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1
00:00:01,333 --> 00:00:05,103
I've come up with the layout
for the mayor's Christmas card.
2
00:00:04,985 --> 00:00:07,587
We will do mayor with the dog,
mayor with the baby,
3
00:00:07,516 --> 00:00:08,950
then mayor with the tree.
4
00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:10,592
No, no...
5
00:00:10,558 --> 00:00:13,861
uh, baby... Tree... Dog.
6
00:00:13,761 --> 00:00:16,096
Well, if you're gonna put
the baby before the dog,
7
00:00:16,037 --> 00:00:17,637
then we don't even needthe tree.
8
00:00:17,606 --> 00:00:18,973
Hey, leave my tree alone.
9
00:00:21,418 --> 00:00:24,954
Ooh, somebody bought
the "kama sutra."
10
00:00:24,845 --> 00:00:28,849
You just don't like my order
because it's mine.
11
00:00:28,722 --> 00:00:30,489
I didn't like it
'cause it's incorrect.
12
00:00:30,451 --> 00:00:33,720
Yeah?
Well, you're incorrect.
13
00:00:35,096 --> 00:00:38,732
Could you possibly want her
any more?
14
00:00:38,619 --> 00:00:40,219
Carter,
to tell you the truth,
15
00:00:40,189 --> 00:00:42,357
uh, she doesn't really
do it for me.
16
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:44,839
Please, Mike...
she almost does it for me.
17
00:00:46,339 --> 00:00:49,375
You could cut the sexual
tension in here with a knife.
18
00:00:49,286 --> 00:00:51,388
That's not sexual tension.
That's bickering.
19
00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:53,590
What I should have said is,
20
00:00:53,580 --> 00:00:55,814
"you like to be
the smartest person in the room,
21
00:00:55,757 --> 00:00:57,058
so I'll leave."
22
00:00:57,038 --> 00:01:00,174
You know, Caitlin,
they're not called "comebacks"
23
00:01:00,082 --> 00:01:02,650
because you leave
and then come back.
24
00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:05,116
Oh, yeah?
25
00:01:05,047 --> 00:01:07,248
Well...
26
00:01:07,193 --> 00:01:08,527
Ugh!
27
00:01:09,596 --> 00:01:11,396
So, are we gonna get lunch...
28
00:01:11,357 --> 00:01:13,658
Or is your stomach
still fluttery?
29
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,467
Fine. Let's go.
30
00:01:15,426 --> 00:01:16,392
Uh...
31
00:01:16,387 --> 00:01:17,920
[CLEARS THROAT]
32
00:01:17,891 --> 00:01:22,195
If you think of something,
we'll be at O'Leary's.
33
00:01:22,056 --> 00:01:24,524
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
34
00:01:47,971 --> 00:01:49,906
Okay, next item...
the mayor's meeting
35
00:01:49,861 --> 00:01:51,895
with a dignitary
from Stockholm tonight.
36
00:01:51,847 --> 00:01:53,480
Stuart,
I need you to prep him.
37
00:01:53,448 --> 00:01:55,149
Me?
Why do I have to do it?
38
00:01:55,113 --> 00:01:58,349
Oh, I don't know...
it's your job?
39
00:01:58,254 --> 00:02:00,655
How many times are you
gonna go to that well?
40
00:02:00,592 --> 00:02:03,127
Oh, reminder...
tonight's my big holiday party,
41
00:02:03,058 --> 00:02:05,626
so everybody come and bring
an ornament for the tree.
42
00:02:05,557 --> 00:02:08,225
And, Stuart, if it leaves
a ring in your wallet,
43
00:02:08,151 --> 00:02:09,418
it's not an ornament.
44
00:02:09,401 --> 00:02:11,768
Oh, and, everyone...
starting today,
45
00:02:11,706 --> 00:02:13,774
I will be running
the holiday clothes drive.
46
00:02:13,790 --> 00:02:15,157
My advice...
47
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,570
go early
and get the good stuff.
48
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,305
I'm Manning
a depression hot line
49
00:02:19,267 --> 00:02:21,802
for the people
who are feeling down.
50
00:02:21,702 --> 00:02:23,268
That's great, James.
51
00:02:23,239 --> 00:02:27,175
Nobody knows more about
being depressed than me...
52
00:02:27,050 --> 00:02:29,318
1,000 Miles from my family,
53
00:02:29,260 --> 00:02:32,196
tiny apartment,
no girlfriend,
54
00:02:32,113 --> 00:02:35,314
my best friend's my boss.
