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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:03,966 [Crow caws] 2 00:00:03,968 --> 00:00:06,269 3 00:00:09,899 --> 00:00:12,332 - Oh, God. - Brick: Yes, it's my birthday. 4 00:00:12,334 --> 00:00:14,735 But don't worry. I've taken care of everything. 5 00:00:14,737 --> 00:00:16,637 I got my cupcake, I sang to myself, 6 00:00:16,639 --> 00:00:18,239 and I opened the card from Grandma with the $2 bill in it. 7 00:00:18,241 --> 00:00:19,539 I'm good. 8 00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:21,908 Okay, look, first of all, we did not forget your birthday. 9 00:00:21,910 --> 00:00:23,531 - We were just... - Don't even try. 10 00:00:24,513 --> 00:00:27,247 Look, I don't care about any of the birthday accoutrements. 11 00:00:27,249 --> 00:00:31,117 I just got it out of the way, so we could concentrate on this. 12 00:00:31,119 --> 00:00:33,186 I thought you had to be 15 to get a learner's permit. 13 00:00:33,188 --> 00:00:35,488 I am 15, and you signed the permit last week. 14 00:00:35,490 --> 00:00:37,290 That's what that was? [Sighs] 15 00:00:37,292 --> 00:00:39,659 I thought you were gonna learn how pizza gets made. 16 00:00:39,661 --> 00:00:42,361 Look, I've read all the manuals. 17 00:00:42,363 --> 00:00:43,930 I've got a phone book on the front seat, 18 00:00:43,932 --> 00:00:45,398 which, coincidentally, I've also read. 19 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:46,666 I'm ready to go. 20 00:00:46,668 --> 00:00:48,601 Now, I know you both want to share this iconic moment 21 00:00:48,603 --> 00:00:49,702 with your son, 22 00:00:49,704 --> 00:00:51,104 so I'm gonna leave you two to fight it out, 23 00:00:51,106 --> 00:00:52,305 and I'll meet the winner in the car. 24 00:00:52,307 --> 00:00:53,339 [Keys clatter] 25 00:00:53,341 --> 00:00:57,276 26 00:00:57,278 --> 00:01:01,046 Okay, now, before we start, it is important to remember... 27 00:01:01,048 --> 00:01:04,983 [Tires screech, engine revs] 28 00:01:04,985 --> 00:01:06,185 You're up. 29 00:01:06,187 --> 00:01:08,687 - [Keys jingle] - Wow, that was fast. 30 00:01:08,689 --> 00:01:09,721 Anything I should know? 31 00:01:10,555 --> 00:01:11,523 The Lord's Prayer. 32 00:01:14,962 --> 00:01:16,377 Frankie, wait. 33 00:01:17,295 --> 00:01:18,763 You're the best thing that ever happened to me. 34 00:01:18,765 --> 00:01:22,935 35 00:01:22,937 --> 00:01:24,803 Well, I don't know what went wrong with your dad, 36 00:01:24,805 --> 00:01:26,237 but that's not gonna happen with me 37 00:01:26,239 --> 00:01:28,373 because I am much more laid-ba... Aah! 38 00:01:28,375 --> 00:01:31,376 [Tires screech, engine revs] 39 00:01:31,378 --> 00:01:33,845 It was 12 hours ago, and I'm still sweating. 40 00:01:33,847 --> 00:01:36,180 It's like a high-speed heart attack. 41 00:01:36,182 --> 00:01:38,316 - [Door opens] - Okay, people, I need your help. 42 00:01:38,318 --> 00:01:40,552 This is serious. All hands on deck. 43 00:01:40,554 --> 00:01:42,820 Sue, you can't just burst in here. 44 00:01:42,822 --> 00:01:44,388 We could have been... 45 00:01:44,390 --> 00:01:45,890 watching TV. 46 00:01:45,892 --> 00:01:47,925 I need to declare a major by Tuesday. 47 00:01:47,927 --> 00:01:49,593 I know I said I was all-in on theater, 48 00:01:49,595 --> 00:01:51,462 but I'm starting to have second thoughts... 49 00:01:51,464 --> 00:01:53,731 and third thoughts and a few fourths. 50 00:01:53,733 --> 00:01:55,299 Well, the good news is you have lots of... 51 00:01:55,301 --> 00:01:56,414 I'm thinking German. 52 00:01:56,439 --> 00:01:58,168 German? Where'd that come from? 53 00:01:58,170 --> 00:02:00,337 Well, I'm taking a German class this semester. 54 00:02:00,339 --> 00:02:03,240 My professor said I have a real ear for it. 55 00:02:03,242 --> 00:02:06,276 [Speaking German] 56 00:02:09,882 --> 00:02:11,782 Wow, Sue, I didn't know you could... 57 00:02:11,784 --> 00:02:13,384 But I still love acting, 58 00:02:13,386 --> 00:02:16,319 and so I'm considering a double major of theater and German. 59 00:02:16,321 --> 00:02:17,620 Oh, I don't know. That could be... 60 00:02:17,622 --> 00:02:19,155 But I really love horses, 61 00:02:19,157 --> 00:02:21,992 so veterinary medicine is still right there in the running. 62 00:02:21,994 --> 00:02:24,027 You've been running with veterinary medicine? 63 00:02:24,029 --> 00:02:25,595 What happened to archeology? 64 00:02:25,597 --> 00:02:27,864 That was two majors ago. Keep up. 65 00:02:27,866 --> 00:02:28,899 Well, no, no, no, no, no. 66 00:02:28,901 --> 00:02:30,466 I haven't ruled out archeology yet, 67 00:02:30,468 --> 00:02:31,834 so here's what I'm thinking. 68 00:02:31,836 --> 00:02:33,969 A triple major with one minor. 69 00:02:33,971 --> 00:02:36,272 Or better yet... a quadruple major. 70 00:02:36,274 --> 00:02:38,508 My adviser says no one has ever quadruple majored, 71 00:02:38,510 --> 00:02:42,278 but no one had landed on the moon before someone did it. 72 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,979 [Gasps] Astronomy! 