Original subtitles

Previously on this season of "Southern Charm."

Whoo! [all cheering]

As I was celebrating a new beginning,

JT lobbed a bomb that blew up in Austen's face.

You have a sleepover with a girl that is your friend's ex?

♪ Scandal

Hand on a Bible. There's nothing going on.

And as the lies unraveled...

We kissed.

So did Taylor and Olivia's friendship.

We're just broken.

Meanwhile, as Brett and I were making baby plans,

Craig and Paige's relationship hit a roadblock.

I want a wife and children.

We've only been together for a year and a half.

[downbeat quirky notes]

But Craig's trip to Jamaica was full speed ahead...

I think you have a chance with Taylor, you know?

- Until... - Uh-oh.

The mess we left behind in Charleston caught up with us.

Do you want me to say that he----ed me?

- Yes. - Is that what you want?

- Yes. - That is what happened.

One day she's like, I'm gonna to call you crying.

And then the next day telling me that I'm a piece of shit.

- You're a pitch of sh--. - You are an insecure...

- Stop. - Little boy in a man suit.

You've been an absolute [bleep].

- What have you been? - Honest.

Bad friend?

Austen and Olivia.

Olivia, don't do that.

Talk quieter next time! I'm right next door to you!

[dramatic music]

[item impacts on wall]

♪ Mm-hmm

[upbeat music]

♪

Sh--. Do I have milk?

♪

Here. You want an ice cube?

Cool.

OK.

Go get it.

♪

Dog food. Macaroni's good.

Some for me. Some for you.

It's time.

♪

[phone rings]

♪

Hello?

Good morning, man. How are you doing?

Just going over some details for the soirée next week.

to christen my new cottage-pub-office.

It's not a bachelor pad.

It's just--it's kind of like a little place

where you can hang, not have to go out.

The theme is kind of Russ Meyers

arty '60s softcore movies. [chuckles]

Yeah, exactly.

If you could be inspired by

"Return to the Valley of the Dolls"

and/or "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" that would be great.

[chuckles]

♪

[laughs] I'm really low. Am I in the right chair?

♪

- Hi, friend. - Hi.

- How are you? - You look cute.

- You look so cute. - Thank you.

- Is this Conner's jacket? - It is.

- Oh, it looks so cute. - Did you recognize it?

Yeah, you're not really, like, out here Gucci-lifing.

- No, I'm not. - It looks good on you.

- Thank you. - Hi, welcome in.

- Hi. - I'm gonna get the chowder.

And then I'll do the gluten-free soup.

This look so good.

- The Jamaican grapefruit soda. - I'll do the dry rosé.

- Food shouldn't take too long. - Awesome.

- Thank you. - Oh, my goodness.

Oh, this is, like, a very high table.

Oh, my God. No, I had that same thing.

I, like, sat down and I was, like...[chuckles]

How is that little taste of Jamaica?

Oh, weird.

It has, like, a strange aftertaste in it.

Well, it sounds like our trip.

- [laughs] - [laughs] So it's fitting.

Oh, my gosh.

- Your soup's here. - Ooh. Thank you.

Ooh. Cauliflower.

Oh, yum. Thank you. This is all so pretty.

Thank you.

Was it your first time in Jamaica?

Mm-hmm.

I was talking to Lamar and I was like,

I wonder how healthy it is, like,

that she's over there, like, with Austen.

Yeah, like...

I've, like, been so focused on, like, working on a friendship

to, like, still have them in my life,

but then I feel him, once again, saying

the things he thinks I wanna hear.

Maybe I don't make it clear.

Like, I do love you.

He just, like, knows the right...

How to pull your heartstrings.

And I've been--

But it's so wrong knowing where you're at, right?

You know that? - Yeah, I--I do.

Olivia just lost her brother.

This person right now is super fragile.

So you have to be conscious of what you're saying

and how you're acting around this person.

And I don't think Austen has been

thinking about Olivia's feelings.

Maybe it is me.

Like, I'm inconsistent with my feelings with Austen.

We were, like, laughing, cracking jokes in Jamaica.

And then, like, the next couple of days,

we're yelling at each other.

Mm, these margaritas are good.

- Mm. These are good. - Mix it up though, Olivia.

[laughs]

You're a lying piece of sh--.

Which is why we didn't even try to.

You are such a piece of sh--.

[sighs]

Being around him, I'm like, let me rewire things.

I don't wanna fight with him every time I see him,

so, like, let me try to figure out the friends thing.

You're giving him more power in your head than he has.

He's a little - ing insecure boy.

