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1
00:00:00,220 --> 00:00:03,322
Oh, heads up, Jillian.
Coffee is for closers.
2
00:00:03,408 --> 00:00:05,324
Well,
I don't even drink coffee.
3
00:00:05,410 --> 00:00:07,243
Mm, well, actually,
sweetheart, bagels--
4
00:00:07,328 --> 00:00:08,544
also for closers.
5
00:00:08,663 --> 00:00:10,296
Mmm.
That's not very good.
6
00:00:10,381 --> 00:00:12,331
Sugar-free vanilla creamer,
also for--
7
00:00:12,417 --> 00:00:13,632
I'm sorry,
I don't remember your name,
8
00:00:13,718 --> 00:00:15,301
but I think you know
what I was about to say,
9
00:00:15,386 --> 00:00:17,253
and the word is "closers."
10
00:00:17,338 --> 00:00:19,722
All right, everyone,
come and have a seat, please.
11
00:00:19,841 --> 00:00:22,258
- It's for closers.
- Yeah, we're closers, so...
12
00:00:22,343 --> 00:00:24,844
All right, everyone, we have
a very special guest today.
13
00:00:24,979 --> 00:00:26,979
Let me introduce
Sigourney.
14
00:00:27,064 --> 00:00:28,848
- Thank you, Alice.
- You're welcome.
15
00:00:28,933 --> 00:00:31,650
Hi, everybody.
I'm Sigourney Goulet.
16
00:00:31,736 --> 00:00:34,153
Most of you know me
as the product rep from MenCo.
17
00:00:34,238 --> 00:00:37,356
For years, we've had products
such as...
18
00:00:37,442 --> 00:00:40,943
men's intimacy
endurance spray.
19
00:00:41,028 --> 00:00:44,864
Well, we are going to just throw
all of that in the trash...
20
00:00:46,868 --> 00:00:50,286
Because today
we're no longer MenCo.
21
00:00:50,371 --> 00:00:52,788
We are now...
22
00:00:52,874 --> 00:00:54,540
- FemCo!
- Huh?
23
00:00:54,625 --> 00:00:56,792
The future leaders
in feminine retail.
24
00:00:56,878 --> 00:00:58,761
That's right, ladies, huh?
25
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,430
And the very first product
that we're gonna bring to market
26
00:01:01,549 --> 00:01:05,050
is the Boobillow.
27
00:01:05,186 --> 00:01:09,221
The Boobillow is an ergonomic
wedge-shaped pillow
28
00:01:09,357 --> 00:01:11,390
that allows
very large-breasted women
29
00:01:11,526 --> 00:01:14,393
to sleep comfortably
on their stomachs.
30
00:01:14,479 --> 00:01:16,061
(clears throat)
Yes?
31
00:01:16,197 --> 00:01:17,363
Hi, um, question--
32
00:01:17,448 --> 00:01:19,064
- just to be clear...
- Yes.
33
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,568
So you're telling us
we are allowed to call women
34
00:01:22,703 --> 00:01:26,622
and talk to them
about their breasts?
35
00:01:26,741 --> 00:01:30,075
Well, yes, but when dealing
with a sensitive subject--
36
00:01:30,161 --> 00:01:32,294
(all cheering)
Cool!
37
00:01:32,413 --> 00:01:34,246
We finally get
to talk titties at work.
38
00:01:34,332 --> 00:01:36,248
- All right!
- Yeah, baby!
39
00:01:36,384 --> 00:01:38,467
- Dude, I'm gonna call my dad.
- You got to. You have to.
40
00:01:38,586 --> 00:01:40,085
I'm gonna try to contact
my father.
41
00:01:40,171 --> 00:01:41,444
(The Skinny Boys' "Jockbox")
42
00:01:41,444 --> 00:01:43,224
Sync & corrections by dwigt
Addic7ed.com
43
00:01:43,224 --> 00:01:44,089
44
00:01:44,225 --> 00:01:46,725
I'm fresh
45
00:01:46,811 --> 00:01:48,677
You gotta, we gotta,you gotta
46
00:01:48,763 --> 00:01:50,033
Gotta be fresh
47
00:01:50,091 --> 00:01:51,459
- 06x04 -
"Death of a Salesdude"
48
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:53,998
Dudes, dudes, dudes,
check it out.
49
00:01:54,084 --> 00:01:56,301
I got a girl on here who wants
to buy two Boobillows--
50
00:01:56,361 --> 00:01:59,379
One for her and one
for her sister with back issues.
51
00:02:00,074 --> 00:02:03,075
Hey, that lady's back issue
is giving me a front issue
52
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,610
that's gonna require a ton
of tissue.
53
00:02:04,745 --> 00:02:06,245
(laughter)
54
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:08,697
- I get it. Like ejaculation.
- Yeah, to clean up.
55
00:02:08,782 --> 00:02:11,250
Oh, dude,
that is funny, dude!
56
00:02:11,335 --> 00:02:14,119
Yes, um, what size
are your breasts?
57
00:02:14,255 --> 00:02:17,456
Are we talking kumquats
or grapefruits?
58
00:02:17,591 --> 00:02:19,791
And be honest.
You're on speakerphone.
59
00:02:19,877 --> 00:02:21,426
- Hello?
- Hello?
60
00:02:21,512 --> 00:02:23,295
What you working with, girl?
(line clicks, dial tone)
61
00:02:23,430 --> 00:02:24,680
Okay, I think I lost her.