73 00:02:43,981 --> 00:02:46,749 [Door opens, keys jingle] 74 00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:49,651 Mom? Dad? 75 00:02:53,791 --> 00:02:55,724 Anybody here to take me driving? 76 00:02:55,726 --> 00:02:59,861 77 00:02:59,863 --> 00:03:01,496 - Hello? - [Keys jingling] 78 00:03:05,469 --> 00:03:06,635 Where are you guys? 79 00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:11,434 Hm. 80 00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,582 [Sighs] 81 00:03:23,987 --> 00:03:24,986 [Door opens] 82 00:03:24,988 --> 00:03:28,756 Watch your head, dude. Whoo! 83 00:03:28,758 --> 00:03:32,160 All right. Laundry done. 84 00:03:32,162 --> 00:03:33,261 So, how's it going? 85 00:03:33,263 --> 00:03:35,163 That one of Mom's nightstand cookies? 86 00:03:35,165 --> 00:03:36,431 I want to practice my driving, 87 00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:37,765 but Mom and Dad are never around. 88 00:03:37,767 --> 00:03:38,866 Driving? 89 00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:40,200 Got to be 15 to get your permit. 90 00:03:40,202 --> 00:03:41,502 I am 15. 91 00:03:43,038 --> 00:03:44,137 Thought you were 12. 92 00:03:45,508 --> 00:03:48,609 Are you sure about this? I'm about to drive your house. 93 00:03:48,611 --> 00:03:51,411 Hey, if you can handle the 'Bago, you can handle anything. 94 00:03:51,413 --> 00:03:53,046 It's like my theory on math. 95 00:03:53,048 --> 00:03:55,248 If you start with calculus, then the rest of it... 96 00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:57,484 like adding and subtracting... will come easy. 97 00:03:57,486 --> 00:03:59,252 I didn't know that you knew calculus. 98 00:03:59,254 --> 00:04:01,588 I don't 'cause they didn't start with it. 99 00:04:01,590 --> 00:04:02,504 - [Engine starts] - All right, 100 00:04:02,529 --> 00:04:04,091 we'll just strap in and then... 101 00:04:04,093 --> 00:04:06,393 Whoa! 102 00:04:06,395 --> 00:04:07,627 Easy there, Earnhardt. 103 00:04:07,629 --> 00:04:09,829 I got some meatballs cooking back there in a Crock-Pot. 104 00:04:09,831 --> 00:04:12,131 [Horn honks] 105 00:04:12,133 --> 00:04:14,601 Um, where's the turn signal on this? 106 00:04:14,603 --> 00:04:16,503 Who cares? That's the beauty of the 'Bago. 107 00:04:16,505 --> 00:04:18,170 People just get out of your way. 108 00:04:18,172 --> 00:04:20,206 [Horn honks] 109 00:04:20,208 --> 00:04:22,274 Mike, the dryer's doing that thing again! 110 00:04:22,276 --> 00:04:24,110 Come in here and I'll show you! 111 00:04:24,112 --> 00:04:27,013 112 00:04:27,015 --> 00:04:28,481 - [Whispering] Come here. - [Whispering] What? 113 00:04:28,483 --> 00:04:31,583 Okay, I just brought you in here to get out of earshot. 114 00:04:31,585 --> 00:04:33,352 Oh, so the dryer's not really broken? 115 00:04:33,354 --> 00:04:34,586 Oh, it's definitely broken. 116 00:04:34,588 --> 00:04:36,455 - I just didn't want Sue to overhear us. - Oh. 117 00:04:36,457 --> 00:04:38,957 Should we be concerned about how much we hide from our kids? 118 00:04:38,959 --> 00:04:40,759 It's just I'm worried about her, Mike. 119 00:04:40,761 --> 00:04:42,661 She's got two days to pick a major, 120 00:04:42,663 --> 00:04:44,496 and she's being so unrealistic. 121 00:04:44,498 --> 00:04:47,465 She is all over the place. German? Theater? 122 00:04:47,467 --> 00:04:49,434 Where's the future in that? She's not good. 123 00:04:49,436 --> 00:04:50,736 God, no, she's terrible. 124 00:04:50,738 --> 00:04:51,870 And even the majors 125 00:04:51,872 --> 00:04:53,872 that are a little bit more practical are a reach. 126 00:04:53,874 --> 00:04:55,206 I mean, veterinary school? 127 00:04:55,208 --> 00:04:57,208 That's harder to get into than med school. 128 00:04:57,210 --> 00:04:59,310 Remember the time that Doris got her head stuck in the recycling bin? 129 00:04:59,312 --> 00:05:00,711 Sue panicked. 130 00:05:00,713 --> 00:05:02,447 She ran to the fire department in her underwear. 131 00:05:02,449 --> 00:05:03,915 Nobody wants a vet like that. 132 00:05:03,917 --> 00:05:05,316 I think we got to talk to her. 133 00:05:05,318 --> 00:05:07,785 I-I mean, I want her to do something that she loves 134 00:05:07,787 --> 00:05:09,454 but still practical, you know? 135 00:05:09,456 --> 00:05:12,090 When did people decide they got to like what they do? 136 00:05:12,092 --> 00:05:13,991 - Work is work. - I know. 137 00:05:13,993 --> 00:05:16,260 There's only four fun jobs in the world anyway. 138 00:05:16,262 --> 00:05:18,629 Baseball player, football player, basketball player, 139 00:05:18,631 --> 00:05:19,463 bounty hunter. 140 00:05:19,465 --> 00:05:20,731 Bounty hunter? 141 00:05:20,733 --> 00:05:21,933 Yeah, it's cool. 142 00:05:21,935 --> 00:05:23,568 All right, so, we're agreed. 143 00:05:23,570 --> 00:05:26,170 We can't let her choose from four insane majors. 