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1
00:00:01,154 --> 00:00:03,006
Good morning wonderful people!
2
00:00:03,007 --> 00:00:07,092
You're in a good mood, so did somebody
get their pulsating showerhead fixed?
3
00:00:09,079 --> 00:00:10,839
I'll answer that when
you go through puberty.
4
00:00:12,682 --> 00:00:15,182
Uh, I happen to be in a good mood because
5
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,784
my son Derrick is home from
law school for the summer.
6
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:19,859
Now, I don't play favorites
with my children...
7
00:00:19,860 --> 00:00:21,368
But Derrick's my favorite.
8
00:00:23,026 --> 00:00:24,760
So, how is he? Last time I spoke with him,
9
00:00:24,794 --> 00:00:26,528
him and his girlfriend Cheryl
were getting pretty serious.
10
00:00:26,563 --> 00:00:28,230
Well, now it's seriously over.
11
00:00:28,264 --> 00:00:29,464
She was all wrong for him.
12
00:00:29,499 --> 00:00:31,266
And I was not shy about my feelings.
13
00:00:32,902 --> 00:00:34,703
Aww man, poor Cheryl.
14
00:00:34,737 --> 00:00:37,606
I would not want to get on your
bad side because you are just...
15
00:00:38,441 --> 00:00:39,441
The best person ever!
16
00:00:41,311 --> 00:00:43,511
Well, forget about poor
Cheryl, what about poor Derrick?
17
00:00:43,535 --> 00:00:44,813
I mean, the boy's a mess.
18
00:00:44,847 --> 00:00:47,749
Ugh. This is exactly why
I'm never in relationships.
19
00:00:47,784 --> 00:00:49,551
And San Francisco thanks you.
20
00:00:52,355 --> 00:00:55,991
Well, I am going to help him get over her.
21
00:00:56,025 --> 00:00:59,595
I stocked the fridge, upgraded the
cable, and bought a tandem bike.
22
00:00:59,629 --> 00:01:01,163
Wow.
23
00:01:01,197 --> 00:01:03,557
You know exactly what a
broken-hearted 24-year-old guy needs.
24
00:01:05,001 --> 00:01:06,602
Tandem bike riding with his mother.
25
00:01:07,670 --> 00:01:08,910
Look, Derrick's on the rebound.
26
00:01:08,934 --> 00:01:10,272
What he needs is a new girl.
27
00:01:10,306 --> 00:01:12,040
He already has a girl:
28
00:01:12,075 --> 00:01:13,075
His mama.
29
00:01:14,711 --> 00:01:16,972
Maybe you're right. Maybe I should
hook Derrick up with someone.
30
00:01:16,996 --> 00:01:20,115
But where am I going to find
someone good enough for my son?
31
00:01:20,149 --> 00:01:23,752
I mean, come on. Someone who's smart...
32
00:01:23,786 --> 00:01:25,454
Sweet.
33
00:01:25,488 --> 00:01:26,622
I mean, totally together.
34
00:01:28,558 --> 00:01:30,292
- I know, Gabi?
- Yes?
35
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:33,662
Is Sofia seeing anyone?
36
00:01:35,798 --> 00:01:39,468
Josh! There's been a
horrible disaster, I need you!
37
00:01:39,502 --> 00:01:41,203
What's wrong? You're shaking.
38
00:01:41,237 --> 00:01:44,148
A pipe burst in my townhouse
and all my clothes are wet.
39
00:01:45,208 --> 00:01:46,642
(Panting)
40
00:01:46,676 --> 00:01:49,217
Juju, can I stay here
until they fix everything?
41
00:01:49,218 --> 00:01:51,029
- It should only take a week.
- Of course.
42
00:01:51,064 --> 00:01:53,165
It'll be like a sneak
peek of when we're married.
43
00:01:53,199 --> 00:01:55,901
Maybe you'll get a
little sneak peek tonight?
44
00:01:55,935 --> 00:01:57,503
Living with you is already awesome.
45
00:01:58,471 --> 00:01:59,671
How great is this, right guys?
46
00:01:59,695 --> 00:02:00,695
- Super fun.
- Fantastic.
47
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:01,700
Can't wait.
48
00:02:02,408 --> 00:02:04,376
(Theme music playing)
49
00:02:07,512 --> 00:02:09,655
Sync and corrected by thatjulio
www.addic7ed.com
50
00:02:09,656 --> 00:02:10,940
(Bike bell rings)
51
00:02:12,452 --> 00:02:14,186
Hi.
52
00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:17,022
Oh, you're looking nice for your date.
53
00:02:17,056 --> 00:02:20,073
I'm already getting cozy
with mine, Se�or Kettle Corn.
54
00:02:21,094 --> 00:02:22,394
Oh.
55
00:02:22,428 --> 00:02:24,429
Oh, someone's already
getting to second base.
