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Okay, guys, I know you
have been getting
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00:00:02,362 --> 00:00:03,995
a little bored with the products
that we have been selling,
3
00:00:03,997 --> 00:00:06,631
so today is very exciting,
4
00:00:06,633 --> 00:00:10,235
'cause we are going to start
selling a new product!
5
00:00:10,237 --> 00:00:12,403
Well, that's the thing though,
is I don't sell products.
6
00:00:12,405 --> 00:00:15,039
I sell, like, vibes, and right now
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00:00:16,169 --> 00:00:19,104
the only vibe I'm catching is
that you looking good, girl.
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00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:20,805
- Down, boy.
- Ow!
9
00:00:20,807 --> 00:00:22,640
Now, I could read off of some
10
00:00:22,642 --> 00:00:25,310
boring, old product info pamphlet,
11
00:00:25,312 --> 00:00:27,212
but I thought it would
be a lot more fun
12
00:00:27,214 --> 00:00:30,682
if we brought in the inventor
of the product himself,
13
00:00:30,684 --> 00:00:33,518
so put your hands together
for Fireman Ted, huh?
14
00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:34,719
[clapping]
15
00:00:34,721 --> 00:00:36,154
Huh. Thank you, thank you.
16
00:00:36,156 --> 00:00:37,322
Thank you, Miss Murphy, very much.
17
00:00:37,324 --> 00:00:38,456
Oh, well, thank you, Fireman Ted.
18
00:00:38,458 --> 00:00:40,125
I thank all of you for your time.
19
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:42,527
Let's just say that
one night you're out
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00:00:42,529 --> 00:00:45,497
with your best friends
and extended family
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00:00:45,499 --> 00:00:48,666
enjoying a couple of platters
of Johnsonville brats
22
00:00:48,668 --> 00:00:51,369
when suddenly, you smell
heavy heavy smoke,
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00:00:51,371 --> 00:00:53,972
and you turn around only to find
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00:00:53,974 --> 00:00:57,542
that you are all trapped
by a raging fire.
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00:00:57,544 --> 00:01:00,378
Blinded by the smoke, you
call out to your buddies,
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00:01:00,380 --> 00:01:03,014
"Hey, buddies, where are ya?
Where are ya?"
27
00:01:03,016 --> 00:01:06,418
but they can't hear you because
of the roar of the raging fire,
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00:01:06,420 --> 00:01:09,988
and they cannot respond
because of the noxious smoke
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00:01:09,990 --> 00:01:12,557
that is searing their lungs. [coughs]
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And then they die,
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00:01:15,529 --> 00:01:18,730
and I'm talking crispy critter dead.
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00:01:18,732 --> 00:01:22,067
And you spend the rest of your life
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00:01:22,069 --> 00:01:25,537
just wishing there was
something you could have done
34
00:01:25,539 --> 00:01:29,607
to prevent that horror.
35
00:01:29,609 --> 00:01:30,942
The Smoke Cutter.
36
00:01:30,944 --> 00:01:34,145
A safety whistle with
a built-in air filter
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which allows its user
to breathe smoke-free
38
00:01:37,551 --> 00:01:41,686
while simultaneously emitting
a very distinct whistle.
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00:01:41,688 --> 00:01:43,421
[blows distorted whistle]
40
00:01:43,423 --> 00:01:45,924
Um, do you think you're on
"Shark Tank" right now?
41
00:01:45,926 --> 00:01:47,092
- [laughter]
- Oh, put that please
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00:01:47,094 --> 00:01:48,960
in my mou-outh.
43
00:01:48,962 --> 00:01:50,728
I don't care what you people think,
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00:01:50,730 --> 00:01:52,397
we are selling these Smoke Cutters,
45
00:01:52,399 --> 00:01:53,765
and that is final.
46
00:01:53,767 --> 00:01:55,467
You really think there's
any good reason
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00:01:55,469 --> 00:01:57,435
we're gonna sell anything
made by this dork?
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00:01:57,437 --> 00:02:00,472
Because... this dork is my dad!
49
00:02:00,474 --> 00:02:02,440
[blows distorted whistle]
50
00:02:02,442 --> 00:02:03,910
[The Skinny Boys' "Jock Box"]
51
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:08,107
Synced and corrected by MasterCookie
- www.addic7ed.com -
52
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:11,082
You gotta, you gotta, you gotta...
gotta
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00:02:11,084 --> 00:02:12,417
Gotta be fresh
54
00:02:14,421 --> 00:02:15,987
- Ya!
- Ninja star!
55
00:02:15,989 --> 00:02:19,023
How dare the two of you
smoke the rest of my stash!
56
00:02:19,025 --> 00:02:22,127
You know that today I didn't
"wake and bake," I just waked.
57
00:02:22,129 --> 00:02:23,962
Ow! You son of a gun!
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00:02:23,964 --> 00:02:25,563
Ow! Oh, that one freakin' hurt.
59
00:02:25,565 --> 00:02:26,965
- Dude, are you hurting?
- Yeah, that one sliced me.
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00:02:26,967 --> 00:02:28,466
- Okay, excuse me.
- Not.
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00:02:28,468 --> 00:02:31,736
Excuse me. You guys
haven't sold one whistle.
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00:02:31,738 --> 00:02:33,471
Okay, you know what?
Stop "effing" around
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00:02:33,473 --> 00:02:35,073
and get back on the phones, now!
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00:02:35,075 --> 00:02:37,442
Look, I don't want to
offend you or diss you
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00:02:37,444 --> 00:02:39,811
by saying what I'm about to say, but...
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00:02:39,813 --> 00:02:42,413
Your dad's Smoke Cutters blow ass.
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00:02:42,415 --> 00:02:45,650
If I shit in a tin cup, you
should be able to sell it.
