All language subtitles for Night.Court.2023.S02E05.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL
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1
00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:07,590
-Wyatt said he's running late.
He's on a date.
2
00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:09,592
-Aww, cute. So are they.
3
00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:11,052
[ Both chuckling ]
4
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,138
-Would you stop that,
please?
5
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:14,514
We are just two sophisticates
6
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:16,266
who happen to have
common interests,
7
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,435
and we engage
in elevated discourse.
8
00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:21,062
-I warmed up these bad boys
under the hand dryer
9
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,355
in the men's room.
10
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:23,690
-Hey, you know what?
11
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:26,067
I got us a burger
we could split.
12
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:29,195
The bun is a quesadilla.
-Come on.
13
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:30,947
-You guys are adorable.
14
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:34,325
Eating like a couple teenagers
headed to the electric chair.
15
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:36,870
-Hey, everyone.
16
00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,372
-You have your own
roller skates?
17
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,707
-Yep
-We get it.
18
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,542
You're the fun one now.
19
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,502
-I skated here from a date
at the roller rink.
20
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:47,547
I realized I was late for work,
and as I was putting on my shoes
21
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:50,216
without wheels, I thought,
"What are you doing, dummy?"
22
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,761
-That a doggy bag?
What's in it?
23
00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:54,304
-You wouldn't be interested.
It's roller-rink cheese --
24
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,972
-Burger, dip, or fountain?
25
00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,265
-Jackpot. Cheesecake.
26
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,267
This is turning into
a two-table day.
27
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,560
-Get it. Get it.
28
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,147
-You will never guess
who is here.
29
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,274
It's Pellino
from Pellino & Carnes.
30
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,984
The lawyer's with
all the commercials.
31
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,611
-I love their jingle.
32
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:11,780
* Pellino & Carnes,
we'll get you the cash *
33
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:14,949
* It's never your fault
when you fall, slip, or crash *
34
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,451
[ Laughs ]
35
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,328
That song is dangerously catchy.
36
00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:20,914
They sued the guy who wrote it.
37
00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:22,374
-They sound like the stereotype
38
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:24,250
of what everyone thinks
a horrible lawyer is --
39
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,419
ambulance chasing,
morally bankrupt.
40
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:27,921
-Yeah, but not
bankruptbankrupt,
41
00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:29,547
and that's what intrigues me.
42
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,425
I've been slipping
and falling all over this city
43
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,803
trying to meet him. [ Gasps ]
And he's heading this way.
44
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,264
-Mikey Pellino.
45
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,266
You guys keep doing
what you're doing,
46
00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:41,685
and when your hearts explode,
47
00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:42,977
I'm going to make
your wallets explode.
48
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,688
-Let me ask you a question.
49
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:46,773
If just hisheart explodes,
do I still get paid?
50
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:53,405
**
51
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,782
-Oh, after all that food,
52
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:58,576
my stomach is creaking
like an old ship.
53
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:03,081
I could use an Alka-Seltzer,
but I hate the taste.
54
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,709
-Come on, man, you got to
take care of yourself.
55
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,877
-Yeah.
-Drop them in a milkshake.
56
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:09,170
-Oh.
57
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:10,755
That's a good idea.
58
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,632
-I think it's great
the two of you have a thing,
59
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,426
but maybe bond over a salad
once in a while
60
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,386
so you don't go halfsies
on a hearse.
61
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,138
-Thank you for your concern,
but we're fine.
62
00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:22,142
I'm, well, of course, me, and
Flobert is healthy as a horse.
63
00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:25,353
-Well, he is panting like he
just ran the Kentucky Derby.
64
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:30,150
-Whew!
Is this courtroom uphill?
65
00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:31,484
-Any doctor will tell you
66
00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:32,902
he shouldn't be eating
all that stuff.
67
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,571
-Oh, please. Doctors.
All they tell you
68
00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,197
is that everything you like
will kill you.
