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[Dexys Midnight Runners'
"Come On Eileen"]
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00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:08,258
- * Come on, Eileen *
4
00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:09,884
* Oh, I swear,
well, he means *
5
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:12,137
* At this moment *
6
00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:14,806
* You mean everything *
7
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,349
* You in that dress *
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* My thoughts, I confess *
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* Verge on dirty *
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* Ah, come on, Eileen *
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00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,859
* *
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- [spits]
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00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:30,572
* *
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00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:31,698
[phone beeps]
15
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:34,200
[phone rumbling]
- * Jim is calling *
16
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,910
* Jim is calling *
17
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:39,205
* You're so lucky
'cause Jim is calling *
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00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:41,708
Pick up, pick up.
- Yo.
19
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,627
- I've been googling.
I think I have a dermoid cyst.
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00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:45,754
- A what?
21
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:47,255
- A dermoid cyst.
22
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:50,133
Some of them
have hair and teeth.
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00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,469
There's a chance
it's my embryonic twin
24
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:55,722
who I devoured when we were
sharing our mother's womb.
25
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,557
Take a look.
26
00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:00,894
- I think it's just a skin tag.
Hack it off.
27
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,437
- Hack it off?
28
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,856
Put the axe down,
Lizzie Borden.
29
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,399
Ask Trey.
He's the genius.
30
00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,068
- Trey is sleeping.
31
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,570
- Trey was sleeping.
32
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:11,780
- Hi, hun.
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00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,406
Jim just stumbled upon
some kind of growth
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00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:14,908
under his arm.
- Hey, Trey.
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00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:16,409
Weigh in on this.
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00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:19,037
So far, we got skin tag
or embryonic twin.
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00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,414
- Guys, not now.
I gotta sleep.
38
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,083
- He's just psyching himself up
to cut the thing off.
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00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:25,293
- OK.
Well, go get 'em, tiger.
40
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,128
I'm rooting for you.
Night, night.
41
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:29,589
- Do it if you can.
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00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:30,882
And if you chicken out,
I'll come by tomorrow
43
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,425
and cut off your junk.
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00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,260
- I beg of you,
cut off my twin,
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00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:38,348
but leave my junk.
- Please, make it stop.
46
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:39,849
- See? See?
Trey agrees.
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We need a protest march
with signs and songs.
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00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:46,815
Hands off men's junk.
Ooh, actually, bad idea.
49
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,195
- It's Julia.
Please, leave a message.
50
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,655
[phone beeps]
51
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,366
- OK, guys, I have resolved
to murder
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00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:58,326
my long lost
twin little brother.
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00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:01,287
So, if I die too,
54
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:05,083
please donate
both of our bodies to science.
55
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,210
OK, I'm opening the scissors.
56
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:10,964
Three, two, one.
57
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,590
[scissors snip]
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00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:17,095
Ow!
That was so stupid!
59
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,806
- * It's true *
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00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:23,810
* The marriage that we once
had now is through *
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00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:27,981
* And now we're doing
all that we can do *
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00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:31,985
* To keep us all together
as a crew *
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00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:35,989
* Trust, do as we say,
not as we do *
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00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:40,285
* We really thought
that we were done *
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00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,787
* But we've just begun *
66
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:46,583
- Hey, babe.
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00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,835
Look at my sleep tracker
which grades my sleep
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00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,712
with stunning accuracy.
69
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:53,006
- Ooh, 58.
That's good, right?
70
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,674
- No, that's 58 out of 100.
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00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,135
That's an F.
I'm flunking sleep.
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00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,180
Why? Because lately,
Jim calls every single night.
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- To update me on the kids.
74
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,683
- Well,
it starts with kid talk,
75
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:07,020
but it always shifts
to other talk, Jim talk,
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00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,481
about Jim things.
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Things Jim read,
things Jim's
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00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:13,401
thinking of reading,
things Jim ate,
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00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,737
things Jim thinks
Jim would enjoy eating.
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00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:18,782
Jim things, Jim things.
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jim things.
