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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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NARRATOR: You unlock this
door with the key of imagination.
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Beyond it is another dimension…
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A dimension of sound,
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A dimension of sight,
a dimension of mind.
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You're moving into a land of
both shadow and substance,
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of things and ideas.
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You've just crossed over
into the Twilight Zone.
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[HARMONICA PLAYS MELANCHOLY TUNE]
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[HOOFBEATS APPROACHING]
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Whoa.
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[SNORING]
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[TAPS ON COUNTER]
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What's your pleasure, sir?
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Cold beer.
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Cold beer, she is.
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[SIGH]
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That'll be a nickel.
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It's a lovely little town.
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What's that?
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I was just remarking about your town.
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It's a beautiful, peaceful
little place you've got here.
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It's the name that really gets me.
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Happiness, Arizona.
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Yeah, that's what she's called…
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Happiness, Arizona.
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Let's see, she's been called that
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about ten months now.
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Oh? What was she called before that?
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Called before that? Oh, various things.
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Satan's Stage Stop.
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Dead Man's Junction.
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Boot Hill Village… You passed it.
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Boot Hill Town Cemetery.
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128 people buried there.
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Every one of them shot to death
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except one who died of natural causes.
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Well, that's life.
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Ah, this town wasn't
a fit place to live in.
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Wasn't a night
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you wouldn't have to
step over a dead body.
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That a fact?
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All of them shooting every night.
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There were more citizens biting the dust
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than there was attending Sunday services.
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Ah, do tell.
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And then, do you know what happened?
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I can't even begin to guess.
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Exactly… Town took stock of itself.
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Got itself a real effective sheriff.
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Put the kibosh on firearms.
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Built itself a jail and a
gallows, enforced the law.
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Next thing you know…
Happiness, Arizona!
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Where a man can walk down the street
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and have himself a drink
without having to check the mirror
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and see who's gunning after him.
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Now, that's progress, mister.
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Well, it's this kind of thing
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that kind of brings tears to my eyes.
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Oh, now, you don't have to be scared
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to show any emotion, sir.
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I know the feeling.
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Been living with killing and violence
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all your life, and then suddenly
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it's kind of like…
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It's kind of like the sun
coming over a dark cloud
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and shining on you with its
warm rays of beneficence.
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I do a little preaching on the side too.
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What's your line, sir?
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My… My line?
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What do you do?
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I'm on the road a good deal of the time.
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Selling!
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In a manner of speaking.
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Services are my supply.
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Services?
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Well, what sort of services?
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Maybe I can throw a
little business your way.
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You might at that.
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This is a town that could use me.
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What sort of services you supplying?
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I bring back the dead.
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[GLASS SMASHES]
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NARRATOR: Introducing Mr. Jared Garrity,
a gentleman of commerce
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who in the latter half of the
19th century plied his trade
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in the wild and woolly hinterlands
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of the American West.
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And Mr. Garrity, if one can believe him,
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is a resurrector of the
dead, which on the face of it
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certainly sounds like
the bull is off the nickel.
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But to the scoffers amongst you,
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and you ladies and
gentlemen from Missouri,
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don't laugh this one off entirely,
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at least until you've seen a
sample of Mr. Garrity's wares
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and an example of his services.
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The place is Happiness, Arizona,
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the time about 1890,
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and you and I have just entered
a saloon where the bar whiskey
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is brewed, bottled and
delivered from the Twilight Zone.
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What'd he say his name was?
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He didn't say.
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He's got a sign on his wagon.
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It says Garrity.
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That could be his name.
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By golly, that's deduction.
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You know why we got
law and order in this town?
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Because we've got a sheriff
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that uses scientific deduction.
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I wish I'd thought of that.
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You know, if you don't
know a fella's name,
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you just look at his wagon.
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Well, that's really no great shake
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of a deduction, Lapham,
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but it does point up the fact
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you can't stop thinking on this job.
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It's really kind of a think,
think, think proposition.