68
00:02:45,652 --> 00:02:47,418
We could probably sell
that a little easier
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00:02:47,420 --> 00:02:49,420
because of, like,
fetish sites and stuff.
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00:02:49,422 --> 00:02:52,123
- Yeah.
- People are freaks, Alice.
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00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:53,758
- Ugh.
- Ew!
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00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,126
Actually, I'll take one.
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00:02:55,128 --> 00:02:56,828
Okay, look, I'm sorry,
but I need you guys
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00:02:56,830 --> 00:03:00,064
to sell these, okay, because my
dad has been driving me crazy
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00:03:00,066 --> 00:03:02,767
about giving him grandkids,
so to get him off my ass,
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00:03:02,769 --> 00:03:04,569
I said, "Why don't you
take a business class?
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00:03:04,571 --> 00:03:05,870
Invent something."
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00:03:05,872 --> 00:03:07,772
Then he sunk his life-freaking-savings
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00:03:07,774 --> 00:03:11,109
into these stupid whistles,
so we have to sell them,
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00:03:11,111 --> 00:03:14,012
or I gotta find a hubby and
shoot a pup out my hoo-hoo.
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00:03:14,014 --> 00:03:16,114
I hear you loud and clear.
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00:03:16,116 --> 00:03:18,349
- [laughs] Oh, there you are.
- [laughs]
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00:03:18,351 --> 00:03:20,185
This place is a labyrinth.
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00:03:20,187 --> 00:03:23,788
Hey, how's it going? Let
me sidle up next to you
85
00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:27,358
and let you know that my
intentions with your daughter
86
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,495
have been and always will be pure.
Hi, I'm Adam.
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00:03:30,497 --> 00:03:31,896
You two are dating?
88
00:03:31,898 --> 00:03:33,398
- Oh. [laughs]
- Yes,
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00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,133
in a very significant way.
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00:03:35,135 --> 00:03:37,969
It started off purely physical,
but then it got emotional,
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00:03:37,971 --> 00:03:39,537
and then it went back to physical,
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00:03:39,539 --> 00:03:41,005
but my intentions are pure.
I want you to know that.
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00:03:41,007 --> 00:03:42,640
- [laughs] They are.
- Ow. They are.
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00:03:42,642 --> 00:03:44,342
[both lahing] Ow. They are.
95
00:03:44,344 --> 00:03:47,212
Yeah, Adam and I are... dating.
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00:03:47,214 --> 00:03:48,513
Anyway, but I wanted to tell you,
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00:03:48,515 --> 00:03:50,815
the boys are, like, super excited
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00:03:50,817 --> 00:03:52,050
to sell your Smoke
Cutters, aren't you, guys?
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00:03:52,052 --> 00:03:53,518
- Oh? Ooh, nice.
- Yeah.
100
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,588
So, let's get down to it.
How many you sold?
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00:03:56,590 --> 00:03:59,023
Dozen? Two dozen?
102
00:03:59,025 --> 00:04:00,892
- Zero.
- Zero for now,
103
00:04:00,894 --> 00:04:02,527
but we are gonna call in
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00:04:02,529 --> 00:04:05,330
a very wonderful sales consultant
105
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,565
and just see if he can't work
some magic for us, right, guys?
106
00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:09,067
- Yeah, yeah.
- And he will.
107
00:04:09,069 --> 00:04:10,568
I mean, we were just talking
about how fantastic
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00:04:10,570 --> 00:04:12,737
- this Smoke Cutter product is.
- Oh, yeah.
109
00:04:12,739 --> 00:04:16,074
It's the second most fantastic
thing you've created, hmm?
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00:04:16,076 --> 00:04:19,377
- [laughs] Yeah, oh.
- [chuckles]
111
00:04:19,379 --> 00:04:21,713
The first being Alice. You
guys got that, right?
112
00:04:21,715 --> 00:04:22,714
- We got it.
- Yeah, okay, cool.
113
00:04:22,716 --> 00:04:24,015
No, we totally got it.
114
00:04:24,017 --> 00:04:25,216
Does this look good?
115
00:04:25,218 --> 00:04:27,952
It's my new "siggy." Adam Murphy.
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00:04:27,954 --> 00:04:29,721
We gon' get "maweed."
117
00:04:29,723 --> 00:04:31,723
- Aw.
- And you would take her name?
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00:04:31,725 --> 00:04:32,924
Yeah.
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00:04:32,926 --> 00:04:34,359
That's a bitch move, man.
120
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:35,560
Obviously, we know who
the submissive one
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00:04:35,562 --> 00:04:36,894
in that relationship is.
122
00:04:36,896 --> 00:04:39,264
How are we on this fine, uh,
123
00:04:39,266 --> 00:04:42,400
whatever-day-it-is morning or...
afternoon?
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00:04:42,402 --> 00:04:44,802
Uh, Karl, shut up, and then now talk
125
00:04:44,804 --> 00:04:46,871
and tell me why exactly
you're in my office.
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00:04:46,873 --> 00:04:48,973
It's your fault, okay? You
were supposed to take me
127
00:04:48,975 --> 00:04:51,809
to him at lunch, so now he's
making a delivery, okay?
128
00:04:51,811 --> 00:04:54,779
And I told him to blend in.
I love your suit, Karl.
129
00:04:54,781 --> 00:04:56,714
Bazinga.
130
00:04:56,716 --> 00:04:58,116
Ooh. Okay, yeah,
131
00:04:58,118 --> 00:05:00,385
but can I just have you
hold on for a second?
132
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,620
Okay, what do we got here?
We got some Green Crack...
133
00:05:02,622 --> 00:05:04,155
- Mm-hmm. Mmm.