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00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,827
Look, our windows
have blackout curtains,
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00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,872
but what we need now
is Jim-out curtains.
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00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,207
- I hear you.
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00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,876
- I admire your commitment
to a thriving divorce,
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00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,586
but I need my sleep.
86
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,171
Please, I am begging you.
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00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:37,676
Please, just tell him, "Jim,
don't call after 10:00, Jim."
88
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,344
- Do I have to say
his name twice?
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00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,846
- I think it conveys the proper
gravitas of this situation.
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00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,057
- Two Jims it is.
I'll say it just like that.
91
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:45,600
- Thank you.
92
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,479
- I did not say it
just like that.
93
00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:52,399
In fact, I did not say it
anything like that.
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00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,984
In fact,
I did not say it at all.
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00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,236
I had planned to say it,
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00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:58,321
but before I could,
fate stepped in.
97
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,658
Fate sent me
a message on Facebook.
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00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:07,247
.
99
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:08,581
- Can you believe this?
19 years later, here we are.
100
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:10,959
- I know.
I love Facebook.
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00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,877
For every 600 friends,
there's actually one
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00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,004
you want to see in person.
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00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,423
[laughter]
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00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:19,134
- So Australia.
105
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,261
- Oh, great country.
106
00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:22,971
I just followed
the wrong man there.
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00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,473
- You followed your heart.
Love took you there.
108
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:26,683
- And hate brought me home.
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00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:27,976
[laughter]
110
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,979
- I'm just joking.
I don't hate my ex-husband.
111
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,731
Actually, I hate my ex-husband.
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00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:35,191
But you get it.
You've been through it all.
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- Still going through it.
114
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,194
But it's good.
115
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,113
We kept the apartment,
so the kids can stay there,
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00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,489
and we're the ones
who come and go.
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00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:42,699
- Well, that's smart.
118
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:43,867
It's less disruptive
for the kids.
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00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:45,744
- Still ironing out
the details.
120
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:49,164
For example, Jim has been
calling a lot late at night,
121
00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:50,874
and my fiancé is not thrilled.
122
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,543
But I always pick up
because he makes me laugh.
123
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:54,919
- Well, if you're tired of him,
tell him to call me.
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00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,671
I'm up all night playing
Words With Friends
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00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,798
with people who aren't friends.
- [laughs]
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00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,467
Well, if you're serious,
I'll set it up.
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00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:04,137
- I wasn't serious.
Should I be serious?
128
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,889
- Maybe.
129
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:07,974
- You want to set me up
with Jim, your Jim?
130
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,143
- He's not my Jim anymore.
No, no, no.
131
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,519
I have relinquished all claim.
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00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:15,065
He is now public domain Jim.
133
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,524
- So it wouldn't be weird
for you?
134
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:17,901
- Are you kidding me?
135
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,903
I want him to be with someone
as great as you are.
136
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:24,032
I mean, he's smart, kind,
charming, funny as hell.
137
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,909
None of that changes
just because by the end,
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00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,828
I wanted to stab him
in the neck with a lawn dart.
139
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,456
But he's a great dad,
and he's a good guy.
140
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,543
- Do you have a picture?
- Yes.
141
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,505
Let me find a good one.
- OK.
142
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,764
[upbeat music]
143
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:50,600
- She said I'm cute?
What picture did you show her?
144
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,894
Oh, yeah.
I do look cute.
145
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:56,523
Hot, actually.
I am smoking hot right there.
146
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,441
- Do you need to be alone?
- I'm good.
147
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,860
But when you get a minute,
airdrop me that.
148
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:03,446
Got a photo of her?
149
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,990
Oh, hell, yeah,
I'll go out with her.
150
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,951
- A photo is all it takes?
151
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,285
- She's hot,
and she thinks I'm cute.
152
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,788
That's what I call go time.
153
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,791
- Mom, or Dad,
or whoever I should ask,
154
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,793
can I sleep over
at Sophie's tomorrow night?
155
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:19,295
- Sophie J. or Sophie K.?