62
00:02:24,798 --> 00:02:25,964
(laughter)
Lost another one!
63
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:27,683
- We're gonna lose many more.
64
00:02:27,801 --> 00:02:29,768
Oh, I thought
it was gonna break.
65
00:02:29,853 --> 00:02:32,104
Oh, man, yesterday
was so frickin' awesome, right?
66
00:02:32,189 --> 00:02:33,855
- Yeah.
- I love my job.
67
00:02:33,974 --> 00:02:35,891
I love my life, and dare I say
I love my friends?
68
00:02:35,976 --> 00:02:37,359
Oh, man,
I love you right back.
69
00:02:37,478 --> 00:02:38,727
Dude, I got a girl's number
yesterday.
70
00:02:38,812 --> 00:02:41,230
- What?
- Yeah, from my list of leads.
71
00:02:41,315 --> 00:02:43,232
- But you got it.
- Yeah, and I texted it.
72
00:02:43,317 --> 00:02:44,700
And now it's just
a waiting game.
73
00:02:44,818 --> 00:02:49,371
(indistinct chatter)
74
00:02:49,490 --> 00:02:51,657
Hey, guys, over here...
75
00:02:51,792 --> 00:02:53,041
now.
76
00:02:55,129 --> 00:02:56,712
Well...
(sighs)
77
00:02:56,830 --> 00:02:59,414
You guys were all terrible
yesterday--
78
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:02,584
awkward, creepy,
and with total sales of zero.
79
00:03:02,670 --> 00:03:04,803
Luckily, all the saleswomen
in the office killed it.
80
00:03:04,888 --> 00:03:06,505
So that's why
I'm transferring more women
81
00:03:06,590 --> 00:03:08,757
from other departments
to take over your call lists.
82
00:03:08,842 --> 00:03:11,760
First they take
"Ghostbusters," now our phones?
83
00:03:11,845 --> 00:03:15,514
Okay, Alice, what are we
supposed to do, then, huh?
84
00:03:15,649 --> 00:03:18,850
From this point on,
all men are support staff.
85
00:03:18,936 --> 00:03:21,520
Okay, well, she's lucky
I don't have my bo staff.
86
00:03:21,605 --> 00:03:23,939
I'm sorry.
What was that?
87
00:03:24,024 --> 00:03:25,824
- Nothing.
- Yeah.
88
00:03:25,909 --> 00:03:28,944
I'm sure--he was--
what you were trying to say was,
89
00:03:29,029 --> 00:03:32,531
like, if these were
guy-centric products, right,
90
00:03:32,616 --> 00:03:34,116
we'd be selling the crap
out of them, Alice.
91
00:03:34,201 --> 00:03:36,034
It's just this stuff,
we don't--
92
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,337
- Can I have one moment?
- No.
93
00:03:38,422 --> 00:03:40,372
- Just give me one moment.
- No--Don't touch me. Fine.
94
00:03:40,457 --> 00:03:42,541
- Just give me one moment.
- Ugh.
95
00:03:42,676 --> 00:03:44,676
I just want a moment.
We just want one moment.
96
00:03:44,762 --> 00:03:46,511
What moment are we doing?
97
00:03:46,597 --> 00:03:48,297
- We're gonna do...
- We're doing that?
98
00:03:48,382 --> 00:03:49,631
(whispering)
Yes, it's fine.
99
00:03:49,717 --> 00:03:51,633
Premature ejaculation
100
00:03:51,719 --> 00:03:55,721
is the number-one problem facing
the American penis today.
101
00:03:55,806 --> 00:03:58,523
But with the male intimacy
endurance spray,
102
00:03:58,609 --> 00:04:01,893
just spritz your member
four times...
103
00:04:01,979 --> 00:04:03,478
(bottle spraying)
104
00:04:03,564 --> 00:04:05,280
Close it down.
Get underneath.
105
00:04:05,399 --> 00:04:08,283
And I guess it'll take
a few seconds to kick in.
106
00:04:08,402 --> 00:04:10,819
- He just touched his ding-dong.
- Ticktock, ticktock.
107
00:04:10,904 --> 00:04:12,738
Adam, go ahead
and kick me in the dads.
108
00:04:12,823 --> 00:04:15,123
- It's show-and-tell, baby.
- Really?
109
00:04:15,242 --> 00:04:16,792
Yeah, man,
we're selling these people.
110
00:04:16,910 --> 00:04:18,243
MenCo.
111
00:04:18,379 --> 00:04:21,296
(groans)
Ow, you spit your gum.
112
00:04:21,415 --> 00:04:23,298
That was awesome.
That was cool.
113
00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:24,966
Another
satisfied customer.
114
00:04:25,085 --> 00:04:26,635
I'd like to give it a shot.
(grunts loudly)
115
00:04:26,754 --> 00:04:29,554
(laughing)
116
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,256
I'm left-handed.
117
00:04:31,392 --> 00:04:33,475
(straining)
And I'm all good. I'm fine.
118
00:04:33,594 --> 00:04:34,926
Dragon Punch! Dragon Punch!
119
00:04:35,012 --> 00:04:37,429
(bell dings on cell phone)
Whoa.
120
00:04:37,564 --> 00:04:38,764
Whoa, did you time
out that ding?
121
00:04:38,899 --> 00:04:40,432
No, I think somebody
got a text.