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Now some men depend on this all the time
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when they should be
using the old… the old bean.
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00:06:00,998 --> 00:06:03,333
By golly, nobody could be righter.
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00:06:03,417 --> 00:06:05,627
And when you use the
head instead of the gun,
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you save money on
bullets and burials and labor.
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00:06:10,091 --> 00:06:12,175
Now he said what to you, Jensen?
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JENSEN: Oh, he said he
could bring back the dead.
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[LAUGHING] Well, that's
what he said his line was…
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00:06:17,556 --> 00:06:19,267
"Bringin' back the dead."
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Tell you, I almost
keeled back in my tracks.
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Bring back the dead, I'm thinking.
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Well, he's either a lunatic
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or he's trying to gull me.
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That's when I ran over to your office
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and got you, Sheriff.
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And when we come back,
he done and left town.
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He probably figured
you'd gone after the sheriff
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and decided to get out of town.
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By golly, that's good reasoning, Sheriff.
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That's just what he done.
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He's obviously some sort of a con man.
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And when he saw Jensen
here leave the saloon,
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he knew he was going for the lawman.
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So, uh, he felt he was in trouble,
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00:06:50,049 --> 00:06:51,927
and he got out of town.
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[SLURRING] Now that's a
very fine piece of deduction.
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Except hows come he left his wagon?
144
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Gooberman, you're a very
embarrassing man to have around.
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Why ask a question like that for?
146
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"Hows come he left his wagon?"
147
00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:08,486
"Hows come he left his wagon?"
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How come he did leave his wagon?
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Sheriff?
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Way I figure it,
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he probably didn't
get out of town after all.
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The way I figure it, he probably
checked into the hotel or something.
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00:07:19,664 --> 00:07:21,666
By golly, Sheriff, you're exactly right.
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That's just what he done.
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You've got a job here
for the rest of your life
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if I've got anything to do with it.
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Jensen, give the sheriff a drink on me.
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You're a real sport, Lapham.
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That's real kind of you,
Lapham, real kind of you.
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DRUNK MAN: Real kind of you.
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Here's to Lapham.
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Sheriff.
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You're, uh… you're Mr. Garrity?
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That's my family name.
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Is that your wagon outside?
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Yep, that's my wagon.
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Says Garrity on it?
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That's my family name.
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Well, Mr. Jensen here says
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that you bring back the dead.
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Now, that's a figure of speech, ain't it?
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You don't actually bring back the dead.
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On the contrary, that's
exactly what I do…
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Bring back the dead.
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Well, now, you wouldn't mind telling us
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how you go about doing this, would you?
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Well, now, Sheriff, no offense…
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Uh, bartender, please…
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00:08:33,743 --> 00:08:36,954
But it's kind of like a
professional trade secret
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kind of like a magician.
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Now, he doesn't tell
how he does his tricks
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and I don't tell how I
bring back the dead…
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But I do.
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The fact is, I heard
about your town here.
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One-hundred and twenty-eight
dead in Boot Hill up there.
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Happiness, Arizona,
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with the biggest cemetery west of Chicago
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and all of them departing the earth
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with unspeakable violence.
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All but one.
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And that was my dear wife, Zelda,
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rest her soul.
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A fine healthy strapping
woman of 247 pounds,
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but not unattractive, mind you,
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and suddenly I lost her.
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And that's why I drink…
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From a broken heart.
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How much loss can a man stand?
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[WAGON RUMBLING]
200
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[DOG SQUEALING]
201
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[WAGON STOPS]
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MAN: Killed him, poor little
tyke, ran right under my wagon.
203
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,132
Must have struck him
alongside of the head.
204
00:10:06,216 --> 00:10:08,592
Hasn't got a mark on
him, but he's sure dead.
205
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:11,387
Well, it's accidental animal homicide.
206
00:10:11,471 --> 00:10:13,557
Well, that's decent of you, Sheriff.
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00:10:13,641 --> 00:10:14,516
No fine or nothing?