- Sophie K.
156
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,506
- Sophie J. will not be there?
- Uh-uh.
157
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,342
- Look at me,
look at me, look at me.
158
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,469
You promise me
there is no chance
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00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,346
that Sophie J. will be there?
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00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,433
- No Sophie J., only Sophie K.
I promise.
161
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:34,019
- OK with you Jim?
- Yep.
162
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:36,771
- Then have a lovely time.
163
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,859
- It's Sophie Z.
you gotta worry about.
164
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,320
- It makes me happy
you're going on a date.
165
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:45,530
- Hmm, I'm glad.
166
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,407
- And you seem happy now.
167
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,575
- Did it seem like
I was not happy?
168
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,118
- No, I just--
169
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,995
you're a wonderful guy,
and I care about you,
170
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,872
and I want you
to find your Trey.
171
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,999
You shouldn't hide
your light under a bushel.
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00:06:56,041 --> 00:07:00,378
- Never said my bushel
wasn't out there busheling.
173
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,131
My bushel has actually
been very busy,
174
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:07,469
and also, my peck.
- Oh.
175
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,678
I wasn't aware of that.
176
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,347
- Well, you know,
I like to be discreet.
177
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,557
But yes, many dates,
uh, triggered
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00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:15,560
by my magnetic libido.
179
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,729
So, hey, do you think
your friend Lydia
180
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,647
might be free tomorrow night?
- I can ask.
181
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,941
- Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey, Jimmy.
182
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,319
You know, it's been a long time
since you went on a sleepover.
183
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,570
Why don't you call Trevor
and see
184
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:26,780
if you can do one
tomorrow night?
185
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:29,407
- Trevor G. Or Trevor H.?
- I do not care.
186
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:35,205
- It's Trevor Z.
you got to worry about.
187
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:38,625
* *
188
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,044
- To first dates.
- Oh. Ow.
189
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:42,545
- Are you all right?
190
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,464
- Yeah, let me
just use the other arm.
191
00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:47,300
To first dates.
192
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,677
Mm.
193
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,470
Lydia, full disclosure,
194
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:52,180
it's been a while
since I've done this,
195
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,640
so I might be a little rusty.
196
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:56,017
- Well, I wish this wine
had WD-40 in it.
197
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,186
I'm just kidding.
198
00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,854
We're restarting the engine
after the car's
199
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,272
been in the garage
for a long time.
200
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,191
- It was a long winter.
- How was your winter?
201
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,735
Because mine was cold and dark.
- Mine was dark and deep.
202
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,112
- Mine was deep,
bleak, and dull.
203
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,154
- Hm.
204
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,406
[laughter]
205
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:10,699
- Well, what doesn't kill us--
206
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,785
- Wounds us so bad,
we wish we were dead.
207
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,037
- I was gonna say,
"makes us stronger."
208
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,374
- Hmm.
Tell that to my armpit.
209
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,251
- I'm sorry, your armpit?
210
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:24,004
- You want to know why
I winced a moment ago?
211
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,213
- Sure.
212
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,340
- Are you familiar
with dermoid cysts?
213
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,801
- I am not.
214
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,762
- It's a growth of skin cells
that sometimes gets infected.
215
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,514
Sometimes they have hair
and teeth.
216
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,641
And--
- Are you ready to order?
217
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,935
- I think we need a moment.
- Certainly.
218
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,061
- You know what?
219
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,438
I can finish this story
after we eat.
220
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:48,069
.
221
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,154
- OK, so the other night,
I used scissors
222
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,532
to hack off a dermoid cyst
that was under my armpit.
223
00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:53,825
- Lord, are you OK?
224
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,452
- Yeah, I am now,
but it was brutal.
225
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:58,371
I bled like a mother.
Bled and oozed.
226
00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,873
And overnight, the pus set in.
227
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:02,459
I think it was lymph
leaking out.
228
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,586
We have lymph nodes
under our arms, right?
229
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:07,297
- I'm a tax attorney.
230
00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:09,632
- Well, anyway,
I was surprised.
