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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
2
00:00:31,315 --> 00:00:33,681
I love you.
3
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,809
I want to spend
the rest of my life with you.
4
00:00:38,222 --> 00:00:40,554
Will you marry me?
5
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,951
Baby...
6
00:00:45,262 --> 00:00:46,991
Baby...
7
00:00:48,098 --> 00:00:50,123
Baby, your breath smells
like dog food.
8
00:00:51,669 --> 00:00:54,035
Just a hint of Rottweiler butt.
9
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,329
You're on notice, Rocco.
10
00:00:56,540 --> 00:00:59,304
When Felicia moves in,
you have to clean up your act.
11
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,634
Bon app�tit.
12
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:54,862
I have a very big surprise
for you.
13
00:01:55,065 --> 00:01:57,158
A very big surprise.
14
00:01:58,168 --> 00:02:01,763
I know you're dying to know, I won't
tell you, no matter how much you beg.
15
00:02:02,306 --> 00:02:04,797
No. Not even a hint.
16
00:02:15,853 --> 00:02:19,949
Wow, this is incredible, Jerry.
What 's this all about?
17
00:02:20,958 --> 00:02:25,292
Felicia, from the first moment
I met you, I...
18
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:31,759
I mean... from the first moment
I saw you...
19
00:02:33,137 --> 00:02:36,129
- What I'm trying to say, Felicia...
- You look sick all of a sudden.
20
00:02:36,340 --> 00:02:37,705
Are you alright?
21
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,876
Motion sickness.
22
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:44,741
The reason why I brought you
up here is to tell you...
23
00:02:44,948 --> 00:02:47,746
...to say...
- Yes?
24
00:02:48,051 --> 00:02:51,578
- To ask, to communicate...
- Just spit it out.
25
00:02:55,359 --> 00:02:57,987
I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean it!
26
00:02:58,195 --> 00:03:00,789
Don't cover me in puke
and try and call me baby.
27
00:03:00,998 --> 00:03:03,057
I'll make it up to you, Felicia.
28
00:03:03,867 --> 00:03:06,427
- Will you marry me?
- No.
29
00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:09,803
Thank you. You made me
the happiest... What?
30
00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:12,570
- I met someone.
- Met someone?
31
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:15,745
Andr� and I have all the things
that we don't, Jerry.
32
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,743
- Andr�?
- I introduced you once.
33
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,542
He details my BMW.
34
00:03:20,751 --> 00:03:24,585
You dump me for a guy who goes to
work in a jumpsuit and rubber boots?
35
00:03:24,822 --> 00:03:29,384
Andr� and I connect on a level
that you and I just never could.
36
00:03:29,593 --> 00:03:32,391
Jerry, I'm so sorry.
37
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:47,276
She dumped us, Rocco.
38
00:03:47,611 --> 00:03:50,774
I know you don't care.
You can lick your own balls.
39
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:33,619
I' m not in. Leave a message,
or don't leave a message. Whatever.
40
00:04:33,824 --> 00:04:36,224
Hello Jerry,it's me.
Pick up.
41
00:04:36,460 --> 00:04:38,519
Dude,I know you're there.
42
00:04:38,729 --> 00:04:41,197
Come on,quit acting likea little kid. You're so immature.
43
00:04:41,665 --> 00:04:43,860
Pick up now, or I'm gonna fart
into the phone.
44
00:04:46,136 --> 00:04:48,570
Leave me alone.
I'm wallowing in self-pity.
45
00:04:49,006 --> 00:04:51,566
It 's time to rejoin the living, Jerry.
Come on, we're going out tonight.
46
00:04:51,775 --> 00:04:55,142
- Not interested.
- Saddle up dough, baloney pony.
47
00:04:55,345 --> 00:04:58,781
It 's operation "Storm in the Foxholes".
China Club, 21:OO hours.
48
00:04:58,982 --> 00:05:01,348
Ourobjective?Penetrate the enemy.
49
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,418
- Stop calling me. I'm not going.
- This is nonnegotiable,Jerry.
50
00:05:04,621 --> 00:05:06,885
Either meet me tonight,
or I'm gonna ask out your sister.
51
00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:09,684
And you know she'll go 'cause she's
freaky like that. We both know her.
52
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:13,192
- Hang up. The toilet 's stuffed up.
- I gotta go, there's an emergency.
53
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:15,627
I gotta go. See ya.
54
00:05:24,841 --> 00:05:29,710
Thanks for fitting me in today,
Daniel. I'm so tight.
55
00:05:39,823 --> 00:05:42,519
Go really deep this time.
56
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,364
Give it to me harder.
57
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,201
Harder.
58
00:06:03,714 --> 00:06:05,511
Harder.
59
00:06:12,756 --> 00:06:14,621
Harder.
60
00:06:18,228 --> 00:06:21,356
Come on, Daniel.
Is this the best you can do?
61
00:06:26,436 --> 00:06:29,166
Ragoni, what the hell
are you doing?
62
00:06:29,373 --> 00:06:31,841
I was just warming up for you.
63
00:06:39,249 --> 00:06:41,911
- Marshall, is that you?
- Nick!
64
00:06:42,119 --> 00:06:45,054
Hey! Long time no see.
How you doing?
65
00:06:45,255 --> 00:06:48,452
You've got to give me the name
of your new escort service.
66
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:49,920
Cut it out, Nick.
67
00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:53,494
This is my fianc�e. Sheri.
She ain't no escort skank.
68
00:06:53,697 --> 00:06:56,359
- She and I are in love.
- That 's right.
69
00:06:56,566 --> 00:07:00,593
Marshall here is the most interesting
and exciting man I've ever met.
70
00:07:00,804 --> 00:07:05,036
- And he's a wonderful lover.
- Oh, I get it, she's retarded.
71
00:07:05,242 --> 00:07:07,574
Actually she's one of the sharpest
bartenders at Hooters.
72
00:07:07,778 --> 00:07:12,408
Marshy. Excuse me, fellas. I'm going
to attend to the landing strip.
73
00:07:13,216 --> 00:07:17,983
- And classy, too.
- We met on a cruise.
74
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:21,051
There's just something
about the ocean air, the sun.
75
00:07:21,258 --> 00:07:24,921
It really makes it easier to meet
people. We connected right away.
76
00:07:25,128 --> 00:07:26,595
Very first night.
77
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:30,022
- With her? Very first night?
- Yes!
78
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:33,929
There are dozens of women
just as friendly as her on board.
79
00:07:34,137 --> 00:07:36,230
Dude, I gotta tell ya.
Whatever you're doing...
80
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,500
take a week off and get yourself
on one of those boats.
81
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:44,169
There's a line at the can.
Honey, can we skip dinner?
82
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:49,114
You look so hot you got me
in the mood for a takeout in bed.
83
00:07:52,823 --> 00:07:54,723
Tongue.
84
00:07:58,962 --> 00:08:00,429
Wow.
85
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:12,398
Wasn't that crazy Marshall Geller who
worked in our high school cafeteria?
86
00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:17,546
Nope. That was crazy Marshall
Geller, my new personal hero.
87
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,339
Dude, let 's bolt.
88
00:08:19,549 --> 00:08:22,450
Hanging around some stupid bar
is no place to meet women.
89
00:08:22,652 --> 00:08:25,678
What are you talking about? You've
begged me to come here for months!
90
00:08:25,889 --> 00:08:27,686
Jerry, buddy...
91
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,816
trust me...
92
00:08:30,026 --> 00:08:33,223
I have seen the light.
93
00:09:03,193 --> 00:09:05,252
Son of a bitch!
94
00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:06,886
That was my space!
95
00:09:07,097 --> 00:09:09,531
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you right back, buddy!
96
00:09:09,733 --> 00:09:12,429
Back off. I don't wanna see an out
of shape slob get his butt kicked.
97
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,661
- He ain't that out of shape.
- I'm talking about you!
98
00:09:14,871 --> 00:09:16,463
You break a sweat
changing your shoes.
99
00:09:16,673 --> 00:09:19,005
- Stop. Bite me!
- Blow me!
100
00:09:19,209 --> 00:09:21,040
- Kiss my ass!
- Fuck your mother!
101
00:09:21,244 --> 00:09:24,475
Oh, yeah? No one would want to fuck
my mother 'cause she's too ugly.
102
00:09:24,681 --> 00:09:26,478
- I think I lost that one, didn't I?
- Oh, yeah.
103
00:09:29,386 --> 00:09:34,289
Okay. That 's the 7-day, 6-night
fun in the sun singles package...
104
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,857
with the standard 3 to 1
female to male ratio.
105
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,686
Just as the doctor ordered,
right, buddy?
106
00:09:40,897 --> 00:09:43,331
I don't know, Nick.
I don't think I'm ready for this.
107
00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:46,297
Not ready? Come on.
It 's been six months.
108
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,403
I don't like the sun...
109
00:09:48,605 --> 00:09:50,368
and I get seasick.
110
00:09:51,474 --> 00:09:53,567
I don't know what to say
to strange women.
111
00:09:53,777 --> 00:09:56,644
We're not going for the discourse.
We're going for the intercourse.
112
00:09:56,846 --> 00:10:00,407
Sex! That 's all you ever think about.
Sex, sex, sex!
113
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,340
We'll take it.
114
00:10:02,953 --> 00:10:04,443
There you go.
115
00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:09,350
Larry, you're still here.
116
00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:12,655
- Your mother died.
- What?
117
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,660
- When?
- This morning. I'm sorry.
118
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:19,562
- I thought you got my Post-it.
- Okay, thanks, Michael.
119
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:21,669
Alright. Now, gentlemen...
120
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:25,602
I might want you to consider this
stateroom. It 's a little bit larger...
121
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:35,044
Would you excuse me
for just a moment?
122
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,717
Help!
123
00:10:37,921 --> 00:10:40,446
Mama, no!
124
00:10:44,294 --> 00:10:45,921
- You!
- Fuck you, pal.
125
00:10:46,129 --> 00:10:47,687
- Fuck you back.
- Fuck your mother.
126
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:51,856
- No one would fuck my mother...
- We've been through this before!
127
00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:53,734
Excuse me. What seems to be
the problem here?
128
00:10:53,937 --> 00:10:56,064
This guy. Pecker face.
129
00:10:56,273 --> 00:10:58,002
- That 's the problem
- This guy's a jerk.
130
00:10:58,208 --> 00:11:00,574
Alright, Brian, you know what?
Enough. Let me handle this.
131
00:11:00,777 --> 00:11:03,143
- You go check on the ski packages.
- Yeah. Fuck off.
132
00:11:03,346 --> 00:11:05,041
- Ski over near the Maui getaways.
- Yeah.
133
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,648
- Remember? Since the changeover?
- Yeah, I got it.
134
00:11:08,184 --> 00:11:10,084
I am so sorry.
135
00:11:10,287 --> 00:11:11,879
Brian's had a little problem
with the...
136
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:15,251
And the... and the... and the...
137
00:11:16,493 --> 00:11:19,758
Yeah, bad news.
But now he's doing fine.
138
00:11:19,963 --> 00:11:23,729
He's doing a lot of great work
with unwed teenage mothers.
139
00:11:24,668 --> 00:11:26,499
So... Alright.
140
00:11:27,304 --> 00:11:31,934
Let 's see... 7-day, 6-night
vacation cruise. Is that correct?
141
00:11:32,142 --> 00:11:33,905
- That 's the one.
- Right.
142
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:37,477
Yeah, right. Okay.
143
00:11:42,319 --> 00:11:44,287
You guys are set, gentlemen.
144
00:11:44,487 --> 00:11:48,150
I think you'll have a very good time.
Please enjoy your vacation.
145
00:11:48,358 --> 00:11:49,416
- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.
146
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,253
Hey, and you should probably
do something about that guy.
147
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,721
Don't worry,
I've already taken care of it.
148
00:11:55,432 --> 00:11:56,558
And, hey...
149
00:11:56,766 --> 00:12:00,600
- I'm a letter writer.
- Duly noted.
150
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,669
Alright.
151
00:12:05,008 --> 00:12:07,306
Bye-bye, now.
152
00:12:08,178 --> 00:12:10,373
I'm too upset to work ski packages.
153
00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:14,277
- I can't believe you took care of them.
- I took care of them alright.
154
00:12:14,718 --> 00:12:17,744
'Cause no one calls
my little pecker a pecker.
155
00:12:19,089 --> 00:12:21,785
- Huh?
- Yeah.
156
00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:33,294
Wow! Look at the size
of that thing!
157
00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:36,565
And just think,
it 's filled with available women.
158
00:12:36,773 --> 00:12:39,503
Yeah! And here's the beauty part
of the whole thing.
159
00:12:39,709 --> 00:12:42,576
They can't get away from us.
We'll be in the middle of the ocean.
160
00:12:42,779 --> 00:12:46,681
They can try, but they'll drown
or be eaten by sharks. It 's perfect.
161
00:12:48,284 --> 00:12:51,549
Sometimes I think there's something
seriously wrong with you.
162
00:12:51,755 --> 00:12:53,814
I can live with that.
163
00:12:55,558 --> 00:12:58,391
- Excuse me. Can I ask you something?
- Yes.
164
00:12:58,595 --> 00:13:01,257
- You board everybody on this ship?
- Yes, sir.
165
00:13:01,765 --> 00:13:03,995
Let me ask you a question,
from guy to guy.
166
00:13:04,334 --> 00:13:06,359
Is there a lot of sweet ass
on this ship?
167
00:13:06,569 --> 00:13:08,594
I'm sure you'll be very happy.
168
00:13:08,805 --> 00:13:10,568
- Yes! Right, Jerry?
- Yeah!
169
00:13:10,774 --> 00:13:13,004
Alrighty!
