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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:07,590 -Wyatt said he's running late. He's on a date. 2 00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:09,592 -Aww, cute. So are they. 3 00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:11,052 [ Both chuckling ] 4 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,138 -Would you stop that, please? 5 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:14,514 We are just two sophisticates 6 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:16,266 who happen to have common interests, 7 00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,435 and we engage in elevated discourse. 8 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:21,062 -I warmed up these bad boys under the hand dryer 9 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,355 in the men's room. 10 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:23,690 -Hey, you know what? 11 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:26,067 I got us a burger we could split. 12 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:29,195 The bun is a quesadilla. -Come on. 13 00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:30,947 -You guys are adorable. 14 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:34,325 Eating like a couple teenagers headed to the electric chair. 15 00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:36,870 -Hey, everyone. 16 00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,372 -You have your own roller skates? 17 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,707 -Yep -We get it. 18 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,542 You're the fun one now. 19 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,502 -I skated here from a date at the roller rink. 20 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:47,547 I realized I was late for work, and as I was putting on my shoes 21 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:50,216 without wheels, I thought, "What are you doing, dummy?" 22 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,761 -That a doggy bag? What's in it? 23 00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:54,304 -You wouldn't be interested. It's roller-rink cheese -- 24 00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,972 -Burger, dip, or fountain? 25 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,265 -Jackpot. Cheesecake. 26 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,267 This is turning into a two-table day. 27 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,560 -Get it. Get it. 28 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,147 -You will never guess who is here. 29 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,274 It's Pellino from Pellino & Carnes. 30 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,984 The lawyer's with all the commercials. 31 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,611 -I love their jingle. 32 00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:11,780 * Pellino & Carnes, we'll get you the cash * 33 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:14,949 * It's never your fault when you fall, slip, or crash * 34 00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,451 [ Laughs ] 35 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,328 That song is dangerously catchy. 36 00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:20,914 They sued the guy who wrote it. 37 00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:22,374 -They sound like the stereotype 38 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:24,250 of what everyone thinks a horrible lawyer is -- 39 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,419 ambulance chasing, morally bankrupt. 40 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:27,921 -Yeah, but not bankruptbankrupt, 41 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:29,547 and that's what intrigues me. 42 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,425 I've been slipping and falling all over this city 43 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,803 trying to meet him. [ Gasps ] And he's heading this way. 44 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,264 -Mikey Pellino. 45 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,266 You guys keep doing what you're doing, 46 00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:41,685 and when your hearts explode, 47 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:42,977 I'm going to make your wallets explode. 48 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,688 -Let me ask you a question. 49 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:46,773 If just hisheart explodes, do I still get paid? 50 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:53,405 ** 51 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,782 -Oh, after all that food, 52 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:58,576 my stomach is creaking like an old ship. 53 00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:03,081 I could use an Alka-Seltzer, but I hate the taste. 54 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,709 -Come on, man, you got to take care of yourself. 55 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,877 -Yeah. -Drop them in a milkshake. 56 00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:09,170 -Oh. 57 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:10,755 That's a good idea. 58 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,632 -I think it's great the two of you have a thing, 59 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,426 but maybe bond over a salad once in a while 60 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,386 so you don't go halfsies on a hearse. 61 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,138 -Thank you for your concern, but we're fine. 62 00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:22,142 I'm, well, of course, me, and Flobert is healthy as a horse. 63 00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:25,353 -Well, he is panting like he just ran the Kentucky Derby. 64 00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:30,150 -Whew! Is this courtroom uphill? 65 00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:31,484 -Any doctor will tell you 66 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:32,902 he shouldn't be eating all that stuff. 67 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,571 -Oh, please. Doctors. All they tell you 68 00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,197 is that everything you like will kill you. 69 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,615 Meanwhile, the oldest woman in the world 70 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,451 has never seen a hospital bathes in vodka 71 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:42,328 and eats cigarettes every morning for breakfast. 