69
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,615
Meanwhile, the oldest woman
in the world
70
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,451
has never seen a hospital
bathes in vodka
71
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:42,328
and eats cigarettes
every morning for breakfast.
72
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:44,789
-And I don't trust
those scalpel jockeys.
73
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,208
Always trying to get me
to donate my organs.
74
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,627
When I die,
my butt's coming with me.
75
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:54,215
-Flobert, don't nobody want a
butt with that many miles on it.
76
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:56,926
-When you do die,
77
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:59,679
promise me you'll do it
on government property.
78
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,558
-Olivia Moore. 5'6". Gemini.
79
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,643
I put the cute in prosecutor.
80
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,646
-Mikey Pellino.
Pellino & Carnes.
81
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,190
If you ever want
to sue your parents
82
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:12,525
for making you too beautiful.
83
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,569
-When I was 9,
I threatened legal action
84
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,113
on grounds of cruel
and unusual bowl cut.
85
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:20,867
-Girl, I think I'm falling
for you. And I ought to know.
86
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,620
Most of the people that
I talk to are on the ground.
87
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,794
-I hear wedding sirens.
88
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,922
-Hey, Wyatt, you're a guy
89
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:36,716
who's been around
the roller rink a few times.
90
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:40,136
I was just looking
at my ex-fiancé's Instagram.
91
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,889
If a guy posts a picture
raking leaves with a woman,
92
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,557
that doesn't mean
they're dating, right?
93
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,226
-No, it doesn't mean anything.
94
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,269
Except he's bad at Instagram.
95
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,356
-And this one where
they're in bed?
96
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,983
-I take that back.
He's good at Instagram.
97
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:57,404
-So great. Rand found someone.
98
00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:59,739
I mean, not surprised.
He's a wonderful guy.
99
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:03,410
Little faster than I thought,
but I'm happy for him.
100
00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:05,954
My eye just twitches
when I'm happy for people.
101
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,417
-It's fine if you're not.
102
00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:12,752
I didn't handle it great
when my ex-wife moved on.
103
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,922
A barista said,
"Flat white for Wyatt,"
104
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:19,342
but I heard,
"I never satisfied her in bed."
105
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:22,262
-I really am fine with it.
106
00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:24,222
I was the one who broke it off
'cause over the years,
107
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,767
I changed, and it started
to feel like I was settling.
108
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:30,437
She looks like she's happy
to settle with him
109
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,355
under the quilt I made.
110
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,234
-I'm not great
at changing the subject,
111
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,319
but first up...
112
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:42,657
...the people versus
Roscoe Verma.
113
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,367
The defendant was involved
in an altercation
114
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:47,537
over a jar of pickles at the
Union Square Farmers Market.
115
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,247
-Mr. Verma instigated a melee
116
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,834
that led to him being tossed
into a display of Amish gourds.
117
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:56,296
The charges are destruction of
property and defiling a pumpkin.
118
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,299
-Not on purpose.
I landed on it wrong.
119
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,510
-Your honor, the only thing
my client is guilty of
120
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:03,803
is enthusiasm.
121
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,722
Trevnick Pickles
are the city's finest.
122
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:09,726
And this was the last jar
at the farmer's market.
123
00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,644
I posit that perhaps
the pickle purveyor
124
00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,813
prompted this predicament
by producing
125
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,774
and promoting
this peerless pickle
126
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:19,069
despite a paucity of product
for the pumped pickle public.
127
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,366
Proceed.
128
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,453
-This must be some pickle.
129
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,705
Got to sample the evidence.
130
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,835
This pickle is not great.
131
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:39,005
In fact, it's bad.
132
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,883
Poor cucumber,
what did they do to you?
133
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:45,720
-With all due respect,
that is the perfect pickle.
134
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,056
Clearly, you don't know when
you have something fantastic
135
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,265
right under your nose.
136
00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,684
-Excuse me?
137
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:53,019
-Whoa, your eye is going nuts.
138
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:56,856
-I know a good thing
when it's in front of me.