170
00:13:13,643 --> 00:13:17,409
And all filled with hot,
beautiful women!
171
00:13:17,947 --> 00:13:21,144
- Yes!
- Awesome, awesome, awesome!
172
00:13:21,351 --> 00:13:26,345
Think of the sexiest creatures
boarding this love boat as we speak!
173
00:13:32,662 --> 00:13:35,654
- Alright, this is great!
- Yeah, you know!
174
00:13:36,199 --> 00:13:38,963
- Hello!
- Hey! What 's up, guys?
175
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:40,900
How you doin'?
176
00:13:41,671 --> 00:13:43,730
Alright!
177
00:13:43,940 --> 00:13:46,067
- Lovely boat, huh?
- Oh, yeah.
178
00:13:46,276 --> 00:13:48,506
Don't you ever doubt me.
179
00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:59,946
What the hell was that?
180
00:14:00,156 --> 00:14:03,489
Well, onboard entertainment.
181
00:14:03,693 --> 00:14:06,753
You know? I bet Cirque du Soleil
is here. Like Vegas.
182
00:14:06,963 --> 00:14:09,295
- Cool.
- Right?
183
00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:14,096
Hey, how are ya?
184
00:14:20,543 --> 00:14:23,410
There it is. Stateroom 211.
185
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:27,105
The number that 'll be on every
woman's lips by the end of the trip.
186
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,945
Let 's do it.
187
00:14:35,859 --> 00:14:37,451
That 's weird.
188
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,557
Only one bed.
189
00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:41,861
I know why.
190
00:14:42,065 --> 00:14:45,967
We're going to have so much sex one
guy's always going to sleep out.
191
00:14:46,236 --> 00:14:47,294
Yeah, right.
192
00:14:47,504 --> 00:14:50,564
You better hope that couch
is more comfortable than it looks.
193
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,636
There's a mirror on the ceiling.
194
00:14:56,579 --> 00:14:57,807
Excelente.
195
00:14:58,014 --> 00:15:01,711
That way the babes can watch me
get my peak on.
196
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,920
Check this out, Jer.
197
00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:07,589
- Four racquetball courts.
- Hey!
198
00:15:07,790 --> 00:15:12,193
- Nine cocktail lounges, a casino.
- Six and eight 's a running mate!
199
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,087
A video arcade...
200
00:15:14,297 --> 00:15:16,993
Onboard chest waxing salon...
201
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:22,296
- Chest waxing?
- Yes, of course, for swimming.
202
00:15:22,939 --> 00:15:24,668
Let me see that.
203
00:15:26,242 --> 00:15:29,769
Club Socrates wants you to know
you'll be treated like a queen.
204
00:15:31,948 --> 00:15:35,543
- You mean king?
- Queen. It says so right there.
205
00:15:37,554 --> 00:15:39,647
That 's weird.
206
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:45,889
Hello?
Ring, ring, ring.
207
00:15:46,663 --> 00:15:49,257
Everybody conga.
208
00:15:49,499 --> 00:15:54,801
Conga,conga,conga,everybody partyParty,party,party
209
00:15:55,004 --> 00:15:56,733
Five o'clock today
210
00:15:56,940 --> 00:16:01,172
Yeah, baby! I told you, Jer.
This boat is wild!
211
00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:07,378
- Where's the party, sweet thing?
- Stateroom 209. Stateroom 209.
212
00:16:09,519 --> 00:16:11,510
It 's casual.
213
00:16:21,331 --> 00:16:24,129
To fresh scratches on our backs.
214
00:16:24,334 --> 00:16:27,098
- Scotch and soda, please.
- Coming right up, sir.
215
00:16:30,873 --> 00:16:32,773
Oh, please.
216
00:16:32,976 --> 00:16:36,241
Why do they always
have to play Liza?
217
00:16:36,446 --> 00:16:39,415
I don't know.
I kinda like "Liza With a Z".
218
00:16:39,616 --> 00:16:41,982
Yeah, it 's kind of cool
for making out.
219
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:46,115
I prefer Johnny Mathis, myself.
220
00:16:46,322 --> 00:16:49,917
Yeah, if you're gonna
make out with a dude.
221
00:16:52,695 --> 00:16:55,163
That is very funny.
222
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,969
My name is Faversham.
Lloyd Faversham.
223
00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:01,932
- Nick Ragoni.
- Nick.
224
00:17:02,138 --> 00:17:03,264
- Jerry.
- Jerry.
225
00:17:03,473 --> 00:17:05,566
- Is this your first cruise?
- No, my third.
226
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,834
- And you?
- Numero uno.
227
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:13,708
Then you are going to positively
adore it. It is one wild...
228
00:17:13,916 --> 00:17:16,476
...decadent week.
- That 's why we're here, right?
229
00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:18,620
- All night parties.
- Excellent.
230
00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:21,847
- Midnight skinny dipping.
- Sign me up!
231
00:17:22,058 --> 00:17:26,859
And if you're into it,
lots of sex, sex... sex.
232
00:17:27,063 --> 00:17:29,497
You hear that, Jer?
All the sex a man could want.
233
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:33,265
Well, then you must visit
the hole in one room.
234
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:36,199
Oh? They have an onboard
driving range?
235
00:17:36,406 --> 00:17:40,900
Some of the chaps down there
do swing some very large clubs.
236
00:17:41,911 --> 00:17:45,039
You two have an open relationship?
237
00:17:45,248 --> 00:17:47,182
Open? What do you mean
by "open relationship"?
238
00:17:47,383 --> 00:17:50,045
- I mean do you date?
- Of course we date.
239
00:17:50,253 --> 00:17:51,686
- That 's why we're here.
- Yeah.
240
00:17:51,888 --> 00:17:53,651
That 's absolutely wonderful.
241
00:17:53,856 --> 00:17:57,292
We must get together sometime.
Go for a midnight swim.
242
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,620
Do whatever feels right.
243
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:03,356
That is what a gay cruise
is all about.
244
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,396
I see.
245
00:18:09,605 --> 00:18:11,698
Hear that, Jerry?
246
00:18:11,908 --> 00:18:15,366
We can do whatever we want.
Whatever feels right.
247
00:18:15,578 --> 00:18:18,672
That 's what a gay cruise
is all about.
248
00:18:19,415 --> 00:18:22,350
Whatever we want to do,
we can do it...
249
00:18:22,552 --> 00:18:24,645
because it 's a gay cruise.
250
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:28,415
It 's a gay cruise, Jerry,
not a bi-cruise. It 's a gay cruise!
251
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:34,058
Capital G, capital A,
capital YMCA gay cruise, Jerry!
252
00:18:34,797 --> 00:18:36,731
Damn, damn, damn!
253
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:39,568
I wonder how many other people
made the same mistake I did.
254
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:47,331
No one! Shit! Jerry!
Don't worry, buddy!
255
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,637
I'm bringing you back home! I'm gonna
get you out of here! Let 's go!
256
00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:57,081
Help! Help! Somebody help us!
257
00:18:57,286 --> 00:18:59,948
We're straight! We're straight.
258
00:19:00,156 --> 00:19:06,391
Hey, Nick! Stop acting like a jerk!
We'll figure this out!
259
00:19:06,596 --> 00:19:09,588
What are we gonna do, Jerry?
We gotta get off this boat!
260
00:19:09,799 --> 00:19:12,324
Excuse me sir, do you know
where we can get off real quick?
261
00:19:12,535 --> 00:19:14,799
- Try the hole in one room.
- I'm starting to think that 's...
262
00:19:15,004 --> 00:19:18,098
not a real driving range, Jer.
In fact, I'm convinced of it.
263
00:19:18,307 --> 00:19:20,605
Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!
264
00:19:20,877 --> 00:19:23,641
We're trapped like rats!
265
00:19:27,683 --> 00:19:29,082
What?
266
00:19:29,285 --> 00:19:31,150
I checked our itinerary.
267
00:19:31,354 --> 00:19:33,618
We don't dock for four days.
268
00:19:33,823 --> 00:19:36,121
Why do I ever listen to you?
269
00:19:36,325 --> 00:19:38,555
Are you implying
that this is somehow my fault?
270
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:41,059
I'm not implying it.
I'm saying it.
271
00:19:41,564 --> 00:19:44,658
If you hadn't insulted the travel agent,
none of this would've happened.
272
00:19:45,568 --> 00:19:49,197
- Maybe there's another explanation.
- Yeah? What?
273
00:19:49,839 --> 00:19:53,002
Maybe that travel agent thought
he was doing you a favor.
274
00:19:53,209 --> 00:19:54,642
Because...
275
00:19:55,311 --> 00:19:57,336
- You know.
- Because what?
276
00:19:57,547 --> 00:19:59,606
Because you're a little fem.
That 's why.
277
00:19:59,816 --> 00:20:02,410
You always dress real nice.
You're in shape. You're neat.
278
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:05,212
And you use those pastel
colored balls at the bowling alley.
279
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:07,855
Don't think that got past me.
280
00:20:11,828 --> 00:20:15,025
You're an idiot.
A thick-headed moron.
281
00:20:15,231 --> 00:20:18,132
Felicia was right. I should've
dumped your ass years ago!
282
00:20:18,334 --> 00:20:20,962
If you wanted to dump somebody's
ass, it should've been Felicia's.
283
00:20:21,337 --> 00:20:24,966
That chick was Satan's sister, bro.
Yeah! Devil in a d-cup!
284
00:20:25,174 --> 00:20:26,869
Felicia was as frosty a bitch
as I've ever seen in my life!
285
00:20:27,076 --> 00:20:29,510
I'm gonna kill ya!
286
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:31,803
Get off.
287
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,213
I know I heard
do the bump-bump time.
288
00:20:37,353 --> 00:20:40,117
Hey you, don't get the wrong idea.
289
00:20:40,723 --> 00:20:42,486
Hector always gets the wrong idea.
290
00:20:43,092 --> 00:20:45,390
That 's why he is no longer welcome
in the state of Missouri.
291
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:48,858
Buddy, you pranced into the wrong
cabin. My friend and I...
292
00:20:49,966 --> 00:20:51,763
we're not gay.
293
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:56,403
Ring, ring. Hold the phone. What you
tell me? You two guys are not gay?
294
00:20:56,606 --> 00:20:58,005
That 's right!
295
00:20:59,108 --> 00:21:02,202
Go on, pull Hector's other leg.
He's got bells on it.
296
00:21:02,879 --> 00:21:04,506
I'm getting out of here.
297
00:21:06,582 --> 00:21:09,517
Gee. What hasn't gotten into him?
298
00:21:12,388 --> 00:21:14,549
Out.
299
00:21:14,757 --> 00:21:16,486
Oh,here he comes
300
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:18,683
Watch out,boyHe'll chew you up
301
00:21:18,895 --> 00:21:20,624
Oh,here he comes
302
00:21:20,830 --> 00:21:22,559
He's a maneater
303
00:21:23,132 --> 00:21:25,191
Oh,here he comes
304
00:21:25,401 --> 00:21:27,426
Watch out,boyHe'll chew you up
305
00:21:27,637 --> 00:21:29,161
Oh,here he comes
306
00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:31,602
He's a maneater
307
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:34,206
lwouldn't if lwere you
308
00:21:40,917 --> 00:21:45,684
Bachelor number 2. What 's the most
unusual place you ever made love?
309
00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:50,325
Well, once I did it in a dressing
room in International Male.
310
00:21:50,526 --> 00:21:53,086
Right. How about you,
bachelor number 3?
311
00:21:53,696 --> 00:21:56,028
What 's the most unusual place
that you ever made love?
312
00:21:56,666 --> 00:21:58,463
Inside a woman.
313
00:22:00,603 --> 00:22:02,036
Oh, no...
314
00:22:07,043 --> 00:22:10,877
Hey! Who do I have to screw
to get a drink around here?
315
00:22:12,181 --> 00:22:13,773
Oops.
316
00:22:15,418 --> 00:22:17,113
Oops.
317
00:22:19,889 --> 00:22:21,823
Hey buddy, you okay?
318
00:22:23,025 --> 00:22:25,493
Do I look gay?
319
00:22:27,330 --> 00:22:30,094
Never saw an old gay
grandpa before.
320
00:22:39,175 --> 00:22:41,370
Where are all the gay people at?
321
00:22:41,577 --> 00:22:44,239
You're all always supposed
to want to party.
322
00:22:44,447 --> 00:22:47,610
Oops. Oops.
323
00:23:18,414 --> 00:23:22,145
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine!
324
00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:36,958
Men on dates,holding hands,
touching,kissing.
325
00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:41,466
I can't take it. Then I think"not delay it."
326
00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:43,934
Took too much shopin high school.
327
00:23:49,145 --> 00:23:51,739
Help! Pick me up!
328
00:23:52,214 --> 00:23:54,114
Get me out of here!
329
00:23:54,316 --> 00:23:56,784
Drop down a ladder!
330
00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:00,111
I like girls!
331
00:24:09,865 --> 00:24:11,298
Please!
332
00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:14,594
Please, come back!
333
00:24:51,507 --> 00:24:54,340
I don't know anything about a flare
gun. I swear I was here all night.
334
00:24:54,543 --> 00:24:57,808
A flare gun? I don't know anything.
I was here all night.
335
00:24:58,180 --> 00:25:00,876
Flare gun? I don't know nothing
about no stinking flare gun.
336
00:25:01,851 --> 00:25:04,684
- Oh, shit!
- Okay.
337
00:25:04,820 --> 00:25:08,381
Here we are.
You should go change now.
338
00:25:08,591 --> 00:25:11,287
Where's your robe?
339
00:25:11,494 --> 00:25:13,189
Okay.
340
00:25:13,462 --> 00:25:15,987
Okay, I give up.