55
00:02:35,219 --> 00:02:37,587
I'm not your best friend.
56
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,444
[WHIRRING]
57
00:02:41,402 --> 00:02:42,402
[GRUNTS]
58
00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:43,695
Those are the issues
59
00:02:43,675 --> 00:02:45,911
the swedish
delegate will want to discuss.
60
00:02:45,854 --> 00:02:48,088
By the way, she'll be
arriving around 8:00.
61
00:02:48,033 --> 00:02:49,600
Any questions?
62
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,605
How's the chin-up bar
coming?
63
00:02:51,652 --> 00:02:54,587
Sounds like
you're up to speed.
64
00:02:54,472 --> 00:02:55,371
She's ready.
65
00:02:55,368 --> 00:02:58,102
Let me rip a couple off
for you.
66
00:02:59,564 --> 00:03:01,265
Hup!
67
00:03:06,131 --> 00:03:07,664
[EXHALES]
68
00:03:10,487 --> 00:03:14,157
Oh, you bondek...
oh, you!
69
00:03:14,044 --> 00:03:16,812
Come on, you woman!
70
00:03:18,335 --> 00:03:22,239
You gotta want it!
71
00:03:22,116 --> 00:03:24,417
Yeah, she'll hold you.
72
00:03:24,357 --> 00:03:28,827
I tell ya, being on
the campaign trail's tough.
73
00:03:28,681 --> 00:03:31,917
You gotta be strong,
stay fit...
74
00:03:31,821 --> 00:03:33,021
Be a man.
75
00:03:33,006 --> 00:03:35,240
Hand cream?
76
00:03:35,184 --> 00:03:36,451
No, thank you, sir.
77
00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:42,061
Let me show you how one
of these bad boys is done.
78
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,958
[SIGHS]
79
00:03:45,916 --> 00:03:47,116
Ugh!
80
00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:53,607
Next time, sir...
81
00:03:53,539 --> 00:03:57,809
I'd do chin-ups,
then lotion.
82
00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:59,973
Jeff, I'm your
crisis-hot-line counselor.
83
00:03:59,915 --> 00:04:01,381
Listen to me.
84
00:04:01,356 --> 00:04:04,091
Just 'cause you lost your job
and your wife's cheating on you
85
00:04:04,015 --> 00:04:05,815
is no reason to be depressed.
86
00:04:05,776 --> 00:04:08,712
It's the holidays.
I want you to have a beer.
87
00:04:08,627 --> 00:04:11,062
You know what?
Have a few beers.
88
00:04:10,997 --> 00:04:13,899
Then I want you to go
somewhere quiet, like, uh...
89
00:04:13,816 --> 00:04:15,383
The Brooklyn bridge.
90
00:04:17,404 --> 00:04:20,572
I want you to look down
at the black water below
91
00:04:20,478 --> 00:04:23,447
and think about all the things
you have to live for.
92
00:04:23,362 --> 00:04:24,762
I'm sorry?
93
00:04:24,739 --> 00:04:28,776
I don't know... about 500 feet.
94
00:04:28,647 --> 00:04:31,849
Listen, call me
when you get back.
95
00:04:31,754 --> 00:04:33,589
Paul!
96
00:04:33,549 --> 00:04:36,417
You think this tie
is too loud for this shirt?
97
00:04:36,335 --> 00:04:39,203
These clothes
are for the needy.
98
00:04:39,122 --> 00:04:40,323
Ha!
99
00:04:40,308 --> 00:04:43,110
You're never gonna draw them
in with this selection.
100
00:04:43,030 --> 00:04:46,866
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
101
00:04:46,746 --> 00:04:50,850
John mcenroe used to wear
a headband exactly like this.
102
00:04:50,718 --> 00:04:52,686
John mcenroe is my hero!
103
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,140
Look... look!
104
00:04:54,114 --> 00:04:56,482
I even have
an autographed picture of him!
105
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,521
Look!
106
00:04:57,510 --> 00:05:00,745
"Dear Paul,
stop following me."
107
00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:03,083
Look at the headband!
108
00:05:03,018 --> 00:05:04,453
It's identical!
109
00:05:04,428 --> 00:05:05,795
Oh, my gosh...
110
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:10,110
this could be the very headband
John mcenroe wore
111
00:05:09,971 --> 00:05:12,873
when he won
the '79 U.S. open.
112
00:05:12,789 --> 00:05:15,657
Or it could be just
some old random headband.