139
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:59,609
Are you telling me that you
would really choose this pickle,
140
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:02,404
forsaking all others
for as long as you shall live?
141
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:03,613
-I do.
142
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,908
-I always cry at weddings.
143
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,704
-Can you believe that guy?
144
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:11,913
Saying I don't know
something's great
145
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:13,456
when it's right under
my nose?
146
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,750
That pickle
was straight-up junk.
147
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,713
-Is there a chance
this isn't about pickles?
148
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,214
Maybe you're feeling
a little weird
149
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,425
because your ex is seeing
someone and you're not.
150
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,051
Are you on any dating apps?
151
00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:28,221
-Almost. I'm still
fine-tuning my profile.
152
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,056
Like, what picture do I go with?
153
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,933
Strong and sexy?
154
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:35,979
Girl next door?
155
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,483
Or cousin but worth it?
156
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:45,739
-Forget the apps.
157
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:48,158
This is a city
full of possibilities.
158
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:51,286
Get out there and find one
that makes you happy.
159
00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:52,996
-You're absolutely right.
160
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,248
There's no point in sitting here
and spinning out over this.
161
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,583
-That's what I'm saying.
162
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:58,752
-I got to get out there,
take some risks,
163
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,420
put my heart on the line.
164
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:03,131
-Yes, Judge.
I'm with you 1,000%.
165
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,759
-Great. That settles it.
166
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,012
We're gonna find the best
damn pickle in New York City.
167
00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:14,100
-So glad we sort of
had this talk.
168
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,441
-Wow.
169
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,361
I'm assuming that black card
was paid for by black ice.
170
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:28,365
-Speaking of breaking the ice,
are you free tomorrow night?
171
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,949
I know this little
Italian place.
172
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:33,495
It overlooks the most
dangerous intersection in SoHo.
173
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:37,165
-That sounds lovely.
Nothing like candlelight,
174
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:40,043
a little vino, and the sound
of pedestrians screaming,
175
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,295
"Wait, don't!"
176
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:45,965
-I mean, did Cupid
just hit us with an arrow?
177
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,884
-I certainly hope so,
'cause I've always wanted
178
00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:50,303
to sue a baby.
[ Chuckles ]
179
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,639
-Olivia, meet the man
behind the ampersand.
180
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,224
This is my partner,
Calvin Carnes.
181
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,685
I was just telling her
about DiVitello's.
182
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,311
-Pellino's taking me there
tomorrow night.
183
00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,146
-Tomorrow night?
184
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,940
Garsh, bud, don't we have
that working dinner
185
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,526
to talk about
the toilet-alligator case?
186
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,903
We're alligator litigators.
187
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,739
-And we're suing the sewers.
188
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:12,117
Thanks, Pellino & Carnes.
-Thanks, Pellino & Carnes.
189
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,494
-Well, maybe I could help
with the case.
190
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:17,497
-Alligators --
thick snout or thin?
191
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:18,873
-Thick. Thin is crocodiles.
192
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,835
-Ooh, she's good, Carnes.
What do you say?
193
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,797
-I don't know.
I just don't want you to feel
194
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,966
like a third wheel.
Ooh, speaking of which,
195
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:31,594
I saw a school bus out front
with a wobbly front tire.
196
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:34,639
Let's go put the class
in class action.
197
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,182
[ Clicks tongue ]
198
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:40,020
-A man's got to sue
what a man's got to sue.
199
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,605
-Well, at least
I still have his number.
200
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,274
-I'm going to need that.
201
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,698
-Come on, Dan,
he's eating Fritos now?
202
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,075
-His cakes aren't here yet.
203
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,370
I knew you wouldn't let this go.
204
00:08:57,412 --> 00:09:00,123
That's why I'm having a doctor
give him a full medical workup.
205
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,374
-That's the doctor?
206
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,709
I fingerprinted him.
207
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,044
He's being charged
with malpractice.
208
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,795
Also, he's a veterinarian.
209
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:09,341
-Relax, Gurgs. We're fine.
