All language subtitles for Gossip.Girl.2021.S01E12.Gossip.Gone.Girl.720p.HMAX.WEB-DL.DD5.1.x264-NTb_[English] (SUBRIP)

♪ ("BRUTAL" BY
OLIVIA RODRIGO PLAYING) ♪

What is wrong with you?

- Bitch!

Can you fucking believe it?

She's the one
who told Gossip Girl.

She's a bitch!

♪ I'm so insecure, I think... ♪

You told Gossip Girl
I gave you crabs?

You told her I told Brown
you're Latinx?

You were with Jared
this entire time?

You made out with each other
to get followers?

- And it worked.
- Prude.

You slept
with the help?

Your Birkin
is a knockoff!

♪ All I did was try my best ♪

♪ This the kind of thanks
I get? ♪

♪ Unrelentlessly upset... ♪

Oh, no.
Blue is for sending in a tip.

I didn't send that one.
Let me see?

Oh, that was me.

I did it from
your account, remember?

Right.

Go ahead and stare.
I'm not ashamed.

Go on, laugh,
get your money's worth.

You still looking at that?

You're right.
There's no use. It's too hard.

...so you can look
your fifty cents' worth.

Well, you can search by name.

...for the privilege of
staring at a girl the way
your wives won't let you.

Doesn't matter.

What do you suppose
we think of you up here?

With your silly smirks your
mothers would be ashamed of.

♪ All I did was try my best
This the kind of thanks I get? ♪

♪ Unrelentlessly upset ♪

♪ They say these are
The golden years ♪

♪ But I wish I could disappear
Ego crush is so severe ♪

♪ God, it's brutal out here ♪

Yeah ♪

♪ Got a broken ego
Broken heart ♪

♪ God, I don't even know ♪

♪ Where to start ♪

Okay.

Well, I don't know
about you all, but...

I think it's been
a very long and boring break

now that I'm no longer
a demagogue.

I had a lovely visit with
my parents and their many cats.

Explains the sweater.

We knew this would happen
when we went nuclear.

Who'd wanna send in a tip

when they know that
we'll say who did it?

Phase two is ongoing,
on its own, without us.

I don't have palpitations when
I get my screen activity report,

and I'm finally able
to sleep at night.

You think hashtag "Tip Gate"
made things better?

I watched Pippa Sykes
try and run over Bianca Breer

with a Lime scooter twice.

It's true. It's World War Teen.

How will kids be
better to each other

without us policing them?

They have to learn to
police themselves for a change,

which is what
they're supposed to do.

It was a noble experiment,

and like most, it failed.

And we didn't get arrested
in the process.

Now, I have to get into the city
and get back to work.

Work?

We're on break.

I don't get multiple
alimony checks like you do.

Just marry people
and underreport your wages.

It's easy.

We didn't get our
holiday bonuses, remember?

The school that charges
90,000 a year

"needed the money"
after the pandemic.

I had to take on an odd job.

I am back to
an old Barnard seasonal gig.

Returning and-or exchanging
unwanted Christmas gifts

for rich people.

But hey, at least Constance
will have a new gym.

You have to share a room?

Oh, my God.

We have to be out
by the middle of January,

farthest extension
they'd give me.

I didn't have too many options.

But by the time you girls
get back from Hudson,

this will be home.

- I know it's not ideal.
- Dad, it's fine, okay?

We're just grateful
to be together.

Right?

Right, yeah. I mean...

Anywhere is better than Indiana.

Um, and this is what, like...

an hour away from school?

Yeah, plus or minus.

I can stay the weekend

and help you
clean out the apartment.

Besides, Shan has been
blowing up my phone

- about New Year's Eve.
- No.

No, no, no, no.

Hey. You're coming with us.

New Year's is
my favorite holiday,

and we go
to Aki's dad's Hudson house

every year since we were 13.

It's the most quaint,
wonderful weekend.

We just lay around,
eat food, play games,

and then we dress up
for New Year's

just to party with each other.

- That sounds fun.
- Perfect.

Hey, we've, you know,

already spent
the last ten days together.

- That was sister time.
- Okay.

This weekend's about friends.

Okay? And you are one.

Everyone wants you there
anyway, so, uh...

Right, Audrey?

Audrey?

Of course. It's my dream.

Should we go
measure the closet?

Hello?

Hi, Mr. Wolfe,
I'm so sorry to bother you

when you're in Wainscott.

I just, um, I haven't been able
to get a hold of Max

and I was just curious
to see if he'd be able to be

back in time
to head to Hudson with us?

Max didn't
come to Wainscott, sweetheart.

He's at home.

Like home-home?

I take it Max didn't
tell you about the divorce?

Oh, my God, no.

No, he didn't. I'm--

I'm so sorry, Mr. Wolfe. I...

I gotta go.

Fuck.

- Hey, I'm sorry, I have to go.
Wait.
Where are you going?

- I'm so sorry about this.
Bye.

I told you,
I'm thinking about it.

What is there to think about?
You can't actually want

to go upstate
instead of hanging with me.

Julien needs me, okay?

- She really needs my support.
- We've been over this.

You're always about
what Julien needs.

We decided next year
was gonna be twenty-twenty-you.

Look. She's my sister, okay?

Technically.

But you've known each other
for what? Four months?

I've gone to school
with these guys for years.

Do you even know what
Cruella de Haan's parents are?

- What they do?
- What does that have to do
with anything?

Shitty people
make shitty babies.

There, I said it.

They are not your people!

Launch your new life
the right way, with me.

