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In the 16th Century,
the mystic John Dee
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00:00:21,437 --> 00:00:25,339
wrote the "Sigillum Aemeth",
a book of musical chants
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00:00:25,340 --> 00:00:27,943
that were meant to summon angels,
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00:00:27,944 --> 00:00:31,046
but brought forth demons instead.
5
00:00:31,047 --> 00:00:33,949
Fearing the unholy power
of his dark songs,
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00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:37,824
Dee tried to destroy
the book, but failed.
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00:00:38,187 --> 00:00:42,591
Sought by sorcerers and dark rulers for
centuries, the book had been lost...
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00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:47,965
Until now.
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00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:02,077
Bequeath protection
upon thine followers
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00:01:02,078 --> 00:01:08,089
who walketh in the footsteps
of Vinsibas Aroptum.
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Vinsibas Aroptum.
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00:01:29,739 --> 00:01:35,149
And your appeasement of
the gods of Vinsibas...
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00:01:36,478 --> 00:01:38,279
Have failed.
14
00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:41,116
What seven blood packs
not enough, Ronnie?
15
00:01:41,117 --> 00:01:43,951
Yeah, this shit's never coming
out of my tunic, by the way.
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00:01:43,952 --> 00:01:45,086
I don't know what to
tell you guys, okay?
17
00:01:45,087 --> 00:01:46,289
The appeasement...
The appeasement fails?
18
00:01:46,623 --> 00:01:48,422
- It's bullshit.
- You failed, Eric.
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00:01:48,423 --> 00:01:50,124
Okay... Maybe if you made
a meaningful sacrifice.
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00:01:50,125 --> 00:01:51,793
Hey, that's bullshit, Ronnie.
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00:01:51,794 --> 00:01:53,427
What do you want from me?
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00:01:53,428 --> 00:01:56,464
We're out here in the woods
in the middle of the night.
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00:01:56,465 --> 00:01:58,199
We got our robs on...
We nailed the chant.
24
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,635
Come on.
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00:01:59,636 --> 00:02:01,269
We had everything the
game plan laid out.
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00:02:01,270 --> 00:02:03,772
It's time that you leveled us up.
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00:02:03,773 --> 00:02:06,177
You can't just keep failing
my appeasements forever.
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00:02:06,976 --> 00:02:08,609
- I'm sorry...
- F you, Hung.
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00:02:08,610 --> 00:02:11,445
The appeasement fails because
Eric wasn't meaning it.
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00:02:11,446 --> 00:02:13,281
- He wasn't being meaningful.
- Bullshit, Ronnie.
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00:02:13,282 --> 00:02:15,283
Shut up, Hung, I don't know
what to tell you guys.
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00:02:15,284 --> 00:02:17,052
Sometimes I don't know who's
harder to appease, Ronnie.
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00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:18,954
- The gods of Vinsibas or you.
- If you don't stop
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00:02:18,955 --> 00:02:21,289
complaining, the gods of Vinsibas are
going to curse all your characters
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00:02:21,290 --> 00:02:22,356
with a case of evil herpes!
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00:02:22,357 --> 00:02:23,456
- Bullshit!
- Eric, you failed.
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00:02:23,457 --> 00:02:24,525
- What the fuck?
- Maybe if you made
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a meaningful sacrifice.
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00:02:25,695 --> 00:02:29,964
Guys, how will we taste triumph at
Evermore with this weak bullshit?
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00:02:29,965 --> 00:02:33,840
Fear not, Sir Reginald, for
I have just the magic needed.
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00:02:34,704 --> 00:02:38,076
Excuse me while I whipith this out.
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00:02:41,678 --> 00:02:42,913
What was that?
43
00:02:43,713 --> 00:02:44,981
Hey, Dude, what's that?
44
00:02:44,982 --> 00:02:46,215
What?
45
00:02:46,216 --> 00:02:47,481
Oh shit!
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00:02:47,482 --> 00:02:48,818
That hurts.
47
00:02:52,387 --> 00:02:53,855
Eat paint, haunted fuckers!
48
00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,127
Help... Help!
49
00:02:58,861 --> 00:03:02,564
This'll teach you to play your
fucking wizard game in our woods.
50
00:03:02,565 --> 00:03:03,832
Yeah, run!
51
00:03:03,833 --> 00:03:05,901
Run, you freaks...
And don't ever come back.
52
00:03:05,902 --> 00:03:07,103
Ah!
53
00:03:21,450 --> 00:03:25,621
Hey, check this shit out.
Harry Pooper dropped his book.
54
00:03:29,358 --> 00:03:31,561
Yeah, tear that shit.
55
00:03:36,933 --> 00:03:40,102
Come on, man... just destroy
the book. Rip it open.
56
00:03:46,943 --> 00:03:48,144
What the fuck?
57
00:03:48,477 --> 00:03:51,182
Get it off... Fuck... get it off!
58
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:03,528
Fuck... Jesus motherfucker.
59
00:04:04,927 --> 00:04:07,264
The book fucked up your face.
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00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:20,275
Be strong, Sir Reginald.
Be strong, I say.
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00:04:21,978 --> 00:04:23,346
Oh ma...
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00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,217
Fuck.
63
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,285
Shit!
64
00:04:30,286 --> 00:04:32,452
- We gotta go back for the book.
- What book?
65
00:04:32,453 --> 00:04:35,624
I brought that kickass old book
I was gonna use for my spells!
66
00:04:35,625 --> 00:04:36,692
Fuck!
67
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:39,127
I must have dropped it when
those paintballers attacked us!
68
00:04:39,128 --> 00:04:40,496
Shit!
69
00:04:44,499 --> 00:04:46,367
- Fuck!
- Is this it?
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00:04:46,368 --> 00:04:48,170
That's it.
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00:04:48,171 --> 00:04:49,372
Whoo... Thank God.
72
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:53,975
- Sorry about freaking out.
- No problem.
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00:04:53,976 --> 00:04:57,215
Ronnie Kwok, he's gonna
shit when he sees that.
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00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:02,184
We'll be back, you redneck
cocksuckers. This I vow.
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00:05:13,963 --> 00:05:16,397
♪ Cast down divide ♪
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00:05:16,398 --> 00:05:17,799
♪ Dark ripped ♪
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♪ Shadows of our dead minions ♪
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00:05:21,503 --> 00:05:26,212
♪ Drag me into the abyss ♪
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00:05:29,312 --> 00:05:35,150
♪ He is reborn in the dark light ♪
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00:05:35,151 --> 00:05:36,352
Bleh.
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00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:42,028
♪ He instigates thy doom ♪
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00:05:43,693 --> 00:05:45,260
Turn off the music!
83
00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:46,696
- Turn it off!
- What?
84
00:05:46,996 --> 00:05:49,698
- Turn this music off!
- I can't hear you.
85
00:05:49,699 --> 00:05:50,900
Joe, come on.
86
00:05:51,533 --> 00:05:52,734
Come on.
87
00:05:54,837 --> 00:05:58,442
- You are this close.
- How close?
88
00:06:01,077 --> 00:06:03,881
Damn, man. That shit is tight.
89
00:06:04,046 --> 00:06:08,116
It's called "Your Heart Sucks My Soul."
It's kind of a love song, you know?
90
00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,384
Mm-hmm.
91
00:06:09,385 --> 00:06:11,420
I wrote it as a surprise for Beth.
92
00:06:11,421 --> 00:06:12,622
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
93
00:06:12,922 --> 00:06:17,025
Listen, if that song doesn't
say love and commitment,
94
00:06:17,026 --> 00:06:18,896
I don't know what does.
95
00:06:19,429 --> 00:06:22,697
- We need to have a talk.
- I'm actually way ahead of you.
96
00:06:22,698 --> 00:06:25,301
How about you, me,
dinner, tonight?
97
00:06:25,902 --> 00:06:27,437
Somewhere with a tablecloth?
98
00:06:28,104 --> 00:06:31,139
I got a little something
special I want to give you.
99
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,341
Wait.
100
00:06:32,942 --> 00:06:34,276
Don't tell me it's...
101
00:06:35,277 --> 00:06:36,815
Is it what I think it is?
102
00:06:37,079 --> 00:06:38,280
No.
103
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,083
Yes.
104
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,784
I don't know...
What do you think it is?
105
00:06:42,785 --> 00:06:46,458
Don't do anything big
involving jewelry, okay?
106
00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:49,090
I mean, I need to
concentrate on my career.
107
00:06:49,091 --> 00:06:50,424
It's not the right thing for
that sort of commitment.
108
00:06:50,425 --> 00:06:52,928
Oh, no, no, I get it. Whoa.
109
00:06:52,929 --> 00:06:54,130
It's cool.
110
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:55,531
It's cool.
111
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,766
I mean, why mess with
a good thing, right?
112
00:06:57,767 --> 00:06:59,135
Time out here, Joe.
113
00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:03,606
- You're breaking up with me.
- Will you listen to me?
114
00:07:03,973 --> 00:07:06,641
You have a college degree
in communications studies.
115
00:07:06,642 --> 00:07:07,910
You could be doing
anything you wanted.
116
00:07:07,911 --> 00:07:10,912
Hold up. I am doing what I want.
117
00:07:10,913 --> 00:07:13,849
You live in a fake castle
leeching off your accidental
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00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,989
millionaire loser friend playing
black metal in your bedroom.
119
00:07:17,653 --> 00:07:20,623
- You will never change.
- Uh, it's doom metal.
120
00:07:21,123 --> 00:07:23,925
- Who the fuck asked you?
- Well, he's right.
121
00:07:23,926 --> 00:07:25,796
Gilberto, you're the fucking man.
122
00:07:26,295 --> 00:07:27,496
It was black.
123
00:07:27,663 --> 00:07:30,431
Then we went through a sludge
phase. Now it's more doom.
124
00:07:30,432 --> 00:07:32,868
I need to focus on my
future, my career.
125
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:35,704
It's important that I align myself
with successful people, Joe.
126
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:39,177
I'm sorry, but that's
just how it is.
127
00:08:06,636 --> 00:08:09,137
Hey, dude, where's my plus-3 mace?
128
00:08:09,138 --> 00:08:11,208
Am I thy weapon's keeper?
129
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:18,681
Hey, man.
130
00:08:19,382 --> 00:08:20,649
Found it!
131
00:08:20,650 --> 00:08:21,851
Oh, hey, dude.
132
00:08:23,052 --> 00:08:24,587
You bent my mace.
133
00:08:26,222 --> 00:08:27,758
That's not-that's not cool.
134
00:08:27,857 --> 00:08:29,225
Sorry, man.
135
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,132
My mom made me this mace.
136
00:08:36,399 --> 00:08:38,469
It's still fierce.
137
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,629
Ahh!
138
00:09:43,799 --> 00:09:46,301
- That's a power ballad.
- What's wrong with him?
139
00:09:46,302 --> 00:09:47,570
Oh.
140
00:09:47,571 --> 00:09:49,039
She dumped you, didn't she?
141
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,475
- Fuck off!
- Whoa, nice shot.
142
00:09:54,310 --> 00:09:57,182
So your body is already
subconsciously moving on.
143
00:09:57,947 --> 00:10:00,115
I knew that this day would come.
144
00:10:00,116 --> 00:10:02,917
You had a vision of her just
ripping out my heart, huh?
145
00:10:02,918 --> 00:10:04,152
Yeah.
146
00:10:04,153 --> 00:10:05,987
Thanks for the heads
up, mighty warlock.
147
00:10:05,988 --> 00:10:07,858
I'm a 26-level wizard, buddy.
148
00:10:07,957 --> 00:10:10,692
I know that you know that and
you're just tying to be hurtful.
