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1
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Oh!
2
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I am so depressed.
3
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I never want to go to
the farmer's market again.
4
00:00:07,788 --> 00:00:10,289
We don't even deserve this kale.
5
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I wanna kale myself.
6
00:00:14,161 --> 00:00:15,836
Why did we have to run into Lizette?
7
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- Lizette.
- Lizette?
8
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:21,967
How does thin-lipped Lizette from
High School have a lip-balm empire?
9
00:00:22,002 --> 00:00:24,770
Remember when people used
to call her "lizard lips"?
10
00:00:24,805 --> 00:00:27,945
Yeah. Wow, we were so mean.
11
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Yeah, for someone so busy,
12
00:00:30,744 --> 00:00:32,908
she certainly had plenty of
time to brag about herself.
13
00:00:34,974 --> 00:00:37,516
I can't believe we're
23 and already washed up.
14
00:00:37,551 --> 00:00:39,968
Right? What happened to our dreams?
15
00:00:39,969 --> 00:00:41,643
You were gonna be the next Julia Child
16
00:00:41,644 --> 00:00:43,044
with your own restaurant and cookbook
17
00:00:43,045 --> 00:00:45,091
and TV show. You were gonna have an empire.
18
00:00:45,125 --> 00:00:46,826
Yeah, I don't have that.
19
00:00:48,194 --> 00:00:50,474
And I don't have a corner
office on Wall Street
20
00:00:50,475 --> 00:00:52,631
with a hot assistant who's
secretly in love with me.
21
00:00:53,599 --> 00:00:55,701
- This is a wake-up call.
- Yes it is.
22
00:00:55,736 --> 00:00:57,603
- We got to start networking.
- Yes we do.
23
00:00:57,637 --> 00:00:59,467
We've got to start
emailing all the successful
24
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,374
people we know to help
us get to the next level.
25
00:01:01,408 --> 00:01:03,509
Yes, I'm doing that right now.
26
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:05,933
Okay.
27
00:01:06,924 --> 00:01:10,293
Wow, I don't know any successful people.
28
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,818
Ooh, do you remember Logan Rawlings?
29
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The lesbian magazine editor
30
00:01:14,568 --> 00:01:16,448
- you fake-dated to help Josh.
- Yeah!
31
00:01:16,449 --> 00:01:19,692
She's totally successful and could
totally help me get to the next level.
32
00:01:20,761 --> 00:01:22,361
What is the next level?
33
00:01:23,278 --> 00:01:26,153
Okay, well you know all those food
articles you read about? And then
34
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you're like, "I could've written
that," but you never write anything?
35
00:01:28,435 --> 00:01:30,102
Yeah, I'm really good at that.
36
00:01:31,196 --> 00:01:34,340
Well, why don't you write a
food article for her magazine?
37
00:01:34,374 --> 00:01:36,942
That is a great idea, Sofia.
38
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You are the smartest loser I know.
39
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(Theme music plays)
40
00:01:46,820 --> 00:01:48,821
She in the spotlight
41
00:01:48,855 --> 00:01:50,707
And she turn her head
42
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She run a red light
43
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'Cause she bad like that
44
00:01:54,545 --> 00:01:57,081
I like that, ooh, baby, ooh, baby
45
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Baby
46
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I like that, ooh, baby, ooh, baby
47
00:02:00,507 --> 00:02:02,648
Sync & corrections by PetaG
- www.addic7ed.com -
48
00:02:02,702 --> 00:02:06,005
- Morning, guys.
- Both: Hey-y-y.
49
00:02:06,039 --> 00:02:07,873
How's it going, buddy?
50
00:02:07,908 --> 00:02:10,676
Aw, are you okay? Do you need a hug?
51
00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:13,646
Look, I know it's been a rough few
weeks with my wedding being called off
52
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,815
and Gabi getting back with
Cooper, but I'm over it.
53
00:02:15,849 --> 00:02:17,716
I'm fine.
54
00:02:17,751 --> 00:02:19,585
- Aw.
- Sure you are.
55
00:02:19,619 --> 00:02:20,920
- Such a trooper.
- Yeah.
56
00:02:20,954 --> 00:02:23,022
Hey, stop it. I'm serious.
57
00:02:23,056 --> 00:02:24,494
I've moved on.
58
00:02:24,495 --> 00:02:26,625
And if you guys want your
paychecks, you will too.
59
00:02:26,660 --> 00:02:29,256
Wow, look how fit you are.
60
00:02:29,257 --> 00:02:31,564
Must be all that moving on you're doing.
61
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,668
Hey, guys, guess what?
62
00:02:35,702 --> 00:02:38,610
You're moving to China. So sad. Bye!
63
00:02:39,873 --> 00:02:41,674
No.
