147 --> 00:31:44,647
- Why do you suppose the
Almighty spoke to you, Mister?
561
00:31:44,944 --> 00:31:46,862
- Landers.
- Mr. Landers?
562
00:31:46,862 --> 00:31:47,904
- Jerry Landers.
563
00:31:47,905 --> 00:31:50,115
He said that he wanted
me to be his messenger.
564
00:31:50,116 --> 00:31:51,408
- Oh.
- Like Moses.
565
00:31:51,409 --> 00:31:53,411
(phone rings)
566
00:31:53,411 --> 00:31:56,455
- What sort of work do
you do, Mr. Landers?
567
00:31:56,455 --> 00:31:59,541
- I'm the assistant manager
at Food World in Burbank.
568
00:31:59,542 --> 00:32:00,376
- I see.
569
00:32:00,376 --> 00:32:04,213
Well, then you don't speak
to God every day, do you?
570
00:32:04,213 --> 00:32:06,173
- Never before yesterday.
- Uh-huh.
571
00:32:10,094 --> 00:32:14,348
Did God say why he needed a messenger
572
00:32:14,348 --> 00:32:17,434
at this particular time, Mr. Landers?
573
00:32:17,435 --> 00:32:19,645
- Oh, yes. He was very specific.
574
00:32:19,645 --> 00:32:22,481
He said that he wanted us
to know that it can work.
575
00:32:25,276 --> 00:32:27,444
- What it is that?
576
00:32:27,445 --> 00:32:31,945
- Us it. Our lives, our world, everything.
577
00:32:32,324 --> 00:32:34,284
He said that he's, "Given
us everything that we need
578
00:32:34,285 --> 00:32:35,911
and it's entirely up to us."
579
00:32:37,371 --> 00:32:38,663
- And those were his exact words?
580
00:32:38,664 --> 00:32:40,374
- Close enough. You can print that.
581
00:32:41,333 --> 00:32:44,878
- Did God specify the Los Angeles Times?
582
00:32:45,838 --> 00:32:47,130
- That, that was my idea.
583
00:32:48,424 --> 00:32:50,467
- Well, we're very grateful.
584
00:32:52,303 --> 00:32:53,220
- I'm not a nut.
585
00:32:54,430 --> 00:32:56,056
- Oh, I didn't say that you were.
586
00:32:56,056 --> 00:32:57,640
- I'm not even religious.
587
00:32:57,641 --> 00:32:58,933
- Yes, well.
588
00:32:58,934 --> 00:33:00,352
Thank you very much, Mr. Landers,
589
00:33:00,352 --> 00:33:01,436
for bringing us this story.
590
00:33:01,437 --> 00:33:03,439
- Look, don't brush me off.
591
00:33:05,274 --> 00:33:06,942
Do me a favor and look at that card again.
592
00:33:06,942 --> 00:33:08,610
I mean, take a good hard look at it.
593
00:33:08,611 --> 00:33:10,237
- Certainly. Certainly.
594
00:33:12,573 --> 00:33:13,532
- Now, does that look like something
595
00:33:13,532 --> 00:33:15,242
I'd get at a novelty shop?
596
00:33:16,744 --> 00:33:19,329
- Yes.
(phone rings)
597
00:33:26,212 --> 00:33:28,422
(people chattering faintly)
(register clicking)
598
00:33:28,422 --> 00:33:31,883
(soft instrumental music)
599
00:33:36,055 --> 00:33:38,474
- Norman, did you just
put a bag of potatoes
600
00:33:38,474 --> 00:33:39,683
on top of that white bread?
601
00:33:39,683 --> 00:33:40,600
- Oh, no, sir.
602
00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:47,191
- I think you did.
603
00:33:47,191 --> 00:33:49,735
- [God On PA] Mr. Landers,
please come to aisle 10.
604
00:33:49,735 --> 00:33:51,111
Aisle 10, please.
605
00:33:52,738 --> 00:33:53,822
- Did you hear that, Norman?
606
00:33:53,822 --> 00:33:54,656
- Oh, yes, sir.
607
00:33:54,657 --> 00:33:56,742
Never put a bag of potatoes
on top of a white bread.
608
00:33:56,742 --> 00:33:57,993
- No, uh, the page. I was just paged.
609
00:33:57,993 --> 00:33:59,369
Did you hear that?
610
00:33:59,370 --> 00:34:00,579
- I didn't hear anything.
611
00:34:01,622 --> 00:34:02,414
Did I?
612
00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:05,960
- We'll get you a new white bread, ma'am.
613
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:06,752
Take care of it.
614
00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:14,092
God?
615
00:34:15,302 --> 00:34:17,554
- Chemicals. All chemicals.
616
00:34:17,555 --> 00:34:19,515
Turning kids into garbage cans.
617
00:34:20,641 --> 00:34:23,935
Jerry, I didn't see one
word in the newspapers.
618
00:34:23,936 --> 00:34:25,020
- Well, of course not.
619
00:34:25,020 --> 00:34:26,646
Why, that guy at the
Times kept looking at me
620
00:34:26,647 --> 00:34:28,523
like I was some kind of a lunatic.
621
00:34:28,524 --> 00:34:29,691
And I felt like one.
622
00:34:31,819 --> 00:34:33,237
- Did you show him my card?
623
00:34:33,237 --> 00:34:34,321
- Sure I did.
624
00:34:34,321 --> 00:34:35,822
And he said you can get one of those
625
00:34:35,823 --> 00:34:38,075
in any novelty store.
626
00:34:38,075 --> 00:34:39,201
Here.
627
00:34:39,201 --> 00:34:40,702
You know, I really felt like an idiot.
628
00:34:40,703 --> 00:34:43,247
Now please don't do that to me again.
629
00:34:45,291 --> 00:34:46,667
- You said what I said?
630
00:34:46,667 --> 00:34:48,043
- Absolutely!
631
00:34:48,043 --> 00:34:50,545
- And they didn't find
God's word fit to print?
632
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,132
Some tough cookies, boy.
633
00:34:54,133 --> 00:34:58,095
(women chattering indistinctly)
634
00:34:59,346 --> 00:35:01,306
- Uh, good morning, Mrs. Levin.
635
00:35:01,307 --> 00:35:02,641
- Hi.
- Mrs. Green.
636
00:35:02,641 --> 00:35:03,558
- Hi, Jerry.
- Hi.
637
00:35:04,643 --> 00:35:06,353
You know, I'd like you to meet, uh--
638
00:35:12,276 --> 00:35:13,568
You did it to me again.
639
00:35:13,569 --> 00:35:14,444
- What did she do?
640
00:35:16,363 --> 00:35:17,989
- What? Um.
641
00:35:19,283 --> 00:35:22,244
(stammers) Nothing.
Can I help you, ladies?
642
00:35:22,244 --> 00:35:24,329
- No.
- We're all right.
643
00:35:24,330 --> 00:35:25,873
- Oh, yes. Thank goodness.
644
00:35:27,374 --> 00:35:30,752
- What was that all about?
- I don't know.
645
00:35:35,257 --> 00:35:36,758
- Why did you change on me?
646
00:35:36,759 --> 00:35:38,886
- Why did you start to
introduce me to the ladies?
647
00:35:38,886 --> 00:35:40,220
- Look, I don't want to be the only guy
648
00:35:40,220 --> 00:35:41,054
in the world that--
- Oh, look, look, look.
649
00:35:41,055 --> 00:35:43,098
Look, I can't make appearances all over.
650
00:35:43,098 --> 00:35:44,849
Don't you understand?
- No, I--
651
00:35:44,850 --> 00:35:47,936
- People would be dropping
dead from hysterics.
652
00:35:47,936 --> 00:35:50,313
- Mr. Landers.
- This place is too busy.
653
00:35:50,314 --> 00:35:51,440
- Can you sign this please?
654
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,650
- [Jerry] Oh, oh, yeah.
655
00:35:53,651 --> 00:35:54,443
- Jerry.
656
00:35:56,737 --> 00:35:57,529
Up here.
657
00:35:58,906 --> 00:36:00,115
Let's go for a ride.
658
00:36:01,367 --> 00:36:02,201
- I'll meet you.
659
00:36:02,201 --> 00:36:03,660
- Where?
- What?
660
00:36:03,661 --> 00:36:04,995
Oh, not you.
- Oh.
661
00:36:06,038 --> 00:36:08,498
(Jerry sighs)
662
00:36:13,128 --> 00:36:14,337
- [God] I can't understand it.
663
00:36:14,338 --> 00:36:16,506
Why wouldn't a religious
editor believe you?
664
00:36:17,424 --> 00:36:18,591
- Well, face it.
665
00:36:18,592 --> 00:36:21,261
You goofed again, just
like the avocado pit.
666
00:36:21,261 --> 00:36:23,263
You picked the wrong message boy.
667
00:36:23,263 --> 00:36:24,847
- You don't believe I'm here, do you?
668
00:36:24,848 --> 00:36:26,224
- (laughs) No, I don't.
669
00:36:27,476 --> 00:36:29,853
- Then how do explain this
conversation we're having?
670
00:36:29,853 --> 00:36:32,814
- I'm having. I'm dreaming you.
671
00:36:32,815 --> 00:36:35,067
And I oughta be real
glad when I wake up, too.
672
00:36:36,235 --> 00:36:38,362
- What color are my eyes?
673
00:36:38,362 --> 00:36:39,738
- Huh?
- My eyes.
674
00:36:42,074 --> 00:36:43,408
- Blue.
675
00:36:43,409 --> 00:36:44,201
- My shirt?
676
00:36:45,285 --> 00:36:48,037
- Red plaid. What has that
got to do with anything?
677
00:36:48,038 --> 00:36:49,664
- Do you dream in color?
678
00:36:49,665 --> 00:36:51,583
- No!
- Bingo again.
679
00:36:53,335 --> 00:36:55,503
- OK. All right.
680
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:58,256
Now, see, you know a lot of things,
681
00:36:58,257 --> 00:37:00,300
and you've been making
a lot of things happen,
682
00:37:00,300 --> 00:37:03,011
but none of it seems--
- God-like?
683
00:37:03,011 --> 00:37:04,095
- Yeah, God-like!
684
00:37:04,096 --> 00:37:06,681
- And what, to you, would be God-like?
685
00:37:06,682 --> 00:37:07,474
- Uh.
686
00:37:10,144 --> 00:37:11,353
Change the weather.
687
00:37:11,353 --> 00:37:13,188
- Ah. Special effects, huh?
688
00:37:14,732 --> 00:37:16,525
What would you like? A little earthquake?
689
00:37:16,525 --> 00:37:18,568
A small hurricane?
690
00:37:18,569 --> 00:37:21,488
- No, no. I wouldn't want anybody hurt.
691
00:37:21,488 --> 00:37:23,740
I was just thinking maybe, uh,
692
00:37:23,741 --> 00:37:24,658
what about a little rain?
693
00:37:24,658 --> 00:37:25,909
- A little rain?
694
00:37:25,909 --> 00:37:28,244
- Yeah, a small shower.
695
00:37:28,245 --> 00:37:29,788
- One small shower. You got it.
696
00:37:30,914 --> 00:37:33,541
(water gushing)
697
00:37:34,793 --> 00:37:36,795
- Hey! Hey, it's raining!
698
00:37:38,589 --> 00:37:39,548
You made it rain!
699
00:37:41,091 --> 00:37:42,217
You didn't even bat an eye.
700
00:37:42,217 --> 00:37:43,885
You didn't have to lift a finger!
701
00:37:43,886 --> 00:37:46,013
- Rain's not that hard.
702
00:37:46,013 --> 00:37:47,180
- It's unbelievable!
703
00:37:47,181 --> 00:37:48,974
- Would you like it to
rain a little harder?
704
00:37:48,974 --> 00:37:50,308
- No, no! This is fine!
705
00:37:50,309 --> 00:37:51,518
- How about bigger drops?
706
00:37:51,518 --> 00:37:53,269
- No! This is fine, fine.
707
00:37:53,270 --> 00:37:54,771
- Would you care for a little snow?
708
00:37:55,773 --> 00:37:56,940
- I don't believe it!
709
00:37:59,568 --> 00:38:03,446
Hey! Hey, it's not raining outside!
710
00:38:03,447 --> 00:38:04,948
It's just in here!
711
00:38:04,948 --> 00:38:06,783
- Why should I spoil everybody's day?
712
00:38:08,744 --> 00:38:10,287
- This is fantastic!
713
00:38:10,287 --> 00:38:11,204
- Thank you.
714
00:38:11,205 --> 00:38:13,081
- It's just like Noah's Ark!
715
00:38:13,081 --> 00:38:15,166
- Same thing, without the smell.
716
00:38:22,841 --> 00:38:25,301
(siren wails)
717
00:38:44,655 --> 00:38:46,657
- (stammers) What's the problem, officer?
718
00:38:47,783 --> 00:38:50,035
- Well, I was about to ask you.
719
00:38:50,035 --> 00:38:50,827
- Uh.
720
00:38:52,287 --> 00:38:54,414
(stammers) My radiator must be leaking.
721
00:38:54,414 --> 00:38:55,790
I'm sorry about that.
722
00:38:55,791 --> 00:38:58,418
(water rushing)
723
00:39:00,212 --> 00:39:03,006
(door slams)
724
00:39:03,006 --> 00:39:05,883
- A radiator doesn't hold that much water.
725
00:39:05,884 --> 00:39:07,093
- Oh. Uh.
726
00:39:08,804 --> 00:39:11,848
(stammers) I must have
drove through a car wash,
727
00:39:11,849 --> 00:39:12,850
with my windows open?
728
00:39:13,934 --> 00:39:16,186
- Oh, well, that'd do it.
729
00:39:16,186 --> 00:39:16,978
- Yeah.
730
00:39:18,105 --> 00:39:20,857
- Well, roll up the windows next time.
731
00:39:20,858 --> 00:39:22,651
- Yes, sir, I will. Yes, sir!
732
00:39:23,944 --> 00:39:25,153
Thank you, sir.
733
00:39:27,656 --> 00:39:30,450
(engine starting)
734
00:39:32,953 --> 00:39:34,329
He believed that dumb excuse.
735
00:39:34,329 --> 00:39:36,664
- There's an aura of goodness around you.
736
00:39:38,083 --> 00:39:38,875
- You.
737
00:39:40,085 --> 00:39:42,837
- Gonna try a little
harder to get the word out?