56
00:02:26,065 --> 00:02:27,065
(Knocking)
57
00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:29,434
Oh, my god, that's him.
58
00:02:29,469 --> 00:02:31,136
I'm so excited.
59
00:02:33,039 --> 00:02:35,073
There's nothing sexier than a lawyer.
60
00:02:36,276 --> 00:02:38,277
Ooh, except a lawyer with flowers.
61
00:02:40,246 --> 00:02:41,346
I do not object.
62
00:02:42,382 --> 00:02:43,382
Sofia?
63
00:02:43,383 --> 00:02:45,150
Guilty as charged.
64
00:02:45,185 --> 00:02:47,286
Come on in, Derrick.
65
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:50,989
Hi, I'm the girl your mother didn't
think was good enough for you.
66
00:02:51,024 --> 00:02:52,157
Oh, Gabi?
67
00:02:52,192 --> 00:02:53,992
It's funny, you don't
look like a train wreck.
68
00:02:55,428 --> 00:02:58,063
Sofia, I was thinking maybe we could, uh...
69
00:02:59,432 --> 00:03:01,200
I'm sorry, I can't do this.
70
00:03:01,234 --> 00:03:03,368
Wow, that's the fastest
I've ever been dumped.
71
00:03:04,441 --> 00:03:07,688
Look, it's not you, it's just the girl
I'm in love with just broke up with me.
72
00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:09,619
- Sofia and Gabi: Aww
- You should sue her.
73
00:03:11,211 --> 00:03:12,311
Do you wanna talk about it?
74
00:03:12,345 --> 00:03:14,246
Not really.
75
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,049
It's just, she couldn't see a future
with us 'cause my mom didn't like her.
76
00:03:17,083 --> 00:03:18,243
Why, what was wrong with her?
77
00:03:18,267 --> 00:03:19,284
Nothing, she was perfect.
78
00:03:19,319 --> 00:03:22,221
She was top of her class in law
school, and she's an academic fellow
79
00:03:22,255 --> 00:03:23,388
for the united nations.
80
00:03:23,423 --> 00:03:26,692
Wow, so she's good enough for
the entire world, but not Yolanda.
81
00:03:27,727 --> 00:03:29,428
But Derrick, Cheryl sounds like the one.
82
00:03:29,462 --> 00:03:31,302
I mean, you don't just
meet somebody like that.
83
00:03:31,326 --> 00:03:33,805
I mean... I had that with
my last boyfriend, Cooper.
84
00:03:33,829 --> 00:03:35,934
We had this amazing
connection until, you know...
85
00:03:35,969 --> 00:03:37,436
He dumped me and moved to China.
86
00:03:38,638 --> 00:03:40,638
But, you know, the point
is if you love somebody...
87
00:03:40,662 --> 00:03:43,976
I do! And she's perfect for me,
but my mom refuses to see that.
88
00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:45,530
- Well then, you gotta make her.
- How?
89
00:03:46,012 --> 00:03:46,912
I don't know, why don't you...
90
00:03:46,946 --> 00:03:51,216
Date somebody who's not perfect for
you, somebody that Yolanda hates so much
91
00:03:51,251 --> 00:03:53,051
that she'll be begging Cheryl to come back.
92
00:03:53,086 --> 00:03:54,820
Uh, fine. I'll do it.
93
00:03:57,590 --> 00:03:58,757
Not you, Yolanda likes you.
94
00:03:58,791 --> 00:04:01,393
You're sweet and smart
and totally together.
95
00:04:01,427 --> 00:04:04,438
I mean, why do you think she tried
to set Derrick up with you and not me?
96
00:04:07,967 --> 00:04:09,434
Oh, my damn.
97
00:04:09,469 --> 00:04:12,271
Oh, I would be the most perfect
horrible girlfriend for you.
98
00:04:12,305 --> 00:04:14,006
No mother ever approves of me.
99
00:04:16,676 --> 00:04:17,676
(Doorbell rings)
100
00:04:20,713 --> 00:04:22,180
- Hey, mom.
- Oh, hey.
101
00:04:22,215 --> 00:04:23,335
Hey baby, how was your date?
102
00:04:23,349 --> 00:04:24,349
Great, you were so right.
103
00:04:24,384 --> 00:04:26,218
Oh, mama's always right.
104
00:04:26,252 --> 00:04:28,854
She's funny, she's smart, she's amazing!
105
00:04:28,888 --> 00:04:30,422
Oh, good morning, Yolanda.
106
00:04:30,456 --> 00:04:31,456
Hey, baby pie.
107
00:04:31,491 --> 00:04:32,524
(Stammering)
108
00:04:34,394 --> 00:04:36,931
Uh, "baby pie?" Who you callin' "baby pie?"
