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1
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,399
Where IS she?
2
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,479
She's a superagent. A legend.
3
00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:44,119
Yeah, but do you think she gets
invited to a lot of school plays?
4
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,199
How do you think they found Daniel
Radcliffe, Emma Watson, La Lohan?
5
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,519
The difference is they were kids.
You're literally a grown-arse man.
6
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:54,319
Yeah. This school play is
being colonised by a teacher.
7
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,159
You've turned it into an audition.
8
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,839
Oh, haters!
9
00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:01,199
This is why I don't explain myself
to civilians.
10
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,559
This is not an audition,
it's a showcase.
11
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,359
The poster is
just a picture of you.
12
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,879
There's literally a picture of every
single one of you on that poster.
13
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,159
It don't look like a play.
14
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:14,239
It looks like you've died and we've
just done a fun run to remember you.
15
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,439
I'm sick of these low-rent gigs!
I need a new agent!
16
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,119
Warren did his best for you, sir.
17
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,999
Warren got me reading at a church,
hmm?
18
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,719
To be fair, they paid cash.
19
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,160
That was the collection plate.
20
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,679
GASPS SHARPLY
21
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,040
She's here!
22
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:31,639
She actually came!
23
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,879
Um, don't sound so surprised.
I am manifesting good things!
24
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,840
Oh! I'm gonna give the children live
tonight!
25
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:39,759
Um, where's Blessing?
26
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,959
Oh, she's with Mitchell
coming back from football.
27
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,559
They got merked 27-0.
28
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:48,239
OK. I don't want any drama,
so, Warren, find Blessing.
29
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,440
You lot - costume.
30
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,679
Enjoy.
31
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,199
Er, kids don't go free.
Thank you. Lovely.
32
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,559
There you are.
33
00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,159
Sir?
34
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,559
Keep smiling
in case they're watching us,
35
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:01,959
cos this is Pizzagate
36
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,799
with some 5G stuffed crust.
37
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:08,559
That school that was playing us at
football - half of them are ex-pros.
38
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,959
I KNEW I recognised that keeper
off Match Of The Day.
39
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,399
That school don't even exist!
40
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,239
Hoburn said
her mate was a teacher there.
41
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,480
I should've smelt a rat,
she ain't got mates.
42
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:20,199
So who's this lot, then?
43
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,199
She made them watch the football
with her too.
44
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:25,079
They're the school governors.
That's the Bishop of Tring.
45
00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:27,639
And there's our local MP.
46
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:32,679
I am so sorry you had to witness
that atrocity, Minister. 27-0!
47
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,759
Bernadette, if there's
one thing I know about,
48
00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,119
it's fickle mistresses,
and football is one of them.
49
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,199
Oh, no, please,
don't make excuses for me.
50
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,000
I accept full responsibility
for our defeat.
51
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,320
That woman wouldn't cop to a fart.
52
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,040
What's she up to?
53
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,039
As a retail tzar, I'll always
fight on to the bitter end,
54
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,639
but I know...
I know I'm on very thin ice.
55
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:57,559
Don't be put off by one set
of cataclysmic exam results.
56
00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,119
I've spoken to the governors.
They won't fire you.
57
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,079
I suppose I have delivered some
truly revolutionary innovations.
58
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,119
Well, thanks to my work
with big dairy
59
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,679
back when I was slashing
the size of Toblerones,
60
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,199
I've been able to abolish
maternity leave at Abbey Grove,
61
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,279
all for the price of
an industrial milking pump
62
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,639
and half-a-dozen stools.
63
00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:16,919
Plus the severance package you
negotiated's financially crippling.
64
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,719
The governors literally can't
fire you.
65
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,959
If they had to pay you off,
they'd bankrupt Abbey Grove.
66
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,239
HE SNIGGERS
67
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,199
Yes, you're right. I suppose this
play would need to be a bloodbath
68
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,519
to close Abbey Grove,
and pay me off, of course.
69
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:29,799
THEY CHUCKLE
70
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,960
SCHOOL MUSICIANS PRACTISE
71
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,879
Where's Stephen?
72
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:40,200
In the changing rooms. Which one?