208
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:15,934
No fine.
209
00:10:16,018 --> 00:10:18,061
You obviously couldn't help it.
210
00:10:18,145 --> 00:10:20,647
Anybody know who the dog belongs to?
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00:10:20,731 --> 00:10:22,399
Stray is what it is.
212
00:10:22,483 --> 00:10:24,234
I never seen it before.
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00:10:24,318 --> 00:10:26,486
MAN: I'll take him out and bury him.
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00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:28,196
Ladies and gentlemen!
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00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,408
The proof of the pudding is in the eating
216
00:10:30,492 --> 00:10:33,578
and the proof of the
service is in the performing.
217
00:10:33,662 --> 00:10:35,413
Hallelujah!
218
00:10:35,497 --> 00:10:38,249
Now that dog is
certainly dead, is it not?
219
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,709
[ALL AGREEING]
220
00:10:39,793 --> 00:10:41,919
And gentlemen, I shall return it
221
00:10:42,003 --> 00:10:43,921
to the land of the living.
222
00:10:44,005 --> 00:10:45,923
I shall resurrect that dog.
223
00:10:46,007 --> 00:10:48,927
Now, please, stand back all of you.
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00:10:49,011 --> 00:10:50,596
Oh, I want to ask you one thing.
225
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,264
In order that I might
perform the operation
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00:10:52,348 --> 00:10:54,308
completely and satisfactorily,
227
00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:56,018
would you all turn around so
that you're not watching me.
228
00:10:56,102 --> 00:11:02,691
If you don't mind, please.
229
00:11:02,775 --> 00:11:06,696
[GARRITY CHANTING]
230
00:11:06,780 --> 00:11:07,613
[CHANTING]
231
00:11:14,788 --> 00:11:16,456
[DOG MOANING]
232
00:11:16,540 --> 00:11:17,957
[BARKING]
233
00:11:18,041 --> 00:11:19,585
Eureka!
234
00:11:19,669 --> 00:11:20,961
GARRITY: Oh, you good dog.
235
00:11:21,045 --> 00:11:22,713
Oh, you good dog!
236
00:11:22,797 --> 00:11:23,714
There we go.
237
00:11:23,798 --> 00:11:25,132
[BARKING]
238
00:11:25,216 --> 00:11:27,551
MAN: Look at him go!
239
00:11:27,635 --> 00:11:31,889
-[LAUGHTER]
-[DOG BARKING]
240
00:11:31,973 --> 00:11:35,226
My dear friends, ladies and gentlemen,
241
00:11:35,310 --> 00:11:37,979
citizenry of Happiness, Arizona,
242
00:11:38,063 --> 00:11:40,815
it is with no small degree of pleasure
243
00:11:40,899 --> 00:11:42,817
that I stand here
244
00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:45,612
on this quaint picturesque main street
245
00:11:45,696 --> 00:11:48,573
performing what I might modestly claim
246
00:11:48,657 --> 00:11:51,576
as an accomplishment of some dimension.
247
00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:53,162
As you have all seen,
248
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,665
I have just brought a dog back to life.
249
00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:57,250
It's devil's work!
250
00:11:57,334 --> 00:11:59,001
Black magic is what it is.
251
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:01,921
It is not black magic
and not devil's work.
252
00:12:02,005 --> 00:12:05,091
It is the application
of scientific principles
253
00:12:05,175 --> 00:12:07,593
which I have picked up over the years
254
00:12:07,677 --> 00:12:11,515
while traveling exclusively
in the Himalayan mountains.
255
00:12:11,599 --> 00:12:13,600
[GASPING]
256
00:12:13,684 --> 00:12:16,728
What I did for that dog I
can do for your loved ones…
257
00:12:16,812 --> 00:12:19,690
May their souls rest
in peace… momentarily.
258
00:12:19,774 --> 00:12:23,944
You mean, you can bring back my Zelda?
259
00:12:24,028 --> 00:12:26,196
And my former partner?