I think I was just kind of hanging on to that

tiny shred of hope that he could change,

but now, after Jamaica, like, I'm done with him.

I thought, like, at the beginning, I had the boundary.

You also had a tragedy, so, like,

there's a lot going on for you right now.

[pensive music]

One thing you have learned this year is that you're strong.

♪

[upbeat music]

♪

[knocking on door] - One second!

[quirky suspenseful music]

[upbeat music]

Oh, boy. How are you?

[laughs softly] Just in time.

Did I miss, uh... miss some notes here?

No, this is the outfit I'm going to go--

it's England '60s mod.

With shower theme.

- Anyways, please have a seat. - Yeah.

Are you--Where am I going? Where are you going?

I'm gonna try on this outfit.

Tell me what you think.

Roderick. - Yes, sir.

- I'm ready for you. - [chuckles] All right.

All right. We have two options.

Oh, man, it's...

Leather or whatever this fabric is.

I mean, I think it's got to be leather all day.

- Let's neutralize the madness. - You have to wear this.

Yeah. - Let me try it on.

That should be a staple in your everyday wardrobe.

It is about to be.

I'm like a young Paul McCartney.

Yeah. Nah, dude. You look good.

You had a little bit of "MacGruber" hair too.

Can you do that?

No, my stuff's stuck with my gel.

- All right. Let me-- - All right.

Let me change real quick.

Before we do, do you want a drink?

- Please. A water. - A water?

Tomorrow, I think I'm gonna rock my '60s leggings

that look like they're painted on.

I think it looks good.

Do you care if it's hot or cold?

Room temp's good.

I think that we have a lot to unpack,

so I thought today you could be my therapist.

You look like you need a lot of help right now.

All right. I'm gonna let you have the therapist chair.

All right. Give me a minute here.

All right.

So I guess I'll lay down for this.

Yeah, all right. All right.

Well, I'll be over here judging you.

[sighs]

Let's start with your childhood.

Well, I'm still currently in it.

So anyways, so we talked the other day

about my feelings for Taylor. - Yeah.

And you think I would be eligible.

I think it might be a slight possibility.

[quirky dramatic music]

I've always had a crush on Taylor,

but since Jamaica,

the feelings are not just a baby crush.

The feelings are, like, getting real.

[laughter]

♪

[laughter]

With Taylor, I laugh at all times,

and that means a lot to me.

As a divorced guy, like, if you can laugh together,

I think you can kind of overcome a lot.

I don't know if I should just tell Taylor about my feelings.

That's definitely what I would do.

Is this my therapy session or yours?

Just trying to help you extrapolate some things

that might-- you might not see yet.

Do you think admitting your feelings for her--

[sighs]

Changes any dynamic with you and Taylor?

I think--I don't know.

I'm nervous. Can you tell?

[clicks tongue] Yeah.

I'm not saying hello to Austen.

I'm not bringing up how I feel with Taylor.

I'm just gonna go to the party, have a few snacks...

[laughs softly] Yeah.

And then probably just be on my way.

You just snuck that Austen comment in there

real--real slyly.

You actually are getting better at therapy.

You're catching little details.

- This is about you, JT. - Thanks, Rod.

I just really don't have any respect for Austen.

And, candidly, if I never say another word to him

for the rest of my life, I'm good with that.

In Jamaica, I realized

Austen cares about nobody but himself.

I'm, like, exhausted by the whole thing, to be honest.

'Cause you've gone through it.

Kind of.

[tense music]

Deep down, he is a self-serving,

insecure, me-first...

coward.

So I guess, tomorrow, I'll just again, not say anything.

I'm just gonna go to the party...

Right.

Ghost Austen, and make Taylor giggle.

That's the bottom line, right?

I mean, you tell me.

I don't know.

[dramatic music]

Coming up.

I was like, I think she's gonna come to me

and say that, like, holy sh--, Austen, like, I'm sorry

that I let me emotions get the best of me.

You thought I was gonna apologize to you?

[upbeat music]

♪

Yeah. Breakfast of champions.

I should have brought the, uh, ice bucket.

Oh, that's OK.

[cork pops]

How are you feeling? - Good. How are you?

I'm good.

Cheers. - Cheers.

♪

OK, sir. What do you wanna do today?

- You know. The usual. - [laughs]

♪

Just hide the gray hairs.

Who put all that gray hair in there?

Me? - No, it wasn't you.

♪

That's good. Don't do too much.

I wanna keep... - What do you say?

I said, that's good. I wanna keep it a little curly.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Well, then why didn't you tell me that?