144 00:05:26,172 --> 00:05:27,236 [Gasps] 145 00:05:27,941 --> 00:05:29,774 I thought I heard keys. 146 00:05:29,776 --> 00:05:31,141 Okay, I'll handle it. 147 00:05:31,143 --> 00:05:32,276 Mm-hmm. 148 00:05:32,278 --> 00:05:34,678 - ["Jammin'" plays] - We're drivin' 149 00:05:37,183 --> 00:05:40,551 I want to drive it with you 150 00:05:40,553 --> 00:05:42,553 We're drivin' 151 00:05:42,555 --> 00:05:44,354 Drivin' 152 00:05:44,356 --> 00:05:47,657 And you're gonna take a right up here 153 00:05:47,659 --> 00:05:50,526 - [Timer dings] - Oh, meatballs are done. 154 00:05:50,528 --> 00:05:51,628 Ha-ha! 155 00:05:51,630 --> 00:05:53,329 Oh! 156 00:05:53,331 --> 00:05:55,398 Oh, and, uh, just keep going straight. 157 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,000 Mm-hmm. 158 00:05:57,002 --> 00:05:58,902 Okay, let's see. 159 00:05:58,904 --> 00:06:00,637 - [Thud] - Still straight? 160 00:06:00,639 --> 00:06:02,505 Yeah. 161 00:06:02,507 --> 00:06:04,407 - A-Axl. - Whoo! 162 00:06:04,409 --> 00:06:05,541 - Axl! - [Thud] 163 00:06:05,543 --> 00:06:06,609 Okay. 164 00:06:06,611 --> 00:06:08,344 Whoa, Brick! Brick, stop! 165 00:06:08,346 --> 00:06:09,778 Stop, stop, stop! 166 00:06:12,550 --> 00:06:14,283 We're jammin', we're jammin' 167 00:06:18,055 --> 00:06:20,723 We're jammin', jammin' 168 00:06:20,725 --> 00:06:21,924 [Music shuts off] 169 00:06:24,057 --> 00:06:26,410 [Sighs] I can't sleep. 170 00:06:26,497 --> 00:06:29,331 Every time I shut my eyes, I see that cow. 171 00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:31,933 Oh, now you see it. 172 00:06:31,935 --> 00:06:33,902 Hey, this is your fault. 173 00:06:33,904 --> 00:06:35,436 You're the one that kept telling me to go straight. 174 00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:37,906 [Sighs] Yeah, you're right. It is my fault. 175 00:06:37,908 --> 00:06:39,607 I didn't think I had to tell you to stop 176 00:06:39,609 --> 00:06:42,677 when you got to the giant polyurethane cow. 177 00:06:42,679 --> 00:06:44,646 Neither of us is innocent here, Axl. 178 00:06:44,648 --> 00:06:47,082 There's cow on both our hands. 179 00:06:47,084 --> 00:06:49,450 [Sighs] I can't go on like this. 180 00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:52,186 I think we have to just come clean and turn ourselves in. 181 00:06:52,188 --> 00:06:53,288 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 182 00:06:53,290 --> 00:06:55,490 Okay, when we have a nerd emergency, 183 00:06:55,492 --> 00:06:57,992 like where to put a bookmark, we'll be taking your advice. 184 00:06:57,994 --> 00:06:59,994 But everything else, we'll listen to me. 185 00:06:59,996 --> 00:07:01,929 Okay, pranks like this happen all the time. 186 00:07:01,931 --> 00:07:05,232 We just got to lay low, and eventually, it'll all blow over. 187 00:07:05,234 --> 00:07:09,336 Frankie: Unfortunately, Axl wasn't even close. 188 00:07:09,338 --> 00:07:13,073 Bill: That cow's been there for 70 years, Frankie. 189 00:07:13,075 --> 00:07:15,943 70 years. Never seen anything like it. 190 00:07:15,945 --> 00:07:18,712 I'm telling you... Orson is under attack. 191 00:07:18,714 --> 00:07:21,381 - Wait. What? - Frankie: - Oh, my God. Didn't you hear? 192 00:07:21,383 --> 00:07:22,982 Somebody targeted the Orson cow, 193 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,685 knocked it right off its pedestal. 194 00:07:24,687 --> 00:07:26,119 They found it just lying on the ground. 195 00:07:26,121 --> 00:07:27,354 - Wow. - Weird. 196 00:07:27,356 --> 00:07:29,423 I'm telling you, it's the beginning of the end. 197 00:07:29,425 --> 00:07:31,224 You heard about the trouble they had in Jasper, right? 198 00:07:31,226 --> 00:07:33,727 Watch out 'cause Orson, yeah, it could be next. 199 00:07:33,729 --> 00:07:35,253 Next for what? 200 00:07:35,278 --> 00:07:37,263 Exactly, Mike. We don't know. 201 00:07:37,265 --> 00:07:39,632 I mean, this was clearly a coordinated operation 202 00:07:39,634 --> 00:07:42,368 planned and executed in the dark of night. 203 00:07:42,370 --> 00:07:43,736 Who would want to attack Orson? 204 00:07:43,738 --> 00:07:46,172 Just last week, I saw a guy with a dirty backpack 205 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,107 hanging outside the Tastee-Freez, yeah. 206 00:07:48,132 --> 00:07:48,802 Oh. 207 00:07:48,827 --> 00:07:51,277 Now, could be just a guy walking across America for charity, 208 00:07:51,279 --> 00:07:53,531 or could be a bad element. 209 00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:54,853 We don't know. 210 00:07:54,878 --> 00:07:56,915 Well, the Orson Patch put their best reporter on it. 211 00:07:56,917 --> 00:07:59,652 Pulled him off the leaf-blower expos? to go full time on this. 212 00:07:59,654 --> 00:08:00,953 That's 15 hours a week. 213 00:08:00,955 --> 00:08:03,789 I don't know. Cow tipping? 214 00:08:03,791 --> 00:08:06,091 Sounds to me like this whole thing is just a prank. 215 00:08:06,093 --> 00:08:09,127 An easily forgettable prank. Kids will be kids. 216 00:08:09,129 --> 00:08:11,163 Let's not encourage them by giving them press. 217 00:08:11,165 --> 00:08:12,764 I heard Nancy Donahue's organizing 218 00:08:12,766 --> 00:08:14,733 a community task force. 219 00:08:14,735 --> 00:08:17,469 Whoever those vandals are, they are in trouble now 220 00:08:17,471 --> 00:08:19,471 'cause that woman gets stuff done. 221 00:08:19,473 --> 00:08:21,106 Oh, she's on it all right. 