-Fine?
210
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,384
Flobert couldn't even
make it up a flight of stairs.
211
00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:14,012
Last time the elevator broke,
he paid the window washers
212
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,889
to give him a ride
up from the street.
213
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:18,224
-So, what, now it's against
the law to want fresh air?
214
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,811
Flobert could totally
climb a flight of stairs.
215
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,022
-Prove it.
If he can, I'll shut up.
216
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,524
If he can't,
you both go see a doctor.
217
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,819
-Take that bet, Dan.
I go up stairs all the time.
218
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,239
At the airport. The mall.
219
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,742
-Airport and mall?
These stairs happen to move?
220
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,285
-What's your point?
221
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,913
-I think he's talking about
an escala--
222
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,290
-I know he's talking
about an escalator.
223
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,710
-Here's something you learn
riding the subway
224
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,671
with 64 jars of pickles --
225
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,255
rats love 'em.
226
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:51,758
-Of course rats love them.
These are all garbage.
227
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,051
If they were on a barge
and it sank,
228
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,761
they'd have to close
the beaches.
229
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,931
-There she is.
My favorite gal pal.
230
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,101
You look like someone
with no plans this weekend.
231
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,436
-You call tasting and ranking
37 different types
232
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:04,854
of pickles on dependability,
233
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,690
bendability, and blendability
no plans?
234
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,149
-Everybody does.
235
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,236
So why don't you
and I go to dinner? Hm?
236
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,614
I just heard about this great
Italian place, DiVitello's.
237
00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,700
Oh, people are dying
to get in there.
238
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,326
And dying nearby.
239
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,704
-Judge, it might be good
for you to get out
240
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,205
before things
get really weird.
241
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,082
After my breakup,
I got so into taxidermy
242
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,875
and now I eat breakfast
across from three skunks
243
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,961
posed like "Charlie's Angels."
244
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:33,091
**
245
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,927
-This is a great idea.
The two of us out for a meal.
246
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,929
No stress, no big decisions.
247
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,472
Just friends hanging out.
248
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:42,017
Wait, why are you
pretending to listen to me?
249
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,436
Ah, there it is.
250
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,855
-What are the odds
that Pellino would be
251
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,648
in the restaurant
he said he'd be at?
252
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,899
Huh.
253
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,276
Well, as long
as we're here,
254
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,527
I guess you should
go distract Carnes
255
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,154
so I can be with Pellino.
256
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,865
-This isn't how I pictured
my first date after Rand.
257
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,366
-That'd be a great start
to your maid-of-honor speech
258
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,326
at my wedding.
-I get to be your maid of honor?
259
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,163
-If you come with me.
Pellino! Over here.
260
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,832
[ Chuckles ]
It's Olivia, from court.
261
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:13,757
-This is so nice.
I love a surprise.
262
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,301
Be it lovely ladies
or faulty scaffolding.
263
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,719
[ Both chuckle ]
264
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,471
-The only thing I like
structurally sound
265
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,847
are the men I date.
266
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,392
-The arrabbiata is great here.
Do you like spicy?
267
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,685
-I do like spicy.
268
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:26,770
That is one thing
I know for sure.
269
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,271
-Well, then you are in for a --
270
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,898
-Just so you know
what you're getting into,
271
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,358
I like spicy now,
but that could change.
272
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,651
So the answer is yes now.
And no. Maybe.
273
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,780
I currently like spicy
unless eventually I do not.
274
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,907
Final answer --
I don't want to be boxed in.
275
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,326
-Well, you know,
being boxed in
276
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,495
is actually
the number-one cause of death
277
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,913
for magician's assistants.
278
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:46,873
-Number two -- real saws.
279
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,291
-[ Chuckles ]
280
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,543
-Flat or sparkling?
-I'd love sparkling.
281
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:51,836
-Actually, no, uh, flat.
282
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,880
Um, the -- the splatling.
283
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,049
Um, it's just so hard
to know.