149
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:11,793
Fucking Beth.
150
00:10:11,794 --> 00:10:13,862
Dude, look, I'm sorry for
what happened, but you two
151
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,632
hadn't been right for each
other for a long time.
152
00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:19,669
It's only the rejection that
hurts. You'll get over that.
153
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:20,903
Maybe she's right.
154
00:10:21,638 --> 00:10:23,872
Maybe...
155
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,841
I should be making some changes.
Maybe I should move out of here.
156
00:10:26,842 --> 00:10:29,045
No, there's no need for drama.
157
00:10:29,311 --> 00:10:32,516
You always have a place
here at meine castle.
158
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,315
I still love her.
159
00:10:34,316 --> 00:10:35,718
We can't leave him like this.
160
00:10:36,485 --> 00:10:38,053
I know.
161
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,489
I'll be fine... Just go.
162
00:10:40,156 --> 00:10:42,026
Go... Kill your fake dragons.
163
00:11:05,147 --> 00:11:06,348
This is awkward.
164
00:11:07,049 --> 00:11:08,551
I know what you need.
165
00:11:09,518 --> 00:11:10,719
Come on.
166
00:11:12,888 --> 00:11:15,025
Come on!
167
00:11:22,398 --> 00:11:23,599
Uh-uh.
168
00:11:24,033 --> 00:11:26,067
I told you, I don't do
that shit any more.
169
00:11:26,068 --> 00:11:29,672
Yeah and the reason you quit
just kicked you to the curb.
170
00:11:29,673 --> 00:11:32,173
So I think it's high time that
you got back in the saddle.
171
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:36,415
It's a sativa, dude. It'll lift
your spirits but not knock you out.
172
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:39,983
Just do it... it's nothing.
173
00:11:45,589 --> 00:11:46,790
Okay.
174
00:12:46,982 --> 00:12:48,416
I love you.
175
00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:50,520
I love you too, Joe.
176
00:13:01,163 --> 00:13:03,300
Sweet Jesus.
177
00:13:14,276 --> 00:13:15,477
Wait.
178
00:13:16,946 --> 00:13:18,147
Oh no.
179
00:13:54,718 --> 00:13:56,587
Fuck me.
180
00:14:03,058 --> 00:14:07,199
Aye, Sir Dragoroth have
been detained by Minerva.
181
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:09,131
...The sea hag.
182
00:14:09,866 --> 00:14:13,534
His bewitchment by the siren's
song shall be the nail
183
00:14:13,535 --> 00:14:17,005
thine army wantst,
King Diamond the Red.
184
00:14:17,006 --> 00:14:18,207
We shall see.
185
00:14:18,742 --> 00:14:21,377
- Until Evermore.
- 'Til Evermore.
186
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,313
Eric!
187
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,216
Hung!
188
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:35,624
Where the fuck are we?
189
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:39,131
'Tis the kingdom of
Eliphaz, my naive friend.
190
00:14:45,234 --> 00:14:47,435
You shanghaied me and dressed me.
191
00:14:47,436 --> 00:14:48,637
Aye.
192
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,071
It just felt right.
193
00:14:50,072 --> 00:14:52,240
Adventuring is exactly
what thou needst.
194
00:14:52,241 --> 00:14:54,810
- "Needst" is not a word.
- Where we are, it is.
195
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,747
I'm taking this shit off.
196
00:14:58,414 --> 00:14:59,648
Whoa!
197
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:03,251
Now is not the time to lose thy
nerve, brave and scorned warrior.
198
00:15:03,252 --> 00:15:07,623
Thou has been recruited to fight
in the glorious army of Kabedrah.
199
00:15:07,624 --> 00:15:10,328
The epic battle of Evermore.
200
00:15:13,797 --> 00:15:15,934
Come, Sir Hung.
201
00:15:32,582 --> 00:15:33,983
That looks terrible.
202
00:15:33,984 --> 00:15:36,250
My three-year-old nephew
could make a better map.
203
00:15:36,251 --> 00:15:37,787
He's got learning disabilities.
204
00:15:39,756 --> 00:15:40,956
It'll have to do.
205
00:15:42,659 --> 00:15:45,259
You, my friend, are on dragon duty.
206
00:15:45,260 --> 00:15:46,996
Take these...
207
00:15:46,997 --> 00:15:50,871
and make sure that
♪ weeee ♪ are good to go.
208
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:52,701
And Dragon Rider!
209
00:15:54,303 --> 00:15:55,806
Just don't fuck with my stereo.
210
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:06,481
Grass is nourished by
the blood of heroes.
211
00:16:06,482 --> 00:16:07,851
Hmm?
212
00:16:08,651 --> 00:16:10,218
- Are you listening?
- Yes.
213
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:11,855
Uh-huh... let's continue.
214
00:16:19,294 --> 00:16:22,934
And here we have Fengyrian Falls.
215
00:16:27,037 --> 00:16:28,238
Oh.
216
00:16:28,805 --> 00:16:32,407
Remember, gentlemen, your
supervision of this script
217
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:36,477
and the monsters contained within
will make this event come alive.
218
00:16:36,478 --> 00:16:37,813
Follow me now.
219
00:16:37,814 --> 00:16:41,215
Adventures lie waiting
like sleeping dragons!
220
00:16:41,216 --> 00:16:43,151
Hah?
221
00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:53,631
And here we have Novum Castellum!
222
00:16:54,064 --> 00:16:58,366
Ah, each band of heroes will complete
a Class Three quest this eve.
223
00:16:58,367 --> 00:17:00,435
By gathering at the
plains of Evermore,
224
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:04,143
the battle betwixt the realms
of King Diamond and Carey.
225
00:17:06,175 --> 00:17:08,255
Though there will be a big
surprise in store for all.
226
00:17:10,245 --> 00:17:14,452
And as game master, I will be
watching over all of this.
227
00:17:16,052 --> 00:17:18,456
You can think of me as God.
228
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,137
Excuse me a minute.
229
00:17:42,745 --> 00:17:46,183
Ah, Gwen. Just whom
I wanted to see.
230
00:17:47,382 --> 00:17:50,552
I have been watching you these
long battle-swept nights
231
00:17:50,553 --> 00:17:53,758
of the campaign and you
have shown your mettle.
232
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:58,696
So, verily, the time has come for
you to ascend to the upper realms.
233
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,362
Oh God.
234
00:18:01,064 --> 00:18:02,597
The game hasn't started
already, has it?
235
00:18:02,598 --> 00:18:03,999
- No.
- We don't have to talk
236
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,300
in Dorkinese yet, do we?
237
00:18:06,301 --> 00:18:10,505
I thought maybe you'd want to be
my assistant head game master
238
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,008
and you could be my right
hand, my right hand...
239
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,210
Ow!
240
00:18:14,944 --> 00:18:16,011
Ooh.
241
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:19,413
I have an idea of what your right hand
spends a lot of time doing, Ronnie.
242
00:18:19,414 --> 00:18:22,350
- That's really personal, Gwen.
- Come, Gunther.
243
00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:31,192
I'll take that as a no for now.
244
00:18:32,962 --> 00:18:34,965
- You okay?
- Shut your mouth.
245
00:18:37,432 --> 00:18:38,835
Onward.
246
00:18:39,602 --> 00:18:40,803
Shut your mouth.
247
00:18:43,174 --> 00:18:46,008
Where the fuck are the keys?
248
00:18:46,009 --> 00:18:47,210
Two floors.
249
00:18:51,147 --> 00:18:52,348
Whoa.
250
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,687
Hey.
251
00:18:58,688 --> 00:19:01,225
Thought you guys only
used foam weapons.
252
00:19:01,691 --> 00:19:03,560
In this world, young Jonen,
253
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,695
you can only put
your trust in steel.
254
00:19:06,696 --> 00:19:10,569
My elite clientele is willing to
pay a premium for authenticity.
255
00:19:12,001 --> 00:19:14,204
Where the fuck are the keys?
256
00:19:14,369 --> 00:19:18,834
Come on, Joe. You played D&D. Live
action role play is the next level.
257
00:19:19,374 --> 00:19:23,045
- D&D was a long time ago.
- Yeah... And you were a legend.
258
00:19:23,046 --> 00:19:26,582
These people here? They sing songs
about the time that you gave
259
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:29,220
Ronnie Kwok's paladin
demonic syphilis.
260
00:19:36,226 --> 00:19:39,527
Do you remember... remember when
we caught Ronnie spanking it
261
00:19:39,528 --> 00:19:42,396
to the succubus picture in
the old monster manual?
262
00:19:42,397 --> 00:19:43,699
Good times, man.
263
00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:45,499
Yeah, and some of us
are still having 'em.
264
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:46,835
Come on!
265
00:19:46,836 --> 00:19:48,870
Eric's about to level
up to Grand Sorcerer.
266
00:19:48,871 --> 00:19:51,408
I'm packing an ounce
of killer 'shrooms.
267
00:19:51,574 --> 00:19:54,445
And there be monsters
in need of pummelin'!
268
00:19:54,744 --> 00:19:56,712
You have a choice:
269
00:19:56,713 --> 00:19:59,214
Join us in tasting the
sweet nectar of victory
270
00:19:59,215 --> 00:20:02,487
or mope around an empty
house all week like a bitch.
271
00:20:06,556 --> 00:20:09,093
You guys do actually
look slightly badass.
272
00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:11,860
It's like a Metalwolf cover.
273
00:20:11,861 --> 00:20:13,128
- Yeah.
- Without the muscles.
274
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,362
No.
275
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,168
All right.
276
00:20:19,368 --> 00:20:20,602
I'm in.
277
00:20:20,603 --> 00:20:21,804
Huzzah!
278
00:20:22,105 --> 00:20:23,371
Please.
279
00:20:23,372 --> 00:20:24,606
Don't make me rethink this.
280
00:20:24,607 --> 00:20:25,975
Nah.
281
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:28,845
Owww...
282
00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:38,858
Welcome to the fields of Evermore!
283
00:20:45,228 --> 00:20:47,729
- Um, Ronnie?
- Yes, Travis.
284
00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:49,096
Where are our costumes?
285
00:20:49,097 --> 00:20:52,134
♪ There is no end to the
tricks up my sleeve ♪
286
00:20:52,135 --> 00:20:53,771
- Wardr'be?
- Yes, sir.
287
00:20:54,604 --> 00:20:56,404
Got it... 42 regular.
288
00:20:56,405 --> 00:20:59,007
42 reg... I think
you'll find it snug.
289
00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:00,474
- Great.
- Freshly laundered.
290
00:21:00,475 --> 00:21:04,817
I'm a trained actor, man.
Not some fucking... stunt monkey.
291
00:21:05,581 --> 00:21:07,784
A weekend improv workshop, my ass.
292
00:21:08,751 --> 00:21:10,152
Ungrateful.
293
00:21:10,153 --> 00:21:12,123
Ah, greetings, enchanter.
294
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,957
I have some surprises
in store for you.
295
00:21:15,958 --> 00:21:19,628
Some creatures with a taste
for flesh of the lowest order.
296
00:21:19,629 --> 00:21:20,696
Hmm?
297
00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:22,764
Parasites, charlatans.
298
00:21:22,765 --> 00:21:27,169
- War profiteers of forbidden weaponry.
- Verily, I say... let it go, dude.
299
00:21:27,170 --> 00:21:28,270
Well.
300
00:21:28,271 --> 00:21:31,643
Marketplace is a battlefield and
to the victor go the spoils.
301
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:33,141
Agreed.
302
00:21:33,142 --> 00:21:36,610
I bring news of a legendary warrior
long absent from this realm
303
00:21:36,611 --> 00:21:39,483
who returnth to replace the
estimable Sir Reginald.