222 00:08:21,108 --> 00:08:23,641 Operation Protect Our Orson is well under way. 223 00:08:23,643 --> 00:08:25,410 They're gonna bring these tippers to justice. 224 00:08:25,412 --> 00:08:27,879 You know, the sheriff was quoted in the Patch saying 225 00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:30,648 he wasn't gonna rest until somebody's head was on a spike. 226 00:08:30,650 --> 00:08:32,984 All right, I'm gonna go to the hardware store 227 00:08:32,986 --> 00:08:35,186 to get some padlocks and an American flag. 228 00:08:35,188 --> 00:08:36,954 Can I get you guys one? 229 00:08:36,956 --> 00:08:38,990 No, we're all set. I got to get to work. 230 00:08:38,992 --> 00:08:40,564 Hey, uh... 231 00:08:42,161 --> 00:08:44,195 be careful out there. 232 00:08:44,197 --> 00:08:46,931 233 00:08:51,971 --> 00:08:53,637 I told you we got to turn ourselves in. 234 00:08:53,639 --> 00:08:54,738 What? Why? 235 00:08:54,740 --> 00:08:55,806 You heard them... 236 00:08:55,808 --> 00:08:57,375 they're putting people's on spikes. 237 00:08:57,377 --> 00:08:58,675 I don't know. 238 00:08:58,677 --> 00:09:00,077 I think my head would look pretty good on a spike. 239 00:09:00,079 --> 00:09:01,845 Your head doesn't even look good on your body. 240 00:09:01,847 --> 00:09:03,747 How are you not more worried about this? 241 00:09:03,749 --> 00:09:05,181 'Cause, dude, they got no evidence. 242 00:09:05,183 --> 00:09:06,884 There's nothing that links us to the crime. 243 00:09:07,812 --> 00:09:09,453 That's not entirely accurate. 244 00:09:11,457 --> 00:09:13,023 Aw, is that the cow horn? 245 00:09:13,025 --> 00:09:15,726 Dude, why did you bring this here? 246 00:09:15,728 --> 00:09:16,927 I didn't mean to. 247 00:09:16,929 --> 00:09:19,362 When we got out of the Winnebago to check the damage, 248 00:09:19,364 --> 00:09:20,420 I picked it up. 249 00:09:20,422 --> 00:09:22,865 Then realized my fingerprints were on it, so I just took it. 250 00:09:22,867 --> 00:09:25,635 So you brought home the one thing that incriminates us. 251 00:09:25,637 --> 00:09:28,238 I panicked, and for good reason. 252 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,073 There's no way we're getting out of this. 253 00:09:30,075 --> 00:09:31,908 In books, they always catch the culprit. 254 00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:33,276 [Sighs] What books? 255 00:09:33,278 --> 00:09:35,411 How about any Sherlock Holmes novel? 256 00:09:35,413 --> 00:09:36,244 Have you read 257 00:09:36,269 --> 00:09:38,380 - "The Hound of the Baskervilles"? - No. 258 00:09:38,382 --> 00:09:39,816 - "A Study in Scarlet"? - No. 259 00:09:39,818 --> 00:09:41,250 - "The Valley of Fear"? - No! 260 00:09:41,252 --> 00:09:43,052 But I have seen "Captain America." 261 00:09:43,054 --> 00:09:44,219 What happens in that? 262 00:09:44,221 --> 00:09:46,702 I don't know. I kind of lost the plot. 263 00:09:47,209 --> 00:09:49,659 Seriously, Axl, what are going to do? 264 00:09:49,661 --> 00:09:51,693 [Groans] Just give me a second. I need to think. 265 00:09:51,695 --> 00:09:55,197 [Exhales deeply] 266 00:09:55,199 --> 00:09:57,066 What did happen in "Captain America"? 267 00:09:57,068 --> 00:09:59,935 268 00:09:59,937 --> 00:10:01,937 - [Keyboard keys clacking] - Hey, Sue. You busy? 269 00:10:01,939 --> 00:10:04,173 Just donating $10 to Protect Our Orson. 270 00:10:04,175 --> 00:10:05,874 Oh, and I e-mailed Reverend Timtom, 271 00:10:05,876 --> 00:10:07,609 and he's racing back from Waukesha. 272 00:10:07,611 --> 00:10:09,678 We need his songs now more than ever. 273 00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,847 Oh, and I'm thinking of adding criminal justice 274 00:10:11,849 --> 00:10:13,014 as one of my majors. 275 00:10:13,016 --> 00:10:17,486 Yeah, um, about that. I've been thinking. 276 00:10:17,488 --> 00:10:19,788 And all those majors sound great, 277 00:10:19,790 --> 00:10:21,690 but four seems like a lot. 278 00:10:21,692 --> 00:10:23,424 Plus, every credit costs money, 279 00:10:23,426 --> 00:10:25,759 so you might want to narrow it down a little. 280 00:10:25,761 --> 00:10:29,563 Oh. So... just theater then? 281 00:10:29,565 --> 00:10:31,632 That might be a little too narrow. 282 00:10:31,634 --> 00:10:34,535 I mean, what if theater doesn't turn out to be your thing? 283 00:10:34,537 --> 00:10:37,605 - Ah. German. - Mm, maybe. 284 00:10:37,607 --> 00:10:39,073 Maybe, although I don't know 285 00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:41,509 if I'd want to put all my eggs in [German accent] dat basket. 286 00:10:41,511 --> 00:10:43,911 Fine. Large-animal vet it is. 287 00:10:43,913 --> 00:10:45,579 Okay, Sue, I'm just gonna break it to you. 288 00:10:45,581 --> 00:10:48,983 There's no inheritance, so you need a job that pays well. 289 00:10:48,985 --> 00:10:50,384 [Scoffs] Vet pays well. 290 00:10:50,386 --> 00:10:51,852 Yeah, but it takes a lot of time. 291 00:10:51,854 --> 00:10:54,722 Wait, wait, wait. Do you not think I can do it? 292 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,157 Mom, I know when Doris got her head stuck, 293 00:10:57,159 --> 00:10:59,959 I freaked and ran into the street in my underwear, 294 00:10:59,961 --> 00:11:02,095 but that is the kind of thing they teach you to handle 295 00:11:02,097 --> 00:11:03,063 in veterinary school. 