284
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,385
I mean, what if I
start off drinking flat
285
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,136
and then all of a sudden
want some bubbles?
286
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,721
Or what if I get bubbles,
287
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,723
and then three years
into this dinner,
288
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,600
bubbles just aren't
doing it for me?
289
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:10,188
-Here, take my glass, and you
can have both and end this.
290
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,649
-You know what? I'm just going
to go see if they have milk.
291
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,651
Milk's simple.
Wait. No.
292
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,486
Cow? Oat? Almond?
293
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,405
You guys just order without me.
294
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,865
-Pellino, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
295
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,158
She's had a...
296
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,910
head injury.
-Head injury.
297
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:27,372
[ Tires screech, crash ]
298
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,291
-I'm sorry. I have to take this.
-[ Chuckles ]
299
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,545
-Nice try, by the way.
300
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,422
You think you're the first
gussied-up law-bird
301
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,424
to try to weasel their way
between me and Pellino?
302
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:38,758
-[ Scoffs ]
303
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,135
-I'm never going to
let that happen.
304
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,095
The jingle isn't
* Pellino & Carnes *
305
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:45,306
* And some woman
who will ruin everything *
306
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,059
-Did it ever occur to you
that I could make him happier
307
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,728
than money ever could?
308
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,563
Yeah, I know, that's insane,
but I had to say something
309
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,398
'cause I felt like you had
a whole speech and a song.
310
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,608
-A cab just crashed through
the window of SoulCycle.
311
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,277
They were pedaling
as fast as they could,
312
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,446
but they just couldn't
get out of the way.
313
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:05,118
-Sorry to leave you all alone,
but my partner needs me.
314
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,496
**
315
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:12,417
-So you dumped a hot-dog cart
into the Central Park Reservoir
316
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,128
to try and catch
the Loch Ness Monster?
317
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,963
-Aye.
318
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,715
Great gobs of meat
are the only way
319
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:21,468
to get Nessie to the surface.
320
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:23,386
-$50 fine for littering.
321
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:26,389
You're lucky I'm not booking you
for public monster baiting.
322
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,435
-How was your dinner?
323
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,604
-It wasn't a dinner.
It was a double date.
324
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,148
And jumping right in
was not a good idea.
325
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,150
-At least it got you out.
326
00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:39,069
It's not like tasting pickles
was a huge success.
327
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,529
-I couldn't agree more.
-Thank God that's over.
328
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:45,492
-And that's why we're going
to makethe perfect pickle.
329
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:51,206
-So communicating
is not our thing.
330
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,541
-Wyatt, if we pull this off,
331
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,502
people will talk about
what we did here.
332
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:59,214
-Tomorrow morning at 9:00 A.M.,
I'll be telling my therapist.
333
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,717
So you're just springing
double dates on people?
334
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,428
-I'll do whatever I have to
to get Pellino alone.
335
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,180
But he and Carnes
are inseparable.
336
00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:09,933
It's like Carnes is just always
one step ahead of me.
337
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,644
-But also somehow
one step behind you.
338
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,939
Face it, there's not a move
you can make
339
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:16,940
that I don't know about.
340
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,525
-You sure about that?
341
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,193
'Cause tonight I'm surprising
Pellino with tickets
342
00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:21,736
to the new Britney Spears show.
343
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,113
-We just got out of the matinee.
344
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,948
Oops, I did it again.
345
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,493
-Well, next Saturday
we're going to the Yankees game.
346
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,829
-Saturday is the
New York Advertising Awards
347
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,539
We're up for
loudest commercial.
348
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,040
And we're a lock!
349
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,419
-Well, I know a private chef.
350
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:40,088
-You knewa private chef.
351
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:42,215
So sorry for your loss.
352
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,137
-This obituary is
from tomorrow.
353
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,725
-Alright, Flobert, this is
going to be a piece of cake.
354
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:54,102
And I mean that literally.
355
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,229
Now, go get it.
356
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:58,773
-I'm ready.