64
00:02:41,708 --> 00:02:44,506
I decided I needed to take
my career to the next level,
65
00:02:44,507 --> 00:02:46,450
so I called Logan Rawlings...
66
00:02:46,451 --> 00:02:48,647
Remember? The lesbian that
Elliot pimped me out to?
67
00:02:48,682 --> 00:02:51,414
(Laughs) That was funny.
68
00:02:52,570 --> 00:02:55,080
Well, she called me back and
she wants to hear my ideas
69
00:02:55,081 --> 00:02:56,889
on a food article written by me.
70
00:02:56,923 --> 00:02:59,625
Gabi, that's great. I feel nothing...
71
00:03:01,661 --> 00:03:02,995
but happiness...
72
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:04,801
for you.
73
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,967
- (Phone rings)
- Oh, that's Cooper.
74
00:03:08,001 --> 00:03:11,280
Hi, sweetcakes. I have the best news.
75
00:03:12,806 --> 00:03:14,673
See? She's talking to Cooper
76
00:03:15,742 --> 00:03:16,876
and I'm fine.
77
00:03:18,575 --> 00:03:20,587
No, my news isn't that I miss you.
78
00:03:20,588 --> 00:03:22,581
That wouldn't be news.
I miss you all the time,
79
00:03:22,616 --> 00:03:23,849
my super Cooper bear.
80
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,920
- See, I'm...
- (Laughs)
81
00:03:27,954 --> 00:03:29,922
Not fine. I will be in my office
82
00:03:29,956 --> 00:03:31,924
with my noise-canceling headphones.
83
00:03:35,205 --> 00:03:37,139
My check's wrong.
84
00:03:37,574 --> 00:03:38,841
Josh overpaid me.
85
00:03:39,032 --> 00:03:40,866
Like way overpaid me.
86
00:03:42,068 --> 00:03:43,836
Well, he way underpaid me.
87
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:47,400
Oh wait. (Chuckles)
88
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:49,168
This is your check.
89
00:03:51,711 --> 00:03:53,479
You make more money than me?
90
00:03:53,513 --> 00:03:55,941
You're his housekeeper. I'm his publicist!
91
00:03:55,942 --> 00:03:58,183
So? I've been with Josh for a long time.
92
00:03:58,212 --> 00:03:59,405
Exactly.
93
00:03:59,449 --> 00:04:01,704
Shouldn't he realize how worthless you are?
94
00:04:01,888 --> 00:04:04,450
(Cackles, cries)
95
00:04:05,372 --> 00:04:07,273
Oh, stop it.
96
00:04:07,930 --> 00:04:10,563
All you got to do is walk
in there and ask for a raise.
97
00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:12,498
I do it every other month.
98
00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:15,434
I could never do that.
99
00:04:15,705 --> 00:04:17,005
Why not?
100
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,374
Look, I know I come off
101
00:04:19,375 --> 00:04:21,042
as this confident
102
00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:23,525
self-assured renaissance man...
103
00:04:24,377 --> 00:04:26,078
To who?
104
00:04:27,247 --> 00:04:28,865
But, when I was a kid,
105
00:04:28,866 --> 00:04:30,849
the one time I asked
for a bigger allowance,
106
00:04:30,884 --> 00:04:32,851
my dad went crazy.
107
00:04:32,886 --> 00:04:35,052
I made 50 cents a week till I was 18.
108
00:04:36,053 --> 00:04:39,059
By the time I saved up enough
money to go to a Wham! concert,
109
00:04:39,090 --> 00:04:40,559
they broke up!
110
00:04:44,631 --> 00:04:46,398
Miss Gabi Diamond.
111
00:04:46,433 --> 00:04:48,985
Hey, Logan, thank you
so much for seeing me.
112
00:04:48,986 --> 00:04:51,016
When I told my friends that I had a meeting
113
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- with the great Logan Rawlings...
- Don't.
114
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Don't do that.
115
00:04:56,242 --> 00:04:58,003
Don't don't do what?
116
00:04:58,004 --> 00:05:00,482
- Kiss my ass.
- Oh.
117
00:05:00,483 --> 00:05:02,748
No, no, no, I wouldn't. I mean, I couldn't.
118
00:05:02,782 --> 00:05:04,583
I mean... you should talk now.
119
00:05:04,618 --> 00:05:06,943
I want a totally unique and hip take
120
00:05:06,944 --> 00:05:09,321
on the San Francisco food scene
that hasn't been done before.
121
00:05:09,356 --> 00:05:12,224
Well, I have a ton of cool ideas.
122
00:05:12,258 --> 00:05:13,459
And I have two minutes.
123
00:05:15,362 --> 00:05:17,062
Are you stroking out? Go.
124
00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:17,725
Oh...