I don't know. There's only two.
73
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,399
Oh, my days! Get back, fam!
74
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:46,840
I can't breathe!
75
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:51,279
Oh, my God!
Stephen, Hoburn fixed the match.
76
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,599
She's got her eyes
on a big, fat package.
77
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,799
Oh, Mitchell!
78
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,359
A severance package!
Get your mind out the gutter.
79
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,999
Look, Hoburn wants to get fired.
80
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,959
If the governors pay her off,
then they'll bankrupt the school.
81
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,439
We can say goodbye to Abbey Grove.
82
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,879
AMERICAN ACCENT: OK, but... um,
have you heard of knocking?
83
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,639
What's with the accent?
I'm playing Meghan Markle tonight.
84
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,600
So, um, I'm staying in character.
85
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,560
You're what?
86
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,479
You're not listening to me.
87
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,039
Hoburn wants this to tank.
88
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,319
Then, why did she literally beg me
to write an iconic
89
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,359
and iconoclastic tribute
to Great Britons?
90
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,599
She knows your Great Britons
91
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,879
will go down like a cup of cold sick
with the governors.
92
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,199
Er, rude... and wrong.
I had to do...
93
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,879
Ah! I had to do lots of
historical research.
94
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,199
I watched The King's Speech -
on two times speed.
95
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,279
Oh, about the king with the stutter?
96
00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:37,999
Was it? He sounded cute to me.
97
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,559
Mate, them governors are so old,
98
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,119
they look like they spunk dust.
99
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,519
They are going to hate this.
100
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,759
That's why I'm serving
British family values
101
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,559
with Snow BoJo
and his seven official children.
102
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,319
Knees up, two, three, four! Jesus.
103
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,959
Where's the energy?
104
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:58,319
♪ Micro-wah-vay!
Micro-wah-vay! ♪
105
00:04:58,320 --> 00:04:59,919
Nigella, you're flat. It's...
106
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,919
TUNEFULLY: ♪ ..micro-wah-vay! ♪
107
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,159
Hmph. Who are you supposed to be?
108
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,679
Oh, Naomi Campbell. She's singing
a song about loving yourself,
109
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,799
no matter what society says.
110
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:14,319
It's called Blood Diamonds
Are A Girl's Best Friend.
111
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,119
Sir, sir!
112
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,239
I found our Edward Colston.
113
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,599
He was hanging round
the shopping centre.
114
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,679
I know you wanted a kid but no-one
in the class wanted to get wet.
115
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,159
Can it swim?
Dunno. He hasn't said a word,
116
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,519
although I was actually thinking
it may be even better
117
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,559
if he CAN'T swim... for the show.
118
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,759
Er, not so much for him.
119
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,320
Yeah, um... move it along.
120
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,879
Ooh, blimey!
Oh, you're joking.
121
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,679
Oi-oi! This is Drill Captain Tom!
122
00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,919
BEAT-BOXING
123
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,919
RAPS: ♪ I step on that road
real slow
124
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,199
♪ But I make bare what for the doc,
ha! ♪
125
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,319
Hey! Woo!
126
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:50,799
♪ You don't need the lizzies
127
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,519
♪ But man's flaming got
administrative course! ♪
128
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,239
CHEERING
129
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:56,319
So good!
130
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,199
Well, at least you got
the NHS flag, I suppose.
131
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,159
The governors love
that patriotic stuff.
132
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,919
Er, the NHS stole that flag.
133
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,239
It belongs to the gays.
134
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,959
Ask Sir which iconic British queer
celeb we're celebrating tonight.
135
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,599
I can't help being an inspiration,
hmm?
136
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,679
OK! Right, everyone,
five-minute call!
137
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,839
Stephen, hold on.
That football match
138
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:16,759
won't be the biggest thing
that I lose today.
139
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,359
Abbey Grove is the only place
140
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,919
where I don't feel like
a total muppet all the time.
141
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,719
I love it here,
and I really like you lot!
142
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,319
Look, I'm glad you're happy here
and you wanna stay
143
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:29,279
but we have a sacred duty
to our audiences.