This one's mine? - That one's yours.

Well, no more champagne for breakfast

once you get that baby in you.

[laughs] - Looking forward to it.

- Yeah. - I can't wait.

- [laughs] - It'll be good.

- Yeah. - I mean, honestly.

I'm scared.

I'm gonna be fat and pissed off.

[chuckles] Whatever. I don't care.

[laughs softly]

[chuckles]

But... whew.

You all right?

I mean, I feel sick right now.

Here, take it. I can't.

[groans] I feel so nauseous.

[soft dramatic music]

[splashing and spitting]

Oh my God. Ugh. - You OK?

- Yeah. - Do you need anything?

Plan B. [spits]

I'm just kidding. - [laughs]

I just took my vitamins, and then...

- Oh. On an empty stomach. - Yeah.

I'm a little freaked out about having another baby.

Like, selfishly, I don't wanna, like, do all that,

but it's definitely worth it.

It's just hard at the beginning.

[clears throat]

[toilet flushes]

[exhales sharply] I didn't even drink last night.

[groans]

[upbeat music]

So Whitney's gonna come up. Let's go over there.

♪

Unfortunately, I'm in a wheelchair

because I can't really move

after I got a compression fracture.

Mom----ed up her back, she's laid up, so.

- Hi, honey. Thank you. - Hi.

Sure.

But I have a health care professional.

Plus he does skincare, eyeliner, a little blush.

Wait a minute. The pillow's upside down.

[laughs]

I mean, why should you look like a tousled mess

just because you can't bend your back?

And I still wear nice lingerie.

OK.

[sighs]

- Hey, Paul. - Yes, ma'am.

Would you ask Whitney to bring me Peaches?

- I will. - Thank you.

[Peaches barks] - Hey, Whitney.

Hey, Paul.

Hey, your mom wants some Peaches.

Could you bring it up to her please?

- Yeah, sure. - All right, thanks.

- Thanks. - All right, Peaches.

[clicks tongue] Come on, come on.

Let's go. Don't go on the chair.

Let's go. Come on.

Let's go. Come here.

Let's go. Come on. [Peaches barking]

Perfect.

Come on. [Peaches barking]

[Peaches barking continuously]

Jesus Christ.

All right. You lost your chance.

[quirky upbeat music]

Howdy. - Hey.

Unfortunately, I couldn't get Peaches.

She's hiding under a chair, so the next best is Roy.

Aw. Ro-ro. Come here, Ro-ro.

Yeah.

This is my hour up. [laughs]

- How are you feeling? - I'm 60% better.

Yeah.

But I get tired after about 40 minutes or so.

Yeah. Tomorrow's the party to christen the cottage.

Is it gonna be up to being christened?

It's almost there. It's about 90%, 80% there.

- Good. - So it should be fun.

The overriding homage

is to "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls."

[quirky dramatic music]

- What kind of theme is that? - On the evening...

I would say softcore movie from the mid-'60s.

- Great. - One my favorite filmmakers.

[laughs]

Nobody but you is gonna know what that is.

No. Everyone knows Russ Meyer.

[clears throat]

Did you invite any young ladies or...

No.

You know, you can't rush things.

You find the right girl, and then you...

OK. Well, you have to at least look.

- I'm looking. - All right.

It's not as easy as you think.

I feel like you just marry after, you know, a month.

[laughs]

Having had three husbands,

I don't know if that had any effect

on his outlook on marriage,

but I want him to get married now.

I mean, I did it after a couple of months.

I don't know why he can't.

It's something I think about because when I kick the bucket,

who's gonna to take care of you?

Oh, Lord.

Shep. [laughs softly]

I'll be fine.

I want Whitney to have a family.

He's an only child.

And having his father passing away,

and then me going through this accident,

it just seems like life is slipping away.

Well, I'm glad you're getting better.

Well, thanks for sticking around.

[chuckling] Yeah, sure.

All right, I got to go back to the cottage.

I'll take the dog.

- Would you? - Love you, Mom. OK.

Love you. Bye, honey.

All right. Bye.

Come on. We're going now.

Ro-ro. Mm.

[laughter]

- OK. - Ugh.

I got dog fur in my mouth.

Coming up.

All right, I better just say something now

and just get it off my chest-- I love you.

[music slows down and stops]

I would marry you tomorrow.

[quirky dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

♪

Baby, are you wearing this green dress?

Yeah. I bought it, like, seven years ago.

You look like Pebbles from "The Flintstones."

I was Pebbles one year for Halloween, though, so.

OK.

- Oh! - [laughs]

I haven't even seen it, but, like, the little slit.