296 00:11:03,065 --> 00:11:04,831 I'm not saying that you can't. 297 00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:06,866 I'm saying you have to be practical. 298 00:11:06,868 --> 00:11:09,602 You can't just sign up for everything that looks fun. 299 00:11:09,604 --> 00:11:12,139 - I... - You need to, you know, focus. 300 00:11:12,141 --> 00:11:14,507 Right now you seem a little all over the place. 301 00:11:14,509 --> 00:11:16,308 All over the place? 302 00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:19,412 [Speaks German] 303 00:11:19,414 --> 00:11:20,914 Okay, look, Sue. 304 00:11:20,916 --> 00:11:23,883 A lot of people sacrificed so you could go to college. 305 00:11:23,885 --> 00:11:25,217 And you got four years, 306 00:11:25,219 --> 00:11:27,820 so you got to take those four years seriously. 307 00:11:27,822 --> 00:11:30,289 I am quadruple majoring, Mom. 308 00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:31,823 What is more serious than that? 309 00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,225 Okay, look. 310 00:11:33,227 --> 00:11:35,928 Mom, no offense, but you didn't even graduate from college. 311 00:11:35,930 --> 00:11:38,464 Hey, I may not have graduated from college, 312 00:11:38,466 --> 00:11:42,000 but that just makes me an expert in knowing how important it is. 313 00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,002 I mean, the only reason you're still in school 314 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:45,837 is that your dad sold his diaper business. 315 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:46,939 - So, you... - Wait. What? 316 00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,809 Crap. [Sighs] 317 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,945 All right, yep. 318 00:11:53,427 --> 00:11:55,581 When that whole financial-aid thing got screwed up, 319 00:11:55,583 --> 00:11:58,316 he didn't want you to miss an entire year of school, 320 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:01,086 so your dad sold his business. 321 00:12:02,456 --> 00:12:04,155 Axl: Hey, I got a question. 322 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,691 Have either of you guys seen "Captain America"? 323 00:12:07,787 --> 00:12:08,945 What? 324 00:12:08,947 --> 00:12:10,828 325 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,564 All right. 326 00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:15,100 That should be deep enough. Drop it in. 327 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,669 I don't know about this, Axl. 328 00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:20,771 Brick, I am sure of two things in my life. 329 00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:22,940 One... my head would look good on anything. 330 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,809 And two... if you want a problem to go away, 331 00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:26,243 you dig a whole and you bury it. 332 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,211 Really? 333 00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:28,312 Oh, yeah. 334 00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:29,747 If you start digging around this yard, 335 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,215 in five minutes, you'd hit report card. 336 00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:34,251 337 00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:44,194 You gonna hug me again? 338 00:12:44,196 --> 00:12:45,395 No. 339 00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:48,165 I mean, I want to, but I can wait. 340 00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:50,367 I've been thinking a lot about everything Mom said, 341 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,002 and you guys are right. 342 00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:54,004 I need to just pick one major. 343 00:12:54,006 --> 00:12:57,073 So just tell me what you want me to do, and I will do it. 344 00:12:58,064 --> 00:13:00,243 What? I'm not gonna do that. 345 00:13:00,245 --> 00:13:02,512 Why not? You told Axl what to major in. 346 00:13:02,514 --> 00:13:05,715 Axl needed to be told to close his mouth when he takes a shower. 347 00:13:05,717 --> 00:13:07,617 But you gave up everything for me. 348 00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:10,119 I don't want to disappoint you or make another mistake. 349 00:13:10,121 --> 00:13:13,786 Tell me what you want me to do. You have to. Please? 350 00:13:17,962 --> 00:13:19,624 Look, you were never supposed to know 351 00:13:19,626 --> 00:13:20,957 what happened with the business. 352 00:13:20,959 --> 00:13:21,864 That was my choice. 