122
00:04:40,517 --> 00:04:42,317
- That was incredible!
- Put them on vibrate, please.
123
00:04:42,436 --> 00:04:44,486
Yeah, put them on vibrate.
This is a presentation.
124
00:04:44,605 --> 00:04:46,438
So do you want us to get
on the phones now or...?
125
00:04:46,573 --> 00:04:48,106
No. But I am going
to sleep better at night,
126
00:04:48,242 --> 00:04:49,858
knowing that you
can't have children now.
127
00:04:49,943 --> 00:04:51,276
Ooh.
128
00:04:51,412 --> 00:04:52,611
Okay, Alice.
129
00:04:52,746 --> 00:04:54,329
Hello. Excuse me.
130
00:04:54,448 --> 00:04:56,365
I need my first cup
of coffee ever, immediately.
131
00:04:56,450 --> 00:04:59,117
Blake, you heard her.
Go get some coffee.
132
00:04:59,253 --> 00:05:01,253
Are we gonna get those leads
anytime soon?
133
00:05:01,338 --> 00:05:03,004
Go fetch, Stretch.
Move it.
134
00:05:03,123 --> 00:05:05,340
Okay, Alice,
hey, real quick,
135
00:05:05,459 --> 00:05:08,210
I know that Jillian
is on the phones now,
136
00:05:08,295 --> 00:05:10,178
so you will need
a new assistant, right?
137
00:05:10,297 --> 00:05:12,347
You know what?
Fine. I will think about it.
138
00:05:12,466 --> 00:05:14,549
But for now,
you're a floater.
139
00:05:14,635 --> 00:05:17,569
Ew.
Was that a poop joke?
140
00:05:17,671 --> 00:05:19,604
No, of course not.
(sighs)
141
00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:23,141
Okay, good, 'cause just know
that I hate poop jokes.
142
00:05:23,141 --> 00:05:24,803
All right, this is working out
great so far.
143
00:05:24,803 --> 00:05:27,721
144
00:05:30,009 --> 00:05:32,309
145
00:05:32,378 --> 00:05:35,462
Hey, gals,
check out my new assistant.
146
00:05:35,548 --> 00:05:37,681
Oh, hey, uh,
is it garbage day?
147
00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:39,850
'cause, uh, it looks like
someone took the junk
148
00:05:39,935 --> 00:05:41,218
out of your pants.
149
00:05:41,303 --> 00:05:42,770
(laughter)
150
00:05:42,888 --> 00:05:45,105
But, hey,
peep that caboose.
151
00:05:45,224 --> 00:05:46,523
- Oh.
- Ooh.
152
00:05:46,609 --> 00:05:48,726
- Oops.
- Uh-oh.
153
00:05:48,811 --> 00:05:51,445
Whoopsy-daisy.
Could you get it for me, Blake?
154
00:05:51,564 --> 00:05:54,531
- Of course. Of course.
- Thanks, Blake.
155
00:05:54,617 --> 00:05:56,283
(grunts)
156
00:05:56,402 --> 00:05:59,787
Ooh.
Okay, turn, so I can see.
157
00:05:59,905 --> 00:06:02,740
Turn, turn, yeah.
Turn-- And pivot.
158
00:06:02,875 --> 00:06:06,076
- Oh, yeah.
- That's where it's at.
159
00:06:06,212 --> 00:06:07,961
(laughter)
Lower.
160
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,329
Excuse me?
161
00:06:09,415 --> 00:06:11,048
- Lower.
- Yeah.
162
00:06:11,133 --> 00:06:12,716
- And now in.
- In?
163
00:06:12,802 --> 00:06:14,051
Yeah.
In, but down.
164
00:06:14,136 --> 00:06:15,886
No, no, no,
spread the legs more.
165
00:06:15,988 --> 00:06:17,921
- Spread as much as you can.
- I'm-- Yeah, that's about--
166
00:06:18,007 --> 00:06:19,923
And now just--
And now just [bleep] it.
167
00:06:20,059 --> 00:06:22,059
- Okay.
- Now just [bleep] the ground.
168
00:06:22,144 --> 00:06:24,311
- Okay.
- Pop it! Pop it!
169
00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:27,681
Pop it and dip it in!
In! In!
170
00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:29,933
In!
171
00:06:30,019 --> 00:06:32,236
I'm done.
- What?
172
00:06:32,321 --> 00:06:35,105
- You can leave now.
- All right, sorry.
173
00:06:37,276 --> 00:06:40,077
(chuckles) Hello, ladies, got
some hot, fresh leads for you.
174
00:06:40,162 --> 00:06:41,445
Oh, yeah, for us?
175
00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:43,113
'cause we do
your job now, right?
176
00:06:43,249 --> 00:06:45,949
Anyway, if you guys ever
wanted any pointers, sisters,
177
00:06:46,035 --> 00:06:47,618
feel free to bend my ear, and--
178
00:06:47,703 --> 00:06:49,369
Oh, please enlighten us.
179
00:06:49,455 --> 00:06:51,205
Yeah, that'd be great.
180
00:06:51,290 --> 00:06:52,368
Make a sa--
Oh, cool, yeah.
181
00:06:52,408 --> 00:06:54,458
- I'll make a sale. Yeah, I mean--
- Oh, yeah, come on.
182
00:06:54,543 --> 00:06:56,293
Yeah, I want to see that.
See what you got.