304
00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:44,319
The new warrior is
of course welcome.
305
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:48,156
Wonderful... Jobreyth of Revitt
shall once more fight by my side.
306
00:21:48,157 --> 00:21:49,991
Joe Revitt's here...
What the frak, Eric?
307
00:21:49,992 --> 00:21:53,328
- I hate that guy.
- Ronald, Ronald, why be so petty?
308
00:21:53,329 --> 00:21:56,366
I mean, surely, you're not still
sore about your syphilitic paladin.
309
00:21:57,466 --> 00:22:00,168
Perhaps, the pages of
your monster manual
310
00:22:00,169 --> 00:22:02,571
remain stucketh together?
311
00:22:08,311 --> 00:22:09,847
For old time's sake, he's in.
312
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,382
But...
313
00:22:14,350 --> 00:22:17,052
You must accomplish a
level 12 summoning spell
314
00:22:17,053 --> 00:22:19,590
to animate Joe's character
with Reginald's life-force.
315
00:22:21,657 --> 00:22:23,927
Consider it done, my liege.
316
00:22:27,663 --> 00:22:29,198
Okay, that was a bit much.
317
00:22:30,366 --> 00:22:31,567
Show-off.
318
00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:39,476
Lo, the adventure begins!
319
00:22:40,343 --> 00:22:42,213
Please report for
quest assignments.
320
00:22:42,544 --> 00:22:45,082
Step forward when
your group is called.
321
00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:07,302
Heed this reminder. All guilds
must complete their quest
322
00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:09,506
prior to tomorrow's
battle at Evermore.
323
00:23:10,373 --> 00:23:14,910
Also, Ryan the Necromancer beseeches
thy help in finding his inhaler.
324
00:23:14,911 --> 00:23:16,445
What... Oh.
325
00:23:16,446 --> 00:23:19,082
His inhaler of doom!
326
00:23:19,248 --> 00:23:22,050
And to the owner of the
sperm-white Toyota Tercel,
327
00:23:22,051 --> 00:23:24,286
thy chariot is blocking
the witches' coven.
328
00:23:24,287 --> 00:23:28,156
Move it or you'll be faced with
a hex of great dark magic.
329
00:23:28,157 --> 00:23:29,659
And you'll be towed.
330
00:23:49,912 --> 00:23:51,680
It's a lot like you remember it,
331
00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:55,650
except instead of sitting around
a table, we do it for real.
332
00:23:55,651 --> 00:23:56,918
For fake.
333
00:23:56,919 --> 00:23:58,153
Fake-real, dude.
334
00:23:58,154 --> 00:23:59,422
Don't fuck with me.
335
00:23:59,423 --> 00:24:02,424
And this fake-real
involves, uh, yoga?
336
00:24:02,425 --> 00:24:04,125
Laugh now, but a
structured warm-up routine
337
00:24:04,126 --> 00:24:05,661
helps prevent injury later.
338
00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:08,398
All right... I'll show you.
339
00:24:09,298 --> 00:24:10,733
Come on.
340
00:24:13,503 --> 00:24:14,704
What?
341
00:24:14,871 --> 00:24:16,072
All right.
342
00:24:16,672 --> 00:24:19,542
Arms and legs, one point.
Torso's two.
343
00:24:20,109 --> 00:24:23,648
Limb takes a hit, it's useless
until healing's been cast.
344
00:24:23,679 --> 00:24:26,114
Parry disarm can be
used once per melee
345
00:24:26,115 --> 00:24:28,517
unless you're up against
a two-handed weapon.
346
00:24:28,518 --> 00:24:30,521
Grab your sword, I'll demonstrate.
347
00:24:56,312 --> 00:24:57,512
Finish him!
348
00:25:14,664 --> 00:25:17,265
Got an idea. How about
I just forget the count
349
00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:19,434
- and start wailing on people!
- Dude!
350
00:25:19,435 --> 00:25:22,106
Dude! It's honor system, Man.
351
00:25:22,738 --> 00:25:26,408
Okay, you're all set to join the
battle. I just spoke with Ronnie.
352
00:25:26,409 --> 00:25:28,612
- Oh, except lose the sword.
- Huh?
353
00:25:29,111 --> 00:25:30,779
Yeah, newbs don't get swords.
354
00:25:30,780 --> 00:25:31,981
Um.
355
00:25:33,115 --> 00:25:37,322
Wait, I have to earn the
right to carry a foam stick?
356
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,591
'Tis not the size of the young
knave's blade, but the lust
357
00:25:41,592 --> 00:25:44,129
in his thrust by which
legends are made.
358
00:25:46,128 --> 00:25:47,696
Oh!
359
00:25:47,697 --> 00:25:48,898
Jobreyth!
360
00:25:49,432 --> 00:25:52,738
There is one more thing
you're going to need to do.
361
00:26:03,312 --> 00:26:04,879
Verily?
362
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,816
- This is retarded.
- Guys, pentagrams?
363
00:26:07,817 --> 00:26:09,484
Man, we don't roll that
way here, all right?
364
00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:11,886
This is the LARP, not the
Wicker Man Wiccan cosplay.
365
00:26:11,887 --> 00:26:13,289
Nay.
366
00:26:14,591 --> 00:26:16,160
'Tis in the book, dude.
367
00:26:18,327 --> 00:26:19,695
Okay.
368
00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:25,367
Um, Eric.
369
00:26:26,902 --> 00:26:29,774
They be the rest of our
traveling companions.
370
00:26:31,173 --> 00:26:34,712
Stand back and witness the
spectacle of my animation spell.
371
00:26:37,813 --> 00:26:39,682
- Ready?
- Oh, for God's sake.
372
00:27:40,476 --> 00:27:43,114
Ahh!
373
00:27:47,083 --> 00:27:48,284
Beth?
374
00:27:49,018 --> 00:27:50,453
Beth?
375
00:27:52,589 --> 00:27:55,193
Ahh!
376
00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:09,406
- How awesome was that!
- A-plus, motherfucker.
377
00:28:12,374 --> 00:28:16,377
Arise, Jobreyth. Breathe
fresh the air once again.
378
00:28:18,214 --> 00:28:19,784
What the fuck was that... it hurt.
379
00:28:21,383 --> 00:28:23,551
Methinks you should not
be so much of a pussy.
380
00:28:23,552 --> 00:28:26,087
Don't tell me you've never
played with fireworks before.
381
00:28:26,088 --> 00:28:27,455
Not like that.
382
00:28:27,456 --> 00:28:31,130
What was with the faces,
the smells, everything?
383
00:28:31,728 --> 00:28:33,229
What was that?
384
00:28:33,730 --> 00:28:35,731
I tell you what I see.
385
00:28:35,732 --> 00:28:37,233
A warrior...
386
00:28:39,736 --> 00:28:42,273
who can't let go of his past.
387
00:28:42,739 --> 00:28:44,608
What are you doing?
388
00:28:46,576 --> 00:28:47,809
Wow.
389
00:28:47,810 --> 00:28:49,077
What was that?
390
00:28:49,078 --> 00:28:52,013
Ex-girlfriend!
Jobryeth needeth closure!
391
00:28:52,649 --> 00:28:54,184
It's not like that.
392
00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:55,950
'Tis no matter to me, apprentice.
393
00:28:55,951 --> 00:28:58,755
What the shit is going on?
Why is there smoke?
394
00:28:59,589 --> 00:29:02,490
Eric, I said a basic summoning
spell, not one of your
395
00:29:02,491 --> 00:29:04,159
non-regulation
pyrotechnic displays.
396
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,632
This was more befitting
a 27th level sorcerer.
397
00:29:07,764 --> 00:29:10,267
Which you are not yet.
398
00:29:11,635 --> 00:29:12,836
What's up, Joe?
399
00:29:14,170 --> 00:29:18,406
Needst I remindst thou the
Temple of Syrinx awaits.
400
00:29:18,407 --> 00:29:19,642
Don't be a buzzkill, Ronnie.
401
00:29:19,643 --> 00:29:20,909
Ah.
402
00:29:20,910 --> 00:29:22,345
Come, Gunther.
403
00:29:25,848 --> 00:29:27,115
♪ Buzzkill ♪
404
00:29:27,116 --> 00:29:28,349
What?
405
00:29:28,350 --> 00:29:31,355
♪ Buzzkill ♪
406
00:29:47,503 --> 00:29:49,470
How you doing there, Captain Trips?
407
00:29:49,471 --> 00:29:50,706
Verily.
408
00:29:50,707 --> 00:29:52,910
There be a fungus among us.
409
00:29:53,943 --> 00:29:56,815
Is it your fungus
that's fucking with me?
410
00:29:56,879 --> 00:30:00,215
'Cause if you did slip me some
'shrooms, why's it feel like
411
00:30:00,216 --> 00:30:02,651
I got bent over and taken
advantage of back there?
412
00:30:02,652 --> 00:30:05,189
Perhaps thine reach exceeds
thy grasp, "vizard".
413
00:30:05,655 --> 00:30:07,858
So who are our comrades, Enchanter?
414
00:30:08,958 --> 00:30:10,159
Right.
415
00:30:10,292 --> 00:30:12,026
That be Lando, the pious.
416
00:30:12,027 --> 00:30:14,764
Watch him in battle... Complete
weasel, but entertaining.
417
00:30:15,364 --> 00:30:16,632
You'll see.
418
00:30:16,633 --> 00:30:17,966
Sir Gunther, the mighty.
419
00:30:17,967 --> 00:30:20,034
Head case with a big stick.
420
00:30:20,035 --> 00:30:22,337
He is unique and crazy.
421
00:30:22,338 --> 00:30:23,539
And...
422
00:30:24,173 --> 00:30:25,574
And Guinevere the fearless,
423
00:30:25,575 --> 00:30:28,644
who's plus-three ass perfection
should keep the memory
424
00:30:28,645 --> 00:30:30,979
of She Who Shall Not
Be Mentioned at bay.
425
00:30:30,980 --> 00:30:32,181
Plus-three?
426
00:30:32,982 --> 00:30:34,852
Clearly you underestimate
my endowments.
427
00:30:38,822 --> 00:30:41,022
Look, your party has
disturbed a nest!
428
00:30:41,023 --> 00:30:42,257
Demon apes!
429
00:30:42,258 --> 00:30:43,524
What the fuck?
430
00:30:43,525 --> 00:30:44,894
Play on!
431
00:30:47,329 --> 00:30:50,101
One of the beasts deals Sir Hung
the Glutinous a stunning blow!
432
00:30:57,908 --> 00:30:59,276
Haha!
433
00:31:01,711 --> 00:31:03,914
Great way to spend the weekend.
434
00:31:04,246 --> 00:31:07,118
Sweating my balls off
in a monkey outfit.
435
00:31:08,450 --> 00:31:10,420
I don't know where the hell I am.
436
00:31:14,356 --> 00:31:15,423
Wha...
437
00:31:15,424 --> 00:31:16,524
Who's there?
438
00:31:16,525 --> 00:31:18,930
Hello, apelings?
439
00:31:25,568 --> 00:31:27,636
- Dude... Joe! Little help here.
- Huh?
440
00:31:27,637 --> 00:31:30,371
Help us kill some freaking apes!
441
00:31:30,372 --> 00:31:32,242
You here for the LARP?
442
00:31:33,542 --> 00:31:37,182
The live, the LARP?
443
00:31:40,215 --> 00:31:41,583
Do you maybe have a map?
444
00:31:41,584 --> 00:31:43,752
Oh, wow.
445
00:31:43,753 --> 00:31:47,927
'Cause I, um... I sort
of lost my way.