Now, who do we want
to do our makeup for free?

Bergdorf or Sephora?

All you have to do is
make yourself cry.

♪ ("BIG WHEEL"
BY SAMIA PLAYING) ♪

And all those tips
you sent in about

which of my outfits were repeats

and which I had to pay
full price for?

I was just trying to keep you
front of mind. Be mad at Luna.

She sent in actual
terrible stuff about Zoya.

But honest.

Okay, it would've
been worse not to.

Besides, a new year is dawning.

And now that Gossip Girl
has committed hara-kiri,

the airwaves are free and clear

for you to jam them again
with your supreme frequency.

It's time, JC.

- No one wants me, Mone.
- One person does.

Or did.

Okay, whatever,
you have two options.

You can create a drama

that no one can take
their eyes off of.

Exhibit A and A.

Break up your
best friend's relationship

and run off with her man.

Aki's numbers have been going up

ever since he took down
Isaiah Woodard.

He may be in love with
another man,

and woman,

but I say yes to the mess.
Bonus points if it ends

with the three of you
in bed together.

Yeah.
- Or four.

I'm not doing that.

She's like my sister!

Let's not bring up
Exhibit C, then.

Oh, my God.
I'm truly disgusted right now.

Yeah, we figured.
Which is why you're doing

Exhibit Bergmann instead.

Okay, Obie's over me. Again.

Oh, honey,
he wanted to be over you. A lot.

But you didn't let him.

Hudson's where you lost
your virginity to each other.

And since you haven't slept
with anyone since him,

you can do it all over again.

And I can hang in
the adjoining room

and pretend the Nest caught it
on cam to get you viral.

- You love him.

And he loves you.

We spent a year locked away

with our status quo
still intact.

Of course
everything's gonna change

the second we emerge.

But now, we're realizing
just how great things were.

Ben Affleck went back
to a Jennifer.

Things can be the way they were.

♪ If he's somewhere
Getting smarter ♪

♪ On a free man's odyssey ♪

♪ God, I'm really gonna blow ♪

♪ With all this
Empathetic shit... ♪

I get him back, you get me back?

Yes.

Your new and improved IG
is ready to go.

The first post,
the two of you at midnight,

lip-locked and loaded.

♪ I got bad news
But I didn't fight ♪

She went for it!

This does not
smell good in here.

No, no, no, no.

I distinctly told the bouncer
not to let you guys...

let you guys in.
I forgot we invited him in.

What's going on, Max?

- Are you on something?
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, everything.
And it's not working.

I am drugged up
and I am fucked out

and I still feel it.

- Feel what?
- Both of you.

Both of you.

- Just grab my hand. Stop. Stop.

You need to breathe right now.

- Take a deep breath.

Not too deep.

No, it's not working.
It doesn't work.

Of course it doesn't
fucking work, breathing.

Your dad
told us about the divorce.

Oh, yeah?

Is that why you guys are here?

No, we're here
because we care about you, okay?

Well, uh, I'm fine.

And my parents' marriage

has got absolutely nothing
to do with me.

So thank you guys
for checking in.

You're coming to my dad's
for New Years, right?

No, absolutely not. No.

We go every year.

Well, you know what,
things are different this year.

They haven't been.
But they can be.

Yeah, we need to stop ignoring

how much we
actually care about each other.

No, stop!
Stop, okay?

You fucking guys,
you don't get it.

Having sex with you,
it actually makes me feel bad

because I don't just want sex.

Neither do we!

Wh--

Sorry,
I didn't mean to yell.

We want the same thing.

We're all products
of a broken home, you know?

Not one of us knows
what a healthy relationship is.

Let alone one that's different.

What about Audrey and I?

Aren't we healthy?

Sometimes.

But where do I fit in?

We do not have to have
all of the answers right now.

Let's just...
let's go to Hudson.

And when we get there, we can
continue talking about this,

but right now, you need
to go find some pants and...

maybe take a long shower.
Because you need it.

Fine. Fine.

We cannot push him.

We won't.

We just...

need to remind him that
we're still best friends and...

show him how this might work.

I mean, how might it?

I don't know yet.

- Jules? What are you, uh...
- Well, I still have my keycard,

and since you're not answering
any of my texts,

I thought I would surprise you
with some pre-New Year's.

- Yeah, it's just, I'm not, um...
Alone?

Is your mom here? Or Heidi?

Otto? Everything alright?

Yeah, uh, it's fine.
It's just a friend.

- I'll just--
I'll be up in a second.
- I'm so sorry.

I...

No, Jules, wait. Jules.
- I feel so stupid.

I, um, I was just...

wanting to make sure that
you're coming to Hudson.

- Oh.
- Or if that you were, um,

but you probably have
other plans.

It's just that I've been,
you know,

I've been seeing somebody, uh,
for the past couple weeks,

and we were just--
we were gonna do New Year's

- together here, so...
- Yeah, that's, um...

Wonderful! Truly, yeah.

It's just,
I thought it'd be weird,

you know, to bring in
a girl I just started dating

to a party with my ex-girlfriend
and all that, so...

Exes. Because...

Zoya is gonna be there.

Yeah.

You take care of yourself.

And, uh...

Oh! I'll see you at school.

♪ ("TRUE SEEKERS"
BY SLEIGH BELLS PLAYING) ♪

♪ Everything
Everything's tempting ♪

♪ I've got my DNR ♪

♪ Drag my dress
Across the street... ♪

Her name is Grace Byron.

How did you--

Who is she?