This shit good? - Yes. I love it.

♪

Craig, you know what '60s mod is?

[panting]

Whitney wishes he was in the frickin' Who,

so now we have to dress like what he wants to be.

What do you think?

[panting]

Yeah, that's what the ladies are gonna do.

♪

We could put a bunch of ice here,

and then the bottles of champagne.

Right.

And I think people are gonna--

as they come in, we'll offer them a glass of champagne.

And he's gonna bring you the mint julep cups.

OK.

♪

- Hey. - Hi.

I like your jacket.

Yeah. Something casual for daytime.

[upbeat jazz music]

Are you wearing two glasses today?

These are non-prescription. Those are prescription.

In case I have to read my phone for something very important.

- Yeah. - Like the weather.

It's supposed to stop raining in an hour.

I have tarps to throw back on if we have to.

It says it's supposed to end...

- I have them behind the bush. - In about an hour.

I know.

[thunder rumbles]

♪

Was Whitney born in the '60s?

Uh--hey, Siri.

What year were you born if you currently 54 years old?

1969.

Is the year we went to the moon?

Why do you think we never went back?

Because it was fake.

I can't get Wi-Fi in certain areas in Charleston

but we went to the moon

and then we streamed it to everyone in their homes?

[chuckling] I don't think so.

Well, you clearly don't understand thermodynamics.

[laughs]

♪

[BLEEP], it's coming down hard.

[quirky suspenseful music]

0% chance of rain.

[BLEEP] you, Weather Channel.

♪

Here you go, darling.

Good thing I basically wore a rain boots.

Thank you, Mr. Uber.

OK, I need it above me.

Hold on. I'm not--you're gonna--hold on.

[BLEEP]. Baby, I'm getting soaked.

My hair is really the most important thing here.

[laughter]

Oh, thank God we covered the furniture.

♪

You're very demanding.

I'm making a run for it.

- Oh, hello. - Hi.

- What's up? - This is so nice. Oh, my God.

I haven't seen it since it was studded out here.

- This is crazy. - How are you?

- Thanks for coming. - Thanks for having me.

Wait, can I look in there? - Please, please.

Oh, my God.

It's still a work in progress.

- This is so nice. - Babe--yeah, isn't it?

If Whitney was trying to build a place

to bring single Charlestonian girls back to,

he achieved his goal.

Hey, guys. I'm now acting as, like, bartender here.

How about some champagne?

A margarita? [laughter]

♪

Oh. Oh.

Yes! Shep's looking hot.

- Wow. - You look like a famous DJ.

From Siberia.

My name is Dieter. I'm from, uh, Dusseldorf.

Saucy. I don't know what saucy means.

I like art and fashion and new wave sh--.

♪

So the other day, Shep texted me, like...

he was like, we'll have a conversation at the party.

Regarding what?

I don't-- I really have no idea,

but he was like, we'll talk, we'll talk.

I know it's just difficult being his friend.

Our friendship has been, like, a little bit confusing.

Like, everyone, they're all like, he's still loves you.

So I mean, I've always said it.

Like, I knew he loved you.

My interactions with Shep in the past few weeks

have been positive and good.

Someone's trying to get me drunk tonight.

Damn right.

We all have your back.

Get off my flippers. [laughter]

I'm really glad that we've been able

to have a good friendship and I sometimes hope that

maybe there might still be something there.

Like, I do love him, I miss our--our relationship,

and I do wanna have that stability

with, like, a partner.

I think I wanna change my bow.

I feel like I look like Bamm-Bamm.

[upbeat music]

♪

Katie!

I love it. What do you think?

I think I've never been more attracted to myself.

I--[chuckles] - No, I think this is right.

Yeah. I mean, this shirt really works.

So what are you thinking?

[quirky suspenseful music]

No beef tonight?

I mean, I guess I'm hoping

that Olivia's going to apologize to me.

OK.

I didn't know that you were hoping for this.

Yeah.

I don't know it's just like, Katie,

I can't walk on eggshells anymore

around all these people.

[dramatic music]

♪

Coming up.

Mwah. Mwah. What a beautiful outfit.

Thank you.

Where are your boobs? I've never seen them so contained.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪

Come on.

♪

- Ha-ha! - Yes, dude.

- Yes. - It's on.

[laughter] - Paige, my darling.

- There he is. - How are you?

- Good, how are you? - Ah.

I love when it's just me and the boys.

[overlapping chatter] - Katie.

Oh, she came.

- Look at his sunglasses. - I knew it.

- Hey, how are you? - How you doing?