231
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:12,886
- I am too.
You scissored off a cyst.
232
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,889
- Cyst is a polite word.
This was a commanding presence.
233
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:20,268
It could start a cult.
It hurt so bad.
234
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,395
- I can imagine.
- No, you cannot.
235
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:25,607
I dropped to my knees,
not to pray,
236
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,734
although I did pray
once I was down there
237
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:30,487
for forgiveness
for murdering my twin.
238
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,448
See, they think
that these dermoid cysts
239
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,075
are fetuses
that the other fetus,
240
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,494
in this case me,
devoured in the womb.
241
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,121
So it was my cyst-er.
242
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,878
- Jim, this was delightful.
- Was?
243
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,880
- But I have to leave now.
- Why?
244
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,423
- Because I have learned
to follow my gut,
245
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:51,800
and right now,
I'm about to puke.
246
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,178
It was very nice to meet you.
247
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:58,139
Um, here's a 50 for the wine.
Keep the change.
248
00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,641
Put it towards your co-pay.
249
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,813
I wish you well.
Condolences about your twin.
250
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,272
I hope you don't get sepsis.
251
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,607
Please tell Julia I said,
252
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:08,775
"Thank you
for the introduction.
253
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:10,151
"I am deleting my Facebook.
254
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:12,404
"I will speak to her again
by accident
255
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,197
in another 19 years."
256
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,074
[upbeat music]
257
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:19,035
- Jim just texted
that Lydia left the date.
258
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,496
- Lydia?
- My friend I set up with Jim.
259
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,457
- Oh, so a friend
you don't really like.
260
00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:26,292
- This jackass.
How hard is it?
261
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,628
[line trilling]
262
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:31,172
- Oh, if it isn't
the merry matchmaker.
263
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,674
- What did you do, Jim?
264
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:35,218
What did you do.
- Nothing. I was being myself.
265
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,012
- And there's your problem.
266
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:40,598
- You were being yourself?
Why would you do that?
267
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,643
- It's too soon, Jim, too soon.
- Exactly.
268
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:44,978
That's the first rule
of dating.
269
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,939
You got to be someone else
first for a long time.
270
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,816
- Yeah, everybody does, Jim.
271
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,819
But especially you, Jim.
272
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,654
- You got to trick 'em
into liking you
273
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,281
before you let 'em see
who you really are.
274
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,657
This is basic stuff.
275
00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,492
Just tell me
exactly what happened.
276
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,119
- It was all going well,
277
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:04,372
and then I told a story,
and she got up and left.
278
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,291
- Which story?
279
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,668
- About the dermoid cyst.
280
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,795
- Oh, my God!
281
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,714
- What?
It was hilarious.
282
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:15,091
- There's something
really wrong with this dude.
283
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,926
- Guys, guys.
284
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:19,888
You live how you live,
and I will do the same, OK?
285
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,349
Because guess what?
I met someone else.
286
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:23,975
- What?
287
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,144
- A lovely woman named
Thea Lynn, single and looking,
288
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,854
who happened to be
at the next table
289
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,356
and heard everything.
She's witty.
290
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,899
She's attractive.
291
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,401
She's festooned
in turquoise jewelry.
292
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,028
She vacations in Santa Fe.
293
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:38,948
And she loved
the dermoid cyst story, Julia.
294
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:43,036
Wants to know what I would have
named my twin had he lived.
295
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,704
She came over,
introduced herself.
296
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:45,997
I asked her to join me,
297
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,917
and we are having a blast.
Goodbye.
298
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:51,878
Well, hello again.
299
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,089
- I missed you.
Did you miss me?
300
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,049
- I did.
301
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,885
- I am having so much fun.
- Oh, me too.
302
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,596
Oh, I figured out
a name for my twin, Lyle.
303
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:02,972
- Love it.
304
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,183
[laughter]
305
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,518
- This is great!
306
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,061
Jim met someone he likes.
307
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,771
With any luck,
this will turn into something,
308
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,314
and for a little while,
at least,
309
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:12,732
I'm gonna get some sleep.