Daughter of Charlotte Byron,

some Virginia state senator
or something.

Look, JC, I do owe you
a Christmas gift,

and this one seems perfect.

What are you talking about?

They've known
each other ten days.

Taking that down is easier than

knocking out bowling pins
with gutter rails.

We invite her to Hudson,

Obie sees you side by side,
no comparison, end of story.

- I don't think--
Nor should you.

That's why you have us.

Sure, he said no
to your invitation or whatever.

But when we invite
the entire school

to our normally closed
New Year's Party,

she'll convince him
that he just has to go,

because everyone else is.

And then when she comes,
you let us take care of Grace

with our usual grace.

They just started dating.

So we destroy it before
either are fully invested.

A win for all.

Oh, and it's also black-tie now.
Just to weed out the riffraff.

♪ ("GOLDEN" BY
ZELLA DAY PLAYING) ♪

♪ Real love is the only way
To start ♪

♪ Illuminate the shadows
Of my heart ♪

♪ The city is the only place
To go ♪

♪ But we can take it fast
Or take it slow ♪

♪ When we move
Across the floor ♪

We are golden... ♪

This is the quaint
weekend house?

I think I saw a basketball court
on the way in.

- That was a helipad.

Hi!

How was the ride?
Long.

Your bath is stocked
with L'Objet bath salts

- as you like, Miss La.
- Thanks, Special K.

This is Kenneth.
He's the property manager.

If you need anything, just
reach out to him. He's your guy.

Happy to show you
to your room later, Miss Lott.

Thanks.

Oh, you must be looking for me.

You're a teacher at my
daughter's school, aren't you?

Right.
That's how we found you.

My assistant is away with
his family, of all things,

and unfortunately
these need to be exchanged

before the end of the year

for the Bouton d'or yellow gold.

They're already on hold,

but Marcello is
having them cleaned,

so you'll have to
return the rose gold today

and go back in the morning
for the new ones.

Do not take the subway.

Do not take a car service.

You walk.

And as long as
these are in your hands,

they're your responsibility.

If you lose them,
you pay for them.

And you cannot pay for them.

Got it.

Obie! You came.

Everybody, this is Grace.

And I hope that I'm not making
a huge mistake

introducing you to her.

Thank you so much
for having me, Akeno.

That's exactly how
his mom says it.

Oh, did I get it wrong?

No, that's how you're
supposed to say it.

Nice to meet you.

- I'm Monet.
- Luna.

Zoya.

I'm J--

No introduction necessary.

I've been
following you for years,

and half the products
on my face come from you.

And I know this is a special
weekend for y'all,

and I'm honored to be included.

No, it was imperative
that you come, actually.

No, please,
make yourself comfortable.

Hi there, Grace.
Hi, Grace. Lovely to meet you.

Hello.
Hi. How are you?

It's so nice
to see you again, uh...

Rosa.

Rosa.

So, what did I miss?
Who are you?

- It's Obie's friend.
- It's okay, you can say it.

Girlfriend?
- Oh.

God, no. Not yet.

I was gonna say date.

Um...

Obie, do you wanna
give Grace the tour?

Yeah, let's go.

When you invited
Camilla to dinner,

I didn't think
I was gonna have to

act like Princess fucking Diana
all weekend

with a fake smile
plastered on my face.

So, forget bowling.
This is tic-tac-toe.

He met her in the absence of you

and thought
she was a star, right?

But next to you?
She's bus and truck.

She won't make it past midnight.

Does anybody understand you?

Only the right people.

Look, at lunch,
we'll get her talking.

Every single thing that
she has to say

is a clue to what she
doesn't want us to know.

- Come on.
- Yeah. Go.

Do you wanna go on
a walk with us?

Wake me up when
there's food and booze.

Where are you?

Are you hiding from me?

- Rob!

You're late.

Oh, I missed you, Lulu.

Prove it.

Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

Ooh!
Oh, my goodness.

Queen, what is this delight?

Oh, I just whipped up a little
something to start our meal.

I got that duck sausage
that you like,

- so I thought...
- Beautiful.

Is that pasta from scratch?

Just pici,
it's easier than you think.

No, she's being humble.

Literally everything that
she cooks is unreal.

- Oh, wait. I think we forgot
to make the sangria.

- What the hell. I'll do it.
- That's an emphatic yes from me.

I'll just text Kenneth
to bring the wine up.

No, Grace and I
can go grab the wine.

I wanted to show her the cellar.

No!

I... Grace needs to show us
how to eat her pasta.

Right.

Z, can you grab the wine?

- Sure. It's, uh, where?
- The cellar.

So, go past the kitchen

to the door
at the base of the stairs,

make a right, and then
continue down that hallway

until you see another stairway.
And that's where it is.

Okay.

- As fast as possible.

So, how'd you guys meet?

At Teterboro.

Were you going to Germany?

No, I, uh, I was--

He had no idea
where he was going.

He was a mess.

He walked into our plane
thinking it was his.

Once I sat down,
I couldn't get up.

He admitted he had
nowhere to go.

So I asked him
if he could go anywhere,

anywhere in the world,
where would it be?

- And I said...
- Two years ago.

It just broke my heart.

Cause that's what
we all want, right?

To go back before COVID,
before everything changed.

So I took him to Paris.

And then to Split.
And then to Fez.

And then to Virginia
for Christmas.

Taught him how to make biscuits
like my Meemaw taught me.

And we played chess.

She destroyed me
a few times, but...

He submitted each time
with dignity,

which I found sexy.

- So you're competitive?
I guess.

A little.