109
00:04:38,164 --> 00:04:40,866
Ooh, this is going to be
delicious. Tinder can wait.
110
00:04:42,368 --> 00:04:45,937
Yolanda, you have an amazing son,
and we had an amazing time last night.
111
00:04:45,972 --> 00:04:48,674
(Stuttering) No no no no
no no. No, no, oh, no, no, no.
112
00:04:49,642 --> 00:04:53,233
I set you up with Sofia.
Stable, grounded, Sofia!
113
00:04:54,113 --> 00:04:56,048
I mean, Gabi, I love you, but...
114
00:04:56,082 --> 00:04:58,684
You're not exactly future wife
of the second black President
115
00:04:58,718 --> 00:05:00,018
of the United States material.
116
00:05:01,487 --> 00:05:06,358
I think that a, uh, first lady with bad
credit and a few misdemeanors is relatable.
117
00:05:06,392 --> 00:05:07,993
Here come the anger sweats.
118
00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:14,499
I'm a go in that laundry room, and
I'm gon' get on my knees and pray!
119
00:05:16,269 --> 00:05:18,469
That that Tequila I hid in
the cabinet is still there.
120
00:05:22,842 --> 00:05:25,002
She's freaking out, she
totally believes we're a couple.
121
00:05:25,037 --> 00:05:26,537
You think she's ready to call Cheryl?
122
00:05:26,572 --> 00:05:27,512
Patience, okay?
123
00:05:27,514 --> 00:05:29,181
This plan is going to work perfectly.
124
00:05:29,215 --> 00:05:30,849
Soon, you'll be back with your girl?
125
00:05:30,883 --> 00:05:33,881
And I'll be alone on the couch, and
all will be right with the world.
126
00:05:37,657 --> 00:05:39,224
I've got news!
127
00:05:39,258 --> 00:05:41,159
Big news. So big that...
128
00:05:41,194 --> 00:05:43,194
Not now Elliot, I have
enough problems with Derrick.
129
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:47,466
What would it be worth to you if I
had some information about Derrick?
130
00:05:47,467 --> 00:05:52,204
And by "Derrick," I mean Derrick and Gabi.
And by "Derrick and Gabi," I mean...
131
00:05:52,238 --> 00:05:54,072
Do my laundry for a week and I'll tell you.
132
00:05:54,107 --> 00:05:57,188
Well that shouldn't be too hard, I used
to wash my Barbie and Ken's clothes.
133
00:05:58,277 --> 00:06:00,045
Spit it out!
134
00:06:00,079 --> 00:06:01,079
Girl...
135
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,849
Derrick and Gabi are
playing you like a fiddle.
136
00:06:03,883 --> 00:06:06,518
A big, 'ol, antique fiddle.
137
00:06:07,553 --> 00:06:09,254
What you talking about?
138
00:06:09,288 --> 00:06:11,857
They're pretending to be a
couple you'll hate so much,
139
00:06:11,891 --> 00:06:13,792
that you'll beg Cheryl to come back.
140
00:06:13,826 --> 00:06:15,761
Son of a b!
141
00:06:16,829 --> 00:06:17,763
Anyway...
142
00:06:17,797 --> 00:06:21,366
Tumble dry on low, easy on the starch,
and when it comes to detergents...
143
00:06:21,401 --> 00:06:22,901
I like Summer Meadow.
144
00:06:24,771 --> 00:06:27,572
I'm a teach those two a
lesson they will never forget.
145
00:06:27,607 --> 00:06:29,141
You don't play a player.
146
00:06:36,513 --> 00:06:37,513
I don't get it.
147
00:06:37,547 --> 00:06:38,648
My mom freaks out about us being a couple,
148
00:06:38,682 --> 00:06:41,150
and then invites us to
dinner? It doesn't make sense.
149
00:06:41,184 --> 00:06:42,351
Well, I guess she thought that,
you know, yelling didn't work,
150
00:06:42,386 --> 00:06:43,919
so she's gonna try and reason with us.
151
00:06:43,954 --> 00:06:46,155
But guess what? Reason
and this girl do not mix.
152
00:06:47,924 --> 00:06:49,759
Look, I mean, doing that for a
couple of minutes was one thing,
153
00:06:49,793 --> 00:06:52,113
but I don't think I can lie
to my mom for an entire dinner.
154
00:06:52,137 --> 00:06:53,137
She's a badass.
155
00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:55,264
Well, I am a badder-asser.
156
00:06:56,867 --> 00:06:59,502
And I am gonna be the worst girlfriend
that you have ever had. So let's rehearse.
157
00:06:59,536 --> 00:07:00,896
Sofia, will you be Yolanda, please?
158
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,622
(In a sassy voice) Oh, I
could be Yolanda all night long.
159
00:07:06,209 --> 00:07:08,811
Is that offensive? Because if I
cross the line, just let me know.
