All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S03E16 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]1

[ gasps ] Mail!
Mail!

Where are your shoes?
I'll get 'em later.

Get 'em now.
Why?

Because if your harvard
Acceptance letter's in

And you don't have shoes on

We can't run off
Immediately and celebrate.

All of our happiness
Will be on hold

Until you come back
And wear shoes.

You wanna put a hold
On happiness?

What's the difference
If we wait then or now?

We're not happy now.
Right. Okay.

No lacing --
Just get 'em on your feet.

Let's go!

Kirk!
Kirk!

Good morning, ladies.

Is there an envelope?
Big one? Not a little one.

Yeah, big means she's in.

If little,
She needs to marry rich.

Just one second, please.

Aren't you supposed to
Sort 'em earlier?

Personally, I think it takes
The spontaneity out of the job.

Need some help?
Federal law prohibits it.

Any chance
You could go faster?

You got a girl's future in
That sack of yours...Santa.

Thank you for
Adding the "Santa."

You know what I've noticed?
A mail with our names on it?

I've noticed, people don't
Slow down anymore.

I've got time to
Tie my shoes.

Yes, cobble yourself
A new pair, daniel day-lewis.

No one stops
To smell a nice flower

Or look at a puppy.

You're absolutely right.

No one stops to ask
How you're doing,

Is your family well? Did you
See that game last night?

People suck.
Is that ours?

What? Oh...
"Mrs. Rita flora." nope.

Rats!
It could still be there.

Didn't rita flora die?

While you were delivering
Her mail?

She did die.
She died last week.

They're supposed to put your
Mail on hold when you die.

Let's go back inside.
And the envelope?

We'll check back on our way
To luke's...For dinner!

Hey, one for kirk!

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to *

* if you need *

* you need me to be with you *

* I will follow *

* oh, oh, oh *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need *

* you need me to be with you *

* I will follow where you lead *

[ tapping ]
It's getting frustrating --

I mean there are so
Many great songs

That have been written
Post-cobain,

But try and convince zack.
He's impossible!

Stubborn, in case
You've ever noticed.

Lane, could you --
With the sticks there --

Oh, sorry,
Nervous habit.

Mom's a little crabby.

I'm not crabby.
I'm very, very ill.

Allergies.
Deadly allergies.

Should we make funeral
Arrangements now?

Be sure you get your money back
In case this stuff works.

Where did
You get those?

In your room.
These expired in '98.

So I should take 4?

That's exactly
My point.

Here, new menus!
Very fancy!

Why'd new menus?
It was time.

But I had made little doodles

With my name hidden in them
On each one.

Sorry.

It took me years
To hit every menu.

These have super-heavy
Plastic over them.

The super-heavy plastic
Is there to discourage doodling.

This looks different.
It's not different.

Totally different.
Not that different.

There are more salads.
Three more salads.

Who needs three more salads?
One was enough.

Nicole said there wasn't
That much for her to eat

On the menu, so I just --

You added three salads
Just for nicole.

When I asked you to add
Chili-topped pringles,

You said no.
I stand by that.

Nicole gets three salads,
I get "No"?

Because nicole's
His girlfriend.

Nicole is not my girlfriend.

Nicole is the woman
I'm dating, that's it.

What happens when you get
Serious -- place goes soy?

Just order, please.

The monte cristo
Sandwich's off?

No!
You did.

You took off
The monte cristo sandwich.

I omitted
A few obsolete dishes.

I can't believe nicole made you
Take off the monte cristo.

She's got you menu-whipped.

She does not have me
Menu-whipped.

I took off a disgusting,
Ridiculous sandwich

That no one has ever ordered,
Including the three of you.

Just having it there
Made us feel we always could.

It was comforting.
Like soup.

Exactly. It was comforting like
Deep-fried ham-and-cheese soup.

And even though I never ordered
It, I talked about ordering it.

Haven't I?
On several occasions.

You've not only
Eliminated a sandwich,

You've eliminated
A conversation piece.

Now what'll we
Talk about?

Fine.

Here -- old menus --
Everything's there.

Knock yourselves out.

How come everybody else
Gets a new menu?

I feel much better now.

Well, I must say
I'm glad to see

That simply because
The s.A.T.S are over,

Most of you are still taking
Your classwork seriously --

Most of you.

Hmm...Michael mason --

Worth every wrong answer.

Alright,
Before we continue,

I would like to remind you

That the chilton
Bicentennial celebration

Takes place next week.

Number 4.
Well done.

The sign-up sheet
For the speech contest

Has gone up
In the back of the room.

The contest's on friday
And the winner will present

Their speech at the ceremony.

Some of you may be saying
To yourself,

"I already turned in
My college application.

"Why should I spend time
Entering a speech competition

"Which, if I win, means I have
To give up a friday night

"I can't use it for my resume.
What's in it for me?"

Wow. That was spooky.

Yes, the speech will not go
On your record,

However, the bicentennial will
Be quite a prestigious affair.