125
00:05:18,465 --> 00:05:21,833
Okay, well, you know how everybody
these days is eating pretzels?
126
00:05:22,065 --> 00:05:23,035
No.
127
00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:26,005
Well, they are. I was thinking
128
00:05:26,039 --> 00:05:27,973
"30 New Twists on Pretzels."
129
00:05:28,008 --> 00:05:29,742
Get it? Pretzel? Twist.
130
00:05:30,977 --> 00:05:33,445
Here's a twist. I love it 0%.
131
00:05:35,276 --> 00:05:37,331
Okay, well, I have a ton of other ideas.
132
00:05:37,332 --> 00:05:39,518
Like "How to Impress with a Panini."
133
00:05:39,552 --> 00:05:41,320
Get it? Panini? Impress?
134
00:05:42,398 --> 00:05:44,081
You know what I'm gonna press? This button.
135
00:05:44,107 --> 00:05:47,393
- Rafael, please show Miss Diamond out.
- No, no, no, listen, Logan.
136
00:05:47,427 --> 00:05:48,852
I am a great chef.
137
00:05:48,853 --> 00:05:52,331
And I could sit here and toss out a
bunch of great foods to write about,
138
00:05:52,365 --> 00:05:54,395
- but I'm not gonna do that.
- 30 seconds.
139
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,433
Uh, BLT's, tetrazzinis,
140
00:05:56,434 --> 00:05:58,345
fancy cheeses, nougat, hotcakes, lasagna...
141
00:05:58,346 --> 00:06:00,773
- Wait, did you just say... pot cakes?
- No.
142
00:06:01,941 --> 00:06:03,676
Maybe.
143
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,414
- That's a fantastic idea.
- Which is why I said it.
144
00:06:09,319 --> 00:06:11,606
Well pot edibles are so hot right now.
145
00:06:11,607 --> 00:06:12,931
Yeah. Yeah they are.
146
00:06:12,932 --> 00:06:16,100
Everybody's talking about it, then
forgetting what they're talking about. Ha!
147
00:06:17,457 --> 00:06:20,813
Yeah, unfortunately, it ruins the way
food tastes. It's hard to cook with.
148
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:24,129
Trust me, no one has ever
tasted pot in any of my food.
149
00:06:25,365 --> 00:06:27,502
Okay, get me a killer 500-word piece
150
00:06:27,503 --> 00:06:29,001
about cooking with pot in two days
151
00:06:29,035 --> 00:06:30,597
and I'll run it in this month's issue.
152
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,671
Please, two days? I could
have it for you in one.
153
00:06:32,706 --> 00:06:34,153
- Really?
- No, I'm gonna need two.
154
00:06:40,055 --> 00:06:42,156
Whoever said success
doesn't happen overnight
155
00:06:42,191 --> 00:06:43,958
has never spent the night with me.
156
00:06:46,092 --> 00:06:48,317
Logan wants me to write an
article for her magazine.
157
00:06:48,318 --> 00:06:50,929
Oh my God, and I got a meeting with one
158
00:06:50,930 --> 00:06:52,949
of the managing partners
to talk about a promotion.
159
00:06:52,950 --> 00:06:55,154
That's amazing. Let's celebrate
160
00:06:55,155 --> 00:06:56,974
by buying a big bag of marijuana.
161
00:06:59,341 --> 00:07:00,508
Uh, what?
162
00:07:00,542 --> 00:07:02,476
Oh, my article's about cooking with pot.
163
00:07:02,511 --> 00:07:03,503
- Pot?
- Yeah.
164
00:07:03,504 --> 00:07:05,247
Gabi. Seriously, you've
never cooked with pot.
165
00:07:05,248 --> 00:07:08,654
Yeah, I didn't know how to paint with socks
either, but our bathroom turned out great.
166
00:07:10,185 --> 00:07:12,053
You know what? You're right. Look at us.
167
00:07:13,121 --> 00:07:15,374
We push ourselves and the world opens up.
168
00:07:15,375 --> 00:07:18,162
Oh yeah speaking of pushers, does
Dimebag Dave still live downstairs?
169
00:07:19,928 --> 00:07:22,327
No, he moved. To jail.
170
00:07:23,732 --> 00:07:26,230
Look if you're gonna do
it, at least do it honestly.
171
00:07:26,231 --> 00:07:28,311
Fake an illness and get a cannabis card
172
00:07:28,312 --> 00:07:29,799
like my Nana did.
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00:07:30,806 --> 00:07:33,668
Well I don't know. I-I'm only
good at lying to people I know.
174
00:07:33,669 --> 00:07:35,661
I mean I'm starting to get
nervous and anxious about this.
175
00:07:35,662 --> 00:07:37,378
That's perfect. Just tell the doctor
176
00:07:37,379 --> 00:07:39,113
you need weed to calm your nerves.