260
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,283
And my late husband?
261
00:12:28,367 --> 00:12:32,620
Tonight, dear friends,
tonight at midnight,
262
00:12:32,704 --> 00:12:36,874
happiness will reign
in Happiness, Arizona.
263
00:12:36,958 --> 00:12:40,295
The dead will be returned to you.
264
00:12:40,379 --> 00:12:43,090
[CROWD MURMURING]
265
00:13:01,735 --> 00:13:04,071
[CLOCK CHIMES]
266
00:13:08,867 --> 00:13:11,161
H… He's still up at the cemetery.
267
00:13:11,245 --> 00:13:13,413
He's been there four hours now.
268
00:13:13,497 --> 00:13:15,498
That place freezes
my insides at high noon
269
00:13:15,582 --> 00:13:16,916
with the sun shining down.
270
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,336
Imagine how it is after dark.
271
00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:20,212
I don't like the proceedings.
272
00:13:20,296 --> 00:13:22,340
I believe when you're dead, you're dead.
273
00:13:22,424 --> 00:13:28,846
Imagine my little blossom, my own Zelda.
274
00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:34,019
All those lonely days and lonely weeks
275
00:13:34,103 --> 00:13:39,567
and tonight at midnight,
she comes back to me.
276
00:13:45,281 --> 00:13:48,450
Good evening, gentlemen.
277
00:13:48,534 --> 00:13:53,122
Good evening to you all.
278
00:13:53,206 --> 00:13:57,794
Whiskey, please.
279
00:13:57,878 --> 00:14:01,047
You know, the cosmic
impulses tonight are incredible.
280
00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:02,632
Absolutely incredible!
281
00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:04,717
I have just been up on Boot Hill.
282
00:14:04,801 --> 00:14:06,886
All finished up there now?
283
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:08,722
All finished.
284
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:11,642
Now they'll all come filing
down any moment now.
285
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:13,394
Ahead of schedule, too.
286
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:16,563
I hadn't gone five
minutes into the ceremony
287
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,816
before the earth started to heave.
288
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,734
Some mighty anxious folks up there.
289
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,820
Mighty anxious.
290
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:25,740
Ah, but it'd do your heart good
to see them wiggling around
291
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:27,992
under the sod, just like some happy colts
292
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:34,999
raring to face life again.
293
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,085
That's your beloved brother,
294
00:14:37,169 --> 00:14:38,837
isn't it, Mr. Jensen?
295
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:41,507
Uh, John, he was killed
by accident last March.
296
00:14:41,591 --> 00:14:45,261
We had a gunfight in here
and he got hit by a stray bullet.
297
00:14:45,345 --> 00:14:47,179
The same size and shape as you
298
00:14:47,263 --> 00:14:49,849
with a kind of a limp?
299
00:14:49,933 --> 00:14:53,185
[GLASS SHATTERS]
300
00:14:53,269 --> 00:14:56,856
Uh… how did you know?
301
00:14:56,940 --> 00:14:59,901
Your brother was the last
man buried, Mr. Jensen,
302
00:14:59,985 --> 00:15:02,612
and the last buried are the first ones
303
00:15:02,696 --> 00:15:04,448
who'll be coming back down.
304
00:15:04,532 --> 00:15:08,368
Coming back down?
305
00:15:08,452 --> 00:15:11,622
Ha! I believe that's him coming now.
306
00:15:27,931 --> 00:15:30,808
Mr. Jensen…
307
00:15:30,892 --> 00:15:33,145
It's your own beloved brother John
308
00:15:33,229 --> 00:15:35,564
and a more decent, honorable citizen
309
00:15:35,648 --> 00:15:38,650
never pulled a cork
from a bottle, so I'm told.
310
00:15:38,734 --> 00:15:41,820
[WHISPERING] Mr. Garrity, he
was a lowdown thieving skunk.
311
00:15:41,904 --> 00:15:45,324
He spent more time tapping
the till and stealing whiskey
312
00:15:45,408 --> 00:15:47,409
than he did waiting on customers.