183
00:06:56,378 --> 00:06:57,795
- Watch how it's done.
- We haven't been able to.
184
00:06:57,930 --> 00:07:00,547
Yeah, okay, can I call Marcia?
Is that cool?
185
00:07:00,633 --> 00:07:02,382
Yeah, Marcia's next.
186
00:07:02,468 --> 00:07:04,351
I'm actually not getting
a dial tone.
187
00:07:04,470 --> 00:07:06,220
That's weird.
188
00:07:06,305 --> 00:07:09,440
Could be because you're not
a salesman, bitch.
189
00:07:09,525 --> 00:07:10,641
Now get!
190
00:07:10,776 --> 00:07:13,227
(laughter)
191
00:07:13,312 --> 00:07:16,647
- You didn't even plug it in?
- No, it wasn't plugged in.
192
00:07:16,782 --> 00:07:18,482
(all speaking at once)
193
00:07:18,617 --> 00:07:22,236
(laughter)
194
00:07:22,321 --> 00:07:24,988
Good afternoon, ladies!
195
00:07:25,124 --> 00:07:26,657
Chocolate for you,
chocolate for you.
196
00:07:26,742 --> 00:07:28,492
Sorry about the new attire.
197
00:07:28,627 --> 00:07:29,993
I spilled a little coffee
on myself.
198
00:07:30,129 --> 00:07:32,329
Had to borrow a spare
from my main man, Rob.
199
00:07:32,465 --> 00:07:34,081
Ooh!
200
00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:36,667
Hey, just let me know
if you need anything from me
201
00:07:36,802 --> 00:07:38,669
using my strength
or my muscles.
202
00:07:38,754 --> 00:07:41,722
- Fresh mail. Hot off the boat.
- Thank you.
203
00:07:41,841 --> 00:07:43,474
Hey, I know what you're
thinking--
204
00:07:43,559 --> 00:07:47,845
"Is this guy Alice Murphy
assistant material?"
205
00:07:47,980 --> 00:07:51,231
Well, I'm about to prove to you
that I would.
206
00:07:52,685 --> 00:07:55,185
Excuse me, sales angels!
207
00:07:55,321 --> 00:07:59,356
I've arranged
a special beef tenderloin lunch
208
00:07:59,441 --> 00:08:03,777
that I will be serving myself
in the break room at noon.
209
00:08:03,863 --> 00:08:06,446
Who's hungry?
Thank you.
210
00:08:06,532 --> 00:08:08,248
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
211
00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:10,417
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
212
00:08:10,536 --> 00:08:13,537
If you feed 'em at work, they
won't take an hour for lunch.
213
00:08:13,672 --> 00:08:15,839
Oh, I never suspected
you had a brain.
214
00:08:15,925 --> 00:08:18,709
I just want to use my muscles
and my mind
215
00:08:18,844 --> 00:08:21,428
and open up shop right here
and be your number-one guy,
216
00:08:21,547 --> 00:08:23,881
using my muscles and my mind.
217
00:08:24,016 --> 00:08:25,716
All right, well,
I'll think about it.
218
00:08:25,851 --> 00:08:28,969
But for now, let's just keep you
at my, like, number-20 guy.
219
00:08:29,054 --> 00:08:31,722
I'll live with that.
220
00:08:31,807 --> 00:08:34,608
Ah, these women, my gosh.
221
00:08:34,727 --> 00:08:36,643
Can't live with 'em, can't...
222
00:08:36,729 --> 00:08:38,478
(urine splashing)
(sighs)
223
00:08:38,564 --> 00:08:41,281
have sex with 'em,
'cause they don't like me.
224
00:08:44,954 --> 00:08:46,236
Whatever.
225
00:08:46,372 --> 00:08:47,955
Hey, Blake.
226
00:08:48,073 --> 00:08:49,573
Jillian?
227
00:08:49,658 --> 00:08:52,042
Keep "potty-ing."
228
00:08:52,127 --> 00:08:55,078
Hey, you know
what I was thinking?
229
00:08:55,164 --> 00:08:56,830
You would look
so much prettier
230
00:08:56,916 --> 00:08:59,132
if you wore your hair up
in a bun.
231
00:08:59,251 --> 00:09:02,920
Oh, the nape of your neck
is so elegant.
232
00:09:03,005 --> 00:09:05,172
You know what, Blake?
233
00:09:05,257 --> 00:09:06,807
I like a man bun...
234
00:09:06,926 --> 00:09:10,060
Up top and on bottom.
235
00:09:10,145 --> 00:09:11,728
(gasps)
236
00:09:11,814 --> 00:09:15,098
So shake-a da wee-wee
off-a da pee-pee
237
00:09:15,184 --> 00:09:17,901
and go get me a coffee.
238
00:09:17,987 --> 00:09:20,320
(moans)
239
00:09:28,030 --> 00:09:30,080
She gone?
240
00:09:30,165 --> 00:09:31,331
Who's in here?
241
00:09:31,450 --> 00:09:33,116
(toilet flushes)
242
00:09:33,202 --> 00:09:34,868
You can't stand
for that bull[bleep]!
243
00:09:34,954 --> 00:09:37,454
It's time to fight back
for men's rights.
244
00:09:37,539 --> 00:09:39,373
I can't fight a woman, Bill.
245
00:09:39,458 --> 00:09:40,924
She'd kick my ass.
246
00:09:41,010 --> 00:09:42,542
Well, you know what I'd do?