113
00:05:15,575 --> 00:05:19,245
Yeah, like,
what are the odds of that?
114
00:05:19,131 --> 00:05:22,099
So, excited about
your big party tonight?
115
00:05:22,014 --> 00:05:25,483
Your master plan to get
Caitlin over to your place
116
00:05:25,378 --> 00:05:27,112
is coming to fruition.
117
00:05:27,075 --> 00:05:29,677
Yeah, Carter, it was
a long, difficult process,
118
00:05:29,606 --> 00:05:30,739
but let me tell you,
119
00:05:30,727 --> 00:05:32,962
inventing Christmas
was worth it.
120
00:05:32,906 --> 00:05:35,908
To tell you the truth,
I forgot to even invite her.
121
00:05:35,821 --> 00:05:37,421
Did you really forget,
122
00:05:37,390 --> 00:05:41,026
or were you distracted
by all the, uh, "bickering"?
123
00:05:40,913 --> 00:05:42,781
Don't you mean
"sexual tension"?
124
00:05:42,739 --> 00:05:47,410
Yes, but then I couldn't
have used the air quotes.
125
00:05:47,256 --> 00:05:50,258
There is no sexual tension
between Caitlin and me.
126
00:05:50,171 --> 00:05:52,106
Truth is,
it was an oversight,
127
00:05:52,061 --> 00:05:53,628
and I'm gonna correct it.
128
00:05:53,598 --> 00:05:55,499
Hey, uh, Caitlin...
129
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,924
Yes, Mike?
130
00:05:56,898 --> 00:06:00,234
Um, do you have plans
for tonight?
131
00:06:00,134 --> 00:06:02,068
Because if...
132
00:06:02,023 --> 00:06:04,558
well, I was just wondering
if you wanted to come over
133
00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:05,958
t-to my place tonight.
134
00:06:05,931 --> 00:06:08,733
Sure.
135
00:06:08,654 --> 00:06:10,789
Well, great, okay.
136
00:06:10,736 --> 00:06:12,437
Great.
137
00:06:12,402 --> 00:06:13,435
I'll see you later.
138
00:06:13,426 --> 00:06:14,594
See... uh, see you.
139
00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:17,648
All right. Okay.
140
00:06:17,559 --> 00:06:20,694
See that?
No sexual tension whatsoever.
141
00:06:20,602 --> 00:06:22,904
You realize you just
asked her out on a date.
142
00:06:22,845 --> 00:06:23,844
No, I didn't.
143
00:06:23,838 --> 00:06:26,139
All I said to her was,
"you should come over,"
144
00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:28,782
and she said, "sure, great,"
and you know what?
145
00:06:28,706 --> 00:06:31,442
I have a date.
I have a date with Caitlin.
146
00:06:31,365 --> 00:06:33,366
No, you don't.
You're hosting a party.
147
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,914
Yeah, you're right.
Those people are counting on me
148
00:06:35,851 --> 00:06:37,718
because this is
the only time of year
149
00:06:37,676 --> 00:06:39,778
when I get to show
my friends and co-workers
150
00:06:39,726 --> 00:06:41,560
how much
they really mean to me.
151
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,821
[CLEARS THROAT]
152
00:06:43,762 --> 00:06:47,765
I left my binder here
this morning.
153
00:06:47,638 --> 00:06:49,439
Oh, sorry, yes.
154
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:50,600
Whoops.
155
00:06:52,219 --> 00:06:53,653
Well, the party's off.
156
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:59,886
Calm down, you're not alone.
I'm here for you.
157
00:06:59,811 --> 00:07:01,178
James...
158
00:07:01,156 --> 00:07:05,393
Please hold.
159
00:07:05,256 --> 00:07:07,257
Do you have
Mike's home address?
160
00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:08,444
Going to Mike's party?
161
00:07:08,427 --> 00:07:10,028
Party?
162
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:13,366
Of course. That's why
I'm going to Mike's tonight...
163
00:07:13,264 --> 00:07:14,464
for a party.
164
00:07:14,449 --> 00:07:16,483
If you'll excuse me...
165
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,004
Are you still on that ledge?
166
00:07:21,176 --> 00:07:22,509
Sir, are you okay?
167
00:07:22,490 --> 00:07:24,958
I don't know.
I think I need a masseuse.
168
00:07:24,892 --> 00:07:26,627
I've got a whole list.
169
00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:28,591
Good, because
my back is killing me.