446
00:31:49,759 --> 00:31:52,296
Got separated from the group.
447
00:31:56,967 --> 00:31:59,037
Oh... kay.
448
00:32:02,605 --> 00:32:04,340
Jobryeth!
449
00:32:08,778 --> 00:32:12,484
Gonna... kill... your...
monkey... asses!
450
00:32:13,015 --> 00:32:14,783
Jobryeth takes a lethal
strike to the back!
451
00:32:14,784 --> 00:32:16,017
Huh?
452
00:32:16,018 --> 00:32:18,322
- Bullshit... 'Tis a lie!
- Halt!
453
00:32:20,289 --> 00:32:23,590
Game master saw a palpable hit and an
unconscious man throwing weaponry...
454
00:32:23,616 --> 00:32:26,529
weaponry that is beyond the
expertise of your lowly character.
455
00:32:27,998 --> 00:32:30,933
I don't understand what you
said, but I'm gonna sit down.
456
00:32:30,934 --> 00:32:32,569
Three, two, one, play on!
457
00:32:35,005 --> 00:32:37,606
Got separated from my group.
458
00:32:37,607 --> 00:32:42,548
You too? Uh, well, maybe then we
should stick together and both look.
459
00:32:43,445 --> 00:32:44,646
Oh.
460
00:32:45,047 --> 00:32:46,849
Oh, wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.
461
00:32:46,850 --> 00:32:50,051
If this is some sort of Fury
fetish, then I don't mind at all!
462
00:32:50,052 --> 00:32:51,253
Oh wow!
463
00:32:51,821 --> 00:32:53,189
Oh wow!
464
00:32:59,696 --> 00:33:02,600
Oh, okay, sure.
465
00:33:05,534 --> 00:33:08,072
From the ground,
thy wounds be bound.
466
00:33:08,671 --> 00:33:10,607
Regeneration spell successful!
467
00:33:13,375 --> 00:33:15,378
Still thy tongue lest I remove it!
468
00:33:17,047 --> 00:33:18,415
Lightning bolt!
469
00:33:19,849 --> 00:33:21,082
Lightning bolt!
470
00:33:21,083 --> 00:33:23,954
You my bitch... Ow!
Same side, same side!
471
00:33:23,987 --> 00:33:25,353
Be gone, demon apes!
472
00:33:31,393 --> 00:33:32,762
Oh shit.
473
00:33:34,664 --> 00:33:35,865
Damn.
474
00:33:39,736 --> 00:33:41,235
Lando has been dealt
a mortal blow.
475
00:33:41,236 --> 00:33:45,110
'Tis a lie... I had a spell
of simian protection up.
476
00:33:45,374 --> 00:33:47,577
Fine, kill the brown guy first.
477
00:33:56,086 --> 00:33:57,920
The great ape has been vanquished!
478
00:33:57,921 --> 00:34:00,555
- Huzzah!
- Yeah.
479
00:34:00,723 --> 00:34:02,891
Now remember, before
convening at the battle,
480
00:34:02,892 --> 00:34:05,095
this party has a quest to
loot the temple of Syrinx
481
00:34:05,096 --> 00:34:07,596
which needeth completion, so...
482
00:34:07,597 --> 00:34:09,765
Perhaps the party should split
up for to cover more ground.
483
00:34:09,766 --> 00:34:11,199
Capital idea, Sir Lando.
484
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:15,369
Take Sir Hung the Capable and explore
yon forest for the fabled temple.
485
00:34:15,370 --> 00:34:18,073
Verily... We shall meet thee
at Evermore if not before.
486
00:34:18,074 --> 00:34:19,641
Godspeed to you and thine servant.
487
00:34:19,642 --> 00:34:20,909
Servant?
488
00:34:20,910 --> 00:34:23,512
I'm an apprentice.
Fucketh you very much.
489
00:34:23,613 --> 00:34:24,713
Easy.
490
00:34:24,714 --> 00:34:27,783
I beseech thee to give him
wide berth as he is pained
491
00:34:27,784 --> 00:34:31,653
by a riven heart torn asunder by
the cruelty of an untrue maiden.
492
00:34:31,654 --> 00:34:34,623
- Enough with that shit, please.
- Easy, my liege.
493
00:34:34,624 --> 00:34:37,261
I told these guys
that thou were cool.
494
00:34:41,631 --> 00:34:42,832
Ah, at last.
495
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,471
The simpletons and heretics
have left our brotherhood.
496
00:34:48,071 --> 00:34:51,806
However, it occureth to me that mine
apprentice has forgotten something.
497
00:34:51,808 --> 00:34:53,009
Yo?
498
00:34:53,143 --> 00:34:56,015
Thou must return to the
kingdom of Eliphaz.
499
00:34:56,478 --> 00:34:58,983
- Uh...
- Parking lot.
500
00:34:59,348 --> 00:35:00,481
Parking lot.
501
00:35:00,482 --> 00:35:03,351
And fetch the amulet of
Kokun from our transport,
502
00:35:03,352 --> 00:35:06,788
for it shall be needed at
the battle of Evermore.
503
00:35:06,789 --> 00:35:09,727
So go to the parking lot to
get something you forgot.
504
00:35:12,194 --> 00:35:13,562
Aye.
505
00:35:14,463 --> 00:35:16,798
I shall join you on your mission.
506
00:35:16,799 --> 00:35:19,635
The forest is no place for
an unarmed adventurer.
507
00:35:19,636 --> 00:35:20,869
Let's go.
508
00:35:20,870 --> 00:35:22,405
Act... It's this way.
509
00:35:24,273 --> 00:35:25,641
Yes.
510
00:35:32,949 --> 00:35:34,217
Hey, man.
511
00:35:36,385 --> 00:35:39,436
Attention all teams.
Upon completion of your quests,
512
00:35:39,462 --> 00:35:43,291
you may head to the battlefield to
prepare your camp for the night.
513
00:35:43,292 --> 00:35:47,697
But as always, be on guard for the
evil scourge from beyond our borders.
514
00:35:48,497 --> 00:35:52,870
You know, those redneck paintball jerks
who crashed our centaur hunt last week.
515
00:35:53,069 --> 00:35:55,439
Prithee, take care.
516
00:36:00,542 --> 00:36:03,414
Is that you, fellow
denizens of Elves' realms?
517
00:36:04,047 --> 00:36:06,250
Speakers of Elvish?
518
00:36:23,233 --> 00:36:25,771
Um, do you have a map maybe?
519
00:36:26,736 --> 00:36:28,271
Do I know you?
520
00:36:29,172 --> 00:36:31,375
Are you here for the LARP?
521
00:36:31,941 --> 00:36:36,148
Was it the robes or the pointy
ears that gave it away?
522
00:36:36,246 --> 00:36:40,788
'Cause I sort of lost my way and
got separated from the group.
523
00:36:41,017 --> 00:36:42,218
Oh, no.
524
00:36:42,619 --> 00:36:45,490
You're one of those freaky
vampire LARPers, right?
525
00:36:45,588 --> 00:36:46,789
Wrong weekend, honey.
526
00:36:47,790 --> 00:36:49,659
I don't mind at all.
527
00:36:51,561 --> 00:36:55,902
I think thou art marching down
the wrong battlefield, sweetie.
528
00:36:56,633 --> 00:36:58,903
Now if you'll excuse me.
529
00:37:19,989 --> 00:37:21,923
If I didn't know better, Jobryeth,
530
00:37:21,924 --> 00:37:23,959
I'd say you were
having fun back there.
531
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:25,495
Ooh, no I wasn't.
532
00:37:27,263 --> 00:37:30,098
Okay, a little. But you
can't tell anyone.
533
00:37:31,734 --> 00:37:35,469
I wouldn't even know what LARP
was if it weren't for Gunther.
534
00:37:35,470 --> 00:37:37,973
He's a little hardcore with this.
535
00:37:38,675 --> 00:37:41,509
Well, at least you're supporting
your boyfriend's interests.
536
00:37:41,510 --> 00:37:43,380
- A lot of girls...
- Boyfriend?
537
00:37:43,512 --> 00:37:44,713
God, no.
538
00:37:46,182 --> 00:37:47,684
Gunther's my cousin.
539
00:37:49,585 --> 00:37:52,790
He's a good kid, but he
never breaks character.
540
00:37:53,122 --> 00:37:54,323
Whoa, whoa, wait.
541
00:37:55,591 --> 00:37:57,126
He never breaks character?
542
00:37:57,193 --> 00:38:00,732
He truly believes he's in
another time and a place.
543
00:38:03,333 --> 00:38:06,101
But his folks don't let him
come to these things alone.
544
00:38:06,102 --> 00:38:07,637
So you're warrior-sitting then?
545
00:38:07,970 --> 00:38:10,706
Well, after the Medieval
Times incident,
546
00:38:10,707 --> 00:38:14,343
I seem to be the only
one he listens to.
547
00:38:14,344 --> 00:38:15,880
The Medieval Times incident?
548
00:38:19,048 --> 00:38:21,685
Mom thought it would be
cute to take him there.
549
00:38:22,517 --> 00:38:25,486
He jumped the wall and sent the
Red Knight to the hospital.
550
00:38:27,023 --> 00:38:28,224
Sorry.
551
00:38:28,523 --> 00:38:30,259
Not funny.
552
00:38:41,371 --> 00:38:43,675
I've got this.
553
00:39:16,773 --> 00:39:19,410
Ooh!
554
00:39:23,512 --> 00:39:25,282
Um, miss.
555
00:39:27,917 --> 00:39:29,118
The fuck?
556
00:39:30,853 --> 00:39:33,524
Spell of protection.
557
00:39:34,557 --> 00:39:35,758
It's too late.
558
00:39:36,392 --> 00:39:37,593
Drop.
559
00:39:38,261 --> 00:39:39,964
To the nether realms.
560
00:39:55,077 --> 00:39:56,646
My lady?
561
00:40:01,083 --> 00:40:02,685
Very impressive.
562
00:40:05,321 --> 00:40:07,255
All I'm saying is we'll be
taken more seriously
563
00:40:07,256 --> 00:40:09,724
if we refer to
ourselves as sprites.
564
00:40:09,725 --> 00:40:11,392
Can we please stay in character?
565
00:40:11,393 --> 00:40:12,961
You guys sound like a
bunch of little girls.
566
00:40:12,962 --> 00:40:14,429
If anyone would know
about little girls...
567
00:40:14,430 --> 00:40:15,496
Okay.
568
00:40:15,497 --> 00:40:17,299
I tried to handle this in
private, but if you wanna
569
00:40:17,300 --> 00:40:19,734
do this here and now,
standing in the woods,
570
00:40:19,735 --> 00:40:22,103
dressed like fucking
fairies, so be it.
571
00:40:22,104 --> 00:40:25,141
Lo, perhaps thou art
having thine monthlies.
572
00:40:25,441 --> 00:40:26,675
Out of game.
573
00:40:26,676 --> 00:40:28,211
Out of game? Okay.
574
00:40:28,510 --> 00:40:30,679
Fine... What the
hell's your problem?
575
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:32,814
You're the one who
wanted to experiment.
576
00:40:32,815 --> 00:40:35,283
Don't blame me if you can't
handle the consequences.
577
00:40:35,284 --> 00:40:37,185
It was fine as long as
it was all about you,
578
00:40:37,186 --> 00:40:40,690
- but heaven forbid I enjoy it.
- You saw her without me.
579
00:40:40,957 --> 00:40:42,924
That wasn't part of the deal.
580
00:40:42,925 --> 00:40:44,227
I'm heading back to camp.
581
00:40:44,861 --> 00:40:45,961
Go.