738
00:39:42,838 --> 00:39:44,589
- Well, I, uh.
(lightning crashes)
739
00:39:44,590 --> 00:39:46,049
(thunder rumbling)
Uh, yeah! Yeah!
740
00:39:46,049 --> 00:39:47,550
I'll give it another shot!
741
00:39:47,551 --> 00:39:49,094
- That's my boy.
742
00:39:49,094 --> 00:39:49,886
- Mr. Briggs.
743
00:39:51,722 --> 00:39:52,723
- You're all wet.
744
00:39:52,723 --> 00:39:54,683
- Of course I'm wet! I didn't dry myself.
745
00:39:54,683 --> 00:39:55,684
I wanted you to see this.
746
00:39:55,684 --> 00:39:56,935
Do you remember me?
747
00:39:56,935 --> 00:39:57,769
- Of course.
748
00:39:57,769 --> 00:39:59,729
You're the non-believer who spoke to God,
749
00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:02,023
twice, I believe.
- Four times now.
750
00:40:02,024 --> 00:40:03,775
- Is he still visiting you in the toilet?
751
00:40:03,775 --> 00:40:05,735
- No, I just took a
ride with him in my car,
752
00:40:05,736 --> 00:40:07,738
and this time, I have got the proof!
753
00:40:07,738 --> 00:40:09,156
- He gave you another calling card?
754
00:40:09,156 --> 00:40:12,200
- No. He made it rain inside the car!
755
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:13,868
This water that I'm dripping all over here
756
00:40:13,869 --> 00:40:15,996
is water that he made!
757
00:40:15,996 --> 00:40:17,414
This is holy water!
758
00:40:18,832 --> 00:40:21,084
- Uh, if you'll excuse me,
I really am in a hurry-
759
00:40:21,084 --> 00:40:22,710
- I will not excuse you, Mr. Briggs!
760
00:40:22,711 --> 00:40:24,921
Now, you are a reporter
of religious events,
761
00:40:24,922 --> 00:40:27,132
and this is the most
important religious event
762
00:40:27,132 --> 00:40:30,301
of our time, and I expect you--
763
00:40:30,302 --> 00:40:33,013
I don't expect, I insist
that you print his message,
764
00:40:33,013 --> 00:40:34,180
and put it in your paper,
765
00:40:34,181 --> 00:40:36,016
and give it the prominence
that it deserves,
766
00:40:36,016 --> 00:40:38,143
or, by God, you will hear from me again!
767
00:40:40,562 --> 00:40:42,480
- Jerry.
- Hmm?
768
00:40:44,358 --> 00:40:45,859
- No, no, no. Listen to this.
769
00:40:45,859 --> 00:40:47,819
"It should come as no surprise to anyone,
770
00:40:47,819 --> 00:40:49,987
that in these tense-filled times,
771
00:40:49,988 --> 00:40:51,990
religious freaks abound.
772
00:40:51,990 --> 00:40:54,742
From the Bronx cabbie who
claims he drove Mary Magdalene,
773
00:40:54,743 --> 00:40:56,661
to the airport last Christmas."
774
00:40:56,662 --> 00:40:57,496
Listen.
775
00:40:57,496 --> 00:40:59,706
"To the Burbank, California
supermarket manager
776
00:40:59,706 --> 00:41:04,043
who insists he's had four
conversations with God, no less."
777
00:41:04,044 --> 00:41:04,919
- [Jerry] What?
778
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:06,838
- "According to the second gentleman,
779
00:41:06,838 --> 00:41:09,757
who flashes a calling card
with God's name on it,
780
00:41:10,717 --> 00:41:12,635
God wants very much for us to know
781
00:41:12,636 --> 00:41:14,095
he is alive and well,
782
00:41:14,096 --> 00:41:15,430
and that our world can work.
783
00:41:15,430 --> 00:41:17,140
It's up to us."
- Let me see that.
784
00:41:18,892 --> 00:41:21,519
- Jerry, the Los Angeles Times.
785
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,480
- Where is it?
- How could you, for God's--
786
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,733
Well, it's right here.
With some terrific company.
787
00:41:26,733 --> 00:41:27,608
See this?
788
00:41:27,609 --> 00:41:30,320
A janitor who sleeps all
night, tied up on a cross.
789
00:41:31,279 --> 00:41:33,197
- Did anybody else say they saw God?
790
00:41:33,198 --> 00:41:34,032
- No, Jerry.
791
00:41:34,032 --> 00:41:35,491
Well, there's an insurance salesman
792
00:41:35,492 --> 00:41:38,119
selling life-after-death policies.
793
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,372
But only you have talked to the big boss.
794
00:41:41,623 --> 00:41:43,291
Did you just say you saw him?
795
00:41:44,459 --> 00:41:46,252
- Yes.
- You didn't just hear him?
796
00:41:47,212 --> 00:41:50,298
- One line! That's all
they gave it is one line.
797
00:41:50,298 --> 00:41:53,009
- Jerry, are you saying
now that you've saw God?
798
00:41:53,010 --> 00:41:55,053
- Three times, yeah.
- Three times?
799
00:41:56,054 --> 00:41:59,307
- In the bathroom, at
work, and in the car.
800
00:42:01,143 --> 00:42:02,811
One lousy line.
801
00:42:04,062 --> 00:42:04,979
I don't believe it.
802
00:42:07,482 --> 00:42:09,942
(Jerry sighs)
803
00:42:11,653 --> 00:42:16,153
- Jerry, let's go away
for a couple of days, OK?
804
00:42:16,450 --> 00:42:20,078
- Look, Bobbie, I know
how crazy this all sounds.
805
00:42:20,078 --> 00:42:21,037
- No, you don't.
806
00:42:22,372 --> 00:42:23,164
- Bobbie.
807
00:42:25,876 --> 00:42:28,753
I saw him. He spoke to me.
808
00:42:30,630 --> 00:42:33,966
- All right. Let's say for
a minute that you saw God.
809
00:42:33,967 --> 00:42:35,635
- Look, don't humor me.
810
00:42:35,635 --> 00:42:37,219
That'll really make me crazy.
811
00:42:37,220 --> 00:42:39,722
- OK! OK, you saw him.
812
00:42:40,974 --> 00:42:42,600
But why is he talking to you?
813
00:42:42,601 --> 00:42:44,644
- Well, why not me?
814
00:42:44,644 --> 00:42:46,395
- Well, why not the Pope or Billy Graham
815
00:42:46,396 --> 00:42:47,730
or somebody way up there?
816
00:42:47,731 --> 00:42:49,190
- Because he doesn't care about religion!
817
00:42:49,191 --> 00:42:50,901
- Oh, God doesn't care about religion?
818
00:42:50,901 --> 00:42:52,152
- Well, that's what he said!
819
00:42:52,152 --> 00:42:53,736
- Well, he sure picked a funny business
820
00:42:53,737 --> 00:42:57,282
to go into, then, didn't he? (sniffles)
821
00:43:01,620 --> 00:43:05,790
Oh, I'm sorry, Jerry.
(nose blows)
822
00:43:05,791 --> 00:43:08,460
(sniffles) I'm sorry.
823
00:43:11,171 --> 00:43:13,756
I can't seem to accept the concept
824
00:43:13,757 --> 00:43:16,092
of you actually having a real,
825
00:43:16,093 --> 00:43:19,137
honest-to-God conversation with God.
826
00:43:19,137 --> 00:43:23,599
I don't understand why
he wanted to talk to you!
827
00:43:25,393 --> 00:43:27,520
(sniffles) Oh, God. Listen to me.
828
00:43:27,521 --> 00:43:29,773
This whole thing is
making me nuts now, too.
829
00:43:29,773 --> 00:43:33,860
- Too? You do think I'm crazy.
830
00:43:33,860 --> 00:43:34,652
- No.
831
00:43:36,738 --> 00:43:39,449
I don't think you're crazy, (sniffles)
832
00:43:39,449 --> 00:43:41,242
Which is why I think I'm crazy.
833
00:43:42,994 --> 00:43:45,246
- Bobbie, how can I
convince anyone at all,
834
00:43:45,247 --> 00:43:46,414
if I can't convince you?
835
00:43:47,290 --> 00:43:49,458
(Bobbie sniffling)
836
00:43:49,459 --> 00:43:53,379
- Jerry, for some reason that
I can't even begin to fathom,
837
00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:55,590
you really believe all
this stuff, don't you?
838
00:43:58,135 --> 00:43:58,969
- Can't you?
839
00:44:04,850 --> 00:44:06,017
- Well, I believe
840
00:44:07,519 --> 00:44:08,603
that you believe.
841
00:44:09,980 --> 00:44:13,149
Which is in some sense
is the same as believing,
842
00:44:13,150 --> 00:44:14,609
I guess, isn't it?
843
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:20,907
(Bobbie sniffles)
844
00:44:20,907 --> 00:44:22,617
- Do you understand what I've said?
845
00:44:24,828 --> 00:44:26,079
Do you have any questions?
846
00:44:30,542 --> 00:44:31,334
Adam?
847
00:44:33,003 --> 00:44:35,922
- Uh. Sounds pretty bananas, Dad.
848
00:44:38,091 --> 00:44:40,718
(phone ringing)
849
00:44:44,472 --> 00:44:45,473
- Hello? Who?
850
00:44:47,851 --> 00:44:50,019
Uh, no. He isn't home right now.
851
00:44:51,897 --> 00:44:54,024
No. No, that's not him.
852
00:44:54,024 --> 00:44:56,860
Yes, yes. You can print
that in your paper.
853
00:44:56,860 --> 00:44:59,904
He is definitely not the
man in the Times today.
854
00:44:59,905 --> 00:45:01,740
- Can I go now, Dad?
855
00:45:01,740 --> 00:45:02,907
- Sure, son.
- Yeah.
856
00:45:04,034 --> 00:45:06,244
- I'll meet you.
- Yeah.
857
00:45:06,244 --> 00:45:08,329
- Look, I'm his wife. You can believe me.
858
00:45:08,330 --> 00:45:09,581
Don't call back.
859
00:45:15,295 --> 00:45:17,839
(Bobbie sighs)
860
00:45:29,142 --> 00:45:33,642
(people chattering in distance)
861
00:45:33,688 --> 00:45:35,314
- Well, what do you think?
862
00:45:35,315 --> 00:45:38,318
- Well, maybe he's going through a stage.
863
00:45:38,318 --> 00:45:40,278
You know, mental-pause.
864
00:45:40,278 --> 00:45:42,613
- (laughs) That's menopause.
865
00:45:42,614 --> 00:45:44,574
- Yeah! Like grandma.
866
00:45:44,574 --> 00:45:45,366
- I hope.
867
00:45:48,036 --> 00:45:49,704
- And finally, this note.
868
00:45:49,704 --> 00:45:51,831
The Los Angeles Sunday
Times reports today,
869
00:45:51,831 --> 00:45:53,833
that in Tarzana, California,
870
00:45:53,833 --> 00:45:56,252
a supermarket manager, Jerry Landers,
871
00:45:56,253 --> 00:45:59,673
had an alleged conversation
with someone he claimed was God.
872
00:45:59,673 --> 00:46:00,965
According to the story,
873
00:46:00,966 --> 00:46:02,175
God has appeared on Earth,
874
00:46:02,175 --> 00:46:05,428
to reaffirm that he lives,
and our world can work.
875
00:46:05,428 --> 00:46:07,054
It's up to us.
876
00:46:07,055 --> 00:46:10,141
Well, this reporter would
like to hedge his bets,
877
00:46:10,141 --> 00:46:13,018
on the outside chance that
God did make this appearance,
878
00:46:13,019 --> 00:46:15,646
and that he just might be tuned to ABC.
879
00:46:15,647 --> 00:46:17,774
We'd like him to know, we did report it.
880
00:46:17,774 --> 00:46:20,735
This is Jerry Dunphy.
Thank you and good night.
881
00:46:23,697 --> 00:46:25,865
- Even Moses didn't give his last name.
882
00:46:27,075 --> 00:46:28,534
- That should get the phone ringing.
883
00:46:31,496 --> 00:46:35,458
(phone taps)
(phone ringing)
884
00:46:35,458 --> 00:46:36,250
- Told you.
885
00:46:40,046 --> 00:46:40,838
- Hello!
886
00:46:42,132 --> 00:46:43,758
Yes, this is Jerry Landers.
887
00:46:43,758 --> 00:46:45,217
It's the Tarzana Daily Review.
888
00:46:46,511 --> 00:46:47,553
Yes, I'm the one.
889
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:50,139
Spoke with him. Absolutely!
890
00:46:51,975 --> 00:46:54,560
Oh, about 6-foot, blondish hair.
891
00:46:55,645 --> 00:46:56,729
Oh, him.
892
00:46:57,731 --> 00:47:00,316
Uh, about 5'7", I guess.
893
00:47:00,317 --> 00:47:01,901
Uh, gray hair.
894
00:47:01,901 --> 00:47:04,153
- I almost forgot my project.
- Jerry!
895
00:47:04,154 --> 00:47:05,280
- [Jerry] I'm coming!
896
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:07,240
- [Bobbie] Jerry, you made the front page.
897
00:47:07,240 --> 00:47:08,032
- What?
898
00:47:11,619 --> 00:47:13,495
- Hey, everybody look!
- What?
899
00:47:17,250 --> 00:47:20,336
- [Adam] Channel 11?
That's the 10 o'clock News!
900
00:47:23,923 --> 00:47:25,841
- Can we stay up and watch us?
901
00:47:25,842 --> 00:47:28,261
- Jerry, I don't want the kids on TV.
902
00:47:28,261 --> 00:47:29,929
- Can't be worse than watching it.
903
00:47:31,056 --> 00:47:33,975
Don't worry. Come on, kids.
904
00:47:33,975 --> 00:47:35,810
(equipment humming)
- Roll the cameras.
905
00:47:38,730 --> 00:47:40,398
Mr. Landers?
906
00:47:40,398 --> 00:47:43,109
- Yes.
- Channel 11, 10 o'clock News.
907
00:47:43,109 --> 00:47:46,320
You're quoted as saying that
you've talked with God, sir?
908
00:47:46,321 --> 00:47:48,489
- Yes.
- Face to face?
909
00:47:48,490 --> 00:47:50,617
- That's right.
- He's a fruitcake.