I stretched, I hydrated --
357
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,984
-Did you get
a body transplant?
358
00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:04,988
-Alright, let's go. I want you
to stagger like the wind.
359
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:06,114
-Yeah.
360
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:08,324
[ Grunting ]
361
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:11,119
I'm doing it.
I'm walking up the stairs.
362
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,872
-Uh-huh.
In your caring face, Gurgs.
363
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,957
-Me! "S"! "A"! [ Grunts ]
364
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,168
Me! "S"! "A"! [ Grunts ]
365
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,587
Me! "S"! "A"!
366
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,255
[ Weakly ] Me. "S." "A."
367
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:23,548
[ Gasps ]
-Flobert, wake up, wake up.
368
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,216
Wake up, wake up.
-Oh. Aah!
369
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:28,094
-Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry.
-What happened?
370
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,721
-When you looked at the steps,
you passed out.
371
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,974
And somehow asked for a snack
on the way down.
372
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,309
Would you two
just go see a doctor?
373
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,144
Human, witch, Dre --
I don't care,
374
00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,729
just as long as
it isn't a veterinarian.
375
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,898
-Absolutely not. We're gonna
make it up these stairs
376
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,941
if it kills him and me.
377
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,276
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
378
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,778
One. Get it, get it.
-[ Grunts ]
379
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,571
-Oh! [ Groans ]
-Ooh.
380
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,323
-I popped my ankle.
381
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:51,534
It's an old
football-watching injury.
382
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,953
Oh, Gurgs,
don't just stand there.
383
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,413
Get me to a doctor.
384
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,664
-That's what I've been trying
to tell you.
385
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,625
-Come on. Alright, listen,
386
00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:01,002
I'll come back for you.
-Thank you, Dan.
387
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,296
-Yeah, I was talking
to the cake.
388
00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:15,809
-Wyatt, did you put the salt in,
let it steep for 45 minutes,
389
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,394
then stir
the barrel counterclockwise
390
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,354
because we're north
of the equator?
391
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,690
-There was a mix-up...
392
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,360
...and I didn't want to.
393
00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:30,490
Alright, I'll go get
a fresh barrel.
394
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,200
Maybe you can get through
to her.
395
00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:33,368
-I've already tried
to help one person today.
396
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,412
It almost cost me a limb.
397
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,124
-What happened to you?
398
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,834
-Sprained my ankle
saving an orphan.
399
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,545
Flobert's parents are dead.
400
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:44,587
It counts.
401
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:46,631
Love what you've done
with the place.
402
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,801
It's like a pickle meth lab
meets...
403
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,177
Nope, that's it.
404
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,556
-It's been a lot.
Stirring, salting,
405
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:57,308
parallel parking
a truck full of cucumbers.
406
00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,729
But if you want
the perfect pickle...
407
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,274
-Well, kudos.
This is a great pickle.
408
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:06,234
You don't look happy.
It's because I said "kudos"?
409
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:08,153
Is that a word
we can't use anymore?
410
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,905
-No, that's the lousy
Trevnick Pickle
411
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,407
from the court case.
412
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,743
You think these are one of mine?
These taste...
413
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,371
...not bad.
414
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,583
Maybe it's true.
415
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,419
I don't know a good thing
when I have it.
416
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:27,505
-Well, yeah,
this is a great pickle.
417
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,134
-So you're saying I should
have stayed with Rand?
418
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,554
-[ Sighs ] It's times like this
I wish I could run.
419
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,393
-I was happy with Rand...
420
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,645
...until I wasn't.
421
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,481
[ Sighs ]
422
00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,483
If only
I was more like a pickle.
423
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:49,903
A pickle is set.
424
00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,780
Know what they are.
425
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:55,450
Once you're a pickle,
you don't go back.
426
00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,202
You don't go forward.
427
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,246
Stay the same forever.
428
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:03,458
Not searching for what's next.
429
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:07,295
-Abby, people can change
their minds.
430
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:10,298
Like, right now, I'm regretting
ever coming in here.