177
00:07:40,282 --> 00:07:41,825
Hey, that's a great idea,
178
00:07:41,826 --> 00:07:43,417
and then I won't be lying.
179
00:07:43,452 --> 00:07:46,294
But since I won't be
lying, I won't be nervous.
180
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,957
So I-I will be lying.
181
00:07:50,248 --> 00:07:51,948
But I also won't be.
182
00:07:53,562 --> 00:07:54,862
Are you stoned already?
183
00:08:02,671 --> 00:08:06,140
- Are you sure this is gonna work?
- Let me do the talking.
184
00:08:06,174 --> 00:08:08,723
I know what I'm doing.
I'm from the streets.
185
00:08:09,979 --> 00:08:11,345
You grew up in a gated community.
186
00:08:11,380 --> 00:08:13,848
Yeah, but was it keeping people out
187
00:08:13,882 --> 00:08:15,269
or us in, chica?
188
00:08:16,218 --> 00:08:18,753
- Come on, Sofia.
- Shh.
189
00:08:18,787 --> 00:08:20,655
Never say your real name.
190
00:08:20,689 --> 00:08:21,889
Call me Lil So-So.
191
00:08:22,924 --> 00:08:24,364
Sup?
192
00:08:24,365 --> 00:08:26,727
So my homegirl here jacked
up her neck in a drive-by.
193
00:08:26,762 --> 00:08:28,596
Actually, it was a drive-thru.
194
00:08:28,630 --> 00:08:30,147
My kid's meal didn't come with a toy
195
00:08:30,148 --> 00:08:32,600
and I was all "Hell no..." (Yells)
196
00:08:33,769 --> 00:08:35,778
- Could I see the doctor?
- Sure.
197
00:08:35,779 --> 00:08:37,360
- He'll be with you in a moment.
- Okay.
198
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,296
- Act like you're in pain.
- What?
199
00:08:40,297 --> 00:08:41,409
Ow!
200
00:08:43,512 --> 00:08:46,162
Okay, we'll start by checking your vitals.
201
00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:48,916
Wow, you're a cashier and a doctor.
202
00:08:48,950 --> 00:08:51,018
You're a double threat.
I'm also a notary public,
203
00:08:51,053 --> 00:08:53,559
but enough about me.
Consultation's 200 bucks
204
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,056
and it includes a half-ounce.
205
00:08:55,090 --> 00:08:57,132
Uh, 200 for a half-sack?
206
00:08:57,133 --> 00:08:58,826
That's a straight ripoff, G.
207
00:08:58,860 --> 00:09:00,987
Cut the act, Dora the Explorer.
208
00:09:01,418 --> 00:09:03,237
If you can find a better
price somewhere else,
209
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:05,416
- hit the road.
- Oh, I can find a better price.
210
00:09:05,417 --> 00:09:07,435
But I don't like to
take the bus after dark.
211
00:09:10,472 --> 00:09:13,374
Elliot, Josh is alone in his office.
212
00:09:13,408 --> 00:09:15,650
It's a perfect time to ask for a raise.
213
00:09:15,651 --> 00:09:17,385
I just got another one.
214
00:09:19,114 --> 00:09:21,015
I can't do that.
215
00:09:21,049 --> 00:09:23,818
What if he yells at me?
I'm already starting to sweat.
216
00:09:23,852 --> 00:09:27,021
Elliot, Josh isn't your daddy.
217
00:09:27,055 --> 00:09:29,235
No matter how many times
you try to sit on his lap.
218
00:09:32,928 --> 00:09:35,248
Hey, Dad... I mean, Josh?
219
00:09:37,666 --> 00:09:39,567
I was wondering if I could
talk to you about something.
220
00:09:40,669 --> 00:09:42,772
Okay, look,
221
00:09:42,773 --> 00:09:44,597
I know when Gabi was talking to Cooper,
222
00:09:44,598 --> 00:09:46,307
I let my feelings bubble up a little bit,
223
00:09:46,341 --> 00:09:47,508
but it's not gonna happen again.
224
00:09:47,509 --> 00:09:49,766
I've just got to focus on being her boss
225
00:09:49,767 --> 00:09:51,212
and being professional.
226
00:09:51,752 --> 00:09:53,557
That's brilliant, Josh.
227
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,951
If I had a glass, I would raise it to you.
228
00:09:57,873 --> 00:09:59,086
Raise.
229
00:10:00,055 --> 00:10:01,689
That's a funny word, huh?
230
00:10:03,759 --> 00:10:05,173
Everything okay, Elliot?
231
00:10:06,762 --> 00:10:09,275
See, I've worked for you for a while,
232
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:12,093
and um, this place is like a home to me,
233
00:10:12,249 --> 00:10:14,541
except there's no shrine
to Anderson Cooper.