72 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:44,789 -And I don't trust those scalpel jockeys. 73 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,208 Always trying to get me to donate my organs. 74 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,627 When I die, my butt's coming with me. 75 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:54,215 -Flobert, don't nobody want a butt with that many miles on it. 76 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:56,926 -When you do die, 77 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:59,679 promise me you'll do it on government property. 78 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,558 -Olivia Moore. 5'6". Gemini. 79 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,643 I put the cute in prosecutor. 80 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,646 -Mikey Pellino. Pellino & Carnes. 81 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,190 If you ever want to sue your parents 82 00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:12,525 for making you too beautiful. 83 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,569 -When I was 9, I threatened legal action 84 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,113 on grounds of cruel and unusual bowl cut. 85 00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:20,867 -Girl, I think I'm falling for you. And I ought to know. 86 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,620 Most of the people that I talk to are on the ground. 87 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,794 -I hear wedding sirens. 88 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,922 -Hey, Wyatt, you're a guy 89 00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:36,716 who's been around the roller rink a few times. 90 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:40,136 I was just looking at my ex-fiancé's Instagram. 91 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,889 If a guy posts a picture raking leaves with a woman, 92 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,557 that doesn't mean they're dating, right? 93 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,226 -No, it doesn't mean anything. 94 00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,269 Except he's bad at Instagram. 95 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,356 -And this one where they're in bed? 96 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,983 -I take that back. He's good at Instagram. 97 00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:57,404 -So great. Rand found someone. 98 00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:59,739 I mean, not surprised. He's a wonderful guy. 99 00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:03,410 Little faster than I thought, but I'm happy for him. 100 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:05,954 My eye just twitches when I'm happy for people. 101 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,417 -It's fine if you're not. 102 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:12,752 I didn't handle it great when my ex-wife moved on. 103 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,922 A barista said, "Flat white for Wyatt," 104 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:19,342 but I heard, "I never satisfied her in bed." 105 00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:22,262 -I really am fine with it. 106 00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:24,222 I was the one who broke it off 'cause over the years, 107 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,767 I changed, and it started to feel like I was settling. 108 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:30,437 She looks like she's happy to settle with him 109 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,355 under the quilt I made. 110 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,234 -I'm not great at changing the subject, 111 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,319 but first up... 112 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:42,657 ...the people versus Roscoe Verma. 113 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,367 The defendant was involved in an altercation 114 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:47,537 over a jar of pickles at the Union Square Farmers Market. 115 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,247 -Mr. Verma instigated a melee 116 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,834 that led to him being tossed into a display of Amish gourds. 117 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:56,296 The charges are destruction of property and defiling a pumpkin. 118 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,299 -Not on purpose. I landed on it wrong. 119 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,510 -Your honor, the only thing my client is guilty of 120 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:03,803 is enthusiasm. 121 00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,722 Trevnick Pickles are the city's finest. 122 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:09,726 And this was the last jar at the farmer's market. 123 00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,644 I posit that perhaps the pickle purveyor 124 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,813 prompted this predicament by producing 125 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,774 and promoting this peerless pickle 126 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:19,069 despite a paucity of product for the pumped pickle public. 127 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,366 Proceed. 128 00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,453 -This must be some pickle. 129 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,705 Got to sample the evidence. 130 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,835 This pickle is not great. 131 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:39,005 In fact, it's bad. 132 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,883 Poor cucumber, what did they do to you? 133 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:45,720 -With all due respect, that is the perfect pickle. 134 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,056 Clearly, you don't know when you have something fantastic 135 00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,265 right under your nose. 136 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,684 -Excuse me? 137 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:53,019 -Whoa, your eye is going nuts. 138 00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:56,856 -I know a good thing when it's in front of me. 139 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:59,609 Are you telling me that you would really choose this pickle, 140 00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:02,404 forsaking all others for as long as you shall live? 141 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:03,613 -I do. 142 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,908 -I always cry at weddings. 