247
00:09:42,628 --> 00:09:45,963
Poo in a plastic bag,
flatten it out like a pancake,
248
00:09:46,048 --> 00:09:48,298
stick it in the freezer
for a few hours.
249
00:09:48,384 --> 00:09:50,350
You know how those bitches
always leave their windows
250
00:09:50,469 --> 00:09:52,102
cracked open
in the Rancho heat?
251
00:09:52,187 --> 00:09:55,973
You slide the poo disc
through Jillian's window,
252
00:09:56,058 --> 00:09:58,775
and when she gets into her car
after work,
253
00:09:58,861 --> 00:10:02,980
she's got a poo puddle
waiting for her.
254
00:10:05,317 --> 00:10:06,867
That's insane, Bill.
255
00:10:06,986 --> 00:10:09,903
I've got a poo disc
in the freezer, if you want it?
256
00:10:09,989 --> 00:10:11,955
Oh, my gosh,
I thought that was
257
00:10:12,041 --> 00:10:13,707
- a Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage.
- Nope.
258
00:10:20,666 --> 00:10:22,416
Superglue for a super bitch.
259
00:10:30,225 --> 00:10:31,224
What up?
260
00:10:31,343 --> 00:10:32,643
Jillian says she needs you
261
00:10:32,728 --> 00:10:35,062
to come tuck her napkin
into her shirt.
262
00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:36,847
Of course, yes.
263
00:10:36,932 --> 00:10:39,182
She asked me to tidy up as well,
which I'm doing,
264
00:10:39,268 --> 00:10:42,436
and, also, I'm making
a personal call to my father.
265
00:10:43,522 --> 00:10:45,355
Okay.
266
00:10:45,491 --> 00:10:47,691
Okay, bye.
267
00:10:49,528 --> 00:10:51,028
Oh, shoot.
268
00:10:52,531 --> 00:10:54,197
Ah!
269
00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:56,199
Ow! Ow! Ow!
270
00:10:56,335 --> 00:10:58,752
Hey, buddy.
A little medium raw, please.
271
00:10:58,871 --> 00:11:00,704
Loin is for closers only.
272
00:11:00,789 --> 00:11:02,873
It is.
Loin's for closers.
273
00:11:03,008 --> 00:11:05,042
There you go.
Enjoy the loin.
274
00:11:05,177 --> 00:11:06,259
Sorry, honey.
275
00:11:06,378 --> 00:11:07,878
Come on, man.
They've all eaten.
276
00:11:07,963 --> 00:11:09,713
There's, like, a ton
of leftover loin.
277
00:11:09,798 --> 00:11:12,716
Mm, in fact, there's
no leftover loin. Ders...
278
00:11:12,851 --> 00:11:14,434
(whispering)
Know your place.
279
00:11:14,553 --> 00:11:16,386
Have you forgotten
what's it's like to make a sale?
280
00:11:16,472 --> 00:11:19,272
- I don't remember anything
before putting on this apron
281
00:11:19,391 --> 00:11:22,059
and getting the attention
of a lifetime.
282
00:11:22,194 --> 00:11:23,610
Good luck with that.
283
00:11:23,729 --> 00:11:25,979
- Wow.
- Bye!
284
00:11:28,117 --> 00:11:30,233
(sighs)
285
00:11:30,369 --> 00:11:33,487
It's good to be back.
286
00:11:33,572 --> 00:11:34,821
Hello, ma'am?
287
00:11:34,907 --> 00:11:36,540
Hi. Uh, my name's
Anders Holmvik,
288
00:11:36,625 --> 00:11:38,792
and I'm calling to talk to you
about your blobs. I--
289
00:11:38,911 --> 00:11:42,796
Sorry. I'm calling to talk
to you about your knock-wobbles.
290
00:11:42,915 --> 00:11:44,748
Sorry.
I'm calling to talk to you
291
00:11:44,883 --> 00:11:45,832
about your chest bombs, ma'am,
292
00:11:45,918 --> 00:11:47,384
I mean--
293
00:11:47,469 --> 00:11:49,336
I'm just calling to talk to you
about your tits.
294
00:11:49,421 --> 00:11:50,554
(dial tone)
295
00:11:50,639 --> 00:11:51,588
Hello?
296
00:11:51,724 --> 00:11:53,890
You stupid, dumb dick.
297
00:11:53,976 --> 00:11:55,809
Aah!
298
00:12:01,433 --> 00:12:04,351
Wait a second.
299
00:12:04,436 --> 00:12:06,837
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes.
300
00:12:06,939 --> 00:12:09,239
(bottle spraying)
Just--
301
00:12:09,324 --> 00:12:12,526
(inhales sharply)
You can do this.
302
00:12:12,611 --> 00:12:14,945
It's not bad, actually.
303
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,196
304
00:12:16,281 --> 00:12:17,547
He's insane
305
00:12:18,103 --> 00:12:20,486
306
00:12:23,508 --> 00:12:26,060
Hey, gals,
got a tasty bit of trivia.
307
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,950
It turns out
that, uh, Jillian here
308
00:12:28,155 --> 00:12:31,373
has quite
the embarrassing tattoo.
309
00:12:31,492 --> 00:12:34,076
- No, I--no, I don't.
- Yes.
310
00:12:34,161 --> 00:12:35,494
You have a real tattoo?
311
00:12:35,579 --> 00:12:37,746
You guys want--
you want to see it?
