Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

NARRATOR: You're traveling through another dimension.

A dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind.

A journey into a wondrous land

whose boundaries are that of imagination.

That's the signpost up ahead.

Your next stop, the Twilight Zone.

A brief if frenetic introduction to Mr. Archibald Beechcroft,

a child of the 20th century.

A product of the population explosion.

And one of the inheritors of the legacy of progress.

Mr. Beechcroft again.

This time act II of his daily battle for survival.

And in just a moment our hero will begin his personal one-man rebellion

against the mechanics of his age.

And to do so he will enlist certain aids available only in the Twilight Zone.

[GASPS]

Why, you clumsy clod!

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Beechcroft. I didn't notice where I was going.

That's precisely your problem.

Feeling ill, Beechcroft?

If you'll forgive a personal observation, Beechcroft, you're not looking too well.

I'm all right, Mr. Rogers.

You know, keeping yourself fit is not only a personal obligation, Beechcroft.

Oh, no, in a larger sense it's part of your responsibility to your job

and to the firm that employs you.

I'm not unaware of that, Mr. Rogers.

Why don't you pull yourself together, man?

Get some sleep at night. Eat regular meals, lots of milk and fresh vegetables.

Greens! Oh, you can't beat those greens for vitamins.

I'm a spinach and lettuce man myself. I even have them for breakfast.

Well, if people wouldn't look at me a little tilt.

But the power's in the greens, Beechcroft.

The power's definitely in the greens.

You're not drinking, are you, Beechcroft?

I don't drink, Mr. Rogers.

Well, then, you don't drink and you don't stay out late at night.

Are you watching your diet?

If you'd really like to know, Mr. Rogers,

if you'd really like to know precisely why I am so dead tired,

you ought to try coming to work on the subway at 7:30 every morning.

Then jamming into an elevator like part of a herd of cattle.

Then working in that… in that cacophonous din that you call an office.

Always get jostled, always get shoved,

always get pushed around.

Take hold of yourself, Beechcroft. For goodness sakes, man, take hold.

I'll take hold, Mr. Rogers. I'll take hold

when I can achieve that millennium,

that absolute perfection that comes with solitude.

You read me, Mr. Rogers? People. People, people!

If I had my way, here's how I'd fix the universe.

I'd eliminate the people. I mean, cross them off,

get rid of them, destroy them, decimate them,

and there'd only be one man left: Me, Archibald Beechcroft, esquire.

Why, you are quite mad, Beechcroft. Do you know that?

People!

Mr. Beechcroft. Mr. Beechcroft!

Here's a place for you, sir.

I've been saving it.

I am obliged, Henry.

Oh, think nothing of it. I was…

Well, I was just trying to make up for this morning.

This morning?

When I spilled coffee on your coat.

I'm really very sorry about that, Mr. Beechcroft.

Oh, it's all right.

A friend of mine works in a bookstore around the corner.

I went there first part of the lunch break.

I got you this.

The Mind and the Matter:

How You Can Achieve the Ultimate Power of Concentration.

A little on the occult side, isn't that, Henry?

Maybe so, Mr. Beechcroft. But this friend of mine is…

Well, you might say he's a student of the mind.

Oh, he swears by that book.

He says, to the best of his knowledge it's the only one in existence.

Would you believe it, Mr. Beechcroft? I've seen…

I've seen my friend cause a woman

to purchase a chartreuse and orange scarf.

How's that?

That's right, Mr. Beechcroft. We were in a department store

and he saw some woman picking over a table full of scarves that were on sale.

And he concentrated real hard on the chartreuse and orange one.

And, Mr. Beechcroft, as sure as I'm sitting here in the cafeteria

of the Park Central Insurance Company,

that woman picked up the chartreuse and orange scarf.

Why, it's the absolute, unvarnished truth. Oh!

Oh, Mr. Beechcroft, I'm so sorry.

Oh, I…

I thank you so much for the book, Henry.

I… I am indebted.

Well… there.

Uh, Mr. Beechcroft, chapter three.

That's the one on initial phenomena of intense concentration.

Chapter three. Right, chapter three.

They're right.

They're absolutely, unequivocally right.

Concentration is the most underrated,

unknown power in the universe.

Why, a person could…

A person could move mountains.

There's really no limit to what a man could do using the power properly.

No limit at all.

People.

If I could just concentrate hard enough to get rid of them.

Concentration!

That's what it takes.

Concentrate on

getting rid of the people.

Mr. Beechcroft! Your rent is due, Mr. Beechcroft.

[KNOCKING]

Mr. Beechcroft! Rent's due.

Mr. Beechcroft!

Go away, disappear, be extinct!

Mr. Beechcroft!

Go away, be extinct, disappear.

Concentration.

Mind over matter.

Today the landlady, tomorrow the world.