I did it.
341
00:25:16,298 --> 00:25:19,790
Hey, Jer, how was your evening?
342
00:25:20,402 --> 00:25:24,202
Hi. Your friend
had a little too much to drink.
343
00:25:24,406 --> 00:25:26,101
She thinks I'm drunk.
344
00:25:26,709 --> 00:25:29,109
- Nicky, Nicky!
- Alright, alright.
345
00:25:29,311 --> 00:25:32,178
I fell in the pool.
346
00:25:33,182 --> 00:25:35,810
- You're sitting on my balls!
- Okay...
347
00:25:36,018 --> 00:25:37,451
I'm gonna leave you two alone.
348
00:25:38,053 --> 00:25:40,613
- Good night.
- You're getting me all wet.
349
00:25:46,996 --> 00:25:48,327
Jerry!
350
00:25:48,531 --> 00:25:50,522
Wake up, I'm starving!
351
00:25:50,866 --> 00:25:52,993
Come on, Jerry!
352
00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:57,033
Dude, don't make me go up there
by myself. Get up.
353
00:25:57,773 --> 00:25:59,536
Jerry!
354
00:25:59,775 --> 00:26:01,265
Screw it.
355
00:26:01,844 --> 00:26:05,940
What am I afraid of?
How gay can a buffet be?
356
00:26:36,278 --> 00:26:37,336
Is this seat taken?
357
00:26:37,546 --> 00:26:39,138
- Actually...
- I hate dining alone.
358
00:26:39,348 --> 00:26:41,714
- I bet you feel the same way too.
- I'm okay with it, actually.
359
00:26:41,917 --> 00:26:46,013
I see you took the omelette,
the waffles and the flapjacks.
360
00:26:46,222 --> 00:26:50,886
Hungry little man, aren't you?
Do you care for a bite of my sausage?
361
00:26:52,094 --> 00:26:54,358
In England, we call them bangers.
362
00:26:56,565 --> 00:26:58,692
Captain, can you come over here
a minute, please?
363
00:26:59,368 --> 00:27:03,031
There's a small craft off the starboard
trying to get our attention.
364
00:27:04,673 --> 00:27:08,268
- Help!
- Help us!
365
00:27:08,477 --> 00:27:11,571
- Help!
- Somebody save us!
366
00:27:13,282 --> 00:27:15,182
Jesus...
367
00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:19,013
Sound the alarm.
All hands on dick... deck.
368
00:27:19,989 --> 00:27:21,513
Deck!
369
00:27:28,998 --> 00:27:31,057
Tea?
370
00:27:35,237 --> 00:27:37,000
For you.
371
00:27:45,214 --> 00:27:47,614
Oh, my God.
372
00:27:50,819 --> 00:27:54,880
- I must be dreaming. Pinch me.
- Sure. My pleasure.
373
00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:57,820
- I didn't say on my ass.
- You didn't not say it.
374
00:27:58,027 --> 00:28:02,088
I didn't think
I had to specify. Jesus.
375
00:28:06,535 --> 00:28:09,265
Nick, Nick.
Look, you gotta help me out.
376
00:28:09,471 --> 00:28:11,439
Remember that woman that dragged
me into the room last night?
377
00:28:12,174 --> 00:28:13,801
I can't get her off my mind.
378
00:28:14,109 --> 00:28:17,135
She kissed me. Technically it was
mouth to mouth. But it was fabulous.
379
00:28:17,346 --> 00:28:20,372
I mean, I gotta find her.
I mean I was so wasted...
380
00:28:22,785 --> 00:28:26,346
- Who are they?
- The answer to our prayers.
381
00:28:26,555 --> 00:28:28,989
Twelve of the most gorgeous
creatures I've ever seen.
382
00:28:29,658 --> 00:28:32,786
But I'm not greedy.
I'll share.
383
00:28:32,995 --> 00:28:35,725
Go ahead, pick... two.
384
00:28:37,366 --> 00:28:41,268
No. This girl's fabulous.
She's special.
385
00:28:41,470 --> 00:28:43,233
I gotta find her.
386
00:28:48,477 --> 00:28:50,138
She's special. Special.
387
00:28:58,220 --> 00:29:00,051
Hello.
388
00:29:00,756 --> 00:29:03,816
- Hi.
- Who are you?
389
00:29:04,026 --> 00:29:06,893
I'm Nick Ragoni, the most grateful
man on the planet.
390
00:29:07,096 --> 00:29:09,690
I'm Inga. Very pleasurable
to meet you.
391
00:29:09,965 --> 00:29:11,159
How'd you all get here?
392
00:29:11,567 --> 00:29:13,558
We are the Swedish sun
tanning team...
393
00:29:13,769 --> 00:29:16,795
on our way to the Hawaiian
Tropics Tanning Competition.
394
00:29:17,005 --> 00:29:19,496
Some bonehead shot down
our helicopter.
395
00:29:19,708 --> 00:29:22,199
Coach had to make water landing.
396
00:29:22,411 --> 00:29:25,244
I didn't think this would happen
until I died and went to heaven.
397
00:29:25,781 --> 00:29:28,875
It 's a lucky thing we were picked
up by a boat full of homo boys.
398
00:29:29,084 --> 00:29:31,882
It would be terrible to have
straight men hassling and ogling us...
399
00:29:32,087 --> 00:29:35,079
while we're trying to work on
our even tan lines.
400
00:29:37,526 --> 00:29:39,721
You're so right.
401
00:29:40,429 --> 00:29:42,420
Lucky I'm gay!
402
00:29:42,998 --> 00:29:46,695
I'm super gay! I'm mega...
I'm gay enormous!
403
00:29:47,035 --> 00:29:51,096
I'm so gay!
But that 's good.
404
00:29:51,306 --> 00:29:55,436
'Cause now you guys can all feel
comfortable in front of me...
405
00:29:55,644 --> 00:29:58,704
and take off your tops and stuff.
406
00:29:59,148 --> 00:30:01,207
And I can do this for you.
407
00:30:01,417 --> 00:30:05,148
I can put tanning oils
and creamy lotions...
408
00:30:05,354 --> 00:30:08,414
all over your luscious bodies.
409
00:30:09,391 --> 00:30:15,023
And there won't be any worries
for you because I'm so gay!
410
00:30:19,168 --> 00:30:24,470
Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby!
Almost finished!
411
00:30:29,344 --> 00:30:31,005
Okay, let 's do the back.
412
00:30:31,213 --> 00:30:35,309
The first time I think
I realized I was gay...
413
00:30:35,517 --> 00:30:38,680
was when I was around twelve
in Scouts.
414
00:30:38,921 --> 00:30:40,912
I really liked putting on
that kerchief.
415
00:30:42,124 --> 00:30:44,388
In fact, it was the only part
I liked about it.
416
00:30:44,793 --> 00:30:46,488
That and the nude swimming.
417
00:30:46,695 --> 00:30:50,654
Anyway, I hope you gals
all feel comfortable around me.
418
00:30:51,133 --> 00:30:52,760
"Ja", Nick.
419
00:30:52,968 --> 00:30:56,028
'Cause I sure do feel comfortable
around you.
420
00:30:57,573 --> 00:31:00,940
All done. Who's next?
How about you, Ursula?
421
00:31:01,143 --> 00:31:05,512
Ready for your second coat?
These thighs look a little dry.
422
00:31:05,881 --> 00:31:07,712
There we go.
423
00:31:10,152 --> 00:31:11,176
What do you want?
424
00:31:13,522 --> 00:31:15,422
What the hell is that?
425
00:31:15,624 --> 00:31:18,855
I got this from that dude
over there. He's hot.
426
00:31:19,061 --> 00:31:24,465
You are no gay homo man.
I am Sonya, coach of tanning team.
427
00:31:24,666 --> 00:31:25,928
- What?
- Quiet!
428
00:31:26,134 --> 00:31:27,658
As long as these women
are in training...
429
00:31:27,870 --> 00:31:31,829
there will be no trouser snakes
near their hot luscious popos.
430
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:33,064
Put me down!
431
00:31:33,275 --> 00:31:35,300
Coach of the tanning team.
That 's ridiculous.
432
00:31:35,511 --> 00:31:37,672
If I want to talk
to any of these ladies, I will.
433
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:41,111
And there's not a damn thing
you can do to stop me.
434
00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:42,305
Oh, yeah?
435
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,424
What the hell happened to you?
436
00:31:54,630 --> 00:31:56,791
I died and went to heaven.
437
00:31:56,999 --> 00:32:00,059
And then some muscle bound blonde
dwarf knocked me back down to hell.
438
00:32:00,269 --> 00:32:02,897
- What?
- You know those 12 gorgeous hotties?
439
00:32:03,105 --> 00:32:05,437
They've got
a goddamn bodyguard.
440
00:32:06,842 --> 00:32:09,606
I can take disappointments, Jer.
441
00:32:09,811 --> 00:32:15,374
But little Mickey's already known
such heartache in a short life.
442
00:32:15,584 --> 00:32:17,848
Well then I guess all three of us
struck out.
443
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,579
I still can't find that girl.
444
00:32:20,789 --> 00:32:22,916
I've looked everywhere.
445
00:32:23,125 --> 00:32:25,821
You know, I've kissed
Felicia for four years...
446
00:32:26,028 --> 00:32:29,327
and never felt anything like
I felt last night.
447
00:32:29,965 --> 00:32:32,627
That girl is special.
I gotta find her.
448
00:32:33,035 --> 00:32:35,697
You're abandoning me?
What am I supposed to do?
449
00:32:37,906 --> 00:32:41,706
This is a luxury cruise!
Not everything's gay-oriented.
450
00:32:41,910 --> 00:32:43,935
No more bets.
451
00:32:44,846 --> 00:32:46,973
Red three is the winner.
452
00:32:49,451 --> 00:32:53,854
Beautiful. Poker.
This is gonna be sweet.
453
00:32:54,656 --> 00:32:57,591
These trouser pilots are no match
for a lusty hetero like myself.
454
00:32:57,793 --> 00:33:00,557
This will be like taking candy
from a baby.
455
00:33:00,762 --> 00:33:03,356
Why is that?
Are gay men notorious bad gamblers?
456
00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:05,726
Awful. They can't bluff.
457
00:33:05,934 --> 00:33:07,834
They look at the cards,
they start giggling. Terrible.
458
00:33:08,036 --> 00:33:12,996
Promise me you won't act like a gay
bashing narrow minded Neanderthal.
459
00:33:13,208 --> 00:33:14,903
Jerry, buddy, you're talking to me.
460
00:33:15,377 --> 00:33:19,313
- Lady, couple of clubs, pass a flush...
- Hello gays... guys.
461
00:33:20,182 --> 00:33:22,150
- Mind if I join you?
- Sure thing, gorgeous.
462
00:33:23,752 --> 00:33:26,220
I can't remember.
Does a straight beat a flush?
463
00:33:27,356 --> 00:33:29,620
Damn! I really thought
I had this one.
464
00:33:30,292 --> 00:33:31,725
Listen, Nick.
465
00:33:31,994 --> 00:33:34,428
I don't want you to take offense, but
can I give you a piece of advice?
466
00:33:34,696 --> 00:33:38,063
- What?
- Don't clear your throat.
467
00:33:38,500 --> 00:33:39,899
What?
468
00:33:40,102 --> 00:33:42,662
Every time you bluff,
you clear your throat.
469
00:33:42,871 --> 00:33:44,304
I do?
470
00:33:44,773 --> 00:33:48,038
Don't play the cards.
Play the players.
471
00:33:49,111 --> 00:33:50,840
Right. Here we go.
472
00:33:51,046 --> 00:33:53,674
Any up.
Five or shoot. Three card Monty.
473
00:33:53,882 --> 00:33:56,851
King is to win. There you go.
There's a winner!
474
00:33:57,052 --> 00:33:58,383
We got a winner!
475
00:34:10,432 --> 00:34:11,524
Hey you.
476
00:34:14,670 --> 00:34:16,331
Unbelievable.
477
00:34:18,607 --> 00:34:20,370
That was embarrassing!
478
00:34:20,575 --> 00:34:23,601
They offer a pool safety class onboard.
You should check it out.
479
00:34:23,945 --> 00:34:25,879
Let me give you a hand.
480
00:34:26,214 --> 00:34:27,909
I'm Gabriella.
481
00:34:33,021 --> 00:34:34,352
I'm Jerry.
482
00:34:38,226 --> 00:34:40,421
Oh, boy.
483
00:34:45,667 --> 00:34:47,692
- Hi.
- Hi.
484
00:34:48,136 --> 00:34:49,330
You like?
485
00:34:50,739 --> 00:34:52,400
Oh, yeah.
486
00:34:52,607 --> 00:34:55,132
Ice cream?
Yeah, that 's okay.
487
00:34:55,343 --> 00:34:58,073
Coach would kill me if she knew
I broke training.
488
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:02,639
But I no can help. I am...
What is the word?
489
00:35:03,318 --> 00:35:05,582
- Oral.
- That 's the word.
490
00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:08,580
And what a wonderful word it is.
491
00:35:09,458 --> 00:35:11,449
I'm so lonely.
492
00:35:11,660 --> 00:35:16,495
Coach's very strict about keeping us
away from men during tanning season.
493
00:35:17,099 --> 00:35:18,566
It 's too bad you're gay, Nick.
494
00:35:18,767 --> 00:35:21,133
- Good night.
- Inga, wait, wait.
495
00:35:22,437 --> 00:35:24,701
I've always been curious
about your country.
496
00:35:24,906 --> 00:35:26,874
- Mind if I ask you something?
- Yeah.
497
00:35:27,075 --> 00:35:28,940
What would you like
to know about, Nick?