312
00:12:37,831 --> 00:12:39,131
- Yes.
- Yeah!
313
00:12:39,233 --> 00:12:40,749
All right, fine.
I'll show you. Fine.
314
00:12:40,834 --> 00:12:42,384
I'll show it to you too,
Blake...
315
00:12:42,503 --> 00:12:43,635
- Oh, good.
- Since you're so interested.
316
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:44,886
Ladies...
317
00:12:45,005 --> 00:12:46,838
can you unzip?
318
00:12:46,924 --> 00:12:48,307
This ought to be
real good.
319
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,175
- Whoa.
- Whoa!
320
00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:52,728
- It's big.
- Jillian, that is badass.
321
00:12:52,846 --> 00:12:54,229
I had no idea.
322
00:12:54,348 --> 00:12:56,181
No, it's not badass.
It's embarrassing.
323
00:12:56,266 --> 00:12:58,433
I wanted the same tat
as my granddaddy,
324
00:12:58,519 --> 00:13:01,153
and I took the photo in
to show the tattoo artist,
325
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:04,239
and he just-- he messed up,
and he tattooed the whole photo.
326
00:13:04,358 --> 00:13:08,527
Polaroids are a throwback,
and that means that is dope.
327
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,329
Girl, you got
a throwback back.
328
00:13:10,431 --> 00:13:12,831
- You really think so?
- (both) Yeah.
329
00:13:12,916 --> 00:13:14,616
- You guys are dope.
- You are.
330
00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:16,585
You're dope.
(laughter)
331
00:13:16,704 --> 00:13:18,870
Could you zip me up?
332
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,205
Thanks, sisters.
333
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:23,258
Sister!
(laughter)
334
00:13:25,512 --> 00:13:28,096
Did you come at me?
335
00:13:28,215 --> 00:13:30,215
I will fudging end you.
336
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:34,186
I will rip off your head
and fudge it down your neck.
337
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:37,606
Okay, all right, all right.
All right, sorry.
338
00:13:37,725 --> 00:13:39,941
(laughter)
339
00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:42,861
(phone dialing)
340
00:13:42,946 --> 00:13:45,230
(line trilling)
341
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,865
(exhales deeply)
342
00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:49,234
Hello, hi, uh, yes, uh,
Mrs. Wilson?
343
00:13:49,319 --> 00:13:51,069
How are you?
344
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:54,072
My name's Anders Holmvik,
and I'm calling to tell you how
345
00:13:54,158 --> 00:13:55,624
how the Boobillow
breast pillow rest
346
00:13:55,743 --> 00:13:57,909
is going to change your life.
347
00:13:59,580 --> 00:14:00,746
I made a sale.
348
00:14:00,831 --> 00:14:02,714
Phyllis Wilson--34F.
349
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:06,835
But I neutralized my sexuality,
so I don't care.
350
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,170
Is this true, Jillian?
351
00:14:08,255 --> 00:14:10,722
Um, Phyllis Wilson,
you said?
352
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:13,558
Um, no, I made that sale
this morning.
353
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,260
- He's a liar.
- No, I'm not.
354
00:14:15,345 --> 00:14:18,146
I'm not lying, okay?
I have nothing to lie about.
355
00:14:18,265 --> 00:14:20,816
Yeah, I, like, almost cared
for two seconds.
356
00:14:20,934 --> 00:14:22,350
- (chuckles) Right?
- No, no.
357
00:14:22,436 --> 00:14:24,186
But I sprayed the stuff,
so I can't feel a thing.
358
00:14:24,271 --> 00:14:25,821
Did you feel that?
359
00:14:25,939 --> 00:14:28,940
No.
Not down there.
360
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:30,525
But, yeah.
361
00:14:30,611 --> 00:14:32,160
Yeah, up here.
362
00:14:32,279 --> 00:14:35,113
One! Two!
363
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,366
- (all) Three! Four! Five!
- Aah!
364
00:14:38,452 --> 00:14:40,752
Oh! Aah!
365
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:43,538
(chuckles)
I cramped up there.
366
00:14:43,624 --> 00:14:45,373
Very good, Adam.
367
00:14:45,459 --> 00:14:47,592
- That's very strong.
- Very strong. Thank you.
368
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,127
All right,
listen up, everybody.
369
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:52,514
Sales of the Boobillow
have been so amazing
370
00:14:52,633 --> 00:14:55,884
that I just signed a contract
with FemCo
371
00:14:55,969 --> 00:14:58,970
to sell their products
exclusively.
372
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:03,308
Which means these kick-ass
office changes are permanent!
373
00:15:03,393 --> 00:15:05,477
(women cheering)
Oh, my God!
374
00:15:05,612 --> 00:15:08,146
Oh, my God!
375
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,315
- Hey, psst.
- Jesus.
376
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:11,342
Come on in here.
377
00:15:11,367 --> 00:15:13,567
- Go. He's coming. He's coming.
- I know. Okay.
378
00:15:13,573 --> 00:15:15,572
These women
have to be stopped, all right?
379
00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,310
- I can't take this anymore.
- It's true, man.
380
00:15:17,346 --> 00:15:19,046
Jillian is a monster.
381
00:15:19,132 --> 00:15:22,294
Mere seconds ago, she told me
she wanted to butt-fudge me
382
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:23,962
in the mouth or something.
383
00:15:24,047 --> 00:15:27,082
- I don't know.