910
00:47:50,617 --> 00:47:53,578
- And you say God wants
to affirm he's alive,
911
00:47:53,578 --> 00:47:55,621
and he's very disappointed with the way
912
00:47:55,622 --> 00:47:57,373
we're handling our world?
913
00:47:57,374 --> 00:47:59,876
- Uh, that's right.
914
00:47:59,876 --> 00:48:02,128
- How are you gonna get
people to believe you?
915
00:48:03,213 --> 00:48:06,132
- Well, (stammers) it
wasn't my idea, you know?
916
00:48:06,132 --> 00:48:08,217
Uh, he, he picked me.
917
00:48:08,218 --> 00:48:10,637
- Is God going to reveal himself to you,
918
00:48:10,637 --> 00:48:13,264
as you claim he has?
919
00:48:13,264 --> 00:48:15,933
- Not as I claim he has. As he has.
920
00:48:17,060 --> 00:48:19,270
I don't know if he'll show up again,
921
00:48:19,270 --> 00:48:22,147
but he gave me his message, and--
922
00:48:22,148 --> 00:48:24,108
- Dad, it's 10 till.
923
00:48:24,109 --> 00:48:25,068
- [Jerry] Yes, Adam.
924
00:48:25,944 --> 00:48:27,278
- That he exists?
925
00:48:27,278 --> 00:48:28,821
- Yes, and that he would like us
926
00:48:28,822 --> 00:48:31,407
to cherish and nurture each other,
927
00:48:31,408 --> 00:48:33,284
as opposed to killing one another.
928
00:48:33,284 --> 00:48:34,410
- [Reporter] He said that?
929
00:48:35,328 --> 00:48:39,498
- Yeah. That he's our Shepherd
and we shall not want.
930
00:48:40,417 --> 00:48:42,419
- We can quote you?
(Jerry chuckles)
931
00:48:42,419 --> 00:48:43,586
- I didn't make that up.
932
00:48:45,380 --> 00:48:47,590
- For 10 o'clock News,
this is Mario Machado,
933
00:48:47,590 --> 00:48:51,010
with the man who talked to God in Tarzana.
934
00:48:51,010 --> 00:48:53,595
- Uh, it, uh, the second time.
935
00:48:53,596 --> 00:48:55,889
The first time was in Los Angeles.
936
00:48:55,890 --> 00:48:56,849
- [Adam] Come on, Dad!
937
00:48:56,850 --> 00:48:58,601
- I'm coming.
- I stand corrected.
938
00:48:58,601 --> 00:49:00,311
(people chattering faintly)
(soft instrumental music)
939
00:49:00,311 --> 00:49:01,603
- [Woman On PA] Mr. Landers.
940
00:49:01,604 --> 00:49:05,733
Please call Mr. Summers at his office.
941
00:49:05,733 --> 00:49:08,068
Mr. Summers for Mr. Landers.
942
00:49:09,446 --> 00:49:12,407
(lively jazz music)
943
00:49:19,414 --> 00:49:20,873
- Landers.
- Mr. Summers.
944
00:49:20,874 --> 00:49:22,917
- Glad you could get here so fast.
945
00:49:22,917 --> 00:49:24,960
- Well, you said--
- Yeah, right. Have a seat.
946
00:49:24,961 --> 00:49:27,338
- Thank you.
- How's it going, Landers?
947
00:49:27,338 --> 00:49:28,505
- Fine.
- You've taken over
948
00:49:28,506 --> 00:49:30,674
while Slavick is vacationing,
949
00:49:30,675 --> 00:49:32,259
I hear.
- Yes, sir.
950
00:49:32,260 --> 00:49:34,553
- Think someday you can
handle a store as manager?
951
00:49:34,554 --> 00:49:36,264
- I'm sure I can.
952
00:49:36,264 --> 00:49:37,890
- Good.
953
00:49:37,891 --> 00:49:39,517
Everything all right at home?
954
00:49:39,517 --> 00:49:41,393
- Wonderful.
- The missus, kids,
955
00:49:41,394 --> 00:49:43,229
Adam, Betsy?
956
00:49:43,229 --> 00:49:45,022
- Becky.
- Good, good.
957
00:49:45,023 --> 00:49:48,401
What is this, uh, seeing
God crap all about?
958
00:49:49,903 --> 00:49:52,989
- Well, it's not crap, Mr.
Summers. I've seen him.
959
00:49:54,616 --> 00:49:57,076
- You know, I've heard
it all in this chair.
960
00:49:58,870 --> 00:50:01,038
I know what being a
manager can do to a man.
961
00:50:01,915 --> 00:50:03,082
Trouble with books.
962
00:50:03,958 --> 00:50:05,668
Humping checkout girls in the freezer.
963
00:50:05,668 --> 00:50:07,002
- I'm only the assistant manager.
964
00:50:07,003 --> 00:50:08,462
- You can tell me.
965
00:50:08,463 --> 00:50:10,423
- Well, there's nothing like that to tell.
966
00:50:10,423 --> 00:50:11,674
I really have seen him.
967
00:50:13,176 --> 00:50:14,427
- Landers.
968
00:50:14,427 --> 00:50:18,264
The founder and principal
stockholder of Food World
969
00:50:19,224 --> 00:50:21,267
is a man devoted to prayer.
970
00:50:22,185 --> 00:50:26,685
Lowell Wilson has personally
gotten down on his knees
971
00:50:26,940 --> 00:50:28,232
with three U.S. presidents.
972
00:50:29,150 --> 00:50:33,154
He attended prayer breakfasts
and asked for God's blessing,
973
00:50:33,154 --> 00:50:34,697
with the Joint Chiefs of Staff,
974
00:50:34,697 --> 00:50:36,824
right in the war room of the Pentagon.
975
00:50:38,993 --> 00:50:40,703
Now, I don't think that Mr. Wilson
976
00:50:41,579 --> 00:50:43,414
is gonna take too kindly to the idea
977
00:50:43,414 --> 00:50:46,208
that one of his employees
978
00:50:46,209 --> 00:50:48,544
is claiming to have
had a personal audience
979
00:50:48,545 --> 00:50:50,463
with the Almighty himself!
980
00:50:50,463 --> 00:50:53,090
- I should think that
he would be very happy
981
00:50:53,091 --> 00:50:54,717
to know that his prayers are heard.
982
00:50:54,717 --> 00:50:57,344
- Mr. Wilson has reached
that point in his life,
983
00:50:57,345 --> 00:50:59,764
where he can be sure
his prayers are heard.
984
00:50:59,764 --> 00:51:01,724
He doesn't need any help from you.
985
00:51:01,724 --> 00:51:03,016
- It's not me.
986
00:51:03,017 --> 00:51:04,893
I mean, I'm just kind of like a Moses.
987
00:51:08,731 --> 00:51:09,732
- Look, Landers, uh.
988
00:51:11,401 --> 00:51:14,737
Now, I don't want to pump
any sunshine up your skirt,
989
00:51:14,737 --> 00:51:16,655
but you have a future at Food World.
990
00:51:17,907 --> 00:51:18,699
Don't blow it.
991
00:51:19,742 --> 00:51:22,119
Now, you just keep your mouth shut
992
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:23,746
and stay away from reporters.
993
00:51:26,583 --> 00:51:28,251
- And if I don't?
994
00:51:28,251 --> 00:51:29,919
(George chuckles)
995
00:51:29,919 --> 00:51:31,921
- Well, God may have been
interested in talking to you
996
00:51:31,921 --> 00:51:32,963
as an assistant manager.
997
00:51:32,964 --> 00:51:35,591
Now, we'll see how he feels about you
998
00:51:35,592 --> 00:51:36,676
as a bag stuffer.
999
00:51:41,014 --> 00:51:41,806
- Over here!
1000
00:51:42,974 --> 00:51:44,892
I thought I'd straighten up a little.
1001
00:51:46,686 --> 00:51:48,270
The mess people make.
1002
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:50,272
Take a seat.
1003
00:51:52,775 --> 00:51:53,817
It started, huh?
1004
00:51:55,069 --> 00:51:57,988
You said you saw me and
the pressure started.
1005
00:51:57,989 --> 00:52:00,449
- Is it gonna get any worse?
1006
00:52:00,450 --> 00:52:01,409
- How should I know?
1007
00:52:02,535 --> 00:52:04,578
- What do you mean how should you know?
1008
00:52:04,579 --> 00:52:05,413
- How could I know?
1009
00:52:05,413 --> 00:52:07,123
- Well, you know everything!
1010
00:52:08,166 --> 00:52:09,792
- I only know what is.
1011
00:52:09,792 --> 00:52:11,919
Also, I'm very big on what was.
1012
00:52:11,919 --> 00:52:15,047
On what isn't yet, I haven't got a clue.
1013
00:52:15,048 --> 00:52:17,300
- When you said--
- Move, move, move your foot.
1014
00:52:17,300 --> 00:52:18,551
- Oh.
- Sit down, sit down.
1015
00:52:18,551 --> 00:52:19,385
Sit down.
1016
00:52:19,385 --> 00:52:21,261
- When you said everything
was gonna work out,
1017
00:52:21,262 --> 00:52:23,222
I thought you could tell the future.
1018
00:52:23,222 --> 00:52:25,015
- Absolutely, I can tell the future.
1019
00:52:25,016 --> 00:52:27,184
The minute it becomes the past.
1020
00:52:27,185 --> 00:52:28,978
I said everything could work out,
1021
00:52:28,978 --> 00:52:31,271
if that's everybody's choice.
1022
00:52:31,272 --> 00:52:32,356
People have to decide on their own
1023
00:52:32,357 --> 00:52:34,359
what's to be done with the world.
1024
00:52:34,359 --> 00:52:36,652
I can't make a personal
decision for everybody.
1025
00:52:38,529 --> 00:52:40,822
Why the face? So far, so good.
1026
00:52:40,823 --> 00:52:43,283
We hit the papers, a little TV.
1027
00:52:43,284 --> 00:52:44,118
We're in business.
1028
00:52:44,118 --> 00:52:46,829
- You know, I'm liable to lose my job.
1029
00:52:47,914 --> 00:52:50,124
- Lose a job, save a world.
1030
00:52:51,167 --> 00:52:54,128
Not a bad deal.
(soft orchestral music)
1031
00:52:54,128 --> 00:52:58,048
(children chattering faintly)
(children laughing)
1032
00:52:58,049 --> 00:52:59,008
- [Jerry] Hey, Adam!
1033
00:53:08,351 --> 00:53:09,602
- What are you doing here?
1034
00:53:09,602 --> 00:53:11,437
- Well, I got off early from work, son.
1035
00:53:11,437 --> 00:53:13,355
I thought I'd give you a lift home.
1036
00:53:13,356 --> 00:53:15,358
- Uh, no thanks, Dad. I'll walk.
1037
00:53:17,068 --> 00:53:18,360
- [Jerry] No, come on.
1038
00:53:18,361 --> 00:53:20,613
- No, no. I've got new tennis shoes, uh,
1039
00:53:20,613 --> 00:53:21,697
I wanna break them in.
1040
00:53:23,324 --> 00:53:24,158
See you later.
1041
00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:30,660
(melancholy music)
OK. Come on, let's go.
1042
00:53:47,807 --> 00:53:49,767
- [Bobbie] Well, why wouldn't they be embarrassed?
1043
00:53:49,767 --> 00:53:52,269
Their friends ribbed the
hell out of them, you know?
1044
00:53:52,270 --> 00:53:53,980
- [Jerry] That's rotten.
1045
00:53:53,980 --> 00:53:55,189
- They wanted to know if you could get
1046
00:53:55,189 --> 00:53:57,691
their test answers from God,
1047
00:53:57,692 --> 00:54:00,778
and could he do anything about
their Little League team?
1048
00:54:00,778 --> 00:54:02,362
They gave them a very rough day.
1049
00:54:03,322 --> 00:54:05,657
Jerry, what are you gonna
do about Mr. Summers?
1050
00:54:06,993 --> 00:54:09,912
- What can I do? What
do you want me to do?
1051
00:54:09,912 --> 00:54:11,830
- I want you to say no more about it,
1052
00:54:11,831 --> 00:54:13,249
like he said not to!
1053
00:54:14,709 --> 00:54:18,754
- Bobbie, Mr. Summers
represents Food World.
1054
00:54:18,755 --> 00:54:20,965
God is with world world.
1055
00:54:20,965 --> 00:54:23,258
It's a slightly bigger obligation.
1056
00:54:23,259 --> 00:54:24,510
- Bigger than your job?
1057
00:54:25,762 --> 00:54:28,765
I have no choice. That's the problem.
1058
00:54:28,765 --> 00:54:30,057
- The problem is you do!
1059
00:54:31,434 --> 00:54:32,852
How far do you intend to take this?
1060
00:54:32,852 --> 00:54:34,728
I mean, how long is this gonna go on?
1061
00:54:34,729 --> 00:54:36,355
- Until everyone gets the message!
1062
00:54:36,355 --> 00:54:37,189
(phone rings)
1063
00:54:37,190 --> 00:54:39,192
Until I can convince people of this, uh,
1064
00:54:39,192 --> 00:54:40,359
uh, miracle!
- Hello?
1065
00:54:40,359 --> 00:54:41,860
- I mean, that's what it is, you know?
1066
00:54:41,861 --> 00:54:43,779
It's a miracle! Nothing less!
1067
00:54:43,780 --> 00:54:46,282
And I've gotta reach the greatest
number of people possible,
1068
00:54:46,282 --> 00:54:47,449
and tell them about it.
1069
00:54:47,450 --> 00:54:50,286
- It's for you. Producer
of "The Dinah Shore Show."
1070
00:54:51,329 --> 00:54:54,290
- You've been on television a long,
1071
00:54:54,290 --> 00:54:56,000
not that long, I'm sorry.
- No, I'm much,
1072
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:58,168
I'm much younger than I look.
1073
00:54:58,169 --> 00:54:59,378
(audience laughs)
Oh, no.
1074
00:54:59,378 --> 00:55:00,462
I didn't want to say it that way.
1075
00:55:00,463 --> 00:55:01,589
- No, you look--
- No, I'm, uh,
1076
00:55:01,589 --> 00:55:03,591
I'm younger than people think I am.
1077
00:55:03,591 --> 00:55:04,425
- Yeah, well--
- That's the way,
1078
00:55:04,425 --> 00:55:05,300
because I've been around a long time.