- Some Kosher Kush.
134
00:05:04,157 --> 00:05:06,124
I got a sativa dominant hybrid.
135
00:05:06,126 --> 00:05:08,293
Okay, yes, I like that.
136
00:05:08,295 --> 00:05:10,428
I don't want any of that
Smoke Cutter thing,
137
00:05:10,430 --> 00:05:12,563
but let me get some of that weed.
138
00:05:12,565 --> 00:05:14,265
My dealer says SoCal's drying out,
139
00:05:14,267 --> 00:05:15,566
and I can't get good
dank to save my life.
140
00:05:15,568 --> 00:05:16,768
You hit the wrong button. Hang up.
141
00:05:16,770 --> 00:05:19,170
Uh... wait, what's up?
142
00:05:19,172 --> 00:05:20,805
You're having trouble finding weed?
143
00:05:20,807 --> 00:05:22,140
- Is that real, the drought?
- Yeah, it's a drought.
144
00:05:22,142 --> 00:05:23,408
- The drought.
- [whispering] Hang up!
145
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,076
I could probably, like, hook you...
146
00:05:25,078 --> 00:05:28,179
hook you up with some...
weed, but I mean...
147
00:05:28,181 --> 00:05:30,415
if you buy a whistle, I'll...
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00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,717
I'll throw in some of
the sticky icky, huh?
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00:05:32,719 --> 00:05:33,985
I'll take two, brav.
150
00:05:33,987 --> 00:05:35,653
- Oh.
- Tell your friends
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00:05:35,655 --> 00:05:38,122
we are in business over here.
Give us a call, okay?
152
00:05:38,124 --> 00:05:39,624
And you have a nice one.
153
00:05:39,626 --> 00:05:41,092
Okay, I'm sorry, we're doing this?
154
00:05:41,094 --> 00:05:44,929
And that's two whistles sold. Let's go!
155
00:05:44,931 --> 00:05:46,297
[all talking at once]
[blows distorted whistle]
156
00:05:46,299 --> 00:05:47,598
I hate this. This thing
is really stupid.
157
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:48,700
You just sold two?
158
00:05:48,702 --> 00:05:50,601
Yes, I did.
159
00:05:50,603 --> 00:05:52,437
Sorry, who the hell are you?
160
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:53,805
Sales consultant.
161
00:05:53,807 --> 00:05:55,973
I thought our regular guy
Devin was coming in.
162
00:05:55,975 --> 00:05:58,976
Oh, no. Devin got pink eyes.
163
00:05:58,978 --> 00:06:02,013
I'm Ted Murphy, inventor
of Smoke Cutter.
164
00:06:02,015 --> 00:06:03,214
- Mm.
- Welcome aboard.
165
00:06:03,216 --> 00:06:04,282
Thank you, nice to meet you, sir.
166
00:06:04,284 --> 00:06:06,384
I am Kyle Newacheck.
167
00:06:06,386 --> 00:06:09,087
[phone ringing]
168
00:06:09,089 --> 00:06:10,121
Yeah, hello.
169
00:06:10,123 --> 00:06:11,089
They're calling us?
170
00:06:11,091 --> 00:06:12,123
Absolutely.
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00:06:12,125 --> 00:06:14,692
I can get you 4 ounces...
172
00:06:14,694 --> 00:06:15,893
of whistles.
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00:06:15,895 --> 00:06:18,229
That would be, like, uh...
174
00:06:18,231 --> 00:06:19,731
it's, like, 32 whistles. I just...
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00:06:19,733 --> 00:06:21,466
- OH.
- Yeah, I just sold 32 whistles!
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00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:22,967
- 32!
- Yeah!
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00:06:22,969 --> 00:06:25,470
This Newacheck guy is on fire.
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00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:28,339
Okay, everyone, listen
up, please, listen up!
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00:06:28,341 --> 00:06:32,377
This is Kyle Newacheck,
and he is a sales guru,
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00:06:32,379 --> 00:06:34,879
so please listen to
whatever he has to say.
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00:06:34,881 --> 00:06:36,047
I don't think that's a good idea.
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00:06:36,049 --> 00:06:37,415
Okay, cut the shit, Anders.
183
00:06:37,417 --> 00:06:38,916
You know what, he sells and you don't,
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00:06:38,918 --> 00:06:41,586
so whatever he wants
today ya fetch, stretch.
185
00:06:41,588 --> 00:06:44,655
- Dad? Sales.
- No? All right. All right.
186
00:06:44,657 --> 00:06:46,090
- All right, let's go, Dad.
- I love it. All right.
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00:06:46,092 --> 00:06:47,558
It's a family thing.
188
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,527
Blake, why don't you
go ahead and continue
189
00:06:49,529 --> 00:06:51,262
doing what you do and make some sales,
190
00:06:51,264 --> 00:06:54,399
and Anders, let's go to the break room.
191
00:06:54,401 --> 00:06:55,867
You're gonna microwave me some toast.
192
00:07:00,073 --> 00:07:01,672
Butter my toast, will you?
193
00:07:01,674 --> 00:07:07,912
Karl, get in your van and
go before I make you.
194
00:07:07,914 --> 00:07:11,983
Okay. So you think this is your jungle
195
00:07:11,985 --> 00:07:15,553
and you're the dominant
gorilla, but nah, brother.
196
00:07:15,555 --> 00:07:17,388
I'm the silverback daddy now.
197
00:07:17,390 --> 00:07:20,558
That's exactly the kind of
thing that a non-silverback...
198
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,594
what you said... would say,
which I'm not gonna say
199
00:07:23,596 --> 00:07:27,799
or even repeat, because I
am what this is, for real.
200
00:07:27,801 --> 00:07:29,734
[both slam fists on table]
201
00:07:30,937 --> 00:07:33,037
- So it's sexual?