498
00:35:29,144 --> 00:35:33,843
Our cities, our lakes and rivers,
our safe and sturdy automobiles?
499
00:35:34,049 --> 00:35:37,746
I'm a big fan of your cinema.
I've rented quite a bit of it.
500
00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:42,049
I've noticed your people's progressive
attitude towards premarital sex.
501
00:35:42,657 --> 00:35:47,526
So I was wondering, theoretically,
if my own sexual orientation were...
502
00:35:47,729 --> 00:35:51,130
If you're asking if I'd sleep with you if
you were straight the answer is "Ja".
503
00:35:51,333 --> 00:35:53,801
- "Ja"? "Ja" means "Yes", right?
- Ja!
504
00:35:54,002 --> 00:35:56,197
Inga, I have a surprise for you.
I'm straight.
505
00:35:56,404 --> 00:36:00,704
I'm as straight as a Volvo going
down an Oslo toll road.
506
00:36:00,909 --> 00:36:05,403
- But Oslo is in Norway.
- The point is... we can make love.
507
00:36:05,947 --> 00:36:08,575
I know that 's the best news
I've ever heard.
508
00:36:08,784 --> 00:36:11,753
I'm cabin 4433.
Meet me in five minuten.
509
00:36:11,953 --> 00:36:14,547
You got it. Five minuten.
510
00:36:15,857 --> 00:36:18,417
And not a minuten more.
511
00:36:18,860 --> 00:36:21,727
Hello. Are there any condoms
available on this ship?
512
00:36:27,068 --> 00:36:29,434
Come in. Door is open.
513
00:36:33,341 --> 00:36:35,434
Coach.
514
00:36:36,578 --> 00:36:39,308
Changing room assignments.
You bunk with Pia.
515
00:36:39,514 --> 00:36:42,483
- But why, coach?
- You cannot be trusted with minibar.
516
00:36:42,684 --> 00:36:45,881
- You are in training.
- But coach, I eat nothing all day.
517
00:36:46,087 --> 00:36:48,282
You ate yesterday, ja?
518
00:36:48,490 --> 00:36:51,357
Your butt is disgusting.
I better double check.
519
00:36:52,727 --> 00:36:55,252
Ja, disgusting.
520
00:36:55,463 --> 00:36:56,987
Both cheeks.
521
00:36:57,532 --> 00:37:02,435
Ja, ja, ja. Move it, fattie.
522
00:37:02,637 --> 00:37:05,128
- Knock it off and go to bed.
- Alright, coach.
523
00:37:06,875 --> 00:37:09,105
Thank you for lending me
your jacket.
524
00:37:10,712 --> 00:37:13,272
- So, what do you do on this ship?
- I'm a dance teacher.
525
00:37:13,481 --> 00:37:16,382
- Wow. Teaching dance must be fun.
- It can be.
526
00:37:16,785 --> 00:37:18,548
Especially on the gay cruises.
527
00:37:18,753 --> 00:37:20,778
They're much more fun
than the straight ones.
528
00:37:20,989 --> 00:37:21,819
Why is that?
529
00:37:22,023 --> 00:37:24,924
The guys that go on the straight
cruises... all you meet are these...
530
00:37:25,126 --> 00:37:28,857
...horny creeps.
- Oh, I got a friend like that.
531
00:37:30,665 --> 00:37:33,691
I bet men hit on you all the time.
532
00:37:34,302 --> 00:37:36,896
You've got a hot ass.
533
00:37:37,706 --> 00:37:38,695
Excuse me?
534
00:37:39,274 --> 00:37:41,834
Your ass. It 's hot.
535
00:37:43,245 --> 00:37:44,234
Thanks.
536
00:37:48,250 --> 00:37:50,184
Your butt 's nothing
to sneeze at, either.
537
00:37:52,554 --> 00:37:53,953
So...
538
00:37:54,522 --> 00:37:56,854
...you must have a boyfriend.
- No, no, no.
539
00:37:57,058 --> 00:37:58,423
- No boyfriend.
- Really?
540
00:37:58,627 --> 00:37:59,559
Why not?
541
00:37:59,761 --> 00:38:04,630
Every boyfriend I've ever had has
turned out to be a son of a bitch.
542
00:38:04,799 --> 00:38:07,529
- Well, not every guy is a...
- I know what you're thinking.
543
00:38:07,736 --> 00:38:08,998
I just never met "the right guy".
544
00:38:09,204 --> 00:38:12,503
Trust me, honey. I've met every type
out there and it 's pretty bad.
545
00:38:12,841 --> 00:38:16,470
Liars, guys with two wives,
guys with commitment issues...
546
00:38:16,678 --> 00:38:21,115
guys with parole issues.
You name it, I've dated them all.
547
00:38:21,316 --> 00:38:23,580
Which is why I'm so relieved
to be on this boat.
548
00:38:23,785 --> 00:38:26,686
There's not one
straight man in sight.
549
00:38:26,888 --> 00:38:28,753
- Excuse me?
- It 's so great...
550
00:38:28,957 --> 00:38:32,017
because I can really be myself.
I don't care about makeup...
551
00:38:32,227 --> 00:38:33,888
I don't care about what
I'm wearing...
552
00:38:34,095 --> 00:38:36,120
if a guy is talking to me because
he wants to get into my pants...
553
00:38:36,331 --> 00:38:38,595
- Gabriella...
- You know what else?
554
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,325
Let 's say I do get horny one day.
555
00:38:41,536 --> 00:38:46,439
Maybe I can even find a gay guy
and he can do me the favor.
556
00:38:46,641 --> 00:38:49,804
- The favor?
- How do you say in English?
557
00:38:50,045 --> 00:38:55,381
Make me scream, make me moan.
Screw my brains out.
558
00:39:00,422 --> 00:39:02,117
I don't mean to be a bitch...
559
00:39:05,026 --> 00:39:08,792
but these staterooms
could use a bit more color.
560
00:39:43,665 --> 00:39:45,496
Now we are laying down to sleep.
561
00:39:45,701 --> 00:39:49,137
Our hot tight bodies
the Lord will keep.
562
00:39:55,277 --> 00:39:58,178
Inga darling, it 's me, Nicky.
563
00:39:58,380 --> 00:40:00,871
I'm here.
564
00:40:08,557 --> 00:40:12,789
Reverend Lindstrom, "nej".
565
00:40:12,995 --> 00:40:16,396
Just think of what
would the bishop say.
566
00:40:18,633 --> 00:40:21,124
Who's knocking at my doors?
567
00:40:22,037 --> 00:40:24,631
Oh, my God!
568
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,001
Let 's go downtown, baby.
569
00:40:32,347 --> 00:40:34,338
Help me, Jesus!
570
00:40:34,549 --> 00:40:36,847
I don't want to die!
571
00:40:57,672 --> 00:41:00,004
"Nej, nej, nej.
Ja, ja, ja, ja."
572
00:41:00,208 --> 00:41:02,108
Get off me!
573
00:41:10,085 --> 00:41:11,643
What 's that?
574
00:41:11,853 --> 00:41:13,878
It 's coming from the coach's room.
575
00:41:16,558 --> 00:41:19,652
Smoking sturgeons!
Coach's pussy just blew up.
576
00:41:20,595 --> 00:41:23,189
It was good for me, ja.
577
00:41:40,615 --> 00:41:42,344
Oh, Jesus.
578
00:42:11,346 --> 00:42:14,315
I gotta tell you,Nick.
She's so great.
579
00:42:14,516 --> 00:42:18,316
We had so much fun.
We talked, we laughed.
580
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:21,148
Can you hand me one of those
cheese-flavored penises?
581
00:42:23,125 --> 00:42:26,219
Gabriella is everything I've ever
wanted in a woman. I even pierced...
582
00:42:26,428 --> 00:42:27,952
...my ear for her.
- You better make sure...
583
00:42:28,163 --> 00:42:30,893
...it 's the right ear.
- Of course it 's...
584
00:42:35,670 --> 00:42:38,901
- Yeah, I better look into that.
- How was your evening?
585
00:42:39,107 --> 00:42:42,304
Let 's just say I had some bad
shellfish and leave it at that.
586
00:42:42,511 --> 00:42:44,911
- Hey. Hold on a second. See ya.
- Here she comes.
587
00:42:45,247 --> 00:42:46,976
- Grab my ass.
- What are you? Crazy?
588
00:42:47,182 --> 00:42:50,015
I told her I was gay. Now wet
your lips and look at me lovingly.
589
00:42:50,218 --> 00:42:51,810
- Do I look like a homo to you?
- Yes.
590
00:42:52,020 --> 00:42:53,544
An out of shape one,
but we have those too.
591
00:42:53,755 --> 00:42:56,918
Thank you very much. That 's enough.
Moving along. Nothing to see here.
592
00:42:57,125 --> 00:42:59,389
What do you want me to do?
Act like I'm gay?
593
00:42:59,594 --> 00:43:00,583
- Hi, boys.
- Hi.
594
00:43:00,795 --> 00:43:02,592
I don't believe you two have
formally been introduced.
595
00:43:02,797 --> 00:43:05,527
- This is my life partner.
- I'm not his life...
596
00:43:05,734 --> 00:43:07,463
He's a little seasick this morning.
597
00:43:07,669 --> 00:43:10,160
- Maybe he's just a little lovesick.
- Right!
598
00:43:13,041 --> 00:43:15,942
- We're into S&M.
- Okay.
599
00:43:16,144 --> 00:43:20,137
If you feel better later you would
like to come to my new class?
600
00:43:20,415 --> 00:43:24,476
- Yeah? It 's dirty dancing.
- Dirty dancing?
601
00:43:24,886 --> 00:43:27,411
- So taboo.
- What the hell's wrong with you?
602
00:43:27,622 --> 00:43:29,453
"He's my life partner".
603
00:43:30,458 --> 00:43:33,518
You need to keep an open mind.
Nick! Hey!
604
00:43:35,363 --> 00:43:38,355
- It 's only for a few days.
- Quit bugging me.
605
00:43:38,567 --> 00:43:40,228
I'm getting my nuts handed to me
on a platter.
606
00:43:40,435 --> 00:43:42,960
- I wouldn't mind seeing that.
- Don't say it!
607
00:43:45,874 --> 00:43:48,707
- Why not?
- Cause I won't, that 's why.
608
00:43:49,010 --> 00:43:50,375
Be a friend.
609
00:43:50,579 --> 00:43:52,843
As a friend?
You're a wiener.
610
00:43:53,048 --> 00:43:55,778
Now buzz off. I'm trying
to concentrate on my workout.
611
00:43:57,252 --> 00:43:59,186
You're not working out.
612
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:29,077
Nick, if you do me this one favor,
I promise you I...
613
00:44:30,352 --> 00:44:31,341
Nick!
614
00:44:31,853 --> 00:44:34,754
Come on, listen.
I'm begging you.
615
00:44:40,462 --> 00:44:43,431
- Maybe I'll skip the steam.
- That 's a good idea.
616
00:44:45,967 --> 00:44:47,525
Listen...
617
00:44:48,236 --> 00:44:52,730
After what happened with Felicia, I
thought I'd never feel this way again.
618
00:44:52,941 --> 00:44:55,239
Why are you making such
a big deal about this girl?
619
00:44:55,443 --> 00:44:58,378
- She's a classic man-hater.
- No, no, no.
620
00:44:58,580 --> 00:45:01,947
Gabriella doesn't mean it. She's just
had bad luck with guys she dates...
621
00:45:02,150 --> 00:45:05,483
because they only want to have sex
with her. You know the type.
622
00:45:06,521 --> 00:45:08,751
Don't ever take sides
against the guys.
623
00:45:09,991 --> 00:45:13,518
Nick, I just need a few days
to get to know her.
624
00:45:13,728 --> 00:45:15,423
Then I'll tell her the truth.
625
00:45:20,702 --> 00:45:22,863
Why are you hiding
from that woman?
626
00:45:23,471 --> 00:45:26,133
Hiding? I'm not hiding.
I have a cramp.
627
00:45:26,374 --> 00:45:29,172
Nick, I'm desperate.
628
00:45:29,377 --> 00:45:33,438
- What if I offered to pay you?
- Pay me! How dare you!
629
00:45:33,815 --> 00:45:36,340
You think I'd sacrifice my dignity,
my self-esteem...
630
00:45:36,551 --> 00:45:40,681
my whole way of life for a few,
measly dollars? No!
631
00:45:41,690 --> 00:45:44,090
- Five hundred, cash?
- I'll do it!
632
00:45:46,428 --> 00:45:48,487
- Come closer, you're too far away.
- No!
633
00:45:48,697 --> 00:45:50,096
Hey, hey. Hold on.
634
00:45:50,298 --> 00:45:53,392
Beautiful. Very nice, everyone.
I love it.
635
00:45:55,337 --> 00:45:57,168
Jerry, you're light on your feet.
636
00:45:57,372 --> 00:45:59,533
This whole place
is light on its feet.
637
00:46:02,544 --> 00:46:05,342
Nick, your body's too stiff.
Wait. Listen to me.
638
00:46:05,547 --> 00:46:08,573
Your body's too stiff.
I want you to loosen up. Come on.
639
00:46:08,817 --> 00:46:11,479
There you go. Move it and then
go on, dance by yourself.
640
00:46:11,686 --> 00:46:14,348
Feel the music, Nick.
Feel it.
641
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:26,526
Feel it.
642
00:46:47,555 --> 00:46:50,718
Okay, everyone.
Change partners.
643
00:46:55,930 --> 00:46:58,865
Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha.
We meet again, "ch�rie".
644
00:46:59,067 --> 00:47:01,035
I hope that 's your belt buckle
I feel back there.