170
00:07:28,545 --> 00:07:30,446
Oh, your back.
171
00:07:30,402 --> 00:07:32,336
Can't help ya.
172
00:07:32,293 --> 00:07:34,794
That's okay.
I'll have janelle set one up.
173
00:07:34,726 --> 00:07:37,995
You're gonna have to take
this Stockholm meeting for me.
174
00:07:37,898 --> 00:07:40,866
I am in no condition
to talk to swedish people.
175
00:07:42,414 --> 00:07:44,649
[BUZZING]
176
00:07:44,592 --> 00:07:47,895
Stupid fly!
177
00:07:52,312 --> 00:07:53,446
Hey...
178
00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:55,034
Hey, Paul!
179
00:07:55,003 --> 00:07:57,471
Mike's looking for the press
release you promised him.
180
00:07:57,405 --> 00:07:59,440
I put it in your in-box
this morning.
181
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,192
That's my out-box.
182
00:08:01,153 --> 00:08:03,722
Are you crazy?!
That's "in"!
183
00:08:03,653 --> 00:08:06,654
How can you call that "out"?
That's "in"!
184
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:07,534
"Out."
185
00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:09,495
You cannot be serious!
186
00:08:09,450 --> 00:08:11,283
That is clearly "in"!
187
00:08:11,244 --> 00:08:13,679
How incompetent can you be?!
188
00:08:15,856 --> 00:08:19,826
Okay, let's find you a hat.
189
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:22,169
Oh, here's one.
How's this?
190
00:08:22,199 --> 00:08:26,202
I want that headband.
191
00:08:26,108 --> 00:08:29,410
Sorry.
This one isn't available.
192
00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:31,378
Yes, it is.
It was in the box.
193
00:08:31,328 --> 00:08:33,462
Fork it over.
You're not needy.
194
00:08:33,411 --> 00:08:36,680
It looks like you haven't
missed a meal in years.
195
00:08:38,664 --> 00:08:39,865
Oh, please.
196
00:08:39,850 --> 00:08:42,184
It's just gonna go wasted
on you.
197
00:08:42,124 --> 00:08:44,459
You'll use it
to stave off frostbite.
198
00:08:48,434 --> 00:08:50,802
Damn it!
199
00:08:50,740 --> 00:08:53,075
Language warning.
200
00:08:57,595 --> 00:08:59,530
[MARVIN GAYE'S"LET'S GET IT ON" PLAYS]
201
00:08:59,486 --> 00:09:04,956
I've been really tryin',baby
202
00:09:04,771 --> 00:09:11,243
tryin' to hold backthis feelin' for so long
203
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:13,652
and if you feel
204
00:09:13,580 --> 00:09:15,381
Like I feel, baby
205
00:09:15,342 --> 00:09:17,610
Then come on
206
00:09:17,552 --> 00:09:19,720
Oh, come on
207
00:09:19,666 --> 00:09:21,334
[DOORBELL RINGS]
208
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:23,234
Let's get it on
209
00:09:23,190 --> 00:09:25,324
Oh, babe
210
00:09:25,271 --> 00:09:28,574
Let's get it on...
211
00:09:28,475 --> 00:09:31,144
[FRENCH ACCENT]
Duck ? l'orange.
212
00:09:31,039 --> 00:09:34,507
Duck ? l'orange.
213
00:09:34,401 --> 00:09:37,536
Duck ? l'orange?
214
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:39,344
Hi, Mike.
215
00:09:39,302 --> 00:09:40,936
[NORMAL VOICE] Hi.
216
00:09:40,903 --> 00:09:42,938
Mmm.
What smells so good?
217
00:09:42,890 --> 00:09:45,892
Duck l'orange.
218
00:09:45,805 --> 00:09:47,004
You, uh...
219
00:09:46,990 --> 00:09:49,057
y-you look terrific.
220
00:09:49,008 --> 00:09:51,042
Oh, thanks.
221
00:09:50,993 --> 00:09:54,463
Wow... an actual date.
222
00:09:54,357 --> 00:09:57,694
Hey, sweetie,
I parked the car.
223
00:09:57,593 --> 00:10:00,661
...and such a large
and attractive one.
224
00:10:08,644 --> 00:10:12,080
There's nothin' wrong
225
00:10:11,975 --> 00:10:16,279
With me lovin' you
226
00:10:16,140 --> 00:10:18,241
Baby, no, no
227
00:10:18,191 --> 00:10:22,961
And givin' your love to mecould never be wrong..