Past alumni and faculty
Will be there.

Some of these people
Are now professors

At the same schools you're
Planning on attending,

Plus c-span will be
Broadcasting the event live.

It's shaping to be
A very exciting event.

[bell rings]
Think about it.

Oh! I almost forgot

To welcome back brad langford.

He returns to us
Fresh from broadway

Where he's just completed
A successful run

Of "Into the woods."
Welcome back, brad.

Thank you.
It's good to be back.

Sit down, mary martin.

Alright, everyone, have
A lovely rest of the day.

I will see you tomorrow.

Rory, hi.

Hey, brad.
How was broadway?
It was great.

But nathan lane
Is a very bitter man.

Even more than the actual
Experience of performing live,

The confidence it gives you in
Every aspect of your life --

That's the most amazing thing.

You do look rather confident.

It's the new me.

So, brad, broadway.

I must know -- did you
Get to keep your makeup?

What about your costumes?
'cause that seems great.

Unless you're doing
"Les mis."
Or "Cats."

Or spandex with the tail
And jazz shoes.

So, do you?

Do I --
Get to keep the makeup?

I didn't ask.
You didn't ask?

How do you leave the house

And not have a piano
Fall on you?

Well, I make a left
On federal --

Brad, that really
Didn't require an answer.

You're blocking
The list.

Will we please move

So you may sign up
For the speech contest?

Why, yes, we'd be happy to.

How kind of you
To phrase it respectfully.

You moving or
Do you need a "5, 6, 7, 8"?

Paris, this time onstage has
Been a very growing experience.

I'm no longer
Intimidated by you.

I'm thrilled to hear it,
Chita rivera. Move.

Gilmore, I certainly hope
You're signing up, too.

You're my last chance
To trounce you at this school.

My decision to do this
Doesn't depend on you.

It won't be a totally
Satisfying victory

Just beating jerome robbins and
The rest of the losers here.

I'd really like to
Take you down, also.

Boy, she is really up
On her theater references.

This is outrageous!
I am beyond offended.

Did you tell them
I'm beyond offended?

Sending my food back?!

That's it -- get their names.
They're never eating here again.

Okay.
Wait -- what
Wine was he drinking?

1952 chateau
Petrus bordeaux.

Hmph!
Okay, never mind.

Hey, is everything okay?

No, we have got to have
A better screening system

For customers here.
Yes, we do.

We currently have no screening
System for customers.

They sent it back --
My food,

My 4-star "You haven't lived
Till you've eaten there,

Says ruth reichl" food.

What was wrong?
You name it --

Too salty,
Too hot, too sewer-y.

Honey, calm down.
Some people are just stupid.

Yes, they are stupid, and stupid
People have stupid friends,

And they all have to come here
And be stupid together.

Don't be mad at me,
But I must ask.

There's nothing wrong
With the food?

Of course there's nothing
Wrong with the food!

Wouldn't I know if something
Was wrong with my food?

You don't think that
I tasted every last dish

That was sent back.
I tasted it. Manuel tasted it.

Rico tasted it.
Louella tasted it.

We all tasted it
And it tastes fine!

Okay, do you mind?

You don't believe me?

I believe you completely,

But it's easier for me to take
On those who doubt you

If I've actually
Tasted it myself.

Fine, go ahead.

Okay, now I get
The "Sewer-y" reference.

What are you talking
About?

Come here.

Just send them out
Some free desserts.

Free desserts? You're giving
The stupid people free desserts!

Sookie, I love you.

I love you, too.

I love your food,
You know that.
Yeah.

But I have to tell you that
That bite I just had

Is one of the worst
Things I've ever tasted,

And I've tasted some
Very bad things.

Are you sure you didn't just
Accidentally drop something

In the food, like
Strychnine or manure?

No! I tested each dish every
Step of the way --

The base, the stock,
The sauce, the seasonings.

Are you sick?
The flu or a cold?

Allergies can throw
Your taste buds off.

No, I'm not sick.

A little last week,
But nothing today.

You should think
About getting a checkup.

Maybe it was more
Than little.

The food was really bad?

Oh, honey, it was just --

Well, yeah, it was
Really that bad.

I don't understand it.
I'm sure it's nothing.

Just have manuel help you
With the tasting

For the rest of the night.

Paris is going to drive me
Completely insane.

Ooh, that looks good.

No!
No!
No!

Geez!
Be happy you're loved, hon.

I got a kit kat in my purse.

What's up?
I don't know, it's weird.

Sookie must be sick
Or something.

Sookie never gets sick.
I know. She'll be fine.

So, what did paris do now?
It's just paris.

There's this speech contest
For the bicentennial,

And I wasn't even going
To enter it,

But with the whole
"It's my last chance

To crush you
Before graduation" comment,

I want to enter, and win,

And dance around her
Saying, "I win, I win, I win!"

You're getting more
And more like me everyday.

I know it's petty.
I should just ignore her.

That's what you should do.
That is what I will do.