144
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,519
Sir basically means
he's invited an agent.
145
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,520
Right, I'm pulling the fire alarm.
No! Wait, stop! Look...
146
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,560
There's a way through this
but you have to trust me.
147
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,240
Huhee!
148
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,879
Hail, Elaine Paige, full of grace,
149
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,999
Lord Lloyd Webber is with thee.
150
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,039
Protect us from Usma's flat feet...
151
00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,519
Ugh! Rude!
152
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,319
Ugh! Tech team! Turn your torches
off. We are not down a mine!
153
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,799
And Mr Carmichael should not be
holding hands with you.
154
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,079
He should be holding hands
with the talent.
155
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,039
Uh, Warren! I am not like that.
156
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,239
MOUTHS,
KNOCKING AT DOOR
157
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:17,199
Is now a good time
for your pre-show dinner?
158
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,920
My Scotch Revels.
159
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,919
I've combined the the-atre
of a Scotch egg
160
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,799
with the whimsy of a Revel.
Sounds lovely.
161
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,959
Each egg contains
a mystery filling -
162
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,639
an olive, a grape,
pommes frites, baba ghanoush
163
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,719
and, in a meta twist, actual Revels.
164
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,440
It's like meat roulette.
165
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,159
What is that?
That is a devilled prune.
166
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:39,999
It contains
a terrifying amount of roughage.
167
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,359
It's like a depth charge
in the large intestine.
168
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:45,999
Focus! Y'all know Hoburn's plan.
169
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,959
She wants us to crash out
so she can cash out.
170
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,959
Do we want her to win?
ALL: No.
171
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,479
I says, do we want her to win?!
ALL: No!
172
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,959
Good. That's why I have made
the painful decision
173
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,119
to perform the lead
in all of the songs tonight.
174
00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,679
THEY ALL GASP What?
175
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,359
I'm sorry but it's the only way
we're guaranteed to slay.
176
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:06,079
Sir! I'm not being dramatic, but
if you take my song away from me,
177
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,759
I'm going to get you tried
for crimes against humanity.
178
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,159
And if that judge acquits you,
179
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,719
I'm going to shoot you
on the courthouse steps.
180
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:16,079
Yep. As a stage fright survivor,
I find this deeply triggering.
181
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,479
Jinx!
182
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,679
Some people's parents bought
tickets for tonight.
183
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,599
You want them to have a good time,
do you not?
184
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,199
Bought tickets. Aren't they free?
185
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,479
But if we don't want to offend
the governors,
186
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,799
surely it's better to change
the problematic songs
187
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,119
rather than who sings them.
188
00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,919
Bad ideas done well
don't hurt people.
189
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,399
Look at Lin-Manuel.
190
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:34,799
And McBusted.
191
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,919
The guy who invented the Segway...
192
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,560
..until it killed him. RIP.
193
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:46,759
We dedicate our first act to
British legends that we have lost,
194
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,800
starting with our tribute
to Sir Winston Churchill.
195
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,240
Er... rip.
196
00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,560
It's RIP!
197
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:07,240
♪ Winston!
198
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,679
♪ Yeah!
199
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:16,039
♪ Smoking big cigars
and drinking brandy
200
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:20,359
♪ Washing down my lunch
with Pol Roger
201
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,119
♪ Quit snarlings, darling!
202
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,679
♪ Make way, Mahatma Gandhi
203
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:27,479
♪ Cos with my hat, my suit,
my shoes, my socks
204
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,600
♪ Meow! I came to slay!
205
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:35,959
♪ Blasting all the Nazis like a hero
206
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,919
♪ Looking Churchillicious
all the while
207
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:44,880
♪ You always vote me the best
You quote me, oh, yes!
208
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:51,199
♪ We'll win in Winston... ♪
209
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:54,759
JAZZ RHYTHM ON CYMBALS
210
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,800
♪ ..style! Ooh, yeah! ♪
211
00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:01,359
Oi, she's making it worse.
We've got to do something.
212
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:02,919
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
213
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,600
BOTH: Meat roulette!
214
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,679
MUSIC DRAWS TO AN END
215
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,559
SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE
216
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,040
LOW CHATTER
217
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,079
Hello, young drummer.