- What?
202
00:07:33,039 --> 00:07:34,372
You're taking my clothes off.
203
00:07:34,374 --> 00:07:36,073
You're trying to dominate me sexually.
204
00:07:36,075 --> 00:07:37,575
[laughs] No, I'm not.
205
00:07:37,577 --> 00:07:41,279
But I'm the dom, and
you're the little sub,
206
00:07:41,281 --> 00:07:43,648
and guess what? I'ma get you
207
00:07:43,650 --> 00:07:46,584
hard as Plymouth Rock
without even touching you.
208
00:07:46,586 --> 00:07:47,819
What?
209
00:07:50,256 --> 00:07:53,424
[moaning]
210
00:07:53,426 --> 00:07:55,760
You have lost your mind!
211
00:07:55,762 --> 00:07:58,563
- [gags]
- I do not like this!
212
00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,998
Oh, and did I mention?
213
00:08:03,436 --> 00:08:05,403
Did you mention what?
214
00:08:05,405 --> 00:08:08,439
Ahh. [whispering] I swallow.
215
00:08:08,441 --> 00:08:10,942
[dramatic music]
216
00:08:10,944 --> 00:08:12,677
I'm the dom!
217
00:08:14,247 --> 00:08:16,013
Butter drop, bitch.
218
00:08:16,015 --> 00:08:21,519
219
00:08:21,521 --> 00:08:23,054
Hey.
220
00:08:24,691 --> 00:08:27,458
221
00:08:33,265 --> 00:08:35,666
So here's the deal.
222
00:08:35,668 --> 00:08:38,502
We're selling weed with
these stupid whistles.
223
00:08:38,504 --> 00:08:40,404
That's how I'm doing it.
That's the secret.
224
00:08:40,406 --> 00:08:42,272
Look out. Hold up.
225
00:08:42,274 --> 00:08:44,174
How is this even close to legal?
226
00:08:44,176 --> 00:08:46,010
You got us selling weed over the phone?
227
00:08:46,012 --> 00:08:48,679
There's a reason we are
really pushing these things,
228
00:08:48,681 --> 00:08:51,115
and it is because...
229
00:08:51,117 --> 00:08:53,717
W... you know. You saw Alice's dad.
230
00:08:53,719 --> 00:08:57,287
He is obviously... a
dying man, isn't he?
231
00:08:57,289 --> 00:08:58,422
Oh.
232
00:08:58,424 --> 00:09:00,758
That would explain why Alice is
233
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,626
in the mood that she's in all the time.
234
00:09:02,628 --> 00:09:05,496
She is struggling with
it, and she is asking us
235
00:09:05,498 --> 00:09:08,365
to be there for her, and
the least we can do
236
00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:10,334
is push these damn whistles.
237
00:09:10,336 --> 00:09:11,335
You bastard! How dare you!
238
00:09:11,337 --> 00:09:12,870
[inspiring music]
239
00:09:12,872 --> 00:09:15,539
Let's do this for Alice,
for Ted, for America.
240
00:09:15,541 --> 00:09:18,175
You know what? Let's
ride or die for Ted.
241
00:09:18,177 --> 00:09:21,245
We gon' do it for Ted,
everybody, and Alice.
242
00:09:21,247 --> 00:09:24,882
Now, who here has smoked pot before?
243
00:09:24,884 --> 00:09:27,184
Rip it, rip it, rip it,
rip it, big ripper.
244
00:09:27,186 --> 00:09:29,019
- Lloyd, smoke up.
- [coughs]
245
00:09:29,021 --> 00:09:30,954
Save some for me, you maniacs.
[laughter]
246
00:09:30,956 --> 00:09:32,289
All right? Now, let's get out there
247
00:09:32,291 --> 00:09:34,691
and let's have a really big day.
248
00:09:34,693 --> 00:09:37,227
Let's sell some Smoke
Cutters, all right?
249
00:09:37,229 --> 00:09:38,762
Let's go!
250
00:09:38,764 --> 00:09:40,197
This just feels natural, doesn't it?
251
00:09:40,199 --> 00:09:41,565
- Okay, just...
- Mmm.
252
00:09:41,567 --> 00:09:43,167
Adam, please just chill out, okay?
253
00:09:43,169 --> 00:09:44,668
We are just faking it for
a couple of more days
254
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:46,003
until he leaves, all right?
255
00:09:46,005 --> 00:09:48,572
Yeah, but you know, we
might fake it so hard
256
00:09:48,574 --> 00:09:51,208
that it ends up becoming rea you know?
257
00:09:51,210 --> 00:09:53,644
Did someone order Italian trio sammies,
258
00:09:53,646 --> 00:09:56,613
chicken Caesar salads,
and Cherry Coke Zeroes?
259
00:09:56,615 --> 00:09:57,915
- I did! Whoo!
- [laughs]
260
00:09:57,917 --> 00:09:58,916
I know my little girl. Yeah, you do.
261
00:09:58,918 --> 00:10:00,584
All right.
262
00:10:00,586 --> 00:10:04,021
Sweetheart, listen, next
time your mom is in town,
263
00:10:04,023 --> 00:10:07,224
we have got to make reservations
at this new restaurant
264
00:10:07,226 --> 00:10:09,927
- that Adam told her about.
- It's so good.
265
00:10:09,929 --> 00:10:11,328
It's this little Italian bistro.
266
00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:14,865
Wait, Adam was telling Mom... what?
267
00:10:14,867 --> 00:10:17,000
Oh, yeah. We've been facebookin'.
268
00:10:17,002 --> 00:10:19,736
I think you guys should actually
come out during Thanksgiving.