160
00:07:09,813 --> 00:07:10,746
You're cool.
161
00:07:10,781 --> 00:07:12,481
You're damn right, I am.
162
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:15,217
Okay, "Yo-fia,"
163
00:07:15,252 --> 00:07:16,185
give us what you got.
164
00:07:16,219 --> 00:07:19,188
(As Yolanda) Now, Derrick,
what do you see in Gabi?
165
00:07:19,222 --> 00:07:21,757
She can't pay her rent.
She didn't go to college.
166
00:07:21,792 --> 00:07:23,526
That girl is an
emotional tilt-a-whirl.
167
00:07:24,494 --> 00:07:28,197
Sofia... That was an
awesome impression. Good job.
168
00:07:28,231 --> 00:07:29,765
Thank you, baby.
169
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,747
Now, Derrick, I am telling you
that girl is not right for you,
170
00:07:32,769 --> 00:07:34,670
and what makes you think you
know better than your mama!
171
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:35,638
(Stuttering) I don't.
172
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:36,672
I'll break up with her.
173
00:07:38,308 --> 00:07:39,442
Derrick, what was that?
174
00:07:39,476 --> 00:07:41,516
You lost in ten seconds.
You gotta toughen up, okay?
175
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:42,812
Do you want Cheryl back or not?
176
00:07:42,846 --> 00:07:44,547
Yeah.
177
00:07:44,581 --> 00:07:46,449
Okay, then get it together, man!
178
00:07:48,352 --> 00:07:50,119
Less wimp, more pimp.
179
00:07:50,153 --> 00:07:51,954
Don't you use that tone with my son.
180
00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:58,874
Look, she just wants me to be happy and
you should too, you're my mom, damn it!
181
00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:01,764
(Both gasp) Ahh, Derrick, all right.
182
00:08:01,798 --> 00:08:05,187
You do that tonight, and Yolanda will be
on the phone with Cheryl before desert.
183
00:08:05,211 --> 00:08:06,469
(As Yolanda) Yes I will.
184
00:08:06,503 --> 00:08:07,636
Now give me a hug.
185
00:08:07,671 --> 00:08:09,605
Not you, blondie.
186
00:08:11,141 --> 00:08:12,141
Mama needs some sugar.
187
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,449
Hey.
188
00:08:20,484 --> 00:08:23,819
Baby, (stammering) What is all this?
189
00:08:23,854 --> 00:08:25,921
Well, it was touch and go but...
190
00:08:25,956 --> 00:08:27,623
We were able to save half my clothes.
191
00:08:29,292 --> 00:08:30,732
This... this is half of your clothes.
192
00:08:30,756 --> 00:08:32,490
Yolanda's definitely gonna ask for a raise.
193
00:08:33,063 --> 00:08:34,063
Uh...
194
00:08:34,064 --> 00:08:36,565
Don't you think maybe we should
get rid of some of this stuff?
195
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,068
No! I'd feel naked without it.
196
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,270
Hey! Oh, speaking of
naked, do you wanna do that?
197
00:08:41,304 --> 00:08:42,938
(Giggles)
198
00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:47,543
Oh, Juju, not on Calvin Klein.
199
00:08:47,577 --> 00:08:49,345
Um, how about that chair?
200
00:08:49,379 --> 00:08:50,379
No, no, no, no.
201
00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:52,140
- Not on Michael Kors.
- Not on Michael Kors.
202
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:54,283
That trunk looks good.
203
00:08:55,152 --> 00:08:56,652
Not on Valentino.
204
00:08:56,686 --> 00:08:58,521
You know what, babe? Forget it.
205
00:08:58,555 --> 00:09:00,355
I can't have sex in
front of all these people.
206
00:09:00,357 --> 00:09:01,357
Watch it, Calvin.
207
00:09:03,059 --> 00:09:06,429
Before we go out to eat, I would
just like to make a toast to Josh
208
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:09,365
for the use of his very romantic terrace.
209
00:09:09,399 --> 00:09:11,300
And to my boo, my boo's mom,
210
00:09:11,334 --> 00:09:12,435
and my "boo-ooze!"
211
00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:15,171
I love to get my drink on.
212
00:09:16,907 --> 00:09:18,641
You know what else I love?
213
00:09:18,675 --> 00:09:21,477
Derrick, for just being the
most generous person ever.
214
00:09:21,511 --> 00:09:24,213
Oh, I mean, come on, babe,
what was I supposed to do?
215
00:09:24,247 --> 00:09:25,447
You needed a thousand dollars.
216
00:09:25,471 --> 00:09:26,682
A thousand dollars?
217
00:09:26,716 --> 00:09:28,717
Oh, yeah, I just got a cash
advance on my credit card.
218
00:09:28,752 --> 00:09:29,912
- Like Gabi told me.