1079
00:55:05,301 --> 00:55:06,844
- But everything you've done has had
1080
00:55:06,844 --> 00:55:08,428
such tremendous impact.
- It's been magnificent.
1081
00:55:08,429 --> 00:55:09,596
I haven't done anything bad,
1082
00:55:09,597 --> 00:55:11,015
ever in my whole life.
(audience laughing)
1083
00:55:11,015 --> 00:55:12,349
Never. I'm one of the perfect people.
1084
00:55:12,350 --> 00:55:14,518
- That's kind of exciting.
- It is. It is.
1085
00:55:14,519 --> 00:55:16,812
- Do you remember your
first moment on television?
1086
00:55:16,813 --> 00:55:19,232
- Well, actually I do. It was in 1948.
1087
00:55:19,232 --> 00:55:21,859
It was "Maggi McNellis' Crystal Room,"
1088
00:55:21,859 --> 00:55:24,069
and we were told to be
visual in those days.
1089
00:55:24,070 --> 00:55:26,405
At that time, "The Picture of
Dorian Gray" was very popular,
1090
00:55:26,405 --> 00:55:28,448
so I gave a 15-second impression
1091
00:55:28,449 --> 00:55:29,992
of the picture of Dorian Gray,
1092
00:55:29,992 --> 00:55:33,328
about the man who carouses,
and he stays looking good,
1093
00:55:33,329 --> 00:55:35,414
but his picture falls apart.
1094
00:55:35,414 --> 00:55:39,914
(audience laughing)
(Dinah laughing)
1095
00:55:42,004 --> 00:55:45,132
(audience applauding)
1096
00:55:48,845 --> 00:55:49,762
- Ready, Mr. Landers?
(Dinah chatters faintly)
1097
00:55:49,762 --> 00:55:51,764
- Uh, right.
1098
00:55:51,764 --> 00:55:52,598
Goodbye.
1099
00:55:52,598 --> 00:55:54,057
- I think I broke a jaw.
(Dinah laughs)
1100
00:55:54,058 --> 00:55:57,853
(audience laughing)
(people chattering faintly)
1101
00:55:57,854 --> 00:55:59,897
- [Dinah] America's not ready for you.
1102
00:55:59,897 --> 00:56:00,731
(audience laughing)
1103
00:56:00,731 --> 00:56:02,023
However--
- You could translate.
1104
00:56:02,024 --> 00:56:04,609
- OK, you'll take the
empty seat next to Dinah.
1105
00:56:05,653 --> 00:56:07,154
- This show is taped, isn't it?
1106
00:56:07,154 --> 00:56:09,030
- Yes. It will be on a week from today.
1107
00:56:10,032 --> 00:56:10,866
Uh.
1108
00:56:10,867 --> 00:56:13,119
- [Dinah] You may have read about my next guest
1109
00:56:13,119 --> 00:56:15,079
in the newspapers recently.
1110
00:56:15,079 --> 00:56:19,500
He is a supermarket manager
from Tarzana, California,
1111
00:56:19,500 --> 00:56:22,503
who says that he has
been instructed by God,
1112
00:56:22,503 --> 00:56:27,003
to spread the message that
God lives, and God cares.
1113
00:56:27,258 --> 00:56:30,094
Please welcome Mr. Jerry Landers.
1114
00:56:30,094 --> 00:56:33,222
(audience applauding)
(upbeat music)
1115
00:56:33,222 --> 00:56:35,057
- Am I on?
- Almost.
1116
00:56:35,057 --> 00:56:38,852
- [Bobbie] That applause was for you.
1117
00:56:38,853 --> 00:56:40,396
- Is Dinah nice, Daddy?
1118
00:56:40,396 --> 00:56:41,188
- Not now, honey.
1119
00:56:42,189 --> 00:56:43,231
- You're not nervous, are you?
1120
00:56:43,232 --> 00:56:46,568
- No.
(audience laughs)
1121
00:56:46,569 --> 00:56:48,779
- Well, I don't mind telling you I am.
1122
00:56:48,779 --> 00:56:51,406
You have some pretty
powerful (chuckles) friends.
1123
00:56:51,407 --> 00:56:53,117
(audience laughing)
1124
00:56:53,117 --> 00:56:54,493
- Why are they laughing?
1125
00:56:54,493 --> 00:56:56,203
- Just watch, darling.
1126
00:56:56,203 --> 00:56:57,704
- Because God's Daddy's friend.
1127
00:56:58,789 --> 00:56:59,623
- Oh.
1128
00:56:59,624 --> 00:57:02,293
- Why do you suppose he picked you, Jerry?
1129
00:57:02,293 --> 00:57:03,252
- God only knows.
1130
00:57:03,252 --> 00:57:06,630
Uh, I mean--
(audience laughs)
1131
00:57:06,631 --> 00:57:07,632
- You're right.
1132
00:57:07,632 --> 00:57:09,091
You said that
(man chuckling)
1133
00:57:09,091 --> 00:57:12,469
God wants us to know that he still cares.
1134
00:57:12,470 --> 00:57:14,513
And is there anything
else he wants us to know?
1135
00:57:14,513 --> 00:57:15,555
- [Jerry] Well, well, yes.
1136
00:57:15,556 --> 00:57:17,891
That he's given us everything that we need
1137
00:57:17,892 --> 00:57:19,977
to make our life work,
to make the world work,
1138
00:57:19,977 --> 00:57:21,436
and that he's watching us.
1139
00:57:21,437 --> 00:57:23,272
He--
- He's watching?
1140
00:57:23,272 --> 00:57:24,523
- Yes.
- Watching us?
1141
00:57:25,942 --> 00:57:27,610
Now?
- Well, yes.
1142
00:57:27,610 --> 00:57:28,861
(audience laughing)
- I, uh.
1143
00:57:31,822 --> 00:57:36,322
Jerry, you agreed earlier to
be part of an experiment today,
1144
00:57:37,370 --> 00:57:39,622
with the Los Angeles Police Department.
1145
00:57:40,790 --> 00:57:41,916
- Do you want me to take
a lie detector test?
1146
00:57:41,916 --> 00:57:43,584
- Oh, no.
- No, I will.
1147
00:57:43,584 --> 00:57:44,543
(audience laughing)
- Oh.
1148
00:57:44,543 --> 00:57:46,795
What this is, this is a sketch artist,
1149
00:57:46,796 --> 00:57:49,006
from the Los Angeles Police Department,
1150
00:57:49,006 --> 00:57:51,633
and he's an expert and very adept
1151
00:57:51,634 --> 00:57:53,802
at making a sketch from a description.
1152
00:57:53,803 --> 00:57:55,763
And I think all of us here
1153
00:57:55,763 --> 00:57:57,848
would like to know what God looks like.
1154
00:57:57,848 --> 00:58:01,768
You would like to know?
(audience applauding)
1155
00:58:03,729 --> 00:58:04,688
- Shall we?
- Sure.
1156
00:58:04,689 --> 00:58:05,981
- OK, follow me.
1157
00:58:07,233 --> 00:58:10,277
Jerry, this is Mr. Fernando Ponce.
1158
00:58:10,277 --> 00:58:11,111
- Good to meet you.
- Hello, sir.
1159
00:58:11,112 --> 00:58:12,988
- Please sit there.
- Thank you.
1160
00:58:12,989 --> 00:58:14,281
- Uh, Mr. Ponce, as I said,
1161
00:58:14,281 --> 00:58:18,410
is an expert at eyewitness sketches
1162
00:58:18,411 --> 00:58:20,871
for the L.A. Police Department.
1163
00:58:20,871 --> 00:58:23,790
- Uh, how do I start?
1164
00:58:23,791 --> 00:58:26,168
- Tell me about the shape of his face.
1165
00:58:26,168 --> 00:58:27,335
- The shape is, uh.
1166
00:58:29,505 --> 00:58:31,507
It's triangular.
1167
00:58:31,507 --> 00:58:32,549
- Good.
- I guess.
1168
00:58:33,676 --> 00:58:36,011
Uh, he's got, uh, large ears.
1169
00:58:37,138 --> 00:58:38,597
- He has?
- Jerry, I don't believe
1170
00:58:38,597 --> 00:58:40,390
you actually did this.
1171
00:58:40,391 --> 00:58:42,059
- It was their idea.
1172
00:58:42,059 --> 00:58:43,769
He does, yeah, he wears glasses.
1173
00:58:43,769 --> 00:58:45,312
He, uh--
(audience laughing)
1174
00:58:45,312 --> 00:58:46,396
- God wears glasses?
1175
00:58:48,733 --> 00:58:50,860
- He has a, he's wearing a fishing cap.
1176
00:58:51,777 --> 00:58:53,361
He has--
- A fishing cap?
1177
00:58:53,362 --> 00:58:54,863
- Maybe it's like a baseball cap.
1178
00:58:54,864 --> 00:58:56,782
- Oh.
- His lips are kind of thin.
1179
00:58:56,782 --> 00:58:58,158
His nose is straight.
1180
00:59:00,036 --> 00:59:02,204
It's round on the end.
1181
00:59:02,204 --> 00:59:04,289
- No one's supposed to
know what God looks like!
1182
00:59:04,290 --> 00:59:05,165
- I do.
1183
00:59:05,166 --> 00:59:06,292
- You do?
1184
00:59:06,292 --> 00:59:07,126
- Yeah.
1185
00:59:07,126 --> 00:59:09,753
In Bible comics, they had
a picture of him last week.
1186
00:59:09,754 --> 00:59:12,256
- Glasses. They're horn-rimmed glasses.
1187
00:59:12,256 --> 00:59:15,050
They're not. They're
plastic ones, you know?
1188
00:59:15,051 --> 00:59:16,135
- Where would you suppose
1189
00:59:16,135 --> 00:59:18,095
he would get his glasses? (chuckles)
1190
00:59:18,095 --> 00:59:20,097
(audience laughing)
1191
00:59:20,097 --> 00:59:21,348
- Well, I don't know.
1192
00:59:22,349 --> 00:59:24,309
And you know, he--
- Anywhere he likes.
1193
00:59:24,310 --> 00:59:27,521
- Well, yeah, he, uh.
(audience laughing)
1194
00:59:27,521 --> 00:59:31,441
- Boy, sure hope my friends
are doing their homework.
1195
00:59:31,442 --> 00:59:35,154
- This is what, uh,
God looked like to you?
1196
00:59:35,154 --> 00:59:38,157
- Well, he's sort of
captured the sense of, uh.
1197
00:59:39,492 --> 00:59:43,037
I guess.
- Well, America,
1198
00:59:43,037 --> 00:59:47,537
here it is, as seen through
the eyes of Jerry Landers.
1199
00:59:48,542 --> 00:59:50,001
God.
1200
00:59:50,002 --> 00:59:51,712
(audience laughing)
(upbeat music)
1201
00:59:51,712 --> 00:59:54,840
(audience applauding)
1202
01:00:01,597 --> 01:00:03,724
- Dad, you're gonna get God arrested.
1203
01:00:06,644 --> 01:00:08,270
- You said it would be done by 6:00.
1204
01:00:08,270 --> 01:00:10,230
- I'm sorry, but I just got the part.
1205
01:00:11,107 --> 01:00:12,942
Oh. Hey!
1206
01:00:12,942 --> 01:00:16,654
Uh, weren't you on "The
Dinah Show" last night?
1207
01:00:16,654 --> 01:00:17,696
- Yeah.
1208
01:00:17,696 --> 01:00:20,490
- (chuckles) Yeah, that
was real, uh, different.
1209
01:00:21,992 --> 01:00:22,951
Excuse me.
1210
01:00:22,952 --> 01:00:26,080
- (stammers) How am I
supposed to get home now?
1211
01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:27,039
- Where to, mister?
1212
01:00:32,503 --> 01:00:33,295
Get in.
1213
01:00:34,421 --> 01:00:35,213
- Oh.
1214
01:00:46,517 --> 01:00:47,726
I hope you got a license.
1215
01:00:53,983 --> 01:00:54,775
Ha.
1216
01:00:55,985 --> 01:00:58,612
Did you watch Dinah Shore last night?
1217
01:00:58,612 --> 01:00:59,696
- I watch everything.
1218
01:01:00,823 --> 01:01:03,659
- I got you national
exposure. I hope you're happy.
1219
01:01:04,702 --> 01:01:05,828
- I could be happier.
1220
01:01:07,413 --> 01:01:08,622
- How?
1221
01:01:08,622 --> 01:01:10,290
- For starters, you do a show like that,
1222
01:01:10,291 --> 01:01:12,960
you don't let them put you
on the last few minutes.
1223
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:15,087
That's for fellas who write diet books.
1224
01:01:15,087 --> 01:01:16,630
- It wasn't up to me.
1225
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:19,508
- Now what was that drawing thing?
1226
01:01:19,508 --> 01:01:21,218
- Well, he was a police artist.
1227
01:01:21,218 --> 01:01:23,136
- The man draws crooks.
1228
01:01:23,137 --> 01:01:24,805
Makes everybody look like a crook.
1229
01:01:25,931 --> 01:01:28,308
He made me look like a second-story man.
1230
01:01:28,309 --> 01:01:30,144
- It's publicity.
1231
01:01:30,144 --> 01:01:32,729
- I'm used to a little better treatment.
1232
01:01:32,730 --> 01:01:34,982
That painting of me by Michelangelo,
1233
01:01:36,108 --> 01:01:37,067
that's a picture.
1234
01:01:38,444 --> 01:01:41,113
And he did it laying flat on his back.
1235
01:01:41,113 --> 01:01:42,364
- [Jerry] Now what happens?
1236
01:01:42,364 --> 01:01:44,741
- Now we see who can still believe,
1237
01:01:44,742 --> 01:01:47,619
who wants to, who needs to.
1238
01:01:47,620 --> 01:01:50,122
A few million people saw
you last night, right?
1239
01:01:50,122 --> 01:01:51,289
A few million?
1240
01:01:51,290 --> 01:01:52,582
Some of them will believe you.
1241
01:01:52,583 --> 01:01:55,335
- Some are gonna wanna
punch me in the head.
1242
01:01:55,336 --> 01:01:57,463
Some will wanna fire me.
1243
01:01:57,463 --> 01:01:59,882
Some may decide I'm
too crazy to live with.
1244
01:01:59,882 --> 01:02:03,176
- We can't worry about
those. The ball is rolling.