269
00:10:19,738 --> 00:10:21,438
You guys could stay in Ders's room.
270
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,908
Blake's room, hopefully, will
be a nursery by that point.
271
00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:28,112
Wait a minute now, is there
some news I should know about?
272
00:10:28,114 --> 00:10:30,547
There is definitely no baby news.
273
00:10:30,549 --> 00:10:31,682
Adam is impotent.
274
00:10:33,452 --> 00:10:36,453
I-I-I'm really sorry
to hear about that.
275
00:10:36,455 --> 00:10:39,123
Not as sorry as I am. I
mean, it's a true story.
276
00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:41,358
It's sad, he's... he's...
he shoots blanks.
277
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,795
But we're... we're going
to the sperm doctor,
278
00:10:44,797 --> 00:10:46,230
and we picked some sperm out.
279
00:10:46,232 --> 00:10:48,432
You know what, Adam? I changed my mind.
280
00:10:48,434 --> 00:10:50,234
Uh, no, I don't think so.
281
00:10:50,236 --> 00:10:52,769
Just get off of me! Yes, I
did, I changed my mind.
282
00:10:52,771 --> 00:10:54,471
Wait, so you don't want
to have kids with me?
283
00:10:54,473 --> 00:10:56,907
I physically cannot, 'cause
your dick does not work!
284
00:10:56,909 --> 00:10:58,909
Why do you gotta be so hurtful...
to me?
285
00:10:58,911 --> 00:11:00,244
Yeah, we're gonna do it right now!
286
00:11:00,246 --> 00:11:01,979
We're gonna do it in front of your dad?
287
00:11:01,981 --> 00:11:03,881
- We're doing it right now!
- Fine, you know what?
288
00:11:07,987 --> 00:11:09,720
You know what? Fine.
289
00:11:09,722 --> 00:11:12,189
Then I don't want to be
with you, Alice Murphy.
290
00:11:12,191 --> 00:11:14,992
Consider yourself dumped.
291
00:11:14,994 --> 00:11:18,262
'Cause I'm not just a [bleep] toy.
292
00:11:18,264 --> 00:11:19,730
I'm a [bleep] person.
293
00:11:22,935 --> 00:11:24,201
Guys? What's going on here?
294
00:11:24,203 --> 00:11:25,669
[phones ringing]
295
00:11:25,671 --> 00:11:27,171
What the...
296
00:11:27,173 --> 00:11:30,340
Gil, your nipples are exposed.
Get your...
297
00:11:30,342 --> 00:11:32,009
Hello? TelAmeriCorp.
298
00:11:32,011 --> 00:11:34,778
Hey, what's going on? Turn the...
cartoons off.
299
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:37,281
It is... actually a really
good episode. Hello?
300
00:11:37,283 --> 00:11:39,516
Everybody's so high. I'm
supposed to be high.
301
00:11:39,518 --> 00:11:41,318
Montez, Bill, pick up the phone.
302
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,853
- [both laughing]
- Give me the weed.
303
00:11:42,855 --> 00:11:44,454
That's it, you've lost
your weed privileges.
304
00:11:44,456 --> 00:11:46,156
- Give it to me.
- Oh, that weed's gone, man.
305
00:11:46,158 --> 00:11:47,324
We smoked it all.
306
00:11:47,326 --> 00:11:48,892
You smoked all of the weed?
307
00:11:48,894 --> 00:11:51,395
Wow, that's real dog shit.
308
00:11:51,397 --> 00:11:53,130
Oh, look, you're back for more?
309
00:11:53,132 --> 00:11:55,499
You wish. Look, man, we need weed.
310
00:11:55,501 --> 00:11:57,568
Got all these orders,
need to ship, like, now.
311
00:11:57,570 --> 00:11:59,369
All right, cool, man, I'll call my guy.
312
00:11:59,371 --> 00:12:01,438
In the meantime, why don't you
go wash my van or something?
313
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:02,639
- [laughs]
- Yeah.
314
00:12:02,641 --> 00:12:04,841
Yeah, I bet you'd like that.
315
00:12:04,843 --> 00:12:08,845
Soap suds just dancing down my chest,
316
00:12:08,847 --> 00:12:13,483
down to my... pelvic and pubic area.
317
00:12:13,485 --> 00:12:15,085
Want to see my nipples?
318
00:12:15,087 --> 00:12:17,087
Ooh. Yeah!
319
00:12:17,089 --> 00:12:18,855
This ain't for me.
320
00:12:18,857 --> 00:12:20,724
[groans] I start moving like this.
321
00:12:20,726 --> 00:12:23,227
And am I doing this? Huh?
322
00:12:23,229 --> 00:12:24,361
Well, I don't... I don't
like this kind of stuff.
323
00:12:24,363 --> 00:12:25,395
Oh, you don't like this?
324
00:12:25,397 --> 00:12:26,430
What about this?
325
00:12:26,432 --> 00:12:27,431
[slow techno music]
326
00:12:27,433 --> 00:12:30,434
Ah! Ah!
327
00:12:30,436 --> 00:12:32,135
Put it down on it!
328
00:12:32,137 --> 00:12:34,671
You getting chubby now, huh? Ahh!
329
00:12:34,673 --> 00:12:36,373
You're getting real chubby
down there now, huh?
330
00:12:36,375 --> 00:12:37,374
Ahh!
331
00:12:37,376 --> 00:12:42,145
[roaring like a lion]
332
00:12:44,283 --> 00:12:48,385
I'm the dom here. Don't forget it.
333
00:12:48,387 --> 00:12:53,090
334
00:12:53,092 --> 00:12:55,993
Okay.
335
00:12:57,863 --> 00:13:02,065
Adam. Alice has something
that she wants to say to you,
336
00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:03,267
Don't you, honey?