143 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,704 -Can you believe that guy? 144 00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:11,913 Saying I don't know something's great 145 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:13,456 when it's right under my nose? 146 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,750 That pickle was straight-up junk. 147 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,713 -Is there a chance this isn't about pickles? 148 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,214 Maybe you're feeling a little weird 149 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:23,425 because your ex is seeing someone and you're not. 150 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,051 Are you on any dating apps? 151 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:28,221 -Almost. I'm still fine-tuning my profile. 152 00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:30,056 Like, what picture do I go with? 153 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,933 Strong and sexy? 154 00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:35,979 Girl next door? 155 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,483 Or cousin but worth it? 156 00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:45,739 -Forget the apps. 157 00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:48,158 This is a city full of possibilities. 158 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:51,286 Get out there and find one that makes you happy. 159 00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:52,996 -You're absolutely right. 160 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,248 There's no point in sitting here and spinning out over this. 161 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,583 -That's what I'm saying. 162 00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:58,752 -I got to get out there, take some risks, 163 00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,420 put my heart on the line. 164 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:03,131 -Yes, Judge. I'm with you 1,000%. 165 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,759 -Great. That settles it. 166 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,012 We're gonna find the best damn pickle in New York City. 167 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:14,100 -So glad we sort of had this talk. 168 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,441 -Wow. 169 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,361 I'm assuming that black card was paid for by black ice. 170 00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:28,365 -Speaking of breaking the ice, are you free tomorrow night? 171 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,949 I know this little Italian place. 172 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:33,495 It overlooks the most dangerous intersection in SoHo. 173 00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:37,165 -That sounds lovely. Nothing like candlelight, 174 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:40,043 a little vino, and the sound of pedestrians screaming, 175 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,295 "Wait, don't!" 176 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:45,965 -I mean, did Cupid just hit us with an arrow? 177 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,884 -I certainly hope so, 'cause I've always wanted 178 00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:50,303 to sue a baby. [ Chuckles ] 179 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,639 -Olivia, meet the man behind the ampersand. 180 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,224 This is my partner, Calvin Carnes. 181 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,685 I was just telling her about DiVitello's. 182 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,311 -Pellino's taking me there tomorrow night. 183 00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,146 -Tomorrow night? 184 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,940 Garsh, bud, don't we have that working dinner 185 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,526 to talk about the toilet-alligator case? 186 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,903 We're alligator litigators. 187 00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,739 -And we're suing the sewers. 188 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:12,117 Thanks, Pellino & Carnes. -Thanks, Pellino & Carnes. 189 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,494 -Well, maybe I could help with the case. 190 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:17,497 -Alligators -- thick snout or thin? 191 00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:18,873 -Thick. Thin is crocodiles. 192 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,835 -Ooh, she's good, Carnes. What do you say? 193 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,797 -I don't know. I just don't want you to feel 194 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,966 like a third wheel. Ooh, speaking of which, 195 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:31,594 I saw a school bus out front with a wobbly front tire. 196 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:34,639 Let's go put the class in class action. 197 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,182 [ Clicks tongue ] 198 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:40,020 -A man's got to sue what a man's got to sue. 199 00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,605 -Well, at least I still have his number. 200 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,274 -I'm going to need that. 201 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,698 -Come on, Dan, he's eating Fritos now? 202 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,075 -His cakes aren't here yet. 203 00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,370 I knew you wouldn't let this go. 204 00:08:57,412 --> 00:09:00,123 That's why I'm having a doctor give him a full medical workup. 205 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,374 -That's the doctor? 206 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,709 I fingerprinted him. 207 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,044 He's being charged with malpractice. 208 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,795 Also, he's a veterinarian. 209 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:09,341 -Relax, Gurgs. We're fine. -Fine? 210 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,384 Flobert couldn't even make it up a flight of stairs. 211 00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:14,012 Last time the elevator broke, he paid the window washers 212 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,889 to give him a ride up from the street. 