431
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,970
-What if Rand was
as good as it gets?
432
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,722
He was pretty great.
433
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,809
Maybe "pretty great's"
an okay thing to settle for.
434
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,770
-No, settling is definitely
the way to go.
435
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:25,271
For most people.
436
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,317
But you're not most people.
437
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,236
There is a perfect person
out there for you
438
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:34,823
who will change with you,
439
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,991
and you will find them.
440
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:39,536
Or make them in a barrel.
441
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,206
-Thanks, Dan.
442
00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:44,791
I think I'm done with barrels.
443
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,376
I fell in earlier.
444
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:49,963
-Sorry,
is that barrel vibrating?
445
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:52,966
-Yeah, I dropped my phone
when I was in there.
446
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:56,886
Hold my feet. I'm going in.
-[ Stammers ]
447
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,348
-Dan Fielding eating a salad.
448
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:03,143
Wow. They can make cake
look like anything.
449
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:07,522
-Flobert and I agreed, on
occasion, we will eat healthy,
450
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:11,109
so we may prolong our years
of being able to eat terribly.
451
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,444
-Mm.
452
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,070
Don't worry, Dan.
Any second,
453
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:17,323
we're going to wake up
at the bottom of those stairs.
454
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,659
-Also, our new
salad-forward lifestyle
455
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:22,037
will mean spending
more time with,
456
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:25,749
well, people I don't
actually mind being around.
457
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,709
-We prefer to be
called friends, Dave.
458
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:29,377
-[ Groans ]
459
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:31,046
-Admit it, you have
a big heart.
460
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,547
-Oh, yeah.
They said I have
461
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,883
the biggest heart
they've ever seen.
462
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,471
You know what? This needs
a little something, though.
463
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,431
Got the thing right here.
464
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:45,935
**
465
00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:49,731
-So, turns out, my whole thing
was about more than pickles.
466
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:52,400
-And Danhelped you
figure that out?
467
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,569
Just Dan?
468
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:55,737
-No.
469
00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:57,781
I also recall
Olivia saying something.
470
00:19:59,783 --> 00:20:00,992
-I did it.
471
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,995
I finally managed
to get Pellino alone.
472
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:05,747
-That's great. Right?
473
00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:06,831
-You'd think so.
474
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,586
-Cha-ching.
[ Chuckles ]
475
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:18,134
-We kissed,
and it was everything
476
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,136
I thought it would be.
477
00:20:20,178 --> 00:20:23,848
And then I realized
Carnes would always be there.
478
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:27,727
Evil. Duplicitous,
a total monster.
479
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:30,855
In short, everything
I'm looking for in a man.
480
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:36,444
I was kissing the prince,
but I wanted the frog.
481
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,447
-I feel the same way about you.
482
00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:42,033
-Carnes? You have
feelings for me, too?
483
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:43,326
-I've fallen for you harder
484
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:44,786
than Angela Martin
of Piscataway,
485
00:20:44,828 --> 00:20:46,621
who got 30 grand
when she slipped in a Panera
486
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,415
and shattered her pelvis.
487
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,375
Thanks, Pellino & Carnes.
488
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,379
-Aww, this is
-a match made in hell.
489
00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,799
-Unfortunately, you
and I could never be.
490
00:20:57,841 --> 00:21:00,844
I already have a partner,
and we're bonded by a jingle,
491
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:04,639
four shell corporations,
and an ampersand.
492
00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:07,392
-Maybe I'll get winged
by a shuttle bus
493
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:08,893
and look you up someday.
494
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,645
-I'd like that.
495
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:15,400
-It seems hard now, Olivia,
496
00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:17,652
but you've got a lot
going for you.
497
00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:19,362
You're going to be fine.
498
00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,990
-Yep.
-Aww.
499
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:23,033
Thanks, Abby.
500
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,662
-These are, uh, actually
for a client's funeral.
501
00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:32,375
[ Wind whistling ]
-It's funny.
35718