582
00:40:45,962 --> 00:40:50,001
Someday someone's gonna tear your heart
out and you'll know exactly how I feel.
583
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:52,401
Sprites!
584
00:40:52,969 --> 00:40:54,504
Let's fly.
585
00:41:30,706 --> 00:41:32,841
You look like one of those...
586
00:41:32,842 --> 00:41:35,914
freaky vampire LARPers.
587
00:41:41,350 --> 00:41:43,220
Maybe we should stick together.
588
00:41:45,988 --> 00:41:48,025
Maybe.
589
00:42:47,049 --> 00:42:49,818
As you approach the Exalted
Township of Valinore,
590
00:42:49,819 --> 00:42:54,026
you notice that your own path
intersect ♪ with another ♪.
591
00:42:58,595 --> 00:43:01,329
Sir Hung, he is rustling
just across the way.
592
00:43:01,330 --> 00:43:04,202
I can hear the breeze on my skin.
593
00:43:05,334 --> 00:43:07,337
'Tis burnt orange.
594
00:43:08,170 --> 00:43:09,437
Bad at English.
595
00:43:09,438 --> 00:43:11,940
- The fuck's he saying?
- I don't know.
596
00:43:11,941 --> 00:43:14,144
There is electricity in the air.
597
00:43:16,078 --> 00:43:18,680
Okay, Ronnie, so if he goes insane,
can I inherit his experience points?
598
00:43:18,681 --> 00:43:21,282
You're obsessed with experience points.
No, let's not talk about that now.
599
00:43:21,283 --> 00:43:23,785
I'm just saying, that's a waste
of experience. I can use it.
600
00:43:23,786 --> 00:43:26,490
Still thy cowardly tongue.
601
00:43:27,658 --> 00:43:29,293
Oh, holy shit.
602
00:43:30,926 --> 00:43:33,129
Prepare thineself
for battle, witch.
603
00:43:34,030 --> 00:43:35,463
Do I know you?
604
00:43:35,464 --> 00:43:37,365
All right, Hung, I don't
know what you're on,
605
00:43:37,366 --> 00:43:38,533
but I think it's
clouding your judgment.
606
00:43:38,534 --> 00:43:40,404
- She looks...
- Nay, game master.
607
00:43:41,672 --> 00:43:45,846
The scales have finally
fallen from mine eyes.
608
00:43:52,982 --> 00:43:56,317
Miss, are you okay?
Have you been in an accident?
609
00:43:56,318 --> 00:43:58,755
'Tis no accident! Go no closer!
610
00:43:59,556 --> 00:44:02,558
Although I have gazed
upon thine visage before,
611
00:44:02,559 --> 00:44:05,994
'tis only by the light of yon moon
612
00:44:05,995 --> 00:44:10,566
hast thou true nature
revealed itself!
613
00:44:10,567 --> 00:44:13,234
Okay, Hung, ease up there, buddy.
I think she really needs some help.
614
00:44:13,235 --> 00:44:15,136
Excuse me, my lady, do you
really need some help?
615
00:44:15,137 --> 00:44:19,140
Fuck you and the moustache
you rode in on!
616
00:44:26,415 --> 00:44:27,683
Oh, fuck!
617
00:44:27,684 --> 00:44:29,586
I'm... outta here.
618
00:44:51,608 --> 00:44:56,149
'Tis a cruel act of the gods to
waste such a sweet backside...
619
00:44:57,847 --> 00:45:00,584
on such a filthy beast.
620
00:46:48,390 --> 00:46:50,093
It gets me every time.
621
00:46:50,727 --> 00:46:51,928
Huh.
622
00:46:52,294 --> 00:46:53,495
Come here.
623
00:47:01,170 --> 00:47:03,338
The noise came from
around here somewhere.
624
00:47:03,339 --> 00:47:05,109
Just keep your wits.
625
00:47:14,516 --> 00:47:15,885
Oh God.
626
00:47:17,519 --> 00:47:21,526
Oh lord, he's dead.
627
00:47:27,162 --> 00:47:28,363
Oh shit.
628
00:47:31,668 --> 00:47:32,869
What the hell?
629
00:47:36,171 --> 00:47:37,372
I don't understand.
630
00:47:39,743 --> 00:47:41,509
All right, we gotta keep going.
631
00:47:41,510 --> 00:47:45,179
We gotta get Eric, your crazy
cousin and call the cops.
632
00:47:48,017 --> 00:47:50,421
What was that?
633
00:47:53,924 --> 00:47:56,094
Shit.
634
00:47:59,061 --> 00:48:00,896
Joe, what are you doing?
635
00:48:00,897 --> 00:48:02,432
There's someone in there.
636
00:48:02,933 --> 00:48:04,970
I know, that's what
I'm worried about.
637
00:48:31,126 --> 00:48:33,662
- You're not gonna sing, Joe, are you?
- What?
638
00:48:33,797 --> 00:48:35,867
Tell me you're not gonna sing.
639
00:48:38,334 --> 00:48:41,273
Not right now, baby.
640
00:48:52,949 --> 00:48:54,986
No, no, no.
641
00:48:55,618 --> 00:48:57,153
No, no, no, no!
642
00:48:57,419 --> 00:48:58,654
Gunther!
643
00:48:58,655 --> 00:48:59,922
Gunther!
644
00:48:59,923 --> 00:49:01,124
Ease up!
645
00:49:01,357 --> 00:49:03,527
Stay your hand, mighty warlord.
646
00:49:05,361 --> 00:49:08,832
Evil has befallen him. His
handiwork is all around us.
647
00:49:10,532 --> 00:49:13,337
We heard you and we thought
it might be whoever...
648
00:49:14,971 --> 00:49:16,573
did this.
649
00:49:23,178 --> 00:49:26,816
Where's... where's Ronnie? Lando?
650
00:49:27,984 --> 00:49:29,185
Do not enter.
651
00:49:30,052 --> 00:49:31,687
One cannot cheat death forever.
652
00:49:41,330 --> 00:49:43,835
This is not good.
653
00:49:47,971 --> 00:49:50,639
Joe, what the fuck
is going on here?
654
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,141
I don't know what's going on.
But I want to talk to Ronnie.
655
00:49:53,142 --> 00:49:56,845
Ronnie? You think Ronnie
is responsible for this?
656
00:49:56,846 --> 00:49:59,048
What am I supposed to think?
657
00:49:59,049 --> 00:50:01,586
You guys and your quest
for authenticity.
658
00:50:01,684 --> 00:50:02,918
Oh, come...
659
00:50:02,919 --> 00:50:05,387
Real weapons. In-game bullshit.
660
00:50:05,722 --> 00:50:09,193
- Archaic books.
- Ugh, the evil book again, huh?
661
00:50:09,491 --> 00:50:11,359
It would surprise me not, "vizard,"
662
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:15,229
if thou hath brought forth something
vile and unholy, a pox upon mankind.
663
00:50:15,230 --> 00:50:16,431
Gunther!
664
00:50:20,235 --> 00:50:21,737
We're out of game here, man.
665
00:50:21,738 --> 00:50:24,272
Somebody tell me what
the hell's going on here.
666
00:50:24,273 --> 00:50:28,814
Hell, indeed, is going on. The
"vizard" has summoned evil.
667
00:50:30,713 --> 00:50:33,949
And most likely while thy apprentice was
in the circle, he has been made unholy.
668
00:50:33,950 --> 00:50:35,151
Gunther.
669
00:50:35,517 --> 00:50:37,418
I cannot tell you whether
'twas man or beast,
670
00:50:37,419 --> 00:50:40,521
but I can tell you surely
it was not Jobryeth.
671
00:50:40,522 --> 00:50:42,256
We need to get out of here.
672
00:50:42,257 --> 00:50:46,294
What we need to do is avenge the
poor souls taken here this eve.
673
00:50:46,295 --> 00:50:47,496
With what?
674
00:50:48,130 --> 00:50:49,331
Foam sticks?
675
00:50:49,799 --> 00:50:51,000
Jobryeth is right.
676
00:50:52,602 --> 00:50:56,107
We need weapons from my
private reserve of steel.
677
00:50:57,707 --> 00:50:59,108
Thou speakests Sense.
678
00:51:00,710 --> 00:51:02,579
Let us return to camp.
679
00:51:04,546 --> 00:51:05,947
And arm ourselves.
680
00:51:07,984 --> 00:51:13,095
While they call for help...
reinforcements.
681
00:51:17,159 --> 00:51:18,360
Very well.
682
00:51:20,630 --> 00:51:22,097
I am watching you.
683
00:51:22,098 --> 00:51:25,872
We all feel safer for that.
684
00:51:30,740 --> 00:51:32,808
Oh fuckity fuck.
685
00:51:32,809 --> 00:51:34,846
Oh my... God!
686
00:51:40,950 --> 00:51:43,619
Get a hold of yourself, man.
Get a hold of yourself, man!
687
00:51:43,620 --> 00:51:47,288
What the fuck was that, man?
Oh my God, she was not normal!
688
00:51:47,289 --> 00:51:50,494
She was like some kind
of she-beast from the...
689
00:51:51,426 --> 00:51:53,962
Oh, my sweet shit.
690
00:51:53,963 --> 00:51:57,532
Oh my sweet, sweet shit.
Eric, you fucking asshole.
691
00:51:57,533 --> 00:51:59,403
I have to warn him.
692
00:51:59,969 --> 00:52:01,337
Where the fuck am I?
693
00:52:07,476 --> 00:52:11,483
They suck at making maps!
Where the hell am I!
694
00:52:14,651 --> 00:52:18,488
- Why is there no one here?
- Shouldn't someone be here?
695
00:52:18,555 --> 00:52:22,057
Come on, the best way for us to help
is to drive somewhere and get some.
696
00:52:22,058 --> 00:52:25,529
That's not what was agreed upon.
We were to seek vengeance.
697
00:52:25,728 --> 00:52:27,096
Where are the weapons?
698
00:52:29,732 --> 00:52:33,403
Weapons are in here, okay?
Now come on, let's go.
699
00:52:42,411 --> 00:52:44,614
Where the fuck is my phone?
700
00:52:44,681 --> 00:52:45,847
Anyone?
701
00:52:47,717 --> 00:52:48,918
Sweet Jesus, Man.
702
00:52:50,687 --> 00:52:51,888
Sorry, dude.
703
00:52:52,088 --> 00:52:55,293
There's some weird shit
going on out there, man.
704
00:52:55,390 --> 00:52:56,692
Oh... kay.
705
00:52:56,693 --> 00:52:59,327
We gotta call 9-1-1.
Do you have a cell phone?
706
00:52:59,328 --> 00:53:01,429
9-1-1 is just gonna
route a cell call.
707
00:53:01,430 --> 00:53:04,866
What you ought to do is call the
Sky Valley Sheriff directly.
708
00:53:04,867 --> 00:53:06,736
I can get the number.
709
00:53:07,536 --> 00:53:09,537
Call Sky Valley Sheriff.
710
00:53:18,881 --> 00:53:20,381
Sky Valley Sheriff.
711
00:53:20,382 --> 00:53:22,550
There's been an accident at
the state park campgrounds.
712
00:53:22,551 --> 00:53:23,919
You gotta get here
as soon as you can.
713
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:25,519
Hold up now...
What kind of accident?
714
00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:27,054
Well, there's this
LARP event going on...
715
00:53:27,055 --> 00:53:28,724
Wait a minute, LARP like,
like dressed up
716
00:53:28,725 --> 00:53:31,459
- like wizards and shit?
- Yeah, like that.
717
00:53:31,460 --> 00:53:32,894
But this is serious.