228
00:10:22,804 --> 00:10:25,738
Are we the first ones here?
229
00:10:25,654 --> 00:10:27,555
Uh, yes...
230
00:10:27,512 --> 00:10:31,081
You're the first of many...
To my party.
231
00:10:30,971 --> 00:10:33,239
I have to make a call.
232
00:10:33,181 --> 00:10:37,218
Um, you two...
you just, uh... Mingle.
233
00:10:38,019 --> 00:10:41,787
[CELLULAR PHONE RINGS]
234
00:10:41,670 --> 00:10:43,437
Hello?
235
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:44,767
Carter, it's... it's Mike.
236
00:10:44,746 --> 00:10:46,613
Listen, uh,
the party's back on.
237
00:10:46,571 --> 00:10:49,006
Yeah? What happened
to your date?
238
00:10:48,941 --> 00:10:50,475
It's not a date, okay?
239
00:10:50,448 --> 00:10:52,282
Now... now, call the staff.
240
00:10:52,241 --> 00:10:54,776
Get everybody over here
right now.
241
00:10:54,707 --> 00:10:57,542
Maybe I'm busy.
Heh heh.
242
00:10:59,384 --> 00:11:03,387
Carter, do you have a dog
on your chest right now?
243
00:11:03,260 --> 00:11:05,461
I'll see you in 10 minutes.
244
00:11:07,552 --> 00:11:09,187
[RINGS]
245
00:11:09,155 --> 00:11:11,756
Crisis hot line.
Don't do it.
246
00:11:11,685 --> 00:11:12,652
James, it's Caitlin.
247
00:11:12,646 --> 00:11:14,614
I'm at Mike's,
and there's no party.
248
00:11:14,568 --> 00:11:16,402
Life can't always be
a party, Caitlin.
249
00:11:16,362 --> 00:11:18,497
That's no reason
to get down on yourself.
250
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:19,744
I am not down on myself.
251
00:11:19,724 --> 00:11:22,026
Why did you say
Mike was having a party?
252
00:11:21,968 --> 00:11:23,501
He was,
but he canceled it.
253
00:11:23,473 --> 00:11:25,774
I think he's playing
basketball instead.
254
00:11:25,715 --> 00:11:28,017
He said something
about a slam-dunk.
255
00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:29,058
Oh, he did, did he?
256
00:11:29,047 --> 00:11:31,248
I cannot believe
how arrogant that...
257
00:11:31,193 --> 00:11:32,193
[RINGS]
258
00:11:32,187 --> 00:11:34,387
Hold on.
I've got another call.
259
00:11:34,332 --> 00:11:36,934
Crisis hot line.
Think about your kids.
260
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,564
James, there's a number
on my desk.
261
00:11:38,528 --> 00:11:40,429
I want you to call it.
Uncancel my order.
262
00:11:40,386 --> 00:11:42,587
I had a case of red wine,
a case of white wine,
263
00:11:42,533 --> 00:11:44,267
six cases of beer,
and some liquor.
264
00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:46,765
Have them send it over
to my apartment right away.
265
00:11:46,696 --> 00:11:50,165
Listen, Mike,
alcohol is not the answer.
266
00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:51,761
All right, well, uh,
267
00:11:51,726 --> 00:11:54,561
let's, uh... let's get
this party rolling.
268
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,216
Since you guys
are the first ones here,
269
00:11:57,140 --> 00:12:00,509
you get the first crack
at my famous party mix.
270
00:12:02,393 --> 00:12:05,662
Froot loops and croutons?
271
00:12:05,564 --> 00:12:10,135
Yeah. You know, my mom used to
call them, uh... Fruitons.
272
00:12:11,875 --> 00:12:14,276
B-but I like to call them, uh...
273
00:12:14,213 --> 00:12:18,450
Uh, crout loops.
274
00:12:18,314 --> 00:12:19,847
Mike, if this is a party,
275
00:12:19,818 --> 00:12:22,620
why are there only
two dinners on the table?
276
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:26,812
Oh, these...
well, these, uh...
277
00:12:26,674 --> 00:12:30,844
These are, uh...
These are for the party mix.
278
00:12:33,401 --> 00:12:36,937
Well, fruit loops without duck
is just nasty.
279
00:12:36,829 --> 00:12:38,929
Okay...
280
00:12:38,879 --> 00:12:43,283
The capital of Sweden
is Stockholm...
281
00:12:43,139 --> 00:12:45,407
population 692,954.