353 00:13:21,866 --> 00:13:23,899 And maybe I didn't do you any favors trying to protect you, 354 00:13:23,901 --> 00:13:26,935 but I just didn't think you should have to worry about that. 355 00:13:28,039 --> 00:13:30,471 You're asking me what I want for you. 356 00:13:31,175 --> 00:13:32,440 I don't know. 357 00:13:32,442 --> 00:13:34,043 I-I'll tell you what I don't want for you. 358 00:13:34,045 --> 00:13:35,744 I don't want you to be on a first-name basis 359 00:13:35,746 --> 00:13:37,245 with the operator from the gas company, 360 00:13:37,247 --> 00:13:38,781 even though Joyce is very nice 361 00:13:38,783 --> 00:13:41,216 and lets us spread the bill over three credit cards. 362 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:43,618 I don't want you to have to share a battery 363 00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:45,220 between both your cars. 364 00:13:45,222 --> 00:13:47,055 I don't want you to have to hope for a tornado 365 00:13:47,057 --> 00:13:48,356 to bring your next appliance. 366 00:13:50,427 --> 00:13:52,093 I'm not trying to scare you, kid, 367 00:13:52,095 --> 00:13:55,630 but... it's hard sometimes living like we do. 368 00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:58,901 And, uh... 369 00:13:59,635 --> 00:14:01,758 what I hope for you 370 00:14:02,305 --> 00:14:03,869 is just that it can be different. 371 00:14:05,333 --> 00:14:06,941 Okay. 372 00:14:06,943 --> 00:14:08,275 Okay? 373 00:14:08,501 --> 00:14:09,901 Okay. 374 00:14:11,538 --> 00:14:13,280 Okay. 375 00:14:13,282 --> 00:14:15,782 376 00:14:15,784 --> 00:14:16,950 Okay. 377 00:14:18,505 --> 00:14:21,039 378 00:14:21,041 --> 00:14:23,141 [Indistinct conversations] 379 00:14:27,245 --> 00:14:31,113 Axl! Brick! I've been looking for you boys. 380 00:14:33,251 --> 00:14:35,884 I'm not getting enough outreach to the young people in town. 381 00:14:35,886 --> 00:14:37,786 Can you two pass out some fliers? 382 00:14:37,788 --> 00:14:41,056 Oh-ho, of course. Anything to help. 383 00:14:41,058 --> 00:14:42,523 - It's a terrible situation. - [Dog barking] 384 00:14:42,525 --> 00:14:44,359 I mean, we've been up all night thinking about it. 385 00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:45,393 That is the truth. 386 00:14:45,395 --> 00:14:47,428 These fliers have to go to the teen center, 387 00:14:47,430 --> 00:14:49,430 but make sure they don't go to kids under 10. 388 00:14:49,432 --> 00:14:51,032 I don't want to scare anyone. 389 00:14:51,034 --> 00:14:52,734 Oh. 390 00:14:52,736 --> 00:14:55,002 I see you went with Franklin Gothic, 391 00:14:55,004 --> 00:14:56,371 the most serious of fonts. 392 00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:58,740 So, did you boys hear? 393 00:14:58,742 --> 00:15:00,408 Because of where the cow was hit, 394 00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:02,744 the police have determined that the perps were driving 395 00:15:02,746 --> 00:15:04,879 a large white or off-white vehicle. 396 00:15:04,881 --> 00:15:06,844 - [Coughs] - Bill: Nancy. 397 00:15:07,651 --> 00:15:09,383 Hey, Paula, just texted me. 398 00:15:09,385 --> 00:15:10,985 There's a car parked at the Panera Bread 399 00:15:10,987 --> 00:15:12,419 with an out-of-state license plate. 400 00:15:12,421 --> 00:15:15,022 Yeah, so, she's gonna send a picture. 401 00:15:15,024 --> 00:15:16,056 Okay. 402 00:15:16,058 --> 00:15:17,691 Okay, you heard him, people! 403 00:15:17,693 --> 00:15:20,394 There's a suspicious vehicle at the Panera Bread. 404 00:15:20,396 --> 00:15:21,495 Let's move! 405 00:15:21,497 --> 00:15:24,098 And see what the soups are. 406 00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:25,332 Oh, my God. 407 00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:27,434 They've I.D.'d the paint color of the vehicle now. 408 00:15:27,436 --> 00:15:29,035 Why would you park the 'Bago out front? 409 00:15:29,037 --> 00:15:31,438 Duh, it's called hiding in plain sight. 410 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,507 Don't do anything different to attract suspicion. 411 00:15:33,509 --> 00:15:36,242 G-Get your nose out of a book and watch some TV. 412 00:15:36,244 --> 00:15:38,244 I'm telling you, they're gonna find out it was me. 413 00:15:38,246 --> 00:15:39,446 I mean, who else could it be? 414 00:15:39,448 --> 00:15:41,915 I'm the one who lost the town slogan contest. 415 00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:43,850 "Orson, the heartland's hidden gem." 416 00:15:43,852 --> 00:15:45,185 It goes right to motive. 417 00:15:45,187 --> 00:15:46,953 Okay, I'll tell you what we're gonna do. 418 00:15:46,955 --> 00:15:49,488 No one's offered up a reward yet, so we're gonna be the kids 419 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,257 who volunteer their hard-earned allowance 420 00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:52,591 to help catch the criminals, huh? 421 00:15:52,593 --> 00:15:54,160 We can't afford that. 422 00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,695 Oh, my God, Brick, how can you be so smart 423 00:15:55,697 --> 00:15:56,863 and so dumb at the same time? 424 00:15:56,865 --> 00:15:57,863 It doesn't matter. 