718
00:53:32,895 --> 00:53:36,098
It wasn't just one of those paintballer
pranks, people are in danger.
719
00:53:36,099 --> 00:53:37,733
You stay put...
We'll be right there.
720
00:53:37,734 --> 00:53:38,935
Oh, thank god.
721
00:53:40,069 --> 00:53:41,270
Tommy!
722
00:53:41,571 --> 00:53:44,842
Tommy, get your ass up.
We gotta get going.
723
00:53:52,615 --> 00:53:55,753
Hey, Randy. Rise and shine, buddy.
724
00:53:55,785 --> 00:53:58,419
We got a cold dish of get
back that needs serving.
725
00:53:58,420 --> 00:54:01,859
Get your cousin and get your gear.
Imma pick you up in 10.
726
00:54:11,801 --> 00:54:15,170
Whoa, this does not look
like regulation game play.
727
00:54:15,171 --> 00:54:17,906
Are you guys out of game or not?
728
00:54:17,907 --> 00:54:21,446
We're so far outta game,
we're somehow back in it.
729
00:54:21,510 --> 00:54:23,779
I thought you said
there were bodies.
730
00:54:23,780 --> 00:54:26,782
- What are you guys up to?
- Where be the game master?
731
00:54:26,783 --> 00:54:29,320
Where be our hordes
for glorious combat?
732
00:54:29,619 --> 00:54:33,120
Everyone else completed their mission
and camped out on the battlefield.
733
00:54:33,121 --> 00:54:34,589
Are you guys gonna camp
734
00:54:34,590 --> 00:54:37,127
- or just stay up all night?
- Right.
735
00:54:38,094 --> 00:54:40,829
I must fight the
evil at its source!
736
00:54:42,665 --> 00:54:43,866
Gunther!
737
00:54:46,435 --> 00:54:50,972
You guys are on another planet.
You know drugs are off-limit out here.
738
00:54:50,973 --> 00:54:53,642
- How far's the battlefield?
- Ronnie Kwok's gonna hear about this.
739
00:54:53,643 --> 00:54:55,944
- How far!
- Take it easy.
740
00:54:55,945 --> 00:54:57,815
That way through the forest.
741
00:54:58,715 --> 00:54:59,815
I'm out.
742
00:54:59,816 --> 00:55:01,017
Great.
743
00:55:01,150 --> 00:55:03,784
- Now can we get the hell out of here?
- You kidding?
744
00:55:03,785 --> 00:55:05,154
We can't leave Gunther.
745
00:55:08,490 --> 00:55:09,691
No.
746
00:55:10,492 --> 00:55:11,693
Joe.
747
00:55:12,195 --> 00:55:14,065
Goddamn it, Joe!
748
00:55:22,238 --> 00:55:25,210
Hey, what is that?
749
00:55:28,745 --> 00:55:32,217
Are they... I think they're...
750
00:55:35,351 --> 00:55:37,354
...is that Eddie?
751
00:55:43,059 --> 00:55:45,396
Beth?
752
00:55:47,196 --> 00:55:48,397
Beth!
753
00:55:48,664 --> 00:55:50,867
Holy shit, that's your
psychotic girlfriend?
754
00:55:51,167 --> 00:55:52,937
Ex-girlfriend.
755
00:55:56,706 --> 00:55:59,043
This is so fucked up.
756
00:56:01,711 --> 00:56:02,979
Guys.
757
00:56:05,415 --> 00:56:06,918
Dude, what...
758
00:56:08,584 --> 00:56:10,286
Hey.
759
00:56:21,631 --> 00:56:24,199
- I'll tell you what I see.
- Tell you what I see.
760
00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:25,401
- A warrior.
- Warrior.
761
00:56:25,701 --> 00:56:29,305
- Who can't let go of his past.
- Oh shit.
762
00:56:30,740 --> 00:56:33,242
This has something to do with the
photo of me and Beth at Prom.
763
00:56:33,243 --> 00:56:34,475
What?
764
00:56:34,476 --> 00:56:37,045
Yeah, in the book, the
fucking eBay book, man.
765
00:56:37,046 --> 00:56:39,381
What... Get the fuck out, man.
766
00:56:39,382 --> 00:56:42,083
No, I had the photo with me
when you summoned this...
767
00:56:42,084 --> 00:56:44,587
whatever this is with the book.
768
00:56:44,720 --> 00:56:47,256
Eric, use the book to send that
bitch back wherever she came from!
769
00:56:47,257 --> 00:56:48,489
I don't know how?
770
00:56:48,490 --> 00:56:51,762
I just picked a page
at random earlier.
771
00:56:52,061 --> 00:56:54,095
Well then, just pick another...
772
00:56:54,096 --> 00:56:56,968
pick another page and
hurry the fuck up.
773
00:56:59,268 --> 00:57:00,501
Sing it.
774
00:57:00,502 --> 00:57:01,703
Sing it, wizard.
775
00:57:28,764 --> 00:57:29,998
That was for Hung!
776
00:57:29,999 --> 00:57:31,367
Take that, bitch!
777
00:57:31,467 --> 00:57:35,141
That was sung by
Eric the Enchanter.
778
00:57:37,974 --> 00:57:39,207
What?
779
00:57:39,208 --> 00:57:41,677
- You just let her get away.
- Excuse me?
780
00:57:42,278 --> 00:57:44,548
She just went off into the woods
to die like a wounded animal.
781
00:57:44,614 --> 00:57:46,314
Gimme the book.
782
00:57:46,315 --> 00:57:47,516
- Fuck!
- God.
783
00:57:48,317 --> 00:57:50,118
This is the "Sigillum Aemeth."
Where did you get this book?
784
00:57:50,119 --> 00:57:51,353
Uh, why?
785
00:57:51,354 --> 00:57:52,722
Shut up, never mind.
786
00:57:56,659 --> 00:57:58,728
Did you read this page?
787
00:58:00,630 --> 00:58:01,998
Um.
788
00:58:03,699 --> 00:58:04,798
- Why?
- Did you read it?
789
00:58:04,799 --> 00:58:06,669
Yes, yes... Holy fuck, yes.
790
00:58:07,236 --> 00:58:10,572
We read it and it scared that
crazy chick back to hell
791
00:58:10,573 --> 00:58:12,340
or wherever the fuck she came from.
792
00:58:12,341 --> 00:58:14,709
If that doesn't get me to level
27, I don't know what will
793
00:58:14,710 --> 00:58:17,579
- Kwok, so why don't you pony up.
- No, no, no, no, no, okay.
794
00:58:17,580 --> 00:58:20,081
- Now it makes sense.
- It makes no sense.
795
00:58:20,082 --> 00:58:22,551
- It's gibberish...
- It makes sense!
796
00:58:22,752 --> 00:58:24,352
It makes sense that
you speak Enochian.
797
00:58:24,353 --> 00:58:27,321
Enochian, what? You made that up.
798
00:58:27,322 --> 00:58:30,525
This is the "Sigillum Aemeth."
It is the only one of its kind.
799
00:58:30,526 --> 00:58:33,563
It was handwritten in the 16th
Century by the mystic John Dee
800
00:58:33,564 --> 00:58:35,764
and it has been lost
for generations.
801
00:58:35,765 --> 00:58:39,601
Uh, bullshit. It came from the
internets, not the 16th Century.
802
00:58:39,602 --> 00:58:42,370
If you're tying to get out of
admitting how awesome I am...
803
00:58:42,371 --> 00:58:45,740
John Dee was tying to summon
angels, but evil travels under
804
00:58:45,741 --> 00:58:50,480
its own power and he actually summoned
demons and the demons forged this book.
805
00:58:50,913 --> 00:58:54,986
- What are you saying, Kwok?
- Dee tried to destroy, but he couldn't.
806
00:58:55,084 --> 00:58:58,186
So he sealed it and he hid it
deep underneath his manor estate
807
00:58:58,187 --> 00:59:00,355
and it has been lost
for generations.
808
00:59:00,356 --> 00:59:06,395
But here it is in your incapable hands
and you summoned a succubus from hell!
809
00:59:20,910 --> 00:59:24,148
And then this last passage that
you read, the herald of Abominog.
810
00:59:24,914 --> 00:59:28,984
And in the language lay the
name of the hell lord Abominog
811
00:59:28,985 --> 00:59:33,259
and I hath spoken the name
and hell hath raineth down.
812
00:59:39,929 --> 00:59:42,466
You didn't injure it,
you ignorant fuck!
813
00:59:43,132 --> 00:59:44,935
You transformed it!
814
00:59:49,305 --> 00:59:50,506
Sorry.
815
00:59:51,608 --> 00:59:55,110
Transformed into what exactly?
816
01:00:09,025 --> 01:00:10,226
What?
817
01:00:11,260 --> 01:00:14,129
- What the fuck was that?
- I don't know.
818
01:00:16,633 --> 01:00:18,234
Ronnie Kwok's dragon!
819
01:00:18,669 --> 01:00:20,671
- Fuck... Shit!
- Shit... Fuck!
820
01:00:20,770 --> 01:00:24,039
Oh my God, we overslept again.
It's time for Evermore.
821
01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:25,601
- Come on.
- Grab the fucking horn.
822
01:00:25,975 --> 01:00:29,712
The thing eats souls, you
guys. We are gonna die.
823
01:00:31,615 --> 01:00:32,847
Shit!
824
01:00:32,848 --> 01:00:34,049
- Shit.
- What?
825
01:00:34,383 --> 01:00:36,217
It's the horn of war.
826
01:00:36,218 --> 01:00:40,055
It means that the battle of Evermore
is going to start in 10 minutes.
827
01:00:40,056 --> 01:00:42,490
Why now... It's like three
in the fucking morning.
828
01:00:42,491 --> 01:00:43,958
It's not supposed to happen
for another few hours,
829
01:00:43,959 --> 01:00:47,996
- but Ira is a dick and did it early.
- There's a LARPer buffet on that field
830
01:00:47,997 --> 01:00:51,670
and all those poor bastards
have are foam sticks.
831
01:00:55,504 --> 01:00:58,406
- We have to save them.
- Are you fucking nuts?
832
01:00:58,407 --> 01:00:59,608
No.
833
01:01:01,911 --> 01:01:04,582
I think I've done
enough damage already.
834
01:01:05,347 --> 01:01:06,917
You... that thing...
835
01:01:08,585 --> 01:01:09,786
That's real!
836
01:01:10,587 --> 01:01:14,093
That thing slaughtered
our best friend.
837
01:01:16,727 --> 01:01:18,596
You gonna let that stand?
838
01:01:20,896 --> 01:01:25,602
You been out here practicing this
shit every weekend for years.
839
01:01:26,703 --> 01:01:31,443
Face it, man. You've got
everything but you earned nothing.
840
01:01:34,877 --> 01:01:39,217
Are you gonna hide from that then?
The way you hide from real life?
841
01:01:40,416 --> 01:01:43,086
Or are you gonna man up
842
01:01:43,587 --> 01:01:46,860
and avenge the death of our friend?
843
01:02:03,939 --> 01:02:08,413
The time has come to
earn our valor, people.
844
01:02:31,467 --> 01:02:33,337
For Hung.
845
01:02:53,189 --> 01:02:55,624
Steel thyselves, adventurers.
846
01:02:55,625 --> 01:02:57,828
The time for battle is nigh.
847
01:02:58,093 --> 01:03:01,530
The fate of the glorious kingdom
of Evermore rests in the balance.
848
01:03:02,666 --> 01:03:06,100
Two armies fighting for one prize...
bragging rights
849
01:03:06,101 --> 01:03:08,938
on the Evermore LARP
Alliance message board.
850
01:03:09,773 --> 01:03:10,974
Diamond starts speech.