313
00:15:47,493 --> 00:15:49,120
You dishonor the man.
314
00:15:49,204 --> 00:15:51,247
And here he returns
to you from the grave.
315
00:15:51,331 --> 00:15:53,917
And after that unfortunate,
accidental bullet
316
00:15:54,001 --> 00:15:56,836
that caught him between
the shoulder blades.
317
00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:00,173
Mr. Garrity.
318
00:16:00,257 --> 00:16:01,633
What do you charge
319
00:16:01,717 --> 00:16:03,593
to bring back these dead people?
320
00:16:03,677 --> 00:16:06,514
Room and board, but
my major source of income
321
00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:08,057
is the pleasure I derive
322
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:10,351
bringing happiness to my fellow man.
323
00:16:10,435 --> 00:16:12,853
Well, how would you like to increase
324
00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:14,396
that source of income?
325
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,440
You'll have to speak a bit plainer.
326
00:16:16,524 --> 00:16:19,193
What would it take to
put my brother back?
327
00:16:19,277 --> 00:16:21,863
No, that would be a difficult procedure.
328
00:16:21,947 --> 00:16:23,448
You see, Mr. Jensen,
329
00:16:23,532 --> 00:16:25,283
after the resurrection has taken place
330
00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:27,035
it requires a maximum effort
331
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:29,120
to make them die all over again.
332
00:16:29,204 --> 00:16:32,165
Well, would $100 help the effort?
333
00:16:32,249 --> 00:16:36,795
Shall we say $1,000?
334
00:16:36,879 --> 00:16:39,549
Well, what does 500 do for you?
335
00:16:39,633 --> 00:16:43,719
It warms me a little
but I still feel drafty.
336
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:46,681
Let's settle for, uh… 750, shall we?
337
00:16:46,765 --> 00:16:47,932
It's a deal.
338
00:17:07,161 --> 00:17:08,412
He disappeared!
339
00:17:08,496 --> 00:17:11,832
He just plain disappeared!
340
00:17:11,916 --> 00:17:14,419
He came walking toward us
341
00:17:14,503 --> 00:17:16,004
and I would have bet money
342
00:17:16,088 --> 00:17:17,839
it was your brother John.
343
00:17:17,923 --> 00:17:19,674
And he was walking toward us
344
00:17:19,758 --> 00:17:21,509
and then he plumb disappeared!
345
00:17:21,593 --> 00:17:22,885
That's life.
346
00:17:22,969 --> 00:17:24,429
But now don't fret, friends.
347
00:17:24,513 --> 00:17:26,931
He'll be followed by all the others.
348
00:17:27,015 --> 00:17:28,892
All the others?
349
00:17:28,976 --> 00:17:33,355
Including your beloved wife.
Your lonely hours are over.
350
00:17:33,439 --> 00:17:36,775
Your Zelda will soon be back with you
351
00:17:36,859 --> 00:17:38,861
to bring back your peace of mind.
352
00:17:38,945 --> 00:17:41,113
No disrespect, uh…
353
00:17:41,197 --> 00:17:47,996
What I mean is that Zelda
was the flower of all womanhood
354
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:51,791
but on six different occasions
355
00:17:51,875 --> 00:17:58,214
she broke my left arm and
this poor thing was in a cast
356
00:17:58,298 --> 00:18:02,803
so many times that I developed a list.
357
00:18:02,887 --> 00:18:05,806
Your point, Mr. Gooberman.
358
00:18:05,890 --> 00:18:10,311
Oh, I would hate to disturb Zelda's rest
359
00:18:10,395 --> 00:18:15,066
so how much would
it cost to put her back?
360
00:18:15,150 --> 00:18:20,072
Oh, that's a difficult
assignment, Mr. Gooberman.
361
00:18:20,156 --> 00:18:22,616
Uh… $500.
362
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,409
For me it was $750!