1245
01:02:03,177 --> 01:02:05,137
- Yeah, right over me.
1246
01:02:05,137 --> 01:02:07,180
- Don't be a malcontent.
I'll watch over you.
1247
01:02:07,181 --> 01:02:08,515
- And while you're watching over me,
1248
01:02:08,515 --> 01:02:10,517
would you mind watching the road, too?
1249
01:02:10,517 --> 01:02:12,519
- I'd rather watch a nice sunset.
1250
01:02:12,519 --> 01:02:17,019
(horns blaring)
(tires screeching)
1251
01:02:18,317 --> 01:02:20,652
(instruments jingling)
1252
01:02:20,653 --> 01:02:24,448
(people chanting in distance)
1253
01:02:25,950 --> 01:02:28,285
Boy, Dinah Shore must
get a pretty big rating.
1254
01:02:31,538 --> 01:02:32,789
- Oh, no.
1255
01:02:35,376 --> 01:02:36,210
- You're on, kid.
1256
01:02:48,639 --> 01:02:50,182
Jerry?
1257
01:02:50,182 --> 01:02:51,016
- Yes, God.
1258
01:02:51,016 --> 01:02:53,309
- You have the strength
that comes from knowing.
1259
01:02:54,395 --> 01:02:57,439
(chanting continues)
1260
01:03:17,209 --> 01:03:21,296
(people chattering faintly)
1261
01:03:21,297 --> 01:03:22,756
- Can I have one minute with you, please?
1262
01:03:22,756 --> 01:03:24,591
I have something very important to say to you.
1263
01:03:24,591 --> 01:03:25,675
It just can't wait.
1264
01:03:25,676 --> 01:03:27,177
Uh, it's, this is--
- Please! Please!
1265
01:03:27,177 --> 01:03:29,596
Bless my baby! Bless my baby!
1266
01:03:29,596 --> 01:03:31,806
Touch him! Pray for him!
1267
01:03:31,807 --> 01:03:33,225
Pray for my baby!
- One second.
1268
01:03:33,225 --> 01:03:35,227
If I could just have one second with you.
1269
01:03:36,312 --> 01:03:37,229
It's not for me.
1270
01:03:37,229 --> 01:03:39,606
It's for you--
- Sanctify my body.
1271
01:03:39,606 --> 01:03:41,733
- Bless him! Make him a true believer!
1272
01:03:41,734 --> 01:03:42,735
- I have something very important.
1273
01:03:42,735 --> 01:03:44,486
(woman moans)
This is for you!
1274
01:03:44,486 --> 01:03:46,529
- Give me your golden staff.
1275
01:03:46,530 --> 01:03:48,657
- I can't.
- God said it's OK.
1276
01:03:48,657 --> 01:03:50,325
- Officer. Officer.
- I have to tell you this.
1277
01:03:50,326 --> 01:03:52,453
It's very important!
- Officer!
1278
01:03:52,453 --> 01:03:53,704
And could you move the rest of them
1279
01:03:53,704 --> 01:03:55,205
along, too.
- Yes, sir.
1280
01:03:55,205 --> 01:03:56,039
- Please.
- Come on, now.
1281
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,958
Let's move along.
(people muttering)
1282
01:03:57,958 --> 01:03:58,792
OK. Yeah, that's great.
1283
01:03:58,792 --> 01:04:00,668
No, no. OK, OK, let's move along.
1284
01:04:00,669 --> 01:04:03,672
- I went to empty the garbage
and two people blessed me.
1285
01:04:03,672 --> 01:04:05,924
And then one of them blessed the garbage!
1286
01:04:05,924 --> 01:04:06,758
And then he asked me
1287
01:04:06,759 --> 01:04:09,928
if our children were
conceived immaculately.
1288
01:04:09,928 --> 01:04:11,012
- Now calm down, honey.
1289
01:04:11,013 --> 01:04:13,098
- The police had to take
our kids to school today,
1290
01:04:13,098 --> 01:04:14,849
because they said it was safer.
1291
01:04:14,850 --> 01:04:15,976
- That's awful!
1292
01:04:15,976 --> 01:04:18,603
- Yes, that's awful. You
want to hear awfuler?
1293
01:04:18,604 --> 01:04:20,939
Mr. Summers said that Lowell Wilson
1294
01:04:20,939 --> 01:04:23,483
is personally deciding whether or not
1295
01:04:23,484 --> 01:04:25,652
you can keep your job!
1296
01:04:25,652 --> 01:04:27,195
Is that awful enough for you?
1297
01:04:27,196 --> 01:04:29,489
- Now, Bobbie, don't let it get to you.
1298
01:04:29,490 --> 01:04:32,743
- Don't let it get to me?
Don't let it get to me?
1299
01:04:32,743 --> 01:04:36,121
Jerry, it's got to me! Don't you see?
1300
01:04:36,121 --> 01:04:39,290
Jerry! Look, you've got him to talk to.
1301
01:04:39,291 --> 01:04:40,917
It's just me here.
1302
01:04:40,918 --> 01:04:43,712
Me and those religious nuts outside!
1303
01:04:44,713 --> 01:04:46,381
I have to leave the phone off the hook,
1304
01:04:46,382 --> 01:04:47,716
because people keep calling up
1305
01:04:47,716 --> 01:04:50,093
and asking to talk to God!
1306
01:04:50,094 --> 01:04:52,304
Except, of course, for the guy who offered
1307
01:04:52,304 --> 01:04:54,222
to chew on my pantyhose!
1308
01:04:54,223 --> 01:04:55,974
- [Jerry] Bobbie.
1309
01:04:55,974 --> 01:05:00,395
- Telegrams, notes in the
mailbox, in the doorways.
1310
01:05:00,396 --> 01:05:02,940
Today, they even put
one in the dog's mouth.
1311
01:05:02,940 --> 01:05:04,316
- This is from the university!
1312
01:05:04,316 --> 01:05:06,985
I've been invited to appear
before a theology group.
1313
01:05:06,985 --> 01:05:08,987
They wanna verify the miracle.
1314
01:05:08,987 --> 01:05:11,239
- Terrific!
- It is!
1315
01:05:11,240 --> 01:05:12,532
This will give me credibility,
1316
01:05:12,533 --> 01:05:14,159
and God'll get his word across.
1317
01:05:14,159 --> 01:05:15,785
It'll help me keep my job.
1318
01:05:16,954 --> 01:05:20,874
- Mr. Landers, it is the
consensus of this group,
1319
01:05:20,874 --> 01:05:23,751
that you are a person of little
1320
01:05:23,752 --> 01:05:26,880
or no theological knowledge.
1321
01:05:26,880 --> 01:05:29,299
You have demonstrated over the years,
1322
01:05:29,299 --> 01:05:33,799
an astonishing lack of
interest in spiritual matters.
1323
01:05:34,054 --> 01:05:36,264
- You know, it strikes me,
1324
01:05:37,266 --> 01:05:39,393
as one who has actually heard his voice,
1325
01:05:40,519 --> 01:05:43,813
that you have virtually no prerequisites
1326
01:05:43,814 --> 01:05:47,859
to make direct contact with
the Almighty whatsoever.
1327
01:05:47,860 --> 01:05:48,777
- You've heard him?
1328
01:05:50,779 --> 01:05:53,156
- He has made his word known to me.
1329
01:05:53,157 --> 01:05:54,366
- What was he wearing?
1330
01:05:55,284 --> 01:05:57,661
- I know his word through the scriptures.
1331
01:05:57,661 --> 01:06:00,038
It would be blasphemy to suggest
1332
01:06:00,038 --> 01:06:03,041
that we could describe the
creator in human terms.
1333
01:06:03,041 --> 01:06:04,208
- Why?
1334
01:06:04,209 --> 01:06:06,336
If he created us,
1335
01:06:06,336 --> 01:06:10,798
why wouldn't he appear
to us, as one of us?
1336
01:06:10,799 --> 01:06:11,841
- Don't you sug-
1337
01:06:19,266 --> 01:06:23,766
Don't you, young man, try
to teach this assemblage
1338
01:06:24,188 --> 01:06:25,355
the role of the deity.
1339
01:06:27,774 --> 01:06:31,152
Rabbi Silverstone, my
good and great friend,
1340
01:06:31,153 --> 01:06:32,487
brother in the work of the Lord,
1341
01:06:32,488 --> 01:06:34,740
with whom we have broke bread many times,
1342
01:06:35,616 --> 01:06:38,493
is a pillar of the American Jew community!
1343
01:06:39,953 --> 01:06:44,415
Bishop Reardon represents
millions of Roman Catholics.
1344
01:06:44,416 --> 01:06:48,837
Bishop Markos, multitudes
of Greek Orthodoxers!
1345
01:06:48,837 --> 01:06:52,173
And while we have virtually
every religious persuasion
1346
01:06:52,174 --> 01:06:53,800
represented here today,
1347
01:06:53,800 --> 01:06:56,719
and I, personally, have been chosen
1348
01:06:56,720 --> 01:06:59,597
to render the benediction
at this year's Super Bowl!
1349
01:07:02,476 --> 01:07:05,687
- Mr. Landers, we really find
1350
01:07:05,687 --> 01:07:10,149
insufficient documentation
to support your claim.
1351
01:07:10,150 --> 01:07:11,901
- [Jerry] But you're not
saying it didn't happen?
1352
01:07:11,902 --> 01:07:15,614
- No, we are saying there's
insufficient documentation,
1353
01:07:15,614 --> 01:07:20,114
which puts the score at
God, seven, you, zip!
1354
01:07:21,537 --> 01:07:23,330
- We have decided, however,
1355
01:07:23,330 --> 01:07:27,500
out of a sense of fairness
and ecclesiastical curiosity,
1356
01:07:27,501 --> 01:07:32,001
to allow you to present
us with certain evidence.
1357
01:07:32,130 --> 01:07:33,422
- What evidence?
1358
01:07:33,423 --> 01:07:35,967
- We have assembled a set of questions
1359
01:07:37,594 --> 01:07:39,470
for you to ask God.
1360
01:07:40,639 --> 01:07:42,182
- There are 50 questions.
1361
01:07:44,226 --> 01:07:45,018
- 50?
1362
01:07:46,603 --> 01:07:48,855
You want me to get God to take a quiz?
1363
01:07:48,855 --> 01:07:50,523
- (chuckles) Unless you've been concealing
1364
01:07:50,524 --> 01:07:51,733
an abundant knowledge.
1365
01:07:51,733 --> 01:07:53,860
- Which I find highly doubtful.
1366
01:07:53,860 --> 01:07:55,027
- There are questions there
1367
01:07:55,028 --> 01:07:57,030
that you could not possibly answer.
1368
01:07:59,491 --> 01:08:03,991
- Look, I don't know when or
if he'll ever appear again.
1369
01:08:04,913 --> 01:08:06,539
- As a control measure,
1370
01:08:06,540 --> 01:08:10,502
you will remain locked in
your hotel room, alone.
1371
01:08:12,879 --> 01:08:14,130
- Not even my wife?
1372
01:08:14,131 --> 01:08:14,965
- Oh, no.
1373
01:08:14,965 --> 01:08:16,967
There'll be no outside calls whatsoever.
1374
01:08:19,219 --> 01:08:21,221
- You could, of course, decline.
1375
01:08:21,221 --> 01:08:24,349
But then, that would form
the basis of our report.
1376
01:08:28,687 --> 01:08:31,481
(papers rustling)
1377
01:08:34,401 --> 01:08:35,193
- God!
1378
01:08:39,156 --> 01:08:43,656
(radio blaring)
(radio tuning)
1379
01:08:50,751 --> 01:08:52,127
(Jerry groans)
1380
01:08:52,127 --> 01:08:53,128
(door knocking)
1381
01:08:53,128 --> 01:08:55,130
- God?
- Room service.
1382
01:08:58,925 --> 01:08:59,926
Buenas noches, senor.
1383
01:09:02,679 --> 01:09:04,472
- Uh, just put it right
around over here, please.
1384
01:09:04,473 --> 01:09:07,142
(man speaking in Spanish)
1385
01:09:07,142 --> 01:09:09,686
- Oh, you can't come in. I understand.
1386
01:09:11,063 --> 01:09:12,397
Do I need to sign this?
1387
01:09:15,651 --> 01:09:16,652
Thank you.
1388
01:09:16,652 --> 01:09:18,570
Thank you very much.
- Gracias, senor.
1389
01:09:21,031 --> 01:09:23,825
(dishes rattling)
1390
01:09:25,744 --> 01:09:28,371
(door knocking)
1391
01:09:31,750 --> 01:09:32,792
- They forgot the ketchup.
1392
01:09:32,793 --> 01:09:34,795
- Oh! Come in!
1393
01:09:34,795 --> 01:09:36,546
- Hey, they're playing our number.
1394
01:09:46,932 --> 01:09:50,477
$11 for a steak? Who would've thought?
1395
01:09:50,477 --> 01:09:52,395
With me, cows were an afterthought.
1396
01:09:52,396 --> 01:09:54,815
Just to give new mothers
a little rest, you know?
1397
01:09:56,566 --> 01:09:58,150
- Boy, am I glad to see you.
1398
01:09:58,151 --> 01:09:59,235
- Eat. It'll get cold.
1399
01:10:03,990 --> 01:10:07,118
Ah-ha, pretty cute.
1400
01:10:07,119 --> 01:10:08,203
- What is it?
1401
01:10:08,203 --> 01:10:10,246
- They made sure you couldn't answer.
1402
01:10:10,247 --> 01:10:12,874
The questions are in the
ancient tongue of Aramaic.
1403
01:10:12,874 --> 01:10:14,000
- Is that what that is?
1404
01:10:15,001 --> 01:10:17,128
- You've figured out so many
ways to talk to each other,
1405
01:10:17,129 --> 01:10:18,463
that finally, nobody can.
1406
01:10:20,257 --> 01:10:24,219
Let's see. "What's the true
origin of the universe?
1407
01:10:25,345 --> 01:10:27,597
What is the source of the planet Earth?"
1408
01:10:29,182 --> 01:10:30,766
It's a history final, right?
1409
01:10:30,767 --> 01:10:33,311
(Jerry laughs)
1410
01:10:34,396 --> 01:10:36,481
Huh. So many repeats.
1411
01:10:37,858 --> 01:10:39,484
Eat the steak and then get a pen.