213 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:18,224 -So, what, now it's against the law to want fresh air? 214 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,811 Flobert could totally climb a flight of stairs. 215 00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,022 -Prove it. If he can, I'll shut up. 216 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,524 If he can't, you both go see a doctor. 217 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,819 -Take that bet, Dan. I go up stairs all the time. 218 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,239 At the airport. The mall. 219 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,742 -Airport and mall? These stairs happen to move? 220 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,285 -What's your point? 221 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,913 -I think he's talking about an escala-- 222 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,290 -I know he's talking about an escalator. 223 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,710 -Here's something you learn riding the subway 224 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,671 with 64 jars of pickles -- 225 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,255 rats love 'em. 226 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:51,758 -Of course rats love them. These are all garbage. 227 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,051 If they were on a barge and it sank, 228 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,761 they'd have to close the beaches. 229 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,931 -There she is. My favorite gal pal. 230 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,101 You look like someone with no plans this weekend. 231 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,436 -You call tasting and ranking 37 different types 232 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:04,854 of pickles on dependability, 233 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,690 bendability, and blendability no plans? 234 00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,149 -Everybody does. 235 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,236 So why don't you and I go to dinner? Hm? 236 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,614 I just heard about this great Italian place, DiVitello's. 237 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,700 Oh, people are dying to get in there. 238 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,326 And dying nearby. 239 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,704 -Judge, it might be good for you to get out 240 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,205 before things get really weird. 241 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:24,082 After my breakup, I got so into taxidermy 242 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,875 and now I eat breakfast across from three skunks 243 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,961 posed like "Charlie's Angels." 244 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:33,091 ** 245 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,927 -This is a great idea. The two of us out for a meal. 246 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,929 No stress, no big decisions. 247 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,472 Just friends hanging out. 248 00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:42,017 Wait, why are you pretending to listen to me? 249 00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,436 Ah, there it is. 250 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,855 -What are the odds that Pellino would be 251 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,648 in the restaurant he said he'd be at? 252 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,899 Huh. 253 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,276 Well, as long as we're here, 254 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,527 I guess you should go distract Carnes 255 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,154 so I can be with Pellino. 256 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,865 -This isn't how I pictured my first date after Rand. 257 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,366 -That'd be a great start to your maid-of-honor speech 258 00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,326 at my wedding. -I get to be your maid of honor? 259 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,163 -If you come with me. Pellino! Over here. 260 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,832 [ Chuckles ] It's Olivia, from court. 261 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:13,757 -This is so nice. I love a surprise. 262 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,301 Be it lovely ladies or faulty scaffolding. 263 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,719 [ Both chuckle ] 264 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,471 -The only thing I like structurally sound 265 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,847 are the men I date. 266 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,392 -The arrabbiata is great here. Do you like spicy? 267 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,685 -I do like spicy. 268 00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:26,770 That is one thing I know for sure. 269 00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,271 -Well, then you are in for a -- 270 00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,898 -Just so you know what you're getting into, 271 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,358 I like spicy now, but that could change. 272 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,651 So the answer is yes now. And no. Maybe. 273 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,780 I currently like spicy unless eventually I do not. 274 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,907 Final answer -- I don't want to be boxed in. 275 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,326 -Well, you know, being boxed in 276 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,495 is actually the number-one cause of death 277 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,913 for magician's assistants. 278 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:46,873 -Number two -- real saws. 279 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,291 -[ Chuckles ] 280 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,543 -Flat or sparkling? -I'd love sparkling. 281 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:51,836 -Actually, no, uh, flat. 282 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,880 Um, the -- the splatling. 283 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,049 Um, it's just so hard to know. 284 00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,385 I mean, what if I start off drinking flat 285 00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,136 and then all of a sudden want some bubbles? 