How come you
Weren't gonna enter?

I don't know.
You love school things.

I don't love
Doing school things

When it involves the entire
School staring at me.

You had to give your
Vice-presidential
Acceptance speech

In front of
The entire school.

But I had to do that.

Oh, so you're just gonna
Go through life

Only doing what you
Have to do?

Well...No.

Because a person
Who wants to be

A foreign correspondent
For a living

Should probably embrace
The opportunity

To practice her speeching skills
In front of a crowd.

You had the
Motherly edge going

Until you threw in the
"Speeching skills" comment.

You know what I mean.
I know what you mean.

Okay, I'll go out
For the speech.
Good.

And if get to do the
"I win, I win" dance,

So much the better.

For everyone involved.
Mm-hmm.

Oh, my god!
Hmm?

My god.

You're pregnant!

Aahhh!
Aahhh!

Oh, my god!
I'm pregnant!

You're pregnant?!

Huh.
What?

That just looks
More than 4,000 words,

But I'm sure you counted them.

I did.
Good.

Hey, shelly, good luck,

Although I'm sure
You're going to be great.

After all, there's hardly
Anything onstage

For you to trip over
This time, right?

* I've got my beans
At grandma's house *

* my magic beans
At grandma's house *

Stop it.

* my beans, my magic beans,
Who's got the beans? *

You can't rattle me.

* into the woods
At grandma's -- *

Look, I'm proud
Of my part, okay?

The new york times
Called me "Winningly naive."

* into the woods,
Into the woods -- *

Stop it right now.

I know. That is one
Annoying song.

Leave brad alone
And stop terrorizing everyone.

Terrorizing? What are you
Talking about terrorizing?

I'm simply talking
To my fellow classmates.

You're scaring them
Into doing badly to win.

I am not.
Oh, really?

And that "Magical bean"
Recital back there?

I was trying to give the kid
Some human contact.

He's been talking
To nothing but a cow.

There was a person
Inside that cow!

Brad langford.

I'm winningly naive!

Okay.

Brad...
You got your beans?

Stop.
Go, brad. You'll be great.

It's amazing how you manage
To hide those bolts

On the side of your neck.
What is that?

Rory, lower your voice.

People are trying to
Concentrate.

Wow.
Wow, what?

Your speech must really suck.
Excuse me.

If you're going to
All this trouble

To psych out everyone else,

Then you must know you
Have a loser there.

Mind games --
Not your forte, cupcake.

Stick to talking to losers
Off the train tracks.

You're horrible.
And I'm going to win.

Cherry, hi.

Man, those braces
Are shiny.

[cellphone rings]

Hello?

Sookie: it's me.

Every detail --
Leave nothing out.

Well, I told him.

Did he flip? Did he cry?
Did he scream?

No.
No? Did he hear you?

Yeah, he heard me.

I don't understand.
What happened?

I came home,
I got some flowers

I chilled some glasses,
I put some music on

I opened a bottle
Of champagne

And the cork broke the window,
So I had to clean up the glass,

And then I taped some
Cardboard over the hole,

And then I knocked over
The bottle champagne --

Hit the
Fast-forward button, hon.

So, he came home
And I handed him a beer

I smiled, kissed him, told him
He was gonna be a daddy.

And then he did what?

Then he got out
The calculator.
What?

He's been crunching numbers
For two hours.

He didn't say anything?
No.

"Mr. I want four in four" hears
He can check off number one

And he says nothing?

Okay, not nothing.
Thank you.

Every 15 minutes
He says, "Oh, boy."

"Oh, boy" like "Oh, boy!"?

No, like "Oh, boy."

Jackson: oh, boy.

Did you hear that?

Well, maybe he's in shock.

Oh, boy.

Maybe.
Oh, boy.

I'd take that calculator away
If I were you.

This wasn't how
It was supposed to go.

I know, but give it time.
It's a big thing.

He said he wanted this.

He loves you.
He wants this.

Oh, boy!
Uh-huh.

Hang in there.
Call you later.

I'll be here.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy!

[ sighs ]

It's right there!
Just a second!

I see it!
I can do it!

Kirk, it's right there!
You are yelling at me!

That's not the way
To get results.

You keep passing it!

You are making me crazy!

Oh, hey,
That's my water bill.

He's been down there
For 20 minutes.

Kirk, you have to sort
The mail first.

Everybody is always
Telling me what to do!

Everybody else is always right.

Well, sorry, but I'm
The mail carrier in this town.

I'll carry the mail
The way I carry it.

Otherwise, you can carry it,

But you'll have to apply for
The job first and get hired.

There's a test,
And it's a hard test, my friend!

Ow! Paper cut!

Dean, I need non-drowsy
Allergy medicine.

Did you check in the back
With aspirin?

Yeah, nothing.
Then we're probably out.

I could tell you when
They're expected in,

But I haven't gotten
The mail yet!

Never mind. I'll grab
Some at hartford.

Get my water bill for me.

I'll do my best.