Isn't everyone?

Look, I have literally
never seen her lose.

I mean, she has
a wall of trophies

for everything from
jumping to judo.

Great!

After lunch, games.

Where is that wine?

- Yeah?
Sorry,

I know you're basically
at the White Lotus or whatever,

but I had to update you.

Guess who we just met
on the subway?

Who?

Aziza fucking Barnes.

Seriously?

You would've loved them.
They were so chill,

even invited us to
a poetry reading later.

And the best part?

Aziza said their friend
Jericho would be there.

- Jericho Brown?
Hey, girl!

What if I see him read
"Night Shift" live?

I'll expire.

Shit!

Where'd you go?

What the hell?

I think I'm actually
in the house
of a Tarantino villain.

Do you need to be rescued?
We should've made a code word.

I just might. I'll let you know.

I'll call you back later.

Where the fuck am I?

Shit! Are you kidding me?

Fucking kidding me?

I think it's your turn.
Yeah, I think
it's Grace's turn.

She knows it's her turn.
- Oh, God.

- Mmm...
- Mm-mm.

- Oh, my God. I did it. I did it.

- Okay, okay.
- Yes!

Decent.

- My turn.
- Julien.

- No.
- Okay.

No, no, no.
- Audrey!

- Just let her pick one.

- Okay, fine. Okay.
That's the game.

- Okay.
Careful.

- I knew that was gonna happen!

Zoya!
What are you doing out there?

I mean, seriously, guys.

Are you fucking kidding?
I was calling all of you.

I'm so sorry.
I got lost at Mar-a-Lago once.

Not the place
you wanna open random doors,

I will tell you that.

We're gonna play feminist Taboo.

Come, join.

Hey, make sure Grace loses.

Grace! Be my partner.

Oh, sure.
- Jules?

Obes, you're mine.

I think we should split up.

I only play emotional games.

Sorry, Z,
but you're on your own.

- Hey, Maxie.
- Mm, hey.

- Farmer Rob?
- Mm-hmm.

You usually seem happier
after you've seen him.

- This time was different.
Why? What happened?

- He's moving.
- Oh, no.

To the city.
- Oh, no.

It's some
grand romantic gesture.

He even applied
for an internship

at the Bronx Zoo and everything.

Well, you know, it could be fun.

You finally get to center
your side piece.

You like him, don't you?

I like him up here.

Down there... I'm not so sure.

What about you?

You seem a bit more
centered yourself.

No. No, no, no, no.
Try in the middle.

And it is not
my favorite position.

Sounds like we both have
decisions to make.

Oh, no.
You have a decision to make.

- I'm removing myself.
- Too bad it's an hour away.

Ah. And just canceled.

Oh, fu-- Damn.

Smash the...
- Patriarchy.

- Yes!
- Nice.

- Out. You can't say "smash."
- Aw.

It's okay. Next time.

- Okay, you ready? All right.
- Let's do it. Yep.

You met her
at that place you hate.

Zadie Smith.

Obie's godmother.

You're not supposed to
like it, but you do.

- Thigh gap? Of course.
Audrey...

I'm not supposed to
like it, but I do.

Digital penetration.
What?

Uh, it was Woody Allen films.

- Hey, Kenneth!

For the guest.
- Oh, none for me.

Tequila is not my friend.

Bit of a lightweight.

Obie and I forfeit.
It's you two for the win.

Uh, okay?

Then I guess
it's your turn, babe.

- Okay.
I love winning.

- You ready?
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, um, famous female artist.
Unibrow.

This is easy.
Uh...

Uh, Latina? Married to--
No, I can't say that. Um...

Julien?
Are you serious?

Was in a bus accident once?

- Uh, what?
She serious?

- Oh! Salma Hayek.
Oh, yeah.

Okay, well, she...
- Time. Um, Audrey and Aki win.

No.
- Yes! No surprises.

I'm so sorry.

We just have to
get to know each other better.

Get them next time, partner?

Yeah.

Fucking Grace!

Did you see
the way he looks at her?

I mean, I get it,
I wanna date her too.

This was...
This was a huge mistake.

I can't compete
against American royalty.

No, we did dynasties,
not monarchies,

and I mean my tense there.

Look, sure,
the Byrons are old money,

but old money
is yesterday's currency, okay?

You are Julien fucking Calloway.

Even when your dad
was public enemy number one,

Balenciaga still
sent you samples.

Grace Whatever has never
even seen a runway show.

She's catalogue only.
Full Draper James.

And you think
you can't top that?

You know what? You're right.

'Cause she's not even
on the same mountain.

And more importantly,

- Miss Congeniality is
a mean drunk.
-Can I fucking help you?

- That's why
she said no downstairs.
-What the fuck was that for?

-Don't fucking film me!
Oh, my God.

- How did you find this?
-Do you know who I am?

You've gotta
stop asking me that.

Great. Now we know what
tonight's entertainment will be.

We'll get her drunk and we'll
get the cameras rolling.

Don't worry, JC.
We'll leave you out of it.

Let us mean girls
turn her into a mean girl.

This shit'll be stitched
from now until St. Paddy's Day.

And Obie will be yours before
the countdown even begins.

Hey, you wanna
not watch a movie?

You guys,
you gotta stop doing this.

- Does he know we mean sex?
- Yes, he knows we mean sex.

I want you to
stop meaning anything.

The sitting next to me,
the staring at me longingly,

the cornering me,
the centering me. I mean,

I'm not some object.

Okay? I'm flesh and blood.

How am I even
saying these things?