- Ow! Ow, my eyes! They hurt!
384
00:15:27,167 --> 00:15:30,252
They hurt from how ugly you are
when you complain.
385
00:15:30,337 --> 00:15:33,972
This is, like, an amazing time
to be a man.
386
00:15:34,057 --> 00:15:36,341
Finally we get "oogled"
and ogled
387
00:15:36,426 --> 00:15:38,677
and-- and get sexualized.
388
00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:40,679
I mean,
he did always love that.
389
00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,481
Yeah, but he also
loved sales.
390
00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:45,016
Guys, women rule the world,
391
00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:47,519
and it's time
that we accept that.
392
00:15:47,654 --> 00:15:49,604
Let's be on the right side
of histor-she.
393
00:15:49,690 --> 00:15:51,156
- No.
- What did you just say?
394
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,358
- Histor-she.
- No, no, no, no, no.
395
00:15:53,443 --> 00:15:54,693
That is not the word.
396
00:15:54,778 --> 00:15:56,161
- It is his-story.
- Adam...
397
00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:58,113
(grunts)
Miss Murphy, I got you
398
00:15:58,198 --> 00:16:00,448
a warm, steaming travel mug
399
00:16:00,534 --> 00:16:03,368
of Darjeeling Limited
Edition Tazo tea.
400
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,954
Yeah, you can just
put that down anywhere, Adam.
401
00:16:06,039 --> 00:16:07,589
(tray clatters)
402
00:16:07,708 --> 00:16:09,591
What's going on here?
Is he assaulting you?
403
00:16:09,710 --> 00:16:12,210
Do I need to frickin' throw down
right now?
404
00:16:12,296 --> 00:16:13,628
Is that what I need to do?
405
00:16:13,714 --> 00:16:15,380
Okay, cut it out, Adam.
406
00:16:15,465 --> 00:16:16,715
Gil is my new assistant.
407
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:20,685
(laughing)
408
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,137
(stammering)
409
00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:24,639
What kind of massaging
are you even doing, Gil?
410
00:16:24,725 --> 00:16:26,942
You don't even know massaging.
What kind of massaging is that?
411
00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:28,216
Foot.
412
00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:30,086
That makes sense.
413
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,822
I thought
I was your number one.
414
00:16:31,859 --> 00:16:34,993
Yeah, well, right now
you're acting like a number two.
415
00:16:35,063 --> 00:16:37,113
(soothing traditional
Asian music playing)
416
00:16:37,509 --> 00:16:39,225
Was that a poop joke?
417
00:16:39,573 --> 00:16:41,990
(dramatic music)
Yep.
418
00:16:42,075 --> 00:16:45,881
419
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,496
(squeals)
420
00:16:48,582 --> 00:16:51,750
(ice clacking)
421
00:16:53,587 --> 00:16:55,670
I got to say something.
422
00:16:55,756 --> 00:16:56,838
- Yeah, yeah.
- No, do it.
423
00:16:56,924 --> 00:16:59,257
(clears throat)
Ahem! Ahem!
424
00:16:59,343 --> 00:17:02,010
I wanted to just say something
to the women of this office,
425
00:17:02,095 --> 00:17:05,730
and that is that I think
things need to change,
426
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,732
if that's okay.
427
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:10,268
(laughter)
No, no, no, he's right.
428
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:13,104
Because the way you are
treating us is like used meat,
429
00:17:13,190 --> 00:17:14,272
and we're not meat.
430
00:17:14,358 --> 00:17:16,408
We're men...
with feelings.
431
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:17,776
Treat us thusly.
432
00:17:17,861 --> 00:17:19,945
Whoops.
433
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,497
Oh, I dropped my popcorn.
434
00:17:22,616 --> 00:17:24,783
I guess you guys are gonna
have to come pick it up.
435
00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:26,751
- Yeah, whoo!
- Pick it all up.
436
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,454
(laughter and cat-calling)
437
00:17:29,539 --> 00:17:31,373
It's not gonna do it itself.
438
00:17:31,458 --> 00:17:32,841
Oh, missed a spot.
439
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,426
We haven't even started,
Jillian.
440
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:36,544
Oh, hey,
would it be easier
441
00:17:36,630 --> 00:17:39,464
if you took your tops off?
442
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,299
(women cheer)
443
00:17:41,385 --> 00:17:43,435
Show me your titties!
(sad music)
444
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:44,936
(women cheer)
445
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,721
(all) Unbutton your buttons!
446
00:17:46,807 --> 00:17:49,391
Unbutton your buttons!
Unbutton your buttons!
447
00:17:49,476 --> 00:17:51,776
Unbutton your buttons!
Unbutton your buttons!
448
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,112
Stand up!
Cover yourselves!
449
00:17:57,150 --> 00:17:59,222
What is wrong
with you women?
450
00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:02,425
For days, we've been held down
451
00:18:02,513 --> 00:18:04,114
by the matriarchy...
452
00:18:04,238 --> 00:18:06,157
which is a word
I recently looked up,
453
00:18:06,243 --> 00:18:08,660
and it means
when women control things.
454
00:18:08,795 --> 00:18:11,212
We are not gonna stand by
455
00:18:11,331 --> 00:18:14,299
and be harassed
and controlled by you...
456
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:18,503
'cause men are invaluable,
457
00:18:18,588 --> 00:18:21,006
and we should be treated
as such.