I'm giving you 5 minutes,
Then I'm getting the mop.

You will not touch this!

This is the property of
The united states government.

Okay, okay, okay.

Uhhhh...Okay.

Okay.

Show me a difference, people.
Why can't I pick one?

Ooh! On sale -- that's it.

I'm done.

Max.
Lorelai.

Hi.
Hi back.

I didn't know...You...
Had a cold.

I just recently found out
Myself.

Well...Wow...You...Hi.

[ chuckles nervously ]

How have you been?

I've been good.
Good.

I've been in california.

Cowabunga, dude.

Yes, that's my official
California name.

So, california, huh?

Stanford -- I was
Teaching a class there.

It's about time that dump
Got some decent teachers.

Yes, they're really trying to
Turn the place around.

So if you're living
In california,

What are you doing
Back here?

This place has the best
Selection --

In hartford?
My class ended.

I thought I'd come back
For the chilton bicentennial.

What are you doing here
In hartford?
Friday night.

The infamous gilmore dinners.
How's that going?

Great. We had to add on
An extra room

For all the
Emotional baggage,

But there's been
No bloodshed as of yet.

I'm glad to hear it.
And rory's good?

Yeah, she's the
"Encyclopedia britannica"
Definition of "Good."

Grades?
Perfect.

Same boyfriend?
Different boyfriend.

Really?
Yeah.

You hate him.
No, I don't.

You really hate him.
I smile, I say hi.

I let him eat
The good cookies.

You want him killed.

Only if I get
A really good price.

She's young. She'll move on.
She's got college next year.

Great! Frat boys --
I cannot wait.

Just get a keg.
It keeps them distracted.

Thanks for the advice.
I'll lock her in a tower.

Glad I could help.

Well, listen, I have this
Dinner I have to get to.

Oh, yeah...Me too.
Me too.

It was nice to see you.
Nice to see you, too.

Bye.
Bye.

Ah, you're here.

You are by far the most
Masculine-looking maid

My parents have ever had.
It's chaos here.

Second maid called in sick,
First's busy with dinner,

And your poor mother
Is at the hospital.

Her d.A.R. Group suffered a
Surfeit of strokes this week.

Come again?
Three of her friends
Had strokes.

And now she is hopping from
Sickbed to sickbed

Offering whatever comfort
She can.

Three d.A.R. Strokes?

What's in that water
They're drinking?

Well, a little whiskey,
Usually.

Oh, and you're forgetting
Liesel.

What?
Our east german maid.

She was much more
Masculine-looking than me.

Right,
With the muttonchops.

Here is rory.
Thanks. I wouldn't have
Recognized her.

Hi, hon.
Did you hear
About the strokes?

Stay away from whiskey
And the d.A.R.

Your mother would make you
Throw that out at this point.

How about I exchange it
For a martini?

Coming up.

Oh, good.
I'm expecting an important call.

This could be it.

Uh, dad, if the maid
Is busy with dinner

And the second one's out
And mom's at the hospital...

Oh, right, right.
I'll get it!

Alone at last.

Have I got something
To tell you.

What?
Maybe you have
Something to tell me.

Don't do that.
I have nothing.

Or are you minimizing
What you know?

Maybe you should
"Maximize" it.

I'm confused.

"Max-imize" it.

I'm maximum confused.

[ sighs ]

I ran into max.
Medina?

At the pharmacy.
Did you know he was back?

No. He was
On loan somewhere.
Yeah, at stanford.

He's back now for
A little while,
And I'm happy to report

Either he's forgiven me
For treating him so badly,

Or I built it up worse
In my head.

Oh, no.
You treated him like crap.

Well, he was very big
About it.

He didn't recoil
Or blow me off.

We had a nice chat.
It was good to see him.

He's a great guy.
He is.

And a great teacher, too.
I'm glad he's back.

Good. He seemed glad, too.
That was not my call.

And for a second there
I thought a fourth friend of
Your mother's had had a stroke.

But then I realized

That it was one of the original
Stroke lady's husbands

Calling to inform me
Of her stroke,
Which we already knew about.

Thank god.

So, rory
Has been telling me

About the chilton bicentennial
And her speech.

It's not my speech yet.
I have to qualify.

You'll get it.
She'll be on c-span
If she does.

Very good.
It's not like anyone
Would watch it.

Yes, they will. You're a hell
Of a lot more interesting

Than usual show they have
With all white men

Walking around that big,
Empty chamber
With numbers all over them.

That's a televised house vote,
And I find that fascinating.

It's like watching the men's
Warehouse security camera.

When is your speech?
I'd like to be there.

Again, it's not my speech yet,
But it's friday at 5:00.

Oh. That's tough.
Could they move it to 6:00?

I don't think so.

Well, maybe I'll move
My thing.

That might be best.

[ phone ringing ]
I've got it.

I've got it!
I've got it!!

[ chuckles ]
What?

Speed dial.

I just like seeing him
Do that.

I've got it!