218
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,199
Here, you need to replenish
your energy.
219
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,319
MUSIC STARTS
220
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,599
♪ Angie
221
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,919
♪ Yes, Tiff, honey
222
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,879
♪ Angie, are you crying?
Oh, you noticed that!
223
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,359
♪ Are you OK?
224
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:39,559
♪ Not really
225
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:40,839
♪ Are you OK?
226
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,839
♪ I have a secret
and I'm not sure I can say
227
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,639
♪ Just say
OK, but... you can't tell anyone
228
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:46,999
♪ I won't
229
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,959
♪ Not Scotty T or Gemma Collins
and not even Darren Day
230
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,319
♪ OK
231
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,759
♪ Then, I'll say...
232
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,040
♪ David's dead!
233
00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,119
♪ Aah!
234
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,479
♪ No, he's not!
Yes, he is
235
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,879
♪ Oh, my God, everybody!
What? David's dead!
236
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,679
♪ What? David's dead!
I've got to see the body... ♪
237
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,719
ALL: ♪ David's dead, David's dead
David...
238
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,319
♪ No, he's not He's right here!
239
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,039
♪ No, not that David! ♪
ALL: What?
240
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,199
♪ Not the egg-shaped music producer
David Gest... ♪
241
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,679
ALL: ♪ Then, which David?
242
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,039
♪ My David! ♪
243
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,680
SEGUES INTO ROCK MUSIC
244
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:31,199
♪ This is the story of
the song that changed my life
245
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,839
♪ There was a time
when this heart of mine
246
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,239
♪ Well, it couldn't keep a rhythm
with my two left feet
247
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:41,079
♪ When my soul came alive in 1965
248
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,879
♪ I heard a new sound
and my heart skipped a beat
249
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:48,279
♪ It came from the radio
in my dad's car
250
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,159
♪ The music that would take
this little boy so far
251
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:57,879
♪ It was the sound of the rhythm
of electric guitar!
252
00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,399
♪ Rah! ♪
253
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:02,720
STRUGGLES WITH ELECTRIC GUITAR SOLO
254
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,240
Warren, come on!
255
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,560
Rah! Ha-ha!
256
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,079
Argh!
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY, CROWD GASPS
257
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,959
Ugh... oh...
258
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,519
STOMACH GURGLES
259
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,999
Sir, get up, you can do it.
260
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,119
OK, this needs to stop.
261
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,559
Huh? No, no, no, no, no!
262
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:28,319
♪ The show much go on! ♪
263
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,079
I'm gonna call an ambulance.
264
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,679
You and your sister...
just sit down.
265
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,799
Are you seeing double?
266
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:39,239
Huh? It's fine! It's,
it's nearly... hit the floor...!
267
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,200
HE CRIES HYSTERICALLY
268
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,319
Oh, my God, I feel like a swan!
269
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,479
I'm totally calm and regal
on the surface,
270
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,359
but below the waterline
I am frantic!
271
00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,559
Ah, careful, argh!
This is a nightmare!
272
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:56,719
There's a superagent out there,
and she's not gonna see my Markle.
273
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,639
Why won't you stop talking
about this agent?
274
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,279
Is that the only thing
you care about?
275
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,599
All right!
I want to get signed, OK?
276
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,879
I want to do something with my life.
277
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,999
What about us, you prick?
She's gonna destroy Abbey Grove.
278
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:11,679
I'm sorry, but look at my injury.
The show is over.
279
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,959
Bollocks. In case you ain't noticed,
this lot have been smashing it.
280
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,799
They just had the crowd
on their feet.
281
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,799
Guys, just keep doing
what you're doing
282
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,200
and we might just get
the governors onside. It's true.
283
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,559
One of you's gonna be
the next Daniel Kaluuya,
284
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,119
and I'll still be here.
285
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,599
You won't even remember me.
286
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,599
Sir, we can't forget you.
287
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,559
You made us pinkie promise that
any future acceptance speeches
288
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,959
we have to mention you by
your full name and Instagram handle.
289
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,679
Seriously? That's not the only
reason we won't forget you.