You are not an object, Max.

Nothing has ever felt

more right, more natural,
more organic

than when we're together.

No! No. You-- you're together.

You don't get it.
I-- I'm extra. You know?

And you can't see that
from the inside,

but I'm out here and it's scary
and it feels unsafe and...

You know what?

What are you doing here?

I'm just passing through.

I didn't ask you in.

Last I heard,
you don't own this place.

That's a bad joke, I'm sorry.

You're not really someone
who should be joking about...

about anything.

I just wanted to stop by and say
how grateful I am to you.

I would never have imagined
things working out like this.

You...

taking in my daughter.

I'm happy to have done it.

Where are you moving?

Look, I already told
your lawyers.

I wanna help.

I think we got it.

I wanna help you stay.

Julien is my daughter.

And not only do I love her,

but I am still
responsible for her.

They haven't taken
that away from me.

This might be the only way
I can still take care of her.

You'll have to find another way.

Thanks. But we're good.

♪ ("WILD HEART"
BY STEVIE NICKS PLAYING) ♪

- Oh, my God! How cute is this?
- Right?

Am I weird that I kind of
like the smell of bars?

No, not at all.

Well, then
you'll love this place.

We come every year.
Ironically, of course.

- Uh, do you want a drink?
- Uh, just a Diet Coke, please.

No, no, don't worry.

Grace has a soft spot
for normal people.

So we'll use her politeness
against her.

She won't be able to resist
if locals and bar staff

keep offering her drinks, right?

And luckily,
my friend basically works here.

What can I get you?

Patron, please, papi.

Um, none for me.
I can't do shots.

Oh, Grace, it would be rude
to refuse, right?

- One won't kill you.

Okay. One.

Yes! Okay.
Whoo! To new friends.

-♪ ♪

♪ I will not
Forget this night... ♪

A, uh, rye Manhattan.
Templeton, if possible.

How about a Jack and Coke?

Make it a double and we're good.

Was wondering if
we'd see you this year.

Oh, yeah, it's tradition.

Warms our heart to see
such consistent young love.

You two are the cutest couple
I've ever seen.

That's what I keep telling them.

♪ Don't blame it on me ♪

♪ Blame it on my wild heart... ♪

Well, what's the verdict?

Still in deliberations.

- Hmm.
- You?

- Nothing to decide.
- That's not true, boo.

- And if you want my advice...
- Did I ask?

It's like the first day
at the pool.

You just gotta jump in.

When I first met Rob, do you
remember what you told me?

That if you didn't
sit on it, then I would?

To not be afraid
of what could be.

I disclosed right away
and found out.

And "what could be" has been
for a few fun years now.

And who are you
to ever miss out on fun, huh?

- Jump.

♪ In dark sorrow
They gaze down ♪

♪ Into the darkest heart ♪

♪ If I leave you... ♪

There's something that you make
that I love,

but I can't remember what it is.

Two White Russians
please, Gerta.

Yes, that's right.

Yeah.

♪ You say
You don't even know... ♪

Look, I just wanna say,

thank you for being
so nice to Grace.

You know, I mean, I was...

I was worried that
it might be too much too soon,

but... I don't know,

I don't know why I was worried
at all, she fits right in.

Yeah, she does.

Come on. Just one more, come on.

Uh... Okay, but then that is it.

Oh, my God, you are so fun.

Okay. Can we have
two more, please?

God, it...

it feels good to let loose.
I haven't since Japan last year,

and that was
a little too much fun,

- if you know what I mean.
- I do.

I just have to be on
my best behavior

'cause my mom, you know,
eyes everywhere,

reporters always trying
to get you at your worst.

You do not have to worry
about any of that with us.

I mean,
Aki's dad owns the media.

How do you think we've been
drinking here
since middle school?

You can do anything you want,

and it won't ever
be a thing, I promise.

Let's party like
it's Golden Gai, huh?

Come on.

- Whoo!

Cheers.

Should I go see
if the bouncer has coke?

Oh, the bouncer has coke.

I made sure of it.

I've had a shit day.

-♪ ♪
- Oh, sorry, I didn't even...

I made 20 dollars an hour

returning clothes, shoes,
and jewelry

worth more than
a decade of my salary

for people whose staff
have the holidays off.

At one point, I calculated

I was walking around with
200,000 dollars worth of things.

And I got some tips,
but that doesn't really make up

for the scolding
I also received.

Like, this one lady said
she'd ruin me

because the place she sent me to
only offered store credit

in exchange for
a 9,000-dollar coat

she wore once and returned.

I can't keep Zoya in Constance

and also pay for
a comfortable rental,

even in Queens.

I'm trying to figure out
how to, but...

Davis offered
to buy this place...

so that we could stay.

Along with a good chunk of money
to take care of Julien.

You're gonna say no, right?

I don't know.

But he promised
to stay out of our lives.

Said that that's the last thing
he would do for Julien.

Honestly...

would you take the money?

It's never just about the money,

and it would never be
the last thing.

I mean, you take his money,

you're in his pocket forever,
you know that.

People like Davis
use money to control us.

Your morals are a lot
more valuable, I think.

If you take his money,
you're giving those away, right?

And you never compromise
your morals?

I sure have.

And, uh,
I'll probably pay for it

in the future, most likely,

but you've lived a life where
you haven't had to,

so why start now?

It might be hard to figure out
how you'll do it all yourself,

but I know you.

You'll find a way.

I really needed to hear
somebody else say that.

Thank you.