282
00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:47,317
Chief export...
283
00:12:47,271 --> 00:12:49,872
[SPEAKS SWEDISH]
284
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:52,837
...babes.
285
00:12:52,749 --> 00:12:54,349
I'm here for the mayor.
286
00:12:54,318 --> 00:12:55,786
Right.
287
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,126
I'm Stuart bondek.
288
00:12:57,105 --> 00:13:01,375
The mayor had an emergency,
so I'll be taking his place.
289
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:02,438
Ja?
290
00:13:02,423 --> 00:13:04,190
We are very honored...
291
00:13:05,690 --> 00:13:08,191
...to have you.
292
00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:09,859
Ja.
293
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:11,923
Now, uh, would you like
to begin
294
00:13:11,872 --> 00:13:14,841
by hearing about our
cultural-exchange program
295
00:13:14,755 --> 00:13:18,291
or my discussing our upcoming
joint press conference?
296
00:13:18,182 --> 00:13:21,985
Would you not like to start
by taking off your clothes?
297
00:13:26,159 --> 00:13:28,560
Ja.
298
00:13:35,512 --> 00:13:37,613
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
299
00:13:41,503 --> 00:13:42,836
[SPEAKS SWEDISH]
300
00:13:42,815 --> 00:13:44,182
Oh, great!
You're here!
301
00:13:44,161 --> 00:13:46,229
Thank you for meeting
with me, Mr. mayor.
302
00:13:46,179 --> 00:13:49,881
No, no, thank you.
Did you forget your table?
303
00:13:49,767 --> 00:13:50,933
Sorry?
304
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:54,223
It's quite all right.
We can use the floor.
305
00:13:54,123 --> 00:13:55,591
How much time do we have?
306
00:13:55,565 --> 00:13:57,932
You just keep going
till I fall asleep.
307
00:13:57,871 --> 00:13:59,772
I will just
get ready, then.
308
00:13:59,729 --> 00:14:03,365
Me too.
309
00:14:03,252 --> 00:14:05,921
So... Where shall we begin?
310
00:14:05,848 --> 00:14:07,514
How about my ass?
311
00:14:10,108 --> 00:14:11,975
As deputy mayor
I have a lot of power,
312
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,301
but what keeps me going
313
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,714
is knowing I make
a difference in people's lives.
314
00:14:15,649 --> 00:14:17,784
What do you do, rob?
315
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:19,933
I'm a heart surgeon.
316
00:14:19,878 --> 00:14:22,746
I work mostly with kids.
317
00:14:24,427 --> 00:14:27,362
So you're in it
for the money.
318
00:14:27,277 --> 00:14:29,879
Mike, I brought the people
from the crisis center.
319
00:14:34,485 --> 00:14:35,918
The more the merrier.
320
00:14:35,894 --> 00:14:37,295
[DOORBELL RINGS]
321
00:14:37,272 --> 00:14:38,805
Ah, see?
There you go.
322
00:14:38,777 --> 00:14:41,612
All my friends don't show up
at 8:00 on the dot.
323
00:14:41,531 --> 00:14:43,132
This is a late-night crowd,
324
00:14:43,102 --> 00:14:45,603
and they, uh...
they party very hard.
325
00:14:48,099 --> 00:14:51,501
Of course,
that takes its toll.
326
00:14:51,398 --> 00:14:53,733
Uh, Mike, I'd like you to meet
my grandma.
327
00:14:53,673 --> 00:14:55,540
Yeah, who I asked Nikki
to bring
328
00:14:55,499 --> 00:14:57,666
because she's...
she's a fortuneteller.
329
00:14:57,613 --> 00:14:59,580
The woman
is positively psychic.
330
00:14:59,535 --> 00:15:01,703
Is that the bathroom?
331
00:15:01,649 --> 00:15:04,484
See that? Freaky.
332
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,505
Save something for the guests,
okay, gram?
333
00:15:08,344 --> 00:15:10,511
Okay, Mike...
334
00:15:10,457 --> 00:15:12,759
Not that watching you squirm
isn't fun,
335
00:15:12,701 --> 00:15:14,101
but just admit it...
336
00:15:14,077 --> 00:15:16,612
you weren't planning on having
a party tonight.
337
00:15:16,545 --> 00:15:19,479
Come on. This soiree
has been months in the making.
338
00:15:21,894 --> 00:15:23,694
What was so important
339
00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:26,924
you needed to page me
at the dojo?