337
00:13:03,269 --> 00:13:04,534
- Yes, I do.
- Yeah.
338
00:13:04,536 --> 00:13:06,870
Adam, I want to apologize
339
00:13:06,872 --> 00:13:09,439
for being so mean to you at lunch.
340
00:13:09,441 --> 00:13:11,441
I miss us.
341
00:13:11,443 --> 00:13:13,277
I know I keep my guard up,
342
00:13:13,279 --> 00:13:16,380
but it's because I've been hurt before.
343
00:13:16,382 --> 00:13:19,583
But I want the real thing... a partner,
344
00:13:19,585 --> 00:13:22,819
a family... and love.
345
00:13:22,821 --> 00:13:24,388
I want to impregnate you.
346
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:26,223
I forgive you, Muffin Top.
347
00:13:26,225 --> 00:13:28,525
Come here. Come here. Oh.
348
00:13:30,562 --> 00:13:32,262
[phone buzzing] Ring, ring, ring, ring.
349
00:13:32,264 --> 00:13:34,765
Oh, that's my cell phone.
I gotta take this.
350
00:13:34,767 --> 00:13:39,236
Ohh. [sighs] What...
351
00:13:39,238 --> 00:13:41,772
What are you, some
kind of love warlock?
352
00:13:41,774 --> 00:13:44,308
Look, I want to give you something.
353
00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:47,177
[hopeful music]
354
00:13:47,179 --> 00:13:49,279
Okay, no, I don't want to marry you,
355
00:13:49,281 --> 00:13:51,581
I want to marry... her.
356
00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:55,085
Look, this was Alice's
grandmother's ring,
357
00:13:55,087 --> 00:13:56,753
and I know that you will know
358
00:13:56,755 --> 00:13:58,955
the perfect moment to give it to her.
359
00:13:58,957 --> 00:14:01,658
360
00:14:01,660 --> 00:14:03,360
Who the hell are you?
361
00:14:03,362 --> 00:14:06,596
What? The... what? That's... it's Kyle.
362
00:14:06,598 --> 00:14:09,032
'Cause I just got a call
from the real consultant,
363
00:14:09,034 --> 00:14:11,134
and he asked when we could reschedule
364
00:14:11,136 --> 00:14:13,470
because he was told I had "pink eyes."
365
00:14:13,472 --> 00:14:16,540
Okay, look... this is our friend, Karl.
366
00:14:16,542 --> 00:14:21,445
Karl is the reason that we are
pushing so many whistles.
367
00:14:21,447 --> 00:14:23,747
Nobody was buying them, okay,
and we just wanted to help,
368
00:14:23,749 --> 00:14:26,316
and he had an alternative approach
369
00:14:26,318 --> 00:14:28,218
- to this whole situation.
- Mmhmm.
370
00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:31,955
And what was his
alternative "approach."
371
00:14:31,957 --> 00:14:35,359
Look, you can't fire me...
372
00:14:35,361 --> 00:14:36,993
- but it's weed.
- No.
373
00:14:36,995 --> 00:14:39,029
Yeah, no, we are selling
weed with the whistles.
374
00:14:39,031 --> 00:14:41,631
You've been selling
weed over the phones?
375
00:14:41,633 --> 00:14:44,901
That is illegal! Have
you lost your minds?
376
00:14:44,903 --> 00:14:47,337
Hey, guys, I was writing baby
names while taking a shit,
377
00:14:47,339 --> 00:14:49,906
and hey, what do you think of "Bilbo"?
378
00:14:49,908 --> 00:14:51,174
I should fire you guys.
379
00:14:51,176 --> 00:14:52,542
Or "Baggins" Murphy?
380
00:14:52,544 --> 00:14:53,977
- Adam!
- Alice, please,
381
00:14:53,979 --> 00:14:55,879
don't fire us, please?
382
00:14:55,881 --> 00:14:57,547
Okay, we've sold 100 whistles.
There's only 50 left.
383
00:14:57,549 --> 00:14:59,483
As soon as we get the weed
from the drug dealer...
384
00:14:59,485 --> 00:15:00,851
like, 12 pounds or whatever...
385
00:15:00,853 --> 00:15:02,652
[whispering] 12 pounds of weed?
386
00:15:02,654 --> 00:15:04,221
Yeah, we've sold a lot of it.
387
00:15:04,223 --> 00:15:07,391
We start shipping it out, we
wash our hands of it all.
388
00:15:07,393 --> 00:15:09,626
Mm, you know what? Funny
you should mention that,
389
00:15:09,628 --> 00:15:11,194
'cause I got off the phone
with him a while back,
390
00:15:11,196 --> 00:15:13,430
and he said the drop is
off unless we pay triple.
391
00:15:13,432 --> 00:15:15,499
- Triple? What?
- Yeah, it's the drought, man.
392
00:15:15,501 --> 00:15:17,267
"Husky." You know, in case he's fat.
393
00:15:17,269 --> 00:15:18,435
[all talking at once]
394
00:15:18,437 --> 00:15:19,736
What prices went up?
395
00:15:19,738 --> 00:15:21,238
- Oh.
- Huh?
396
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,906
Hey, Dad. Um...
397
00:15:22,908 --> 00:15:25,308
no, we're just having a, uh,
398
00:15:25,310 --> 00:15:28,378
office supply packaging
issue with the guy.
399
00:15:28,380 --> 00:15:30,814
It's no big deal. We got it covered.
Boring stuff.
400
00:15:30,816 --> 00:15:32,349
What's the problem?
401
00:15:32,351 --> 00:15:34,217
The guy... the guy, he
promised us one price.
402
00:15:34,219 --> 00:15:35,886
- Uh-huh.
- Now he's asking for another...