645
00:47:02,737 --> 00:47:05,262
You know, from the moment
we met, I felt there was...
646
00:47:05,473 --> 00:47:09,705
...an electrical charge between us.
- I think your pacemaker shortened out.
647
00:47:10,912 --> 00:47:13,710
How did you know
I like to be humiliated?
648
00:47:14,349 --> 00:47:16,715
Look, Lloyd, you're barking up
the wrong tree here.
649
00:47:17,285 --> 00:47:19,048
I know.
650
00:47:19,954 --> 00:47:23,412
- You want to lead.
- Lloyd, I'm not...
651
00:47:24,793 --> 00:47:26,420
interested.
652
00:47:26,628 --> 00:47:29,620
That 's alright. I'm a patient man.
I can wait.
653
00:47:31,900 --> 00:47:33,697
I'm also very rich.
654
00:47:34,469 --> 00:47:36,733
You know,
I'd like to spoil you, Nick.
655
00:47:37,839 --> 00:47:40,103
Take you to places
you've never been.
656
00:47:40,308 --> 00:47:42,606
Show you things you've never seen.
657
00:47:43,445 --> 00:47:45,003
I'd like to...
658
00:47:46,848 --> 00:47:48,645
Jerry!
659
00:47:49,384 --> 00:47:51,147
Cha-cha-cha.
660
00:47:52,787 --> 00:47:54,550
That 's it.
661
00:47:54,756 --> 00:47:56,917
You know, you're
a really good dance teacher.
662
00:47:57,192 --> 00:47:59,888
Really? It 's fun to
teach a class like this.
663
00:48:00,094 --> 00:48:02,722
I always felt too self-conscious
to really...
664
00:48:04,032 --> 00:48:06,762
...cut loose, you know?
- We have a revue here on board.
665
00:48:06,968 --> 00:48:08,595
It 's like an amateur night thing.
666
00:48:08,803 --> 00:48:11,294
- You think you'd be interested?
- Too public.
667
00:48:11,539 --> 00:48:14,406
- I'm more of a closet dancer.
- That 's a shame.
668
00:48:14,609 --> 00:48:17,908
- Because I'm the choreographer.
- Really?
669
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:22,777
Well, for you,
I might just waltz out of the closet.
670
00:48:24,285 --> 00:48:27,982
- You know... it 's strange.
- What 's that?
671
00:48:28,990 --> 00:48:31,515
The way you stare at me sometimes.
672
00:48:31,726 --> 00:48:33,785
The way you touch me like that,
you know?
673
00:48:33,995 --> 00:48:36,759
It 's exactly the way
a straight guy would.
674
00:48:37,131 --> 00:48:40,225
Me? Straight? Girlfriend, please!
675
00:48:42,103 --> 00:48:43,832
Nobody's gotta teach me
how to be gay.
676
00:48:45,139 --> 00:48:49,439
Bette Midler is also known
as the Divine Miss...
677
00:48:51,279 --> 00:48:53,975
- M?
- Very good!
678
00:48:54,182 --> 00:48:56,082
Very good.
Oh, sorry!
679
00:48:56,284 --> 00:48:59,742
Okay, now describe the Brandy
Alexander you're drinking.
680
00:49:01,322 --> 00:49:04,758
- Refreshing.
- No, no, no! It is to die for!
681
00:49:05,093 --> 00:49:09,894
Also acceptable divine,
marvellous, charming and ooh-la-la.
682
00:49:13,134 --> 00:49:17,230
At first lwas afraidlwas petrified
683
00:49:17,438 --> 00:49:21,966
Kept thinking I could never liveWithout you by my side
684
00:49:22,176 --> 00:49:24,838
But then I spent so many nights
685
00:49:25,046 --> 00:49:27,310
Thinking how you did me wrong
686
00:49:27,515 --> 00:49:29,210
And I grew strong
687
00:49:29,450 --> 00:49:31,577
And I learned how to get along
688
00:49:31,786 --> 00:49:33,413
And now you're back
689
00:49:33,621 --> 00:49:35,555
From outer space
690
00:49:35,757 --> 00:49:39,022
I just walked in to see you thereWith that sad look upon your
691
00:49:39,227 --> 00:49:41,320
Why you stopped singing?
692
00:49:41,529 --> 00:49:44,987
I don't know the words.
693
00:49:45,199 --> 00:49:49,659
You want to convince people you're
gay and you don't know the words?
694
00:49:50,204 --> 00:49:52,832
Singing disco tunes
and wearing calypso outfits...
695
00:49:53,041 --> 00:49:55,134
is not going to help me
convince Gabriella that I'm gay.
696
00:49:55,343 --> 00:49:56,833
Hector, this is stupid.
697
00:50:01,683 --> 00:50:03,844
Are you humming "I Will Survive?"
698
00:50:04,052 --> 00:50:06,077
That 's right.
And I know all the words.
699
00:50:08,523 --> 00:50:11,151
- You're looking at me like I'm crazy.
- I'm not.
700
00:50:11,426 --> 00:50:12,415
- You know what?
- What?
701
00:50:12,627 --> 00:50:15,687
Champagne usually
makes me a crazy, too.
702
00:50:15,897 --> 00:50:18,365
Champagne, ocean air...
703
00:50:18,967 --> 00:50:20,958
strange things might happen.
704
00:50:21,769 --> 00:50:24,431
I might turn into
a raging heterosexual.
705
00:50:27,408 --> 00:50:31,242
I should be so lucky.
Can you imagine?
706
00:50:31,779 --> 00:50:34,304
You know what? Let 's get
this party on its feet. Come on.
707
00:51:05,780 --> 00:51:08,476
Inga, it 's me, Nicky.
708
00:51:08,750 --> 00:51:10,615
Open up.
709
00:51:10,818 --> 00:51:11,842
Nicky.
710
00:51:12,053 --> 00:51:14,681
- So Mr. Tongue has a name.
- I'm sorry about what happened.
711
00:51:14,889 --> 00:51:17,153
You don't have to hit me.
The deed was punishment enough.
712
00:51:17,458 --> 00:51:19,187
"Nej, nej, nej."
713
00:51:19,394 --> 00:51:21,988
If we ever hook up again,
I want to show you.
714
00:51:22,196 --> 00:51:24,790
- I can reciprocate.
- Reciprocate?
715
00:52:11,045 --> 00:52:12,342
Hey, Nick!
716
00:52:12,547 --> 00:52:15,072
Hey, fresh meat.
Have a seat, Nick.
717
00:52:15,283 --> 00:52:17,251
I can always use
a little extra spending money.
718
00:52:17,452 --> 00:52:19,443
What the hell, I can use
a quiet game of poker.
719
00:52:19,654 --> 00:52:24,284
Sorry I'm late, boys. I had trouble
squeezing into this pantyhose.
720
00:52:24,492 --> 00:52:26,983
- So, what 's the game?
- Five card stud.
721
00:52:27,328 --> 00:52:30,661
- Very appropriate.
- Let 's play some cards.
722
00:52:32,266 --> 00:52:36,794
- I'm tired. Are you tired?
- Yeah! Wait. One more.
723
00:53:54,115 --> 00:53:56,140
Hector!
724
00:53:57,218 --> 00:53:58,708
You've been on a boat before.
725
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:01,787
- Is it safe?
- Of course it 's safe!
726
00:54:01,989 --> 00:54:04,856
As long as you are responsible.
727
00:54:05,059 --> 00:54:07,493
You mean the storm?
Well, that I do not know.
728
00:54:11,032 --> 00:54:12,863
Hector, let me ask you something.
729
00:54:13,067 --> 00:54:16,594
- How many cruises have you been on?
- Including this one?
730
00:54:16,804 --> 00:54:18,567
That would make it...
731
00:54:19,373 --> 00:54:23,503
one. You see, I only recently
came all the way out of the closet.
732
00:54:24,712 --> 00:54:27,510
Recently, really?
I would've figured kindergarten.
733
00:54:27,715 --> 00:54:29,842
No. Well, let me tell you.
It wasn't easy.
734
00:54:30,218 --> 00:54:32,448
But it 's better to be true
to yourself...
735
00:54:32,653 --> 00:54:34,678
than to lie to the world.
736
00:54:36,290 --> 00:54:37,814
It must 've taken a lot of guts.
737
00:54:38,159 --> 00:54:39,251
It 's funny, you know?
738
00:54:39,460 --> 00:54:42,088
These guys I'm playing poker with.
Steven, Tom, Ron.
739
00:54:42,496 --> 00:54:43,861
Steven's a doctor.
740
00:54:44,065 --> 00:54:45,532
A gay heart surgeon.
Who would've thought?
741
00:54:46,067 --> 00:54:49,230
Ron's a criminal defence attorney.
He represents some bad-assed dudes.
742
00:54:49,670 --> 00:54:51,797
Tom's cross-dresser
and pastry chef.
743
00:54:52,406 --> 00:54:54,601
Okay, I would have guessed that.
744
00:54:54,809 --> 00:54:57,243
But still,
they're a great bunch of guys.
745
00:54:57,912 --> 00:54:59,709
- So what are you saying?
- What am I saying?
746
00:54:59,914 --> 00:55:04,817
What I'm saying is I kinda wanted
to hang out more with these guys.
747
00:55:05,019 --> 00:55:10,423
But there was a part of me that
felt it was somehow wrong...
748
00:55:10,625 --> 00:55:12,092
to be friends with gay men.
749
00:55:13,561 --> 00:55:17,258
And that...
makes me feel like a jerk.
750
00:55:21,569 --> 00:55:23,002
Sit.
751
00:55:23,437 --> 00:55:25,098
Come on, sit.
752
00:55:28,309 --> 00:55:33,542
You know, my Papa, he used to
think that to be gay was "muy malo".
753
00:55:33,915 --> 00:55:35,439
A big shame.
754
00:55:37,218 --> 00:55:39,948
He no talk to me for 2O years.
His own blood.
755
00:55:40,788 --> 00:55:44,815
Now he's sick, he's dying.
He asks for me. He say to me...
756
00:55:45,026 --> 00:55:48,792
"Hector, I waste so much time.
757
00:55:49,997 --> 00:55:55,435
We're all God's children.
I'm so sorry." He said so.
758
00:56:03,678 --> 00:56:07,478
You see, my Papi, he's like you.
A real jerk.
759
00:56:07,915 --> 00:56:10,383
He just needed to learn.
760
00:56:11,686 --> 00:56:13,916
You learn too, my friend.
761
00:56:22,964 --> 00:56:24,761
I'm hurting.
762
00:56:24,966 --> 00:56:27,560
It feels so good
to get off my feet!
763
00:56:28,502 --> 00:56:30,936
I couldn't agree with you more.
764
00:56:34,075 --> 00:56:35,736
You know what?
765
00:56:36,277 --> 00:56:39,110
I've got to get out
of these clothes.
766
00:56:39,747 --> 00:56:41,772
I couldn't agree with you more.
767
00:56:42,583 --> 00:56:47,282
Listen, would you mind doing me
a huge, huge favor?
768
00:56:47,655 --> 00:56:49,589
Would you spend the night with me?
769
00:56:50,091 --> 00:56:51,115
What?
770
00:56:51,993 --> 00:56:53,358
Yeah, you know, it 's the storm.
771
00:56:53,561 --> 00:56:56,359
I wouldn't mind cuddling
under the covers with somebody.
772
00:56:57,565 --> 00:56:59,430
You think Nick would mind?
773
00:57:03,270 --> 00:57:04,828
Fuck Nick.
774
00:57:05,740 --> 00:57:10,336
Is this storm getting worse,
or am I too drunk or...
775
00:57:12,013 --> 00:57:13,947
I have a theory.
776
00:57:14,682 --> 00:57:16,707
I think if we drank more...
777
00:57:16,917 --> 00:57:19,477
we might be able to maintain
perfect equilibrium.
778
00:57:19,687 --> 00:57:24,852
I'll try that in the pursuit
of science.
779
00:57:25,059 --> 00:57:26,720
I'll get us another round.
780
00:57:26,927 --> 00:57:28,758
I have a better idea.
781
00:57:29,397 --> 00:57:33,663
I have a fifty-year old bottle
of cognac in my room...
782
00:57:34,535 --> 00:57:37,993
...and I'm gonna go get it.
- I'll go with you.
783
00:57:38,472 --> 00:57:41,032
I could use the exercise.
784
00:57:43,844 --> 00:57:46,142
Jerry, we can get out
from under the covers.
785
00:57:46,347 --> 00:57:49,441
I think the storm was over,
like, half an hour ago.
786
00:57:50,618 --> 00:57:53,314
It was one hell of a storm, though.
787
00:57:54,522 --> 00:57:57,150
You know, I have something
you're gonna love.
788
00:57:58,859 --> 00:58:02,761
- Get ready to have an orgasm.
- What?
789
00:58:02,963 --> 00:58:04,658
Open wide.
790
00:58:08,235 --> 00:58:09,759
- Good?
- Yeah.
791
00:58:13,707 --> 00:58:17,165
- Do me.
- You're so lucky I'm gay.
792
00:58:27,855 --> 00:58:30,881
- Can I ask you something?
- Shoot.
793
00:58:31,525 --> 00:58:33,993
- How do you do it?
- Do what?
794
00:58:35,062 --> 00:58:37,690
- Give head.
- What?
795
00:58:37,998 --> 00:58:42,731
A blow job. I mean, do you start
on the tip of his penis?
796
00:58:43,137 --> 00:58:45,537
Or you stroke it
while you use your mouth?
797
00:58:45,739 --> 00:58:48,435
- Do you tickle the balls?
- Not everybody likes that.
798
00:58:49,577 --> 00:58:51,807
As a person who gives them
and receives them...