- Very well. - I almost wore those.

No, you didn't.

Now, I have my pants tucked into my boots.

- Why are they tucked in? - Wait.

Let's stock your bar, baby.

- Yeah, let's stock this [...]. - Let's.

Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. [laughter]

Oh, I love it. Brick oven pizza.

- Pizza. - Pizza.

- Taylor Ann. - Hello.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Hello. - You look like...

- Oh, you look so cute. - You look so good.

- A fembot. - How are you?

Hey, ladies. How are you? Chelsea, hello.

You look kind of like Jeffrey Dahmer.

I know. That's what I said.

- Hello. - You look very nice.

And great job with the place.

It's still not finished. So--

Well, you did a very lovely job.

- Thank you very much. - Hello.

[indistinct chatter] - Hi.

- How are you? - Good. How are you?

I can tell that Bailey is back in town.

Yeah, I got a haircut.

I might not, at this point in time,

be able to have a friendship with Taylor...

I'm gonna go to meander outside.

Yeah, we're all going out there.

Because it's just not working.

I was in my house with a couple girls,

and Taylor came over unannounced.

You don't think you might be, perhaps, leading her on?

And I just wanna finally draw some lines in the sand.

All right, ladies. Gather under.

[upbeat jazz music]

Y'all are welcome to come hang out

on the piazza as well.

How do we get through with an umbrella?

- [laughs] - Oh, you're so tall.

You could do it.

- I'm doing it. - No, it's not happening.

No. Oh, lookit.

That made so much more sense. [laughs]

It's not a disaster. It's just raining.

Oh, sh--. That dripped right on my head.

Babe, which way?

There, up that stair.

I wish I could say I'm not normally this ditzy,

but that's just not true.

[tense music]

A little moist.

OK. Here we go.

- Hi, everyone. - How are you?

Good to see you. - Good. How are you?

I feel like I haven't seen you in forever.

- Awkward. - [laughs]

[chuckles] Yeah.

Honestly, it's a little bit of a relief to not have to

act like there's a friendship worth fighting for,

'cause there isn't.

♪

I was hoping that we could mend things in Jamaica.

But I've owned up to everything that I've done.

I can't do any more.

♪

- What's up, guys? - Hey.

Good to see you.

Cheers, y'all.

Hi. Where is--where's Olivia?

Um... how about this?

Let's have a few more drinks. - OK.

[laughter]

- I'll go get a drink. - Well, well.

- Real turnout. - Wow, what an awesome turnout.

Good.

Don't you look like a porno Jackie O?

- What? - How you doing, man?

Wait, a porno? Isn't that what this is?

Oh, how pretty it would have been if it was not raining.

Please don't beat me up with this umbrella.

I know.

all: Hi. [overlapping chatter]

How are you?

I should be at home in my pajamas.

Hi. How are you? Good to see you.

Whoo! Hi. [laughter]

Good to see you, brother. You look good, dog.

This sh-- is fire.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

[cork pops]

♪

What is this?

I have no idea, but it's really good.

Yum.

There's JT and Rod coming in as a couple.

- Cute. - [laughing] Yeah.

- Hi. - Hi.

- You look very beautiful. - I'm shivering.

Do you want my jacket? Please.

- I can't take your jacket. - Yeah, please. Here.

- I don't want it. - Are you sure?

I'm a gentleman from the '60s. - Thank you. I'm good.

All right.

- Oh, my God. - Hey!

- We're coming in wet. - Hi.

- How are you? - Good.

How you doing? - Good to see you.

All right, I'm going in to take your mom some champagne.

Brett, let's go.

OK, so I'm going to go ahead and go upstairs.

OK.

Get a coupe glass, because that's her favorite.

OK, all right.

[soft upbeat music]

♪

Hello. - Hi.

[laughs] You look fabulous.

What a--mwah, mwah. What a beautiful outfit.

Thank you.

I didn't know we were doing pink today.

- Me either, but we look great. - I'm just admiring your shoes.

Oh, thank you. I about broke my neck.

Brett's gonna bring us some champagne.

- Hey. - Oh, there he is.

How you doing? How are you feeling?

I feel like another couple weeks

and I'll be back to getting into trouble.

- Oh, good. - Oh, thank you, thank you.

- All right. - Yeah.

Good to see you. I'm glad you're feeling better.

If you need anything, just let us know.

- Thank you so much. - Yeah.

- See you in a little bit? - Yeah.

Cheers. Well, I can't move, just like you, so...

Where are your boobs? [laughter]

I've never seen them so contained.