290
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,039
I've never felt at home
at any school I've been to,
291
00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,159
and sometimes it's hard
getting out of bed in the morning,
292
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,359
and not just because
I like a heavy toggage.
293
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,999
You guys don't just make life
bearable,
294
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,279
you make life fun.
295
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,479
No offence, but you guys are
296
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,119
the best thing about this place.
297
00:13:56,120 --> 00:14:00,840
Maybe we... got a little wrapped up
in the moment. We?
298
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,679
The royal "we".
299
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:07,120
I'm sorry... Genuinely.
300
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:09,840
I'm so proud of all of you.
301
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,559
It's too late. Mr Carmichael made
the second act all about him.
302
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,319
No-one else can play Meghan Markle.
303
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,439
Correct. No-one else has my range.
304
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,279
I'm glad somebody else said it.
305
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,879
Out of all of us,
Jinx has the best voice.
306
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,679
Yeah. She's good at accents too.
She spent a weekend in Berlin
307
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,679
and came back sounding like
Werner Herzog.
308
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,199
Oh! You guys!
309
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,719
Danke schoen.
310
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,239
But she's white.
311
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,079
Nein, nicht, gut, guys! Come on!
312
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:40,160
Although, ultimately,
the whole human race is from Afr...
313
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,039
No, I'm not right for it.
314
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,480
Blessing?
I can't hit those high notes.
315
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,599
OK, look, Inchez,
you and I both know that
316
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,000
you have the voice of an angel.
317
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,839
He sings soprano
in our church choir. So?
318
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,439
At man's last evensong,
there was so many bundas bouncing
319
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,359
that you'll think man was playing
in the Bundesliga, fam!
320
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,119
I swear on my mum's life!
321
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,319
Beep! That's the sound of
your mum flat-lining, bruv!
322
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,519
Maybe it is too late.
323
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,479
And maybe it is curtains
for Abbey Grove.
324
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,359
But it's not about beating Hoburn!
325
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:16,639
It's about playing the game our way,
even if we go down swinging!
326
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:20,000
Guys, we are Class K!
That is what we do!
327
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,559
Inchez,
if we're gonna slay the house down,
328
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,880
we've all got to step
out of our comfort zone. Mm.
329
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:31,839
OK.
330
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:32,999
ALL: Yes!
331
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,399
Yes! OK. Wait, wait!
332
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,279
Inchez needs time to learn the part
333
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,879
and we need someone
to cover for him, so...
334
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,919
Mitchell, I know you have
the range of a North Korean missile
335
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,279
but... I'll keep it simple.
336
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,319
No chance. I'd rather shit
in my hand and clap.
337
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,400
Whoa! What about doing things
the Class K way, fam?
338
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,479
Guys, there are only two things
that school teaches ya.
339
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,799
One, there is nothing more overrated
340
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,999
than a trip to a chocolate factory.
341
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,280
And two, sometimes
you've just got to step up.
342
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,559
Ambulance.
343
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,519
A man just hit his head.
344
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:13,839
Look, I'm a theatrical agent.
345
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,839
I know what true desperation
looks like,
346
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,439
and Stephen Carmichael
would genuinely prefer to die
347
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,280
than stop the show.
348
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,680
Get your bananas! Banana incoming!
349
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,279
Carb up, teams.
350
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,999
OK! Act two - Living Legends.
351
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,399
Fraser, get the pots and pans out
of your kitchen ready for Nigella.
352
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,319
♪ Micro-wah-vay! ♪
353
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,439
Better! Yes!
354
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:43,919
Oh, Harrison, hold these.
Mitchell is singing a song
355
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,239
to literally the only tune
he knows off by heart.
356
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,639
Um, I'm going to need you to go
to the back of the hall
357
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:52,519
holding these up one by one
so we can read the words, hmm?
358
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,279
What's this song about, sir?
Um, Tim Berners-Lee.
359
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,919
Um... some sweet, odd man
who didn't want any coin
360
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,479
from inventing the internet.
361
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:01,519
HE SCOFFS
362
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,160
The governors are going to love it.
363
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,399
What's funny?