799
00:58:52,012 --> 00:58:54,446
you must know the perfect way.
Show me.
800
00:58:55,616 --> 00:58:57,049
What?
801
00:58:58,986 --> 00:59:00,715
Okay.
802
00:59:11,732 --> 00:59:13,563
You...
803
00:59:13,834 --> 00:59:15,893
It 's a little small.
804
00:59:16,770 --> 00:59:18,260
You know, I got an idea.
805
00:59:18,472 --> 00:59:22,499
Why don't you show me your
technique, and then I'll critique it.
806
00:59:24,345 --> 00:59:26,370
- Okay.
- Okay.
807
00:59:26,981 --> 00:59:28,744
- Okay.
- Okay.
808
00:59:30,384 --> 00:59:32,375
So look. First...
809
00:59:32,586 --> 00:59:37,319
I slowly lick the tip
with my tongue, right?
810
00:59:45,699 --> 00:59:47,724
- Right?
- That 's good.
811
00:59:47,935 --> 00:59:51,098
Then I gently go down
the shaft with my lips.
812
00:59:53,772 --> 00:59:56,536
And in time, I tickle the balls
813
00:59:57,100 --> 00:59:58,100
Very softly
814
00:59:58,742 --> 01:00:02,838
Then I twirl my tongue
all the way...
815
01:00:05,649 --> 01:00:07,810
back to the top.
816
01:00:08,218 --> 01:00:10,914
Then I wet my lips.
817
01:00:13,089 --> 01:00:15,319
I do a little playful nibbling.
818
01:00:17,814 --> 01:00:19,514
And then I slip into my mouth
819
01:00:23,461 --> 01:00:26,191
"Eso me encanta
porque es maravilloso."
820
01:00:27,065 --> 01:00:30,296
"Eu te amo, te amo."
821
01:00:32,437 --> 01:00:34,769
How's that?
Jerry?
822
01:00:35,006 --> 01:00:36,906
That 's fine!
823
01:00:41,012 --> 01:00:44,641
For goodness' sake, Lloyd.
At least kiss me first.
824
01:00:46,151 --> 01:00:49,211
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
825
01:00:52,190 --> 01:00:54,522
Now, where did I put that bag?
826
01:00:54,859 --> 01:00:56,918
I'm just going to lay down.
827
01:01:02,667 --> 01:01:04,658
Got it.
828
01:01:06,504 --> 01:01:08,938
Now, before we go
back up with the boys...
829
01:01:09,140 --> 01:01:11,802
what do you say
we do a couple of shots?
830
01:01:13,044 --> 01:01:16,411
You're a goddamned genius.
831
01:01:16,615 --> 01:01:18,173
Here you go.
832
01:02:12,804 --> 01:02:14,999
Oh...
833
01:02:15,206 --> 01:02:17,003
my...
834
01:02:17,208 --> 01:02:18,197
God!
835
01:02:28,153 --> 01:02:30,053
What are you doing?
836
01:02:30,355 --> 01:02:33,620
I have a horrible taste in my mouth,
Jerry, and I can't get rid of it.
837
01:02:33,825 --> 01:02:35,349
Did you eat something weird?
838
01:02:35,560 --> 01:02:36,959
Yeah.
839
01:02:37,796 --> 01:02:40,356
- I did a bad, bad thing, Jerry.
- What?
840
01:02:40,899 --> 01:02:43,424
You know how the sea air makes
you disoriented and there was...
841
01:02:43,635 --> 01:02:48,004
the drinking and the partying
and I slept with a man, Jerry.
842
01:02:50,141 --> 01:02:51,233
Very funny.
843
01:02:52,277 --> 01:02:53,676
No, it 's not.
844
01:02:53,878 --> 01:02:55,971
I just woke up in Ron's stateroom.
845
01:02:56,314 --> 01:02:58,077
- With Ron.
- What?
846
01:03:00,452 --> 01:03:02,545
I've chased a lot of women, Jerry.
847
01:03:02,754 --> 01:03:04,278
To be honest...
848
01:03:04,956 --> 01:03:08,392
I never actually scored with one
since I was a senior in high school...
849
01:03:08,593 --> 01:03:10,618
and then I had to promise
to marry her.
850
01:03:10,995 --> 01:03:13,657
A fifty-one year old
coffee shop waitress.
851
01:03:14,332 --> 01:03:16,562
And a stroke victim...
852
01:03:16,901 --> 01:03:18,596
with a fake leg...
853
01:03:19,170 --> 01:03:20,899
and a lazy eye...
854
01:03:21,206 --> 01:03:23,140
...and a mole with...
- I got it.
855
01:03:23,341 --> 01:03:25,070
What I'm trying to say is...
856
01:03:25,610 --> 01:03:29,273
maybe I'm meant to do more than
just play cards with these guys.
857
01:03:30,081 --> 01:03:34,415
I'm finally happy.
So happy.
858
01:03:35,453 --> 01:03:36,613
I'm gay.
859
01:03:36,821 --> 01:03:40,655
One, two, three, four...
860
01:03:40,859 --> 01:03:44,886
five, six, seven, eight.
861
01:03:45,096 --> 01:03:48,691
And one, two, three, four...
862
01:03:48,900 --> 01:03:52,199
five, six, seven, eight.
Good.
863
01:03:52,604 --> 01:03:53,969
Good work, guys. Good work.
864
01:03:54,172 --> 01:03:56,299
Hector, try not shaking
your ass so much.
865
01:03:56,508 --> 01:03:58,635
You mean in the dance,
or in real life?
866
01:03:59,911 --> 01:04:04,348
OK, guys. Thank you for coming. I'll
see you back here tonight at eleven.
867
01:04:04,549 --> 01:04:07,245
Jerry, you are looking
fierce up there.
868
01:04:09,954 --> 01:04:12,320
I can't remember when
I've had this much fun.
869
01:04:13,124 --> 01:04:14,819
You know, you're just great.
870
01:04:15,093 --> 01:04:16,355
Hey!
871
01:04:17,362 --> 01:04:19,421
- Are you gonna go to the island?
- I am.
872
01:04:19,631 --> 01:04:21,030
Do you want me to be
your tour guide?
873
01:04:21,232 --> 01:04:22,790
I know the island very well.
874
01:04:23,001 --> 01:04:26,095
- That would be yummy.
- Yummy.
875
01:04:26,304 --> 01:04:27,635
Let 's go.
876
01:04:38,516 --> 01:04:41,974
Nicholas... I was beginning
to wonder about you.
877
01:04:42,253 --> 01:04:46,747
I'm glad to see you finally got that
luscious full figure frame of yours...
878
01:04:46,958 --> 01:04:49,984
...in the right dinghy.
- It 's amazing.
879
01:04:50,195 --> 01:04:54,291
A day ago I would've punched you in
the face for saying a thing like that.
880
01:04:54,566 --> 01:04:56,158
- This place is paradise.
- Oh, yeah.
881
01:04:56,367 --> 01:04:58,130
- We're gonna have an awesome time.
- I'll say.
882
01:04:58,336 --> 01:05:01,328
I can already feel the men around here
undressing me with their eyes.
883
01:05:02,240 --> 01:05:04,970
- Hungry? Want something to eat?
- Nope. I have a better idea.
884
01:05:05,176 --> 01:05:07,371
- Let 's go exploring first.
- Great.
885
01:05:08,546 --> 01:05:11,447
Daddy, thanks so much for finding
out where Jerry is for me.
886
01:05:11,649 --> 01:05:13,708
Yeah, I'm sure things are gonna
work out, too.
887
01:05:13,918 --> 01:05:15,613
Bye-bye. Love you, Daddy.
888
01:05:16,221 --> 01:05:17,779
How do I get
to the Olympic Voyager?
889
01:05:17,989 --> 01:05:18,978
Right this way, madam.
890
01:05:19,190 --> 01:05:21,988
Be careful with those bags. They're
worth more than you make in a year.
891
01:05:22,927 --> 01:05:26,226
Bon voyage... bitch.
892
01:05:27,599 --> 01:05:31,057
- Hi Nick. How you doing?
- Hey, fine.
893
01:05:31,269 --> 01:05:33,294
I'm not sore, or anything.
894
01:05:33,505 --> 01:05:35,234
Hey buddy, about last night...
895
01:05:36,040 --> 01:05:39,271
I understand why it happened.
I mean, I'm pretty charismatic.
896
01:05:39,477 --> 01:05:43,470
If the moon hits me in just the right
way, I can look pretty damn tasty.
897
01:05:44,148 --> 01:05:48,642
You're okay too, but I just really
rather we stay friends.
898
01:05:49,053 --> 01:05:51,112
Alright. Me too, Nick.
899
01:05:51,322 --> 01:05:52,311
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
900
01:05:52,524 --> 01:05:53,821
- Wow.
- Yeah.
901
01:05:54,025 --> 01:05:56,186
If I had said that to a chick,
she'd be a total mess right now.
902
01:05:56,794 --> 01:05:58,125
I'm starting to see the upside
to this whole thing.
903
01:05:58,329 --> 01:06:01,264
You do what Sonya says, teamYou do what Sonya says
904
01:06:01,466 --> 01:06:02,455
One, two, three, four.
905
01:06:02,667 --> 01:06:05,966
Woke upwith no tanning creamNow you're off the tanning team
906
01:06:06,170 --> 01:06:10,504
- One, two, three, four.
- Coach, it 's the Hawaiian Tropic team.
907
01:06:27,926 --> 01:06:29,723
Hey, break it up, ladies! Come on!
908
01:06:29,928 --> 01:06:32,522
Come on! Take it easy!
909
01:06:32,931 --> 01:06:35,297
Break it up! Break it up!
910
01:06:35,533 --> 01:06:37,330
Save it for the tanning competition!
911
01:06:37,535 --> 01:06:41,301
Bad! You are bad.
Now everybody move out! Now!
912
01:06:47,679 --> 01:06:50,944
Okay, girls.
Get your heinies on the donkeys.
913
01:06:51,215 --> 01:06:52,842
Now.
914
01:06:53,985 --> 01:06:55,680
Nick.
915
01:06:56,988 --> 01:07:00,355
I just wanted to say goodbye.
I'm going to the airport now.
916
01:07:00,558 --> 01:07:03,857
Inga, it was great almost
knowing you.
917
01:07:04,062 --> 01:07:06,963
Nick, if you're ever near
Gettzem�llersteigen, Sweden...
918
01:07:07,165 --> 01:07:11,226
...I would love to see you again.
- I don't think so, baby.
919
01:07:11,436 --> 01:07:13,063
I don't think this is gonna work out.
920
01:07:13,671 --> 01:07:16,367
But, I thought you liked me, Nick.
921
01:07:17,742 --> 01:07:21,576
- I'm confused.
- So am I. You don't even know.
922
01:07:21,946 --> 01:07:24,574
You better hurry.
You have an ass to catch.
923
01:07:27,585 --> 01:07:29,382
And you...
924
01:07:29,587 --> 01:07:30,884
Hey.
925
01:07:33,691 --> 01:07:35,852
And go.
926
01:07:38,096 --> 01:07:40,257
Oh, it feels good.
927
01:07:42,066 --> 01:07:45,126
Hey, Nick. About last night...
928
01:07:45,336 --> 01:07:47,531
you don't think
anything happened, do you?
929
01:07:48,206 --> 01:07:51,437
- What do you think happened?
- Nothing.
930
01:07:51,643 --> 01:07:54,077
You and I drank too much
and then fell asleep.
931
01:07:54,278 --> 01:07:56,439
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
932
01:07:57,248 --> 01:07:59,739
Inga!
933
01:08:02,153 --> 01:08:04,144
Inga!
934
01:08:04,522 --> 01:08:06,615
Well, I think we lost
that one forever.
935
01:08:06,824 --> 01:08:08,655
A lot of potential in that boy.
936
01:08:08,860 --> 01:08:10,987
He could've been
one of the great ones.
937
01:08:11,663 --> 01:08:14,655
I saw in him
what I saw in Elton John.
938
01:10:01,041 --> 01:10:03,168
Had your Vitamin C today?
939
01:10:04,878 --> 01:10:08,336
You know, you really make me laugh.
940
01:10:13,153 --> 01:10:15,018
I'm so glad we met.
941
01:10:18,224 --> 01:10:19,714
You know...
942
01:10:19,926 --> 01:10:24,454
it really is a shame
to let this place go to waste.
943
01:10:25,732 --> 01:10:27,165
Just a friendly kiss?
944
01:10:32,105 --> 01:10:34,369
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
945
01:10:34,841 --> 01:10:36,672
I don't want to feel like I am...
946
01:10:36,876 --> 01:10:39,276
pressuring you into doing something
you don't want to do.
947
01:10:39,746 --> 01:10:41,941
I want to do this very badly.
948
01:10:42,148 --> 01:10:43,843
- Really?
- Yes.
949
01:10:44,250 --> 01:10:46,582
So, let me be your guide.
950
01:10:47,487 --> 01:10:50,854
And I promise I'm gonna be gentle.
951
01:10:51,057 --> 01:10:52,615
I'm gonna be patient.
952
01:10:52,826 --> 01:10:56,853
And I'm going to take it
very, very slowly.
953
01:10:57,063 --> 01:10:58,792
Great.
954
01:11:26,326 --> 01:11:28,317
Jerry... Jerry...
955
01:11:28,762 --> 01:11:31,629
You're a really quick stud.
956
01:11:33,032 --> 01:11:35,057
That 's enough foreplay.
957
01:11:37,103 --> 01:11:40,732
Excuse me. Could you ring
Jerry Robinson's room, please?
958
01:11:41,107 --> 01:11:42,870
Certainly.
959
01:11:50,650 --> 01:11:52,880
No one seems
to be answering, ma'am.