310
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,234
Mission
accidentally accomplished.
311
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:17,904
Come on.
- We are in desperate trouble.
312
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,114
- How is this not good news?
313
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,408
Why isn't anything
ever good news?
314
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,243
- You don't understand.
315
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:27,122
Jim has a defect in his brain
that makes him love people.
316
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,289
It's horrible.
317
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,041
The guy collects friends
wherever he goes.
318
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,711
He's like a human lint roller.
- That's not horrible at all.
319
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,213
That's good.
- No, it's bad for romance.
320
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,049
Very, very bad.
Jim falls in love instantly.
321
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,801
He fell in love with me
from down the block
322
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,511
before I saw him
or said a word.
323
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,930
- A, nobody can blame him.
324
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:46,433
And B, for a long time,
it worked out.
325
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,934
- Yes.
326
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:50,687
Because as it happens,
I am wonderful.
327
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:51,813
- Hmm.
328
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,606
- But-- but that was just luck.
329
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:54,983
You know,
I could have been a beast.
330
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:56,484
I could have killed the guy.
331
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,778
And now I may have.
332
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,238
Someone's got to go down there
and get eyes
333
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,115
on this Thea Lynn,
do some recon.
334
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,867
- Good luck.
335
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:10,707
.
336
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:11,666
- I don't see him.
Do you see him?
337
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,169
- No. Well, I guess
that's a good try.
338
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,129
We did everything we could--
- Excuse me.
339
00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:17,714
Do you happen
to remember a couple?
340
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,632
He's handsome,
shaved head, beard.
341
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,885
She was wearing
a lot of turquoise.
342
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:25,096
- The guy who cut off
his oozing cyst?
343
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,181
- That's the one.
344
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:27,599
- Yeah,
they were in my section.
345
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,225
- Did they leave together?
- Oh, yeah.
346
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,644
They ordered our famous soufflé
and left before it was ready.
347
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,564
- Excuse me.
You said he paid for this?
348
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:35,774
- Yeah.
349
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:40,528
[upbeat music]
350
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,030
- Hey, babe, babe.
- What?
351
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:43,323
- It's not too late
to turn back.
352
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:45,283
- I've got to save Jim
from himself.
353
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,368
- I disagree.
354
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,036
But allow me a prediction.
355
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,829
The moment you walk
through that door,
356
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,164
you're gonna see
that it's an innocent date,
357
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,041
and you're gonna want
to leave.
358
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:55,001
At that moment,
I want you to look at me
359
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:58,129
and say the word "soufflé."
360
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:03,468
That'll be a signal
that you are, A, ready to flee,
361
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,428
and B, I was right.
362
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,222
- Oh.
363
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:10,642
[giggles]
Your beard, it's so ticklish.
364
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,310
Oh, a little more here.
365
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:15,021
Ooh!
Oh, oh.
366
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:18,817
Hey, um, do you mind
if I take off my dress?
367
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,820
- Mind?
I'm honored, grateful.
368
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,114
I'm already composing
a thank you note.
369
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:29,953
- I thought you said
we were gonna be alone?
370
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:32,038
- We were.
Julia, what the hell?
371
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,291
- Soufflé, soufflé,
soufflé, soufflé.
372
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,002
- Wait, who are you?
373
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,797
- I'm Julia, Jim's ex-wife,
374
00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,757
former wife, wife at one time.
375
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,634
This is Trey, my fiancé.
376
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:47,137
- Hello.
- I'm Thea Lynn.
377
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,680
- Enchanté.
378
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:51,307
- "Enchanté," she said
as if she says it all the time.
379
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:54,477
- Sorry for the flyby.
I had to get some stuff.
380
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,354
I live here too.
Not all the time.
381
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,689
Jim and I take turns.
382
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,065
I leave stuff behind
now and then.
383
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,483
And now and then,
I got to get it.
384
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,235
Hi, I'm Julia.
385
00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,737
- Yes, you said
your name already.