Ah! Thank god! Someone sane!
Come on up!

Your phone has been busy
All night,

And I am dying to know
What the doctor said.

He said, "Congratulations,
It's an it!"

Ah!
I love being pregnant!

You'll give me
Lots of tips.
What I can remember.

Get your diary out
'cause I want to know it all.

A lot of my diary from that year
Was a debate

Over which member
Of tears for fears

I loved more
At that particular moment.

That's probably not going
To help me much.

What are you doing
Out here? It's cold.

Well, we finished eating,
I needed a break.

Rough day. We didn't
Get home until 8:00.

Eight? Your appointment
Was at 6:00.

Jackson won't drive home
Faster than 7 miles an hour.

He doesn't want
To jiggle baby.

Oh, my god.

We spent 10 minutes
On one speed bump.

I could've walked home
Faster.

He's got this wild look
In his eye,

Like he's some kind
Of death rocker.

And he keeps making lots
Of calls,

He punched the calculator
So much he broke it.

We're selling the truck.
What?!

Then we can afford
The minivan.

I thought you broke
The calculator.

I'm using a pencil.
Hi, lorelai.

Hi, jackson.
Congratulations.

We don't need a van.

I'm getting a haircut,
Buying a second tie.

I'll get it.
It's probably the contractor.
What contractor?

The add-on.
What add-on?

The expansion, sookie.
The expansion.

He's expanding something.

He's being very cryptic.

I don't want
To expand anything.

And did you see his eyes?
Tasmanian devil.

When I came home,
He was baby-proofing the house,

He'd thrown away all our
Prescription drugs,

And he was stuffing newspaper
Into the electrical sockets.

He's insane.

We have to move out for
Three months to do the add-on.

We probably don't want
To do that.
Probably not.

Have you tried
Slapping him?

No. He won't let me
Lift my arm above my head

In case it stretches baby.
This stinks.

We never even got to celebrate.

He went straight to budgets
And minivans.

Oh, well,
What he's doing is sweet

In its own obnoxious way.

I guess I'll have to let him
Be male.

So, listen, um,
I ran into max medina.

Oh, my god. Really?
How weird was that?

Little. Not as much
As I would've thought.

He's such a good guy.
Yeah.

People are pretty unanimous
On that.

Well, was he nice to you?
Very.

What happened with us
Was so long ago.

Do you think what I did
To him was horrible?

You mean dumping him
In the gutter? Sure.

People are pretty unanimous
On that, too.

So, max medina's back.

Not for long, though.
I just hope he doesn't hate me.

He was probably
Just being nice.

You didn't mean to hurt him.

I'll write him a note
Or something.

I owe him that.

[ scream ]
What is this?

It's my cleaver.

What if baby fell on it?

You mean what if baby
Rolled off the sink

And into the open
Second drawer?

It wouldn't be good.

It has to go.
I need it to chop stuff.

We're switching to plastic.
I can't use plastic!

And the saran wrap's
History, too.

Jackson!

[phone ringing]

Yes, hello?

Rory gilmore, please.
This is rory gilmore.

I'm connecting headmaster
Charleston and paris geller.

What? You're what? Hello?

Miss gilmore?
I'm here.

Miss geller?
I'm here.

Please hold. I'm connecting
Headmaster charleston.

Miss gilmore, miss geller,
You have headmaster charleston.

Ladies, hello. I hope you're
Having a pleasant evening.

Yes, sir.
Very pleasant.

Wonderful to hear. Well, let's
Get down to it, shall we?

I was very impressed with both
Of your speeches today.

They were well-written,
Well-researched,

And eloquently delivered.
You should be very proud.

Thank you. We were.
Who won?

Just the simple act of
Completing a task well

Is in itself a win,
Is it not, miss geller?

Yes, sir.
Wonderful.

Anyhow, as I was listening
To you both this afternoon,

The thought kept rolling
Around in my head.

I was thinking what a pity it is
I will have to choose just one.

Then I realized,
"Hold on a minute.

"I'm the headmaster
Of this school.

"I'm in charge
Of this competition.

I can change the rules
If I wish to."

So I am.

You are...
You are what?

I am changing the rules.

Instead of having one speaker
At our bicentennial,

We will have two.

You will combine your speeches
And present them together.

You're kidding.
I assure you I am not.

I think it'll be an excellent
Way to pay proper tribute
To our school.

So what do you think?

Well...
It's, uh...

Brilliant, yes.
I think so, too.

That's all.
Congratulations.

I would like the revised copy
Of your speech

On my desk by tuesday.

Enjoy the rest
Of your weekend.

Well, look who's suddenly
Decided to become kofi annan.

Excuse me?
Charleston thinks
We need to play nice,

So he screws up
The whole bicentennial.

This sucks.
Yes, it does suck.

So what do we do now?
Do we have a choice?

Of course.
You could say no.

Why could I say no?
You could say no.

I couldn't.
C-span is going to be there.

I like c-span
As much as you do.

You do not.
I do, too.