234
00:10:17,102 --> 00:10:18,235
Are you sick?
235
00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:21,082
You're sweating, like, a lot.
236
00:10:22,344 --> 00:10:24,451
Am I? Whoa!
237
00:10:25,447 --> 00:10:28,015
- Are you okay?
- Never better.
238
00:10:28,049 --> 00:10:29,682
Good talk. Gotta go.
239
00:10:37,826 --> 00:10:39,593
Girl, are you cooking with weed?
240
00:10:40,619 --> 00:10:41,929
What is wrong with you?
241
00:10:41,963 --> 00:10:44,213
It's cool, Yolanda. Josh is letting me.
242
00:10:44,214 --> 00:10:45,737
Oh.
243
00:10:45,738 --> 00:10:47,325
Well then fix me up a gin and juice
244
00:10:47,326 --> 00:10:49,463
and let's blow this penthouse party up!
245
00:10:49,469 --> 00:10:50,805
Hey!
246
00:10:50,806 --> 00:10:53,881
I'm making edibles for my article and I
have to turn these in by three o'clock.
247
00:10:53,882 --> 00:10:56,006
- Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey, Josh.
248
00:10:56,015 --> 00:10:57,702
Thank you so much for
letting me use the kitchen.
249
00:10:57,703 --> 00:10:59,280
- You're my hero.
- No.
250
00:10:59,314 --> 00:11:01,182
Just your boss
251
00:11:01,216 --> 00:11:03,851
who thinks of you in a completely
professional capacity only.
252
00:11:04,986 --> 00:11:06,761
Oh, I know what's going on.
253
00:11:06,762 --> 00:11:09,286
You-You're worried that I'm gonna
get another job and leave you.
254
00:11:09,549 --> 00:11:14,562
Ha ha, well, ah, if you left, I'd let you
go because I am very good at letting go.
255
00:11:15,597 --> 00:11:17,531
Well, you don't have to worry about that.
256
00:11:17,566 --> 00:11:19,467
I'm not. That would be a
feeling and I don't have those.
257
00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:20,668
Bye-e-e.
258
00:11:23,169 --> 00:11:24,944
Huh! He seems really stressed.
259
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:26,407
I'm gonna put a few of these aside for him.
260
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,057
Hmmm...
261
00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:29,913
Uh Gabi, don't taste too much of that.
262
00:11:29,914 --> 00:11:32,594
I had a friend get so high, she
had sex with a beanbag chair.
263
00:11:34,707 --> 00:11:36,531
Well don't worry. I'm only
taking tiny tastes, and I
264
00:11:36,532 --> 00:11:39,007
have to make sure it doesn't taste like pot
or Logan's not gonna use it in the article.
265
00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:40,020
Fine.
266
00:11:40,055 --> 00:11:41,450
But don't coming running to me
267
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,344
when normal sex doesn't feel good anymore.
268
00:11:49,664 --> 00:11:51,789
Engaging, funny.
269
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:54,168
Oh, there's no "w" in "marijuana."
270
00:11:55,136 --> 00:11:57,197
- But I'm impressed.
- Really?
271
00:11:57,198 --> 00:11:58,961
Don't get too excited.
I have to try your food first.
272
00:11:58,962 --> 00:11:59,462
Okay.
273
00:12:04,012 --> 00:12:06,143
Son of a bitch. Are you sure
there's marijuana in this?
274
00:12:07,082 --> 00:12:09,128
Tons. It's like a Seth
Rogan movie in there.
275
00:12:09,794 --> 00:12:11,919
Then congrats, Gabi. You
got your first article.
276
00:12:11,953 --> 00:12:14,338
Oh my God, thank you so much.
277
00:12:15,757 --> 00:12:17,825
Logan, I'm sorry to interrupt.
278
00:12:17,859 --> 00:12:20,694
What? I'm meeting with a
very talented new writer.
279
00:12:20,729 --> 00:12:22,696
We've got a problem.
280
00:12:22,731 --> 00:12:26,467
Trisha just got offered her
own cooking show and quit.
281
00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:28,302
- Get out.
- No, it's true.
282
00:12:28,336 --> 00:12:30,062
No, I'm talking to you. Get out.
283
00:12:32,073 --> 00:12:35,109
That pear-shaped bitch was making
six figures working part time.
284
00:12:35,143 --> 00:12:38,312
Where the hell am I gonna find another
food editor on such short notice?
285
00:12:39,314 --> 00:12:41,715
Did you say six figures or stick figures?
286
00:12:43,985 --> 00:12:45,953
Hey. Crazy idea.
287
00:12:45,987 --> 00:12:48,889
Gabi, you wouldn't have any interest
in being our food editor, would you?