I know. Isn't that boring? [laughs]

It's still getting the point across.

When Whitney got back from Jamaica,

he didn't tell me too much.

Well, I think I had my last hurrah in Jamaica

and I thought maybe it's time I have a baby.

I'm only getting older and I think it might be time.

So how do you feel about it?

Um, I'm scared.

Well, I was with you when you were nine months pregnant.

And then I didn't see you for, what, three months?

Bed rest.

Because you had a broken pelvis, as I remember.

Yeah. I had to use a walker.

- Yeah. - It was awful.

Whew. But who knows?

I mean, it could take years for me to get pregnant.

I have no idea.

I haven't tried ever, really, so...

[laughter]

I mean, Hudson is so-- I mean, I love him to death.

I would love to have a daughter.

I mean, who's gonna take care of me?

Well, that's one thing I think about

because Whitney is an only child.

When I kick the bucket, he doesn't have cousins...

You're never kicking the bucket.

Well, I'm not planning on it.

But you know, having an only child,

they need to have a family.

Yeah.

I understand exactly where Patricia's coming from.

Unfortunately, Whitney, I just don't think he's ready.

He hasn't found that girl.

I hope and pray he does because it is a great feeling.

Until then, he's just gonna

have to put up with me as a sister, and so that's it.

If I have twins, I'll give you one.

[laughter] - Gee, thanks.

You're welcome.

Well, I'm gonna go spy on all these kids down there.

I'll just stay up here by myself and drink.

[laughter]

Coming up.

So what if I want to date Austen?

Austen?

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

Oh, you and Manny have on the same shoes.

- We have the exact same shoes. - We do? Gwen?

- These are Gwen's. - Magnanni, yeah.

Sure, man, Magnanni. [laughter]

- Hi. - How you doing?

You look great. - When did you get here?

- You killed it. - When 15, 20 minutes ago.

- Yeah? - Not that long ago, I think.

- [laughs] - Yeah.

I'm going to step out for one second.

OK.

- Hey. - What's up?

- Can we just talk for a sec? - Yeah.

- All right, cool. - What's going on?

I want to just sweep around here.

- Sweep on over, boy. - I like the...

I like the rain hitting my coif.

Hold on. - Yeah.

It's kind of like snowing.

[laughter] Um...

so you know that you are one of my best friends, right?

Yeah.

So in Jamaica, like, we're having fun.

We're laughing the whole time...

I think it's funny.

We spent every flight side by side.

When I needed comedic relief...

- I'm your guy. - Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, I better just say something now

and get it off my chest.

[suspenseful music]

I mean, every time we hung out,

it's just constant laughter, constant joy.

Like, that's rare to find.

Obviously, like, I love or friendship.

I know that you love our friendship one million percent.

Like, I love you.

I would marry you tomorrow.

Here's a seat for you, Madame.

Oh, that was nice.

More of a gentleman than Austen has ever been.

I'm trying to figure out where--

[laughter]

- Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. - Well, hello.

Hey.

Hey, let's go-- let's just go talk.

- She's not gonna do it. - Yeah, it's fine.

All right. - I do want to talk.

- Yeah. - Go have a deep talk.

♪

I wanted to just tell you.

It's--it's there for me. It's there.

We haven't crossed that friendship threshold.

So it's like what if you hated it?

You don't know. I could be a total psychopath.

- You are a total psychopath. - [laughing]

And do you know why you're a total psychopath?

No. Why?

It's psychopathic to me to just like,

if knowing we could die tomorrow,

to not just, like, give it a try.

[soft dramatic music]

Um, I just--I think that I'm like, obviously,

there's a lot going on.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, you know, Shep's still here, and it's like...

Right.

I think I just still need

some time to, like, process and heal and move forward.

I wish that I could wake up and...

and JT would be my person.

But I'm just more attracted to the assholes.

Thank you. I mean...

You didn't comment on my leather jacket.

Where's yours?

- I didn't wear it because-- - You should have.

It's not very...

- Hello, sir. - 1960s.

- How are you? - I am good.

You're like, early Justin Bieber...

Like a washed-up Justin Bieber's dad.

Yeah, something like that, yeah.

[indistinct chatter]

Come and talk to me.

OK.

I appreciate you. - I love you.

Great talk. Yeah, I appreciate you.

I just wanted to make sure there was no awkwardness.

And I'll go back to suppressing it.

There's a saying about how the good guy never wins.

Watch every movie ever made.

Except for "Braveheart," of course.

The good guy always wins.

So maybe I'm not the one, but one day eventually,

Taylor is going to find a good guy.