286 00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,721 Or what if I get bubbles, 287 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,723 and then three years into this dinner, 288 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,600 bubbles just aren't doing it for me? 289 00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:10,188 -Here, take my glass, and you can have both and end this. 290 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,649 -You know what? I'm just going to go see if they have milk. 291 00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,651 Milk's simple. Wait. No. 292 00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,486 Cow? Oat? Almond? 293 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,405 You guys just order without me. 294 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,865 -Pellino, are you thinking what I'm thinking? 295 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,158 She's had a... 296 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,910 head injury. -Head injury. 297 00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:27,372 [ Tires screech, crash ] 298 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,291 -I'm sorry. I have to take this. -[ Chuckles ] 299 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,545 -Nice try, by the way. 300 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,422 You think you're the first gussied-up law-bird 301 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,424 to try to weasel their way between me and Pellino? 302 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:38,758 -[ Scoffs ] 303 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,135 -I'm never going to let that happen. 304 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,095 The jingle isn't * Pellino & Carnes * 305 00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:45,306 * And some woman who will ruin everything * 306 00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,059 -Did it ever occur to you that I could make him happier 307 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,728 than money ever could? 308 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,563 Yeah, I know, that's insane, but I had to say something 309 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,398 'cause I felt like you had a whole speech and a song. 310 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,608 -A cab just crashed through the window of SoulCycle. 311 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,277 They were pedaling as fast as they could, 312 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,446 but they just couldn't get out of the way. 313 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:05,118 -Sorry to leave you all alone, but my partner needs me. 314 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,496 ** 315 00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:12,417 -So you dumped a hot-dog cart into the Central Park Reservoir 316 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,128 to try and catch the Loch Ness Monster? 317 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,963 -Aye. 318 00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,715 Great gobs of meat are the only way 319 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:21,468 to get Nessie to the surface. 320 00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:23,386 -$50 fine for littering. 321 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:26,389 You're lucky I'm not booking you for public monster baiting. 322 00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,435 -How was your dinner? 323 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,604 -It wasn't a dinner. It was a double date. 324 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,148 And jumping right in was not a good idea. 325 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,150 -At least it got you out. 326 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:39,069 It's not like tasting pickles was a huge success. 327 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,529 -I couldn't agree more. -Thank God that's over. 328 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:45,492 -And that's why we're going to makethe perfect pickle. 329 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:51,206 -So communicating is not our thing. 330 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,541 -Wyatt, if we pull this off, 331 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,502 people will talk about what we did here. 332 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:59,214 -Tomorrow morning at 9:00 A.M., I'll be telling my therapist. 333 00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,717 So you're just springing double dates on people? 334 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,428 -I'll do whatever I have to to get Pellino alone. 335 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,180 But he and Carnes are inseparable. 336 00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:09,933 It's like Carnes is just always one step ahead of me. 337 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,644 -But also somehow one step behind you. 338 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,939 Face it, there's not a move you can make 339 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:16,940 that I don't know about. 340 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,525 -You sure about that? 341 00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,193 'Cause tonight I'm surprising Pellino with tickets 342 00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:21,736 to the new Britney Spears show. 343 00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,113 -We just got out of the matinee. 344 00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,948 Oops, I did it again. 345 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,493 -Well, next Saturday we're going to the Yankees game. 346 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,829 -Saturday is the New York Advertising Awards 347 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,539 We're up for loudest commercial. 348 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,040 And we're a lock! 349 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,419 -Well, I know a private chef. 350 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:40,088 -You knewa private chef. 351 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:42,215 So sorry for your loss. 352 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,137 -This obituary is from tomorrow. 353 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,725 -Alright, Flobert, this is going to be a piece of cake. 354 00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:54,102 And I mean that literally. 