363
00:18:24,493 --> 00:18:26,495
[GASPING]
364
00:18:26,579 --> 00:18:27,621
I'm ashamed.
365
00:18:27,705 --> 00:18:29,164
I'm truly ashamed.
366
00:18:29,248 --> 00:18:31,083
Your own dear brother.
367
00:18:31,167 --> 00:18:34,002
And you, Gooberman, your dear wife.
368
00:18:34,086 --> 00:18:38,174
As a public official of this
town, I apologize for these men.
369
00:18:38,258 --> 00:18:41,552
I am humiliated. Nothing
less than humiliated!
370
00:18:41,636 --> 00:18:44,514
I don't blame you a bit, Sheriff.
371
00:18:44,598 --> 00:18:47,100
And I could perceive immediately
372
00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:49,602
that you're made of sterner stuff.
373
00:18:49,686 --> 00:18:51,270
I didn't see you quake in your boots
374
00:18:51,354 --> 00:18:53,107
just because Lightning Peterson
375
00:18:53,191 --> 00:18:56,151
will be one of the
departed returning this night.
376
00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:58,028
Lightning Peterson!
377
00:18:58,112 --> 00:18:59,697
You killed him yourself,
378
00:18:59,781 --> 00:19:01,115
didn't you, Sheriff?
379
00:19:01,199 --> 00:19:03,826
He was the fastest gun in the territory.
380
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,036
Balderdash. I say balderdash!
381
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,955
"Lightning" Peterson.
382
00:19:08,039 --> 00:19:10,667
You killed him once, Sheriff,
in an honest showdown
383
00:19:10,751 --> 00:19:13,461
and if his incarceration
hasn't taught him anything,
384
00:19:13,545 --> 00:19:15,130
well, you can do it again.
385
00:19:15,214 --> 00:19:17,298
[EXCLAIMS]
386
00:19:17,382 --> 00:19:19,050
Something, Sheriff?
387
00:19:19,134 --> 00:19:21,720
You're going to resurrect that gunman?
388
00:19:21,804 --> 00:19:23,221
Well, it was a mass operation.
389
00:19:23,305 --> 00:19:25,306
As a matter of fact, Sheriff,
390
00:19:25,390 --> 00:19:27,476
it will give you a marvelous opportunity
391
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,688
to dispel those ugly rumors I heard
392
00:19:30,772 --> 00:19:34,233
that you actually shot
Peterson in the back…
393
00:19:34,317 --> 00:19:36,152
Late at night…
394
00:19:36,236 --> 00:19:38,404
When he was alone and unarmed
395
00:19:38,488 --> 00:19:41,741
and you had six
deputies alongside of you.
396
00:19:41,825 --> 00:19:43,702
Seven.
397
00:19:43,786 --> 00:19:45,996
Now, I know that you faced
up to him in broad daylight
398
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:49,249
but this will give you an
opportunity to shoot him down,
399
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,418
if need be, face-to-face.
400
00:19:51,502 --> 00:19:54,296
Well, now, the fact is, Mr. Garrity,
401
00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:59,176
I don't think that Peterson
should be resurrected.
402
00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:03,347
Actually… he's a menace to society.
403
00:20:03,431 --> 00:20:07,810
The fact is, Sheriff…
404
00:20:07,894 --> 00:20:09,687
He's already on his way down.
405
00:20:09,771 --> 00:20:11,981
I don't mind facing up to him
406
00:20:12,065 --> 00:20:14,484
but why go to all that trouble?
407
00:20:14,568 --> 00:20:18,238
Uh… would, uh, you think $500
408
00:20:18,322 --> 00:20:20,491
would keep him back up there?
409
00:20:20,575 --> 00:20:21,950
Lightning Peterson?
410
00:20:22,034 --> 00:20:24,328
You do him an injustice, Sheriff.
411
00:20:24,412 --> 00:20:26,455
He was quite a lad with the gun
412
00:20:26,539 --> 00:20:28,415
and mighty active at that.