851
01:03:11,540 --> 01:03:13,076
He rouseth the troops.
852
01:03:14,043 --> 01:03:16,311
I am well aware...
853
01:03:16,312 --> 01:03:20,481
that words cannot
inspire courage...
854
01:03:20,482 --> 01:03:24,319
render a timid army valiant.
855
01:03:24,320 --> 01:03:27,857
And perhaps words are
unnecessary for you,
856
01:03:27,858 --> 01:03:32,661
my brave lot, for there is
no timidity within you.
857
01:03:32,662 --> 01:03:33,729
Oh, wow.
858
01:03:33,730 --> 01:03:35,230
You know, I worked
with him last year.
859
01:03:35,231 --> 01:03:36,799
He's got such a gift
for the theatrics.
860
01:03:36,800 --> 01:03:38,032
Yes, he loves it.
861
01:03:38,033 --> 01:03:40,235
- Oh, here goes Carey.
- Here goes.
862
01:03:40,236 --> 01:03:43,471
Some of you are gentle
souls in peace,
863
01:03:43,472 --> 01:03:45,974
but when that horn of battle blows,
864
01:03:45,975 --> 01:03:48,780
we must disguise our fair nature...
865
01:03:49,144 --> 01:03:51,913
Summon up our blood!
866
01:03:53,415 --> 01:03:56,484
Draw up our most terrible aspect!
867
01:03:58,387 --> 01:04:00,521
- Unleash our rage!
- Ahhh... Mother...
868
01:04:00,522 --> 01:04:03,491
Fortune is on our side,
869
01:04:03,492 --> 01:04:06,494
but if that fickle bitch
should prove unjust...
870
01:04:07,564 --> 01:04:10,733
Then go down fighting like gods
871
01:04:10,734 --> 01:04:13,869
and leave your enemies a bloody
872
01:04:13,870 --> 01:04:16,070
and mournful victory
873
01:04:16,071 --> 01:04:19,340
that tastes like ashes
in their mouths.
874
01:04:19,341 --> 01:04:22,611
I covet only one thing.
875
01:04:22,612 --> 01:04:24,880
Honor and victory!
876
01:04:27,182 --> 01:04:29,217
Wait... Verily, that is two things.
877
01:04:30,519 --> 01:04:33,792
Join me in coveting
those same glories.
878
01:04:34,223 --> 01:04:36,291
For if it be a sin,
879
01:04:36,292 --> 01:04:42,598
let us be the most
offending soul... souls alive!
880
01:04:44,768 --> 01:04:48,303
They shall curse themselves
for not being here,
881
01:04:48,304 --> 01:04:51,607
for not being able to
say they fought with us
882
01:04:51,608 --> 01:04:55,916
upon the fields of Evermore!
883
01:05:05,655 --> 01:05:09,290
Warriors are reminded to remain
honorable in their combat.
884
01:05:09,291 --> 01:05:11,161
No strikes to the codpiece.
885
01:05:11,594 --> 01:05:13,729
Kwok's gonna be so
pissed he missed this.
886
01:05:13,730 --> 01:05:14,996
No shit.
887
01:05:18,835 --> 01:05:20,036
The horn bloweth.
888
01:05:20,804 --> 01:05:23,809
The battle of Evermore has begun!
889
01:05:26,442 --> 01:05:27,776
What the hell is that?
890
01:05:27,777 --> 01:05:30,982
I kind... I lost the
official horn of battle.
891
01:05:31,146 --> 01:05:34,986
This is the shofar
from my temple, so...
892
01:05:41,791 --> 01:05:43,693
Evermore.
893
01:05:54,838 --> 01:05:55,971
Charge!
894
01:05:57,172 --> 01:05:58,373
Charge!
895
01:06:00,109 --> 01:06:01,844
The battle is upon us.
896
01:06:01,845 --> 01:06:05,084
Which army shall reap the
spoils of the conquest?
897
01:06:18,561 --> 01:06:20,729
King Diamond's army
doth fight with valor
898
01:06:20,730 --> 01:06:24,269
and opening a can of yon
whoop-ass upon their foes.
899
01:06:42,217 --> 01:06:44,352
The king's army is
holding their ground,
900
01:06:44,353 --> 01:06:46,889
matching them hit
point for hit point.
901
01:06:46,890 --> 01:06:50,261
Calling Ronnie's dragon.
Get the hell out here already.
902
01:06:51,260 --> 01:06:53,094
A dragon hath appeared.
903
01:06:53,095 --> 01:06:55,530
A bounty of experience
points await the brave souls
904
01:06:55,531 --> 01:06:57,933
who dare take on this
ferocious beast.
905
01:07:00,369 --> 01:07:02,871
And please, don't be
douchelords with the wings.
906
01:07:02,872 --> 01:07:05,276
The papier mâché is still dying.
907
01:07:09,211 --> 01:07:10,579
This is the best!
908
01:07:16,686 --> 01:07:18,054
What was that?
909
01:07:20,557 --> 01:07:22,024
Those fuckers didn't wait for me!
910
01:07:22,025 --> 01:07:24,026
It took us two weeks
to build that thing.
911
01:07:27,730 --> 01:07:29,098
What was that?
912
01:07:31,533 --> 01:07:33,236
Get points, you get points.
913
01:07:36,438 --> 01:07:38,475
Run, puny humans!
914
01:07:44,313 --> 01:07:45,412
That's perfect, that's perfect.
915
01:07:45,413 --> 01:07:46,715
- Oh, let's get them.
- Hit this one.
916
01:07:46,716 --> 01:07:50,151
Yeah.
917
01:07:54,223 --> 01:07:55,289
Motherfuckers.
918
01:08:03,432 --> 01:08:04,633
Yeah!
919
01:08:05,835 --> 01:08:07,102
Oh yeah.
920
01:08:07,103 --> 01:08:08,670
I got the crip.
921
01:08:10,106 --> 01:08:12,710
We're back, bitches... ha!
922
01:08:14,443 --> 01:08:18,282
These people are not part of the
game. Repeat, not part of the game!
923
01:08:18,514 --> 01:08:19,915
I'm so outta here.
924
01:08:19,916 --> 01:08:22,651
Guild... Stand and fight
those red of neck!
925
01:08:22,652 --> 01:08:25,120
Together, attack!
926
01:08:29,859 --> 01:08:31,227
Triangulate!
927
01:08:36,099 --> 01:08:38,033
Not so fast, Meals on Wheels.
928
01:09:32,487 --> 01:09:33,722
Oh God!
929
01:09:37,326 --> 01:09:38,392
Did it see us?
930
01:09:38,393 --> 01:09:39,493
I don't know.
931
01:09:41,263 --> 01:09:42,933
- What was that?
- I don't know.
932
01:09:45,101 --> 01:09:46,735
- What's going on?
- What the hell?
933
01:09:46,736 --> 01:09:48,939
Holy shit, what is that?
934
01:09:53,342 --> 01:09:54,408
Fuck, fuck!
935
01:09:54,409 --> 01:09:56,678
Holy shit!
936
01:09:56,679 --> 01:09:58,212
- What the fuck!
- Shit!
937
01:10:00,950 --> 01:10:02,619
Oh shit!
938
01:10:07,690 --> 01:10:10,125
It's some sort of giant monster.
939
01:10:10,126 --> 01:10:13,262
- Looks maybe like a Batsu.
- I don't know.
940
01:10:13,263 --> 01:10:16,430
Maybe an Otyugh. Or a Mind Flayer
it could be a rage Gollum.
941
01:10:16,431 --> 01:10:18,934
Look, it's got the deadly tentacles,
just like the monster manual.
942
01:10:18,935 --> 01:10:21,270
- Shit, how is this even possible?
- I don't know.
943
01:10:26,976 --> 01:10:28,779
Fuck this.
944
01:10:31,981 --> 01:10:33,182
Fuckin' toy.
945
01:10:40,890 --> 01:10:41,957
Fuck!
946
01:10:44,661 --> 01:10:45,927
Fuck!
947
01:10:45,928 --> 01:10:47,262
Okay.
948
01:10:47,263 --> 01:10:49,231
Hold on... All right, I got a plan.
949
01:10:49,232 --> 01:10:52,134
On the count of three, we're gonna
make a break for the path, all right?
950
01:10:52,135 --> 01:10:53,704
One... hey, focus!
951
01:10:54,070 --> 01:10:55,940
- Two.
- No, fuck this shit!
952
01:10:56,572 --> 01:11:00,474
I am not moving another step until
somebody tells me what the hell...
953
01:11:01,978 --> 01:11:04,313
There's something really
terrible coming, you guys,
954
01:11:04,314 --> 01:11:07,821
and we're here to save... Oh shit.
955
01:11:12,088 --> 01:11:14,025
Oh... sh....
956
01:11:24,701 --> 01:11:27,906
Gwen, if the world isn't
swallowed up into hell...
957
01:11:30,173 --> 01:11:33,579
You wanna go see a show sometime?
958
01:11:36,112 --> 01:11:37,915
Nice timing, warrior.
959
01:11:40,983 --> 01:11:42,184
Sure.
960
01:11:43,518 --> 01:11:44,986
Yeah... Yeah, sure.
961
01:11:44,987 --> 01:11:46,656
A show would be good.
962
01:11:48,324 --> 01:11:49,791
No, demon!
963
01:11:51,060 --> 01:11:53,597
You shall not harm
this quivering boy!
964
01:11:57,033 --> 01:11:58,300
Hey!
965
01:12:00,570 --> 01:12:02,439
- Thank you, mighty warrior!
- Yeah.
966
01:12:04,539 --> 01:12:08,079
Hath though be Enochian?
967
01:12:22,558 --> 01:12:25,395
Give us a smile, sweet cheeks.
968
01:12:30,032 --> 01:12:31,266
Oh yes!
969
01:12:31,267 --> 01:12:32,468
Yes!
970
01:12:34,370 --> 01:12:36,004
Fuck.
971
01:12:36,005 --> 01:12:37,873
God, what is that?
972
01:12:37,874 --> 01:12:39,743
Ahhh... What is that sound?
973
01:12:41,110 --> 01:12:43,313
She's laughing at us.
974
01:12:43,579 --> 01:12:45,581
Enough, you bitch!
975
01:12:46,282 --> 01:12:47,483
Fuck.
976
01:12:48,851 --> 01:12:51,119
Gotta find it, fuck.
977
01:12:51,120 --> 01:12:52,587
Ronnie, wh-what are you doing?
978
01:12:52,588 --> 01:12:53,854
I drive a hybrid, Eric.
979
01:12:53,855 --> 01:12:55,290
There's no on button in this thing.
980
01:12:55,291 --> 01:12:57,592
You can speak Enochian
but can't drive a truck?
981
01:12:57,593 --> 01:12:58,927
It's not my fault.
982
01:12:58,928 --> 01:13:00,929
Ronnie, I can't find the
spell, where is it?
983
01:13:00,930 --> 01:13:02,198
It's in the back of the book!
984
01:13:02,199 --> 01:13:03,565
I marked it clearly!
985
01:13:03,566 --> 01:13:05,100
It is in the back!
986
01:13:05,101 --> 01:13:06,968
Fuckin' find it, find it, fuck.
987
01:13:06,969 --> 01:13:08,637
Oh, hey, I got this going, guys.
988
01:13:23,453 --> 01:13:25,754
This shall not hold
the beast for long!
989
01:13:29,258 --> 01:13:31,893
I got it, I got it, I got it!
990
01:13:48,644 --> 01:13:49,911
The gem!
991
01:13:49,912 --> 01:13:51,113
The gem!
992
01:13:59,755 --> 01:14:01,825
Choke on it.