386
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,321
- That's right.
And she said hers.
387
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:07,657
Thea Lynn,
which is so unique and pretty,
388
00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,409
like the woman herself.
389
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:11,870
- I'm sorry,
you said you live here too?
390
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,580
- On account of the children,
both of them, two.
391
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,415
They live here all the time,
so they never need
392
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,876
to get stuff, but I do.
Getting stuff.
393
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,503
Can I offer you
a Diet Dr. Pepper?
394
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,756
- Uh, no, thank you.
395
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,716
- You know,
we call this place the nest.
396
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:29,846
My son named it, you know,
because birds live in a nest.
397
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,473
- But when they're all here,
it's crowded.
398
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:34,434
So some of them have
the decency to fly away fast
399
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:36,186
and far and away, away, away.
400
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:39,064
- Look at all that
lovely turquoise.
401
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,648
Why the turquoise, Thea Lynn?
402
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,150
- Because I like it.
403
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:45,236
- Why Santa Fe?
- You know about Santa Fe?
404
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,571
- Oh.
[chuckles nervously].
405
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:47,947
Jim texted that he had met you,
406
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,657
and I texted him
with various inquiries,
407
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,451
and then he texted us.
- Oh, no us.
408
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,411
I didn't text anyone.
409
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,163
- You were in the restroom,
I believe.
410
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:57,207
- I was very happy
that I'd just met you.
411
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,834
- What are your intentions
regarding my ex-husband?
412
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,836
- Well, before you got here,
413
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,505
I intended
to take my dress off.
414
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:04,881
- Oh.
- I look back
415
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,008
on that time fondly.
416
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,094
- Well, look, I don't want
to get in the middle
417
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,637
of what you guys got
going on here, so--
418
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,138
- Yes, that's right.
419
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:13,890
We're just here to get
the baseball glove.
420
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,767
- And I have it,
and we will go.
421
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,435
- Play ball!
422
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:21,272
- But before we go,
uh, I'm sure, Thea Lynn,
423
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,900
that you are a lovely person,
and that this will
424
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,568
be a lovely relationship,
and that
425
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,779
you will treat Jim lovely-ly.
426
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,240
But if you don't,
be warned that
427
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,117
whatever your motives,
whatever your schemes,
428
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,411
whatever your pathology,
I shall thwart it,
429
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:36,413
for I am his shield
and his sword,
430
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:38,331
his bulletproof vest
and his rifle.
431
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:39,624
- Julia.
432
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,084
- I have his back
and his front,
433
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:43,795
his side and his flank.
- Flank means side.
434
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:47,132
- Regardless, I got the keys
to get in here anytime I want.
435
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,844
- Uh, Jim?
- Yes.
436
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:54,848
- Thank you
for a lovely two hours.
437
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:57,183
- You're welcome.
438
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,436
- Shorter than
many relationships,
439
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:02,272
and yet, never to be forgotten.
- I understand.
440
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,899
- This is obviously
a very complicated situation.
441
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,569
- I know.
- More people than I'm used to.
442
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:08,903
- Me too.
443
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,322
- Well, uh, it was a delight
to meet you all.
444
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,866
And Julia, bravo.
445
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,285
You've saved Jim
from my sense of humor,
446
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:18,246
my big heart, and my
voracious sexual appetite.
447
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,373
- Wait,
Jim is a really great guy.
448
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,625
- Agreed.
It's you I'm worried about.
449
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,419
- Oh, don't be.
450
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,839
- Any chance
I can still call you?
451
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,633
- [laughs]
No.
452
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,802
[laughs]
No, no, no.
453
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:35,388
No.
No.
454
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,356
- Huh.
455
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,815
- Hmm.
456
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:48,026
- Ay, ay, ay.
457
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,323
- I--
- You?
458
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:54,491
- I--
459
00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,618
- You?
460
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,495
- Jim, I--
461
00:17:58,536 --> 00:17:59,746
I'm so sorry.
462
00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:01,414
- No one is more sorry
than I am.