413
00:20:28,499 --> 00:20:31,251
No, no, no, this will be a $1,200 job.
414
00:20:31,335 --> 00:20:32,711
Sold.
415
00:20:32,795 --> 00:20:34,547
Jensen, a whole bottle please.
416
00:20:34,631 --> 00:20:36,382
Happen to see a scrawny
little man out there,
417
00:20:36,466 --> 00:20:38,384
kinda gimlet-eyed.
418
00:20:38,468 --> 00:20:39,636
His name?
419
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:40,970
Perkins. Ephraim Perkins.
420
00:20:41,054 --> 00:20:42,096
Relative?
421
00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:43,973
Ex-husband.
422
00:20:44,057 --> 00:20:45,850
No tighter man ever
squeezed a silver dollar.
423
00:20:45,934 --> 00:20:48,061
And the thing of it
is, I'm married again.
424
00:20:48,145 --> 00:20:49,896
And if the truth be known,
425
00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:51,982
I never did care for
Ephraim while he was living
426
00:20:52,066 --> 00:20:54,777
and I don't see why I
should go through it all again.
427
00:20:54,861 --> 00:20:57,196
What would I do with two husbands?
428
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:58,572
A hundred dollars?
429
00:20:58,656 --> 00:20:59,990
Five, madam.
430
00:21:00,074 --> 00:21:01,450
Five?
431
00:21:01,534 --> 00:21:02,702
Mm-hm.
432
00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:09,209
My father-in-law…
433
00:21:09,293 --> 00:21:11,044
My father-in-law's a big man,
434
00:21:11,128 --> 00:21:13,421
asked to be buried with a bull whip.
435
00:21:13,505 --> 00:21:15,006
There's just no reason why he should…
436
00:21:15,090 --> 00:21:16,341
No, no, no.
437
00:21:16,425 --> 00:21:20,762
Oh, thank you, thank you.
438
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,764
My wife looked very pretty
439
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,183
when she was buried.
440
00:21:24,267 --> 00:21:26,060
Couldn't we keep her that way?
441
00:21:26,144 --> 00:21:29,564
Five.
442
00:21:29,648 --> 00:21:32,358
The rest of you just put your names here.
443
00:21:32,442 --> 00:21:33,734
The amount's $500.
444
00:21:33,818 --> 00:21:35,111
Thank you.
445
00:21:35,195 --> 00:21:36,196
Five.
446
00:21:39,074 --> 00:21:42,745
[DOG BARKING]
447
00:21:45,790 --> 00:21:46,791
Whoa.
448
00:21:52,546 --> 00:21:53,839
Come on, boy!
449
00:21:53,923 --> 00:21:55,549
Come on, spot, come on!
450
00:21:55,633 --> 00:21:56,800
[WHISTLING]
451
00:21:56,884 --> 00:21:58,845
Come on, spot, come here!
452
00:21:58,929 --> 00:22:00,096
[LAUGHING]
453
00:22:00,180 --> 00:22:02,307
Oh, you nice, nice puppy.
454
00:22:02,391 --> 00:22:03,892
Oh, you're a nice dog.
455
00:22:03,976 --> 00:22:06,311
I got a big bone in the wagon for you.
456
00:22:06,395 --> 00:22:08,313
Your reward for playing dead.
457
00:22:08,397 --> 00:22:09,689
You're late!
458
00:22:09,773 --> 00:22:11,441
Oh, ace, I couldn't help it.
459
00:22:11,525 --> 00:22:13,401
This town is the ripest
pear we ever plucked.
460
00:22:13,485 --> 00:22:15,070
They couldn't get rid of
their moneybags fast enough.
461
00:22:15,154 --> 00:22:17,114
What was the take?
462
00:22:17,198 --> 00:22:20,618
Considerably more than you
earned on the stage, dear boy.
463
00:22:20,702 --> 00:22:22,953
Played my part uncommonly well.
464
00:22:23,037 --> 00:22:24,538
Uncommonly.