340
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:29,728
Every year...
janelle and her costumes.
341
00:15:29,645 --> 00:15:32,014
I... I love it.
Come on in.
342
00:15:31,952 --> 00:15:35,421
Give it up. You don't even know
half these people's names.
343
00:15:35,315 --> 00:15:37,516
Oh, you don't know
what you're talking about.
344
00:15:37,461 --> 00:15:38,562
I know everybody here.
345
00:15:38,550 --> 00:15:39,917
Hey, chief, how's it going?
346
00:15:39,896 --> 00:15:42,130
Sporto.
347
00:15:42,074 --> 00:15:44,342
See you brought the big guy.
348
00:15:44,284 --> 00:15:46,685
And there's candles
and the music.
349
00:15:46,623 --> 00:15:49,591
You thought
this was gonna be a date.
350
00:15:49,539 --> 00:15:51,606
That's the most ridiculous
thing I ever heard.
351
00:15:51,556 --> 00:15:54,858
Huh? What do you think,
sporto?
352
00:15:54,759 --> 00:15:56,893
That's chief.
353
00:15:56,842 --> 00:16:00,144
All right, all right,
I admit it.
354
00:16:00,044 --> 00:16:01,711
I...Thought it was a date.
355
00:16:01,678 --> 00:16:04,080
There. Isn't it better
to be honest
356
00:16:04,017 --> 00:16:05,751
instead of playing games?
357
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:09,217
I don't know if it's better.
358
00:16:09,110 --> 00:16:11,278
It's different.
359
00:16:11,224 --> 00:16:13,493
Mike, I'm making
some more crout loops.
360
00:16:13,435 --> 00:16:15,002
Where do you keep the duck?
361
00:16:17,087 --> 00:16:20,322
Spare change!
Spare change!
362
00:16:20,225 --> 00:16:23,094
Give me spare change!
363
00:16:23,012 --> 00:16:24,280
Spare change.
364
00:16:24,262 --> 00:16:26,096
Thank you very much.
365
00:16:26,056 --> 00:16:27,256
Merry Christmas.
366
00:16:27,241 --> 00:16:28,941
[PANTING]
367
00:16:28,906 --> 00:16:31,174
Spare change.
Spare change.
368
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,583
Spare change.
369
00:16:32,557 --> 00:16:35,059
Ha! Got it! Ha ha!
370
00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:36,694
So long, sucker!
371
00:16:36,659 --> 00:16:39,460
Ow! Ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
372
00:16:39,381 --> 00:16:42,349
Worth it!
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
373
00:16:42,264 --> 00:16:45,666
Yes! Yahtzee!
In your face!
374
00:16:45,564 --> 00:16:47,231
[SOBBING]
375
00:16:47,197 --> 00:16:49,031
No, no, no.
I take it back.
376
00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:50,891
I take it back.
No yahtzee.
377
00:16:50,849 --> 00:16:52,884
So, what are you
gonna do now?
378
00:16:52,835 --> 00:16:55,470
It's her move.
But I'll tell you this...
379
00:16:55,397 --> 00:16:56,631
nothing's gonna happen
380
00:16:56,615 --> 00:16:58,482
as long as she's dating
Dr. third-wheel.
381
00:16:58,441 --> 00:16:59,774
Him?
382
00:16:59,754 --> 00:17:01,888
He's a bartender.
383
00:17:01,836 --> 00:17:03,069
What?
384
00:17:03,053 --> 00:17:05,422
When Caitlin took me
to lunch yesterday,
385
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:07,994
I'm pretty sure
he's the guy behind the bar.
386
00:17:07,922 --> 00:17:09,923
Why would she bring
some bartender
387
00:17:09,876 --> 00:17:11,977
she doesn't even know
to my party?
388
00:17:11,926 --> 00:17:14,527
Maybe she had to scare up
a date at the last minute.
389
00:17:14,457 --> 00:17:17,893
Maybe she thought
it was a date, too.
390
00:17:17,788 --> 00:17:23,160
"You shouldn't play games, Mike.
We should be honest, Mike.
391
00:17:22,978 --> 00:17:27,782
We should eat Sushi off
the small of my back, Mike."
392
00:17:27,623 --> 00:17:29,991
She never said that.
393
00:17:29,930 --> 00:17:32,565
It was implied.
394
00:17:32,492 --> 00:17:33,459
James, what's wrong?
395
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,621
I've been talking
to depressed people
396
00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:37,068
for five hours straight.