403
00:15:35,888 --> 00:15:37,421
just only triple.
404
00:15:37,423 --> 00:15:38,922
Triple?
405
00:15:38,924 --> 00:15:41,625
Wha... who does that?
That's highway robbery.
406
00:15:41,627 --> 00:15:42,592
- That's what I said.
- I know, I know.
407
00:15:42,594 --> 00:15:44,027
[gasps] "Marvin."
408
00:15:44,029 --> 00:15:45,929
Look, Dad, we're totally handling this.
409
00:15:45,931 --> 00:15:49,533
Uh, Kyle is going to take me to
talk to his guy today, so...
410
00:15:49,535 --> 00:15:50,867
- That's right.
- No.
411
00:15:50,869 --> 00:15:54,704
Honey, this is my product.
I am Smoke Cutter.
412
00:15:54,706 --> 00:15:57,774
Now, Newacheck, where are we
supposed to meet this guy?
413
00:15:57,776 --> 00:16:00,744
[rockabilly music]
414
00:16:00,746 --> 00:16:07,684
415
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,276
- Is this the guy?
- Yeah, yeah, that's him, okay,
416
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:19,145
but I'm gonna do all the talking
417
00:16:19,163 --> 00:16:20,562
'cause Noel doesn't
really trust new people.
418
00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:24,633
How about you don't talk
in my backswing, huh?
419
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:26,134
Well, uh, we're just looking to...
420
00:16:26,136 --> 00:16:29,104
- Hi. I'm Ted Murphy.
- Ted Murphy.
421
00:16:29,106 --> 00:16:30,806
And my associates here, they tell me
422
00:16:30,808 --> 00:16:32,841
that you have tripled your price,
423
00:16:32,843 --> 00:16:35,811
and I don't think that's
particularly fair,
424
00:16:35,813 --> 00:16:39,014
so I thought that you and
I, we could get together,
425
00:16:39,016 --> 00:16:41,683
and I could help you
to help me to help you
426
00:16:41,685 --> 00:16:44,586
to find something that
works for everybody.
427
00:16:46,523 --> 00:16:48,123
[laughs]
428
00:16:48,125 --> 00:16:49,791
You're kind of new in this
business, aren't you?
429
00:16:49,793 --> 00:16:53,662
[laughs] Well, fair enough,
430
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:56,965
but I will tell you this
little secret about myself.
431
00:16:56,967 --> 00:17:01,470
I do know smoke and I do know green.
432
00:17:01,472 --> 00:17:04,439
Uh, okay, Grampa, you
want to talk green?
433
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,608
We'll talk green.
434
00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:08,343
You guys want 12 pounds?
435
00:17:08,345 --> 00:17:10,212
Yes, that would be much appr...
mucho appreciated.
436
00:17:10,214 --> 00:17:12,681
What are we talking, money
or packing peanuts?
437
00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:13,882
[laughs]
438
00:17:13,884 --> 00:17:15,584
What the [bleep]?
439
00:17:15,586 --> 00:17:17,552
Okay, look, this seems
like it's gonna take
440
00:17:17,554 --> 00:17:19,988
a while to sort out, so Dad,
why don't we hit the pro shop
441
00:17:19,990 --> 00:17:21,990
and buy a round? You
know, we'll catch up
442
00:17:21,992 --> 00:17:24,226
with you guys. Adam, help me.
443
00:17:24,228 --> 00:17:26,528
That's right, family time.
444
00:17:26,530 --> 00:17:29,331
- Come on, Dad.
- Come on, Dad.
445
00:17:29,333 --> 00:17:30,999
[rockabilly music]
446
00:17:31,001 --> 00:17:33,468
Karl, could you figure something
out, please, quickly?
447
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,871
Just dab'll do me. No,
12 pounds is great.
448
00:17:35,873 --> 00:17:37,339
No. Come on, come on!
449
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,675
No, no, no, buddy. Hop on.
450
00:17:40,677 --> 00:17:41,676
Uh, hold on one second.
451
00:17:41,678 --> 00:17:42,778
- You on?
- Yeah.
452
00:17:42,780 --> 00:17:44,846
Okay, no... no, hold on, buddy!
453
00:17:44,848 --> 00:17:46,148
Let's just lower the price
454
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:47,516
and we'll move some product together.
455
00:17:47,518 --> 00:17:49,885
Whoa, look at you, making demands.
456
00:17:49,887 --> 00:17:51,720
Hey! You give us the
price that you promised,
457
00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:53,321
because word is bond!
458
00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:55,857
- You just cut me off?
- Well... [scoffs]
459
00:17:55,859 --> 00:17:58,059
Dude, stop trying to dom him,
dude, this is not the time.
460
00:17:58,061 --> 00:18:00,896
If you can't dom that sub,
then what kind of dom are you?
461
00:18:00,898 --> 00:18:02,831
- How do I look?
- Phenomenal.
462
00:18:04,435 --> 00:18:06,001
I hope you're ready to get hard.
463
00:18:06,003 --> 00:18:07,002
[hip-hop music]
464
00:18:07,004 --> 00:18:08,036
What?
465
00:18:08,038 --> 00:18:09,070
That's right.
466
00:18:09,072 --> 00:18:10,372
467
00:18:10,374 --> 00:18:11,440
No.
468
00:18:11,442 --> 00:18:12,941
Oh, my God.
469
00:18:12,943 --> 00:18:14,409
You ready to get real freaky?
470
00:18:14,411 --> 00:18:16,378
'Cause one ball ain't as good as two.
471
00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:18,113
Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm. Please don't do that.
472
00:18:18,115 --> 00:18:19,381
- Mmm.
- Stop.