Ask my mom.
It's all I talk about.

So I guess we need
A game plan now.

Okay. We can meet at school
Tomorrow and work on it.

We could do it
Over the phone.
Over the phone?

We're just combining
Two speeches, rory.

We don't need to sit together
Staring at each other.

Fine, whatever you want.

Tomorrow night, 6:00.

I'll call you.

I can't wait.

What are you doing here?
We have a speech to write.

The plan was
To do it over phone.
It's a ridiculous plan.

We have to put two
Speeches together,
Rehearse, hone our timing.

It can't be done
Over the phone.
It was your idea.

Like you fought me
On it?
Of course I didn't.

Well, okay, then.

Our conversation did not
Just come to a close.

There was not
A decision made.
Look, I'm here.

We should just do this
And get it over with.

Fine. I'll go
To a pay phone.

Do you have pay phones
In this town?

We'll do it here.
Whatever you say.

So, I think
The first thing to do

Is to acquaint ourselves
With each other's speeches

So we can judge who hit
What point best.

Here.

[ sighs ]

Fine.

Good. Let's read.

Why did you use this font?
Because I was on the crack.

Did you check
These facts?
Yes, I did.

The spelling
Of these names?
Yes, I did.

Rory?
What, paris?

I slept with jamie.

Last night, after we talked.

Was it something I said?

I went there,
He lit a fire, we did it.

What are your thoughts?
My thoughts?

Because I'm not exactly sure
How I feel about it myself yet.

I've been going over it
In my head.

It seemed to go pretty well --
The fire was nice,

And he didn't try to put on
Any ridiculous make-out music.

And then it just happened.

I was actually surprised
At the timing of it

Because I wasn't wearing
Anything particularly alluring,

And in the moments
Just before the act,

We were actually discussing
Modern-day marxism in america,

Which is not
What I would've deemed

A "Come and get it"
Sort of conversation,

Nevertheless
I have to figure out

What that means to me
On a psychological level.

So I thought,
Maybe if you and I

Could have a healthy debate
About it,

I could come to some
Reasonable conclusion

About how I should be feeling.

So, come on, talk.
What do you think?

I --

Are you pro?
Well --

Con? Undecided?
Well --

Paris, just stop talking
For one second

And let me get my mind
Around this.

Sorry. Go ahead. Focus.

Could you focus faster because I
Really need some feedback here?

Okay, so, you are telling me
That you and jamie had sex.

Okay, so, were you safe?

Yes. It was a regular
"Afterschool special."

Well, was he nice to you?
Yes, he was very nice to me.

And the two of you
Had discussed this --

Well, I don't know that we
Actually discussed it.

It was just sort of implied.

Implied?
Yes, implied.

When you're dating a boy,
And you're together

For a given amount of time
And you're not amish,

Then the eventual occurrence
Of intercourse is inevitable.

I mean, wasn't it with you?

What?
With dean.

No.
No?

No. I never did it
With dean.

Oh. Well, then with jess,
Right?

Um...No.

You're lying.
No, I'm not lying.

You haven't?
No.

Why not?

I just haven't.

It's just not the time.

If it's not
The time for you,

Maybe it isn't time
For me, either.

Paris, you can't judge
What's right for you

Against what's right
For me.

We're different, and jamie
And jess are different.

Well, yeah.

Maybe it was the time
For you two.

I guess. I wish I had
The data to back it up.

Some things
Can't be analyzed.

Listen, rory,
These last few weeks,

Francie got things
All twisted around.

You let her get things
Twisted around.

I know. I just tend to
Believe the worst
In people, you know?

Oh, yeah. I know.

I'm...
That's okay.

Hello! Mommy's home!
We're in here!

"We're"? Who's "We're"?
Oh, hey, paris.

I didn't know you were
Coming over tonight.

It wasn't planned.
Well, I brought pizza.

I have to take my retainer
Out first.

I'll get the plates.

Hey.
Hey.

I'm taking you shopping
Tomorrow.

Why?

It just seems time...
For new shoes.

Okay.
Okay.

[ sighs ]

[ singsong voice ]
I've got the good kid!

...Of 200 years of tradition,

Chilton begins its third century
Of educating...

Okay, I got the coats hung.

I slipped the girl a buck
To get the hangers

With dry-cleaning foam
Strips attached.

Why are you frowning?
Are you nervous?
What? No. I mean, yes.

Paris is supposed to be here,
And she's not.

Well, maybe she just had
A clothing crisis.

Maybe.

Do you want to call her?
I did. No answer.

I'm sure she's fine.
There's traffic.

Just relax.
Okay.

There you are.

Grandpa, you came.
Of course I came.

I wouldn't miss my granddaughter
Talking on national tv.

It's quite a nice turnout
You have here.

We're proud of people who have
Nothing to do on friday night.

Your mind never tires
For a moment, does it?

It will once people
Start talking.
Charming.

I'm gonna track down some coffee
'cause there's no way

They're not serving coffee
At this thing.