960
01:11:53,086 --> 01:11:54,678
Could you give me his room number?
961
01:11:55,054 --> 01:11:57,454
I'm sorry, we're not allowed
to divulge that information.
962
01:11:57,657 --> 01:11:59,284
Would you like to leave a message?
963
01:11:59,526 --> 01:12:02,859
No, thanks.
I want to surprise him.
964
01:12:04,230 --> 01:12:05,857
Thank you.
965
01:12:16,442 --> 01:12:18,501
You wanna have dinner
with me tonight?
966
01:12:20,246 --> 01:12:23,147
- No.
- Why not?
967
01:12:25,051 --> 01:12:28,646
Because I'm falling in love
with you.
968
01:12:29,756 --> 01:12:31,747
You are?
969
01:12:31,991 --> 01:12:33,618
Yes, I am.
970
01:12:33,827 --> 01:12:38,321
Of all the dumb, boneheaded, romantic
moves I've made over the years...
971
01:12:38,531 --> 01:12:41,830
...this will be the dumbest.
- Now wait a minute.
972
01:12:42,035 --> 01:12:45,300
- This could work.
- How do you think it 's gonna work?
973
01:12:45,538 --> 01:12:47,733
I cannot make you into something
you're not, Jerry.
974
01:12:47,941 --> 01:12:52,605
I do that with every man
I fall for and it has to stop.
975
01:12:54,781 --> 01:12:58,581
- Besides, you already have someone.
- No, I don't.
976
01:12:58,885 --> 01:13:00,648
What about Nick?
977
01:13:04,824 --> 01:13:07,088
That 's just physical.
978
01:13:07,861 --> 01:13:11,695
Listen, I have to accept
who you really are.
979
01:13:11,898 --> 01:13:13,695
I really want to be alone right now.
980
01:13:49,636 --> 01:13:52,127
- Hi.
- Hi.
981
01:13:52,872 --> 01:13:55,306
It 's kind of nice
seeing another woman aboard.
982
01:13:55,508 --> 01:13:56,907
Tell me about it.
983
01:13:57,110 --> 01:13:59,840
All I've seen are men.
Most of them gay.
984
01:14:00,046 --> 01:14:01,809
Well, it is a gay cruise.
985
01:14:04,951 --> 01:14:07,283
- What did you just say?
- You didn't know?
986
01:14:07,487 --> 01:14:11,014
No! I came on board to get back
together with my boyfriend.
987
01:14:11,224 --> 01:14:14,853
I don't get it! Why in the world
would he be on a gay...
988
01:14:19,732 --> 01:14:21,563
Good luck.
989
01:14:22,135 --> 01:14:23,602
Thanks.
990
01:14:23,970 --> 01:14:25,301
We're just gonna put them
on the stage.
991
01:14:25,505 --> 01:14:27,029
Hector!
992
01:14:29,676 --> 01:14:31,576
- Have you seen Gabriella?
- No, I've been looking for her myself.
993
01:14:31,778 --> 01:14:34,941
Everything is falling apart.
The music is not ready.
994
01:14:35,148 --> 01:14:38,140
Victor, the lead dancer, is seasick.
995
01:14:39,018 --> 01:14:43,318
And look at my costume!
It hangs. It 's supposed to drape!
996
01:14:43,923 --> 01:14:46,892
OK, if you see Gabriella, could you
give her this message for me, please?
997
01:14:50,196 --> 01:14:51,788
How could I've been so blind?
998
01:14:51,998 --> 01:14:54,262
I mean, the signs were right
in front of my eyes.
999
01:14:55,501 --> 01:15:00,962
Foreign films... grab a convertible.
Gourmet mustards.
1000
01:15:03,142 --> 01:15:07,875
Wait... maybe he's only curious.
1001
01:15:08,081 --> 01:15:10,641
I mean, there was that
one time when I was in college...
1002
01:15:11,351 --> 01:15:14,377
my roommate Bianca and I,
we shared a Jacuzzi.
1003
01:15:16,823 --> 01:15:19,291
That got kinda hot.
1004
01:15:22,962 --> 01:15:26,398
- I got to go, pal. Keep the change.
- Thanks.
1005
01:15:29,068 --> 01:15:35,997
Think twice before youblow the man down!
1006
01:15:37,877 --> 01:15:41,176
Get everybody ready for the next
number. They have less than a minute.
1007
01:15:43,683 --> 01:15:45,082
What?
1008
01:15:45,785 --> 01:15:49,619
Nobody told me Victor was too sick
to dance. Who's gonna be the lead?
1009
01:15:50,023 --> 01:15:54,824
I' m comingComin' out
1010
01:15:57,630 --> 01:16:01,862
I' m comin' out
1011
01:16:02,769 --> 01:16:04,600
Oh, my God.
1012
01:16:05,405 --> 01:16:06,963
I' m comin' out
1013
01:16:07,974 --> 01:16:12,172
lwant the world to knowGot to let it show
1014
01:16:13,579 --> 01:16:15,672
I' m comin' out
1015
01:16:15,882 --> 01:16:18,316
lwant the world to know
1016
01:16:18,518 --> 01:16:20,281
Got to let it show
1017
01:16:21,387 --> 01:16:26,757
I' m comin' out
1018
01:16:29,328 --> 01:16:31,159
There's a new me coming out
1019
01:16:31,364 --> 01:16:34,891
And I just have to liveAnd I just wanna give
1020
01:16:35,101 --> 01:16:37,160
I' m completely positive
1021
01:16:37,370 --> 01:16:41,136
I think this time aroundI am gonna do it
1022
01:16:41,340 --> 01:16:43,001
Like you never knew it
1023
01:16:43,209 --> 01:16:45,473
I' II make it through
1024
01:16:45,912 --> 01:16:49,404
The time has come for meTo break out of a shell
1025
01:16:49,916 --> 01:16:53,215
I have to shoutThat I am coming out
1026
01:16:53,853 --> 01:16:55,286
I' m comin' out
1027
01:16:55,955 --> 01:16:57,923
lwant the world to know
1028
01:16:58,257 --> 01:17:00,020
Got to let it show
1029
01:17:01,561 --> 01:17:03,791
I' m comin' out
1030
01:17:03,996 --> 01:17:05,930
lwant the world to know
1031
01:17:06,132 --> 01:17:08,293
Got to let it show
1032
01:17:09,769 --> 01:17:14,035
I' m comin' out
1033
01:17:17,510 --> 01:17:19,705
I' m comin' out
1034
01:17:19,912 --> 01:17:21,880
lwant the world to know
1035
01:17:22,348 --> 01:17:23,872
Got to let it show
1036
01:17:25,585 --> 01:17:27,382
I' m comin' out
1037
01:17:27,587 --> 01:17:29,578
lwant the world to know
1038
01:17:30,656 --> 01:17:32,817
Got to let it show
1039
01:17:33,726 --> 01:17:35,785
I' m comin' out
1040
01:17:36,162 --> 01:17:38,130
lwant the world to know
1041
01:17:38,331 --> 01:17:40,094
Got to let it show
1042
01:17:41,501 --> 01:17:43,833
I' m comin' out
1043
01:17:44,036 --> 01:17:46,004
lwant the world to know
1044
01:17:46,205 --> 01:17:48,503
Got to let it show
1045
01:17:54,380 --> 01:17:57,816
- Cocksucker!
- Felicia!
1046
01:18:00,786 --> 01:18:02,981
I was talking to him.
1047
01:18:06,359 --> 01:18:08,054
Felicia!
1048
01:18:09,862 --> 01:18:13,127
- Felicia! What are you doing here?
- Don't even talk to me.
1049
01:18:13,332 --> 01:18:16,358
- I feel so humiliated.
- Well, how did you find me?
1050
01:18:16,569 --> 01:18:18,196
What were you thinking about
when we were making love, Jerry?
1051
01:18:18,404 --> 01:18:21,032
- Cabana Boys?
- Hey, I am not gay.
1052
01:18:21,240 --> 01:18:23,834
And to think
I wanted to be your wife!
1053
01:18:24,544 --> 01:18:26,011
What?
1054
01:18:26,679 --> 01:18:28,670
I really missed you, Jerry.
1055
01:18:28,981 --> 01:18:31,245
All the special times we had.
We complemented each other.
1056
01:18:31,450 --> 01:18:33,350
We could've built a life together.
1057
01:18:34,187 --> 01:18:36,052
- Build a life together?
- Yes!
1058
01:18:36,255 --> 01:18:39,691
- What about Andr�, the buffer boy?
- It was just a fling.
1059
01:18:39,892 --> 01:18:43,293
A horrible, thoughtless,
insensitive mistake.
1060
01:18:43,563 --> 01:18:45,861
But it showed me
what I really wanted, Jerry.
1061
01:18:46,065 --> 01:18:48,829
A stable, decent man who would
always be there for me.
1062
01:18:50,169 --> 01:18:51,761
And I thought that that was you.
1063
01:18:52,538 --> 01:18:54,472
What are you saying?
You want to get back together?
1064
01:18:54,774 --> 01:18:56,332
Well, I did.
1065
01:18:56,576 --> 01:18:58,271
Before I found out
that you were gay.
1066
01:19:00,046 --> 01:19:02,207
How could you think I'm gay?
1067
01:19:02,481 --> 01:19:05,245
You're standing there preening
like a gay peacock...
1068
01:19:05,451 --> 01:19:07,442
and you don't want me to think
you're tutti-frutti?
1069
01:19:07,653 --> 01:19:12,556
For heaven's sake, Felicia. I'm not
gay and I never have been gay.
1070
01:19:12,758 --> 01:19:15,124
Then why the hell
are you on this boat?
1071
01:19:15,328 --> 01:19:19,094
Nick! Nick and I got on
this cruise by mistake.
1072
01:19:19,298 --> 01:19:22,699
And then I met this girl
and she assumed I was gay!
1073
01:19:22,902 --> 01:19:25,496
And then I stupidly went along
with it because...
1074
01:19:27,240 --> 01:19:28,639
She's behind me, isn't she?
1075
01:19:35,147 --> 01:19:36,637
How could you?
1076
01:19:37,850 --> 01:19:39,681
Gabriella, I'm sorry.
1077
01:19:40,586 --> 01:19:43,817
- I tried to tell you.
- You're an asshole, Jerry.
1078
01:19:48,995 --> 01:19:50,223
Not again!
1079
01:19:55,001 --> 01:19:58,061
That was the girl
I was talking about.
1080
01:19:58,704 --> 01:20:01,969
Well, looks like you
had a dumb fling yourself.
1081
01:20:02,241 --> 01:20:05,142
I'll tell you what.
If you can forgive me...
1082
01:20:05,344 --> 01:20:07,369
I can certainly forgive you.
1083
01:20:07,647 --> 01:20:11,447
And we can get married
just like you always wanted, Jerry.
1084
01:20:11,851 --> 01:20:15,617
I love you, baby.
What do you say?
1085
01:20:17,957 --> 01:20:18,548
Great.
1086
01:20:18,758 --> 01:20:22,250
Now one of the bride and groom
staring at each other lovingly.
1087
01:20:23,329 --> 01:20:26,594
- You look so beautiful.
- Thank you.
1088
01:20:27,199 --> 01:20:31,397
Why don't we both look beautiful?
Take out that earring.
1089
01:21:14,938 --> 01:21:16,906
Felicia is good for me.
1090
01:21:21,478 --> 01:21:25,209
She planned this entire wedding,
all by herself.
1091
01:21:26,450 --> 01:21:29,044
Got me a great job
with her father.
1092
01:21:30,020 --> 01:21:33,080
Got us a new apartment. Picked out
all the linens and plates.
1093
01:21:33,657 --> 01:21:37,252
And as a wedding gift, she gave me
an entire new wardrobe.
1094
01:21:39,930 --> 01:21:43,127
Yep, the only decision I have left
to make for the rest of my life...
1095
01:21:43,334 --> 01:21:45,928
is whether I want to be
buried or cremated.
1096
01:21:46,136 --> 01:21:48,036
No. I take that back.
1097
01:21:48,439 --> 01:21:51,101
We're being buried side by side.
She told me this morning.
1098
01:22:10,127 --> 01:22:12,095
Hey, Jerry, I'm sorry I'm late.
1099
01:22:12,296 --> 01:22:14,491
I had a little bit of a
personal crisis this morning.
1100
01:22:14,698 --> 01:22:16,393
- Is everything alright, pastor?
- Fine, fine.
1101
01:22:16,600 --> 01:22:19,899
Just I had a few personal issues
I had to clarify, but...
1102
01:22:20,104 --> 01:22:22,004
It 's your big day.
Nothing's going to spoil it.
1103
01:22:22,206 --> 01:22:24,071
Glad to see
you finally made it, reverend.
1104
01:22:24,341 --> 01:22:27,367
I got a string quartet back at the
Hyatt about to go into golden time.
1105
01:22:27,644 --> 01:22:29,441
- Congratulations, sir.
- Thank you.
1106
01:22:30,581 --> 01:22:32,310
- They're friends of yours, Jerry?
- Yes, sir.
1107
01:22:32,516 --> 01:22:34,040
I met them on the cruise.
1108
01:22:34,952 --> 01:22:37,386
So you accidentally hopped onto
the Guytanic, too?
1109
01:22:37,788 --> 01:22:40,985
- How's it going?
- I guess not.
1110
01:22:41,692 --> 01:22:44,559
Jerry, I'm gonna keep
my eye on you.
1111
01:22:45,729 --> 01:22:48,892
- What 's up, guys?
- Nick, come here. It 's important.
1112
01:22:51,835 --> 01:22:55,396
There is no more sacred contract
than the bond of marriage.