465
00:22:24,622 --> 00:22:26,498
I've been checking over the itinerary.
466
00:22:26,582 --> 00:22:27,917
Our next stop is Tucson.
467
00:22:28,001 --> 00:22:29,919
We'll get a good night's sleep,
468
00:22:30,003 --> 00:22:33,214
you go in there in the
morning, get a line on the place.
469
00:22:33,298 --> 00:22:35,175
We'll see which of the dear departed
470
00:22:35,259 --> 00:22:41,806
you can imitate tomorrow night.
471
00:22:41,890 --> 00:22:43,683
Real sorry, friends,
472
00:22:43,767 --> 00:22:46,478
that I couldn't perform
what I laid claim to,
473
00:22:46,562 --> 00:22:52,360
so rest in peace, all of you.
474
00:22:52,444 --> 00:22:54,862
Let's go.
475
00:22:54,946 --> 00:22:58,157
Old spot, now come on over here.
476
00:22:58,241 --> 00:22:59,617
There you go.
477
00:22:59,701 --> 00:23:00,826
You sit here.
478
00:23:00,910 --> 00:23:02,536
[CHUCKLES]
479
00:23:02,620 --> 00:23:03,538
Giddy-up.
480
00:23:21,767 --> 00:23:23,810
[EARTH RUMBLING]
481
00:23:37,491 --> 00:23:40,452
The man don't do himself justice.
482
00:23:40,536 --> 00:23:44,623
The actor that played
you wasn't worth a darn.
483
00:23:44,707 --> 00:23:46,667
But that there Garrity
484
00:23:46,751 --> 00:23:49,545
sure can do a job of resurrecting.
485
00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:52,673
I can't wait to get back into town.
486
00:23:52,757 --> 00:23:56,344
I've got a lot of
drinking to catch up with.
487
00:23:56,428 --> 00:23:58,388
There's a yellow skunk of a sheriff
488
00:23:58,472 --> 00:24:00,348
I aim to settle a score with, too.
489
00:24:00,432 --> 00:24:02,183
And there's a little pipsqueak
490
00:24:02,267 --> 00:24:04,686
of a sot just waiting
to get his arm broke
491
00:24:04,770 --> 00:24:06,855
and I'm just the gal that can do it
492
00:24:06,939 --> 00:24:08,982
or my name ain't Zelda Gooberman.
493
00:24:09,066 --> 00:24:11,777
NARRATOR: Exit Mr. Garrity,
a would-be charlatan,
494
00:24:11,861 --> 00:24:13,696
a make-believe con man
495
00:24:13,780 --> 00:24:16,657
and a sad misjudger of his own talents.
496
00:24:16,741 --> 00:24:19,660
Respectfully submitted
from an empty cemetery
497
00:24:19,744 --> 00:24:21,746
on a dark hillside
498
00:24:21,830 --> 00:24:24,541
that is one of the slopes
leading to the Twilight Zone.
499
00:24:27,752 --> 00:24:29,796
PRESENTER: And now, Mr. Serling.
500
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,798
The subject next time is automation.
501
00:24:31,882 --> 00:24:33,341
Our area of concern:
502
00:24:33,425 --> 00:24:35,385
the replacement of men by machines.
503
00:24:35,469 --> 00:24:37,721
It happens to be not only a
current industrial phenomenon
504
00:24:37,805 --> 00:24:39,639
but potentially a sizable can of peas,
505
00:24:39,723 --> 00:24:41,141
that, once opened, carries with it
506
00:24:41,225 --> 00:24:43,268
some very special story material.
507
00:24:43,352 --> 00:24:45,772
On The Twilight Zone next
time, we open that can of peas
508
00:24:45,856 --> 00:24:48,649
and present a battle between
the men and the machines.
509
00:24:48,733 --> 00:24:50,777
Richard Deacon and Paul Newlan star in
510
00:24:50,861 --> 00:24:52,863
"The Brain Center at Whipple's."
36396
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