288
00:12:48,890 --> 00:12:51,659
- Seriously?
- Absolutely.
289
00:12:51,693 --> 00:12:53,527
I think you're the modern
voice of food today.
290
00:12:53,562 --> 00:12:55,627
And so much prettier than that cow Trisha.
291
00:12:57,114 --> 00:12:59,366
Oh my God, Logan, thank you so much.
292
00:12:59,401 --> 00:13:00,861
This would be my dream job.
293
00:13:00,862 --> 00:13:02,269
The answer is yes!
294
00:13:02,304 --> 00:13:04,138
Yes, yes, yes,
295
00:13:04,172 --> 00:13:05,472
Gabi.
296
00:13:06,134 --> 00:13:07,975
Wake up.
297
00:13:09,377 --> 00:13:10,945
Josh?
298
00:13:12,147 --> 00:13:14,125
I think you sampled too
many of your recipes.
299
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:15,916
You passed out hard.
300
00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:20,147
So I'm not the Food Editor of
San Francisco Monthly?
301
00:13:21,690 --> 00:13:22,790
No.
302
00:13:24,626 --> 00:13:27,461
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
303
00:13:27,495 --> 00:13:30,131
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my
God. I have to get these in by three o'clock
304
00:13:30,132 --> 00:13:31,550
and it's totally dark outside.
305
00:13:31,551 --> 00:13:33,267
Tell me there's a solar eclipse!
306
00:13:36,304 --> 00:13:38,297
- It's 9:00 pm.
- No!
307
00:13:39,066 --> 00:13:42,441
Oh, I missed my deadline
'cause I was stoned! (Growls)
308
00:13:42,745 --> 00:13:44,348
This stuff should be illegal.
309
00:13:49,643 --> 00:13:52,345
Guess who's back to
being a 23-year-old loser?
310
00:13:52,379 --> 00:13:54,380
Well, not me, so it must be you.
311
00:13:55,616 --> 00:13:56,952
Hey, that's mean.
312
00:13:56,953 --> 00:13:58,740
Oh, I'm sorry.
313
00:13:58,741 --> 00:14:00,190
Success has changed me.
314
00:14:01,488 --> 00:14:03,256
Come on, tell me everything.
315
00:14:03,290 --> 00:14:05,702
Well, I got stoned off my own food,
316
00:14:05,703 --> 00:14:08,052
fell asleep in a pile of
laundry and missed my deadline
317
00:14:08,053 --> 00:14:09,509
and now Logan won't even see me!
318
00:14:09,510 --> 00:14:11,664
I mean, at least I'm a success at failing.
319
00:14:12,407 --> 00:14:15,109
Look at you finding the silver lining.
320
00:14:16,662 --> 00:14:19,806
Positive attitude. That's
Chapter V of Mr. Stubner's book.
321
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,741
I am also rewatching his TED Talk
322
00:14:21,775 --> 00:14:23,583
and following his dog on Twitter.
323
00:14:23,584 --> 00:14:25,478
I am gonna nail this interview tomorrow.
324
00:14:25,512 --> 00:14:27,074
I don't even want to see these anymore.
325
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:30,012
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no,
no. We put a lot of money into these.
326
00:14:30,013 --> 00:14:32,552
Chapter VIII... never waste inventory.
327
00:14:32,586 --> 00:14:34,027
Let me see if these are any good.
328
00:14:34,028 --> 00:14:36,122
Wait. Hold on. They're really strong.
329
00:14:36,836 --> 00:14:38,036
Bitch, please.
330
00:14:39,395 --> 00:14:41,794
You think Lil So-So's
afraid of a little chronic?
331
00:14:44,453 --> 00:14:46,966
Oh my God. Gabi, these are delicious.
332
00:14:48,035 --> 00:14:49,902
I just had a great idea.
333
00:14:49,937 --> 00:14:51,704
Oh my God, these are amazing.
334
00:14:51,738 --> 00:14:53,673
They make me wish I wasn't already stoned.
335
00:14:53,707 --> 00:14:55,797
Yeah, they're that good.
336
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:59,212
And they're small, so you won't
be full when you get the munchies.
337
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,380
So what do you think?
338
00:15:01,415 --> 00:15:02,916
I'll give you five bucks a piece.
339
00:15:02,917 --> 00:15:05,184
- Ten.
- Eight and I'll throw in a dolphin bong.
340
00:15:06,117 --> 00:15:08,386
Nine. Make it two vaporizers
341
00:15:08,387 --> 00:15:10,990
and I'm gonna need a copy
of my passport notarized.
342
00:15:12,322 --> 00:15:13,953
You drive a hard bargain, but deal.
343
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,447
Can you get me 100 by next week?