397
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,708
They all want to know
what they have to live for.
398
00:17:39,634 --> 00:17:41,168
I gotta be honest with you.
399
00:17:41,141 --> 00:17:43,208
That guy over there...
nothing.
400
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:48,366
Oh, you're just burnt out.
I'll take over for a while.
401
00:17:51,007 --> 00:17:54,409
So... How's it going?
402
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:57,308
Terrible.
Women just don't like me...
403
00:17:57,221 --> 00:18:00,923
Not that I blame them.
I have nothing to offer.
404
00:18:00,808 --> 00:18:02,009
That's not true.
405
00:18:01,993 --> 00:18:04,628
You're interesting,
you're attractive.
406
00:18:04,556 --> 00:18:07,325
I'm not into redheads.
407
00:18:09,906 --> 00:18:12,307
Uh, rob, can you settle a bet
for Carter and me?
408
00:18:12,244 --> 00:18:14,646
How many bones are there
in the human body?
409
00:18:14,582 --> 00:18:16,917
Mike, he's a heart surgeon.
410
00:18:16,857 --> 00:18:18,658
Oh, right. Sorry.
411
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:21,354
How many hearts?
412
00:18:21,277 --> 00:18:23,111
You don't have to
answer that.
413
00:18:23,072 --> 00:18:25,373
But I know this one.
414
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:27,814
Could you make me
a Martini?
415
00:18:27,748 --> 00:18:29,916
Dry or wet?
Dry.
416
00:18:29,862 --> 00:18:31,462
Over or up?
Up.
417
00:18:31,432 --> 00:18:33,800
Olive or onion?
Just go!
418
00:18:36,012 --> 00:18:39,081
You know, my... my mom
wanted me to be a doctor,
419
00:18:38,991 --> 00:18:41,960
but, uh, I couldn't stand
the sight of gin.
420
00:18:43,828 --> 00:18:47,598
All right, I guess you've
got this all figured out,
421
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,982
so I might as well
come clean.
422
00:18:49,915 --> 00:18:52,549
Rob lost a guy
on the table today.
423
00:18:52,477 --> 00:18:54,578
His head's really messed up.
424
00:19:00,102 --> 00:19:03,771
CAITLIN: So, how'd the rest
of the party go?
425
00:19:03,658 --> 00:19:04,824
Oh, fine.
426
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:08,079
Uh... Nikki's grandmother
hooked up with chief...
427
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,687
...whom she says
is actually the big guy.
428
00:19:16,343 --> 00:19:17,743
You know, I was thinking,
429
00:19:17,719 --> 00:19:20,121
we both thought last night
was a date...
430
00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:21,225
Yeah?
431
00:19:21,211 --> 00:19:23,479
...and we both seem
okay with that.
432
00:19:23,421 --> 00:19:24,889
Yeah?
433
00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:27,431
Well, since you were
so eager to accept...
434
00:19:27,361 --> 00:19:30,497
eager? I just accepted
to be polite.
435
00:19:30,404 --> 00:19:32,873
I was just inviting you
to a party,
436
00:19:32,807 --> 00:19:35,576
but it was very polite
of you to want me.
437
00:19:35,498 --> 00:19:37,098
Please!
438
00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:39,436
You are the one who was
just about to ask me out.
439
00:19:39,374 --> 00:19:40,474
You always go there.
440
00:19:40,462 --> 00:19:42,964
Why don't you just admit
you want me to ask you out?
441
00:19:42,897 --> 00:19:44,331
Pff!
442
00:19:44,306 --> 00:19:45,440
Don't... don't "pff" me.
443
00:19:45,460 --> 00:19:47,594
You know what I say
to your "pff"? I say, "ehh."
444
00:19:47,541 --> 00:19:49,442
What is "ehh"?
445
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,469
"Ehh" is the smart man's
"pff."
446
00:19:52,379 --> 00:19:53,912
Get a room!
447
00:20:02,854 --> 00:20:05,089
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
448
00:20:05,001 --> 00:20:07,434
Uh!
449
00:20:09,132 --> 00:20:11,567
Ahhhhh!
450
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:15,305
Hey...[PANTING]
How many is that?
451
00:20:15,186 --> 00:20:17,387
One.
452
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:22,637
19 more...
And you owe me 10 bucks.
453
00:21:13,271 --> 00:21:15,872
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
454
00:21:15,873 --> 00:21:16,940
(BARKING)
455
00:21:16,990 --> 00:21:21,540
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