364
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,120
The idea that a human
invented the internet.
365
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,600
What'd he do? Do it on a computer...
without the internet?!
366
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,239
Harrison, Harrison! There's a...
367
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,759
..two-headed dork in the playground.
368
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,399
Poor thing must have escaped
from a nearby lab.
369
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,959
Maybe we need pan pipes. Or a harp.
370
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,119
Yes. I'll see what we've got
backstage.
371
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,239
Oh, look, let me hold those for you.
372
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,320
You'll need both hands
to carry the harp.
373
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:41,080
Yeah.
374
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:44,240
LIGHT APPLAUSE
375
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,520
MUSIC: Three Lions
(Football's Coming Home)
376
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:57,199
♪ Google Chrome, it's Google Chrome
Safari
377
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,759
♪ The internet's coming home
378
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:03,439
♪ It's coming home
It's coming home
379
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:07,200
♪ It's coming
The internet's coming home
380
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,960
♪ Everyone thinks it's just for porn
381
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,599
♪ They've seen gangbangs before
382
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,319
♪ They just know
383
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,359
♪ They're so sure
384
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:25,079
♪ But I remember
before Pammy and Tom
385
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,999
♪ Hulk Hogan and Paris Hilton
386
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,199
♪ It's not just for wanking
387
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,719
♪ 4Chan on the shirt! ♪
388
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,519
Mind the pyros!
389
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,559
♪ Paedos and the Clintons
390
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,879
♪ 30 years of hurt... ♪
391
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,279
Oh, my God!
392
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,440
♪ Never stopped Trump winning
393
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,799
♪ So many wokes, so many... ♪
394
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,239
GASPS
395
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,159
♪ With all those... ♪
SUDDEN EXPLOSIONS, SHRIEKS
396
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,999
Bloody hell!
397
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,480
EXPLOSIONS
398
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:13,359
OK, finale time.
Piers Morgan, Prince Andrew,
399
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,400
stage right - now. Shapeesh.
Good luck. Break a nail.
400
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,679
Inchez, come on, mate.
It's shit meat pot time.
401
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:24,159
Nah, man.
I've got bare collywobbles.
402
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,719
Look, Jinx, you're a stage fright
survivor, hmm? Say something?
403
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,319
Er, sort of, erm...
404
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,719
Well, basically, I used to find it
impossible to pee on my dad's boat
405
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,679
because the master bedroom
was right next to the toilet,
406
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,879
but then I was like,
"Do you know what?
407
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,839
"I can blame the noises
on the bilge pump."
408
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,319
Well, that's relatable?! Jesus.
409
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:47,599
Can I have a word in private, sir?
Mm-hm. Thank you.
410
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,439
Also, Inchez, even if everyone
out there thinks you've gone moist,
411
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,680
you'll always be my OG.
412
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,479
WHISPERS: Piss off.
413
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,799
Yes. Mm.
414
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,400
Right, come on, you lot, let's go.
Places, yeah?
415
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,639
PIANO PLAYS LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY
416
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,719
Tally ho.
417
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,679
I met the girl of my dreams tonight.
418
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,159
She's an American divorcee
419
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,640
and my family will love her.
420
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,639
Basically, like, the truth is,
that bishop out there -
421
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,519
he's my dad.
422
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,720
Your dad's one of the governors?
423
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,719
Look, I get it.
424
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,759
You're scared of what he'll say
425
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,559
if he sees you refusing to conform
to traditional definitions
426
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:41,480
of what it means to be, like,
a man in a patriarchal society.
427
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,559
I'm scared he's gonna stand up
428
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,440
and yell something horrible like...
429
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,120
..like,
"That's my son and I love him."
430
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,799
Wait, so... your problem is
you're scared that
431
00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:01,399
your dad is gonna love and
accept you, no matter what you do?
432
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:02,520
Yeah.
433
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,559
OK.
434
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,520
Pack up the pity party
and get on that stage!
435
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,680
Here she comes now!
436
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,279
PIANO FLOURISH Bye, Harry.
437
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:29,319
Oh, my gosh,
I just met the most amazing man.
438
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,879
He told me he's a prince.