344
00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:16,334
A hundred?
345
00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:18,613
At $9 a piece.
346
00:15:18,632 --> 00:15:20,882
That's $9,000.
347
00:15:22,525 --> 00:15:24,670
Yes. Yes, it is.
348
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,120
- Miss Rodriguez?
- Mr. Stubner.
349
00:15:28,214 --> 00:15:29,709
What are you doing here?
350
00:15:29,743 --> 00:15:31,487
What am I doing here? Oh my God.
351
00:15:31,488 --> 00:15:33,513
This is not where I read to the blind.
352
00:15:35,043 --> 00:15:38,351
Sofia, we both know my job is stressful.
353
00:15:38,385 --> 00:15:41,120
What do you think I do during
all those bathroom breaks?
354
00:15:41,154 --> 00:15:42,855
I thought you had I.B.S.
355
00:15:43,721 --> 00:15:45,452
Mini quiche, Mr. Stubner?
356
00:15:45,453 --> 00:15:47,760
Oh, oh, I don't mind if I do.
357
00:15:48,359 --> 00:15:48,859
Mmm...
358
00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:51,898
Very impressive negotiation, by the way.
359
00:15:51,932 --> 00:15:53,766
Really? Thank you.
360
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,868
You were direct and no nonsense.
361
00:15:55,903 --> 00:15:57,253
We admire that at the firm.
362
00:15:57,254 --> 00:15:58,278
You know what?
363
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,374
You don't need to interview.
The promotion is yours.
364
00:16:01,408 --> 00:16:03,609
Oh my God. Th-Thank you!
365
00:16:03,644 --> 00:16:05,585
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
366
00:16:05,586 --> 00:16:08,381
Sofia. Sofia, wake up!
367
00:16:08,415 --> 00:16:11,183
I won't let you down, Mr. Stubner.
368
00:16:11,218 --> 00:16:13,419
What? Wake up. You fell asleep.
369
00:16:13,453 --> 00:16:15,321
What? I did?
370
00:16:15,355 --> 00:16:17,023
Oh.
371
00:16:17,057 --> 00:16:19,792
So I'm not Mr. Stubner's
new Junior Vice President?
372
00:16:21,109 --> 00:16:22,076
No.
373
00:16:23,931 --> 00:16:25,064
What time is it?
374
00:16:25,098 --> 00:16:27,700
10:00 am.
375
00:16:27,734 --> 00:16:30,141
Oh my God, I slept through my
interview! Why didn't you wake me up?
376
00:16:30,142 --> 00:16:32,141
Because I'm irresponsible!
It's kind of my thing!
377
00:16:33,420 --> 00:16:35,421
Mr. Stubner has an
entire chapter in his book
378
00:16:35,422 --> 00:16:37,256
about the importance of being punctual.
379
00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:39,058
He'll never promote me now.
380
00:16:39,059 --> 00:16:42,325
Oh God. I'm a 23-year-old loser again.
381
00:16:42,821 --> 00:16:44,814
Yeah well, welcome back.
382
00:16:44,815 --> 00:16:48,810
The, ah, plastic silverware and
stolen ketchup packets have missed you.
383
00:16:49,871 --> 00:16:53,025
Well, at least we still have jobs.
384
00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:54,961
Yeah.
385
00:16:54,995 --> 00:16:57,638
Unless we get fired for
being totally late! Come on!
386
00:17:03,596 --> 00:17:05,397
I did it!
387
00:17:05,714 --> 00:17:08,541
I finally came up with
a way to ask for a raise.
388
00:17:08,575 --> 00:17:10,710
I made a recording on my phone
389
00:17:10,744 --> 00:17:13,646
of me asking for one in
a calm confident voice.
390
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,664
That I'm going to lip sync
to when I meet with Josh.
391
00:17:18,033 --> 00:17:20,119
Is your bow tie on too tight?
392
00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:24,390
You just watch.
393
00:17:24,424 --> 00:17:26,655
Josh, it's me...
394
00:17:26,656 --> 00:17:28,556
Elliot, your hardworking,
395
00:17:28,557 --> 00:17:30,796
competent and favorite employee.
396
00:17:30,797 --> 00:17:32,798
- Of many years.
- (Cat screeches)
397
00:17:32,799 --> 00:17:34,466
Fluffykins, no!
398
00:17:34,467 --> 00:17:36,435
I'll edit that out.
399
00:17:36,459 --> 00:17:38,327
So in summation,
400
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:40,562
I would really appreciate
an increase in salary,
401
00:17:40,597 --> 00:17:43,384
more commonly known as a raise.
402
00:17:45,268 --> 00:17:47,336
So what do you think?
403
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:50,376
That was the worst kung
fu movie I've ever seen.