355 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,229 Now, go get it. 356 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:58,773 -I'm ready. I stretched, I hydrated -- 357 00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,984 -Did you get a body transplant? 358 00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:04,988 -Alright, let's go. I want you to stagger like the wind. 359 00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:06,114 -Yeah. 360 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:08,324 [ Grunting ] 361 00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:11,119 I'm doing it. I'm walking up the stairs. 362 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,872 -Uh-huh. In your caring face, Gurgs. 363 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,957 -Me! "S"! "A"! [ Grunts ] 364 00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,168 Me! "S"! "A"! [ Grunts ] 365 00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,587 Me! "S"! "A"! 366 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,255 [ Weakly ] Me. "S." "A." 367 00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:23,548 [ Gasps ] -Flobert, wake up, wake up. 368 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,216 Wake up, wake up. -Oh. Aah! 369 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:28,094 -Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. -What happened? 370 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,721 -When you looked at the steps, you passed out. 371 00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,974 And somehow asked for a snack on the way down. 372 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,309 Would you two just go see a doctor? 373 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,144 Human, witch, Dre -- I don't care, 374 00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,729 just as long as it isn't a veterinarian. 375 00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,898 -Absolutely not. We're gonna make it up these stairs 376 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,941 if it kills him and me. 377 00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,276 Come on. Let's go. Let's go. 378 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,778 One. Get it, get it. -[ Grunts ] 379 00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,571 -Oh! [ Groans ] -Ooh. 380 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,323 -I popped my ankle. 381 00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:51,534 It's an old football-watching injury. 382 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,953 Oh, Gurgs, don't just stand there. 383 00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,413 Get me to a doctor. 384 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,664 -That's what I've been trying to tell you. 385 00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,625 -Come on. Alright, listen, 386 00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:01,002 I'll come back for you. -Thank you, Dan. 387 00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,296 -Yeah, I was talking to the cake. 388 00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:15,809 -Wyatt, did you put the salt in, let it steep for 45 minutes, 389 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,394 then stir the barrel counterclockwise 390 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,354 because we're north of the equator? 391 00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,690 -There was a mix-up... 392 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,360 ...and I didn't want to. 393 00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:30,490 Alright, I'll go get a fresh barrel. 394 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,200 Maybe you can get through to her. 395 00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:33,368 -I've already tried to help one person today. 396 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,412 It almost cost me a limb. 397 00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,124 -What happened to you? 398 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,834 -Sprained my ankle saving an orphan. 399 00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,545 Flobert's parents are dead. 400 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:44,587 It counts. 401 00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:46,631 Love what you've done with the place. 402 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,801 It's like a pickle meth lab meets... 403 00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,177 Nope, that's it. 404 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,556 -It's been a lot. Stirring, salting, 405 00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:57,308 parallel parking a truck full of cucumbers. 406 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,729 But if you want the perfect pickle... 407 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,274 -Well, kudos. This is a great pickle. 408 00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:06,234 You don't look happy. It's because I said "kudos"? 409 00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:08,153 Is that a word we can't use anymore? 410 00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,905 -No, that's the lousy Trevnick Pickle 411 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,407 from the court case. 412 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,743 You think these are one of mine? These taste... 413 00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,371 ...not bad. 414 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,583 Maybe it's true. 415 00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,419 I don't know a good thing when I have it. 416 00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:27,505 -Well, yeah, this is a great pickle. 417 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:31,134 -So you're saying I should have stayed with Rand? 418 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,554 -[ Sighs ] It's times like this I wish I could run. 419 00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,393 -I was happy with Rand... 420 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,645 ...until I wasn't. 421 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,481 [ Sighs ] 422 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:46,483 If only I was more like a pickle. 423 00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:49,903 A pickle is set. 424 00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,780 Know what they are. 425 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:55,450 Once you're a pickle, you don't go back. 426 00:17:55,492 --> 00:17:57,202 You don't go forward. 427 00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,246 Stay the same forever. 