463
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,500
- What are you--
464
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:04,709
what are you thinking?
465
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,252
- I am not thinking.
466
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:10,674
What you see on my face
is bafflement, wonder,
467
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:15,470
awe, all mixed with
astonishment at the absurdity
468
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:17,222
of what you've just done.
469
00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:20,016
- I just-- I don't--
470
00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:21,267
I don't know
what I was thinking.
471
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:22,602
- Oh, I do.
- You do?
472
00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,521
- You were thinking
that I do my best thinking
473
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,898
when you're there to remind me
what my best thinking is.
474
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:30,026
- Look, you have
every right to be angry.
475
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,195
- I'm not angry
because I know you,
476
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:33,613
and I know you did
what you just did
477
00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,199
out of your own
peculiar and still evolving
478
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,034
definition of post-divorce.
479
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,453
- I think
I was just afraid that--
480
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:43,540
- That harm would come to me,
harm that would be your fault
481
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:45,041
because you were the one
who sent me
482
00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:47,002
on the dermoid cyst date
in the first place.
483
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:50,171
But no harm came to me.
484
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,382
And actually,
it was the opposite.
485
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:54,384
Events conspired,
and moments ago,
486
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,636
for the first time
in a very long time,
487
00:18:56,678 --> 00:19:00,390
I was caressed with desire
by another human being...
488
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:05,812
Who, before you barged in here
489
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:09,691
with your sawed-off shotgun
and your Kevlar vest,
490
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:14,154
had decided without being
asked or begged to disrobe.
491
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:19,075
Today was a thrilling,
if bizarre,
492
00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:21,578
reminder of life's
post-divorce possibilities,
493
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:24,205
and none of it
would have happened
494
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:26,041
if you were a normal person.
495
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:31,546
So thank you.
496
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:35,091
- You're welcome?
- Too soon.
497
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,636
Now, if you've nothing else,
please leave
498
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,598
so I can return
to Santa Fe in my mind.
499
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,600
- No calls after 10:00.
500
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:47,312
- What?
- No calls after 10:00.
501
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,105
- Oh, uh, Jim,
there is one other thing.
502
00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:50,732
- No calls after 10:00?
503
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,235
- The reason Julia tried to
fix you up in the first place
504
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,154
is because I need my sleep.
505
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,781
And we figured
if you had a girlfriend,
506
00:19:57,822 --> 00:20:00,241
you'd be less likely to call
in the middle of the night
507
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,786
because you were busy
being caressed with desire.
508
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:05,538
- I was gonna just call you
and say no calls after 10:00,
509
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,749
but then things happened.
- Things?
510
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:08,958
- Thoughts.
- Your thoughts?
511
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,460
- Thoughts that led
to choices--
512
00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:11,711
bad ones.
513
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:14,673
- But that's the rule,
no calls after 10:00?
514
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,174
- If you don't mind.
- No problem.
515
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,343
- Unless it's an emergency.
- OK.
516
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,303
- If you got to, you got to.
- Thanks.
517
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,263
- Call whenever you want.
518
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:25,517
- Cool.
519
00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:32,023
- Love you.
- Love you.
520
00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:36,403
- Very fond of you.
- And you.
521
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,157
Julia?
- Yeah.
522
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,326
- Leave the cistern please.
523
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:46,538
- Right.
- Thank you.
524
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:50,166
- Oh.
Hi, everyone.
525
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:53,003
Um, I didn't realize
you were here.
526
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,213
Sophie J.
crashed the sleepover.
527
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,173
She smelled like pot,
so I left immediately.
528
00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:59,009
Um...
[chuckles]
529
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:02,220
I'm gonna go shower.
Uh, don't hug me.
530
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,682
- See that?
531
00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:07,017
Silver lining.
532
00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:08,560
You know,
I don't show up tonight,
533
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,854
your daughter walks in
on you going Southwest
534
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,856
on the turquoise express.
535
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:13,982
It's called fate.
536
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,567
- Mm, no, it's not.
537
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:18,153
- I tried.
36619
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