404
00:17:53,309 --> 00:17:56,011
- Hey, is lunch ready?
- Sure is!
405
00:17:57,113 --> 00:17:58,914
Ta-da!
406
00:17:58,948 --> 00:18:00,716
What's all this?
407
00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:02,618
It's a special lunch that I made for you.
408
00:18:02,652 --> 00:18:03,986
Not a lot of bosses
will let their employees
409
00:18:04,020 --> 00:18:05,988
take a five-hour nap on
the laundry room floor.
410
00:18:06,022 --> 00:18:08,557
Yup. Not a lot of employees would do that.
411
00:18:09,793 --> 00:18:11,693
Listen, ah, can I ask you something?
412
00:18:13,696 --> 00:18:16,331
- Is it personal?
- No, it's completely work-related.
413
00:18:16,366 --> 00:18:18,418
- Ask away.
- Okay.
414
00:18:21,571 --> 00:18:25,471
So have you ever been so close to
getting something that you really wanted
415
00:18:25,496 --> 00:18:28,446
and then it just slipped
through your fingers?
416
00:18:29,946 --> 00:18:31,533
What I'm asking is, you know,
417
00:18:31,534 --> 00:18:33,183
how do you deal with failure?
418
00:18:34,577 --> 00:18:36,645
Well, first of all,
419
00:18:36,686 --> 00:18:38,520
- it sucks.
- Right?
420
00:18:38,555 --> 00:18:40,321
Yeah, you feel horrible.
421
00:18:40,322 --> 00:18:41,890
And you try to stop thinking about it,
422
00:18:41,925 --> 00:18:44,389
but you keep playing it over
in your head over and over,
423
00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:45,775
and then your friends start pitying you,
424
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,463
so what do you do? You have
to tell them you've moved on.
425
00:18:47,497 --> 00:18:48,730
But how do you get past it?
426
00:18:48,765 --> 00:18:52,201
I don't-I don't know.
Just pretend you're fine.
427
00:18:53,403 --> 00:18:55,270
It buys you time until
hopefully you realize that...
428
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,628
Everything happens for a reason
429
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:03,846
and maybe things didn't work out because
there's something better out there for you.
430
00:19:04,645 --> 00:19:06,815
Something better than cooking with drugs?
431
00:19:08,852 --> 00:19:10,118
I think you're right.
432
00:19:10,153 --> 00:19:12,735
Thanks, Josh. You're a really good friend.
433
00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:13,289
Boss.
434
00:19:13,990 --> 00:19:15,824
- Friend-boss.
- Boss-friend.
435
00:19:21,191 --> 00:19:24,114
So what's this important thing
you needed to talk to me about?
436
00:19:26,187 --> 00:19:28,022
(Reading)
437
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,964
_
438
00:19:30,089 --> 00:19:32,446
_
439
00:19:32,490 --> 00:19:34,502
_
440
00:19:34,721 --> 00:19:36,459
_
441
00:19:36,995 --> 00:19:39,096
Is this why you've been acting so weird?
442
00:19:39,141 --> 00:19:39,641
_
443
00:19:43,389 --> 00:19:45,410
Okay, so how much were you thinking?
444
00:19:46,715 --> 00:19:48,871
_
445
00:19:49,262 --> 00:19:51,219
_
446
00:19:54,182 --> 00:19:55,587
Okay, Elliot, sure.
447
00:19:55,794 --> 00:19:58,031
_
448
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,393
See? That wasn't difficult, was it?
449
00:20:01,427 --> 00:20:03,462
I want you to know you can
come to me for anything.
450
00:20:03,496 --> 00:20:05,564
- Thanks, Josh.
- You're welcome.
451
00:20:05,598 --> 00:20:08,333
And since this was your
first time asking for a raise,
452
00:20:08,367 --> 00:20:10,268
anything else I can do for you?
453
00:20:11,224 --> 00:20:13,305
I don't know. How about
you take your shirt off?
454
00:20:13,339 --> 00:20:15,340
- Elliot.
- Sorry.
455
00:20:15,374 --> 00:20:17,275
You know what?
456
00:20:17,310 --> 00:20:19,244
After all you've done,
457
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:20,612
I'll do it.
458
00:20:20,646 --> 00:20:22,647
(Club music playing)
459
00:20:26,586 --> 00:20:30,003
More, more, more!
460
00:20:32,512 --> 00:20:35,837
- Elliot, wake up. You fell asleep!
- What?
461
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,498
So Josh didn't take his
clothes off and dance for me?
462
00:20:40,633 --> 00:20:42,334
No.
463
00:20:43,693 --> 00:20:45,798
And you still make more money than me?
464
00:20:46,503 --> 00:20:47,924
Yeah!
465
00:20:47,925 --> 00:20:50,833
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466
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:55,433
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