425 00:15:57,865 --> 00:15:59,097 No one's gonna collect the reward 426 00:15:59,099 --> 00:16:00,368 'cause we're the ones who did it. 427 00:16:01,246 --> 00:16:03,569 I don't like this, Axl. I don't like it at all. 428 00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,404 We're getting in too deep on this thing. 429 00:16:05,406 --> 00:16:06,706 I think it's too risky. 430 00:16:07,150 --> 00:16:08,140 Wait. 431 00:16:08,142 --> 00:16:09,937 - I think I got it. - A plan? 432 00:16:09,939 --> 00:16:11,444 No, the plot to "Captain America." 433 00:16:11,446 --> 00:16:14,146 A small bunny cop and a con-artist fox work together... 434 00:16:14,148 --> 00:16:16,281 Okay, people, 435 00:16:16,283 --> 00:16:18,783 I have been thinking about everything you've said, 436 00:16:18,785 --> 00:16:21,320 and I know what I want my major to be. 437 00:16:21,322 --> 00:16:23,714 [Clears throat] I think it's a good decision. 438 00:16:24,291 --> 00:16:26,524 I am going to major in... 439 00:16:27,734 --> 00:16:30,562 ...hospitality and hotel management. 440 00:16:33,132 --> 00:16:35,700 Is that a real thing? Is that something people can do? 441 00:16:35,702 --> 00:16:36,901 Yeah, I just found it. 442 00:16:36,903 --> 00:16:38,670 I was researching other majors, 443 00:16:38,672 --> 00:16:41,406 and it turns out the school is known for this program. 444 00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:42,841 Listen to this. 445 00:16:42,843 --> 00:16:46,411 92% of graduates find employment within six months, 446 00:16:46,413 --> 00:16:47,811 and there's tons of benefits. 447 00:16:47,813 --> 00:16:50,514 I mean, I had never really heard of this as a major before, 448 00:16:50,516 --> 00:16:52,750 but it makes complete sense for me. 449 00:16:52,752 --> 00:16:55,786 It's people-driven, so I could use my Dollywood experience. 450 00:16:55,788 --> 00:16:57,621 If I'm working abroad... 451 00:16:57,623 --> 00:16:59,590 [Speaks German] 452 00:16:59,592 --> 00:17:01,325 And if it's a pet-friendly hotel, 453 00:17:01,327 --> 00:17:02,760 I'll get to be around animals. 454 00:17:02,762 --> 00:17:05,429 Plus, think of all the binders I would have. 455 00:17:05,431 --> 00:17:06,997 You know how I feel about binders. 456 00:17:06,999 --> 00:17:10,667 Oh, Sue, hotels... that's awesome. 457 00:17:10,669 --> 00:17:13,537 Yeah. Dad, what do you think? 458 00:17:14,676 --> 00:17:16,139 I think we got a winner. 459 00:17:16,141 --> 00:17:18,041 [Squeals] Okay! 460 00:17:18,043 --> 00:17:21,778 Okay. My major is... 461 00:17:21,780 --> 00:17:22,979 - [Computer chimes] - ...declared. 462 00:17:22,981 --> 00:17:25,282 - Ah! - [Laughter] 463 00:17:25,284 --> 00:17:27,951 Yay! 464 00:17:27,953 --> 00:17:29,852 465 00:17:29,854 --> 00:17:32,422 Yeah! 466 00:17:35,127 --> 00:17:36,192 467 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,480 Rev. Timtom: You know, the same God made both cow and man 468 00:17:41,505 --> 00:17:43,776 From similar but utterly different plans 469 00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:47,170 But cows don't turn on each other when one says boo 470 00:17:47,172 --> 00:17:50,339 They share the field and make methane while they moo 471 00:17:50,341 --> 00:17:52,741 We can learn a lot from our bovine friends 472 00:17:52,743 --> 00:17:54,743 Our spots might be different, but our future depends 473 00:17:54,745 --> 00:17:57,312 On herding together and getting along 474 00:17:57,314 --> 00:17:59,748 That's what makes us Orson strong 475 00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:02,651 - [Cheers and applause] - That's right. Orson strong. 476 00:18:02,653 --> 00:18:05,487 Nancy: Thank you, Reverend Timtom. 477 00:18:05,489 --> 00:18:07,355 Now, let's get down to business. 478 00:18:07,357 --> 00:18:10,225 We're here to talk about this horrific vandalism 479 00:18:10,227 --> 00:18:12,561 that has besmirched our beloved Orson. 480 00:18:12,563 --> 00:18:14,529 They can knock down our cow, 481 00:18:14,531 --> 00:18:16,565 but they can't knock down our spirit! 482 00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:19,301 [Cheers and applause] 483 00:18:19,303 --> 00:18:21,369 Now, as an example of Orson pride, 484 00:18:21,371 --> 00:18:23,305 there are two special individuals 485 00:18:23,307 --> 00:18:24,606 I'd like to bring up. 486 00:18:24,608 --> 00:18:29,944 They've offered a reward from their own money of $500. 487 00:18:29,946 --> 00:18:34,182 Come on up here, Axl and Brick Heck. 488 00:18:34,184 --> 00:18:36,250 - Oh, crap. - They did it. 489 00:18:36,252 --> 00:18:38,152 [Cheers and applause] 490 00:18:42,725 --> 00:18:45,680 Uh, shucks. We just wanted to do our part. 491 00:18:46,529 --> 00:18:50,385 After all Orson is the heartland's hidden gem. 492 00:18:54,670 --> 00:18:56,403 You know, as a town, 493 00:18:56,405 --> 00:18:58,371 we're probably gonna have to accept the fact 494 00:18:58,373 --> 00:19:00,774 that we'll never actually find out who did this, but... 495 00:19:00,776 --> 00:19:02,175 Derrick: I know who did it. 496 00:19:04,646 --> 00:19:05,879 Derrick Glossner? 