So, I've been thinking
about what you said...

about moving to New York,

and if you're serious
about that...

and you're serious about me...

- you know...
- Yeah.

Fuck, yes, Lulubelle. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I'd love to.

Um...

I'm gonna go put our song
on the jukebox

and go buy everybody a round.

We don't have a song.

Sure we do.

Yeah, I think it works,
but, um...

how do we pitch it?

I think we just have to
have fun together.

Get him to stop thinking
and start feeling.

But he'll never
go for this. He's afraid of us.

Let's make him
remember why he likes us.

How?

♪ ("SOMETHING JUST LIKE THIS"
BY THE CHAINSMOKERS
& COLDPLAY PLAYS) ♪

Oh, God, this song. Come on.

- What?
- He loves cheese, remember?

♪ Been reading books of old ♪

Don't lie, you love this.

♪ The legends and the myths
Achilles and his gold ♪

Come on, Max.
Dance with us.

♪ Hercules and his gifts ♪

I told you this wouldn't work.

Just give it a second.

♪ Batman with his fists ♪

Okay.

♪ And clearly I don't see myself
Upon that list ♪

♪ But she said
Where do you wanna go? ♪

Don't fight it.
We know you love this shit.

♪ I'm not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts ♪

Come on!

♪ Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss ♪

This fucking song.

♪ Just something I can turn to ♪

♪ Somebody I can kiss ♪

♪ I want something
Just like this ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ I want something
Just like this ♪

♪ I want something
Just like this ♪

Hey!

♪ I want something
Just like this ♪

This can work, Max.

Uh, yeah, uh,
we have a plan, actually.

Um, you and Audrey can hang out
from Monday to Wednesday,

and you and I can hang out
from Thursday to Saturday.

Yeah, and we all spend
Sunday together.

You're serious?
We are.

Yes, we are.
- Wow.

- Come on.
- Grace, I just-- No, I don't--

Don't you wanna kiss me?

- No, no.
- Kiss me!

No, I-- I don't think
that's a good idea.

It's okay. Oh, um, just--

-♪ ("SHALLOW" BY BRADLEY COOPER
& LADY GAGA PLAYING) ♪
- This my part.

♪ Something, boy ♪

♪ Aren't you tired
Trying to fill that void? ♪

♪ Or do you need more? ♪

Do you-- do you want to just
give me the mic?

♪ Ain't it hard
Keepin' it so hardcore? ♪

Just give me the mic?
Just give me the mic.

You wanna sing? Yes! Yes.
Everyone...

- No, I-- Jesus.
- Julien's going to sing!

No, I'm not gonna sing.

She's beautiful, I love her.

She's the Bradley to my Cooper.

My parents,
they're about to pass me

back and forth like a dessert
that they're sharing.

And you guys,
you wanna do the same thing?

Do you even-- Do you even care
what's on the line for me?

If it doesn't work out,
if someone gets jealous?

Or you two, you just get tired
of the extra-- extra effort.

Then I'm the expendable one.

No. I'm done
having this conversation.

Just leave me alone
and let me go.

♪ In the sha-la
Sha-ha-llow... ♪

Maybe we can go get
some fresh air?

Do you think that
I should intervene?

I don't need air,
I need tequila.

No, you definitely don't.

♪ In the sha-ha... ♪
- Thank you.

Don't you think
she's had enough?

You're probably right.

She's already far
exceeded expectation.

Oh, why do you think
she's here, Zoya?

So that Obie can see her mess
and get back with Julien.

And then JC can go back to
the way things were

before Gossip Girl.

Hmm?

Everyone sing!

I need to tell you a secret.

Okay. Okay.

I thought I had to compete
with you, but I didn't.

You're losing to yourself.

Give me the mic!

Hey! Why are you
being like this? Be fun.

- Grace!
- Be fun, bitch.

Grace, I think it's time
that we go, okay?

Really?
- Yes.

Now you're on her side?

Fucking Yankees. All the same.

And you know what, Julien?

You suck at games!

- We gotta get her out of here.
I'm trying.

Oh, my God, you guys. It's the--

It's the door guy
who sold me drugs.

- It's time to go.
- Do you know that's
a federal crime?

- Grace, stop!
Give me the mic.

- You-- you want the mic?

Grace.
You want the mic?

Mic drop!

Grace. Okay, that's it.
Come down.

- Oh, my God.
No.

- Oh, my God.
No. Help me.

Hmm, I wonder where Grace is?

Blanche DuBlah's probably
sleeping off her shame spiral,

which is what I'm trying to do,
but you keep on talking.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Okay. So listen.

First off, we wanna say
we're really sorry.

We... We feel terrible.

We should've never spoken
to you that way,

and you're not expendable
to us, Max.

But you're right.

We've been together
for a long time,

and we understand that

you may feel that
you have more to lose.

So here's our proposal.

We wanna date you.

Together.

Equals, the three of us.

A triad.

Which is not...
It's not a throuple, okay?

It's a real relationship.

It's based on the fact that

all three sides of
a triangle are equal.

What that means is that...

well, if being together
like that doesn't work

for all three of us, then it
doesn't work for any of us.

We break up.

Her and me.

You and us and...

Honestly, all or nothing.

If you're in, we're in.

But if not, no worries.

It's not an ultimatum.

But we just don't
work without you.

And we don't want to.
That's what's fun.

Hey!

I thought you might need these.

But you seem way ahead of me.

I don't remember much
of last night,

but it must be bad.

I woke up on the bathroom floor,

and I haven't seen Obie
once this morning.

I'm afraid to even
open my phone.