- Mm-hmm.
219
00:09:31,555 --> 00:09:34,123
But don't worry, I already
found a way to pay him back.
220
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,291
Super lotto!
221
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,528
And, I just found out my lucky numbers
from my astrologist so we're good.
222
00:09:40,564 --> 00:09:41,497
Okay, okay, okay.
223
00:09:41,531 --> 00:09:46,101
Now I need to say something. I see that you
two have taken quite liking to each other.
224
00:09:46,136 --> 00:09:47,937
But I can't hold my
tongue any longer, Gabi.
225
00:09:47,971 --> 00:09:48,971
Here it comes.
226
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:52,408
Welcome to the family!
227
00:09:52,442 --> 00:09:54,276
I couldn't be happier.
228
00:09:55,412 --> 00:09:56,412
Gabi and Derrick: What?
229
00:09:56,413 --> 00:09:57,346
You know what?
230
00:09:57,380 --> 00:09:58,914
Forget this cheap wine.
231
00:09:58,949 --> 00:10:02,718
I'm gonna go pop some of Josh's expensive
stuff so we can have a real toast.
232
00:10:02,752 --> 00:10:04,553
Ooh, I'm so excited!
233
00:10:04,588 --> 00:10:06,388
Ebony and Ivory.
234
00:10:10,060 --> 00:10:11,500
She likes us together? What happened?
235
00:10:11,524 --> 00:10:12,828
I'll tell you what happened.
236
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,663
I'm coming off too well, I'm too adorable.
237
00:10:16,266 --> 00:10:17,266
Hey.
238
00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:19,869
Not so adorable.
239
00:10:19,903 --> 00:10:21,670
I know a little secret.
240
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,672
And it's good.
241
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,509
Hey, Elliot, listen, we're kind of in
the middle of something with Yolanda here.
242
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:30,112
What would it be worth to you if I
had some information about Yolanda?
243
00:10:30,146 --> 00:10:32,882
And by "Yolanda," I
mean Yolanda and you two.
244
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:35,518
And by "Yolanda and you two," I mean...
245
00:10:37,287 --> 00:10:39,287
Cook me gourmet meals for
a week and I'll tell you.
246
00:10:39,489 --> 00:10:40,923
Just tell me.
247
00:10:40,957 --> 00:10:42,637
And by "just tell me," I mean just tell me!
248
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,596
Girl, Yolanda is playing you like a fiddle.
249
00:10:47,631 --> 00:10:50,065
A poor, blonde, annoying fiddle.
250
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:54,970
What's he talking about? She knows
that you two are faking being a couple.
251
00:10:55,005 --> 00:10:56,772
What? How'd she find that out?
252
00:10:56,806 --> 00:10:58,607
I have no idea.
253
00:11:00,110 --> 00:11:04,046
What's more important is that I
love bolognese and duck confit.
254
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,080
She's coming.
255
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,482
I must away.
256
00:11:08,451 --> 00:11:09,618
Don't be shy with the butter.
257
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,856
Ahh, here comes the champagne.
258
00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:15,057
Aww... ooh!
259
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,725
Champagne!
260
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,840
Oh, that would be a perfect
name for your first child.
261
00:11:18,864 --> 00:11:20,729
Okay, Yolanda, you can quit the charade.
262
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,431
Hm? Say what now?
263
00:11:22,465 --> 00:11:23,465
We get it, you win.
264
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:25,000
You know that we're not a couple.
265
00:11:25,035 --> 00:11:27,036
Ha! You're damn right I know.
266
00:11:27,070 --> 00:11:28,137
I'm not a pair of dice.
267
00:11:28,171 --> 00:11:29,672
Don't try to play me.
268
00:11:29,706 --> 00:11:31,740
I got to give it to
you, mom, you were right.
269
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:32,935
The whole thing was a ruse...
270
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:34,677
Mmm, I know, baby.
271
00:11:34,711 --> 00:11:36,979
In the beginning.
272
00:11:37,013 --> 00:11:40,716
But then, I spent so much time
with Gabi, my feelings became real.
273
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:42,618
It's over! Gotcha!
274
00:11:42,652 --> 00:11:45,767
I'm serious, Gabi. You're smart,
you're funny, you're beautiful...
275
00:11:45,791 --> 00:11:47,189
(Laughs nervously) What?
276
00:11:47,223 --> 00:11:49,191
Look, I didn't mean for this to happen.
277
00:11:49,225 --> 00:11:51,727
Uh, mean for what to
happen? What's happening?
278
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,716
Well, this whole thing
started because of Cheryl.
279
00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:56,620
When I'm with you, I
don't even think about her.
280
00:11:57,434 --> 00:11:58,334
I don't know how to say this, but...
281
00:11:58,368 --> 00:11:59,368
Uh, then don't.