1113
01:22:56,073 --> 01:23:01,136
And no more spiritual union than
that between a man and a woman.
1114
01:23:02,179 --> 01:23:04,511
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today...
1115
01:23:04,882 --> 01:23:10,582
to bring this man and this woman
together in the eyes of...
1116
01:23:12,790 --> 01:23:14,758
in the eyes of...
1117
01:23:16,026 --> 01:23:17,550
God?
1118
01:23:17,761 --> 01:23:20,889
- God, yeah, that 's what you say.
- No, that 's what you say.
1119
01:23:21,598 --> 01:23:25,090
Yeah, well I used to
until recently. I mean...
1120
01:23:25,903 --> 01:23:28,394
if there was a God would He
allow my wife to run off...
1121
01:23:28,605 --> 01:23:31,005
with a non-union contractor who
overcharged me for a bay window?
1122
01:23:31,208 --> 01:23:34,837
But that 's my problem, I'm sorry, and
it 's your day. I'm sorry. Where was I?
1123
01:23:35,045 --> 01:23:38,742
A happy marriage is the
perfect human relationship.
1124
01:23:39,116 --> 01:23:43,485
A setting in which each partner
feels free to be as he or she is...
1125
01:23:43,687 --> 01:23:46,121
under God's bountiful nature.
1126
01:23:46,824 --> 01:23:50,123
That same nature that allowed
the number 547 PIN code...
1127
01:23:50,727 --> 01:23:53,662
to screw me in a photo.
I'm sorry, where was I?
1128
01:23:54,832 --> 01:23:59,394
If there's anyone present who feels
that these two people should not...
1129
01:23:59,603 --> 01:24:02,037
...be joined together in matrimony...
- Come on.
1130
01:24:02,239 --> 01:24:05,265
...let them speak now,
or forever hold their peace.
1131
01:24:11,148 --> 01:24:12,308
Okay, fine.
1132
01:24:12,516 --> 01:24:16,282
Jerry, then, if there's no objection,
turn to Felicia and repeat after me.
1133
01:24:17,955 --> 01:24:19,286
I, Jerry...
1134
01:24:19,556 --> 01:24:21,080
take you, Felicia...
1135
01:24:21,291 --> 01:24:25,455
...to be my lawful-wedded...
- Stop! Wait! Time out! Time out!
1136
01:24:25,662 --> 01:24:29,598
- Nick! What are you doing?
- I have to say something.
1137
01:24:30,000 --> 01:24:32,468
If I didn't speak now,
I could never live with myself.
1138
01:24:33,036 --> 01:24:34,663
A couple of weeks ago...
1139
01:24:34,872 --> 01:24:37,739
Jerry and I took a cruise together.
1140
01:24:38,408 --> 01:24:40,842
It wasn't the cruise
we intended to take, but...
1141
01:24:41,211 --> 01:24:45,580
it was good we got in the wrong boat
because it changed our lives forever.
1142
01:24:45,849 --> 01:24:50,513
Jerry, if you marry Felicia today,
it will end up in disaster.
1143
01:24:50,921 --> 01:24:54,721
You need to be with the person
you fell in love with on that boat.
1144
01:24:55,726 --> 01:25:02,131
And I know it,
because that person is me.
1145
01:25:06,470 --> 01:25:08,700
How much of that pot
did you smoke?
1146
01:25:08,939 --> 01:25:10,930
I know where Gabriella is.
If you hurry we can catch her.
1147
01:25:12,142 --> 01:25:14,610
Jerry?
What the hell is wrong with you?
1148
01:25:14,878 --> 01:25:19,178
You can't humiliate me like this!
My dad is gonna kill you!
1149
01:25:19,583 --> 01:25:22,711
- Come on, Rocco! Come on, boy!
- Daddy!
1150
01:25:22,920 --> 01:25:25,320
Come on, move! Move!
1151
01:25:26,290 --> 01:25:28,315
Daddy, do something!
1152
01:25:30,928 --> 01:25:32,691
- Where's your car?
- We're not taking my car.
1153
01:25:32,896 --> 01:25:34,693
We'd never make it across town
in this traffic.
1154
01:25:37,467 --> 01:25:38,661
Boys! Boys!
1155
01:25:43,607 --> 01:25:47,338
- Hector! You're a fireman!
- Yes!
1156
01:25:48,145 --> 01:25:50,010
I'm December in our calendar.
1157
01:25:53,050 --> 01:25:55,416
Thank you, Ernie, dear.
1158
01:25:55,619 --> 01:25:56,847
Call me!
1159
01:26:02,459 --> 01:26:04,086
So where is Gabriella?
1160
01:26:04,361 --> 01:26:06,591
She signed up
to work another cruise.
1161
01:26:06,964 --> 01:26:10,400
- When does she leave port?
- Two hours ago!
1162
01:26:10,734 --> 01:26:12,201
Two hours ago?
1163
01:26:12,703 --> 01:26:15,934
And how am I supposed
to find her in the ocean?
1164
01:26:21,778 --> 01:26:23,109
I can't do this!
1165
01:26:23,614 --> 01:26:27,277
- I get motion sickness!
- Yes, you can. Come on, Jerry.
1166
01:26:27,484 --> 01:26:29,384
You're about to be united
with the woman you love.
1167
01:26:29,586 --> 01:26:30,883
What do you think?
1168
01:26:33,490 --> 01:26:36,721
Why don't you calm down?
You are in very, very good hands.
1169
01:26:37,260 --> 01:26:39,023
Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
1170
01:26:39,429 --> 01:26:43,525
I know you only think of me
as a hard-partying old queen...
1171
01:26:43,734 --> 01:26:47,898
but for your information, I spent
32 years in the Armed Forces...
1172
01:26:48,105 --> 01:26:51,541
serving Her Majesty,
the real Queen.
1173
01:26:52,142 --> 01:26:54,508
I've seen action in five different
theaters of war...
1174
01:26:54,711 --> 01:26:58,807
I've made over 49O drops,
23 over hostile territory.
1175
01:26:59,016 --> 01:27:04,044
I'm what you colonials might call
a bad-assed motherfucker...
1176
01:27:04,254 --> 01:27:06,313
who also happens
to be an expert...
1177
01:27:06,523 --> 01:27:09,856
in the delicate art
of Japanese flower arranging.
1178
01:27:11,328 --> 01:27:13,091
Over the target, captain.
1179
01:27:13,597 --> 01:27:15,588
Right! It 's now, or never.
1180
01:27:17,234 --> 01:27:20,101
Come on, Jerry, get out there!
Jump out!
1181
01:27:20,303 --> 01:27:21,292
I can't do this!
1182
01:27:21,738 --> 01:27:25,105
- Go get her, Jerry!
- This is a bad idea!
1183
01:27:29,379 --> 01:27:32,678
Wait, I'm gonna be sick.
I mean it!
1184
01:27:34,651 --> 01:27:36,312
I felt that one.
1185
01:27:36,520 --> 01:27:39,011
Good Lord,
you're a crybaby.
1186
01:27:40,557 --> 01:27:43,993
Five, six, seven, eight. Kick!
1187
01:27:44,194 --> 01:27:46,685
Back! Head, up, down.
1188
01:27:46,897 --> 01:27:48,387
One more time.
1189
01:27:48,598 --> 01:27:51,624
Kick! Back!
Head, up, down.
1190
01:27:51,835 --> 01:27:54,702
I want it sassy, now. Come on.
Kick! Pli�.
1191
01:27:55,005 --> 01:27:57,667
Head, up, down.
And Kick! Pli�!
1192
01:27:57,874 --> 01:28:00,809
I'm not a person
who likes heights!
1193
01:28:01,645 --> 01:28:04,671
I don't feel so good.
I don't feel so good.
1194
01:28:07,150 --> 01:28:09,311
I hate this!
1195
01:28:13,256 --> 01:28:14,382
What is that?
1196
01:28:14,825 --> 01:28:17,191
- I don't like it!
- We're over the target.
1197
01:28:17,861 --> 01:28:20,056
- Prepare for release!
- Release!
1198
01:28:25,268 --> 01:28:26,599
We did it!
1199
01:28:27,471 --> 01:28:28,938
I'm so excited.
1200
01:28:29,139 --> 01:28:33,007
If truth be told, I'm more
than a little excited myself.
1201
01:28:34,111 --> 01:28:35,942
Unhook me, please.
1202
01:28:36,847 --> 01:28:38,576
I don't believe this.
1203
01:28:38,782 --> 01:28:40,306
Help, please.
1204
01:28:40,517 --> 01:28:42,382
This time, I'm gonna
let you drown.
1205
01:28:42,686 --> 01:28:44,517
You're gonna have to drag me
over to the deep end...
1206
01:28:44,721 --> 01:28:46,780
'cause it 's only about
three and a half feet over here.
1207
01:28:47,157 --> 01:28:48,385
What are you doing here?
1208
01:28:48,592 --> 01:28:52,653
I was in the neighbourhood,
so I figured I'd just drop in.
1209
01:28:54,464 --> 01:28:57,627
- Goodbye.
- Gabriella, wait, please.
1210
01:29:02,873 --> 01:29:05,103
I thought I was being
reasonably clever...
1211
01:29:05,308 --> 01:29:08,106
considering I just dropped
1,5OO feet out of an airplane.
1212
01:29:08,545 --> 01:29:10,536
Why did you bother?
1213
01:29:23,059 --> 01:29:25,323
Because I love you.
1214
01:29:25,529 --> 01:29:27,019
Who loves me?
1215
01:29:27,230 --> 01:29:29,425
Gay Jerry as a friend?
1216
01:29:29,633 --> 01:29:33,626
Or is this straight, lying,
deceitful Jerry?
1217
01:29:37,174 --> 01:29:39,608
You've never met this Jerry.
1218
01:29:39,810 --> 01:29:42,335
This is the extremely sorry...
1219
01:29:42,546 --> 01:29:45,538
unbelievably heartbroken
because you left me...
1220
01:29:45,782 --> 01:29:47,613
who'll do anything to get you
to forgive me...
1221
01:29:47,818 --> 01:29:50,685
because I want to spend the rest
of my life with you Jerry.
1222
01:29:52,789 --> 01:29:54,723
Well, you listen to me, Jerry.
1223
01:29:54,925 --> 01:29:56,950
Just because you dropped
out of the sky...
1224
01:29:57,260 --> 01:29:59,319
and made this grand,
romantic gesture...
1225
01:29:59,529 --> 01:30:01,895
doesn't mean that I'm going to
automatically run into your arms.
1226
01:30:02,098 --> 01:30:03,895
Do you understand that?
1227
01:30:04,267 --> 01:30:05,325
- Yes.
- Good.
1228
01:30:09,039 --> 01:30:12,338
Okay, I'm probably going to. But you
shouldn't automatically expect it...
1229
01:30:12,576 --> 01:30:14,339
because if we're going to have
the kind of relationship...
1230
01:30:14,544 --> 01:30:17,104
that one day you're going
to be making up these fantasies...
1231
01:30:22,185 --> 01:30:26,986
Don't you ever,
ever lie to me again.
1232
01:30:27,190 --> 01:30:28,782
I swear.
1233
01:30:38,034 --> 01:30:40,093
I'll never understand it.
1234
01:30:40,303 --> 01:30:42,271
Neither will I.
1235
01:31:00,857 --> 01:31:02,552
Inga!
1236
01:31:05,362 --> 01:31:06,727
Inga...
1237
01:31:06,930 --> 01:31:08,488
Inga...
1238
01:31:08,698 --> 01:31:10,290
Inga...
1239
01:31:26,983 --> 01:31:29,577
My God! My God!
1240
01:31:31,488 --> 01:31:34,480
I'm Nick Ragoni.
I'm a friend of your daughter Inga.
1241
01:31:35,025 --> 01:31:37,585
I've travelled 12 thousand miles
to surprise her.
1242
01:31:37,894 --> 01:31:40,385
You poor thing. You look frozen.
Let me help you up.
1243
01:31:43,266 --> 01:31:45,029
Let me and my son help you up.
1244
01:31:45,235 --> 01:31:47,169
- Johann, come over here.
- Ja.
1245
01:31:49,506 --> 01:31:50,973
Come on.
1246
01:31:51,775 --> 01:31:55,768
This man is obviously
a fan of smorgasbord.
1247
01:31:56,846 --> 01:31:58,245
Ingmar, what 's going on?
1248
01:31:58,448 --> 01:32:01,576
Mother, he is an American friend
of Inga's.
1249
01:32:02,786 --> 01:32:05,380
I hope you didn't go too much
trouble to get here.
1250
01:32:05,588 --> 01:32:07,180
- Inga's not home.
- What?
1251
01:32:07,390 --> 01:32:09,881
She's gone to Italy
on a modelling assignment.
1252
01:32:10,093 --> 01:32:12,152
Won't be back for three months.
1253
01:32:12,362 --> 01:32:17,959
- Oh God, no. I can't believe it.
- You poor boy. You look so cold.
1254
01:32:18,234 --> 01:32:21,169
You'll join us for dinner.
Bridgit?
1255
01:32:21,371 --> 01:32:23,532
Get this man some soup
from the stove.
1256
01:32:26,343 --> 01:32:29,437
Now this is Bridgit.
She wants to be a bikini model...
1257
01:32:29,646 --> 01:32:32,080
...just like her big sister.
- Nice to meet you.
1258
01:32:33,083 --> 01:32:36,348
And Bridgit 's coach will be
joining us for dinner, too.
1259
01:32:44,728 --> 01:32:46,662
Nicholas.
1260
01:32:46,200 --> 01:32:48,430
We meet again.
1261
01:32:47,263 --> 01:32:48,855
Hello.
1262
01:32:49,305 --> 01:33:49,505
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