No, it-- it wasn't that bad.

You're sweet.
But I'm a politician's kid.

I can smell spin.

Well, listen,
this is just a hazing.

They do it to everybody new.

I mean, take it from me.
Julien's my sister,

and you wouldn't believe
what they've tried.

But I'm still here.

I'd rather leave with the last
shred of dignity I have.

If you leave right now,
you're just letting them win.

And I can tell
Obie is really into you.

You think staying is winning?

Just makes them think
it was all okay.

I gotta go.

You, Aud, and Ak looked great
on the dance floor last night.

Hmm. So did you
and Pabst Blue Robert.

Hmm.

Three, two, one.

Will I be leaving with a gift
or just extra baggage?

Can I stay whole
if I agree to become a third?

Hey, are you okay?

Grace left.

Oh.

Hey. Come here.

I know that I've been
distracted this weekend

and it hasn't been
exactly what I promised,

but I wanted to thank you
for being here in support.

It has been so hard to be here
with Grace and Obie.

But now that she's gone,

we can just have
a peaceful New Year's,

no outsiders or--

I don't support what you did.

And I'm also an outsider here,

no matter how much you wanna
pretend that that isn't true.

Why did you lie to me about

what this weekend
was really about?

- The getting rid of Grace stuff?

Really?

It wasn't about that.
Not originally.

Things got out of hand, but...

This-- this weekend is
about friends.

You keep saying that,
but is this how friends act?

Look...

I know you want things
to go back to the way they were,

but I really wish you didn't,

because they were awful
for anyone that wasn't you.

And I'm not your friend,
I'm your sister.

And as your sister,
I'm telling you,

now is your only chance

to do something
you've never done before.

Be a gracious loser, okay?

Stop fighting for everything,

and just be the bigger person
and let it go!

Holding yourself accountable

instead of letting Gossip Girl
and the rest of the world do it

could be the best thing
to ever happen to you.

Oh. And, um, here is my invoice.

I also take, uh, Cash App
or Venmo, if that's easier.

Why is there a cab receipt here?

You specifically told me not to
take the subway or a rideshare.

Are you seriously trying to
nickel and dime me right now?

The cost of the cab
is like an hour of my time.

I don't see how it's my problem
you don't listen.

Implicit to running errands
for someone

is doing what they
ask you to do.

And part of running errands
for people is that

I was denied
my end-of-year bonus

because the board,
made up entirely of parents,

including you,
decided that that money

would be better served
going to a new gym.

So here I am returning
30,000-dollar earrings for you,

and you seriously want to argue
about a 15-dollar cab?

You think you deserved
a bonus this year?

You all complained about
teaching during COVID,

so the school didn't reopen.

Do you know how hard it was
on us working parents?

We didn't wanna risk our lives--

Then, you all
allowed Gossip Girl

to taunt and torment them
upon their return.

Not only did you do
nothing about it,

but some of you even sent in
tips yourselves.

Tips on kids you were
in charge of.

If I could fire each and
every one of you, I would.

So you being cheap was punitive?

That's the thing
with you people,

you think you're entitled
to something you didn't earn.

- Who people?
- Middle-class white girls

who don't stand out, so they
claim some kind of victimhood.

Push others to spread the wealth
they themselves can't earn.

I pay 40% in taxes
so you don't have to.

I trickle down so that you can
teach in a safe environment,

eating cafeteria food
cooked by Michelin chefs,

all while teaching
the future lawmakers of America.

You're glorified babysitters

whose names will be hard
to recollect in five years,

whereas the names of the kids
you purport to teach

will never be forgotten.

It is a privilege

to work at Constance.

And the board...

felt you all needed
to be reminded of that.

Thank you, Mrs. de Haan.

For reminding me
why I do what I do.

Hey.

Have a second?

I'm still trying to get her.

That's what I wanted to
talk to you about, actually.

Um, a-- apologize, really,
which I know I do a lot.

It's not your fault.

It is.

I'm the reason she's gone.

What did you do?

Everything.

Obie, I love you.

It never stopped for me.

But you were willing to ditch me
for my sister in, like, a week.

And then, now, for this person
that you've known ten days.

I just wanted to show you
that you don't really know her.

The only person you know is me.

I do know you.

And that's the problem.

I mean, I've known you
so well for so long,

I've never had room...

to know myself.

And now, that's all I want. I...

I mean, Grace is open with me.

She told me about her past.
Last night is not a surprise.

Okay? Just like
it's not a surprise

that you're behind it.

- Yeah, because I love you.
- But it's not about you.

Jules, it's not.

And it's not about Grace.

It's not about my parents.
It's not about anybody.

It's about me. For once, me.

Having a chance
to learn who I am.

Okay, just...

Just let me go.

Please.

I just had the most incredible,

infuriating,
igniting thing happen.

Oh, my God.
Breathing, right.

What happened?

I just told Camille de Haan off.

And she came back at me
with the most

insane, irrelevant
conservative bullshit.

Wait. Are you unpacking?

Good news. We're staying.

Did you pick up a new case?

You took his offer.

Had to do
what's best for the girls.

Plus, I can continue taking
pro bono cases this way.

I could actually do more
for the community.

How noble.

I have to be a dad first.

Yes, you do.

And Zoya deserves a dad

who lives by an example
he'd want her to follow.

Oh, my God. We're all
just for sale, aren't we?

You're so righteous, Kate.

How's that working out for you?

'Cause you seem
pretty judgmental for someone

who's never gotten
a thing they want.

I wonder why?