I'll be right back.
Relax. She'll be here.

Stanford's been really
Fantastic. It's --

Hi.
Hi.

Excuse me for a moment.

We seem to be running into
Each other a lot lately.

Oh, come on, you know.

Where there's c-span,
There's...Me.

[ chuckles ]

Is rory around?

She's looking for paris
And panicking.

She's gonna have
To do this alone.

Paris will come.
I told her that.

Listen,
Do you have a second?

Sure.

I just, um --

I just want to talk to you
About, uh...

I just -- I wanted to get away
From the --

Anyhow...

Just haven't really...
Talked since --

No, we haven't.

[ chuckles nervously ]

I always meant to call you,

But I'm not good at calling when
A call is really necessary,

And then, you know, uh, if you
Don't call for a while,

It gets harder to call,
And then, after a while,

It feels like it's too late
To call, so you don't,

Although you always know
You should've called,

And I should've called.
It's okay.

No, it's not.

I never really explained
What happened.

You didn't marry me.

Yes, I know, but I never really
Explained why.

I just didn't.

You didn't love me.

I don't think
I didn't love you.

I think -- I think I was not
Ready to get married.

Because you didn't love me.

No, I really don't think
That was it.

Sometimes the person you love

Is not the person you're ready
To live with forever.

I'm not saying it's right --
Lorelai, listen to me.

I appreciate this,
I really do,

But there's no need for it.

I-I'm really okay.

Oh, no. I know you're --
No, I'm sure you're okay.

I'm not saying this because
You don't look okay.

You look great...
Really great.

Although
I'm not saying this

Because you look really great,
Although you do.

Did you join a gym
In california?

I've always wanted to teach
At a university like stanford.

And finally the opportunity
Came up.

I went,
And it was wonderful.

If we'd been getting married,
I wouldn't be able to take it.

You're welcome.

And being away
Gave me time to think.

I thought,
And now I'm fine.

It's just --
We never had any closure.

Life's not really about closure,
Is it?

No, I guess not.

So, you're okay?

I'm okay.
I'm over it.

Sure?

I am completely sure.

Well, then,
Boy, don't I feel stupid?

You are many things,
But stupid is not one of them.

Well, I'm really glad
I got to see you again.

Me too.

I better get back.

Okay.

[ sighs ]

Rory, you and paris
Should get ready.

You're going on next.

Richard, I didn't know
You were coming.

How are you?
Very, very well, hanlin.

Wonderful.
Let me find you a seat.
I'm also with my daughter.

Two seats.

Rory, where's paris?
I don't know.

I haven't seen her,
And I called her house.

Oh, dear. Well, I hope
You know both parts.

Okay, great.
You are going to
Be wonderful, trust me.

Now, did anyone ever tell you

To picture the audience
In their underwear?

Yes.
Well, don't do it.

I did it once and I had
Nightmares for a week.

Bulgarians in speedos.

They're rounding.
Is she here?

No.
Oh, well --
Oh, there she is.

Where?
Oh, thank you, god.

Okay. Be great.
We'll see you afterward.

Where have you been?

Paris, you okay?

And it is
With great pleasure

That I introduce
Two young ladies

That epitomize the very best of
What chilton has to offer.

Paris, are you okay?

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you
Paris geller and rory gilmore.

"Apply yourself.

"Get all the education you can,
But then do something.

Don't just stand there.
Make it happen."

Lee iacocca.

"Education's purpose

Is to replace an empty mind
With an open one."

Malcolm forbes.

[ sighs ]

"Education
Is an admirable thing,

"But it is well to remember
From time to time

That nothing that is worth
Knowing can be taught."

Oscar wilde.

These are only three
Of many countless views

On the expansion
Of the human mind.

I personally believe
In all of them,

And, fortunately for me,
So does chilton,

An institution not just
Because of age and standing,

But because of ideas,
Because it encourages ideas,

And it will accept
Nothing less

Than everything
You have to give.

This is the place
Where our lives start.

You know, it's funny,

Me standing here
Before you right now.

I've thought about nothing else
For four years

But this school --

This big, important school

With all of its history
And tradition

And really super teachers.

And I dedicated myself to it,

Completely...

Heart and soul...

Believing in its power,

Believing in its ability

To get me
Where I needed to go --

Harvard.

I thought of nothing else.

Many of you out there
Can attest to that fact.

I was on my way,
And nothing could stop me.

And here's
The really funny thing.

After four years
Of slaving away,

I go home today,
And I found this.

I'm not going to harvard!

I got the tiny envelope,
The one that reads,

"Sorry, paris,
We're not interested.

Try again next year.
Love, harvard."

And the thing
That's really funny here is

Who in the world deserves
To go to harvard

More than me?

Have you seen how hard
I've worked

Over these past four years?

I mean,
Can anyone here believe

That I'm not going
To harvard?

I can't.

I'm not going to harvard.
I am not going to harvard.

I had sex,
But I'm not going to harvard!