282
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:03,472
You spent so much time trying
to help me find true love,
283
00:12:04,574 --> 00:12:06,375
- you actually did.
- (Gasps)
284
00:12:08,244 --> 00:12:09,979
Oh, my damn.
285
00:12:10,013 --> 00:12:12,748
(Stammering) Okay, my heart is
racing. Here come the anger sweats.
286
00:12:12,782 --> 00:12:14,750
I'm a go in Josh's office
287
00:12:14,784 --> 00:12:16,719
and I'm gonna get on my
knees and I'm gonna pray.
288
00:12:16,753 --> 00:12:18,993
That that bourbon I hid in
the shredder is still there.
289
00:12:20,624 --> 00:12:22,391
Dude! That was awesome!
290
00:12:22,425 --> 00:12:25,027
What a performance, you even
had me fooled for a second.
291
00:12:25,061 --> 00:12:27,696
It wasn't a performance.
292
00:12:27,731 --> 00:12:28,731
I meant it.
293
00:12:29,566 --> 00:12:30,566
Oh, my damn.
294
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,380
(Whispering) Sofia.
295
00:12:38,482 --> 00:12:39,482
Sofia.
296
00:12:40,851 --> 00:12:42,718
- (Louder) Sofia!
- Oh, my god!
297
00:12:42,753 --> 00:12:44,687
Whoa, it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me!
298
00:12:45,756 --> 00:12:47,456
What the hell is wrong with you?
299
00:12:47,491 --> 00:12:48,724
Um, I, uh...
300
00:12:51,428 --> 00:12:54,030
Listen, I, uh, I really messed up.
301
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:55,965
Oh, what a shocking turn of events.
302
00:12:58,635 --> 00:13:00,955
Listen, while I was trying to
be the worst girlfriend ever,
303
00:13:00,979 --> 00:13:03,647
charm and sexiness just
kept oozing out of me.
304
00:13:05,042 --> 00:13:07,843
And then Derrick fell in love with me.
305
00:13:07,878 --> 00:13:09,545
With me! With me!
306
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,100
I mean, what is this power I have
over men, I'm like "man crack."
307
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,124
What am I going to do?
308
00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:15,151
Okay, calm down.
309
00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:17,119
- I have a plan.
- Okay, all right, what is it?
310
00:13:17,154 --> 00:13:19,789
But it's big, and you've
never done this before.
311
00:13:19,823 --> 00:13:21,543
Okay, good, I like it
already. Give it to me!
312
00:13:22,793 --> 00:13:24,593
- When you go to work in the morning,
- Uh-huh.
313
00:13:24,627 --> 00:13:26,228
- Gather everybody together.
- Uh-huh.
314
00:13:26,262 --> 00:13:27,341
And you tell them...
315
00:13:27,342 --> 00:13:28,842
- You ready?
- Yeah.
316
00:13:28,843 --> 00:13:30,024
The truth!
317
00:13:30,634 --> 00:13:31,634
And?
318
00:13:32,469 --> 00:13:33,603
There's no "and."
319
00:13:33,637 --> 00:13:35,338
No more plans, okay?
320
00:13:35,372 --> 00:13:38,741
You tell Derrick that he's a great
guy, but you don't like him in that way,
321
00:13:38,775 --> 00:13:44,480
and then you apologize to Yolanda
for breaking her son's heart, again.
322
00:13:44,514 --> 00:13:47,450
And then just stop getting
involved in other people's lives.
323
00:13:47,484 --> 00:13:50,052
But if I don't get involved
in other people's lives
324
00:13:50,087 --> 00:13:52,688
I'll have to focus on my
own and that's not fun.
325
00:13:58,128 --> 00:13:59,929
Josh, why are you here eating alone?
326
00:13:59,963 --> 00:14:01,243
Why are you here drinking alone?
327
00:14:04,434 --> 00:14:05,468
Both: What's wrong?
328
00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:09,038
I think my future wife is a hoarder.
329
00:14:09,072 --> 00:14:12,241
Oh, baby, I'm sure she's had her share
of men, but I wouldn't call her a...
330
00:14:12,276 --> 00:14:13,676
Hoarder!
331
00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:14,644
"Der."
332
00:14:14,678 --> 00:14:16,512
Oh, my bad, sorry.
333
00:14:16,546 --> 00:14:17,647
What's going on with you?
334
00:14:17,681 --> 00:14:21,484
It's Gabi. She tried to play me by
pretending she was Derrick's new girlfriend
335
00:14:21,518 --> 00:14:23,238
and then she made him
fall in love with her.
336
00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:25,855
She's all wrong for him.
337
00:14:25,889 --> 00:14:27,169
What's the matter with that girl?
338
00:14:27,924 --> 00:14:29,425
Yolanda...