428 00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:03,458 Not searching for what's next. 429 00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:07,295 -Abby, people can change their minds. 430 00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:10,298 Like, right now, I'm regretting ever coming in here. 431 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,970 -What if Rand was as good as it gets? 432 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,722 He was pretty great. 433 00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,809 Maybe "pretty great's" an okay thing to settle for. 434 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,770 -No, settling is definitely the way to go. 435 00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:25,271 For most people. 436 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,317 But you're not most people. 437 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,236 There is a perfect person out there for you 438 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:34,823 who will change with you, 439 00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,991 and you will find them. 440 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:39,536 Or make them in a barrel. 441 00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,206 -Thanks, Dan. 442 00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:44,791 I think I'm done with barrels. 443 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,376 I fell in earlier. 444 00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:49,963 -Sorry, is that barrel vibrating? 445 00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:52,966 -Yeah, I dropped my phone when I was in there. 446 00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:56,886 Hold my feet. I'm going in. -[ Stammers ] 447 00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,348 -Dan Fielding eating a salad. 448 00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:03,143 Wow. They can make cake look like anything. 449 00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:07,522 -Flobert and I agreed, on occasion, we will eat healthy, 450 00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:11,109 so we may prolong our years of being able to eat terribly. 451 00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,444 -Mm. 452 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,070 Don't worry, Dan. Any second, 453 00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:17,323 we're going to wake up at the bottom of those stairs. 454 00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,659 -Also, our new salad-forward lifestyle 455 00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:22,037 will mean spending more time with, 456 00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:25,749 well, people I don't actually mind being around. 457 00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,709 -We prefer to be called friends, Dave. 458 00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:29,377 -[ Groans ] 459 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:31,046 -Admit it, you have a big heart. 460 00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,547 -Oh, yeah. They said I have 461 00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,883 the biggest heart they've ever seen. 462 00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,471 You know what? This needs a little something, though. 463 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,431 Got the thing right here. 464 00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:45,935 ** 465 00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:49,731 -So, turns out, my whole thing was about more than pickles. 466 00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:52,400 -And Danhelped you figure that out? 467 00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,569 Just Dan? 468 00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:55,737 -No. 469 00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:57,781 I also recall Olivia saying something. 470 00:19:59,783 --> 00:20:00,992 -I did it. 471 00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,995 I finally managed to get Pellino alone. 472 00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:05,747 -That's great. Right? 473 00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:06,831 -You'd think so. 474 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,586 -Cha-ching. [ Chuckles ] 475 00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:18,134 -We kissed, and it was everything 476 00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,136 I thought it would be. 477 00:20:20,178 --> 00:20:23,848 And then I realized Carnes would always be there. 478 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:27,727 Evil. Duplicitous, a total monster. 479 00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:30,855 In short, everything I'm looking for in a man. 480 00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:36,444 I was kissing the prince, but I wanted the frog. 481 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,447 -I feel the same way about you. 482 00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:42,033 -Carnes? You have feelings for me, too? 483 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:43,326 -I've fallen for you harder 484 00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:44,786 than Angela Martin of Piscataway, 485 00:20:44,828 --> 00:20:46,621 who got 30 grand when she slipped in a Panera 486 00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,415 and shattered her pelvis. 487 00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,375 Thanks, Pellino & Carnes. 488 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,379 -Aww, this is -a match made in hell. 489 00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,799 -Unfortunately, you and I could never be. 490 00:20:57,841 --> 00:21:00,844 I already have a partner, and we're bonded by a jingle, 491 00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:04,639 four shell corporations, and an ampersand. 492 00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:07,392 -Maybe I'll get winged by a shuttle bus 493 00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:08,893 and look you up someday. 494 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,645 -I'd like that. 495 00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:15,400 -It seems hard now, Olivia, 496 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:17,652 but you've got a lot going for you. 497 00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:19,362 You're going to be fine. 498 00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,990 -Yep. -Aww. 499 00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:23,033 Thanks, Abby. 500 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,662 -These are, uh, actually for a client's funeral. 501 00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:32,375 [ Wind whistling ] -It's funny. 35718

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