Okay --

If you asked me which of those
Two events

Would be the least
Likely to happen,

It wouldn't be
Not going to harvard!

Thank you and goodnight.
I'm being punished.

I had sex, so now I don't get
To go to harvard.

She's never had sex.
She'll probably go to harvard.

Pack your chastity belt,
Gilmore!

You're going to harvard!
Come on!

[ sobbing ] How could I have
Not gotten into harvard?

Five generations of gellers
Have gotten into harvard.

Even if I was the billy carter
Of the family,

The name is still supposed
To carry some weight.
Paris.

They had to really not like me
For me not to get in.

It's like they know me
Or something.

Stop. I know how much
This meant to you, paris,

But you are going to get
Just as good an education

At one of the other
Great schools

You're destined to get into.
And you know what?

Maybe it's a good thing
That you're going
To a different school

Than the rest
Of your family.

You'll be doing
Your own thing,

Starting your own tradition.
Doesn't that sound exciting?

I can't believe I slept
With jamie.

I'm a slut.

No, you're not.

You love him.

What if he doesn't love me
Anymore?

What if he doesn't think
I'm special anymore?

How am I going to tell him
I didn't get into harvard?

What am I gonna do?

Paris, I don't know why you
Didn't get into harvard,

But you are so smart
And so special,

And you'll see,
Everything's gonna be fine.

Hey. I just wanted to make sure
Everything was okay.

Yeah. We've got everything
Under control. Thanks.

Okay. I'll be outside when
You're ready. No rush.

Thanks.

Well, all I've got to say is

After all the trouble
This sex thing has caused me,

I had better have been good.

That's the perspective
I know and love.

Dad, I'm sorry. I was
Just checking on the girls.

I hope they're feeling
Good about themselves.

They did a wonderful job.

I'm sure they'll be very pleased
To hear you think so.

Listen, um,
I need to get home.

I'm expecting a very important
Call from china

That, unfortunately,
I cannot miss.

That's fine, dad.
I'll tell rory you had to go.

Alright. And tell her I'll call
Her later, and give her this.

Oh, that's very nice.
Now, how about my finder's fee?

You're very amusing.
Thank you for a lovely evening.

And I'll see the two of you
On friday.

Goodnight. Sleep tight.

Excuse me. Hi.
I am not seeing my coat here,

It was very cute,
And it was on sale,

I'll fling myself off
A building if I lose it.

We put some of the coat racks
In the classroom there.

Else the staircase
To the roof is on your right.

Thank you.

[ chuckles ]

Took 200 years,

But somebody at chilton
Finally cracked a joke.

Okay.
Oh.

So, this is where they keep
The coats they're ashamed of.

This school has taken snobbery
To a whole new level.

So, is rory okay?
Oh, yeah.

She's taking care of paris,
But she's good, thanks.

I must say, I've been a teacher
For 10 years now,

And it wasn't until today

I realized it must be
Really hard to be a girl.

And with the invention
Of sephora,

Really expensive, too.

I'm very sorry.
Oh, don't be.

At least we get to wear skirts
Without being scottish

Or riding a float
In the gay-pride parade.

That'll change someday,
My friend,

And when it does,
I still won't wear a skirt,

But I'll applaud
Those that do,

And then cross the street
So nobody sees I'm with them.

It was nice seeing you.
Nice to see you, too.

Take care of yourself.
I will.

And apparently I'm...

Not over it.

I'm not getting rid of my
Knives, jackson.

I'm a chef.
I have to have knives.

Sookie.
And I'm also not cutting off
The water supply,

And I'm not sanding down all
The edges of my furniture.

Now, I'm sorry that you think
This house is a deathtrap.

I'm sorry that you think there's
Nothing in our lifestyles

That is conducive
To having a baby,

But our kid is gonna have to be
Bright enough

Not to disconnect
The water hose

That goes to the automatic
Ice maker

And shove it up
His or her nose.

Now go to sleep.

Did I tell you
How happy I am?

No, you didn't.

I have never been happier

About anything
In my entire life.

Really?

Our wedding day,

But this is running
A really close second.

Jackson.

Now, if you would just get rid
Of the knives,

I think it could make it
A tie.

I wasn't kidding
About the knives.

Goodnight, jackson.

If I could read you
The statistics

Just one more time --

I love you, jackson.

Hold on. I'll find them.

But --
I don't know.

What does this mean?
I don't know.

What are you gonna do?
I don't know.

What about alex?

I don't know.

But is max going --

There's not gonna be a wealth
Of information tonight.

Sorry.

It's just so...

[ sighs ]

The big one.

Looks like paris was right.

Apparently you're the biggest
Virgin in the world.

Wow.

So?

What?
I don't know.

Well,
What does this mean?
I don't know.

Which one
Are you gonna choose?
I don't know.

I guess we better go inside.

We both have a lot of things
To figure out, huh?

Yep.
Yep.

So what are the odds
Paris's ever gonna have sex

Again in this lifetime?

I don't know.