1412
01:10:41,319 --> 01:10:43,904
(God chuckles)
1413
01:10:43,905 --> 01:10:46,908
"Did man fall from grace
in the Garden of Eden?"
1414
01:10:48,326 --> 01:10:50,453
I'll tell you something never came out.
1415
01:10:50,454 --> 01:10:52,456
I made Adam 17.
1416
01:10:52,456 --> 01:10:55,333
Eve was 15, 16 tops.
1417
01:10:55,333 --> 01:10:58,461
I figured then 16, 17
was middle age, you know?
1418
01:10:58,462 --> 01:11:00,422
Who knew people would live so long?
1419
01:11:00,422 --> 01:11:03,091
Trees, I figured, had the best chance.
1420
01:11:03,091 --> 01:11:06,135
Now, I realize they were kids, babies.
1421
01:11:06,136 --> 01:11:08,221
Young people can't fall from my grace.
1422
01:11:08,221 --> 01:11:10,139
They're my best things. Put that down.
1423
01:11:14,394 --> 01:11:18,523
"Which of the world's-"
- Whoa! Wait.
1424
01:11:18,523 --> 01:11:19,357
OK.
1425
01:11:19,357 --> 01:11:20,775
- "Which of the world's religions
1426
01:11:20,776 --> 01:11:22,736
is the closest to the divine truth?"
1427
01:11:24,112 --> 01:11:26,155
The divine truth is not in a building
1428
01:11:26,156 --> 01:11:27,615
or a book or a story.
1429
01:11:28,992 --> 01:11:30,785
Put down that the heart is the temple
1430
01:11:30,786 --> 01:11:32,537
wherein all truth resides.
1431
01:11:36,124 --> 01:11:38,543
"Is Jesus Christ the son of God?"
1432
01:11:45,634 --> 01:11:47,010
Jesus was my son.
1433
01:11:48,970 --> 01:11:50,137
Buddha was my son.
1434
01:11:51,014 --> 01:11:53,891
Muhammad, Moses, you,
1435
01:11:53,892 --> 01:11:57,270
the man who said there was no
room in the inn was my son.
1436
01:11:57,270 --> 01:12:00,564
And so is the one who charges
$11 for steak in this one.
1437
01:12:00,565 --> 01:12:02,483
Let's mush on.
1438
01:12:02,484 --> 01:12:03,860
What was that last question?
1439
01:12:04,903 --> 01:12:05,820
- Uh.
1440
01:12:07,447 --> 01:12:08,406
(stammers) "Will there be-"
- Oh, yeah.
1441
01:12:08,406 --> 01:12:11,117
"Will there be a Judgment Day for man?"
1442
01:12:11,117 --> 01:12:15,617
Well, if they mean a doomsday,
an end-of-the-world thing,
1443
01:12:15,789 --> 01:12:18,041
I'm certainly not gonna get into that.
1444
01:12:18,041 --> 01:12:20,084
But if you want my personal opinion,
1445
01:12:20,085 --> 01:12:21,836
I wouldn't look forward to it.
1446
01:12:21,837 --> 01:12:23,380
There'll be a lot of
yelling and screaming,
1447
01:12:23,380 --> 01:12:25,423
and I don't need that
any more than you do.
1448
01:12:25,423 --> 01:12:26,215
Got that?
1449
01:12:27,342 --> 01:12:28,134
- Got it.
1450
01:12:29,010 --> 01:12:32,471
- Uh, "What is the meaning
of man's existence?"
1451
01:12:33,723 --> 01:12:34,515
Uh.
1452
01:12:35,642 --> 01:12:36,976
Life is like a glass of tea.
1453
01:12:38,228 --> 01:12:40,855
- Nah, nah. I better not go for laughs.
1454
01:12:40,856 --> 01:12:43,483
You know, Voltaire may
have had me pegged right.
1455
01:12:43,483 --> 01:12:44,650
He said I was a comedian,
1456
01:12:44,651 --> 01:12:46,986
playing to an audience
who was afraid to laugh.
1457
01:12:47,863 --> 01:12:50,240
But seriously, put down that man,
1458
01:12:50,240 --> 01:12:52,158
and women persons,
1459
01:12:52,158 --> 01:12:55,494
their existence means
exactly and precisely,
1460
01:12:55,495 --> 01:12:57,747
not more, not one tiny bit less,
1461
01:12:57,747 --> 01:12:59,081
just what they think it means,
1462
01:12:59,082 --> 01:13:00,917
and what I think doesn't count at all.
1463
01:13:02,377 --> 01:13:04,045
- That's very profound.
1464
01:13:04,045 --> 01:13:05,296
- Sometimes I get lucky.
1465
01:13:07,424 --> 01:13:09,843
Mm. Last question.
1466
01:13:09,843 --> 01:13:11,386
- Thank God.
- You're welcome.
1467
01:13:13,096 --> 01:13:16,516
"Why have you chosen to
appear at this time?"
1468
01:13:16,516 --> 01:13:18,017
You've already said.
1469
01:13:18,018 --> 01:13:20,228
- Well, maybe they wanna
hear it in your own words.
1470
01:13:20,228 --> 01:13:21,854
- Oh.
1471
01:13:21,855 --> 01:13:24,232
I wanna say to everyone,
that everything around them,
1472
01:13:24,232 --> 01:13:26,734
that they can see and
smell and feel and hear,
1473
01:13:26,735 --> 01:13:28,695
they should delight in all this.
1474
01:13:28,695 --> 01:13:31,864
That what is here are my very best ideas,
1475
01:13:31,865 --> 01:13:34,117
and I want everyone to
try very hard to make sure
1476
01:13:34,117 --> 01:13:35,701
it doesn't all go down the drain.
1477
01:13:37,037 --> 01:13:38,079
- Oh.
- Gimme, gimme, gimme,
1478
01:13:38,079 --> 01:13:39,246
gimme, I'll do it.
1479
01:13:42,334 --> 01:13:43,251
- Can you remember exactly what you said?
1480
01:13:43,251 --> 01:13:44,835
I mean, it was perfect.
1481
01:13:48,548 --> 01:13:50,758
Boy, these answers are
really gonna get them.
1482
01:13:53,303 --> 01:13:55,680
Hey, (stammers) that's my handwriting.
1483
01:13:55,680 --> 01:13:56,514
- Imagine that.
1484
01:13:58,433 --> 01:14:00,768
- Shall I call the panel,
and tell them I'm ready?
1485
01:14:00,769 --> 01:14:01,811
- Never mind the panel.
1486
01:14:01,811 --> 01:14:04,063
You deliver those papers
to Reverend Williams,
1487
01:14:04,064 --> 01:14:06,357
the one who looks like a football player.
1488
01:14:06,358 --> 01:14:07,317
- I didn't like him.
1489
01:14:07,317 --> 01:14:10,486
- He's having one of his big
dos at the Shrine Auditorium.
1490
01:14:10,487 --> 01:14:14,157
Every time I turn around, he's
spreading the word, my word.
1491
01:14:14,157 --> 01:14:16,075
Only my words, he ran out of years ago.
1492
01:14:17,077 --> 01:14:19,037
I'll tell you the truth,
1493
01:14:19,037 --> 01:14:21,039
the reason I put everybody here naked.
1494
01:14:21,039 --> 01:14:23,124
I wasn't trying to be cute,
1495
01:14:23,124 --> 01:14:25,376
I just didn't want to create clothes.
1496
01:14:25,377 --> 01:14:26,669
With clothes, there's right away pockets.
1497
01:14:26,670 --> 01:14:29,673
With pockets, you gotta put
something in them, right?
1498
01:14:29,673 --> 01:14:31,925
You take these answers and give
them to reverend big mouth,
1499
01:14:31,925 --> 01:14:33,968
and you say that God says he's a phony.
1500
01:14:34,844 --> 01:14:36,971
And also tell him if he
wants to get rich, fine.
1501
01:14:36,972 --> 01:14:38,640
Tell him to sell Earth Shoes.
1502
01:14:38,640 --> 01:14:41,351
But personally tell him,
I'd like him to shut up.
1503
01:14:41,351 --> 01:14:42,143
I'll see you.
1504
01:14:46,690 --> 01:14:47,482
- [Jerry] God?
1505
01:14:49,484 --> 01:14:50,276
- Yeah?
1506
01:14:51,361 --> 01:14:52,153
- Thank you.
1507
01:14:53,279 --> 01:14:54,280
- Hope I get an A.
1508
01:14:59,077 --> 01:14:59,869
- Love.
1509
01:15:01,246 --> 01:15:03,248
Let's talk about love.
1510
01:15:04,499 --> 01:15:06,083
What is it?
1511
01:15:06,084 --> 01:15:08,211
You can love your brother, can't you?
1512
01:15:09,170 --> 01:15:12,173
You can love your wife or your husband.
1513
01:15:13,800 --> 01:15:16,427
You can love your new dress.
1514
01:15:16,428 --> 01:15:18,263
You can love my new car.
1515
01:15:20,348 --> 01:15:23,559
You can pass by a pet shop and say,
1516
01:15:23,560 --> 01:15:26,396
I just love that little
doggie in the window!
1517
01:15:27,856 --> 01:15:31,401
You can love this, and you can love that.
1518
01:15:31,401 --> 01:15:33,611
But what am I talking about?
1519
01:15:34,612 --> 01:15:38,324
Some folks say that love is what they saw
1520
01:15:38,324 --> 01:15:40,200
in a pornographic movie.
1521
01:15:41,369 --> 01:15:43,913
But that is lust, not love.
1522
01:15:43,913 --> 01:15:46,290
(person coughs)
(audience murmurs faintly)
1523
01:15:46,291 --> 01:15:48,001
Is that what you want?
1524
01:15:48,001 --> 01:15:48,793
- [Audience] No!
1525
01:15:49,711 --> 01:15:51,045
- Is that love?
- No!
1526
01:15:52,047 --> 01:15:54,299
- [Willie] Is that what the Bible teaches?
1527
01:15:54,299 --> 01:15:55,133
- [Audience] No!
1528
01:15:55,133 --> 01:15:57,426
- [Willie] Is that what I'm talking about?
1529
01:15:57,427 --> 01:15:58,719
- No!
- No!
1530
01:15:58,720 --> 01:16:00,221
Because what I am talking about
1531
01:16:00,221 --> 01:16:04,225
is the kind of love that
calls for a sacrifice.
1532
01:16:05,810 --> 01:16:08,479
Are you willing to make a sacrifice,
1533
01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:11,024
to show God how much you love him?
1534
01:16:11,024 --> 01:16:12,442
- [Audience] Yes!
1535
01:16:12,442 --> 01:16:14,444
- To show God how you love him,
1536
01:16:14,444 --> 01:16:17,321
with all of your heart and soul?
1537
01:16:17,322 --> 01:16:18,948
- [Audience] Yes!
1538
01:16:18,948 --> 01:16:19,865
- How do we love God?
1539
01:16:19,866 --> 01:16:21,826
With all our--
- Hearts!
1540
01:16:21,826 --> 01:16:22,827
- How do we love God?
1541
01:16:22,827 --> 01:16:24,662
With all our--
- Souls!
1542
01:16:24,662 --> 01:16:25,954
- Is that what I'm talking about?
1543
01:16:25,955 --> 01:16:26,747
- Yes!
- Yes!
1544
01:16:28,374 --> 01:16:30,709
- Amen!
- Yes, amen, I say yes!
1545
01:16:30,710 --> 01:16:32,503
Raise your right hand and say amen!
1546
01:16:32,504 --> 01:16:34,172
- [Audience] Amen!
1547
01:16:34,172 --> 01:16:36,007
- Say amen!
- Amen!
1548
01:16:36,007 --> 01:16:37,967
- [Audience] Amen! Amen!
1549
01:16:38,968 --> 01:16:40,094
- Amen!
- Amen!
1550
01:16:43,556 --> 01:16:46,642
- And you can show God how you love him,
1551
01:16:48,269 --> 01:16:50,229
by digging down deep,
1552
01:16:51,940 --> 01:16:54,859
so that this ministry will reach
1553
01:16:54,859 --> 01:16:57,778
all of the people of the Earth!
1554
01:16:57,779 --> 01:16:59,614
Because the Bible tells us,
1555
01:16:59,614 --> 01:17:01,449
"Show God you love him,
1556
01:17:01,449 --> 01:17:04,368
and he will show you the way."
1557
01:17:04,369 --> 01:17:05,995
- [Man] Amen!
1558
01:17:05,995 --> 01:17:09,123
- Now, I'm going to ask
all of you to come up.
1559
01:17:09,124 --> 01:17:11,000
Those of you who haven't come up before,
1560
01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:13,836
I'm going to ask you to come up for God.
1561
01:17:14,796 --> 01:17:19,296
Shake my hand and let God see us together.
1562
01:17:20,760 --> 01:17:23,262
Because the Bible tells us,
1563
01:17:23,263 --> 01:17:27,475
that "God knows the falling of a sparrow
1564
01:17:27,475 --> 01:17:30,144
and the depth of a pocket."
1565
01:17:30,145 --> 01:17:32,939
And that is what I'm talking about!
1566
01:17:32,939 --> 01:17:35,107
- [Audience] Amen!
1567
01:17:35,108 --> 01:17:38,611
- [Willie] Come up, come
up, brothers and sisters,
1568
01:17:38,611 --> 01:17:40,654
and put in our hands--
- Amen! Amen!
1569
01:17:40,655 --> 01:17:43,532
- What you would put in God's hands,
1570
01:17:43,533 --> 01:17:48,033
and he will have the
whole world in his hands!
1571
01:17:48,913 --> 01:17:50,247
(organ music)
1572
01:17:50,248 --> 01:17:54,748
♪ He's got the whole world in his hands ♪
1573
01:17:54,878 --> 01:17:58,923
♪ He's got the whole world in his hands ♪
1574
01:17:58,923 --> 01:18:01,759
♪ He's got the whole world in his hands ♪
1575
01:18:01,759 --> 01:18:03,802
- Come on up, shake my hand.
1576
01:18:03,803 --> 01:18:06,180
Thank you very much. May
the Lord bless and keep you.
1577
01:18:06,181 --> 01:18:07,265
It's so good to see you.
1578
01:18:07,265 --> 01:18:08,724
Thank you, you can put that right,
1579
01:18:08,725 --> 01:18:10,560
yes, thank you very much.