993
01:14:05,027 --> 01:14:06,495
No, watch out!
994
01:14:16,706 --> 01:14:19,076
No!
995
01:14:19,509 --> 01:14:22,982
I'm on fire!
996
01:14:25,147 --> 01:14:28,052
I'm on fire!
997
01:14:31,387 --> 01:14:33,021
Gwen, I need you!
998
01:14:39,962 --> 01:14:41,196
You okay?
999
01:14:41,197 --> 01:14:42,864
Why the fuck would you do that?
1000
01:14:42,865 --> 01:14:44,966
I'm gonna stop saving your lives
1001
01:14:44,967 --> 01:14:47,402
if you don't show me
some fucking gratitude!
1002
01:14:47,403 --> 01:14:48,870
Okay, okay, focus!
1003
01:14:48,871 --> 01:14:51,006
Where is the book that you
were just reading from?
1004
01:14:51,007 --> 01:14:52,507
- We need the book.
- Fuck off.
1005
01:14:52,508 --> 01:14:53,708
- Well... Shit!
- No.
1006
01:14:53,709 --> 01:14:54,808
No, that's okay... This is good.
1007
01:14:54,809 --> 01:14:56,511
This is the gem we were...
Okay this is...
1008
01:14:56,512 --> 01:14:58,346
When he read the "Sigillum",
the gem glowed,
1009
01:14:58,347 --> 01:14:59,881
so that is the source of the power.
1010
01:14:59,882 --> 01:15:01,650
So the book is like an
instruction manual?
1011
01:15:01,651 --> 01:15:02,851
Yes!
1012
01:15:02,852 --> 01:15:05,389
But it's more like
a recipe booklet.
1013
01:15:05,655 --> 01:15:07,055
What does thou need?
1014
01:15:07,056 --> 01:15:10,158
I need a banishment spell
but the book is ruined,
1015
01:15:10,159 --> 01:15:11,393
so we don't have one!
1016
01:15:11,394 --> 01:15:12,861
I'll get your book.
1017
01:15:12,862 --> 01:15:15,199
Guys, whatever you're
doing, do it faster!
1018
01:15:16,532 --> 01:15:18,033
Was it like a thing, like, uh...
1019
01:15:18,034 --> 01:15:20,501
I don't know, I can't remember!
There was a note key.
1020
01:15:20,502 --> 01:15:21,670
There was like a...
1021
01:15:22,939 --> 01:15:24,608
Game master!
1022
01:15:26,008 --> 01:15:27,878
Here be your spell!
1023
01:15:30,179 --> 01:15:32,582
Oh my God, fucking gambit!
1024
01:15:32,583 --> 01:15:34,118
It's a dead head!
1025
01:15:34,183 --> 01:15:35,417
What does it say?
1026
01:15:35,418 --> 01:15:37,052
It's hot and it's so awful.
1027
01:15:37,053 --> 01:15:38,286
I can't...
1028
01:15:38,287 --> 01:15:39,555
Calm down now.
1029
01:15:39,556 --> 01:15:40,757
Calm down!
1030
01:15:44,894 --> 01:15:46,562
Oh.
1031
01:15:46,563 --> 01:15:48,564
No, no, no, no, no.
1032
01:15:48,565 --> 01:15:49,631
Crap!
1033
01:15:57,206 --> 01:15:59,309
Ronnie!
1034
01:16:01,877 --> 01:16:03,980
It's up to you, Jobryeth.
1035
01:16:18,461 --> 01:16:19,594
Eric... Eric!
1036
01:16:19,595 --> 01:16:21,129
The gem combined with
signing, that's what makes
1037
01:16:21,130 --> 01:16:22,964
- the magic work, right?
- Fuck if I know, man.
1038
01:16:22,965 --> 01:16:25,467
Are you a wizard or not?
Yes, yes, yes.
1039
01:16:25,468 --> 01:16:27,004
It's definitely the catalyst.
1040
01:16:27,470 --> 01:16:28,803
I think this song will work...
Fire it up.
1041
01:16:28,804 --> 01:16:30,071
Track two.
1042
01:16:30,072 --> 01:16:31,440
Go.
1043
01:16:37,847 --> 01:16:40,384
♪ Do you hear me hellspawn ♪
1044
01:16:46,022 --> 01:16:48,894
♪ Cast down into
thine dark crypt ♪
1045
01:16:49,458 --> 01:16:52,827
♪ Shadows of our dead minions ♪
1046
01:16:52,828 --> 01:16:57,736
♪ Drag thee into the abyss ♪
1047
01:17:00,703 --> 01:17:01,970
What's he singing?
1048
01:17:01,971 --> 01:17:03,172
Sabbath?
1049
01:17:03,607 --> 01:17:04,674
Is it Motorhead?
1050
01:17:04,675 --> 01:17:07,212
No, that's a Dueling
Stalker original, son.
1051
01:17:07,510 --> 01:17:10,979
♪ ...Rises bringing ♪
1052
01:17:10,980 --> 01:17:12,850
♪ His deadliest gifts ♪
1053
01:17:16,285 --> 01:17:19,892
♪ His soul is devoured in wrath ♪
1054
01:17:20,189 --> 01:17:25,699
♪ His dreams are alive
and yet twisted ♪
1055
01:17:26,630 --> 01:17:28,833
♪ In blood red eclipse ♪
1056
01:17:31,133 --> 01:17:36,204
♪ He is reborn in the dark light ♪
1057
01:17:36,205 --> 01:17:39,007
It's working... It's working!
1058
01:17:39,008 --> 01:17:43,884
♪ He instigates thy doom ♪
1059
01:17:46,749 --> 01:17:53,321
♪ Raven's wings turn
the sky to black ♪
1060
01:17:53,322 --> 01:17:59,634
♪ As he makes this
world thy tomb ♪
1061
01:18:06,102 --> 01:18:09,104
♪ Lifeless husk ♪
1062
01:18:09,105 --> 01:18:13,508
♪ Breath life from you ♪
1063
01:18:13,509 --> 01:18:15,379
♪ Raise your blade ♪
1064
01:18:16,912 --> 01:18:20,117
♪ Defeat the vile ♪
1065
01:18:21,050 --> 01:18:26,828
♪ Snake your heart asunder ♪
1066
01:18:40,737 --> 01:18:44,607
♪ Raven's wings turn the sky ♪
1067
01:18:44,608 --> 01:18:45,708
Finish it!
1068
01:18:45,709 --> 01:18:47,242
♪ To black ♪
1069
01:18:47,243 --> 01:18:53,956
♪ As he makes this world thy tomb ♪
1070
01:19:00,256 --> 01:19:03,996
♪ A sacrifice of my soul ♪
1071
01:19:05,461 --> 01:19:07,896
♪ Before ♪
1072
01:19:07,897 --> 01:19:13,373
♪ A blazing funeral
pyre for you ♪♪
1073
01:19:19,341 --> 01:19:23,482
Drop to the nether realms, bitch.
1074
01:19:28,484 --> 01:19:31,289
You have questionable taste
in women, my friend.
1075
01:19:31,655 --> 01:19:32,856
Apparently.
1076
01:19:33,856 --> 01:19:37,395
But I have excellent taste
when it comes to music.
1077
01:19:37,960 --> 01:19:39,161
Apparently.
1078
01:19:51,675 --> 01:19:53,541
You're a terrible bass player!
1079
01:19:53,542 --> 01:19:55,847
I know, isn't it awesome?
1080
01:20:46,061 --> 01:20:50,264
♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
1081
01:21:10,085 --> 01:21:11,286
♪ Come on ♪
1082
01:21:12,589 --> 01:21:14,458
♪ At the gates ♪
1083
01:21:15,592 --> 01:21:18,129
♪ Yes it's now or never ♪
1084
01:21:18,427 --> 01:21:20,597
♪ A twist of fate ♪
1085
01:21:21,096 --> 01:21:23,264
♪ I've seen the bad get badder ♪
1086
01:21:23,265 --> 01:21:26,703
♪ Sleepless nights oh ♪
1087
01:21:27,036 --> 01:21:29,239
♪ I see nightmare creatures ♪
1088
01:21:29,873 --> 01:21:31,675
♪ Don't turn away ♪
1089
01:21:32,609 --> 01:21:34,542
♪ This is your adventure ♪
1090
01:21:34,543 --> 01:21:41,356
♪ Silent hero waiting
at the gates ♪
1091
01:21:42,451 --> 01:21:43,652
♪ Alone ♪
1092
01:21:45,755 --> 01:21:49,829
♪ At the gates alone ♪
1093
01:21:52,662 --> 01:21:54,664
♪ I come alive ♪
1094
01:21:55,932 --> 01:21:58,567
♪ In the heat of battle ♪
1095
01:21:58,568 --> 01:22:00,771
♪ I do or die ♪
1096
01:22:01,437 --> 01:22:03,504
♪ Spill the blood of your enemies ♪
1097
01:22:03,505 --> 01:22:06,343
♪ Sleepless nights oh ♪
1098
01:22:07,176 --> 01:22:09,146
♪ I see ghosts and demons ♪
1099
01:22:10,145 --> 01:22:12,015
♪ Such a life ♪
1100
01:22:12,949 --> 01:22:14,783
♪ This is your adventure ♪
1101
01:22:14,784 --> 01:22:21,363
♪ Saints and sinners
waiting at the gates ♪
1102
01:22:22,692 --> 01:22:23,893
♪ Alone ♪
1103
01:22:25,327 --> 01:22:29,668
♪ At the gates alone ♪
1104
01:22:31,200 --> 01:22:34,837
♪ At the gates
Yeah ♪
1105
01:22:34,838 --> 01:22:37,205
♪ Gates ♪
1106
01:22:37,206 --> 01:22:41,480
♪ Yeah
At the gates alone ♪
1107
01:23:56,586 --> 01:23:58,455
♪ At the gates ♪
1108
01:23:59,221 --> 01:24:01,424
♪ Don't look no further ♪
1109
01:24:02,357 --> 01:24:04,560
♪ I feel the rage ♪
1110
01:24:05,194 --> 01:24:06,728
♪ And the voices burning ♪
1111
01:24:06,729 --> 01:24:09,801
♪ In your soul yeah ♪
1112
01:24:10,700 --> 01:24:12,837
♪ You're a nightmare creature ♪
1113
01:24:13,368 --> 01:24:15,571
♪ And feel the pain ♪
1114
01:24:16,305 --> 01:24:18,372
♪ As it turns to pleasure ♪
1115
01:24:18,373 --> 01:24:24,618
♪ Death and glory
waiting at the gates ♪
1116
01:24:26,116 --> 01:24:27,317
♪ Alone ♪
1117
01:24:28,952 --> 01:24:33,293
♪ At the gates alone ♪
1118
01:24:34,724 --> 01:24:37,626
♪ At the gates ♪
1119
01:24:37,627 --> 01:24:40,129
♪ Yeah
Gates ♪
1120
01:24:40,130 --> 01:24:44,804
♪ Yeah
At the gates alone ♪
1121
01:24:46,235 --> 01:24:49,541
♪ At the gates ♪
1122
01:24:51,975 --> 01:24:56,449
♪ At the gates alone ♪
1123
01:24:57,479 --> 01:25:00,515
♪ At the gates ♪
1124
01:25:00,516 --> 01:25:03,317
♪ Yeah
Gates ♪
1125
01:25:03,318 --> 01:25:06,320
♪ Yeah
At the gates ♪
1126
01:25:06,321 --> 01:25:09,591
♪ Yeah
Gates ♪
1127
01:25:09,716 --> 01:25:15,516
♪ Yeah
At the gates ♪81560
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