497 00:19:05,881 --> 00:19:07,848 I'm gonna tell you who did it right now. 498 00:19:09,618 --> 00:19:11,099 Donald Wayne Glossner. 499 00:19:12,087 --> 00:19:14,530 Glossners. I knew it. 500 00:19:14,956 --> 00:19:16,856 Yep, he stole the ice-cream truck again 501 00:19:16,858 --> 00:19:18,324 and rammed into the cow. 502 00:19:18,326 --> 00:19:19,925 Why'd you do it, Donald? 503 00:19:19,927 --> 00:19:21,461 None of your damn business. 504 00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:23,963 Okay, then, I want my money. 505 00:19:23,965 --> 00:19:25,498 Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. 506 00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:26,866 We can't just hand out money 507 00:19:26,868 --> 00:19:28,601 without a proper investigation, right? 508 00:19:28,603 --> 00:19:30,670 And since when is it legal to give a reward 509 00:19:30,672 --> 00:19:33,005 to one relative for turning in their brother? 510 00:19:33,007 --> 00:19:34,606 'Cause if that's a possibility... 511 00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:37,309 I've actually got a great song for just such an occasion... 512 00:19:37,311 --> 00:19:39,278 about two little scamps called Cain and Abel. 513 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,946 Oh, Cain and Abel 514 00:19:40,948 --> 00:19:41,981 Not now. 515 00:19:41,983 --> 00:19:42,915 Sheriff. 516 00:19:42,917 --> 00:19:44,349 Well, I don't know. 517 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:46,752 If says that Donald did what he's accused of, 518 00:19:46,754 --> 00:19:47,952 then a reward might... 519 00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,188 I'm telling you I know he didn't do it. 520 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,390 How do you know that? 521 00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,829 [Gasps] 522 00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:02,133 Okay, in light of new information, we're gonna wrap this up. 523 00:20:02,135 --> 00:20:03,368 Thanks for coming, everyone. 524 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,635 Play us out. Play us out. 525 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,104 Cain and Abel fought terribly 526 00:20:06,106 --> 00:20:07,505 What's going on? 527 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,307 In fact, they needed anger-management therapy 528 00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,676 'Cause when Abel said, "Just you wait till God gets home" 529 00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:13,978 Cain hit him in the head with a great big stone 530 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,113 Not cool 531 00:20:15,115 --> 00:20:16,815 They should've just talked it out 532 00:20:16,817 --> 00:20:19,483 Brothers and sisters, just talking it out 533 00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:20,818 Yep, in a small town, 534 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,053 things sure can get blown out of proportion. 535 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,489 But the nice thing about a small town 536 00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:28,793 is folks are also willing to give you a second chance. 537 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,093 Look, boys. 538 00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:33,297 I reckon all of us make a mistake at one time or another. 539 00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:37,868 I once put a king snake in my neighbor's pool. 540 00:20:38,242 --> 00:20:40,737 But we're willing to let this one slide 541 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,172 as long as you two do a little community service. 542 00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:45,775 And in the spirit of service, 543 00:20:45,777 --> 00:20:47,477 I've taken the liberty of signing you up 544 00:20:47,479 --> 00:20:51,013 for my intensive Laboring for the Lord good work squad. 545 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,915 And, you... 546 00:20:53,201 --> 00:20:54,951 it's gonna be at least a year 547 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:57,019 before we let you get behind the wheel again. 548 00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,055 I'm sorry, son. 549 00:20:59,057 --> 00:21:01,645 But that license is just gonna have to wait. 550 00:21:05,029 --> 00:21:06,795 ["Jammin'" plays] 551 00:21:12,303 --> 00:21:13,302 Ooh, yeah 552 00:21:13,304 --> 00:21:14,603 Every week, huh? 553 00:21:14,605 --> 00:21:16,405 Every week. 554 00:21:16,407 --> 00:21:17,573 A year will go fast. 555 00:21:17,575 --> 00:21:18,640 We're jammin' 556 00:21:18,642 --> 00:21:21,810 Jammin', jammin', jammin' 557 00:21:21,812 --> 00:21:24,713 I want to jam it with you 558 00:21:25,389 --> 00:21:31,673 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 559 00:21:31,723 --> 00:21:36,273 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41012

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