473
00:18:19,383 --> 00:18:21,082
[breathing heavily]
474
00:18:21,084 --> 00:18:22,717
Please stop.
475
00:18:22,719 --> 00:18:24,586
- [moaning]
- Don't... don't do a dance.
476
00:18:24,588 --> 00:18:25,587
[moaning]
477
00:18:25,589 --> 00:18:27,122
478
00:18:27,124 --> 00:18:29,057
[moans] Oh.
479
00:18:29,059 --> 00:18:30,625
All right, come on, let's
hustle back there.
480
00:18:30,627 --> 00:18:32,194
Come on. No, Dad, wait, just-hold on.
481
00:18:32,196 --> 00:18:34,463
Hey, shut up real quick. Shut up.
482
00:18:34,465 --> 00:18:35,864
What?
483
00:18:35,866 --> 00:18:37,232
[romantic music]
484
00:18:37,234 --> 00:18:39,401
- Alice Murphy?
- Oh.
485
00:18:39,403 --> 00:18:40,702
What?
486
00:18:40,704 --> 00:18:42,737
487
00:18:42,739 --> 00:18:44,072
Will you marry me?
488
00:18:44,074 --> 00:18:46,274
- [laughs]
- What... okay, what is happening?
489
00:18:46,276 --> 00:18:48,109
No, okay? This is
getting out of control.
490
00:18:48,111 --> 00:18:49,711
You gave him Giggy's ring?
491
00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:52,914
Yeah. You two have such
an amazing connection.
492
00:18:52,916 --> 00:18:55,116
No, Dad, no, we don't, okay?
493
00:18:55,118 --> 00:18:56,318
- It...
- We do.
494
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,153
- It's not real. I...
- It is.
495
00:18:58,155 --> 00:18:59,654
I pretended to like Adam
496
00:18:59,656 --> 00:19:01,623
because I knew it made you happy,
497
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:03,725
- but it's a lie.
- What?
498
00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:07,395
And your Smoke Cutter
sales, they're a lie too.
499
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:10,932
We used your whistles as a cover
to sell pot on the phone.
500
00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:12,167
Sorry.
501
00:19:12,169 --> 00:19:14,169
[hip-hop music]
502
00:19:14,171 --> 00:19:17,305
[groans] Dude, it's hot. Chubbin' up.
Check it out.
503
00:19:17,307 --> 00:19:18,840
Mmm. Hey, stop, come on, man.
504
00:19:18,842 --> 00:19:22,744
Hey! You gateway drug-dealing scumbag!
505
00:19:24,348 --> 00:19:25,347
- [groans]
- Dad!
506
00:19:25,349 --> 00:19:26,815
All: Oh!
507
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:29,084
- Hiya!
- Oh!
508
00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:30,352
- Whoa.
- Oh.
509
00:19:30,354 --> 00:19:31,419
[grunts]
510
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:32,921
All: Oh!
511
00:19:32,923 --> 00:19:35,257
You give us the original price
512
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:39,261
or I'm gonna make you swallow
this [bleep] golf ball...
513
00:19:39,263 --> 00:19:41,496
- What?
- With your butt!
514
00:19:41,498 --> 00:19:43,932
515
00:19:47,638 --> 00:19:48,971
-
You gotta...
-
Gotta be fresh
516
00:19:48,973 --> 00:19:50,406
Do we have a deal?
517
00:19:50,408 --> 00:19:51,607
Oh, Dad, no.
518
00:19:51,609 --> 00:19:52,908
Say it.
519
00:19:52,910 --> 00:19:54,176
What do you think this
is, "Shark Tank"?
520
00:19:55,446 --> 00:19:57,813
Okay, I have a better idea.
521
00:19:57,815 --> 00:19:59,648
Here. [groans]
522
00:19:59,650 --> 00:20:00,816
What about now?
523
00:20:00,818 --> 00:20:02,351
We got a deal now? Huh?
524
00:20:02,353 --> 00:20:03,953
Yeah, we have a deal!
525
00:20:03,955 --> 00:20:05,454
Let's play golf.
526
00:20:06,791 --> 00:20:08,991
All: Oh!
527
00:20:08,993 --> 00:20:10,259
I didn't mean to do that.
528
00:20:11,596 --> 00:20:14,730
- Worked for me.
- Whew, me too, man.
529
00:20:14,732 --> 00:20:16,799
Both: Total dom.
530
00:20:16,801 --> 00:20:19,502
Oh! [laughing] Weed!
531
00:20:19,504 --> 00:20:21,136
I'm sorry, Dad.
532
00:20:21,138 --> 00:20:22,671
Has anybody got a pipe?
533
00:20:22,673 --> 00:20:24,139
That's okay, Alice.
534
00:20:24,141 --> 00:20:25,741
I'm sorry too, Dad.
535
00:20:25,743 --> 00:20:27,443
And Adam,
536
00:20:27,445 --> 00:20:30,513
don't you ever lay a finger
on my daughter again.
537
00:20:30,515 --> 00:20:32,481
After this order of
whistles is sold out,
538
00:20:32,483 --> 00:20:34,350
I think I'm just gonna call it quits
539
00:20:34,352 --> 00:20:36,218
- on Smoke Cutters altogether.
- Aw.
540
00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:38,153
[blows distorted whistle]
541
00:20:38,155 --> 00:20:39,989
You might not have to.
542
00:20:39,991 --> 00:20:42,992
[funk music]
543
00:20:42,994 --> 00:20:48,764
544
00:20:48,766 --> 00:20:51,700
Weed.
545
00:20:51,702 --> 00:20:55,204
[tires screeching]
546
00:20:55,206 --> 00:20:56,551
Get a real job!
547
00:20:56,651 --> 00:21:00,518
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548
00:21:00,568 --> 00:21:05,118
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