1580
01:18:10,560 --> 01:18:11,686
God bless you.
1581
01:18:12,854 --> 01:18:14,814
May the Lord always help you and keep you.
1582
01:18:14,814 --> 01:18:15,856
It's so good to see you!
1583
01:18:15,857 --> 01:18:17,400
Thank you. Please keep moving.
1584
01:18:19,152 --> 01:18:20,570
- Reverend Williams.
- Uh, that's all right.
1585
01:18:20,570 --> 01:18:22,196
That's all right. This man is known to me.
1586
01:18:22,197 --> 01:18:23,114
What are you doing here?
1587
01:18:23,114 --> 01:18:25,241
- God sent me to you.
1588
01:18:25,241 --> 01:18:27,868
- One moment! One moment!
1589
01:18:27,869 --> 01:18:32,081
Ladies and gentlemen,
brothers and sisters,
1590
01:18:32,081 --> 01:18:36,376
this is the young man who
has used so much energy
1591
01:18:36,377 --> 01:18:40,877
to convince everyone that he has seen God!
1592
01:18:40,924 --> 01:18:42,175
(audience jeering)
1593
01:18:42,175 --> 01:18:43,551
Now wait! Wait!
1594
01:18:45,511 --> 01:18:47,971
Would you repeat what you just said to me?
1595
01:18:47,972 --> 01:18:49,223
- God. (clears throat)
1596
01:18:49,224 --> 01:18:51,309
God sent me to you.
1597
01:18:51,309 --> 01:18:54,562
- God sent him to me!
1598
01:18:54,562 --> 01:18:55,938
(audience murmurs faintly)
- Get off!
1599
01:18:55,939 --> 01:18:57,106
- Are you certain of that?
1600
01:18:57,106 --> 01:18:58,899
- Yes, (stammers) I just left him.
1601
01:18:58,900 --> 01:19:00,318
- [Man] Get rid of him! Get rid of him!
1602
01:19:00,318 --> 01:19:02,528
- He wanted me to give you these answers
1603
01:19:02,528 --> 01:19:04,363
to all of those questions.
1604
01:19:04,364 --> 01:19:05,907
- God specified me?
1605
01:19:05,907 --> 01:19:08,326
- Yes, and he also asked me to tell you
1606
01:19:08,326 --> 01:19:09,994
that he's very unhappy.
1607
01:19:09,994 --> 01:19:12,997
- God is very unhappy.
1608
01:19:12,997 --> 01:19:15,749
- Yes, he's unhappy that you're
1609
01:19:15,750 --> 01:19:17,334
getting rich this way,
(audience clamoring)
1610
01:19:17,335 --> 01:19:18,294
And that he'd like you
1611
01:19:18,294 --> 01:19:19,670
to stop pretending
(microphone hums)
1612
01:19:19,671 --> 01:19:21,673
That you're spreading his word.
1613
01:19:21,673 --> 01:19:24,384
In fact, he suggested that you sell shoes!
1614
01:19:24,384 --> 01:19:27,512
- Jesse!
- Well, that's what he said!
1615
01:19:27,512 --> 01:19:29,055
You're a fake, and he knows it!
1616
01:19:29,055 --> 01:19:31,348
- This poor boy is ill.
1617
01:19:31,349 --> 01:19:34,143
Get him out of here!
- Don't!
1618
01:19:34,143 --> 01:19:36,603
Wait! Reverend Williams!
1619
01:19:36,604 --> 01:19:38,814
Help me out here! Help me!
1620
01:19:38,815 --> 01:19:40,024
- Slander, Your Honor,
1621
01:19:40,024 --> 01:19:43,110
slander, surely, cruel and foul.
1622
01:19:44,070 --> 01:19:45,905
The Reverend Willie Williams
1623
01:19:45,905 --> 01:19:50,405
is on the road for God, to the
tune of 100,000 miles a year.
1624
01:19:50,576 --> 01:19:54,538
He's a tireless, selfless
servant of the Lord.
1625
01:19:54,539 --> 01:19:57,625
The idea that he'd line
his pockets in this pursuit
1626
01:19:57,625 --> 01:20:00,836
is the unkindest cut of all!
1627
01:20:00,837 --> 01:20:03,881
Not only is Willie Williams'
organization non-profit,
1628
01:20:03,881 --> 01:20:07,009
he personally pays over six figures
1629
01:20:07,010 --> 01:20:09,012
in income tax every year.
1630
01:20:09,012 --> 01:20:12,306
Give him back his honor, Your Honor.
1631
01:20:12,307 --> 01:20:16,728
Award him the damages we
seek from this defendant.
1632
01:20:18,396 --> 01:20:20,439
A man so out of touch with reality,
1633
01:20:20,440 --> 01:20:24,485
he even tries to smear the
good name of a religious giant.
1634
01:20:24,485 --> 01:20:27,404
A man whom the president
of the United States
1635
01:20:27,405 --> 01:20:31,033
once called God's own quarterback.
1636
01:20:32,702 --> 01:20:37,202
(crowd murmurs faintly)
Thank you, Your Honor.
1637
01:20:37,957 --> 01:20:41,126
- Uh, Mr. Landers, will you
come to the bench, please?
1638
01:20:44,464 --> 01:20:47,175
You haven't--
(microphone echoes)
1639
01:20:47,175 --> 01:20:48,634
You haven't changed your mind?
1640
01:20:48,634 --> 01:20:49,885
- No, sir.
1641
01:20:49,886 --> 01:20:52,638
- A professional lawyer
would be very helpful.
1642
01:20:52,638 --> 01:20:54,681
This is a tough time for you to be alone.
1643
01:20:56,184 --> 01:20:58,561
- I won't be alone, sir.
1644
01:21:05,276 --> 01:21:07,903
- They're just gonna
kill you today, Jerry.
1645
01:21:07,904 --> 01:21:09,405
- [Jerry] Ah, we'll see.
1646
01:21:09,405 --> 01:21:11,407
- We're gonna lose
everything you worked for.
1647
01:21:12,617 --> 01:21:16,412
(sighs) Isn't there any way
you can say you're sorry,
1648
01:21:16,412 --> 01:21:18,789
that it was all a big mistake?
1649
01:21:18,790 --> 01:21:22,627
- No. Because I'm not, and it wasn't.
1650
01:21:22,627 --> 01:21:24,253
(Bobbie sighs)
I just can't believe
1651
01:21:24,253 --> 01:21:25,379
that God would set me up,
1652
01:21:25,380 --> 01:21:27,090
to get me into all this trouble.
1653
01:21:28,132 --> 01:21:30,926
I have to believe that he had a reason,
1654
01:21:30,927 --> 01:21:35,181
and I have to believe
that he'll bail me out.
1655
01:21:35,181 --> 01:21:37,308
- And all I want to say is, that young man
1656
01:21:38,267 --> 01:21:40,352
is out of his mind!
1657
01:21:40,353 --> 01:21:43,272
- And the Absolute
Being, the All Powerful,
1658
01:21:43,272 --> 01:21:47,025
All Knowing, All Merciful Infinite Spirit,
1659
01:21:47,026 --> 01:21:51,526
the Supreme Soul, the King
of Kings and Lord of Lords,
1660
01:21:51,531 --> 01:21:54,367
the Infinite, Everlasting Eternal Being
1661
01:21:55,284 --> 01:21:58,453
last came to you how?
1662
01:22:00,373 --> 01:22:03,709
- As a busboy.
(crowd laughing)
1663
01:22:06,504 --> 01:22:08,422
(gavel banging)
1664
01:22:08,423 --> 01:22:10,258
- Your Honor, I rest my case.
1665
01:22:15,346 --> 01:22:17,681
- You may step down now, Mr. Landers.
1666
01:22:26,190 --> 01:22:28,150
Call your witnesses please, Mr. Landers.
1667
01:22:29,235 --> 01:22:30,361
- Yes, Your Honor.
1668
01:22:30,361 --> 01:22:33,280
I would like to call one
witness and one witness only.
1669
01:22:41,789 --> 01:22:43,832
- Well, I'm waiting, Mr. Landers.
1670
01:22:45,209 --> 01:22:46,168
- Yes.
1671
01:22:48,629 --> 01:22:50,797
Your Honor, I would like
to call to the stand
1672
01:22:51,966 --> 01:22:53,592
the Lord God.
1673
01:22:53,593 --> 01:22:57,221
(crowd murmuring)
1674
01:22:57,221 --> 01:22:58,764
- I object.
1675
01:22:58,764 --> 01:23:01,349
Defendant's trying to make a
mockery of this proceeding.
1676
01:23:01,350 --> 01:23:03,518
- Your Honor, I was
trying to make a point.
1677
01:23:03,519 --> 01:23:04,478
- What point?
1678
01:23:04,479 --> 01:23:05,271
- Your Honor.
1679
01:23:08,691 --> 01:23:11,193
When I just asked God to take the stand,
1680
01:23:12,528 --> 01:23:14,530
in that fleeting moment
after I called him,
1681
01:23:14,530 --> 01:23:17,616
wasn't there a trace of
expectation in your mind?
1682
01:23:17,617 --> 01:23:19,076
Just a trace, Your Honor?
1683
01:23:19,076 --> 01:23:22,662
I mean, wasn't there a
hesitation in this room?
1684
01:23:23,873 --> 01:23:24,748
Didn't you feel it?
1685
01:23:27,126 --> 01:23:28,335
Didn't we all feel it?
1686
01:23:30,546 --> 01:23:34,049
It was the possibility
that God does exist.
1687
01:23:34,050 --> 01:23:35,217
And if he exists,
1688
01:23:35,218 --> 01:23:37,720
he could materialize and
sit right in that chair.
1689
01:23:39,263 --> 01:23:41,181
And in that moment, Your Honor,
1690
01:23:41,182 --> 01:23:44,518
when no one in this room knew
what was gonna happen next,
1691
01:23:44,519 --> 01:23:48,064
in that flash of an instant,
lies the benefit of the doubt
1692
01:23:48,064 --> 01:23:51,358
that you must give me to
know that my story is true,
1693
01:23:51,359 --> 01:23:53,778
and that I spoke exactly as God asked me.
1694
01:23:55,446 --> 01:23:57,489
- Mr. Landers, I cautioned you earlier,
1695
01:23:57,490 --> 01:24:01,118
that proper legal
representation would be helpful.
1696
01:24:01,118 --> 01:24:02,119
I must now warn you,
1697
01:24:02,119 --> 01:24:04,454
that in addition to the
plaintiff's charges,
1698
01:24:04,455 --> 01:24:07,040
I'm seriously considering
citing you with contempt.
1699
01:24:07,041 --> 01:24:07,875
- Amen.
(crowd murmuring)
1700
01:24:07,875 --> 01:24:11,044
For what you apparently thought
was a very clever stunt.
1701
01:24:11,045 --> 01:24:13,422
Now, you're getting deeper
and deeper into trouble
1702
01:24:13,422 --> 01:24:15,215
with this court, Mr. Landers.
1703
01:24:15,216 --> 01:24:17,134
- Excuse me, Your Honor.
1704
01:24:19,971 --> 01:24:20,763
- It's him.
1705
01:24:21,722 --> 01:24:23,807
(crowd murmurs faintly)
Bobbie, it's him.
1706
01:24:26,310 --> 01:24:28,979
- Uh, this is most irregular.
1707
01:24:28,980 --> 01:24:31,232
- Your Honor, he's--
- I'll take it from here.
1708
01:24:32,942 --> 01:24:35,152
- [Judge] May I ask who you are, sir?
1709
01:24:35,152 --> 01:24:37,779
- You better swear me in.
You'll never believe it.
1710
01:24:39,657 --> 01:24:42,451
(crowd murmuring)
1711
01:24:46,622 --> 01:24:48,290
- Do you swear to tell the truth,
1712
01:24:48,291 --> 01:24:50,751
the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth?
1713
01:24:50,751 --> 01:24:52,586
- So help me, me.
1714
01:24:52,587 --> 01:24:53,921
- So help you, you?
1715
01:24:55,840 --> 01:24:57,424
- If it pleases the court,
1716
01:24:57,425 --> 01:24:59,468
and even if it doesn't please the court,
1717
01:24:59,468 --> 01:25:00,510
I'm God, Your Honor.
1718
01:25:02,138 --> 01:25:05,766
(crowd murmuring)
(men laughing)
1719
01:25:05,766 --> 01:25:10,266
(gavel banging)
- Order in the court.
1720
01:25:10,563 --> 01:25:15,063
- Your Honor, I'd like permission
to question this witness.
1721
01:25:15,151 --> 01:25:17,611
- Sit down, sonny. I've
answered enough questions.
1722
01:25:23,159 --> 01:25:26,203
He saw me. Just like he said.
1723
01:25:26,203 --> 01:25:27,204
Each word true.
1724
01:25:28,414 --> 01:25:31,291
If the man tried to tell a
lie, his tongue would snap off.
1725
01:25:32,168 --> 01:25:34,503
Which I wouldn't say I
can say about everybody.
1726
01:25:35,379 --> 01:25:37,464
Why is it so hard for you to believe it?
1727
01:25:37,465 --> 01:25:40,801
Is my physical existence any
more improbable than your own?
1728
01:25:42,219 --> 01:25:43,386
What about all that hoo-hah
1729
01:25:43,387 --> 01:25:45,597
with the Devil a while
ago, from that movie?
1730
01:25:45,598 --> 01:25:47,725
Nobody had any trouble
believing that the Devil
1731
01:25:47,725 --> 01:25:49,727
took over and existed in the little girl.
1732
01:25:50,936 --> 01:25:52,562
All she had to do was was wet the rug,
1733
01:25:52,563 --> 01:25:55,357
throw up some pea soup,
and everybody believed.
1734
01:25:55,358 --> 01:25:57,068
(crowd murmuring)
1735
01:25:57,068 --> 01:25:59,445
The Devil you could
believe, but not God, huh?
1736
01:26:01,072 --> 01:26:02,740
I work in my own way.
1737
01:26:02,740 --> 01:26:04,491
I don't get inside little children.
1738
01:26:05,409 --> 01:26:07,661
They got enough to do
just being themselves.
1739
01:26:09,038 --> 01:26:11,248
Also, I'm not about to
go around to every person
1740
01:26:11,248 --> 01:26:12,082
in the world and say,
1741
01:26:12,083 --> 01:26:13,667
"Look, it's me. I wanna talk to you."