[SILENCE]

[TRAIN APPROACHING]

All right, let's get going.

[WHIRRING]

That'll be just about enough of that.

[HUMMING]

♪ For love ♪

[HUMMING]

♪ For love ♪

[GROANS]

All well and good.

All well and good, to be sure.

But what's to do?

How does one occupy his time?

MAN: Too much of a good thing?

Well, I wouldn't, uh, I wouldn't say that.

But you're thinking it.

Bored to death, aren't you?

Well, uh, let's just say that, um…

Let's just say that I am temporarily somewhat accessible to suggestions

as to, uh, how to occupy my time.

So?

Let's face it. You are bored to tears.

Solitude is one thing but loneliness,

loneliness is quite another.

Loneliness nothing. I despise people.

I loathe them.

And I, Archibald Beechcroft, have done away with them

for good and all, mind you?

For good and all.

[HUMMING]

Thought about any alternatives?

Alternatives to what?

Alternatives to this. You're bored.

You don't have idea one how to occupy your time.

People are bad enough but inactivity is even worse.

How about it?

Oh, don't talk nonsense, please.

I'm content.

I am honestly and truly content for the first time in my life.

I've rid myself of the worst scourge there is: the populace.

Well, what about the thing that's going to happen to you in the after…

Shut up.

[HUMMING]

[IMITATING AIRPLANE]

Although, if the truth be known…

I would like a little diversion of some kind. Any sort of diversion.

Like, um…

Like, um, an earthquake.

[RUMBLING]

Uh, for goodness sakes, no, no, no, not that!

How about a nice little electrical storm?

[CLAP OF THUNDER]

Forget it!

[SIGHS]

I believe I've had it for the day.

[CHUCKLES]

It's preying on you now, isn't it?

I mean, the quiet, the emptiness.

Well, the thing of it is…

It's just that while I don't care much for people,

it's difficult not having anyone.

Why not get someone?

That's the point, someone is everyone.

And I can't stand everyone or anyone for that matter.

There frankly isn't a breed

or a specie of human being that I can stomach.

Ever thought of a cocker spaniel?

Well, I never cared much for animals, either.

Of course. Of course!

Why didn't I think of it before?

Think of what?

People! People who I can stand.

People like… People like myself.

That's what I'll do. I'll create people,

but they'll… they'll be like me.

A world full of Archibald Beechcrofts. Now, that's a thought.

You bet your life it's a thought. You bet your sweet life.

That's what I'll do. I… I'll will it.

I'll concentrate and I'll will that from now on

everyone I see will be like me.

It's really quite simple.

[NO AUDIO]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

People. It's not enough they're just a mob. They're a dishonest mob.

Kindly deposit ten cents for the purchase, please, or shall I call the police?

Will you please get off my foot, you ugly little man?

Twelfth floor. Everybody out, please.

Sardines!

[OFFICE NOISE]

The noise, the miserable noise.

I'll go out of my mind. I'll go out of my ever-loving mind.

A sty, that's what it is.

Nothing but people, and people are pigs.

People, people, people, people.

Is there no respite? Is there no relief?

Herds, droves, hosts and bevies of people.

Will you people stop muttering back there? I'm trying to work.

Had it?

Undeniably.

Coming through to you, huh?

Without a doubt.

A lot of me is just as bad as a lot of them.

So, what's to do now?

I'll just put it back the way it was.

Just the way it was.

[GASPS] Oh!

Oh, Mr. Beechcroft, please, sir, forgive me. I… I…

Uh, nothing serious, Henry.

Just, uh, forget it.

Yes?

I was wondering. That book I gave you,

did you get anything out of it?

Well, uh… not really, Henry, I, uh…

Frankly, I thought it was a lot of pap.

It was interesting, but totally unbelievable.

NARRATOR: Mr. Archibald Beechcroft, a child of the 20th century

who has found out through trial and error, and mostly error,

that with all its faults it may well be that

this is the best of all possible worlds.

People notwithstanding, it has much to offer.

Tonight's case in point in the Twilight Zone.

PRESENTER: Rod Serling, creator of The Twilight Zone

will tell you about next week's story

after this word from our alternate sponsor.

And now, Mr. Serling.

It's been said that singularly, the most difficult feat of all mankind

is to find a needle in a haystack.

On The Twilight Zone next time, we do it one better.

We pose a problem of finding a Martian in a snow bank.

It all adds up to a kind of extraterrestrial who's who

with a couple of laughs, and more than a couple of tensions.

We recommend this to the space buffs and the jigsaw puzzle addicts.

Next time on The Twilight Zone, our story is called

"Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up?"

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Hi, this is Ed Sullivan reminding you that the Colgate-Palmolive Company

also brings you star-studded entertainment on our show

on most of these same stations.