439
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,479
Er... Siri, what's a prince?
440
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:38,479
AUTOMATED VOICE: Prince, noun,
the son of a king or queen,
441
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,240
and you can be his princess, Meghan.
442
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:48,519
♪ To be a princess
It could be such a wondrous thing
443
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:52,399
♪ To wear my prince's ring
And so
444
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:56,599
♪ The answer is yes,
I feel so happy I could sing
445
00:21:56,600 --> 00:22:00,879
♪ The simple Yankee girl
who found her ginger king
446
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:05,079
♪ I hope the public see that girl
that Harry sees
447
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:09,719
♪ A kindly soul who helps out
with some charities... ♪
448
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,359
Not so fast!
449
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,519
No, Piers Morgan!
Yes, it's me!
450
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,319
Go away!
What?
451
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,079
♪ I've been silenced
452
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,439
♪ A crime
But I don't hear any sirens
453
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,679
♪ I've been maligned
454
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,879
♪ For not caving to the violence
of the woke police
455
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,559
♪ The cannot-take-a-joke police
456
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,599
♪ The Britain-hating,
free-speech-taking, vegan-baking
457
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,919
♪ Weaklings want my silence!
458
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,479
♪ But I'm an alpha
I do not do compliance,
459
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,199
♪ Or toe the line
460
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,679
♪ I won't give in to the tyrants
with their fake belief in her
461
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,599
♪ The head snowflake-in-chief
462
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:48,039
♪ She will pay the price, dears
No more Mr Nice Piers!
463
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:52,439
♪ To be a princess
Is not as lovely as it seems
464
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:56,479
♪ The press are awful
But it's worse behind the scenes
465
00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:00,319
♪ My Harry is a cutie
But his family is a mess
466
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,079
♪ His uncle won't shut up about...
467
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:07,120
♪ Pizza Express!
468
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,959
♪ I've seen the Seven Wonders
469
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,719
♪ Travelled round the world
And yet
470
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:20,040
♪ That perfect night in Woking
That's a night I can't forget
471
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:27,319
♪ Woo! I'll order four seasons
I eat pizza for my tea
472
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:30,959
♪ From January 1st, I'm fit to burst
with calzone verdure
473
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,839
♪ So when you ask, "Where's Andrew?"
Well, it won't take long to guess
474
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,119
♪ You'll find His Grace
in his favourite place, it's...
475
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,159
♪ Pizza Express?
Yes!
476
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,799
♪ I'm a Pinot Grigio drinker
Waiter, pop that cork
477
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,239
♪ Let's hope there's enough
halloumi bites
478
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,639
♪ For the Grand Old Duke of York
479
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:51,559
♪ And if you think I'm sweating
Well, my darling, I am not
480
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:55,479
♪ Cos Giuseppe don't get sloppy
Even when the American's hot, oi!
481
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,399
♪ Silenced!
To be a princess...
482
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:58,879
♪ Another quattro formaggi
483
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,479
♪ I've been silenced!
To be a princess...
484
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,799
♪ And more doughballs for me!
Where's my pollo piccante?
485
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,720
♪ She wouldn't even shag me! ♪
486
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,079
Oh? What was that?
487
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,319
Yo, yo, yo... What's going on?
Mr Carmichael!
488
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,360
HUBBUB
489
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:16,759
What the...?
490
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,359
Out of my way! Out of my way!
491
00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:22,040
Find a tech person. Tell them
I need them now. Thank...
492
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,080
You!
493
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,320
CONFUSED CHATTER
494
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,599
Everyone, don't panic! Do not panic!
Please take your seats.
495
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,759
Yeah, nothing to see, mate.
This way, this way...
496
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:38,919
Excuse me, could you tell me
what's going on, please?
497
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,839
Yeah, look, don't panic,
your Royal Highness.
498
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,719
I am a responsible adult.
499
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,199
DRUM FLOURISH
500
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,320
Pack that right in!
501
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,039
What are you doing?
502
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:53,119
I'm pulling the plug on
this whole dysfunctional hellmouth!