339
00:14:29,459 --> 00:14:32,261
I'm gonna say something
that I've never said before.
340
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:35,064
I don't think Gabi's the problem.
341
00:14:35,999 --> 00:14:37,066
Excuse me?
342
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:40,736
I didn't hear "Gabi was wrong" or "crazy
white girl" anywhere in that sentence.
343
00:14:40,771 --> 00:14:43,832
I've never heard you say one nice thing
about any of Derrick's girlfriends.
344
00:14:43,856 --> 00:14:46,909
What's wrong with a mother wanting
the perfect girl for her son?
345
00:14:46,943 --> 00:14:48,944
He found her.
346
00:14:48,979 --> 00:14:49,912
Cheryl.
347
00:14:49,946 --> 00:14:51,514
But no...
348
00:14:51,548 --> 00:14:53,349
(Chuckles)
349
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:57,053
I think you and Caroline
have the same issue.
350
00:14:58,088 --> 00:14:59,155
You can't let go.
351
00:15:00,624 --> 00:15:01,724
Is that what you think?
352
00:15:01,758 --> 00:15:02,758
I'm holding on too tight?
353
00:15:03,660 --> 00:15:04,560
What do you think?
354
00:15:04,594 --> 00:15:06,996
I think if I let him go,
355
00:15:07,030 --> 00:15:09,150
I'm not going to be the main
woman in his life anymore.
356
00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:13,436
And he's gonna run off into the sunset
with some new girl on that tandem bike.
357
00:15:14,438 --> 00:15:15,438
Come here.
358
00:15:17,474 --> 00:15:19,075
He's not going anywhere.
359
00:15:19,109 --> 00:15:20,810
Aww...
360
00:15:20,844 --> 00:15:22,778
You pay all of his bills.
361
00:15:26,516 --> 00:15:27,616
Caroline.
362
00:15:27,651 --> 00:15:29,485
I think I figured out what your problem is.
363
00:15:29,519 --> 00:15:31,253
Oh, which one?
364
00:15:31,288 --> 00:15:34,423
The one that's making my bedroom
look like a Barney's warehouse sale.
365
00:15:34,447 --> 00:15:38,116
Oh, Juju, I wouldn't know,
I've never been to a sale.
366
00:15:39,663 --> 00:15:40,796
I think...
367
00:15:40,831 --> 00:15:42,298
You're afraid of letting go.
368
00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:44,200
Really?
369
00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:46,202
No.
370
00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:49,204
You always told me that when you were a
kid, your parents travelled all the time.
371
00:15:49,228 --> 00:15:50,906
Even your nannies changed all the time.
372
00:15:50,941 --> 00:15:53,409
I was thinking...
373
00:15:53,443 --> 00:15:55,444
The only constant you had was your stuff.
374
00:15:57,047 --> 00:15:58,781
Well, I never thought of it like that.
375
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:00,750
You might be right.
376
00:16:01,785 --> 00:16:05,254
These designers are like the
only family I've ever had.
377
00:16:05,288 --> 00:16:06,489
Not anymore.
378
00:16:08,024 --> 00:16:09,024
Aww, Juju.
379
00:16:10,060 --> 00:16:11,227
Hey, look at that.
380
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:13,129
You let go, now there's room for me.
381
00:16:13,163 --> 00:16:15,531
You know which outfit I
want to let go of first?
382
00:16:15,565 --> 00:16:16,499
Huh?
383
00:16:16,533 --> 00:16:17,533
This one.
384
00:16:23,173 --> 00:16:24,173
Gabi?
385
00:16:25,075 --> 00:16:27,009
Oh, Derrick.
386
00:16:28,745 --> 00:16:30,613
Derrick, Derrick, Derrick, we need to talk.
387
00:16:30,647 --> 00:16:32,087
Yeah, actually I wanted to talk to...
388
00:16:32,111 --> 00:16:33,278
No, no, shh. Me first.
389
00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:36,018
Come on, let's go somewhere private.
390
00:16:37,554 --> 00:16:39,088
Derrick...
391
00:16:40,056 --> 00:16:41,924
Love is funny sometimes.
392
00:16:41,958 --> 00:16:44,727
It, uh, it creeps up on you
when you least expect it.
393
00:16:44,761 --> 00:16:46,662
You can't control it. You can't predict it.
394
00:16:46,696 --> 00:16:48,464
And you can't force it.
395
00:16:48,498 --> 00:16:49,432
What I'm trying to say is...
396
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:51,367
Gabi, I'm not in love with you.
397
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:53,035
I just wanted my mom to think I was.
398
00:16:53,069 --> 00:16:55,171
Oh, yeah, rejection is hard.
399
00:16:55,205 --> 00:16:57,039
No, it's not that.
400
00:16:57,073 --> 00:16:59,742
It's just when your plan failed
I had to think of something else.