1742
01:26:14,794 --> 01:26:16,086
So I picked one man.
1743
01:26:18,047 --> 01:26:19,298
One very good man.
1744
01:26:21,717 --> 01:26:24,553
I told him God lives. I live.
1745
01:26:26,138 --> 01:26:28,181
He had trouble believing, too,
1746
01:26:28,182 --> 01:26:29,016
in the beginning.
1747
01:26:29,892 --> 01:26:30,684
I understood.
1748
01:26:32,895 --> 01:26:36,023
I'm not sure how this whole
miracle business started,
1749
01:26:36,023 --> 01:26:38,275
the idea that anything connected with me
1750
01:26:38,275 --> 01:26:39,526
has to be a miracle.
1751
01:26:40,611 --> 01:26:42,321
Personally, I'm sorry that it did.
1752
01:26:43,739 --> 01:26:46,032
It makes the distance
between us even greater.
1753
01:26:47,660 --> 01:26:49,370
But if a miracle helps you
1754
01:26:49,370 --> 01:26:51,580
believe that I am who I say I am,
1755
01:26:55,126 --> 01:26:56,585
I'll give you one, a good one.
1756
01:26:57,878 --> 01:27:01,756
Let me see, what's my
most impressive miracle?
1757
01:27:03,384 --> 01:27:04,176
Ah-ha.
1758
01:27:06,971 --> 01:27:08,389
Pick a card.
1759
01:27:08,389 --> 01:27:10,766
- Uh, uh, what?
(crowd murmuring)
1760
01:27:10,766 --> 01:27:12,642
- Pick a card. Any card.
1761
01:27:12,643 --> 01:27:16,063
(crowd laughing)
1762
01:27:16,063 --> 01:27:18,148
- (stammers) I don't know
what you think you're doing.
1763
01:27:18,149 --> 01:27:20,651
- A cute little miracle.
Go ahead, pick one.
1764
01:27:20,651 --> 01:27:22,986
- Well, there are no cards there.
1765
01:27:22,987 --> 01:27:23,779
- Look again.
1766
01:27:26,282 --> 01:27:27,074
- Oh.
1767
01:27:28,534 --> 01:27:30,661
Oh, come on, now. (groans)
1768
01:27:30,661 --> 01:27:32,746
There's nothing miraculous
about good slight-of-hand.
1769
01:27:32,747 --> 01:27:34,415
- Have you ever seen this one?
1770
01:27:34,415 --> 01:27:38,915
(finger taps)
(crowd murmuring)
1771
01:27:43,382 --> 01:27:45,050
- Uh, well, yes. Yes.
1772
01:27:45,050 --> 01:27:47,844
I've seen them make cards
appear and disappear.
1773
01:27:50,765 --> 01:27:51,599
As a matter of fact,
1774
01:27:51,599 --> 01:27:54,268
I once saw a magician make
an elephant disappear.
1775
01:27:54,268 --> 01:27:56,937
- Good. Now I'll show you
one that you haven't seen.
1776
01:27:58,147 --> 01:28:00,983
(crowd murmuring)
(shoes squeaking)
1777
01:28:00,983 --> 01:28:02,776
Gotta get these shoes fixed.
1778
01:28:02,777 --> 01:28:05,738
(crowd laughing)
1779
01:28:05,738 --> 01:28:07,448
Watch this, Your Honor.
1780
01:28:07,448 --> 01:28:10,993
(shoes squeaking)
1781
01:28:10,993 --> 01:28:15,493
(crowd gasping)
(shoes continue squeaking)
1782
01:28:27,301 --> 01:28:30,178
I know how hard it is, in
these times, to have faith.
1783
01:28:31,138 --> 01:28:33,807
But maybe if you could have
the faith to start with,
1784
01:28:34,809 --> 01:28:37,102
maybe the times would change.
1785
01:28:37,102 --> 01:28:38,978
You could change them.
1786
01:28:38,979 --> 01:28:41,314
Think about it. Try.
1787
01:28:42,358 --> 01:28:44,443
And try not to hurt each other.
1788
01:28:44,443 --> 01:28:45,819
There's been enough of that.
1789
01:28:47,029 --> 01:28:48,488
And it really gets in the way.
1790
01:28:49,615 --> 01:28:51,241
I'm a God of very few words,
1791
01:28:51,242 --> 01:28:53,035
and Jerry's already given you mine.
1792
01:28:54,620 --> 01:28:56,705
However hopeless, helpless,
1793
01:28:56,705 --> 01:29:00,500
mixed-up, and scary it
all gets, it can work.
1794
01:29:02,169 --> 01:29:04,462
If you find it hard to believe in me,
1795
01:29:04,463 --> 01:29:07,132
maybe it would help you to
know that I believe in you.
1796
01:29:08,676 --> 01:29:10,302
Your Honor, I rest my case.
1797
01:29:13,472 --> 01:29:15,849
(doors thud)
1798
01:29:16,767 --> 01:29:20,604
(crowd murmuring faintly)
1799
01:29:20,604 --> 01:29:21,646
- Your Honor?
1800
01:29:22,606 --> 01:29:27,106
(men whispering)
(crowd murmuring)
1801
01:29:29,864 --> 01:29:31,365
- This, uh,
1802
01:29:31,365 --> 01:29:33,867
this, uh, court is now recessed.
1803
01:29:33,868 --> 01:29:36,328
(gavel bangs)
1804
01:29:36,328 --> 01:29:40,165
May I see, uh, both parties
in my chambers please?
1805
01:29:40,165 --> 01:29:41,207
- [Man] Do you swear to tell the truth,
1806
01:29:41,208 --> 01:29:43,335
the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth?
1807
01:29:44,461 --> 01:29:45,753
- [Judge] So help you, you?
1808
01:29:48,799 --> 01:29:49,925
- Where's--
- Shh, shh.
1809
01:29:49,925 --> 01:29:53,595
(people laughing)
(gavel banging)
1810
01:29:53,596 --> 01:29:55,139
Order in the court.
1811
01:29:56,891 --> 01:29:58,517
- [Sam] Your Honor, I'd like permission
1812
01:29:58,517 --> 01:30:00,769
to question this witness.
1813
01:30:06,692 --> 01:30:09,653
(Judge sighs)
1814
01:30:09,653 --> 01:30:10,987
(cassette player clicks)
1815
01:30:10,988 --> 01:30:12,531
- Yeah, that's all there is.
1816
01:30:13,657 --> 01:30:18,157
Not one word of what I assume
we all assume we heard.
1817
01:30:18,662 --> 01:30:20,121
- Someone must have erased it.
1818
01:30:22,499 --> 01:30:25,084
- Nobody erases tapes anymore.
1819
01:30:26,420 --> 01:30:28,296
- Well, then, the machine, uh--
1820
01:30:28,297 --> 01:30:29,923
- No. Not a thing wrong with it.
1821
01:30:31,383 --> 01:30:34,677
- He said he couldn't be recorded. God.
1822
01:30:34,678 --> 01:30:35,887
When he first spoke to me,
1823
01:30:35,888 --> 01:30:38,181
he said it wasn't his real voice I heard.
1824
01:30:38,182 --> 01:30:40,851
He said he was just using
one that I could understand.
1825
01:30:40,851 --> 01:30:42,811
He did it again today.
1826
01:30:42,811 --> 01:30:45,605
- And there's nothing wrong
with your stenotype machine?
1827
01:30:45,606 --> 01:30:47,441
- It took down every word, Your Honor,
1828
01:30:47,441 --> 01:30:51,445
except now, some of them
are not on the paper.
1829
01:30:51,445 --> 01:30:52,612
- Don't you see?
1830
01:30:52,613 --> 01:30:54,865
He wants us all to decide for ourselves,
1831
01:30:54,865 --> 01:30:56,867
whether or not we saw him and heard him.
1832
01:30:56,867 --> 01:31:00,161
It's what he always said.
Everything is up to us.
1833
01:31:00,162 --> 01:31:01,663
- No, no!
1834
01:31:01,664 --> 01:31:03,165
There is no proof whatsoever
1835
01:31:03,165 --> 01:31:05,292
that God was in that courtroom today!
1836
01:31:05,292 --> 01:31:07,669
- No. None whatsoever.
1837
01:31:07,670 --> 01:31:10,798
- We saw him! We heard him!
1838
01:31:10,798 --> 01:31:11,590
- We did.
1839
01:31:14,176 --> 01:31:17,179
- He made himself and the cards disappear!
1840
01:31:17,179 --> 01:31:18,013
- We saw it.
1841
01:31:19,014 --> 01:31:23,514
- On the basis of our common
experience here today,
1842
01:31:23,894 --> 01:31:27,564
I can see why you first
claimed, and later maintained,
1843
01:31:27,564 --> 01:31:32,026
that you had seen and been in
the actual presence of, uh,
1844
01:31:33,362 --> 01:31:34,821
of God.
1845
01:31:34,822 --> 01:31:36,615
And for that reason, uh,
1846
01:31:36,615 --> 01:31:39,868
your remarks to the Reverend Williams
1847
01:31:39,868 --> 01:31:43,246
could be regarded as a divine assignment.
1848
01:31:43,247 --> 01:31:45,290
I shall rule, therefore,
1849
01:31:45,290 --> 01:31:47,834
that the charge of slander be dismissed.
1850
01:31:48,877 --> 01:31:49,669
- Sam!
1851
01:31:51,130 --> 01:31:53,882
- Now, if, as you also claim,
1852
01:31:53,882 --> 01:31:58,344
it is, uh, God's opinion
1853
01:31:58,345 --> 01:32:02,098
that we, uh, should all
make our own decisions
1854
01:32:02,099 --> 01:32:03,892
And abide by them accordingly,
1855
01:32:04,810 --> 01:32:08,772
then I must also rule that
on the basis of the evidence,
1856
01:32:10,065 --> 01:32:12,942
or, uh,
1857
01:32:12,943 --> 01:32:16,279
or rather the, um, the lack of it,
1858
01:32:16,280 --> 01:32:19,491
that as much as we all may think
1859
01:32:19,491 --> 01:32:23,077
that what we saw here today was real,
1860
01:32:23,078 --> 01:32:27,457
uh, God did not, in fact,
appear here before us.
1861
01:32:30,711 --> 01:32:34,464
You, uh, may of course,
appeal to a higher court.
1862
01:32:36,633 --> 01:32:38,301
- We heard from the highest court.
1863
01:32:39,428 --> 01:32:42,013
(people chattering faintly)
(keys jingling)
1864
01:32:42,014 --> 01:32:42,806
Thank you.
1865
01:32:44,058 --> 01:32:45,100
Goodbye, Mr. Slavick.
1866
01:32:45,100 --> 01:32:46,101
- Oh, Jer.
- Yeah?
1867
01:32:46,101 --> 01:32:47,560
- We'll send you your picture.
1868
01:32:48,729 --> 01:32:50,564
- Oh. Would you do that?
1869
01:32:50,564 --> 01:32:52,148
- Oh, sure.
- Thanks.
1870
01:32:52,149 --> 01:32:55,110
(mellow jazz music)
1871
01:33:38,195 --> 01:33:41,489
(soft orchestral music)
1872
01:33:53,794 --> 01:33:56,421
(phone ringing)
1873
01:34:10,811 --> 01:34:13,772
(ringing continues)
1874
01:34:37,754 --> 01:34:38,546
Hello?
1875
01:34:39,715 --> 01:34:41,800
Where are you?
- Turn around.
1876
01:34:48,348 --> 01:34:49,140
Well?
1877
01:34:50,517 --> 01:34:52,268
How do you like it?
1878
01:34:52,269 --> 01:34:53,853
I'm going on a trip,
1879
01:34:53,854 --> 01:34:56,273
to spend a little time with animals.
1880
01:34:56,273 --> 01:34:57,857
I like animals.
1881
01:34:57,858 --> 01:35:01,152
And sometimes, I don't
spend enough time with them.
1882
01:35:01,153 --> 01:35:02,612
- We failed, didn't we?
1883
01:35:02,613 --> 01:35:05,282
- What are you talking? We did terrific.
1884
01:35:05,282 --> 01:35:08,785
I gave a message of encouragement,
you passed it along.
1885
01:35:08,785 --> 01:35:11,537
Now we'll see. You did good.
1886
01:35:11,538 --> 01:35:14,207
We both did good. We're covered.
1887
01:35:14,208 --> 01:35:16,251
- Do you think anybody got the message?
1888
01:35:16,251 --> 01:35:18,628
- Do you think we have
enough apples in the world?
1889
01:35:19,588 --> 01:35:20,547
- Apples?
1890
01:35:20,547 --> 01:35:22,173
- We got all the apples we need.
1891
01:35:22,174 --> 01:35:23,967
You're Johnny Appleseed.
1892
01:35:23,967 --> 01:35:25,802
You drop a few seeds, and you move on.
1893
01:35:26,970 --> 01:35:29,180
If the seeds are good, they'll take root.
1894
01:35:29,181 --> 01:35:32,100
I gave you great seeds. The best.
1895
01:35:32,100 --> 01:35:34,352
- I lost my job, you know?
1896
01:35:34,353 --> 01:35:37,481
- There are other cities,
other supermarkets.
1897
01:35:37,481 --> 01:35:39,483
- Everybody thinks I'm a nut.
1898
01:35:39,483 --> 01:35:42,068
- Galileo, Pasteur,
1899
01:35:42,069 --> 01:35:44,571
Einstein, Columbus.
1900
01:35:44,571 --> 01:35:46,614
You're in good company. Hold on.
1901
01:35:48,825 --> 01:35:51,369
Well, I better be going.
1902
01:35:51,370 --> 01:35:53,789
- Uh, aren't you coming back?
1903
01:35:53,789 --> 01:35:55,081
- No.
- Ever?
1904
01:35:56,166 --> 01:35:58,626
- When ever comes, we'll see.
1905
01:35:58,627 --> 01:36:00,128
- Uh, sometimes, uh,
1906
01:36:01,380 --> 01:36:03,423
now and then, uh,
1907
01:36:03,423 --> 01:36:05,216
couldn't we just talk?
1908
01:36:05,217 --> 01:36:08,720
- I'll tell you what.
You talk, I'll listen.
1909
01:36:08,720 --> 01:36:12,014
(soft orchestral music)
1910
01:36:18,897 --> 01:36:22,358
(lively orchestral music)
127944
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