503
00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:55,559
I've tried removing chairs
from the staffroom,
504
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,719
I've tried pay-as-you-go
toilet roll,
505
00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,479
but I still can't balance the books!
506
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:04,479
So, I am putting this school,
and myself, out of our misery.
507
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,679
Just quit! You don't have to bring
the whole school down with you!
508
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,639
Look, if I quit,
I don't get my money!
509
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:13,319
There was a converted barn
in the Cotswolds with my name on it!
510
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:16,119
What about the kids, hmm?
They're the ones that matter.
511
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,239
Says Teacher of the Year?!
512
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,239
The man who sets essays
on how to achieve
513
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,679
the full dramatic potential of a -
514
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:24,999
and I quote - "butt-cleavage".
515
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:29,399
Don't... you... dare
516
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,439
bring Rihanna into this.
517
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,799
Do you not remember what it was like
being a kid at school?
518
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,799
I was home schooled.
519
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,319
That explains literally everything.
520
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:45,039
Everybody just calm down, all right?
It is all under control.
521
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,439
There is absolutely nothing
to worry about.
522
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,279
Thank God, here you are!
523
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,199
This is the man you're looking for.
524
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,679
You can keep it.
525
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,879
I found loads of them tucked under
the windshield wiper of my car.
526
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,479
If this play ends with the drama
teacher getting hospitalised,
527
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,399
the governors are going
to have to fire Hoburn!
528
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,999
Then Ladimir Putin
could be back in power!
529
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,359
Bitch, please!
530
00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:06,879
Over here, thank you.
531
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:08,159
CONFUSED CHATTER
532
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,640
Is someone hurt?
533
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:18,359
HOBURN: No!
534
00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:21,040
Step back, bitch,
because I will slap!
535
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,200
ALARMED VOICES
536
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,319
Ladies and gentlemen, our NHS!
537
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,599
SHE LEADS THE CHEERING
538
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,279
Yes, doctors! Yes, nurses!
539
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,320
Yes, gynaecologists! Them as well.
540
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,399
Can we get all of our governors
onstage, please,
541
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:47,240
for a photo with our NHS heroes!
542
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,039
Yes, Mr Harper, thank you.
543
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:53,639
Er, Minister, your excellency...
544
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:55,440
Sorry, could you shift along a bit?
545
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,639
You see! Why do you need a pay rise
when you've got all this?
546
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,159
HE CHUCKLES SUPERCILIOUSLY
547
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:05,759
Well, well, well.
548
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,439
I hope you'll all agree that,
despite some bumps along the way,
549
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,319
this play has shown us that
550
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:15,320
Abbey Grove really has got
its heart in the right place.
551
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,959
Three cheers for your headmistress.
Long may she reign.
552
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,039
Hip-hip!
ALL: Hooray!
553
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,839
Hip-hip!
ALL: Hooray!
554
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:25,600
Hip-hip!
ALL: Hooray!
555
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:29,559
Wait, wait! The show's not over.
556
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,559
Oh, I'm here... Oh, I'm here.
557
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:34,679
Argh! Argh!
558
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,359
Thank you. Thank you so much.
559
00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:39,000
Is the vein in his head
supposed to be throbbing like that?
560
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,479
Oh, shit!
561
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,760
INCREDULOUS GASPS
562
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,959
Inchez, you were fierce.
I'm not just saying it.
563
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:51,439
You were great.
564
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,359
You all right, Mr Harper?
One, and two...
565
00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:55,599
Yeah, I'm all right.
566
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,119
Well done, you lot! You smashed it.
Ugh!
567
00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:00,519
I want that back,
thank you very much!
568
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:04,279
Stephen...
you left your head shot in my car.
569
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,519
Look, I can see you're in a lot
of pain so I'll make this quick.
570
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,999
We're a small agency.
571
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,359
We're very selective,
but I would love it if...
572
00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:14,159
Yes, yes!
573
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,399
Sorry, um, finish your sentence.
574
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,159
..if you would introduce me
to that man in the other wheelchair,
575
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,680
Mitchell Harper.
576
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:26,360
Now, he has got such a raw,
unselfconscious intensity.
577
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:29,800
Morphine!
44273
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