- Oof. - Whew.

And guys like Austen will lose.

[indistinct cheerful chatter]

Don't put your wet drink on her nice table.

Can you give me one of the frogs?

[laughs]

What is JT talking about?

- Um-- - Did you all hook up or not?

No. In Jamaica?

- Yeah, I don't know. - No.

- I saw you guys dancing... - God no.

And carrying on.

We have not crossed the threshold of friendship.

And...

You don't want to do that ever again?

Cross the threshold of friendship?

Whatever happened between me and Austen, I don't regret.

O...K.

[suspenseful music]

How are you? You look nice.

Good.

How are you? - I'm good.

Well, I'm just trying to talk to you in lieu of Jamaica,

and what I want to get to the bottom of

is, like, that things seem one way when we talk like this,

and then another way when we talk in public.

And, like-- - I mean, I know it's--

I know it's been inconsistent with us.

But like, it's not a good friendship.

It just seems like nothing is genuine.

[tense notes]

That's not friendship.

I'm just trying to be here for you.

Austen, you're not--

And I've only ever done that for you.

You--

When have I not been there for you?

You get off on like, getting two girls...

No, I don't.

You don't even know what I'm gonna say.

Look at that the paper trail of pissed-off women you leave.

That's because--

But we all have the same thing to say about you.

Don't have--

Like, at what point do you want to stop having

conversations and actually just go have one with yourself?

Taylor, I want to get to a place

where we can be super supportive and...

and kind.

And over the last couple of months,

we've made a really cool step.

Have there been emotions involved? Yes.

My cool step was in hopes for something more.

And I think that like...

Your cool step was in hopes of something more?

Correct.

Why? Do you want to get back together?

Possibly.

While I appreciate the times you've been my friend

and you've like, been there for me,

like, it doesn't feel like it talking to you right now.

You're just kind of like...

Well, that's because this whole thing,

you're, like, flipping it on its head.

And it's not what I was expecting to happen at all.

I was like, I think that she's gonna come to me

and say that like, "Holy sh--, Austen,

like, I'm sorry that I let my emotions get the best of me."

[dramatic music]

You thought I was gonna apologize to you?

Oh, my God.

If you took your head out your narcissistic asshole

for five seconds, you would see that

I'm going through a couple things right now

and apologizing to your weird ass is not one of them.

- There's definitely a major - ing disconnect here.

I couldn't agree more.

♪

I'm a hopeless romantic.

And so at the end of the day, like,

that happiness outweighs all the rest.

And I found that-- - Does it, though? Like--

- Can I speak? - Yeah.

You loved and cared about me...

- Yeah. - But I also care about us.

Taylor, us is over.

I don't think this is repairable.

Then why are we sitting here talking?

Because I want to know if, like,

we can, like, be supportive of one another, like,

if you can, like, bring a date or whatever.

OK, so what if I want to date Austen?

That would be O-- Austen?

[dramatic music]

OK, so what if I want to date Austen?

That would be O-- Austen?

That's who you want to date?

What if I want to date him?

I'll shake my head and be like, "wowza."

Just be like, "It would bother me."

Just say that.

Be like, "It would bother me if you were to date Austen."

If y'all were genuinely in love with one another,

no, I will not stand in your way.

[quirky tense music]

♪

What's up, brother?

I brought a little treat.

Just in time.

- What I miss? - I told her I loved her.

And I do. - I know.

But she was like, oh, appreciate you, bud.

[sighs]

[sputters]

Taylor, why are you mad at me?

I'm not. I just--I just... I don't get it.

Can we coexist and be supportive?

Sure.

Just--just forget for now that the romantic stuff.

Do your thing. I'll do my thing.

But I'm still gonna message you.

But if that----s with your head,

just, like, rudimentary communication,

you need to let me know. - I think it might.

All right, I won't.

I know that sounds selfish,

but I think I need to be selfish in this moment.

OK.

Anyway, well, thanks for talking to me.

Yeah.

I don't know what to say.

And I'm sorry about anything, really, like from the past.

And in the future... - It's all good.

I'll try to be your biggest advocate.

Water off a duck's back.

[somber music]

[sputters]

♪

[sobbing]

It breaks my heart.

I want to make her happy even if I'm not with her.

But I made the right decision.

And maybe we can be happy in the same realm

and be happy for each other.

And that's... that's my big goal.

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chatter]

Here. Come here.

[screams]

Make it work, baby, make it work.

Whoo.

♪

Hello. What is that?

How are you? Tequila.

You drink tequila with no ice?