458
00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:22,223
(buttons pop)
459
00:18:22,342 --> 00:18:24,009
(women gasp, cheer)
460
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:27,679
No! No! That wasn't--
I'm not a piece of meat!
461
00:18:27,764 --> 00:18:31,483
I'm not a piece of meat!
462
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,685
Just as women...
463
00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:36,988
burned bras
in the '70s to be hot,
464
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:41,026
I shall burn this Boobillow
for men's rights!
465
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:43,995
To infinity and beyond!
466
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,498
- Men rule. Men--
- Whoa!
467
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:49,417
(all shouting)
468
00:18:51,705 --> 00:18:53,672
- Fire!
- Fire!
469
00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:56,424
Fire! Watch it!
470
00:18:56,543 --> 00:18:58,710
(screaming)
471
00:18:58,845 --> 00:19:00,320
Where's Sigourney?
472
00:19:00,469 --> 00:19:02,553
Oh, she's still in there!
Oh, my God, where's Sigourney?
473
00:19:02,688 --> 00:19:04,221
All right, women,
shut up and stand back.
474
00:19:04,357 --> 00:19:06,607
Heroism is man business.
475
00:19:06,726 --> 00:19:09,526
That's right--
shut up and stand--stand back
476
00:19:09,612 --> 00:19:11,895
and--and grab on
to your tampon string.
477
00:19:11,981 --> 00:19:13,430
Yeah, everybody shut up,
478
00:19:13,532 --> 00:19:15,032
'cause the men are about
to s-save the day.
479
00:19:15,117 --> 00:19:16,900
- Yeah. Here we go.
- Save the day.
480
00:19:17,036 --> 00:19:18,952
- That's what we're gonna do.
- All right, save the day!
481
00:19:19,071 --> 00:19:20,571
- Men doing men stuff!
- We got this.
482
00:19:20,706 --> 00:19:22,573
- All right.
- Whoa!
483
00:19:22,708 --> 00:19:23,741
(fire alarm bell ringing)
484
00:19:23,876 --> 00:19:25,576
Be careful.
485
00:19:25,711 --> 00:19:29,963
Everyone's out.
Everyone's safe.
486
00:19:30,082 --> 00:19:31,582
- Guys?
- Sigourney?
487
00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:33,417
- Help!
488
00:19:33,552 --> 00:19:35,853
489
00:19:36,895 --> 00:19:38,539
490
00:19:39,158 --> 00:19:40,081
Oh, thank God.
491
00:19:40,192 --> 00:19:42,418
My beautiful boys
are in there! Save them!
492
00:19:42,537 --> 00:19:45,908
(screams, shuddering)
493
00:19:46,123 --> 00:19:50,478
(suspenseful music)
494
00:19:50,943 --> 00:19:52,943
(Ders and Adam coughing)
495
00:19:53,140 --> 00:19:55,140
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
496
00:19:55,339 --> 00:19:57,722
We're gonna be okay.
We're gonna be okay.
497
00:19:57,784 --> 00:19:58,797
(coughs)
I'm good.
498
00:19:58,872 --> 00:20:00,872
You want to know
why we're OK?
499
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,335
Because we were saved
by some guys.
500
00:20:03,447 --> 00:20:06,276
Yeah, some
real manly male fire-men.
501
00:20:06,370 --> 00:20:08,069
- That's right.
- That is right.
502
00:20:08,149 --> 00:20:09,284
Yeah.
503
00:20:09,299 --> 00:20:13,808
No, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
504
00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:15,357
Oh, yes!
505
00:20:15,441 --> 00:20:16,910
- Yes!
- Dudes!
506
00:20:16,961 --> 00:20:18,299
That's what
I'm talking about.
507
00:20:18,407 --> 00:20:21,035
Thanks, man.
Good stuff, good stuff.
508
00:20:21,333 --> 00:20:25,363
Well, everyone, I would love
to be able to fire Adam
509
00:20:25,473 --> 00:20:27,160
for setting the office on fire,
510
00:20:27,325 --> 00:20:30,819
but, unfortunately, FemCo
is taking full responsibility,
511
00:20:30,974 --> 00:20:33,391
because the Boobillows
were so highly flammable.
512
00:20:33,454 --> 00:20:34,186
Whoo!
513
00:20:34,244 --> 00:20:36,639
Everyone will resume
their normal jobs.
514
00:20:36,826 --> 00:20:38,233
Thanks, [bleep]-tard.
515
00:20:38,302 --> 00:20:39,847
You're welcome.
I'm here to help.
516
00:20:39,895 --> 00:20:42,485
Whoa, heads up.
Coffee's for closers.
517
00:20:42,554 --> 00:20:44,746
Actually, I quit coffee.
518
00:20:44,865 --> 00:20:47,345
I mean, sure, the caffeine
turned me into a sales beast
519
00:20:47,408 --> 00:20:49,792
that made me enough money
to fix my back tat, but--
520
00:20:49,931 --> 00:20:51,931
I sure will miss
that cubicle, though.
521
00:20:52,009 --> 00:20:53,376
(chuckles)
Yeah.
522
00:20:55,448 --> 00:20:56,513
(boing)
523
00:20:56,571 --> 00:20:57,768
Nice.
524
00:20:57,768 --> 00:20:59,669
Sync & corrections by dwigt
Addic7ed.com
525
00:20:59,719 --> 00:21:04,269
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37514
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