401
00:16:59,776 --> 00:17:02,411
- I was desperate.
- Okay, okay.
402
00:17:02,446 --> 00:17:05,514
Let's say that I believe that
you came up with this new plan.
403
00:17:05,549 --> 00:17:07,116
That was better than mine.
404
00:17:08,452 --> 00:17:09,692
I mean, why didn't you tell me?
405
00:17:09,716 --> 00:17:11,053
Plausible deniability.
406
00:17:11,087 --> 00:17:12,688
(Faintly) Oh, plausible deniability...
407
00:17:14,591 --> 00:17:19,528
You know, Derrick, uh, you talk real fancy,
and it all seems, uh, very believable.
408
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:24,066
But at the end of the day, you
know, what did your big plan get you?
409
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:26,001
(Doorbell rings)
410
00:17:28,104 --> 00:17:30,706
Cheryl, thank you so much for coming by.
411
00:17:30,740 --> 00:17:32,641
Thanks for calling, Yolanda.
412
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:34,477
I do not know what
changed your mind about me,
413
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:36,278
but I am not going to question it.
414
00:17:37,380 --> 00:17:39,415
Smart girl. Now get ready
415
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:42,952
because he's gonna be so
surprised when he sees you!
416
00:17:42,986 --> 00:17:43,986
Put on a little lipstick.
417
00:17:46,823 --> 00:17:47,823
Cheryl!
418
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,625
What are you doing here?
419
00:17:49,659 --> 00:17:52,561
Your mom called me.
I've missed you so much.
420
00:17:53,730 --> 00:17:55,364
Thanks mom. You're the best.
421
00:17:55,398 --> 00:17:58,367
I just wanted to see you smile again, baby.
422
00:17:58,401 --> 00:18:00,202
I paid a lot for those teeth.
423
00:18:03,039 --> 00:18:04,599
So, are you okay with me calling Cheryl?
424
00:18:04,623 --> 00:18:08,477
Are you kidding? Yeah. Are you okay that
I manipulated you into calling Cheryl?
425
00:18:09,846 --> 00:18:12,515
I had to. It's true love.
426
00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,383
Oh, I know.
427
00:18:14,417 --> 00:18:16,318
But it doesn't mean that I don't love you.
428
00:18:16,353 --> 00:18:18,513
I would be lucky to have
someone like you in my family.
429
00:18:18,537 --> 00:18:20,071
You already do.
430
00:18:20,857 --> 00:18:22,658
I just have, um... I have one question.
431
00:18:22,692 --> 00:18:25,494
At dinner, how did you know that
Derrick and I were faking it?
432
00:18:25,529 --> 00:18:26,729
I have a better question.
433
00:18:26,763 --> 00:18:29,231
How did you know that I
knew that you were faking it?
434
00:18:31,535 --> 00:18:33,235
Both: Elliot!
435
00:18:35,205 --> 00:18:36,205
Okay.
436
00:18:36,206 --> 00:18:37,873
We can work this out.
437
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,875
You, don't have to do my undies.
438
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,477
And you...
439
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:43,512
Just the duck confit
and we'll call it a day.
440
00:18:44,681 --> 00:18:46,382
So we all good?
441
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:49,285
(Shouts)
442
00:18:52,461 --> 00:18:54,234
Please, just do it for me one more time.
443
00:18:54,235 --> 00:18:56,374
- No.
- Please, Sofia, please?
444
00:18:56,375 --> 00:18:58,246
Fine. (Clears throat)
445
00:18:58,861 --> 00:19:00,428
(As Yolanda) Oh, hell no!
446
00:19:02,531 --> 00:19:04,365
What did you mess up this time, Gabi?
447
00:19:05,601 --> 00:19:07,602
You are a roller coaster
without the brakes.
448
00:19:09,638 --> 00:19:10,638
Sofia...
449
00:19:10,639 --> 00:19:13,630
Uh-uh, I'm Yolanda, queen of the place!
450
00:19:15,628 --> 00:19:19,671
- Umm, Yolanda's here.
- You're damn skippy, I am.
451
00:19:20,513 --> 00:19:22,965
Yolanda's in the hiz-ouse!
452
00:19:23,828 --> 00:19:25,735
- Sofia!
- What?
453
00:19:29,259 --> 00:19:30,665
Oh, my damn.
454
00:19:31,609 --> 00:19:34,894
Pretty good impression.
You got the voice...
455
00:19:34,895 --> 00:19:36,908
But do you have the moves?
456
00:19:38,709 --> 00:19:40,382
You bet I do.
457
00:19:40,383 --> 00:19:43,728
Get moving!
Come on!
458
00:19:43,729 --> 00:19:47,947
_
459
00:19:47,948 --> 00:19:50,363
Sync and corrected by thatjulio
www.addic7ed.com
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