- I do tonight. - Olivia, that's...

- Taste it. - A serial killer.

[laughter]

Let's go! [laughter]

Brittany, let's celebrate the rest of the night.

Guten Tag.

- What's up, guys? - Hey.

Hey, is there anything left in here?

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, Taylor.

[tense music]

I can't stop thinking about the fact

that Taylor kissed Austen.

"Kissed."

She doesn't want me.

An actual successful, good, positive man.

♪

To Shep!

Thank you, finally.

I finally get the recognition I deserve.

[indistinct chatter]

You're a snake and a coward.

You have been the genesis

of why there's so much pain and tears.

Who?

Dude, you're the one that, like,

initiated this whole thing

when you put your nose where it doesn't belong.

When you have a sleepover with a girl

that is your friend's ex, it's murky.

What the [BLEEP]? Like, what the [BLEEP]?

Everyone here, everyone has said...

- Oh, what did they say? - Everyone here.

Regale me.

You are an arm's-length friend...

Me?

Who cannot be trusted around any woman.

JT.

I want to understand how

you can be such a piece of sh-- in this town.

JT? JT?

How many people have you hurt in this town?

Taylor.

You're gonna yell at the girl that you went after...

Hold on. That's enough yelling.

I'm not yelling at her.

JT, for you to be coming after Austen

like this after I heard about you--

You're gonna take his back right now?

- I'm not taking his back. - Got it.

I'll never forget this. - Listen.

I'll never forget this.

What are you so upset about?

[sighs]

[tense music]

Oh, now I get it.

He's jealous of me.

JT is so jealous of me.

He wanted Taylor so bad, and I get the girl.

JT doesn't. Guys like JT don't get the girl.

I get the girl.

Shep called you a boy in a sandbox

that wants everyone else's shiny toy.

Shep is upset, buddy.

Yeah, cause you---ed his girlfriend.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. Can we put this to sleep?

So my point is this.

I'm talking man to man to you right now.

My point is this.

I'm the child?

You're a little boy that cried wolf

wrapped in a 6'5" frame, and now I'm at your height,

looking at you man to man in the face.

And guess what? Guess what?

- I'm serious, man! - Chill.

Chill. Everybody, chill. - Do it again! [shouts]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Chill, chill! - Stop!

[overlapping chatter]

Chill. Chill out.

I'm tired of negativity.

Ten years, never physical contact, and here you come in.

- You hit me first. - You headbutted me.

You hit me first. Guess what?

You----ing lose. - Man.

I'll see you never again.

You can't help yourself, dude.

[somber music]

I didn't want it to go there. I didn't.

JT, let's go. Let's go outside.

Come on.

- This is----ing insane! - No, dude. Calm down.

Calm down, dude. Calm down.

- It's OK. - I'm leaving.

♪

I think Austen and I's relationship is...

is very frayed.

And I mean, I gave him the benefit of the doubt

over the past few months.

But he did wrong.

He did wrong, he was a bad friend, and it hurts.

I hate to say it, but Austen kind of deserves it.

And nobody can dispute that.

♪

[car horns honking]

Next week on the "Southern Charm" reunion.

- Hello. - One minute, guys.

Your ass, my titty, my hair. Something's popping out.

[laughs]

Let's clear people out the way, please.

Let's see on this shot. Ready. Here we go.

[phone ringing]

Sorry.

- Nine years. - Nine years.

Nine years.

- [laughs] - Sorry.

I think I wanna perform the first-ever----boy exorcism.

[bell rings] [laughter]

The power of JT compels you.

[laughter] - Jesus.

Do you leave ladies happy when you--

I try. Every girl's finish line is so finicky.

Whoo-hoo.

I wish it was as simple as it is for guys.

That's just an excuse that they tell you.

[laughter]

Who in this group thinks

Paige is gonna move to Charleston?

No.

Like, why don't we fix this?

Austen manipulates and then gaslights his way out,

lies and covers things up, and is a narcissist egomaniac.

- JT, you are obsessed with me. - I'm telling the truth.

It's so weird.

I have deleted every message with Whitney.

Yeah, but Taylor, I saw the whole thread.

Whoa. What?

You were, like, sexting with Whitney.

Did you hook up with Whitney?

You don't know how hurt I was.

Have you given him a sincere apology?

Like, that's your boy.

Are you in love with Taylor?

I would be lying if I didn't say I made a mistake.

Wow.

I'm the one overreacting? I'm inconsistent?

Like, I'm going through some stuff.

Your whole character's inconsistent.

What's your excuse?

What would you need to hear from her to move forward?