Okay. Wow. We're going there?

None of this is easy.

None of this is right.
It's just...

It's where I am right now.

So I can yell and scream
about what I want,

or I can do the hard thing
so my daughter doesn't have to.

Have you ever done that?

Just... something
for a greater good?

'Cause until you do,

maybe just leave me
the fuck alone.

♪ ("GOOD ONES"
BY CHARLI XCX PLAYING) ♪

♪ I wish you gave me a reason ♪

♪ That you were better
At leavin' ♪

♪ That you got your kicks
From seeing me low ♪

♪ I always let
The good ones go ♪

♪ And baby, you couldn't
Have loved me any better ♪

♪ But doing this is... ♪

Max is gone.
He's not in his room.

Well, I guess
that's our answer then.

♪ I always let
The good ones go ♪

No, it's not.

You both look divine.

As do you.

Um...

I've never been
in a relationship.

I-- Not only do I not know
how one works, I...

I don't know how
I might be in one.

But if you're willing to
take a risk on me,

I'm willing to
take a risk on you.

One for all
or none for none, right?

That's a pact?

That's a pact.

♪ I let the good ones go ♪

♪ I let the good ones ♪

♪ Let you down easy
I'm trying ♪

♪ 'Cause you're everything ♪

♪ I've spent
My whole life fighting... ♪

So...

Are there parties like this
every week in the city?

Because I...

I took this suit
from Mr. Menzies' closet.

You look great.

But you may not wanna stay
after I say what I have to say.

I'm flattered you wanna spend
more time with me.

But I'm not looking for
more right now, from anyone.

But if I was, if I do,
you'll be the first to know.

Maybe.

I get it. I mean, we were
each other's escape.

And if I go there,
that goes away.

But maybe you could come upstate
more than just once a year?

I'd like that.

You know what else I'd like?

-♪ I let the good ones go ♪
-♪ But doin' this is ♪

♪ All that I've known
Ever, ever, ever ♪

♪ I let the good ones go ♪

What's going on?

I owe you both an apology.

This has been
an insane last few months,

and I've taken you for granted
more than once.

You are my people.
And I don't always deserve you,

and you definitely don't deserve
how I've treated you.

I keep promising
that I'll do better,

but first chance I get
to take something for myself,

I grab it.

What I did with Grace
was pathetic and selfish.

I called her
and told her everything.

She's gonna meet you
at your house.

Go upstairs and pack,
I got you a car.

Hey, this is
the right place, right?

Yes. Go make yourself at home.

Come on, everybody.

Now remember, one of you
gets me at midnight,

and the other one gets
to go to the station alone.

What's going on?

Julien?
Why are all these people here?

I invited them.

I invited the entire town.

Like you said,
it should be open to everyone.

- There's my big sister.

Thank you, Julien. Mwah.

I'm not done yet.

What, you're
kicking me out, too?

Tarantino, bitch!

You were right.

You can be my sister
and not my friend.

In fact, I'm glad that
I have a sister

to keep me honest
and remind me about who I am.

Or at least, who I can be.

Thank you, Z.
You should be with your friends.

Okay, bye.

Tarantino! Whoo!

Get in the back.
Get in the back.

Oh, my God!

Julien ruins everything.
Why did it have to be her?

Anyone could have been it,
even me.

You two, upstairs,
I need to think.

And you're going to
keep me focused.

Go.

♪ ("INTROVERT"
BY LITTLE SIMZ PLAYING) ♪

Greetings, Gossip Girl.

You may have abandoned us,
but I can't forget you.

And I don't want to.

You were the worst thing
that ever happened to me,

but you also changed me.

And you can't leave yet.

You're not done.

A tip, though,

from one influencer to another,

you were too nice.

You cared too much.

That's not how
this is supposed to go.

If you really wanna get us,
you have to make us worry.

You have to make us squirm.

♪ The kingdom's on fire
The blood of a young messiah ♪

♪ I see sinners in a church
I see sinners in a church ♪

♪ Sometimes I might be introvert
There's a war inside ♪

♪ I hear battle cries
Mothers burying sons ♪

♪ Young boys playing with guns ♪

♪ The devil's a liar
Fulfill your wildest desires ♪

♪ Now, I don't wanna be
The one to doctor this ♪

♪ But if you can't feel pain ♪

♪ Then you can't feel
The opposite ♪

♪ Find a way
I'll find a way... ♪

You started with me,

so it only makes sense
that you restart with me.

I'm going to send you everything
you never knew

about everyone I know.

But there's a catch.

Not all of it will be true,

and you're not gonna know
the difference.

No more kindness.
It's time for chaos.

That's the only way
you change the world.

You take the gloves off.

This deal has one condition.

While you go hard
till there's nothing left,

I make it my mission to stop you
before you ruin us all.

Mutually assured destruction,
from one bitch to another.

♪ And so it begins... ♪

You know I hate you,
but I know you love me.

XOXO.

You have till midnight.

♪ Your introversion
Led you here ♪

♪ Intuition protected you
Along the way ♪

♪ Feelings allowed you
To be well balanced ♪

♪ And perspective
Gave you foresight ♪

♪ The top of the mountain
Is nothing without the climb ♪

♪ Only the strong will survive
Only the strong will survive ♪

Is this your house?

Who are you?

I'm Julien fucking Calloway.

♪ Alone, but not lonely ♪

♪ Your truth unveils with time ♪

♪ As you embark on a journey
Of what it takes to be a woman ♪

Hey there.
Did you miss me?

You know I've missed you.